[Speaker 2] (0:00 – 1:39)
Hello, this is Anna Kennedy and we’re talking all things autism and my guest today is Arvina and she’s a motivational speaker from Coventry. She was diagnosed with autism when she was five years old and since then her life has gone through a rollercoaster of obstacles and has grown from strength to strength. She has achieved a lot of great achievements in her life including having a first down black belt in kickboxing as well as becoming a referee and is also a volunteer for an amazing charitable organisation called Look Good, Feel Better.

Now she’s on a mission to share her story with the world that you can achieve anything if you are willing to work for it. So welcome Arvina, thank you for joining me today. Thank you for having me.

Oh thank you. So you’re a first. Oh my word Dan black belt.

Yes. Oh that’s amazing. So one of my patrons, Jo, she’s actually been world kickbox champion free time.

So I’ve got a few people around me that I know can be bodyguards, thanks very much. So I have been speaking recently to people who are really struggling with their mental health and wellbeing. Can I ask you what do you do for your own wellbeing?

So I’ve spoken to people before where they say they might do a bit of yoga or they might do some Zumba, some people like going to visit charity shops, even one lady said she likes foraging. So what do you do to help with your own mental health and wellbeing?

[Speaker 1] (1:41 – 2:15)
To me it’s about doing meditation because that really helps me out though to help with my calm with my mind. I’ve also listened to music that actually gets me in the groove in a way. And there’s a specific song on there that I didn’t like.

Just don’t listen to it though. Just keep listening to the song that you only prefer to listen to because music is an amazing tool and it’s an amazing thing to use both music and it really helps with the mind of mental health as well and listen to certain bands like Citizen Soldier because they are a band that actually do write songs based on mental health.

[Speaker 2] (2:15 – 2:25)
Okay, I didn’t know that. So talking about meditation, I’ve tried it so many times and it just doesn’t work for me. I find it really difficult.

So have you got any tips?

[Speaker 1] (2:27 – 2:53)
Personally that is just to clear your mind though. Just take deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth and keep your eyes closed. Like just don’t think about what’s happening around you right now.

Just take that time though to keep breathing your nose out through your mouth and also use meditation songs, music as well without any lyrics or anything at all. Just code soothing music that will keep you calm and relaxed.

[Speaker 2] (2:55 – 3:33)
Okay, the thing is I’ve had it difficult when they say you’ve got to clean your mind. I can’t do that. I find it really hard because I talk to you and I’ve said this before.

I think I may have ADHD. Not that I would go for a diagnosis but it’s just that I’m talking to you but my mind is like going 65,000 miles an hour thinking about other things so that I’m very good at multitasking. So yeah, I just find it difficult.

Even I’ve tried to go for a back massage where you lie on the actual table, you put your head down and she’s saying, you know, try and relax your shoulders and I’m going, I am relaxed.

[Speaker 1] (3:36 – 3:57)
It varies from person to person or in a way depending on what you feel comfortable with. Some people like to go for a walk with nature. Sometimes some people like just to have a simple little chat or have a coffee for a conversation.

It varies from person to person. Not everybody is the same.

[Speaker 2] (3:57 – 4:00)
Yeah, I think sometimes just a change of scenery can help as well.

[Speaker 1] (4:01 – 4:02)
Exactly, yes.

[Speaker 2] (4:03 – 4:08)
So let’s talk a little bit about your childhood. So you were diagnosed when you were five years old.

[Speaker 1] (4:09 – 4:09)
Yes.

[Speaker 2] (4:10 – 4:18)
Can you remember anything about your childhood, about, you know, being at school? Were you at nursery? You know, what kind of school were you at?

[Speaker 1] (4:19 – 5:20)
Growing up, when I was actually a child, I had this bubbly personality and I still have that bubbly personality now and I didn’t tend to understand people what they’re doing and how they were getting along though. My mum knew mentally I could work things out though but speech was a big major factor in that that caused me to think, or caused mum to think there’s something wrong with her, there’s something wrong with her. So it took me over to nursery there.

Like everything was normal though that I didn’t, I didn’t tend to get along well with the kids though. Most of the time I was isolating myself for it but wanted not to be involved with it though and one time when at nursery though, my mum was there and there’s a random South Asian lady telling my mum to teach me some sense when I was a toddler. How do you teach your toddler about sense?

That doesn’t make sense at all though and then these ladies though came up to her, two ladies came up to her saying, I don’t know, I was saying don’t worry, she will talk and there’s nothing to worry. And did they were right?

[Speaker 2] (5:21 – 5:27)
So did you speak a bit later on? So are you saying that you were five before you started talking?

[Speaker 1] (5:28 – 6:25)
I didn’t start talking much though because I had a lack of speech during my childhood and then the teachers recommended my mum to go take me over to a special needs primary school because I grew up there at a special needs primary school. My mum was a little bit upset and was scared at first but once she got into the environment of being into a special needs primary school, she felt more relaxed and more calm but also comfortable the fact that said that they know I’m going to be safe. And that’s when from that point on though they’ve had that they recommended my parents to go take me over to a child psychologist which they recommended though, they recommended that person to go over to the child psychologist and she did all the assessments right there and then she told my parents right there and there, her name is Dr Smith, I believe her and she told me right there I got autism.

[Speaker 2] (6:25 – 6:33)
Okay then, so when did you know, did you find out later in your life when did you do you want and who told you?

[Speaker 1] (6:34 – 7:11)
Later on in my life though that I knew I was autistic there, the school actually got the work there from the the child’s advice to say that yeah she’s autistic. Since I went towards like mainstream secondary school then on my year 10 there was a report that saying due to, from a teacher though, saying due to her autism and then so one of my school friends that said what’s autism so I was like oh you know what I have no idea. So I literally asked my mum about it though because my mum at first didn’t know what autism is but as soon as it from the special needs primary school teachers told her about it she knows exactly what it is.

[Speaker 2] (7:11 – 7:13)
Okay so you found out through a report.

[Speaker 1] (7:14 – 7:14)
Yes.

[Speaker 2] (7:15 – 7:16)
So how did you feel about that?

[Speaker 1] (7:17 – 7:25)
Honestly though it kind of made sense though why I was isolating myself from the group but because I didn’t tend to socialize really well though.

[Speaker 2] (7:27 – 7:28)
So did you have friends?

[Speaker 1] (7:30 – 7:50)
Sometimes I do have friends in a way but most of the time my friends tend to be like on and off though. They tend to do their own thing now and sometimes they’ve got their own life to do with it and I’m just feeling the one like being alone though because sometimes it’s good to have friends in a way and sometimes I just prefer to be alone.

[Speaker 2] (7:51 – 7:53)
Okay so what were your interests at the time?

[Speaker 1] (7:54 – 8:06)
Obviously at the time I was interested in martial arts like that’s my favorite thing loving like music. Some of the friends actually I have loved some music but like rock and metal bands.

[Speaker 2] (8:07 – 8:13)
Okay so when did you start kickboxing? Yes. When did you start?

How old are you?

[Speaker 1] (8:15 – 9:07)
I was 11 when I first started doing kickboxing because back then there was a dojo right opposite where I lived and it was so lucky and convenient though I could go back and forth and I realised I fell in love with it though. I was shy, I was nervous, I barely spoke to anybody and I wasn’t feeling like my confident self at that time and luckily my sensei, his name is Sensei Deaf, that’s Deaf Barts that is a shout out to him and he saw a potential in me like many others half or so. He saw something in me and realised that she’s got something there and since then I’ve been loving it ever since that and we’re pretty much like a family in the way we always not always that we tend to get along with each other though and he always like encourages me and just gives me that push though the old-fashioned push tough love approach.

[Speaker 2] (9:08 – 9:38)
Okay because I’ve spoken to some parents that would like to take their autistic children to martial arts but they’re a little bit worried about it in case they may let’s just say practice on some of the children at the zero point. So what tips can you give to parents who may be thinking you know I might like to take my son or my daughter or my loved one too martial arts but you know how can you sort of help with their you know worries?

[Speaker 1] (9:39 – 10:29)
The best thing to do that is to find that information, to do research about if it’s any good or any bad but especially from reviews because they actually do give out hints whether or not if it’s good or not though and whether they do offer believe it or not some places actually offer a free trial so you can actually go for you can try it before you go for it and it’s up to them whether or not if they want to go for it or not.

If they want to go for it though they could sign up for it though they get the uniform if they get a free uniform depending which club they go to and also speak to other parents who are also in that situation as well though their child is also autistic and is doing martial arts as well so again it varies from person to person though and it’s all about like trying before you go commit to it.

[Speaker 2] (10:30 – 10:42)
Okay so what does it teach you? Would it teach you self-discipline? Would it improve your confidence, increase your flexibility?

What I’m trying to get from you is what does it teach you and what do you get out of it?

[Speaker 1] (10:43 – 11:22)
Well I’ve been doing kickboxing for 20 years now and this will be my 21st year in October right and what I’ve learnt from my years of training now is it’s all about like discipline, confidence and it’s also about determination, motivation to keep yourself going and also the most important one is the importance of chi now it’s all about you as a person now how you give yourself to others there and all of the others to give to you and obviously I think I mentioned about discipline already there it’s about self-discipline as well there and also about control and interacting with other people as well like making friends with others as well though.

[Speaker 2] (11:23 – 11:25)
So have you been in any competitions?

[Speaker 1] (11:26 – 11:39)
I did compete the first time though back around I say about 2003 I was a redfout at that time and it was I was only like about 12-13 I think I was about 12 and I came third on that one.

[Speaker 2] (11:40 – 11:51)
So how did you cope with it all because I would imagine if it was a competition was was there is it in an arena or was it a small area where there wasn’t that much noise?

[Speaker 1] (11:52 – 12:32)
Well it goes back to different two to three arenas or areas in a way depending on which one you go to and it’s also important to listen to the arena day and there have been some people that’ll be really shouty though that they’ll say and it could be really overwhelming for them. It’s just to take a deep breath and just try to block out the noise around them because they’ve got head guards over it though some do though and I had a way of getting a head guard as well to protect myself though in a way to but not just from getting head injuries though but also from the noise around you as well it’s just to ignore it as you can.

[Speaker 2] (12:33 – 12:49)
Right okay yeah so if we can just go back to you so at secondary school you’re obviously participating in kickboxing as well as a as I suppose downtime you would call it would you?

[Speaker 1] (12:49 – 12:57)
I would say so though it’s a good way it also is it’s a benefit towards it it’s it helps you to clear up mentally as well though.

[Speaker 2] (12:58 – 13:18)
Okay so when you were at secondary school what did you study and how were exams for you and have you got any advice for parents or any teenagers that might be listening in you know tips and advice to help them get through you know secondary school and also exams?

[Speaker 1] (13:19 – 14:37)
Okay I actually did I actually got five GCSEs there which is English, Maths, Science, Pro-Technology and Music and for them I won’t say for any parents though is to speak to them about like if they can offer up like a separate room away from the exam room because they could be really like intimidating and also affect your concentration. So for me I had all of my GCSE exams in the library because it’s a lot more calmer and a lot more quieter because I felt like I felt a little more like I could concentrate better from rather than being in a group full of like people with desks over there with their exam papers or whatnot it felt more relaxed so you want to be more relaxed but also not to stay focused about it as well and to say if you don’t know the answer leave it or come back to it afterwards or there yet there read the options first there before you read the question because by the time you read the options the answers are provided on there and by the time you’ve actually read the question you go aha I know exactly what you know the answer to that was straight away because I’ve learnt that trick from college where I studied Child Care and Education and the assistant though taught me this technique and it worked for me like wonders.

[Speaker 2] (14:38 – 14:44)
Wow so where did and also some parents might not know that you can actually ask for extra time?

[Speaker 1] (14:45 – 15:10)
Yes it’s some you can ask for extra time but it has it has to be worked out to communicate there with the teachers as well with the parents as well they have to have that communication and they’ll just say okay let me see where you’re coming from though we need we could do something about it or if they couldn’t do then you have to motivate your kid though to try and revise as much as you can and take remember to take breaks in it in the way.

[Speaker 2] (15:11 – 15:17)
Yeah so after school you sort of got to 1618 happened after that.

[Speaker 1] (15:19 – 15:52)
I went to college and I said after I did my college though went to college though I started volunteering at a primary school because I wanted to get some experience on what it’s like to be a teaching assistant because I wanted to work in education now and realize that so it’s great and all though but then brought that experience along the way because it’s really helpful though because it will come in handy at some point like no matter what we’re studying though don’t be afraid to get yourself out there because it’s all about achieving the unachievable.

[Speaker 2] (15:54 – 16:01)
Okay so you were trying to be a teaching assistant how long did you persevere for that for?

[Speaker 1] (16:02 – 16:06)
It was about like a year and a half like a year a couple of months.

[Speaker 2] (16:08 – 16:18)
And did you think after a year and a few months that you just thought this is not for me or did you decided that you wanted to progress further?

[Speaker 1] (16:19 – 17:21)
I originally after I left my teaching assistant position I was actually creating benefits at that time and during it though I was actually working and volunteering there with another with an organization that helps our unemployed people there to get a qualification in employability and from that point and then when I was actually working from there though I learnt something from there that’s how we how we are allowed though to this day that’s the reason why students tend to have this kind of relationship because how they behave at school ends up on the teachers there and the teachers gave them a bit of a hard time on the students they’re causing them to not feel good about themselves though and this is the kind of thing that needs to be stopped to realize that if you need to build a good relationship between the students and the teachers and if they do do something bad about it though talk to them about it or even bring the parents in if they don’t do anything about it and they have to they are their own person to decide what they need to do with themselves.

[Speaker 2] (17:21 – 17:29)
Yeah so um can I ask have you got any siblings? I have an older brother. And how do you get on with him?

[Speaker 1] (17:31 – 17:58)
Well we tend to be Mr Buster sometimes we tend to be silly though and we usually pick on each other for random things. Literally anything that we do we pick up each other though like I usually tease him there he teases me back there that sometimes that leaves me cool sometimes he doesn’t lose his cool but he loses his cool as well though and as we go along as siblings though we always going to be always going to love each other as siblings though even though we take the mickey out of it.

[Speaker 2] (17:58 – 18:21)
So just not my typical typical siblings. That’s it yes. Yeah okay so you talked to me previously about Look Good Feel Better.

So you volunteered for this organization which is a charitable organization so can you tell me a little bit about this group and what exactly is Look Good Feel Better?

[Speaker 1] (18:22 – 19:51)
Look Good Feel Better is a charitable organization that helps women men and teens who are currently battling against cancer by actually providing workshops for them that will help them feel that will look good and make them feel better afterwards though to teaching the basics of like skincare and cosmetics and but for the men though they don’t have to go to the cosmetic side of it that the men end up going through simple uh barbering tricks that will be done by not going to be done at a football arena like a like a good like a meeting like a meeting area for the football so there’s something that more feel more comfortable with them to do there so being like in a hospital environment or a church there when we work in a little church past upper hospital where I used to do at the time though but then when I was with them I was sat on training center they felt a lot more comfortable and it’s it’s not helping them out though and the moment they come in they’re feeling excited feeling nervous but the moment they finish off the workshop though the mood literally just changes right in front of your eyes and you and believe this that I’ve been volunteering for them for about seven years but somehow have to be taken off because of because of the pandemic there because of lockdown and we actually got back into it in May this year and I loved it ever since I loved volunteering for them a lot of meeting new people as well and also I did a bit of fundraising for them as well and that’s like the best thing ever

[Speaker 2] (19:52 – 20:00)
sounds like you enjoy volunteering for the topic you want to volunteer if a lot would feel better did you have some experience with cancer before or was just something you’re interested in

[Speaker 1] (20:01 – 23:00)
this is this is the power I get a little bit emotional in the way that because one I was what it’s very good to volunteer that was actually my older brother and the reason why I said that is because my my mom back around June 2015 my mom and brother were involved in a car accident and the car it was so he didn’t miss the curve somehow and just bumped into that curve that missed it and it toppled upside down oh no and my mom was the one to get out of that car that she suffered from a fractured back and two swollen fingers my brother on the other hand there was at that point he suffered from a swollen heel and then as around October time though in 2015 they found out that there was a tumor in his brain and then when they went to the MRI and finding out what was wrong they found out there were six brain tumors yeah literally different parts of it on the top of the crown where it was located at so he went through radiotherapy though because that was a bit of a struggle though so not only for my parents there but also from my brother so for myself as well as a sibling to him though because my brother is usually like the kind of person who doesn’t give up without a fight and he’s not giving up without a fight so he literally so read the radiotherapy back and forth like multiple sessions of it though and did blood tests along the way just to see the treatment is working and literally touch with it was working really well though and then that’s where he found out about 2016 at that time he found out that he got the all clear wonderful which is a good news part that then it went from good to bad when it went to worse though because it was given he was told to stop taking the medication though to help another because day one he was feeling good though but then since then though it started going so so but it comes through recovering from it though and he had just been in about eight to ten days in the hospital and my brother’s mommy though just went blank though he couldn’t remember most of the things he couldn’t remember my my mom at the time that and she felt emotionally upset that he couldn’t remember her because it’s just the fluid blockage that he had in his brain yeah so that’s what caused him not to not it being able to remember him so to remember my mom and whatnot and then as time went by though within those days though his memory is slowly started to come back and then eventually he remembered my mom because of if she was where i read most of the time though she wore red so that it helped my brother trigger a memory that back saying oh he remembered mom and when i said to him at the hospital while he was recovering from the hospital he said he said to me he said did you want me to get you anything out of nowhere i didn’t make him say it but he literally just said whisper gold oh look literally like we knew straight away he was recovering from that yeah

[Speaker 2] (23:00 – 23:08)
yeah oh that must have like wonderful it was like it was a sign of recovery but also like a sign of

[Speaker 1] (23:08 – 24:36)
like uh i’m getting a bit a little teary there a little bit though but you know got a little bit teary there but um it shows that so he he knows he of his surroundings there he knows where he is there and he kept circling around house and home because that’s where he wants to be he wants to be at home while he was recovering from the fluid blockage okay so this is how you found out about look good feel better i in a way i found out about look good feel better because after i did my um qualifications on being a makeup artist yeah so i thought it’s a little bit of research i thought wait a minute what about this volunteer for look good feel better so i applied for them online now and i went to the the actual added sense well the actual cancer treatment center where they treated the cancers and tumors whoever brother had his plate had it and they and i met the group there i was very nervous that i had literally meeting the the coordinates or the team leader in there and she was such a sweet amazing lady and i felt like i was part of the group i had like a specific routine at that time though and once it used to be once every fortnight i used to go over there though and whatever there’s a workshop available i wanted it i wanted to be there though so to keep myself okay to keep yourself like busy in a way that will also keep myself going forward

[Speaker 2] (24:36 – 24:47)
so so if people want to check it out so they just need to tap into google look good feel better and if they feel they’ve got the time to volunteer they can they can yes if they have to be like a

[Speaker 1] (24:47 – 24:59)
specific ability it has to be like a beautician note or be a capacitor if they are if they want to half off with the workshops but people can still actually they can still volunteer there as do a

[Speaker 2] (24:59 – 28:16)
bit of fundraising as well though okay so yeah you know what a lot of charities are really struggling at the moment and i as i said i think a few weeks ago i spoke to the accountant of our group and he normally looks after 40 small charities and now a quarter of them have closed down because they just can’t afford to keep going there’s a lot of people are really struggling at the minute for whatever reason whether they’re a charity and i’ve spoken to a lot more autistic adults in particular who are really struggling at the moment with everything that’s going on and everything going on in the world these uncertain times so you know it’s really important important to look after your own well-being so do whatever it is that helps you get through the day as i always say some days good some days are not so good um i just wanted to um just talk a little bit about this book i’ve received which i’ve shared before but i’m just going to share it again because it’s got great reviews so it’s by carrie and david grant a very modern family stories and guidance to nurture your relationships so david is also one of our autism hero award judges which are going to be meeting very soon so they’re going to have the tough task of choosing 36 finalists for each of the categories so carrie and david grant have an extraordinary family stories you tell they are four children one of whom is adopted and all have come with a curve for mental health challenges neurodivergence trans non-binary identities various sexualities and there are mixed race family too it’s a reflection on the fact that a society is changing faster than most of us can keep up with the wider concepts of family and community are being deconstructed there are those who are desperately clinging to the old and those who are desperate for new to be accepted how do we hold our families and communities together in unity how do we create a society where all are included and none are oppressed so um if you’re interested in the book it’s called a very modern family it’s an important guide for our times full of pain change and hope and if you type it in online there’s so many different shops and online bookstores that sell this book i think it’s 18 pounds 99 but you might be able to get it for a few pounds cheaper but definitely worth a read so uh carrie and david so um one of the last thing i wanted to share as well is about relaxed performances i’ve spoken to quite a few families who’ve recently been to quite a few relaxed performances which is really important for our families to experience live theater i can’t think of anything better than live theater um so yes uh check it out so if you look this is an organization called Nottingham Playhouse so Nottingham Playhouse and they have a box office and they’re doing things like Hansel and Gretel in December Cinderella in January because obviously you know we’re coming to those months now where the pantomimes are coming so yeah fantastic so please check out any relaxed performances um that always advertised online um so let’s talk about motivational speaking um let’s see what made you become a motivational speaker Arvina

[Speaker 1] (28:17 – 30:34)
what made me become a motivational speaking speaker is because i wanted to like to say is that i wanted to get myself out there believing inside of me i have this voice and i knew that i i need to get it out at some point that i want people to realize that i’m here i’m here to speak up for those who don’t have a voice and if those who are nonverbal though we are here for you and it’s funny to go through that it’s actually from the the motivational speakers from Les Brown who’s an amazing motivational speaker and i’ve spoken to him on clubhouse as well which is it’s such a great guy gives me that lift of energy that’s saying that you and the word the quotations i’ve learned from him but is practice oqp only quality people are those are the words from Les Brown and another one is also Simon Sinek as well and because he provides a sense of balance between being positive and one part but also being realistic at the same time but so if you want to achieve something you got to work for it that is not going to come to you like that and it’s not going to come to you instantly it’s not going to come to you like overnight it’s going to come to you over time or you’ve got to learn to work for it and sometimes you can learn to find out your purpose of why start with why okay so um how did you feel after your first talk i would when i first did my first talk at um becoming phenomenal from my coach though at a time where i’ve met from volunteering for a atelix commentary event so shout out to Beatrice Christopher and she literally coached me through it though she she was the organized event called becoming phenomenal at so at their Methodist church that was like a little different it was more colder and it was i started speaking up about it and i loved it and she was praising me from that that like i’m so proud of you in a way like giving me that serotonin in a way because sometimes along the way over there because i do tend to go through mental health within go with anything that you do that i tend to go through mental health i end up going through depression stress i just go with a bit of anxiety and then some points that within my life i felt like i wanted to just take my own life oh dear like i’m not good like physically gonna do it though but i just felt like i was like mentally playing it in my head thinking i really i don’t

[Speaker 2] (30:34 – 30:57)
want to be here that i just want to commit suicide that’s just that do you know what i’ve heard more and more people that are talking like that at the moment because they’re really struggling but you there is support out there there’s a great organization that i’ve actually done um some work with called CLASP um can you recommend any organizations that you’ve spoken to

[Speaker 1] (30:57 – 31:13)
i would mostly recommend Samaritans because they’re available 24 seven it’s we as well though so so it doesn’t affect your phone bill it’s all that they’re free of charge that you can and they’ll stay with you on the phone and you will get somebody to speak to speak to you

[Speaker 2] (31:15 – 31:21)
okay so um so the Samaritans is easy to find if you google it the number will pop up have

[Speaker 1] (31:21 – 32:08)
you got any other links that you can recommend i would say to have a look on like i would say like have a look online now in the weather there are many others though there’s obviously i haven’t gotten contact with any of the person there but i did see a couple of them like from like calm like like campaign against living miserably visible there to seeing like a whole fighting through mental health like a couple of organizations but groups or pages on instagram on social media that will really help them out though with mental health yeah i personally recommend if you are if they are struggling in the way dealing with mental health though there’s plenty of them like like i think papyrus is another one as well that deals with like um those who are young people as well who go with the mental health so that’ll also be another good

[Speaker 2] (32:08 – 32:24)
one as well i’m sorry i was i was just going to say you touched on social media just there what’s your opinion of social media because sometimes i see you pop up on instagram now and again um some people have come off social media because they’re finding it a bit too toxic

[Speaker 1] (32:24 – 33:36)
and negative what’s your opinion it really for me in social media it kind of depends on whoever’s posting it online because i didn’t like you said there i post like now and then though i don’t tend to like post like really like toxic motivation or toxic positivity though although i do my best not to but like the kind of advice that we hear from those saying you can achieve anything if you’re willing to put your mind into it well what is it that you want to do though or you can achieve anything overnight though you can’t that’s the kind of toxic motivation i hear though that really is really annoying to say that but you can achieve anything but you can’t achieve anything overnight but you can’t achieve it over time because you got the only person that you got it’s going to make that happen though is yourself only you could make that dream happen only that person who wants to make that ambition come true or make that dream come to life is themselves though and you if you want to and if you felt like if you are struggling a little bit along the way take a break from it it’s okay to take some breaks though like a be a little more strategic a little pardon your mood carefully but like be little like strategize your way through

[Speaker 2] (33:36 – 33:45)
it though do you think um today’s people or young people they want more instant gratification

[Speaker 1] (33:45 – 35:00)
rather than work stuff again it varies from person to person though some of them like they think oh it’s instant that if you just go for it instantly but the truth is though it takes a lot of time to get to where you need it to be or get to where you want to go and i’ve heard this quotation though and it’s coming from a sister act movie though i think it was sister act two i believe it was and this line that goes if you want to be somebody if you want to go somewhere you better wake up and pay attention because that kind of line alone though that gives me that that boost though in a way to realize that right if i want to want to be that kind of person if i want to get to where i want to be i need to be there i’ve got to i better wake up and start paying attention on what’s around me because we see a lot of social media posting photos of people that are showing off their bodies and how they look good about it but it’s really more about the confidence like if they’re confident or showing off their own physique that like where a beautiful dresser at a beach setting there if they want to wear a like a suit though just to feel comfortable sophisticated about it it’s all about the confidence in the way and what people don’t realize that people that some people can be more intimidated than others because of the confidence

[Speaker 2] (35:00 – 35:25)
level though that they have okay so um can we talk a little bit about mental health if you don’t mind so um have you ever struggled with your own mental health and and what did you do to help you improve your own well-being i know we’ve touched on it um earlier on but could you just talk a little bit more about that if you don’t mind i mean for me with it comes to

[Speaker 1] (35:25 – 37:08)
being with mental health though sometimes we end up self sabotaging ourselves because i’ve done that a few times self sabotaging myself along the way and that’s not the best thing to do because we end up doing a bit of self-doubt and to believe that we’re not we can’t do the so in fact the truth is you can you can do the so you just got to learn to be careful what you do though learn to be thoughtful about what we how we go through life because with me though i’ve just it’s time sometimes it’s time for it’s okay to take one step back but you got to learn to keep yourself moving forward it’s about taking a couple steps forward but one step back and it’s about like reflecting back on it though and realizing okay i’ve made a mistake there i can learn from it though don’t we don’t allow anybody to say you can’t do this or telling you to but i was told by this person that somebody on here they’d say they’re not here but somewhere online they’re saying to scrap everything and start all over again and i’m just like i’m not having that ignore the negative um doubt ignore anything that’s negative but also when it comes to dealing with it it’s time to take it’s time for you to recharge yourself like like just imagine that if we thought we have our phones with us we have our technical devices and what we do is that if we realize like oh it’s all that’s really low battery we recharge it so it’s just a bit like ourselves that if we feeling if you feel like oh feeling a bit down or feeling a bit burnt out take the time off though to recharge yourself maybe to spend some quality time though like could have a look and do a little bit of gardening though maybe like right maybe do a bit of reading there what i or this music like i i would go for it’s about like taking the time off to recharge

[Speaker 2] (37:08 – 37:21)
yourself and also speak to people sometimes people um you know are quite insular and they don’t like talking to people because they’re worried about what they’re going to say sometimes it is and i know this is a bit of a cliche it’s good to talk but sometimes it is good to talk to people who

[Speaker 1] (37:21 – 38:33)
are willing to listen to you yeah yeah exactly that simple little things are like how do the conversation with somebody that like like go for a coffee go for a drink though maybe go to a movie there just to watch a movie that you wanted to love though maybe it’s about like go to go someone a place to eat maybe go do some big fun though but spending time with like people who love you that maybe like go like i know not everybody not every autistic person is going to love us maybe try an escape room because it might affect the sensoryness as well but maybe go for bowling though or maybe go for like go for to eat get them to either like go to pizza hut or go somewhere that they can eat and socially interact with each other it’s about like building it’s about creating memories that will last not about who you know have you got many friends yourself i do have some friends though that’s uh we do tend to keep in contact there but sometimes they’ve got their own lives as well because they’ve got some of them are happy married there some have got like partners some of them are even parents and sometimes if we although they’re going to have a hard time that they can still find the ways to make up for that time for you

[Speaker 2] (38:33 – 39:13)
only yeah and they will do that sometimes you know you’re good friends because i always say i’ve got friends from like years and years and years ago and sometimes you know you do lose contact but then when you meet up it’s almost like you know you met them last week it’s because they know you so well you know them and it’s just yeah it’s it’s definitely good to talk and talk to your friends and do things for example go for a walk it’s a great stress buster as you you know doing kickboxing i bet that’s a great stress buster oh yes so um where can you see yourself in uh say five or ten years time what would you like to do oh that’s a bit of tough question

[Speaker 1] (39:13 – 39:50)
i would love to do though in a way that hopefully maybe like it might not be five years it might not be ten years it might be longer or less we don’t know um i would love to have my own tat talk okay it sounds a bit ambitious though like you know if it’s worth it go ahead it’s worth it though so because that’s my biggest dream ever though to have my own tat talk and maybe i don’t know maybe write some books uh based on my life but maybe like a quotations book based on why i’ve put up these quotations like maybe i could do something like that though or even anything really though

[Speaker 2] (39:50 – 42:05)
if you’re willing to work for it yeah i did a ted talk uh oh there’s about i think it was 2016 i can’t remember i was so nervous i’ve spoken about this uh before um on a few shows ago but it was just i was so nervous i don’t know why i was so nervous but i was i went with my sister and um i just for some reason i changed the way i speak um when i was doing it because normally i speak quite quickly and passionately about the stuff that i do but i thought i’m gonna speak slower this time and it was just like why am i doing this this is not normally how i speak everyone said it was like really good and you know i’ve had i think i’ve had something like 80 000 views but it just felt i thought i was actually dying on stage and my sister because she knows me so well she said what are you doing why did you speak differently i said i really don’t know i was in scotland yeah it was just it was like really quite funny and then when i’m a person that i don’t like to hear myself speak afterwards so or watch myself back or anything like that on tv so yeah my son sometimes plays it back um and i’m just thinking oh turn the volume down don’t want to hear my voice excuse me i’ve got a bit of a tickly throat excuse me so uh yeah so a book i think it’d be quite good for you and i’ve spoken to a few people they’ve written books and either they’ve either self-published or they’ve got a publisher to do it for them but they’ve found it quite therapeutic so i think it’d probably be quite therapeutic for you um to do so you know i think you should go for it you know you’re telling everybody else to go for it i’m telling you why not right so keep me posted how you get on with it and also with the ted talk or ted x talk or whichever one you would like to do i’m sure that um in the future that it will happen for you so um i think for me it’s just about passionate it’s about being driven it’s about the enthusiasm and i always say if you want something really really badly you usually get it in the end if you keep persevering so i think you look like a person that perseveres so yeah so do you think um in sort of 20-30 years time you still be kickboxing

[Speaker 1] (42:06 – 42:10)
maybe i could go for retirement at that time though i don’t know

[Speaker 2] (42:13 – 42:32)
yeah my son went to kickboxing a while um he did it for about two years and then he said um it just wasn’t for him but he stuck to it for two years so uh that was pretty good so um yes so Coventry where you’re living i’m always interested what what what is it like in Coventry do you know for diagnosis how long people are having to wait

[Speaker 1] (42:33 – 44:25)
um back then that it was actually when i was actually growing up though it was actually instant though and uh while i was actually i didn’t tell you about this uh growing up that in a special needs promise school i actually experienced a little bit of like um discrimination on the way some boys that i was only that for the only autistic girl at that time though and then since then more and more girls started coming into it because back then it wasn’t all boys especially at school and now i was the only at that time i was the only girl there right and being pixel as well though say that um i looked like a brownie and i just said that was i smart like curry there and i think that’s awful yeah it’s pretty much racist in the way though and i just learned to ignore the hate it’s not giving them if you don’t want it to be a better version of yourself ignore anybody who’s trying to bring it down because you know yourself that you are above them but you’re better than them and i didn’t allow that i didn’t know any hatred or any negativity you know to get in my way at that time and as i was growing older though i just learned to just block it out do you speak to parents yeah not that i didn’t at that time though but then once i started speaking up to more tells my mum about it though she’s like she didn’t know like oh my gosh i didn’t know about it but like neither of them know knew about it though i just learned to like just don’t let the hate get in so i just learned to ignore and carry down with my life and it actually did work for me a lot better in a way at that time though i didn’t because it’s someone’s like the reason why there’s somebody actually sort of setting things negative things about me though because one of them is being above them though and another reason behind of it is because they feel insecure about themselves so they decide to try bring their insecurity over to me because they want to because they’d like to take it out on somebody though or take it out of things though and they deserve it nobody doesn’t deserve it though in the way oh i’m sorry to hear that

[Speaker 2] (44:25 – 44:43)
you’re bullied i i just can’t bear bullying and and we were just talking about social media i spoke to so many people that have been trolled and bullied online um whether it’s mainly on twitter i would say twitter well it’s not twitter now is it it’s x um yeah have you ever experienced

[Speaker 1] (44:43 – 45:32)
bullying online um when it comes to that bringing up your political political wise though i did though yeah and uh they just started saying negative things about me now so like you know what i just thought i’d just get rid of it and not get involved in it because i thought that emotionally upset because i’ve not strongly opinioned from that on though and they just started saying negative stuff about it but somebody said that uh there’s another side of them that we don’t know about was like okay i have a look into it and i just felt like strongly i believed in it and he said i respect your decision from now that if they are there there have been some good people out there online not just the bad though and if they are bringing it down though to take time off away from it and there have been some people just saying that saying about my ears that i just learned to ignore it and somebody said about my waist that i thought report them and block them

[Speaker 2] (45:32 – 46:24)
block away the head block them i would say block them and i think the thing is is they’re trying to goad you as well into responding so they can get some sort of two-way conversation going but i think the best thing to do is just block them um and you know and as you say come off social media for a little while i think it’s a good idea there is lots of positive stuff on social media and social interaction i find like on facebook for example parents are always sharing information or they’re sharing really positive news about you know some progress that their child has made or their son or their daughter or their loved one has um you know got a job or whatever it is i just i just think facebook sometimes can be quite positive for sharing information and even like sharing tips and advice um the others are more i suppose for networking would

[Speaker 1] (46:24 – 47:06)
you say yeah it’s actually a good way of networking as well because i’ve actually did have a look online as they’ve been interested in volunteering for like many other organizations like i’ve volunteered for uh female and vegan for the festivals there to learning about the girl with the curly hair project because i’ve volunteered for them as well did you what did you do there oh basically what i did was i’ve met samba she’s an amazing lady i’ve met uh samba she’s an amazing lady there and basically all i did was just like just put like leaflets all over the seats there and back again to set the table up for any like to want to buy anything with like merchandise or books okay so that’s called the curly hair project isn’t it the girl over the

[Speaker 2] (47:06 – 47:23)
curly hair project yeah so um have you ever been to places like for example like the autism show or the the taes um business design center where there’s lots of different stands that all to do with various different different disabilities how do you say that because i did

[Speaker 1] (47:23 – 47:54)
actually did a workshop for acts for autism this year i believe i did um and i was so nervous about doing the workshop it was literally about like the longest i’ve ever done that was about i think it’s about a 40 plus minutes um workshop while like i never done anything that this big before so this is something that was really nervous for me though but only six people turned up but because you know what it’s better than nothing i would say if you one person gets

[Speaker 2] (47:54 – 48:00)
something out of what you’ve done or said or prepared it’s worth doing exactly yes i’ve

[Speaker 1] (48:00 – 49:05)
learned that as well though and my coach was there for me though as well that she was in the audience as well and i thought more comfortable i thought like i did something good but i finally educated myself not only educating myself but learning from other people but also they must have looked they’ve learned something from me as well but they realized there’s something in it though and one of the ladies though who turned up for it which i can’t remember her name though which i won’t mention it though but she actually works for the NHS and she has a son who’s autistic and she realized there was a problem in there though about what was going on there was a lack of diversity within the autistic community and it felt like we need to see more autistic people of color and i’m saying this to all my autistic brothers and sisters who are people of color don’t be afraid to get yourself out there though this is your chance to show them who you are you have a voice like so many of us autistic people here have a voice and we are here to use it even if you have a non-verbal autistic person that’s okay you could you’ve got tools though you’ve got something that they will touch think of it with something that’ll help communicate with words but something that if you’ve got this voice though inside of you and it’s your job to

[Speaker 2] (49:05 – 51:37)
get that out there definitely i think there’s a place for autistic people to talk about their experience and i also think there’s a place for parents to talk about their experiences bringing up their children because at the minute it seems to be like there’s quite a few groups out there that are trying to shut parents up if you like but i feel that parents you know they’ve got a right to talk about you know their experiences you know navigating the system how complicated it is they have to fight for everything so i think there’s a place for parents and there’s a place for autistic adults and i’ve just found that TES sensual so if anyone’s interested so it’s the times educational supplement sensual it returns it’s been going on for years it’s at the business design center in islington and it’s packed with free to attend features CPD accredited seminars the latest learning aids and the entire community together under one roof over two days there’s plenty to get involved with and will ensure visitors return to their educational settings full of ideas and learnings to inspire their learners so it’s obviously for teachers it’s for teaching assistants it’s for psychologists and for parents i’d definitely say if you’re a parent there’s lots of free workshops there and there’s seminars and there’s even a poetry competition this year and the leadership summit so if you’re interested all the information is on the tes send short dot four dot uk i’ll just say that again the tes send s-e-n-d short dot co dot uk and that’s in october it’s every october so if you can’t make it this year it’ll be on next year and this year it’s the 13th and 14th of october at the business design center london and i’m reading this actually from a really useful magazine it’s called the s-e-n special educational needs magazine and it comes out every two months so i’m looking at the september october 23 issue lots of articles lots of adverts lots of seminars that’s just packed with information so you can book it online and subscribe if you like so that’s s-e-n special educational needs september october 2023 and another good magazine as well is autism i so if you’re interested please check that out so is there anything else because we’ve still got um nine ten minutes is there anything else that you’d like to talk to me about arvin it’s really it’s really more about like the

[Speaker 1] (51:38 – 52:17)
this is just like a motivational point for me to say this that’s it you are your own storyteller you are your own author in your own story and you only you can decide whether how you start your chapter and how you work your way through your chapter as well as how you end that chapter it doesn’t matter what other people say if people are going to say negative things about you block them out ignore them and stay focused on yourself because this is your chance to show them who you are as a person and to show anybody else who they are as people to never give up you may fall down but it’s up to you to get because you alone to get

[Speaker 2] (52:17 – 52:38)
yourself back up definitely that’s that’s a very good point so um can i ask about because obviously i’ve speak to parents about when they’re looking um for colleges you know it’s their transition what type of college were you at and um can you give some advice about you know when you’re

[Speaker 1] (52:38 – 53:50)
looking for colleges what to look look out for um honestly when it comes to going to colleges though that it was all done up for my career advisor from that point there and she what we did was that we actually took a little tour around the place though like so maybe if you can ask them to give them a little tour of the college so whether what it’s like to be around there if it’s like who to go to there if you’re going to be there studying or not that what it’s where the environment is but just to give them a little bit of a check around the environment see what it’s like around that college area to see because it really good college though you felt more comfortable and confident excuse me a bit of water okay yeah it’s also about like seeing the environment a bit better like as long as like there’s a part of the college what i’ve learned from it though is that i get one of those like autism cards that like if you get in trouble with the police though there’s an autism card like a real card will say that there’s an autism card that tells you the signs of it that out of the emergency contact on there the person’s name on it and but who the contact is so they can contact this person

[Speaker 2] (53:50 – 54:59)
saying that what happens so you can get them from the metropolitan police or the autism alert card there’s lots of different organizations that sell them as well um and something else that’s really useful is the autism passport which you can put all of your information so if you’re in a stressful situation or for example you might be going to the hospital whatever and you do want to keep repeating everything all your information is on there we’ve actually just sponsored some more of those passports through autism anglia so if you’re interested you can either download them for free or you can purchase the autism passport which is i think it’s something like 1.50 um so yeah that’s really um really useful tool so that’s on autism anglia so if you check out that website be able to pick up one of those and again as i said the actual autism alert card can be useful so you can carry it around with you um you can get those from the metropolitan police and also from some of your local police stations or the national artistic society lots of different places sell the autism alert card or some places actually give you that them for free do you have one have you now i actually do have one wow so what have you

[Speaker 1] (54:59 – 56:16)
got an autism alert card i do have an autism alert card by which i actually that was um as you mentioned about from college though that’s it was for my mentor at the time but she literally i think it was i filled it in or she filled it in or somebody who filled it on my pump it would be my mother i feel like an ender about this autism card and it cost about i think it’s about like £2 something yeah they’re really cheap and they’re the size of like a bank card yeah they’re really useful as well though so it really comes in handy though so if there isn’t if there is an autism card available i i strongly recommend them to get it just get it get that awesome alert card so it really come in handy though and i think the girl the curly hair project that also sells them as well and there’s a two separate parts of it that another one is like a they’ve got the autism awesome alert card on there but also with it though there’s like a little like keychain thing okay so you can get that as well from the girl with the curly hair project so could you recommend any books that you’ve read from the show i shouldn’t be finishing off with this book though and that is about what i’ve learned about what i have learned about life and from alice roe and she’s just an amazing walker in a way that

[Speaker 2] (56:16 – 56:22)
i’ve met her yeah she’s really she’s really great what’s the book called again it’s called

[Speaker 1] (56:22 – 56:35)
what i have learned about life okay so you’d recommend it i would from the girl with the

[Speaker 2] (56:37 – 56:45)
okay and is there a website address on that on there there would be oh enough of luck

[Speaker 1] (56:45 – 56:51)
there should be a link to it though i can’t remember the name of it exactly but

[Speaker 2] (56:51 – 59:20)
okay because sometimes they’re on the back of the book you see anything well i’m still looking for it now actually don’t worry because i’m sure if people google it yeah they’ll be able to find it another good website as well to find books is jessica king’s league they publish so many books on autism and various other disabilities and neurodiversity so if you check out the jessica king’s league website there’s so many different books on there useful books that i i’m sent sometimes to review um yeah definitely um and one other thing that i wanted to share which i’ve forgotten about so i’ve been speaking to parents um just recently about clothing and sensory issues so um i am a friend of the lady called kelly barker she’s also one of my charity champions um and she’s got a clothing brand called born anxious a clothing label to help children and adults with autism born anxious is a homegrown clothing label set up by kelly mother of oscar an autistic child living in herne bay born anxious raises awareness of autism and invisible disabilities in two ways it can be one to inform or can be one to support so it’s no inside labels planet friendly a hundred percent organic combed cotton and ten percent discount on your first order if you put the code born anxious so uh my son um sometimes um wears the t-shirts and i sometimes wear them and i’ve got tote bags with them on so really useful and constantly evolving um with different designs so please check it out if your child has a lot of sensory issues and as i as i’ve said before angela used to cut the labels out with scissors so we ended up with t-shirts with big holes so harvina it’s been amazing talking to you um and now because obviously i’ve seen you pop up on instagram now and again so i’m glad we’ve had a long chat together and you’ve talked to me a little bit about your life and so you need to get cracking down write that book to share it with me because i’d like to uh public publicize it for you once you’ve done it and then get yourself on a ted talk i’m sure it will happen for you and please continue to volunteer for look good feel better it sounds like an amazing charity thank you for having me oh thank you so um yes have you got a link to your instagram that you want to quickly share if you want to follow you oh yeah i think i think it’s just basically if you just find me

[Speaker 1] (59:20 – 59:35)
to go on instagram just find just type in there at arvina castle or if you type in there arvina castle it’s spelled a r v double e n a and the my surname is spelled k a u s h a l oh lovely thank

[Speaker 2] (59:35 – 1:00:01)
you very much please follow arshee um sorry arshina arvina and um please keep checking out the charity website just to remind you www dot anna kennedy online dot com at anna kennedy one on x anna kennedy online on facebook and at anna kennedy oba on instagram thank you everyone and keep going one day at a time so thank you very very much again arvina and take care of yourself