Foreign. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons Live. I'm here in our Covent Garden studio where we're going to be talking about everything from dating, relationships, breakups, divorce, to starting over again as a confident single. Today, we're going to be supporting health and wellness in finding and building relationships with the wonderful Jessica Ford. Hello, Jessica. Hello. Thank you for having me. I'm so delighted that you're here with me in the studio. So we're really going to get to grips and focus with the power to change the course of your love life in the most positive of ways. So we're here today with Jessica because modern day dating can be a total minefield. And she knows all too well, as do I, that there are so many ways that you can navigate through the dating scene as a single, but knowing how to do it mindfully and consciously find somebody can be quite difficult because there are so many online platforms, there are so many different singles events, there are so many matchmakers. And so Jessica is, and I'm sure she won't mind me saying, a singles events specialist. And she's got so many exciting things coming up in the rest of 2019 and onwards. So welcome to the studio, Jessica. Right, thank you. So, in your opinion, Jess, if you don't mind me asking, what does the modern day dating scene look like to you? And I said a little bit earlier that it feels like a minefield. Are they your words as well or what do you think? Yes, I think the modern dating world is a really difficult one to navigate for a lot of people just because as you've already touched on, there are so many options out there. There are, you know, dating events, there are matchmakers, there are speed dating, there's online dating, which is obviously massive these days. Everybody that I know personally who's single is on the online dating trend and it doesn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. So I think there's just so many options out there for singles, it's difficult to know which one is best for you. Yeah. And, you know, it's easy enough for you and I to say there are so many options, but actually, if we think about what you've just said, everybody that we surely know are online. What do you think is keeping people stuck in the world of using online dating platforms and apps and actually not getting offline and trying the other things that are out there? Do you think it's the lack of knowing? I think it's partially the lack of knowing, but it's also just the ease of use. Obviously. We're so attached to our phones these days, we always have them to hand. And why wouldn't you make the most of having that technology available to you by, you know, instantly going for a bit of a swipe on your lunch break or when you have a spare 10 minutes when you're walking between meetings or. It's the kind of technology that fits in with our busy day to day lives, which is why I think we've seen such a massive rise in the popularity of it. It's just, it's convenience more than anything. So actually if it's, if it's conveniently dating, let's say, and I even actually feel uncomfortable saying dating because most of the time when people are swiping, they're not actually getting out on those all important dates. So whilst it's convenient for people to swipe between meetings, I think that they're not consciously looking to couple, they're just kind of looking for a hit. And I often talk about the serotonin hit. What can we do as experts in the dating industry to help people realize that they're just swiping for convenience and not consciously approaching, you know, dating in general? I think it's like you're beginning to touch on it. It's about the way you decide to approach your online dating experience. So if you're on an online dating app, you could be swiping through and not really thinking about the people that you're actually swiping with because it's so easy to think of them as not a real person on the other end of a phone, just like you are. It's so easy to just think, oh, this is kind of like a fun little game. Let's just swipe through and see if we get matches. And then like you said, you get that serotonin hit when you get a match and it's all very exciting. But are you really thinking about the end game? And what is the end game even? You're so right. It's so true. So Jessica here with me today, ladies and gents, is a singles event specialist. So she's meeting, you know, like minded professionals day in, day out who are attending singles events which I think are dating done a little bit differently because Jessica is a project manager at my friend Charlie and they host different events that are kind of like dating with a difference. Do you want to tell us a little bit about those? Yeah, sure. So at my friend Charlie, we, it's not a typical dating event company, I would say we don't do Things like speed dating, we don't deliberately pair people up or have an idea of who we think is going to match or before we have an event. The main premise is we do interesting, unique activity based events which take the pressure off of singles attending them and thinking like, oh, I'm going to an event and I'm going to meet somebody at this event. Actually it's more about going to an event that you know you're going to enjoy. It's an activity where you know that you're going to meet people who you have a lot in common with because they've also decided to attend that event based on the activity that we're offering. And if you go to the event and you meet some like minded people and if you happen to click with somebody there, fantastic. And if you don't, it's absolutely not a wasted evening because you've had a great time with some really incredible people and hopefully you come back and you do it again. So I can imagine that the listeners on the other end of this show are kind of thinking, wow, just in my experience of knowing single professionals in big cities such as London, New York, LA, whatever or wherever, sorry, are thinking it takes a special sort of confidence to get out there in real life to meet a pool of singles in one place at one time. But would you say that is the case that everyone arrives at an event being super duper confident or is it people come to the event looking to build confidence or perhaps they've been to many a single event. Like what do you typically find at singles events? So those that are interested to kind of come along and get offline and meet in real life, what are, what would you say is the typical mindset of singles coming along? So I think with our events in particular, we tend to have the kind of people who are very open to the idea of meeting somebody at one of these kinds of events, but that doesn't necessarily translate to having the confidence needed. And that's where we come in as experts. So we host every single event that we put on. No matter the activity, we'll be there to make sure that you're greeted properly, that everybody is introduced to each other in if somebody is standing on their own, we make sure that we approach them, we chat to them, we introduce them to other people who we think they're going to get on with. By no means it's a matchmaking service in that respect, but we do make sure that people can show that we have the confidence to approach everybody there. So hopefully that translates to all of our guests as well. So are you really ensuring that despite the activity that they're doing, despite the pool of people that are coming along, you as hosts and hostesses, you're ensuring that they have the best experience all round? Completely. Exactly. And then when you talked previously about the kind of attitude that people come in with to these types of dating events, we found that we have, you know, we've had guests that have been super confident and very self assured in terms of going up to strangers and speaking to strangers, which is fantastic. But then we also have guests who perhaps need that little extra push along to make them put themselves out there a little bit more. And we try and help that and facilitate that as much as we can. It's really interesting to get your perspective and an inside view of what singles events, especially the ones that you host, look like, because I know through experience so many people hold themselves back when single, thinking that online dating and online platforms are the only option to meet a match because they don't know what to expect when coming to a single event. Whether it is speed dating or whether it is like my friend Charlie axe throwing or whatever. They still don't fully understand the atmosphere because I guess not so many companies are portraying what, what they get other than here's an event, come along and hopefully meet someone. So I think it's really interesting to touch on the atmosphere that they will expect and what kind of warm welcome they will receive. Oh, definitely. That's one of, I would say that's one of our unique points about our business is we really, we really look after our guests, we really care about them. It's not just that you'll book an event with us and that's it. You'll never hear from us or see us at an event. We send an email pre event to make sure everybody knows exactly what to expect. You know, we set dress codes for our events because we don't set them per se, but we do encourage them because it's just one less question for people to have and one less thing for them to feel nervous about when they're attending an event with us. Because obviously attending a singles event, especially if you're attending something on your own, is quite nerve wracking. Yeah, absolutely. However, I would say yes, it is nerve wracking to go to a singles event or to any networking in general on your own. Oh, completely. But if you think about the times that you have done it, you often reap the rewards far greater than if you went with a friend, let's say because, you know, I can think of the last singles event that I hosted with a matchmaking agency years ago was a group of women sat in the corner chatting about, you know, what they have for brunch on Sunday, who they met and what they're doing for their next holiday. But what that means is that you're not out there actively looking to meet a partner and engage and connect. And that's the whole reason you pay to go to a singles event. So it's really nice to know that you're making people feel included if they come on their own or not. So they have that sense of ease. So if you could give me kind of a quick roundup of what to do, let's say if someone didn't feel confident to come to a singles event, could you give any, like two or three top tips to make them feel at ease to come along? So I think it's just having that mindset of thinking about what you want to get out of the event. So if you're not a very confident person, you could just set yourself these very small goals. Say, I'd like to speak to three new people at this event. I'd like to put myself out there. I'd like to get to know somebody in that way. Or, you know, I'd like to meet somebody who has a similar interest to mine. Just finding what you have in common with someone who is essentially a stranger can just really help to improve your confidence levels. Just finding that common ground. Exactly. Yep, exactly. I would say that's one of, one of the ways you can really help to put yourself out there and improve your confidence with our, with dating events. I really enjoy the top tips that you're giving because what you're saying is don't come with an agenda to meet the love of your life. However, come with an agenda to perhaps improve your confidence, improve your communication skills and just get out there and get connected. So exciting. So we'll be back after the break here on Love Lessons. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and we're supporting health and well being in dating and relationships. We'll be right back at our Covent Garden studio. Welcome to women's radio station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women the possibility of are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Falguni Desai of Action Coach. 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To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org you're listening to Women's Radio Station supporting Women's well being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter Women's Radio Station that's Womens Radio STN or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello, welcome back to Love Lessons Live. I'M Sarah Louise Ryan and I'm delighted that you're here with us. So. So we're here today with Jessica Ford. She is a singles event specialist and project manager at My friend Charlie. And we're here today discussing having the power to change the course of your love life by getting offline. We've really just been touching on the confidence shifts and the mindset of people that go to singles events because often with online dating platforms, people are swiping left, right, up and down and backwards, I guess, or sometimes forwards and not really knowing that there's any anything else out there or positive experiences that can be gained from the process of dating. I feel today. And it's one thing that really is a gripe of mine that singles feel really stuck and that online dating is the only thing that they can do. And it feels like I want to help singles get unstuck and show them that there are other amazing things that they can do. And it's not just about being focused, as you were saying moment ago, Jess, about focusing on finding that specific someone by, you know, let's say 11th of July, because that's when you've decided, but really enjoying the process of meeting new people, making memories and having new experiences. So just a moment ago we talked about the mindset of people that came and do come to your singles events. Now I wanted to ask you, what are the things that you're hearing about modern day dating when you're meeting people in real life offline? What are they saying to you about the dating experience in general today? I think there's a few things that people tend to touch on when they talk about dating today. Some of the things that we hear really commonly is that people are just a bit scared of it in general. Scared of rejection, for example, scared of putting themselves out there in general. They're just lacking the confidence to even make that first move with somebody in terms of getting out on a date. It can be a scary concept for a lot of people. So that's one of the things that people find difficult. I think the online dating industry hasn't done an awful lot to help with potentially your self esteem as well. If you're online dating, it can be really difficult because when online dating gamifies this dating world, it can feel completely disconnected from real life and it can really kind of people won't take it seriously, if you know what I mean there. So if people are swiping back and forth, like you said, left and right, it's quite difficult to get that confidence back and bring your self esteem back to, I suppose like enjoying the actual process of dating. I think what you just touched on, gamification, the whole idea of, you know, just enjoying the, you know, the feel good factor of online dating, it is there and it can become a little bit addictive, dare I say it. But one thing that also really gets me and what keeps me for sure in the dating industry for all this time is the idea that we have this obligation to do better as dating experts, that we should be creating better experiences, teaching singles and those that are in new couples what we know about connection and building confidence and being our most vulnerable selves in the most confident way we can. And I think when you say earlier about people not knowing what to expect and people being scared of the dating process in general, for me it translates as a scarcity to be vulnerable and to put ourselves out there. And that comes from, in my mind, you know, singles not feeling so comfortable in their own skin. And I feel that we have an obligation to change that because nobody's perfect and as soon as we can help aid the process of dating. I love what MFC does by making people feel comfortable and welcomed into events because it can be so scary. I've seen it. Definitely something you mentioned before about rejection. Tell us a bit about what you mean by that. So I think these days when you're meeting online, for example, it's very easy to arrange a date with somebody or have this chat with somebody, feel like you're making a connection and say you organise a date with somebody for the next couple of days and because you don't ever have, you haven't made that human connection with them yet, they don't have a problem or you might not feel like you have a problem with cancelling a date, for example, and that can happen quite often. I've heard friends of friends talk about this being a fairly common occurrence, that they'll set up dates and then at the last minute they'll just be dropped or they'll be cancelled or even stood up. And that's. It's not uncommon these days, which is really just sad. Well, actually I have been having a good think about that this morning and I thought this, you know, very well might come up in our chats about getting people offline, which is, you know, what MFC does really well. It's a bit of dating done differently, connecting people in the real world. And I'm just going to read this to you, something that I jotted down. Dealing with rejection is one of the hardest parts of the online dating process because it brings up all of our fears and our insecurities about not feeling good enough. What do you think about that? I completely agree. I think the rejection is difficult to deal with in any sort of context, but particularly within a dating context because you're really trying to put yourself out there. You want to meet somebody who could potentially be a life partner. It's. It's a big scary thing. And if that doesn't work out for whatever reason, or if you get knocked back, it can be really difficult to pick yourself up again after having, you know, a negative experience. But I think the really important thing to remember is that like you've said, dating is all about how you view it and your mindset. And you can't let these negative experience where you've been knocked down in the past affect your future opportunities. You're so right. You're absolutely nail on the head. Right? And I actually have a coaching client and it's something I've got a few coaching clients that it has come up with about before in terms of rejection. It's like this fear of failure, the fear of not being enough, doing enough, being enough for oneself, being enough for somebody else. And I guess the more we start to shift our mindset, we can, as you know, the title of the show, we can change the course and we have the power to do that of our love life. If we see rejection online or in dating in general, whether it is offline and you meet someone offline, you know, organically, woohoo, that would be lovely. If we just see rejection just as a little bit of feedback that that person wasn't right for you, that the next person won't pass you by, that is right for you. And I think the more we can just touch on it as an experience, something that's happened, rather than taking it so much inward, we might be able to help people shift their mindset. Definitely you can't take rejection personally. You can't expect to necessarily meet somebody out of the blue and there'll be sparks, fireworks, an instant connection. Because the likelihood is it won't be that way. I mean, you're extremely lucky if you have that, that one first date and that's the way it works for you, that's fantastic. But for, you know, for a lot of people, it'll take a few times of trying and moving on and trying out with somebody else and then changing it and growing and, you know, absorbing all the lessons that you learn through that dating experience to make yourself feel better about the Next one. You know, earlier as well, you said something really interesting and poignant to me about how, you know, we cancel dates quite flippantly if we're online or we ghost people. And it's something we talk about often on this show. And what do you think about the lack of accountability to the dating process? And what do you think we can do to help people understand they should be accountable? That's a really tricky question, actually. I think it's. It's just the way that we're. I think technology has a part to play in this, for sure. All those algorithms. Yeah, all the algorithms. And I think it's just like. Like we touched on before. It's very easy to sit behind a screen and say whatever you want. And this isn't just true of the dating industry. It's true of, you know, all of social media. It's very easy for us to portray our best selves online. But does that mean we're portraying our true selves offline? We don't know. And you have to. I think the lack of accountability is a really tricky one because you have to be the kind of person when you're dating online. You have to be trusting, and you have to put yourself out there and do it while understanding that you could be taking a big risk in doing that. But that's all part of the learning experience with dating in general. Yeah. Something I would say about that, and it's just sprung to my mind now, is that while you. We. Okay, so let's say you and I were single right now, and while if we were online dating, we couldn't be accountable to other people's actions, we can most certainly be integral and accountable to our own. Absolutely. So I think if somebody isn't treating you the way you'd like to be treated or communicating with you with the consistency or the care that you would like online, I think just be mindful of the fact that you're doing the best that you can do and stay true to how you would like to be treated by treating other people with that care. And if you don't get it back, then I guess they're just not the right person for you. Exactly. And I think the more we have the confidence or build towards having confidence in connecting offline at singles events, the more we feel confident in communicating online. Yeah, definitely. So one thing that my friend Charlie does, which I really think is. So it's not innovative, it's just in line with the business values, is you get people to meet in real life, in real time. Making new memories and having new experiences and then they have the safety and security of being able to communicate online thereafter. And I think the more we do that, the more we'll actually meet more singles. Yeah, I think you might be right. Yeah, absolutely. So if we could just do kind of a quick fire round, a few words of what you think people can do to overcome that fear of rejection and confidently move forward with dating. So I suppose it's like we've already touched on. You should really go into dating with a fresh perspective every time. Every new experience is an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself, learn something about the person that you're going on a date with or just somebody in life, you'll just learn something new. Treat everything as a learning opportunity. Don't be afraid of rejection. It's something that all of us experience at some point in life. So you just have to put yourself out there and don't become jaded because of your past experiences. Oh, my gosh. I'm like in love with everything that you've just said and I think if everyone listening in just could take a little snippet of that information, they could definitely change the course of what's going on with their online dating experiences because we all know you're out there doing it. So I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons and we'll be back where we're with Jess Ford talking about getting offline. Welcome to the Women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, the UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalised service. 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For more information on how you can sponsor a Show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio station supporting women's well being. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons Live. So excited here with Jessica Ford of my friend Charlie, who is a singles event specialist. And today we've not just been talking about singles events in general, but we've been talking about the mindset of singles to get offline, to meet in real life and get connected and how that sounds like probably to you listeners tuning in, a little bit of a scary concept because we have this profile, faceless society where, you know, singles are just swiping left, right, up and down and not actually getting on dates because, you know, meeting people means we have to be vulnerable. So welcome back to Jess. Thank you. Delighted to have you here. So before the break, we were talking about all sorts of things such as, you know, the confidence people have when they come to events or why people spend so much time online and how to get them offline, I guess. So I wanted to touch upon just now the kind of mindset that singles have when they're online and why they feel stuck on there. Any thoughts on that? I think a lot of people can become a bit jaded with the whole online dating concept because they don't. They're not going in there with the right mindset, for one thing. What do you mean by that? So I think when you find, when you're online, you need to be very open to any opportunities that will come your way. In other words, you need to have this mindset called a growth mindset. There's a whole psychological concept about having a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. And if you're in a fixed mindset, it means that you have very rigid ideas of the concepts. So for example, in this case surrounding dating, what you're looking to find, you may have a tick list of what you think will be the ideal man, woman, whoever, for you. And you might feel like you need to fulfill that checklist in order to be happy, in order to find your own happiness. But someone with a growth mindset, on the other hand, will have, may have a tick list, may have a checklist of things that they're looking for in a partner. But the difference is they're willing to compromise on all of them, on some of them. But they're just very open to these new ideas. So they're not going to shut anyone out just because they don't fit into a box that suits them. I'm just listening to you in awe because I guess you know very well that I've worked in the dating industry as a matchmaker for a very long time and recently started dabbling, backing matchmaking because, you know, can never keep myself away from making a good match. And the amount of singles I have met who have come to me with a checklist that I've happily ripped up, I can't tell you. And let's say, for example, let's just give a name. Laura. Let's say Laura. It's not a true name or, you know, it's definitely a true story though. She came with a list of, you know, looking for a chap who wanted to speak. She wanted him to speak six languages. She wanted him to be a specific height with a specific job from a specific, you know, economic, social background, geographically speaking, you know, in close proximity to. And like that's just one very firm example of many as what a matchmaker would have to deal with. And getting people to open their mind can be quite a tricky job. And so as you know, that's probably a fixed mindset. Yes. So what do you know? And how can you advise to help people get into a growth mindset? So I think people with a fixed mindset, for example, they may have had these experiences where they've met people who didn't tick all the boxes and that's resulted in them adding on more boxes to be ticked for next time because they think that actually that's the best way to deal with these situations that haven't quite worked out in their favour. But actually what you should be doing is scrubbing out those boxes, rip them up like you said, rip up the list, erase them. You shouldn't be adding on more things for you to consider next time you're dating somebody. Instead, have this growth mindset, rip up the list, rip up the rulebook. You shouldn't be thinking about these very specific elements of someone's personality that you think are necessary just because you believe that you'll be a good match. It might not be the case. It absolutely might not be the case. And I, you know, and some people say to me, hey, well that's my type and that's what I'm looking for. And it gives me great pleasure to say, well, your type didn't work so far. And so if you have this type, you've been going for that type. Let's say you're a female and you don't like men that are too nice because you've decided that you, you know, the ones that are a bit spontaneous and treat you a little bit, you know, unkindly is more attractive because they've, you know, got a self assured edge to them. You know, nice is just refreshing and nice. So just as a, you know, power exemplar of, you know, some of the mindsets that happen out there in the world, do you recommend that there are any specific tasks that people can undertake to enter into a growth mindset? I think if we're talking specific to the dating industry, obviously I'm biased because I work in an offline dating business. But if you start by taking yourself into new situations, for example, relating to dating, so go to a dating event, put yourself out there, you know, get out of your comfort zone, get offline, do something completely different to what everybody else is doing. We all know everyone's online, everyone's, everyone single is doing online dating. That's why they're extremely popular. But you can, I think, personally, I think you can gain a lot more out of the dating experience if you're getting offline and actually, you know, talking about getting offline because, you know, I'm a huge advocate for that as well. You know, there has to be. There's a lot to be said about having some sort of digital detox. It can be really refreshing to put the technology away and it can have an adverse effect, you know, on our mental health anyway, with constantly looking at a screen and constantly being reactive rather than proactive to the dating process. So I guess let's touch on which we'll go into greater detail after the break. Later on, let's talk about how we're bridging the gap together and why we're here today. Because obviously me from a matchmaking background, you from a singles events background. Let's. Do you want to. Do you want to introduce it? Yeah. So Sarah and my friend Charlie have partnered to put on this very exciting and very special event at the end of this month known as the Staycation. So it's a singles only event. We're doing a weekend away, an entire weekend, a digital detox. Put your phone down, get out of the city, take part in some really fun activities and meet like minded singles. But all through the support of, you know, our experts in the dating industry like Sarah, we have other people lined up who would also be there at this event to give you advice. They can give you personalized guidance on where perhaps you've been going wrong in the dating world so far, how you can improve your confidence. It's just all about bringing together these singles who are all in the same, they're all in the same boat. You know, they want to change something about their lives, about their dating lives. And wasn't it Albert Einstein who said, if you do something over and over again and you don't get any results that, that differ, then it's the stay close to madness. And you know, I really do feel that we have this sense of accountability in the dating industry, to be innovative, to keep moving forward and to do what we can to get human beings out of the online space and connecting. Because I am fearful of the fact that we're losing the art of flirtation, we're losing the art of communication, and most importantly, with things such as rejection and fear of failure, we're losing the art of being able to overcome conflict and find the resolutions. And I think the more we get offline and the more we get connected as humans forget romantically guided to finding a partner, I think the more we'll be equipped to deal with things in life. Right? And if you think about teenagers today spending so much time online and not speaking to other teenagers, you know, we might used to spend hours on, you know, on the park with our. Well, back in the day for me with friends. And we would never just sit in front of the TV with a group of single. Single. Oh gosh. A group of other teenagers. So I fear that we're struggling to communicate and deal with conflict. So we found this bridging of gap. In the dating industry. You've got matchmaking, which is priced from anything from 5,000 to 10,000 to 100,000 depending on the company. And then you've got singles events which are about 40 pound. Well, anywhere between 10 and 40. Am I right? What's the kind of price point? So our average price point on my friend Charlie is sort of between 30 and 50 pounds for, you know, an activity, an evening of meeting great singles, unique venues, all of that, but you pay for quality. But then in the middle, I found there was nothing in the middle ground. And, you know, so did mfc. And so we've come to this space where we realized singles need to get offline and get connected. So obviously after the break we'll talk about what all that means and, you know, what they'll be up to and what we can do in the dating industry to be innovative. But just if you could say right now, as a quick recap, quick fire round, how can we create that amazing growth mindset? So first of all, don't be afraid to put yourself out there. Don't be afraid to rip up the rule book or your checklist. As we said before, you don't need a checklist. It does. It just over complicates things and it puts you in a box as well. Not only the person that you're looking for. It really, just like you said, it's this fixed growth mindset. You're just not helping yourself to meet somebody who could potentially be your perfect match because you're not willing to put yourself out there or forgive a few aspects of their personality or they're not tall enough or something because you're not willing to overlook those. Well, not even overlook actually, except it's not necessarily a flaw. It's something that just makes them them and it shouldn't be something that we discount. I think that's excellent. I also think that you're really right on, you know, compromising and meeting in the middle and accommodating that, you know, nothing is perfect. And I just think with dating, instead of sitting down and spending hours writing or, or looking at a list to create for the, you know, perfect partner. I struggle to even say that because no one's Perfect. We should instead look at our values and look to get connected. So I'm so excited that we're here together today, Jess and hopefully we can do our bit in the dating industry to help singles get offline and meet other like minded singles who are serious. So I am Sarah Louise Ryan. We're here on Love Lessons with Jessica Ford and we'll be right back after the break. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The positive possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Falguni Desai of Action Coach. Are you a business owner with more than five employees? Do you want to grow your business? 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Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo. And we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradio station, that's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's Radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons Live. We're here supporting health, wellness and well being in dating and relationships. As you know, this is the show where we discuss everything from dating relationships to breakups to starting all over again as a confidence single. And today we're really focusing on having the power to change the course of your love life, to get offline, to get out of your head and really get connected. And so I'm here with Jessica Ford. Welcome. Thank you, but welcome back. And Jessica Ford, if you're just tuning in and you haven't been with us the whole time, let me introduce her as a singles event specialist who really knows her stuff about getting people together in an offline setting. So we were here just before the break where we talked about lots of interesting stuff such as moving from a fixed mindset. If you're kind of stuck in your ways and stuck in your wants and not getting anywhere with the search for a partner online or offline and switching that fixed mindset to a growth mindset. And Jess was so right about instead of adding more boxes to your tick list, eradicating them somewhat if not altogether, in order to create this growth mindset. And she was really, interestingly enough, saying that ripping up the rule book is really helpful to help you push forward. So we also talked about staycations. Can we touch back on that? Is that all right? Sure. Tell us about staycays. So the staycation idea is that we host a weekend just for singles outside of the city. The idea is you get offline completely. You know, not necessarily throw away your phone, get offline, but, you know, enjoy the company of like minded individuals but also benefit from the guidance and expertise of dating events and dating industry experts at the same time, all in the same setting. All In a beautiful setting, I might say we've rented a huge, lovely country mansion with some fantastic views, good food, good drinks and great company. Great company and fab activities as well. So it's not all just sitting down and talking through your relationship start to finish. It's definitely an element of fun in there as well to hopefully improve your confidence and have a great time at the same time. I think it's really interesting as a concept and I think it's also. It sounds fun and exciting and that is because if you think of singles weekenders and in my time in the dating industry, I often think about retreats where singles talk about, you know, everything that's going wrong and it feels like there's no element of moving forward positively in connection. It feels like group retreats to talk about problems. But what about pushing towards progress and what about, you know, connecting and getting out of one's head and just into real life scenarios? And I think that's so exciting where staycaze comes in. So we also talked about how online can present all these kind of fed back problems that we see in the dating industry. People saying ghosting, rejection, the fear of things not working out and it being scary. And my friend Charlie brings together singles in settings where they connect, they talk, they experience and they make memories and then they can go away and chat about it after. What are the benefits of that? It's just about bringing people together so they can understand exactly. Not necessarily where they're going wrong, but how they can move forward. And we can all help each other in coming towards solutions for what were problems or not even solutions. It's more just about thinking positively about any situation that you once perceived as negative. What can you take from it? What are the lessons that can be learned here? How can I implement these lessons moving forward in my life? So when you think about, when I think about online dating, I often think about singles settling for that being the only scenario that they can meet and match. I feel like today in this modern world, we're settling for less than we deserve in the process, let alone in love. And. And it's so exciting that we're being innovative in a way to help people connect offline and meet in real life. Do you think there's anything more the dating industry can do as a whole to be helpful and mindful of the way people are matching today? That is a big question. It's a big ask and it's a big question. It's something I'm always pondering. Yeah, I think there are definite Steps that dating industry professionals and events professionals, for example, can take to just show that they care about their guests. It's about putting forward that personal connection and relating to your guests and event or your clients on a personal level that really brings some fresh perspective into the whole thing. It's not just about selling tickets and putting singles in a room, leaving them to it. Not bums on seats. Exactly. It's not about bums on seats. It's way more than that. It's about giving them an environment where they can grow, where they can enjoy each other's company, but also learn something. I keep going back to this, learning things from the dating industry because I do believe that, you know, there's so much to gain from the dating experience, from the process. It's not just about the end game. Well, if you're really present on every date, if you're really present with every swipe or every message that you send, or really mindful of every message you receive, you can really learn a lot from the process. Not just about how human beings treat each other online and offline, but about yourself. What you're willing to accept, what you're willing not to accept. And I think the whole process, whether you've been single for 10 years or one month or one year, whatever it is, if you're really conscious as you're going through the process, you'll learn so much about yourself and what your values are. And actually we were just having a chit chat in the break, weren't we, about the list making process in your fixed mindset. So how can people, do you think, in your opinion, Jess, become more mindful of what their values are so they can take that list forward? Rather than a list of, oh, I want someone who's tall, dark and handsome, 5 foot 11 in this background professionally, what do you think? So it's all about knowing yourself. If you have the self confidence and self assurance of knowing exactly who you are, that will really help you to have an idea of what you want. And I'm not talking about wants as in, you know, this 5 foot 11 tall, dark and handsome Prince Charming here, it's just made that up. It's way more than that. You know, if you, if you can say, for example, like that you're a particularly driven person, so you probably would appreciate being with somebody who's also of that same mindset. Going back to mindset there. So it's about understanding and knowing yourself in order to know what you want out of it in the dating world. Absolutely. Knowing yourself to know what you want out of it. And I think the more you work towards a growth mindset and exit that fixed mindset, if you can relate, if you're tuning in and you're thinking, oh, my gosh, I can totally relate to that. And I feel like I've been making all of those boxes and not getting anywhere. Well, you know, the more you enter that growth mindset, the more success you're inevitably going to have because you're more open to new experiences. You're open to the kinds of people that you wouldn't normally meet, and you're open to the different scenarios in which you might meet them. So one thing I really like about my friend Charlie as a business in itself is that while it's, you know, in my perception, dating done a little bit differently, you've got this whole thing where people eat. What is it? Eat, drink, think and move. Eat, think, drink and move. And is that just that people can pick a category or. I mean, what is that? It's all about people finding the common interest in the events that we host. So that's why we categorize every event that we do. Some of them have more than one category, which is great. So we do, for example, wine and cheese tasting, which is eating and drinking. My personal favorite combination. But it's more than that. It's about the people who come to our events can pick from those categories, knowing that when they go to that event, they have something already in common with the singles that they're going to meet there. They already have a talking point. I think that is so exciting because if I think about the singles I've met over the course of my time as a matchmaker or in the dating industry in general, often you would say. You would hear singles say, I'm really into fitness, and I love to go for a 10k run on a Saturday. I mean, it's not me, but, you know, and if I hear them say that, obviously they're mindful of their health and health is wealth, and they want to be matched with someone who's also equally mindful. So just with that category alone, it really speaks volumes. Volumes on commonality and lifestyle values. So do you find that other than interest in wine and cheese, people seem to match on those values we were speaking about a moment ago in those categories? I would say so, definitely. So whether we have, you know, a boot camp event where you do a single sports boot camp, where you know that you're going to meet somebody there, you're gonna have a great time, you're gonna have a great workout and you're going to meet people who also value looking after themselves, looking after their bodies, keeping themselves in check. But definitely, I mean, I don't think people would be attending our different categories of events if they, if they didn't think they were going to enjoy them from start or didn't have an interest in them. Absolutely. I'm so excited about the whole concept of staycations where people can get offline, get connected, meet people in real life. And it's this whole collaborations of Love Lessons here in Covent Garden and my friend Charlie where singles can do lots of fun things such as, you know, alpaca walking and yoga ing and gin sipping. It's a combination of all that, you know, eat, think, drink, move, as well as get expert advice from other dating industry professionals. So if you could do us an absolute justice to this wonderful program and give us a quick fire round of how we can have this whole well nursing and well being approach to dating today, what would it be? What would you sum it up as? So like we keep saying, it's about the lessons that you're learning from the process. Going into it with this growth mindset is so important. Going into it and being true to yourself, being true to the values that you hold, that you hold really important to you, that can definitely help you when it comes to looking for a potential partner. Getting offline I think is a big one. I'm not just saying that because I'm in the industry. I think that it's really important for us not to sit behind these screens and judge each other on your best photos and putting your best self out there. It's about, you know, way more than that. It's about putting yourself out there in person and making these connections offline. Jessica Ford. Oh my goodness. I think of all my shows that has been one of the best sum ups of just getting offline, getting out of your head and getting out there meeting people in real life. I'm so pleased that you came in to join us today and good luck with staycays. I'll see you there. Thank you for having me. So I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons Live and we've been talking about changing the course of your love life and getting offline. See you next time. Welcome to the women's radio station. Supporting women's well being. 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