All Things Autism – Richie Smith, Awesometistic

Hello, this is Anna Kennedy. We're talking all things autism, and it's absolutely freezing today. It's so cold. But you know what, I come from the Northeast and I'm living up in London. It's definitely colder in the Northeast, which I'm sure one of my guests who I'm going to be introducing in a few seconds will tell you all about. So just to remind you that we have now opened the entries for Autism's Got Talent. So we have shared our highlights video, which is about 7 minutes long and it's already got about 3,000 views in the last 4 days. So if you're interested, check out the charity website www.annakenedyonline.com to check out the highlights video, which is in the actual news events. And if you want to enter and show us your talent, so whether you're a singer, whether you're a dancer, whether you're a poet, whether you are a musician, a magician, whatever it is, we want to see your talent. So please send in your nominations. The closing date is at the end of March. We will be doing our main show later in the year in 2022. We're also working with Daisy Chain. We've just had talks with Daisy Chain where they're based in the Northeast and we are going to be doing a roadshow with them. So that's going to be happening next year as well. So more information will be on the charity website once we've booked the theatre. So that will be happening soon. So I'm really glad that we'll be going to my neck of the woods in the Northeast to showcase talent there. So also just to remind you, sadly, the Autism Hero Awards has been postponed. So that will be happening now in March. So March is the Autism Hero Awards where all our 36 finalists will be traveling down to London to the Chelsea Harbour Hotel and then the winners will be announced. And as I have told you many, many times, our judges had such a tough time to choose 36 finalists. We had entries from all over the UK and also from overseas this year, so really tough choices to be made. Just to remind you as well that I also do All Things Autism in Essex with Aston Avery, who's one of my ambassadors. And that happens on the first Thursday of every month. We have a 2-hour show where we invite guests to speak on the radio. So that will be happening on the first Thursday of every month if you want to listen in, and that's between 11 and 1. And now we're on DAB Radio 2, so which is exciting stuff. So, um, one other thing I just wanted to share was about diet, exercise, and sleep patterns in autistic adults. It's well documented that children with autism are more likely to be selective eaters, like both of my sons, more likely to have Poor sleep patterns, like my youngest son Angelo. We had such a tough week last week. I was surviving on something like 2 hours sleep a night, but wey, I had 5 hours sleep last night and I feel much more human today. And less likely to engage in regular physical activity. Thousands of scientific studies focus on the behavior patterns and genetics of children with autism. However, as time moves forward, these children are becoming adults. If you want to read about this research, It is on www.autismadvocateparentingmagazine.com. I'll just repeat that again, www.autismadvocateparentingmagazine.com. So my guest today is the awesome Richard Smith, known as Richie, and he is going to be talking to me about a book that he's written which is called The Art of Weeing in the Sink, which was given to me and absolutely I absolutely love that book and I love the front cover as well. Um, so growing up without a diagnosis of an autism spectrum condition was difficult to say the least, struggling immensely with everyday life, and I didn't understand where I fit into this world, doing different behaviors, but at the time I didn't understand why I was doing them, but really struggled to stop. As I felt throughout my life, I've had to hide away and compress everything deep inside. I've learned a lot about myself and became very aware. I feel this puts me in a good position to help families, businesses, schools. And he's also one of our winners of the Autism Hero Award. So welcome, Richie. Thank you for joining me today. Hiya, how you doing? Thank you very much. Thanks for having us. Oh, thank you. So is it freezing cold in the Northeast where you are? It's absolutely freezing. I went outside because one of the bins blew over two nights ago, and I'm not joking, when I came in I was laughing, I was that cold. It was— it really took to me chest very quickly. It's something I've never experienced before. It was super, super cold. So how have you been coping in these uncertain times? Because obviously now, you know, there's more news coming out. I tend to not watch the news that much now. It's just much too much doom and gloom. Well, I kind of had a bit of an anxiety— well, anxiety as well as me autism mixed in with each other over the weekend. Because what happened is, is obviously I heard about Boris Johnson saying that the masks were coming back, and the way that he talks is very, um, very hard for me to read. So when he talks, he's like, oh, it'll be mandatory to bring these face masks back in when you're in shop. And I was like, oh, I've got Christmas shopping to do. What happens? Does that mean mandatory now? Does it? Because he didn't say at the end unless you have any hidden disabilities or, or whatever it was. And I was like, oh, I don't know what to do. Does this mean— and I started saying to myself, I was like, wait, so does that mean that last lockdown when it was a full lockdown I didn't have to wear one because I was exempt, but now is he saying that I need to wear one even though it's a harsh— it's not as harsh of a lockdown that is, it's not even a lockdown at all? And I was really getting confused and I really got myself into a full-on burnout because I took it too literal what he was saying. So then on the back of that, today I went out, um, probably early this morning, about 9 o'clock till about half 12 blasting around the Metro Centre trying to get as many as I could because I was really worried about tomorrow with everybody having their face masks on because I can remember through COVID I struggled dramatically because I can't read facial expressions to start with and I really can only focus on certain things and it's when everyone's wearing a mask it's quite frightening so I prefer not to go out if I'm honest. Yeah, you know what, I've had 2 emails this morning from 2 adults who are on the spectrum who are worrying about the masking because obviously he didn't say mask exempt children and adults. So, and also, um, you saying about facial expressions, I know my son Angelo finds it quite difficult, obviously, because he's got minimal verbal skills, and he's always looking at my face. So when I do put the mask on, I remember when I first put it on, he just kept trying to pull it off. I don't let Sue wear a mask when she's around me when we're out and about. If she's out in public, there's a lot of people, then I do, but yeah, she has no choice to put on. But it's not that, it's just like coming to my work, for instance, right? This is the only thing he's put in place is the face masks, right? Yeah, and because of the way my brain functions a little bit, I've already realized that because if I was working in a shop, the manager would come and say, make sure everyone's got a face mask on. That's the only thing that they've got to concentrate. So I feel like if I was going around the Metro Centre with me, even if I had my autism— autism-tastic top on, people would still be asking, excuse me, where's your face mask? Because that's their priority. Is where— when we're in lockdown last time, it was lockdown, certain rules, walking down corridors a certain way. There was lots to think about, so it was a little bit less of a main deal when they were trying to spot people. But now I feel because it's only one single thing they've got to do, I feel like they'll be on top of everybody and I'll have to justify why I haven't got. And I don't like wearing the lanyards because I don't feel like just because I've got a disability I shouldn't have to show everybody that I've got one. So I've never worn lanyard and I've always just had to deal with the consequences of somebody asking as if I've got one more than them sunflower lanyards. I kind of do it, I don't believe in them. Would you carry a card in your wallet or something? I do, I would carry a card in my wallet, but by the time I got it out my wallet I could have easily just said I'm exempt. Oh, true, true. Okay, so let's, let's talk a little bit about, um, you growing up. So where were you born? Just so, just a little snapshot so people listening in, who is Richie? Who are you, Richie? I am Richie from Awesome Tistic, and it wasn't until we went to the Autism Hero Awards, it was that I felt like a freak for 30-odd years, 32 years it was. And then I was born in South Shields, and I was a subject of child abuse and neglect for two— when I was two and a half, and I was left in a house for three days by myself. I then got adopted after being in hospital for quite a while. And then when I was adopted, then people— they, um, I didn't connect or thrive with them as well. Things like, I wish I never got you, I'm going to send you back, you're thick, you're stupid. Loads of fighting, loads of— they had a lot of their own personal issues that they had to sort out. But a lot of it, I felt like, because I got put down having a detachment disorder at that age, I didn't really strive or attach to the parents. I felt quite alone from being first adopted, even to the point where I was hiding food in the top drawer, like little biscuits on a nighttime, because I didn't know if it was going to be the last food. So I had a lot of issues going on there. So it just started all in the bathroom basically. I remember getting absolutely bollocked because I was in the bathroom and I was, um, I was playing with poo at the time, and, um, I didn't understand why it was, and I was getting wrong. And I realized— and that's when I first realized what was— so the words I always use is, um, what's socially acceptable. I realized that me, uh, my parents didn't like to see that type of thing but didn't ask a question why. So I quickly learned how to do the same. I call it stimming now because I know what it is, but back then I just had the need to do it, um, tidying it all up making sure the bathroom's nice and safe. And then when I leave, nothing's went wrong. He looks like he's told us off. It looks like it's all done its job. But then that was just the start of a little journey for me. It'll get better and better at hiding and hiding and masking more and more, which then made us feel like a freak more and more. I started using household objects around the house more to stim with and smell, and newspapers, wrapping paper, these type of material stuff, not knowing why I was doing it. Make myself feel like I'm a freak, I'm a freak, freak, freak, freak, freak all the time. And then when I was 17 and my parents split up, um, because obviously I was telling you they were struggling through all of them years to try to get their relationship back on track. But then, um, I just went out on my own and I've not spoke to anybody since, um. And just as in a nutshell, when I left home when I was like 17, I got a job, I ended up doing self-harming, gambling, suicide. I tried to commit suicide twice, um. I just had a rough like patch because all of that type of stuff that I was saying years before about being a freak and things, it all started like when you get older to the 18, 19, and I've started having a drink, the emotions are all going and It just— I'd had enough, really, and I just kind of wanted to call it a day. So what motivated you for everything that you've told me, which is like, I can't even imagine what you were going through? What motivated you to keep going from day to day? The autism, 100%. I don't know what it is, right, but I do. I feel I see the world differently. I've got a massive, like, insight into me, myself. And I honestly, I remember I took 90 paracetamol, 90 ibuprofen, and a bottle of this tropical liqueur all at once. And for years and years, when I was old, when I was younger, I was carrying this anxiety around, this big knot. And the only way I can explain it, it's like a cat ball inside my stomach that I couldn't ever cough up and I couldn't get rid of it. But I'd had enough with the gambling. I'd lost like £3,000 and I'd went and done this silly thing. And, um, I was lying on the floor and the next day I woke up and this knot had gone in my stomach. And I thought, you know what it is, everybody's called us— I was thick and stupid all my life and I'd left with no qualifications. I got one GCSE in maths and that was it, it was a C. And I just thought, I'm going to show the world I'm not thick and stupid. So I signed on to a BTEC Level 3 course in engineering, and I always remember the guy said to us, he says, Rich, I guarantee you, you won't win Student of the Year. I bet you an iPad you won't. And I was like a little bit more mature then. I was thinking, you know what, I'm gonna take that bet, go for it. And I ended up winning Student of the Year 3 years in a row. I got 57 distinctions, and then I ended up getting a Foundation Degree in Mechanical Manufacturing Engineering, and then they took us on and trained us as a teacher. So I choose engineering. It's just because I've got a— like, I love detail. I've got an attention for detail. Like, I just love picking up small details and blemishes and things. I always wanted to work in that type of thing. I always loved how things are made and things like that. But it was just— it was one of the hardest degrees to do. So I just thought, if I'm going to prove a point, I need to prove a point good. Um, so then, I mean, I don't use the degree in any shape or form now, but it really helped as, um, focus because I went and done a lot of therapy. I did 10 years of, um, therapy, which was including like cognitive therapy, behavioral therapy, um, CBT, cat therapy, group therapy. I did loads of stuff and I came off all medication. I went cold turkey. Um, I just, I just really wanted to get a grip in my life because I thought I'm worth more than this. But along the way, obviously I had my own difficulties that pushed us, even though I was trying to like to survive still and get through all this therapy. And me and my partner at the time were trying to have children, um, and sadly I couldn't have any kids, um, because I had this thing called antisperm. So that was like another blow to me, to me health a little bit. And, um, The short story for that basically is— again, sorry, you're like a runaway train and you've got so much to tell me, but I'm trying to unpick things if you don't mind. Go for it. Yeah, so, um, see, first of all, I wanted to ask you, you know, when you say— I always ask adults as well when they say they see the world differently, and for an adult that might be in the process of going for a diagnosis, or if you are a parent and your child is going the process of a diagnosis. What does that mean to you, seeing the world differently? If you can explain it, if you don't mind. Um, I'd probably say the best way I always explain it, when I explained it with the doctor, was that, um, that I see the Matrix. The piece of what I mean about that is, is on the Matrix, if you've ever seen the TV program, there's a guy sitting at the monitor screen, it's got loads of million little dots going all the way down the screen, goes like all the way down. And it's because, for instance, I say it to people, well, I do when I do a big talk to people, I see I'm sitting and I'm like, for instance, I'm talking to you now, but I can feel the temperature, like. And then when I say I can feel temperature in the room, I can feel it like as if it's like there and I need to address it. For— or if there's like a noise, or if there's a laminate that's shining a little bit more light, or there's a smell in the room, or somebody else is talking, or there's different noises, I'm seeing and I'm digesting all of the information at once rather than discarding what's not important. I can't do that, I have to address it. So therefore it's as if I'm having 10 conversations at once. Okay, so can we talk about school if you don't mind? So of course, how What was— what worked for you at school and what didn't work for you? If you can, if you can break it down, if you don't mind. I would say what worked with us at school was learning to be socially acceptable for everybody. And what I would do is take myself off to the toilet, which on the reverse of that made us look like I had bladder problems. And they contacted my parents at the time to say, like, the guy's going to the toilet a lot. But nobody really asked us the question what I was doing in the toilet. And what I would be doing in there would be smelling and, like, rocking side to side because I was always worried what the lovely little piers around us would be Like doing an example, like I worked with this little boy, right? And this little boy was rubbing the floor, he was rubbing it all over in this school. And I was running and he was looking, but then he would look around to make sure nobody's seen. And then when he thought nobody was looking, he then started smelling his hand, right? So he was obviously getting some sort of feedback from this. But I've recently found out that actually it's his teachers were telling him off for doing it because it was dirty, but they didn't replace it with anything. Okay. So therefore he just learned again what I would do was socially acceptable. So then he started, for an example, Pritt sticks or glue from the, um, or like Blue Tack and things like that. He's putting them in his pocket, going to the toilet, playing with them in the toilet, coming back and putting them back. So he'd already learned, even were completely not connected at all, but he was doing what I call like a mini Richie, right? Got you. Okay, so you went— I've spoken to a few adults where they said at school it just didn't really work for them, but once they got to college it was so much better. Would that be the case for you? Nope, nah. Um, I would just say that I struggled all the way through school. And I would— I was very hyper in school. I was kind of wanting to be the face of attention in school and stuff because I was compressing, because I was having such a troubled time at home. I was compressing myself at home, worried to put a foot out of line, that I was letting it all out when I was at school. I was very much in people's faces and stuff. I really didn't have very many friends, to be honest. Um, I had friends for different things, if you know what I mean. Um, but I just struggled all the way through school, to be honest. Um, and then when I came out from school, I struggled because obviously I left with no qualifications and went out on my own. I didn't really go back to college, so I was 28, and the big difference with that was I was paying £3,500 a term, so therefore it was getting, it was getting real money spent, so therefore I worked hard at it. Okay, so you say you have a partner, so how, how was that for you? How did that happen? How? Because I've spoken to, again, many, many adults that find it really difficult to speak to, including my own son, um, Patrick, they find it difficult to speak to, you know, somebody that they might want to be with or if they find it difficult to read the signs. So what tips and advice can you give? Well, I wouldn't advise this way, by the way, but this is what I did. When I worked at a restaurant when I first left home, and all the other boys and girls that were there, like on a nighttime, it was very much of a nightlife type of place where you slept most of the day and you went to work at 5 o'clock and you were up till about 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock in the morning. And everyone was in their groups and stuff, and it was really fast-paced. I loved it. I was dead, like, because I'm quite a hyper person anyway. And then I realised, well, I want a girlfriend. Everyone else has got one, so how do I? So I cheekily put my number on the top of everybody's bill and I handed it out to every single girl that I was serving at the restaurant. And then I just went up and I said the same line. I says, look, if you've had a nice night and you'd like to have a drink sometime, give us a ring. If not, enjoy the rest of your night. So I did that for a couple of nights and then I ended up getting 6— I think it was like 5 or 6 girlfriends at once. Wow, how did you cope? Well, because of my lovely management skills. I just put them in different parts of the restaurant, really, and just had a bit of banter with them when they came in. And then obviously I was really young and daft, and obviously just because I didn't really— I'm very much all or nothing kind of person. And then when I met this one girl, I decided that enough is enough, you know. So I didn't have any girlfriends, I had this person, and then I ended up staying with her for probably about 13 years. What made her different from the other girls? Out of interest. More down— well, actually, what made her more different is she was harder to get. So she took a little bit more work to get. So, you know, I don't know, to be honest, right? If I'm like— honesty is the best policy with me. I wear my heart on my sleeve when I talk. Um, the date, the first date that we're gonna have, I was drunk and I was lying in a bath having a can of Foster's trying to sober myself up because that's the real realistic life that I had at the time. Um, and she never— she, she, um, cancelled the first date, but she never ran a mile. And I never understood why I kept pushing and pushing and pushing and she would never leave. And as she just stuck by all of this horrible stuff that I did, all these daft things that I did, and I think that's what gave us a bit of strength to get through it all, to be honest. Um, I know I didn't manage to say this before, but me and, uh, me and her adopted our own two children, and I think that's a massive thing from who I was to who I am now, you know. Oh, and how was the adoption? And, um, how old are they? They are 5 and 6, and they're absolutely superstars. We have them since birth. It went absolutely spot on. I said adoption people, when we first started, I said there's no way you're gonna let somebody adopt with me. I've got self-harming, gambling, all that type of past. But this was still when I diagnosed with autism, by the way. It was just that, um, they turned around, went, why would we not? You put your hand up when you need help, and you've shown strength to get through anything. So I think we think you're perfect. I was like, wow, wow, I bet that was amazing for you. It was, yeah. It was very overwhelming. I think that's the reason, you know, I'm a big believer that things happen for a reason, and I honestly believe I wasn't supposed to have my own children because I was always destined to adopt children. Because of my adoption, I think I'm supposed to show how it's supposed to be. Oh, I like, I like that. Sorry. So talk to me about your diagnosis. What made you go for the diagnosis? How was that? Well, actually, good timing really. Evie, my little 'un, she had a thing from like tobacco withdrawal, so she had a very loud screaming pitch and a noise, and it was making us go from 0 to 10 very quickly. And I thought, you know, Rich, you've got yourself a nice house, you've got yourself a partner, you've got your children, you've got your degree. Like, why don't you go and sort this last piece of the puzzle out? You know, the thing I've been saying, now you're calling yourself a freak, you know, why are you hiding in cupboards smelling magazines? Why are you going away and worrying about like the light when comes through and all this type of anxieties that I thought weren't anxiety, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. So I sat in front of this doctor and I says, look, for the last 25 years I've been playing with poo and I have no idea why. And every time I go into a bathroom to stop it, I cannot stop it. And I've got all of these things going on. And he says, I think you might have this thing called autism. I was like, never heard of it, no way. And anyway, long story short with it was, um, I sat on the diagnosis path for about 18 months, which was ridiculously hard, um, because I didn't have any support. It was just like, in one hand you might be this freaking weirdo you call yourself, but in another hand you might have autism, you know. So I sat in front of this psychologist and she says, do you know who I am? I was like, no. She says, I've seen you 10 years ago. I was like, no way. She says, I just want to say I'm sorry. I was like, eh. She says, it's because it's clear you've got autism and we just need to put you on the pathway. I was like, okay, can you come and do a day assessment? So I went in, I did this day assessment, and halfway through he says, Rich, I don't want to ask you to come back, um, you've got autism. And I was like, oh my God. And I just burst into tears out of happiness. I thought I'd won the lottery. Honestly, it was the most Sorry, I was just going to say, because again, for people listening in, because we've got people listening where their kids might be just getting diagnosed, or they're an adult and they think, oh, I'm, I think I might be on the spectrum, but I'm not sure if I want to go through the process. So what was the assessment process like, and what did it entail for you? It was really bizarre. I can't remember too much of it, if I'm honest, because I was so scared of the day. Um, one thing, one thing that did stick out with us was he was trying to have an argument to change me thought pattern in me mind about something that I believed was 100% I feel like sometimes I am always right, which is like— but it's only on things that I know that I'm right on, if you know what I mean. So we were taught this thing, it was— I was asking about these different feelings, and I had like sensory— and because obviously it was really hard all your life being told you've got attachment disorder, but you might have something else. And I was like, I don't know what it is. And he just says, Richie says you've got this gift. I was like, what do you mean? He says, I've never met anybody like you in my life. I says, what do you mean? He says, your level of insight, or is it articulate like the way that you are and things. He says a lot of people with autism have one. He says, but I feel because of your frightened life that you've had and them 10 lives in one, I feel like you've got this really big insight. And I says— he says, you don't want to waste that. And I says, I'm not going to waste it. And I quit my job the next day. Um, I quit my job. Yeah, I was so— to find out that you've got an answer for the behaviors that you were— I thought, there's no way I'm gonna let any little one go through their life feeling like the— like the way that I did. I need to go and help them. And then obviously I kickstarted Awesometastic. So Awesometastic, so for people listening in, what is Awesometastic? And if they want to find you, where can they find you to find out? Well, it's very easy to find. All you have to do is type into Google on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, any social media, just type in Awesometastic. It's a little picture of a brain and it's got autism can be awesome because I feel that, you know, we talk a lot about, because it is hard enough, I have really, really hard days, but it brings me mental health down. So I like to always talk about the positive stuff because that really keeps us going and pumps us bit. I opened Awesometistic up in 2018. It's been going 3 years. I've probably been in about 3,000 schools. I go in and I talk to the parents, I talk to teachers, I do one-to-ones with little ones, I go into Year 4, 5, and 6, and I really try and get them to— because autism is different for everybody and everybody's autism is different— I try and go in there to voice, get the kids to find their voice, to voice their own needs, because the more they've learned to voice their own needs, the better their life will be. And so I try and get them to find their own insights, their own words, explaining their own things. And then obviously when I do meet big talks to the teachers or the staff and things like that, or the parents, then I talk about what it was like with me growing up to try and see if they can reflect a little bit on how they're bringing their daughter or son up, kind of thing. And I've just been doing loads of things really. It's— the list's endless really. I've just been trying. So talking about schools, um, because I, I've done quite a few talks in schools like secondary schools, colleges, universities and obviously primary schools, and sometimes I take in some of my ambassadors with me who are autistic, and you get some of the feedback. And do you know what I find? That they're really interested, the kids, to hear about what you've got to say, and they've got lots of questions. And I always remember a little girl, she didn't say very much, and then at the very end she sort of ran up to me and said, thank you very much for talking, and that, you know, thank you, my brother's autistic, and I've always been worried about telling other kids in case you know, they don't get it. But she says, I feel like that I can talk to the kids now, my friends. And she sort of gave me a hug. And that, for me, I just thought that was worth doing just because of that reaction of that one girl. And I always think if one person gets something out of what you're doing, it's definitely worth doing. So is there anything that you can remember that really stood out for you? Um, it blows me mind the way people are when I come and finish me talk. It's been about an hour and a half, I finished me talk, I have mum come up and she's like thanking us and crying in and saying, you know, that I've changed, that she hopes our son turns out like us, um, and she's— I've really opened her eyes to how successful our son can be. And, and just like loads of just things like that where I've had one mom come up and say that she lost a child because of— through adoption, um, and got adopted, and that she was trying to get her back, and, and that I found out I had autism and stuff. And that it's really like showing them just the strength that I have, that they can find the strength in themselves. But it's just, it's so overwhelming. It's like you said there, it's that one thing that on every talk I do, I always seem to get one person that comes up, or somebody private messages us when I get home later on a day just to say a personal thank you. It really makes us know that I'm doing— I'm not very good with hearing good things about myself. I don't really like it because I don't think I'm ever going to be enough for anybody. Um, but that's just me. And I just think I want to help a million kids. And if that mom can come up crying saying I've made her proud and that she wants her son to be like me, I think, wow, I've done exactly what I need to do. I'll tell you one little, little, little story. It's just fine example. I did a one-to-one, I did a one-to-one last week Yeah, right. And with this little one, he came up to us— I'm sorry, the teacher came up with this— I just want to talk to you. I said, all right. She says, it's because it's a good story. I says, right, go on then. She says, when that little boy came out after your one-to-one— because before this lad came in, he didn't know what autism was, he didn't want to tell anybody, and he was a little bit shy about it and stuff because he was worried about his friends and stuff. Anyway, he went back to the classroom, he said to the teacher, is there any chance I can speak to everybody in the class? And he stood up in the middle of the class in front of everybody and told them all that he had autism, and everybody responded really well and said how awesome he was and stuff like that. Um, went home, told his mom, because I says, why do you have to make a decision? Sometimes you can have both. Because he was always stressed out that he was either going to have pizza or sausage. Now what I did is I spoke to mom previously and says, if he asks you this, then take whatever, what he says, on board. So he said, well, I want both. So his mom made him both, which then made him realize that if he starts voicing things, his mom's going to listen. Yeah, that's brilliant. Went home and told his thingy. It just really broke me heart. I just thought, you know what it is, get in that, lads. Went back so confident after speaking to me that he just told and stood up in the front of everybody in the class and told him he's got autism. I was like, that's my job done here now. I was just overwhelmed by it. So whereabouts do you live now? Do you still live in Newcastle, South Shields? Yes, still live in Newcastle. Yeah, I travel around as much as I go anywhere anybody will have us really, to be honest. What's diagnosis like now, sort of years on that you've had yours? Is it, do people still on long waiting lists and all that? Oh, the waiting lists are huge. They're bigger, they're much bigger. Yeah, it's just, it's like anything, you know, because it's getting more popular in terms of the more awareness that we're doing. Then the more insight people are giving and the more people are sharing. A lot of people are questioning themselves, which is— and then in return is going on a waiting list, you know. Do you think— I might be wrong here, but I've heard a few people say this now— that saying that you're autistic— and I'm not saying everyone says this and it's just like a small minority— do you think it's trendy, like with teenagers? Yeah. Do you know what I'm trying to say? Yeah, I know, I know what you're trying to say. Is it as if, like, for instance, right, them lanyards I was telling you about The reason I don't wear one of them lanyards is because I went into one of the banks and the woman said, we're a customer in front of his, he went, oh, what them? She went, oh, they're lanyards for people. I think he went, can I have one? And he went, and the woman went, yeah, no problem. So there was no way, like, and not putting anybody in a stereotypical way, but there was no way that I just thought that anybody can just be wearing one of them just because they don't want to do something, you know. But then, so then I thought, well, they don't have any value and they don't have any credit, so therefore I don't want to wear one. It just really blew my mind a little bit. But then I do think, and what I've realized when I do talks is at the end of the talk, a mum, if I'm talking about putting me t-shirts in order from small to large and thin and short sleeve and long sleeve and the way that I am and sometimes I get stuck there and things like that. I'll say that to somebody and a man will come up to us and say, "Oh, that's what I do, I've probably got autism too." And I think, well, no, you just, you don't, you get to get diagnosed with autism, you have to fit a triad, which is like 3 certain different things. And so I says, you could have OCD and not have autism, you can have sensory processing disorder and not have autism, and ADHD and not have autism. I says, it doesn't mean that you've actually got autism, I just worry that you see so much of it that these people are like coming out saying, yeah, I've got autism. I know, but are you being clinically diagnosed? No, no, no, I'm good, but I'm going to go in looking at it. What, so you, you're telling people that you're autistic but you actually haven't went on any pathway yet? It just, it blows me mind sometimes. I know what you're saying, it's very hard because you don't know and you don't know if that person has or hasn't and you don't want to step on anybody's toes, but I do worry that it's, it would, that would happen. And what about self-diagnosis? Because now obviously you can, um, go on and self-diagnose yourself. So, because I've spoken to a professional recently when someone said, oh, I have a diagnosis of autism, and the first thing he said was, um, have you been, you know, has it been done professionally or have you done one of those things online? And I thought, for someone to say that, that must be happening quite a lot. So what do you think? Well, I think for, in order for somebody to say that they have something, then I would say that would have to be clinically diagnosed. I don't know, it's hard. It's like me saying, uh, it's not like I'm saying I've got a headache. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I'm self-diagnosed myself, I've got a headache, so I have to take some paracetamol. I mean, it's quite a big— it's quite a big thing. I don't think that would be really fair. I mean, this is what I always say to mums, like, when they're waiting on the waiting list to find out, if they're— if they're putting something in place that helps them, like ear defenders or chewing or routine or something, they find out that the boy or girl doesn't have autism but something's been happening where they've got something from it, then continue it. You're not doing any Tom. Yeah, do you know what I mean? But then when I— when you were saying there about the people, I just think myself like, so I could do a test on there, but then if you look at some of the questions that are on that test— do you like going to the cinema, would you prefer to sit in the library? And it's like all stereotypical ways of autism when it's not like that at all. And that's why it feels so big for autism. But then everybody gets confused and say, oh, everybody with autism is different. I totally agree, they are, but mixed in that with is their personality as well as their behaviors. Ultimately their core thing must have been the same as what everybody else is, is all in order to get a diagnosis. Otherwise, if everybody was different on a greater scale, then, then I don't think how we'll be able to diagnose. It's the fundamental— it's how that like unfolds and into yourself, isn't it? When they say everybody's different, like for instance a light. I like a bright light. Some people might like a dark light. Some people might not like it all. That's fine, everybody's different. But ultimately there was an issue with light. Yeah, yeah, if that makes sense. Yeah, definitely. So let's, um, talk a little bit now about some of the other work that you've been doing. So I think it's for the last 5, 6 months you've been talking to the police. So do you want to tell me why you started that project? Is there something in your past that you feel that, you know, that you wanted to start this process, or is it just something you thought, right, this is what I need to do, this is the next stage of Awesome Tistic? No, it just kind of came to us in a way that I was through COVID. Somebody asked if I'd be interested in talking to some police officers over Skype. And I was like, yeah, let's do that. So I trained about 600 police officers, and somebody that was in there was working in the custody suites, um, in, in around Newcastle and stuff, um. And but I was always— I was in trouble with the police when I was younger, but just on a small scale. And an example of that would be like, I've seen some paint on the fence, like a tub of Dulux, um, blue coil-like paint, and I've seen a fence, so I just started painting the fence. And at the time I didn't think there was anything wrong with that. And but because of the insight, and then as I was growing up, I've seen a lot of like like people like, um, I was in, in a robbery which was in the Co-op shop where somebody was trying to steal stuff, but I was in the heat of the moment trying to calm this guy down where everybody else was in the corner of the shop. So it made us very vulnerable. And I've been in situations where me, autism's been very vulnerable when I've been out having a drink and things. So I just personally wanted to do something to change it. Um, so then they asked as if I'd come and do it, and it was my idea to do it. Um, a walk through all the police stations in the Northeast and simulate a full arrest from walking through custody, going into a cell, going into a glass door cell, a tall door cell, and take me hair bands out, me clips and stuff, and taking greasy me teddy bear off us, taking all me aids, going through me wallet, and give us some food, put us in the cell for a bit, interview room, like the whole process. Yeah, both. Say again? Have you got that on video? No, no, because obviously through custody you couldn't be walking through video. So then what I would do is at the end of it, I would sit and sit down with the NHS and the people that worked in there, and we talk about what we could change and how we could make it a little bit easier for somebody with autism, and just trying to And then they would get other people's opinion and all that. And one thing I realized is, wouldn't it be amazing, right, if they could ask me the question, do you have autism, are you autistic, right? When I first come in the station to ask every single person, because obviously autism doesn't have a look and it doesn't have a particular— it's very hard to find sometimes what you want to do. And I says, I would love to do that, is there any chance to do it? And 6 months of hard work, we managed to finally get it on the system. So whether it's me, you, anybody now gets arrested in the Northeast, when they go into custody, the first question I ask them is, do you do you have autism? If you say no, you just get on with the rest of the risk assessment. If you say yes, it takes 2 more questions where I think it's something where if there's anybody that they can do or call to help you and what can they do while they're there. But on the side of that, because they know that people with autism sometimes might just be a people pleaser like I am, they actually get somebody from the liaison place to come down and have a proper chat and look at their medical record and stuff like that, you know what I mean? So it's a start, and I think it's a massive— I think it's a big deal for knowing that I've made that change in the Northeast. That's absolutely brilliant. So what sort of questions did the police officers ask you? Because I've been working with the Metropolitan Police with my husband and DCI who's also got two kids on the spectrum, and we did some, something over the Easter holidays where we did awareness raising. They've also now set up a support group for families of police officers who've got kids on the spectrum. And then also from our talk walk, someone quite high up within the police force came out and said that he was autistic because of what we've been doing. So we're doing more work with the Metropolitan Police, but I can't say too much at this stage because it, it's a bit of a slow process, as we were chatting, uh, previously, to get things through. But, you know, you just got to keep pushing and keep, you know, plodding through it. So I think you're a great person as well to, to chat next time we do something. So I will— yeah, of course, no problem at all. I would love to help, um, anything to do with the exchange. That's what I'm about. Yeah, so what sort of questions, and did anyone come out to say— this is another thing that I find, that when we did training as well for the first responders, we did it in Essex, we did it for about 100 people, and a lot of the police officers or ambulance workers or fire service, they'd never ever shared with anyone, some of them, that they had kids on the spectrum because they were worried about what people would say. But then after the training that we did, and you know, we worked with the Autism Reality Experience as well, they start coming out and saying, oh, I've got someone with autism. And then people had worked together and they never ever shared it with each other. Oh, I didn't know you had a son, or I didn't know your sister, or I didn't know your brother. And that's what I like at the end, where they can— it's almost like you can see the weight's been lifted from their shoulders, as if to say, well, it's all right to talk about it. Yeah, definitely. I mean, I never told anybody when I was at Newcastle College that I had autism for a while, and then I felt that when I told people that, they started treating us different, if I'm honest. And I told everybody what I was struggling with. And because I told them what I was struggling with, they kind of went the other way where it was over the top. So it made a struggle anyway. Oh, right, okay. Because I don't— I like to please and thank you when you walk through the corridor, like, hello, you all right? Good morning. But not me realizing that they actually might be having a terrible day. But all I want to have is nice cheery, hello, yeah, I'm fine. Do you know what I mean? But then if they didn't answer, I didn't know that they were having a bad day. I thought I took it personally, as if it was me that had done something. So all day it would be on my mind like trying to go— I speak to my son Patrick, he's very much like that, he's worried that, oh, is it my fault that this person's down? No, I'm like that all of the time. It's not all like what people see on my Facebook and stuff where I've got a lovely smile on. I have to work really, really hard with myself to try and get myself out of certain— I call them stickiness, do you know what I mean? Because it can just drive us worse and make us have a big meltdown. Okay, so back to the police. So what sort of, um, feedback did you get, or what sort of questions did they ask you? And did they— well, it was— they have a lightbulb moment even? Oh, a couple of officers, when, for instance, I am— a couple officers, when they were going through me, me personal belongings and stuff, you know, I was always— even though I was— I had somebody with us writing notes and making this notes for like the talk afterwards, the officers that were doing the simulation, they were actually still in real practice, you know. And a lot of them were saying like, Rich, even if you've just been here an hour, I've learned so much. Like, it's only like— even for instance, they'll take me watch off us and then put me watch on the counter, but my watch was upside down. Like, even wearing hair bands, it was like taking them off us, taking Gracie. But Gracie's me teddy bear that I have everywhere with us, and without that I can't really function. So they were taking aids off us that were not making us function, which made us close down, which made us not want to speak to anybody. And they realized that actually, if we just let him have his teddy bear, we're probably going to get everything out of him that we need for the job to get everybody thinking. One of the big things we're pushing, a question was, is do we actually need this autistic person, if it's been identified, to actually come to the station mission to do this, whatever they were doing, and to see whether or not this can be a step before they even get to custody, whether or not we can train the officers out there in the field saying, is it actually necessary to bring them down for questioning, or can we question them in home? And just things like that was all changing. The officers, when I was on the, like, with all the noise, I'd say, oh, by the way, that's wonky, or, you know, I can't hear, could you repeat that? Because the risk assessment was so long, I ended up just going, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah, have you had a drink Yes. All right, what kind of drink did you have? Like, there was so very like black and white questions, but I thought they thought alcohol, but I didn't realize that's what they were saying. Like, oh yeah, I've had a drink today, but actually you're asking as if I'd had any alcoholic drinks today. All right, okay, got you, got you. Because the person that's done the risk assessment's probably done it a million times. They try and be a little bit like nice to you, a little bit pleasant on the desk and stuff, saying hello, you all right? Yeah. So yeah, what you had to drink today? Like, isn't a farmer supposed to know that socially? She meant alcohol. Yeah, I was like, yeah, I've had loads. And they're like, oh, you've had loads, no wonder. Yeah, do you know what I mean? Yeah. Oh, um, let's talk about mental health. I know it's a huge, huge topic, but obviously, um, women's radio station and men's radio station is all about promoting well-being, improving mental health. So if you don't mind, do you mind talking about your own mental health? And of course, um, to overcome, and how did you do it? Oh, how are you? I really— I remember once, right, I cut all my wrists open and I went down the stairs. I drove on a motorbike drunk, drove to the— drove to the hospital, fell off my motorbike, tumbled through there, told them that I was suffering. They bandaged us up and sent us home. The crisis team had a quick— the crisis team had a quick little word with us, and then I'd go back to this flat by myself. And I lost faith, and I ended up getting— I was hurting myself and doing this stuff because I was— it was a cry for help because I wanted somebody to take this pain away. I didn't want to necessarily die, I just wanted somebody to take this thing that I couldn't understand, or like, it was like a million things blasting through my head at once. Now I've managed to manage it a little bit better, and that's actually because I found out I had autism. I'm a hell of a lot better since I've had this, the autism diagnosis. It was just that the anxiety is the killer for us. And it's not that my anxiety's gone or my mental health's gone, it's not. I'm still probably exactly the same, it's just that I've learned to manage it. And when I was doing all the tablets, they were great and they were compressing us and they were making us a little bit more withdrawn and stuff. But actually, I did a piece for a thing called STOMP, which was Stop Overmedication and I didn't think anything of it, but when I really looked into it, I got a lot better when I started coming back off them. Yeah. And it really started because the anxiety is always going to be there and I had to learn to control it rather than trying to just compress it. So what tips have you got for people listening in who are autistic that might need some advice on how to overcome certain things? I think if you've got the right people, if you've got the right people around you, then one of the biggest things I always think is rather than sitting it in your mind, just voice it. So if you've got upset and you've got some good friends around you, or you feel like it's going to make you feel better, then just ask. Because it could be like, by the way, did I do anything wrong there? No? All right, there you go, you can get on with the rest of your day. Rather than sitting on the anxiety of that and then finding that, I don't know, like there's a ticking clock inside of your house or something else that's triggering something that's causing you to get bigger and bigger until you have your big meltdown. Why don't we try— I call them the 0.1s— why don't we try and get rid of a few of them 0.1s? Or even just get up wherever you are and go out out or just do something. It's really hard to learn, but it does work. Just if you're sitting there and your mind starts baffling, just ask your friend, I'm a little bit stuck, can somebody— or pick your phone up, or just anything to snap you out of that thing that's coming. It's a, it's a very— it's a hard thing to learn. It wasn't until I honestly— I woke up this morning once and it was gone, this anxiety ball was gone. But I think don't be scared to ask for help. That's one of the big things, you know what I mean? Don't be thinking that you have to be strong all the time. I'm in a massive worry that I'm going to be the next Robin Williams And what I mean by that is everybody thinks I'm happy and cool, and I'm everybody's friend and I help everybody, but I'm struggling massively with my mental health inside. It's just that I've learned to manage it. Yeah, it's a bit like when they see smiley pic— not that I come anywhere near on your sort of level, I'm just saying people see smiley pictures of me all the time and they presume that I'm always happy, you know, that I'm a person that's got, you know, I try to be as positive, but I get down days. And, you know, like last week was particularly hard for me, you know, Angelo was not sleeping. He was smearing, covering himself. And, you know, with respect to him, I'm not going to go any further about what— but it's hard work, you know, trying to help him. And he's a 28-year-old adult, and it's not pleasant. Yeah, no, I can imagine. I can only imagine. Every single night and getting 2 hours sleep. And it does get me down. And I, I will share that, like, one night I just felt like I want to sit and cry, and then I thought, do you know what, there's no point, it's not going to help me, it's not going to help my son. But it's— I think a good cry sometimes does help a little bit. I like to have a good cry because it kind of sometimes picks us back up to think, you know what it is, Rich, you've got this, you've done it 10 times, you've had your 10 lives, you've done it 10 times, you can do whatever's coming next. Whatever life chucks at me, for some reason I get loads of rubbish in one big go, and I always end up coming out the end thinking, get in, I've conquered it. And that's the thing, I've had to do that. For every bad I get, I get a good. Yeah, and I always say like one day at a time. Someday is good, someday is not so good, and you just got to keep pushing forwards. But I think it's the makeup of the person as well. I am quite a person inside and I have been through an awful lot, but it's just like sometimes some days it does get to you and it doesn't mean that you're not doing a good job, it just means— I'll give you a fine example, right? Last night when I was lying in bed, I was a little bit upset and I thought, I can't do this anymore. I was thinking about closing Awesome Tastic, and I was just— because I was having a bit of a bad, like, a bad night. I just thought, yeah, every time I go and help somebody, I'm, I'm damaging a piece of myself by making myself go through mental health stuff and talk about everything all of the time. And it takes— it's like, it's really hard to have a box to open up and talk about everything that you have to share to give people, and then you expected it, yeah, and just to close that lid and then off you go. And then if you do— so I've had to like really spread my workload rather than doing it every day because because it was taking too much from us. And then last night I just thought— but then today I woke up thinking, I absolutely love it, come on, I'm good, do you know what I mean? So it's okay to put your hand up and say, you know what it is, I was just like having a bit of a bad moment. Yeah, and sometimes you do get sucked dry by people as well. And you know, I call it— I do call them the bleeders, like I do. When I do— sometimes when I do, folks, I like give off this energy and everyone says, I feel dead weird when I'm around you, which I feel really powerful. And it's because they pull it all out, all of me energy off us, and then I have to go and find that energy back with. Yeah, yeah, because I, I've been told that I motivate people, you know, and I motivate her. Look at what I'm doing every day. Oh, Anna's still going, so I need to keep going because Anna's going type of thing. But, you know, yeah, it's just like you've just got to look after yourself as well. So what do you do to look after yourself? What do you do to look after your own well-being? Try and switch. The best thing I try and do is, is that I actually now don't go on my mobile phone after 9 o'clock at night. That's a big thing that's been helping. So 9 o'clock comes, no matter how much my phone's ringing, Sue takes it off us, and then I don't go on it because I'm just trying to like switch off because if I find something that's upset us online or whatever it is, it sits with all night. So then I try not to do— I try and have a nice 2 hours where I'm totally switched off, so then I'm getting like a better sleep. Okay, so what is your sleeping pattern like? Because like my— I said, my youngest son's is dreadful. So basically I hardly ever sleep, right? And 2 things happened here. Someone was like, oh, Richie should get a weighted blanket. I was like, oh, I'd love to try one of them. And I bought one. They're quite expensive, and I bought one and I put it on and I kept mint, like dead still. I was like, this is nice, I'm not moving around and jumping on the bed. But then I realized the next morning, me anxiety was massive because my brain wasn't switching off, just my body. So then I realized that what I was doing, because I was tossing and turning all night and not going to sleep, that was my way of switching off my brain but keeping my body going, if you know what I mean. It was dead. So by keeping my body still, it made my brain overwork. So I was like quite thankful that that's why I don't like my skin to touch much. Like, it takes ages to get comfortable, and then something will come along and go, oh no, you want— I want to move me arm. Don't move your arm. I want to move me arm. And then I'll get bigger and bigger inside, and I'll move me over. And then if I make a tiny movement, I'm 100% awake again, right? Okay. So it does take quite a while. And I have this thing called live twice. If I've upset anybody through the day, because I absolutely hate upsetting anybody— if I sit and I'm worried about this, I'm worried about the world because I'm not very politically correct. And it's not that I'm not nasi or anything like that, I just don't understand it. I don't understand it and I get scared to say anything. I don't think anyone understands it at the minute because everything's just changing. I just stay in a little tiny little bubble, wear me heart on my sleeve, be open and honest. And if I've ever upset somebody, I sit on a nighttime, like when I'm trying to sleep, trying to work out what I did, what I did. And sometimes it can cause some really bad sleeps actually. And then we were saying there before about giving anybody advice, it's not until I start voicing it or actually physically get out my bed, go downstairs, make a drink, trying to snap myself out of them. Okay, it's a harder thing said than done, but it— and I don't always do it, but it's the thing that I should be doing. Um, other aids I use are— you— more than I used to be ashamed of me aids that I had with me autism because I, because I was related to them to being freak things when I had little freak like box thing. But obviously when, um, now I've got me lovely Gracie with me dummies and me chewy gems and me ear defenders and stuff, like, I, I've— it took us a while, but I've had to get used to using them and not worry about what everybody else is thinking and worry about how I'm feeling. And since I've been doing that I've been a lot calmer and a lot more controlled because I've not been scared of not taking me teddy bear around the medical centre with us because I need it. How do you choose these items and how do you know that they're comfort things? Because obviously there's so many thousands of things you could choose. What drives you towards these items and you think, yeah, that's great? So I've got two dummies. One's latex and one's a Divvy. One makes us really hyper and one makes us really calm. The teddy bear itself makes us thingy, but just stuffed to the brim full of, what is it called, this ribbon. And I like to wrap the ribbon around me fingers backwards and forwards about a million times. It's just a really common thing. Yeah, but then I would want somebody to physically take it off us after a while because it can make us quite hyper if I don't stop. It's a bit like— I call it like a drug, like I just want to keep going and going and going, and I get really— so I try to try and balance myself, like me hype and me hypo, to get that right to the middle is I have to try and find one that makes us hyper and one that makes us hypo and just regulate between the two to try and keep us in the middle. Okay, so where can you see your life in 10 years' time? And where can you see Awesometistic? Do you think it'll still be going? Have you got any— well, yes, I hope so. The plans is, is to turn the book into a drama series. I'd love to have a 3-part drama series that talks about me being adopted to a big turnaround of me adopting my own children, everything in between that we've discussed today. And then as an umbrella of all that, of how I've battled for 30 years without knowing I had autism, to find out that when I did have autism, what I managed to succeed after that, try and help a million kids and I want to be— I just want to have my own drama series. That's my next step. And then I want to kind of be as famous as I can to help as many people, inspire them to be themselves and voice their own needs. Because I cannot do everybody's job, I'm only one man. But I just want to try for every person that I speak to or listens to is, if you've got somebody in your family or you are autistic, just start voicing your own needs. And that's how people will learn. How do you cope with being famous and what it entails and what it? Because obviously some people just find it difficult once the fame comes. Nah, I think, you know what it is, I think I would just want to be everybody's friend. And if you don't like it, I need to get better at knowing that I haven't actually done anything wrong and I'm just trying to help people. That's all I do. Like, I've— and the best thing is, is I haven't got any family. I've only got like 2 friends. So actually, I know that if— then I can't be really hurting anybody when all I want to do is go out there and make change and make positivity and try and help people. And I'm not going to always get it right, but But as long as that, like you said before, out of that room, if I've helped one person walk away, then I've done a good job. And I think what will always hold us in ground is, is that my life that I've had is I need to make sure that no kid ever feels like a freak like I did. And I need— and it's, it's me drive now for the rest of my life. I'm gonna— that's what I want to do. I'm gonna— I've got a Mustang GT 5-liter which I got for free. I went in, I got sponsored by Ford. Look, guys, it was fantastic. I'll drive that into the school with the kids that all smile feeling. I just want to get bigger and bigger and bigger and help more people, really. And I think that's why— and you know, we talk about mental health as a whole, that's what helps my mental health. If anyone asks me what helps me mental health, is that's what's helped my— I honestly believe I've had a really crappy life for the last like 30 years, that I deserve a good one now. But I won't change any experience that I've had in the past because it won't— it wouldn't make us be as good as what I want to do to help the future, if you know what I mean. So I can't change past. Okay, well, I hope you do achieve your, um, goal. So, because, yeah, so if people want to buy The Art of Weeing in the Sink, where can they buy it? And why did you choose that title? Well, so you can buy it from Waterstones, uh, WHSmiths, or any of the bookshops. So if you go in a bookshop, it's got its AS number, so you can just go in and order it if you wanted to, or anything like that. Amazon do them and things like that. The reason that's called The Art of Weeing in the Sink is because I used to wee in the sink when I was a little boy because where the sink was in the window, it was one of them windows because it's in the bathroom where it's not like clear, it was like all shittery. So when it was going in there, it was just making the, the waste sparkle, and I really like the way that it went down. And I took— because I've— I'm actually dyslexic, right? And this is another thing I tell kids: if I'm dyslexic, I left school with no qualifications, but now I've got my degree in engineering and I've got my own book, then how's that possible? And what is belief? Because I just put something in place. I got a ghostwriter to help do it. Now I speak to this guy and he says, Rich, why don't we just call it The Autoween in the Sink? I was like, let's do it. So then obviously we went through the post, the picture on the front is a little boy on a stool having a wee in the sink, and it's just to grab people's imagination to know that, like, when they're about to read this book— I mean, it's— luckily everybody that's read it, like, loved it. So that's a promising thing. Like, is it about you growing up in your childhood? Just for— yeah, it's about me growing up in my childhood, not knowing how it is, basically. And the things that are like a fine example of how I survived my life by myself in the survival I learned as a child that I shouldn't really have learned until I was older, but that's just the way that my life was, you know. So let's talk about employment. So obviously there's a lot of adults out there that— because there's only 15%, um, that I believe in research so far of adults that are, who are autistic, that are in employment. I'm hopefully hoping that that's, it's a higher figure, but they're just quoting 15% at the moment. Why do you think that is? And also, what reasonable adjustments do you think that employers should be making for our adults? See, it was one of these— it's— I've had 20-odd jobs. I've worked at PC World, Currys, Comet, Zizi's, Frankie Benny's. I've worked at absolutely loads. You know what it is? Is I was really good for the first, like, say, 3 or 4 months, and then after that I had to leave because of the social side of things. Everyone was the new one, so then the way I put it is, is I was the new guy. Everyone's like, 'Oh my God, isn't he good? Like, he's a new guy.' Like, and I realised everyone had their own cliques, so everybody went back into their groups, but I never knew where I fit in, and I always felt like I was too thin, and then the anxiety would kick in, and at the time I was struggling massively with it. I really, really struggled with keeping a hold of a job. I just wanted to move on to something else. So what, what do you think that employers should do to help people in their jobs, and so that it, that they do feel like they fitting. So like, I'll give you an example, right? I worked with one lad, right, just out the like, um, electronics store, right? So you would go along there, right, and knowing that I start at 11 o'clock, but I didn't like the music because for some reason they put music at the front of the door like dead loud, right? Why not— no, why could they not then turn that down 10 minutes before I'm about to start shift to allow me to get into the thing, then to turn it up? Then they've made that tiny little reasonable adjustment, then I'm already at the back of the shop where I was working, then that would help us get through the door at least. When I worked with this one little guy where I was really puzzled, and I was in sales, and me sales had dropped massively, he pulled this one side because I was the best salesman, which was pretty cool. He says, Rich, like, what's going on? Like, your sales have dropped massively a day. I was like, to be honest, Steve, like, um, I haven't got any dinner money, and I'm worried that when it goes in the dinner, everyone's going to be eating, and I'm not going to be able to have anything. And he's like, yeah, and he gives us a couple of quid. I went off and got me dinner, and then me sales went straight back up. But that was the only intention. That was only him using his initiative because he wanted these sales to go back up and realized that mine had dropped. Where back in the day I never voiced anything. That's why I'm always voicing things now, but I didn't used to voice these things that were big worries. So it looked like I couldn't do my job, but it was just because there was a tiny little hurdle in the front. So I'd probably say employers, if they knew I always had autism, to just try and like maybe speak to us every couple of hours, just to ask us how my shift's going, if there's anything, and so I can build confidence to tell the manager. But then when that manager asks, is make sure he acts on what I say. Don't just say, all right, no, but then nothing changes. Otherwise I'll just end up going into the yes man again and say, yeah, yeah, everything's fine. Yeah, would you say it would help as well to have like a list of things to do every day? Because I know that's what's helped my son, where he's got a tick list where he just thinks, right, this is what I've got to do on one day, this is what— yeah, definitely, 100%. I think my best job that I enjoyed before I left was probably when I worked at the college, and because there was a set of things that you had to do, a set criteria to follow. When you had your lesson planning, you get in the morning, you check your email, it was a very structured job, and I loved having a structured job. Yeah, where when I was in sales and it was a lot of standing around waiting and waiting, and that's what kind of killed us off a little bit. Yeah. And also with Patrick, sometimes we find things a little bit overwhelming because he's doing a repetitive task. They give him 5 minutes or 10 minutes and say, Patrick, do you want to go for a walk and then come back? And, and that's what he does. So they've really got it right at Pinewood Studios, and Patrick's been there for 3 years now and and he's just doing really, really well. They say to him, Patrick, how many out of 10 would you give the job? So he says 8. Get it? Well, how can we make it 10? He says, I don't want you to make it 10. He said, I want it to be 8, so just leave it at 8 out of 10. Get it? I like it. Yeah, but I definitely think that if employers want to do any— I was worried actually on the subject is, does an employee look at your CV or what it is, if they find out that you had autism, because they worry that everybody's different and they might not have any knowledge, do they then secretly just not address it. Yeah, because I always worry about when I do— when I was adopting the children, I wonder if they'd let us adopt if I told them that I had autism, because if the person that was looking at me application might not know too much about autism, that I might be able to function with a family, they might— I just worry about what people think around it. Probably that's what we need. We do our autism awareness, but we need to do a lot more knowledge, I think. Yeah, and I know Patrick, a lot of his application forms, he didn't put he had Asperger's syndrome on his application form. Then the day he got his job, he told them, I just want you to know that I've got Asperger's syndrome and you need to deal with it. And they said, that's fine, see that chap there, he's got dyslexia, see that chap. And that's— I just thought— and he just settled in really quickly. So we want more companies like that to listen. Yes, we do, we do. So, um, we've got a few minutes left. Is there anything that you would like to share with everybody in the last 3-4 minutes? Um, I'll just say, well, first of all, thank you very much for having us over, um, and talking to you guys and stuff. I've really enjoyed it. Obviously I've told you as couple of times I wear me heart on me sleeve and I do try to help everybody. So if anyone wants to contact us or anything I've said, then definitely drop us a message. Like I said, you can go on to www.awesometistic.co.uk or any of the social medias, it's all the same, it's just Awesometistic. I've now started my own TikToks as well, so I try and give a little insight of them, which are all— if anyone wants to buy me a book, they can. But I'd probably just leave one message with you guys, like autism is awesome, right? It also can be very hard, but the only thing for the listeners is if you are struggling yourself, just think, if I can do what I've done in 10 years and I've only had a little opportunity to tell you a little bit about it. And it has been a lot worse than what I've been able to tell you today. But if I can manage to do that, then so can you do whatever you are doing in your life, in that it doesn't— there's always somebody there to listen. I just worry that I was left alone, and I don't want anybody else feeling like they're alone. So, you know, that's probably the message I'd like to give. Like, it's only awesome when you start voicing your autism. And if anybody's worried about whether or not they might have autism, there's no harm in going down the pathway to find out. There's no, there's no shame in finding out. And if you do find out that you've got autism, please be one of them people that embraces it and don't feel like the world owes you because you've got it. Just embrace the amazing gift that you've just found out. And nothing ever falls in your lap. You've got to work for everything. You do. You have to work. And I had to work hard for my mental health. It didn't just come to us. It's called controlling the autism and who I am. Sometimes I've been told that I've got too much control because I've worked too hard, because it's had too much of 100%, um, where I'm a little bit too insightful into my own world now, and I need to calm it down a little bit. And But things don't come, you've got to work hard for it. And if you can work hard, like I'm showing you, you can work hard, then just crack on. Happy days. It's been lovely talking to you. And I've really enjoyed it. It's been a pleasure. Oh, thank you. And obviously I've met you at the Autism Hero Awards. I remember you got really emotional on the podium when you gave your speech. I did. Everyone else was emotional. That day I found out I got the award, I'm not joking, you know, it was the best thing ever. It's the first time, and the very first time I ever felt like I'd been accepted and I wasn't a freak. And I cried my eyes out in the stage. I'm not going to cry now because we're nearly at the end, but honestly, at that moment will stay with us forever because it was the first time I didn't feel like a freak. And everyone was so welcoming. I didn't even think I was going to win, to be honest. I thought there's no way I would deserve anything like this. And when I won it, it just gave us such a big kick to drive forward and show to people that you can achieve anything if you put your mind to it. Oh, brilliant. You know what, that's something that I'm really proud of, of our charity. When we do Britain's Got Talent, all the performers, all always say when we come to your events, we always feel like, you know, it's like coming, like coming home, you know what I mean? So that's really lovely. So I just want to say thank you again, and thank you for taking the time out as well to talk to me. And it's great to hear another northern voice as well. And I just want to say to everyone, keep going in these uncertain times, one day at a time. Some days could some days not so good. And also you've got to work hard for everything, and I know some people expect things to fall in the lap, but I think this— you feel like you've achieved more as well when you work hard. So thanks again to everyone, thank you to Richie, please buy his book, and keep going, and bye-bye!