All Things Autism – Sophie Holmes, Mummy Of A Square Peg

Hello, this is Anna Kennedy and we're talking all things autism. And it's hot, hot, hot. It's been so hot in central London. And at nighttime, oh my. I'm trying to keep everyone happy at home. My youngest son, Angelo, suffering from eczema, it's all flared up and I'm trying to keep him as happy as possible. So, hey ho. But we can't mourn, can we? Because we moan when it rains and we moan when it's cold and we mourn because it's too hot. So, yes, busy, busy as always. Been on lots of walks. And then my son actually went away to the Jurassic coast on his own. Patrick went for the longest period actually being on his own, traveling on his own. So it was like five days. He had a fantastic time. He was in dinosaur heaven. He is so excited as well to be starting his place at university, which is going to be paleontology and earth sciences. So that's going to be happening in October and he's back to work as well. So all things going on within the family, we put quite a few bits and bobs up on the charity website. So please keep updated on www.anna Kennedyonline.com or what you can do is subscribe to our newsletter and and every quarter we'll be updating everything that's going on within the charity. As you know, we've had to postpone all of our events till next year, but we are doing lots of other things. So for example, we had Casey Ainsworth that spoke with All Things Autism with Anna Chat, Carrie Grant, Richard Marlin is going to be happening in September and lots of other guests. And also if you've missed past podcasts from women's radio station, they're all up at on Women's radio station, All Things Autism or they're on the charity website. I just wanted to remind you of the Create Art for Autism, which is a competition. I'm one of the judges. So if you'd like to send in a 2D, a 3D photography, poetry or prose, please send it in. The closing date will be the end of August. So all the information again is on the charity website. One other thing I just wanted to share that. Something I was reading about was the link between autism and eating disorders may be due to an inability to identify emotions. And that's some new research. I have read things in the past. So what they're saying is dieting. One general and major risk factor for developing an eating disorder is dieting for people who might already be genetically vulnerable. To eating disorders, dieting seems to kick start something in the brain that can develop the disorder. While autistic people aren't more likely to diet than the average person, certain features of autism, including attention to detail, determination and intense fixated interests, may make them better able to maintain the restrictions needed for long term weight loss when they choose to diet. So if you're interested in reading that article, check out Medical Express or if you type into Google Medical Express and it's the link between autism and eating disorders and maybe sorry may be due to an inability to identify emotions. So my guest today is Sophie Holmes and she is Mummy of a Square Peg and that is a blog she's been writing now for about 18 months and her aim is to raise more awareness and public understanding of the condition. Welcome Sophie, how are you? Hi. Really nice to meet you. Oh, thank you. And where are you speaking from? We live just outside Plymouth in Devon. We live in a little town called Ivybridge. Oh, that sounds nice. I like that name, Ivybridge. So tell me a little bit about yourself. So for people who are listening in, who is Sophie Holmes? So I'm a middle aged mum and a wife. I've got two boys who are nine and seven and it's my youngest son, Edward, who is autistic. I'm actually a teacher in a secondary school. I've been teaching full time for the last 20 years. Wow. I know I teach religious studies or religious education as it's known, but lots of schools like to change the name. My reason for teaching RS is because I grew up in London and I just loved the diversity and the fact that everyone in my class was from a different religion and a different background and I just loved learning about it. And then when I moved to Devon and it was completely different, I had a massive culture shock and I just felt the need to teach about all these religions because I felt people down in Devon were missing out because they didn't experience all the diversity. So what's the culture shock? What do you mean? What do you actually mean? What about Devon? Yeah. So you said like you've moved from London and then you went to Devon and then you had a massive culture shock. So sort of share with people listening in. Yeah. So in my class in London, in school, in primary school, we had Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs, people from Norway, Sweden, Africa, and I grew up assuming that that was normal for everywhere in Britain. Okay. And then we moved to Devon and everyone was white and nobody'd heard of the festivals like Diwali that they celebrate in Hinduism. I Find that really strange. So did I, because I assumed that everyone celebrated Diwali. Wow. And obviously in Devon, they'd never even heard of it. So as I went through school, I just loved my RS lessons because I still love learning about why people do things differently. And so being a teacher in Devon, now I can teach them. The children in Devon, although it is getting more multicultural, can teach them about the festivals of Diwali and the Buddhism and Sikhism and Islam. So that's what I love. So how has Covid impacted on your teaching life? So obviously the announcement for the school closure came on the Wednesday, and then the schools closed on the Friday. That's in March. Yes, it was. So a couple of weeks before that, obviously, schools were thinking, is it going to close? What are we going to do? So we started getting an action plan together. Really? Because we thought it might be coming. So. Yeah. So then we closed the school. Apart from having it open to the children of key workers and the vulnerable children. Okay, sorry. We offered Educare. So they come in for the day. Right. And they do the work that teachers have set them, involved teachers setting them work through the system called class charts, where they could find out what they needed to do. So how was that for you? Well, I had to go in after the June half term, when they opened IT for year 10 and year 12 as well. Then I was needed to go in one day a week. Okay. Did you have. I was just going to say, did you have children? Because I've been speaking to quite a few parents and some parents were saying that they're finding working with teachers online with their children or the children work with teachers online. Some kids just find it really difficult and they're just really frustrated and not getting on with that process. Did you experience that? Yes, it was really hard. But initially we get. We sort of sent the kids home with two weeks worth of work to do. Right. And then after that, we uploaded PowerPoints weekly. And then after that, we actually had to do narrated PowerPoints for the kids and was just bombarded all the time with, I can't open this and I can't do that. But they. The kids definitely appreciated the narrated PowerPoints first. All right, then that sounds good. Yeah. So let's talk about Edward. So Edward was diagnosed on the autumn spectrum. So would you mind? Because I'm always interested as well about diagnosis. How long does it take? What was it like then? What is it like now? So do you mind talking a little bit about the process? Absolutely, that's fine. Edward was diagnosed when he was three, which speaking to other people is quite early for a diagnosis. And again, like my experience of reading online about people's cases, our case seemed pretty straightforward and either it went through fairly quickly and we didn't have to fight very much. So at the time, there was once we were referred to the paediatrician, There was an 18 week wait and now I believe that's gone up to over a year just for the initial appointment with the paediatrician. Wow. That's a long time in a child. Yes. So we had to wait 18 weeks and then he was seen by the paediatrician. Then they come into his school and observe him there. And then someone came round our house, I can't remember who it is now. Someone came round our house to assess Edward and then we went back to the pediatrician and. And that's when they gave us the diagnosis of autism. And had you heard of autism before? Yes, obviously, being a school teacher and we have. I think the school that I work at is mainstream school, but it is very inclusive and we do have a lot of children with sen. Varying degrees of, I want to say severity. Yeah, but the. Yeah, so I had heard of autism before and I taught autistic children in the past, but there are teenagers. So when did you suspect that your son might have autism? How old was he? So I'm just thinking of people that are listening in because obviously everybody's experience is different. So what were the markers for you? Well, firstly, thinking back in hindsight, and I know it's quite insignificant, but when we went to wean him about five or six months, the age of five or six months, I gave him some really watered down baby rice and he just urged and threw up and I was like, I thought, oh, well, that's a little bit odd, but never mind, we'll get used to it. And it was really difficult to wean him and he only. He still only ate really, the like stage one, like soft, untextured fruit slurpers, really. Okay. Yeah. So that's. So in hindsight, that's when I thought maybe that's a bit different. Yeah. Then because he went to a private nursery. Because I've always worked full time, Right. And I remember with my eldest son, when he went up to the toddler room, within a matter of weeks he was tor talking like you wouldn't believe, like you could have a proper conversation with him. And I thought, well, that's fine because Edward will just do the same when he gets up there and he didn't. And I kept thinking, oh, any, any day now, any day now. He's just gonna start talking any day now. And then he didn't. So the nurse, the, the nursery workers kept saying, like, you know, probably about two years behind now, so maybe we'll sort of start the process to get some extra help for him. Okay, and did you get any extra help? Not at that nursery, but they were very inclusive and they all managed to like work with him. And then we took him out of there and we put him in the preschool next to, for the school that he would go to, that his brother goes to. Okay. And he said to me, we think he's ticking some boxes on the autism spectrum. And I kept thinking, no, surely not, no, he'll catch up. But he didn't. And they said, we're gonna ask for extra money. And they got Nursery plus in, so they got an extra worker in for him a couple of times a week. So they did that. And then that's when we pushed for the starting the process of it. And then I thought, well, he's going to go to that school, so maybe we should start thinking about the EHCP process. Because I knew about EHCPs just from being a teacher. So we started that process. He didn't actually get the EHCP until summer term of foundation. Okay. So yeah, interestingly, when one of the nurses came round to assess him in our house because I ed was very sociable and if someone comes in the house, he'll always like jump around and show off to them. So that's another reason why I thought, no, perhaps he doesn't have autism because he's sociable and he doesn't mind noise. And when the lady came round to do an assessment with him, he absolutely wouldn't engage with what she was asking him to do. He basically like threw himself onto her folder and like pushed the pages out and then he just had a full on meltdown. Okay. So. And she thought actually, okay, so she obviously fed that back and that's how we got the diagnosis. And how did you feel after the diagnosis yourself? And then the family as a whole. Yeah, now that is a strange one. And I've spoken to a lot of people about it because you don't really know what to feel. It's almost like when you're in the appointment, they say, yeah, we're going to diagnose him with autism. And then you sit there and think, oh, okay, what does that mean? Where do we go from here? And it's almost like they're like, yeah, he's autistic. Off you go by and you're like, oh, what do we do now? And I've spoken to a lot of parents where it does feel like that it is. It's just like, oh, we've done what we had to do and now make your own way. And that's when a lot of parents start feeling isolated. Is that what you felt? Yes, definitely. But then it's down to the school then, because you need to get the EHCP process started. So I felt I was very reliant on the school and how good their SEN department were and really where I found support was is on social media, which I'll talk about that a little bit later. But yeah, so it was. We're quite reliant on the school. And it still has taken me a while to come to terms with the diagnosis. I think a little bit longer. Sometimes people take it on board quite quickly. Some people, you know, it's just thought they push it to the back of their mind type of thing. But it's as, you know, as you. As I've always said, and I always push for early intervention is crucial for our kids. And I know it's difficult sometimes for some parents to process what's been happening because you've got to process, well, what is autism? What support does they need then? Well, how do I know what's going to work best for my son or daughter? What Speech and language therapist. There's all of these different things that you've got and I suppose you've come from a little bit more of an informed position being a teacher. Did it make you appreciate the families, maybe this is not the right word, but appreciate the families of the children that you were teaching and then going through it yourself? Yes, absolutely. I think I am a much better teacher for it because obviously I knew about kids with autism. I knew who they were, I knew some strategies that would help them. But it's still really important to build up that rapport with the autistic child in your class. Even though you've got 30 other kids in your class, it's really important to take time out and get to know that child. So I've set the class off to work and then I would go and speak to the autistic child to check that they know what they've got to do and whether they need any more help. So. And yeah, I just felt I had that better understanding. And then when I spoke to those parents at parents evening, I could relate to their struggles then. So I Definitely feel it's made me a better, a better teacher for it. So were you a teacher in a mainstream school? Yeah. And then. So did you decide then for your son to go into a special school? So initially I wanted Edda to go to the same school as Matthew. Okay. His older brother. Yeah. Because I thought, you know, I want to keep the siblings together. Yep. And I, I felt it was really important to try and keep Edward in with the local community. I wanted him to grow up and be part of our community. So he started off in foundation and he got the ehcp, so they had, so he had a one to one teaching assistant with him all the time. And, and then obviously when we went for parents evening, they were like, this is where he's at. He's at least two years behind his peers. And I still kept thinking, it's all right, catch up. I, I teach autistic children that can sit there and write and, and. But at the back of my mind I had a little niggle that kept saying to me, he might not catch up, he might, the gap might get further. So, and then the school turned round and said to me, like, towards the end of the summer they said, we think you should start looking for a special school for him because we can't really offer him the support that he needs. And I thought, hold on a minute, I know that after the 2015 Sendra format that every teacher is a teacher of SEN and every school is supposed to make reasonable adjustments big time. And so they, they. But then they said, look, he still will be better off in a special school. So I went away and I thought, oh right, this is obviously difficult one. So I thought, I know, I'll go around and I'll look at some of our local special schools. Yeah. Did you go on your own or do you go with your husband or. No, I went on my own. I went on my own because he works nights, so he was asleep light in the day. And in my school I managed to get out to spend a whole day in one of our local special schools with our light for like some cpd. So went to one then. And then I looked at one in Dartington and then I looked at. Yeah, and then the one I went, the one that Edward goes to now. As soon as I walked into reception I thought, this is it, this is the one I want Edward to go to because it was so welcoming and the staff were so lovely and they gave me a tour around the school and they told me their philosophy and you know, what they do to help the kids. And there's only eight children in this class and there's the teacher and then there's two or three teaching assistants. So I thought, oh, he would love it here. It's just going to suit him down to the ground. So, yeah, what I say to parents is, I think you definitely got to. Sometimes some parents think, no, I don't want my son or daughter to go to a special needs school, but I think you've got to go and visit schools. And as with you, I think sometimes your gut instinct will tell you what's going to be suitable, even though obviously you've got to do some research, look at their OFSTED report, you know, talk about. Look at their policies and procedures. But you do get a feel for a school when you're walking around, try and speak to the children if you can, but it's, you know, don't have a closed mind, just, you know, go to visit schools, as many as you possibly can and the local authority will expect you to do that. Anyway, so you finally found a school for your son. Was it a battle to get him in there? No, it wasn't, strangely. So obviously we had the full support of the Senko at his mainstream school. And I knew Senko's in the secondary school and so I. And basically it comes down to what you write on the EHCP and how you word it. So I was going to people I know, this is what I've written. Can you check over it? What else do you think I should write down? And it does. So once you get that done, and then it does involve you badgering the naught 25 send team at the council. So I would phone them up and said, because. And the other thing is, you probably won't know this, but Devon is a separate local authority from Plymouth. They're close together and us being out in Ivybridge means we're in Devon, not in Plymouth. So again, the Cross local authority is difficult. So I phoned Devon up and then I phoned Plymouth up and kept saying, I want to get my child into this school in Plymouth, but we live in Devon, what do I need to do? And then I. And then. And so they told me what to do, like about the ehcp, go round and look for them. And I made sure that I'd written on the EHCP specifically why I wanted him to go to that school. What was it about the school that would benefit Edward? And then. So I put that all in and then literally every couple of days I would phone up and say, hi. I just wondered where we're up to with this process. And they say somebody will send you an email. They were like, someone will send you an email. I was like, okay, in the next few days. I was like, okay then, thank you, bye. Then the email didn't come, so then I'd phone up and leave a message and they'd say, somebody get back to you. And they didn't. So I'd phone up again the next day and I just went through and tried all the different numbers until I spoke to people. If you know it's the right place. Because if not, then if you run out of places and then you haven't got a place for your son. And I know you know that the other parents are out there that are looking for places as well, especially now with local authorities cutting funding. So what was it like for him going in on the, on his first day? Well, the other thing when they go to a special school is that you have to arrange transport for them. And now obviously again, we're in the different county, so he has to have Devon transport, not Plymouth transport. So then I had to be on to the Plymouth, the Devon transport to arrange that. And they're like, oh, it's probably going to be about four weeks. And I was like, but I want him to start tomorrow. And they were like, no, he's going to be a few weeks. Is it far from where you live? No, it's a 20 minute drive to his school from where we live. But I also work in Plymouth and my school is only 5 minute drive from his school. So if he was, if he was ill in the day and I had to go and collect him, then I wouldn't have far to go. So. But yeah, he, Edward just thinks everything is exciting. So we got his school uniform and obviously it was the most exciting thing. Getting in a taxi was just the best thing ever. And he says to his, he sees his taxi driver in the morning, he says, hello, you are taxi driver. And he has to take, he takes a lid off the, you know, a celebration, top of celebrations, the chocolates. So he takes the lid and he, he pretends he's driving in the back seat. All right. And he's like commentating to the driver. Oh, traffic lights. Oh, there's a traffic jam now. We have to go left, we have to go right. So he sounds like quite a character. Oh, he's absolutely hilarious. So he's fine with that. And the school, Edward, school will do whatever the child needs, whatever the needs of the child are, they will do it. It doesn't have. It's not like a reasonable adjustment. Yeah, it's absolutely blanket. Whatever they need, they will do it. Been very lucky because there's a lot of parents would pull your right arm off. Absolutely. And then we were very lucky because when I was looking around it, I what's the waiting list like? And they said, well, unusually we've got spaces because year six, there's quite a big chunk of year six year sixes that were leaving onto a secondary school. So I went away and I was like, right, I got to get him in here. And that's why I was badgering them as quick as possible just to make sure we've got a space. Yeah. And now I've come round to the fact that he's going to be in a special school and not in a mainstream school and I'm happy with that because of the time that they can give him and the things that they can do with him that despite best intentions, you can't do that in a mainstream school, mainly because the funding's not there. Yeah. You know, and you know, all the senkos and the teaching assistants would love to do more but they're unable to because of the lack of funding. Whereas in a special school it's just completely geared up for autism. So that's why he's better off in Sen now. Brilliant. So with the lockdown, has it had any impact on your family as a whole and on your sons? So firstly, being a teacher, I still had to try and work full time from home. I had to set the lessons, make the narrated PowerPoints, do the marking, contact home for like our students ones in my tutor group. Then I had to go in for Educare all the time as my husband works nights at a big Tesco store. And then he had to deal with all the panic buying and, oh, toilet rolls, the toilet rolls and the pasta. So he had to deal with all that. So he couldn't be, he couldn't work from home, but I could, which is quite good. But obviously I had to try and keep the boys quiet in the day so they didn't wake him. And Edward school sent home a pack of things to do and his teacher would post every day on the app called Seesaw. I don't know if you're familiar with it. And like they would post story, you know, they would read stories on there. So there was like Makaton courses they put up and things. So that was quite good. But trying to get Edward to engage in any formal work whatsoever was impossible because his attention Spans like three seconds. So I'd say, right, it's work time, Edward, Mommy's got to do her work, Matthew's going to do his work, you're going to do your work. And no, he wasn't having any of it and, but, and Matthew, my eldest, he was difficult with schoolwork as well because he would moan about it, having to do it. So I was getting stressed thinking, oh, no, I've got to do my work, you've got to do your work, but you're not doing it and I haven't got the time to stress about you because I've got to try and do my work. So that bit was really hard. Did you have any extended family that could help you? No, we haven't got anybody around here. We got family up in the Midlands, but obviously they can't travel, so, no, we didn't have anyone to help us either. So are you getting ready to preparing yourself and your boys to go back to school in September? Not yet. I think probably the week, the last week of the school holidays, that's when I'll start thinking about it. So, like, the other good thing about having lockdown, though, was that I was able to do a lot of planning for September when I go back, so I could have this break in the summer and I didn't have to worry about school. Okay. So. But Edward didn't miss school at all. He is, he. Edward doesn't bother about change, if you know what I mean. He's just happy. He just goes with the flow. He doesn't care what's going to happen the next day or during the week, he just goes with the flow. He's. He's happy being at home, but obviously not doing work. Yeah. And then, but equally, I know when it's time for him to go back to school, he'll be excited again to go back in the taxi and he'll go back as if he's never been away. Oh, right, that's lovely. But also luckily, his brilliant school, they run a holiday club. So for the last two weeks they've had a holiday club that I've put Edward in every day and they've been there from 9 till 2:30, where they've done like crazy golf and arts and crafts and. And that sort of thing. Kept busy then. Yeah. So in. So I'm happy now. I thought, well, he's been into his school for two weeks so he hasn't completely forgotten about it and now he's enjoying the summer holiday. I know that he'll just go Back straight into it. So tell me about Mummy of a Square Peg. So what is that? And I know it's your blog name, but where start it and why did you start it? I was, at the time I was having. I was struggling with my mental health for a variety of reasons. And I've got a friend who I work with at school and she. Her daughter has got triple X syndrome and she has been writing a blog called Three Baby Kisses about. Because triple X syndrome is something that not many people have heard of. And so while I was struggling with my mental health, I thought, you know what? I think I might quite like writing a blog. I could write a blog about our experiences with Edward. I thought, because loads of people do not know about autism and they might have heard about it, but they don't really understand it. So if I get the word out there and say, look, this is our daily life about raising a child with autism, I think that will make me feel better by getting to write it down. And also at the same time, it's just going to raise awareness of autism. So that's how I started it. Double whammy then. Therapeutic for you. Get the information out. There you go. Yeah, absolutely. So first thing I did, obviously I asked my friend, I said, oh, what do I do? Where do I start? And so she said, you can get a free WordPress. So I just started writing, got signed up for a WordPress account. Okay. And then you can just start writing on there. And now I use a company. Sorry, I now use a company called Lyrical Host that hosts my website. So I pay for that every month. And you have to. When you think of a name, it's quite fun. You think, I've got to think of a name for my blog. What could it be? And then you've got a search and hope that you're. Your name hasn't been taken by anybody else. Okay. And then you got to buy the domain name. Yeah, it's a bit like a website. Yeah. So I did that and I thought, oh, I'm just gonna do it and. Okay. How long ago was this? It's about 18 months ago. Okay. And did you find it therapeutic? Yeah, very much so. It's very. It's just. Yeah, I've always like, loved writing and I've always done creative writing when I was growing up, so. And I just loved writing about it and then publishing it. And then you start to get interaction from other people who comment on your posts and say, oh, I'm going through something similar. Okay, so what was it like when you wrote your first blog, your first post, and you posted it out there, were you nervous? Yes. Yes. And I. You're sort of naive because you think everyone's going to read it. And then you like, is anybody actually reading this? How do you get it out there for people to read? So that's when. Then you just start speaking to people. And they said, you need an Instagram account. So I was like, okay. And then they say, you need a Facebook page. Okay. Oh, then you need to be on Twitter. So then just sort of starts up, snowball rolling. Really. It does. I think social media sometimes gets negative publicity, but it can be really, really positive, especially for the autism community. Because, for example, on Facebook, people share their stories, they share photographs, and they might share something that's happened that might. To somebody else might think, oh, well, that's not very much. But to a family with a child on the spectrum, it's like, huge. So I think that's what's positive as well about Facebook. I know it's on the increase at the minute because of COVID and lockdown. There's a little bit of trolling going on. Not Instagram, on Twitter. But there was one mom that contacted me actually, just yesterday, and she was so upset. And I just said, look, if you're passionate about something and you can put your hand on your heart and you know that what you're writing about is true and it means something to you, just ignore what people say. Because it's. Sometimes you've got people that are on social media that just what I call keyboard warriors. They want to gorge you. They want to try and get a reaction out of you. So I think the thing is, what you need to do is just ignore them, block them, don't interact and carry on. If you're proud of what you do, when you can hold your head up high, just put your blinkers on and keep going. And this is what I've said. And this poor mom yesterday, she was getting so upset about it, I said, just leave it. Just don't interact with them. Just carry on. So there is a very, very positive side of being on social media, but there's also. It can be a negative side. And, you know, especially now with a lot more people online, I know there's quite a few parents as well that have contacted me about their sons or daughters who have been bullied. Again, trolled online. You just got to be careful. And if obviously you've got teenagers, just try. I know it's difficult to monitor, you know, what they're sharing or what they're looking at, but I know it is on the increase is the bullying. So your blog's been going for about 18 months now. And have you had any interesting interactions with people or parents reading your blog and think, oh, thank you for that? You know, I'm so glad because what I get as well is I don't feel so alone now. I was feeling a bit isolated. So we get comments like that. Yes, that is what I love about it. And that's like one of the reasons I started so you can get that interaction. And at the same time, sometimes I might want to post something that says, oh, I'm struggling with this. And then other people will say, oh, this happened to. This was what we went through. And we have you tried this. So you get lots of advice as well. So that's another reason why I think people should start writing blogs. Not only is it therapeutic to write about what you're going through, that you can offer advice then to other people and they can take comfort from your blog and vice versa. You can take comfort from. It's a way of connecting with other people for their experience too. Okay. And I've also, I've also done guest blogs, so I, I've written for a couple of other accounts and so have. And I've had some friends write for me as well. When I've said, why don't. Because I did a lockdown series, I said, I did a series on my blog called like, Autism Lockdown Stories. So obviously I posted about my story with Edward in lockdown. But how are other people, other autistic families getting on? So I had, you know, my friend with their sons write about their experiences just so that people could see how different everybody's lockdown experience is. So. So even though they've all got autism, they're still all really different. Most definitely. So people listening in would like to follow Sophie. Her Twitter is mumofsquarepeg. Her Facebook is mummyofasquare peg. Instagram is mummyofasquarepeg and LinkedIn is mummyofasquarepeg. And your blog, I presume, is called Mummy of a Square Peg. Yes, it absolutely is. But it's mummyofasquarepeg.co.uk. thank you very much. So I've read in here that you're a lieutenant in the army section of your school's combined cadet force and you love doing things outdoors. So tell me a bit more about this. What is that all about? So we're very lucky in Our school that we've got like an after school club called a Combined Cadet Force, which has been the domain mainly of private school schools and grammar schools. So this is just a normal state school, it used to be a grammar school. So they've sort of inherited the Combined Cadet Force. And after school on a Thursday for two hours, when the kids get to year nine, they can join either the army section, the navy section or the RAF section. And we get obviously money from the MOD to do it. And they want staff in teachers in the school to train up and get a commissioned rank. And so our kids do activity, military activities on a Thursday after school. So the Navy section, we live in Plymouth, so the Navy section get to use HMS Rally and the dockyard and they go sailing with the navy and they can also stay at the Navy College at Dartmouth. The RAF get to go flying and gliding and the army section, we get to go on like 24 hour exercises and go to army camps and things. So I've been trained up to teach cadets and instruct cadets in that way. Oh, wow, that sounds exciting. It is. And it's such a good opportunity for anyone at school and even children with special needs that we've had come through our school. We haven't said, you know, we've kept it very inclusive and we said, yeah, you can join the CCF and we've just put in extra help for them and the look on their faces when they can shoot down a rifle range or they can, I know. And then they can take control of a sailing boat. That's just incredible for children with special needs and it's such amazing opportunity. Oh, that sounds exciting. I like the sound of that. It's very fun. So before you came online, we had a brief chat and we started talking about camping. Obviously you love to do things outdoors and your eldest son likes to do thing outdoors. So do you want to talk to me a little bit about your experience in camping or even camping? Yes. So Devon is just. Devon and Cornwall are just absolutely beautiful. There's just so many beaches. We've got Dartmoor, which is just absolutely stunning. And I've always loved camping from when I was a child and when I had my children, I thought, I really want to take them camping. But obviously, because Edward, you know, is autistic, is going to present some challenges. So I was worried that he was going to run off from campsite and I wouldn't be able to find him. Yeah. And obviously he's still, he's still in nappies at the age of seven, which is pretty difficult to try and change him in a tent. And then he only eats Weetabix or beans and mash, so that's a bit difficult. So when I started my blog, I contacted some campsites and said, we'd like to review your provision for, like, autistic children. And the Hendra Holiday park in Newquay, in Cornwall. They came back to me and they said, yeah, we'd love you to come for a weekend and write a review about us. So we stayed in a caravan there, one of their statics, and I wrote a review about it and then I went back there camping for about five days in the summer in a tent. And if people want to take their autistic child camping, I tell you, it's not going to be easy. It's very quite stressful. But what you and your autistic child and the rest of your family get out of it will be amazing. So my advice is that you always phone the campsite beforehand, even before you book, and talk to them about what they can offer you for help. So Harlin Sands is another one that we went to and they were really helpful. They. They gave us a wristband. So I wrote my phone number on it and I wrote Edward's name on it and we put it on his leg. So if he did run off, then someone would be able to see the phone number and his name. Right, that's good. And they also took a description of Edward and they told all the staff that if you see this little boy who this description, then phone this number. So I. I, like, basically when we're camping, I sit outside the tent and I jump up every, like, 10 seconds going, where's Edward? Where's Edward? Where's Edward? Where's Edward? Yeah. Like, just try and get a visual on him all the time. Yeah, but this is quick as well. Like, one minute. Angelo disappeared when we went on holiday. We went to, yes, Paris, and he went missing for four hours. It was like a red. I was like. I just. I felt like my heart was coming out my chest. But we found him mercifully. But he had no socks on, he didn't have any trousers on. He was kicked in mud. God knows where he'd been. But he was quite happy. Yeah, yeah. And Edward would always be happy. And the other thing, at Harlan, that was good. And at Hendra, I think, because Edward's still in nappies and you can't go and change them in a cubicle toilet. That's an absolute nightmare. So they gave us the keys to the disabled Loo. So we were able to change Edward in the big space of the disabled loo. So that's another thing you can ask for if you. If you take your autistic child camping, that's it. A lot of people don't know about the disabled key and you can actually buy them on ebay and there's something like three pounds, I think, if that. So. And they're really useful because you can use them when you're out in the town or wherever it is that you go. It's quite a big key, it's quite long, but they're really, really useful if you need to take your son or your daughter, if they need to help with changing. Yes. And so with camping, just ask about the security of the campsite. Some campsites have barriers and the way in and that sort of thing. So that's what I would do. But I would say it's almost like camping is the ideal situation for most autistic children. Obviously there's going to be some that don't like it. But the freedom of camping is what my Edward particularly loves. He just loves running around our. Outside our tent picking up leaves. He picks up leaves and twigs and he likes to pretend they're spaceships. And then if you get a scooter, he can scooter around. He does, like laps around the tent and things like that. Sounds like he's got lots of energy. He really has, he really has. So he likes to, like run around and the freedom of that. And then when he's had enough of the freedom, he comes in, grabs his iPad and then goes into sleeping bag in the inner tent, which is obviously closed in because it's obviously some sort of like sensory. Obviously the change from being outdoors and all that freedom to being cozy inside your sleeping bag and in the inner tent. And he's quite happy to lie in there for ages playing on his iPad. So how can I ask about siblings? So how does he get on with his brother? Does it have a good relationship? And how does his brother feel about him going to a different school to him? Because they're not in the same school? Has he ever sort of said anything about it? Yeah. So Matthew is neurotypical. He was our first child and we just. Matthew was good as gold. Everything we did, weaning worked fine. Potty training worked fine. Going to school worked fine. He settled in school, he was able to do the work. And I thought, naively, I thought that was because we were great parents. And then we had Edward and I thought we'll Just do the same with Edward and he'll end up the same. And of course he wasn't because he's got autism. And initially I wanted Edward to stay in the mainstream school because then Matthew could sort of look after him a little bit. But then I, at the same time, I didn't really want Matthew to be the child where other kids, you know, to have that pressure on him in school. Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah. So Matthew gets annoyed with him sometimes and says, like, oh, you don't tell Edward to do that, or, oh, Edward doesn't do that, or Mummy, Edward's taken my iPad and he won't give it back to me. So we get some of that. But on the whole, Matthew really loves him and it's really sweet and he does help him, but at the same time, I don't want to put. I know he's sort of classed as a carer. Yeah. Like we all are. I don't want to put that pressure on Matthew to have to care for his younger brother. Okay. Not while Matthew's still growing up. So just looking out for him now and again, that's what you want? Yeah, yeah. And like, when we, when we're out, if Edward runs off, I'm like, matthew, can you just run and get Edward? So Matthew, like, sprints off and stops him where he is. But the other thing is they haven't got that sibling rivalry now and there's no competition between them that you get with some siblings because Edward doesn't. Doesn't want what Matthew's got. He doesn't care that we buy Matthew lots of bikes and we take him on loads of bike rides and he competes in bike races. Edward doesn't care about that. He's happy just doing his own thing. Yeah. And Matthew does like to wind him up, so he likes to jump on him and wrestle him until Edward goes. It's just like a brother thing though, isn't it? Yeah. They have that normal sort of fun playing together and Edward really noticeably in the last few weeks, Edwards really started to interact more with Matthew and want to play with him, whereas he didn't before. But, yeah, so it's pretty good at the moment, I'd say, their relationship. But I really think you have to not put pressure on the sibling who's not autistic. Don't put pressure on them to look after their younger son. That can come maybe when he's a bit older. And you do need to make sure you spend that one to one time with the sibling so that they don't feel left out or that you still need to devote attention to them. Most definitely. So you sound like you've got a busy life. And obviously I'm always promoting about parents taking five, taking time out because they are the linchpin to the family. Especially now, with everything that's going on, you know, we've got more things to think about to protect our family. So what do you do to relax? What do you do, Sophie? Not me. Wife, Teacher. What does Sophie do to relax? As I mentioned earlier, I have had big mental health problems in the last, like, two years. So I definitely. When I was feeling down, I just said to myself, I don't want to feel like this. I want to feel happy again. So I contacted the doctor and they say, I'll phone this number. So I got myself onto a group CBT course that. Yeah, I was going to say people listening. Yeah, sorry. Cognitive behavior therapy course. Yeah. Initially I was, like, skeptical about it and thought, oh, this isn't going to work. But actually, it was so lovely just to be in a room with other people who were feeling the same as you and feeling the same. If you don't mind me asking, what sort of feelings? Because if you've got a parent listening in. Now, obviously we're going through difficult times. People might lose their job or the child being diagnosed talking about difficult times. What sort of feelings did you have? Just what. Just share what you feel comfortable with. But I'm just trying to, just in case someone's listening in, thinking, yeah, well, like that I had. I had other. There was, like, other things going on at the same time. So it wasn't just. But it was a. You know, as a combination of everything, of Edward being in. Going into a special school, of the diagnosis of trying to come to terms with that your child's got. That your child's got special needs. So I had anxiety, like, really bad. I couldn't breathe. And even sometimes, I'm sure you can hear it now, I, like, keep catching my breath in. So. Okay. And I just had this sad feeling in, like, my chest. I couldn't shift. I felt I couldn't laugh properly anymore. I couldn't have a. I couldn't have a belly laugh because I was just too sad. So it was nice to. Because I sat in the room on this therapy course and looked around and thought, they don't look like they've got depression. They don't look like they're suffering from anxiety. And then when they spoke and they say about what happens to them and their problems. You're like, oh, I'm not alone. That's the key thing. That was the key thing. And you make friends there and you have a laugh. You have such a laugh when you're there and you're like, oh. So even just after the meeting, you just go away feeling happier. So if someone is feeling low, what do you recommend that they do? Where can they go? What's the first. What would you say? That was the first point of contact? So down here in Devon, I contacted the gp, I got a GP appointment. Now I just cry your eyes out to the gp like, you know, tell him that you can't cope. And then we've got. It's called the Depression and Anxiety Service that you phone and self refer to. So that's how I got onto the CBT course. But also I did hypnotherapy along at the same time with this lovely, lovely local lady called Tiffany Armitage. So how would that work then? Well, this is my. Some of my friend, someone my friend recommended. So firstly, you think hypnotherapy, she's going to swing that watch in front of my eyes. And I was like, what am I doing? But it's nothing like that at all. She just talks about, you know, how you've ended up becoming so anxious and what's happened in your brain. And then you lie down on the couch and she. You just close your eyes and she just sort of talks you through. It's almost like a guided story, but like positive affirmations and things like that. So you do a course of that. How long for? The whole appointment was an hour. So you have like half an hour chatting, you know, how have you been this week? What can you do? That sort of thing. And then you go on the couch for about half an hour and then. And then that's it. So. But I have about. I think I did like six weeks. So how do you feel after you've had the hour? Do you feel like dazed or do you feel. What do you feel like? Well, you feel like you've got to wake up a bit and then you just have a chat with her, put your shoes on and that, and then go home. And my husband, even my husband, who doesn't notice anything, as a lot of men don't, he said, oh, you seem happier. And I was like, oh, I feel more positive, definitely. Okay, that's good. So I've done that. And now. So I've come, I've come on a long journey, I think, so now, when I have a bad day or I'm feeling particularly anxious, I know, I recognize that. And I think everyone has a bad day. I'm allowed to have a bad day and I know that I will be better tomorrow. I'm going to allow myself to have a bad day. But on my bad days, I'm going to do things that I like. So obviously, I'm a busy mum, so I try. One evening, I said to my husband, I said, I need a bath. So I just filled it up with huge bubbles and then I put a relaxation track on that I got from my hypnotherapist. Yeah. So I listen to that for half an hour and you're like, you know, you breathe out. And then also I go to bed early. On those days, I've got to go bed early just to get in bed and relax and read. I read, like my Kindle until I knock off. And then the next day, though, I think, right, I'm going to have a plan today. I'm going to get up, I'm going to have a shower and then I'm going to do this. And I think that's the key, to be honest. So have a few little things that, you know, that help you relax. It might not be something huge, as I always say, even if it's just gone for a walk around the block. Yeah, definitely. And even something as small as brushing your teeth and washing your face can make a huge difference because you don't feel like clagging. Sometimes you go to the loo and they're talking to you through the door and it's just like, we're coming to the end of our hour soon and we've gone through quite a lot of stuff, so I just wanted to remind people of where that they can find you. So on social Media, it's Twitter. MumOfSquarepeg, Facebook, mummy of a Square Peg. Instagram, Mummy of a square peg. LinkedIn, mummy of a Square Peg. And your blog is Mummy of a Square Peg, is that right? That's absolutely right, yes. Yeah. And just want to say to people listening in, if you feel you might like to have a chat with me on Women's Radio talking all things autism, please contact Lisa. That's Lisa Robbins. R O B I N S at anna kennedy online.com you can follow me on social media and you can message me through there. I'm always getting people messaging me @Anna Kennedy1 on Twitter, Anna Kennedy Online on Facebook, Nakena Kennedyobe on Instagram, you can look at our charity Website, lots of information on there. We keep updating our resources page. If there's something on there that you feel is not on there that you feel you should be, please message us. We're always looking for resources to put on the charity website. If you might like to write an article, please. Again, message lease. So Sophie is going to be writing an article and she's going to be talking about what she's been chatting about with me. So that'll be going up on our charity website. So I just wanted to say thank you so much, Sophie, for chatting to me. See, it was your first time and you were fantastic information. Yeah, thank you very much for having me. I told you I could talk, so that's what I like. I like people who can talk and can share lots and lots of information. So I wanted to wish you all the best with Mummy of a Square Peg. And also the best, all the best to your family. Everyone needs to keep safe and keep strong. And just very quickly, how is the face mask wearing going on within your family? Because I know obviously people on the spectrum don't have to wear the face masks. But how are you finding it? I know I find it difficult, yes. It's not pleasant, really. But at the end of the day, it's when you go into a shop, it's only for a short period of time and then when, you know, when you're out in the fresh air, you don't need to have one. Yeah. So. But obviously Edward is only 7, so I don't even try to get him to wear one. I know when I put mine on, Angelo just looks at me as if, what has she got on? But he's all right, actually. He's all right with me. Oh, that's all right. So thank you very much. Coming to the end now, I just want to say good luck to everything that you're doing. Stay strong, stay safe and thank you, everybody for listening in and, yep, have a good week. Bye. Bye. Thank you. Bye. Bye, Sam.