Domestic Abuse

Hello. Welcome to another episode of Politically Motivated here on the women's radio station. I'm Rosie McLeod. This is the station that connects women all over the globe from our studio here in London. In this show, I take a look at the grassroots campaigners working to make the world a better place for women and girls. Today's episode looks at a very serious issue. Domestic abuse and a London based action group working to provide the necessary support and refuge for victims within the capital. Over the past 40 years, Solace has helped thousands of women and children to escape and recover from the turmoil of domestic abuse. The group provides a helpline and women's refuges in London and has a policy and an online reach that is national. It's estimated that one in four women will be victims of the crime at some point in their lives. Additionally, one in five children in the UK have been exposed to domestic abuse. Although it's not a legal definition, the United Kingdom Government defines the offence as any incident or a pattern of incidents of controlling coercive, threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. The abuse can encompass, but is not limited to psychological, physical, sexual, financial and emotional abuse. Since research showed that a relationship is more likely to turn abusive if one or both partners are young, the definition was extended to include 16 and 17 year olds in March 2013. That change was brought in soon after stalking was officially made a criminal offence in November 2012. As yet, there is no legal definition for stalking, but domestic abuse may include it. I spoke to Cheryl Henry Leach from Solace Women's Aid to find out more about this crime that remains underreported. I've come here to Solace Women's Aid in Islington and I'm delighted to be joined by Cheryl Henry Leach and talk to me about your background. Okay, so I've been with Solace for just over two months now. Prior to that, I've been working within the domestic abuse sector up in South Yorkshire. So it's great that I've been able to join Solace. So to talk about the issues that Solace deals with. Domestic abuse. I can remember growing up in the 90s and it was almost solely known as domestic violence. You saw it on EastEnders. It was the sort of thing that was automatically thought to refer to married partners or long term partners, but the definition has become a lot more wide ranging now, hasn't it? It definitely has. And one of the things that we really do support in terms of the national definition is the inclusion of coerc and controlling behaviour. Because what we do know from survivors of domestic abuse that violence is just one form of abuse that they are experiencing and it interlinks with a number of other behaviours that are abusive, particularly around mind games. And what we do know is that where domestic violence or sexual violence is a feature of the pattern of abuse, then that's usually used to enforce control within the, the dynamic of the relationship. What we do know is that abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or financial. It can take place within an intimate or family relationship. And the abuse can include neglect, controlling behaviour, forced marriage, so called honour abuse, female genital mutilation, and that would be interlinked with physical violence and also sexual violence. What we do know from our work with survivors of stalking, domestic abuse, domestic violence, what we do know is that they frequently tell us that something hasn't felt right within the relationship, forming so the very early stages of the relationship. And it's not unusual for us to dismiss that in terms of getting to know, getting to know our new partner and seeing how the relationship develops. You said that there is no legal definition of stalking and that's quite right, there isn't a legal definition of stalking. But that enables us to look at the patterns of behaviour so that we are able to ensure that any safety planning or security measures kind of align with the pattern of abuse. So we're not just focusing on incidents of physical violence, we're looking at patterns. And that's exactly the same approach that we undertake now with coercive control. So we're looking at patterns of abuse where physical violence could be a feature of part of a wider pattern of other abusive behaviours. So we've already established that just because it's called domestic abuse, it doesn't have to happen within the household, it's just within a tight unit. Similarly, one survivor of domestic abuse informed me that just because it's non violent, it's easy to assume that you're not the victim of any abuse. It's difficult to pinpoint it and identify it as abuse. So what constitutes an abusive relationship? Okay, so what constitutes a relationship will vary from relationship to relationship. But based on the research, based on the evidence that's out, the evidence base that we work to within the domestic abuse sector, what I can say is that if you are finding that you are in a relationship where there are rules and not norms, so the rules are where you have to comply with somebody's demands and if you don't comply, then there's a consequence or punishment attached to that compared to norms which are agreed freely, they're agreed mutually, and they make life with your partner variable and liveable. So that's the subtle difference around when a relationship is abusive or where it's not abusive. That probably oversimplifies the abusive dynamic that can develop within intimate relationships or family relationships that are abusive. But it gives a snapshot in terms of how do I know if I'm a victim of domestic abuse? And usually one of the first things I ask is, if you don't comply with the demand, what happens? What's the consequence for that? And if the answer is that they know that they're either going to be hit or that there is a possibility punishment attached to that, then we do consider what support we need to put in place to kind of redress that and ensure that the victim is safe. Talk to me a bit more about mind games. How common are mind games in domestic abuse? I would say, based on my own experience from case management, extremely common. You're unlikely to have an abusive dynamic without any form of mind games present. So one of the things that I do see quite frequently in case management or casework is where the victim will say that the distortion isn't that the reality is quite distorted. So in an extreme case, we've had women who've said their partners have convinced them that apples are orange and not green, and that's the distortion. And that's a very extreme form of controlling behaviour. But it becomes normalised when you're living with abuse day in, day out. And that's why we at Solace firmly believe that it isn't acceptable and you can live your life free of abuse. Now, domestic abuse is an equal opportunities destroyer. It can affect absolutely anyone. Why do we think of it as something that concerns poorer people? Why do we think of it as something that can. That happens on Councillor States? Whereas in fact, absolutely anyone can develop a drink problem and become an abusive partner. Why does that sort of stereotype stigma exist? I think there's something about human beings and their social DNA and as human beings we don't want to recognise that actually there can be a not so nice side to life. We also know from research that very clearly tells us that anybody can be a victim of domestic abuse. It doesn't respect class or social structures or barriers. So, you know, I've worked with women who do come from poor backgrounds or family situations. I've also worked with women who have lived in very affluent households and communities. So for me, I think perhaps there is some research that does indicate that actually we perhaps have a firmer focus on our poorer communities because of the wider issues, those communities. But in terms of domestic abuse, it doesn't just stop there. It can affect anybody at any given time. So, you know, the national statistic is that one in three women will be impacted by domestic abuse at a national level at some point in their lifetime over the age of 16, which speaks for itself. How prevalent is alcohol in the cases that you see alcohol in terms of the victim of the perpetrator? I'm just not, I, I was thinking of it in terms of perpetrator, but that might be because of sort of cases that I sort of know of at a personal level. But yeah, no, so I was thinking of it in terms of men mainly, I'll be honest. I was thinking of it in terms of men developing alcohol problems and then becoming just a completely different person. And I can remember in the 90s there was that statistic that alcohol was involved in one in eight divorces. So that's also prompted me to think that alcohol might be a strong factor in domestic abuse. Alcohol can be an indicator of what we would call high risk domestic abuse. What I can tell you again from past experience in working with cases of domestic abuse that where a perpetrator is using alcohol, it's usually used as a disinhibitor or an excuse as to why they've behaved in an abusive manner. As far as I'm aware, there isn't any research that tells us that dependency or overindulgence in alcohol causes the abuse. For us at Solace, abuse is about power and control and it's not, not acceptable. That was Cheryl speaking to me from Solace's base in Islington. We'll be back after the break. WRS women's radio station, Voice of Women Worldwide. Sarah's Universal Soul Show. What does your soul or spirituality mean to you? 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Www.amoretti.co.uk with over 35 presenters, we have something for everyone on Women's radio station. Women's Radio Station is a not for profit, community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. Welcome back to Politically Motivated here on the Women's Radio station. I'm Rosie MacLeod. Now today we're talking about domestic abuse and According to Women's Aid, 32% of women and 11% of men who experience domestic violence or domestic abuse do so at least four times before they report it. It's thought that so many incidents remain undisclosed because those affected feel trapped or alone and and because it's a crime that often takes place behind closed doors. The majority of cases that Solace receives are self referrals and that may well be due to the secretive nature of the crime. Here's Cheryl again outlining the support and services that Solace can provide to women suffering domestic abuse throughout London. We provide a number of services throughout London to support women and girls impacted by domestic abuse and other issues linked to the violence against women and girls agenda, which is a national agenda which seeks to Stop abuse from occurring. Okay, so what does Solace do from coming here today? I can see you've got lots of counselling rooms. Are you a porthole for where people can contact you if they're going through domestic abuse? Describe to me the role of the organisation. Okay, so in terms of the services that we are currently providing within the communities, wealth and Forest being one of those areas, we provide advocacy and supports services which offer free confidential support to anyone age 16 or over. So if anybody is feeling hurt or afraid of someone at home, then they can call us for help on 073-406-83382. Or if it's an emergency, we'd ask that the police are called on 999. In terms of the support that you can access through Solace, that can be wide ranging and it really does reflect what your needs are at the time that you approach us. But for example, some of the things we can help with would be around improving your safety in the home, supporting you with any housing related needs, potential homelessness. We do have refuge provision throughout the London area. Throughout London we can also support with finances and welfare benefits, access to legal services, we can give support around parenting and children and when other services are involved, support with appointments and advocacy in relation to that and also the longer term emotional support. Once we've dealt with the immediate crisis, we do recognise there's a need for recovery and we provide lots of services around that through group work, which can be psycho, educational, therapeutic. So a raft of spirit services that can be tapped into through Solace. So what are the common complaints that are reported to Solace Women's Aid? Well, at a national level there's been more than 75,000 domestic abuse offences and over 17,000 rapes and sexual assaults in just the past year. We know that women across London and Waltham Forest being one of those areas, are expanded experiencing domestic and sexual violence right now. And we work with those women so that they can live safe lives and have stronger futures. We've supported over 11,000 women and children across London in the past year, from crisis intervention right through to recovery and rebuilding and independence. One statistic I've heard is that a relationship is most likely to turn violent when the woman tries to leave. So that leaves women who are in domestic abuse, where it's perhaps a non violent relationship that leaves them in an impossible situation. How do you break that vicious cycle? How do you stop that wheel from turning? So there is a very strong correlation between domestic abuse, separation and domestic homicide. We do know from research but also from the cases that we manage, that separation, particularly where you are leaving an abuser is the most riskiest time for women and children in terms of how we break that cycle. We always work from a safety first approach. So we will work with somebody for as long as they need us to work with them in terms of addressing their safety. We also know that for some women, the reality is that they will be remaining with their abuser. Again, we're looking at that safely. If there are children living in the household, then we are working with other agencies who can support the children in terms of how we break the cycle. It's very much a bespoke response that's led very much by service user voice to rebuild their recovery and help them to identify how they can break the cycle in a safe way. What about pregnant women? Because when a woman is pregnant, that's also a time when a relationship is likely to turn violent. What's the sort of support that Solace Women's Aid can provide for pregnant women trying to escape domestic abuse? Well, we will support any woman who's trying to escape domestic abuse, regardless of whether they're pregnant or not. So the support is there. What we do know is that victims of domestic abuse tell us that where they are pregnant in 30% of the cases where domestic abuse has been a feature prior to the pregnancy, it becomes violent once the and the violence happens within the first trimester. So again, it's a risky time for a victim of domestic abuse. And their focus is on how they can keep themselves and their unborn child safe when actually they should be focusing on the nice things about a pregnancy and a new life coming into the world. So for us, we will provide that support for women. We will always provide it in a safe environment, and we will ensure that we are working with partner agencies so they are aware of the abusive dynamic and what a safe approach looks like in terms of working with the victim. What are the telltale signs of domestic abuse that outsiders can pick up on? And what are the common indicators that if somebody sees it, they should probably notify the authorities? Okay, beyond the physical indicators, so the bruising, the black eyes, what we do see are victims and children who are showing differences in terms of personality. So you may have a friend who you're not seeing and has become quite isolated. And if you do have contact with them, their partner always seems to be present. You could have somebody who you are working with who is very keen to get home. Because if they don't get home within prescribed time scales, then they're likely to have those consequences that we've just discussed earlier. You could be concerned about your daughter or son's new partner in terms of their background and something just doesn't fit. Right. But actually you don't want to be an over intrusive parent, but you do want to be sure that your child is safe regardless of how old they are. And so we do have other initiatives in place, such as the Domestic Abuse Disclosure scheme that can be accessed through the police. If you are concerned about somebody, about a child or somebody who is a vulnerable adult, then you can access the port through your local authority. So Waltham Forest do have duty social workers, both in adult safeguarding but also in child safeguarding, who can give some advice and pointers in terms of what other support is out there. Also, victims can self refer to Solace Women's Aid and the bulk of our referrals are self referrals. And the main thing is for us as an organisation, there is the support out there if you want it. And what are the contact details for Solace Women's Aid? How can women get in touch with you when they need to leave an abusive relationship? Okay, so in an emergency situation we always advocate that the Police are called on 999. In terms of if you're wanting advice as to whether or not you're living in an abusive relationship, or if you want some advice in terms of how you can leave an abusive relationship, then the contact number for Waltham Forest is 073-4068. 3382. And are there any websites or Twitter handles for that? Yes, we have a website. It's www.soliswomen.org uk. Well, Cheryl, thank you very much for speaking to me. Thank you. That was Cheryl outlining the services available to women suffering domestic abuse in London. Now the number for solace is 080-880-25565. It's a free phone number for anyone needing advice and support with regards to domestic abuse. They also have a rape crisis helpline and that's available on 080-886-0305. The email address for the Rape Crisis Service is rapecrisoliswomensaid.org you can also email for advice on adviceolacewomensaid.org I also interviewed Cheryl for East London Radio and I'm aware of the London centric focus of this episode. So if you are based outside of the capital and need help, the 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline can be reached on 08082000 247, the UK wide organisation Women's Aid has a 24 hour domestic and sexual abuse helpline. The number for that is 0808-802-1414. Do join me next time for another interview with grassroots campaigners working to improve the world for women and girls. And don't forget to visit the Women's radio station's website so you can re listen to all the previous episodes. For now, I'll leave you with some music from Gabrielle Sturbans. This is the laundress. The laundress hasn't been here in a week. It's clothes piled on the floor. But if I knew you like I thought I did you'd wait a few days more. 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