Hello everybody and welcome to this week's episode of Femaleing. We are live at Women's Radio Station and I'm your host Nicole Goodman. Today's show is about redefining pretty and what pretty looks like in today's culture of women empowerment. With me today are Roxy Rose and Jodie Sort, and they are the fa— I was going to say fabulous founders, but that was a bit of a mouthful, as you could tell. They are the founders— let's start that again— of the Ladies' Life Lounge. Ladies' Life Lounge was created to help empower women to live a happier, more fulfilling, successful life. They say that they are building an army of women who are their own version of pretty— pretty confident, pretty balanced, pretty assertive, pretty stylish, pretty whatever. And we do that through our 7 secrets. With Roxy's background as a mental health coach and weirdly techie, she says, and Jo's experience in corporate leadership development, They're experts in behavioral change, cracking wonky mindsets and attitudes, creating balance, smashing limiting beliefs. Oh my God, I've got shivers there. And sorting out, sorting you out with both career and/or business skills that any woman might need. Girls, welcome to Femaling. Welcome. Thank you very much for having us. So happy to have you here. I will say that they didn't write in their bio something quite important, which I'm going to enlighten everybody with now. Roxy and Jodes have also set up a huge 2-day women empowerment conference. They're giggling., in Manchester called WomanaFest. It runs over International Women's Day weekend on the 7th and 8th of March. They're going to tell us a lot more about that later and how to get tickets and what it's all about. But let's start with welcoming you. I'm so pleased that you're here. And can you give us a bit more information about what Ladies' Life Lounge is? Okay, so hi, um, Ladies' Life Lounge. This is Roxy, by the way. This is me. That helps. Um, Ladies' Life Lounge is an online membership club for women. And as Nicole's just said, we're redefining pretty. Our tagline's turning the notion of pretty on its head. We want to be able to move away from the stereotypical idea of pretty and be known for something more than what we aesthetically look like. So we're moving on to teaching women how to be pretty confident, which is our base secret and something Jods and I believe's at the foundation of everything that we do. We have online training, we have resident experts who come in and deliver masterclasses for us. We have a private Facebook group where you can get all your support that you need, and we teach you the stuff that we've learned over our years of experience. Beautiful. So it's an online membership so people can access it online. Um, for anyone listening, just quickly give us the, the link so they know off the top. So ladieslivelounge.com. That's easy. Wasn't that easy? Super easy. Has to be for me. And I also found you girls on Facebook. Didn't we? We connected through Facebook, and I'm so absolutely so pleased we did. We've got a big free community on Facebook that anybody can join, so you don't have to be a paying member to come and join our free community. And that's Ladies Life Lounge at Facebook. Yeah. When I read your manifesto, by the way, of owning what pretty looks like, um, my ears totally pricked up. And because I have been a hair and makeup artist for a very long time, and I say it in, in every episode, for over 25 years I've worked on women's image and what women look like. And I think that that can be incredibly empowering and incredibly limiting at the same time. So I was so pleased to have you guys on. Where do you think we started with this obligation to be pretty and beautiful? And how do you see it changing? Shall I take that one? Go for it. I think it's been around for a very, very, very long time. You know what? Probably since time began. Yeah, I agree. It feels like that. I agree. Which makes it incredibly difficult to twist and change and reshape. You know, it's deeply ingrained in society and the world. Yeah. Um, but times are changing, um, and women want different things. So slowly, slowly, it's about making small changes but that actually make quite a big difference. You know, culture only shifts when individual people decide to do something different, and we wanted to kind of be a catalyst of that. Let's start to make some small changes that have a ripple effect that will gradually start to shift some of those cultural kind of norms and stereotypes. Love that. And to some degree, we still buy into the fact that looking nice makes us feel good, which helps our confidence. Yeah, so we're not— but that's not it. Absolutely. Yeah, it's not the end. It can't add up there. Jodie gets very angry. It comes back to whether it makes us confident or not. So that's— but that's the thing, isn't it? And I think that's where, where it gets a bit messy and a bit gray, because every single solitary woman wants to look pretty. There are 4 women in this studio now. Put your hands up if you still like to look pretty. Yes, we've all put our hands up. So it's incredibly important to a woman to feel pretty, to look pretty, to be attractive. So I think it takes so much consciousness and awareness to try and unpick that actually we are more than that. So I applaud you both for this work. Where do you think— where is it going to start? Like, what is the work that you do in terms of a woman understanding that she is more than that? So everything that I base what I do is around knowing that your worth does not come from how you look. Yes. So your confidence might be elevated when you look better, but that does not define your worth on any level. And I can contribute so much to the world while I'm still at home in my onesie with no hair or makeup done. When I go out, I want to feel better about that, but that doesn't mean what I've contributed is of any less value. And for me, the looking good bit is the superficial layer of confidence. You know, it allows me in the moment to kind of style it out, rock it, do whatever I need to do in the moment. Yes. But it's that deep-rooted confidence that takes more, that's deeper than that, that's about my self-worth, my purpose in life, which can't be taken away just because you've got greasy hair. No, not at all. No. Yeah, it's because it runs deeper than that. Yeah. And I like that what you said, in the moment, you actually clicked your fingers on it, because it is, it is momentary. It is. And I've seen women over I can't even— if I had a pound for every time I'd seen it, I would be a millionaire living on a beach. But the times when a woman comes in feeling a certain way and her energy is a certain way, and by the time I've done her hair or her makeup, usually her hair, how she then struts out and moves with confidence and self-assurance, there's so much magic in that. There is. But it does go away. Because when she has to wash her hair again, she's back to who she was. And it's being able to know where you're happiest. So I'm dead happy that I've got hair and makeup and I've come out for a day in London today, but when I get home tonight and I get back into my jammers and snuggle down on the settee with my husband— She does spend a lot of time in her jammers. Spend a lot of time in my jammers behind my laptop. But when I get home tonight, I'm as happy as I am here. I haven't taken away a layer of anything by taking my makeup off. I guess the important message for me on this one is it's not a but. You don't have to replace the looking good with a different version of pretty. It's an and. It's a build upon. Yeah, they can come together, and actually the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. I think when you put different components of confidence together— so look at, you know, hair, makeup, for me matching knickers and bra. Yeah, no one can even imagine doing that. Oh God, I never do that. No, never ever. So I, I'd had a really bad car accident at 17 and had my clothes cut off me, and I had pastel floral silk knickers on and a blue and white gingham bra, and I died inside. So ever since that day, they at least have to coordinate, but it does wonders for me underneath. Could I just say something? What I love— there's a tangent for you, isn't there— that came out of you having obviously a horrific car accident, you had to get cut out. That was my lesson. That was the lesson. That was your lesson. The life lesson. Please, everybody, when you step out into the world, make sure your knickers and bra are coordinated. See, this is where I think women are absolutely fantastic. I went over to a friend the other day, she's having a really rough time at the moment, and I walked in and, you know, she, she was looking quite down and she said to me, I've had a spray tan, is it too dark? I said, really? Of everything that's going on, really? She's like, no, but is it? Doesn't it show what we do to sort of make ourselves feel better at times when we're having a rough time? A spray tan can still be about putting some confidence back into us on any level. Self-tanning is in my self-care box. I'm sorry, it is staying in there 'cause it makes me feel 1,000 times better. I'm still actually trying to get a self-tanning brand to come to Wool Manifesto. If anyone owns one out there, then please get in touch. Oh, okay. That's, yes, great, okay. You heard that here first. You heard that here first. So I think a lot of the time women are unconsciously making themselves decorative. I think it's a very unconscious thing because it is what is expected as us in the world to look— to still look pretty. And it's kind of primal because in the old days we had to get a mate, so we wanted to look the best we could to get the best mate. We wanted the strongest kids. Yeah. Have you seen Little Women? Yeah. Not yet. Yeah, it's, it's a very beautiful adaptation of where we kind of started for women and how they do— they have to spend all of their time in decorating themselves and looking pretty for men because that was their meal ticket. Yeah. So I think that's where it all starts from. Yeah. And you know what I meant by the— that gets us the best kids? I don't mean in looks, but the— in the primal thing was about being able to see characteristics in your mate that, yep, subconsciously signified there's good qualities there to make a strong offspring, isn't there? And it all came from your image and what you, yeah, looks like. Um, how can we keep it empowering? Because we've all admitted that it is empowering to look pretty. How can we keep it empowering rather than going into the obligatory area? So it's knowing who you're doing it for. Providing you are looking good for you because that makes you feel better, then that's empowering. If you're doing it to impress other people or to somebody else, you've lost all your power. At that moment, live up to a standard or somebody else's expectation or Instagram's expectation, then No, it's not going to work. Won't cut the mustard. No. And you have to walk around in life without a filter. Absolutely. People can actually see your real face, you know. Not here, we're great. Yeah, we've got good faces for radio. You are. No, no, we said before we came on that we're not doing the self-deprecating thing, did we not? Did we not? Take that, take that back, please. Um, so, and I love what you said, that actually it's just for— it's for you. It's for you. And if you're putting on that red lipstick for you, then that can feel really liberating and really empowering. But when you start to put that red lipstick on because you're a bit scared of your boss and you think that will— that they might not start on you in that respect, then yes, it becomes very diminishing, a very diminishing way to be. Um, we're going to cut to a break in a minute, and when we come back, we're going to talk more about what pretty looks like, more about International Women's Day— well, about International Women's Day. And I really want to know all about this enormous conference that you girls are currently organizing. I mean, you must be run off your feet, so I can't wait to hear a little bit more about that. We're going to cut to a break. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Judy May Is Listening Hi, this is Anna Kennedy, and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well-being, and we're talking all things autism. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Meg Matthews, and I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Join us for a brand new show on Women's Radio Station. It's the Meg's Menopause Show. Yes, for the first time on radio, there's an entire show dedicated to the menopause. A fresh new approach where we inform you of all the choices and treatments that are out there. Supportive and empowering, this is your show. So join us every week with a host of celebrity guests, our very own resident doctor, where we talk about everything menopause. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of 3, and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show, From Tummy to Mummy, here on Women's Radio Station. 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Throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers, and book enthusiasts, all with the theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well-being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com. Join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. You're listening to Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women, and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadioStation, that's Women's Radio STN, or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello, welcome back to Femaling. We are at Women's Radio Station. I am joined with Jodes and Roxy from Ladies Life Lounge, and we are now— we, we're talking about redefining pretty and what pretty means. Um, and now we're going to talk a bit about International Women's Day because these girls are being very proactive this year on International Women's Day. Girls, can you tell us what's happening for you around this date? So, uh, we made a bit of— it was a bit of a harebrained idea a few years ago, actually, to, uh, you know, we had this bit of a dream. Actually, same, we— it was me This is all Jodie's plan. Own it. I've got to own it. I've got to take this one for the team. I've been dragged along. Because of what we do online, nothing beats the power of face-to-face, experiencing each other as human beings. And so we wanted to put on an event that brought all the fabulous women together that we interact with, that we collaborate with, that help us in Ladies' Life Lounge, and that are part of our community. To come together and just have an amazing experience. And we wanted to call that event Womanifest, which I think most people see the word and think that that's about a festival of women, and it is. But at the same time— I saw it as manifesting. Yeah, and that's its real one, its real meaning. Oh, I got it right. You did get it right. Good start. You did get it right. You get top marks for that. You know, it does have a definition in that it's when a woman uses her innate feminine energy to make stuff happen. She nearly swore there, she nearly swore. But I'll say, you know, you can replace that word with whatever you like. But absolutely, you know, it's about women using that feminine energy, the power that we hold to get out there and make our own lives happen and, you know, do the things that we want to do. And that's what we want Womanifest to be. And we decided that we wanted this to happen this year on the weekend where International Women's Day fell, because naturally International Women's Day is always the 8th of March. That doesn't always happen over weekend. Yeah. And so it was super important for us to kind of claim that weekend for the event as the epitome of being empowered women coming together. Anything else you want to add to that, Roxy? What could I possibly add to that? So this event is a huge event. How many speakers have you got coming? Oh, 60-odd. Geez. So we have main stage, we have story stage, and then we have workshops and seminars and experience events running all through the weekend. There's all kinds. There's no physical way that an attendee could get around everything, and that's kind of what we wanted it to be in the whole festival vibe is that you pick and choose where you want to go. You have more than you could want and yeah, that were really, really important to us. And what, what is a woman coming to this event, what is she walking away with? She's going to walk out a different woman than when she walked in. Is she? Yeah. Exciting. No spray tan though. Not yet. Maybe, maybe a bit of a spray tan. One thing. So we've used a set of criteria in our decision making for this event. So anything that we've been approached with or that we've gone out to source that we want to have at the event, we've asked ourselves the question, Does it empower? Does it inspire? Does it entertain? Does it educate? Or does it liberate? They're the 5 words. It has to do at least one of those things to qualify to get through the door. So we're super confident that whatever women choose to experience at the event, whichever workshops or talks or experiences they decide to attend, that it will it'll hit one of those 5 markers at least for them. Beautiful. The brilliant thing about Ladies Life Lounge and Womanifest is that we cover such, we want it to be, it's made, it's made for every woman. So whether you're a business owner or a career woman, whether you're a homemaker, whether you're a parent or not, our 7 secrets, our pretties that we define the lounge through, cover all areas of a woman's life. So we cover style, we cover health and fitness, We cover career and business skills, and events like this are often pitched at either business owners or career women, and this is genuinely something for every woman, and that's the beauty of this event. How lovely. So it's a woman's whole experience, absolutely, in her life. And that's what Ladies Life Lounge is too. We want to put it all under one roof. So the kind of reason why it came about was because As women ourselves, we wanted things and I had to go to so many different places to get them. If I wanted to get strong and healthy, I'd need to go to, you know, a gym or get myself a personal trainer. If I did want to, you know, look good for a particular speaking event or something, I'd need to hire a personal stylist to do that. If I wanted to work on my confidence, I'd need to go on a course somewhere, blah-de-blah-de-blah, you get the picture. Yeah. So it was about— It's exhausting. It is, it's like all these things. And I couldn't divide myself between all of that stuff. No, plus you've also got to run a family. Run a family, run a business, run a family. All of that stuff. Have a social life, yeah. So that's why I did it for myself, selfish reasons really, to think I want something that I can just log onto. Yeah. With a glass of wine on a Friday night, or whether you're breastfeeding at 3 o'clock in the morning. Yeah. You log on when it suits you and you've got access to a whole wealth of things. Across all aspects of your life. And so, "We'll Manifest" is about taking that live. I often use the analogy of CBeebies. Oh no, oh no. So if there are any— I hate this analogy, hate it. Go on. I'm doing it anyway. She's in, she's in. She's always in. Is that if you have had young children or nieces or nephews or, you know, experienced small people at any point, they're glued to CBeebies, right? If you let them watch it, they'll sit 6 inches away from the TV screen glued to it. Which, you know, that's what our members do with Ladies' Lifeline, you know, they're like that, constantly logged on. But if you ever take your child to see Beebees live, now that's like amazing. That's just like— Little minds. It does, yeah, absolutely. Well, no, and I do resonate with that because every time I took my kids to see Peppa Pig Live, for example. Yeah, Peppa Pig. We did In the Night Garden Live. Oh, my little girl. I've done Octonauts Live, you know, that, I mean, I think I was a bigger fan than my daughter on Octonauts Live. In the Night Garden Live, I mean, Was there anything more mind-numbing? I nearly cried in my little boy's face at that, but that, how they feel about that is how we want our women to feel at Wool Manifest. Oh, how beautiful. I think that's a great analogy, Rox. Why do you hate that? Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Rox. I think it's because as soon as you say CBeebies, I picture Mr Tumble. Do you? And then I'm done in. I've got Mr Maker I get, and obviously Nicole gets a bit of Peppa Pig. I really don't like Peppa Pig. Mr Tumble, this is totally off topic, My kids did not know the difference between who is who. Justin. Thank you. They didn't actually— I wonder if they would know that now. Oh, they're a bit old. Anyway, that's totally irrelevant. Um, so LADY's Life Lounge and Well Manifest was very— it's very much aligned in itself. And Well Manifest is the physical experience of what LADY's Life Lounge offers. Yes. How come you called it a different name? You can check that. I did name it. Hey, um, Ladies Life Lounge Live was a bit of a mouthful. That's true. Quadruple L. Yeah, yeah, it just didn't— it's not like a kind of Castle Main Forex, isn't it? Um, but that's just what sprung to mind. I think my brain's actually gone to mush these days, there's that to do. It doesn't, doesn't work anymore. Um, but it was that term, War Manifest, and the combination of the meaning of it, um, and it being— because, you know, we, we're putting this out there as it's— whilst it may be a conference-style event, please do not misunderstand, it is no corporate boring conference. It is a festival. Anyone I'm hoping listening to this thinks it's corporate and boring by listening to you two. We've toyed around with the words. Is it an expo? Is it, uh, it's really hard to know. Is it a conference? And then words don't really— what did I call it? I called it a conference, didn't I? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, Melis is nodding. But what is it? So it's a festival. It's a festival of all things female, feminine, and womanly. She hates that one as well, but you know what, I really pissed off on that because I love how you're like, I'm gonna say it really loudly and really quickly, and then Roxy's just gonna have to deal with it. It's too late, it's out there now, isn't it? My whole life is dealing with whatever Jodie throws out there. Why do you hate it? Why do you hate it being called a festival? Oh no, I don't mind the festival. It's the female— feminine and womanly— because it just makes me think of a bit— she thinks it's a bit woo-woo. I think it's a bit uterus-y. I don't know what I mean. As in the uterus. See, I— do you know what I imagined when you said that? Was a woman in like caveman clothing and a spear in her hand. I like imagine a warrior. Yeah, see, that's way cooler. That's not, I imagine it, and because of its name, because of will manifest, I imagine it getting, what word do I want? I haven't got a clue, I can't read your mind, my crystal ball ran out of batteries this morning. She's already told us that her mind's turned to mush. She's got too much to do to worry about finding words for you. She has. That whole phrase makes me think of it like some sort of, hippie mindfulness place. Is it a bit tree-huggy for you? Yeah, I don't even mind tree-huggy, but I want it to be really clear that that's not what this is. This has got career skills and business skills. It's purposeful. Yeah, the warrior idea I love so much more, but yeah, the female, feminine and womanly just makes me think of— It's amazing how differently people interpret different words. Absolutely. And how what my vision and what your vision were were completely different. And so I think it's so important that we have to be able to talk to women and get that, get that message across in such a, in such a way. And what I love about you two is that you both have completely different energy. Completely. We are so opposite. You are so, so many ways. I've only met you 20 minutes. Yeah. And yet you'll bring something so different to the table. She's the leveler. I'm the nut job. Any other, like, only at times. I like being a nut job. I'm gonna ask you something quite challenging now. Give me your, what you both bring to the table, but I want it in a really self-fulfilling, positive way. Shall I go first? What do I bring to the table? You can say it about each other. Ooh. No, I'm gonna say it about myself. I'm gonna big myself up for once in my life. I do bring a lot of energy to something. I often get told I'm infectious. And I hope that's in a good way. Don't screw your face up, you are totally infectious. I am totally infectious. And by the way, passionate. Yes. And just totally purposeful and getting your message out of what you want. And super creative. Yeah. Yeah. What about you, Roxie? We've got 30 seconds till we cut to a break. I am the total confident one, which is directly opposite how we appear. I am completely internally confident. I am really good at getting our message out in one-to-one environments much more. Jodie will jump on lives and talk to the group. You'll find me private messaging people. I'm very, very, very good one-to-one. You're a hand holder. But I will, yeah, and that's my mental health background. She's very good. Stability. We're gonna cut to a break and we're gonna come back with more positive affirmations. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity, from opinions, career, ethnicity, education, and most importantly, women's well-being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. Hi everyone and welcome to The Femaling Show. I am your host Nicole Goodman and I am a woman's identity expert and coach. 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Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand with a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs. We can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor To sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com. Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Hello, welcome back to the Femaling Show. We are here at Women's Radio Station. I am joined with the ladies of Ladies Life Lounge, Jodes and Roxy. Welcome back. Um, we're having a fantastic discussion about women and women empowerment. Now, we all work with women, don't we, on a daily basis. Um, I would love to get your input on where you think women are still really struggling. I have a bit of an opinion that women have made a bit of a rod for their own backs, and this can be a bit controversial, but I think that we wanted it all, and there's nothing wrong with that, and we went after it all, but what happened is instead of sharing that load, we've ended up taking on a lot more than we were expecting, and this is not any kind of dig at men, my husband's awesome and will do anything I ask him, but that's actually the point is I would have to ask him to do it. So aside from running a couple of businesses, bringing up two kids, I still am the one at home who is remembering to book the dentist or sorting the car's MOT out. So I feel like women's mental load is so much more than equal nowadays and I'm still not sure where we go with that. And actually, you know, I'll say that I've done that to myself. Yeah. I will own up to it and say exactly what Roxy has just described, I've done to myself. I've gone out there and thought, I want this, I'm gonna take it. I want my own business, I want this, I want that, I want the other. I'm laughing because I do it too, by the way. And I have not let go of any of the other stuff. And similarly, we've both got amazing husbands, and they will take stuff off us, but we don't— we don't— I don't give it. Even if he did ask me for it, I don't know if I'd give it. But that's the problem anyway, that we would have to give it rather than they just know to do it. So I agree with everything you've both said, and I think it is a real struggle and issue for women today. We, we did go after it all. Well, and we were entitled to do so, and it absolutely had change. The balance was completely and utterly off. But where I think feminism is moving in the wrong direction is exactly what you've just said. We now think we have to do it all because we still try to be polite and play small and not to offend and still want to be like these, these good women, I think, that don't want to— I don't know, they don't want to, they don't want to trouble anyone, or they don't want to be too outspoken because that's controversial. And I think that absolutely plays into the daily experience of a woman who just now feels resentful that she's got so much more to do. Absolutely. If my kids are off sick, if I was coming here today and my kid was ill and my husband's away, who is it that's gonna go and pick that kid up? It's almost always gonna be me. Same. And how, how is that equal on any level? I have a theory on this which is quite controversial, and I'll probably get slapped for about to share it with you, but is it the same for you, Jodes? I'm gonna say no, because actually my 8-year-old came down with chickenpox on Sunday. Oh no. And, um, straight away my husband said, that's fine, I'll take the time off work and I'll, I'll look after her this week. There was never a question. I didn't have to ask him. Wow. So actually, I And maybe that does depend on what kind of job they've got, or if they're away on a business thing, because Tom works from home a lot of the time, so yeah, I have a lot of support, but in general. Do you think it, it falls under who earns the most money? Oh, my stomach rumbles. I think in our house it's the flexibility, so because I run my own business, technically I am as flexible as it comes. Tom's in a corporate job, so he is tied by what his work want him to do. I think for lots of people money will come into it, but not necessarily in my opinion. No, we're quite even stevens in that sense, so it's not a, it's not a, an element of consideration actually for us. But yeah, I agree, there probably is for a lot of, yeah, a lot of, um, couples. Yeah. Or families. Mine's the idea of having my own business. So for a lot of self-employed women, having their own business implies they are flexible. And that's not necessarily true. I put so much more work into my own business than I ever did in any job. I would agree with that. Yeah. Yeah. Say it, sister. Don't know why I said that. I've never said that in my entire life. So do you, so how do you see women coping with that, with that change of the mental load and the extra pressure that we are putting on ourselves? And do you see most women doing this? I see a lot of women doing it, and I think the consequences of it are we're seeing a lot more women burning out, me included. I got really ill over the summer, didn't I, Rox? Really ill. With— I ended up on 3 different courses of steroids trying to make myself better. That lasted 3 months because it had just gone too far. I'd worked myself into the ground. And why were you working yourself into the ground? Because I was trying to do everything. Right. And so much of everything. Where do you think that stems from, that you have to do everything? Well, a lot of it I chose to, I wanted to, I'm ambitious. There are things that I wanted to achieve for me. I turned 40 this year. I'd set myself some fairly big goals. Yeah, last year. Last year. You're nearly 41. I just turned 43 yesterday. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. 40 days are rubbish on a baby's ego. Um, so yeah, I guess some of that was just expectations that I placed on myself, but a huge part of it, just going back to the point you made, Nicole, around, you know, we feel like we have to keep up. There's, there's that external judgment, there's judgment of self. And I went through a phase this year, I think it had a huge hormonal impact. I'm seeing hormonal changes for myself that are affecting my well-being and my confidence. Where I then start to judge myself not so positively anymore and feel guilty about that. And I think there's a lot of external judgment for women of each other. What would you agree with that, Foxy? I'd agree that it's there, yes. I think I'm a bit of a different kettle of fish in this, in that I genuinely genuinely don't mind at all what anybody thinks. I do. Jo's really, really does. I get deeply affected by it, and I'm— yeah, and I don't want to be, but I'll admit it, which is why we're great. You're not alone. No, you're absolutely— I think I'm the weird one, and I'm totally okay with that. Well, I think unique. Unique. Well, I think it's, it's a place where people aspire to, so yeah, it's, it's very admirable, it is very inspiring, and I say go you for actually being able to rid yourself of the concern and worry of what other people think. My producer over there is nodding. It's true, and to be— and the freedom that comes with— oh, she's nodding. Go on, tell us about the freedom. Loads of this is from— so I'm a mental health therapist by trade, but I came to that through depression along the way. I'm talking 10 years ago maybe, but that was an experience that I can't even describe. I had everything in the world that I could have wanted, and yet depression was there. Coming through that and then training in mental health moved me completely. And this is what I work with, with clients, is about how that actual self-confidence is all about not minding about anyone else's opinion, because I don't place value on that. My value is when I go to bed at night and I ask myself before I go to sleep, did I do my best today? And if that answer is yes, there is nothing else. It doesn't matter if I failed at things, if I didn't achieve what I set out to achieve. If my answer to did I do my best today is yes, that's it. And that's the stuff I'm trying to teach my kids and I work with in Lifelong English. And I'm actually gonna ask myself that question every day. And sometimes the answer won't always be yes. Won't always be yes. So how do you reconcile that? So then I'll kind of look at, If I was doing it again, what would I do differently? But that's it, I don't go any deeper than that because— And what did you learn? That kind of thing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because there's nothing better than your best. I couldn't have done more if I can say yes. If I can't, I wish I'd held my temper more with my kids or whatever it is that I don't feel I did my best at. But that, that on its own for me is what drives our total self-esteem and that's why I don't place value on other people's stuff. Beautiful. And in learning, for me, I'm— the development that I'm trying to take myself on is to not draw meaning from everything. So something happens or I see something, I don't have to interpret it. I can just notice it. Oh, it's that. Yes. I don't think that— and that tells me, or that means— so it's about not attaching story. Yeah. To it. Yeah. And making sure nothing is taken personally because it's so rare that something is personal to you. So one of my most annoyances is being caught up on the motorway, and immediately for me that becomes, how dare they do that to me? It becomes a real personal thing for me, as if they are actually attacking me, and it's nothing to do with me at all. So a game I play with myself is I try and think of 3 reasons they might be driving like a tool. That's polite. It's not swearing. I was moving away. So I try and think of 3 reasons they might be driving like that. Their wife might have gone into labor, their mum might be in hospital, and it immediately moves that mindset from this is about me and it takes my anger onto what's their problem. What do you think about that? I can do that in a car. Yeah. We're working on it, we're working on it. But how does it then affect you and how does it play into your daily experience of worrying about what other people think of you? Oh, hugely, hugely, because it can then, knock my confidence and my self-belief around what I'm about to do next. It can make me retreat. It can make me not take action or take very diluted action sometimes. And you're a real powerful presence, so your message is, is important and vital for women because I can see how, how wholeheartedly you— what you want for women and how you want them to feel about themselves. So if you're then sitting there in like a shame spiral or in total judgment of yourself then that will take you away from the magic that you actually wanna bring into the world. That's why I have Roxy in me life. Absolutely. Does everybody need a Roxy in their life? And she needs a Jodes, don't ya? I want a Jodes. The answer is yes. Just to help you out there. Needing's not good, actually, if we're going down that. I want one, you want one. The thing is, what Jodes is pointing to is very common and sadly, sadly common. And the amount of women that I coach, that we coach about when they'll say, oh, but they think this and they think that, and every— their default mode is to worry about what the other person has said or the other person is thinking. And I always take the coaching back to, well, what do you think? How do you feel about this? And that can take a couple of sessions for them to really understand what they feel about something and how they see something. And often they'll come out with, well, actually, that didn't work for me, and actually, I don't like that behavior in my life. Well, then how does that inform you about how you want to move forward with this? You know, that's really transformational for women. But our default mode is always to step into, what do they think? And actually, the first question that we should all ask ourselves is, what do I think? How do I feel? What works for me? What doesn't work for me? And then that will inform you about what you need to bring into your life or to get out of your life. We're gonna cut to a break.. And when we're going to come back— when we come back, the girls are going to tell us what they want for women. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie May Is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy, and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well-being, and we're talking all things autism, women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Meg Matthews and I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Join us for a brand new show on Woman's Radio Station. It's the Meg's Menopause Show. Yes, for the first time on radio, there's an entire show dedicated to the menopause. A fresh new approach where we inform you of all the choices and treatments that are out there. Supportive and empowering. 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Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadioStation, that's Women's Radio STN, or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello, welcome back to Femaling on Women's Radio Station. We are now with my two lovely guests, Jode and Roxy. We're gonna talk about what we all want for women. We were just saying in the break, girls, one of you just say what we were talking about in the break, 'cause I wish we were recording it. We were saying that we don't actually even know the answer to this question. We work with women all day long, but having an on-the-spot answer to that question's really, really tricky. Mm. Yeah. It was almost like a bit of a riddle What do I want for women? I want them to know what they want. Absolutely. I don't even know if I could say that twice. Okay, I think I need 3 sambucas to be able to do that one properly. What do I want for women? I want them to know what they want. There you go, there you go. Did it sober. Nailed it. Um, so, so I am going to put you on the spot now, okay? Because you're two women that are absolutely full of love for women and what you want for women, and you're even hosting the most enormous conference for any type of woman at any stage of life that she is in. And your work is all based on empowering women. So what is it you truly want women to know? I think you just sort of said it then, is we want them to know that they can choose their empowerment, that we have the ability at any point to choose what we do. And yet we so often feel that we're just going along with our lives or doing what's expected of us without recognising we can choose at any moment to change anything that we don't want to be doing. There's a real freedom in that, the day that you realise there is all— it sounds quite harsh to say there is always a choice, but there really is. There really is, and I mean that with really good intent and a really good heart, and if you sit and think about it properly, there's always a choice. There's consequences to our choices, and some of those choices are harder than others. Yeah. But then some, sometimes, you know, the best things in life take a bit of effort and a bit of energy and a bit of time and a bit of hard work. And I think the society that we live in now, the world wants everything to come easy, and the best things in life, the real valuable stuff in life, isn't always easy. It's hard. And it's about knowing that, do you know what, it's hard and I can do hard stuff and hard stuff feels great when you get out the other side. Well, what were you saying before, Jode, about having the tenacity to stick with it? Yeah, yeah, so, you know, we were talking about a lot of the women I work with, so independently as Jode, so I am an assertiveness coach. So I work with women to get what they want. And often the first stage of that is, figuring out what it is that you want. So if I ask a woman that question, what is it that you want? 99 times out of 100, they'll tell me what they don't want instead. They won't even realize they've done it. I do it myself too when I get asked the question. I love the little bird on your shoulder who's telling you, yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. We'll default straight to that place rather than really getting into the zone and thinking, actually, what is it that I want? Why do you think that is? Why is there such a default mode of going into what we don't want? I don't even know the answer. I can tell you what I think and what I sense. Yes, please. There's a, there's a vibe of, do we feel entitled? Do we feel deserving of? Is it our right to? Does that make me look a bit harsh or brash or egotistical? Yeah, if I, if I'm out there saying this is what I want and I would like to go and get it. But then that all goes back to caring or minding about other people's opinions more than your own. Agreed. I was just saying before that when my coach kept asking me, well, what do you want? What do you want? And I kept saying, I don't think I want to do— I don't think I want to do that. What is it you want? It took me about 3 sessions to say, okay, I'm ready to tell you what I want. And I was embarrassed, and I was— I hate to say it— shameful, okay, about wanting what I wanted. And one of the things now I can just say it is that I wanted to have a really successful podcast and I wanted to concentrate on that in that area rather than my one-to-one business, which I still adore, but that was the direction I wanted to go in. It took me 3 weeks to be able to confess to that because I felt I wasn't exactly what you just said, Jodes. I wasn't deserving of it, or it was egotistical. And who am I? Who, I've got a big, bird on my shoulder with the, who am I, who do you think you are? And I think a lot of women do. But I will say that once I claimed it for myself, going back to the manifesting bit, here I am now sat in women's radio station. Yes. So it is vitally important to claim what you want for yourself, because if you don't claim it, you won't ever have it. How could you? Absolutely. How could you? You know, I think that's kind of the big thing really behind International Women's Day. Yeah. And that being the catalyst for women to be loud and proud about what they stand for, almost to say what they want and be ready to go and make it happen. And something with Womanifest is that we want women who aren't able, who don't feel ready or don't know what they want, to be able to see all these empowered and inspiring women there doing exactly that in the hope and in the knowledge. We know that seeing other people do what we want is far, far more likely to inspire us to be able to step towards it because we can see that it is achievable. I will say in full transparency, I am going to be speaking on your main stage. You are. You definitely are. I'm very excited. I am. I haven't written my talk yet, but I've got an idea of what I wanted to say. We haven't written ours yet. Okay, good. I'm a bit last minute dot com on those things. But listen, whatever I'm going to talk about, it absolutely lives in my heart. And I'll be talking about how a woman can be more accepting of herself. So, and more herself in the process. I'm also doing a workshop. Again, I haven't done that yet, but it is on my list of things to do. Tell us where a woman can buy tickets, how much the tickets are, you know, all the logistical bits. If and when they want to join us at Womanifest. Of course, it's nice and easy. Everything's at womanifest.co.uk. That is easy. Not manifest, womanifest. Yeah, if you want to make it easy, womanifest, just on that one for spelling purposes. But you can buy the tickets directly on our Facebook page. It's all embedded on there. You can access them on Eventbrite. Brilliant. It's all powered through Eventbrite, so So that's linked up to the website and it's linked up to the Facebook page. So, you know, the channels to get your hands on a ticket are nice and easy. And how much are the tickets and are there different levels of tickets? Yeah, yeah. So we wanted to really cater for lots of different people. So you can come along on a standard ticket for one day. You can choose the Saturday or the Sunday. Sunday, because I'm on the main stage. You're on the Sunday. So am I. Roxy's on the Saturday. You don't need to see Jo, do you? I'm Saturday. And a standard day ticket to access All of that is just £34. We don't charge you extra to go into the workshops or anything. Once you're through the door, you're through the door. Gorgeous. The only extras you might choose to pay for, because it's a nice thing to do, is we've arranged some pamper treatments. Oh, lovely. So if you do want to treat yourself to a bit of pamper treatments, they'll be going on. Okay. That's the only thing. And I guess there'll be stands for products and things to purchase. Yeah, yeah, we've got lots of products and services exhibiting, so you can try those out, treat yourself, buy a few things. Lovely. So that's a standard day ticket. You can cover the weekend and do both days for £60. So if you wanna make a weekend of it. That's great. We've got a girls' day out ticket. So if 4 of you wanna come together and make a day of it or a weekend of it, there's options around that as well. And again, they save you money by coming together. We've even got a VIP option, so. You need to be coming VIP. What's going on in the VIP, girls? So if you come as a VIP, so the ticket's £129 for the day, there is a weekend option as well. And you get a goodie bag with lots of fabulous things in it. You get a complimentary pamper treatment, so you can choose which one of those pamper treatments you want to have. You get a private chill-out area. You get a lunch, you get your lunch and a cocktail, or a glass of fizz if you prefer a glass of fizz. Oh, nice. You get to hang out where the speakers will hang out, so you can have a chat to those as well. And you get reserved seating at the front of the main stage, so you get to get proper bird's-eye view of everything that is going on. Fantastic. I wanna come VIP. You're there anyway. You are a VIP. I am Chloe for the day. We're gonna, what time's it start? What time's it end? So it's 10 till 5. We were going till 4, but there's too much to pack in. So we're going till 5. And at the end, there's going to be a bit of an empower hour. So there might be dancing. We've got a little DJ thing happening. Ooh, lovely. And also in the middle of the day, so at noon, 12 o'clock each day, we've got an interactive catwalk. So we've got some local fashion brands on there and our resident stylists. Will be dressing women on there, showing you how to take the look from day to night. She's gonna— it's really interactive with real women modeling, including me and Jodie. I love it. And what's our fashion show? Is a fashion show with a twist, because obviously it's all normal-looking women of a range of size and shapes and whatnot. But our resident stylist shows women how to dress the body they've got, not the one they thought they wanted. So this is about what are the right clothes for different body shapes. For right now, for like, and you know, if I'm a pear, what types of clothes suit a pear's body shape? Or if I'm an hourglass or an apple, all this kind of stuff. And also how to wear the right shades of colours for your colour palette, how to balance your proportions, as well as how to make outfits work from day to night and stuff like that. So it's, it takes fashion shows up a level. There's so much going on, so much going on, and it just really covers the whole woman's experience. Well done, girls. I really cannot wait to be a part of it. And I will say that in your VIP goodie bags, I will very— I'll be very happy to donate a one-to-one coaching session. Oh wow, amazing. So I'll get— and I'll send that to you later today. Um, so if you want to go VIP, you will get a VIP— you're a coaching session. I'll probably turn them off actually. Yeah, probably put them off rather than being incentive. I don't think so. Bite your hand off. So I always like to end my radio shows with a quote, and this one I felt was very fitting. It says— I don't know who wrote it, I always like to say who wrote it, but I don't know, so apologies for that— "Woman to woman, may we allow each other the freedom to explore all of the depths and variations of our own femininity and not judge or condemn each other for the layers and directions of womanhood we each choose to pass or take on. We will not all find and define ourselves on the same way. But as we find and define ourselves, let us not stand in each other's way. Oh, that's perfect. Everything we stand for. Isn't that beautiful? Gorgeous. And I just think that if we could integrate this language into the real sisterhood culture, yeah, then I think women will rid themselves of the guilt, rid themselves of the shame, rid themselves of the mental load that we find ourselves in, and actually be able to step into all the things that we all want for women, which is to be in choice and to be empowered and to live the life that truly works for them. What I want for women is, is in my tagline actually, and it came to me in the break because I was talking to you, Roxy, and it is for women to accept themselves, understand themselves, and ultimately and most importantly, be themselves. Perfect. Ladies, thank you so much for joining me on Female in Love on this radio station. I cannot wait to to join you at Womenifest, and we will see you soon. Thank you so much. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity, from opinions, career, ethnicity, education, and most importantly, women's well-being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere. Providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. Hi everyone and welcome to the Femaling Show. I am your host Nicole Goodman and I am a woman's identity expert and coach. As women, we fall into different phases of identity through our adult life, and during these, our challenges can look pretty similar. Here at WRS, I will be talking to you about the real issues we all face, and even the ones we can silently struggle with. Through honest, heartfelt conversation here at Femaleing, you will learn how to accept yourself, understand yourself, and be yourself. 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