Female – Ing – Louise Andres Vicaria, How To Better Our Relationship With Food

Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Femaling Show. We have got a lovely topic for you today, one I've covered, but today it's got a little bit of a twist and it's how to better your relationship with food. Now, I'm aware that this topic comes up a lot, and the reason that I cover it a lot is because I think it's such a complex subject for us women. And I always like to get into the psychology of food and how, how it affects our mood, how it affects us physically and just kind of how we're emotionally attached to food. I just think there's so much to talk about it. And I am joined by Louise Vicaria. She is my guest today. Louise is the founder of BodyTalks, which is a unique program which helps people develop a happier and healthier relationship with their body. Sounds great. Together with a team of experts in psychology, personal training and nutrition, Louisa and her team have developed the Body Talks program. Louisa says the people we help say not only are they body confident, but they achieve their weight goals and freedom from thinking about food. Louise, welcome to Femaling. Good morning, Nicole, how are you? I'm good. We've had a bit of a rocky start, haven't we, with the tech this morning? So we're just, we're kind of, we're decompressing after a very stressful 15 minutes. But that's. Thank you for being here. Thank you very much for having me. So tell us about this program. Like, how long is it? What is it about? What kind of women would come to your program? What's it for? Okay, well, first of all, I'd like just to say that we've been working on this program for quite a long time. We've been working on it, writing and developing it for the last five years, and we've been piloting it over two years. There's been a real wide spectrum of people who have attended the course, actually from quite young, 18, 19 to mid-30s, mid-40s, mid-50s. So really, you know, at the end of the day, food and issues with food doesn't pick anyone. You know, there's a multitude of people across the spectrum who have food issues and who aren't very happy with their, with their bodies or they're not happy with their, you know, how they feel about themselves. So we've had a large number of females and males who have piloted our course. And yeah, they've, you know, all of them have had 100% positive response to the program. The program is set to last for 12 weeks when we piloted it because we were wanting to ensure that we had got the program right. It was on a face to face meeting basis. So we were meeting our members on a weekly basis. However, we're now in the process and should be finished by August of filming all of our sessions so that they are downloadable and people can purchase them and download them online. Oh, sounds amazing. So a couple of questions I would really like to ask. Yes? Because you said it went from like 18 year olds to mid-50s. Are there women older than that that would come into your course? And then I'm curious as to how come you didn't mention older ladies? Is that because. I don't know. They've accepted their relationship with food. They're more comfortable in themselves. Like, what do you think? Why does it stop at that age group? No, you know, I just think that it doesn't. I think the late, the oldest lady that we had on our, our group was 72 years old. I did at the time get a lot, a lot of feedback from people who, who weren't able to physically attend the courses because they were a lot further away than where we were holding the courses. And there was huge demand for us to provide these kind of sessions on an online basis. And I think people, it's very personal for people. Some people enjoy attending group sessions, others prefer to attend or to attend those kind of sessions on a kind of private personal basis. And so I didn't mean to actually leave out people who are older. Just, you know, every, every person who attended the course was a wide spectrum. And like as I said, the elders who attended was 72. I think that it was because we were having physical meetings. It was always limited to people who lived around the area that were able to attend. Again, one of our emphasis of why we wanted to ensure that we provided online sessions so that we can reach people as far away as USA if they want to download them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just. There's, there's a machine in the background. I'm not sure if it's meant to be there. Is it, is it your end? I can't hear anything. No. Okay. Okay, fine. So I was just, it was, it was just from an audio point of view anyway, doesn't matter. So, okay, so it's. So it's for any woman. And let me, like, what kind of. Who would come to it? You know, what kind of issues do you see regularly coming up in the course? Like why would people come to your cause? What problems would they be struggling through? Okay. So the majority of the people, and I have to stress that we had also some men attend our program. Across the spectrum, the people that we found who attended the program were people who had predominantly tried every single diet possible going. And I think they'd reached the time in their life where they were just fed up, felt that they were never going to be able to address the issues that they had with food. It was almost like a constant misery that was hanging around them continuously. And I think that a couple of the ladies said that we were their last chance alone as such, that, you know, they'd never heard of an organization that looked at wanting to tackle the root issues of why they had issues with food and why they, you know, it was taking over their lives so much. And so that when they, they heard. I have to say this is the reason why we developed the program and why my, myself and my team are very passionate about this because we do feel that there is a kind of only very limited information about how to lose weight. And predominantly it's centered around watching what you eat and the food intake, which is of course important. But the main issue is, is that the root of all of your problems with food or the issues that you may have with food is centered around your thoughts and your feelings, which cause you to behave in a certain way. And therefore, until there is something out there, there is going to show people how to identify what is their root problem problem. And everyone's root problems with food is very, very different. So what might be a root problem for me isn't going to be for Unicol, for example. And therefore, this is why it's taken us so long to develop the program because we wanted to ensure that we wrote a kind of map program sessions or lessons that would teach people how they could find and identify their root issues. And then we were able to, to show them how to implement strategies that they can change them. And therefore, once you're able to change that behaviour and those thoughts and emotions, then you're going to, in most cases, eradicate the issues that you have. And it's something that we, that, you know, we feel very passionate about that our program, after a long, long time has actually, it's going to help a lot of people do that. And what kind of issues do you see? What are some of the root problems? I'm really curious because now I'm sitting here thinking, oh, I wonder what mine is. Okay, well, the thing is, it would be folly to think, and I have a list of information. Then, as we were going to do some tips, aren't we later about my top eight tips about what you can start to do to change your relationship with food. But I just want to make very clear that it would be folly to suggest that everything I'm going to speak about in five minutes is going to encompass all of the issues that people have. But so one of the very kind of common, well known issues that people will relate to is, you know, your relationship with food starts at the very beginning, from when you are born, from when your mother feeds you the way that you were maybe told that you couldn't leave the table until you finished all of your food, or that you were rewarded with food, when you did really good things, you were given a piece of chocolate. And it's those very, very kind of basic memories and feelings that you had from when you were little that stay with you on a subconscious level. So if, for example, you did something well and your mum gave you a piece of chocolate, you subconsciously store those emotions and those feelings with that behavior. And you might, on a subconscious level with even realising every time you feel you've done something really well, you reward yourself with food. And this was actually something that a lot of our members found themselves doing. Another of the group was through boredom. They identified that whenever they felt bored, they didn't know what to do with themselves. And so they'd find themselves going to food and eating food because it's something that they did when they were little, because when they were bored, they weren't able to voice the fact that they wanted to do something. And so they went to food for comfort or to kind of fill that gap. And those are two really kind of basic. Like I said, it's far, far more complicated than that. But I'm sure that anyone who listens to that is going to understand and remember. Oh, yes, you know, one of our ladies explained to us how her mum would not let her leave the table until she finished all of the food on her plate. And sometimes she'd be sitting on the table for up to two hours until she finished the plate. And fast forward 40 years later, not only was she finding herself doing exactly the same to her children, but she realized that she was unable to see any plate left with food on it. And so if her children were trying to leave food, she would eat it up and she would eat up hers. She'd eat up what her children left over. And these are all really guttural, basic instinct memories that you have. And a lot of people don't even identify that. This may be the cause of their issues. So I have a question to put it into, like, real time, because I have a daughter, and she's a terrible eater. Terrible eater. And what she does every. Every dinner time is she has like four mouthfuls, and then she starts playing and messing around and dancing around the dinner table. And it drives my husband nuts, and he's like, sit down and finish your dinner now. Because she eats like a bird, we're always kind of saying to her, please eat another mouthful. Please eat another mouthful. And occasionally, I'm always. I say to my husband, you know what she needs to understand when she's full? She needs to understand her body and trust her body. So if she says she's full, we have to trust that she's full. But when she's eaten two mouthfuls and then she's hungry five minutes later for an ice cream, it's really hard to trust her judgment on that. So do you know what I mean? But then again, and I'm really hearing what you're saying, and I completely resonate with what you're saying, and it makes so much sense. And I can't sit here again. It would be stupid for me to assume that I could unravel everything that you said about my relationship with food towards how I was conditioned around food in five minutes. But it has made me think more what I'm passing on to my children and how I can consciously do that or stop doing that. So in terms of, like, having a fussy eater and not wanting to condition her to sit at the table and then start, you know, hoovering up everybody else's food when she's 25 years old, like, yes, like, what would your advice be around that? How can I allow her to have her healthy relationship with food, but yet when she's nine years old, she doesn't know what's best for her. Sure. Okay. Well, I think that it's fantastic that you're, first of all, asking me this and you're identifying this. Second of all, I think that at the age of nine, it is really. I think that most children have a disinterest with foods, which I think. And unless it's bordering on something that you should be worried about, and I'm sure that you know your child better than anyone, and if you don't feel that it's bordering on any kind of other psychological underlining issues that she may be having, I. E. That you're a bit worried that she's trying to lose weight because she doesn't want to eat and I think you know where I'm going. Yes, yes. If you don't believe that it has anything to do with that, then I think that it's very healthy and very normal that when she starts playing around, it's definitely because she is no longer hungry. And therefore I think that the main thing, the way that you can, that you can try to speak with her about it is to show some account, explain to her that she needs to have some accountability. So explained to her that once she comes, she finishes eating, that she will not be allowed to pick or eat anything else until the next meal time. This means that if she gets up and says she's full, that's fine, but under no illusion is she to expect that if half an hour later she wants an ice cream, that she will have an ice cream. And I think that with, I think it's about showing her boundaries, teaching her boundaries. That is that. And I did this with my daughter, my daughter does exactly the same. And I thought, fine, there's no way I'm going to make her sit on the table and finish her food because it goes against everything that we teach. And therefore I sat her down and I explained to her about her having accountability, that if she said she was full, it meant that I was going to trust her. But these, this was, was going to happen. She wasn't going to be allowed to pick and she wasn't going to be allowed to have ice cream or to have a dessert, not as a punishment. If she's allowed to have dessert after she's eaten, she's finished her food, let her have her dessert, but start to put in kind of times of when she can have her food and when she cannot. So I will guarantee you that if you start to follow through with this in the next three days where she's not allowed to pick, next time she sits down at a meal time, she will eat until she's full. And if again, it's only three mouthfuls and you see that she's not eating for four hours later and then she's having her meal. You know, I think that children have a very different metabolism. Adults, I think that they do not place the importance to food that we place. And therefore, unless we feel, and we know our children better than anyone, unless we feel that there's some underlining psychological issues of why they are trying to avoid eating food, we need to trust them and we need to allow them to take accountability for themselves and to manage their own relationship with food. And so if she has that connection, and I think that if most of us as adults still have the connection that we have with food in our stomachs, I think all of us would eat at least 70% less than what we eat. I think that a lot of us override those natural feelings that we don't have children. And that's why children eat when they're hungry and they don't when they're not. And so I think that maybe you should have a go at that and let me know how that goes. Thank you. Thank you. That's really helpful. You know, the word boundaries is. Yes, of course. Definitely more so in the whole parenting field as a whole. So you just said something really interesting about if we relate to our stomachs and what our stomachs is telling us, then we would eat 70% less. Just say a bit more about that, Louise, if you don't mind. Yes, of course. So one of the kind of information or sessions that we go through in our program is about getting people to connect again with their. Their stomachs and identifying those full signals. As adults, for some reason, people who have issues with food or who have kind of some disordered eating, we have lost the connection that we have with our stomachs. And therefore, often we've gotten what it feels like to feel full because we've overridden those feelings for such a long time. And in order for you to reconnect with those feelings, feelings, you need to first of all start to learn to identify when you're full. And so one of the techniques and one of the strategies that we ask our members to do is to, when they're eating, to really start to notice how they're feeling. Now, sometimes, because you've lost that connection with feeling full, you may have a. Your body will try to send you other signals, warn you, look, I'm full now. And so it might be that it's not that you feel full anymore because you've overridden those feelings for such a long time. It might be that the food that you're eating starts to lose that flavour. So it's not as flavorsome as it was when you were hungry. It might be that you start to feel a little bit heavier around your stomach. And maybe sometimes some people, when they've eaten more than they should, start to get a bit hotter. Their body temperature goes up. The point is that you need to try and start to identify and to connect your mind with your body. When I say that at the beginning of our session, a lot of people laugh, but what they don't realize is that often, and it happens more in adults than in children is that your mind and your body aren't connected any longer. So even though you are physically together, you are not psychologically together. And so to rebuild that connection takes some, takes time, it takes some education, it takes some teaching. And so once you start to identify those feelings like, oh, the food doesn't taste as good anymore. Oh, you know what, my stomach feels a bit heavy. Oh, I'm feeling quite hot. If you start to start to notice which, which are the feelings that work for you or that you, that your body's trying to signal as your body's trying to send you to tell you that you're full, you then should try to listen to it and stop eating. I mean it sounds so simple, doesn't it? It's a, it's a mind body connection. It's so complicated. Yeah, but in all, and, but in order, I believe that in order to have a good relationship with anything, there has to be a mind body connection. And a lot of my coaching, a lot of when I'm doing my one to one coaching, I talk about what's in the body. Like, tell me how you feel right now. And then when they say, well, I just know that and I'm like, well how do you know that? And they can't answer it from like a mental level. I said like, tell me what's happening in your body, what do you feel right now? And let's say they, they'll say, oh, well, I feel like a, like a warmth in my stomach. And then we, and then I coach around that and that warmth in the stomach is there to tell them something. So, and then I'm always pointing out, right, that's your moment of truth. That's your truth that lives within your body, that is the wisdom inside of you. And yet we can, and I love what you said when you said we completely override it. We completely override when we feel full, we completely override what our body is telling us. It's like we give it absolutely. Sorry to hit the mic, we give it no air time whatsoever, as if it's got nothing to say. When in all truth, that's the part of ourselves that is just so wise, the part that is always correct, you can't question it because the stuff that goes on in our head about, oh, should I eat that, should I not eat that? Am I full, am I not? Like that's all rubbish, just all a nonsense because we can completely dominate and control our thoughts in whatever way we want to. But the stuff that's going on in your body. Like when you're full, you're full. That's just a fact that becomes. It is a clear truth, right? It is. But the thing is, and this is when it starts to get complicated for everybody because those overriding of your initial instincts, let's call it your instinct, the instinct that's trying to tell you something has happened for a reason. And one of the reasons why that happened is because with every memory that you have. So we use cognitive behaviour therapy as part of the science behind our program. And one of our members is, is a disordered eating doctor. She has a PhD in disordered eating. And so one of the things that we've identified and we help people connect with is that there is a. What is that reason that you override those natural instincts? Because you see that the body is really funny. We go with the condition that every memory produces a thought and produces a feeling, and those thoughts and those feelings then propel you to behave in a certain way. And so this is when it starts to get a little bit kind of like the science bit, where people, you know, it's not that it's difficult to understand, but you just need to get your head around it. Is that on a very, on a subconscious level every time you have a memory. So I'll give you an example that I wanted to bring up today, is that why is it that so many people find it difficult to be on a diet? Okay, now the main reason why so many, I mean, it's like the million dollar bloody question. Exactly, exactly, exactly. Well, I'm going to give you a nugget of gold here predominantly. And like I said, there is always, always the mind for everybody and the personal feelings for everybody is so different. I think that's why we're so proud of the program that we've developed because it's taken us such a long time to do it. And our focus is to genuinely, genuinely help people where they no longer have to rely on anybody to help them. And that's the main aim of our program, is to make people autonomous to themselves. Now, you've been on a diet. Imagine you've been on a diet, Nicole. And whilst you were on that diet, let's not talk about the kind of nutrition that you had, but let's talk about from an emotional point of view how that diet made you feel. So whilst you were on that diet, you weren't able to eat any food that you wanted. And this is one of the big misconceptions that people, when they have so there's about four reasons, roughly, about why people fail when they're on a diet. So from an emotional point of view and a feeling point of view, when you've been on that diet, 99% people have been on a diet have been miserable. I mean, like, they hated the experience. They do it because they feel that that's what they have to do to lose weight. And so all of the memories and emotions and feelings that are tied in with being on a diet is so negative that when you even think in your mind about being on a diet, your behavior, your whole physical behavior is to just recoil and go, I just can't. I just can't do that. It's just not for me. And you know what? It's not for anyone. No one should be having to go hungry to lose weight. This is the real misconception. And there's so much false information out there where, you know, unregulated people can talk about diet and talk about nutrition and talk about psychology, and they really, really need to reel in these people because it's really through them that there's so much damage about how people view being healthier. Because that's what the point is. The point is it's about being healthier. It's not about you needing to look like Kate Moss. Even if I was on a diet for 20 years, I would never look like Kate Moss. So, you know, there's lots of other things. It's about body acceptance. It's about accepting how you can be the best that you can be, not you wanting to emulate someone else. So one of the other reasons a lot of people don't actually have the real advice, the proper nutritional and dietetic advice that you need to be on a healthy weight loss program. When you hear people who are on the cabbage diet or, you know, the cauliflower, whatever, syrup nonsense, it's all nonsense. This is all unsustainable ways of trying to lose weight, which the only thing you're going to do is you're going to damage your thought process about trying to get healthier. And in fact, that's what's happened. There is a real damage about the things that you have to do to get healthier. Everyone looks at dieting as an absolute nightmare, and I don't blame them. You do not need to be on a diet to lose weight. You need to be mindful of what you're eating, and you need to have information. And the information is going to teach you and help you so that you can achieve what it is that you have to do. And then you need to also look from a psychological point of view. And this is the real key. From a psychological point of view, why is it that you find it difficult to eat less? Why is it that you need to go to chocolate every time that you're not feeling well? The other thing is about, remember when I mentioned to you about the reward process? So if you have spent 30 years of your life rewarding yourself with food, you aren't going to suddenly be able to just stop that. So it's about implementing strategies to reward yourself in different ways. It's a real minefield of a subject and it's something I wish I could speak to you about for hours and hours and hours. You know, I mean, I've done loads of work on my relationship with food and I've struggled, I would say probably for about six years in my relationship food. And the last two years have been much, much, much more balanced and much better. And I've really done the work, you know, I've really looked into it and all these things that you're telling us and all these nuggets and you know, I've really kind of delved into all of it and I still, I still, I don't want to say fall off the wagon, but I still have issues around food. So for example, for the last four days I have been eating absolutely rubbish, absolute rubbish. And now what I have learned, because I know about my mind and my body and I know myself pretty well, it's, it's put me in a really bad mood and I have had headaches because I've been eating so much sugar and blah, blah, blah, all of my well being absolutely drops. So. God, I so hear you when you say when you go on a diet it puts people in a bad mood. And now because I've done so much work around this, actually eating rubbish now puts me in a bad mood. And so the word diet, oh my God, no, but eating, yeah, horrendous. Because the thought of someone having to tell me what to eat or me being told and controlled about what goes in my own body has never worked for me. Hence why I've never really done or felt very good around the diet thing. So I love that you've brought that into it. But also now, because I've grappled with this for so many years, what I have uncovered is that eating healthy and putting foods that sustain my body and that are good for my body make me much happier than when I don't. But that's taken years for me to figure it out. And I still have those few days where I eat absolute rubbish and that reminder of no, this makes me feel awful. I need to go back to what makes me feel good. But even the language I use around that, Louise, it, you know, is that makes me feel bad. That makes me feel good. I've learned, but I've learned how to do that and I still get it completely wrong so often. And so then, and then, and then there's the, you know, feeling bad about it. And my relationship with food is no different to any other woman's. Right. I don't think I might be further on than some people are not and not as far in the journey as others into healing my relationship with food. And I think that's the sad, that's the bit that makes me so upset is that every woman that I speak to somewhere they need some sort of healing around their relationship with food because it is such an integral part of our well being, such an integral part of our self care. And it's not like you can say, oh, you know what, I'm just not going to do that anymore. You don't get that option. Right. It's in our everyday lives three, four times a day. Yeah. So we owe it to ourselves to create a healthy with it. Shall I tell you? Shall I tell you? That's really funny because you've just said something that really makes me almost very clearly identify where, where you. I think there's still some healing to be done for you in terms of, with the food. So I think it's really important. And a lot of the members that we had when they finished the program, the one thing that they were able to learn apart from all the other strategies about identifying their root causes, we've gone through that as much as we can in the short time that we have. But it's about acceptance. So for example, the thing is, the most important thing is if we go through our life thinking that we can never eat unhealthily or, or that every time we eat unhealthy, it's really bad for us. It's those feelings that are bad for us. There is nothing that you do in moderation that is bad bad for you. If 80% of the time you live a really healthy lifestyle and then 20% of the time you just want to spend two days in bed eating chips, that's okay. That is fine. There is nothing wrong with that. And you know, I think that every single person who finished our program said that they were so liberated because not only Were they going to enjoy being healthy? But the novel idea, and check this out, is they were going to enjoy when they weren't. Because that's okay. It's okay not to always be healthy. You're not a robot. If you want to have a burger, have a burger. And if you want to eat badly for two days, do it. Trust your body, trust yourself. And if after four days you realize that you've been eating that, and you know what, okay then, hold on, I need to reel myself in. Do it in a positive and loving way, not in a negative way. It's really about just changing that perception. Every single person who attended our course was liberated because not only have they identified their issues, had the strategies now to identify what they needed to do, but they also had, they had finally body acceptance and also the freedom to choose how they were going to behave around food. And that is goal. If you can spend your life doing that, that is for me, so important because you spend so much of your time negatively thinking about food that it takes you away from doing other more important things. And so all I would say to you, Nicole, is enjoy those four days. Don't worry about the negativity. That's maybe the feelings that you have tied in with eating unhealthy. But the truth of it is you look after yourself, you exercise, you know what, you want to spend four days where you just eat chips, good for you. There is nothing wrong with that. Honestly, there isn't. And that is, that is where the changes is knowing when to say, that's okay, it's okay, I've done that. It's nothing negative because the whole weight loss and diet kind of industry is about. It's about wanting us to beat ourselves up when we feel that we aren't doing the perfect thing. I think that it's just that little tweak, I think that Approach it with love, approach it with positivity. Make sure you've enjoyed it. For the love of God, if you've eaten, if you've eaten what you fancied, enjoy it. Don't look upon it as something negative. But then if you feel that it's going too, too much one way, then in a very gentle way with yourself, just go, oops. Okay, then, you know, I'm doing a bit too much. Let's reel it in. Let's, let's get the, you know, the healthier soups out. Let's get this. But it's not negative. It's perfectly fine for you to eat well. And I also think it's important to recognize when it's joyful, you know, having a lovely meal with your family of burgers and chips and a glass of wine. And when that's joyful and when it's necessary and when it's just tipped over into something that can be quite destructive. And I think that's the line. Like the first two days I probably did really enjoy it, but the second two days, like I really didn't, I was in total self destruct that I couldn't get out of this horrible pattern. And it wasn't until I woke up this morning feeling all puffy headache for four days saying to myself, right, this is not serving you. This is not a positive experience, so stop doing it. So that to me feels, you know, that feels like real self love today. Because I'm doing it from, for what's good for me. And I agree they're sitting in bed watching Netflix and eating chips for two days. If that's what you want to do, then by all means feel empowered doing that. And I love that you empower people to have a proper relationship with food, not a strict restricted diet where they can only eat good foods versus bad foods in inverted commas, whatever the hell that means, but a whole relationship with food. And that includes chips and that includes chocolate and that includes all of it. Right. But feeling empowered around it. I think it's beautiful. Thank you. So can we, can we move into your eight. You said there were eight steps that you were going to share with us in how to have a better relationship with food. Okay, so these are my eight top tips on how to attain a better relationship with your mind and body and about setting realistic goals. Okay, so number one, I think that it's very, I think that you probably did that in the, in the last few days where you felt that, you know, you were enjoying the couple of days where you were eating whatever you wanted. And then potentially it was, it was, it was spilling into something that you, that you know yourself better than anyone. And so, so when you get to those, those stages or so imagine you, that you, you've been a long time where you haven't looked after yourself and you, you want to start looking after yourself or you've had for, you know, four days where you've overeaten and you kind of feel like, okay, it's kind of spilling into that kind of territory where it's making me feel like I'm losing control. Okay, so the first thing you need to do is you need to prepare yourself mentally. Okay? Now when I Say, prepare yourself mentally. I'm talking about learning to speak to yourself from a place of love and saying to yourself, so, for example, in your position, Nicole, as you did with yourself, you know what? I've had four days where I've eaten where I wanted. It's starting to get to the point where it's not making me feel better. Okay, then. So this is what I'm going to do. And you probably do this subconsciously without even realizing, or maybe you are realizing it. So you subconsciously prepare yourself mentally and you think about the things that you. That you want to achieve. So you think about, you know, that you want to start to eat healthier because you want to be healthier. For some people, it might be that they want to try and lose a bit of weight. It might be that they just want to stop these uncomfortable feelings of every time, you know, they eat more than they should. It makes. It is this kind of uncomfortable feeling that sits inside of you that it's so encompassing and so, you know, stressful. So prepare yourself mentally. Think about what you want to do and think about why you want to do it. I think that's. That's a massive one, isn't it? Absolutely. Just that. That twist in. Okay, this isn't working. What do I want? You know, we call that a superpower question in coaching. What do you want here? Because it gets you in touch with something so much more important rather than just shoving the 19th Oreo in your mouth. I would know, obviously. But that's so important because you actually. That's what. That's my always. Our first tip. And that's the first one is about preparation, mental preparation. Because when you mentally prepare yourself, you are asking. You're almost going through a checklist, okay, so what is it that I want? What is it I want to achieve? Why do I want to achieve it? How? You know, I would also say that. So the next tip is that you need to be prepared to be honest with yourself. And I mean really honest with yourself. So what is it you want to change about yourself? Is it more? Is it. Sometimes people use their bodies as a way of controlling because they have a lack of control in their life. And so therefore, the only thing that they feel that they control is what. What they do with their bodies. But it might be that you actually don't really have a problem with your body. It's. It's. The problem is bigger than that. And I think it's. It's that honesty is that being mentally prepared and being honest with yourself are Two really key elements that don't necessarily happen over 20 minutes. So whenever we start our program the first two weeks, we actually don't allow any of our members to even look at reducing their food from a dietetic point of view, because what we want them to do is we want them to prepare themselves mentally. And so be honest with yourself. Think about why, why, why, why is it. Why do. What do you want to change about your body? What, what, what is it? What changes do you want to make? Are they realistic? Then think about the relationship that you have with your body. Body. Is it. Is. Do you have a positive relationship with your body or is it that you used to have a fantastic body and you feel that your body doesn't look so good now because you've had children, you're getting older, you've. You've been unwell. So there's lots and lots of reasons why people disconnect mentally from their physical body. And so, you know, I think this is, this is also a massive one. Yeah, this is massive. I know, because we. So I just want to underline this one because I think we subconsciously stay here in number three a lot. Like, I stayed there for years. And I know that women are always, they always say to me, oh, I just want to get back to how I was then. You know, how I looked in that dress. I just want to get back to that. Well, hold on, that was 10 years ago. And yes, you might have had babies then, but hormonally you're completely different. Your lifestyle is completely different and your mindset is completely different. And, and I listen, I do this, I'm so guilty of this and not even going back to when I was in my 20s, but actually going back to how I looked when I had a raging eating disorder and trying to get there with a healthy balance with food. That, that firstly, that's not going to happen. And secondly, I looked revolting. But it's like this. It's like this Mecca in your mind of something to aspire to. And, and it's until. But until that's pointed out, you don't even realize you're consciously. It's so subconscious, isn't it? But you know, what's really, what's really, what's really, I think, interesting about what you've just said. And we've had a lot of people who feel like you just expressed is. The good thing is, though, that it looks like you're really in touch with yourself and in touch with your feelings and in touch with what you want to Achieve. But you said something really, really telling, and that was that you looked revolting then. So at least you're able to see that. We've had a number of members who look back at when they were very, very thin and thought that they looked amazing. And it's when they think that they looked amazing when they weighed four and a half stone, that's, you know, you know, that that person needs, needs a bit of extra help. And obviously that is something that we, you know, we're very ethical. If we, you know, we wouldn't ever want to, you know, use this program as a way of supporting people to lose weight that they don't need to lose. You know, from an ethical. We're all, you know, part of. All my group are part of a medical group, and they are all very ethical, and therefore it's not something that we would allow. So it's good that you at least recognize that. So that good for you. You're definitely, I think, further down, down the road than what you realize that you are. Okay, so tip number four is make a list of what you'd like to achieve. Okay. And identify these. If they are your goals or goals that have been set by others. And when I, when I mean set by others, I'm talking about potentially the media. So, you know, think about a model that you've seen that you just think looks so amazing and your expectations are that you want to try and look like them. And she's. And she's 19 and you're 46. And. Yeah, I mean, it's just not, it's not realistic. But it's, but it's more than that. Well, of course it's not, because obviously age is a real factor. And I think that when you're 20, 21, and you hear 40 something say that, they kind of laugh. It will come to you. It's true. I mean, like, our bodies change physiologically, physically, you know, hormonally. You know, it really is something about why, why body acceptance is so key as well. Because exactly as you said, you cannot have the body that when you're 20, you can't have that same body when you're 50. I mean, you can if you, if you really want to spend hours. You know, you're either going to be natural. If you are natural, good for you. You're very lucky. Let me tell you. Genetically, there's only about 8% of females in the population who genetically look fantastic all through their lives. And good for them. I mean, we should, you know, we should empower them. They are very lucky. But the reality is that 92% of females do not have that. And therefore it's also about being realistic. It's about setting realistic goals. If I'm 5 foot 12, sorry, if I'm 5 foot 11 and I'm quite stocky, however much I try to lose weight, I'm not going to be. Let me think of a small, you know, thin cape Moss. I'm never going to look at like Kate Moss. I can look only the best that I can look for myself. I can't look like someone else. And I think that that's also another element of this whole perpetuation of people, of people wanting to be something that they're not. So number four is make, make, identify what your goals are and make sure that they are realistic. Okay? And make sure that they're the goals that you want for you. Not, it's not because, you know, your mother in law turned around and said that you're, you're looking a bit chubby or that your husband wants to you to lose weight. The point is you need to do this for yourself, not because someone, someone else has told you, okay, number five, are your goals achievable? Oh, I kind of went into that. So are you being fair to yourself? Are you being fair? I love that question. Am I being fair to myself? I love that. What a beautifully kind, compassionate question. It's so true. You know, the, one of the things that we really try to connect people is to make them identify that actually you really need to be grateful to your body. It's like we go through our lives, we go through our lives, a lot of us, not everyone really hating our bodies, which is so unfair and so unjust because it's only when you start to get something seriously wrong with your body that you realize that that's covered you for all of your life. It's done its best by you. You should be treating it with respect. I mean the whole thing is, is that you should treat yourself and your body with respect. So are you being fair to yourself? Are your goals achievable? That's number five. So your body is the only place that you will ever live for your entire life. So you know, you've got to treat it kindly and it does so much for you. Because without your body, you ain't doing anything. You ain't doing anything. And you know what, And I want to say something as well. If you want to be a size 16 and you want to be your size 18 and you are happy, then good for You. I'm absolutely against this whole fat shaming, that everyone needs to be one way. I'm so against that. That is not right. The point is, as long as you are happy, as long as you are there, because that's how you want to be, and you're still being healthy, you're still, you know, you're still walking, you're still trying to keep yourself fit. That is the key thing, is that be healthy. You do not have to be a size 8 to be healthy. And that's, I think, something that they've really meshed. The whole diet industry have meshed healthy with being thin. And that's not necessarily true. That's not true. That is not true. You can be a size 14 or size 16 and be healthier than any size 8. So that's another thing, another big misconception that we've been kind of conditioned to believe. Okay, so then the other thing, number six is, okay, so you've set your goals, you've identified, they're achievable, you're being fair to yourself, and you set them. Now you think about timescales. Now are you being realistic about the timescales that you are giving yourself? Okay, so if, for example, I want to lose two stones, I'm not going to lose those two stones in eight weeks. You should never be looking at wanting to lose two stones in eight weeks, because that is where you perpetuate whole misremen and it's unhealthy and it's not sustainable. And I can guarantee you that after two months, if you manage to get there, you will four months down the line, be back there. So it's about setting realistic timescales. Don't look at. You know, in one of my articles that I put in my Instagram page, one of the things is that we're a generation where we're so impatient, we set ourselves a target and we think that we should achieve it immediately. I mean, it takes you three years to achieve a degree. You know, if you want to start to get healthier, this is something that's going to take time. It's going to be a lifestyle change. It's going to be something you should be gradual. You should do it gently, you should do it, enjoy the process. If you're not going to enjoy the process, you're never going to make it sustainable. And that's what you want. You want to make a lifestyle choice that works for you so that it's sustainable for you, so that five years down the line, all your hard work has not been for nothing. You're still there, you're still looking good, you're still, still feeling good about yourself. So it's about trying to make sure that you are realistic with these timescales. Hold on one second, Louise, you're breaking up a bit and actually what you're saying is vitally, vitally important. And what you're so just to go back because you did break up quite a bit. I don't know if it's just my end, but be realistic about the time scale you can't achieve. You know, no one does a degree. It takes three years to achieve a degree and to get a degree. So be realistic about what your goals are and how long it's going to take you to get there. Nothing is instant. That's right, isn't it? Correct. And please try to enjoy the process. Enjoy the process, Enjoy the process because that is the only way that you will make those changes sustainable. If you, if you don't make a process sustainable and work for you and it's very different for everyone, you're never going to sustain it. And that is people who. Yeah, can you hear me? Excellent. Breaking up. You're really sorry. You're really breaking up. I don't know if you've moved or something's happened Internet wise because I do love what you're saying and I think it's so, so, so important. Okay. Okay. The other thing I will say about that is that the timescale is, is so important and, and how you relate to that timescale as well. Because if it's about. And you know, weight loss is such a small part of. This is what I'm hearing in your course. It's actually about the psychology behind how you relate to food. And if you can see it as a long term plan. Well, this is how I choose to live. Then there's no time scale, is it? This is how I choose to be rather than this is how I choose to be for the next six months and let's see what happens. Exactly. It's a lifestyle choice, right? Absolutely. But it's. Yeah. And that's why it's really key that you try to make it enjoyable. Make it work for you. Make whatever you want to work for you. So number seven is write a list of the things that might stop you achieving your goals. That's interesting because so often we self sabotage or we live a, a life that doesn't enable us to achieve our goals. It's just as important when you, when you're honest with yourself. And you think about the things you want to achieve is write about the things. Write down the things that might stop you from achieving your goals. Write down the things that will stop you from achieving your goals. Yes. Sorry, is it a school? Yeah, it's really. We're sort of getting every other word. So write down a list of what might stop you from achieving your goals. Love it. I'm going to do that. So I'm going to put it on my fridge. I'm going to put it on my fridge. Can you hear me? What about writing down. What about writing down the things, what your goals are? Let's say you've got the list of writing down things that are going to stop you. What about really, clearly writing down the things? Like, if I think about today, like, I've decided to come off sugar, and I know that sugar is just my killer, so. And I'm just trying to put this sort of in reality. Like, I know that when sugar gets in my system, it makes me feel bad. Right. So my goals are I want to feel good, I want to feel energized. You know, I want my skin to be glowing and I want to feel like running on all cylinders. So that, to me, feels very helpful. If I have that kind of dotted around, like, you know, on the biscuit tin, like, you don't want this. You actually want energy and you want, like, a clear head, would that be helpful? Yes. I mean, that will be helpful. I mean, that would go in with making a list of the things that you want to achieve and identify your goals. Making sure that you identify your goals clearly and ensuring that those goals are something that you want to do and not that someone set them for you. Okay, can I go on to number eight? Nicole? Yes, you can, but we can't hear you very much, but please do and I'll translate it. Go on. I'm sorry, I don't know. I've not moved. I'm in exactly the same place. Okay, so when you write down the list of things that might stop you achieving your goals, think about how to overcome those obstacles. So, for example, if you set your goal to go to the gym three times a week, do you really think this is achievable for you? Do you really think that you'll be able to do that? And if you feel that it's not realistic, then think about tweaking how to achieve your goals and make it something that's going to work for you. Okay? Okay. Did you hear that? I heard parts. I heard parts of it. I heard Parts of it. So overcome your obstacles and what is realistic? So say you want to go to the, did you say go to the gym three times a week? Is that realistic? Don't set yourself too high. Basically so that you're just going to fail. Really make them realistic so that you actually feel like you're achieving what you want. Yes, yes, correct. Okay. Overcome your obstacles and make them, make them realistic. Realistic. Thank you. That's the word. Okay. Make them realistic. Got it. I think that's really important because we set the bar so high, don't we? And then we walk around feeling like a failure. I mean it's totally ridiculous. And we do this completely to ourselves. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. So that, that's the eight. So let's, so let's just go through them. Like just bullet point them. So we've got. Prepare yourself mentally. Yes. Of like what you want to achieve. What was number two? Be honest. Be honest. Yeah. And like what do you. As in like what do you want to change about yourself? You know, where is the, where is the issue lying? Like be really honest about where you are. Yes. Number three was think about your relationship with food. Yep. Think about your relationship with your food and your relationship with your body. Correct. How you, how you feel about your body. And number four in how to have a better relationship with food is to make a list of what you'd like to achieve. Yeah. Okay, so make it. So I'm, I'm just gonna, I'm gonna take it from here, Louise, because the Internet is really, really bad. So number four was make a list of what you'd like to achieve. And if they are, and I love that piece, if they're goals set by others like your mother in law who might have said you put on a bit of weight or the media or you know, what you've read in a magazine or are they yours? Like are they your, is it actually what your achievements, what you want for yourself? Number five is are your goals achievable? Like really think about, you know, if you're 46 and you want a body of a 19 year old model, is that achievable? No. And then you're going to feel really, really bad about yourself. So make it very, make it realistic so that you can feel good about yourself. This is all about empowering yourself, isn't it? It's all about feeling liberated around food. Liberating about what? Liberated about what goes into your body and what doesn't go into your body. It's not another way to beat yourself up and make yourself feel bad about yourself. So I think that's a really important piece, isn't it? Like, just. Is it achievable what you really, really want for yourself? Number six. Thank you. She's writing them down for me. Think about timescales. Have you given yourself enough time? And I love what this is. When Louise started to break up. I love what you said about it takes three or more years to get a degree. So why do we suddenly assume that having the body of our choice or the relationship with food of our choice and how we want to feel about ourselves energetically, that's not an overnight thing. That takes trial and error and it takes a lot of time to perfect it and get it right. And you get it wrong. And sometimes you've got to get it wrong in order to get it right. And that. That is going. That is going to take time and it is going to take trial and error. So that's number six. Number seven, write a list of what might stop you. I really like this. And then I decided I'm going to write a list on my biscuit tin of actually what I really want. The things that might. The things that stop you. For me, it's just Oreo cookies, basically. They're the things that might stop me. And number eight in how to have a better relationship with food is strategize about how to make your goals achievable. So really put that action plan into place. Don't sit there. If you're suddenly not someone that ever goes to the gym, don't say, right, I'm going to go to the gym every day, because that's not going to be achievable and that's going to weigh very, very heavy on you. So make it something that you can work towards and something that you can actually feel good about. So if you're going to be able to get to the gym two days a week, then that's absolutely brilliant. Get there two days a week. You know, that's still a win. So see it as a win and don't set yourself up for the fall. Absolutely. So we've got a few minutes left and I know that you mentioned, and I hope your. Your connection has come back in again. You mentioned that you wanted to give a 15% discount to the listeners here. Do you want to just tell us a bit about that? Yes. Okay. So at the moment we're just. We would have been finished already with. Can you hear me? No, no. Can you hear me? Completely robotic. I know, I'm sorry. So, Louisa, Has Louise has written a note and she said that she is going to offer the first 25 people who email her a 15 discount and then they can download your package. Is that correct? And it's available to download in August and September. Yes, yes. And then I will write, I will write in the show notes on the podcast. Thank you. Yes, I got that right. This is what happens when we're in lockdown. Can't wait to be able to do these things face to face. Now she will. So she's going to offer the first 25 people who email her a 50% discount. And your email is louise infobodytalks.co.uk Is that right? No.com. so is it infobodytalks.com? yes. Yes. No, it's infobody talks.com. got it. Thank you. Sorry. We're making do here. We're making do here. So we've got one minute or so left and I'm just going to wrap this up. And unfortunately, Louisa is. She still is on the line, but I am. It went robotic. She is. She's here. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for bringing all of your wisdom and all of your. Just the beauty that you're bringing into this space. Because I think it's so necessary and it's so, it's so needed because I think the health and fitness industry has been. God, I think it's done a lot of damage and I love that this cause and that your team are bringing something empowering and something liberating, not just for women, but for men as well, so that we all get to feel good about our bodies and good about food, regardless of what we look like and regardless of what size. I mean, because that is just so inconsequential. It's about how you feel in your body, about your body and how you treat your body. And I think that that is a very. That is a very beautiful. That is a very beautiful practice and a beautiful learning. And I think it takes a lot of learning. I always like to finish with a quote and I have a couple here. The first one is loving your body isn't believing your body looks good. It is knowing your body is good regardless of how it looks. It isn't thinking you are beautiful. It is knowing you are more than beautiful. It is understanding that your body is an instrument for your use and not an ornament to be admired. How beautiful is that? Louise, thank you so much for being here. This has been femaling. I've been your host, Nicole Goodman. She, her Internet has gone down, but she's been absolutely fantastic. Thank you, you so much for your time today, and we will see you and speak to you next time.