Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Free Your Mind, Let's Talk About It with LKJ. As you the listener will know, um, we've been doing segments, um, these, uh, 12 weeks on mental health, but in-depth in certain subjects, the listener, and if there's anything that they can get in support and know that at www.womensradiostation.com, there is a radio station that supports mental health, and people are there to support. And listening to your show, I'm very grateful to all my followers and listeners of the show, and I hope you enjoyed the segment so far. This segment today's show, I have a lovely lady coming on. Called Gemma Holmberry. Gemma is a life coach. You may ask yourself, what is a life coach? They're very different between life coaches and therapists. A life coach cannot actually treat mental health conditions. They don't need any formal qualification, academic training, and they're also not required to follow health privacy laws. However, a life coach a good life coach has probably dealt with some form of trauma, anxiety, depression, etc., themselves, moments of sadness, and realized during their own time that they found their own voice, a voice that they were given, a voice that is there to offer support, to express when they felt, um, issues. It's my belief that this is what makes a very good Um, life coach who do actually, um, go further and take qualifications in certain subjects because they want to be on the same platform as a person. Knowing that any listener that is listening to this show, that when you hear this interview that I'm having with Gemma today, who's passionate herself about, you know, to find happiness in yourself is to speak, to use your vocal cords you were given as a gift to express that you are important. We are all important. Um, so on that, I'm going to introduce Gemma to the show. Gemma, good morning and welcome to Free Your Mind. Let's talk about it. Welcome, Gemma. And freeing your mind to help the listener understand about life coaching. How do they get in contact? What can you do to help? Um, and you know, for the listener, um, I went to Global Women's Club in London. Morella Sula is passionate about, you know, giving women a Microphone, their voice will expel. And I met Gemma here, um, at this wonderful event with so many encouraging people there that listen and want to, to better themselves and get their voice heard. And Gemma has an amazing voice, and why I asked and approached if she would come on the show, because I believe after my own time with Gemma, that Gemma can— just in the sound of her voice, the tone of her voice makes you feel very comfortable and relaxed, and that she has a voice that wants to help. So good morning, Gemma, and welcome to the show. Good morning, thank you so much for having me. Pleasure. And how are you since that wonderful event? Yeah, I'm doing amazing. Um, you know, there was a bit of illness. I did, um, I was ill over Christmas, and then my youngest got ill and my eldest daughter. But no, apart from that, yes, I think everybody's been suffering, you know, and, uh, Omicron has made its presence known. And but we have to learn to live with that. Like, we have to learn to live with things that happen. The clock will always tick. Time doesn't stand still for nobody. When we've lost— for people that have lost loved ones over Christmas, the grief, anxieties, and that they've been feeling the pressures of Christmas, the pressures we have of winter, no sun, the darkness and despair that we can be feeling. And as we hit January and February— now we're in February, uh, you know, with spring coming, you know, Valentine's, all the messages of love and etc. that will be coming through from that And as all the bills have been through, did we overspend at Christmas? Have we put ourselves under even more mental pressure for that? Is it better to be free and happy as a person and say, you know, in the monetary side this year, there's going to be a lot more mental pressure on because, you know, we've had 2 years of a pandemic that we need to learn to live with this. We need to get back on the road. We have as a, um, as a world, we've just had COP26. We need to change, we need to change, the climate needs to change. We're destroying our Earth. We won't have anything left if we keep destroying. But I found that why I wanted to do this 12-week segment and, you know, break things down and use different professionals and people with voices that can help. Because you do listen to people, you hear, you have an ear which is probably as good as a radar of any submarine that's going under, because you want to help. And whilst we are trying to save the planet, we need to save the human being as well. We need to be focusing on mental health issues. We need to see that we've come so far over the many years where mental health was seen with asylums, etc., and that mental health affects us all. You know, there's these moments of joy. You know, we— you saw that I covered dementia where these memories are gone. We lose loved ones. But to have known that love, we would go through all that pain again to have that love because it's love, memories, and happiness. We're not saying we all have to be Joyce and jumping up because it'd be far too erratic and the adrenaline would be pumping that fast. You'd probably end up with a heart attack living that high because the pressure is too much to be constantly happy. But it's about balance, isn't it? And as a Life Coach Gemma and meeting you there. What took you to that meeting where I met you? So basically, I was at a time in my life where I thought, you know, I always knew that what I'd been through, it was to help others, and it was my sort of God-given duty to you know, find my way and fight my way through all of that. However, I was still in a place where I found it really hard to get comfortable in sharing my voice on, you know, in wider platforms or on wider platforms. But I knew if I didn't push past that or find a way of pushing past that, then I couldn't help the people that really needed me to get past that to be able to get to them, if that makes sense. And I guess that's been my whole root core of my journey. Yes, completely, because, you know, when we were there, there was wonderful people there. Yeah, incredible, successful ladies. Incredible. And I, you know, I was asked to speak there along with Baroness Greenfield and Morella, that is, you you know, invites people to this one platform to join a club of people who support. And that is what it's about, support. But for the listener, you might think, you know, when we're just looking at what you were just saying there, Gemma, um, that feeling comfortable with your own voice— we're always so self-critical, critical of ourselves, how we speak. Do we like the way we speak? Did my message come across clearly? Did I blunder it? Did I do that? So when clients are coming to you, and for the listeners, that, you know, no matter what platform that you're working in, you know, there's a high professionals that have gone on, are driven to help. And the root of everybody so far that I have interviewed on different sort of is when you're trying to help, you tend to look at yourself and with issues, like you said, you've had your own issues. So when I started off, Jo, saying that I believed that a coach, that you must have gone through something yourself to be able to feel, because you have to feel it, don't you? Yeah, no, absolutely. You know, because then you can, you know, show that empathy. It's not even showing, you feel, you know, you have that automatic embedded empathy because you've been through it. So So yeah, you know what they're feeling, you know what it's like, you know, you know firsthand, if you like, instead of, you know, even though I did go through all of these, you know, horrific experiences, I still wanted to, you know, get certain qualifications, and I'm still, you know, doing that because I feel that's, you know, really important, you know, keep on bettering myself. Yes, because when you're using your voice, as we're doing, and for the listener— because for the listener, there is a difference when somebody is offering you sympathy. Yeah. Okay, to somebody that's offering— and to know what empathy is, because sympathy actually involves understanding from your own perspective, whereas empathy involves putting yourself in the other person's shoes. And understanding why, why they may have these particular feelings, and also in becoming aware of the root cause of why a person feels that way, and to— so that you can better understand and offer and provide healthier options. So as a life coach, Janet, so exactly the same, you have to feel it, and then you can read as many textbooks and train, but you need the empathy inside you when you— to use your voice to support. Don't mistake your voice with sympathy, which is wonderful to give sympathy out, and we must give sympathy out because we have to still have our own perspective on that. However, we have to see life in that person's shoes. Yeah. And doing that is what you did. And obviously, my own speech there As you know, it's about achieving and getting to the top of the mountain, as you know. And it was wonderful, you know, the feedback I had on that, you know. And it brought— yeah, it brought tears to my eyes. And, um, you know, when I left, as I was leaving, I had to go on, you know, that's when we had the one-to-one ourselves with you, when you came out and just said, you know, hearing my voice, that you're always studying and looking. The power of somebody's voice, whoever we're listening to, can uplift somebody. And I'm very grateful to your messages as well. I must even say to the listeners how you enjoyed my own speech and that of Baroness's. And so thank you for that, Gemma. That's okay. You know, it hit me on your speech, you know, and everything you've been through and everything that you do. When I saw you, when you shared your message at the event, you know, it hit me on a core, a core level. Obviously, you know, it brought tears to my eyes, and I just felt really not only honored but empowered, you know, because it was like you were shining a light for me, you know. And that's why I'm so passionate about being around other women that don't do it for themselves, you know, they do it for other people, you know. So yeah, when you sort of, you were sharing parts of your journey and your core message, you know, it's really powerful and it really hit me. Then I'm truly grateful for that. And like with the show and what I'm trying to do this year is to empower people who are listening to the show. You can achieve anything. You don't have to be the next Prime Minister. You don't have to be, for instance, the barrister, the top barrister. Simply finding happiness within yourself and balance and your mind because you are a person. You're not here just to exist. You're not worthless. You're here for a reason. And we all, all of us will suffer with some form of mental health or low esteem, or we might find ourselves anxious. I was, you know, I had a wonderful interview with Anne who did two parts, who said herself, you know, we'll find ourselves sometimes hit, um, with simple trauma. And there's two types, and they can go on to be chronic if we don't deal with it. You know, if we've had a car accident, it can affect us and it can change us. You know, um, there's many things, uh, when we've had a death or something and it's thrown us into trauma, and trauma affects us and, and can stop us, and then we become Well, we say, I can't do that now. If you've fallen and you've broke your leg, I can't— no, I won't be able to dance again because I've hurt my leg. We must fix the root of the problem to say the leg is fine, but we must stand on it, but we'll slowly walk, we'll slowly take each step, and then with time and healing we can go forward. And obviously with healing and making us feel that we are— we all feel worthless, or you could have done something more, could you have prevented this? Why can't I pass this exam? Why am I so stressed? Why am I in a situation where I'm in a domestic violence situation? That it's my fault, it's my fault why I'm being hit, it's my fault, I'm doing something wrong. You're not doing anything wrong. Inside you is a soul, and inside our body— our body is a house that stores. But in our home, we have to heat the house to keep us warm. We have to feed that house with fuel to enable it to be warm, you know. And yeah, Like with our minds, we have to look after our minds, we have to look after our heart, we have to look after our body. Our body has to be able to stand and walk and enable us to do our journey. And, you know, we need to eat the correct foods because sometimes, you know, we find when we have mental health triggers that will do us in. Like, for instance, with food. Why we can't see— it's January, the gyms are packed for the whole of January, weren't they? Everybody signed up. By the middle of, uh, February now, we're seeing where people go, oh, I've done that, oh great, I've lost that half a stone I put on at Christmas, and, um, I'm fine. And they'll go back to old patterns, sitting there, oh, I don't need to go running to the I don't need to do that. I can eat that bar of chocolate. I've got a diet 6 months. But what it is, we should never think that we need to diet. We just need to live a life of happiness and knowing that you don't have to be on a diet. We have to get our mental awareness and thinking that yes, little Little treats don't hurt. If you've been a binge— sometimes we're going over binge on alcohol and then we have those dreadful hangovers. And I had a few of those myself. I know, me too, back in the day. I'm never doing that again. I can't do that again. What am I doing? And you put your body in all these toxins that are causing you to do this. It's a symbol, you know, it's giving us— there's our journey. And to get to the end of our journey and to be healthy. You know, we have to watch diabetes, etc., as we get older. Um, as you know, you hear sometimes when you see these men with all them up, my body is a temple, and I look at them and think, God, they do look like a temple, wish I had a body like that. But then I think, but what's wrong with my body? You know, yeah, it may not be a temple, it may only be a little bungalow, you know, or it may be, um you know, a small little caravan or something like— it's not the wealth that's important, it's not the materialistic stuff that's important. It's about firstly loving. We can't love ourselves, we can't possibly love somebody else or help that other person. Are you on the same helped me with that. Sorry, say that again. I said, you know, my view is we have to love ourselves first, because if we can't love ourselves and look after our own selves, how can we possibly help somebody else? Yeah, no, absolutely. You know, it's about filling our own cups up first and becoming aligned with who we are and our sort of core values. And I know you know, my personal journey. Because I was taught to stay quiet, to not listen to my own voice, that everyone else's needs mattered before my own. I grew up in a domestic violent household. So not only did my own real dad, he was violent towards my mum, you know, and he committed suicide when I was 4. My mum obviously attracted another guy, my stepdad, and, you know, I witnessed some things growing up as a child. And to stay safe, to keep my mum safe, I had, you know, it was better to be quiet, do as I'm told. Obviously, I was a good child anyway, and because my eldest elder brother wasn't particularly good, and obviously he saw things as well, Yeah, I guess I learned to stay quiet. I learned to— I picked up coping mechanisms and behaviors that kept me safe, kept my mum safe. And I found throughout my journey, every time I tried to listen to my voice and listen to what felt good to me, I was— because that wasn't strong enough. I'd never been taught how to do that fully. I was overpowered by stronger minds, stronger voices. I was told that, um, oh, it's typical you, Gemma, it's typical you, Gemma, oh, that's just you, Gemma, you just need to not do that, not do that. Even when my gut instinct was telling me, for example, um, when the girl's father's father, um, you know, cheated on me, I just knew he was lying to me, but when I turned to certain family members that were still stuck in their trauma, stuck in their coping mechanisms, because they seem to be getting on better than me, so to speak, I listened to them. And the more I listened to their voice, the more I became unhappy. I suffered with depression, anxiety. I found it hard to, you know, function in everyday life. And I guess, you know, with us talking about this today, it's about highlighting, yes, filling your own cup up first, but, you know, who are you? What is it you want in your heart and soul? You know, because until we know that, we can't feed into that cup. We're only listening to the conditioned voices of other people, or, you know, from their trauma, and then they're just putting their own stuff onto us. You know, unless we develop our own sense of self, and obviously that takes a lot of inner work and it's a continual thing, you know, it's never a thing of just doing this and then you're there. But, you know, obviously I can, we can both, you know, vouch for that. We can all vouch for that. So yeah, you know, regarding the mental health and how so many people are suffering and, you know, people have lost their jobs, you know, due to COVID, you know, gas prices are due to go up in April, you know, that's another financial stress. You know, it's really hard to try and make change if we can't, if we haven't got the, you know, our, that love for ourselves and we don't know who we are at our core, you know, because we don't feel strong enough to know that actually I can do this. Okay, this has happened, what can I do? How can I be resourceful? You know, we become very stuck and limited And I guess, yeah, that's what I wanted to highlight was, yeah, filling your own cup up first and knowing that it's okay. That voice inside of you and that feeling is you and your soul, the core of who you are. And the more you listen to that and act on that, it makes it so much easier when things are chucked at you. And the more as well, when you act from that place and you heal certain things that have it— that have stopped you and held you back and kept you in that loop, the more you can attract the things that you want into your life, if that makes sense. Completely. And, you know, for the viewers, thank you so much, is why I'm just going to come in there just for you to take a moment to breathe. Yeah, no exercise that, um, I I often use myself when we've had to go into something and express it deep inside ourselves. It's going to hurt when we speak, so we have to allow ourselves a little bit of time, a bit of therapy here, in spelling the word breathe. So I'd ask you, even while the listeners are here and while I'm doing this exercise with Gemma this morning, is to bring her heart rate, etc., back down, calm. She's expressed her voice, she's opened up to simple traumas which could have ended up being chronic. And if you'd listen— and if any of you that didn't listen to Anne McKechnie's, um, part 1 and part 2, I would ask that you listen to that because it will help you, um, understand um, abuse, trauma, and the circles and what happens with it. So for this exercise, and people there, is to spell the word breathe. To slowly— do you close your eyes just for a moment? Because we're going to deal with issues, and they— this is highly sensitive, um, shows that we're doing, so we do need, uh, moments just to stop, reflect Close your eyes for one moment and spell the word breathe. B-R-E-A-T-H-E. And on that, while you are bringing yourself back up, from that and take a moment on that. Well, I'm going to reflect back on, um, what Gemma has opened up as a life coach, as I said in the beginning again, and just reflecting back that to be a true life coach, to help somebody— if somebody listening to the show feels I can connect and have that conversation with that person because You can understand me. You could be one person at 5 million people listening. You could be one person in a crowd of 100 that has got— you hear this radio show, we hear Gemma's voice, and where we're talking about life coaching, mental health, how it does affect us, and it affects us all. It affects us all. In one shape or form. For Gemma, at the simple age of 4— this is the life coach who's got her voice now, who's found it difficult, um, to speak, who had to from the age of 4. When a child is born, it knows no other than to cling. As Anna said, a newborn child clings to the mother. It doesn't know anything, can't cope, can't do anything. And you're brought up from your sensory skills from age 2 to 3 as your brain is developing, and then from 4 to 7 where you're starting to get your personality. This is a child that probably, you know, has had put the covers over their head. I can hear it. There's people on this show that, you know, that have suffered domestic violence, you know, as a child. Which does affect us in our adult life and stuff. We try and shut down with flight and freeze methods. But a 4-year-old Gemma was fighting for her own survival, to fight it, to hold on to her voice, but to lock it away. A voice that was gifted to her with a soul and a character that was forming in the shape of Gemma, who is a life coach, to be able to have confidence to come up. But a child that is hid in a corner with as many people that happens to be, would have their hands over their head, no, no, wanting to help, wanting to have the strength to be, be the David against the Goliath, against the perpetrator that is causing this pain. But this person had their own pain, the perpetrator, and what that perpetrator did was also for Gemma, you know, in this trauma that she was suffering in domestic violence household was, it was her father inflicting the pain on her mother. These are two people that have born this beautiful child, Gemma. And when you are created, you know, I would say 99% of us are created through love, in that love, passion, etc. So for myself, when we are on this quiet reflection on that which Gemma's kind of like this. You don't expect to see the people that love you to be battering and beating your mother. The mother thinks that she's done something wrong, but the child, "Oh, be quiet, hide," hide to go into the corner where, "Be quiet, don't do nothing," or you get the warning signs. And people that suffered with domestic violence. Don't antagonize your father, he's been out, he's going to be in a minute, just go to bed, be quiet. And then you hear the noise, you've heard that beating, the arguments, fighting, things going, and then the screaming and everything that's come out from that, which from that abuse, that then you don't know. And as you're growing up, but at 4 years of age, the perpetrator Gemma's father committed suicide at the age of 4. So this perpetrator who had his own issue is now gone. She's then gone to school where everyone's got their mum or dad at the gate going on. But what happened is this cycle began again because we're often attracted if you're in abuse and you live in those circles because, um, we think that possibly this is the right way. It's better to be loved like that than have no love at all. But Gemma then faced again with her stepdad, 'Be quiet, be quiet,' and not to have that voice. Nobody has the right to abuse anyone. You have a voice to speak out. You have that voice to say, 'Stop.' look at love, look at love in yourself, which Gemma has done. And obviously reflecting her time back on it, um, I will bring her in shortly, um, after opening up on that, um, is that you are worth something. You're not worthless. It's not your fault. Be kind. You're doing everything like that. And unfortunately, there are perpetrators in this world and they will cling on to us. But we need to change. We need to say stop. And what Gemma did, she said no, stop. She was trying to slowly express her voice and go shh, shh. Her voice wasn't meant to be trapped. Her voice was there to help. And what Gemma has done has come with her abuse, trauma, suicide, all these horrific massive traumas to one person's brain to cope with. To come out of that and say, I'm not going to— I'm not going to— I want my voice. But what Gemma had to do was learn to get her voice her? Was it comfortable? Was she going to get a backlash? Was she going to be hurt? So when you are looking at somebody and you're trying to connect with somebody, I always believe, you know, we have to understand each other. We have to understand on that platform. So yes, Gemma, when I met you at Global Women's Club, you empowered me. Every woman in there empowers me. Every woman in the world, or any male, you empower me with your voice. Use your voice for the right reason. Use the voice because it counts. We hurt people with our voice. You don't have to be kicking and punching, our voice can do that. So, and that, you know, and we can be unhappy and start losing our self-esteem. So with that, you know, happiness can be a lot harder than you think. To keep a smile on your face. We have to find and discover powerful strategies, you know, in creating and sustaining and to enhance our happiness. And that's where, Gemma, you've done that, haven't you? And you, although you're feeling a little nervous when you go one-to-one and people come to you and They book their appointments, you do that. But to actually— what you want to do now is you've learned to do that. You're studying constantly, doing your own techniques to go forward, is to come out and get onto that big stage, to put your hands up and say, it's okay, it's okay to have these feelings, but we need to get to the root cause. Because, you know, It is time for mental health to change. It's time to speak up. It's time to connect with therapists, with people, to say we can get through this. As we can recycle our packaging, we can save our planet, we can save us, we can save mankind by doing that. Um, you know, and it's important, you know, to do that. So How are you feeling, you know, after expressing that, that voice? You know, you can do that. You've just come on and expressed your voice to someone. There's your platform, Gemma. We can all do this. Yeah, no, definitely. You know, I'm obviously— I've been doing the breathing as you were, you know, talking, and I did it with you. Um, you know, it's funny, you, you know, as much as you do the inner work, you know, you still got those feelings. And, you know, that's like you say, that's okay. And I think the more people you surround yourself with— and I think this is what helped me on my journey a lot, and this is why, again, it's about empowering other women— the more women that step forward with what they've been through, it shines a light for others. And I think that's really important because if you go ask for help from people that are, you know, maybe in your family that want to keep you stuck, that don't believe what you're saying is right, you can still, you know, you can stay stuck. But if you start to find those people, and the more you become honest with yourself in, you know, your values and your core message and who you are, and start putting yourself out there slowly, or, I don't know, going to those clubs or trying to reach out to those people, the more it gives you— what's the word— that courage, that strength to know that actually, yeah, actually what happened to me wasn't my fault. You know, this, you know, even though they're saying this, that isn't me. You know, it's— that's really, really helped me. And even, um, and I just, you know, quickly share something else, um, about— I used to attract narcissistic men, and my self-worth was so low, um, to a point where I would still stay. So even when someone cheated on me, I would try and change myself to try and figure out why would they do that, why would they do that, to stay with them. If you know, how messed up is that? Obviously through going through the work, um, but my— what was my point? Um, oh, that was it. Healing, finding the root cause of why I keep on attracting those types of men first of all, and then healing from that. The thing that really helped me was having a powerful voice that had been through that and recognized the signs, you know, even gaslighting. Gaslighting messes with your head and screws up your mental health, you know, and coercive control— you could be the most confident person in the room, however, when you're in that narcissistic relationship and somebody's, you know, using coercive control or being abusive or, you know, manipulation, then, you know, that starts to affect your mental health and unless you can find those other people that have been through that, have got that same core message or values as you, then you sometimes sort of like stay in that pattern, in that loop. So yeah, one thing that really helped me was finding other people that had been through that, you know, especially like a therapist, and realizing actually that's not okay, and I'm going to keep on filtering and filling up, um, this space, this voice, and really work to overcome that, if that makes sense. Completely, completely. Because as you were saying, you have to stop this will. Anybody listening, abuse or people doing this, or, or how they're controlling your mind— it doesn't have to physical, doing it if you're a child within that, you have to speak out because you have to realize, um, you have to value yourself, you have to value relationships, you have to build on relationships and value them. We have to constantly recall positive memories so we're not in a narcissistic or negative world. We have to realize also that Joy comes from achieving something, you know, we don't have to go, "Hey, here's this wonderful big box of chocolates with ribbons that come with it." The joy that if the person that gave them was to have gone to the supermarket and bought the chocolate and the ingredients, and together you had chatted and laughed together and made a chocolate cake, it would have more depth and emotional feeling, and that you achieve something together. The joy that would have been expelled— I'm not saying it's not wrong to give chocolates, but I'm just saying sometimes people, when they try— they've been in a situation trying to say sorry— sorry is a hard word. And a word that's said, sorry, too easily sometimes, that when you're expressing the word I'm sorry 'Yeah, I'm sorry this happened, what you've had to do is look at what you're sorry for, go back to the root cause of what— why you're having to say you're sorry and what it is, and then look at that and make that and show that you do it, and then realize that by addressing that you can turn that sorry into a joy to understand together by speaking that it didn't happen again.' You have to surround yourself with positive people, you know, because we're all on a quest to find happiness, aren't we, Gemma, really? Yeah, no, yeah, absolutely. We're all wanting that. But whilst happiness might feel a little elusive or out of reach at times, that doesn't make it an impossible journey or goal to achieve. We can, on the contrary, find happiness waiting around the next corner. If you just hang on to that, you are worth something. You are not worthless. So you lost your job today, that wasn't— there was a reason. Go back to the root cause, you know, why did you lose your job? You know, we've had a pandemic, it may not be your fault. And generally speaking, it's not your fault. We're back to it, of course, you know, um, because it is not— happiness is not about driving the newest car or having the latest gadget. It is not. That isn't what drives happiness, you know. Um, we need time to realize that it is less complicated to be happy than to be sad if we believe in ourselves like you do, and like the Self Worthies life coaching things that you're doing and offering. Because the things that you've, you've bringing forward to the listeners and with people in there, and what we're doing is as a life coach and people that's experienced stuff in there, and to make, find people to be happy with themselves to then be able to help and love everybody else that offers that invisible hand, that wonderful voice of support that can be strong, that doesn't have to be shut away. Your voice is there and it has to be spoken. It's part of your— it's part of your makeup. You can't go be born and go to the end and not speak. You've got it. And that's, you know, for people that are unable to speak. I believe God didn't want them to be able to voice a— and this is really deep, this is, because for people that would love a voice, but these beautiful people who can't speak express through their body language their love because their voice is so overwhelmingly powerful that sometimes we may shout, people may completely disagree with me, this is an unjudgmental, unbiased show, and what I'm saying is that it wasn't their fault or they've lost it, it's that they have a voice in a different way, and you know, our makeup is who we are, And we are all individuals, our own setup, and we all have a way to speak. Soon as you don't have that physical form, you can express it in other forms, you know, to be there and look after, you know, because we have to have self-transcendence. We have to surround ourselves with happy people. We have to have positive memories. We must always be improving, you know. And, um, yeah, you know, and the thing be, you know, um, as you're saying, when you have the clients and any of the listeners that are suffering, what would you say to the listener, um, Gemma, um, you know, that's heard your story, that thing, well, how can she be a life coach? She suffered that. She's more qualified to suffer. Or speak or be a life coach, in my opinion, because you've walked it, you've felt it, you have had that empowered into you, you've had your voice trapped, but now you're up and you're a wonderful person to anybody that is listening that— look at me, I'm doing it, I'm out there and I'm encouraging you, talk to me. And by doing that, you're also using education to educate your mind regarding the mental health. By doing that, you're actually making your mind aware that it wasn't your fault, as you're learning and teaching yourself. Did you find that when you, you know, were doing— did that help you personally? Yeah, I mean, um, I knew I could help people, um, through my experience, um, And there was some stuff, you know, that I, with going through what I went through, I could help people with. However, you know, when you've still got, you know, stuff to deal with, you know, you've got stuff that you're going through on your own, or you still know, you still got unhealed stuff. It's time, you know, that's when, you know, any coach needs to, you know, do the work and heal that part. And then obviously even when you've healed that part, you know, I for one, you know, would feel more comfortable if I went to someone if they did have that qualification as well as life experience, you know, and that's why, and I held myself back in calling myself a coach for so long because, you know, the coaching industry doesn't have any, you know, regulations or, you know, I came across some coaches that, you know, didn't have morals or integrity, or, you know, they didn't really value people, they just valued the money. And that's not me, you know. And I really wanted to, you know, I went and I've, you know, done my first year of degree in my psychology. I've done different diplomas because even though I've got that life experience, I've got— I say got the t-shirt, but But, you know, whatever I can do to make other people feel more comfortable in knowing that they can trust their heart, you know, if they felt comfortable or they resonated with, you know, what I was saying, then, you know, I feel that's my duty to them and as a professional, if that makes sense. Completely. Because what you've done, and for people that are listening, you, you've had to look back in the time of your life when you were overcoming a challenge. And your challenge was that you wanted to be a life coach, you wanted to help somebody, but some people, as you came across some people, you know, just wanted the money, wasn't there to help. Okay, so you wanted to go through a life experience, but it was a significant life experience. Which has changed you for the better because you've used all what's gone on in your life previously to basically enhance who you are, and which is a positive change because that has changed you for the better and effectively has boosted your mood. And therefore has actually boosted your happiness. You know who you are, you know what you're about, you know who will hurt you, you know who will not, so you're guarded. And then by helping other people, you can express— these are the factors, you know, that, um, and identify when you're trying to show somebody, um, decreased negative emotions. To increase positive emotions retrospectively, really, isn't it? Yeah, no, definitely. You know, yeah, you know, my— like I say, the reason I'm doing this is because I never ever want another woman to feel like her voice doesn't matter, that her existence doesn't matter, you know, that she is not her programs, she is not her past, you know. She can get to the root cause, and it doesn't matter what toxic loop patterns that you're, you know, living through right now or creating, you can overcome that with doing the inner work and the right guidance and support. You know, yeah, their life matters. Yeah, people often, you know, yeah, it's emotional detachment, isn't it? Emotional detachment. It can sometimes occur as a coping mechanism for us, you know, when we are faced with stressful or maybe difficult situations. But it can also be a mental health issue. And, you know, that's where we have to look at trauma, mental health when it comes in, because, you know, there are, um, for the listener, which you're doing, you know, if people think, what is emotional detachment? Emotional detachment is basically— these are some things that you could— you might prefer to be alone. You might be losing interest in people and activities. You know, you might find yourself having difficulty opening up to others. You might avoid situations or activities. You may be oblivious towards other people. You might have problem solving your expressions. But it is important in this message, as you're saying, when we're looking at happiness and going through, it is important that we must remember that an emotional detachment is not a mental health condition, but it might be a condition of a mental disorder. That I must put out to yourself in there. So, you know, um, some of the causes or experiences that they may have felt, you know, like you've had. You had him, you were suffering as well with some emotional detachment because there was past, you know, there was past abuse in your childhood. You've had basically neglect as well, I would touch on, in your past, because as your parents, they neglected to give you this happiness. It's put you in a volatile, traumatic situation, you know. And, and because of that, because of that trauma, it can contribute to your emotional detachment. Yeah. And also, as a child, you have probably used this situation as a way to cope. But, you know, but you've come through that, you know, and You've looked through that and offering your voice now, that should be on. And don't ever be afraid to stand on the biggest platform, whatever it is, because your soul— you're a survivor, okay? Because you're a survivor, because you, you understood that you wasn't going to hurt me anymore. I'm not going to allow it. I'm going to survive this. So if I, you know, when you've had things that happen to yourself, you know, trying to find love and wanting that love and being cheated on, you know, then thinking, what was wrong with me? And when you look at the person that the person has cheated with, what was wrong? You did nothing wrong. The person that's left has done wrong. But they may have left because their own— they were suffering from emotional detachment. There are reasons why these things happen. It isn't because she had blonde hair and she was doing her hair. Yeah, no, definitely not. And looking like that. It's not that. What happens, I think, sometimes is that, you know, we find love. And how many of us have found love? I think, right, this is wonderful. You have the children, you're running around, you're running the home, you're doing this all busy trying to— and yes, when you're first courting, your hair always looks lovely, your makeup's on, but that's the person that's out to yourself when you have time. Time management, allowing time. People should allow time, you know, and have that. Yes, you may not have the money or anything like that, but put the children to bed that bit earlier and take that time to say, there's Samil, he's coming, he's tired, run above, let's have our time where we can talk. Because you have to talk and be always at the root. Because we do lose respect and you'll see people and you know, when we, you know, this is a subject that we can talk on in relationships, Gemma, that you find somebody that the mum is there, she's keeping a wonderful home clean and doing it, husband comes in, he's seen— walked down the street, or the ladies walk down, seen some handsome man in the street, all suited and booted, because they've had time to do that, because somebody else is doing stuff as well, and they're out working trying to earn the money to keep the house up. So that, you know, as a unit trying to do that. But how often do we look and think, oh, and you look in the mirror, oh God, and you catch yourself in reflection, I must— like, the state of me, what the hell's happening? Must spend some time on myself. Or perhaps we haven't got the funding because the bills have gone up to have our hair coloured or doing something like that. There's something's gone wrong, you know, with that. There are many ways of doing it, is allowing time. We need time to do breathing exercise when you feel overwhelmed. Just think like when you put the child on the step, Thailand, you know, comparing to their age. Like the 3-year-old, you know, 3 minutes and they're going to calm down and have some time out. We also need that for ourselves, don't we? And, um, and going through that, and again, as I said, you stop that wheel, um, you've learned through that and with your boys. And again, I hope that any listener that wishes to get in contact, um, with Gemma and you feel that you can use her to speak or coach people that you're going through something, that you see she's been through the same, she could understand. But obviously with your professionalism and obviously taking, um, you know, qualifications, etc., is to help and to pass that on, to know and believe that we are good for each other, you know, to go on there, isn't there? And, you know, how would they be able to contact you, Gemma? They can find me, I've got a website called www.gemmaholmbury.com, or they can connect with me via Instagram or Clubhouse, to be honest. Yes, lovely. Or LinkedIn, actually, can't they? Or LinkedIn as well, which shows everything that's on there. So we are about to draw a close to this intense Free Your Mind with LKJ, as Gemma Hambry has freed her mind to show you, the listener at home, nobody— mental health can affect anybody, but it's having the courage to say I'm just going to stop that wheel for one minute. Let me speak out. If you have negative thoughts, you're feeling— pick up that phone, reach out. There are people here, there's people at Women's Radio Station. We're all here to help, as there are, you know, above and beyond. But in this course that I'm doing, that we are getting even our guests who are professional to open up so that you understand. We have a voice. We mustn't let our voice be trapped or curtailed. We must not use our voice to hurt or anger. Use your voice with the beautiful notes that it can make with the letters of the alphabet that we have been taught as a small child. To express love, to express that you have that invisible hand to help and listen. But don't be alone, don't lose interest. Look back to a positive time. Try and even if you get that moment, try to get that and to speak out, even if you speak out to the piece of paper and go on, write it down. But reading out and learning that somebody is there. And like with Gemma, any listener that wants to connect, please feel free, or contact myself at the radio station, www.womensradiostation.com, and Let's make 2022 where you can wake up in the morning and say, yes, there's a thunderstorm above my head, but I made a connection. That connection then told me about an umbrella. What is the use of an umbrella? Why do we use an umbrella? We use the umbrella to support and keep the rain from soaking us and making us wet. So on that umbrella, use that umbrella as a rainbow. So when you reach out, and on that first day you've got to learn to pull it up and put it over your head, but over that head of that of your umbrella, there'll be greys, there'll be beautiful reds and yellows, whatever colour you want, but departmentalise it to the root. So on that black day and the rain falls hard or so, so there's a reason, the root gone, just turn it a little bit and go towards the lighter one. And on that lighter positive memory, call or connect with somebody in that bright thing, it will help lift your mood, lift you out of that, because we will have great rainy days. And one of the cliché things are the sun always comes out after the rain. But that is the end of this show, and thank you, Gemma, for opening up and freeing your mind on Let's Talk About It with LKJ. Thank you very much and goodbye. Thank you.