This is Eva May, and I'm speaking to you from the Women's Radio Station for another in my series called Healing Image. Hi! This week I decided that I'd like to talk about something that I did recently that, well, I didn't think I would actually be able to do. And, uh, and how this came about. So I've spent, um, about 4 years of my, my life following a police investigation into, uh, the historic abuse that happened to me as a child and went on for many years. Um, and I suffered the, uh, an absolutely huge sort of breakdown, far worse than any that I'd had before, and I became agoraphobic, and I just stayed in the house. It was the only place that I felt safe. Um, and this sort of changed, um, really the turning point was when we got our first dog and So I had an animal to look after that I was largely responsible for, and a bit of exercise in the garden wasn't really going to be enough. So, and I actually, during the time I spent in the garden, I felt better and connection, a love, and I felt I was loved back by this— our dog that knows nothing about what's happened to me at all. So this was a bond like no other I'd ever had. So I started taking her out for a walk just down the road and back, and I got a bit further and further. I could sort of measure my distance by the number of houses that I'd passed in my road and was able to extend it to go a bit further. And I used to go out early in the morning so there weren't so many people about. I didn't really want to see people or talk to people, but I did manage to start walking to the nearest sort of coffee shop it's a pop-up shop near me, and get a coffee and turn around and walk home. And I did this for quite a while, and there were people there who did talk to my dog, and, you know, she liked that, and that was good for her. And then I came home. Well, one day they asked if I'd like to sit down and have coffee with them, so It's not a situation that I expected or really knew what to do, so I did. And I've just found this amazing group of friends which I've now known for 6 years. And we actually see each other— not all of them are there at the same time, and I'm certainly not there every day, But pretty much, you know, regularly, 7 days a week, it's available for me to go and do this and know that I will see somebody that, that I'm actually getting to know very well, and that they, they know, they just take me for, for how I am. So, um, a couple of months ago, one of them said would I like to go away for a few days, like, with them? And that was a nice thing to be asked, but I really didn't think— well, I knew it was going to be a no because I'm a nightmare to take away anywhere. I mean, with my family, I've ruined many holidays or, you know, days out where I've been triggered by something and dissociated, and I'm not being aware of what I've done or how I've behaved. And sometimes this is, you know, extremely distressing for me and for my family and also for other people because they don't know, like, why I've suddenly turned into somebody whose behavior really isn't appropriate. But that's, that's how— that's what I have to live with. So as a family, we only actually go to two places if we go away. There are just two places that we go where we know that it's probably going to be not too bad for me because it's familiar and we can plan for things, and I know in my head where I'm going and what the process and the travel arrangements and things like that will be. I don't ever travel on my own. My family keep hold of my documents and things, and they keep hold of me, really. Anyway, so I got home and I was talking to my husband. I think it was the next day, and I just said, oh, you know, so-and-so said would I like to go away for a few days, and like, that was nice to be asked. And he looked at me and said, well, what, why, why don't you go? So, well, obviously I can't go. I, you know, it's not a good idea. I'll ruin everything for them, um, somewhere that I've never been, um, you know, they usually go, there's two of them that they go together, um, I'd be another person, I don't know if they really mean this, um, maybe it was just something to say, you know, to be polite and nice. And he said, well, I think you should like ask about it because The thing that made him decide that it might be an idea for me was the fact that the person who asked me has actually been going to this place themselves for about 15 years, so he thought that would be like a good basis for me to try and do this. And obviously I had to talk to them about it and what I find difficult, and that they, they weren't sort of like— they thought I was okay and genuinely meant it. So I went. I mean, packing's always a bit of a nightmare, but I had some help here as to what to take. I find decisions difficult, but anyway, got there and packed what we hoped would be enough. And so I travelled with my friends, and they were really good and looked after me, and I actually had a nice time. I didn't feel that I was on my own or scared or worried about going somewhere new. So we did this, and what was so great about it was it was a place that they absolutely love. They know people there, um, it's familiar, they go to, um, you know, the same sort of places. And so, so I wasn't really involved in, in the plans, I just went along with the plans. The, um, the internet where I was staying, it wouldn't connect. There had been a storm and it had knocked out quite a lot of electricity in the area. So, um, you know, worrying about the internet when people didn't even have electricity just wasn't even worth considering. And I had my, my own room near my friends I had my own little kitchen. I was— we went to the supermarket and I got some sort of healthy food because I'm not always really great on meals. I miss them or eat the wrong thing, or I don't know, it's just not a good thing, not regularly a good thing anyway. And yeah, we went out and about and met their friends who live there and went to the beach and went for walks, and we went to a town, and I bought some gifts for, for my family, which I enjoyed doing. And I just had such a fabulous time. I actually felt so happy, and I laughed a lot. I slept really well, I ate really well, I, I've taken so many photographs. I just loved everything about it. And, well, one day, um, we got a boat to, to a beach. Someone they knew drove us there in their boat, and we were the only people on this beach with this really lovely beach taverna. And I was just, I don't know, taken back, I suppose, to, to being a child when I enjoyed being on the beach. So I wasn't a mom thinking about my my own family, or, um, and, and I actually sat in the sea, like on the shoreline, and for pretty much the whole day. I had to leave when we, we went to have some lunch and just sat going through shells and pebbles, and I don't know, just, I, I just lost myself in it, and I was just so, so happy. And yeah, it was, it was great. And I'm somebody that needs to keep their mood stable, so, um, going really, really happy, um, is something that I'd have to be a little bit careful about. And I would say to them, I'm like, I'm so excited, I just feel so great. I've got to come down a bit, I've got to come down a bit. So we do that, and then One of my friends there, she needed to do some sort of paperwork and things one day, so the other friend and I went to a nearby coffee shop which was right at the end of the airport runway, and it was literally us having coffee outside a fence, a road, and then another fence, and then the runway. Well, when I was a kid, I absolutely loved watching planes taking off and landing. It was a time then when airports weren't so large, security wasn't quite the same. You know, now you're kept inside the terminal and you you get on your plane and you, you just sort of taxi out, but you don't really get to see them. Well, these planes, I mean, there was signs up telling you, you know, not to go any nearer because you're in the blast zone, and it does throw bits of sort of stuff, debris about, if you get too close. Well, so I spent a lot of time videoing planes coming in and going out and like watching my videos and talking to other people that go and do this, because it's not something that's easily available in many places these days. And I just had the most amazing time. I didn't think I'd manage to do all of the days and go out all of the time, and that was going to be fine if I needed to stay in. But I did all of it, and I came home and I looked healthier and I felt healthier. I had things to talk about, and obviously all my plane videos that my family, um, yeah, well, they glanced at those, but anyway, they could understand that it was— it had been a really, really good thing for me. Now, on the way home, our flight was delayed, but that was all— that was fine. I was with my friends and, uh, you know, we were fine. We got something to eat, and then we ended up at our airport, but we had quite a way to drive to get home. And I got in at about 1:30 in the morning, so my husband was asleep. I had warned him that I would be late, but I had some keys, so it was all fine. So I've come back from this brilliant time, um, really just loved being with everybody that I met, um, and they seemed to like me, which— that was a good feeling too. And I should really have just come in and gone to bed, but, but I didn't. I came in and, you know, the— my dog obviously came to, to welcome me, and I, um, spent some time with her, and I made myself a drink, and then I looked at the table where we keep our post. There's never very much for me really anyway, but I had a look through, and I'd got this envelope for me, and I opened it. And it was from the, um, oh goodness, I can't even remember what they're called now. Um, well, basically it, um, it's from the, uh, HM Court Tribunal Service or HM Court, something like that. But basically, um, I had previously for many years been receiving something called a Personal Independence Payment or a PIP, which is given to people. You have to pass an assessment and I can't work. I wish I could, I mean I did work for my previous profession. I was working for 20 years and I loved that job, and, um, but, but I lost it, and due to my, my mental health, and also, um, well, really due to the way that the police interacted with my place of work, um, when I was going through the months and months that go on for the police investigation into what happened to me. So no, I couldn't work, and so I was getting Personal Independence Payment, which just helps my day-to-day living costs. I've lost my salary and it was something that I am entitled to. It's not means tested, and I believed that, you know, as I was entitled to it, that, um, it was fine. I had no reason to consider otherwise. Well, after so many years— I can't remember how many— but they send out a a reassessment form, I guess. Now these forms, they are— they ask you like really strange questions that's sort of relating to food preparation and can you wash vegetables and, um, it, it's, uh, quite a strange form. And I did phone them up and, and say that I've got this form and also certain things about me had changed and I'd also got some new new things that I needed to add on, and the person I spoke to, although it took a long time to get through, seemed very helpful to help me. I wanted to check that I was going to include all the things because to me they're obvious, and I wanted to know how to get them across because there really weren't any guidelines for this, and I wanted to fill this in correctly. Well, I did that, and, um, cut a long story short, they decided to stop my benefits. Um, so despite all the medical evidence from my GP, from all mental health, I've been discharged from my local NHS Trust because they do not offer the specialist service that I need for Dissociative Identity Disorder. And then after quite a lot of— a few months actually of trying to secure funding, I got funding agreed to pay for 6 years worth of treatment at the Clinic for Dissociative Studies in London. And I'm only one of like 50 people in the country that are actually with this service, and I know that many, many more people are not receiving the care that they need for their mental health because my diagnosis of complex PTSD and dissociative identity disorder, they're not recognized in the UK by NICE. So NICE, who, who are the— like, they provide the guidelines for care. I'm not sure why other countries do. That's why I went to America, because they do, and I needed that help. And I've, I've nearly, nearly lost my life several times during dissociative episodes, so having been triggered. And I want, I want to recover, like, and this, this benefit actually helps me to, to travel to where I need to go, um, and, and just my sort of day-to-day, um, living, just, and, and trying to, to go out once in a while. Nothing huge, just simple things really. Anyway, they stopped it. And I phoned them up and they asked for— I said, I can send you some more medical letters and my GP can send you things. So they were like, yeah, send that in. So no, it doesn't have to go recorded delivery, you just send it in and they're used to sifting through, and they promised that that's what the process was, so I believed it. Well, they didn't even wait for that stuff to come in before they sent out another notice saying, 'No, this is final, it's ended.' Then we have to go about appeals process. Now, this is what I came home to. Um, they send you, um, bundles I've had over— I can't even remember now, it must be way over a year. Sometimes there's 159 pages in these things. Well, I have an advocate because I can't actually understand, and, um, you know, these are professionals who have written reports So it's which are submitted, and I found out that I failed because I drove to the assessment centre in my town. Now, it wasn't like that in the beginning. They sent me an appointment to somewhere that was about 40 minutes away. Well, I can't drive 40 minutes away to somewhere like that. So I called them up and said, but there's a centre in my town, can I not go there? It makes more sense. So they set that up, and there was this massive paragraph that is clearly, I would say, well, cut and paste, that because I'd driven, it was noted that I had driven to the centre, that it proved I had all these cognitive skills hand-eye coordination, physical, I don't know, mobility. It went on and on and on, and, um, it made no sense because if they put in my postcode and the postcode to where I went, it was only 1.3 miles in a town that I've lived for, for 33 years, and I actually have my daughter with me too. But we parked in Sainsbury's car park because it was close and that's where I shop, and then I met her in there. So they, they decided to basically get some cruelty points on this one for me because I can drive. Well, if I can't drive 1.3 miles in a town I've lived for 33 years and I'm like 56, then clearly, like, what I'm being helped with isn't helping, because that really ought to be something that I can do. So we now have to go through this appeals process because they didn't wait for my information. The other great thing is they, they then claim that they've not received your information, even though they've mentioned a report by somebody that you sent in. So they did, and I now have an advocate, and they sent their stuff in recorded delivery, which again they say they don't have, but we've got proof of that, actually two lots of stuff. So we've now had, um, I think it's 3 or 4 judges and stuff coming up for this, and we've had hearings and They've been stopped, decisions not made, lawyers for the DWP, so the Department of Work and Pensions, trying to find out if there's some act in 1972 that they can really use to stop me getting— we're not talking about a lot of money really here, and We're now on something else. So I come home to this brown envelope, open it, it's got 63 pages in of court stuff that I am not sure what it— I can't manage it. And it also has directions from the judge to the clerk, to the tribunal, and that's who sent this to me, the clerk to the tribunal. They are named, but I won't name them. And in fact, they're the fourth clerk that I've had deal with my case, and they've all been sort of similar, really, in competence. So the directions to them from the judge is not to send this to me. Like I, I am not to receive this stuff. It's an adjournment notice and well, it's half one in the morning and I've opened this and I've come back and I've been like well and happy and I would have thought that that's what anybody would want for somebody and they've sent me something that it clearly states in bold twice not to send to me. The other thing about it is that all my documents that they have copied and put in there, which were sent to them as clear copies— professional documents, handwritten statements, photo identification, my signatures— they have all been reproduced for other judges in bundles clearly and so that they can be read, but with this one, this clerk has scanned everything and like my face, my name, the medical reports about me are black. They're so poorly done, poorly reproduced. They have got the clearest thing on them is a stamp that the clerk has used saying poor quality, and I'm just like absolutely, absolutely devastated by this because I thought it was all going to be sorted out, and it will be sorted out because I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep on with this, and I'm using the radio. I don't earn anything from being a presenter from the Women's Radio Station, it's not-for-profit, and there are costs to be met to put my broadcasts out. So it is a dilemma sometimes whether or not to continue doing this, but I consider it money well spent, and I hope that what I can say and from the information that I can find out and share with what's happening to me, because it's happening to thousands of people. The DWP, Department of Work and Pensions, they are— they've been taken to many tribunals by many of their staff for, um, with the Equality Act, for against disability and they lose. And there is, um, there's somebody who— the, the person who's in charge of this now, I've made like so many notes on this today, it's taken me absolutely hours, but the, you know, this has got to be spoken about. So the, the MP is— I can't say her first name, I think it's Theresa Coffey. So she is in charge of the DWP, and they have employed professionals to, to look into what goes on and what happens to claimants, particularly those whose benefits are retracted or sanctioned, and this leads to suicides. I mean, coroners have, have recorded this and they have sent their findings to, to this department, but they actually say that they will not— in legislation, they are not legally responsible for a duty of care. So basically, you can be treated in any way no matter who you are, that it's actually rather inhumane. And the article that I'm sort of referring to is from something that I would recommend anybody to look at because this is, you know, I don't want to live in a society that does this, and I didn't know about it really until it's happened to me. So there's a gentleman, it's a journalist, he's a disabled gentleman called John Pring, and he owns and writes for the Disability News Service. And the article that I've read, there are many that he's written about this and other people contribute as well, is that actually the sort of the toxic rhetoric behind this sort of started about 30 years ago. So, what they wanted to do was try and put out— the government— that people were trying to, um, the government were really trying to say that, um, you, you've got people who are, who, well, it was, um, in 1992, Social Secretary Peter Lilley, who I think is Conservative, he wanted the closing down of something-for-nothing society and that we were not in the business of subsidising scroungers. So they wanted to try and basically save money. And I can remember when I was sort of, you know, this time about, you know, people on benefits and being called scroungers. And I didn't really know what that meant. I mean, I thought it meant like fraud, but I didn't actually realise this is actually a government department that's actually trying to take benefits away from people who need it. They wanted to— there was a draft letter leaked where there were proposals to make the benefit taxable less generous, and they wanted to try and exclude 10 to 20% of their claimants. So, um, you know, the, the benefits— the, the benefit cost had gone up from £1.5 billion to £6 billion in 10 years. So John Major was our Prime Minister then, and he said, 'It beggars belief that so many more people have suddenly become invalids.' especially when the health of the population has improved. So, they decided to really try and reform this by using sort of private— they were Anglo-French companies to come in and advise them to try and change the way that they did the incapacity benefit and use a new point system, which was like a system that was used by the insurance industry in the United States. So, you know, everything sort of carried on like this. They wanted a system that didn't want to see that, like, out-of-work disability benefit was something that the system wanted to promote, and they wanted to label it as fraud and deception, not honesty and hard work. So messages were given out about sort of cheats, people being dishonest, scroungers, fakers, fraud, and that they were paying companies to do this. In 2005, the government gave a company called Atos a £500 million contract to carry out the assessments done to people seeking claims for the next 5 years, and then they renamed the organization to be the DWP. Now, I'm not like— there's a lot to put in on this, and some of it, like, it's quite late and I'm a bit confused. But basically, you've got people who are claiming, who believe that they're going to be looked after for valid reasons. They have medical evidence from GPs and other people in the NHS. I don't know, maybe private ones, social services, all these sorts of things. But what they were doing is not taking these things into account and taking the benefits away and using a points system. So this, even though things had moved on and the depart— DWP was a sort of a newly named Work and Pensions, um, Department of Work and Pensions, they still had this idea that, um, of these slurs. And there was somebody called Peter Hayne who in 2007 was saying incapacity benefits had embedded the sick note Britain, and he wanted to announce new stricter assessments that would find half of those who take it fit for work. He wanted to soften up the public to believe that, you know, people were taking money from us, that we— I, you know, I was working then and paying tax. So yeah, it was, um, to make that feel as a general flavor of what a society in, in that year was feeling. So, um, they then had also a, a mental health technical group who, um, they, they warned that this was new system of point scoring and assessment for, for many benefits they changed the name of benefits, they made it very hard for people. People who are confused, people who've been supported for years, were being reassessed, um, and for them being involved in this sort of process was something that they never thought they'd have to do again. So the, the Mental Health Technical Group, they put through recommended recommended improvements to the assessment, and these were taken away, scrutinized by the DWP's legal team, and then rejected. So they also— it did put on this Mental Health Technical Group Board, a woman who was employed also by the DWP, and she, she did say that you must not— you have to assess these claimants properly. You cannot solely rely on one assessment. You have to consider the patient's GP records, mental health records, and anything else that relates to that person. Well, nothing, nothing changed, and, um, until March 2010 when the DWP received a report from a coroner, and he raised serious concerns about a role paid— played by the department, um, assessment in the suicide of a young man. There then was a Prevention of Future Deaths report, a PFD report written, and, you know, he, he was triggered into suicide by rejection of his appeal that he was not fit for work. And you know, I've read his medical history and you know, he was not, he was not fit for work. And the, the decision not to seek this medical advice from the claimant's own GP or psychologist if they're suffering from mental health illness, the coroner was saying this needs to be reviewed. But still it wasn't happening. It's been raised by the Technical Working Group like several years earlier. It's come out with a coroner. Um, the government have still like— they failed to respond to the coroner's report. In fact, it took them, um, 5 years to then suddenly respond and say that they had found a draft report that they had done 5 years previously. Well, I don't know, they lose things. I know that from experience, so it's possible they could have lost something else. And, um, and then they were going to do this like massive rollout. They wanted to get so many people taken off the system, but also at the same time they were employing like— there was a guy called Professor Malcolm Harrington, who was an independent expert appointed by ministers, and he wasn't given some of this information. So, um, there were sort of tens of thousands of people with significant levels of mental distress who've been far from the workplace for many years suddenly coming under this pressure. And it— I tell you, it is pressure. It makes me feel like I'm gonna have a heart attack. It makes me cry a lot. It actually makes me think that, why should I carry on? I just want to manage to pay my travel fare to get to my therapy sessions on time, and without my benefit, I can't get a disabled rail card which would enable me to travel at the time so that I could actually start my sessions on time. I also, I don't have a bladder, I have to catheterize, so after a journey I need time to do that too, and that's not something that, you know, anybody would like. I hate it, I hate everything about not having a bladder, but I've got to get on with it, and I'd be very grateful with some support and some recognition from a department. But this has just carried on, and then like David Cameron in 2010, he said, 'If you really cannot work, we will always look after you, but if you can work and refuse to work, we will not let you live off hard work of others.' And it's just, I think I probably would have believed that then, but now in 2022, when I'm in this situation of, um, like, uh, well, this is the truth, my husband had to stay home the next day after I got this information that I shouldn't have even had. And I also had a lot of support, and so did he, from my therapist because I was basically on like self-harm/suicide watch. I can't understand what these people are trying to do to me. And why I'm having to go to a court. You know, it's crazy. And then, you know, people like Ian Duncan Smith, who was, you know, an MP, he gave an interview to The Sun newspaper in the UK saying that he was appalled at how easy it's been in the past to cheat the system. Well, I'm not trying to cheat anybody at all, and there are so, so many people who are in this situation like me, and people who have worked for the DWP, um, have reported that they are told to look for cruelty points and to sanction people and to make things so difficult for them that they give up and go away. Um, and, and Ian Duncan Smith was also quoted as saying that this saps away at our sense of togetherness in society. Well, I thought we lived in a society now where, um, mental health was considered. It's something that we have a lot of awareness about now, and we're all meant to be talking about it and supporting each other. But the people who actually have the money that can support people financially in ways that they absolutely need are letting the system down because there just is not the legislation, there's no— there's nothing legally that states that this department has any duty of care to the claimants that they are treating in, in ways that, I mean, I'm finding it unbelievable. So, but this has continued on, and you think these people They're meant to be clever and educated, but Chancellor George Osborne in 2012, he said, 'Where is fairness, we ask, for the shift worker leaving home in dark hours of early morning who looks up at the closed blinds of next-door neighbour sleeping off a life on benefits?' So you're going to split society in how they see people who are on benefits. And it's just all this, this seems to have continued now for like 25, 30 years. Um, and there's the people who I've read who, where the coroner has sent his report to the Department of Work and Pensions Um, saying that, um, you know, these— it comes up that there is a possibility and probability that the actions of losing their benefits has led to their death. Some, it's been from stress and they've had like seizures and have died. Um, Some have been people that we will never know about. Some people who stopped— lost their benefits and then took their, their own lives. They've actually recorded it. I've actually recorded mine, and everything is documented because if anything happens to me, because I'm getting to the stage where I can't really take any more than I want it, and I suppose my broadcast today, but I just— they employed a professor, Professor Harrington, to make recommendations for improvements, which he did, and many were accepted and implemented, but he was never ever shown the key evidence linking the deaths, and he never saw the coroner's reports. That is from what I've read. So, um, there were also, um, it's come to light that there were secret reports that the DWP had been conducting into deaths linked to the Social Security system, and they actually admitted this in 2014. So, but they, they do, they do also state now, admit that they did not pass these documents to it then went to Dr. Paul Litchfield. They didn't pass this to his team, so the government knew that they would link this fitness for work test with deaths, deaths of disabled benefit claimants, but they ensured that it was kept from its own independent reviewer. Um, I mean, if you take a look at this, uh, report or just Google DWP deaths and things like that there's a lot that comes up, um, and you know, it's, it's in the UK as a whole, um. Civil servants have been repeatedly warned that policies to assess out-of-work disability benefits were putting the lives of vulnerable claimants at risk, but you know, still this, this continues. And there's a poor lady who took her own life, and she'd been having 20 years of treatment from her GP and a psychiatrist and a psychologist saying that she was not fit for work. Yet in her claim, none of this information was sought, and In a lot of these cases, especially people who've been dealing with me, they're not medically trained. And even when my— all my things have gone in, and as I said, it's like 163 pages because, um, I, I've had to go through an awful lot of assessments, um, through the— with— through the NHS with, um, ex-special experts. Some pretty horrendous assessments, to be honest. They're really traumatizing. And, um, so even using— the government have paid for that, the NHS are paying for me to be funded to go somewhere to specialist, and they still have taken this away from me. Lost my documents, lost the stuff that's been sent in by my advocate by recorded delivery. Um, they've lost reports and not passed them on to their own independent researchers, and I actually tried to phone this woman, I can't remember, Theresa Coffey. Yeah, I found her, I got through, but the guy who answered the phone said that he could only talk about to me if I was her constituent. Well, I'm not, so I said, "Well, no, I'm not, but maybe, you know, this is what it's about. Could you perhaps give me some advice as to how I could get through?" Because if you want to phone them, you need to be prepared to be on the phone for about an hour, and then you'll probably get cut off. So it can take a— it's very stressful even trying to phone these people, and you don't know who you're talking to, and they may be just a claim handler, but they're certainly not medically trained. So, but he— so Yeah, Theresa or whatever her name is, Coffey, her, um, the person that answers her phone for her constituents, could not even assist me in, in any way as to how to contact her in this— I would have thought it was an extremely, um, a job where she, she really needs to know, but clearly she doesn't. And even in being the Work and Pensions Secretary in 2021, she repeatedly told MPs that the Department of Work and Pensions does not have legal duty to safeguard its claimants. Responsibility is with local agencies, GPs, and social services. Well, I mean, has anyone tried to get through to their GP at the moment? It's, um, they're under a lot of pressure. I mean, anyway they were, and then we've had a pandemic. So, um, she's trying to sort of put the responsibility on them. Maybe they're the people that actually should maybe do the assessment then, because, um, clearly the DWP is, um, sadly failing a lot of people. And it makes me really, really sad. I hope this changes. I've contacted my MP and his secretary, she's been extremely helpful and I'm sending all my stuff, it's all being sent to him, not by me but by my advocate The fact that the court clerks aren't even doing their jobs correctly and the missing paperwork that's gone to lawyers and things, or stuff that's just not been sent, is causing delay after delay and must be costing an awful lot of public money. I, I didn't, I I didn't know whether I was going to be able to do this today because, um, it's not— I, I've not been great at all, um, like really not, not good. And it's been awful from having some time away with friends, which is something that I never thought I'd ever be able to do again, to coming home to this situation. So this article that I've read from the Disability News Service. It was— they did send the draft article to the DWP's press office, and it took them, I think it was 12 days, to respond, and they said, 'Thank you for sending this, but we won't be adding any further comments.' So really, my question is Who cares? Who does care? Who, who in this society is going to make this change? Because they think this is probably now linked to thousands of deaths through stress, shock, suicide of people, that also people have made recordings of the way that they've been spoken to. But still, if they're saying that they do not have— there's no duty of care, and they just rely on this absence of an explicit reference to the DWP having such a duty of care in legislation. Well, can't we get some legislation put in place? Because legislation is something that should be able to happen. I mean, we have goodness knows what going on in our MPs. I mean, we've all seen the behavior recently with whether or not they had a drink together or some cake or did had a meeting or whatever, whatever. So for goodness sake, these people who are in charge need to look at this broken system that is harming people. It is killing people. It's— you're not saving money if you're making people sick and they still have to keep going for treatment. And I'm missing some of my treatment because I need the railcard that I will then be able to purchase to be able to get to where I need to go at the right time. And there's other things for me too, which, you know, it's individual and everyone should be considered on an individual basis. But I really think that I'm going to pursue this. I have said I'm going to give up, I'm going to walk away. I don't want anything. I can't deal with this anymore. But I'm not. I'm going to keep on, especially now that I have clear evidence that they have received things of mine and lost them, and that they also have sent me— the judge knew that sending me the paperwork that I received when I got back from being away was going to cause me harm. That all the professional reports say I cannot have this information, and they sent it even with a covering letter saying, "Dear," you know, whatever, whatever, personalized to me, and I should not have received this at all. So it's happening to me, it's happening to a lot of people. I'm lucky I have fantastic support with my therapist, and the arrangement is that as well as my 2-hour session a week, I also have an hour of time spread over the rest of the week. That is something that, being at the center that I am, I'm only one of about 50 people in the UK getting that. Mental health provision is something that needs to change for complex PTSD. So, so, and, and trauma, dissociative identity disorder not being recognized in this country. There aren't enough professionals trained in it, and that's something that needs to be addressed too, because maybe that would help if we got people well maybe they could go back to work. I'd love to go back to work, but for the moment all I can manage is a 1-hour radio broadcast a week, and my family rather despair because I didn't think I was going to get to do this today, and I wasn't sure whether to talk about it, but it's important, and I mean, this is Um, you know, I'm, I'm in the early hours of the morning now because I wanted to do my research and get some information to you that I hope will change the way that you see people on benefits, that they're not sleeping their life away.