Radical Well-being – Fearless

Hi guys. Welcome to Romans radio station. My name is Ingrid Marsh and this is the Radical Wellbeing show. So we're here in our studio at Covent Garden supporting women's well being and this week I'm on a mission to have you all get that just a little bit more fearless. So kick starting with that, to help me with that I have the wonderful author and poet Joelle Taylor, who after a really difficult start decided to get fearless. And she's here now telling us about how she did that, how she rocked her individuality. You can engage with us on this show, don't forget by emailing us@presentersomensradiostation.com Joanne, I don't have you for a very long time so I want to get lots of information out of you. Thank you so much for joining us. How are you? It's an absolute pleasure and a joy. I'm very good, thank you. It's a beautiful day outside, isn't it, Fabs. And in here, isn't it? Yeah, gorgeous. The women's radio station rocks. Absolutely. So Jamal, let's, but let's go back to your younger days, if you don't mind. So can you tell us a little bit about your younger days and some of the challenges you faced back then? So I mean I was born in 1967, which is quite relevant because a lot of what I'm going to tell you, some of the things have been sorted out societally and I grew to a decent working class family, as we call it. My mum and dad both had jobs and then they lost them and we were taken away from our home and put up over a Christmas time period. I was 5 years old in a bed and breakfast and there was no one in the hotel at that time. It was just me and my little family. There were problems with my family. There was kind of quite a lot of violence around. I remember watching my dad hit my mum and just the sense of growing up with a sense of fear, you know when somebody walks in the room and you're waiting to know how you can behave or how you can best breathe. Next. So anyway, to cut a very long story short with all the trigger warnings, the night at Christmas I was sent to bed and the other guests in the hotel were young soldiers and two, three of them came into my hotel room and sexually abused me and raped me. And that kind of continued throughout the period I was there. But that's really the story I tell. But that isn't the actual story. The actual story is how a 5 year old immediately Asked for help and immediately went to their parents and was, you know, beaten for telling lies. Was called all kinds of names, sexual names. Went to a doctor's own. Being in the doctors and him very clearly saying that I got venereal disease. To this day, I don't know which one. From visiting the elephant house at Bellevue Zoo. So all these kind of really strange ideas about children, about sexuality, and the fact that, you know, we all thought about rape and sexual abuse as strangers, people coming up behind you. Not kind of situations that create an atmosphere where this can happen, where kids are vulnerable and unprotected. So as I grew older, I kind of recovered from that. We left that experience, went into a really good period of my life for maybe six, seven months. And then puberty hit and I started to remember everything and I started to talk about it again. I was always a really feisty little human, and so I was. And also, I'm gay, so obviously I started to come out to myself as a word, I couldn't even say a lesbian. I was coming out as that as well at the time. And during a time when it was very difficult to be gay in this country, it's getting like that again. But it was. You know, it was. You certainly didn't tell family. So that was really. My story was trying to be heard around sexual abuse at a time when I was punished for it and it was believed, you know, Shut up. Even my contemporary friends, they didn't make space. There was no space for it to talk about. And there's no real understanding of the effects of this and what it can do to you. So all of this rejection by wider society and then me being the wrong shape as a. As a lesbian led to me falling. I mean, I lost my home, I lost my family, and eventually I was kind of rough sleeping. But as a woman, I used my body as a home. And so you trade. Your body becomes a currency, a wallet, in a sense, and you use it to get somewhere to sleep or to get food or whatever. And I fell into drugs as well. I say fell into drugs. Like, I tripped over them when it was dark one night. But, you know, I said this with Val McDermott at Edinburgh International Festival a couple of days ago. Drugs saved my life. And that's an appalling thing to say, but, like. And I'm talking about class A drugs as well, but it provided me with currency, real money that I could use to eat, and it provided me with a network of people. Yeah. So there's a lot of information, and I don't want to miss some really integral points that you mentioned. Going back to age 5 and going through that abuse and being rejected and so forth, and growing up in that house, in a sense of. Now, the first thing that's coming to mind here, I know similar stories like this where they were brought up in a house of fear and then felt, well, actually, I don't want to be like that. Where did you get your courage from? There's some big old topics here, Joelle, where big old stigma attached and you've decided to fight against that stigma and talk about some big old issues. Where did that come from? I just. I think that once you've experienced that horror as a child of people not loving you and not accepting you, and I was also put in a psychiatric ward. Once you've experienced that, you're on your own. How can you look at other people and not want to defend them and stand up? So the instinct, strangely, I think, comes from a very female place, even though it's a kind of warrior thing, and it comes from this need to protect others and to make things right. So, you know, I think some of the most fearless people in the world are women, you know, especially when not just our children are in danger, but other women. We have this sort of coming together, which I think, you know, not to be put too finer pointed, oppressed peoples can do. It's like we join together. So for me, it was about. I just don't like it. It's wrong. It's absolutely wrong. And it was me naively trying to work out why me, why was it me? That's the first question you ask. And then I ran away from everything. I couldn't deal with it. I can't afford therapy. Growing up in that kind of environment, you know, and there wasn't the provision by the nhs. There's none of that. And so, you know, I ended up writing as a way of dealing. Before we talk a little bit more about your writing, just going back on the sexuality aspect and were born the same year. So yay, 1967. And you're right, I could imagine back in those days, you know, this was unheard of. This was a taboo subject about your sexuality, especially in the northwest of England. Especially in the northwest of cities. Quite. But you said something right at the end there which threw me. You said that, like, even today. No, I thought it was like women like yourself who came out earlier, who made it easier for women of today to express. I agree, But I do feel it's part of the whole rise of the right wing, the increase in racism, in nationalism, and some of that is policing the borders of our sexuality as well. And I think there's all these demonstrations at the moment outside primary schools and secondary schools. Part of the problem is that this is another interview, but I think because the acronym the LGBTQ has all peoples put together. And I think, yeah, there's. I can feel it. I can feel it. And I've also been assaulted three times since the referendum, verbally. Nobody physically had a go at me because I'd eat them. But still, this day and age. Yeah, exactly. I think it's a common experience for all of us who don't quite fit in. Okay, we know these are big old topics, and I could have you here for an hour going across every single one, but there's so many points I want to cover in such a short time. Let's go on to your writing now, Joanna. How did. How did this help or not help? How did you get into that? Tell us a bit about that. It became. Well, it helped because I was writing worlds. You don't write stories or poems when you grow up. When you're a kid, you write a different place in which you can live. And the piece of paper is almost like it's an escape tunnel or it's a window, a portal into another place. And so that's how it started. Just conjuring worlds that weren't like the ones I was in. As I grew older and more angry and more really angry about what was happening to me, then I started being more didactic, so more clear, and that led to that kind of ranting, spoken word poetry. It was very popular in the 80s, you know, which is just literally standing on the stage for three minutes and telling people what was happening, you know? You know, and getting some kind of power from that situation as well. And do you feel. Because people I've been speaking to recently, you talked to them about getting angry, do you feel that's what we have to do? Do we have to get angry? That's almost what gives us the power to speak out and to bring about a change. So it's a really interesting question because we think about anger and happiness as these almost very simplistically. Rage is a rainbow. There is so much going on inside. Rage. There's a huge amount within rage that is actually love itself and even joy. So I do think people need to get angry. Women need to get rageous. We need to get radical. Radical. You get me? Hence the name of the show, Radical well Being Show. I do Feel. And that doesn't necessarily mean walking around screaming at people. But look at, look at the women in India, the Gulabi girls. So those are the women in the pink saris who are going round and if a guy is accused of sexual assault on a young girl, these are lower caste women and they have like sticks and they follow them around and they don't say anything. But all these women are in their 50s, 60s, 70s year olds, and they go out on the streets and they're like, we know what you did. No one's going to get you. But we know. So we're going to let everybody else know. And I'm gesticulating with my arm like it's a stick. But you don't know that at home. Sorry about that. But, you know, perhaps we use USB sticks as a way. Perhaps we use data, we keep names, we keep records, we talk to each other. It's the most effective thing we can do in 2019 is for people to sit in rooms like this, look each other in the eye and talk. Absolutely. Absolutely, Joelle. So you've written this book. The title itself is Badass. We're gonna have to do another talk. And I know it's called Songs My Enemy Taught Me, so we're gonna have to talk about that another time. I know this is available in the bookshop, so you have to tell us about that. But before you tell us about that, can you quickly give me three badass radical tips that I can give to the listeners out there as how they can be just that little bit more fearless? I mean, right? Okay, one badass tip for fearlessness. Discover who you are. Be honest with yourself. Don't be anybody else. Find who you are. That's the first thing. Number two, write as much as possible about that or draw or make music and C, connect with other people. Be an army. Okay, so stand up and speak. Talk about it any other. Be yourself. Be yourself. That's the hardest thing to do because we're full of artifice, you know, but that's do it because you're wicked, you're wonderful. Indeed. And that's the thing. I'm funny. I'm doing a lot of work on this at the moment about individuality and rocking your individuality because we're walking around these masks and these different identities, which is really difficult. So how do we get in touch with you, Joel, and find out more about Songs My Enemy Taught Me and get in touch with your story? So you can get www.joelletaylor.co.uk or via my publishers, outspoken.co.uk and the books in Amazon most bookshops or directly from me. Fabulous. So, my darlings, you're listening to Ingrid Marsh here. You're listening to Ingrid Marsh at women's radio station. From our studios in Covent Garden, we're supporting women's wellbeing. After the break, I'm going to speak into Ruby and Shaheen Carr. They're going to be bringing their stor of fearlessness to us. So don't forget to email us, engage with us. Please, please, please get in touch with Joelle about her books. Joelle, you are truly awesome. We need to get you back in again, most definitely about this book. Will you be willing to do that? Absolutely. Love to, Absolutely love to. You are absolutely fabulous. Do stay in tune, guys. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome to the women's radio station. Supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website, womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. 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For more information on how you can sponsor a Show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio station supporting women's well being. Hi guys, my name is Ingrid Marsh. Welcome to women's radio station and this is the radical wellbeing show where we're here in Covent Garden supporting women's wellbeing. Like I said, and as you know, we'd love you to engage with us on these topics at our email address, which is presentersomensradio.com so today my topic is all about being fearless. Now, quite different to my earlier topic, my earlier show rather my earlier talk. Now I'm going to be talking to two awesome women. One of them was deemed the miracle baby. She was born weighing only one pound, was diagnosed with a speech language impairment and her mother never stopped believing. So a big massive welcome to Ruby and her mother, Shaheen Khan. How are you both, my darling? Thank you very much for coming and to give us the opportunity to come on this radio. Thank you so very much for coming here. Thank you, thank you. You made our dream come true. This is so lovely. Well, look, let's tell everyone why. Explain to them why you feel this way. Shaheem, I'm going to start with yourself. You're Ruby's mother. Yes, I am. So I want you to go back to when Ruby was born, okay? And she was this one pound. She was intubated born one pound. Yes. And she was in a. When Ruby was born, I was paralyzed for two weeks. I could not walk when I had her right. And then that time when they took her, the two ambulance came. My daughter was born at home at 3pm in the afternoon and my younger brother wouldn't call an ambulance. They want me to die, Both of me. Me and my daughter. It was one of the tough Road I've been through with my younger brother. I could not believe he could do to the sister, the younger, older sister. Four years older than him. Four years younger than me. Then one of the neighbors next there was kicking, shouting. I was knocked out. The bleeding, I was knocked out and the bloods were everywhere. Then next door, the neighbors did call an ambulance. And the two ambulance people came all. I can hear them shouting to my brother. They couldn't open the door because my door was locked from inside. When I went to the door, the water break and Ruby went in the loo. Yeah. And the Empress had to break the door to get access to you. Yeah, access to me. Next thing I was knockout. I didn't even know I was a girl or a boy until they let me put a drip on me. And they were talking to me slowly. I was knocked, they put me in some drip. So because we've only got like 12 minutes, I'm going to get to some really key points quickly, if that's okay. So you had this little baby, she was £1, was there always. I mean, what were they saying? Did they say she was going to survive? What was the chances? All the ambulance were saying that you both might not make it. Because they're giving them an injection and drip. And they put oxygen on me. They said you might not make it. Not breathe. Yeah, both of us. Both of you might not make it. Not make it. Wow. And the ambulance, the other guy that came there was two of the ambulance. And the other ambulance knows my mom because I was the care of my mom and dad. And the other guy gave me a corridor. He goes, you can do it, it's a girl. But we're taking it to another ambulance. That's when I was completely. No cop didn't know. After that I was in an ambulance. Soon as I reached in the hospital, they put me on the belt and put the drips and everything. When I came around then the doctors, I can only see their faces around and all they keep telling me, you're not gonna make it. Your daughters are not gonna make it. I keep telling them is a faith. We are gonna make it through. We are gonna make it through. We're gonna make it, we're gonna make it through. When we did it, actually I did it. And to be honest, she was my inspiration when she was in the machine to exercise in the hospital. No one in my family did help me catch up on the sticks. I was on a wheelchair. I was eradicated. I've been going to there and I said, look I'm gonna take her out. I'm gonna be and show the world that I can do it. I did it. Fantastic. Fantastic. Shaheen, I'm quickly over to Ruby. Okay, so Ruby, because we know really I could have you here for an hour but I don't have that time and I just want to get some really key points. So Ruby, you were born, you had these diagnosed dispositions, speech impediment, writing. So what are some of the challenges you faced as a, as a child? So you've got this miracle mother or this strong mother, this radical mother just like you are going to make it. And what are some of the challenges you face as a young child? The fate of the challenges I faced is going through starting from special needs schools and not being able to speak and write was the most challenging thing because I got bullied for it and I was going to commit suicide many years ago and I didn't, it didn't happen because it was my mother's support and I kept going, didn't lose hope. So I think going to primary school, going to high school, I think I started building my confidence. I had therapy, I had help with my speak with my speech therapy and I've had local authority helping me. I had charities called contact to Family helping me Take me to London and so on and so on. So I think that's how I grew as a person with her support and also their support at the same time. And I must admit when I read your bio and both your bios will be on the station so do check that out guys on the womenswadio.com website. But one thing that just kept being repeated over and over again, virtually every other line. If it wasn't for my mum, my mum, my mum, my mum, I was just so touched by that. And even as you speak now, I feel so touched by it. And you said that there were times that you felt suicidal even shuhin, were you aware that she. Yes, I did. She was aware. I wouldn't let her. I wouldn't let her. She was aware. No, I would not let her. She was aware. I would not let her. I keep telling stronger if we are going together, we're going to show the world we can do it together as a mother and daughter. We did it. And that far away she's in uni. I'm so proud of her. Fabulous. Now how I met you, Ruby was at an art exhibition, wasn't it? And you had this massive, I mean I'm not sure what size it is but this massive piece of Art. Yeah. Because after going through that difficult time going through, and then you then transformed into a main school. Is that right? Went to a main school, yeah. And now you're studying some big ba, some top universities. So how did we go from there to where you are now? So I did art throughout my life. So I had, I did therapy as art. Art has helped me get better with writing and speaking because I didn't, I couldn't do. I didn't. I didn't know my basic alphabetics. So art helped me. Looking at images, looking at buildings, going around London, having therapy, having therapy sessions with cars and puzzles and mysteries and problem solving. Stuff that I had to do throughout my entire life, throughout my entire stage from. Since I. Since I was born, since the age of five, four or five. Yeah. I've had to be going in and out of therapies and get support with, getting, getting my confidence to just start speaking better and developing better. And. And as I grew and I got better and better and better. Now when I asked you about your. And I said, what does this represent? You said it, it represented overwhelm. Can you tell us a little bit bit more about that? It was overwhelming because to look at my past, I wasn't very confident as an individual. So I think it's overwhelming for me to progress through the stages that have happened in my life. So I thinking going to London with my mother also and also having the help from the charity called Contact to Family did made me overwhelming in some kind of a way, which I decided to express my emotions, express my journeys, express my memories, express my experiences through going to the places I visited London with Contact to Family. So that's why I. This is what I presented in my artwork is what I wanted to. What is what I wanted to show. But I need to think more. How can I. How can I talk about more? So I think in my second year of uni, I'm going to start playing around with typography and text and see so people can get. Get the know of my story behind it. Because at the moment I'm showing the images of London, but people are still not getting the vision of it, but they're getting a vision of it because it's quite overwhelming and very shocking and very dramatic with all the buildings overlapped. So I'm going to be starting to progress with my personal experiences, looking at maybe typography and text and thinking about how I can express my. My emotions and my experiences I had with my mother and with Contact to Family in my artwork, which is Going successfully. Good. Which I'm really grateful and it's getting. It's like the best opportunity I've ever had. So. So we've gone from a baby who was a pound who was being told both mother and daughter, you're not going to make it to family. I believe you said we've given up on you. Yeah, they did and that kind of thing. And what were you studying now? University of East London. University of East London. What are you actually studying? Fine arts BA Fine arts BA I was clapped to you. So Shaheem, what would you say to. Because you know these are some big old stigmas. That was quite a big. For me it was a big step. Yeah. It was a really tough. One of the tough role that I had ever had. I was so proud of having my daughter. She gave me a great inspiration for people out there. I would like to say don't give up. Believe in faith. Believe in God. You will go. Definitely will go through it. So you believe it's your faith in God that just really helped you to pass. Yes, definitely did. That's wonderful because I appreciate you must have been going through some huge stigmas. Yes I did. At that time. Yes, I did. And how did you shut out that noise? How did you shut out the noise of those naysayers? If the people negative. I didn't ignore them. Completely ignore them. Just tuned them. Focus on myself and focus on my daughter and go for it. Which I did it and I'm working now. We keep going and keep going. I'm going to keep doing that. We kept going after 59 years. I'm working now which I'm so proud mother to be honest. And she was a full time carer so I was a full time care of her. Wasn't easy for me. Time carer. I wouldn't be healthy as I am today. Yeah. Put a lot of hard work in s that she didn't work. She looked after me and now she's number one. Kind of happy for her and I'm like you need. So I'm working part I'm looking for slowly working my way up at the top and we. We've got through, we've got through these emotions together and I think we're stronger each and every day and I think today is just made us the best confident. You given me at the radio station has given me the best ever. To be honest. I'm proud to be him. I'll just have to check our volumes. Fantastic. My darlings. I know you're always so excited which is Just fantastic. So I need three radical tips. I'm going to maybe take one from yourself and maybe two from Rumi. That's no problem. Okay, I need some radical tips that we can give to our listeners out there. Let us know that should not give up. Make sure positivity and inspiration, that's two key words. Keep going, keep going. Positivity is the main faith. Make sure you put faith in yourself. Okay? Positivity, Express your emotions, express it in art, talk about it to world. Do it in art, write about it, draw about it, imaginate it, put it out there. Don't let anything hold you back. Keep going. Okay, and that's really close to my last guest. So who? She expresses her work through her art and her words are rotten, what have you. Yours is this way. And I need one more. Who's going to volunteer? She will do. They're pointing to each other by the way. Be positive, never think negative. That never think that nothing's impossible. Because end of the day something will happen. And no matter how hard you try, you got to keep going. No matter how much, how much things happen in life, you've got to keep. Fantastic. Okay guys, I had to cut that short. Gonna wrap up. You're listening to Ingrid Marsh here at Women's radio station Australia studio in Carpent Garden. And don't forget, you can engage with us here@womensradio.com presentersomensradio.com is our email address. Yep. Presented@womensradio.com and look forward to seeing you on our next show. Thank you so very much guys and thank you for joining us here. Much appreciated. Welcome to Women's radio station, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to welcome to future classic women awards with me Stefania Passamonte on Women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show from tummy to mummy here on women's radio station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's well being. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you, doing extraordinary things. Women who have overcome huge obstacles in their lives who are now here with me to empower you. On the Radical Wellbeing show, you'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. 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