Sara’s Universal Soul Show – Hilary Cottam

Welcome to another Universal Soul Show. I'm Sarah Griffiths here with you for the next hour. My guest today is going to be author, designer and social activist Hilary Cottam. I'm going to be talking with Hilary about her book Radical Help, about which it's been said this might be the most important book you read this year. Hillary not only asks the question, but also gives us guidance as to how we can rebuild relationships between ourselves and revolution the welfare state. In the last part of the show, as usual, we'll have the best things in life for free. Giving away one of my favorite champagne openers to one lucky winner. And of course, we'll have this week's giveaway, which will be a copy of Hilary's book. But first of all, as ever, thank you to all of you who've contacted the show in the last few weeks, wherever you are in the world, broadcasting globally, as we are here, of course, at women's radio station. The ways to contact me are via email on presenterswimmynsradiostation.com just put the show name in in the subject on Facebook, it's the Universal Soul show. And Twitter, Women's Radiostn or UniversalSoulsh. Well, I'm delighted to introduce my guest today. It is Hilary Cottam. Hilary, thanks so much for being here today. It's such a pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me. We're obviously going to talk about Radical Help. In the book, you explain what happened to you earlier on to perhaps bring you to a point where you'd witnessed injustice and just naturally having this sense of wanting to do something about. For people that haven't read the book yet, just give us a little snippet of that. Well, I mean, the story starts really when I grew up in Spain, when I was very small and Spain was a very unequal country. And I describe how I lived in a sort of middle class neighborhood. Everybody had these small gardens and everybody shared this man who I suppose was a gardener. It sounds very grand if I say it like that, but we all shared the experience of having this man called Julian. And one day Julian didn't come and my father said we should go and find out what had happened. So we kind of drove, drove across Madrid in this searing heat and we arrived at his house and he lived in a kind of very small house, I suppose I could call it almost kind of like a shack, you know, with a kind of flimsy roof. Inside it was very dark. I could see that he and his family had very few possessions. And as I say, I was quite small, and I think I was just struck by how unequal the world is. And I had this question, how can it be and what can I do about it? And I think in a way that sort of driven me all the rest of my life. I suppose when we talk about your book, so Radical Help is what we're talking about. It's the honesty. It's a very moving book. Honest about what you see around you and also honest in terms of what you contribute and what you're doing within it. We're talking about the welfare state. I mean, you describe it in the book. You say it's like a gyroscope expending huge amounts of energy to spin on the spot. When you wrote the book, you'd had a vast amount of experience in terms of what you were trying to do. I loved your honesty in actually talking about times when humanitarian attempts that you've been part of just simply hadn't worked to date. Well, I started off working internationally. I mean, as you say, the book is about the British welfare state, but I started internationally. And, you know, I was young and I was idealistic and I had big dreams and I went to work. First of all, I started with a guerrilla army, and then I worked with a big international ngo and then finally with the World bank. And in all these organizations, I was part of these big programs for change, which were very well meaning. But what I saw was when they kind of hit communities and touched people's lives, change never happened in the way was intended. And I think I kind of wanted to find out why and what could be different. And that was the start of my kind of work and life, really. And I think what's so extraordinary about the book is that the two things that so clearly come out is how collaborative your efforts and your experiments, as you like to call them, are, and also how affordable and how possible they are. So when we actually look into the book, Hillary, we're talking, it feels almost like a sort of practical manual of our time. You break it down into sections. Why do you call them experiments? Well, I call them experiments because I think that I'm trying to find a way in which we can all flourish and really live kind of full lives in every dimension, no matter where we're born. And I call them experiments because I think I've got somewhere. I've worked with thousands of people, as you say, kind of up and down Britain, but it's still work in progress. I don't have all the answers. As you say, some things work Other things don't. But I kind of look really cradle to grave as the original welfare state did, and think, what would it be like now if we thought from sort of being born, really, to dying? How could we do all of those stages of our lives in a good way? I think it's so interesting when you say that I don't have all the answers. And that felt throughout the book, a very fundamental, recurring theme. To be able, in this day and age to start when we are trying to do anything to help others from a premise of not having all the answers is something that isn't really readily welcome, perhaps. Well, I think that's true, but also what I do is I try and pick problems where people might. So, for instance, the last chapter in the book is about aging and how we grow old in a kind of good way, which traditionally in many societies that's happened. But here in Britain today, we have a sense of panic and there's not enough to go around for very good reasons, because it's true that within existing systems there isn't. But I think everybody agrees that this is a kind of fundamental problem and a fundamental challenge. So at least when I start, there's nobody there saying, we've got the answers. When we start with one of the first experiments. So we're starting with life here. So the first chapter where you do your experiment, Family, you come up with this experiment called life. Just tell us a little bit about that. And Ella was so moved that you talk about within it. This experiment started because I was actually invited by a local authority to work with them on families that had all kinds of problems. Domestic violence, debt, their children no longer being in school. And the leaders of this authority, who I think were very brave, said, look, we've tried all kinds of ways of reorganizing our services. And I love. You said that, Hilary. Actually, you said when you were allowed to do this, I thought it was such a beautiful thing you wrote. You put it was nothing short of heroic for them to allow you to try something different. So, yes, because, you know, the book is stories of people's lives, but also it's about what it means to kind of how difficult it is for people. You know, thousands of people in Britain work in these services in systems that kind of oppress them. They want to kind of support other people and make change, but the system doesn't make it possible. And I describe that if you want to make change, yes, it's very brave because if you carry on with business as usual, nobody's going to kind of criticize you. And what would you say to people that say, oh, but the kinds of people you're talking about, they can't change, you know, they don't have the capacity to change. Well, Ella, the mother that you mentioned that I start the book, she had 73 different people in her life and her family's life, social workers, housing officers, police, and all these people said to me, oh, that family can never change. And then the family say, but change how? Because I've only ever lived in this way. Ella herself grew up in difficulty. So that makes it kind of very complicated. And we have to kind of first of all create space to think and to breathe and to dream, and then change can begin to happen. And I love Hilary, in actual fact, how you likened almost at both ends of the spectrum, there's Ella perhaps saying, look, how know what to do. I can't even see my problems, let alone know what to do about them. And I love that that isn't mutually exclusive to people in perhaps some of the most extreme situations of challenge and poverty. Even at the other end of the spectrum, which you also mention, you know, people who are perceived to be wealthy also, you know, often have a scenario where they might be rich but they don't feel better. You say in the book, you know, they money doesn't equate necessarily to a good life. So we also do have many things in common with people with incredible challeng because we all have it. Well, I think all of us need help at some stage in our lives. So, you know, I'm a mother and I talk a lot about that. I'm not a great mother, you know, I'm kind of constantly juggling and hoping none of the pieces will fall on the floor. I'm lucky I've got a supportive partner. I've got a kind of decentish income and that kind of papers over the cracks. But I mean, for instance, we know that divorce in this country costs twice as much as we spend on kind of families in need because it's hard for any of us to kind of keep good family life in modern Britain, I think. So again, starting from that premise of, you know, it is our hashtag for the and for the universal soul company of sharing the experience of being human, finding the things that link and connect us rather than the things that separate us has to be a great start point. Your first choice of music, Hilary, is duele. Tell me where that comes from. Yes. So the first thing we talked about this about the kind of disillusionment of the first side of my career, if you like. And I realized that I needed to kind of learn different ways of working and I needed to live alongside people. So I moved to barrio in the Dominican Republic in Latin America with no agenda. I just. It was 40,000 people living in a network of open sewers. And this music, it comes from that place. It's bachata, a form of dance from the Dominican barrio. And I love it because it reminds me of everything I learned living in that place. How to work, how to be. And yes, that's what this music is about. Hilary, we're going to hear it now, so we might start dancing now, but there is more dance music coming later. But anyway, we'll just decide. But this is for everybody at home. Duele by Mimi Abarra and Tita Rojas. Violet, violet, violet, violet, violet. With was. Wonderful having Hilary Cottam here with me today. Lots more to chat about, so we'll be right back in just a couple of min. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. This is Women's Radio Station. You're listening to Avril Price with Kitchen Sink Spirituality. It's Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. And my guest today is Karen Nolan. Welcome to future Classical Woman Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Women's Radio Station, we want to hear from you. I listen to women's radio station Women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalised service. This happens from the moment that they enquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078-254-12112 and Liz spelt L I S at hazazelmaytravel.co.uk hi, I'm Mariam Jamaux and I'm the founder of WCAN, a young social enterprise ensuring an increase in employment progression and retention of black women in the corporate world. We specialise in the professional and personal development of over 3,000 young black women in the UK. To get involved, please sign up or learn more via wcan.co.uk visit our Twitter or Instagram caanetwork. If you're a corporation interested in sponsoring, email sponsorshipcan.uk Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help help visit turntous.org.uk let me tell you about Jermyn Street Theatre. This is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End. Once found, never forgotten. This is where careers ignite, where playwrights take risks, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.germanstreettheatre.co.uk. Women's radio station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive to Don, simply head to our website. Every little will help. Well, I'm here talking with Hilary Cottam. Hilary, great to have you here. Before the break, we talked a little bit about literally the physical cost of people like Ella and your life experiment that you brought in. How do you see, again, people challenging you, saying, well, what does it cost to work in the way that you work, which is very person centered, starting from the person collaborating with them? Yes, well, the way I work is actually much cheaper because, of course, if you are somebody like Ella trapped in the system, kind of revolving again and again with 73 workers, that's extremely expensive. And what I'm interested in is how we kind of really support people to kind of live good lives without needing services which they find unhelpful. So all the work I do actually costs less and of course in the longer run saves even more because people are living flourishing lives. Because I suppose that's the irony, the huge cost, but people not actually feeling like they're moving forward. Did you find the people in the existing teams? Could they give you examples of feeling like the work they were doing? Were they honest enough to say, look, we don't think this is working? Could. Can people do that at the moment? Well, a mixture of both. I mean, one thing is it's so stressful to work in our current services that people. I say burnout or numb out. So you either leave. We've got massive vacancies, for instance, 93,000 vacancies in our health systems, or we've got people that are literally having to close down in order to cope because social work, for example, is so stressful. So, of course there are people that are allowed and that's the starting point of saying, I want to work in a different way. And what we did in our family work was we allowed people to spend 80% of their time actually working with families and only 20% doing administration, which is turning on its head at the moment. 80% of all our resource goes into assessing, checking, filling out forms. We took that away. Of course, everybody wants to join us because we all train to do work that changes people's lives, not to fill out forms. And so that makes the work attractive. And did you feel a fundamental change in attitude from the people you wanted to help? Were they more open and receptive to your help? Well, I think the thing is that all of us know when somebody is listening to us, genuinely or not. So I think the real change in the work I do is I'm there with a team. Of course, it's not me, it's actually a team. And we are genuinely, kind of actively listening without prejudice. And then people slowly do begin to open up. It can take time. And all our work starts with an invitation, rather than mandating people to come. And that sends a kind of signal of, oh, okay, these people are different. They're not telling me what to do. They've come to understand from my perspective. From there, we'll start to kind of make change. There's a sort of inherent respect. I know you actually say in the book, people know the difference between good words and good deeds. And the team's mission was to listen. It's interesting, Having worked with Dr. William Bloom a little bit on his spiritual myspiritualhealth.org, which is quite interesting, and spiritual companioning. It is just almost a little bit of sitting alongside somebody on this journey of being human, which, as we've said, it isn't really a them and us. And that's what you feel very passionately about. Yeah. So sitting alongside, holding up a kind of reflective mirror. And also it's interesting what you say, valuing different things. So the sort of strongest theme in my book is about human relationships that actually to make change. And we all know this, whether we want to give up smoking or exercise a bit more, we need to do it with other people if we're going to do it and sustain it. And so that's a kind of resource that's completely unvalued in our current systems. And, you know, for instance, with the work, with younger people, with health, with finding work, it's all about who we know and making those connections that kind of builds and sustains change. I love how practical and accessible it is in all areas and all sectors. One can just feel a little bit overwhelmed. We all have a desire perhaps to help, but where do we begin? That gave me a sense of hope and possibility and obviously that's what you're very talented and able to do with your teams. You break these experiments down so you've had the life one. Then you talk about growing up. So you've got the loops. And again, very interesting that you said that was something that didn't actually. It wasn't able to go on, you say. I found it quite heartbreaking. You said on that morning in a sun washed workspace, the possibility of human connection and development confronted the culture of risk and management and lost. Because that culture of risk and management is so much where we are, isn't it at the moment? So. Yes, exactly. I mean, we basically invented something which connected young people to each other and to other adults in the community to kind of learn and grow. And it was hugely, hugely popular and cheap. You know, a mobile phone, a website, connecting. But what happened was that, you know, in our current culture we think it's really weird to kind of young people to do things with other adults or, you know, people a bit older or a bit younger than them and, and I mean, on some levels, rightly so, because we know that people will kind of ruthlessly hunt out those who are vulnerable. But we can also do things to kind of protect that, meet in public spaces, check people and so on. All of which we did. But that connection across society, which is ultimately what will make young people most resilient, was seen in that context by our partners as just too risky and we weren't allowed to go forward. But we, you know, we learned a lot and we took that learning into the work we then did in unemployment. But it was very sad. And again, so talking about that. So then you did experience with employment. I know, it's wonderful. You talk about this character, Earl, and how you approached and it felt like you gave people dignity back in the search for a job. Well, yes, I think so. I mean, I think that again, what we know is that people find work through who they know. And those people who most need work usually have the sort of tightest knit social circles, which makes it very difficult. So instead of asking people, you know, what are your qualifications or how long have you been out of work? We said, what do you dream of? What do you want to do and who can we connect you to? And we start off by literally building a fake door in a job center and Asking anybody who wanted to work with us to pay us £5 to come through. We were completely overwhelmed because of a game show. I love it. Well, so many people want to escape the stigma basically of the job center. And then we had, you know, again, it costs a fifth of what current services cost, you know, twice, three times as successful, not just in finding people work, but in helping them kind of progress up the skills curve so into good work, which I think is what's really important. And again, I love that you recognise, which I think is. It's almost ironic that it's taking people so long to grasp this idea. But you seem so aware that how we feel, our sense of self esteem, where we fit into the world, all inherently contribute to how we show up physically. So our mental well being, our physical well being. So then when you're tackling health, you were presumably helping alleviate a lot of the weight that then falls onto things like the nhs. Well, yes, because our NHS was designed for infectious disease and today we have other diseases, obesity, diabetes, that can't be supported in the same way. We have to kind of learn to live with and approach those conditions in a different way. But it's also because, you know, one of the things I write about is that our systems were invented in the 1950s where kind of feelings, how we are just weren't part of the landscape. And now we live differently, we value different things and we need systems that can kind of address that. Hilary, we're going to listen to your second choice of music and then when we come back after the break, we're going to talk about why this piece became special to you and how it impacts on your particular life and how you cope dealing with all these things yourself. So we're going to listen to Shuba. It's the fantasy in Ephesians F minor. Sa. Well, so much still to talk about. Hilary Cottam is staying with me. I do hope you can too. We'll be right after these few ads. Women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individual individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start. Start@empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hi, I'm Lara Heems, Founder and designer of Lara Heems Jewellery. I make luxurious jewelry at affordable prices using silver, semi precious stones and high quality AAA cubic. It's elegant, stunning, stylish and long lasting. Who needs diamonds? Find us at House of Fraser stores or Ella Boutique, Knightsbridge. If not, Visit us@ww.larahemes.com Make a statement and sparkle this season. Do you need mediation? We are the A project charity. We provide convict resolution and community engagement engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults, as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk Let me tell you about Germany Street Theatre. This is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End. Once found, never forgotten, this is where careers ignite, where playwrights take risks, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is is www.germanstreettheatre.co.uk. Women's radio station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate simply head to our website. Every little will help. I'm talking here with Hilary Cotton. Hillary, before the break we heard the beautiful piece of Schubert. Tell me, where does that come from for you? What does that evoke feelings of? Well it reminds me of when my daughter was about to be born and we had a late scan and they predicted that my daughter would be a Downes baby, which in the end she wasn't. But that last month of pregnancy I was expecting a downs baby and I suppose we just sort of hunkered down, my husband and I and we started, you know, we're just very excited to have my daughter and it speaks to me of family life, of kind of the beauty of family life but also the challenge going back to the idea that all of us have challenges in our lives. And it's no different on one level. Although, of course, you know, depending on where you are in privilege, it is different. But also because I actually took up the piano kind of four years ago, I think, and I love learning to play the piano. I always thought, when I get old, I'll play the piano. And then I suddenly thought, well, that time may never come. I better start now. And, you know, these things are very important for me. You know, I love to garden. I like to kind of play the piano. I have to kind of do things as well that feed me. I suppose I was gonna say, how do you keep your own spirit going in this? Gardening was one of the five things that feed your soul. Sunshine as well. I love. You say you're a tropical soul. Do you think that came from where you started? You lived abroad in the sun? Yes, probably. I mean, I love heat, I love the sun. I'm kind of happy in the barrio more than today on a sort of English winter day. I suppose you mention your girlfriends. You specify girlfriends. Yes, I specified girlfriends. I just feel so lucky. I've got amazing girlfriends. And one of the kind of incredible things about the book is I've been all over the country and everywhere. Kind of old school friends turn up or in different pockets of Britain or whatever. And I suppose that, you know, I believe in relationships, as I say, it's the theme of the book. And I definitely have kind of benefited so much from kind of rich friendships in my life, without which I don't think I would be very much. You also talk about perfume. Yes, I've got a very strong sense of smell, which sometimes is, you know, on public transport, not such a great thing. But I think smell also takes you to different places. Whether it's the smell of food or something like patchouli, which is kind of very 70s, or the roses in my garden, just places that you can escape to and kind of keep a space in your mind that is a kind of other space where you can kind of create and think. And, you know, most of my work is, how can I turn this issue upside down? Think against the grain, get out of the way that I'm told I must think, Think about this and see something else. And I suppose I do try to keep that alive. It's almost asking us to unlearn ways that have been potentially so ingrained. And then remember, I always remember this quote about. And the illiterate of the 21st century won't be somebody who can't read and write, it will be somebody who doesn't have the capacity to unlearn and relearn. Yes, absolutely. Talking about the senses, Hillary, the Universal Soul Company, which I'm in the process of trying to, you know, put together, One of the big thrusts in it for me are the senses and recognizing our senses that make us uniquely human. How they allow us to access our feelings and then thinking about our feelings as being the language of our souls. Almost. Yes. I have a soul mist coming out that I can't wait. It is a soul mist. It's literally a combination of essential oils. And I find having almost like a safe smell or scent or something that triggers. It's a very powerful way to remind us of other things. Yes, absolutely. And, you know, I like to do yoga as well. And that's a way of kind of closing down some senses to kind of open others. I really think so. Also, I can't see very well. I've got extremely short sight. And if I'd been born in the Tudor age, I would have been nothing. I wouldn't have been able to do anything. And I love that because it reminds me, you know, that you can only be who you are because of the luck of where you are and the privilege you have. And, you know, all of those things kind of go around in my mind. I think it's so interesting as well. Once we realize that there isn't a them and us, we are all dealt. I almost like to think of it as a ride in life. None are immune from the challenges. And it's almost like being able to respond to them as they come up. But I suppose also wherever we can be effective to help others people on their journey, that's where the exchange and the magic can potentially happen. Yes. Although I'm also a very impatient person. So I have lots of other things that I need to, you know, like I want to make change. And sometimes I feel frustrated if I kind of don't make enough change or it doesn't grow enough. So I also have to kind of manage all the sort of downsides as well. I think a lot of people struggle with we want to do something, we want to help more. What would you say to people? And I mean, one of the things about the book is it is so accessible. You know, it makes things that seem overwhelming, really easy and not easy, that's the wrong word, but it makes them approachable. You give us a landscape and a context where it feels almost manageable. You give us strategies, things we can actively do. What would you say to people sitting out there at the moment feeling frustrated and that the world's a mess. What can they actually do to help? Well, I'd love people to buy the book because one of the things is I think that we need different stories and we need to be able to tell different stories. And I think the book has got that in it. And what I really would like people to do is go and talk to somebody then who's not like themselves. Because I think the biggest challenge we have is how separate we have become from one another due to kind of growing inequality, all kinds of reasons, and that actually we can't move forward now unless we kind of know each other again. And I think just simple standing by somebody understanding their life, that is just so important. Do you know I love a bit you read in the book? You wrote in the book? Actually I was going to read it at the end, but I said no, you put, you put. Because you talk about this relational work, a role that doesn't really exist at present, requires capacities for empathy, for human warmth and practice, the tactics and tools to make change. Often in difficult circumstances. It's not fuzzy. I might not like you or agree with you, and I can recognize that not all relationships are good. But I can acknowledge you, listen, speak honestly and constructively. Above all, I can support you to make the change and to participate, just as I in turn will at some stage need you or another to support me. It's really beautiful. You feel like you have a very inherent sense of spirituality and faith. In the book you actually say the psychic pain of feeling inferior. Do you feel, do you have a spirituality or a religion? What sustains you? I do have a religion. I mean, I've always been a kind of spiritual inquirer all my life. I'm a churchgoer. I mean, not as regular as I might be, but you know, I'm very interested in all of that. And I think that that is just a kind of dimension that if we don't keep alive, you know, it's very difficult. You know, I talk about a sort of God shaped whole, really, that we can't just have a consumption space. We've got to have other things, we've got to be able to see in other dimensions and appreciate. And I try to kind of bring that into the work that I do. And you can definitely feel that in your book. Although I think people are nervous to use these words. You know, having done this course in spirituality, the number of places I go and people say, oh, don't mention the Word spirituality. Oh, don't mention the word religion because I know they can be perceived to cause problems and divide. But with all the issues we have, whether it's Brexit, whether it's politics, whatever it may be, I suppose the inherent thing I feel is positive is it's the opportunity for us to see where things have got to. And this almost cry of humanity for the intangible element of us all, whether we call it soul, whether we call it spirit, whether we call it connectivity to find some space because it isn't necessarily a physical thing. Perhaps it's difficult, but it feels like it's crying out to be given time and space. And that's in essence what your work and many others, people's work are trying also to do. Well, it's interesting because in the chapter on growing Old, I start with the kind of Buddhist idea that, you know, the third stage of our lives is the most important. When we can put down other more kind of practical sort of striving things and we can begin to realize ourselves. And it's interesting that lots of people have loved that and have read that back to me. And it's funny, isn't it? It must feel non threatening to kind of couch it in that Buddhist like way. And we can all see ourselves in that. But you know, we can't deal with death, we can't deal with suffering. And we have to have kind of other ways to sort of talk. And I always remember hearing Sogya Rinpoche speak when I was very, very young. And this idea hitting me of is the fact we're going to die. But you know what I love, Hilary? It makes it sound negative, but I love from that that you write in the book about aging. The idea of coming into a golden age or the most amazing period in our lives being in this latter third of our life and therefore that are of that age. So some of the most simple things. And I would urge people to buy the book simply to hear about Stan's story where you connected him with music. Just before we go to your last piece of music, just tell us that briefly. Well, so this was, you know, I'm very interested in loneliness. And so Stan is a wonderful gentleman who lives in the centre of London. He's kind of had an amazing life in the army and everything else. But when I met him, he was, you know, older and very much alone. You know, his family no longer live in this country, the family that are still there. And he said to, to me, well, you know, the thing that I would like, really is just to hear a bit of the music I love. But with other people who also love that music. And so it was really the germ of a simple idea that we could get other people together on the phone. We could play. It was very rudimentary how we started it. We could basically connect people through the music. And that's what we did. And then through that, actually, Stan kind of grew confidence and made a friend through the music group and started to go back out again. But just finding what people love and not being condescending, not saying, oh, we'll send somebody to befriend you. But kind of, how can we. Through shared love, like music. How can we kind of join in with each other? And I like to dance, you know, because it's like, what can we do together? Absolutely. And we're gonna do that in just a minute. Hilary. Actually, I'm gonna get. I don't know if it's dancing shoes on or shoes off. But that whole start point of view of us, it's not helping people per se, but plans empowered by people themselves. So helping people to help themselves. And then it truly becomes empowering. You know, I think it is this fundamental energy and optimism and belief in human beings that you have, Hilary, that is so inf. And I know so many people out there in the world also have it. So by getting this book, you know, as you say, it's an invitation to join together and see what can be done. And I think, fundamentally, in all people. You know, we also talk about it here at the Universal Soul Show. It's having that concept. Your soul actually knows the way. And we must trust that not only in others, but in ourselves as well. Beautifully put, Hilary. Tell me about your last choice of song, the Black Eyed Peace. Yeah, so this was the hardest one. You know, I'm not good with little choices. And I love dance music. You know, Emma Goldman, the famous fetish feminist and anarchist. Who said, if I can't dance, I don't want to join your revolution. And I suppose that's also true, that I do. You know, I don't want the work to be pious. I don't want it to be about feeling sorry for people. In fact, one of the mothers says that. And I put at the beginning of the book, don't ask people to feel sorry for me. Tell them to get active so this doesn't happen to other people. And I guess dancing is just kind of great stress reliever. It's kind of something you can do with your friends. I love this because it reminds me of so many parties in different pockets of the world that I've kind of been able to join up with my friends and just dance, basically. So look wherever you are in the world and we are broadcasting globally. Get the furniture back to the side of the room. Take your shoes off. Or don't. We're all in it together. None of us are getting out of this alive. So let's have a great old dance to the Black Eyed Peas. And, Hilary, thank you so much again for coming in to talk to us today. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you, Sam. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good, good night. I feel it. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good, good night. I feel a that tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good, good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good, good night. Go out and smash it like, oh, my God. Jump out that sofa. Let's kick it off. I know that we'll have a ball if we get down and go out and just lose it all. I feel stressed down I won't let it go. Let's go way out Face that losing our control. Ch, ch, ch, ch. Fill up my cup. Mazel Tom. Look at her dancing Just take it off. Let's paint the town. We'll shut it down. Let's burn the roof and then we'll do it again. Let's do it, let's do it. Let's do it. Let's do it and do it and do it. Let's live it up here. Do it and do it and do it, do it, do it. Let's do it, let's do it. Cause I got a feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good, good night. I feel it. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gonna be a good night. That tonight's gon. Tonight's tonight. Hey. Let's live it up. Let's live it up. I got my money. Hey, let's spin it up. Let's spin it up. Go out and smash Smash it like, oh, my God. Like, oh, my God. Jump out that sofa. Come on, let's get car, fill up my cup? Drank mazel tov? Look at her dancing? Move it, move it, just take it? Oh, let's paint the town, Paint the town? We'll shut it down, shut it down? Let's burn the roof and then we'll do it again? Do it, let's do it, let's do it? Let's do it and do it and do it? Let's live it up and do it and do it, do it, do it, do it, do it? Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it? Here we come, here we go? We got a rock? Easy come, easy go? Now we on top, feel the shot? Body rock rocking, no stop and round up and down? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Saturday, the sun, you know what we say? Say party every day? Party every day? And I'm feeling that tonight's gonna be a good night that tonight, tonight's going to be a good night that tonight's going to be a good, good night that tonight's going to be a good night that tonight's going to be a good night that tonight's going to be a good, good night. Brilliant. Talking with Hilary Cottam today. Coming up after the break, we've got the best things in life for free. Do hope you can stay with me. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. This is Women's Radio Station. You're listening to to Agrill Price with Kitchen Sink Spirituality. It's Anna Kennedy talking all things autism and my guest today is Karen. Welcome to Future Classical Woman Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio station. Women's Radio Station. We want to hear from you. I listen to Women's Radio station Women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, the UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalized service. This happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078-254-4122 and Liz spelt L I S at Hazelmere TR travel.co.uk hi, I'm Mariam Jamaux and I'm the founder of WCAN, a young social enterprise ensuring an increase in employment progression and retention of black women in the corporate world. We specialise in the professional and personal development of over 3,000 young black women in the UK. To get involved, please sign up or learn more via wcan.co.uk, visit our Twitter or Instagram WCA Network. If you're a corporation interested in sponsorship, email sponsorshipcan.uk Are you struggling with money? Turn to us. As a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help visit turntous.org.uk Let me tell you about Jermyn Street Theatre. This is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End. Once found, never forgotten, this is where careers ignite, where playwrights take risks, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.germanstreettheatre.co.uk. Women's Radio station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. Well, coming up, we've got the winner of one of my all time favorite objects, the champagne opener. All the moon belongs to everyone the best things in life they're free Stars belong to everyone they claim they're for you and for me Flowers in spring the robins that sing the sun being the shine they're yours and they're mine Love can come to everyone the best things in life they're free Moon belongs to everyone the best things in life they are free Stars belong to everyone they glitter there for you and me Flowers and spring they're robbing the church Sing sun be shine all the y and the mine y Love can come to everyone Best things in life they are free all of the good things Every one of the better things Is the best best things in life they are. The wonderful voice of Sam Cook there. Well, this week's winner of the beautiful champagne opener is a wonderful listener and supporter of the show. That is Anthony Livesey in Manchester. Well done to you, Anthony. If you message me your details, I'll get that to you. I know it's a bit trivial to have a champagne opener as a favorite object, but you know, I think if it makes you feel good and isn't hurting anyone else, then it's got to be good. Seriously though, I do actually believe that if we think of ourselves as spiritual beings having a physical moment rather than the other way round, appreciation of physical objects and beauty is really legitimate and kind of important. Otherwise there'd be no point in being physical beings. Obviously, no amount of physical things will ultimately satisfy us without going inwards eventually. But I kind of think it doesn't need to be one thing or the other. It's getting the balance. That, in essence is what the Universal Soul Company is about that sits alongside this show. You can check it out if you'd like to on www.theuniversalsoulcompany.com. it champions expressing ourselves and using our senses as a way to access our feelings, feelings being the language of our souls. It's just a holding page at the moment, but you can sign up there to see when we add things to the store section and be the first to know about things as they happen. In fact, I mentioned last week that I've been working on hard on its very first own brand product. I've had a lot of people asking when they'd be able to get it. It's called a Soul Mist. The fragrance is still I didn't mention the name last week. It's a three in one, so it's a room spray, a pillow mist and a meditation mist all in one. So we're creating almost a new category with that. I love that it's completely natural and pure. It's got no nasties in it, no parabens, no SLS's, no alcohol. Even so, when you're feeling stressed or if you're concerned about environmental toxins, when you say spritz it, it's actually the moving air and water as you spritz that breaks apart the air molecules, which creates those negative ions we all really need and want in the atmosphere. The negative ions being the ones that are usually created naturally, you know, like when you go to the ocean or when you go to a waterfall. So it's kind of lovely that you can simulate that wherever you are with this mist. I've got one by the bed. Love spritzing on the pillow for a great night's sleep. Also, you know, if you know somebody that sits a long time at the desk when they need to recharge usually I used to find it very frustrating having to either an uplifting and energizing spray or a relaxing and de stress spray. So I love that this is sort of both together. I wanted to create one that would sort of morph and change with what you needed at any time. Anyway, if you're interested, send me a message on Facebook or on Twitter and I'll try to put some pictures of the prototype there in advance and maybe see if I can find out a way to let you pre order if you wanted to try one. I'll definitely gift some as a giveaway when I get it. However, in the meantime, if you feel you have something you'd like to gift us as a giveaway, please do get in touch with the show this week. Of course, I'm delighted to be able to give away Radical Help, which is Hilary Cotton, my lovely guest's book. Obviously, if you want to get a copy for yourself, it's available on Amazon. It's a surprisingly easy read, but it makes really complex issues. It really kind of summarises them concisely and almost makes it feel dealable with in some ways all the challenges with what's going on in the world at the moment, particularly in this country relative to the the welfare state. Well, if you'd like to be in with a chance of winning one of those books, of course you can email me here@presentersradiostation.com putting the show name as the subject, you can follow us on Facebook, which is the Universal Soul show or of course womensradio Station or universalsoulsh. Or you could just like a picture of the prize as Anthony Livesey did. Well, I just wanted to finish the show with a poem about human connection. I found it on a brilliant site called Power Write about yout Own Life Story. So this was written by somebody on there I was walking along while my soul was tethered when my eyes fell upon a man well weathered his eyes were heavy and his souls bare these glancing eyes were shining Without a single care to help means time and time means money so no compassion was given so the others moved on just to keep on living. The passerby finds it easy to accept the poor man's fate they rush on to prevent from being late the fast paced world couldn't stop to feel they instead wallowed in human ignorance that is all too real why should it matter if it wasn't themselves? They were cut off from the sympathy they didn't know all too well they never realize how alike they are Falsely believing hardships and money sets them afar the human connection to them is broken and the similarities between us is left to unspoken so the onlookers walked blindly on their way Never stopping to consider it may be them someday. Thank you again to Hilary Cotton, my guest this week, and to all of you for listening Wherever you are around the world. I'll be back with another show very soon. Until then, much love and bye for now. There was a time time I used to look into my father's eyes In a happy home I was a king I had a golden throne those days are gone now the memories on the wall I hear the songs from the places where I was born. Upon that hill across the blue lake that's where I had my first heartbreak I still remember how it all change My father said don't you worry don't you worry child she ever got a plan for you you don't you bury don't you burn it down, yeah. Don't you worry don't you worry child she has got a plan for you don't you word don't you burn down. There was a time I met a girl of a different kind we ruled the world I thought I'd never lose her outside we were so young I think. Women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman ever, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start. At empowerment you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hi, I'm Lara Heems, founder and designer of Lara Haims Jewelry. I make luxurious jewelry at affordable prices using silver, semi precious stones and high quality AAA cubic center cogna. It's elegant, stunning, stylish and long lasting. Who needs diamonds? Find us at House of Fraser stores or Ella Boutique, Knightsbridge. If not, Visit us@ww.larahemes.com make a statement and sparkle this season. Do you need mediation? We are the A Project charity. We provide convict resolution and community engagement engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk Let me tell you about Jermyn Street Theatre. This is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End. Once found, never forgotten. This is where careers ignite, where playwrights take risks, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.germanstreettheatre.co.uk. Women's Radio Station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help.