Your Mind Matters – Alfie Ruffle, Saving My Dad

Welcome, I'm Dr. Maria Kempinska, and today my guests are Alfie and his dad Ricky Ruffle. Now Alfie first told me about his dad about a few months ago, and I asked if I could present this story to you and anybody who's listening, really, because I was so inspired by not only their relationship but by the story of the healing that has taken place in Ricky, which he'll tell us about. Thank you. Ricky, for coming on, and for you, Alfie, for telling us the story, and for both of you being here. There's such an amazing bond between you, and I want to sort of just talk about that between a father and son. But first of all, can I just say welcome? And first of all, can I ask you, Ricky, to give us a little bit of your background? Where were you born? What was your life like? I'm a Portsmouth boy. I'm looking out actually onto the harbour where we used to play when we was kids from the flat Alfie's in. Yeah, I'm Portsmouth born and bred. I lived in a place on the end, on the knuckle of Portsea really. It's called Portsea. It's right where the Victory ships are. Ships is the oldest dockyard in England, and this is where I was born and bred. It's a lovely part of the world, and it's only an hour and 20 minutes from London. So if you want to commute, you know, I've got people in the same block of flats as me that commute to London every day that cannot leave the seaside, you know. Yeah, that's right. It is a lovely place to live, Portsmouth. And what did your parents do? Oh, my dad was a coalman. I was a coalman when I was 15. We was all coalmen. We delivered coal. Did you? What was that like? Did you have the sacks on your back? Yeah, yeah, proper old-fashioned working values. I remember that because, you know, that you used to— what did you used to call out when you used to deliver the coal? Well, there was— it was just cold all the time. It was just cold for hours and days. Things like that, you know. Yeah, so I used to hear when I was growing up, when the coalmen were coming, you used to hear them shouting out, "Coal!" Yeah, just "Coal!" all the time, because no one had such things in them days as doorbells or anything like that. It was just old-fashioned ways, wasn't it, in the '60s and '70s. And the world has changed so quickly. I mean, if you give a kid or a young family a bag of coal today, they'd look at you in disbelief. They wouldn't know what to do with it. My mum would get up in the mornings and had 5 kids to get ready for school, well, Dad would make a coal fire up so the house was warm for us before he left for work. And then, you know, every, every house was— so everyone burnt coal. So it wasn't no different to how it is today because it was just the norm. Now, I mean, a woman gets up today, turns a switch, the heating's on, the hot water's on. That's quite nice though, isn't it? But also, tell me, you had, uh, how many brothers and sisters did you have? I've got 2 brothers and 2 sisters, and, uh, yeah, all still live in Portsmouth. Yeah, well, we're a close family, and we're lucky to have each other, you know. How lovely. And tell me about, um, when you were growing up. So you went to school, obviously. What was your secondary school? I went to St. Paul's School, which is right where we are now, and then I went to Portsmouth Senior School. Okay. And, um, yeah, we left school in them days at 15, 16 at a push, but we was all leaving at 15. And, uh, you know, it seems a world away, but I don't know if it's me, but life passes you so quick. One minute you're a young man out having a bundle of fun, the next minute you're saying, I've only got a couple of years and I retire. You think, where's all that gone? I know, because life has got that. I sort of try to explain to people. Life's got almost different timelines, doesn't it? You've got different clocks on your timeline. So when you're in love and everything's great, it sort of goes far too quickly. When you're not having a good time, it goes really slowly. You know, lonely. When you— yes, there's another time when, you know, sort of, but in age, suddenly you look back and you say, well, what happened? Because it does so quickly. Yeah. And you know, the things you go— I can remember going to football and then playing football even at pub level when I was 18, 19. It was all like, you know, and now you just think it wasn't that long ago, but then people say, yeah, well, it was 42 years ago. You think, where's that gone? Madness. So yeah, so that's how I was in Portsmouth. And then I went from there to long-distance lorry driving. Oh, did you? Okay. Yeah, which was a bit of a, you know, it's a thankless old job. You work as many hours as they'll allow you to work. You sleep in a cab of a lorry all over the country, and you don't really see your kids grow up. Also, so I got out of that pretty lively. I sort of realized all of a sudden I was away from home 4 or 5 nights a week. I'd never seen my kids, and I thought, this ain't for me. There's got to be a better way to get a living than just living in the cab of a lorry, you know. So then I got into, I fell into a bit of luck and started buying and selling lorries through my brothers. My brothers are quite big in the industry and I sort of just nicked a living on the side of them, if I was to be honest. Did you? What was that job? We buy and sell secondhand lorries. Oh, do you? Amazing. Tell me something, because there was that song, wasn't it? Rubber Duck. We're not a big, um, CB fans or, you know, she's— that's anyway. Yeah, I know the song you mean. Convoy. The Convoy song, yeah. It's all about people who were long-distance lorry drivers. Did you have— Well, I was a long-distance lorry driver, but it's sort of long distance in England's about a 6 or 7 hour punch. If you go long distance in America, you could be gone for 10 days, you know, it's a bit different. It's slightly different, but you know the song. Okay. Yeah, but I know the song. I'll grab it anyway. I bet you can sing it. Yeah, you grab it and I'll play it. Yeah. Good to have humour, which you do. And that's what I love about— my parents are Polish, but I always say my second language is English, but the English second language is humour. And I absolutely love that. So how many children do you have? Four. I've got four sons. I've got Stams, Sonny, Charlie, and Alfie. Alfie is the baby in the family. Youngest, as you like to be called. And your other children, what do they do? Sam's, he's a governor, not the actual governor, he's a director of a big roofing company. Okay. In London. Sonny's a scaffolder in the dockyard where I was born, or just outside the gates where I was born. And then Charlie's along with— is a lorry driver at the moment. And Alfie's— Alfie, Alfie does what he wants to do. You know, Alfie's an entrepreneur. And as, wasn't it, Ronald Reagan said, what is the French for entrepreneur? So over to you, Alfie. So tell me about you. Just— we're talking really today about your relationship because we're going to do another interview about your work. Sure, the company you're setting up, which I know very well. And, um, how old are you? I'm 27. Yeah, so still quite young, and it, it's exciting. You know, you are a very dynamic young man, and I know that you know that, Ricky. He's your son, of course, and that means a lot. But tell me about yourself. Of course, you grew up with 3 brothers older than you, right? Yeah, it's 3 brothers older than me, which had its challenges, I suppose. Were you bullied? I'll tell you what, my dad was the youngest in the family as well, so I think he sympathized for me. So yeah, he always had my back a little bit growing up. And also, with, uh, as a parent, when you've got 4 boys, you learn to be the, uh, the referee. Yeah, you're not a part of a parent, you're a referee. Yeah, of course. Don't fight each other. I know, because I had 2 brothers. And I've got two sisters. So sadly, one of my brothers died, and it's always such a great loss. But they, you know, they were strong. You know, my brother was a boxer, so I get that. And it's a totally different energy, but it's a great energy. And I do think it's very sad when women don't experience having a brother or a male in, you know, sort of that male— I think it's heartbreaking for those And you, you know, we've, we've got a girl that's Charlie's married, Sasha, and she's an only girl— only child, sorry. And, um, as soon as Sasha could have children, she had 3 straight away because she never ever would have one child in my family again. She said, you've got to have what you boys have got, you know. Yeah, you got a family. We're lucky, really. Yeah, me and my brothers and my dad, we're very very similar, um, in many ways. Sometimes, again, that has its challenges too, but I think in being so similar, we're all very good friends as well. And yeah, even like my ex-partner Julie, the boy's mum, she is, you know, I can pick her phone up now and ask her anything and she'd be up, you know, within reason, she'd be on my side or doing it for me. There's no sort of— we are still in that sense a family, obviously We're very much— if I can bring Julie, I'd say, look, Sonny's— I think Sonny's got a problem, or Charlie's got a problem. Okay, come around and we'll have a chat about it, and we'll decide what we're going to do together. Where, you know, a lot of people that split up got a job to talk or even communicate. Me and Julie, if there's a problem, she'll ring me, or I'll ring her. In fact, Sonny done a cage fight. You know this cage fighting? Oh yeah, I do. He's done it for charity, raised £3,500 for breast cancer. And, uh, Julie rung me up. She said, have you heard? I said, no, what? She said, Sonny's having a cage fight. I said, you're joking. I said, I don't know, no one's told me. She said, oh, by the way, just to interject, I signed him up without Sonny knowing. I know he's good with his hands and I knew that he would have been up for it, but someone had to push him into it. So I've done that without no one in the family knowing. And that's how it all come out. So Julie rung me and she said, I want this to stop. I said, it's got to stop. He's not doing that. I said, okay. And I didn't know he'd raised £3,500 for breast cancer. So I rang him up, I said, all right, son, I said, we go have a cup of coffee, mate. He said, yeah, what's up? I said, I don't know, I didn't want to have a chat with you. He said, all right. So we went there and met him and I said, oh, we've got to have a chat, mate. Um, look, I said, what I'm going to do, I'm going to give you £500, take your girlfriend away for the weekend, tell everyone you've pulled a muscle in your back. He said, Dad, this is Mum again, isn't it? I said, yeah. He said, Dad, tell Mum. I'm fighting, I've raised £3,500 for breast cancer, it's all legal, it's in a proper arena, and I'm being filmed, and it's going to be a great night, and I'll have a cup of tea with mum the next day. I said, okay, mate. So he went on and had his cage fight. And did you go, Ricky? He won, he won in the second round. Did you go? Oh, did I go? Yeah, I was there. Yeah, he was the main event in the end, wasn't he? It was, it was a big— because the bloke had fought had never been beaten. He couldn't get no one to challenge him. So Sonny Alfie gives Sonny the challenge. That's a brother for you. Exactly, yeah. He beat me up all my life. I want to see him get done. He still didn't manage to do it. Did he win? Yeah, yeah, he won. He won the second round. So did you know that that's how strong he was? And that's— yeah, listen, Sonny, and you wouldn't think there's a nasty bone in Sonny because You know, even me, he towers over me and he, whenever he sees me, kisses me and cuddles me, you know, which I'd never change. I love the way he greets me. He even picks me up and swings me around now sometimes. He's as strong as an ox. But he is, he's just a lovely boy and, you know, you wouldn't see that in him. You wouldn't, I'd never see that in him and his mother certainly didn't. But obviously the kids did. Well, you'd experienced it, hadn't you? Exactly. So you knew how strong he was. So where is he in the order of your family? He's second oldest. Sam's the oldest. Sam, then Sam, Sunny, Charlie, and then Alfie. So, uh, did you get only 2 sausages when the rest got 3? Have you heard about that with Prince Harry? Got upset that he only got 2 sausages. Oh God, yeah, let's not go down that road. No, not about him, but were you treated differently, or did you get more? You know what, if I'm going to tell the truth, I think I was treated like golden child. I think— yeah, I bet you were. I think I mean, the boys, they experienced a really, really hard dad being growing up. I was learning on, on the older ones, you know. So the little one sort of, you know, where you get excited, then you think after 3 or 4 times, you think, oh, it's not even worth shouting at. You try and tell your kids what to do, and 9 times out of 10 they will find their own way to do it, you know. They do. But I do think the boundaries, you know, sort of giving them, uh, what we call boundaries in my trade, you know, sort of so they know how far to push. And if they push, that's good. I'm going to tell you something now, like, and I might sound a bit old-fashioned and all that, and I'm sure you'll get this. You never answered your mum or dad back when you was kids growing up in my house. And I can honestly say my children, or my sons, never once answered me or Julie back. They might have had a little sulk, but you know, Julie said, oi, that was it. That was enough. Julie never had to have a row with the kids. And if Julie went on the wall path, we all run, didn't we? Or just the kids. We all decided to run off. Same goes for him, by the way. He likes to blame my mum and say it was mum, but both of them just, they knew how to keep us in line, definitely. Yeah, but you were together, weren't you, Ricky, in the way that you chose how to Rule your house. Yeah, you know, we never really had to say much. I said to Julie, look, you know, the kids was coming in late, she said, look, we gotta have a word with him. I said, all right. I remember once she turned around, she said, I'm grounding Sonny. I said, righty-o. And I've never, you know, in my, in my time, we never got grounded. We just, the old man walked in and said something, we all sort of panicked. And my mum would say things like, right, wait till your father comes in. And he never, never physically beat us up, but she said, right, wait till your father gets in. And he'd go, Mum, Mum, please don't say that. And that was enough, you know what I mean? I do. With my lot growing up, with my boys, Julie would say, wait till your father gets in. And I know she would say, when they all went to bed, she'd say, I don't know where I'm about to be, Charlie, I want you to give Sonny a bit of a pull. So in the morning, I'd let the other two go to school and I'd say, Son, jump in, I'll give you a lift. And I'd just give him a little word in his ear. And you wouldn't have to be nasty with Sonny. Say, mate, come on, what you doing? You're upsetting mum. And he would stop straight away. It wasn't no trouble. Luckily enough, none of the boys have been trouble indoors. You know, we've had a bit of, we've had other bits of issues, but we are part of growing up. I know. Um, so Alfie, when you, we were talking about your background, which is always interesting. Yes. You told me of your dad being ill. Yeah, so, um, so yeah, my back— so do you want to go start off with my background? Yes, you can tell me about that as well, of course, how you were growing up and, you know, how you've, you know, sort of how you managed your way through 3 older brothers as well. Uh, so backgrounds, born and bred Portsmouth, um, obviously with, with dads, and grew up and household with Mum and Dad until sort of about 14, 15. And then, um, me and my brothers actually moved into a property when my dad just sort of said, right boys, move into 1A Henley Road. And he would always be there and popping in and, and keeping an eye on us and everything else. But by this point, I'm like sort of 16, 17. My older brothers are, are men now, sort of thing. So We all grew up in one house together, which— Mum, me and Julie split up, so I bought this other house, and the boys— was Julie had to have a house, a 3-bedroom house. She said, I've got the boys, I want a house. So we got that, luckily enough, a house bought and paid for for Julie. So, but I bought a 3-bedroom house for myself thinking one of them might move in, and the whole lot moved in. So you moved out? And I turned the— what was that called? The The parties. Yeah, so it was well known in Portsmouth for our parties at this place. It was the Rough Dog parties. Yeah, they got a bit of a reputation. I remember once I come home in a taxi and I've been away working somewhere. I work all over the place and I've never been come home in a taxi. And he said, where do you want to go? I said, oh, 1A Henley Road. He was an Indian. He went, 1A Henley Road? Oh my God, you have some fantastic parties. I've said, I've not been there yet, mate. I go there, I go there at 1 in the morning and sometimes 4 in the morning and sometimes 6 o'clock in the morning. I said, I don't need to know all this. Yeah. And then there were the neighbours, as soon as I sort of showed my head in the street, every neighbour that could pull me to say, look, you know, do you know what's going on in your house? So I moved back out again and left and didn't go to visit for 6 months. You thought, now you're old enough, you've got to deal with life yourself. Yeah, they, they— well, in a way, even though you have your little ups and downs, and you, you wouldn't be a family if you never had your rows, because no one, you know, everyone has their— you got to get off your chest sometimes. Yeah, you've got to. And also, you are— every family has their own little problems, which if you're a family, you sort it out quite simple, really. And that's the beauty of being a— I think that's one thing with us, and I think that's how we stayed So tight is because the rule is don't hold a grudge. So you can go fly off the handles and— and yeah, and I've been floored down and when I've seen them really want to have a punch out and I've gone, listen, we don't go down that road. And one of them would go for a walk, one of them give it 10 minutes, one of them would grab on with me and they're all right and I'd have to talk to them and just— and then they'd heat all their frustration out with words. And then Sonny's quite— Sonny's really on his strung. And, you know, he come to me and said, Dad, I mean it, I'm gonna punch Alfie on the nose in a minute, or I'm gonna definitely rip Charlie's head off. I go, all right, mate, leave it with me. And then I don't even say nothing to Charlie and Alfie, and I said, I've had a word with him too, mate. He said, well done, Dad, he said, because it's getting to me. And I haven't even spoke to him. But that is— and I can honestly say When you can control 3 men just by talking, you know, without even, you know, I don't, I've never made a stupid threat, I'll do this, I'll do that, like as in violence or anything like that. I'll just say, come on then, you finished? And you go, yeah, well, I know I haven't. And then, yeah, but let me know when you have. I want to go and have a cup of tea, I'll come back in a minute. All right, Dad, come on then. 9 times out of 10, it's all over. We don't really, there's no sort of You know, they've never really done nothing where I was. You got through it. We got through it, definitely. Oh yeah, we definitely got through it. See, us three growing up, because Sam's quite a lot older than all three of us really. Yeah. So us three growing up. Yeah, do this. Yeah. And actually, Ricky, can you move closer to your lovely Alfie? Thank you. Then we can get you into the— sorry, into the camera shot. Lovely. Yeah, yeah. So I was just saying, it's all for it. Me, me, Sonny, and Charlie growing up was, um, a lot closer in age, so we went to the same schools. And obviously, as growing up through the schools, Sonny first went in, he was a bit of, bit of a, um, misbehaved now and then. Well, I've got to tell you a funny story quickly. Well, Julie she would be just an amazing mum with the kids, and she really is, you know, a wife to sort of be proud of. And, um, she went to the same school as the boys, and there was one young teacher there who she really crossed swords with when she was a pupil. But since that happened, her own kids went there. So the day I got to school, I've had my mum, Sonny, and Charlie go to the same school, and the teacher who was my mum's PE teacher was the behavioral teacher of the whole school. So the year that I get in, it was not another Ruffle. And straight away, I watched my brothers sort of leave school and they had a bit of a name for themselves and everything like that. And it was just straight— anything that happened, it was, yeah, Ruffle. It was me. It was only school. It was nothing, nothing terrible. It's just playing up in school, I suppose. And I always had the mentality that I was going to go and work with my dad, become a car dealer or secondhand plant machinery dealer. And I had that in my head from sort of the year 9, year 10. So I didn't believe— and for me, qualifications and everything, I didn't believe that I needed them to go on to college and go on to university. So I always had that mindset that this was a bit of fun for me and I was sort of turning up to lessons that I'd like to turn up to. And I sort of got away with it because Because Alfie was such a pest at school, they didn't even let him go to the school prom. So when he went back to school about 6 years later with a nice suit and tie on to do a speech in front of the old school, and he walked in and into the staff room and the teacher said, you're not the Alfie Ruffle that drove everyone mad for 4 years, are you? He said, yeah, I am. I'm sorry to say that. The reason why I was going into these schools, Maria, and I may have discussed this with you a little before, but before I got into the business that I'm in now, I was doing financial education. So I developed a course that was accredited to a GCSE level in money and credit management. Reason being is because the business before that got me into a hell of a lot of debt, meant that I wasn't going to get a mortgage. Become a mortgage advisor, I learnt the pitfalls in education around that subject. Decided to create a course and I started delivering these courses in schools, colleges and universities and then going back to my school. It was, yeah, it was a little bit surreal for me, but more so for the teachers seeing me there, I suppose. And the business was going really well and it all came to a halt because of COVID So that's what pushed the business settlement now. Tell me, when you were actually teaching the kids, did they pay more attention because you knew them and there you were, you understood your subject and, you know, you weren't necessarily the head boy, but there you were, you changed your life around, hadn't you? Yeah, exactly. I think depending on what age groups, if I was doing sort of Year 9, sometimes Year 10, it, it was hard because they just, they don't really care at that age. But so when it got to Year 11, college and university level, I could really relate to the, to the people that I was teaching, and they sort of understood that they was about to come out into the real world and that they actually needed to understand this stuff. So yeah, the engagement in those, in those lessons were great. But Year 9, I decided quite quickly that, yeah, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna teach them right now because I don't think And then what happened? Um, so my dad fell ill. My dad's, um, he got, he got a triple aortic— triple aortic dissection. Basically split my aorta from top to bottom. Wow. If you know the aorta, it goes across your pelvis and into both thighs. Yeah. That pushes the blood down, which, which gives you the power to walk. You need the big veins in your legs. And I'd even split them down into my legs. So when I was rushed into hospital, I got to hospital and I walked in there actually. I was obviously a bit pasty, you know, was very ill. And then the doctor stepped forward, he said, oh, if you know what you're doing, step forward. If you don't, he said, get out of our way, because this man's dying in front of us. And then I was rushed up into a resus, which is the most dangerous ward you can be in in any hospital. And then I could— about 3 hours had gone by. I knew all my family were at the hospital, and I knew then I was ill. And then a doctor came in and he said, um— I knew my boys was outside crying, to be honest. And, uh, 3 doctors came in and it was like I knew they was going to deliver bad news. I said, He said, you understand that you're very ill? I said, yeah. He said, we think you got 48 hours to live. I said, well, it don't get no worse than that. He said, it does. I mean, they said it yesterday. No, I'm only joking. He said to me, now he says to me, he said, we think you got 48 hours to live and tonight we're going to airlift you to Southampton. I said, okay, and I thought about it. And you, this may seem very stupid to you, but it was. I just said, well, I'm not going to Southampton to die. So I said, I don't want to go to Southampton. Southampton being our rival football team. So yes. Oh yeah, because it's an hour away. When I had my clubs, I had a club in Portsmouth and in Southampton, so I know that they're not far away. So I said, I'm not going to Southampton to die. I said, and, uh, and I can remember thinking, well, I've got to go. And I turned around and I said to Sonny, son, listen, I don't care how many scarves you can collect in the next couple of days, if they take me to Southampton, bring them up, tie them to my bed. I want them to know where I'm from up there. We sort of made a joke of it, you know. But I never ever went in the end. I stayed in the QI in Portsmouth and I done 14, just 13 days in intensive care and then 5 on a normal ward.. And, um, I never did get an operation. I've only ever been medically managed with tablets. And the reason with that is I went to St. Thomas's in London, which is the top hospital. And there was a doctor, Dr. Salem, and he said he had a team of doctors and I had to sort of go and have this meeting with him. He said, look, we've studied your aorta. He said, you're so badly damaged that we believe if we open you up, we're going to kill you. So we're just going to let the tablets do what they can do. He said, and he said, I've got to be very honest with you. He said, we think you got 6 to 18 months to live. He said, at the very best, 18 months. And that was over 4 years ago. I said, you won't be able to walk further than 200 yards. They said to me, how far can you walk? I said, about 250 yards. He said, well, it won't get no better. You understand that. Won't be able to work again. Can I stop you there for a minute just to get a handle on How did that happen? How did you get to that point that you'd split your aorta, as they said? I had a bit of stress. Yeah, I didn't realize that I had very bad, very bad high blood pressure, which my doctors in— but because the doctors in Buxton— I was never a bloke that went to the doctors, you know. Some people, yeah, I think if you want to see my doctor's report, I think I've seen him twice in 45 years. And one was because I've got a perforated eardrum, it kept running whack. So I, I couldn't get it to stop. So I had to go to a doctor and get looked after and he got it to stop. And that was one time I went there. And I think the second time I went was for the same reason again. You know, if you got a cold or a flu or a bit of an ache or a pain, if you work for yourself, you just have a couple of days in bed and get back to work. That's what you do. It's really, well, you know, after these people who've got got very good powerful jobs, they can take 2 or 3 weeks off because they're getting covered with their wages. If you work for yourself and you've got kids already, yeah, you've got to keep going. There's no— I don't— and I've never had a penny off the state. I've never had dole money or anything like that. I've just— I just brought my family up the way I was brought up, you know. Yeah. So what happened? How did it— how was it— how does that type of thing happen to somebody? I was indoors. It was a Sunday afternoon. Sunny had come And, um, I'd had a bit of stress with one thing and another, and I, I didn't realize I had this high blood pressure. Ah. And, um, I had a bit of, a bit of worry, I suppose, at the time. But I remember feeling a bit bad in the garden, and then all of a sudden it felt like someone had hit me with an axe between my shoulder blades. Sort of burst out a breath. I went, ah, something's gone wrong inside. And Teresa said, what do you mean? I said, something's gone wrong. I've got to get to the QI Hospital. She said, I'll phone ambulance. I said, we ain't got time. And I knew I was seriously ill. Yeah. I walked to the car and Sonny was with me and he said, you're all right. I said, no, I said, I'm fine. I said, I just got to get to the QI. When I got there, I walked in and you normally have to sit and wait. I just walked past everyone. I said, I think I'm very, very ill. And I could see I was like sweating like a pig and I was freezing cold. And he said, look, and then one art specialist come in and he said, look, this man's died in front of us, you understand that? And as I told you, they just rushed me into resus. No, they didn't, because what happened then is we all got a phone call from Teresa, your other half, and I remember where I was, I was just walking across the common about to go for a roast dinner with 3 or 4 of my mates, and she couldn't really control herself too well, and all I got on the phone was that Dad's the most critically ill person in the hospital. We don't know how long he's got. So with that, I remember just world being turned upside down. I'd had a couple of drinks as well, so I conned one of my mates to give me a lift down to the hospital. Anyway, got there, doctor sort of— I've never been in a room in a hospital where it was like all sofas, all relaxed, and all the family, my uncles, my aunties, all gathered in, no one talking. And us three walked in together. Sam come a little bit later. Us three walked in together and it was— we realised how serious it was just by the atmosphere in the room. Doctor said, sort of said, look, you need to go and say goodbye. It could be the last time, you know. And with that, it was us three just sort of queued up. And I don't think all three of us said the same thing, wouldn't it? Come on, Mush. Come on, Dad. You ain't dying. And we just kept giving him that bit of motivation just made him, made out. Well, I'll be honest with you, I'll get a bit emotional when I talk about it, but I'll be honest with you, when they say to you, you've got 48 hours to live, in one sense it's too much to take on board. You don't believe it because you're talking, you're not like— it's not like I had a load of Vats or something, but I had a few drips in me, but I didn't feel like I was— I could talk all right, and I thought you got this right. And then, you know, that's how I was thinking. And then the other thing was, it was like, 48 hours. And the first thing you think of is going to look up— I know they're grown men, but you think, who's going to look after them the way I do? And you do. And then, and then I just took on another— I thought, well, I ain't dying, that's the end of it. And if Teresa was here now, she'd tell you. I said to Teresa, Teresa started crying, she was sitting next to me in the bed, I said, Teresa, look, said, go on. I said, please. I said, I'm not dying. I said, I don't care what any of these doctors say. Believe me. I said, I'll be walking out of here in a couple of weeks. I said, that is it. They leave me alone. And it would— listen, it's very easy to say, and that is it. It was very hard. And the hardest thing, when anyone tells you you've got 48 hours to live, is you're frightened to fall asleep at night. Yeah, I was going to ask you that. How did you cope at night? Yeah, it was just scary. But one, one, when people get told things like that, in my experience, you, you, you sort of, you're frightened to go to sleep in case you don't wake up. I know it sounds a bit baldy, but you do, you really do think. And then when you're wide awake, when you're so wide awake, even though you're in intensive care, the room's black, you've got doctors or nurses coming and checking on you every 40 minutes, and everything's quiet, and it's, and they're doing, obviously doing the best they can to look after you. Then you got told to sort of worry yourself sick. So you tend— you don't look— I never once looked back on my life. I always kept thinking, how's he going to do that without me? Or what are they going to do? And, you know, and, and then you think, well, what if I do die tonight? You know, give me 48 hours. You can't not help but overthink what they've said. Yeah, you do. And like, you know, when the kids come up, you saw— I always put on a brave face. And I can remember— do you remember the, uh, Salisbury poisoners, when the Russians shot them. Yeah, they poisoned that young Russian in Salisbury. Well, that was all on the news when I was in there. I can remember that really being really big news. And I was so drugged up on about the 4th or 5th day, Tricia came to see me and I said to her, I said, these Russians they're looking for. She said, yeah, what about it? I said, I think one of them's hiding under the bed. And she just said, oh, she said, I knew you knew where they was, love. Yeah, and then that's when you realize you've been drugged up like you can't believe. But the thing with being drugged up, I think you, you, it takes the edge off of reality because you're not really with it. So for about a week and then 10 days, even though I say, yeah, this, that, I was so drugged up, I don't really, I wouldn't really dare. But I would say to anyone who's got an aortic problem, because they frightened me, they really did frighten me to death. And there's, I think positivity is the biggest thing you can do for your health. Definitely. One of the things, so when my dad was in hospital, obviously he was in the resus on the intensive care unit for the first couple of weeks. After that, we'd be coming up and sort of taking turns, like staying with him, watching some films and whatever. And something that I got massive into what, when I started my— just after I started my first business when I was 18, is the law of attraction and the film The Secret. Um, it's different people like Tony Robbins, Dr. Joe Dispenza, and me and Dad, we just, we just watched different seminars and watch it over and over again. And my dad's not the type of person to be so sort of spiritual and energy and all of this and that. And I think after watching that and realizing that— my doctor told me Whatever you do, do not have any shocks or anything like that to your system. And I don't want you straining, I don't want you doing this, doing that. And we watched these motivational programs, and Alfie said to me, come on, Dad. And you know, this is when you know you're blessed with 3 of my sons. And Sam would be the same, but Sam was busy working in London. But I would say to him, Alfie would say, come on, Dad, we're having a walk along the seafront at 7 in the morning. Bearing in mind I was told I'd only ever walk 250 yards. So when he got out of hospital and he couldn't walk, his legs would turn to lead. Yeah, of course. I just couldn't because my aorta couldn't pump the blood to my legs and I was so ill inside. Anyway, we decided that we was going to swim in the sea like in January, which is frightfully cold. I wouldn't tell the boys that the doctor said don't do this because I thought, you know what, I've read so many good things on on YouTube about what it does for the body. And so Alfie, me, Sonny, and Charlie— and Charlie was always moaning, wasn't he? Charlie, Dad, Dad, you're going to kill us before you die. And there'd be a lot of effing and blinding because that's how my boys are. They mean, what do you think you're having to do? We're going in. And we would go in and people would be walking about along with big coats and hats and scarves and gloves on, and we'd be handing out fivers. Just gingerly walking in. And we never stayed in there long. We stayed in there probably 2 minutes just to break the ice. And they all, every time, so one of us always had to go because one was always outside because of his legs turned to lead at that time. Yeah, get him out. So what we actually done is to start off with, because it was 250 yards, Dad went, right, he's told, so Dad went to go and see Dr. Selim, which you're probably better off saying this, when he give you 6 cents, go and sort your affairs out. He said to me, um, look, Mr. Puff, you should go and sort your affairs out. He said, um, he said, you understand this, it's that sort of close now. It's no good. He said, and, um, I've told you it won't get no better than 250 yards. I said, no, I know that. So when I went to see him, because I know you might think I'm a bit pathetic here, but because I wanted him to think I was worth getting an operation, because I was going to St. Thomas's under the impression that I was going to go to St Thomas's, see a specialist, arrange for an operation. Because one of my friends had an aortic dissection, not as bad as me, but he had one, and he had like a 9-hour operation, and he's been repaired. So I thought, well, he's had that, I'm going to go to London, meet Dr. Salem, and get my operation. And when— so I put a suit on like I was going to a wedding. I put a nice suit on and I made my bird dress up. We all looked smart. So right off we go to London, walk through his doors. Oh no, what we've done, we got into the hospital, St Thomas's, Guy's which is part of St Thomas's, and, uh, got in the hospital and I couldn't make it to his room. I mean, where the hospital was now was so big, so we had to get a wheelchair. So Theresa's wheeling me for us, and whatever you do, don't let him see me, the doctor. He'll think I'm useless. I said, yeah, the wheelchair. Said, so when we get— she said, all right, all right. So we worked the route out and then she pushed me just as far as she could. We hid the wheelchair away. I went walking in like I'd walk from the front door, and I had a nice suit on, and I sat down. And Theresa, bless her, She studied the aorta. I also— honestly, she studied. If I went to bed at 8 or 9 o'clock at night or had an afternoon sleep, she would be on the computer going through aortic dissection. And she knew everything. Dr. Salem actually praised her up. You got false lumen, true lumen, all this, all this jib-jab in terms of the illness. And, uh, She sat in his room with me and two other specialists, and she was talking as good as I was. And he said, 'Teresa,' he said, 'you know, I ain't patient.' She said, 'If you want a little job,' he said, 'I can give you a spare room,' he said, 'cause I'm rushed off my feet.' He said, you know, she was that clever with it. And don't get wrong, she'd learned it, had long enough to learn, but she really did concentrate on it. So when he just give me that 6 to 18 months And then I had a phone call with him and he said, you understand, Richard, it's really— I said, yeah, I understand. And then I had a little bit of a slip-up and I went back out the QA and I had to have some more scans done. And I'll never forget this, you know, I'm not racist, I don't get— I've got no problem with gay people, there's none of that interests me at all. But I had a little Indian male nurse and of all the people I was in the ward and to be honest, I'm not a bloke that balls out crying. But now and again, because it is heavy, if you can understand what I'm trying to say, it's heavy carrying that, I don't know what you call it, worry of dying, because everyone kept telling me, you know, that. So I'd been out about 6 months and I had a little relapse. So I'd gone in the QI again. And they took me down to give me some scans. And then he said to me, I got back in a room and I was They pulled the curtains around. He said, you understand it's imminent now, Richard? I said, yeah. And I even get a bit choked up now. I said, yeah. I said, yeah, okay, so, so I believe. And I was sort of trying to figure it out in front of me with a couple of nurses, but there was one male nurse, a little Indian. And when they all walked out the room and they, you know, apologize— I don't know why they apologize, but we're very sorry to tell you and all that. So I said, okay, fair whatever. So they went and I was sort of lying in bed with these stickers with his fingers all over it. And I always wear sunglasses, not to look flash, but it was out for me at the time. I mean, I just, anyway, medical sunglasses on. And I just, I must have cried. Well, I did cry and I had the tears come out from under my sunglasses. And of all male nurses there, or even the female nurses, he put his arms around me and cuddled me. And you know, I wanted a cuddle, you know, but that sounds a bit corny, but I actually wanted a cuddle and I didn't care who it was. It was him giving me a cuddle and I thought, ah, God, of all the people there. And really, he was like, he went from a stranger to a best friend in about 2 minutes, you know what I mean? And yeah, so It has been hard, you know. It's all right, my mates go, yeah, you know, you're all right now then. But they don't see the dark days, and I don't— I try not to let no one see. Anyone who's had this would tell you, if you have a couple of bad days and, you know, my boys are such positive boys and they've got a busy enough life without having to worry about me, so I try not to tell them anything. And then You just have to sort of fix and be focused on, right, I'm all right, you know. Even if we have a slip, I think, right, well, I'm all right. All I've got to do is take it easy. And 9 times out of 10, if you have got a problem like this, if you can just relax, lay down, worry about nothing, even if you ever got one— I mean, I've got 2 older brothers who can be a nuisance, but I know if I had any real problems, they would be there in a heartbeat. And they are there, you know. They are there for me. So I know, and the sisters, I shouldn't leave them out because my sisters, oh Christ, they died for me. Yeah. So because we haven't got enough time, because I would love to, you know, sort of hear more of your thoughts. Alfie, what did you do? What came into your head to help your dad? So it was the— it was at the time when he went to St Thomas's Hospital. Listen, like he said, he was given the hope going off the back of what his friend Steve went through and the operation and everything else. So we was all praying for that answer. Yeah, for the operation. When he come back and Dad had to break it to me that, you know, he just told me to sort my affairs out and I ain't got long left and it's not got no better and there's not much hope, that at that point was right, okay. How do we take a positive on this and make a positive spin on it? And it was, right, Dr. Sella knows a lot, but he doesn't know it all. He's got his, um, traditional pharmaceutical education, and what he hasn't got is natural alternative medicine, and what he hasn't got is what the power of the mind can do. And like I say, I was always interested in that anyway, but we decided to put a plan together, and that plan— we've talked about the plan— the plan was walking. It was walking from one step at one one chair on the beach to the next chair on the beach. And it was go from that bench to another bench. And then it was just building up daily and going in the sea. And, and it was the CBD oil, you know, that's something that I studied into. And we got him on the RSO, the CBD, we got, got you thinking right. And it was okay. Can I just ask you a little bit about the CBD oil? So, um, but you were receptive to this, Ricky? So you were willing to listen to Alfie? Yeah, there were several reasons. Was when you got maximum relief, you'll listen to the devil. Let me tell you. So how did you— you did the plan, did you? You were talking about this plan together, and I looked at natural alternative medicines, and one of them being cannabis oils, and reached out to a friend of my dad's who has been helping many, many different critical illness patients. And the one with the aorta, because the aorta is such a rare disease, would you say, or illness? Yeah, well, it's not— there's not enough known about the aorta. Because like, if you talk to anyone, you know what a liver, a lung, a heart, a kidney— we all knew that. I've never heard of an aorta. And it's the main vein in your body, which is a living organ, just like all the others are. And what that does, it feeds the brain. If you had a— people say, yeah, that aneurysm just hit the floor. There's nothing wrong with the brain. The aortic stopped pumping blood. When it stopped pumping blood, bang, you have an aneurysm and you hit the floor. People said, yeah, he was out walking and he just collapsed and died. There's nothing wrong with his heart. His heart was fine. He's walking, you know. You talk to all these specialists after the event, so listen, it's never ever he's dropped dead of a massive heart He says, never. He says, always the aortic. Stop pumping blood. When it stops pumping blood, the heart imitates an heart attack. It's not an heart attack. Yeah, for sure. So what did you do? You started looking at— So I started looking into natural alternative medicines. Cannabis was one of the things that came up. And, you know, we— I decided, look, Dad, what have we got to lose here? We've been told that it's imminent when you're going to die. So let's just— let's crack on. Let's get the oil in. And, you know, it was expensive. The first lot. We went on RSO oil. So RSO is actually illegal in the UK. It's THC and CBD. Yeah. But I understood and I've heard many of other people get over different critical illnesses for using this. We stuck with that for the first 6 months along with CBD oil, the CBD oil that I sell and continue to sell now as well. And, you know, that's 4 years ago. And what else, what else was your plan? So you said You took your dad out every day, so you said, right, let's do 1, 2, 3 steps. Exercise. So my dad's one— yeah, it was, it was all about mindset. It was all about mindset. But my dad wanted to prove to Dr. Selim that he was wrong. So when he said it was 250 yards a day, Dad said, let's get to a mile. Once we get to a mile, then we'll try and get the 2 miles. And at least what I'll do is I'll walk through Dr. Selim's door in, in 18 months' time and let him know that I'm here and that and I won't be big, you know. And that was it, wasn't it? Yeah, that was it. When Dr. Sullivan told me that, you know, you sort of, you're sitting in a room with 3 spaces, me and me and Teresa. And after all my hopes were dashed, I had a suit on, you know, I thought I was gonna get a wedding, you look well, Mr. Ruffalo, considering last time we said. I thought I was gonna get all that and I never did. He just basically gave me a death sentence. He said, you got 6 to 18 months to live. Go and enjoy the rest of your life the best way you can. He said, it's come— I said, how about walking? I could hardly walk, and I just asked him. He said, won't get no better. So where are we finding it? I'll never forget, I got to Waterloo Station, got a taxi from St Thomas's to Waterloo, and I walked to Waterloo Station. The train's on platform 9. I said, I'm going up to the bar and buying a bottle of red wine. And it wasn't to get drunk, it was just to get normal. Do you know what I mean? You wanted to carry on life. You were still alive. So what were the techniques you thought about? Was it physical? Was it a bit physical, a bit mental? You know, how do I keep my dad positive? Yeah, it was. It was how do you keep that positive? Was probably the most important thing. I think at the end of the day, after that, I happened to experience that my dad's a very— listen, that's such a great energy. Everyone knows him in the town. He's telling stories. He's at the pub. Club on the weekend and, and, you know, he's got this lifestyle and image and when given this illness and told you're never going to work no more and his work was his life, being a plant dealer and having deals every day and on the phone and, and driving up to Scotland or wherever he would be, to have that to stop, not being able to drink, not being able to go see your mates and that, although he was ill with the aortic, but that would have a mental, mental knock-on effect as well. And I think that's where I sort of tried to step in just because you know, I've done my own, my own sort of research and, and, and studies over, over the, over the mind as it is. And it was just introducing to a few things. Yeah. And also with Alfie, he never, you know, Alfie would leave me and he would say to Sonny and Charlie, right, look, I've told Dad this, make sure you say the same. Get him up, tell him we're walking tonight. And if one of them was working, the other one took the day off and they would come on. And it was all your boys together? Oh yeah, every one of them. And I would be in the sea down in Portsmouth, and there'd be like 2 on the beach, 1 in the sea with me. And we never stayed there long, you know. I don't think we've done this, but we, we should swim. Shoulders under the water, shock the system, back out, dry me because I had a job to dry myself. Breathing exercises. Breathing exercises. We'd do the bench walking, and then all of a sudden I could walk 3 miles a day, and I thought, well We've completely turned up. And that's when we went back to Dr. Salem. I didn't go, he went, but— and they called you Richard the Lionheart. Yeah. And they have done since. And that's his new nickname at St Thomas Hospital and even at QA. Yeah. No one knows how he's still here, but— well, you know, another thing, and it obviously speaks volumes for me, but it tells me I had a— I've got a group of friends who, you know, a big old group of friends who are genuine friends. And, um, when I was here, one of them, they called me— we got a mate called Tommy Ware, and he got a restaurant become pub in Portsmouth, lovely Chambers. Anyway, I said, my brother coming, says you gotta go down Chambers, a few of the boys will have a drink with you. And I've been in hospital about 3 months. I said, okay. And I didn't know I couldn't drink or nothing like that. Go down, have a coffee. I said, yeah, all right. But I didn't really want to go, but I had to go for some reason. And when I got there, they'd raised £10,000 and give it to me. So look, don't worry about work, we're all here with you. Put that in your pocket for a minute and keep going. Can I ask you something? You know, I've heard, you know, as a person, you know, I deal with people and their problems, or, you know, a lot because of my work. And they often say people live longer because people want them to live longer. How true was that for you, Richard? Oh God, I felt, you know, if I was to be honest, I did drink too much. I even smoked a lot. I felt like I cheated my kids by doing all that. Did you? I felt like I cheated my children. I thought, what have I done? And you know, I didn't even think, what have I done to myself? I thought, what have I done to my kids? And you know, whether you like it or not, you might not agree with me here, but as it may even sound selfish, but as a parent I always think, well, kids need me, even though I'll probably need them. Do you know what I'm trying to say? I think he's better without me, like I'm God. But what are they going to do about me? I've got to be here, you know what I mean? I had that sort of attitude. But you did, didn't you? Because they did rally round and they did help. Oh God, without them, I'd have been boxed and sent off long ago. It was, you know, just one of them poking their head in that door. When you're in intensive care for a long time, believe you me, it does. It does. I remember once I had a relapse. I had a couple of relapses, but I, I was in a place called Orange Ward on the— in the QI Hospital. And the only reason I was in Orange Ward is I was waiting for a bed in intensive care. It was 3 in the morning. The only reason I get a free bed in intensive care at 3 in the morning is if someone dies. So you're basically getting the dead man's and that's, you know, I'm not— I know how, you know, intensive care works. So it was 3 o'clock, it happened about 5 in the afternoon, 7 o'clock, they had nowhere, they didn't want to keep me on the corridor, so they put me on the orange ward and they were— there was all old men and bless them, but they were all coughing their guts up and they even had spit bottles for them to spit in next to their bed and they were all— oh my God, what am I doing So I got transferred from there to intensive care, and they let my doctor know, an Indian doctor, the nicest doctor you'll ever meet. And I'd gone in, he'd come in to work early, half past 4, just to deal with me. So he'd come in, I was wide awake, intensive care. And he, he was one of the doctors that said to me, Richard, you do realize you're one of the illest patients in the QA? And that sort of hurt me in a sense. Well, it might have drove me on a bit, but it also hurt me. I thought, what a liberty, how do they know? And, you know, so when he said— when he came in at half past 4 in the morning, and the nurse had just given me a cup of tea, and he walked in holding the cup, and he said, 'Hello.' I said, 'Oh, you're early.' He said, 'Yeah, I've come in especially to see you.' I said, 'Well, I'm glad you have.' I said, 'Cause I'm a bit fed up with you.' I mean, this man's coming early to look after I said, I'm a bit fed up with you. Well, what have I done? I said, well, keep telling me I'm the illest patient in the QI. I said, have you been down on Orange Ward and seen that lot? He went, and he went, I'll never forget this, he went, let me tell you, there's not one patient on Orange Ward would swap with you right now. And I went, like a spoiled child, I went, well, go and tell that lot I would swap with one of them even. Yeah, because I was sort of— and then I got gospel truth. I did never once believe I was as ill as they was telling me. And I knew when you can't walk— and I've been a real bit— my mates, a couple of my other mates bought me an electric wheelchair, and I kept looking at this wheelchair. I was sitting in Dawes. I kept looking at it. I said to my missus, I ain't getting that. I said, no, I'm getting in there. But I used to like a bet, only a football bet on a Saturday. And I was looking at the wheelchair and she was going, you was going down to bookies, don't you? I said, I'm only gonna have a little 30, 40 quid bet. She said, well, go. I said, nah, I won't make it. She went, take the wheelchair. Fraser dropped you off, wheelchair. And Fraser is the loveliest heart in the world, but whatever he does always falls apart. I said, he's dropping that wheelchair around, like. And she said, no, she said, I've had it on charge for 2 days. So really? Yeah. So I jumped in it, a little joystick, and I got dressed and got wrapped. I felt so pathetic. I got out the door, got down the bottom of the road, turned the corner to the bookies. I got out, having a bet. It's a few of the boys in there. All right, Rick? Oh, you're all right? No, no, I'm all right. I've only got that, my legs are a bit rough. And I was sort of playing it down. I got back in the wheelchair, went like that. I got about 20 yards and packed up. I'm ringing someone up. Somebody got a van to pick the wheelchair up, somebody got a car to pick me up. And then when I finally got the wheelchair home, I smashed it up. So I smashed it up and the boys that run around doing the scrap metal right out the side of me house, I said, do you want that wheelchair? He said, yeah, mate, yeah. I said, go on and take it. So it's all broke anyway. I said, I took the engine apart, I said, no one can drive that again. We've got just a couple of minutes left. And Alfie, so what are the most important things at that moment? Do you look back on it and you say, you know, these are the things that I used that really worked? So you got your CBD oil, which you told me. It was, yeah, so 100% cannabis oil, um, the most. That calmed you down, Kate, did it? Just calm the system down. Not, no, no, not just calm the system down. The, the pure job of cannabis oil is to cause homeostasis in the body, which is a balance. So anything that's out of balance within the body, cannabis oil will target to cause a balance, right? So although, yeah, it can calm you down and it can sort of— and it's for anxieties, depressions, that I think that helped massively for you as well on that side of it. But I think, yeah, cannabis oil is definitely most important, one of the most important. But like Dad said, it's mindset, it's positivity, it's that self-belief. And also, I love the family. Yes, I was just going to say, just my boys, even Teresa. Teresa was massively— so all of you, but all of you stuck together, you did the same things together. Yeah, almost worked as the managers of your dad, did you? Yeah, I think, yeah, I think so. I think so. We put one— I put a wellness plan together and it was, let's stick to that. And you even got a bit cocky lucky at times where you got, got a little bit ahead of yourself before. I'm, I'm brand new now. Drink that beer. Oh yeah, you found him in a pub. I know, I'm sure. Listen, we've got to stop the conversation now. I'm so sorry because it's such a great story. And what can I say? Thank you, Richard the Lionheart, for being— well, no, thank you very much for your time. And I just want to say, I don't really mean this, If I was to get— if anyone's suffering with an aortic dissection, that the doctors will frighten you to death. As long as you've got self-belief, positivity, and a loving family, which is so, so massive. And I don't just— I mean, my sisters and brothers, the whole, the whole gang, you know, the whole thing that comes with your family. If you got that lot behind you cheering you on, and they're basically cheering you on, your kids coming up and If there's— but it's your fight for life, isn't it? And Alfie, Alfie Ruffles, thank you so much for joining me again today. So, Vicky and Alfie, thank you so much. Thank you for your time. Thank you, Maria. Thank you very much. Have a lovely day. Cheers. Cheers.