Get Booked – Judymay Murphy, Monster – Proof Poetry

Welcome to today's Get Booked radio show here in our Covent Garden studio, supporting women's emotional well-being, opening discussions, and offering support via the incredible writers and listeners out there. I'm Hazel Butterfield, you're listening to Women's Radio Station, and my guest in in the studio today is Judy May Murphy, one of our fellow presenters. Yeah, it's really unusual being here on this day and on the other side of the desk as well. That's it, I feel so relaxed right now. I'm like, I don't have to— all I've got to do is answer questions. I don't have to do timings, I don't have to prepare stuff. So loving being here. Oh, I love it that you think I prepare things. That's interesting. We have me fooled. Uh, yeah, so, you know, I'll I mean, you say it's gonna be nice and easy. I might put you on the spot. Born ready. Yeah, brilliant. Judy May, if you do not know of this fantastic lady, is an author, poet, presenter, inspirational speaker. That's the day job, yeah, absolutely. Motivational speaker for the last 20 years, traveling all around the world, places like Dubai and Chicago, and I get to do really, really fun stuff, and I get to get up on stage in front of 1,000 or 2,000 people and hopefully rock their worlds and get them really, really excited about their lives and get them really strategic about living the best life possible. See, as well as the fact that we're gonna be talking about your latest poetry book that you've released, I'm wanting a snippet of this because I always feel uplifted when I've been on your show or I've listened to your show because you've got a kind of no-nonsense attitude and a kind of calmness that I just love to absorb. It's, yeah, the producer's nodding going, "Yep, she does it as well." And I need a bit of that. I think we all do. I think that we all need to know that getting forward in life and doing things that you want to do, having the gorgeous, delicious, juicy life adventures doesn't mean becoming this crazed version of yourself. I mean, a lot of my colleagues will get up on stage and they'll be bouncing off the walls and they'll be getting everybody all kind of riled up and excited, and that's a great thing that they do. But then what happens when you go home and you're not doing that? You need to be able to achieve in a calm way. You need to be able to create create and design your life from any emotional point. You need to be able to do it when you're frustrated. You need to be able to do it when you're tired, not just when you're feeling at your best. So I make sure that we know that even if you can't do a great big thing, what tiny little thing can you do? And those, like what I call micro-disciplines, really matter, particularly the emotional micro-disciplines. The idea of you read a quote in a book or you go to your favorite author. And you're suddenly put in a slightly better place. You might not feel amazing, but you're put in enough of a better place that now you're more likely to get that room a little bit more tidy or make that phone call or these very human things that we need to do every day. And it's all those things added together that leads to an extraordinary life. 100% agree. And what you were saying as well about the other coaches that are kind of bouncing about like they've just had way too much Red Bull and, Those are the ones that I can't connect with because I'm like, that doesn't seem genuine. Very often it is genuine and it is that they are actually extraordinary creatures who have this, like, very often it's that they have an excess of testosterone in their body and so they can just push and push and push and push and push. And so for the people who also have that excess of testosterone or that excess of dopamine, that excitement drug within them that needs to be expressed, then they can relate really, really well. Or if you don't have enough of that and you need to remember that you can also get that excited. So they do serve that purpose, but I hear what you're saying in that then you're like, well, what about people like me? And in fact, I've got a new website called Success for Sensitives, particularly for the people who just can't handle that much muchness. It just is overwhelming and it's like, you know, I get that it's glamorous, I get that it's exciting, but now I'm, now I'm even more exhausted. Now I'm less likely to do something than when I walked in the room. And a little bit more jealous as well, actually. Yeah, well, the thing about jealousy is fascinating. Um, jealousy for me is a really great signal. Just as with any negative emotion, if you treat a negative emotion as a really good signal, a signal that is saying, hey, pay attention to this, you really need to wake up and pay attention to this aspect of your life. Like if you're feeling really sad, that's a signal that maybe there's something that you need to pay attention to in terms of you not being focused on by you or others, you not, you know, giving yourself some radical self-care. If you're really angry, it's often an indication that you've got to push back against something. Equally, if you're jealous, it's an indication of you want more, that you need to grow. So that to me is the signal that says it's time to grow. And the point at which it doesn't feel good is when our brain steps in and tells us this story that's not necessarily true that says, "And you won't have it." Because if you— let's suppose that you are sitting in a restaurant and somebody gets served an awesome meal. You kind of are a bit— you have that pang of, "Oh, I want that," but it doesn't turn into all-consuming jealousy because you know that very soon you're going to have that or something better because you're going to equally order. They're not going to say, "Oh no, sorry." Sorry, Hazel, you're not allowed to have the scrummy salad. You have to have fish fingers. We've just decided that about your life. So you have this expectation and it turns very quickly. The jealousy turns very quickly into excitement because you know what you're going to do to make that thing happen. Where jealousy turns toxic and starts working against us is where we believe that we are helpless to make it happen for ourselves, or where we believe that it's going to take so long that we're not going to enjoy it at the end, or we think that it's going to be really painful to get there, so we won't bother.. But if we actually say, "Well, you know what? I really do want that, right? What did they do?" And whenever I see someone I'm jealous of, and it does happen to me, like if I see a woman who has got like really, really straight hair, I'm just like, "I want really, really—" My hair has this like crazy little kink in it and it's not like— it's not lovely and curly. It's just like this kink that— what's that about? And I just think that women look a lot better groomed when they've got straight hair just because we always want what's different. And so I will ask women like, "How did you get your hair that straight?" I now have straighteners. I can now do that. Other women will say, "Oh, I just go and get my hair done every few days." I'm like, "Oh, actually that's available to me. I don't get it every few days, but actually I'm getting it done next week because I've got like a video thing." So now before I do some video work or before I go on stage in front of a lot of people, I do what I didn't do for years even though I could have, and that is I get someone to wash, blow dry, straighten my hair. See, I would love to do that. I don't have the time or possibly not even the finances either. And that is the thing. Sometimes jealousy is not to do with the actual product or what you can visually see. It's to do with the constraints you have. I mean, it's all very well. I don't have the time to use straightener. I would love to look like I'd made a bit more of an effort, case in point right now. But I just, I know I don't have the time. I know I like sleep. I also might go, oh my goodness, she looks fantastic. That dress, but I know for a fact I'm going to eat some sourdough tonight with that amazing olive oil that I bought from the market at the weekend and whatnot. And it's to do with, you know, weighing up. So there you go. So the thing is that we're always prioritizing. We're saying to ourselves, you know what, what would I prefer? Would I prefer to have that kind of a waistline or would I prefer sourdough? And you've chosen, you've made a life choice. Absolutely. For me, every time, you know what, every single morning I've got, I have sourdough with avocado, so I'm completely I'm completely with you on that. Yeah. You know, you might say to yourself, oh, that's an amazing jacket, but that jacket might cost £3,000, and you might say, well, rather than the £3,000, I want time with my kids. That time with my kids is more important. So you've actually prioritised, so you've actually chosen your dream. To be honest, you know, that is such an excellent example because I turned around to my children about a year ago and I said, listen, we've got two choices. You keep on saying you wanna do this, that, and whatever. Now, I can go back to work and do particular hours and we can afford to do this, or I can kind of do halfway and do part-time hours, which means we can afford this but not all these things. What would you prefer me to do? Keeping in mind that I won't be there to pick you up from school and there'll be this, and we'll have to make some compromises. And they went, oh, part-time. Mm-hmm. We would like a little bit of, you know, the flexibility to do some of these things, but we don't want to not ever see you. And we made that decision. And sometimes, you know, when they're going, 'Oh, when you gonna buy a new car?' I was like, 'Uh, 2030, never.' And they're like, 'Yeah, fair enough.' I said, 'We've discussed this one.' 'Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, fair enough, cool, cool.' So rather than seeing it as a constraint, it's freedom. It's free. It's because it— when people talk about freedom, it's always, 'Well, freedom to what? Freedom to buy a jacket?' Um, freedom to buy a jacket might mean freedom from connection with your kids. So you're always asking, 'Freedom to what?' and 'Freedom from what?' And that, that's where you're— you'll find out what your values, what your priorities are, what your real dream is. But for some people, unfortunately, they don't do that thinking. And so they're just kind of accepting whatever comes along, and that's where they can end up believing that they don't have choices. But we do, we always have choices. We do have choices, but some people don't necessarily have the tools to assess those choices or think they have the time. Sometimes I schedule time to actually have a think about something because I know that I'm busy doing this, this, this, and I'm dealing with the kids and I'm not, you know, Sometimes I will actually specifically not take my phone out with me when I walk the dog so that I've got nothing to do but think about the couple of things. And I might even write it on a piece of paper, the 3 things I wanted to actually assess properly. Otherwise I end up turning Spotify on or I phone my mum 'cause she needs, you know, a little bit of a chat or something like that. And I have to actually schedule time to think through things because life is hectic. —And that's it. And it was the Greek philosophers that, you know, way back then, they recognized this and they said, you know, basically we have to do the thinking rather than having our cultures or our routines or our histories decide what we want to do with our lives. Very often if people say to me, "I don't have time to," I'm smiling already because I can ask them immediately, "So what are your shows?" People will use that phrase, "my shows." and that means the television shows that they won't miss out on. So they'll say, "Well, Desperate Housewives is one of my shows," or "Breaking Bad, one of my shows," or whatever it is these days. And people are amazed that I haven't watched any of those shows. I haven't watched one episode of Game of Thrones, and neither have I— Me neither, it's rubbish. One of my clients— Controversial. —has actually won a SAG Award on it. Oh, why? Why? Why does she? What would you rather? Would you rather win a SAG Award for your stunt performance on Game of Thrones, or would you rather watch Game of Thrones? She made her choice. We are all making choices, right? Well, do you know what? We're going to actually talk about Monsterproof Poetry after the break, and I've got another point on the shows as well. We'll come back in a couple of minutes. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Judy May Is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy, and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well-being, and we're talking all things autism. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Nicole Goodman, and I'm Lauren Mishkon, and this is the Self-Care Club podcast. The advice for self-care today is endless and can feel like yet another overwhelming job for women. The Self Care Club is part social experiment, part reality show. Every episode, we trial a different self-care practice, live it to the letter for a week, and report back to you on the results. Will it actually improve your well-being, or will it be another waste of your time? We test out self-care so you don't have to. Welcome to The Self Care Club. My name is Ingrid Marsh, and I host the Radical Well-Being Show, supporting women's well-being. On my show, I bring you ordinary women like me and you who are sharing their unique stories. Women who have refused to be defined by their pains, to be silenced by stigma or crushed by stereotypes, and who are taking back their power. And together, our mission is a simple one, and that's to inspire you to kick away the roadblocks too, to don your wings and be the person that you were born to be. Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth, and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring, and empowering? At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses across the UK, which are facilitated by an award-winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role, and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover, and mental health advocate, and you can listen to my show, Get Booked here at Women's Radio Station daily at 5 AM and 5 PM. Throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers, and book enthusiasts, all with the theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well-being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com. Join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. You're listening to Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women, and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadioStation, that's Women's Radio Station, or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello, welcome back to Get Booked. I'm Hazel Butterfield, and joining me in the studio is Judy May Murphy. We have just been shooting the breeze, haven't we? We have. Yeah, I think we covered about 20 topics in 2 minutes, and I kind of like— the timer was was kind of speedily running down and I was like, oh, I've got a point to make about what you were saying about what are people's shows and what they have time to do and headspace for. And I was thinking, do you know what? I was writing a blog about this the other day. I'm just about to complete it. And I feel terrible that I don't have 5 minutes a day to commit to meditating. And yet I have an hour and a half to commit to Emmerdale, Coronation Street, EastEnders, and possibly an episode of Sex Education on Netflix, right? And I was trying to assess why do I, And it is prioritising, but you know what? It's the immediacy of the hit I get from these programmes. It's the comfort I get from knowing these characters and I've built a relationship with them and how they make me feel either excited or they bring out certain emotions or sometimes, like, before I go to bed, I always watch an episode of Cuckoo, which is just a ridiculously hilarious programme because it sends me to bed going, Haha, that's funny, that's silly, it's ridiculous. And it kind of affects the dreams that you have and the kind of sleep that you have. And so it's not, you know, laziness, I'm just gonna watch TV rather than actually think or whatever. It's what it gives me. It's that kind of sense of home as well. And I was kind of thinking, why? Why can't I put aside 5 minutes a day to meditate? But yet— Well, the thing is that whenever we are moving aside something, because we know that it's maybe not the best for us. So perhaps like watching all those soaps might be a little bit counterproductive, might be stopping you from, say, writing your own book or moving forward with something. So whenever we're replacing anything, we've got to— whenever we're getting rid of anything, we've got to make sure that we're actually replacing it with something that feels as good, if not better. So you've just there identified what it is that you get. You get a feeling of community. From watching those shows, that you know the people, there's a certainty to, you kind of know what's going to happen. You know that your human needs for both certainty and variety are going to be met. Your need for connection is going to be met. Your need to feel a bit special is going to be met because you can either have an identity of, you know, oh, I'm a fan of, or you can feel superior in some way to the characters whose lives are just an absolute drama. So a lot of your human needs are met and that's That's what they play on. They know how to create these dramas to keep people watching. But if you say instead, "How can I make sure that my life is even better than anything I'll watch on TV?" I'll occasionally watch TV. Over Christmas with my family, I watched The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. Love it. But I tell you, my standard for my wardrobe just went through the roof after watching that show. Oh, she's so— So that was, you know, and also for being on stage, I just felt like I can be quite serious on stage. And I'm like, "Eh, you know what? I can be quite funny too." be a little bit more of that. And the last couple of live gigs I've done over the last 2 weeks, I have been getting loads more laughs, I think because I watched Mrs. Maisel. Because you absorb something, you absorb the feistiness. I remember like hating the way I looked and everything I was wearing and Sex and the City, I suddenly just started, you know, it's a fashion thing. So know why, know why you're watching, know why you're doing anything. I'm doing this because it's bringing me here. I'm doing this because it's giving me this, or I'm doing this because I'm becoming more this. And then that way you can say to yourself, you know what, I'm not getting enough from this soap opera to make it worth my while. What would be better? What can I put in place? And rather than saying something like meditation, instead saying something like, you know what, that is a time where I'm going to go to this gorgeous spot in my house. I'm going to, you know, have this lovely cup of tea or whatever it is. I'm going to look at this beautiful view. I'm going to listen to this gorgeous music and I'm going to write notes about my book, and you're just doing that, then that becomes more exciting than going to the TV. It's just like right now your brain doesn't really have an alternative. It's got like soap opera or meditation. It's choosing soap opera. So instead, design something out that is more exciting to you than meditation. Okay. Yeah, I get that. I think Okay, let me put it this way. Who would be your favorite author in the world? Like, who you just would— apart from me, I'm kidding. Like, if you just were able to say, like, who is like one per— like one author in the world, living or dead, that if you met them, your mind would be blown? Oh wow, but there's so many. Just choose one, choose one just for the sake of this experiment. Oh, okay, this is bad then. Uh, Chelsea Handler. Great, Chelsea Handler. Brilliant. Now, if Chelsea Handler was sitting in your kitchen, would you be like, Chelsea, I'll be out in half an hour, I've just got to finish watching this show? No, I'll be getting drunk with her and really saying horrible things. Exactly, there you go. So you've got to kind of get a— hopefully without the neat bottle of gin or whatever— you've got to get a thing, you've got to get into a point where whatever you're doing with that half hour is as exciting. So maybe saying something like, I'm going to write the book and she's going to have me on the show. That might be what'll do it. But just constantly requiring more of ourselves is the way our lives become extraordinary. See, this is what I needed. I love this. And do you know what? And this is why you write so many books, because people need to hear what you've got to say. Um, we are here to talk about Monster Proof Poetry. Yes, which is— I've read it. It's just, it's a different way of people getting the good stuff, people feeling like they're doing okay, things are gonna be all right. So it does two things in that it just reassures people that they're all right, they're not in this alone, this is something that a lot of people feel, and then it also redirects them to better places. So that's, it's kind of like my usual thing just in verse form. See, I'm quite, what I was quite surprised about is the bit at the back a reader's key to the poem. So for example, the poem entitled Sphere is when you're needing to remember that there are two sides to us all. So I mean, sometimes read the actual key at the back and decide what you wanna read. 'Cause the thing is with poetry, I mean, I read a lot, but this one took me quite a while because you can't read a poem then go onto the next one. You don't read page for page for page. And I personally, when I read poetry, I've gotta read it out loud. Otherwise, do you know what? I can get down to the 8th line and go, "I've no idea what the other 8 lines said." And that's another thing that's really important to me as a poet is making sure that it's completely understandable, completely relatable. There's bits in there that are a little bit poet-like where you're sort of just like, "I think it means this." But for the most part, it's very much like people— I just want people to be able to get it and to relate, not to think, "Well, there's Judy May Murphy having her own little fancy party and sounds great." I don't want them to feel like they're sitting outside of it. I want them to know that it's not just that they're invited, but it's actually about them, for them, and it's very practical because poetry used to be very, very practical. People used to, particularly during the Romantic era, people used to know whole big swathes of poems by heart, and they used to carry them with them to make them feel better in times of difficulty, and that's what I'm trying to get us back to. See, the thing is, as you say, that you hope that people can relate to it, but it's very rare that poetry is objective. It is subjective, you know? I mean, as are a lot of books, you know, fictional and non-fictional. We can see something slightly different. I mean, I speak to authors all the time and I say, "Oh, well, this is what I got from your book." And they went, "Oh, that wasn't the intention, but of course, but that's good. I'm glad that you got that." Somebody said they got this. All books can be interpreted differently, as is poetry. Yeah, I think I'm just trying to make it a more condensed shot to the arm or shot to the heart. So like a poem like Advancing Hearts just says, take my heart if yours is in for repairs. Yeah, my heart knows things that yours has forgot. And it just goes on to just sort of say, you know what, honey, if you're, you know, if your hope is sleeping tonight, you know, take mine. And sometimes we just need to hear things like that. Or with a poem like Chapter, it's very much with people, it had people in mind who were needing to walk away from really traumatic, really toxic situations. And it says, you know, walk away, walk away, you know, put your troubles under arm in a satchel filled with freedom waxed by grief, like acknowledging that, you know, yeah, it's— there is freedom at the end of it, but it's going to be difficult and you're not going to have, you know, lights in your path all the time. Sometimes you're going to be walking in the dark and that's okay and you still need to do it. So just just having those very direct things that I say to people. So that's why the key is at the back so people can find out what immediately is going on for them. Like you mentioned jealousy earlier. There's one that's all about jealousy, right? And that was written in a fit of absolute admiration and jealousy. Can you remember which— what it was called? So yeah, that one's called To Another's Perfection. And it goes, "If my lips could hold to red like yours, my legs would lengthen too, I'm sure. Perhaps I'd start to fold my arms in ways less awkwardly demure. If my mouth but formed a perfect bow, my breath would soften, blink would slow. Harvesting admiring men, I'd glance with caution widely thrown. I chanced silence being you, freed from panic urge to prove with withered phrase." So it just goes on like that, like all the way through. I won't do it all because some people don't turn up. But anyway, the whole point is whatever you're going through, you know, you can then relate to that and say, yeah, that's exactly how I feel. I feel like, you know, if I looked like you, my life would be perfect. And it doesn't always give answers. Sometimes that one doesn't give answers. It just, it ends up with, yep, yep, if I had your life, things would be perfect, that kind of idea. But just knowing that you're not sitting alone with that, just kind of like all of us joining in our humanity is, is a very important thing that poetry can do. Although we are sometimes jealous of situations we don't fully understand. I mean, I know there's— I've got some incredible people that I know, and on Facebook it's like all singing, all dancing, and off Facebook it's like misery and contempt, and they're expressing it to try and convince themselves or, you know, cover something up. So sometimes we're jealous of something that if we actually had it, we would not be very happy at all. That's it, yeah. We can look at somebody else's, you know, trailer and sizzle reel, and instead, you know, we're looking at our own cutting room floor. And instead, we've got to realize that everyone goes through difficulty and everyone finds their way to a better place when they do that thinking. And we're all individuals, so somebody else's life isn't necessarily going to fit us. I mean, definitely certain elements, but we have different personalities, you know, we have different wants in life. We have We have a different want probably from 3 weeks ago. You know, we are ever evolving and we just need to recognize that a little bit. There was a fabulous book called, ooh, Stingy Manson, How to Shut Them Up. It's brilliant. Well, I'll talk about that a little bit more after the next break. It's racing through, racing through. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station supporting women's wellbeing. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity, from opinions, career, ethnicity, education, and most importantly, women's well-being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth, than the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring, and empowering? At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses across the UK, which are facilitated by an award-winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role, and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. Hi everyone and welcome to the Femaling Show. I am your host Nicole Goodman and I am a woman's identity expert and coach. As women, we fall into different phases of identity throughout adult life, and during these, our challenges can look pretty similar. Here at WRS, I will be talking to you about the real issues we all face, and even the ones we can silently struggle with. Through honest, heartfelt conversation here at Femaling, you will learn how to to accept yourself, understand yourself, and be yourself. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on Women's Radio Station. It's Mother's Hour. If like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. 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Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Welcome back to the second half of today's Get Booked here at Women's Radio Station, supporting women's wellbeing. I'm Hazel, and in the studio today we have Judy May Murphy, and we've been talking about everything, but we are here to talk about Monsterproof Poetry, which is what we're doing in the last section. I've got quite a lot of questions. This is the thing when we have two presenters that are on a show. I mean, in theory, this could be like a 9-hour show, couldn't it? And we still wouldn't run out of things to say. I think when you said 9-hour show, Meli sort of went, "Lunch break! Do we get a lunch break?" No, so not enough time. We'll send the others out, it's fine, it's fine. So we've been talking about the premise of your poetry and, well, pretty much a lot about monster-proof poetry and, you know, how you have a section at the back that kind of summarizes what, you know, if you need a certain— if you want to ignite a certain feeling that, you know, you can go to this poem and this poem. And what I'd like to know is, do you have a favorite? I do, but it's nobody else's favorite, which kind of like just blows my mind. The ones that a lot of people like— a lot of people like one. Do we have time to do one? It's about a minute long called Home. And this is my second favourite, and it's a lot of other people's favourite, and it says: I live in the house next door to myself. Such a headsore exhausting way to be, with occasional dutiful trips back from there to check that the mould of the mind doesn't creep, that the floors aren't contorting to ceilings, that old jumble is reasonably stored. Living in the house next door to yourself finds you baking for praise, singing almost your tunes, spinning out proof that you own the parade for the transients who traipse through your rooms to get a button or a smile smile sewn on, having heard that you give yourself for free. Sometimes when you sit in your house next door, a latent heat comes pleading through the wall, ignored by you until it grows by degrees unbearable, too much for your design. Only then do you rush back to see whether or not you have simply burned to the ground. You see, I wanted to double-check in the book when you read that Word perfect. Yeah. It kind of interests people a little bit because I do know all of the poems by heart. And the reason for that is because— Well, you wrote them. Well, it's funny how a lot of people— when you just write something, you don't know it until— but the thing is that it takes me a long time to write each poem. So each poem takes about 30 hours. And I see myself more like a Norwegian boat builder than a regular writer in that I will go over it and over it. It's like, you know, you think about a boat builder at the end of the day will run their hand across the hull of the boat just to find, is there a little knot, is there a little place that's catching, is there something that's not quite smooth, not quite within the arc? And I'll do that with each line, so by the end of it I have worked it and I've changed this word and I've changed it again, sometimes completely unraveling the entire poem. And you sit with it until it's right. And it's very hard if you've got a poem that's impressive and you know you'll get some Scooby Snacks for it and you know that that's kind of like a bit showy-offy, but you also know that it's not quite what it needs to be for whatever reason, you have to listen to that. It's kind of like, you know, if you're in a bad relationship and you're like, "Oh, but there's so much that's great about it," and you've got to just be like, "Nah, that's just not going to sustain." So I'll always go back and I will just keep going over it and over it and over it until it's exactly where I want it to be until it's it's balanced, it's communicating until I'm getting an emotional hit from it. And that's why it's taken 10 years to come up with the 40 poems that are in Monster Proof Poetry. Well, I've put the book towards you, obviously. I know that you know your book, but I've earmarked 2 poems out of all 40, okay? The first one was Codependent Hobbies. Yes. Okay, and the second one What's that one there? I've got Home. Oh, Home. Oh really? Okay. Yep. Great. As you started reading, I was like, that's, that's the one. There we go. And to be honest, it might have even been— it's just obviously codependent hobbies came first. Yeah, I think, I think with Home it's one that everyone can relate to because everyone is kind of like, no matter what's going on, there's that going on as well. Um, and a lot of Irish people, they like this one that's called A Letter of Poor Apology, which is about the fact that I have skipped in and out of Ireland and I've kind of been there and then I've not been there and it's apologizing and thanking the people who have stayed and made it the extraordinary country that it is today because I feel like all I did was, you know, plunder it for its literary gifts and run away around the world and cashing in my Irishness. So, yeah, I can usually— I'm usually not that surprised by what our— various people's favorites. So you like the poetic version of Nadine Coyle from Girls Aloud? I do, yeah. I am, yeah, that's me. That's exactly me with less good accent. She's got a really good accent, hasn't she? Oh, she does, yeah. If I had that accent, I think I'd just sit and talk in a room and let people bring me things. Yeah, extraordinary woman. I think that is pretty much what she does, because I don't think she's that talented with anything else, is she? She doesn't need to be. No, she probably is, she just doesn't need to. But don't we do that to ourselves as well? We that like the one thing that we're brilliant at, we somehow think that that doesn't count. Like if someone is an extraordinary mom, they're like, I'm not good at anything except being an extraordinary mom. Usually whatever comes after the except part of the sentence, that is the point. Or someone will say something like, I don't have any resources except my podcast, or I don't have any resources except this little bit of savings, or except like just doing ourselves down because people are a bit scared to kind of brag. And that's what we need to learn how to do because very often if somebody is kind of cutting you down, it's because they can't handle how big and awesome you are. It really is that. And we are way more awesome and way more seen. We presume that if someone cuts us down, it's because we were doing something wrong. Anytime we're corrected, particularly as women, we give it the meaning of I was doing something wrong. How can I do better? Rather than, "Ah, that's an indication of what that person needs me to be. They need me to be smaller. They need me to be more humble. They need me to hide my light." And these days, I'm just not having any of it because I'm 51 now and, you know, I've lived half my life. I've got another awesome century to go. I've got this group of women that I call the Half Century Heroes and we're all about that. We're all about just not caring because it takes up too much time. We'll listen, we'll listen to feedback, but only feedback from people who we admire, people who have proven themselves to be supportive and to be smart. Do you know what? That's one of the main goals that me and a couple of my friends are aiming for this year. And I'm going to be having a conversation later today where something that's been really upsetting me and it's been causing me quite a lot of anguish, but the person has said, "I just don't want to hear it." And I thought, do you know what? Their dismissiveness to this is even more upsetting. And either way, it's going to wreck it anyway. So if they don't want to hear it, then the relationship's going to end anyway. So I might as well go for the plunge and actually say something that really matters to me, that's actually upsetting me. And do you know what, it's about putting me first as well. But also, you know, if they want a friendship with me, then, you know, it's putting us both first in a way, if you see what I mean. And I'm just, I'm fed up of just sitting back and and just going, oh yeah, because if it's not, if it's not working for you, it's probably not working for them either. Yeah, exactly. Um, so anytime that we move ourselves on to a different relationship, um, it's, it's serving everybody. But that's kind of interesting then that you, that you say that, and that is in fact what's in Codependent Hobbies, this idea of, um, you know, just making it all about other people all the time. Well, sometimes we read poetry and we love it for the feeling it gives us, or for something that we understand within it, but but we don't always understand exactly what it is that we've really related to. I mean, this book, this is one of those, I've read it all now, but it is one of those ones where I've got like this cute little wooden box at the side of my toilet. Melissa knows this 'cause she is, we quite often say this. I'm intrigued. Yeah, and do you know what? Sometimes you just sit there on the toilet, you pick up a book and you read a section of it. You know, I've got, Lots of books where there's just 2 or 3 page sections where you can just sit and reread them again depending on, and it's like a toilet read. It's something where you've got a couple of minutes just to do it. That's it, or just, yeah, you're on the train and you just like, or it's really good for, I always have clients put together in advance an emergency kit. So if you're triggered into some kind of flashback, so something that happened in your childhood has been triggered, you've got CPTSD, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, you just know that every now and then you feel way too awful for what happened. So something quite small will happen, but you feel really, really awful. And then you know that, you know, that this— you've had this emotional triggering. And I get people to put together an emergency kit, and a lot of my clients are now saying that they've put the poetry book into their emergency kit along with the letter that they've written to themselves reassuring themselves, along with the touchstone that they have, the object or the photograph that reminds them who they are and the fact that they've got this. And the wonderful smell, either the perfume or the oil, that then just can bring your brain automatically to a different place. So they have this emergency kit, and they say that, you know, that either like a particular group of poems that they've handwritten out from the book or the book itself is in their emergency kit, which I think is just a lovely testament to what's going on here. What you just said then about the letter that that some people have in their kit, the letter to themselves. One of the best bits of advice a really good friend of mine gave to me once when I was going through a horrible time, and I'm talking, it was, it was so bad. And she just said, write a letter to yourself saying what you want to achieve over the next year, what things that you need to make you happy. But it doesn't need to be winning the lottery. It needs to be making sure that you're somewhere where you and your kids feel safe, or, you know, something like that. And, or, or to only have people around you that build you up or whatever. She goes, write it. It's a bit like a shopping list. Write it, shove it in the back of your wardrobe. Just know you know it's there. Read it if you forget every now and again, but you need to write it. You need to put it down there. Brilliant. She made me read it a year later. I'd done it all. There you go. Like we're achieving more than we think. We really are. The fact that we are getting up in the morning And, you know, getting ourselves together and putting that game face on if we need to and just helping each other, being there for each other, being creative, learning, moving forward. That's a lot. We need to start being a little bit more impressed with ourselves as to what we are doing, not what we're not doing. Let's start thinking a little bit more positively. We are coming to our very last section. We're just racing through and I've got so many questions to ask you, which I've just kind of ignored so far 'cause we've just been chatting away, but I think we've covered quite a lot. So we'll go over to our last set of ads and we'll be back in a couple of minutes. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie May Is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well-being and we're talking all things autism. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Nicole Goodman, and I'm Lauren Mishcon, and this is the Self-Care Club podcast. The advice for self-care today is endless and can feel like yet another overwhelming job for women. The Self-Care Club is part social experiment, part reality show. Every episode, we trial a different different self-care practice, live it to the letter for a week, and report back to you on the results. Will it actually improve your well-being, or will it be another waste of your time? We test out self-care so you don't have to. Welcome to the Self-Care Club. My name is Ingrid Marsh, and I host the Radical Wellbeing Show, supporting women's well-being. On my show, I bring you ordinary women like me and you who are sharing their unique stories. Women who have refused to to be defined by their pains, to be silenced by stigma or crushed by stereotypes, and who are taking back their power. And together, our mission is a simple one, and that's to inspire you to kick away the roadblocks too, to don your wings and be the person that you were born to be. Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth, and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring, and empowering. At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses across the UK which are facilitated by an award-winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role, and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover, and mental health advocate, and you can listen to my show Get Booked here at Women's Radio Station daily at 5 AM and 5 PM. Throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers, and book enthusiasts, all with the theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well-being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com. Join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. You're listening to Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women, and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadioStation, that's Women's Radio S-T-N, or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Wow, we are at the final section of today's Get Booked with Judy May Murphy. I'm Hazel Butterfield, and I'm— do you know what, I'm going to do some quickfire questions. Let's do it. This always happens with Get Booked that I chat away and then I suddenly go, oh wait a minute, I've got some questions to ask you. Fav poet? Robert Frost. Oh, okay, cool. Best tips on reading poetry? Go slowly. Go slowly, right, okay. Favorite wellbeing public figure? Me. I love that. God, I just think you're fantastic. How many books have you actually written? Oh, so I've written 10. 2 of them were kind of learning ones. Um, and 8 of them have been published, many of them worldwide and in different languages in different countries. Yeah, pretty cool. Where can people get hold of you, your books, and find you? And tell us a little bit about what you do here at Women's Radio Station. So, um, I am the host of Judy May Is Listening here on WRS, and we go live every Monday at noon, and then that's repeated at midday and midnight every single day throughout the week. Also, you can find me on Instagram. I try to make my Instagram sort of something that sort of uplifts and inspires, and so that's judymay_murphy for that. People want to get in touch and they want to find out about coaching and the different, like, different courses. We've got a lot of online courses and retreats going on all the time. That's info@judymay.tv for that. And also our new site is successforsensitives.com. And what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna put some links up to Success for Sensitives as well. The other thing that I was going to ask is where can we get hold of your books? So if you go to— the interesting thing about the self-help books, some of them are written as Judy May Murphy, but some of them are written as Judy Gap May Murphy. My name doesn't have any gap between the Judy and the May, but in the early days I wasn't really good at it speaking back to publishers and they thought it looked better on the book so they would do that. So if you just go Judy May Murphy, then you'll find some of the books like Your Life Any Gazillion Times Better and Sleeping Your Way to Success. But for Monsterproof Poetry— Did you just say sleeping your way to success? Yes. I just slipped that in there. So that's all about how to maximize your sleep time so that you are really healthy and energized and also so that you are using your unconscious mind while you're sleeping to build your success. I thought this was like an anti-feminist movement where you were like, you know, just sleep with who you need to to get to the top. Whatever it takes, ladies, whatever it takes. Your way makes more sense. Yeah, all I've been thinking about though since you were asking me what my favorite poet was is the fact that my favorite writer right now is Jack Kerouac. I think I've just got this weird like writer's crush on Jack Kerouac because most of us read On the Road when we were younger. It's kind of a teenage rite of passage and that's the one that he's really famous for. At the moment I'm reading Visions of Cody. And I am loving it so much, I can't even start to tell you. And just really seeing what an extraordinary jazz writer he was. There's this really brilliant thing that you can get on YouTube, and it's him reading from Visions of Cody. But it's pretty funny because he's holding up the COVID of On the Road, but he's reading from Visions of Cody. I think he was told he had to read from On the Road because that was his superstar famous one, but he actually is reading from this other one, and he is just so brilliant and hearing him out loud, he loved to do his poetry and his prose writing out loud because it's about how it sounds. Because, you know, people are making sounds in their head, so the sounds do matter. And that's really another thing that I really focus on in Monsterproof Poetry is getting those sounds right because that enables it to go into the brain more easily. It's like if something tastes good, we swallow it more easily. It's the same for an idea going into the brain. Wow. Do you know what? Somebody else said that quite recently about, you know, how something needs to taste for you to be able to process it in, you know, the most positive light. I love that. The other question, 3 tips on mental wellbeing. What 3 tips would you give to anyone who— because so it needs to be something, I guess, that can be easily transferable to the majority of people. Okay, so I'll make it really, really practical. Okay. The first thing is take care of your bedtime routine because a lot of people are not getting enough sleep and they're focused on what time am I getting up in the morning, I couldn't get up, and they think they've got a problem with getting up in the morning, whereas really the issue lies with last thing at night. And so I would say make sure you've got a really great bedtime routine that you stick to, that it's at least an hour before the time that you say you're going to go to bed, that you're turning down lights, you're starting to move and speak more slowly, that you're not stimulating yourself. Same as you do for a kid. You wouldn't give a kid a bottle of Coke and, you know, turn up the cartoons really, really loud right before their bedtime. Don't do that for yourself. That would be tip number 1. Tip number 2 is really take care of what you're putting into your brain. And so that's, you know, why I am always encouraging people to, you know, read good works, read really well-written stuff, because automatically you'll become more eloquent, automatically you'll be able to think at deeper levels, and you'll be able to communicate more effectively to yourself as well as to others. So put good stuff in your brain. And the next thing that I would say is realize that you are the expert on you. Very often we'll have people telling us what our experience is. Like, "You shouldn't be upset, I was only half an hour late," or, "No, you're fine because," or like people just having their version and thinking that their version of us should be more important than our own version of us. You are the expert on you. Your version of you, your experience on this planet, your telling of that experience is the most important thing. No one gets to argue against that. Wow. I'm trying to just, I mean, in theory I need to keep on speaking, but I'm trying to like actually just take that on board. That's brilliant. So let's imagine that somebody is really feeling like they want to change job and then everyone is telling them that this isn't the time to do it, this isn't the economy. It's kind of like, well, you know, take that on board. You've probably already thought of anything that anyone's going to say anyway. But then say, and what's more important than that? What's the most important thing is that I am living a life where I'm getting to do what I want to do every single day, that I'm not just living the weekend having, you know, lived someone else's life for 5 days. All 7 days belong to you. And just because, and even if the economy isn't right or the time isn't right, there's no need to just stay quiet about it. Maybe you understand that and say, yeah, I do want to change roles. Maybe I'll start implementing things now so that when the time is better. But there's no point just sitting there in silence going, I'm not going to tell you what's wrong with me. Yeah. And just knowing that your own personal economy is something that exists outside of what's going on in the rest of the world. There's plenty of money, there are plenty of opportunities. And, and the reason a lot of people— not everyone, clearly— but the reason a lot of people aren't making as much money as they could is because they're buying into this story of there's no point because it's so tough out there, rather than, yes, it's tough out there, but you know what, let me instead use that to make me even stronger. Let me use that to make me even better at coming up with ideas to serve people and get money in return. Or maybe voicing it to your friends, they come up with ideas that actually help you, you know? There might be something mutual that could benefit you both, and you know, this is the power of having the right people around you. Now yourself, you've had quite a varied life. You've been here, there, and everywhere. You've been— Oh, it's been nuts. Yeah. It's amazing. Can you imagine not being able to say that about your life? But how has that formed who you are now? I think from a very early age, I had this idea that I didn't want to live an ordinary life. That was my number one fear. And I just said, you know, it is gonna be extraordinary. And I remember a few things happened when I was a teenager that really made me decide that. One of the things was that I was a huge Smiths fan, a fan of the band The Smiths in the '80s. They were just everything. And the fact that I wrote poetry and Morrissey really liked my poetry and wrote back to me and sent me things and really was the first person to know that I wrote poetry and the first, you know, big supporter of it. And so then I sort of thought, okay, well, they're really huge I can go really huge too. Like, the world is there for the taking was the message I got from that. Also, there was another mentor I had called Quentin Crisp. So he was the one that wrote the book that became— there's a song written about him called An Englishman in New York by Sting. That's about Quentin Crisp. And, oh, I've just forgotten the name of the— he wrote this autobiography and it was really, really extraordinary. And he also then would tour theaters. Oops, sorry, I've just knocked over my iPad cover. That wasn't our producer. Producer falling over, that was actually the iPad. So yeah, it was just so— oh, The Naked Civil Servant, was that it? We're about to find out. And so I just went and I hung around outside the theater thinking he was going to be 3 hours early. He was half an hour early, so I was hanging out for quite a while. And I just basically said to him that I wanted to speak to him, and he was amazing with me. Really? I was 16 years old. I was wearing my green school uniform. And he said, "So, what does the matter seem to be?" And I said, "Well, no one understands me." And he goes, "My dear, how could anyone understand one such as you?" And that's kind of what you want to hear. And that then led to me living in New York while I was doing 2 degrees in Trinity. I'd then go over in the summer to New York and I would be training in steps on Broadway as a dancer and also I was raised by this marvelous tribe of drag queens. And so I was right in the drag community in the '90s in the East Village. So before Giuliani came and cleared it all out. And it was just the most extraordinary thing. And since then, you know, I've lived in Kathmandu, I've lived in Paris. I've, I've just pretty much done what I wanted to do each time. Like I've always said to myself, and what's the next adventure? What's the next adventure? What an uplifting and fantastic way to be, though. And I'm just quickly Googling Quentin Crispin. Books. Resident Alien on— go to the movies. Manors from Heaven. He's written a lot. Yeah, he was the most extraordinary man, and he was just such a great person to be seen by as well as to see. So I think that there's two sides to being inspired. There's kind of the ideas, that's us seeing them, but then when someone sees us in return and we're able to say, and that's for me, and it is real, I am magical, and I can go out into the world and I can make extraordinary extraordinary things happen, that's when it starts to get really exciting. I, and I've just read as well Quentin Crisp's How to Become a Virgin. There you go. Well, I've not read it, I've seen it up on Amazon. You've just ordered that in this moment? Yeah, I've just done it right now. Wow, I wish we had so much more time, but we don't. Thank you so much for joining us today. It's been a fantastic conversation, and make sure that you are listening to Judy May Murphy on Women's Radio Station at noon every single day, and midnight as well if you're up at that time. Thank you so much. Absolute pleasure, anytime. And that is the end of Get Booked. Join me next week. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity, from opinions, career, ethnicity, education, and most importantly, women's well-being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth, and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring, and empowering? At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses across the UK which are facilitated by an award-winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role, and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. Hi everyone and welcome to the Femaling Show. I am your host Nicole Goodman and I am a woman's identity expert and coach. As women, we fall into different phases of identity throughout adult life and during these our challenges can look pretty similar. Here at WRS, I will be talking to you about the real issues we all face, and even the ones we can silently struggle with. Through honest, heartfelt conversation here at Femaley, you will learn how to accept yourself, understand yourself, and be yourself. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on Women's Radio Station. It's Mother's Hour. If like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be a refreshing, honest, and funny look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness, or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turn2us.org.uk. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand with a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs. We can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com. 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