Get Booked – Nikki Valance – Pivotal

Hello, I'm Hazel and welcome to my show here at Women's Radio Station, all about my love of books, cleverly entitled Get Booked. You see what I did there? Throughout my shows, we will talk about what I've read, what I'm reading, new releases, chat to authors, publishers, and book enthusiasts. Many of my book reviews go on my website too at hazelbutterfield.com, and you can follow me @nuttybutty on Twitter. You. You can either use the Women's Radio Twitter as well, and you can send me through your book recommendations at any point at hazel@womensradiostation.com. Maybe just record a little review on your phone and send it through, and we will make sure that it goes up on GetBooked. So get your reviews in. It's all about involving you all. Now, today in the studio, we are going to be talking to Nikki Valance about her book Pivotal, and I like a book that leaves you thinking long after it's finished, mulling over the implications of how each day can be a pivotal moment in our life, the choices we make, the people we trust, and the people that we leave behind. And Pivotal follows the lives of 4 people who receive a bizarre and interesting potential inheritance which involves needing to take a leap of faith, and a leap that not all of us want to take, can take, need to take, or even dare to. And when faced with indecision, we can't always deal with it on our own for reasons we may not even understand. And in the case of Pivotal, the 4 people in question enlist the help of a hypnotherapist to unpack what is going on in their head. So let's go straight over to Nikki. Hi. Hello. Thank you for coming in and chatting to us. Thank you for having Yeah, you're very welcome. Um, we have discussed in the past how this book came up quite, uh, interestingly, quite pivotal moment in my life when I was going to engage a hypnotherapist. Yeah. And, and this is basically the, the main section of this book. It is about hypnotherapy. And well, kind of is. Yeah, it plays a lead role, doesn't it? It does. I mean, it works on lots of different levels. Um, And I wanted to explore what makes us who we are. And I thought actually, if you were going through some kind of major decision in your life, using a hypnotherapist to help you do that is a very constructive thing that you could do. I'm not a hypnotherapist myself. I'm not an expert in it, but I did a lot of research. I tried to make it as authentic as possible and perhaps dispel some of the myths that there might be, or the images that people have in their heads about what it would be. So yeah, it does play a big part in the story. Now what I found quite interesting, it was completely coincidental that I was about to embark on hypnotherapy, and pretty much within about 3 or 4 pages of when I was reading this book was I starting my first hypnotherapy session. Now anybody that is considering taking on hypnotherapy, they should read this book because Again, there's a completely different story that's going on in Pivotal, but it's like a— it's like The Idiot's Guide to Hypnotherapy. I mean, that's very kind of you to say, and I hope— I genuinely wanted to make sure that people were able to get some, as close as I could make it, some authentic information about what that might be like. So As I said, through my research, I tried to represent what it was like to be hypnotized. I had some sessions. I tried to represent how I was sort of— how it was explained to me so that they would know what that might be like. And also to ask the hypnotherapist that I was speaking to in the research what it was like to hypnotize people and how some people would respond differently to, to others and what might drive that. So I guess because there are 4 people, it gave me lots of scope to kind of COVID all of those different angles. Well, you know, the 4 very different people. Yeah. And there is a twist at the end which I'm not going to talk about because it would ruin the whole book for absolutely everybody. Yes, several people have said that. They've said, oh, you know, like Sixth Sense, where you know at the end, once you know it, you can't unknow it. That's, that's basically what everyone has said once they've got to the end and they've read the twist. Yeah. So yeah. Well, it's interesting because that wasn't unpacked during the hypnotherapy sessions. And what I found quite interesting, I mean, we're gonna talk a little bit more about what happens in the book, the plot, but just focusing on the hypnotherapy element for now, it was, if I'd have gone to hypnotherapy without reading this book, I'd have sat there going, well, this isn't gonna work. I'm not the kind of person that can be hypnotized. My head's too busy. It's all right for these people and that person, da da da da da. But when I did go, I was like, well, I don't feel like I'm completely away with the fairies. I don't feel like he could say to me, by the way, you should stop smoking and stop eating burgers all the time. It's not like that. And it's a trance state and it's a different, I think people have seen these ridiculous depictions of Paul McKenna on the telly or seen, I don't know, these exhibitionists on the stage who go, when I click my fingers, every time I say rosebud, you're going to cluck like a chicken. And that isn't what happens. No, certainly not. I mean, I think there is something in stage hypnotherapy. It's very entertaining, and if you're susceptible to it, then it can happen to you. But even then, you would be aware of what was going on. You just wouldn't be bothered that you were doing these weird and wonderful things. So I think it was important to me that I did make a distinction between the two. And, um, you know, as you say, if someone was really anxious about going and worried about what might happen, um, there's all sorts of things that people believe it is, which it isn't. It is just, as you said, a trance state. It's apparently— and I'm not an expert— it's the same, uh, brainwave pattern that happens when you're falling asleep or waking up. Um, there's different levels: alpha, beta, theta. I don't know. Um, but So sometimes you have quite lucid thoughts and solve problems in that kind of little window between the wake and the sleep. And it's basically that, but just more of it. And you are awake and you're conscious of what's going on, but it's accessing the unconscious to hopefully resolve issues and find a way forward, which is obviously why it suited the book as a vehicle to help these people make their big decision they had to make. I love that term, used as a vehicle. That's absolutely perfect. That's exactly what it was. Ironically, one of my sessions I did have, I kind of had come around after the session. I was like, that did not feel like I was in a trance. That felt like I was absolutely asleep. What happened there? And he said, no, no, no, you're just tired. You fell asleep. Because I was like, that's not what I thought was going to happen. No, you're tired, you need to take a break. I was like, okay, fair enough. So tell us a little bit more about where the idea came from for Pivotal. Yeah, really good point. It was one of those light bulb moments, but the reason it happened was because I was— I'm a coach, I coach writers, but at the time I was working in a full-time professional job and I had a coach myself because I felt a little bit stuck and I wanted to move forward. So I had 3 really useful goals and I was working on all 3 of them. And in setting them, 2 of them were quite sensible and a bit boring. One was about health and kind of fitness and— Boring, but it would be healthy. One was about career and trying to sort of make the most of that. And that was quite exciting and moving forward with that. And then I had another one and I sort of said, look, I feel that there's an area of my life I'm not really paying enough attention to. And that was creativity. But I didn't want it to be a SMART goal because the other two were, and my whole life was all geared around targets and, you know, whatever. Being sensible. Yeah. So I said, you know, that's what I wanna do. She said, "Absolutely fine." And, but sort of almost within a week, I'd gone from saying I want a creative goal to I wanna write a book to I wanna get a book published. And it kind of literally came that quickly. And during that first two weeks, I just had this light bulb moment, ah, That's the premise. And then I built it from there. And the premise is the twist. So I can't really talk about that, as we said, 'cause it will give it away. Yeah, I know. It's like, I'm trying to be really careful 'cause sometimes, you know, especially as somebody who does live radio all the time, my mouth runs away with me and I'm like, be sensible, think about what you're saying. So at any point, I do not mind if you think that I'm going off on a tangent and that I'm gonna say something, just go, Oi, Hazel! It's lovely because I intended when I wrote it that that would be the final thing that people would find out. And not one single person who's read it has said that they worked out what was gonna happen at the end in the final twist, which is fantastic. And that's why it leaves you thinking because you think, hold on a minute, what's going on here? I was confused throughout a lot of the book, but in a good way. And I think it was about 3 pages before it happened. Yeah, I kind of had an inkling, but that was it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, brilliant. So I think there's a lot of mental health and mental well-being implications in this book, and I want to explore them, um, after the break. We're going to go to a break in about a minute or so, um, just around what was explored. Yeah, um, yeah, what, what they went through and just how pivotal moments in our life can be. I mean, there's— the thing is, this book got me thinking in, because I remember I was supposed to go on holiday once with a friend, and we were going to go away for 3 weeks and just tour the States for a bit. And last minute she couldn't go, and I was gonna go anyway, um, because I quite like traveling on my own. And my granddad became unwell, so I cancelled it, and in that 3 weeks I met the father of my children. Wow, and that wouldn't have happened if— No, and there are times when, you know, you get stuck in traffic and you don't get to see the property that you were going to go and rent or something like that, which means you'd have lived in a different area, and life is full of these pivotal moments, and it's sometimes it's because you cannot be bothered waiting because there's 6 people in the queue at Costa or something. So you walk and go to another cafe. Yeah. And life is full of them. Yeah. And so I was, at the end of this book, I was just sitting there going, yeah, you can't dwell on it too much, but it's such an incredible concept. I think it's great for Christmas presents, definitely. But I want to talk a little bit more about the launch as well, which happened quite recently. Let's just go over to a couple of ads and we will be back in a couple of minutes. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan, and welcome to Love Lessons Live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie May Is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy, and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well-being, and we're talking all things autism. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. This is Carolyn here from Mother's Hour, wishing you a very, very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Warmest wishes of a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year from Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte. Live every day at 10 AM and 10 PM London time on womensradiostation.com. Have a great holiday. Merry Christmas, I'm Judy May Murphy, and from all of us here at Women's Radio Station, we hope you have an incredible holiday season. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. I'd like to wish you a happy Christmas and a happy New Year from everyone at Women's Radio Station. Hello, I'm Hazel from Get Booked, and I just wanted to to say, have a fabulous Christmas and a spectacular New Year. Take care of yourself, focus on the positive, and know when to cuddle up with a great book for a delicious escape. Mwah! Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth, and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring, and empowering? At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses courses across the UK which are facilitated by an award-winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role, and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover, and mental health advocate, and you can listen to my show Get Booked here at Women's Radio Station daily at 5 AM and 5 PM. Throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers, and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well-being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com. Join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. You're listening to Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women, and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter at Women's Radio Station, that's Women's Radio STN, or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Welcome back to the second part of Get Booked today with me, Hazel Butterfield, and our guest Nikki Blance. Talking about her book Pivotal, and we've been talking in the first section about the hypnotherapy elements to the book. Now I'd like to talk about the mental health aspects and how we deal with what life throws at us, and these 4 main characters in your book have had, they've dealt with things differently, and it has directed their life. I was briefly saying, you know, off air about my mum and her two sisters and brother that they all had the same upbringing in the same place from the same parents and they are four completely different people because we have autonomy. Yeah. And what happens to us in life helps us to make, we are in charge of the decisions we make and the decisions we make are the ones that create those pivotal moments. Yeah. In our life. I mean, sometimes we choose to forgive, sometimes we choose to move away, sometimes we choose to hold a grudge, or, you know, change our personality. We've all gone through, say, mental health issues where we've suddenly gone, do you know what, I'm broken completely down, I'm going to rebuild myself back again. Yeah. And this book covers just how differently our life can turn out if we choose to make particular decisions, or, you know, it's nature versus nurture as well. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, there's destiny, there's, you know, do you believe in fate? There's nature versus nurture. Obviously, the situations that the characters have gone through are slightly different, but that just gave me an opportunity to explore the what-ifs of life. That must have been so much fun. Well, it wasn't, it wasn't actually. Interestingly, talking about mental health, the way I write is filmically. So I embody the character and I walk through their life and I am them as I'm writing about what's happening to them. So each time I changed perspective, I was effectively them. And because they're all different and they respond to things differently, in some of the situations where they were going through really tough stuff, I would, it was almost like being a method actor. I'd come out of that session of writing thinking, oh, I mean, I better go and do something a bit lighthearted now 'cause I feel really kind of, ugh, you know. Did you have your husband like, which one am I gonna get today? Which version of Nicky am I gonna have? The one that's gonna shout at me for making dinner, the one that's gonna be appreciative, or the one that's just gonna walk off and walk the dog and just? I was able to, I think I was able to cushion it a bit, but I was conscious that when I was writing the tougher parts of the storylines that I had to look after myself because I guess, you know, everything, it comes through me, you know, so it's not my lives or my life, but comes from somewhere, doesn't it? So I didn't want to identify too closely with them because they have had some really, you know, some of them are fairly traumatic things that they've experienced. But they were all— what I wanted to do was represent ordinary women but give them an extraordinary situation to deal with. And that was what I think sparked this indecision in them, because what was happening to them was quite, as you say, bizarre and not everyday. But their lives were pretty everyday. So, well, I think that this is what I found quite um, relatable because these four women dealt with things differently. There is, um, and although they are seemingly normal, we come across people all the time and you don't know what they're going through. And there might be, you know, one of the characters was quite high-powered and, you know, took no prisoners, and you just kind of think— some people like, oh gosh, she's so hard-faced. Do you know what? You don't know what's happened to her. You don't know what, what has made her want to be like that. She might be an absolute terror, but you know what, there are reasons that people are the way they are sometimes. Absolutely, yeah. That person that's boring and just wants to, not boring, but, you know, wants to live a simple life, you don't know what's happened to them in the past. Yeah. And this is a reminder that don't take things, well, for granted, but don't take things at, you know, at face value. That was the word I was looking for. Yeah. It's gone running around in my head a little bit there. And I think it was interesting to just be a little bit of a reminder and a journey at the same time. One of the main things that I say to people here on GetBooked is the wonders of reading is that you get to live somebody else's life. You get to escape, you get to appreciate it, you get to under— you don't necessarily, you might not like two of your characters in the book, but then you might understand them a bit more. You don't have to agree with them, you don't have to be like them, but just maybe try and understand people a little bit more. And that's the beauty of a book, whether it's a memoir or fiction or self-help, you know, it's the beauty of it. I think it's important. I mean, for me, I've loved reading since I could read. And I hadn't realised until the last few days, 'cause I've been going over some old, you know, tapes and, and, you know, how you keep keepsakes of things that you made when you were younger. And I hadn't, I did not even remember there's loads of little stories I've written. And there's one record, I mean, it's quite embarrassing, but there's one record of me reading out the first chapter of my Mike and the Stranger story. I didn't even remember I'd written it. But yeah, so books have always been a comfort and also a stretch. And I think, It's been proven scientifically that people who read get on better in life if you're able to read from an early age, if you're read to from an early age. So I'm a huge fan of books. I'm actually a fan of books as opposed to eBooks, but I understand why people have eBooks and I think it's a great invention as is audio. But there's nothing that beats picking up a book. And when you pick up your own book, you know, and you see it says Pivotal and you think, wow, this is amazing. So yeah, I mean, the launch was incredible. Everything's been— it's only been, what, it was end of October, so it's still very, very fresh and it's a really exciting journey that I'm on myself with the book. I see. I find it quite interesting that you say you've always been a fan and sometimes you need a reminder. And my grandma's got Alzheimer's and dementia and recently she's taken quite a dip and my my mum and her sisters, they've all been getting out old pictures to show her, to help her. So she's been coming across all these books and all these pictures and sending them through to me. And I'd forgotten that I even used to be in the newspaper when I was like about 6 because of my level of reading. Isn't it interesting? And, and just because I loved it, and I've always loved it. You sometimes, you forget that actually this is a passion I've had for 30-odd years. I'm not telling you exactly how many. And yet My son does the same thing, and sometimes it's just nice to remind yourself that actually you have passed something on. This is something that you've been involved with, and it's, and rather than just a new fad, I mean, this show's been going, what, 18 months or something like that? And it's nice to remember sometimes that this is a passion you've had for a very long time, and now you've got to write your own book, and it's been launched, and yeah. Yeah, it was incredible. One of my friends who came to the launch, just before it happened, she sent me a card which she'd found in a— but she's really good at finding cards that are really appropriate. And it was all about how the beauty of what a book can do for someone. And she said, and then inside she wrote, and isn't it amazing, you've done that and you've done that for other people. So yeah, I mean, the book works on so many different levels. Some people in the reviews have said they love the women and never mind the plot and the twists that's all brilliant, but actually just loved the women and got something out of following their lives. Other people love the premise. Lots of people love it the way it makes them think about their own lives and left them thinking. So it does lots of different things for different people. Now, I want to know, 'cause I was speaking to you just before you had the launch, and there's a tango element. Yes, there is. Yeah. To the book. Didn't you get somebody to do some tango? Yes, yes, when we spoke last time I couldn't really say what was happening because it was a big surprise for my guests at the launch, but yes, I got a couple who were amazing tango, Argentine tango dancing teachers from Tango Bridge UK, which is based near London Bridge, and nobody knew they were coming in and So I did all the rest of the stuff for the launch and I said, oh, just watch out because you'll know when it starts. And yeah, people thought it was great fun. I mean, obviously we scratched the surface. It's a very difficult dance to learn. And be done. But it was fabulous. And it's, you know, it could be seen as a little bit random, but it does have a fairly important sort of backstory to support the rest of Pivotal. And there's a reason why it's in there. Aside from the fact that I really want to dance, learn to dance it properly and go and do it in Buenos Aires, it actually does. Very deep in the story, there's a reason why tango's in there. And so everybody got up and danced, I assume? Well, not everybody, but everyone who wanted to. And I mean, we had— I don't know, we had probably about 85 people there, maybe. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was amazing. So we had— and it was in a gallery and the book opens in a gallery. So it was just one of those, again, pivotal kind of situations where everything came together. And I found, I found the guys just through Googling. I thought, I need to find some people who can do this for me. And they totally got what I was trying to do. And they love the collaboration between dance and literature. And so they came and they did it for me. And we're all— I think quite a number of us are going to go back to one of their lessons altogether so that we can do do it the other way round and sort of support them. Yeah, so I would recommend it to anybody. It's beautiful. I mean, it doesn't have to be as complicated as they make it look like. I mean, there's a very, very simple basic step that you can learn. In fact, that's in the book. And you can enjoy just doing that. You don't have to go very elaborate, but obviously if you want to develop it, then you have to spend a bit more time learning. Well, it's a bit like anything, isn't it? You can choose which level you want to— Exactly. Which you want to go to. Now, you did say very briefly before that while you were going through the process of actually, you know, being these 4 characters, that you had to actually look after yourself. What was it that you did to look after yourself? I coincidentally, I mean, life is just madly busy, isn't it? And you can let that get away with you a little bit and let that sort of take over. At a point towards the end of finishing the book, and I finished the book really quickly, I started it really quickly, had a big long gap in the middle where life just got in the way, and I thought, and then I thought, no, I'm going to finish it. And around that time I decided to download a meditation mindfulness app, and I thought, I'm going to give it a go. But like you, my brain is always switched on, and I thought, I'm not sure this is going to work, but I gave it a go. I got completely addicted to it, and I think I'm over like 1,040 days in a row I've done it now, because it kind of tracks how many times you do it. So I do 10 minutes in the morning every day, and it has helped with the whole of my life. And the point about mindfulness and meditation is you've got to take it, as they say, the phrases, off the mat. It's not about those 10 minutes, although that is lovely to have 10 minutes if you can squeeze that into your day. It's actually about learning the principles and applying them to life. And it helps you get through all sorts of situations because you look at things differently and you say, you know, today is another day and who knows what's gonna happen and live in the moment because who knows what's gonna happen tomorrow. I'm in absolute awe of you. And I'm appalled that I feel like I can't do that. But you know what? I'm gonna try. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, as soon as I get on the train to go home tonight, I'm gonna find one that, even if I just do 5 minutes. Yeah, or 2, 2 minutes. Yeah, I'm gonna do it. Right, let's go over to the ads. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station, supporting women's wellbeing. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity, from opinions, career, ethnicity, education, and most importantly, women's well-being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth, and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring, and empowering? At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses across the UK which are facilitated by an award-winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role, and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. This is Caroline here from Mother's Hour wishing you a very, very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Warmest wishes of a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year from Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, live every day at 10 AM and 10 PM London time on womensradiostation.com. Have a great holiday! Merry Christmas! I'm Judy May Murphy, and from all of us here at Women's Radio Station, we hope you have an incredible holiday season. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. I'd like to wish you a happy Christmas and a happy New Year from everyone at Women's Radio Station. Hello, I'm Hazel from Get Booked, and I just wanted to say have a fabulous Christmas and a spectacular New Year. Take care of yourself, focus on the positive, and know when to cuddle up with a great book for a delicious Mwah! Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on Women's Radio Station. It's Mother's Hour. If like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together. With spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be a refreshing, honest, and funny look at being a mum. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand with a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs. We can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com. Women's Radio Station supporting women's well-being. Welcome back to the second half of today's Get Booked. I'm Hazel Butterfield, and we are supporting women's well-being here at Women's Radio Station. And throughout Get Booked, we talk about books and the power of writing. And today we've been chatting away to Nikki Valance about her book Pivotal. We've been talking about hypnosis, the mental health implications, just, just everything to do with the book because it kind of encompasses so many different elements. And, um, what I do want to talk about is, I mean, we've touched a little bit on the publishing process. Yes. But I'd like to know, um, you You didn't go down the self-publishing route, did you? No. Probably before I'd even finished the book, I looked at the different routes that were available. I didn't really know anything when I started writing it, and I became quite informed, shall we say, going to various different events. I went to probably 2 or 3 at first before I made my decision. And I, I didn't want to self-publish because I wanted the support of people who knew what they were doing. And I did look at trying to get an agent, do a deal that way. And I think it's about a matter of time and finding the right people to support your project. And in the process of doing all of that, I found my publishers and it was almost like a decision that made itself really because, By working with a smaller independent publisher, it gave me much more creative control, much more creative input than I would have had. So things like the COVID which everyone raves about, I had, you know, I had quite a clear idea. I mean, I couldn't have designed it. I mean, I'm not an expert in that kind of thing, but I knew what I wanted it to represent. And because the Pivotal has so many different layers to it, I wanted the COVID to, to show that and maybe to give a hint to what the ultimate pivotal moment was. Um, so yeah, so things like that were, um, my reason for going down the route I eventually went down. But I looked at all the different ways of doing it, and it's quite a time-consuming process. It, you know, you can't, you can't do it overnight. And, uh, it nowadays Some of the best self-published books, I mean, they are just, it's just a different way of getting there. It's just as competitive. And if you want to do it well, you've got to still do all the things that you would do if you were being published through a publisher, but you've got to do them yourself. And at the time I just thought, that's just too much, you know. Where do you start? Exactly. I didn't know anything. So I thought, no, I'm going to choose this route. It seems to work for me. And I was able to get on and make it happen. And I could have still been trying to pitch for agents now if I hadn't done that, so, you know, I'm really pleased that I did. And it's gone well? It's gone amazingly well. I've had all sorts of really positive feedback from, you know, reviewers, but also from people who've bought the book and loved it. I've had some amazing opportunities. I've had a TV interview. Have you? Who were you? That's Norfolk TV, rather randomly, but it was It was amazing. I just, I really loved going up there and chatting to them. And I've got lots of things planned for the new year as well. I've got various people I'm talking to about an event. So I'm gathering together a panel interview. So really it will just be a discussion around, I think I'm going to call it, will I have to eat an onion? And it's all focused back on that idea of You know, what is— what are the myths of hypnotherapy and, and how does Pivotal help uncut, you know, undo some of those myths and expose them? Um, and so I've got some great hypnotherapists who, who are coming. Some of them have written books themselves, but who are going to come and talk about the reality of what hypnotherapy can do for people, and also what book— books and reading can do for people. And as you were saying earlier on, you know, that the impact of, of, of reading on your mental health not about mental health. You can read anything and it takes you somewhere else and it gives you respite and all sorts of different things. And it's been proven to be a very effective way, a bit like, you know, people say, oh, you've got to go outside in nature because it's really good for you. I mean, all these things I think we knew. It's not like they're not new. But what's happening now is science is proving what we all know instinctively is good for us. And I think some people need to have that sort of research behind it to sort of think, "Oh, okay, then I really ought to do that because it is good for me." Well, it's kind of common sense and it's a bit of a reminder. I mean, the thing is, yes, we're supposed to go out into nature, but it's not the fact that we're just breathing in fresh air and getting out, you know, breathing in some oxygen. It's the fact that we're moving. So it's exercise. It's, you know, you can think more because if you're outside in the woods, you can't play on your phone. Yeah. —It helps to process things in your brain. The same, again, with reading. It's not just about— I mean, I'm sure if you are having mental health issues or wellbeing issues, sometimes you don't— you shouldn't be reading about mental health. You should be escaping and retraining your brain to think about what's going on in the book rather than what's overwhelming in your brain at that moment. It is an escape. It's fantastic. Or sometimes it's good if you— if it's to do with whatever your mental health issues are, if they're to do with paranoia or trying to, I don't know, compare your life to other people that on Instagram it looks absolutely fantastic and why is everybody else having these perfect, this perfect family life? They're not! It's made up! It's filtered, isn't it? Well, filtered, yeah, better word than made up. Definitely. And it's a reminder that no, people are going through this, that, and whatever, and if someone's ignoring you, it's not necessarily about you. Maybe they're going through something else. And books and different writing, whether it's fictional or not, kind of give us that reminder, get us off our phones, stop us looking at the apps that are driving us crazy. So it's not read a book because it'll enrich your mind, it's not. There's about 32 million different elements to it, as is, you know, going shopping or eating well or doing this, you know. They're not just singular activities. No, no. I mean, I guess I've always known that I enjoyed it, but I think I'm now making much more time for reading. And I mean, in a way, that's partly my job now, 'cause I have to know what's going on in the writing, you know, and book world. But it is just also something that I find I get a lot of pleasure from. I get a lot of joy from that. So I'm not going to stop doing that, you know, I'm going to keep doing that. But yeah, so it's going really, really well. The book's been nominated for the People's Book Prize, which is incredible. So, and what's lovely about this is that if you go on to the People's Book Prize, if you Google that, then you can just vote for the current voting that's open now and Pivotal is there and you don't have to sort of do anything because I know sometimes with these things you've got to sort of set up a profile and it's all very complicated. And you can literally just go on and vote. And I mean, I'm just blown away by the fact that I've been nominated for a literary prize. Even better that it's one that's voted for by the public because I think actually when you're a writer, all these other accolades, I mean, they're wonderful if you can get them, but it's the people I'm trying to reach. I'm trying to get, my aim was for the book to be read by as many people as possible. They're the ones that are reading it, yeah. People can go into your Instagram @nicki_valance, and then it's just— yeah, it's the— I think I've put it as the link there at the top of that. Yeah, it is. Let me just click onto you again because that's where I found it, because obviously I verted. Um, thank you. The, the actual link isn't on there. The nicki-valance.com is on there, but a couple of your posts have it in there. Um, so, so you can find it quite easily or just Basically. I mean, yeah, if you go on to my website, it's on the front page. There's a button you can click on there and it will take you through. So it's really straightforward. So it's nickyvalance.com. So we're making it really easy for them. Yeah. And so the first round I think finishes mid-Febr and then there's a second round of voting which you're allowed to vote again for. And then hopefully, I mean, wouldn't it be wonderful I could be a finalist. That would be just incredible. But, um, yeah, so there's so many exciting things going on. I'm, I'm, I'm just— my local bookshop. This is what I wanted you to mention. Oh my goodness, it's like you're running this interview for me. I'm sorry, it's just, it's just there's so many things to talk about. Um, so the independent bookshop— now we like to support independent bookshops, um, but this one actually supported you incredibly. So yeah, name them, promote them, go for it. Okay, well, they're relatively new. They, they opened after Pivotal was launch, so they're even newer than Pivotal, and they're called Books on the Hill in St Albans, and they sell rare books, first editions, secondhand books, children's books, and new books. And I approached them because I heard they were opening and said, would you like— you know, here's my book, here's a bit of a synopsis, would you like to stock it for me? And they very kindly said yes, they would, and they initially bought 3 books, which is You know, pretty good. Well, within a day, I think they'd sold those and they went, "Ooh, okay." And this was a brand new— You do appreciate how brilliant that is. I do, I do. And it wasn't people I was sending in there either. This was the other thing. There were lots of mystery people going and saying, "I want 5 copies." And I was like, "Oh, okay." So they've now since, I think it's what, 7, 8 weeks, they've now since restocked 4 times. They keep selling out. So they approached me when I was already thinking about this idea for events. They said, "Would you like to be our first event?" So we haven't got the date yet, Once it's set, I will definitely put it onto my website and obviously it'll be all over my social media, but it'll be sometime in the new year and we're going to do the first of the panel discussions at the bookshop. So that's going to be amazing. Now, I have actually done a review of your book on hazelbutterfield.com and the blog is entitled, "Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful parts of us," which is a quote. By David Richo. Yeah. And there are the details there of your book as well. Have I put the review up on Amazon yet? I don't know. I must check because it helps to have it up there. Yes. It helps to get your rating up again as well, doesn't it? Yeah. I mean, well, no, it is up. It's like 4.6 or something. Yeah, ridiculous. Yeah. But it's, I mean, obviously the more you have, the more people are prepared to sort of put a review on there, even if it's only a few words. The more weighting it carries because it's like, you know, if you look at something on Netflix and it says it's a 5-star, but it's only got 2 people who voted for it, you think, is it? Is it or isn't it? So that's the director and the producer. Yes, exactly. So no, I mean, so far it's doing really well and I don't think actually any of my friends pretty much are into doing any reviews. So I haven't— none of the ones that are on there are people that knew me before and are just doing it because they think they should, which I mean, if they did, that would be great because a lot of them are saying they love it. But they're not, you know, they're not really reviewers, so haven't necessarily done that. Well, what I'll do, 'cause my brain's like a sieve at the moment, can you send me a punch emoji if I haven't done it in the next few days? Yes, I will do. Right, let's go over to our last ad break and we'll be back in a jiffy. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons Live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Future Classic Women Awards. With me, Stefania Passamonte, on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie May Is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy, and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well-being, and we're talking all things autism. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. This is Carolyn here from Mother's Hour, wishing you a very, very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Warmest wishes of a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year from Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, live every day at 10 AM and 10 PM London time on womensradiostation.com. Have a great holiday! Merry Christmas! I'm Judy May Murphy, and from all of us here at Women's Radio Station, we hope you have an incredible holiday season. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. I'd like to wish you a happy Christmas and a happy New Year from everyone at Women's Radio Station. Hello, I'm Hazel from Get Booked, and I just wanted to say have a fabulous Christmas and a spectacular New Year. Take care of yourself, focus on the positive, and know when to cuddle up with a great book for a delicious escape. Mwah! Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth, and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring, and empowering? At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses across the UK, which are facilitated by an award-winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role, and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover, and mental health advocate, and you can listen to my show Get Booked here at Women's Radio Station daily at 5 AM and 5 PM. Throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers, and book enthusiasts, all with the theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well-being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com. Join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. You're listening to Women's Radio Station, supporting women's well-being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women, and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadioStation, that's Women's Radio STN, or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Welcome back to the final section of today's Get Booked, talking about the book Pivotal by Nikki Valance, who is joining us in the studio. We have been chatting away We have been peeling the onion. Yes. Also the name of— well, kind of, uh, will I have to eat an onion, the name of your upcoming panel discussion. Yes. Um, what was the name again? Is it Books on the Hill? Yes, Books on the Hill, St Albans. Yeah, yeah, I do love an independent bookshop, you know. This book, if you look, if you go on to Instagram and you look at their feed It's absolutely beautiful. Really? You would think it's been there forever, but it hasn't, and they've done it. It's just a beautiful place. There's even a reading nook with a fire, and you can sit and browse, and it's just full of beautiful, beautiful books, as well as lovely, you know, a lovely atmosphere. The thing is, I found it already. Yeah, it's brilliant. Oh wow, cool. Yeah, I'm gonna give them a follow. We— I mean, the thing is, I love independent bookshops, and quite a few of them have failed unfortunately because of Amazon and because it's just, you know, retail in general is just struggling. It's terrible. But there's one that does so incredibly well in Richmond called The Alligator's Mouth, and what I tend to do I'm a fan of going out for lunch and dinner quite often. Kids always come with me, but there's this beautiful pub called the Rose and Crown next to it that does a fantastic— they do like 10 different kinds of Bloody Marys. It is absolutely fantastic. But basically I send the kids, we're going to the Alligator's Mouth. They will sit there for half an hour just having a look at absolutely everything. They choose a book, we go into the pub next door, we have a roast. I will be there with 6 or 7 of my friends. Deal is they can read as much as they like, but they don't touch tech until they've finished their dinner including, you know, all 3 courses, and then if we're going to sit there and have cheeseboards and Karen drinking wine, possibly an espresso martini, that's when they're allowed on tech. And it's just, we're supporting the bookshop, which is right next door, they can kind of head, they can stay in there a little bit longer if they want because it's only next door while we kind of get the food ordered. I always know what they want. And then they read all the way through and then they jump on Fortnite afterwards, and it's kind of a nice balance. Yeah, I was going to say balance. Um, I think if you can do that, if you can sort of combine lots of different things— I mean, time is really precious, isn't it? So if you can actually do that. But I, I think it's really important to support, well, retail everywhere. I mean, Waterstones need the support just as much as, as the independent bookshops do. But, um, I think Waterstones are one of the really good ones, to be honest. Yeah. So I think it's, I mean, I had a signing at Waterstones right at the beginning after my book launch and they were great. My local Waterstones were great, but I think it's just a very tough environment out there. And if you can shop local and if you can support independent businesses, just be more conscious about what you're doing. I know convenience is great, especially this time of year, but— And price. Actually taking time to, look after other people. I think, you know, it's what you give out, what you, you get back. At the end of the day, we're all, we're all the same and we all need support. And so yeah, that, that's a collaboration between me and, and them. It's just, that's a dream come true as well. Well, this is how I kind of weigh it off because, you know, a couple of kids, cat and dog, constantly skint, running around, living in London, blah blah blah. It's all a case of kind just figuring out ways that we can afford life. But the way I see it is the kids have spent half an hour in that bookshop, okay? They've enjoyed it, they've loved it. If I buy a book on Amazon, it takes a minute, but you know, it's fine. Sometimes we don't want a book and we're not going anywhere for 3 or 4 days, or we're at school or whatever. But if they're in there for half an hour, they're not sitting there drinking 2 or 3 quid orange juices in the pub kind of next door with us. Oh, they're not whinging or whatever, but they're getting something out of it. And that's half an hour of, non-tech entertainment as well while they're searching for the book and you kind of put that, I mean, just think about how much you'd pay to shove your kids in a crèche while you're at the gym or something like that. Exactly. And it's really weird, I've got a bit of an OCD brain, but I kind of have to weigh things out like that. Yeah. My hands are going up in the air at the moment, which is great for radio. But it is, but that is the experience. Absolutely. You don't get the experience experience with some of these other places, and there is a place for Amazon. Yeah, it is fantastic. It's making it cheaper and accessible. Things like Audible for people who don't like to read or can't read. Yes, absolutely. Or are on the go, or maybe they don't have the space for the books, or they have enough to take into work with them, so they need it on their iPad. There's a space for everything. Yeah. And, you know, as long as we understand that, we don't feel guilty about the decisions we make, just —make an informed decision. And different strokes for different folks and different times. So as you say, sometimes you're going to want to spend a bit of time and nurture yourself and support the local bookshop, and other times you won't be able to do that, but it doesn't mean you're not going to go back there. And I think what they've done really well in Books on the Hill is they've understood that what they can do which perhaps other businesses can't do, is they can add that experience. It's that intangible value that they're adding to the purchase of the book. And yeah, good luck to them. I hope they continue for many years 'cause I think they've done a sterling job so far. And supporting Pivotal, and it came just at the right time, obviously, 'cause, you know— Thank you, Books on the Hill. Yeah, thank you. I just wanna add as well also though, that I don't wanna feel like I'm, I'm kind of bashing the online retailers because especially people who are self-publishing, it's sometimes easier for them to get into places like Amazon. You can't get into an independent bookstore. No, no. Or Waterstones or any of those. So there really is a place for everything and everybody, yeah. And I agree, I mean, I think self-publishing is a phenomenal way to, 'cause I support writers through my coaching, through my coaching business, The Writers Pod, And I think there's so many barriers to people finishing a book that if there's a way that they can do it, that means that they get to that point and they achieve that dream or that goal, then go for it. We don't have to all do it the same way. There's many, many paths to get where you want to go. There's no judgment in your book purchasing? No, no, or writing. Or writing, yeah. Judgment. We're all about love and, and supporting well-being. Yes, that's what we do here. Yes. Um, one thing that I do ask, um, all my guests who come here, um, into the studio is— and actually on the phone as well, I've had a few people phoning in from, uh, Texas and places like that recently. Fantastic. Yeah, we're really building up our, um, our scope, our listenership as well. So it's, it's fantastic. So, uh, by all means, if you're listening in, just because we're based in London, you can we can do interviews and chat away to you all over the world. The joys of technology, eh? Absolutely. But what I do ask people is their 3 tips on trying to achieve good mental health and mental well-being. 3 tips, okay. I would say recognize that you can't help all the people around you unless you look after yourself first. Brilliant. Especially lots of mums are very guilty of doing that. Um, that's one thing I would say. If you're able to make sure that somewhere in your life you have a passion that you allow yourself to spend time on, um, because I think our purpose here in this world, um, is not just about money. Um, obviously family is great, but not everyone has big families or supportive families, but If you have a passion, that gives you purpose. So I'd say if you've suppressed one, don't sit on it. Try and dig it out and do something with it. And the third one, I would say, don't be too hard on yourself because life is difficult. And so sometimes you don't do it right, but that doesn't matter. You can try again tomorrow. How boring if we did things right every single time. We'd never learn anything. No. And most people dislike us because we seem to get it right all the time. Yeah, and people don't like it. Yeah, so just, yeah, I think they're brilliant. Thank you so much. No problem. Um, I also would like to know, um, do you have any favorite, um, authors out there? Yes, I do, and we won't be able to cover them all, but I'm going to tell you the person who inspired me to really get on and write the book that I kind of always wanted wanted to write, but I didn't, you know, didn't know I was ever going to do it, but was an author who's unfortunately not alive anymore called Mary Wesley. She was 70 when she became a bestseller. She had written a couple of, I think, a couple of children's books before that, but she was in it, she needed to earn some money. She had lived a very interesting life. She sort of was a young woman in the war, and she wrote things like the Camomile Lawn my— which was on television. My favourite book is called Not That Sort of Girl that she wrote, um, and I just loved— she was— she's able to say in one word what other people would need 10 to say. She's just really sharp. Um, I love every single one of her books. I'm gonna write this down: Mary Wesley. Mary Wesley. Because I've heard of the books, I just didn't know what the name of the author. Yeah. Um, so she's an absolute inspiration because she did it later. And I'm, you know, I'm no spring chicken. I'm not 70, but I, you know, I just think there's all— you can do it, you know, if you want to do something, just go for it. And so that's that. Her success in later life made me think, well, it's never too late. You could, you know, maybe it's a little bit too late to be an Olympic champion, but then there are Olympics for veterans, and, you know, you could maybe still do that if that was your thing, but Do you know what? You're not gonna know whether you can do something or not unless you try. No, and also it's not always about reaching that goal. The process is what you're doing. The journey is just as good, right? Yeah, yeah. And it's just what you go through. I think that, yeah, brilliant. And is there anyone out there at the moment in terms of mental wellbeing who you think's just smashing it? Just like a public figure or even, you know, Geraldine next door. Um, I don't know whether it would be wellbeing, uh, mental wellbeing I would say, but, um, I don't tend to follow many social media influencers particularly, um, but I occasionally something will pop up into my feed and I'll think, oh wow, that's amazing. And Jay Shetty, um, just talks a lot of sense about things to do with life and he'll just I'm gonna write this one down as well. I think he's, he's trying to— I'm, if I'm being honest, I think he is trying to sort of, uh, focus on people who are still learning about life and they're maybe a bit younger and some of the life lessons that he wants them to, to, to learn so that they, they focus on the right things, um, and worry about the right things. Because, you know, youngsters nowadays, bring it home for people, a whole load of stuff to deal with that I didn't have to deal with. And I don't know how— I mean, I don't know that I would be able to deal with it particularly effectively, but with— so hooray to people that are actually doing that, particularly in that space, because that's where the youngsters are. So if you can promote ideas and solid sort of principles and philosophies and you can get across to them through social media, I think there are some good— you know, like with everything, social media is good, but it can be bad. But You know, I think there's— I found it really positive. I was really very late adopter of Facebook, for example. I thought, oh, that's evil. But actually, it's how you use it. It is. And, and you know what, we just need to make sure that we use these in, in the most positive way possible. And we have actually come to the end of today's show. That hour is absolutely raced by. Oh my goodness. Thank you so much for joining me, and I can't wait to have you back in the studio when you, when you write your next book? It's underway already. Brilliant. I knew it would be. See, we didn't even get a chance to talk about that. We've been gassing away so much. Right, enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you. Thanks, Hazel. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan, and welcome to Love Lessons Live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte, on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie May Is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well-being, and we're talking all things autism. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. This is Carolyn here from Mother's Hour, wishing you a very, very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Warmest wishes of a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year from Future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonti, live every day at 10 AM and 10 PM London time on womensradiostation.com. Have a great holiday! Merry Christmas! I'm Judy May Murphy, and from all of us here at Women's Radio Station, we hope you have an incredible holiday season. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. I'd like to wish you a happy Christmas and a happy new year from everyone at Women's Radio Station. Hello, I'm Hazel from Get Booked, and I just wanted to say