Hello, um, this is Eva May and I'm speaking to you from the Women's Radio Station for another in my series of Healing Image High. So Healing Image High was really a way that I identified that I would like some help as somebody living with complex PTSD, so post-traumatic stress disorder. And something called DID, which is Dissociative Identity Disorder. And I've been in the mental health service for— mainly in the UK— for over, well, 33 years, and I, I still wasn't actually getting the, the treatment that I needed. I had spent some time in the United States, where I did go to a trauma facility after a sort of quite severe run of dissociative states, where I have absolutely no idea really what's going on. I'm transported into some very strange sort of absentism from myself. And I feel like I'm in a sci-fi movie that I'm running in another dimension. And the end result seems to be that I can end up having harmed myself, often quite severely, and it has put my, my life at risk. I've had to have many operations. I've had a like a colostomy bag. Luckily that's now been reversed, I no longer have that, but I have every sympathy for anybody who does have one of those because it's not, certainly not the easiest thing or most predictable thing to live with. So I wanted to do a healing image really because I kind of got fed up with therapy and trying this and art therapy and talking therapy and journaling and mindfulness and all this. It all just seemed to be going around and round and round. And medication and not really getting much help with that either. So I asked some image professionals for some help really on how to look after my skin and my face, and I'd spent so long finding it difficult to even look at myself that I wanted some help with, um, with some makeup. I didn't want to do anything like amazingly creative and fancy, but I just wanted some basics, and I was sort of 50, oh, just over 50 years old, And everything that I used to know about makeup seemed to have moved on, and there were all these new things and so much more available, different brands and different ways of purchasing, that I didn't really know what to do. So I got some help with, with some image professionals. It took some perseverance. My first attempt at trying to have a makeup, sort of makeover help thing in a department store didn't work for me. I hope that any, you know, makeup artists who are listening, I'm sure that they're never ever going to intend on making that experience not, you know, a really good one, but just to raise awareness that I think for people who are struggling, and I was pretty open about it when I put the appointment in advance, that I did need really to start from the beginning because what was applied to my face is something that I, A, didn't ever want to look like, didn't look like me at all, and B, I would never be able to do replicate myself, and also C, it was rather expensive buying all these things that I had no hope of using. So I was so lucky, I have a cousin who had been working in the fashion industry for many years and I asked her if she knew people that could help me and I had to explain why. I had to explain that I'd gone through trauma, and I was going through treatment, and I've been in a police investigation into what happened to me, and I, I just lost all these strands of, of my life. And this was a good way for me to identify where to start, because in therapy— I've been in it like over 30 years— and there were still things that were not right And so if you can have a bit of help and some learning about something that you'd like to do for yourself where you'd get a little bit more of a faster result— I mean, I can actually now manage to apply some makeup. Nothing, you know, it's fairly neutral, um, and I just stay safe with that, and that's what I like to do. And you can get, you get quite a quick result, so it's actually really quite helpful, helpful, and other people sort of might comment on it. My family certainly have, and so have my friends. I'm not going to be able to give out like loads of tips and things on what to do, but to other people, not unless I'm asked, But, um, I do find that this has really, really helped me, and that's why it's called, um, Healing Image. I have unhealed trauma, and I wanted to try and heal what I look like. And the H for healing and the I for image, that gives us a high. And I have a logo which is on my Healing Image High website, and, uh, it's orange and white. Orange is my favourite colour, and it's designed to look like an eye with the words "Hi" in it. So that's what that was all about. I have spoken a couple of broadcasts ago about going to weddings and going out to parties and things. In our family, we've had quite a few that been postponed due to COVID, the restrictions, so this year we've been quite full-on with events to go to, and these have proven quite difficult for me. I conclude that being a guest at a wedding is really exciting, it's a really nice thing to be asked to go and do, but it's actually, I find, pretty exhausting. So, um, there have been some where we've had to leave early. It's just not been good for me. There could have been some triggers. I can never go to the place where my trauma happens to me, that location is out of bounds, it's not safe, and people who need to know that know that. So that's how we roll. But I have found the last few things really, really quite difficult. A lot of people, a lot of people who I don't really know hugely well a lot of people who don't know anything really about me, that they know that I've had sort of trauma in my life. They don't know about— I do the radio, this, uh, for women's radio station. And it almost feels like I'm living another parallel life. So I'm turning up and, you know, as part of the family, I've been invited. It's not just me, it's probably, you know, through my partner that we've got invited to these weddings. And then there was another party that we went to that we were invited to, and that was through a contact of my daughter. So it's really nice that people are inviting things— but me to things, but they've probably only met me for an hour, a couple of hours max before, and then I was spending like, goodness me, like 12 hours, maybe more, uh, with the wedding, which is far more than I've even, you know, met them in my whole life. So I've found it very, very hard, um, and we have had to leave, um, we've had to acknowledge that it's best not to go and say goodbye to the, the bride and groom or the parents and things, and just to go and then to explain later, or just say, "We had an absolutely amazing time, thank you for the time that we were there, but we, um, we, we just needed to call it a day." And I think that's fine, and that's worked. Now we had a wedding we actually got back from today, and I've got 3 kids. Only 2 of them were able to come. The other one and partner were invited, but that wasn't going to work out. You know, everybody seems to have a lot of things on this summer. I think it is due to the COVID So, um, we had to go and stay away because we were invited to go and have a drink with our friends, the family friends, and these are people who I've known for 30 years. This family are very, very dear to me, They are like my family. Um, their mom, she was my best friend who I've known for 30 years, and very sadly she was involved in an accident about 4 years ago now, and she died, she passed away, and I miss her hugely. I miss her so much. She, she was an absolutely amazing woman, a great, like, family person, amazing children. Um, you know, my family all absolutely adore that family too. And when my— one of my kids, my daughter, um, we're going back a long time now, so so 26 years ago, was diagnosed with leukemia, acute lymphoblastic leukemia. This friend was the, the person that I could call any, any time, any, you know, we were in London at Great Ormond Street Hospital, and that's quite far from where we live, but it's very hard looking after a child who's ill. And you're somebody's mother, you're a partner, you're, you know, I had other children, I'm a daughter, I'm a sister, I'm, you know, all these things that you have to try and still be. And to have somebody like this friend of mine who I could call at midnight and just talk and she would just listen and She wouldn't try and sugarcoat anything. She was just the most amazing woman, and we've had so much fun, you know, on the other side of it. It's, you know, all our families have had huge amounts of fun. So one of her daughters was getting married, and because we were invited the night before to go and meet for a drink, we had to stay away, and that can be a real problem for me. I'm not very good at going to places where I've never been before. I get very stressed about it, and I don't know— I don't know why, but that's just the way it is. So let's— I just accept that. But we, we found somewhere nearby to stay, and it was just so, so nice. It was, it was a place that seemed to have just thought of everything to make you comfortable. It was fairly quiet, it was small, so I am learning that maybe now I can do these things, but to look for somewhere that is small, um, and we had a— well, it was called a cottage, but it really was just a bedroom and a bathroom, but separate from the main part of this hotel. So I think that worked out really, really well. Plus, we were able to— we didn't want to stay too late because the bride, she needs her beauty sleep, and I certainly need mine. And we were— so we got up in the morning and we had some time to go for a walk. I had a bit of a rest. I got ready, you know, without rushing. And then we were staying there the night, so we didn't have that, you know, got to check out and get everything in the car. So this really, really worked. And it's the first wedding this year that I've really done the whole thing. I've managed to do it. I think, um, and I, I think that it was probably because we all had a shared, um, sadness about my friend and the mother of, of the bride, who obviously would have just loved this day. She would have absolutely loved it. Every single thing about it, and she would have looked fantastic. And it's very sad that she wasn't there, but she was certainly very much with us in our thoughts. And I just felt we all shared that, and we all knew it was going to be difficult for, for those sorts of reasons. And they're just a family that I'm so, so close to that I feel absolutely fine about. It's kind of like, you know, I know them so well, and they've now got children, so, you know, I know them. And it was just lovely spending that much time with them and being with them. And I think that's what made it easier for me, that, um, because I've just known them for so, so very long. So This is actually like been hugely successful, um, and, and I absolutely loved it. I don't drink alcohol, I gave up 7 years ago, and it doesn't bother me at all. I've also recently given up like soda, fizzy drinks, I was getting a little bit, um, going through few too many of those, so, um, I've cut that out too. And when I do stop something, I have to stop it. I can't, like, reduce it slowly. I have to just stop. And, uh, so I'm not doing that. So I'm basically drinking water and tea and coffee, and, uh, life's fine. It was quite helpful because this wedding was, uh, literally like in a field, but in the most beautiful field. It was just perfect with lovely like meadow flowers growing all around, and it was absolutely just, just so lovely. And it was just us there in the field, nobody nobody else, no other guests staying or events going on. So I think maybe that, that was a good thing for me as well. Um, yeah, so this is, this has been really good. I do feel tired. I do really think that if you're a wedding guest in, in any capacity, it is quite tiring. And, um, and I certainly didn't want to miss a minute of this one, and I've been thinking about it all day actually. And every, every day, not just a day where I go to something like a wedding, I do take a lot of photos. I mean, I've got thousands of photographs that I've taken on my phone, and I really need to spend probably a day going through them and trying to delete some. But when I go to bed, the night— that night, I look through all the photographs that I've taken of the day and everything that I've really enjoyed. I don't know if I'm capturing memories or I'm sort of affirming to myself what I saw, and, you know, that I've just had such a great time. And I like to take you know, not the normal standard pictures, but things from different angles. And it just really, it really interests me. Doesn't particularly interest everybody, but it certainly, it helps me to just hold on to the memories of something that was really good and that I sort of lost myself in joy and happiness, because that can be quite difficult sometimes to have those emotions. In fact, I identified recently— I wasn't going to talk about this, but why not, eh? I— when I was, uh, 4, so we're talking like 54 years ago, I think I've made myself a year older, but never mind. Um, I bought— I can remember going into a pet shop and my— we bought a tortoise for me. So, um, I didn't have any siblings then, so I, I had my tortoise and, um, it's a really great pet. I know they, they became illegal. I'm sure mine was fine, it was bought in a shop like all these years ago, but I absolutely loved my tortoise. And I've since met other people who've had tortoises and still got them, and they feel the same way. And my tortoise escaped, and, and that's about 4 years ago, and and it's been really difficult losing him, particularly because he actually walked along the pavement past the front garden of somebody who saw him and just let him walk on by. And, you know, we're talking about an adult well, somebody about sort of my sort of age. And we— I don't know about other people, but we certainly don't have a load of tortoises walking down our street. It's not a regular thing. In fact, I've never ever seen it. I wish I had, because then that would have been my tortoise back. And no one's ever found a dead one, but he's gone. Um, and yeah, it's been really quite hard because my kids grew up with him as well, and he was an absolutely Brilliant pet, and he did have personality. You have to get to know your tortoise, and you can really— they're really, really important to you. Well, I'm going to be getting a tortoise, and we went to go and see it. It's a rescue, and I was just so happy. I was just catapulted back into that like happiness of, um, how I, how through all the time that— so the first thing that we bought me was a tortoise, and that was great, you know. I was only 4, I could look after it, uh, obviously a bit of help, but basically it was quite easy to feed. And, um, and then I started— I was abused. So once that all started, it just seemed that the tortoise, no matter what happens in your life, I always had— I always had him. And he was like the, the really good thing that I had in my life became his tortoise. So We went to go and have a look at this rescue one because I need to work out whether it needs a run or what sort of plants it likes, things like this, and get ready for it. It's a girl, it's going to be a girl, and I am so happy. I, um, it's like sometimes I think, especially during lockdown when everything's been a bit hard and and different. I've not— and plus, like, you know, I have therapy for my dissociative identity disorder, which totally I need. But sometimes it's just nice to get away and go back to a really happy place. So getting my tortoise now we've been away and we're home from this wedding is the next thing on the agenda, and I'm going to make absolutely sure that I don't— we— it didn't actually escape from our property last time. It was a family member because we were having some work done in our house and we thought it would be safe. But I just think it's so— it is really important because I don't quite know when a child becomes, you know, an adult. I don't know why we have this thing about you're a child, you're an adult, and then people talk about your inner child. I don't think For me, it's not like having an inner child. I have dissociated parts, that's different. But I think an adult is just an extension of being a child. It, you know, you could call it a chadult, really. If you, you know, you're just a child who's got a little bit older, it doesn't mean to say that the things that you used to like and you found so, so happy doing aren't important and, and are worth doing. And a lot of them, they really, really do give me a lot of joy. So my position in the UK is— I'm in the United Kingdom— is that after this, like, 33 years in mental health services which is not uncommon for people with Dissociative Identity Disorder. And that's what I want to use the rest of the time today talking about, because it's, it's not something where you would book an appointment to see a doctor and say, I've got Dissociative Identity Disorder and complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and It's not something that you can really diagnose yourself, and I don't know that— I don't really know people, other people who have it. The only way that I do know about them is from what I read, what I'm told, and yeah, like cases in the in the news that are reported, and it's like seeing other people who are experiencing the same thing as I have, or I have like what they have, and we've never ever connected. I don't know them, they don't know me, but you know, it is now really, really coming to light that, you know, trauma can cause this. And the cost of it, it must— the cost of it is, is huge. Financially, it's huge. But it's taken me 33 years to actually, in the UK, be one of only 50 people in the UK who is seen by a trained consultant psychotherapist at the Clinic for Dissociated Studies in London. This treatment, the training that my therapist has, there aren't any National Health Service therapists who are trained to the, the international, um, standard for studies into Dissociative Identity Disorder. And so that means that for people like me, I'm, I'm fortunate, and this has taken me this long. They're not going to get— they're not being diagnosed. There aren't clinicians to diagnose it, and it just seems absolutely crazy. I, I do keep aware of what's going on in mental health in the UK. It's a massive, massive umbrella. I think it needs to be broken down. It's also— I can— I feel that it's rather fragmented. You've got an awful lot of different charities and organizations who are all sort of trying to support mental health in various ways, and I don't quite know how you choose which one to go to. The government recently have put out some outlines for a 10-year plan into mental health, and they're asking people with lived experiences, so someone like me, for information. Well, I've been, I've been doing this, put— submitting information when these things come up. There was also a panel that they wanted for people who had lived experiences. I spent 3 days on that application and I didn't even get an acknowledgement. So you can spend an awful lot of time and feel like you're getting nowhere. So My, my therapist is, uh, somebody— it's the first time I actually can have someone that knows what's going on and can understand it. And they also know when I'm not saying all of it, that I'm holding back, because I do do that. Um, there are some things that I still just find so bad to say, not through shame, just disbelief, I think. And they know that, so they don't— I'm not forced to say anything, but they— it's quite comforting knowing that they know that there is more to it, but I'm just not ready to do this because I get 2 hours face-to-face every week and then I get another hour spread over the week, whether it's message, email, or we schedule a call or a Zoom. And I don't— there aren't many people in the UK who are getting this level of support. Previously, I was with the NHS, and it wasn't very good at all. In fact, I was actually discharged by text. I say dumped by text by my mental health community support person who I trusted and allowed into my home. And my team, so psychotherapist, psychiatrist, and art therapist, and, or whoever else they have in these meetings that I've never been to, uh, had no idea. And then there was an investigation into that, and it found that my, my consultant psychiatrist had actually not, not exactly done what he should have done for me and had to be disciplined. So did the person who dumped me by text. So they came to the conclusion that they just couldn't offer any services to help me. So I had to go through a really awful, awful online— yeah, Zoom sort of questionnaire with someone because it was COVID, which was extremely distressing and not something that normally would be done by somebody on their own. You would have someone supporting you with it, but I had to do it on my own because of COVID And I've got this funding for the Clinic for Dissociative Studies, and my treatment is predicted. To last for 6 years. Now, what makes me— I just get very frustrated and I don't really know what to do about it. So I'm hoping that by speaking about it on the radio, I can raise awareness that it sounds great that people, the government, want to know about mental health and what they can do and you know, there are a lot of people who have got trauma that is not diagnosed because there isn't anyone to diagnose it in the UK because we don't train clinicians to the international standard. And I— this is, this is the thing that I get really angry about. I got my diagnosis when I went to America to a facility for trauma But we had to pay for that, and it cost an awful lot of money. But if I hadn't gone there, I don't think I'd be alive today. And the different types of therapies that I got there, and the place that I went to, it is well known. It's— it is a small facility. There are only 23 of us. But I was busy learning, active, fit, healthy. When I needed extra care, I got put into the nursing, which was a separate building and not in the main community, and then they would help and manage me to get over that. Then I'd go back into the community, and it's an absolutely a model that I really feel that people should look at. I did a huge amount of equine therapy, and that for me, and actually everybody else there too, was extremely beneficial. Such deep work. You know, you, you're working with an animal or animals— there were a few horses there— they know nothing about you. They've not read your referral form or what your symptoms are or what medication you're on. But the connection and the shift was just amazing, and I really— I've been to an equine therapy place in the UK called the Track Clinic, and I would recommend anyone to go there. Waitlists at the moment are so long to get mental health appointments, even if you want to go privately, but Um, I think equine therapy is something we need to talk about more in this country, and I definitely would recommend it. I mean, I've spent— I don't consider it a very good use of my time doing sort of art therapy, which, um, hasn't really been art at all. And if in a 50-minute slot, by the time you've you've started and done something, it just, it never carries on. There's never anything finished. I wouldn't say I've ever felt that I've achieved anything. And I, I would really— one of my things I would really like too is like people, they really could improve on art therapy because the stuff I did in America was on a much, much higher level than this. With real meaning and time to talk. Things were done over time, and I'd really like to see an exhibition of people who do have art therapy and produce work to, to have, yeah, an exhibition where other sort of patients and clinicians can go and see what we see and what we do, but we don't do that. Now, the government want to do this, uh, 10-year plan, and in the United Kingdom, it's just not done on the NHS that there's anybody trained to diagnose or treat things like Dissociative Identity Disorder and complex PTSD, and I find this quite worrying. There's been research into it for over 40 years, and that information is available, but all the studies that have been done, the UK has not been, you know, really involved in it. We don't train anyone to the international standards for the Society of Dissociative Identity Disorders. Even though the countries that do do this, there is really, really good evidence-based research, or that without this it's not going to resolve. So I, I really don't understand why we are, as a country, and other countries too who maybe aren't doing this, um, don't use the information that's already out there. So my, uh, my therapist, uh, obviously is quite in touch with what's going on in a wider world with, um, treatment for, for unhealed trauma. And we, we then, uh, as a therapist and a client relationship applied to go into something to— it's called TOPDD, which is the Treatment of Patients with Dissociative Disorders. And this is an organization that has experts who spent like decades doing research and work collecting data on from all over the world, not the UK. And some countries, they don't have— the researchers who are involved in this, they're not from every single country, but they do get invited to go and talk to these countries, but not in the UK. And I think that it's a real shame that we're missing, uh, all this work that's being done. So my therapist and I, you have to meet certain criteria. You have to have worked for at least 3 months together. You have to, um, I don't know, you know, there's an age, um, you have to be older than 18, which I most certainly am. Um, you have to commit to, um, some educational videos, and then there's some reflection sheets to, to do as questionnaires. Not all the information goes into the study. Some of it they want as for you to reflect, and then during the, the time of the study, they collect data at 4 points. And so that's the time when my therapist and I, either individually or both together, will be asked certain things. And then they want to see whether reflecting on the educational videos or the educational information, the workshops we're provided, has, has had an impact. So I really feel that I understand how the study works. It has already started, um, but we're not starting until October, and, um, because we're in the next wave of it. So there's been— up to date, there's, there's been, um, there's, there's been research into Dissociative Identity Disorder but only a, like, a small amount. And even just having that small amount, it has really contributed to the awareness of Dissociative Identity Disorder and the lack of treatment from treatment providers. So we really need to look at this training and see why this has happened. They want to find more beneficial and cost-effective ways to treat Dissociative Identity Disorder because interventions are, are really crucial. It's, it's a terrible thing to live with. The symptoms are severe and the suffering is considerable, not only just for me but also for, for my family. And I actually don't know who or like what I'm going to be like once these things are more in control for me, because it's really frightening. My body is always in a state of fight, flight, or freeze, and I don't want to live like this anymore. It's exhausting, it's stressful. And it's quite scary. It's very scary, actually. So, around the world, they have had 229— so, therapist-patient partnerships over 19 countries. So, you know, we're talking about a lot of data. And it's, it's open, you know. This is not the UK that have asked me to do this, it's my therapist, because she's trained to the, well, the European standard or the international standard for Dissociative Identity Disorder that we've been able to apply for this study. Anyone can apply for it. There are so many people in this country who've probably got it but haven't been diagnosed yet, so they can't even enter this study, which is free, and it's going to benefit not only them but the community, like, on a, on a world scale. So, um, yeah, I'm, I'm really excited about it. Um, it's by the researchers the lead researcher is somebody called Bethany Brand, and she's working with specialists who are from Germany, Norway, Canada, Turkey, the US, and I've read some of her findings, and Japan as well, they enter into this, but but there's never ever the UK, and I think that's, um, it's a real shame. So I'm in a randomized controlled trial which is called the RCT, and one of the great things about the, the internet now is that it is, it's open to anybody around the world because it is web based. And it is, um, is meant to be, as well as them collecting data from myself and my therapist and everybody else who's taking part in this, there are, um, educational part of the program, um, mainly in, in videos. So the study that they've already done, they've refined using data, and now they're putting out— I'm in the, the next lot that starts in October. So, um, in the— and these people, there are so many publications about this. They've put out publications. They are— these people have, you know, won accolades for their studies. And I don't understand why we're not adopting this, because this information and the work's already being done. In fact, the results are so promising that the people from TOPDD— and you can Google it, TOPDD— they are really busy writing a book on the TOPDD network study, and it's being published by Oxford University Press. Well, I thought that was something to do with the UK. So we're even publishing a book about it, but we don't have anybody trained to try and do that. And the researchers here are really confident that they can improve the life of thousands and thousands of people who might otherwise just not have any access to treatment providers. Who've been trained in treating DID. And I just— it's something that complex PTSD is like. It's trauma that's, that's happened again or more than one. Now, there are so many situations where that happens and We just need to work out why we're not using this in this country and helping more people and getting them better quicker, not using up so much money because they're in the system so long they, they're at a higher risk of being hospitalized, the cost of the medication. I can't even get my medication reviewed in the UK. I'm trying, we're now trying somebody in Scotland because there isn't anyone trained in it even, or on that level. So we also need to get rid of some, some myths. I, I found it really difficult to understand what it was, um, that's been explained to me in relation to what happened to me. I can understand it, but as I say, you know, it's not something that I would easily recognize in anyone because it's just not something that's ever talked about. So part of the research is that they've identified that there are myths around it. So they focus this really on, um, in North America. By, um, one of the myths is that, um, you know, in North America clinicians as a whole like to over-diagnose DID or complex PTSD that it's a bit of a fad, you know, it's, it's the thing to have at the moment. Well, it really isn't. Another myth is that treatment is harmful. Well, I would say yes, well, no, not getting the right treatment is harmful, but getting the right treatment is, is completely the opposite. It's what you need. And so there are a lot of clinicians, through no fault of their own because they've not been trained or informed and educated, who just accept these myths, and they're, they're unlikely to, to sort of take the care and come to an accurate, accurate diagnosis. Which is CRISPR for treatment, and it impedes research. So this is going on, these studies are going on, there's a book going to be published. I'm going to still talk about it. And the conclusion that these— all these researchers have found, and there were no conflicts of interest, they were all in agreement of this is that Dissociative Identity Disorder research is solid and it's expanding, and it really is a legitimate and distinct psychiatric disorder. It needs to be, and it can be, recognizable worldwide, and it is identified and has been and will be in multiple settings but it has to be by appropriately trained researchers and clinicians. So I just think there needs to be a really massive shift in, um, looking deeper at trauma. And if we're serious about changing the mental health provision for people in this country, then we've got to have the best. We've got to be the best of the best that we can be, and this should be a worldwide standard. And the researchers that are doing this program, which I'm a part of now, they do go and talk to other countries in Europe, but they've not been to the UK, or at least not what I've been able to find. So And the research for me is actually quite, um, good that I've applied for this study. We didn't get to start immediately, we've had a 6-month wait because that's how it runs. They don't use everybody all the time, so that, that's what it— well, I don't think I was really bothered about that. It was being accepted was the thing that I wanted. 6 months after 33 years seemed neither here nor there, but, um, so I'm gonna go into this and I'm gonna feed this back probably to my MP and just try and hope that somehow that they are serious about wanting to improve things. And the main conclusion of the studies so far is that in trauma-based disorders— there's a lot of things going on in the world at the moment that are extremely traumatic, and if and are affecting a lot of people. You only need to go back and look in the internet for things like, um, you know, um, previous wars. You can go back decades and decades and you can find pieces of writing and poetry clearly showing that people are suffering from trauma. And so trauma-based disorders do generally, they respond well to treatment as long as it's consistent with the Dissociative Identity Disorder or complex PTSD or DD, because there are other dissociative disorders, treatment guidelines. So that's what I really want us to have in this country, because I'm now where I need to be, but there are— must be thousands of people who aren't and who are nowhere near getting where they need to be. And the other— the, the last point in the conclusion is that if this trauma is not targeted in the right way during peak treatment, it does not resolve. So you can Google this if you want to. So top DD and have a look at it. There's a questionnaire, one for the patient and one for the therapist. They're actually very quite— it's quite extensive, but they're not too difficult to answer. They've been done in quite clear and concise way. And I, I'm, I'm actually, I'm really looking forward to finding out and following what happens to the research, because during the time that we're involved in the study, there are going to be 4 points of time when data is collected. From us. I don't know how they're going to collect that. It will be sent to us, and it's also a process that's evolving because that's what research does— you act on the data. So I think anybody out there who is a, a patient or a therapist who has, uh, or has Dissociative Identity Disorder or is working with a client with it, then you can apply. They've still got it open for you to apply to be part of this worldwide study, um, and the more people that enter it, the more research we're going to get, and hopefully the more likely we're going to get better training and access. Because if I was a clinician seeing somebody there with something that I've never been trained about, and then knowing that there is information about it that's completely evidence-based and other countries are doing it far, far better, with very good outcomes, then I would want to be trained like that, and I would want to be somebody who could offer that service. So, um, yeah, I feel like— I feel quite upbeat this week, um, which is, which is the— is really good for me. And, um, yeah, I, I'm— I've got so many happy memories of the weekend, of the weekend and the wedding and being with my family and now we're going to be starting— well, I know it's not until October, but there's certainly stuff for me to read and think about in the meantime. I'm really quite receptive to learning, and I want to read more. There is more online. There are research papers. Some of them I skim through. Some of them I'm not— I'm, you know, I'm not an academic in this field, So I mean, I started off talking about basic makeup, so I'm certainly not going to suddenly start understanding sort of very detailed research papers, but there's certainly information there on, on the internet through the Top DD website that leads to, to research papers that you can, can click on, and even reading about the researchers who are involved and the amount of experience that they have as they specialize hugely in this field. So, um, yeah, I think it's, it's quite hopeful. We just have to— I, I'm going to do what I can to make the government, um, realize this, that this information is there, people are participating, research is done, data's coming in, and treatment and, uh, standards for training clinicians and for providing treatment, and that it has benefits of cost as well, because cost does come into everything. These days, and I just hope that people don't have to wait 33 years like I have, and if I can make that time shorter for somebody, then I absolutely will. So this week I'm going to be busy tortoise-proofing my garden. I want to just check every single thing and, uh, make sure that anything's blocked up ready for, for my, my tortoise. So it's quite exciting really. I'm sad that I lost one, but on the other hand, I'm now rescuing one, and I'm going to absolutely like, like to bits and enjoy taking care of that. So I'd like to thank you all very much for, for listening. My previous broadcasts are available through the Women's Radio Station website, um, if you go to the presenters page and just click on Eva May. Um, otherwise you can listen to this from 7 o'clock in the morning and 7 o'clock at night, British summertime. And so I'd like to thank you very much for listening, and I look forward to my next week's broadcast where I'm coming to you from the Women's Radio Station for Healing Image. Hi, this is Eva May. Thank you.