Healing Image Hi – Grabbing Opportunities To Make Positive Change For Mental Health

Hello, this is Eva May, and I'm speaking to you for the Women's Radio Station for another in my series called Healing Image High. I have explained before, but for those of you who may not have listened to any of my broadcasts previously, Healing Image High is something that I set up for, for myself, really a self-project, because somebody who suffers from complex PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder, and something called dissociative identity disorder, which is the result of the abuse that I went through as a child, and And it's taken me 33 years to actually get now to specialists in the UK that can actually help with a condition that I had to go to the United States to get a diagnosis for, because in the UK we don't have the training level. It's not a recognized thing. So people who are trained to diagnose and treat these conditions have to be trained in Europe or in the United States, and this is something that I hope that can be changed, and I want to raise awareness of this. But healing image hai was something that I found in my life that I wasn't managing with very well, and that was with my image. So sort of how I felt about myself, touching my skin, looking at myself, in particular being able to look in, in a mirror even, was really, really hard. I had to go through a police investigation process into what happened to me and It's a really, really tough thing, and to talk about something that you went through as a child and then realizing with your adult self— because I was, you know, definitely an adult by the time I started to talk about what had happened to me— it's like a real, a real shock. To, to have that adult knowledge and that comprehension of what really should just never ever happen to anyone. So, but unfortunately it does, and it does require specialist treatment. So that's what I want to raise awareness with, but also to image professionals because I really needed some help. I had a very, very big breakdown after— well, during and after the investigation. But once the process starts, you can't actually stop it, and the police have an agenda, and they need to collect the information and all the evidence, and then you know, that a lot of it you have to take responsibility to try and look after yourself and get the help you need. The help I really wanted that I wasn't going to be getting from the medical profession was help with, with my image. So I, um, I made this decision to go and have a makeup lesson in a department store where I had to sit on the shop floor. And this, this wasn't a good experience for me at all. I hoped it was, and I did inform the store that I was going to about my mental health issues and why I specifically wanted help with my image. I wanted to know what to do and how to look after my skin and to just apply some basic makeup. Well, I ended up looking like I could have sort of performed in a West End show. I had so much makeup on me, it, you know, it probably was extremely well applied, but it wasn't something that I could replicate at all. The products were rather expensive, and I ended up buying the whole lot just to get out as quickly as I could. And when I got home, my family were like, that doesn't look like you at all. And I was really distressed by this. So determined not to give up, and I am quite a determined person, um, sometimes I think this annoys people, but, um, it's the way I'm, I'm gonna have to be, uh, for my own well-being and for that of my family. So I reached out to a family member who had worked in the fashion industry for many, many years who I'd never even told about what happened to me. And not many people— I didn't tell many people, and I'm glad I didn't, because some of the people that I have told, um, that they're not in my life anymore. It's something that does split families, and this has certainly happened, um, in my situation. So my, my cousin, bless her, she, um, she put me in touch with a friend of hers who is Karen Franklin MBE. And Karen used to present The Clothes Show and The Clothes Show Live, which ran for I think about 12 years. Um, and you know, it was a show, a really, really popular one as well. And, um, Karen's done an awful lot of other work as well too. But she put me in touch with, um, an amazing makeup artist called Ariane Paul. And Ariane does actually have her own range of cosmetics as well and has been a makeup artist for, oh, many, many years. I think it's like 30 or 40 years. So I was in really, really good hands, and I got some really, really good sensible advice. She understood, she listened, and she, she really, really helped me. And now I actually do enjoy doing my makeup. I'm not— I wish I could do some more things, but I have enough. And it also does help me to feel better because you can get some results fairly quickly, you know, within about 15, 10-15 minutes I can see that I've done something that makes me look better and feel better, and I learned an awful lot. I also learned from Karen and another stylist called Jane Galpin a lot of tips about clothes and what to wear and what to do when you go shopping. And so these we call style notes, and on my healingimagehai.com website, and there are some notes on there, really, really good informative notes that Karen and Jane wrote. So, you know, if you do want to read something, then it's there if you would like to see it. And you can also see pictures that were taken on a shoot day that we had. Now, this was just only ever meant to be for me, but I decided to turn it into like a little website, a little project, and it was really, really good, helpful, and interesting. So it certainly helped me, and I hope it might help some other people to think about things that they might want some help with, whether it's your— how you look and makeup and clothes, or whether it's about exercise or how to put a good routine into your day, if there's something that you would like to know, then don't give up and keep on trying to find some way or somebody or some information, because I found that actually people do like to help. And in 2019, I was asked to speak at a conference for an organization called FIPPI, so F-I-P-P-I, which is the Federation for International Image Consultants. And, um, going to speak into a conference of image consultants was, um, actually one of the best things that I've ever done, and I was honest, I told them about a little bit about my life, and I had to do a little presentation as well, which I quite enjoyed doing together. So, and they were absolutely wonderful, they were lovely. And I have spoken previously with their events coordinator, so that broadcast is available as well for you to listen through the station's website. So today I wanted to talk, and I had planned, we've timetabled it several times, to speak to a friend of mine who lives in the United States, somebody that I know really well, that I'm extremely fond of. But we did have our call and we were going to record, but we actually, like sometimes when you talk to an old friend. We actually use the time talking together about our lives and our situations and fun stuff as well. So now because of the time difference, we don't have time to do that, so hopefully that will be next week's broadcast. So I apologize, but it's just going to be me talking today. I've had quite a busy time, and I find that sometimes being, being busy is a really good thing because it's a very, very good positive distraction from the problems that I do have with my mental health, but it's also quite tiring, so We've had a wonderful wedding, and then a few days after that we had one of my children's graduation ceremony from university. That should have been last year, but due to COVID it's been postponed, and that's been how it's been with, with weddings. We've been to quite a few this year because this is the first year that people have actually been able to organize that and celebrate how they choose. So I've been speaking to, to my lovely friend, uh, Rhea in the United States, and one of the things that obviously, um, I think a lot of people have been talking about is the way that the, uh, the decision by the Supreme Court in the United States to overturn the Roe versus Wade law for the right to abortion in the United States. So we've had quite, quite a chat about it. I always find that the United States is I agree, and I have found help there myself, especially for my mental illness. My diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder was actually made while I was staying at a residential facility in the United States because they, they deal with it there. They recognize it, they train people for it, and they can help. Which is something in the UK that we are not yet doing. I really want to try and change this. It's taken me 33 years to get funding from the— it's called the CCG, and I'm sorry, I don't know really what that stands for, but basically that means that our health service, so the free National Health Service, NHS, can't provide specialist help that I need for Dissociative Identity Disorder because they don't have people who can deal with it. Um, they're also extremely overstretched. There's huge wait times, and people often don't get a lot of sessions or necessarily sessions with the right people. One thing I'm really pleased about is that places of work now have policies so that if staff do need some support with their mental health, then often that is now provided and people are able to ask for this. But again, it might only just be sort of 6 sessions and Well, for me it's taken years to get to talking what I needed to talk about. So although this is really, really good, we still need to have the specialists that can really help people who are suffering with complex conditions. So anyway, we were talking about— Ria and I were She called me up when this decision on Roe v. Wade was made because she felt so sort of distressed by it, bemused by it, couldn't quite believe it. It's not the You know, everybody has their own opinion, but, um, you know, Roe versus Wade was actually— dates back to 1973, and that had taken 3 years to, or maybe 4 years, to, to get to that decision. So to suddenly change that now, um, and she's pro-life, I'm pro-life, But, you know, the next day we were hearing reports of like a 10-year-old girl who had been raped and was pregnant as a result, was now being denied an abortion. So I think it's an extremely difficult subject. But anyway, we've had a chat about that. We both have daughters as well, so we also have feelings being mothers of daughters, and we also have our own life's experiences. And the other thing I said to her is, in the UK, I meet my friends every day, every single morning. I take my dog out, they take their dogs out, and we all meet for a coffee We call it morning briefing. So this has been something that we've been discussing as friends, and we were kind of, you know, really shocked that this is a country that actually it's a right. It's under, I think it's the Second Amendment, to carry a concealed weapon, you know, a gun. And so we got on to talking about this, and Ria just couldn't believe it that I don't have a gun. She has, she has a gun. Everyone has a gun. She has one in her purse, a handbag, and she has one in the car, and I'm quite shocked at this. And she's like, well, you know, how would you protect your family? I don't need a gun to protect my family here in the UK, and I don't actually know anybody who would consider that this is something that they would sort of actively want to take out every day loaded and to defend yourself and to defend your family. So, um, and we were talking about other like family stuff, and I'm really, really looking forward to rearranging a time to speak with Ria. And another reason why we actually couldn't make the recording today and speak for longer was that 2 of her kids have now come down with COVID so she's having to deal with that situation as well. But she's actually moving to another state in America. There are 50 of them, and This required her to go and look at schools for her children. They need, they, you know, they've got to move school. It's, oh goodness, it's about 12 hours drive from where they used to live, so they've been looking at schools and she knows that, you know, up until like 6 years ago I was a teacher and I had been for over 20 years, and she was saying, "Oh, we found this really, really great school," and I'm like, "Oh, that's, you know, that sounds good. Is it like the one that they're in now?" Because they're extremely happy and doing extremely well where they are, but they need to relocate. And she said, "Yeah, we found one because it's so good, it's got a pod." I'm like, "What? What is a pod?" She goes, "Don't you have pods in your schools?" I'm like, "No, we don't. I don't—" Like, "Well, tell me what it is and then I'll tell you if we have it." So, a pod is something that each classroom has, and I think it might be in, like, the school halls and other areas like that. That all the class can fit in, and it is strong enough to withstand a Force 5 tornado. So, you know, like, you know, the wind, like the way that a tornado can pick things up, it can stand the force of that. And it also is AK-45-proof. So if somebody turns up into the school with a gun and all the children are locked inside these pods in their classrooms, then they will be, um, safe in there from anything up to an AK-45. I'm not actually too sure what an AK-45 is. I was going to Google it, but I think it's probably automatic and extremely powerful. And we were talking about, you know, like me as a teacher having the responsibility of having something like that in my classroom for young children, you know, with the, with They're only put there because they think they need it for protection, and then there's discussions now around whether or not teachers should be armed for protection, and yeah, it's going to be, it's going to be quite an interesting one, and In fact, I'm quite stunned by it, to be honest. I mean, all the schools I've worked in, you have to have security, you have to sign in, you have to show your ID, but you know, there aren't any weapons. And I've never ever had to do any training with children that I've taught for all that time to evacuate and prepare for a gun incident. So, um, and actually, um, Maria and her family, they are going to travel hopefully very soon to the UK. And, um, I mean, I'm just so looking forward to that. But, um, and, and to, to show them sort of our country and how, how we are. And I think they're going to go and travel Europe as well. I don't really know what gun laws are in Europe. I've only ever in this country fired a gun when I've been clay pigeon shooting, so you know, I'm just hitting a pellet of clay that's sort of projected into the air, or, or it rolled across the ground, and, you know, there's huge, huge safety rules that you have to observe when you do this. It's, you know, you can't carry a loaded gun and all sorts of things like this, and there's my friend who's now, who has a gun in her handbag and a gun in the glove box or the console of her car, So it just seems a little bit crazy that a country that has now in effect sort of banned abortions by the Supreme Court, the only people that could rule on this, although they're now giving it to individual states to decide their own laws, can be say that, you know, abortion could be illegal, but then you can walk around with a loaded gun. And I think now you need to be 21, they have raised the age on this, but you can have a concealed loaded weapon with you which, you know, could kill several people and yourself And it does happen. I mean, we've seen that terrible, terrible school shooting recently, and I just remember looking, you know, in the newspaper that I had, the photographs of these children who lost their lives just going to school. And I don't know what the answer is then. Bria was saying that, you know, her children are— they know that, that they would never ever touch any firearm they have in their home because her husband has them too, but that they absolutely wouldn't want to go out or in the car without their mum having these, these, these weapons. So I find the idea of going out with a loaded gun here quite frightening. I know that they're trained and they, they do keep up their training, but it just seems a bit bit strange that in the week— in, in the time when somebody has gone into a school with a gun and killed about 19 or maybe more people, and then also a country that is saying that a 10-year-old who was raped and pregnant can't have an abortion. So I think on that day when it was decided, people who were booked in and like there's definitely various reasons why people come to this decision. Um, you know, they also have, have, uh, the right to, to take out a gun. So yeah, I just— it's a shame that we couldn't continue, but I completely understand and the time differences. So Yeah, it's all a bit, um, controversial, and I really don't know what the answer is. I don't want us to have guns here, and we do allow abortion. I'm not too sure on all the restrictions, and there are laws governing this, but, um, Yeah, it's so— it's going to be quite an interesting conversation, like two mums bringing children up in completely different, different situations. Although, you know, in this day and age you think that we'd sort of be quite similar. Our countries have always tried to be close allies, um, and then there's been some some other things that have happened, um, this weekend, so I, I'll talk about those. We're in the, in the news today, or actually it's via social media that this, um, story has come to light, and it's, it's rather snowballed, is, um, a couple um, got married on Saturday. That's yesterday. I'm speaking to you, this is Sunday. Um, and they got married in a church, and they have a dog, and their dog is like, you know, it's, it's their baby. And I completely understand that. I have a dog and I'm completely besotted by her. In fact, I don't go very to very many places without her. And they were allowed to have their pet dog at their wedding in the church, but not at the reception. So they had made arrangements, and then I think they were going on their honeymoon afterwards as well, so they made arrangements with a professional dog kennel that came to collect the dog from the church before they went to the reception. So that's what's happened. Now it's been extremely hot here this weekend, and, um, you know, for us it, it's been sort of 30 degrees, and this dog got put in the, the van that would take it to the kennels where it would be staying and the, the people who collected it, or the person, I don't— I'm not really sure, they forgot about it until 3 hours later, and, um, the dog had died. And I mean, there's— it's like national outrage And it, I mean, it's just terrible how anybody, especially somebody who is running a business where you are looking after people's animals, they are living things, could actually, actually, um, do this. And I mean, I've briefly read some of the things about it online, and it's really created an awful lot of, of anger, and I completely understand that. I would be absolutely horrified. Today has been so hot that we've not even taken our dog out during the day. We, um, we had to wait till the sun went down and everything got cooler, and then we've been out sort of exercising her and playing with a ball in the garden. It's just been too hot. So yeah, it's just a really, really sad story, and yeah, it's really shocking. Then the other thing was, um, like, there was a— we were invited to go to a, a fete, like in a village. So it happens every year and it's a nice afternoon. We didn't take the dog, which we would usually do, because it was just too incredibly hot. It would have been irresponsible. And, um, I've been having this trouble with my, um, it's called personal independence payment. It's an allowance that people can get who have medical conditions, disabilities, there's various situations, and I've basically been having a really tough time with— it's called the DWP, Department of Work and Pensions, and I don't know what's been going on with them really, but it all seems a bit of a shambles, and it's another thing that I really want to use my as a presenter, and as someone who is 56 and has had experience of dealing with this sort of process, which is— it's extremely difficult, and it would be very easy to give up. So I'm entitled to this. It would really help me get to my therapy sessions because I have quite high transport costs, and I'm also— I'm unable to work. My treatment for what I have is predicted to last sort of 6 years. So it's got so bad that I have an advocate, and even they now are just like baffled by what on earth is going on. We've had to go to court, to a tribunal with a judge. The judge has made rulings and the clerk to the tribunal just hasn't carried them out. They sent me documents that it clearly states from the judge not to send me, and they were really distressing. And it also states that a new hearing had to be made within 42 days of this notice. Well, that 42 days has passed like ages ago, such a long, long time ago, and they're spending all this money on just trying not to award me this payment when they're spending all this money and time on judges and people and whatever. They're not medically trained, the people who you're dealing with. I spent last— my last therapy session, which is 2 hours, We spent 90 minutes on the phone trying to get through to find out what was going on because nobody knows, and we were passed from person to person, and in the end the person that we spoke to, the last person, said— was reading the notes and said that according to them there's no appeal outstanding, and it is just It's just atrocious, and this is happening to people who are in a far less fortunate situation than I am, and I am absolutely determined to try and do something about this. It's not right. It's caused— there are people, families who are claiming that loved ones have committed suicide, so actually taken their own lives over the fact that they can't get these financial awards that they are entitled to. So today we went to this fete, and I've got really fed up with my PIP, PIP tribunal, and all the lost paperwork. They even lose things that you send recorded delivery, and we've got proof. It says it's been received, but they lose it. They told me they sift through things and they're used to doing that, and if it's not relevant then they don't use it. Well, I don't know what they're doing, but it's not acceptable at all. This is a government-run department to help people. I know some people possibly are claiming, and you know that I know they have fraud, but I'm talking about people who are genuine cases and people who might not have advocates, who might want to give up. I've certainly been extremely distressed, upset, you know, in tears, just wondering why, what on earth is going on. And I've decided that I would make aware and contact my local Member of Parliament So I've done that, and also my advocate has been in contact with them too, because some of it is just so upsetting. I do not want to keep reading all the medical reports and assessments and things and stuff from the police about— and my, you know, my— if I dissociate, where I— my mind leaves my body because my body can't get away, which is what happened when I abused, then I've actually ended up in intensive care having tried to take my own life without even knowing it. And I don't know many people, you know, who have this, but when I was reading— I do read a lot— the Ghislaine Maxwell trial that took place with to do with Jeffrey Epstein. Some of the victims there, they have Dissociative Identity Disorder too, and in one way it's comforting to know that I'm not the only person that has been abused and has got this, but it's also quite distressing because I wouldn't wish it on anybody. But they too have ended up in, in hospital having nearly lost their lives in a dissociative state. So it's a really, really serious thing, and it's something that has to have specialist people to diagnose it and then to treat it. So I've spent 33 years in the system. I've spent an awful lot of money privately too, and I got my diagnosis in America, and that was, um, 7 years ago. So for all these years, so, so from when I was 19 to when I was 50, I wasn't ever going to get the help I needed because it's not here in the UK. It is at the Center for Dissociative Studies where I'm now at in London, and there's another center called Pottergate as well, but their therapists are specially trained either in Europe or the United States. So I have phoned my MP's secretary and given permission for them to speak to my therapist, who's my advocate for this mess, and and he has emailed me saying that he has asked the DWP to say what's happening. So I went along today to this fete in a village, so you know, like, it's in, you know, country village, it's in a field, it's next to the village hall, so you've got some things going on outside, some things going on in the hall and some like little games for families to play and you know you can win sweets and things like that, throw beanbags, knock cans down, things like that, just simple fun. Anyway, my MP was there and I kind of was in a bit of a dilemma, not for long because I didn't know whether or not to go, and I wanted to introduce myself, um, because— and I'd also, I'd like to speak with him about this because it's not right, and he needs to know. Somebody needs to know, um, and I hope listen, what's going on and the distress and the disorganization and the harm that is being done. And it's continued, not just to me, it's been done to an awful lot of people and it's just not right. So I went up to him and I said, excuse me, but you are, you know, my MP, and I introduced myself and he said, oh yes, I do, I do remember you. In fact, he only emailed me last week, so that was good, but then with all the things that's been going on with our government. I was quite impressed that he did remember, but, um, and he said that I didn't look like he thought I would, that when you see somebody's name, you conjure up a picture of what you think they're like, and I apparently didn't seem to match what he thought, and In some ways it's nice to know that, uh, I'd like to know how he's thinking, but in other ways it's a bit like— so you don't expect somebody who's applying for a Personal Independence Payment, um, where I've met all the scores and to qualify for this Um, but there's some sort of technicality because there was a, um, a law, uh, there was a court case where some people took them to court and they actually won. So that means that that now gets applied to me. So that's the problem, they just basically don't want to pay out and, and they're going to have to, not just to me but to other people. And I said to him, well, I, um, I'd actually like to speak to you at some stage. Can I make an appointment? Because I'd like to talk to you about this, and I'd also like to talk to you about mental health in the UK, because my experience is not good, and I've got some ideas I'd like to— I've got a report I've written, actually. I have actually written a report I was elected a public governor, um, a few years ago, and I was a governor, so I didn't get any, any money or anything, um, and I had to travel to the meetings. So that I was on the board of governors representing the public on my local NHS trust, and that was for mental health. And social care. And this is, you know, like, I hope you can tell that I'm actually extremely passionate about mental health. I, I know, I know so many people who are not getting the help that they need. And, you know, if I can do something, then I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna stop. I'm gonna keep going and Yeah, I, I do have— I know I have mental health issues. I can be quite inappropriate because things that happened to me were inappropriate, and I actually don't even know at this stage the person that I really am. My treatment is meant to last for 6 years, and that's a 2-hour session face-to-face every week, plus an extra hour spread over the week. Well, at the moment it's all been taken up with this PIP thing, which is a bit of a joke because the government are actually funding my specialist care and withholding money that I am eligible for that would help me actually travel there and be able to get a train earlier and get there on time and not miss a bit. So it's all a bit ridiculous. Anyway, one of the reasons that I resigned as being a public governor— there were a few, but one of them was that during a full meeting, so all of the governors, and there's a lot of them, the staff, there's the CEO, and there's all these like people in suits and whatever, and They wanted to report that a new mental health inpatient facility that been opened in my area had been visited by this particular MP that I met this afternoon, and that he reported that it was splendid. Well, that would have been a visit that they knew who was coming, when they were coming, and why they were coming, and they only came for a short while. He only went there for a short while. Well, I've been an inpatient there, and I was in there for a whole week, I got there by— I dissociated in London. I had— there was a trigger that, you know, I could avoid, try and avoid and manage triggers, but sometimes you can't. And I ran, but that's what happens mostly when I dissociate, is that I run. And it's like running in another dimension, like everything's different. It's, it's cold, um, you can feel like wind. I can hear my heart beating and I'm running really fast, but I can't feel my feet on the floor. And it's— anyway, I ran across a road and got hit by a, a vehicle. So I then was taken to hospital and, um, in London. And then from there they realized that I had sort of done this. It was a trigger, it was a mental health issue. I actually got put in a room with two security guards in like padded jackets and a red light shining above the door, and I was kept in there for hours and hours. I had to be taken to a toilet and watched. I had to— my food, I had to stand away from the door while they put the tray in and shut the door before I was allowed to approach my food. And I think I was treated in a really barbaric way for somebody who's gone through nothing other than being abused as a child. So from here, they decided to send me to this facility that my MP reported visited it, that's true, but he said it was splendid. I was in there for a week. I was absolutely petrified. I was so scared. It's all like open-plan and modern and this and the other. I mean, like, the staff couldn't cope with the behavior that was going on with the patients and the The patients knew the staff couldn't manage it. I used to have chairs thrown at me, coffee jars, anything that wasn't nailed down. It was actually extremely frightening, and I spent most of my week locked in my room or outside in the garden with a couple of other people, but there was absolutely nothing to do. You could make a smoothie on a Tuesday, but it had to be strawberry and banana. I missed that one. And art, well, I stuck— I think I stuck a few shells on a box, and then I had to leave because there wasn't enough room for people to be in there. We had to sort of rotate, so you didn't get a chance to do anything. And I was absolutely petrified of this. It was in the middle of nowhere, so I think that's kind of done for many reasons. And, and it got to about the 4th or 5th day and I was actually allowed to walk to the main foyer, but I had to go through about 4 different locked doors and they radio it as you go and they describe what you're wearing and it's all written down what you're wearing as well. So I did that and I was also escorted. So that was my first trip out. So I was allowed to buy a cold drink from the, uh, like the cafe thing, and then I was escorted back. Now as we were walking back there were these like, uh, blue, different shades of blue, sort of A4-sized resin things on the wall with marks on them. And the, the person who was escorting me, so a mental health professional, told me that there was, um, these— what was on them were imprints of bark from the trees around the area and how much they cost. They cost an absolute fortune and nobody's getting any benefit. The patients are not getting any benefit. It looks incredible. There was even like a bronze sculpture thing in the, the main area entrance bit where the café was that I only got to on my 5th day, and it seemed that all the money had gone into the artwork and there was nothing for me or anybody else there. And all my information, my personal details, was on show in the, the open-plan bit where we, we lived. They keep the television on all the time as well. No one's watching it. And you eat in the same area. It's just one massive area of bored people with mental health issues who really need some, some help. And I just was just so shocked that, that money had been spent on this, but there was only like one therapist for a female ward, and then there was a separate male ward, and they only come in once a week. When I saw the consultant psychiatrist there with my husband, she, she said that I could go home after a week, but I needed to stay in private care because that's what I had been doing. We've been paying for a psychiatrist and a therapist not always good. It's not always what you pay for, is not always what you're going to get, and I've learned the hard way on that one. But she said you cannot stop private treatment. So I want to— I have asked this MP for a meeting, and he said yes, and he told me what to put in the subject heading of the email so that he knows that it's me, he's spoken to me. And we will talk about it because I've written a report on my experience of like 33 years in the mental health service, private, NHS, UK and US, and I'm gonna have this meeting and He did actually say to me that in my area there is a sort of subsidized counseling service that I might consider. It's like, no, I can't possibly do that. That is— I think that's actually dangerous because there's no way that somebody who's running a, you know, they have charity things to raise money for this so that the patients don't have to pay or pay at all, or they can just pay a certain amount of money because it's still— it's fragmented. It's not even through your sort of local doctor or anything. I mean, and these people just so need to be made aware of the impact and the severity and the importance of getting the right professional help. And that's not going to happen until we recognize this, get with the European standard and the American standard, and start training people. Because I think that would be the way to get, uh, people who've spent years and years in the system, um, not getting anywhere. And it's something that I'm going to talk to Rhea about because she's somebody who lives in the United States as well. We've now discussed the fact that, you know, the Roe v. Wade, the gun thing, and also their whole medical system and mental health is different. I mean, it's in America that I received and experienced equine therapy and I cannot— that is one of the best things I've ever done in my life. In fact, I don't think I would be here talking to you if I had not experienced Equine Therapy for my trauma, because it helped me shift things that I did not, and I still don't actually have the words for. So I hope this has been a bit useful. I do I really want to just keep on emphasizing the importance of trying to get everybody the right help that they need by the right people, because it's not the professionals— it's not always their fault if they are not trained, because it's just not something that's recognized. And there's always funding issues too. So I'll keep you updated on that. I'm going to email him tomorrow. And it was also sort of a little bit surprising that he thought somebody who's applying for a Personal Independent Payment might end up at a village fete, but you know, why not? I went with my husband and I actually did say, do we really have to go? Because my preference is always really to not, not to go out. I find it quite hard work. The people that I did know at this event and who were actually organizers of it, they've got no idea that I have mental health issues. And it's just very, very difficult whether you make that decision to, to tell people or not to tell people. Do you want a life where everybody knows, or do you want life where people don't know and you can be sort of free of it for a couple of hours. So it's just very difficult. And when we talk to Ria, um, you know, the, uh, her living in the United States, she has a totally different experience, um, to me. So I hope that that's going to be really interesting for you, and I hope that her children get over COVID, um, because that's something that she didn't expect at all. They just went out for a family meal to a restaurant, and unfortunately that seems to be the only place that they've picked it up because they're on their summer holidays now, so it's not from school, and that's the only place they've been. So we've still got to be a little bit careful And I look forward to speaking with Rhea so that you can hear our conversation for next week's broadcast. So I'd like to thank you very much for all of you who listen. It means a lot to me doing this. It's a privileged position. The radio station is doing absolutely great work. It's a good platform. It's really good for people to speak. And, um, yeah, I— so I'm going to keep on doing this. I don't receive, uh, any fee for this. In fact, I meet the cost. So you might think, like, why am I meeting the cost when I'm also applying for a benefit? Well, this is like the one thing that I do that's really, uh, positive, and, um, as long as I'm getting feedback and feel that it is doing some good, then I'm going to keep going with this. So I'd like to thank you all very much, and I hope that you enjoy, um, LKJ for another of her Free Your Mind series, which follows mine. So this is Eva May, and thank you from the Women's Radio Station, and from my healing image, hi!