Judymay Is Listening – Sian Young

Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. I have. I've missed you. I've absolutely missed you this week. I've been thinking about you. I have been getting lovely messages from you, even those of you who aren't so interactive. Been thinking about you too. I'm just thinking about the whole thing about having a radio show. A thing I like to do is I like to look back on what happened a year ago so that I can stop telling myself that little story like we all do. Of it's not changing. I'm getting nowhere. This isn't working. Those little rabbits that start to take over our heads. And I was doing that yesterday and I saw something that said I really must get my own radio show in a quite dictatorial fashion. And I thought, wow, I can't take that for granted. Can't take for granted that the fact that every single week I get to meet with you, we all get to meet together as tribe and we get to transform everything, as the jingle says. And what does it take to transform everything? Today's guest is going to be an absolute masterclass in this. Her name is Shan Young. You're going to be meeting her in a few minutes. And Sian has come from most extraordinary difficulty and trauma and has managed to take herself to the loveliest of places. I mean, success and everything that we would think of as success. I'm going to let her tell the story, but for a lot of you, when I let you know that this was going to be the theme this week, how is it that we can transform? How can we be happy again? How can we feel fulfilled again? How is it that we can make sure that we are not just on paper but also emotionally, physically feeling fantastic in our lives after things have gone not just pear shaped, but just completely wrong? How can we go from, you know, being some sort of like Dickens tale of woe into being a real success, success story. And very often we think of these things as, you know, something that we have to power our way into. We can got to push and power our way into that. And if we can just completely forget about the past and we can completely just shove it all down and just man up and woman up and just get on with it, then things are going to be all right. But you know what? That's not how it lives. So if you're someone who right now is feeling that you somehow should have gotten over your traumas by now, or your difficulties, your major disappointments, or that perhaps it's impossible. Maybe you feel like it's impossible for you, that you are somehow flawed and broken. We all feel that from time to time. Or maybe if you just feel like at this time in history, it's not possible. Any reason that you have for not really stepping up and breathing into your life again and taking control with some very, very practical steps. The thing about Sian is she is so practical. She's not going to be blowing smoke here. She's really going to be letting you know this stuff works. There are things that you can do very simp. Simple things to start with. You can go into as much complexity as you want to later on, but just things that can just set you on the right path. And this week, as you know, we normally choose a few different questions or challenges that people have and read those out. This week, though, I'm not going to do that simply because there were so many that shared such personal details that I didn't want to choose one person making someone else feel that maybe their story wasn't valid. And I noticed there was a through line to all of those stories. And the through line that most people didn't acknowledge was the fact that you're still here and you're still asking questions. So first up, acknowledge that for yourself. The fact that you're saying, this happens to me, I want more. It doesn't feel fair. That's enormous. That is your spirit saying, I know this wasn't what I was put here for. I know that I wasn't put here to just sort of suffer and cope. And then that's it. There's just a tiny little fire burning. And it doesn't have to be a great big bonfire of a thing like the motivational videos will often make you feel it needs to be. But instead, just that little feeling of, you know, well, is this possible? Just that little questioning. And for you, all that's why you wrote in was because you were saying, you know, I would love to believe that it would be possible for me. And when we are, you know, feeling up when we had a win, when we've eaten, when we've slept, when we've got some money in the bank, when we've, you know, people have been complimenting us, it's a little bit easier then to say, yeah, you know what, I can maybe move into something good. But what about when you're really down? What about when things really aren't going right? What about when things have been really not going Right. For a very, very long time. Shan, you're very, very welcome here today to Judy May's listening. Hello. Thank you for inviting me. So what was your story? What was it that happened to you? My story was having a stepfather that was later found out to have PTSD and Gulf War Syndrome and he took that out on me, then threw me on the streets. I then proceeded to be attacked or, well, raped is the proper word. Seven times along the seven years I was on the streets. What age were you? 15. You were 15? Yeah, it started at 15 and yeah, 15 to 22. And then I was bedridden for two years with malnourishment and mental health issues. My body, I was bleeding at my stomach every day. My stomach was torn to shreds with starvation and bad drug abuse and fear. Fear in your stomach, in your body every single day. So, yeah, that's where I've come from. And when did this start? Like, was this for your whole childhood that it was leading up to this? Was your whole childhood difficult or did you have pockets when it was sort of like that, you had something to compare it? Well, he was in the services, so when he was away for six months at a time. And I remember just having so much fun with my mom and my brother and my sister. And then I would be in my bedroom and I would smell smoke and it was like the veins tightened in my body because I knew, brace yourself, he's back. And that's what it would be like. He would chase me around the house for eating a peach, you know, calling me like a fifth and make me eye in piles and piles of apes, which are the Navy uniform, you know. You know. So, yeah, he was a troubled man, very troubled man. And he troubled me very much. And so how do you feel? I'm just going to skip ahead to a very general question. How do you feel these days when everybody is pushing this idea of forgiveness and they sort of say you have to forgive because otherwise you're carrying the poison yourself. But I've always think that forgiveness shouldn't be a one time deal and also it should be something that you should be able to give and take back according to how your body is feeling in that day, whether you need to keep yourself safer or whether you're feeling particularly angry about your history on that day. How do you feel about the whole notion of forgiveness? Well, actually, I have forgiven him. People often ask how I have such a good relationship with my mum. I've always forgiven her because women's position in this world is Definitely different. And our choices are different. And especially the time my mum was a mother with all of us, so. And forgiveness has given me peace, is giving me such peace. And I still get angry, I still honor the feelings, I still honor the pain that I've been through. And also at some point it becomes your choice what you're doing to yourself. And that took me so long to learn, like to, to see what had happened to me and to try and admit to myself that at some point in time I kept putting myself in positions that were dangerous. I kept making choices, going out with people that led me into dangerous situations and, and that I couldn't keep blaming on, on the, the stepfather who caused the trauma in the first place. But it took me a long time. Traumatizing yourself at that point. Yeah, you get to a point where you're, you're used to, that's how you know life. So you make choices based on what you know. And so you, you make these choices, but until you own the choices that you make at some point when you're an adult, you'll never change. And that was so hard to admit. And then to admit that he was, he was a Gulf War syndrome victim and ptsd, victim of war. And so I had to look at that. I couldn't just hold on to that pain as it was mine. I had to say he was a human being and he was broken and he broke me. Well, he tried to, yeah. Oh, ladies, if you could see the glint in Shan's eye when he said that he tried. Yeah, but that's the thing as well is like when you forgive yourself, when you start to realize, Right, okay, if I had not done that and not chosen that that extra rape that I suffered would not have happened. And when it started, it wasn't my fault. Like my stepfather did throw me on the streets. I was 15. Take us back to that day. Because when I think the 15 year old, I think of my 17 year old niece and I think about two years ago when I took her on a trip and she was very much a little girl and I was, you know, every time she went to step out to cross the street, I was there reaching for her arm. You know, every time she was sitting down to eat something, I was on. I was like, I was in sort of a parental mode. I was in a caring, nurturing, looking after her mode because I just saw that she's only 15 and even now when she's 17, but the idea of a 15 year old being just thrown out and having to defend Herself. I mean, that is just extraordinary. How did it play out? How did it feel? It started with pretending I was going to a party and lying to my mum, saying I was staying at a friend's and I was raped at that party. And then my mum, when I just kept agreeing with her, knew something had happened to me and my stepfather couldn't bear me crying and decided to ship me down to an auntie's. And that didn't go well because I was in trauma. And then I got back home and then he decided to ship me to a hostel and said, you're going to be homeless and this is where you're staying. So I messed up the hostel and ended up on the street. Wow. And at that time, there's nobody that stepped in and said, you know, something's really wrong here with this little girl, with this child and we need to. We need to address that, we need to look after her. No, I think if there was a crack, I fell down it. And what was it like? Like your first night, actually, on the streets? Did you tell yourself, I'm now homeless, or did you sort of think of it as. Well, this is just tonight. I partied a lot. I figured if I was dancing high at a party, I didn't need to sleep, I didn't need a home. So I wasn't homeless, I was partying. Oh, my goodness, that's. It's so interesting, isn't it, how our brain does that, how our brain can, you know, wrap a justification around pretty much anything, pretty much anything that we've got going on. We're going to be hearing more about Shan and how she. How she coped, how she got through all that and then also how it was that she decided that she wasn't going to just cope, she wasn't going to just survive, she was going to thrive, she was going to triumph. And then, not only was that going to happen, but she was also going to make sure that she was going to bring a lot of us with her. She's very much a leader of the tribe and now coaches and leads a lot of different women. So, yeah, we will talk to you very, very soon after these more from me, Judy Mae Murphy and from Sian Young. Welcome to women's radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to. Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is. This is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's radio station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Falguni Desai of Action Coach. Are you a business owner with more than five employees? Do you want to grow your business? I'm a London based business coach who helps small and medium sized businesses to grow and make a profit. I will help you identify the strengths and weaknesses in your business and then work with you to improve it using a structured framework. To find out more, contact me on 072-16-54640 and book your one hour complimentary one to one coaching session. Thank you. Hi, I'm Tracey Weedon of Brownhill Insurance Group. We are an award winning family run insurance broker covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal, household, high net worth and fine art. You can contact us on 0208-658-4334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills. We've got you covered. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get book booked here at Women's Radio Station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadio station. That's Women's Radio STN or Facebook. Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. And welcome to Judy Mae is Listening. I'm Judy Mae Murphy. We are here on WRS Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being. And we are supporting women's well being this week by talking about how is it that you can come back from, from a trauma? What is it that you can do? How is it that you can make sure that you're not living it? Because first of all, we don't want you to feel badly if you're replaying your trauma over and over and over in your head and in your life, even as Sham was saying just before the break, because that's our brain's way of protecting us. Our brain thinks that if we're overly conscientious, if we're overly stuck on that, if we're overly alert, if we keep being alert, that's kind of what this obsession is. This obsessing nature is about keeping us safe. And when we can realize that, then we can sort of talk back to the brain and say, it's okay, you are safe. And then we can move into making sure that we retrain the body, recondition the body and the mind to carry that, knowing that it's not just an intellectual knowing that we're safe, but it's actually something that we are living day to day coming from that place of safety which enables us then to make better decisions. But we're going to go there. But first of all, we've been speaking with Shan Young, who has just done what most of us could not do, gone from a place of severe trauma, not just over the seven years that she was on the street, and not just through the rapes, but also through the complex PTSD of childhood, having domestic violence and then having the respite which makes you then feel like it's okay and you can kind of relax a little bit. And then as she was saying, the smell of the smoke comes along and you realize, oh, I'm actually not safe. And it's this kind of roller coastering that makes our brain sort of say, okay, it only looks safe. You only think it's safe. It's not. It's not. So what was. Was it consistently awful for those seven years on the street, or did you have times where it was actually quite okay, or were you constantly in recovery mode? I think when I partied all the time, like I mentioned before, and that was my way of saying, now I'm fine, I'm partying, you know, there's nothing wrong Here I'm just going to another party. I'm just really popular. So my brain was just like having a ball. But then on the back of that there was me having to fight grown men to fight them off or to stand my corner as a street girl and, you know, not have somebody take over me. So that, that fear was always in my body and that's part of the reason as well as not eating, I became sick stone. The fear ate away at me and it was in my bones like so deep. And so there was a balance of it. You could be like, yeah, this is great, but really you're drinking lots, you're taking drugs and you're trying to ignore the fact that, you know, if you don't go to another party you're going to sleep in a stairwell or I've slept outside of dungeons of a castle before in, in Scotland, so that, yeah, that's what I'd say. Yeah. And when you say partying. Partying is one of those kind of umbrella terms which sort of means a lot of drugs and a lot of drink and a lot of just trying to escape the pain. Yeah. Absolute illusion brought on by copious amounts of drugs. And you know, a lot of people used to say they don't believe how I'm still standing. You know, I honestly, I think the only reason I'm still standing is so I can be here now and like you said, take people with me and make them realize that, you know, I've been through a plethora of trauma and all sorts of things and I've come out of it. And not just come out, I thrive. I'm living my dream. So after that seven years, what was the next step out of that? Because with all of us we forget this. With all of us there's always a last time when. So there's a last night of being homeless. For some people it might be there's a last day when they are single or a last day when they're in debt. And we often forget that. We often think that if we are single or homeless or in debt or overweight or something, that somehow it's sort of destined to come back, that we're never going to be free of it, but when we really take charge of it, there is a last day. So when was your last day of being homeless? My last day? Well, see, I see this as my last day of being homeless, but I was. If you told anyone else they would stay, I was still homeless. Right. I was lying in a, on a fold out bed in a Punk's house. There was. They were like screaming, trust your crust. And there was chaos in the house. And I was being sick, blood every day. And I was just like, God, if you finish with me, could you please, you know, finish the job? And then this guy just came in who knew me from school and whose mother had made me a stocking at Christmas one year because of the. The trouble in my home. And he said, what are you doing here? And I was just, like, not bothered. I was like, I lie. I die here, I die there. I don't care. And he took me to his home and gave me a sofa in the corner of his kitchen. And I made it into what we called le boudoir. Put drapes up, made it lovely. And I lay in there, and I was in so much pain. And I just looked and watched people living life. I saw them, you know, like, going to work lightly, partying at the weekends, going to work, hanging out. And I was like, ah, okay, so if I'm not dead yet, then maybe I need to learn how to live. And I started then to be like, so how do I live? And what was the first answer that came up for you? What was the first thing that you did? Was it to try and get a job, or was that too much at that point? Was it to get healthy? Was it? Yeah. I think what I done, I learned to sew with one of the people in the community we were in, and I learned to sew, and I bought clothes out of charity shops, tore them up, cut them up, and made them into different clothes. And I just learned how to stabilize myself. I used to say I rattle when you walk because you have all the drugs on the streets. But then when the doctors get hold of you and you're being sick, blood, and you're sick, Stone. Then they start giving you antispasmodics, anti diarrhea, anti painkillers, Valium. So then suddenly you're full of drugs again, but it's from the doctor. So it was about finding how I could stand on my feet. And so the first thing was that, really? And did you start to eat differently, sleep differently? Not for a while. I would do things. I know my friend laughed at me. I would eat some. Some sausages, and then I would be sick, and I would say, oh, them sausages don't agree with me. And he said, no, it's probably the two E's that you just stepped before them, you know? So it was a slow process. So you were. You. You were more used to. To ease than you were to sausages, to food. So you saw food as a suspect thing. Yeah, but then I started going to raves and parties with the Pat lunchbox and a salmon sandwich and an apple. And I remember people coming out of the smoke going, oh, what you on tonight? And I was like, salmon sammaging an apple, man. And they'd be like, I've not heard of that before. And I'd be like, ah, it's rare, you know, And I'd be, you know, eating a salmon sandwich and an apple. And I just started to see the chaos around me when the drugs weren't in me. And I was just like, wow, okay. This is how I started to step out and start to move forward. So you're eating salmon sandwiches now. You are sewing. You have this lovely little corner of your friend's kitchen that you've made pretty with curtains. You're observing. You're getting an idea for how it could be. What was the next step after that? The next step was to get my own room. So some friends said that I'd been staying with them. Like, they rented me a room. So I got a reference and I pulled money together, and I was selling sewing at that point as well, like, making some really interesting clothes for people. And so I got this room, but then my body collapsed. My body found a safe space, I rented a room, and then suddenly I collapsed in the street every time I went out, and I couldn't walk. So then became the next stage of, like, I wasn't homeless. I was in this room. But then I had no physical health whatsoever. Sounds like a very extreme version of, you know, people go on vacation and they get a cold or they get the flu because finally the body can relax enough that it's not on, you know, full alert, that it can then start to deal with it. So what was the process of you then dealing with that? And what did you start to learn about your body? Because presum, you know, while you were high and completely disassociated, you weren't in touch with your body. But what was it like getting to terms with having a body and making it? Well, you see, this is a thing that many people probably in the community that you speak to, you don't love your body. And so we try and stay away from it. We try. It's scary. It's very scary. Like, I went hiking with someone hitchhiking up the Highlands at that point. I was six stone, I was emaciated, and I stood under a waterfall, and I just looked out at the mountains And I saw my body and it was just depleted. It was just skin and bones, you know, and that body had been, and I'm emotional now because that body had been so attacked, so starved and so damaged, you know, that I was just like, oh, poor you, you know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I done that to you. And so that conversation had to start with me loving myself and saying, right, okay, I was damaged, so I couldn't really eat much. I was told not to eat wheat or dairy. And it was right back to basics. It was back to boiled rice, little bits of food and working on my mind because my mind was feeding that trauma in my body. So, yeah, that obviously I'm upset. So that's harder than I knew it was right now. Yes. To look at my body. And I've seen it as well. I used to run a fitness studio for women and we used, we had over 5,000 women come in and I see them come in and not loving themselves, you know, and then I see them after a little while embracing their body. And until you love your body, like, fill it, fill it with yourself, you know, whatever that body is, fill it with your love because then your body will be exactly what you need it to be. So, yeah, that was powerful transformation, which is exactly the opposite of what was happening for you for your lifetime. You had nobody showing you. This is how you honor and treasure and celebrate this little girl. And then suddenly it's your job to honor, treasure and celebrate yourself. And you're like, what even. Is that right? Yeah. Great. Well, after the break we're going to talk more about the body and healing from trauma and then how do we take that into the next stage which is all about building success. So I'm Judy Mae Murphy. You're here listening to Judy Mae is listening on WRS women's radio station Supporting women's well being. Here in studio today we also have our technical producer Melis, whose birthday it was. So we're just like, yay. We're totally celebrating Melis today. And as usual, later on you'll be hearing from from Elspeth as well. So we're going to be back right after these with more from Sian Young. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalised service. This happens from the moment that they enquire till they come back. Hence I work that luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078254, 4122. And Liz spelt L I S hazelmayetravel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a Show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio station supporting women's wellbeing. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. I'm Judy Mae Murphy and today in studio Transforming Everything with me is Sian Young and what we're going to be doing here on women's radio station because we're all about supporting women's well being, is that we are going to be looking at, well, what exactly do we do? Because a lot of us have really good intentions for transforming things. So Sian's just been sharing with us how it was that she went from a childhood of complex ptsd, domestic violence in the home, trauma, some respite from the trauma, then more trauma, getting thrown out on the streets at the age of 15, having this party, homeless party lifestyle until the age of 22, and just how that absolutely ravaged body and soul and how she started to come back from that. So, Sian, the next question then is, did you have any insight into your own mindset at that time or was that something that came later on with hindsight? It's something that came with self development and the desire to search for more. When I found out that I wasn't dead, I was like, I'm going to live. And then I said, how am I going to live if I can get here, I can go anywhere. Where do I want to go? So asking myself questions and then never allowing any, I call them weeds in my brain, never allowing any weeds to hold me back and becoming a gardener of my mind whenever something stops me and it comes up. Like recently I was doing a sales video and it looked like I to other people. The feeling that was going across was like a hunger. And it was my street girl. My street girl was still in play. Playing survivor, like hustling. And so I had to do some meditation and coaching. And I always get coaches, like the amount of support I've got and how far I've leaped is because I get coaching. I couldn't have done that on myself. You can't find them weeds and get down deep and dig them out of your subconscious while you're conscious, you know, so you need someone else to support that transformation. And the hilarious thing is that some people think that they can get there without coaching. They'll say things like, well, I just don't have the money right now. And it's like, well, that's the reason why you need to get coached. All you got to do is hustle, get your own street girl on, like whatever form she takes and, you know, find that money to get yourself really, really well coached. I have some people who have followed my career for the last 20 years have seen me on stage and. And for 20 years they've been saying, oh yeah, I can't Afford you? I can't afford you. And I just point out to them, you said that to me back in 2002 when my fee was quite small. And if you'd got coached with me then, my fee now, even though it's enormous, would have been absolutely no problem to you. Do you see that? But I think sometimes we're given this idea of we're supposed to figure it out all on our own. And this is why I love little tribes like our one here at wrs, because it really reminds us that we don't all have the answers. We've got pieces of the answers. And what was a thing during your 20s that was an answer for you? What was a next step idea or mindset or piece of action that you took? I think when you find coaches at that level of life, it's not you're necessarily paying for them. It's like when a student is ready, the teacher will come, I live by that. And a different teacher will come at different levels of your life. And I had this wonderful woman who kind of became my adoptive mother when I was on the streets and she was actually dying of aids. She took me into her house and she mothered me. She taught me like, you don't take that from this guys and you don't do this. And you know, she was a hard baller and she taught me like to get my head straight about how I was allowing people to treat me. Sounds like Elspeth's dad, doesn't it, really? So, yeah, that was one of my first teachers. And then as you move through, I done a cleaning job. And this was another wonderful single mother woman who would run her own cleaning business, had tore herself up from domestic abuse and raising kids on her own and set her own cleaning up business because she knew how to clean. And so she took what she had and she ran with it and she taught me how to polish taps. And even nowadays when I do a clean, I always think of her, you know, because then she taught me work ethics. She taught me where there's muck, there's brass. You gotta go and you've gotta polish them taps. If you want your life to change, you can't sit back and expect them to be polished for you. I love that. You gotta polish them taps. Yeah. Oh, my goodness. You see, so there was teachers, they were coaches and they weren't ones that I paid for. But when you're getting into the zoom where you really wanna make a living, you really wanna make success, you wanna get on stages, you want to do Whatever that's bigger. Then you need coaches who are developed more and then them coaches. We've paid a lot. Me as well. We've paid thousands and thousands and thousands on our development and time as well. And tears, blood, sweat and tears, eking out all our weeds so that we can be there the best we can for you. And that's why you need to pay for a coach. You can't just say, oh, you've lived and survived all that and paid for all this transformation and learned all these skills. Could I just have that for nothing? Because there's no exchange and there's no commitment from you. And it is true, like what you said, you find the money, it comes and that's allowing life to bring it. If it's meant to happen, it will definitely happen. But you have to be open for it to happen. You have to say, yeah, what you're teaching. I think even if I could afford one session with you and took some of them nuggets and worked on them, I would up level my life. And so, yeah, and what was the. You talked about, like the, you know, the street girl having to get her hustle on. Does she still appear every now and then? Does she still kind of. I loved that session. I loved it. I cried and I said thank you to her. Like, this hustling street girl had made me survive and thrive to hear. But she was, she's full on, you know, she's a survivor. And I had to go in my mind and have a conversation with her and say, like you said earlier, I'm safe now. It's okay. So the techniques she was using were techniques I used to survive in the streets. A hustle. But I'm not in a hustle anymore. That's not where I am. I'm safe. So my mind was trying to do exactly what you said earlier. And so I had a conversation with her and I was like, you've been hustling a long time, girl. Why don't you take a rest? And then I looked at all the aspects of my personality and there was like Buddha girl who likes to meditate and chill out. And, you know, there was nurturing women. When I coach, I nurture, you know, I just love. There was all these sides of me. So I said to the street girl from, for our survival, for you, to ensure our survival, which is all she wants, you have to stand down now and allow the nurturer, the businesswoman, the other aspects of my personality that I've worked on and grown to come forward now. And I Said, just chill out. I'm retraining her as a performer, so when she comes on stage, she's just going to be amazing. That's great. Yeah. Because I imagine she was probably all about the quick buck, no matter what the cost to you and others. Well, when you're trying to get that money for the first bit of coaching, honestly, people were like, I need a seamstress. I was like, yeah, I'm a seamstress. Totally. I love that you go on YouTube, you'll do whatever it takes. I was a gardener. I was a gardener until the. The winter came and the woman took me inside and gave me the cleaning job because she liked me. And then I cleaned too well. She never let me back out. In summer, I kept looking at the garden going, oh, I love the fact that you sort of say, yeah, you get on YouTube. It really is whatever it takes. I remember one time I wanted a particular business connection, and my PA at the time knew this guy, and I was just like, wow, I really, really need to know this guy. And she said, well, do you play backgammon? And in my brain I actually thought I could play backgammon. I think I was mixing it up with Uno. And so she said, great, you're now going to the rec club and you're playing backgammon with him. And then I went online just to check, what exactly is backgammon thinking? You know, 20 minutes of going over it again and I'd be good. And then realizing, oh, no. And it's a whole thing. I spent the entire Weekend on YouTube learning how to play backgammon. Eventually found two guys who played backgammon. So the first game I played wasn't going to be with this guy who thought I knew what I was doing. Had a couple of games with them on the Monday, met this guy on the Tuesday. But really, that phrase, whatever it takes, it's a real phrase, isn't it? Yeah. Like, well, to a limit. Whatever it takes within your value system. Yes. Yeah. Because there were. Even on the street, there was. There was certain things that I didn't care what you gave me. I was not interested. But I. I was a pole dancer. I mean, that's how I learned to pole dance and set up my first business was a pole dance fitness studio for women for self esteem. Yeah. And I was kind of like, what? Those have become really popular, haven't they? Yeah. Yeah, that was. I was hard work. I was pole dancing 25 hours a week. I mean, if you drop me in a river, I'd sink I was just pure muscle, you know. So yeah, was that sort of later in your 20s then? But I didn't know how to pole dance. I, I literally just jumped at a pole and started swinging again. Great metaphor for what we all need to do sometimes, literally or otherwise. It starts off messy, but then you start to get it. It's like riding a bike with training wheels, you know, you're messy that you start with and then you're like, ah, that's how you do it. It's the same with all learning. Like, let it be messy, let you not get it first time you try. That's it. So if something's worth doing, it's worth doing badly at first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just laugh at it. And how was your mindset once you started to start these businesses and to get some stability? Did you, were you believing that it was transit transient, that it was going to just leave, that the second shoe was going to drop? Were you kind of always thinking this won't last or did you start to get that feeling of, you know what, there could be something here. There's a tug of war goes on in your mind at this point because you still got the trauma in your mind. You're still like, the street girl's still there for me, but I'm still stepping into, you know, my wealth prospects, my mindfulness and how I want to be. But then yes, there's this mind that says, yeah, but this is just full. The rug is going to be pulled out from under you any minute and all that talking. And so you have to like listen to that and say, but it's okay and allow it to be because it will be. If you've been in trauma, it's not going to just be like disappear. So that's how I dealt with it. It was definitely a two sided thing going on. I would see and put my foot in the future but the past was still trying to hold on to me. So it's constant back and forth, healing, nourishing self, love to get out a daily thing, a moment by moment thing. On some days, I'm sure. Oh, wonderful. So you are here listening to Judy Mae is listening on WRS women's radio station supporting women's well being. I'm Judy Mae Murphy and here in studio we have Sian Young and we have a lot more coming up right after these messages for you. Welcome to Women's radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women's Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Falguni Desai of Action Coach. Are you a business owner with more than five employees? Do you want to grow your business? I'm a London based business coach who helps small and medium sized businesses to grow and make a profit. I will help you identify the strengths and weaknesses in your business and then work with you to improve it using a structured framework. To find out more, contact me on 072-16-54640 and book your one hour complimentary one to one coaching session. Thank you. Hi, I'm Tracey Weeden of Brownhill Insurance Group. We are an award winning family run insurance broker covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal household, high net worth and fine art. You can contact us on 0208-658-4334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills. We've got you covered. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio Station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that trans transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradio station, that's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. And welcome back to Judy Mae is Listening. I'm Judy Mae Murphy here on WRS Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being. And we have been talking all about how is it that you can come back from severe long term trauma, childhood trauma, trauma later in life, being re traumatized, anything with a big T involved and really just decide that that's not going to define you. So we've been speaking to Shan Young who is a coach and an entrepreneur and a leadership coach and just an extraordinary woman as you now know. And what we're going to be looking at in the next part of this show is what is it that we can then do to make sure that we build this even bigger and start sort of giving back. So what have you found now that you've been out there speaking, now that you've been out there telling your story through books and through products and people hearing about you, what is it that you have learned about why all this happened? Perhaps I learned that all this happened to me because I was strong enough to take it and to come out of it and to thrive so that I could bring people like I really in my heart's desire is to bring women out of spending so much time punishing their self and not loving their self because we are amazing and we are here to make a difference and each one of you are there to make a difference. And if you're spending your days in your trauma, not moving forward, then then I'm missing you in this world. And so that is what I found. That that's why I'm, I'm here, that's why I'm alive, basically why I made it through and how I'm able to show through living my dream that I created that, you know, that's, that's why. And you are sitting in front of us heavily pregnant and very, very happy. Positively glowing as the cliche goes. And so, so you're now in a place where you're creating your own family, where all that's coming together for you as well. Oh honestly, like after this, this show, people just, just do it. Like don't let it stop you. Like we were talking earlier about you go put the elbow grease in, it's going to be messy to start with. Just like when you start cleaning up a mess, it's a mess until it's clean. That's what it's like. And that's fine. Just accept the process and enjoy it because it's like lessons all along the way. There's lessons that hone you and prepare you for the next lesson that you're gonna get. And as long as you don't see any failures as a problem, just see them as redirection. I always say redirection is protection. So if it wasn't meant to be, then don't force it. It's okay. Like, move. There's so much in this world. There's so much beauty. And yeah, now I'm in love. Like, every single day, I'm being loved. I have an amazing family around me. You know, I'm speaking on stages internationally. And, you know, I'm doing. I'm doing what I want to do. I'm doing what's in my heart and is why I'm on this planet to do it. And that's what I want everybody to be able to do. Like, if it's in your heart to do something, then don't allow life to stop you. And if you could go back to that little girl, maybe when she was about 18, what is it that you'd like to whisper in her ear right now? It's like, get something to eat, which is important. Yeah, it's nourishment. It's self nourishment. You can't be strong and fortified if you're starving yourself of love, of nourishment, of mental well being, of calm. You have to do that for yourself. Nobody else is going to fill you up. You have to fill yourself up. Oh, beautiful. Elspeth, you've been listening very carefully, and as we all have, just hanging on every word that Sian's been saying. What were your three takeaways for this show? So my three takeaways, my first one would be the fill your body with love as it will push out the dark out of the body. And then my second would be, you've got to polish and taps and put in some elbow grease and don't allow to take any weeds to overcome your garden and be the gardener of your mind. Oh, love that. Yes, Absolutely beautiful. Thanks, Azmuth, for that. So those are our three takeaways. And Sian, we've got a little bit of time left, so tell us what it is that you would. How would you like to interact with any women who feel that they need that personal connection with you? Can they reach out? Can they have a quick chat with you about maybe Whether being coached by you would be a good next step. Yeah, absolutely. My email is contacthan-young.com just put in the title, let's chat and I'll get back in touch with you and we'll set up a time to have a chat. That's wonderful. And also if we look at social media for women's radio station, you'll see Sian smiling away and you'll be able to connect with her that way as well. And of course, to get in contact with Judy Mayes listening. Same deal. Just find me on social media, whether that's Twitter or Facebook or Insta. We've just got so many great ways now, don't we, to stay in touch. And I love the way that, you know, there's so many different ways of doing social media and, you know, some of them are more about the, you know, get out there and hustle for all your worth kind of ways. And then others, like our kind of tribes are more about, well, let's learn from each other, let's support each other. Let me help you. How can we get to the next stage? What is your next stage? What is it that you're looking to make happen? I mean, obviously you've got, you know, a wonderful production about to take place, but over the next 10 years or so, what do you think your life can do? Because very often, as we say, when it's about being a survivor, you get to a certain level and you think, well, I'll just make sure this sticks and I'll just stay right here. But I'm presuming that you've got some other wonderful dreams ahead. Yeah, well, one thing that I've always dreamed and me, I'm a partner working towards is a sustainability center and he is a sustainable strategist and I'm the health mind, well being strategist. So we are going to build in the future a center where people can come and repair themselves and repair the environment. Because I do believe if you love yourself, you will not allow this environment to be tortured in the way it is. But there's so many people torturing their self and being tortured that it's just playing out in our environment. So, gosh, that makes sense. That's our biggest, that's the biggest dream. And I want to speak on bigger stages. You know, I have visions of just lighting up people's hearts and switching on that light that was switched on on me that says you can do it, you know, and that's why my Survivor girls retraining as a performer so Once I have my baby and she's up walking, then that's my next plan. I can actually see you just walking up on stage, having her on your hip and just going for it. Who knows? I think she's a wee dancer like her mum, though. Fantastic. You're feeling that today. And what is something that you, if you had one takeaway, if there was one thing, because there will be someone who will be listening right now and saying, I hear everything you're saying. I've been listening to yourself and Judy Mae for the last while and I get it, but somehow I just can't get out of bed, or somehow I just can't get out of this job or get out of this particularly traumatic or wrong for me in some way relationship, or I can't get away from a family of origin, or I can't get away from this idea or identity of myself. What would you say will be the first step for someone who's just kind of like, I just can't move myself from here. I think if they're listening today, then, you know, contact me and let's have a chat. I'd done a speaking event just three, three, four days ago and I just had a chat with a woman who saw that, who was feeling the same, and just chatting with her and getting to know her a bit gave her just that little sort of change of gear to move on. So sometimes you just need to have a chat with someone and let them look at what weeds are in your garden. Because sometimes you don't identify what it is. Because very often when things have been difficult in your past, you tend to self isolate, to self protect. And that way of self isolating, that way of not reaching out for support is sort of part of the trauma. And yet it's the very thing that will help to heal the trauma is that reaching out and saying, yes, I do need other people, I need other healthy people, and not presuming that everyone's going to be the way that your family of origin was. Yeah, exactly. So reach out. And just on a personal note, my own curiosity, what happened with your mum? What do you mean, what happened? Is she still with your stepdad? Is she. What's her single lady, unfortunately, because she found the love of her life who treated her really well, but he died of cancer. But she had that time where she. She had that time of love. I'm so glad that, to hear that part, she's. She delivered my son. I have a son. She delivered him, was in the birth pool with me. And you Know, like she. And I phone her constantly. I'm just like, I am having my mom in my life, you know, and, yeah, she's. She's doing good. Yeah. So I love the fact that even if you're not sort of consciously going for it big time, the way you have, that just life changes, that it, you know, just even sort of the passing of the days and, and some very sort of gentle ways of doing things differently can actually mean that you end up in these gorgeous situations. Like it sounds as if your mum has. Yeah. And also you've got to be careful, that protection thing. Be careful because sometimes people keep reaching to their family for that love that's missing in their heart and they'll never get it there. So it is also knowing when to let go and move on and find the love. Like in a tribe like this, you know, if your family are just not happening, then. And there's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. Let it go and let people love you who really want to love you. Yeah. Even though the little girl in you sort of says, oh, but this time I've got more understanding this time. I've read this book this time I now know this. And we do want to go back and we want to fix the unfixable. Sadly, the only thing you can control is you. Yeah, absolutely. And that's how you get yourself to incredible places. Shan, thank you so much. We've been talking to Shan Young today about her extraordinary story. And please do reach out to her through social media and have that chat with her if you feel that that's next step for you. So here on Judy Mayes listening, over the next couple of weeks, we are going to be looking more at that. How can we start to get purchased? How can we start to actually get things moving in our lives? So any questions that you have about that, any statements that you have, maybe it's that you have been feeling particularly stuck or maybe it's that you've been staying at the same level for a long time. All of our guests in the next few weeks are going to be looking at that, the practicalities of moving forward, making sure that you make your life even more incredible. Because I think that, you know what, this is a pretty good project for summer. This is a nice summary thing to do. You know, a lot of people want to do their goals on January 1, their New Year's resolutions, but I think summer is the time to do that. Summer is the time to just sort of say, okay, you know what? Sun's out. It will be, don't worry, it will be coming out at some stage in your part of the world. And I'm ready for this and I'm going to start to design my life, to redesign my life. So please come with us on this journey. This summer on Judy Mayes listening and let us know how it is specifically that we can help you. How is it that together we can absolutely transform everything? Welcome to the women's Radio station. Supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to say, celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website, womensradiostation.com for more information. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalised service. This happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078254-4122 and Liz spelt L I S at hazazelmaertravel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum, juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories, it will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity, helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track, whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk welcome to the Women's Radio Station Supporting Women's well being Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand with a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs. We can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women's radio station supporting Women's Wellbeing.