Judymay Is Listening – Xena Gusthart

Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Welcome, welcome. This is Judy Mae Murphy and you're here at WRS women's radio station supporting women's well being. And here on Judy May's Listening. I really listen to what it is that's going on for you because sometimes we can presume as experts and my area of expertise is human behavior and success. And as a motivational speaker, I realize that very often myself and my colleagues will get up on these stages in front of thousands of people and we'll presume that we know what the problem is. And then we go and talk to people afterwards and we find out that for many people we haven't solved the their exact problem. So that's what this show is all about. This show is making sure that I can connect with you in a way where you can let me know through InfoUudymay TV or through social media. Just get a message to me, let me know what's going on with you. If you follow me on social media, you'll see that at least once a week we put out a call letting you know what it is that we're going to be dealing with for the week and how it is that you can get involved. We only use first names if you're comfortable with that, or initials or even if you'd rather. You know, some people are in such dire straits that they'd rather we didn't even use initials. They feel that it would let people know who they are. So please realize that this is the safest place in the world for you. This is a place where you can breathe. This is a place where you are acknowledged, you're heard, you're felt. Even if you're not reaching out to us directly. Even if I don't know your name, even if I don't know physically where you are, you are very, very much part of this tribe of women who have decided that we're not going to just leave things as they are, that we're going to keep growing, we're going to keep expanding, we're going to insist on living the best life. And we realize that the way that we do that isn't through throwing more strategy and more activity at things, but through going a little bit deeper and thinking about it and making sure that we have just new resources, new ways of accessing thoughts in our brain, new ways of thinking and feeling about things that then can become conditioned into us. So we don't have to think so hard that we don't have to keep doing this work at the same level for our entire lives. But the great thing is that we get kind of addicted because it's fun. And today we have a really fun, addictive, amazing guest. Her name is Xena Gostart. She was with us on the show a few months ago. We had great feedback from you. A lot of people feeling like, wow, she's so not like me. I'm with you. I look at Xena and I just sort of think, wow, I would love to be like Xena when I grow up. She is just so good at connecting with the world in a very, very physical way. So for someone like me, who is more used to sitting back in their head and, you know, working it all out and proceeding, noticing and being around someone. And myself and Zena are very good friends, so I'm around her a lot. And being around someone who the first thing that they do is they kind of, like reach out and touch it. They just give it some energy. They go to that new place. So for me, if I decided that there was a particular person I needed to connect with, I'd be more likely to do tons of research. So I would sit back and I would go into my computer and I would think about who I already know, who might know this person. Xena would be much more likely to just leave the house, have a vague idea where they might be and just go physically look for them. And we do have these different modes as women. We have these different ways of sorting, of navigating the world, of being in the world. And the thing is that if we're really good at one way of doing it, we tend to end up being expert in that and relying on that modality, relying on that series of modalities, those different ways of being to get us all our results and allowing the other ways, the other methods that we could use, allowing those to kind of die away. And that's why it's really great to get inspired by different women realizing that those are available to us as well. I will never specialize the way Xena does in leading with my body. But I can do it a lot more and I can have a lot more fun with it. And I can develop it to a much, much higher degree. In fact, I have over the years when I was a. When I was a kid. I don't know if I've shared this with you ladies before, but when I was kid, I was kind of handicapped physically. Couldn't Walk properly. My legs were very twisted, was so bad that I was excused from games in school. I didn't have to go to physical education, didn't have to play hockey, didn't have to do any of those things. But then When I was 19, I was in a situation where I'd been crazy about this guy for a very long time. And I caught him imitating my walk. And that was all the inspiration I needed. I went out, I said, right, I'm going to fix this. And it ended up then being the next seven years. For two hours every single day, I got myself into dance classes. And that is what, that's what did it. It was that two hours every day. And by the end of it, not only could I walk as well as anybody else, but I also could dance. I ended up getting a lot of jobs as a dancer, sort of doing panto style things simply through wanting to be able to walk. It ended up that I could dance and hey, how's that for a metaphor for what we're doing here? So when I was in my twenties then I thought, well, it's not just about dancing. There's lots of other ways. And when I really realized that I physically kept my distance from, I started to learn tango. Because in tango you have to be like right up against someone. It's a partner dance and you have to be physically held by someone as you're dancing. And being physically held in a non sexual way and moving as you're doing so was something very, very new to me. Again, another way of learning. So whatever stage you're at right now, realize that it's not too late. My sister, in fact, I'm so proud of her. She's highly sociable and she just loves being around people. So the choices she would make when she was a teenager and in her 20s was to just, you know, be sitting around chatting to people. And then in her 30s and 40s, the choice was mostly to be around her kids. So she went into mommy mode. And again, just absolutely brilliant. I mean, you just cannot fault her for, you know, talk about someone being amazing at who they are. That's my sister. And then when she hit 50, she realized, you know what? This body isn't doing anything for me. I don't know what happened. It just. I took my eye off the wall for a couple of decades and oh my gosh, look at this. But she decided she was going to completely transform it and she joined. She lives in Paris, so she calls it Jim Soi Loise. And I guess Swedish gym if that's what it is in English speaking countries. And it's a way where in her community she could go and just take class. And she started to do it and she would report back how very difficult it was for her and how, you know, she sort of, she felt heavy, she felt annoyed with herself. She felt that, you know, wasn't going to make a difference. And for the last two years now, she has just done amazing things and she really is looking at lots of benefits. That it also woke her up to all the different ways that she could be advancing and changing and transforming when it comes to making money, when it comes to changing her identity away from that of mom, because her kids now are 18 and 12 and so they don't need her as much in the same way. And so she has a lot more time. So she has found that changing her body is kind of changing her identity too. And that's something that I found. And a little bit later we're going to be talking to Zena Gusthaert around how can we do that? You know, because some of us who don't do that or some of us who have gotten to a certain point where we're quite happy with how we are existing physically and yet we have this sort of block when it comes to the next level. How is it that we can get through that? Because as well as being. She started out as a dancer in the West End and now she is a choreographer for the West End and Broadway. She's heading off to New York, which is why we're very, very happy that we managed to grab her this week for a long stint over there on Broadway with her show. She's the, she's the resident choreographer on Bat out of Hell. And she. But as well as that, that's not just her job. That's an example of her job being a really great match for how she already is. Because if Xena has a day off like this weekend, she was paddle boarding, hopefully she'll tell us all about that. She'll, you know, rather than getting into a car, she'll get herself on a motorbike. She just is all about being physical. And in fact, I had a friend who wanted to do kite surfing, but the kind of kite surf that has the hydrofoil. So it's kind of like imagine a surfboard and now imagine a huge, big kite attached to that surfboard. So rather than just a sail that windsurfing is. Imagine an actual kite that can go up into the air and take the surfboard and you up into the air. And now imagine that you add on to that a little motor on the back, kind of like a cake mixer that you just kind of plop into the water and lifts you a little bit higher off the ground. I mean, it really is sort of Blade Runner stuff, except Blade Runner was in a city and this is on lake. But you get what I'm saying here that, you know, this is something that you have to really have a great sense of your body in order to be able to be, be confident in that. Now for I've tried windsurfing. I haven't tried kite surfing and haven't tried surfing. And these are things that for me, there's just a little too many elements. So right now, things that I'm working on are things like, I'm getting even stronger. I've had great fun over the last couple of years doing things that require balance, like paddle boarding. Also trampolining. When I was in Dubai doing some talks out in Dubai, they've got this amazing indoor trampoline place. And I just, just didn't realize until I was on a trampoline how I didn't know how to move on a trampoline. It's just extraordinary how we can not know what we don't know because we look at it, we're like, yeah, I can do that. That looks easy. And then we go and try it. It's like, whoa, this is just a whole different way of being. And that's what we're all about here on Judy Mae is listening. We're all about transforming into different ways of being. And I do want to be careful that we don't overly focus on the emotional and the intellectual and the philosophical and the psych, to the detriment of things like the physical and the very, very practical stuff. Over the next few weeks, we're going to have people in talking about things like, you know, paying bills, which right now doesn't sound sexy, but trust me, our guest is going to make that sound so sexy. You will just love paying bills from here on out. But for now, let's have a little look at what is it that you want to change about your body. And we've had loads and loads of comments coming in that I've already started to include in what it is that we're saying here today. But also we have three questions that we're going to be answering. One is from Cassie, one is from Amy, and one is from wr, and they're from all different parts of the world. And the reason I chose these questions is because they really embody what it is that most of you were saying. And I realized that we're all very, very different. We all have very different bodies. But let's get away from just that idea of is the media making us feel ashamed about our bodies? Yes or no? And let's look at a little bit deeper on what our actual reality is. Because there's a lot of time where we're not looking at social media, or we're not flicking through magazines, or we're not comparing ourselves to someone on the street. So what's going on? What about you and your body? 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We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women. And we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradio station, that's Womens Radio STN or Facebook women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together you transform everything. And welcome back to Judy May's Listening. Oh my goodness, this is just such a fun place. And this is how you know we're going live. Zena Gostart walked in the door exactly on time. That was. Do you know what? That's, that's theater time in that you call me a professional for a reason. Yeah, there we go. I just, that was just like, that was like a stage timed moment. That was absolutely gorgeous. And so we've been talking all about how it is that some women like me, our standard way of being is to be still and we have to really motivate and goad ourselves and motivate ourselves into moving. But for you, if you don't move, you actually get a bit angsty. I can sit still for. I can sit still for days on end, like not move. But for you, after a while it's like you're compelled tell us what that feels like to live in that kind of body. I only recently found out that not everybody feels like that. I thought everyone just had to move and do all these crazy silly things that I put all these silly situations I put myself in. But actually I've learned that yeah, not everyone has those same desires or the same needs to be as physical and adrenaline sort of state really in their lives. And. But yeah, for me, if I don't, if I don't do anything physical, if I even just one day, it affects my mental health. Like it really affects my whole state of being, my whole Motivation dips. My thoughts on myself dip. And that's not because, oh, I haven't done something today. It's just because like the science of the endorphins automatically make you feel better when you exercise, when you move. And yeah, I think it stems from when I was a kid. You know, I grew up with, as, you know, Judy Mae, with a brother who's in a wheelchair. So growing up with that, I was always told as a kid, don't climb on this, don't go run there, don't do this. Why was that? Was that because that would make him feel badly because he couldn't? Or was it sort of that your parents were overly risk averse because of his situation? I think it might have been a bit of both, to be honest. And I always had a natural instinct to go climb a tree or do parkour before parkour was even a thing. I was climbing over walls and jumping over this and. And I just had this instinct to do that before I even really knew why or what I would do. But yeah, I think they were just. It was sort of a bit of a way to control the situation, I guess, the best that they could. But what that did was when I actually became of age where I could make decisions for myself of the things I'd like to do. I just went hell for leather and, you know, started dancing. And when I started dancing, I got praised for it. The teacher was saying to me, oh, you know, you're really good at this. Have you done this before? I'm like, no, never. And so getting praised for being who you already are, that's rare for kids. Yeah, it was a bit and that. But I mean, say kid. I was early, early teens, like 13 I started. So I had like all those years before where I wasn't really allowed. I was always told, don't do this, don't run, you know, don't. We never were in those situations or environments where I was. We were doing adventurous things. It just wasn't the way of the family. Do you still feel as women that that is the case, that, you know, as girls and then women, that there is kind of an accepted way of standing, moving, being and for men that that is more expansive, it's stronger, it's faster. But for us that we're constantly being asked to curtail ourselves? Yeah, all the time. When I. So I started breakdancing for a long time, I was doing that for about six years. I've seen some cool pictures of you breakdancing and I just got. I loved it. But I was with all the boys. There was maybe one other girl that would dip in and out of like, you know, she couldn't really be bothered with how sore your body would get after doing that. But I'm always around the lads, you know, and what. That was my circle for such a long time. And that kind of rubbed off on me as a person as well. I became quite masculine, very tomboyish by default because I was always around boys or men, you know, and doing the things that they want to do. And then when I tell people that I, like, ride motorbikes or go rock climbing or snowboard or, you know, do all these things, they're a bit, you know, I've started to find my tribe of women that are doing those things, aren't into that kind of lifestyle. But for a long time I felt quite isolated as a female doing those things. Yeah, you do look very feminine. You're. I mean, gorgeous. Melissa's here, our technical producer, nodding away. You are stunningly gorgeous and very, very feminine looking. And so there's not that same expectation. In fact, I was having breakfast with a mutual friend of ours today and he said, oh, I got tickets to a boxing match, but I knew you wouldn't want to come. And I was. I was able to tell him, well, you know what? I actually trained in MMA in la. I'm a pretty good boxer, I'd love to have come. So he's going to talk about tickets. I'm just kind of like. But there is that presumption which comes from someone who is so supportive of me and now is trying to get me a ticket for that. But that is the first presumption, is that, you know, that somehow we won't be as capable or interested or interested or. Yeah, yeah. I mean, people often put me in a box when they look at me and I don't dress like a biker chick or like I used to when I was, you know, my 20s, especially my early 20s, I did dress in baggy bottoms, baggy T shirts, baggy, baggy everything. Hats, caps, you know, I was so covered up and I'm so annoyed because my body was banging back then. And now I look back and I'm like, why didn't I show it off more? But I was just so in this mindset of I want to be taken seriously for what I do, and if I turned up to a breakdancing session in what, for example, what I'm wearing right now, which is gorgeous, which is silk trousers, high heels and a more fitted top and lovely Jewelry and the hair flowing. Yeah. And if I turned up and. And maybe. And actually now I probably would, because I'd be like, you know what? I don't know if we can swear on this program. Go for it. But fuck it, I'll. I'll go to do those things and I'll go dress like this and I'll go change. Because I'm okay now with being feminine. A feminine woman that does all these math, more masculine type things. But back when I was in my 20s, I thought I really struggled. It was a constant battle that I wouldn't get put into a box. When I'd go to auditions, you know, they'd look at me and okay, we want a tall blonde and heels to do all the sexy dancing. And then all the boys were doing all the cool stuff. And I'd be like, can I not just go do what the boys are doing? Because that's what I love to do. And not really the sexy sort of standing still and high heels stuff when I was a performer. So I was constantly fighting that. And did you get cast in a lot of those kind of dolly bird roles? I did my. I. I did my very best to counteract it, so. And I started to get known for what I did more than how I looked. So. And then people like that because the fact, oh, you're different because you do look very feminine, but you do all these breakdancing things and all this sporty stuff. So people started to get on board with what I am. But if you just meet me from the set, from the get go, people often would never think that I do the things that I do. And now that's my playing card. I use that as a. As a thing that I. That's my. In my back pocket. That's. I know that gives me a bit of extra confidence in coming. They think they're gonna get one thing and then they're completely. Bam. I just, like, hit them with something else and they're like, you do what? Yeah, I do. And I do it well, you know. Brilliant. I was just telling them about the hydrofoil kite surfing that you're gonna be trying next. I can't wait for that. Exactly. I'm like, I'm up for that. I knew exactly who to phone. I knew I wasn't the person, but I knew who was. So we've got three questions here today, so. So let's have a little chat with these lovely ladies. So first of all, Cassie, Cassie, I don't know where you're from, but you sent in this question that most people will relate to who are working out who they are physically. So she says, I feel like I don't really live in my body. So dancing, walking, wearing makeup, everything feels weird and fake. Does everyone feel like this? Well, Cassie, I'd suggest that not everyone feels like this, but everyone who does feel like that, they feel like that for a reason. And the reason normally is that in order to protect yourself in this world, whether that was with your family of origin, the culture you grew up in, or maybe it was just a mixture of certain incidents that happened. For whatever reason, it was safer for you to be what we call disassociated. So kind of cut off far away from your body and focusing instead on the internal focusing. Maybe if it wasn't like a daydream world, maybe it was the more intellectual side of things, or maybe it was thinking about people and just doing tasks. So, first of all, there was a reason why you did this. So it's not a failing. It's genius. It's genius that you did that. And now it's genius that you're realizing that you can be something else. So what would you say, Xena, to someone who feels like anything physical is kind of like wrong and bad? Like, it sounds as if Cassie just really doesn't have that connection to herself. Well, just to touch on the whole makeup thing and sort of wearing sort of more feminine clothes, for example, I can totally relate to that because when I was a bit younger, I felt very, very. I did not feel like me. I felt, that's not me. I don't wear makeup. And I, you know, I didn't know anything about makeup. I didn't even know what different brands there was. And in the industry I'm in, you kind of have to know about this stuff. So what was the turnaround for you? I was in. I was working in Harrods as a. As a sales lady my very, very first couple of weeks in London. And the main guy that was looking like that was on the manager of the shop floor came running up to me and says, put some bloody eyebrows on and get some lipstick on you right now. And I thought, wow, okay. Like, I didn't know that I needed to do that. As for me to qualify to work here, I needed to have eyebrows on and lipstick. And so that was a sort of a wake up call in a sense that. Well, there is a whole world of aesthetics that I could access. And then I sort of of played around with that. But so it sounds like Cassie's at stage One where we go in for any transformation, where we go, oh, this is a thing and I might like to do it. Yeah. Just like your moment in Harrods where the guy comes running up to you. I wish he'd been nicer. But that moment of, oh gosh, there's this world to explore. And then how did you follow that up? I just started to bark because it wasn't, it was said a few times to me. And it's not that I feel like I need makeup to be accepted or to be acceptable to them, but I think that you can just enhance what you've got by. And then now I find it really fun. Like I find it really fun to play with makeup and clothes and hair and so it's just doing a little bit every single day. Yeah. Just. And play with it a little bit. Growing into that and that becomes your new norm, presumably. Yeah. And try different things. Try different things and just do a little bit. And before you go farther. All right. We're going to have way more right after the welcome to the women's radio station. Supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hello, my name is Natasha Ann Kelleher. Welcome to you lovely lady listeners of your very own women's radio station. Over the coming months, I'll be doing a survey in big brand coffee shops interviewing customers asking why they like like to drink coffee and if they would like to give us a health tip. For our listeners, the most shared and liked post will be the winner of a prize. Stay tuned for further details. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on Women's Radio Station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of the of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a Show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio station Supporting women's wellbeing. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. And welcome back to Judy Mae is Listening. Here in studio, we have the choreographer from Broadway, if you don't mind, who we're so honored has dropped in to speak to us, Xena Gustaert. And Zena has been talking to us about how moving is her first inclination. And it's kind of interesting, actually, because, you know, there's this. I don't know how interesting it is to everybody, but I'll be really quick. There's this whole cluster of parts of your brain called the basal ganglia. And the basal ganglia is all about movement and it's all about how, in fact, we now believe that our body is designed to be in constant motion and the messages that we get are actually to not move things. So if you think that you're too sedentary, it's actually because your brain is overworking and giving you too many messages to stay still. So I don't know if that's helpful to anybody, but it is absolutely fascinating the links between the body and the brain. And as Xena was saying before the ad break, that she really feels better when she is moving, that the more she moves, the better she feels. And we were advising Cassie about just, you know, starting small with things and Realizing that, that realization of having a body and that new way of treating your body. You know, we talked about makeup, but presumably Zena, that's the case as well. When it comes to actually moving. What would you suggest to Cassie for ways to. Because presumably, you know, she's not going to go into full on ballet class, dance class immediately. What would be a good way for her just to get in touch with. Well, I guess you're at home and you're on your own. There's a whole world to access of information and videos and we know as YouTube. So you know, I would just type in beginners dance class or beginners movement class on YouTube and I can guarantee something will come up and then you click on that one video, you like it or you don't. And then there's, you know what the algorithms are like, they'll just find you all the other videos that are linked to that one video. So, you know, that sort of will open up a world of possibilities that actually give a practical advice on how to, how to physically move your body or move to music or just to do a bit of a loose stretch in the morning. I do find that if I just do even five minutes while my coffee's brewing, I just, just stretch my sides, touch my toes, you know, roll my shoulders. What about that feeling that we all have of. But five minutes and just rolling your shoulders and touching your toes isn't going to make enough of a difference. Therefore I'm just not going to do it. What if they think that they just by doing that doesn't matter, that's not going to make any difference, that, you know, I have too much to change or that's too easy. I don't know if it can get. Well, I think the whole thing is to start easy and to start small. Especially if it's so alien for you to be a person that moves, the smaller the better really to start to feel the difference and to trust it really. Because we know, science has told us that if you move your body like you've just said, our bodies are actually, our brains are designed to have our body moving. Correct. So you know, and we know that by working out people get endorphins. So and that makes you feel automatically better, even if it's a chemical high from your, you know, your inside your own body. But we know, we know that this is the case. So it's like trusting that, that by moving, getting the blood flowing, getting the heart rate up, getting your imagination open up a bit, you're going to become More comfortable with your own self. And presumably when, say, some of your dancers get injured, because dancers do get injured and you're trying to bring them back into the show, presumably they don't start with doing the whole show. They have to do. They have to start slowly themselves. So it's the same for everybody. Yeah, definitely. There's been people that have had complete knee surgeries, they've had a horrible accident on stage, they've had to be taken off and then they're off for maybe two months. And in that two months they have to do rehab or they do everything where they don't use their left leg because they still go to the gym. They still do what they can still do arm exercises or ab exercises because they know that, you know, if you don't use it, you lose it sort of thing. So even. And then when they do come back, yeah, it's. They'll maybe do one number or they'll do lots of rehearsals so that we make sure that they are capable, physically capable to do what they need to do. But, yeah, no one's going to come straight in. And after surgery or having some time off, even me, I've had a bit of time off from performing. So actually doing all that physical work as a dancer is such a. Specifically dancing, I have to go and ease myself in. So if that's what the professional movers do, then that's what works. And so we don't need to feel like somehow what we're doing isn't worthwhile. Yeah, I think any type of movement is better than no movement. I think. If you've got two arms and two legs and you've got an abled body, why wouldn't you use it to move? Or even if you've only got part of your body. Well, exactly. Why wouldn't you move that bit of it? Exactly. If you've got something that moves and works, then move it is my real theory and things. Brilliant. In fact, even a guy I know called Jason Becker has als and so he cannot move any part of his body except his eyes. And his dad worked out with him a method that he can communicate just through his eyes. And so he. The only part you can move is his eyes. And damn it, he moves his eyes. And he is hilarious. He's a bit of a bad boy, actually. And he used to move everything all the time because he was a famous guitarist. He was like one of those shredder guitarists and like, you know, just really, really fast, intricate guitar work. And the way he moved around the stage his head was going on, his arms are going, his back was into it. I mean, he really, really moved. And unfortunately he came down with this very rare disease. And he just, at the time where he was about to join Van Halen as the touring guitarist, he'd made the album with them. He's about to start touring and then so he went from being very physical to just being able to move his eyes. But you know what, he did that still moving his eyes, probably still in time to music as well. And the great thing is he's actually, just check him out. Jason Becker. And he's just produced a new album. He's a brilliant composer. I mean, I'm talking like world class legendary composer. So we do have this tendency, don't we, to compare ourselves and say, my body's not as good as that person's or my brain's not as good as that person's, therefore I'm not gonna play that game. Yeah. And I think having, having grown up with my brother that is in a wheelchair, and he actually does. I managed to get him to the gym and he loves it. He gets the same kick out of it that we all, that everybody else does, and, and he's such an inspiration to me because, you know, he can't stand up on his own yet. They go to the gym and they still work. They just adapt. Just adapt whatever it is that you want to do. I believe that anyone can do it like this. Like your friend, the guitarist that you've just told us about, can't move his fingers, but he can move his eyes. So he's still going to do that. You know, just adapt what you've got to do, what's best for you. And I just think that's really inspiring. That's one of my favorite questions to give to clients. Well, what can you do? It's very often they'll say, well, I can't write my book yet because I've got a kid on the way. Well, what can you do? Our guest last week, Sian, was saying that she's heavily pregnant, baby's on the way, but she's there, she's now studying. I was able to give her a lot of study materials about how do you write your book and get it published so that when she does have time later on down the road, she's ready. So that question of so what can you do? We have another question in from WR, which is slightly similar and slightly different. She says, I don't have time to move. Right. Listen to that. Like, straight off the Bat like that great big belief that might be getting new way. Wr, I don't have time to move as I have a desk job and I'm doing a master's degree. I keep telling myself I'll go to the gym or CrossFit class on the weekend, but then I don't. Is there any hope for me? Well, first of all, I'd look at the way that you're telling that to yourself, wr. So is there any hope for me when you ask that question in that is a presumption that somehow you're hopeless right now. And that's not the case. You're clearly, clearly highly effective as a person doing amazing things. You have a job, and also you're working towards your master's degree. And also you have an idea for something else that you like. So I would say, say I would take any idea of you being less than capable out of the way and instead maybe put in a question like, you know, well, how can I do it? How can I move myself? So when you say I don't have time to move, if you decided that's a limiting factor, maybe look at that. Is that the case? Or is it that the reason. Maybe it is. But maybe the reason you don't have time to move is because you're spending so much time watching TV shows on Netflix. Or maybe the reason is because you are, you know, sitting on a bus, whereas, in fact, you probably could walk alongside the bus and get there in the same amount of time. I'd also say, like, everyone has a lunch hour. You know, if you're in, if you're in an office job, you have a lunch hour. And, you know, to run 3K takes about 20 minutes. And that's like a very, very average, you know, pace, not speed of Gonzalez. That's just 3K. You could probably just start with running around the block, run up and down the stairs in your office, like, just do something. You've got one hour. You can do a lot in one hour. And you can also just do 10 minutes if you want of exercise. And then if the belief comes in. But in my lunch hour, that's when I study for my Masters. Well, you know what? That's. Put it on audio in your headphones. Absolutely. And then also look at the fact that, you know, if you were sick, you would have to take time off. You would have to take time off from your job, you'd have to take time off from studying. And so why not just move in order to make sure that you stay well? And also It'll just improve the rest of your day. Like we all have a dip at 3pm we all want that snack. So you know, by having a quick run around the block and which will inevitably, if you did that even three times a week, which will inevitably increase, you'll do 1k the next time you'll do maybe 1.5k and then before you know it, you're doing 5k in your lunch break and you'll feel, ah, absolutely amazing. Do you know what? I actually know this to be true because back in the early 2000s I couldn't run the length of myself. I was good in a dance class, but actually running, I couldn't do it. And I remember running to the bus stop. Now the bus stop was about 20 yards away. I got to the bus stop, thought I was going to just collapse and die. Walked all the rest of the way around the block, like that's how bad I was, as you say. Then I managed to walk, I managed to run as far as the garage without completely dying, then as far as the bank, then oh my gosh, I've made it over the railway tracks. And then I remember the very first time I did a whole kilometer because the block was a kilometer and I ran that whole kilometer and I just couldn't believe that I had run a kilometer. Let's do it. And then eventually ended up I was doing 10k three times a week. That's amazing. And the thing is that also some people, you know, find a friend that's also maybe in the same position as you that wants to do fitness but doesn't have the time and you want to just both run around because some people don't want to do it on their own. Some people are a bit shy, some people are a bit insecure and if that is the case, that's totally cool. But just get a friend and run around the block. Stick on St. Abba, get yourself in the cafe, make it work. More right after these. Welcome to women's radio station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Tracey Weedon of Brownhill Insurance Group. We are an award winning family run insurance broker covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal household, high net worth and fine art. You can contact us on 0208-658-4334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills. We've got you covered. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empower birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with the theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter imminsradio station, that's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together who transform everything. Oh my goodness me, doesn't time fly? We've been talking all about the body here today on the show here on WRS women's radio station supporting women's well being. By the way, I love a lot of people who regularly listen to the show. I'd like you to check out another show here on wrs. It's Get Booked with Hazel. And I think that you will really, really enjoy that. She chooses some amazing books to talk about. I just, I love her energy. I love the way she does it in a very non clunky way. She doesn't sort of elevate it as ideas being this very precious thing which is very, very practical. Really, really great fun. To please do check out. Get Booked here on the radio station. Mellie, do you know what time that goes out? 5am and 5pm 5am and 5pm so any day of the week, 5am and 5pm you'll be able to listen to Get Booked With Hazel. All right, so in the studio we have the Broadway and West End choreographer Xena Gustart here. And you're starting to understand what it's like to have that mindset of someone who moves and to realize that it's not a specialist thing for the freakily awesome like Xena. But all of us can actually just, you know, if it doesn't come naturally, if we don't have the impulse, we can create the impulse. We can start to create that addiction. So we just got one more question here, and this question is from Amy. And Amy says, I'm not very happy with my body. When I fix one thing, like my weight, then something else like my clothes or my tan feels wrong. Do you ever have that feeling of, you know, it just being like painting the fourth bridge, like you just never ever get it done with your body? Yeah, there's. There's always something. I mean, I've spent many years analyzing myself in a mirror because I've been in a dance rehearsal or dance class and that just. You end up just looking at every single hair placement. You know, how your teeth look and your lady lumps or non lady lumps or, you know. Yeah, I totally understand what that feels like to never quite feel finished, you know. And so how do you overcome that and get to a point where you feel like, you know what, this is more than good enough and I'm pretty sexy and you know, in fact suddenly that that word just reminded me of a big poster that I had laminated in. I was living in a gorgeous penthouse in the center of Dublin and had the, the backsplash on the back of the, you know, the oven bit. Yeah, in the kitchen. In the kitchen. Back of the hob. And I had just this huge laminated thing that said, I'm so sexy, I can't stop smiling. And there's one guy who came into a party one night and he looked at that and he cracked up. That that was just the most extraordinary thing to say about yourself. That's a good affirmation to see every single day, isn't it? Especially when you're cooking. That's it. I'm so sexy, I can't stop smiling. I'm just kind of like, oh yeah, I've got this. I've got this. At the time, that was the new idea I was trying to put in place because I saw myself back then as anything but sexy. The idea of me being desirable to somebody, even though I had tons of references that that might be the case, that idea was sort of very hard come by. But so how can we get to the point where we just do feel like, hey, you know what, it's not perfect, but I'm good, I'm so sexy, I can't stop smiling. I feel like if you. I think what happens for me personally when I stop, when I don't do things earlier I said I have to do something physical every day. So if I, if I stop that pattern, that's when I start to feel less confident, less sexy, less myself really. So I think I feel as long as, personally, as long as I'm trying or I'm aiming towards the next, the next workout or the next physical thing that I'm going to do and I like to plan it out. So I think, okay, on Thursday I'm going to go for a rock climb or on Friday I'm going to go for a swim and I'm going to. And each time I go to those things, I try and set myself a pb. So a personal best of that. Maybe his personal best. Not peanut butter. That as well. Lots of peanut butter. But yeah, I think you're never going to really feel finished or like you're a finished product. I think that will never be the case because life has so many factors that you know, cause you to do and act in different ways. But I think just keep going, keep moving forward. Like just do a little. Even if it's just a five minute workout. I started doing this thing, it's a four minute workout called a Tabata. They've got this app but it's on Spotify and Apple Music and it's called Tabata and it's the Rocky theme tune. Okay. Like my favorite movie. And it's basically you Hold a position for 20 seconds and rest for 10. And you do eight reps of that and it's four minutes in total. Four minutes of your day. Like everyone has four minutes. Now I'm imagining that those, those poses you're holding aren't kind of sit back with a cup of tea for 20 seconds. You could even be in a plank or you could be in a sit up position with like a high V or even just, just having your feet on the ground and having your neck off the ground so that you're engaging your tummy muscles. But you know, I mean, and the first couple of rounds for 20 seconds, oh, this is really easy. And then by round four or five, you know, you really feel like you've had at least four minutes of your day. You can work out first thing in the morning. You'll feel amazing after it. So would you mind putting that up on social media for everybody? So it'll be up on the Monday, we're going live right now. And it'll be up all week. You'll be able to go and you know, find what Xena put up on her social media on Monday. So it's Xena Jane with a Jane Gustheart is the Facebook page. That's the Facebook page, yeah. Xena Jane Gustheart and then the Instagram, because people can get inspired by you on Instagram. Instagram is Xena X E N A Gustheart. Okay, beautiful. So would you put that up, that link to that four minute thing and we can really, really go for that. Yeah, definitely. And it's four minutes every, you know, we can do four, we can make four minutes. And if you can't find summertime, so if you can't find, find four minutes, your problem is not your workout. Your problem is how you're prioritizing things in your life and in your head. Yeah. So the thing I really love about the way that you move through the world is two things. First of all, most people would presume that your way of working out would be the dance studio because that's your career, because you're a choreographer and you're very often in dance studios. You're teaching steps to people, you're coming up with steps, you're, you're dancing for the joy of it yourself now, even though you don't have the time to be center stage dancing so much anymore. But the other thing I really love is just the way that you move through the world when we see you head up, shoulders back, big smile, walking down the street, the way that you walk into A room. The way that you sit, even the way you're sitting right now, you're automatically there. We're not filming or anything, but just automatically you're sitting beautifully. You make me want to change position, but I'm afraid that I'll knock the mic out of place and Melissa will give me a look. But you know what? How does it feel? Because I imagine that it must be like wearing a really great outfit all the time or having a really great sports car. That is you. I don't. I don't know. I've never really analyzed it so closely before because it's just like, inherently how I developed through life. Yeah. But I. I just feel like to have this lust for life and adventure, you know, I mean, what is life without adventure, really? And to me, that could be anything from, like, okay, I solve a new problem at the climbing wall, or I find a new route to walk down through Greenwich park, or, you know, and I think seeing things, like, it's not just about being physical. It's just about being out there doing something. Like, go out and just do something. Even if it's just a walk down a new path. And. And doing those things gives me the sort of. The confidence or the sort of awareness of my physical self. Just by. Because I'm constantly being physical and doing things, it makes me more aware of it. So it seems like that's an upward spiral. So it's like you're moving, which makes you more aware, which makes you move more, and then you get a better result and then you want to move again. Absolutely. The awareness and the reward and the action all become a massively upward spiraling thing rather than a series of problems that you feel stuck that you can't move out of. Absolutely. I think that. I think that nothing bad comes from getting up and going and doing like that. To me, I just have this get up and go automatic response to things like, just get up and just go do something. Because it does really. It only gives you something positive. The feedback is only ever really positive. Like, I don't know anyone that's went. I went out for a walk and I feel even worse than I did before. Unless they fell into something hideous while they were out on the road. But there's still an adventure, there's still a story to tell. Like, there's still, you know, you're living life, you've got a zest for life. I love that you're saying this because this is actually how I set you up before you arrived in studio. I actually said that this is how Xena does life. That if she knows that there's somebody that she needs business wise to know that you'll be much more likely to just want to go and find out where they are and sit down and meet them, rather than doing it in your head and working it all out in your head ahead of time. And so this is really beautiful. What can we do if we have someone that we really love and we're worried about them physically? Because very often people will say, I'm worried that I've got a parent who's really slowing down. I see them year after year, their bodies getting more creaky and they don't seem motivated. What would be a really good way, just quickly, before we finish up the show, what would be a good way to inspire them or encourage them or to move with them, do you think? I think it's really important. I've had. I'm experiencing exactly this between my mum and, well, my parents and my brother. So my brother's one thing where he's always had this cerebral palsy and he's always had this since birth. And with him, I sent him video after video that I can on Facebook or WhatsApp. Inspirational people that are just like him but doing X, Y and Z. So presumably that he's responsive to it. He doesn't receive it as criticism. It depends, you know, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm like, listen, inspiration will, you know, it will eventually. It might seep in, it might not, you know, But I think the act of giving people that opportunity to be inspired is important. And it's the same with my mum and my parents. And so I totally understand if you've got a concern and how, you know that they. All you can do is offer them a. Offer them something that's different to what they've naturally done for so long. Like if they've never done yoga, be like, do you want to do two stretches with me in the garden today? And if they say yep, then great. And if they say no, just try again tomorrow. And if they keep saying no, I would just keep trying because they might say yes. And if they don't say yes, it's not a reflection on you, it's just where they're at in their life. But I would always aim to inspire people to try and move in any way, even if it's just for five minutes with me. I love that. So whether you are inspiring your whole troupe of dancers on the stage in Broadway or whether you're just, you know, asking your mum to come outside into the garden that, you know, we can do that, we can be that great inspiration. So, Xena Gostart, thank you so much for being our guest here in studio. Welcome. Thank you for having me. Absolutely. And if people are in Manhattan, on Broadway over the next while, go and see Bat out of Hell, go see Xena's work, give her a wave and we'll see you all next week at noon. Until then, take care. Welcome to the women's radio station. Supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. 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