[Speaker 1] (0:00 - 8:35) Hello, this is Anna Kennedy and we're live at Covent Garden and we are talking all things autism and we're supporting women's well-being. My guest today is Jo Luck, but before I go over to Jo, just let you know what I've been up to. So yesterday I was in Essex with one of our ambassadors, Aston Avery, and I was listening to all the interviews that he conducted at Autism's Got Talent. They were so good. He was interviewing the performers, he was interviewing the celebrities and he was interviewing some members of the audience and all very, very positive. There's been so much media as well that's been across social media. One of our singers, Daniel from Ireland, he was in the Irish Mirror, he was in my London, he's been everywhere and everyone is buzzing. And what Lisa and I have been doing, we've been watching all of the auditions for St Ives. So that's next month. It just seems like everything's just happening really quickly. I can't even believe that we're in the middle of May already. So my guest today is Jo, Jo Luck. She's one of my patrons of Anna Kennedy online. She's got a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome and ADHD and is a multiple world champion in her sport of kickboxing. Jo is a resilient, strong woman who was diagnosed as an adult and subsequently has faced many challenges and battles around accessing support and mental health. In spite of all the knockbacks she has had in recent years, she hasn't allowed these to defeat her and has in fact grown stronger and has become passionate about developing herself and supporting others, especially around changing views around disability and autism. Hello, Jo. Hi. It's been a while, is it? No, it hasn't. When did I see you? I saw you a couple of weeks ago. That's right. So you've always been supporting the show and I just want to thank you for that. So let's talk a little bit about diagnosis. When were you first diagnosed? And can you just tell me a little bit about the process and how it happened? Well, I was diagnosed with Asperger's when I was 23, so about 2010 and then ADHD in 2014 when I was about 28, I think. So basically I kind of grew up without the diagnosis. And what it was that led to my diagnosis was the fact that I had mental health problems and I was in like a mental health crisis. And if it wasn't for that, I don't think that I would have gone through with being assessed and stuff. And I think actually like kind of going through a diagnosis at that kind of like age and at that time is quite difficult because on the one hand you're kind of relieved because it's not a big issue, a big problem, you're not kind of, it's nothing really serious kind of thing. Well I guess autism is serious but it's not, you know what I mean. But on the other hand also it's very hard to go back over your life and think about all the things that have happened and what might have been if you'd known that information sooner. And I think actually for me the accepting of being autistic was quite easy in terms of this is what it is. But it was the understanding about what it was and how it impacted my life and then kind of reframing all my experiences. That was the hard bit and that took more time because a lot of self-analysis happens and suddenly things make sense and it's like you've had a book that you couldn't understand the language to for like most of your life and then suddenly one day you open it and you can read it. And that's kind of what it was like for me I guess. Well how was it for school for you going through sort of primary, secondary, what sort of difficulties did you experience? Well in school I kind of flew under the radar because being a girl very quiet like I would not speak. So actually when I started play school I don't think I spoke to anybody but like one person and I like would refuse to drink milk and stuff like that. But then when I started school reception year I would cry every lunch time for my mum and my brother and it was things like that but like I think nowadays that would have been looked into but like back then it wasn't. The biggest problems in school kind of came when I got to secondary school because of all the change in. Yeah going from classroom to classroom. Yeah you've transitioned into obviously a new bigger school with bigger children and it's not just the change in between classrooms it's a change in as you're growing up. So just as I got used to everybody my age kind of liking certain things doing ahead in certain ways they all changed and liked going after boys and alcohol and that kind of thing and that kind of culture was difficult to catch up with. What about the work at school were you able to go up with it? Yeah I was very clever obviously. Obviously. Yeah I was like I did okay with the school work. I think what I kind of find frustrating and like the thing that I kind of struggle with a bit now is the fact that obviously going through GCSE because I didn't have any support and by the time I got to GCSE years I was going through whole days at school not speaking to anyone at all. So there was a lot of concerns about me and nobody knew what it was. I would actually I'd be the kid that they would actually like skip when they were asking everyone a question because they knew they would just get silent. Okay. And it was it was like I think year 11 I basically did no revision for my GCSEs and I didn't do very much work. I fair sleep in maths, I fair sleep in my drama GCSE exam, fair sleep in PE which is an achievement. So I was very stressed really and I think what I find really hard is obviously I was predicted a lot of high grades. I got I was pretty little A's and stuff because I couldn't structure my revision and because I struggled with homework obviously having ADHD it meant that like I don't know if I could have done better with some support around doing revision and in exams. So I was predicted like all A's but I got all B's so I guess for no work and no revision that's not too bad. That was brilliant. But it's kind of you think if I'd have known earlier then maybe that would have affected what I thought I could have done because I was very much unsure of anything. I didn't want to go university because I didn't think I would cope there. So you've been a patron to Anna Kennedy online. I think it's about five years now is it? How was it? A little bit more. Since 2013. Yeah so and you've done quite a lot of work with me. You've been speaking at various different events. You created a comic strip book which was just a total success. So many parents, so many kids as well reading the comic strip book felt like they recognized a lot of what you put in there. We launched that at the House of Commons if I remember correctly. So that was fantastic. You also spoken on Autumn's Got Talent. We've done quite a bit together so I just wanted to say thanks because obviously you're a great speaker as well. Every time somebody hears you speak they say they just get so much out of what you share with everybody. So how do you feel about being a patron and where do you think that you've supported a lot of parents along the years that we've been doing it? Well I guess like for a start being asked to be a patron was quite a big thing for me because I think like that year 2013 I did so many different things. That was the year I kind of we kind of met and I spoke at Autumn's Got Talent. That's right. And like until then like I hadn't really done a lot of things. I just started sort of speaking in assemblies because I'd won my world titles in kickboxing and I wanted to kind of inspire younger people and then I kind of wanted to reach out to people who were autistic. I think that's kind of how we got talking really. So being a patron was like quite a privilege and an honour really and it made me feel like quite positive about myself like that somebody would want me like people to look up to me. So that was quite a big a big thing for me and I enjoy kind of doing as much as I can around the charity but I love doing the comic. I think that went like as far as Canada. [Speaker 2] (8:36 - 8:36) It did. [Speaker 1] (8:36 - 13:59) They found that in Canada. So that was quite fun. It's just I haven't done as much as I'd have liked to have done because I've had some difficulties in the last few years. I've always said to you there's no pressure it's when you are ready. It's just like when I kind of took on the patron role I had all these ideas in my head that I would do this and I would do that and I wanted to get involved with these things and obviously I like I live a bit further away than most people. Everything's in London whereas I'm kind of a few hours away. So it makes it more difficult to get there and stuff. But I think like the opportunities that I've had have helped me grow a lot as a person and then just building relationships with people like everyone in the charity has been really friendly and supportive to me and it's when you turn up to events even if I've not kind of been around for a while everyone's still just as welcoming and friendly to me which is a really nice thing because I don't always have that experience. It's not growing to be a family really aren't we like a big family. And I guess it's kind of it's helped kind of I've helped manage to help quite a few people. Obviously I've met my friend Vicky who used to be a charity champion and I've helped her a lot because she lives locally with around where I live and over the years I think I've made quite a difference with their family and just I think general just like giving a kind of hope and inspiration and advice to a few people has kind of been useful for them. Yeah and when we had the expo as well you came along and spoke to a few parents and individuals where they're having a bit of a difficult time and you're giving them a little bit of advice. So everything that you've contributed to the charity has been great even though you feel maybe sometimes you happen you just have so and you know as I say it's there's no pressure it's when you are ready and I've always said to you if I've asked you to do something no pressure you know it's when you're ready. Well it's like you I'm a bit of a perfectionist I like to get like do my best and get it all in but I think like we're planning on doing some training sessions and stuff aren't we yeah and like I think now a lot of things are settling down that's something I'll be able to do. That's great yeah because we've got one of our consultants Paul who spoke previously a few weeks ago and on women's radio station and he spoke about his experiences so what I do is I look across social media I watch people and if I feel that they're going to be fitting into our team that's when I say would you like to become a patron would you like to become an ambassador would you like to become a charity champion so for anyone out there that's listening and they'd like to be part of our team please send us in a message to Anna Kennedy online which is www.annakennedyonline.com if you'd like to ask Jo any questions about whether you know you feel that you might be on the spectrum yourself or you might be going through a difficult patch Jo gives some fantastic advice so if you'd like to contact her again through the charity website Jo you're on social media as well I believe so Twitter what's your Twitter handle? jerrybcka so that's at j-o-e-y-b-c-k-a yeah and you're on Facebook and Instagram probably but I don't use it but yeah a lot of people tend to use Facebook and Twitter so Facebook's the best way yeah so um again if you want to contact us please contact us via the charity website welcome to women's radio station I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons Live on women's radio station hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me Stepania Passamante on women's radio station hello and welcome to julene is listening hi this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well-being and we're talking all things autism women the possibilities are endless that's what makes us different hi I'm Falguni Desai of Action Coach are you a business owner with more than five employees? Do you want to grow your business? I'm a London-based business coach who helps small and medium-sized businesses to grow and make a profit. I will help you identify the strengths and weaknesses in your business and then work with you to improve it using a structured framework to find out more contact me on o double seven two one six five four six four zero and book your one hour complimentary one-to-one coaching session thank you Hi I'm Tracy Weeden of Brownhill Insurance Group we are an award-winning family-run insurance broker covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal household high net worth and fine art you can contact us on 0208 658 4334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills we've got you covered. Hi I'm Carolyn Van Biers please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station it's mother's hour if like me you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them this is definitely the show for you we'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of incredible stories it will be refreshing honest and funny look at being a mum. [Speaker 2] (14:00 - 14:30) Hi I'm Valentina Barraci and I'm the executive director of Media Matters for Women we're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth and mobile phones focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty we empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access own and share information to find out more and be part of this movement come check out our website at media mattersforwomen.org [Speaker 1] (14:32 - 59:54) Women's radio station can give a voice to your brand with a wide range of sponsorship opportunities including individual programs we can tailor your experience to you for more information on how you can sponsor a show go to women's radio station.com Women the possibilities are endless that's what makes us different Hello this is Anna Kennedy and we're talking all things autism and we're supporting women's well-being my guest today is Jo Luck one of my charity patrons and Jo is amazing at kickboxing so Jo you have been very successful in your sport of kickboxing winning through not only one but three world titles what made you start kickboxing? Well I started back when I was 13 and my dad took me along and he thought it'd be a good way to build my confidence because I didn't really talk much okay and first he took my little brother and then he tried to take me along and I was one that stuck stuck at it okay and it kind of was just something I instantly loved and I felt comfortable there didn't speak to anyone there for like two years so maybe his like idea of making it help me with my confidence was a bit slow to happen but I think actually in the end it did okay so you've said before that kickboxing is really helpful in terms of managing your autism and ADHD can you tell me a little bit about how this helps though some people might think oh it's quite an aggressive sport so how is that going to help you? Yeah well I think for a start my psychologist he says that actually having autism and ADHD gives me a bit of an advantage because it kind of plays to my strengths okay because with the training that I do a lot of it's very structured and routine and repetitive so obviously my autistic sort of side loves that bit and I will keep practicing the same thing over and over and over again until I perfect it and then the ADHD side obviously it's very reactive so you're having to be like alert and responding to things very quickly which also plays into that strength so where it's helped me has been obviously first and foremost I'm part of a team so having some inclusion and being around other people it's a good social environment and it's not too much pressure within that social environment because everyone's there to do the same thing so it's not about conversations it's about punching people so I feel a bit more comfortable um secondly like actually for me it's very regulating so I have a lot of sensory issues um so could you explain that because we have a lot of parents who are listening that have got children that have just been diagnosed so they want to learn so yeah so what sort of sensory issues could you just break it down a little bit like I struggle with I struggle with bright lights loud noises um strong tastes certain smells um if people touch me when I'm like being expecting it um being and um having people walk past me in a big crowd can be quite um distressing and difficult because I can't judge where I am so there's spatial things as well um I also struggle with balance which is quite funny considering I do kickboxing um but when I get kind of overloaded my the first things for me to go my speech and uh my balance so it actually looks quite weird because I'm an articulate intelligent person yeah who who's very high functioning and he's very athletic but then when I'm overloaded I lose speech and I can't stand up so people find that difficult to understand um has that impacted on you say for example you're in a fight um and then you feel a bit overloaded and a bit overwhelmed how how would you carry on or would you just stop well that's kind of where like the kickboxing helps because it helps regulate okay so um there's a sense called proprioception which is judging where your joints and your body is in time and space and that's where like where you get like the weighted blankets and deep pressure that's um affecting that sense so it's it's quite a can be quite calming effect so for me it's not the hitting people that helps me calm down it's the being hit which sounds really really really warped okay but it it actually works and um I can go into training kind of really stressed about the day not being able to talk very much not being able to concentrate a bit struggling like put on my gloves start fighting mainly with my main favorite training partner and he'll hit me hard a few times and it's like a power boost for me so they avoid hitting me in the body because they know that they're going to get kicked in the head so um it's it's like um it's like I think I need a lot of of the of the way like in weighted blankets and the deep pressure so when you're getting hit quite hard that's quite calming for me so um they call me the the toughest fighter in the the club out of everyone including all the men so I guess that kind of says a lot about how hard to let them hit me so don't mess with your then so yeah there's so that helps with it as well but then also um that it's taught me I can be successful and disciplined and not to give up it gives me something to focus on and aim for and having a goal there's always a good thing in life I think you're talking about weighted blankets and what some parents find frustrating is that they'll see oh weighted blankets so they'll buy one and they expect it to be like a magic blanket and everything doesn't work the same way for every one of our children and our adults and I think that's what the frustrating thing is because you've got a lot of parents out there that are looking for the holy grail if you like yeah something that's going to calm their child down because nobody likes to see their child being upset so think oh I'm going to buy a weighted blanket or I'm going to buy um something that vibrates on their back or I'm going to get this fork that you can put on their head there's lots of different things when you go to these shows it's just like a minefield and what parents find very difficult is which one do I choose how do I know what's going to be right for my son and daughter and they they waste a lot of money as well because these things are not cheap so what advice would you give to a parent who's just starting out their child has got a lot of sensory issues like say for Angelo's sake it's noise it's um light he doesn't sleep much so what sort of things do you think parents should start off with that it's not going to cost a lot of money that they're going to waste well it's quite easy to find cheap sensory toys on um like amazon and stuff like that um it offends and things aren't too much money anyway when you're looking at the weighted things I think there are places like um a lot of support groups might have things that you can trial out or if you contact companies they they'll let you rent them for a couple of weeks to see I didn't know that renting yeah I think squeeze vests they they let you rent them out to see if they work yeah um like I got a free trial for that and um like it wasn't quite for me but yeah um so I think also one of the things I think that people need to be more aware of is the fact that like your sensory needs like and what calms you it can change so like for me sometimes it'll be I want to like have a fluffy thing then next thing you know I want to have something different um and it's about finding as well where that pressure most helps so when I get really stressed it's my chest and my shoulders and my head so I'll be pushing my head into people or into walls because I feel stressed um which can look funny that's why it then leads to head butting and things so it's like a trying to calm um also like if kids are biting that can be because when I get stressed as well I get a lot of like tension in my jaw and it feels really horrible so I want to bite to get rid of it so that's what I'll bite myself so sometimes it's replacing that with a chew you look at what behaviors you're seeing and think what could um replace this I think a couple of years ago I went through a stamping phase okay where I nearly broke both my feet stamping on concrete floor um and so then I got a fitness step that has these like pods on them on the bottom so that I would stand on those and then just like stamp my feet up and down and within about 30 seconds the meltdown that was coming was gone okay so it's just looking at the different things that the child's doing and thinking um what could what could that be that and there's actually quite a lot of books as well that are quite useful there's one that you can go through the contents of the book and it identifies the behavior and then what the sensory need is so that would be quite useful so I could try and find the title of that and give it to you for your website yeah so one um obviously after the program Jo's going to write an article about some of the things that she's spoken about so some of the links she's talking about she can include them and again you can find it on the charity website Angelo this morning had three difficult episodes of where he just got so stressed and sometimes it's quite frustrating for me as a mom because he's non-verbal that to find out what was the trigger for this so it was like at four o'clock this morning then it was at half past four and then it was something like half past five and you'll start off by just pressing his hands and his fingers together so tightly and then he'll just start slapping his head like really really hard and his ears as well and I'm worried about him hurting himself and I try to put my hands in between his hands and my hands are like really stinging and so the tops of my hands I thought if I'm feeling that he's feeling that on his face so um yeah so it's quite frustrating when your son or daughter are non-verbal you're always looking for what the triggers are um I used to keep a diary as well of like days when it happens certain times of the day was it before a bath was it after a bath was it when I was taking him to bed was it before I've taken him for a walk when he came back for a walk it's just like you have to be a detective to try and find out what it is that's making your son or your daughter stressed it is that and I think you can kind of compile a bit of a checklist of environment illness tiredness hunger that kind of thing and try and eliminate sort of simple things as well yeah before you look at something more complex but I think I had a meltdown last week where I was hitting my head and I was hitting my head because I wanted my thoughts to stop so I don't know if that would be the same for Angelo but like that's that's kind of how it was for me yeah he used to find as well when Patrick was younger that um there were certain days when he used to go to school even though he hated school all the time but he would get more stressed and then I discovered what the trigger was because he didn't want to go in the hall and take his socks off to do pee so that's all it was was taking his socks off to do pee but it took us such a long time to figure out that's what it was and also things like he used to think the whole doors as in where everybody went in there was a mouse this was when he was a lot younger and he was going to swallow him up as he walked into the hall or he's worried about the chair scraping on the floor so as the kids were going to sit down there was that scraping noise on the floor so again that was something that we pinpointed that made him very very stressed so yeah you definitely have to be like a detective but you can sometimes figure out what the triggers are you know especially if they're non-verbal you just got to really look at the the behaviors of your son or your daughter so coming in tune with them and yeah I noticed if you don't mind me saying you've got a little penguin there is that one of your comfort toys yes I love penguins and I love fluffy things so I like to like fiddle and things yeah yeah and fiddly toys are really quite good as well to help but again it doesn't like it's not for everyone so you just got to keep trying to trial and error you to see what works for your son or what works for your daughter so we're going to be carrying on talking a little bit more about your kickboxing team in the next half so I'm looking forward to listening to that even though I know an awful lot about you and I've watched you kickboxing and you're very very good and I wouldn't like to be in a ring with you even though you've tried to say that you want to teach me it's just like you wanted to fight me no no no let's get it right I was maybe I was younger then so anyway so if you want to ask your question about anything she's talking about please contact us via the charity website it's www.annakennedyonline.com or you can message me on Facebook at Anna Kennedy online or at twitter at Anna Kennedy one or instagram at Anna Kennedy or be women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from the opinions career ethnicity education we aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere providing opportunities and a platform for your voice women the possibilities are endless that's what makes us different hi I'm liz van linden the UK travel consultant for hazel may travel people come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalized service this happens from 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team and are your teammates supportive or understanding when you struggle? Yeah they are generally I think for them it's been a learning curve like there's a lot of people in my team that have been in my team for a long time so they're kind of like family to me really but then there's also people that are newer so I think sometimes it's a bit difficult for them to kind of adjust some of the things I do because they kind of they kind of get when to talk to me and when to leave me be and when I'm stressed who should fight with me and who shouldn't because when I'm stressed I have to warn them really because I would hit harder and stuff so there's only certain people that can really kind of handle me when I'm like that but I think like going abroad and stuff they're always quite supportive of me so my coaches will like give me like information about what to expect ahead of time I have a carer who supports me there and we get special assistance in the airports but it's not always straightforward and there are there are challenges when I'm out there competing so I think people see the medals and they see the performances but they don't see all of the build up the difficulties like the stress of actually the change like the getting things ready like my care will pick me up to go to the competition I'll be like on the way to the airport can we go home now because I don't like the change of leaving home yeah and like by the time we get to the last day I've asked to go home every day and the last day is I don't want to go home I want to stay here now I like it here now so it's that bit's quite hard I think that recently I was in Northern Ireland and we'd had a competition there I got a bronze medal well I should have won but we'll ignore that of course but like later that night we were kind of in a restaurant eating food it was just the hotel restaurant and it was really quite dark but there were like spotlights um like lighting and it was noisy and sizzling noises and like smells and lots of people talking um so I got quite stressed and it was just literally in the space of what like two minutes or something like I went from being able to be eating my dinner to then like there were these little kids running around the table and one of them touched me which kind of freaked me out so every time they ran past I was scared they were going to touch me again so um I started struggling to use my knife and fork um my care I had to give me um some of my prn medication and when I get like that overloaded I can't actually pick the tablet up because I can't judge where it is um and then I had to literally be carried out of the restaurant and my care would never been able to do that on her own so luckily like some of my teammates were nearby and and they kind of helped me and then there was like a meltdown of shouting for like hours and my coach actually had to come into the room to kind of help me calm and um he just kind of was reminding me about what I was good at and that people were there for me and it was okay um and kind of validating how I felt and stuff um and it was quite um stressful but those things kind of happen sometimes but it's great to see that your team are supporting you um and obviously the your team manager would you call him yeah that's really looking after you and gets you so yeah with their family to me but I've been part of so long that they know what what's what with me really okay so this week is mental health awareness week so if you don't mind can we talk about mental health sure okay so mental health issues occurring with autism has been something you have been quite vocal about in the past two years do you mind telling us a little bit about your personal experiences and obviously I know some of them because we've chatted about them but if you can just speak to the public and how it's affected you well like last year was not a very good year for me at all um I was had a quite a bad mental health crisis around this time last year actually um following like a PIP tribunal and some other stresses that I had in my life so PIP what is that because people listening in again that's personal independence payment so it's a disability benefit with DWP um and basically I'd got to the tribunal and a representative from the DWP was there and said straight away probably even got in the room that they'd got the decision wrong so it was kind of that obvious yeah um so after all that stress that I kind of built up um things kind of deteriorated I was scared of being at home and um I kind of had a mental health crisis was taken to the hospital and they just had nowhere for me to go yeah so I was in A&E overnight I wasn't under a section or anything they wouldn't let me leave which was which is wrong anyway um and nobody told me what was going on nobody gave me medication nobody even gave me food upon where the toilet was um I was quite scared and essentially overload and hiding the tables and things like that and eventually they made special arrangements for me to stay at a crisis house which is a temporary facility of like sort of seven days of kind of a respite for people with mental um illness so I got put in this place um there were actually no beds so I slept on the chair for two days um my doctor didn't want to see me any sooner than than he was supposed to so he's called me for 10 minutes didn't he do you ask for your dog Oscar to be yet and they said no yeah Oscar he was my dog he was allowed to come for the first night and then they tried to take him away um and say that he wasn't allowed to be there and I couldn't understand it in that level of distress so I had a police liaison officer that had been called after I'd walked out of the mental health um place um come and shout at me for laying on the floor and she said um you're growing up you're not a child get up off the floor when you've quite finished doing that as if I was kind of doing it all on purpose and she kind of shouted at me and made me scared um then after I'd gone back to the crisis house because there was no way I could have looked after myself at home um I was in a meltdown for like an hour screaming about Oscar and um it was quite distressing everyone was kind of crying around me and eventually they kind of went and got Oscar because they thought it was the only thing that they could do and even then it it kind of didn't stop because it was a proper meltdown um and I ended up staying in that place for six to seven weeks they thought it was just about having the right care at home nobody gave me any health input nobody assessed me um I didn't know what was going on eventually when I did go home um there wasn't enough home and then back any the next night and then sent home and then the third night I could have no overnight care so my social workers dropped me off at A&E and I was admitted to hospital so then I was in the general ward and what happened there like was even worse like I didn't know what was going on in there um I was being watched I wasn't told I wasn't allowed to shut the door to go to the toilet I wasn't told about um that I could have a shower or wash um I'd been left in a room on my own for a whole day where I could go into the toilet shut the door nobody could see what I was doing then transferred onto a ward where I wasn't allowed to shut the door to go to the toilet and nobody kind of explained why so it was quite distressing because logically I was thinking well all day yesterday I was doing that and now you're saying I can't then the very next day they're like oh you can go home now and I was like well what's changed because nobody's spoken to me I've not eaten any food you've not given me any food because I couldn't make choices off the menu um things were happening just as they're about to happen before like I wasn't kind of pre-warned about it and um they said if I kept asking to go home they would section me I could go home if I wanted to but they would call the police and so I didn't feel like I had a choice of being there but again they didn't have anywhere to put me yeah so in the end I ended up being sent to a care home because in my county they have a protocol not to send people with autism or learning disabilities into psychiatric hospital so as an alternative they sent me to a care home where I was supposed to be for seven to ten days and ended up being there for seven weeks is that the place where you heard the doctors and nurses arguments in that you were too articulate and they didn't know what to do no that was in um the general hospital where I'd had a sensory overload and when I get sensory overload I will often lay on the floor um for the input from the floor is calming and so that I don't head but or throw things or have any of those challenging behaviors it's kind of a way to keep safe so it it looks very controlled because it is because it's a coping strategy so they were like she's chosen to lay on the floor okay so come away from her and so the nurses were arguing that they needed more training on these kinds of things and didn't you start writing care plans of how they should treat you and how they should look after you yeah I've always done that and the more that I've been able to do that the less they've believed that that's what I need and I only started writing those things because they didn't understand what I needed so obviously a lot of training needs to go on which is what um I don't know if you heard Paula McGowan and obviously what happened to her son and she was pushing for mandatory training for NHS staff and listening to what you've just been talking about it's so needed so we're going to be talking a little bit more about mental health if you don't mind so let's just talk very quickly about Oscar how does Oscar calm you down what does he do um he's just his general presence I find really calming he will lay on my legs if I'm upset he will not leave me he kind of stayed by my side um we're very in tune I get what he need he gets what I need so um it's just he just makes me feel safe um he's he's just a great companion um I think he's probably a bit autistic himself um but um he just he makes me laugh and um yeah he gives me um routines as well I've got responsibility it's a purpose to get up take him out um but like for the calming side of things he will interrupt when I'm getting stressed and if I'm stressed he will come and lay on me and when I'm ill he will also not leave me so you know when I'm highly stressed Oscar's going to be next to me okay so obviously again we're not saying that every child on the spectrum should get a dog but you know I think a pet's are good in general for our children so whether it's a dog whether it's a cat I've heard that cats are quite autistic like in their behaviors I've seen quite a few books um about cats so it's been good for us you know um Angelo took a while to get used to Chanel but he he got there in the end so yeah just look at it so again if you want to ask questions please contact us at the charity website I can put them forward to Joe and it's www.anna kennedy online.com Women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from the opinions career ethnicity education we aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere providing opportunities and a platform for your voice women the possibilities are endless that's what makes us different. Hi I'm Liz Van Linden the UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel people come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalized service this happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home I work with luxury tour operators you can contact me on 07825 44 1212 and Liz spelled L-I-S at hazelmeretravel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman founder of empower and enrich when it comes to money do you clam up or get confused do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement you are not alone many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start at empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy affordable way get in touch with me at empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Are you struggling with money turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet job loss illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis we give practical help to get people back on track whether you're thinking of having a baby trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to we can help visit turn to us.org.uk let me tell you about german street theater this is a secret theater in the heart of the west end once found never forgotten this is where careers ignite where great actors perform just feet away from the audience this is where magic happens we would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows the website is www.germondstreettheatre.co.uk you're listening to women's radio station supporting women's well-being coming soon will be a host of new shows supporting all areas of your well-being shows that you can get involved in so stay tuned women's radio station.com here for you hello this is Anna Kennedy and we're talking all things autism we're live in Covent Garden and we're supporting women's well-being i just wanted to share that my son Patrick went to Glasgow at the weekend first time on his own um all the way to Glasgow even though the train was cancelled on the way back we coped and i talked him through it but he was shattered but he did it so i'm so proud of him and he's talking about going to Edinburgh so obviously it hasn't put him off so Jo so after all that you have been through what do you think needs to change to support autistic children and adults with mental health issues better well obviously clearly the the biggest thing is training and i know like i read a lot about Paula McGowan and her son and a lot of like his experience kind of felt similar to mine obviously not to the same extent but like i could resonate resonated with me and i think the training is really important but it also needs to be training from people who have been through it and have experienced it and can can give the insight so i've been kind of doing training with our local um health service okay um i did a train my first training day with them how was that yeah it went really well like it was kind of a like last minute like finished off kind of thing ADHD style okay um but it went really well and i think everyone was quite um positive about it because i try not to be a talking textbook yeah i'm more of a um giving experiences and using different examples and things like that so i think firstly like obviously that training and awareness of what the issues are so you can only train people to to work with things when you know what the issues are so in my health service they weren't aware that there were no services for for someone like me which i'm not quite sure how you don't know that yeah but um i mean it's taken me nearly four years just to get psychological input i eventually succeeded in getting the specialist because they wouldn't offer it to me because i'm autistic okay so that's a milestone providing training so hopefully there'll be more to come um so i know that day-to-day life can be difficult with you and we've spoken about it a little bit within this hour so are there any strategies and approaches that you use to make things easier and i'm saying that as well because again there's a lot of people who are listening and thinking oh what type of things can i do with my son and my daughter whether they're a child when they're an adult so they might be listening to you and there might be something they'll think oh i'll try that um well i'm quite a little genius with strategies really um because i've had to be very resourceful um i didn't get a lot of input after i was diagnosed so basically what i need the most is structure if i don't have structure even if i can't really follow it and if i don't kind of know what i should be doing i don't actually do anything okay so um it's awful trying to get me to do the structure because i hate planning so i get help with planning um but like having visual boards that tell me what's going on i i need more like a time table um yeah so i've got a picture board and i've got um a month dry white board where i've got all my appointments on okay and um i've also got a folder that has things broken down further in today today um and then i have pockets where i put all the paperwork for what my tasks are for each day so i can access it quite quickly um because if i can't access things to start a task i won't start it okay um so that structure is quite useful um i've lived on my own for a while so um i was starting to make use of like the the smart speakers i have like the google home and i was setting up um routines on them so that they would remind me to go to bed every night and in that reminder they would tell me to take my medication to update my meal planner because i have a visual meal planner and all that kind of stuff they'd have in the morning it would say good morning and it would give me all my reminders and prompts for the day um and like basically if i was going out i could say i'm going kickboxing and it would turn the lights off for me turn the temperature down in my house and it would tell me to make sure i've got all the things i need yeah so all those kind of things help me um and i've also programmed it so that if i tell it i'm stressed it will prompt me to have medication it will do some of the strategies that help me to calm down and remind me that stress is a temporary feeling because in the moment um i guess is this is really important to understand about autism sometimes autistic people when they have a feeling you can't picture that ending so you think that's going to be your forever yeah so it's the same when you go to appointments if they say how did you feel last week how how things been going i find that impossible to answer because i can't remember how i feel now yeah so i can't remember how i felt last week so it kind of works both ways in that sense so um it's just those those things are quite quite helpful to kind of remind you um i also have things like communication cards um i'm kind of like look at trying identifying the problem and then working out a solution for it um i quite i quite like to think outside the box of things so yeah i'm a bit like that so we're um we're on women's we're um talking about women's well-being so if i was to ask you how do you relax um because obviously you know with me i like dancing that's my way of like switching off i don't have to think about anything i almost think of it as an autism free zone if you like because it's just like at work and i've got my sons so i need to have time where it's just me anna so what do you do to relax um various things okay um crazy cooking chef on msn messenger i think on messenger it's a game like you're like feeding people burgers and stuff okay um just distraction games like that kind of help um i get quite obsessed with it which isn't always a good thing okay um i like like decorating that makes me feel quite calm you're painting something at the minute are you yeah i decided at 10 o'clock last night to paint my bathroom okay um i like the like satisfaction of like the how it looks when it finished okay so i think um that can also be like seeing that that thing where you can see that automatic outcome can be quite helpful um what else i'd like to do um i just like to chill out with with oscar yeah really like um fluffy bed sheets oscar and the film yeah it's probably like my chill thing yeah what kind of films you like um nothing scary because i'm a wuss but don't tell anyone okay kickboxer yeah true i don't mind some scary things but then when i'm watching it with my husband shawn he'd like at the most scary moment he'll get the pillow or cushion he'll just throw it across the room which makes me jump so he loves that thing but yeah so yeah it's good to watch film and just try and switch off so what are the most important pieces about advice do you would give to an adult or a family member that might be on the autumn spectrum that might just got diagnosed you know going to work some people are worried about telling their employers you know that they've got autism yeah um i'd just say to someone with autism um the most important thing is that it's okay to be you and like being different isn't right or wrong it's just different it's it's just how it is but i'd say like the best way to deal with that is to to go and find out as much as you can about about autism and try and like relate it into your life because when you understand yourself and how you work you can then start to see what can help you to grow and to develop so that's the thing that's helped me the most is self-learning and understanding of what i what i could do and ways around things there's more than one path to to what you want to do it's just uncovering the bushes i guess yeah um so like that's kind of what i'd say is just like have have your goal have your purpose and just like be understanding of yourself like treat yourself as you would treat other people that's what i always say just speak to people how you would like to be spoken to i say that to my son all the time and i guess like if i was saying something to family or people working with people with autism i'd say the most important thing like hands down the most important thing you could ever do is validate because i think my life has been shaped by a lot of invalidating experiences and kind of whenever something's happened it's been well you can't really feel that or you can't really struggle with this thing or you can't really do that and i guess when you're autistic there's so much focus on the things you can't do and what you're stressed about you're under a microscope so rather than saying well what's wrong what are you doing this for stop doing that instead of all of that when you first see that sign of stress say you look very stressed i understand that something is making you very stressed and upset and i want to help and those words are actually so powerful in in supporting someone um like it helped my friend with her son like no end because um it would stop him from actually hitting her um so rather than saying stop swearing at me which would then lead to him hitting her and she said i can see you're really stressed what's wrong it gave him that opening to discuss it which he couldn't get himself so just acknowledging the feelings you're teaching them feelings for a start because you're giving it a name and then you're um hoping them to understand that you're intervening because you want to help you have to be that clear um with them really okay so you talked about validation so you've won three championships can you just share with everyone what the three championships were and what did you win oh my world championship yeah so i won um my first one in spain in 2011 okay um my second one was in canada in 2012 yeah and the third one was italy 2013 and how did you feel when you won can you remember um i was really surprised because i'd had that goal to win since i was 13 okay and um like at that moment it was the kind of the moment i realized i could be successful okay um so it was quite powerful for me really um i was kind of like wow did i win i kind of just like stepped off of the the mat that you fight on like just like any other fight and was kind of just like it's just another fight okay so so what each would you say if somebody was interested in kickboxing can you can you start at any age or would you recommend that if they're sort of say five six seven years old would that be a good age um well any age you can start like in terms of young ages like what's the best time to start when you're young that really depends on the child okay if they can focus or not and um how they how they can be supported into doing that but even if you're older like you can still give it a go yeah there's veteran sections so okay it's never too late so what's next for you um well i guess really it's i'm still kind of building on like rebuilding myself from last year and working through things and and that kind of stuff but i'm also involved with the autism partnership and and stuff so continuing training and those kind of things i just want to say thank you very much we could keep talking and you've given so much um information and advice that people can take on board and take away and think about it um i'm just so pleased to see you're in a better place because obviously i knew that you were not in such a good place last year so you're going to be writing an article which we're going to be sharing on the charity website so i'll just remind everybody if they want to read it and look at some of the links so it's www.annakennedyonline.com if anyone would like to ask questions of joe or want to share any information again just send us a message and we'll pass them on to joe um there's lots of information on the website as well so thank you very much everyone and thank you joe thanks for having me women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions career ethnicity education we aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere providing opportunities and a platform for your voice women the possibilities are endless that's what makes us different hi i'm liz van linden the uk travel consultant for hazel may travel people come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalized service this happens from the moment that they inquire until they come back home i work with luxury tour operators you can contact me on 07825 44 1212 and liz spelled l i s at hazelmaytravel.co.uk i'm tamila zaman founder of empower and enrich when it comes to money do you clam up or get confused do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement you are not alone many women want to be smart with their cash but just don't know where to start at empower and enrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy affordable way get in touch with me at empower and enrich.org and let's change your future together are you struggling with money turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet job loss illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis we give practical help to get people back on track whether you're thinking of having a baby trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to we can help visit turn to us.org.uk let me tell you about german street theater this is a secret theater in the heart of the west end once found never forgotten this is where careers ignite where great actors perform just feet away from the audience this is where magic happens we would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows the website is www.germansreettheatre.co.uk you're listening to women's radio station supporting women's well-being coming soon will be a host of new shows supporting all areas of your well-being shows that you can get involved in so stay tuned women's radio station.com here for you