Eat Love Do – Dale Hancock, 5 Easy And Fun Steps That Build A Child’s Confidence

Hello and welcome. This is the Eat Love Do show on Women's Radio Station. We would love you to go over to our Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook accounts, um, and, and hit up and follow us. We're @womensradiostn. And pop over to our YouTube channel, hit that like and subscribe button because it really does help us, and we love it when you support the show. I am Janine Newbery. I am the founder of Eat Love Do., and I have a very special guest for you today. Each week I speak to an expert in their field who will share their absolute gold with you, and today I've got a fabulous one. I've got Dale Hancock. He is an international coach, speaker, and bestselling author. Hello! And he has a Young Life Coaches program. He works with kids and teachers, and he helps kids build confidence, and it's what's such a lovely thing to do. If there's any parents listening, you're going to absolutely love today's show, especially any yummy mommies, because he's quite catch as well, I have to say, ladies. You're welcome. Dale, welcome to the show. Wow, that has been my favorite introduction ever. I'm gonna take that to the bank, cash that in. Janine, thank you so much for having me. How are you? I'm very good. I'm very chirpy this morning. It's quite early, but I am good. I'm very, very good. Thank you. I'm happy to be chatting to you, my lovely. Happy to be chatting to you. Do you want to, um, So for the people listening, um, do you want to give a little intro on who you are, uh, and what you do, and tell us a little bit about the amazing work that you do with kids? Oh my gosh, how long have they got? Surely they've got to take the kids to school. They want— right, uh, with me, I am Dale Hancock. I am an internal confidence coach for kids, which is what you beautifully introduced me as, thank you very much. I used to be a teacher, Janine, 12 years teaching science and PE and head of department. I just kind of fell out of love with the education system. I didn't know that about you, Dale. You didn't know that about me? Wow, I always learn something new about you every time I see you. We need to hang out more. What's going on? So yeah, I used to be a teacher, and Janine, you may probably empathize with this, the education system is great to a point, but I don't think it's serving our young community. And I found that on both sides of the teacher's desk. I was a student, didn't serve me for what I went through, which I'll explain in a moment. And I believe it didn't serve the kids as a teacher on the other side of the desk. I had so many children coming up to me asking for my help with life problems, family problems, relationship problems. So much so in my last 2 years of of being in school as a teacher, I created a refocus unit for children with social-emotional difficulties because they're expected to perform in maths or English or science or whatever, you know, covalent bonds when they're getting hurt at home or they're not getting fed or they have to do their own washing and they're 12. Oh, come on, come on. Let's serve them. You know, school should be a sanctuary of safety and growth, you know, and it wasn't doing that. So I thought, enough's enough, I'm going to leave. So just briefly, over what happened was, the reason why I'm doing what I'm doing today. So what gave me the audacity to just leave education and claim to be this international confidence coach for kids? Well, a load of ego, obviously. But okay, let's say, but it was more than that. It was more like a like, like a passion. I didn't solely focus on my passion because I think people that solely focus on passion, they will never get any results. So it was more like a calling or a passion. What tipped it for me is a number of things. Am I the person now I needed in my toughest time of my life? And the answer is abundantly yes. Right now I am like 100% yes. So when I was 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, I was bullied. I was made to eat spit burgers, had to stand in dog mess with bare feet. I had to be tackled by the whole rugby team before I was allowed to eat food. I was being emotionally bullied by a friend, which is air quotes, actually an emotional vampire, which was sucking all the joy out of me because he didn't have anything. And I get it, like, I completely forgive him. He was only young, but he was manipulating me because he had nothing at home and he was scared to lose me as a friend. And I could totally get it. And So that— what we— I think what we put up with, we get. We get what we put up with. And I didn't know any different, and I needed someone to say, dude, that's not right. Do this instead. This is how you do it. This is how you stand up for yourself. This word means confidence. It means being brave. Being, being confident and being brave is being scared but doing it anyway. And confidence and courage— courage has a big brother. His name's fear. You cannot walk through the door, courage, without fear. You've got to be scared, otherwise there's no such thing as courage. I needed someone to tell me that. It didn't really happen, obviously. My mum and dad are beauties. I love them so fiercely. They gave me so much love when I was growing up, but I didn't tell them. Over 64% of young people that are being bullied don't come forward and share and tell a trusted adult. It's heart-wrenching. And then that must have increased now that obviously social media has come into play with cyberbullying. So there's a lot of things that was happening, and I unconsciously lived that saga internally throughout my life because I guess what? I turned into a bully. Dun dun duh. Over, I think the stats, I think it's changed now, but I think it's 82% of bullies have been bullied for obvious reasons. So I was just pushing people further away. Anyway, I don't know if, Gini, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm just gonna just go for as fast as possible. If you, uh, if you, if you want to ask me any questions, just go for it. But roughly around about 9 years ago or so, uh, a lot of things happened to me in the space of 6 months. And the reason why I'm sharing this for is because I never processed it when I was a kid, and I needed a life coach, a different family member, someone. I was the big brother, so I didn't really have anyone to look up to and guide me. I needed somebody. So this is why I'm saying it now, because I reckon this would have stopped this from happening. However, I'm glad it did happen. So what happened was I lost my job. I was not being treated very nicely by a leadership team where I worked. I lost my job, which meant they dismantled the refocus unit. I stepped away from PE. They said, "There's no job here for you now. You're gonna have to go look somewhere else." Sound fine, thank you, great, perfect. Thank you very much, appreciate you. 2 weeks later, I had a car crash. 3 weeks later, found out my partner of 5 years was seeing other men, plural, behind my back for the entirety of our relationship. Um, a month later, my mom sounds like a keeper. Yeah, tell me about it. My mom then a month later, which really got me. So the one woman in my life that I only truly trusted was going to leave this planet. She's fine now, by the way. She's fighting fit. She's amazing. Love her to smithereens. Um, and then you're going to want to punch me through this video call now, but I then forgave my ex and got back with her. She, she then fell pregnant with somebody else's baby. I forgave her again, found another man in my house. I was just a shell of a man. I was so, so run down. I felt like I was just existing, not living. I was just gray. I was just— it was just autonomy. I was just flowing. And it was horrific. It was horrible. Um, and I didn't know how to break out of it because I didn't have anyone to tell me otherwise. I didn't have anyone to install these sub-patterns of confidence in my brain to say grow, stick up for yourself, move away. It's okay to be alone. It's fine. Because I used to— I used to— one of the metrics for me, for my external validation, was to have something pretty on my arm. Because when I— when that happened, my friends were like, oh dude, she's so fit. Oh my God, that's amazing. And I, and I absorbed that into my unconscious, and that's how I was living. I say that's indicative of a not good enough belief, not feeling like you're good enough and worthy. So you you take on a partner who's attractive or has higher status, and women do it, you know, because it makes you feel better about yourself. So yeah, I'm not surprised that you did that. Yeah, yeah. And that's, that's what I was, that's what I was flowing towards. Anyway, I found in the hotel we were staying, and she was having, she, she hooked up with somebody while I was in the same hotel. So it was, it was messy. It was, it was messy. I would, I wish you all the best now. I genuinely do. I don't, I like to leave people in love, otherwise it comes back and haunts me. So I have to do that for me. And I was right down in the dumps. Used to go to the gym a lot. I didn't go. I didn't want to go. Randomly, a YouTube video of Tony Robbins popped up on my YouTube. I'd never researched personal development. It was foreign to me. I didn't know what was going on. And it just hit me. I felt like he was talking to me. So I went to the gym, got to know other people, people that were into NLP, which I'd never even heard of before. Neuro-Linguistic Programming, CBT. They started talking to me. It's like I was attracting this. It was very strange. And I went on a course, I got coaching, and Bevis— his name is— wonderful man. He helped me go through my shadow time, and it was absolutely amazing. And I thought, I need to learn how to do this for kids because I know that I needed to do this. I needed this back then so I didn't go through this now. So it was the worst time of my life, but it was also the best time of my life because it made me who I am today, and it made me you know, kind of make me be the cultural architect of my own destiny and choose what I want to do, not be locked in a system and put money in someone else's pocket and impact kids the way I want to impact kids, not be told to do that by an education consortium which is approximately 100 years old and dinosaur and industrial. Anyway, we'll get to that bit later on. So what I did was— we'll have a rant about that later— I started to find, like, it's very strange, I started to find it in a confidence. So I applied for a TV game show got on it. It was called Cannonball, and I, I had 3 intentions because my coach told me always have intentions, have at least 3 every day. So my intentions for the game show was to have an abundance of fun. The next second was to speak to a girl because girls freaked me out, obviously, you know, after what I went through. And they were all devil people— not all of them, but we're all evil, all of us. You lot, nothing but trouble. Um, and, uh, and, and the third one, the third one is, um, the third one is to win. Because my mum always said to me, Dad, I don't care if you lose as long as you aim to win. Uh, which is wonderful and, and amazing. So I went on the show, I had so much fun. I actually started to speak to a girl, we were dating on the show. How random is that? It was like I remember saying, no one knows me, I'm gonna fake confidence. So I got my camera out, did like a little blog or vlog and spoke to loads of people saying, who's going, I'm gonna win, you're not gonna win, I'm gonna win. And it was like I was possessed by some sort of like confident demon. It was very bizarre. And I did the whole show and I remember this vividly, the producers asked me, they said, Dale, who's gonna win? Because I got through to the final. You had to win an episode to get through to the final. It was like a water-based activity set in Malta, beautiful, amazing. And I said, I'm going to win. And they said, oh, okay, really? I said, yes. It's a bit presumptuous. I think they want to say arrogant. And I said, no, it's not. It's self-belief. It's self-belief. I know that I'm going to win. And it was very weird. Anyway, to cut a long story short, there was this activity where I had to swing off this giant rope 3 stories high, land in this ring in the middle of this ocean thing. And I had to land in the middle. There was all— it was like a dartboard. Think of me as a human dart. It was like that, swing and let go. Anyway, I was last, then I came second. It was me against two of the chaps, and then I came first, which meant I won the whole show. So I won the whole TV game show, which is exactly what I needed. I remember flying back on the plane saying— an epiphany went, doink. That's incredible, by the way. Oh, I've got some videos. Shall I send you some videos? Yeah, send me some videos. I'll have a watch of those later. I'm wearing pink shorts and all my friends were like, you so should have faked hand. 'Oh my God, you look like a little Casper.' Oh yeah, um, and, uh, yeah, and I'm on the flight on the way back, I thought, right, it wasn't fake me faking confidence, it was in me the whole time. I just needed to do something which I'd never done before to shine an area of light in my brain I never knew existed, and that was confidence. And now I just operate unapologetically. For me, confidence is the opposite of self-consciousness. I don't really mind what people think about It's okay. And I think that got me out of my own way to move forward and pursue what I'm doing now, which is coaching kids around the world in America, Thailand, even Switzerland, Germany, Scotland, England, obviously. Now, so many teachers have come to me and said, "Dale, you used to be a teacher. How have you done what you do?" I've had over the past 30 days, 2,019 teachers reach out for more information. About what I do because they're so exhausted with the education system and they want to impact kids their way. And it's just like, I didn't ask for this. I didn't want this to happen. I'd have no idea. I didn't want— Jeannine, all I wanted to do was just coach kids and impact kids and leave a legacy. I want to put a smile on one kid's face every single day, whether that's being silly on Instagram or TikTok or interacting with people or speaking on a school stage. Doesn't matter. And I think I've kind of accomplished that to a degree. You never know who you're impacting. So that's me kind of in a really giant nutshell. There you go. That's incredible. And I love, I love your story about the game show because that is just a perfect example of when you've got that, um, it's not just confidence, it's like absolute belief in yourself. You had that unwavering belief to the point that you knew and there was no room for like you not winning. You just knew that you were going to win. So that unwavering belief, like belief trumps everything every time. And that, that confidence in yourself because you believed in yourself and you won. And I think that's just an incredible story and proof in the pudding of that actual, you know, belief creates everything really. But that's amazing. And I love, love, love what you do with kids. And I'm not surprised 2,000 teachers have reached out to you, quite frankly, because what you're doing is incredible. Cool. Boom. Done. Legend. What are you going to do? What are you doing with the teachers then? Tell us a little bit about that. Oh yeah, cool. So what are you teaching them? Are you teaching them How to teach the kids confidence? Are you teaching them to do what you do with the kids? Is that what you're doing? Okay, so this, that's, that was the intention, but what I found is I'm teaching them to be confident enough to step away from education and create their own coaching consultancy for them. So my job now is to, is to A, give them the confidence, B, help them find their niche, you know, specifically. We've got one guy in the program called Dave, he's amazing, fishing. So he teaches mindset and fishing. Somebody else is equine, Kirsten's equine. Will has created something called Bubble Talk, which is amazing, where he is a young PE teacher and he creates Bubble Talk where to help kids open up, he pops a bubble. Let's talk about that. What's this bubble? Oh, I'm scared of Billy. Pop. Let's open it. Let's talk about it. What? That's amazing. I probably could have thought about that, but I didn't. He did. So it's me helping them get out their own way so they can impact children. The reason is, is because I want to impact over a million kids worldwide. I can impact a kid one-to-one for an hour. Sweet. Job's done. Amazing. But what if I could impact a group of kids, like in a workshop? 20 in an hour. Wicked. I've just made, you know, times 20 impact. That's great. What if I could go into schools and I could— so I have done as well, obviously. I've spoken, the max is probably 1,000 in one hour. Boom, I've impacted, well, hope to impact 1,000, some might switch off, but 1,000 kids in that hour. But now what I can do is if I coach Dave or Will or Sonia or Kirsten, whoever, I can coach them what I know through, by the way, my CPD accredited program, then I can, then they can learn the skills, they can learn the skills and they can impact 10 other people. Now, for me, I've technically impacted those kids as well. Only 5%, they're doing all the work, but they're using my methodology, my skills, my neuro skills that have really gamified and kiddified so children can understand it. And they can go in and impact a kid and put smiles on their faces. And they can get, obviously get paid for it as well., which is absolutely wonderful. But they always, always say it's impact first, money second, which is amazing. So they go off, I help them find their niche, help them create their program, their curriculum. I've got 65 videos that they go through to talk about the industry and the marketing techniques, the social media techniques. You've seen my social media. It's not as good as yours, but it's getting there. How to use it to impact young people and thrive on this planet. So yeah, I'm coaching them the techniques that's taken me roughly around about 8 years to perfect. And that includes mindset techniques, marketing, and social media too. So then they can go and do it and then they can be self-prophesying and they can impact young people. Now you've all, you've heard of passive income, make money while you sleep. Yay! Well, I'm making passive impact. I'm impacting kids whilst I'm at the gym or whilst I'm coaching or whilst I'm asleep because we've got teachers in the program that are from America. So how cool is that? Literally, that's so cool. So they're impacting kids and I'm having an ice cream. It's really cool or whatever, you know. Passive impact instead of passive income. That is so much better. I'm stealing that, Dale. Thank you. What? Dale Hancock. Oh, that's really incredible. Um, speaking of social media, you did a little poll, didn't you, yesterday? Because you knew we were, um, you were coming on today to ask people what they wanted to learn about, um, if they wanted you to talk more about confidence or bullying. Just out of interest, what was the results of Well, actually, I can show you specifically right now. So the results were confidence, 5 confidence tips for kids to go back into school, or how to cope with bullying. And it was more 60— sorry, 76% to do, yeah, with bullying. But what I would like to do is cover both, because— and we can do that today. I think we can do that. I can give, I can give my 5 tips to help parents get their kids confident back to school. Oh, I love this. Right, right, parents listen up, or aunties and uncles, of which I am one. The auntie. Auntie Janine. Okay, so some kids will be fine going back to school, other kids won't. Other kids, it'll be like sending them into the lion's den, and it's scary. And when you make them do that, they don't feel listened to, they don't feel safe, they don't feel nurtured. They don't— they feel unconsciously you're breaking the connection with them. Unfortunately, that's just the way it is. However, caveat to that, parents are there to be parents, not their friend. I, there's a, there's a, this, I don't know if anyone, I don't know if anyone's ever heard of jellyfish parenting, but that's possibly the worst thing you can possibly do. Jellyfish parenting is making it all child-led. It's very unsafe. There's no boundaries. There's no structure. Um, and it's just chaos. A child throwing something at the wall and allowing it to happen. And not giving them the accountability to clean it up, depending on age, obviously. Now, there is space to help a child create their own world in their room or whatever, or their own boundaries. So important. But there needs to be that, that, that safety, the, the, the boundary that parents can help install on children So A, no one's going to take advantage of them. B, they're not going to grow up entitled and wonder, why did I not get that job for? I was the best in the room, idiot. I'm not going to work ever again. Why does she not like me for? She's a slut. She's a bitch. Whatever. Sorry for swearing, but that's what it comes to. We've all heard young men say this sort of stuff. It's horrible. They grow up entitled. Oh my gosh, I'm amazing. What's going on with her? Such a high sense of self-entitlement. It's grandiose narcissism because they think the world owes them a favor. We need to teach children how— about tough times. Not how to be tough, but how to go through, grow through tough times so they can handle it and navigate it as an adult. And as you know, they learn those skills as a child. And I think I absolutely agree with you about boundaries. You can have freedom, but if you set the boundaries, because the boundaries is there to keep them safe and to teach them about the world and they can be free within those boundaries. But they've got to know that because they've got to interact with other people, other humans and other adults. And like you said, when they get older and they can't interact socially with everyone and they think everyone's going to treat them like their mum or dad did. Hello, big eye opener. They're going to go through, there's going to be It's going to be a lot of coaches and psychologists and counselors needed at that point to undo that programming. Absolutely huge. And on the other end of the continuum, the very strict boundaries, Tiger Parenting, where there's no breath. No, you can't have those sweets. No, you're not having a switch. No, you're not going out at that time. No, you're not doing this. You're going to stay in your room and do your work until you've done it. Wow. There's no place for that. You're just breeding another you and complete inflexibility. In a relationship. A relationship is unconditionally reciprocal, in my opinion. But when you create that structure, what two emotions are we governed by? Fear and love. That's it. Yeah, 100%. Fear and love. That's it. I think people confuse as well love, um, they think that if they're allowing someone to be free like a child, not giving them boundaries, and they're loving them. But love is, um, you know, putting a boundary in place is love. Because you're taking care of that human and teaching. Yeah, what it is, love, because a lot of parents feel fearful in case they're, oh, my son doesn't like me, my daughter's not going to like me. So what? You're not there to be liked. You're there to be— you're there to be a cultural architect. Like, to think of it like a lecture at university. You've spent 9 grand a year on being there, and the lecturer is too scared to teach you something that you don't want to do. Um, all right, who wants to— who wants to understand the sliding filament theory here in the muscle filaments? Let's go. Who wants to talk about that? 'No, I don't want to. No, let's talk about something different. I don't want to do that.' 'Okay, your choice. No, sorry, sorry, I don't want to offend you. Sorry, let's talk about...' You're not going to pass an exam. You're not going to get the material you need. You're not going to get the experience. You're not going to get the knowledge to get to where you want to get to. You're not there to be a friend. You're there to be a cultural architect, a parent, and it's tough. And you've never been a parent before. So A, breathe. B, give yourself a freaking break. There's not a book out there that says, um, How to Raise Bethany by Julie. There's no such book as that, is there? And, and even if you do have another kid, that book that you've read is useless because it's— you've got a different— Amazon, hang on a minute. But it is so true, it's so true. There's this— it's like that book won't work for your next child. Like at all, because you've got one personality type here, one personality type here, but you've just created an archetype of a different personality combination, just completely different. I will behave differently to you than I would with my mom or my friends or whoever, or a coaching client or somebody very similar to you. I would— of course I would. Just the way it is. So parents, it's the hardest job in the world. I'm not saying that to blow smoke up your bottom or patronize you. Which is the hardest job in the world. No, I agree. I think it is the hardest job in the world. It is, because, yeah, you're dealing with other human beings. And I think when people have kids, they sometimes, they sort of see it as their kid, and, you know, and it's a cute little baby, and then it starts to get older, and then it has its own personality and wants and needs and its own will and its own soul. And you realize it's another human being. It's not your child. It's a human being that you're to take care of that wants its own things and doesn't want to do what you want it to do. Yeah. Because it's a human being with its own thoughts and desires. You know. Oh my gosh, single parents, oh, so, so tough. Because if you're in a dual relationship, you've got two different personality types, so they can pick one or the other and they can choose from that. But it's about, right, a child, a community raises a child. The more people that you push your child towards, the more they learn, especially in the imprint phase from 0 to 7. And this, if for parents that listen to this, check out Dr. Bruce Lipton. He talks about the different phases of development. Very, very, very, very good. The imprint phase, development phase, social phase, and obviously maybe entrepreneur and growth phase after that. Um, but if you can— a child's brain's working differently up until the age of around about 7 or 8. You want to get as many, as much input as possible from different personalities. You also, you kind of also want them to be hurt. Not physically— well, maybe physically, but controlled so they know how to cope with it in the future, uh, hurt emotionally as well. When I'm working with parents whose children are being bullied, they say, 'My child's been bullied.' Oh God, thank God for that. Amazing. Really good. They look at me as if I've got lobsters crawling out my ears and they want to slap me, and I don't blame them, but it's true. The reason is, is because a very dear friend of mine She wonderful model. She was a model when she was young. The personality to match her beauty. Incredible. She's so, so lovely, humble and kind. Amazing. Never got picked on in school. Never happened. She got to work when she was working with somebody when she was in her early 30s, late 20s. She was— she got picked on. She didn't know how to cope with that. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't tell her husband because he was working. She couldn't tell her friends because she was embarrassed. She couldn't tell her workmates because she was embarrassed again. She could speak to her dog, but it didn't really help. But who could she talk to? A bottle of wine every night. That's a great conversation because it helps her forget, because she never learned the skills to process that anguish at the beginning and look out for the signs and think, right, these are the tools that I need to make sure that doesn't happen again. I love it when people try and bully me. It's hilarious. It's impossible to bully me because it's a choice that I choose not to let in. And we'll talk about that a little bit later on. But anyway, parents, you amazing parents, thank you for listening so far. Ginny, do you want to say anything about that before? Oh, no, this is great. I'm laughing it up. I'm learning a lot here. It's wonderful. Yeah, carry on. Carry on. Loving the soul that you're sharing. 5 little steps, 5 little things to do as a parent. You'll have to get me on again for secondary school kids, but this is ideally for primary school children. But you can incorporate bits and bobs from this for secondary. This is for primary. What age is primary school now? It's been a few years since I was at school. I think it's changed a bit. Yeah. I'm 376. Every daft. 3 to 10, 11. 3 to 10, okay, cool. Yeah. So the earlier you can do this, the better. You just have to use very simple language. If you can. So do you like really, really dumb it down? They say, Einstein says that if you, if you claim to be an expert in your field and don't know how to talk your expertise to a 5-year-old, you're not an expert in your field. So we're really gonna, I'm gonna go really, I'm gonna see if I can make this easy. Well, basically for me to communicate and for people to understand. So we've got 5 steps. Step 1 is the one I'll be able to understand it, Dale. Even I'll be able to understand it. Yeah, you will. Get some notes down. Step 1 is the Worry Monster. That's really, really cool. I know a lot of parents have heard this before. Step 2 is Draw Your Dream. Step 3 is Heart Hands. Step 4 is Future Focus. And Step 5 is Fun with Mum. So sexist. It just didn't rhyme with Dad. But if you're a dad as well, you can have fun with Dad. Fun with Mum. I need to think of something different for that one. Just so I can So it's inclusive for the dads. So the first step is the worry monster. This is really cool because you can either be really, really simple and buy a book with the worry monster. There's something that's out there called The Worry Monster, which is really awesome. Now that's fab. And before this book came out, before it was a big thing, The Worry Monster, I was actually doing this with my clients 9 years ago. I was finding where their worry monster lived within their body. I was finding out what their worry monster looked like. I was understanding what their worry monster was telling them. Now I did this with an amazing girl called Evie. She's absolutely incredible. Her mum's insane, single parent. She's one of the best mums in the entire world. Own little business as well. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Baked by Binky, check it out. She had her own business. Yeah, she makes cookies. She loves it. They're so good. How old is she? She's— I would say she's— I think she's about 32, I think, maybe. Oh, 32? I thought it was a child. No, no, no, no, no. She will probably learn that as well. But what we did, we met up and we worked on the Herwari Monster. So I said, oh my gosh, you've got loads of monsters inside you, haven't you? And then she looked at me again like, what? I was just like, like me, like that person over there, like Mom, like that person over there. We've all got monsters inside of us. There's one monster that showed up a lot when I was a kid, and here's why. Shared my story, build rapport, blah, blah, blah. And it was the worry monster. I'm gonna draw my worry monster. You draw your worry monster. Go. Alright, make sure you get the colour on there. Parents, you need to listen to what I'm doing, by the way. Make sure you— what colour is your worry monster? Okay, cool, colour in. What facial expression is your worry monster doing? Okay, cool, do it. Oh, mine's, mine's this one just here. What limbs, what are the limbs doing on the worry monster? Okay, cool. What's your worry monster feeling? Wow, okay, cool. Now, what we need to do is we need to shift it and we need to change it around. So, let my worry monster is a red spiky thing. I actually did this with a group of year 11s, they're 16-year-olds in a school. I got them all to draw on their app on their phone, show me, and we convert and shift it around. It was brilliant, they loved it. I actually got messages on Instagram privately from these students. It was amazing, they loved it. So now we say, oh yeah, so, so, and, and this is the last question when you do your worry monster is, How do you feel about your worry monster? How do you feel about him or her or they? Oh, I don't like it, it's horrible, he's horrible, he's mean, he's weak. I'll go, wow, cool, write that down. Right, where does your worry monster live? Inside your belly. You want to use really soft language, inside your body, and a lot of the time they either say the neck, the chest, or the belly. Really, really cool. And it's just like, wow. And don't say something like, oh, in a dark, dingy cave. Nothing like that. Just like, oh wow, cool, he's got his own house. Has he got a little cute, a cute little cave? Where does he live? So, oh, we've got a cave. Yeah, little cave just here. Why are we doing that for? Because we are changing what's called the internal, internal representation, neurology, internal representation of what it is. Like, for example, do you need You are an auntie. Niece? Have you got a niece? I've got several nieces, yeah. Well, think of— plethora of nieces. Think of your eldest niece right now. Think of her. Tell me, when you think of her, what colour do you think of? Purple. What shape? Like an oval. Wicked. Has anyone ever asked you that before? No. No. Well, no. Well, yeah, maybe not in the past as well. No, no, I haven't been asked that before. Yeah. But you answered me like that. It was so— you must be really quickly, which is awesome. You asked really quickly, which suggests you've already got a pattern with your niece inside your head. Guess what? We've got a pattern with our relationships, with our partners, with the word anxiety, with the word depression, with the word confidence, bravery. We've got a pattern inside of our head, and sometimes that pattern can be sabotaging. But remember this: that pattern once served us in the past. Which is why it's still in there. For example, I'm being shy because that defended me against being hit again, so that works. So I'm gonna use that shy code inside of my brain throughout the entirety of my life, but guess what? It won't help me approach a guy or a girl or go for that interview because I'm too shy. So there's different ways to go around things, okay? So let's revert back to the Worry Monster. We've got to find out what a worry monster is. Now we need to convert it, and we say what the worry monster's job is. Why does the worry monster make you worry for? Oh, because, um, I don't know. Well, let's think about that. Let's think about that. The worry monster makes us worry, um, because— well, what do you worry about? Oh, going to school. Okay, when you go, what do you worry about? Oh, being teased. Okay, being teased. And just, is being teased nice or not nice? It's not nice. Is it painful? It's quite painful. So your worry monster is not making you go into school to try and protect you from you being teased. I don't know about you, mate, but your worry monster sounds like a bit of a legend. Your worry monster sounds really, really cool. And it just— hold, shut the hell up, let them think, let them process that, let them take their time. I've got an idea, let's do this. Let's change our worry monster's colour. 'If you can, try and go to the opposite.' So mine's red, I will change my colour to blue. So we're going to change it right now. Directive language, this is what we were speaking about at the beginning, not jellyfish, not tiger, balance in the middle, help them open up and have the freedom to express, but also be directive in, 'Now we're going to do this. Now we're going to do this. Now we're going to draw it out. We're going to change the colour, let's make it blue. Let's go.' Okay, now let's change the face expression. To a happy face or whatever it might be. There you go, now change the body language. So cool, how is he feeling now? Oh, he looks happy. Hmm, that's pretty cool. Does he feel safe? Yeah. Sweet, awesome. How do you feel about your worry monster right now? Oh, I like him. Wow, that's really awesome, you like your worry monster. Do you know what? I think your worry monster likes you because he's trying to protect you. Now there's another step to process to this as well where we can go into our brave monster inside of us as well. But what's really cool about that is we've got to understand where our worry monster lives, that we can change him or her around like that. So one of my other things as well, if I'm working with somebody with extreme anxiety, things are anxious at 9 out of 10, let's say, I tell them in front of the parent, oh, you're at— you're, you're scared and anxious, brilliant, make it to a 9 now, go. And the parent's like, what the hell is this freak doing trying to make my child more anxious? I said, the parents just pipe down. Not all of them do that, but it's just like So let's give them a look. Now make it 10. What do you, what do you need to feel to make it more anxious? What do you need to feel to make it worse? Make it worse for me right now, go. Oh my God, I need to make them throw things at me or spit or wear certain clothes on my, or, you know, my hair's messed, whatever. I said, okay, cool, because if, if, if a child can turn that anxiety up, what else can they do? They can turn it down. Down, absolutely correct. So what do you need to do what you need to think, what you need to believe to turn it down. Okay, so it gives them the control, which is, you know, an element of anxiety because they feel they don't have control and they're uncertain. So that's the worry monster. The next step is draw your dream. So it's really— I love this technique. You're basically reprogramming, you're using NLP, you're reprogramming their brain, but you're doing it in such a playful way that it's easy to do and understand. And parents listening to this could use this technique with their kids, which is phenomenal. So This is really cool. I love what you've done with this. This is amazing. Oh, thank you. Go on, go on. Carry on, carry on. One more tip as well. Do this as a family if you can. Do this as a family. Do this with as many people as possible. Make it fun. And if you wanted to as well, to make it even more fun, play the Skittles game or just have a bunch of sweets in the middle if you're okay with sweets in the family. Then you just have fun with it. Maltesers, whatever. You can do it in a coffee shop. You can do it in a park. You can do it wherever you wanted to. So cool to change a child's internal representation of their worry monster to help give them the confidence and the bravery to go into school. I love that, um, you just get to do it as a family. If you get the parents to do it as well, not only are they leading by example, so they're teaching the kids how to do it, but they're working on their own worry as well, so helping themselves. Boom boom, double whammy! It's amazing that you stepped into that zone because, hmm, who do you think the child learn how to worry from? Gee whiz, I wonder, Dale. Your little child is an echo of you. It's okay to make mistakes, work on it together, you know. So draw your dream is the night before. Does a child worry about going to school in the morning? Yeah, I guess so, but When else do they worry about it? The night before, or maybe two nights before, whenever it is. And again, you can do this together. So a lot of children find it difficult to sleep. This could be a thing as well. So there could be a nice little nighttime routine of listening to music, having a nice hot cocoa. So cocoa, and we're creating a sleep trigger. So before the cocoa, sit down with a piece of paper, draw your dream. What are you going to dream about? Not what do you want to dream about? What are you going to dream about tonight? Again, directive language, safe parenting, powerful parenting in my opinion. What are you going to dream about tonight? I'm going to dream about— ah, let's draw it, let's go. I'm going to draw— I'm going to dream about, um, Princess Castle or flying a dragon or How to Train Your Dragon or Kung Fu Panda, whatever. What are you going to draw about? What are you going to dream about? And then they draw it out, and what you're doing is you're creating a little subpath inside your brain just before bed to maybe process that, as opposed to processing or being distracted by the thoughts and the future thoughts of school. And that's an easy one, that's— we don't need to go deep onto that one. Simple: draw your dream, don't overthink it, create trigger points, draw your dream, nice bit of cocoa, relaxing music, read a story, bedtime. I'm gonna have a go at that tonight. Snogging Tom Hardy. Amazing. That's— that sounds like a Great dream. I love that guy. Serious man crush. Thomas, please. And the next step, number 3, is this. So in the morning, again, you have your breakfast, you do your thing, you get yourself ready and stuff. You get your daughter or son to draw a heart in your hand. I do it to my child, child does it to me. And then what you do is both hearts together, squeeze it hard as possible, hard, hard, hard, hard, hard, close your eyes and remember a happy memory with each other. So close, went swimming or went to the park or went go ape, whatever, and then come out smiling and just be so smiley. So, I'm so excited to see, I'm so excited to see you later on today because of this. And every single time he or she looks at their hand Guess what? And no one can see it. No one can see it. What would be pretty cool as well— I love that you're anchoring in that love and lovely memory. And yes, beautiful. I love that. Well, you know this for a fact, Janine, that, you know, the sense of smell is an amazing anchor. So why not spray some of the perfume on the hand or something like that, you know? Or maybe just like— or I just say walk into, walk into the mist, like walk into So, you know, the child can now smell the mum or smell the dad or whatever. So it's on them, or it could just be on their sleeve. Spray. That looked like a little bit of a drug, didn't it? But you know what I'm trying to do. Is that like the back of the classroom sniffing? What are you sniffing? Nothing. Come on, Bethany, what have you got just down there? Is that chalk? Um, yes. So yeah, that's a nice little language there. So heart in hand. The next one is future focus. So when you drop off your child in school, you say, "I'm going to meet you right just here at this time," with a big smiley face. Because depends how big picture or specific they are. If they're a bit extroverted, keep it simple. "I'm gonna see you at that point at this time, and I can't wait." If they're a bit introverted— people, I'm so labeling, and I hate this. Um, then they need specific times. You're going to have fun in this lesson, you're going to have cool break time, then you're going to have another lesson, and you're going to have lunch, then you're going to have this lesson, and I'm going to be here at the end of school, here, can't wait to pick you up. Because it makes them think about that future point. That's really interesting. You said between the extrovert and introvert, like, two different ways. Why, why is that? Like, why, why does the extrovert need a bit less, uh, needs more, more detail? Because Because what I find in my research is that extroverts tend to be more big picture, um, and not very detailed because they— that it's just more of a— they can express themselves pretty easy. But again, anxiety or over— anxiety expresses itself in different ways. With an extrovert, it's more like, look at me, look at me, look at me, I want to be the center of attention. Because they are insecure, let's say. Whereas an introverted individual will be like, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone, leave me alone. Yeah, yeah. And then they're more of a processing kind of individual. They've got certain unique— what I found anyway, what I found is that someone that tends to be— and by the way, I say to children of a particular age that understand on Omnivert or whatever, or extrovert, introvert, I say, um, have you heard— if— what are you, an extrovert, an introvert? I said, I'm more of an introvert. No, you're not, you're an Evie-avert. No, you're not, you're, you're, you're a, you're a Bill-avert. That's the name, by the way, let's say. Um, so yeah, that's, that's who you are. But what I found is that people, the boys and girls that tend to be like, whoa, that, that come to me, maybe it's an element of ADHD, but I don't really know. I've got ADHD and dyslexic as well, so I find it quite hard to stick to a thing. If you give me 20 things to do, I'll forget by the time I get to 5. Give me 3 things, boom, I'm on it straight away. Give me 20 things, I'm like, geez, what did she say? So what I found is when I've got a child— so I, in my personal coaching, I do a combination of body tasks and brain tasks. Body task, brain task, body task, brain task. And it's very high energy, it's very all over the place, but I can't say to a kid that's like, whoa, really extroverted. All right, we're going to do this. Sit down. Come here. Come here. Come here. Or they just want to go and run around. I have to allow them to do that so they can go and do that so they can come back to me. Whereas a shy or introverted individual will be more like quite tentative. And it's the opposite. I want them to go away and explore themselves, not so much sit down. But I have to say, well, we're going to do this, this, this, this and this. All right, what's your— any questions about this one? Any question about this one? Any question about this one? Okay, what's your first job? I've got to go and touch all the colours in this room. Yeah, go. So it's, it's, it's, it's great. I don't know, great technique. The future focus, not even just like going to school, you can apply that to anything. Like you're going on a road trip, you're going on holiday, you're going shopping, you, you, what you can just do it, plan out the day with them and use big picture or little picture according to your kid. Yeah, and that's fantastic, and it just makes them feel safe, doesn't it? And they know what's coming, and yeah, it gives them that certainty. I love that, such a simple technique but so powerful. A little tip with, with a child that's not listening to you, or you perceive they're of course listening to you, they're just not doing what you want them to do. You can't expect them to do it straight away because that's rude. If I ask the parent to say, right, can you do me a favour? Can you, um, can you do this for me please? And they're in the middle of a Zoom call with their boss or something, um, That's rude. You know, they tell me to go away very nastily. But it's exactly the same if a kid's playing a computer game or playing with Lego, whatever. You say, go get dinner now, let's go dinner. You're so rude. That you having a meeting with your boss or you baking something because you've got your own business, um, is the, is the equivalent of your child playing a computer game. You just don't see it as important. They do. Get over it. Fact. Just get over it. How you can do that, how you can cope with that, is warn it. Not warnings, but preparation time. More like, 5 minutes left, 2 minutes left, whatever. We'll have to have another conversation about gaming because it's very, very, very, very important. But if you are going to speak to them like that and they're not coming off, you need to touch them on the shoulder or the arm, because a lot of children that are very, like, high functioning You talk to them, you're just white noise. You need to touch them on the arm, and you need to look at them in the eyes, and you need to ask them what to do, as simple as possible. When this timer goes down in 2 minutes' time, you're going to put your trousers on, you're going to come downstairs and have some food, whatever. You're going to turn the switch off and then come down. Yeah, I love that. That touching and eye contact, it takes them into the present moment, doesn't it? It takes them out of where they are and literally there in contact. And engaged with you. Yeah, that's lovely. Simple but amazing. Yeah, love that. And the last one, number 5, fun with mum. Piece of cake. Just take them to a park. Um, obviously you must know what they like doing, even if it's just playing a computer game. So I give them a bit of homework to somebody that I want them to play— I want them to watch their kid play a computer game. You walk alongside them. You'd be interested in what they're interested in. Don't expect your child to be interested in what you're interested in. They're still in neurodevelopment. You don't need that validation. You just care what you're doing. They do. So walk alongside them, have fun with Mum, take them to the park, treat them to an ice cream, blah blah blah. Use your imagination. I'm not going to do it for you. Know what your kid likes and wants and then give them a nice little treat. I probably wouldn't do it every single time. So how do we combat that? We say this is a special treat. 'Oh, let's do it again tomorrow.' Well, if you do it again tomorrow, it won't be special. See? So just to reiterate that— Yeah, go on. Yeah, go, go, go. No, I'm just going to sum up. You're looking right at the school. Sorry, Darren, I interrupted you there. I won't give you detention. So you've got The Worry Monster, Draw Your Dreams, Heart in Hand, Future Focus, Fun with Mum and Dad. These are great. Yeah, sort of rhymes. Have you got these, um, because obviously this is quite a lot of information people might forget, have you got this up on a website somewhere or can people go check it out? No, I don't, but I can do if you wanted to. I'll tell you what I could do, why don't I just create like a nice little mini, um, Instagram video and you can have a look at that one just there. That sounds pretty awesome. In fact, if you want to create an article and put it on the eatlovedo.com site, we can share that as well. Yeah, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. Yes, that'll be epic. Done for you amazing mums and dads. I'm going to make a special document for you about what we've learned today. Yay! Thank you, thank you, that's amazing. You're welcome. So, you know, these techniques, so there's 5 techniques. How often would people do these? Is this like, um, do you just sort of like pick, pick them, or do you do it in a sequence? Would you try and do it every day, or do you just kind of— yeah, when you need them kind of thing? I would use them as and when you need them, because sometimes doing them all at once could potentially be a little bit overwhelming. Another good one as well, which I forgot to put on there, bonus one, and I didn't want to say this because again it's over— there's actually 10. But number 6 would probably be role play. Role play going into school. What about for the kids? No idea. Yeah, so role play certain things, um, yeah, and scenarios. You can even, even, even on the Sunday or the Saturday, do a roleplay driving to the actual school. So it's similar to future focus, but future focus, you're just going to tell them how it's playing out, but roleplaying is like you're getting them to visualize and see it happening beforehand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, but then, and again, what you could actually do is literally take them in the car to the school on a Sunday. Obviously don't go into the school, but just drive to the school and just pretend to walk in, touch the school gate, and come back again. Let's get them ready. Do you know what? My parents used to do this to me when I was a kid. Um, whenever I started a new school, or even when I started a new job, like when I was doing work experience, they insisted on wanting to drive me there the day before. Yeah. And I— this is what they were doing, but I obviously didn't know. I didn't need it, but I used to do it because I thought they needed me to do it. They needed it, so I used to go along with them, whereas my sister definitely would have needed that. So it's quite interesting. So they used to do this, like, I guess intuitively, and I think for their own peace of mind, they wanted to know that I knew where I was going and that I'd feel okay and confident when I went to do it on my own. Yeah, so it— yeah, it worked. It's good. Wow, well done, Mum and Dad. It's funny because the heart in the hand thing, you don't have to do that. You can Oh God, this is a bit funny. You can do many things. You could just draw the heart with the finger, couldn't you? Like trace your finger and draw a heart if you don't want to use a pen. My mom used to write me a note. Like an invisible heart. Yeah, my mom used to write me a note and put it in my lunchbox. She didn't have a clue what she was doing. She was just being the best mom in the world. And I was putting it down and it used to make me feel safe. I used to read it. Another mom, by the way, in America somewhere, this is very bizarre, but she used to take a bite out of her son's sandwich and put it in his lunchbox. Really, genuine, I'm not making that up. And then put it— and then so when he opened it, he could see that, oh, I'm also in here. And I don't know about that one, but yeah, not sure about that one. Yeah, I mean, you've not made the sandwich, you know she's been there. Literally, why is she eating some of my sandwich? What does she keep doing this for? For goodness sake, she's got her own sandwich. I'm starving still. Very bizarre. No, that's actually very sweet. But I love the note in the lunchbox. That's really cute. Yeah, that's really, really lovely. I love that. Yeah. Right, we've got about 5 minutes left. We've covered so much content. This has been incredible. Thank you so much. Is there anything else you want to share before we move on? Or do you want me just to ask you a few questions? Dealer's choice, my lovely. Let's— I'm gonna— no, I'm gonna— I'm going to create a document for you guys so you can enjoy that. What I'll do is I'll put it as a link in my bio, in my Linktree, so you can click on it and you can just look at it in your own discretion. You don't need to give me any details, your name or email and stuff, that's fine. If you do want to contact me, then you can email me or you can probably the best thing to do would be to catch you on Instagram. Just leave me a voice note or just leave me a message saying, hey, I'd love to hear more information about this, or whatever it might be. It's absolutely fine. Cool, cool. Brilliant. And I will share, um, all of your Instagram and whatnot details on my social media so people can find you as well. Um, so since we're talking about kids, yeah, what is your favorite childhood memory? Oh my gosh. Um, the earliest one was when I was 2 years old and I tried to eat a live crab on the beach in Torquay with my mum and dad. But the best one is just so family dominated and family orientated. Just Christmas Day, just beautiful. It was so lovely Christmas Day to wake up. I go in my brother's room where he comes in my room where they've got little sacks at the end of the bed. We go and open the presents in mum and dad's room. Then we go downstairs in order. Dad, Mom, me, Kyle, and we go downstairs and we can— halfway down the stairs we can just smell the turkey and it's the best in the world. It's just, oh my gosh, we go and see all the presents under the tree. It's just so warm and lovely and just, it's exactly, exactly what I wanted growing up. Just abundance of love and it's just so cool. We didn't have loads, we weren't well off, but we— the love was just insane. And that's— I would pick that every single time, every single time. So Christmas time with, with my family, I'd say. Oh, that's lovely. That's a lovely memory. What a lovely memory. Um, so who is the most influential person in your life at the moment? Oh my word. Uh, this is going to probably sound a little bit Self-absorbed, but it's me in 10 years' time. That's good. Yeah, why not? Yeah, because I just think that future you— I look— there's so many people in my life, like, you know, my friends, my family, um, big speakers, but they all offer me different things. They all offer me different— Who? Frank and Alison. I'm joking. Speakers. Yeah, both. Both is a legend. Yeah, but they also like entrepreneurs, they offer me business thoughts. Speakers offer me how to speak and how to behave on stage. Marketing professionals like Billie Jean or whatever offer me this. Friendships offer me guidance. Family offer me— they're all different things and it's amazing. Um, Janine is just legendary status. Um, but, but there's nothing that encompasses me as a whole, so the best person for that will be me. And I've— do you know what, I've spoken about this recently to a girl in the— in the Girl in the Gym. Um, I said— I say, oh, by the way, there's, there's always something, because I'm— by the way, I'm doing 75 Hard, which is— I told you before this, kicked off and it's tough and it's a physical, tough mindset task for me to do and I don't want to do it but that's the reason why I'm doing it because I want to be better than my own mind kind of thing. So what I do is, I said to myself, oh, by the way, there's a little person on my shoulder. It's 48-year-old Dale on my shoulder. He's a legend. He's so awesome. He's dressed to the nines. He's impacting the world. He's a role model. He leaves legacies. He's so, so humble. He's got a lot of money. He's got this car. He travels around the world. He does what he wants. He's kind. He's unapologetically himself. He's ripped to shreds. His body is insane. He's an absolute legend. And his name's Dale. 48-year-old Dale on the show. And that compels me to think, right. And it's very strange. So I was walking around the supermarket and I saw sweets on the aisle and I was just like, I will kind of have them because I want to. I'm sticking to my diet for me. And I'm not saying that's bad food. It's just that if I want that goal, I have to sacrifice the momentary pleasure, which isn't going to help me get there. And I'm okay with that. I'm not saying anyone else does that, but that's my thing that I want to do. Or I don't know, not reading or something. He's just like, bro, it's only 10 pages, man. Just read 10 pages of your book a day. That's it. Just read one now, read one a bit later on. Okay, cool, I'm on it. Let's go. So me 10 years in the future, make sense? It's nice, you've got that future goal and you keep moving towards that. I love that. Yeah, and by the way, nothing's stopping you being him right now, FYI. All right, I need to be a little bit more ripped. Drop that one on you. I'm not going to go into coaching mode, but yeah, we'll chat after. Oh my gosh. Right. Dale, that's all we've got time for. You've been lovely. That's been amazing. Thank you so much. You've shared such amazing content and I'm sure parents and teachers listening have learned a lot from this, like a lot, a lot, a lot. And it's going to be so beneficial to them. Definitely going to get you on again because you've got just so much more to share and give. Go follow Dale on his Instagram. Not literally, obviously, because that would be stalking. He is phenomenal and Do remember to follow us on our social medias. We are on every day, 9 AM and 9 PM, Women's Radio Station. I've been Janine Newbery. This is Eat Love Do Show. Thank you for listening and catch you next time.