Eat Love Do – Jaimie Sarah, Market Your Business The Aligned Way

Hi and welcome. This is the Eat Love Do Show exclusive to Women's Radio Station. I'm Janine Ebury, your host, and I've got a fab guest for you today. I've got the lovely Jamie Sarah, and she is an executive coach and marketing consultant, and she's the founder of Definitely Definitely. She absolutely is. Um, and but before I bring her on, remember to head over to our socials— Facebook, Twitter, and Insta. We are @WomensRadioStn. And on our YouTube channel, remember to hit that like and subscribe because it really does help us, and we love it when you support the channel. So without further ado, let's bring on Jamie. Jamie, welcome to the show. Thanks for coming on. Thank you so much. I'm excited to be here with you. I'm excited to chat to you, actually. It's lovely. So do you want to, just for everybody listening, do you want to just kind of share a little bit about who you are and what you do so they know who they're listening to? Yeah. So I was in corporate marketing for 10 years in London and in New York. Loved marketing, super obsessed with marketing. Bumped into a coach on the subway one day in New York, started training to be a coach, um, was just coaching, and then my clients kept asking me for marketing advice as well. And so I combined the two. So I do coaching and marketing consulting in tandem, um, for high and ultra-high achieving experts. So in the financial, legal, consulting spaces. And, um, yeah, it's about helping them really optimize their energy so that they are being their most magnetic energetically, but also making sure that their communication is super magnetic as well by being really, really on point. And it's super fun. I love that. I'm really grateful. I just feel like I get to hang out with my friends every day and help them create magic. I love that. And I love that word magnetic that you use as well, because that That is such a powerful word and that is what you want to be when you're putting yourself out into the world. You want to bring your customers in and be magnetic. I think that's fantastic. That's what you use on your branding, I've seen, haven't you? Yeah. Love that. Magnetic. Who doesn't want to be magnetic? I do. I mean, you're already crushing it. Ah, bless you. Bless you. Because I know you won an award, Entrepreneur of the Year finalist. Who did you win that with? That's exciting. So that was with Kensington and Chelsea Chambers of Commerce. I was, yeah, an Entrepreneur of the Year finalist, and then I also was Executive Coach of the Year for 3 years running in the UK. Hello! Boom! In the bowl. Hair flick. Oh, that's incredible. That's absolutely— but congratulations, that's brilliant. Thank you so much. So what's your plans for this year then? What's your big juicy goals? Well, it's been a weird few years, hasn't it? I think it's been a weird few years for all of us, and I really want to do a lot more in-person stuff this year. For my first 3 years in business, all of my clients who were in the UK would come and sit in my living room and be with me in person. And sometimes we would, I would coach and consult for them walking around Hyde Park, and then I would run close-knit events in London as well. And then when COVID came along, everything, you know, moved to Zoom and it's lovely. But it's not the same. So I now planning a lot more in-person stuff for this year and just moving away from the screen. It's not the same as being able to be across and feel each other's heart and hug and buy someone lunch and, you know, all those little things. I'm the same. We're social creatures, aren't we? I think we're all crying out for that human connection right now because we've been shut away in our homes for a couple years. And like, we've been out and the world's kind of been normal, as it were. But I think people, there's some people that still haven't quite transitioned back into how it was before. So yeah, definitely. I think we definitely need that. And I love, I love that human interaction. I love being in the room with people and hanging out with people. So yeah, I think, I think people are going to love that. And I love that you do it in your living room, like you have people over. That's just so personal and authentic. That's really nice. I like to do that. Anyway, it's not about me. I think it's especially— I think when you're a caring person and you've got that kind of like mama bear vibe, you know, which you definitely have the mama bear vibe as well. It's like, you know, mikasa su casa, come into my home, let me feed you, let me, you know, in a healthy way, right? Because there's unhealthy mama bear tendencies where it's like, let me save everybody. But yeah, the healthy mama bear vibe. I just think is one of the most beautiful feminine tendencies, you know, in existence. Yeah, I might agree. I definitely do that. How do you— but sometimes I find that because I want to take care of people too much, I ended up like giving all my energy. So how do you manage that with yourself? Yeah, it's interesting because I've definitely noticed that since becoming a mother 4 and a bit years ago, my mama bear instincts have exploded and I have more of an urge than ever to take care of people and to make sure that everyone's okay. And I think that's natural, and biologically we change when we have children, right? So like the hormones, the mindset, the physiology, all of it, our lifestyle even, we adjust. So it's definitely— it's something that I, I need to keep an eye on ongoingly. I have to be like, okay, is this a healthy mama bear or is this I feel like I need to rescue this person, let me save this person, right? Unhealthy mama bear. What about you? I love that. I love that healthy mama bear and unhealthy mama bear. I'm going to incorporate that. I'm going to take that on board. Thank you very much. Um, but why do that? Because I'm definitely— well done for picking up on that, very astute. I definitely am mama bear taking care of people. I've done it to my detriment in the past. I'm sure there's women listening to this that have done the same thing. I think women tend to do it more than men, like we want to be the caretaker, the nurturer, and we just want people to be happy. So we want to do stuff for them because we want to take care of them, but end up being burnt out, um, and then not really having the time for ourselves or doing and creating stuff we want to do in our lives or our businesses or whatever, or our health. And then we can't be there for the people because we're burnt out. So I love that, like, checking in with yourself. Am I being healthy mama bear or not healthy? So you can still be mama bear and be in your heart and be giving and caring, but just doing in a way that's more conscious. So I love that. Yeah, I'm gonna go for that healthy mama bear. I love it. And I, and I think for me personally, I noticed with the healthy mama bear, it's like it's coming from the heart, but it also, it feels comfortable in the rest of my body as well. Like, it doesn't feel— my sacral chakra doesn't feel constrained or twisted or, or drained in any kind of way. But then with the unhealthy one I will notice even before I'm about to make a decision, if it's about to be an unhealthy mama bear decision, there'll be some kind of twist or sinking or, um, other kind of undesirable sensation in the sacral chakra. And that's kind of like my personal cue. Okay, so for anyone listening that doesn't know what sacral chakra is, uh, where have you been living, under a rock? Just kidding. She's talking about the chakra system that's in the body and the sacral, um, so if you imagine like balls of color, if you want to visualize it And the sacral chakra is in between the belly button and your genital area. The bit in between. It's the best way to describe it. And that's so that it's that feeling, I guess, like in your gut as well, literally like a gut feeling, isn't it? So, so you feel it there physically. That's, that's, that's really, that's really well developed, isn't it? That's great. What do you notice? I definitely get a feeling. I think mine's higher. When things are right, I feel excited and energized. And then the second I feel like drained or tired, or so it's almost like it's an energy shift in mine, or I might feel it sort of around my sort of heart or sort of feeling like a heaviness there. If I feel that, I know I shouldn't be doing that thing, whatever that thing is. And if I feel excited and energized by it, I know that it's a good thing for me to do. So that's how I kind of sort of gauge. And whenever I don't listen to my intuition and my gut feeling, and I'm sure anyone listening can probably relate to this. When I go and, you know, don't listen to that and then go and do the thing I didn't want to do and put other people first before myself, which I've done so many times, so guilty of that, it never works out and I end up burnt out, exhausted. And more often than not, they're not even grateful for all the energy and time you put in because I think the more you do for other people, the more they expect that you should do it. And it almost creates this kind of entitlement dynamic between you and them where they expect that you should be putting them first, like you're the mum and they're the child. And then the second you step back and take care of yourself and I've noticed this last year with people in my life. I was like, no, just do it for yourself. They've not liked it and they've almost like lashed out, like a child lashing out. And I'm like, you're a grown man or woman, you can do this for yourself. So it's quite interesting if you, if you're creating those dynamics in your life, sort of being aware of that. Yeah, exactly. And just like, you know, tuning into those personal cues for us wherever it's sitting. And I think sometimes it can sit in different spaces depending on like who it is that we're interacting with, or what's going on for us, what's going on for them. But like, anytime that we're kind of feeling that sinking feeling or draining feeling or heaviness anywhere in our body, it is something to pay so much attention to. Because, um, it is so easy to go, oh, but like, this makes financial sense, or, oh, but this person's an ideal client on paper, or, oh, but this person, like, I should be friends with this person, or, you know, whatever. But ultimately, if our body is saying no, our body has access to wisdom far beyond that which we can intellectually understand. Um, it's interesting that you raised entitlement. This has really been on my mind the last few days around— actually, the more— it's funny, isn't it? There's no coincidences. But like, how exactly— how you said, the more you give, the more people take you for granted. And until you've experienced it firsthand, you don't get it. And then when you've experienced it and you're like, okay, but I'm the exact same person. I've just given more, and because I've given more to this person, this person now is acting entitled. I was speaking to a girlfriend about this a couple of days ago, and on an energy level, to give is masculine energy, to receive is feminine. So if you're constantly giving, giving, giving, you're being in your masculine and they're being in the feminine, whether they're male or female or whatever gender they specify, is irrelevant. We're just talking about energetic. And like, say it— say if you're doing this in a relationship a man-woman and you were the woman doing this to a man, a man respects a woman, uh, he respects feminine energy when he has to be the giver, when he has to give and do. So when he's giving and doing and being in his true masculine energy and she's receiving, that's telling him in his subconscious, uh, psychologically, that she's worthy of him doing these things for her. If she keeps doing things for him, she's being the masculine, so not allowing him to be in that space. She is like, she is subconsciously putting into his mind that she's not worthy of having things done for her. So he starts to lose respect for her. The masculine loses respect for the feminine energy because it's like, well, you're doing, doing, giving to me, so I'm more important because you're the one doing and giving to me all the time. I'm the one receiving. So it almost creates a dynamic of a lack of respect. And it can happen in friendships, even if it's woman to woman, or business relationships. The more and more you give, the more they expect, the less they respect you. And it's kind of It's like that deep, it's like deep ingrained psychologically, deep, deep into our subconscious. So they're not consciously aware of why they're doing it. So it's almost like you're creating a monster. So, you know, you created it and they don't know. They just expect it. People have been like that since kids through to adults. So the more you give without receiving as well, because that's the key. It's alright to give as long as you receive. You're not receiving and you're giving, giving, giving. And I used to do this all the time because I saw my mum doing it, right? And then people would sort of stop respecting me and just expect me to do everything for them and think that their time and their needs are more important than mine because I'd shown them that they are by keeping putting them, you know, ahead of mine. So the second you try, you want to change that back and make it equal, I find it's really hard to because you put that grounding in and made that the dynamic. What I found with women that get, then they start to feel resentful or going to sort of victim and go, well, you're not looking after me. And they go into victim mode. It's like. No, no, no, you're not the victim, you're the creator. You've created this dynamic so you can uncreate it, but it's going to take a while because it's a pattern of behavior you've created with someone else. You're going to have to deprogram that. It's like putting it in a computer, isn't it? Like software. This is how our relationship will be and this is the dynamic. And then you want to change the software and expect them just to get it without doing an upload. Like if you had an iPhone, you've got to do the upgrade, haven't you? Like the software upgrade to get all the new things to work. You don't do the upgrade, nothing's going to work. People are the same. So yeah, anyway, went off on a tangent there. No, it's a great analogy. I feel there's lots of people that need to hear this message right now because it's a big thing. And I think, I don't know about you, but I really softened during COVID My heart like cracked wide open in a way that it never had before, and I became more patient and kind. And I think that's a beautiful thing. And I think You know, hopefully lots of us can relate to the COVID period kind of softening us and softening our humanity and helping us feel more connected and more compassionate to others. And yeah, I think the analogy that you shared with the phone, the upload, you know, you need to do the update before you can get the new features, I think is a really good analogy. And also I remember one of my mentors talking about deposits in the bank account, right? Which can be, you know, literal. Have you paid me? Um, but also you can use it as a metaphor as well. Has this person deposited enough in the bank account of the relationship, whatever that relationship is, to make it— to be, um, able to make an eligible to make a withdrawal right now? And I think it's a really good question to ask. And that doesn't have to be super transactional, you know. If you're someone who's listening who has softened over the last few years from everything that's happened, and you have become more compassionate towards others and more connected to the collective, um, you know, the wider collective. And you can be compassionate and you can be that, that softer, kinder, um, more feminine person, and you can still require that people have made enough deposits in the bank account before they're able to make a withdrawal. You would still be unfuckwithable. I love that. I love that. That's a really simple way of putting it, but when you see it like that, yeah, it's a bank account. Have they put enough in so that they can then make a withdrawal? So they're not just taking, taking, taking and depleting. So there's nothing there for you or for them. I love that. That's really, really powerful and really simple. That's got to be a tweetable there, isn't it? Back of the bank account. Back of the bank account. It's like Bank of Us, Bank of Friendship. And that applies to friendships, business relationships, family relationships, anyone, doesn't it? You can have a different bank for each person in your life. Definitely, definitely. I mean, I think when you have a young child, especially like a child kind of like under 3, they're just constantly, "We're trying, we're trying, we're trying, we're trying." You're like, "Okay, okay." And then they give you that beautiful cheeky smile or that laugh or you know, some kind of moment like that, and then suddenly the account is flooded with new funds and you're like, okay, all is well. If only that worked as adults. How old are your kids, by the way? My son is 4. Oh, lovely. And he's super cute and he's starting to be really independent recently as well. So like he'll put on his own clothes and he'll make his own bed and like get his own food sometimes and, you know, little things, fill up his own water cup. And, um, yeah, it's just, it's really beautiful to see him sort of starting to become more independent. Oh, that's lovely. With your clients, do you talk about this stuff with your clients when you're working with them? Yeah, yeah. And because I know you work with like high-powered or business people, coaches and stuff, but Obviously, I think we both know, maybe people listening know, that when you, even when you're coaching people around business, you still have to work on you as a person because the stuff that's holding you back growing in a business or becoming more or reaching more customers is often the stuff we've not looked at and worked out within ourselves. So how do you approach people when you, um, like when you're trying to help them and coach them in marketing? What advice could you give to anyone listening that's kind of, I don't know, maybe they're a bit stuck and they're thinking, I want to go, I want to grow a business or do stuff, but I'm a bit stuck. Like, what advice could you, could you give to people? There's a lot there. Boom. And go. I think as, I think as you touched on, you know, everything affects everything. So I normally notice that, for example, if someone's feeling resistant to stepping up their marketing, they're probably also not fully expressing themselves in their personal life as well, because it's the same mechanism. Marketing is the mechanism of self-expression. It's the mechanism of owning your truth and shouting from the rooftops about what you're up to in a way that's clear and in a way that is respectful of you and also respectful of others, right? And it's possible to achieve both of those things at once. And also with magnetism, it's often the same mechanisms. If you are inadvertently attracting people you don't want to attract in business, or finding it difficult or feeling guilty about filtering out the people that you actually don't want to work with in business, or that you don't want to attract as customers, normally that same thing is then also happening in in their personal life where they're also feeling like they need to be for everyone, or they need to say yes to everyone, or if someone is there saying, hey, please help me, that they have to say yes, right? And so I think my best advice really is to just take a pause, take some nice deep breaths, and just take a moment to just really reflect on what patterns are working for you and not working for you. And as you said a little bit earlier in the conversation, it's always possible to break patterns that aren't working. Can you— can you— it's always possible. Can you explain for people listening that don't understand what patterns are, what you mean by that? Yeah, so any, um, trends behaviors, um, ways of being, ways of thinking, ways of relating to others, ways of dealing with others, ways of communicating with others, um, and any patterns that you feel like you might be on the receiving end of. So you might currently have a little bit of victim energy around them. You might be like, oh, this is happening to me. Things are never just happening to us. There's always a co-creation on some level. So what patterns am I, you know, engaging in that aren't working for me? What patterns am I seeing in terms of how others relate to me that aren't working for me? And then be willing to say, I am done. I am done with those, and I am willing to reset the parameters. And it's not— like you said earlier, it's not easy to break patterns, it's not easy to reset parameters, but it's absolutely possible. And the biggest thing that holds people back is thinking, oh, I can't, it's too late, or, you know, but this is the way I've been for 10 years, or, but this is the way I've been for 15 years, or, but this is the only thing my clients have ever known, or blah blah blah. It's never ever too late. Like, for me, I would say every week to 2 weeks I reinvent myself on some level. I mean, I become a fundamentally different person, but there's something where I go, no, this is not a thing anymore. Yeah, interesting, because people are often scared of change, aren't they? Scared to change how they are or show up But I love that you do like almost like that sort of self-reflection every couple of weeks and change things out. It's like clearing out your cupboards and going, this isn't working, so let's— well, I don't wear that top anymore, so let's give it away. And yeah, yes, I like that, that you're doing it with yourself. And actually, you just recently said you just recently changed your hair color as well. I did, I did. I can't see it, but I can. It's lovely. Thank you. Yeah, I was super blonde and I was like, I feel like I'm— I felt like— so there's two things. I was reflecting and I realized that I felt like I needed to be blonde to be more beautiful, and I didn't like that. I was like, that's a limiting belief. Nope, that's gotta go. And then also, it's not my natural hair color. Are you saying blondes don't have more fun? I think it very much depends on the individual, but for me, as someone who really, really believes in it, in authenticity, it just sort of suddenly fell out of alignment. I went, hang on, but this isn't authentic because this is not my actual color. Interesting. And it just, it just fell out of alignment. So who knows, maybe I'll be blonde again at some point in the future, maybe I won't, but Um, yeah, I've become hypersensitive recently, not in a bad way, in a healthy way. Hypersensitive recently to anywhere that I'm not being fully me or not being fully, um, truthful with myself above all, but also anywhere that that's showing up with others. Like, where am I being too much of a chameleon, or where am I bending myself into a pretzel, or am I going into unhealthy mama bear? And it's been, you know, something that's been really important to reflect on. Do you know what? I've been doing exactly the same thing, so I'm going to ask you, do you think this is an age thing, or do you think it's a post-lockdown thing, or a sort of universal energy thing that maybe everyone's doing it? Because I'm definitely in that space. I know a few of the people that are, and I don't know if it's because I'm just about to turn 47 in a couple of weeks— woohoo, birthday!— but I'm like, is this an age thing where I'm like I don't tolerate things, and I want everything to be authentic now, and I just want real people in my life. And I thought I did before, but now I like really, really do. And anything that's not for me, I just let go of, and there's no— that kind of attachment to things has gone. And my heart's more open. I'm thinking, is this a universally energetic thing, or is it an age thing? What do you think? What do you think it is for you? I definitely think so. I'm not an expert in kind of cosmos-related things, but I think anyone who's not into woo-woo, we apologize now, but listen up. But I think there's definitely something in the ether right now, and I think a lot of people, as you said, are feeling the same thing. And, you know, consciousness is rising. Yeah. And, um, and I think especially people who are lightworkers and people who are in that space of being very self-aware and being people who want to grow on a continual basis, not just sort of growing stops and starts, or, oh, I just went to a personal development event, okay, now I'm good for like 3 years, tick. All right, but those of us, those of us who are keeping an eye on it, you know, daily and doing the work daily, um, I think it's really natural to, to reach that point. Um, and it is funny to reflect, isn't it, on you know, what you thought was authentic when you were 25 and then what you think is authentic a little bit later. Kind of different things. Huge difference. When I was 25, I was going out in hot pants and going clubbing almost every night, and I thought I was being authentic then. Maybe I was, for me, the me then. Authentically hot. I bet you were authentically hot. Oh my gosh, I'll get you a custom pair of hot pants now I can sell you. Oh, but no, it's true. Um, I, I felt the shift even just over the last few years, and I think, I think the lockdown period where everyone was sort of forced into isolation really, so you were forced to have that time to— with your— with yourself, so you have that more time to reflect and learn who you are and be with yourself and know yourself more really. I've noticed that I've had an even bigger shift since that. I've always been having them like yourself, like constantly reflected in Ivana, it's an even bigger one, and with everyone really. And I think it exacerbated everyone with whatever anyone was going through. And I think some people have come out very differently at the other end of that. I think everyone has in a way. And some people, I think, are almost like happier, more at peace. And I think there's still some people that are really hurt and almost traumatized by it still, and they're still going through that process. So I just find all this absolutely fascinating. I think that because so many of us have not been used to spending significant chunks of time alone. It's, it's kind of— COVID is like almost the ultimate shadow work experience, right? We, we were all so confronted with our shadows, any parts of ourselves that weren't healed, any parts of ourselves that were still afraid, or we're still getting validation from external sources and external happenings and going out and being busy and doing things all the time, versus getting validation just from within, from knowing that we're worthy just because we're worthy, not because we're doing all of the things and being in all of the places and things. So, um, yeah, I think some people, um they saw their shadows and they freaked out. Yeah. And there's some people who chose to leave this Earth because of that, because they couldn't handle it. And there's others who went, oh shit, I didn't see this about myself before. Hmm, that's interesting. That doesn't work. Let's take a look at that. Let's inquire. Let's, you know, do some deep work on that. And then there's some who kind of sitting in this, in this weird middly bit where it's like 'Oh, that's interesting. Okay, I need to look at that.' And then they start looking at them, they go, 'Ah!' And then they go, 'Okay, I really do need to look at this. Okay, I'm gonna look at it now.' And they're kind of like, dip in, dip out, dip in, dip out. Yeah, I think it's truth, isn't it? Being truth about yourself. But it's not only, um, I— my experience was not only knowing myself more, it was seeing the truth of everyone else that was in my life as well. So seeing— yeah, what's about the shadow there? So the shadow is like, anyone who doesn't know what we mean when we talk about shadow, it's like those— it's not the bad or negative behaviors, it's sort of classed as a shadow, you know, our ego self if you like, or the behaviors and patterns we play out that are not maybe supportive and loving to ourselves or others. And so I saw that, the truth of that, and the dynamic and the relationships of the people that were in my life. And some of them have been in my life for 20 years back from when I first started modeling and worked in like TV and media. And I still had a lot of friends that were in that world and the friendships that were formed then, they just weren't in alignment is probably the right word to say with who I am now and where I'm going and who I am and who they are. We just weren't aligned anymore. And I just was like, wow, why am I holding on to these friendships? I'm the other way, like, no, when they don't— we're in like two different worlds. To, you know, we just weren't connecting. And the things that they were finding to be important would just seem so superficial to me. Now, it wasn't like a judgment thing, it was just like, oh, I don't find— and the way that they were behaving. Like, I had a guy friend I was friends with for many years, and he just lied and cheated on every woman he ever dated. And we just used to sort of, oh, that's just how he is. I was like, but that actually doesn't sit right with me. This— I, I, and I actually had a conversation with him at the beginning of the lockdown and said, because he was constantly cheating on the woman he was with. Now, and I've become quite— I always became really good friends with his girlfriends, and I just said to him, I can't. I said, you need to stop cheating on this woman or be single and then sleep with who you want. I said, but I can't be friends with this woman and know that you're cheating on her because she's my friend and it doesn't sit right with me. And that really was the start of the end of our friendship, I think, because I confronted him and said, this is truth and this is my standard. And if you want to be someone in my life, you've got to love and respect everyone and the women in your life as well, not just me. And I, you know, and it just— I just couldn't do that and turn a blind eye to that anymore. And obviously that friendship eventually, you know, dissolved last year, which is really sad, but because I've just been friends with him for so long. But I was like, what am I actually getting from this friendship? And it was always a lot of me giving and being the mother, mama bear with them. In a certain friend group, and I thought— and it was just very draining. And when I let them go, I had to go through a grieving period, which I'm sure people listening might relate to this if you've let people go from your life. And then— and it was really heartbreaking, but then at the same time, I felt almost kind of at peace. And knowing that, um, you know, just wish them well, let them go off, and knowing that they can't come on the path of where I am, and I'm not in alignment if I keep this energy of these people in my life. And, and there's something quite empowering about that, even though it's really sad, but allowing yourself to go through that process. So I don't know if anyone's listening to this, it's in a similar space now, just know that it's okay, you know, sometimes we have to let people go. And then new— and then when you do that, when you make that decision to, to only have, uh, you know, only run a business, only have people in your life that are aligned with you and your authenticity, like you talk about authenticity and what is in alignment with your heart, then you get the most amazing people start coming into your life. It's like you clear out your cupboard and create space. The people that are aligned are your people, your tribe. And now since I've been doing that, just the people that have been coming in have been incredible. I've had the women that I'm chatting to like yourself today, just incredible human beings. Like, your heart is so full and open and you're such a lovely soul and human being. And I knew like instantly as we started chatting, I was like, yep, this is one of my people, one of my tribe, she's lovely and awesome. And you can't get that in and get to that new life if you're still being the person you were in the old life. So it's like that transition. Oh my God, I'm chatting quite a lot. Normally I like chat in my guest chats the whole time, but I think it's you being a coach, I think you're pulling this out of me. I feel like I'm being interviewed. I love it. So much wisdom there, so much wisdom there. And, um, I really honor you for having the courage to, to let that person go and, and to stand in your truth. You know, people always have a choice. They always have a choice. They have a choice to rise, right? Either they rise with us and we rise together, or we keep rising in our standards, in our values, in our sovereignty, in our contribution. In our integrity, whatever it is, right? Which doesn't mean being perfect, because there's no such thing as perfect. But, you know, either we rise and then they stay where they are, or they sometimes, in some cases, devolve, and then it just becomes a mismatch. And when there's a mismatch and we're up here and they're down there, just in terms of like frequency, right? Frequency and values, and it becomes draining. Whoever the person is that's sort of on the higher plane, it becomes draining for the person that's on the higher plane. And so it's not about judgment actually at all, as, as you touched on. It's about going, okay, well, you know, the choices that you make are up to you, but this doesn't align with my values, so I can't, you know, be around that. Or, you know, this is what I need, this is my criteria. If we're going to be in each other's lives, because this is what helps me be in the highest vibration, in the most expansive energy. I, I think often we take for granted that the choices that we make everywhere have a big effect on our magnetism in business. So like the choices that we make in our personal relationships— we have someone in our personal life who's draining us energetically, or who's a mismatch, who's on a very different plane it depletes our magnetism in business as well. Yeah, yeah. And so this is why sometimes some of the personal relationship stuff ends up being so relevant to your brand magnetism, because you're more cohesive, you're more clean and clear and cohesive when you're not tolerating what I call any non-definitely definites. And what do you mean, what's that? So, so my company is called Definitely Definitely, and it arose from conversations. I used to be really indecisive. I started having conversations with my best friend in around about 2013, and I was like, I want to become more decisive. And he illuminated something for me. He said, whenever something is an absolute yes for you, you say something. I said, what is it? What do I say? And he said, you say definitely, definitely, right? And since then, and since creating the business, I've noticed that loads of human beings do this. When something is an absolute hell yes for them, they say definitely, definitely. They're like, it's a definitely, definitely. Or, or, you know, we'll be in a conversation, oh yeah, definitely, definitely. And I'm like, hee hee. Um, so I believe that we have a duty to ourselves to our children, to all those we impact, to our friends, our communities, to focus on creating and cultivating and saying yes to our definitely definites and releasing anything that isn't a definitely definite. So releasing anything that doesn't feel good in our heart, in our solar plexus, in our sacral chakra, in our knees, wherever it is. We were just having a conversation about knees before. Before you came online, um, in case you're wondering where the knee thing came from. And, and, and that's our duty to ourselves, and that's our duty to the world. And when we do that— and I, I think as you beautifully articulated with the analogy around clearing out the closet— every time we, we release or clear out something that isn't a definitely definitely, more definitely definites flock in. They just— because the universe knows that we're serious, and because we are in a cleaner, clearer, more cohesive energy when we do that, because it affirms our worthiness, right? When we, when we say, no, I'm not going to tolerate a non-definitely definitely, right? It doesn't have to be an aggressive thing. Just like, nope, bye-bye, right? It doesn't even have to sometimes be a conversation. Sometimes it's just walking in the opposite direction, um, or affirming that we're worthy. And so it's kind of creating this positive feedback loop that then continually reinforces our magnetism. It's a really interesting thing to witness, and it's really beautiful to hear about that unfolding for you in your life, and then you observing all these brilliant super, super aligned people dropping in. I love that you call it a definitely, definitely. I love that, that's brilliant. I think, yeah, and I like that, that's really— you can just apply that to anything, can't you? So is this, is this, uh, is this a relationship I want, a person I want a relationship with, are they a definitely, definitely? If it's a no, then no. Is this a pair of shoes that I want to buy or keep? Definitely, definitely? No, no. So it could be something small like that, or something big, or Is this a direction I want to go in my business? Is it a definitely, definitely for me? Is this what I want to do? I love it. It's just so simple. Do you know what I love? The simple things that make life easier. And I think the definitely, definitely analogy fits into that. I should put together a book at some point in the future of all the great little tips that all, maybe all my guests say and put. Definitely, definitely will be one of the ones in there because that's the goal. That is the goal. The goals from the guests. I could call it. I love it. I love that. That's a great idea. Goldrod, I guess. Now, you have a marketing background, and I know you're an absolute marketing maven, as they would say for this. Is that the right— am I getting that term right? Marketing maven? You're brilliant. I've looked at your website and the stuff that you're putting out there, and it is really, really amazing, obviously. So what advice would you give to someone who is wanting to— I don't know, maybe they're starting out as a business person, or they're thinking about getting into business, and, and I don't know, selling their products or their service, or just putting themselves out there, you know, creating a brand? What advice would you give them? Hmm, so someone creating a new brand? Yeah, I think we'll create an avatar. Her name's Margot. Can you tell that I'm very, I'm very, uh, my advice very much depends on what stage the person is at and also what type of business they have and what their personality is like, what their Human Design is, what their, um, choices and personal decisions are around what they keep private and what they share, right, which is a really individual thing. And so it really does depend, but I would say understand that your brand gets to be yours. So your brand gets to be something that is based on all of the things that are definitely definitely for you. So just because someone else are definitely definitely for them might be sharing the deep intricacies of their personal life and pictures every day of their children, which there's nothing wrong with that, doesn't mean that that's going to be the right thing for you. Your brand might be much more private, your brand might be much more corporate, but really, um, look inwards and I would make a list of all the things that feel good to you in terms of your brand. So like, uh, selfies in the park, tick. Sharing my wisdom on X topic, tick. Um, a little bit of behind the scenes, tick, right? Like all these little things. And then anything that's a no for you, including, by the way, something could be a no for you that used to be a yes, or that will be a yes in the future, but it's not a yes right now, that's absolutely fine. And then releasing all self-judgment around anything that's a no for your brand right now and focusing on the things that are a yes, and then coming from that space and not comparing yourself with anyone, not worrying what anyone else is doing, just showing up each day and going, okay, what is aligned for me to share in my brand today that also aligns with this list? And then as time goes on, adjusting the list where you need to, and really just every day flexing that muscle of you speaking your truth relevant to your brand. I love that. I love that you said about the yes, it's a yes now or a no now, but it could be a yes or a no in the future, or, or it has been in the past. So it gives you that flexibility to change. I think sometimes when people are trying to do stuff in their life or create a business, you kind of get that sort of analysis paralysis, or that sort of perfectionism. It needs to be perfect now. I need to know what everything is before I can put myself out there or launch it. Or even if you're doing it in your personal life, like dating or whatever you're doing, everything needs to be in place and perfect before I can put myself out there. But I think I love your approach. It's like, what's aligned with you now? It's kind of something more gentle and more true. And you can't help but be authentic if you ask yourself that and be in alignment with who you are. And it could be a yes now, but it could be a no next week. It could be a no now, but it could be a yes 6 months from now. So I love that it takes that pressure off, that overwhelm. So people are procrastinating on taking, making decisions or feeling overwhelmed. It could well be because you're putting too much pressure on yourself to know and have all the answers now. When actually you can just change it. So I love that, I love that approach that you take. That's lovely. Yeah, or like putting pressure to be the version of you that you're going to be 5 years from now, that you can't be that version of you and you can't become that version of you without treading the path of getting there. So you mean I can't be a superstar by tomorrow? You know, it's understanding like the, the journey is beautiful. And so even if right now you don't feel fully worthy of what you're doing, even if right now you don't feel fully, um, you know, it's very common with women especially. Imposter syndrome is very, very common, um, with women especially. And you know, there'll be this kind of myth of, of I don't know enough, I need to do one more training program, right? Which then soon turns into like 30 more training programs. I've been there, by the way. I had that phase. Um, you know, I don't, I don't know enough. I, I need to know more. I need to do more training. Um, I need to be more perfect. I need to lose 10 pounds. I need to live in a different house. I need to have X amount in the bank. I need to do, do, do, do, do, do. We create this imaginary list of criteria our subconscious brain, which is trying to keep us safe, creates this imaginary list of criteria where if all of those things are ticked, then we'll be completely enough. And the thing is, we, we're always going to be imperfect for as long as we live. There's, there's no point at which, as a human being, you'll get to and go, ah, I'm the finished article. I'm the finished article, this is it, ah! It just doesn't happen. And so honouring, you know enough already, you have enough experience already, as long as you know that you do actually have enough experience. If not, then go and help people for free for a bit and maybe do a bit more training if you genuinely haven't enough. Um, you are enough as a person. Your voice, your message is worthy of being heard. Your brand needs to be seen by people. You need to be seen by people. Your unique voice needs to be heard by people. And then every single day it's gonna get better and better, and you'll naturally over time, you're going to become more and more aligned, as long as that's something that committed to. As long as that's something that you're committed to, you will become more aligned over time. And exactly as you are right now needs to be heard. And, and don't get me wrong, this stuff that I look back on from 3, 4 years ago, I think, I can't believe I shared that, I can't believe I wrote that, or whatever— none of it was out of integrity. It's just my relationship with what I share now is different than what I felt aligned to share with back then. And, um, something that you touched on as well that I've really, really noticed— I've noticed a lot of people have been really shedding a lot of ego stuff and a lot of materialism stuff over the last, um, 6 months to a year. And, uh, like, I've really noticed it collectively, and I've noticed it with clients and so on. And so, for example, some of my early branding photos where I was like holding a glass of champagne I look at that now and I just, I want to vomit, right? But at the time it was perfect, and at the time people loved it. I loved it, they loved it, and my message was what my message was then, and it was magnetic because it was, at that time, it was authentic to who I was then. Yeah. Um, and so if you start sharing your message and raising your brand profile, and then you go, um, actually what was aligned, either in terms of imagery or messaging or whatever, is not aligned now. Okay, cool, you change it. Yeah, nobody died. What? No, I love that. That's it. And I think there's also It seems so obvious when you say it, doesn't it? It seems like common sense, like, oh yeah, of course. But it's almost like we don't often give ourselves permission to do that, put so much pressure to be perfect because we're comparing ourselves with someone who might be years ahead of us. But I love that you're just saying that, because just hearing that, I think, allows people to know that they have permission to change and it's okay and it's perfectly— yeah. And I think something that a lot of people take for granted is that, um, your your audience, your audience don't want or need you to be perfect to want to be inspired by you and to want to buy from you. They want to need you to be you and to be honest and to be authentic. And so they actually are going to enjoy going on the journey with you. They're going to enjoy watching you evolve, watching you become more and more aligned, watching you shift, watching you change visually, change your messaging, become sharper, become clearer, become more fearless, etc. They're going to enjoy watching that because when they see you change on a subconscious level, it gives them permission to also be a work in progress and to be continually changing too. I agree. I think it's more real, isn't it, if you show people who you really are and your flaws, or people you might deem your flaws, but no, it's just you. Then yeah, I think people relate to that more as well. I found that there's people I followed on social media and I've started to be turned off by what they're putting out. And it's not because the content's not good, because it is, it's interesting content, but it's that they're so perfect in every video or reel or whatever they put out. Like everything is perfect and immaculate and everything they're saying, and they're not showing— they're like, this is all I eat, or it's all I do, this is— and, and I've just found myself watching going, I don't believe you, I don't believe you, this doesn't feel real to me. And, and it's, it's a shame because I think there's gold in what they're sharing, but the way they're sharing it doesn't feel authentic. It feels very contrived and, and fake, like an image they're trying to put to the world of how they want to be seen rather than just just being seen. And, and I think that, I think that's quite dangerous because, like, um, you know, young, younger people, men or women, particularly, particularly girls though, are watching that and then thinking that's what they need to aspire to be in order to be successful because this person's successful and they're perfect. But I just, I've watched this particular person, I won't say who it is, but she's like, everything's perfect. She's become more and more perfectionist. And I've just watched, she's lost quite a lot of weight and gone quite— she looks quite ill to me now, like she's lost too much weight. And she— when I tune into her energy, I feel like she's having, um, like health problems, but she's putting out this perfect image to the world and she's teaching people about health stuff. And, and the stuff she's teaching, the content is perfect, it's spot on, but there's something about her not being in alignment. And I don't know, I've just got this feeling that she's gonna get quite ill. So I think she's almost like stressing herself out, and I can feel that. I'm thinking, if I can feel that and see that, other people must surely as well. And it made me feel quite sad. So yeah, I'm so like— and this, and this is the thing, when someone projects an image of perfection, they're lying because nobody is perfect. They're also creating anxiety. And I know this because my first 2 years in business, there would, there were some things that I would share, but mostly Initially, and this is very, very common, I was portraying an image of perfection, of like, you know, I've got it all figured out and, and blah blah blah. And I wouldn't share my vulnerabilities. The only time I would share my vulnerabilities in my content would be if it was 10 years ago I was did-a-dah, now I'm did-a-dah. Right? That's the only time I would do it. And I got feedback from people. People would come and see me for sessions in my living room, and they would say, you are so perfect, I want to be more like you. How are you so, like— I mean, they'd use varying words, but like, either like flawless or like, you know, whatever. And every single time someone would say that, it would break my heart a little bit more. And that was part of the, the reason and the inspiration behind then why, um, I started sharing more of, um, for example, I gave a presentation yesterday in the city and I wrote a post and I said, um, my brain when I sat down to give this presentation told me that it was far too basic and they were going to laugh at Um, hint: when it's in your zone of genius, it should feel way too simple and way too obvious because it's your zone of genius. As long as you're in a room full of people who don't have that same zone of genius. Um, just a reminder, I've said this I've said this before, and I'll keep saying it, sometimes your brain is wise, sometimes your brain just farts. Now, me 7 years ago would never have posted something like that because I would have thought, oh my gosh, someone's going to think that I'm an imposter and I'm a fraud because I'm not feeling 100% confident being about to deliver this presentation. Right? But what I know now is people don't need to think that I feel 100% confident. What they need is me to be honest about some of the mechanisms and the thought processes that I put in place so that even when I don't feel confident, I'm still able to be really freaking magnetic and to impact people and to help people and so on. And so this doesn't mean you need to show up online and do the whole faux vulnerability thing, because that's just as gross as the perfection thing. But I think that what you were speaking to is people— I believe people are waking up more and more and more. People are becoming more and more and more discerning, and they can feel when something is an energetic lie. So they can feel when someone's projecting something, and then energetically they're in a very different space, especially those of us who are energetically sensitive, even more so. Um, and it's not magnetic. It really does— it really weakens your magnet when you do that, and it also causes paranoia and confusion and anxiety in your audience as well. So it's really not a good thing to do for anyone. Nobody wins when human beings do that, but it is normally an outward projection of that internal perfectionism that that person is wrestling with at that moment, where they think, if I'm not perfect, I'm not enough. And that's so sad. That's so sad. Yeah, it's true. And I think younger girls definitely get this more, I think, when you get older, you kind of know yourself more and you begin to realize that's not true. But yeah, you're so right, you're so right. I've worked in the modeling industry for 20 years. Talk about needing to be perfect and look perfect, like the pressure. And you don't even look like you look in the pictures. I would look at pictures of myself, um, or any of the models I knew I was working with, and then the clients will do whatever they do and all the lighting and the hair and the makeup in it, and you look— you look amazing, you look incredible. And I look at the picture, I think I don't look like that in real life, and that's me. And there's all these women comparing themselves to these models or actresses on screen or in a pop video, and every single frame is touched up to make them look perfect. Like, literally, I remember I was speaking to somebody once years ago who's edited the Kylie Minogue video when she did the la la la, or one of them. You can see like a bum in it, and he said they had to edit every single frame to make it so that it looked perfect. It's like, yeah, bum looks amazing in that. I wanted that bum, but each frame was, was touched up. It's not really how she looks. And, and same with like with modeling and, and putting yourself out on social media, that perfect image. It's, it's really dangerous because then you feel inadequate because you don't look like that. I didn't even look like my own pictures. I was like, wow, I look nothing like that. So if there's anyone listening that's comparing themselves to people online or pictures of models, just know that those models don't even look like that. Don't look that good. Or even how you look photoshopped. Yeah, yourself to you photoshopped. Yeah, exactly, exactly. People putting these filters on now, aren't they? I don't mean just— or the AI version of you. Yes, it's so true what you say, it's so powerful. But yeah, we just sort of need to accept ourselves for who we are. We owe that to ourselves and we owe it to each other. Yeah. Yeah, they really do. And it doesn't have to mean, you know, um, sharing things that you don't— that you aren't comfortable sharing, or sharing something— one of my mentors used to say to me, he would say, share from the scab, not the wound. So like, don't share when you're gushing with blood, share when, when, when the scab started to, to heal over, right? And, and what you share and what is on brand for you to share is going to be different depending on your message, your ideal client, your offerings. But when we share authentically and when we allow ourselves to be real human beings who are perfectly imperfect, and we're all just making it up as we go along, and we're all just getting better day by day and we're all sometimes falling on our face and going, oh, damn it, what did I do there, right? Our ripple effect is even greater than we can ever even imagine. I love that, the ripple effects. I think the ripple effect can be positive or negative, can't it? And if you're putting out an inauthentic version of yourself, the ripple effects on that is gonna have a negative impact on people. Whereas if you're showing up, so just showing who you really are and being in your own heart and just being kind and loving, that ripple effect— sometimes you don't even see what it is, but that kindness and love, I think, definitely spreads out into the world and to others around you. So I love that ripple effect. And I think if you're, if you're coming at building your brand from a space of judging yourself and expecting yourself to be perfect, you're going to, um, cultivate that in your, in your people. If you're coming out sharing from a place of I love myself and I really care about you too, and I want to serve and support you and inspire you, then that's what ripples out. I love that. I love that. If you're— so if you're not loving yourself, you're going to foster that in the people that you're, you're helping and bring that out in them. God, that's so powerful, isn't it? And so true. And literally, you know, when you're writing, it could be an individual piece of content that you're writing. What's the frequency in when you're writing it? Are you writing it from a frequency of I need to put something out there to impress the peoples, to make some sales, to generate some leads. Why are you sitting there thinking, okay, how can I be a contribution to my audience today in a way that's on brand and in a way that's authentically me and in a way where if there's vulnerability, it's aligned vulnerability that is going to create aha's and breakthroughs and inspiration for my people? Because that frequency that we're in when create has a big impact in the frequency that others feel when they receive or when they consume. So it's literally the space you're coming from before you create. Get yourself into that space, set your intentions, and then create or deliver. I love that. That's so powerful. And that is— we've run out of time, but that is such a beautiful, um, like a bit of gold to end on. So thank you so much, Jamie. Um, you were an absolute pleasure. I'm sure everyone's loved listening to you. I have. I've loved chatting to you. Um, thank you so much. And this was the Eat Love Do Show on Women's Radio Station. Thank you for listening. We're on at 9 AM and 9 PM every week. Um, stay tuned. We'll see you next time. Thank you for listening.