Eat Love Do – Reverse Interview With Janine Newberry & Lovelda Vincenzi, The Truth About Trauma

Hello and welcome to the Eat Love Do Show, exclusive to Women's Radio Station. I am Janine Newbury, and before we get started, remember to go over to our socials— Instagram, Facebook, Twitter— we are @WomensRadioStn, and go to our YouTube channel and hit that like and subscribe because we love it when you support us and it really helps the show. So today we're doing something a little bit different. I've had a few people say that, um, when I'm on the show, I'm showcasing my guests and talking to them, and they know all about my guests but nobody knows anything about me. So today I've decided to do a reverse interview and I've called back one of my guests, one of my favorite guests I've had on the show so far, Lovelda. She is phenomenal. And I've asked her to interview me. I've asked her because I know Lovelda is at the top of her game when it comes to interviewing people. She's phenomenal. If you listen to her episode, you'll know how incredible she is. If not, go back and listen. You can hear it on the Women's Radio Station website and the eatlove.com website too. Um, she's incredible, got real gold to give in that episode, and I have asked her to come on and interview me. I'm quite excited but also quite nervous because I'm not used to being the one whose spotlight is on. I'm used to hiding behind the interview and asking other people questions, so I am daring to bare my heart and be vulnerable and share with you all who I am and say thank you for listening to me so far. If you're new to the show, welcome. Um, Yes, I have no idea what's going to happen. Anything could happen. But anyway, Lovelda, thank you for coming on. Welcome to the show. Oh, I'm excited for this switcheroo. It's a switcheroo. Let's make this one happen. It's bizarre. It kind of reminds me of the very first few times I was introduced on stages. So for those of you who haven't come across me before, if you didn't listen to the previous interview, I'm a moderator and speaker, and my speaking career started as an MC, which meant I and I introduced others to stage. So for me, it was kind of weird when the first few people would introduce me. I'm like, this is weird, you're doing my job. All that to say, Janine, I, I empathize with you, I get it. But we're switcherooing it anyway because the people deserve to know who you are. Um, do they know who I think I am? So we're gonna— I'm gonna take you all the way back to basics. I know Janine. Janine and I have known each other for I know a number of years now. We'll keep it at that. You guys can try and work it out. But Janine and I have known each other for a number of years, but many of you might have just come across her in this, in this particular forum and have no idea who she is, what she does, what her background is. So I'm going to dig into all of that. I'm going to find out who is Janine because the people want to know. So let's start. Let's roll this all the way back, Janine, and start right at the beginning. In your life outside of interviewing people, what do you do? Mainly I eat chocolate and recite poems. No, I'm kidding, I don't. That would be awesome. I bet you do eat the chocolate though, even if you don't recite the poems. I knew that. I do eat the chocolate. I do. I've got really into cacao as well. So every morning I have a cup of cacao. That's a ceremonial grey cacao. So I drink that every morning. It's become like my morning routine just to set up the day really nicely. And I do some intentions and it's really lovely. It kind of makes a little warm glow and it's very good for your body and for your heart and your soul. So I love that. Very into the spiritual well-being side of life. Yeah, yeah, I got into that. I mean, I've done all kinds of stuff in my career. I mean, I started modeling about 20-odd years ago. Obviously when I was 5, I'm a Libra. That's your story. We're sticking with that one. Yeah, sticking to that story. I mean, I've done everything from working in office, running an ad— I run the admin department for a car firm before I started modeling. I worked for a law firm before that. Then I got into modeling and I was really into health and fitness. I, when I left school, I loved sports at school, but nobody wanted to do sports. I got into going to the gym, so that became my new sport. Then I got into modeling, so I was really into this like fitness side. But doing modeling and, um, like long hours, like you're up at 5 AM and you're working sometimes so late. And especially if you're doing the TV commercial, you might be about like 4 or 5 AM start, and some commercials you don't finish till 2, 3 AM the next morning. So it's quite exhausting. And if you're on trips as well, like, it seems like really glamorous, um, but the same thing, like, you put 5 AM, just hair and makeup's done, so you, you're up for the sunrise because really nice light at the beginning of the, uh, in the morning, and then you might be shooting till late in the evening to get that nice sort of golden hours later on as well. So the long days, long shoot days, and I just started to become really exhausted and run down. So then I started to, um, get into nutrition and just so I could take care of myself and have energy. I also knew as well there could be a shelf life in modeling, like I didn't know how long I'd be able to model for. And I started quite late relatively in model years. I started in my 20s, which is you know, when some girls are retiring because they started when they were tweens, you know. Yeah, I was like a grandma in modeling. So I had to like really take care of myself. And I like to eat as well. Like, you know, this thing, a lot of models don't eat. I was never a skinny model. I like to eat. So I, so I had to learn how to exercise to counterbalance the fact that I love food. And I used to do a lot of swimwear, lingerie modeling, so I had to always look in good shape. So That kind of set me on that path of learning about the body and the mind. And I realized looking around that a lot, a lot of the models and stuff, they'd moan about money. And I just always felt really grateful because I went from a job where I earned X amount a year to earning that first whole year's wages in my first, like, month of modeling. And I was so— I know, I was so grateful. I was like, God, you know, look who we are, like, to have this opportunity. So I was always really grateful. And I couldn't work out, like, why some of the models had a certain mindset about stuff. And they were always quite insecure and, like, focused on themselves. And girls and guys, by the way, the guy models just the same. And they're, like, very insecure about the way they looked and how they were perceived. And I'd be looking and thinking, like, you're probably some of the best-looking people on the planet, in the best shape. How can you be insecure about how you look? But it wasn't about physical, it was all about the mental and what was going on inside. So I kind of really started to become fascinated. I was always fascinated, I guess, in the human mind and the human body. So I started learning about mindsets and human behavior, and I got into the spiritual side when I read a book called Celestine Prophecy when I was in my early 20s. And that kind of set me down and learned about that and understand that there's maybe a little bit more to our world and us than just the physical and what we see in front of us. And so I'm just, I just love learning, and I just I'm like a perpetual student, and I love, love learning. And, and I think, I believe the more that we learn and grow, the more fulfilling our life is, and the more the world opens up to us. The more we understand ourselves, the happier we are, really. The more we can take care of our bodies, our mind, our health, each other, the better. I want everyone to be happy, healthy, wealthy, live a great life. So I just want to be like a little happy love bug and share the love and get out there. So I love my life and I always wanted to help other people. And then eventually somebody said, you know, you should, you should be a coach or you should be helping other people because you're just doing it naturally. Yeah. And I, you know, for free, basically for like 20-odd years I was helping people for free and I was constantly learning and educating myself, did all the courses. And then eventually I thought, well, maybe this is what I should be doing rather than modeling, rather than just standing there in a cardigan going, hmm. Buy this, I should be like, let's maybe go into transforming our lives and loving our lives. Maybe let's go a little bit deeper than selling this cardigan. Under this cardigan is a human. The human has thoughts and feelings and emotions, and you should know about them. Even though people think models don't. Back in the day, models were just skinny and don't eat food. Oh no, not true. Not true. When I first started, I MC'd quite a few fashion shows, and I swear I'll never go there again. Models don't have emotions, please. They have all the emotions. All of the emotions. There's so much in what you just said there, Janine, to kind of unpack. And I'm, I'm sitting here going, I'm not even entirely sure where to start with unpacking it. So because it, because it is so much. And I think often when we're living our lives, it's our lives and we take a lot of what we've pieced together and who we've become for granted because we're in it. And surely everybody else has a similar kind of experience. But to have that experience of Starting down, let's call it a standard path, working a 9-to-5-ish type job and then landing what others would see as the dream job. It's almost like the entrepreneur kind of walks into business and suddenly catapults into being a multimillionaire, right? You know, it's kind of that kind of vibe, but in a different, different space to, to step into modeling, which is one of these career paths that a lot of people really look up to. These are beautiful people who are traveling the world and wearing beautiful outfits and revered and designers love them and all of this kind of stuff. And you step in it and you go, here's a bunch of insecurity. Now, for you to step into that space and see that and still within it go, I'm going to be me and I'm going to love all the food because I'm not giving it up. I'm not that one. I'm not giving up the food. I'm going to love all of the food. And I'm so grateful for the position I'm in rather than sitting here and seeing that I'm not. I can see why you do this show and how money, food, and love all come together for you. Like, I can really see it in a way that perhaps doesn't even land for you yet, babe. Yeah, I mean, like, I mean, I, I came from a very working-class background. We were quite poor, we didn't have much. Um, so, you know, just to earn money and have an amazing life and be able to— I was able to support my parents, uh, help my sister buy her first house, take care of my mum when she had cancer, and my dad, um, and just do all of that and I would have been able to do that if I'd not have gone off and done modeling and if I wasn't of an entrepreneurial mindset. So I've always felt really, really lucky that I was able to do that. But because for me, money is freedom. You've got money, you've got freedom to do whatever you want. I want to step back to something that you mentioned earlier because you're saying you came from a background where you didn't have a lot and you were able to then support your family and really share that wealth. Yet that other models that were around you who presumably were making about the same or there or thereabouts, let's just say you were kind of in the same kind of earning pool-ish, were having a very different experience of the same amount of money. Why do you think that was? I always think I think a little bit differently to other people. I'm always told this, I don't know why, but I set up my first business when I was 8. I set up a car washing business with the kids on the street. So I think I realised at a very young age— Were you the boss? I was the boss. Yeah, I was the boss. I was the youngest as well. I got the older guys. I'd go around all the houses and I'd price up the cars. I'd knock on the door and I realized quite quickly, if you're a little girl and you look pretty, people want to do nice stuff for you more. So they're like, oh, Lilo. And I'm like, 50p for the little cars, pound for the medium ones, and £1.50 for the bigger ones. And then I get the boys to wash them because they were bigger and they could reach the cars. I collect the money and we divvy it up and buy sweets. But I think I realized quite quickly that my parents didn't have much and it, and there was a lot of stress on them and I think they really struggled financially and they'd get upset and, you know, like quite emotional about it. So I realized not to ask them because I didn't want to ask them for money. If I wanted it, I could just go out and earn my own, create it myself. So I just thought of ways to do that so that I wasn't a, I guess, a bind on my parents really. And I think that in a way made me think about the world differently. So I think who you are as a child and are you the way, the way that you form your view of the world then really sets you up as an adult. So the fact I'm, I feel really lucky that I actually didn't come from very much because maybe I wouldn't have that driving force and way of view of seeing the world and seeing opportunities had I not cultivated that as a child. So yeah, so maybe that's why my mind works differently and I was just grateful. I'm always fascinated by how people's minds work and you kind of touched on it earlier when you said you got into the modeling space and you really became more drawn to mindset and how people think. And often in society today, we spend a lot of time thinking about what people do, what actions are they taking. But if there's one thing I'm discovering more and more to be true is the same actions taken by two different people get two different results because of the way that those individuals think about the actions that they're taking, which is why I'm always so keen to go, girl, how does your mind work? Get in there and unpack it and kind of understand, like, how do you think about life very differently? Because one view is to say you came from a background where you didn't have as much, and now that you've got it, you're just gonna blow it, right? Um, so how did you think about it? Yeah, make it rain, girl, make it rain. It's like, I didn't have it, look at it, it's here now, we've seen it. So how did you how did you deal with this effective influx of cash? You know, you, you went from— it took you 12 months to earn it, and now it's landed in your pocket in a month. That is a significant change in income capacity in a very short space of time. Like, how did you think about this big influx of money that meant you still have it today? Some people, it would have been There was a time we could have been having a different conversation. There was a time when I was a model and I had all the money. And then, you know, life happened. Boo, it doesn't always work out. But something in the way that you think means there was a time that you are a model and it created a transformation which created momentum, which has got you where you are today. I want to understand how you thought about the cash when it came in back then, when it was like money was raining upon you, why you didn't buy a first class ticket and like take off somewhere or something. You know, you had the cash. Oh, I did that as well. So I spunked it all in my 20s because I just— because I didn't— I was too young. I didn't understand. I didn't realize about investing and saving. I didn't start investing in property until I hit 30. I bought my first property. So when I first started to get cash, I did what probably most people, you know, do in their 20s that haven't been taught about money management because their parents didn't know about it. And I spent it. I used to just spunk it. I used to spend it on clothes. I had the best wardrobe going. I used to be out every Friday, Saturday night. I moved to Manchester, started modeling out there, and I just lived the high life and just had fun. And I didn't, I didn't even, I wasn't thinking about investing in my future because when I was in my 20s, I wasn't thinking about when you get older. And, you know, it was just very much in the moment and living in the moment. I kind of like my older, wiser self looking back now, I would love to go back in time and sort of teach and install some wisdom into myself then. Would you have listened though? No, probably not. I'd have been like, all right, Grandma. But in another way, I'm also glad that I went through that because I think your 20s is, um, about you discovering who you are and having fun and getting out in the world and making your mistakes. Um, so, you know, I think had I have started investing in property and in businesses at that age, I'd probably been in— who knows what position I'd be in now. Yeah. But yeah, no, I did definitely go through that and I learned through going through that because I think when you're younger as well and money comes in quickly, you think that's never going to end. You don't. And why would you? Because that's all you know of the world up to that point. You don't understand. Money comes easily. It flows in all of the time. This is just my life. Where is it ever? What do you mean it's going to end? Yeah, but then, and then it did. And then when it does end, that's when you have the life lesson and the understanding. So I've been through stages in my life where it's ended and gone. See, the thing with modeling is you can earn a lot of money, but if you get ill, you're self-employed, you work for yourself. If you get ill or you have an accident and break your leg like I did about 6, 7, 8 years ago, um, and you don't work, you don't earn any money. Yeah, backup money. And I was always very free and independent, so I never married. Um, I was like single most of the time, and you know, I was doing everything on my own, and my parents didn't have any money, so it was all on me. I was the matriarch of the family and I supported everyone else. So if something happened to me and I wasn't able to work, then everything would be gone and it stopped. And that was a big wake-up call for me when that happened. I realized you can't really rely on modeling. And when I look back in it as well, like, I didn't travel and go on as many holidays as I would have done because I was always thinking, oh, there's another modeling job coming in, another one coming in. So I was constantly working, I never really had breaks. And I think that led me to be feeling quite run down and exhausted and wiped out. And I didn't understand that balance about taking care of my body and my health, and I got really, really ill. So I was making the money and I was doing great, but it had a really negative impact on my life, and I got really, really, really ill. And then when I got really ill, I couldn't work, and then I didn't have the money. So I think we go through these life lessons and have all that thing that we think is important that's probably not. It gets taken away from you, I think. Yeah, point in your life, when people talk about spiritual awakenings or life lessons, it's the same thing. I think I've been through many in my life, and it's— I think sometimes everything's taken from you, teach you what's important so that you can grow as a lesson and rebuild and come back stronger. And I realized that, you know, I can't just rely on just modeling and how I look physically to make money, because also I'm going to age as well, you know. I started to get older, and I got really ill and I couldn't work. And I was like, I need to start thinking about doing something a bit different. And that, you know, led me down that path of thinking about bringing in other income streams to support myself. So I started learning about business, attending every seminar I could go to, learning absolutely everything. I went on a property seminar did the whole thing, started investing in property, bought my first apartment in London when I was 30, which I'm just selling at the moment, actually, if anyone wants to buy it. I just realized that I had to start learning different things, and that really set me on that path of the entrepreneur's path, really, and setting up businesses. Do you know something else I've realized as well? Like, I was going on these courses and learning all these things. I did the property course, and I saw a couple that were on the course with me, and I saw them about a year or so later, and I was all excited. I'm like, hey, how you doing, guys? How many houses have you bought? Then bought one. Wow. Bought one. I think I'd bought 8 at that point and flipped a couple. And I was like, well, you just spent all that money because they weren't cheap, these courses. I mean, I think it was about £18,000-£20,000 or something to do this course, which is ridiculous. But I did it and I thought, and then I applied what I learned. And I think a lot of people go along to all these courses because I think they're going to get that instant, I don't know, like they're giving us some sort of magic wand or magic pill that's going to make the money, but if you don't take that action and actually implement it, you're never going to make that money and have that coming in. And then I sort of became a bit fascinated with this, and I went through things in my life, and I went through certain hardships and relationship breakups, people dying and illnesses and all kinds of stuff. I've been through a lot in my life, and each thing sort of knocked me a little bit. And the more knocks I got, the less action I started to take on my dreams. Wow. And I was like, what's going on? Why, where, why have I lost my mojo? Where is this going? And I went into like deep grief, almost like depression. So I went through sort of quite a dark space in my life, if you like. And I was sort of plodding along and I looked on the surface to be doing okay, but I was surviving and not thriving. And I think what's happened and what I've learned now and the work that I'm doing now with people is you can be given all, you can go into any seminar, read any book, be taught how to do anything, like how to buy a house, how to invest, how to set up a business, how to do public speaking, how to do, yeah. That's why I said, but if you've not cleared out the stuff in your subconscious and the beliefs that you've accumulated over time and years and the fears and blocks, you're never going to take action. And I've realized that's the difference that makes a difference in people. So the couple that didn't invest in the properties that did the property course with me, they will have had individually subconscious blocks that stopped them from doing it. The excuse they gave was they didn't have the money and the time. That's what I mean. There's always going to be some logical, some logical excuse that you can paint over the top of it that seems like it will make sense, but really underneath it is something deeper. It's never that. So people say money, time, blah, blah, blah, my dog ate the homework, whatever. That's, you know what I mean? That's never the reason you don't do it. The reason that people don't take action and do things, don't take action on their business or taking care of their body or having the relationship they want or whatever it is you want to create in your life that you're not doing, that you'd really love to do. It's because somewhere in your subconscious mind you've told yourself that you're not worthy of it, you're not able to do it, you'll fail, you're not enough, blah, you know, blah, blah, blah, all kinds of stuff, you know, whatever it is for you. Each person, it's a different thing for each person. And in each topic in your life, if you like, you'll have different things that you made up. So I'd accumulated all these like subconscious blocks in my life that I've not realized. It's been slowly happening over a period of time. Because something happens and you go, oh, I know how to avoid that. I'll just put this barrier up and I'll believe this now and I'll never I don't want to get myself in that scenario again. And then you've got all of these ones that you've lined up, and little do you know, they're in between you and your goals. Yes. Every time something's happened, you've put, you've put up a new defense, haven't you? You kind of— it's like it's an invisible wall. Yeah, yeah, it's an invisible wall, and we're not even aware that we're doing it because it's all subconscious. And some of it's linked to childhood stuff. Yeah, but it's not all linked to childhood stuff because I was having success and then I stopped having success, and I was like, why is that? And if it was just the childhood stuff, then I wouldn't have had this other success beforehand. So it was actually— you built some stuff up between childhood and when you got blocked. I'd accumulated a whole shizzle of stuff. You was living life large, meeting people and going out there, and you took a couple of knocks. But also there was, um, like, I was in— I was really bad at relationships. So my biggest weak point is choosing people to be in a relationship with, but that's because What I didn't realize at the time is I had low self-worth when it came to love and my model of the world. And I won't go into deep, but I was adopted, so I had sort of abandonment stuff and all that kind of stuff going on. So subconsciously I'd made up that I wasn't lovable, so I kept choosing partners, men, to be in relationship with that treat me really badly. And that chipped away at my confidence. And it can be something like that that someone's going through, or it can be, I don't know, a friend or person in your life or something, or people that you work with that can chip away at your confidence and tell you, you can't do this, you I'll do that. And it's, and you just make something up subconsciously you're not aware of. I remember I started putting out Facebook Lives about 8 years ago. One popped up on my IHOP thing the other day and I thought, oh my God, I did that 8 years ago. I was like, why did I stop doing it? And I asked and I just suddenly remembered I was making a Facebook Live in my apartment and I'd invited some friends over to come and some of the boys wanted to watch the boxing and I had the big Sky TV and all that kind of stuff. So I said, oh, I've got it on at mine so I can watch it at mine, put some food on. When they came in, I was making a Facebook Live for my friend Laura, and one of my guy friends came in that had been— I just started dating Laura, and he got all upset at Facebook Live and got really angry and aggressive. "Stop filming!" He didn't realize we're filming because he thought his ex-girlfriend would see him in the video with a new girlfriend, and he got really angry and aggressive and shouted at me and said, "Stop filming this! You'll never— I don't know why you're doing it. You're never going to be successful anyway." And there was a lot more anger and rage, and everyone was a bit taken aback and like really like kind of attacked me because he was scared. The truth was he was scared that his my ex would see that video because he'd started seeing my friend behind her back. And that's— that was his fear that he projected. But in that moment when he did that, my subconscious, I made up, it's not safe. It's not safe for me to make these videos and put them out there because if I do that, I'm going to be attacked by one of the people I trust the most, someone I've been friends with for like 20 years. And he was like a quite— he's quite a big guy. And it really scared me to my core, and it brought up such fear I didn't make another video. I didn't do it again. Wow. Just only just now realizing, like, logically you think, well, that's not going to stop you from doing it because you just shouted, you tell him to shut up. But if it triggers a wound from something from childhood, it compounds it and it gets locked into your subconscious mind. And then you tell the world, I just got really busy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You make up excuses and you do it. And that's just like— and it was so lodged in my subconscious with such fear because I was quite scared in that moment. I stopped doing that. I stopped putting myself out there visibly. Because I'd made up a story that it wasn't safe and I'll be attacked if I do it. So I stopped putting myself out there. And that's just an example of the things that we, that we do that create the blocks in our life that stop us from moving forward and being successful, which is really what's led me to doing the work that I do now with people. I love doing it. It's like, just go in and find out what those blocks are, clear them out, and you're just like, oh, you become free and liberated, and you just, you can, yeah, you become you again. You get, you know, that, that happy, playful spirit that was there when you were a kid, that you go back to being who you are at your core, um, listening to intuition, trusting yourself, trusting in your abilities, um, trusting that you can create what you want to create in the world, and having more energy and enthusiasm for life. And I just can't say how liberating— I get really excited, like, when I help people with this stuff because it just absolutely, it just frees you, it frees you. And I, I can tell as you're talking, like, one of your, one of your, um, core values must be freedom. There's going to be people listening here going I know, I know nothing about Genevieve, so hold on a minute. She's a model who was an administrative assistant, who's a property mongrel, who now helps people come back. What the hell? What's going on? Pick up a little piece of that. I remember when I was in my 20s that I was— I had all of this pizzazz, and life happened. Because you hear this phrase a lot, like, what happened to you? Life happened to life happened to me and now I'm X. What, what would you say to those people who are listening right now where maybe something in your stories has resonated for them and had them going, I remember when I used to have that vibrancy, like I remember when I wouldn't take that crap, I remember when I had so much more get up and go, but it's got up and gone and I'd quite like to get it back again. What would you say to those people who feel like that is a distant version of themselves they can never return to? I can say first of all, it's not gone, it's just been covered up by these, um, stories that you've piled on top of it. You're very much still there, and the behaviors you've learned from life happening is learned behaviors, and anything learned can be unlearned. That's amazing. And can be stripped back away. It's basically trauma, right? And trauma isn't what people think. Think, oh well, I didn't have a traumatic experience, haven't had a traumatic life. But trauma isn't what happens to you. Trauma is what you make up about what happened to you in that moment. Oh girl, no, rewind, say that one again. Say that one again because that one's deep. We need to rewind that. I need to hear it again. That one. Select. Let's not give away our ages, babe. Let's not do that. Yeah, I just had a flashback to 1999. But yeah, we were like 10. We were 10. I was— I barely know what that music was. But yeah, trauma. Yeah, so basically trauma isn't what happens to you. Trauma is what you make up in the moment about what happens to you. It's the story you elicit to the thing that happened to you. So for example, my friend shouting at me and being very aggressive and angry, that was really traumatic. Like, it really traumatized me, you know. And that same thing could happen to someone else, or someone else might shout at me like that, some stranger on the street, and it wouldn't have an impact on me. Yeah, but because that was someone I loved and I felt safe and cared about, and it's someone who's in my life that I trust— like, I think the more trust you have in people the more you can be traumatized by them, which is often why our partners or family members or close friends are the ones that we feel the most betrayal from or the most wounding, because of the people that we trust the most, so we're most vulnerable with. Um, so, you know, I made up in that moment that I wasn't safe, and that was my trauma. So it wasn't that he shouted at me and been angry and aggressive. Yeah, he'd done that, but the trauma actually came from what I made up in the moment about that, not not what he did. Yeah. So, and it could be something simple, like if you're 5 years old and your mum tells you you can't have a teddy bear, that's not traumatic experience, is it? However, if you make up in that moment that that means you're not loved and your mum doesn't love you and isn't going to care for you, you can never get what you want in life, so you should stop asking for it, that's a trauma. That's a trauma you made up in its subconscious, which might lead you to when you're 30, 40, 20, you know, whatever, as an adult in life moving forward your entire life, not speaking up and asking for what you want or going for what you want because you're going to be told you can't have it because subconsciously you made that up when you were 5 years old. So in reality, your 5-year-old self is choosing— is running the show. Running the show is making a choice to not step up and ask for what you want in life, in a relationship or business or whatever. And when you look at it like that, you're like, wow, it makes perfect sense that we kind of shut down and don't go for what we want. You think I'm an intelligent person, I know all this stuff, I, you know, I'm a good person, I should have everything I want in life and have the career I want and the relationships and the life I want or the body I want or whatever it is that you want and I don't have it. Why? And the reason why is because of these traumas that are stopping you from having it. And that's the work that I believe I've been put on this earth to do, to help people with, to help clear that out. I think that's why I've been so traumatized. To go through it all myself. I'm laughing at it now, but, um, yeah, I've been through some pretty horrific things, but I'm really, really grateful that I have, because if I hadn't have been through some of the stuff I've been through, I wouldn't have that understanding and compassion and knowledge and knowing and wisdom to help other people clear theirs out and to know that it's possible. Here's the thing, Janine, you sit here and you're like, I've been through all this horrific stuff, but y'all been listening to Janine. Does she sound like somebody who's like been bashed about by life. She doesn't even look like somebody who's been bashed about by life, right? You know, sometimes you see people and you're like, ooh, life did not treat you kind, you know? Everything about not just their physicality but also just their aura is heavy, or, you know, it kind of comes with this weight because all of these things happen to me. And what I'm loving about listening to you is until we've unraveled that or like kind of peeled the curtain back a little bit, there'll be people who think who've been thinking all this time, Trudine's had the best life in the world. Like, she's just been bumbling through life, living her best life. All great stuff just happens to her. And so I think it's beautiful to see that who you are and how you see the world doesn't need to be fully tarnished by the experiences you've had. Like, I'm loving that you still have that, you know, people say your rose-tinted glasses on. You're still bumbling through life with a pair of rose-tinted glasses on. And, and people can argue, you've got no reason to have the glasses on, babe. People have bashed glasses off you enough times for you to see the world isn't always rosy. So I think it's a beautiful symbol for those who've perhaps been holding on to, but X, Y, and Z happened to me, that is why I am the way I am. And what I'm seeing in you is, but X, Y, and Z happened to me, and I just chose for it not to define who I am. Yeah, it's the difference between choosing to go into victim pattern and mode, which is a very addictive behavioral pattern to be in. When you're in it, you're not always aware you're in it, than to be in Viktor mode where you decide to take charge of your life. And I think it's not what happens to you, it's what you make up about what happens to you that matters. Yeah, all these things have happened to you in your life. That's true. But you have the choice right now to clear out those things. What you're really clearing out is the stories you've made up about those things that have happened to you. And you can go back and change that story at any point. And by changing that story and clearing out that, that clears out the trauma, and then replacing it with a more supportive story you want to tell yourself about what happened, and then installing beliefs about yourself as well on top of that, compounding that, that's what sets you free. You can't change or control what's happened in your past, what's going to happen in the future, anyone around you. The only thing you have control of, which is the most powerful thing anyway, is what you choose to believe and see about everything in your life and yourself. And that is the only thing that matters at the end of the day anyway. If you get that in check, you become unshakable, because then it doesn't matter what comes your way, because you know you can deal with it, can find a way to see the benefits of— and I'm not talking about being all toxic positivity, which some people are like, oh yeah, everything's just lovely all the time. No, it's not. Stuff happens in life. We go through hardships. Some people are gonna do horrible stuff to you, and they might not even intentionally be doing it. They're just trying to get by in their own life. Stuff's gonna happen to you. You're gonna have an accident. You know, I had an accident, ripped my knee to pieces, couldn't walk for a year and a half. I've lost a child. I've had people die. I was put in a prison when I hadn't committed a crime and had to have my baby, um, taken from me, um, whilst I was in that prison at 18 years of age. And all of that was out of my hands. And I could have like fallen apart and decided that I was a victim. And, you know, why has this happened to me? Why was I held in police cells for 5 days and then in a prison for 4 and a half months and had my baby taken from me? You know, and I could have gone into victim mode, my life's over, and made up, you know, all kinds of negative stuff about that, or I could choose to choose the story I want to tell myself, clear that out, draw strength from it, move forward in life, and choose to still be happy and in my heart and, you know, show up. And I think nothing is worth your own happiness and health. Nothing. Nothing in the world. And I think it doesn't matter what happens to you, you still have the choice to be happy and get up every day and smile. If you just be grateful, like, I'm breathing, I can see, I can, I can do something, I can choose today how I want my day to go, I can choose today how I want my future to be. I can choose today how I want to see myself, and that is the most powerful thing that anyone has on this planet, is that choice. People are going to be having goosebumps, Charlene, like all up the arms, all down the back. And what occurs to me is it's the sort of thing that perhaps somebody's heard before. We've heard like, you know, how is this— you say there's like a difference between what you're talking about and talk toxic positivity, you know, it's not about slapping a smile on it. But who do you need to be to go through this? Because the trauma in the moment, the, you know, the people who've done you wrong, those scenarios are real and they're deeply painful and deeply impactful. At what point, like, who do you need to be? And at what point are you ready to— how do you know you're ready to move forward from it? Because that's the kind of stuff that really does take people out. And what I mean by it is it just, it was like there there was— it's almost like there was a before and after point. This is who you were before that happened, and afterwards you're never the same again. The thing happened and you're never the same again. Who do you need to be for those people who might be listening and going, I recognize that, I know there was a point where something happened and I have never been the same since? And to sit here or listen somebody saying something of equal type of magnitude has happened to them on multiple occasions, and they're smiling and happy and joyful and light. How do I get that? Like, who do I need to be to do that? Because the pain is still with me. It's not that you need to be a different person, but you need to get back to that version of you that is happy and joyful. And the only way that you can do that is by doing that deep inner work, by doing that work to clear out those traumas, those stories. Those things happen to you and they may be horrendous, but it might at some point, once you've healed the trauma, you might look back on that and see that that was actually one of the best things that's happened to you. Because when you heal, when you heal the trauma and you remove it, you actually have an inner strength and a wisdom and a knowing and a love for yourself that you might not have had had you not been through those things. So if you're stuck in it now, and it, and it's horrible to be stuck in that place, and you're not seeing like a way out of it, or feeling like you're always going to be angry or bitter or depressed or in pain and and afraid, or never want to be in a relationship again because you're going to be hurt, never want to try a business again, never want to take care of your body, always be overweight and not loving your body and taking care of your body. Whatever it is for you, whatever is going on, just know that that can be shifted, and it can— and you can get back to you, back to your heart. You won't be able to do it yourself because you're not trained in it, you don't know who you are, and also you're stuck in it. And when you're stuck in it, you can't see your way out. It's like a black room and trying to find the door and find the way out. You need someone who knows the way out because they've been there. They can door for you and take you through. So it could be working with someone like me, or, or whoever, some— but someone who knows about dealing with trauma and can help you on that path to heal yourself. So work with healers, work with people that have gone through what you— what you're going through, and they've come through the other side, and people that are actually doing it and helping other people do it, and they're having results. Do it, do the work. And I can't even explain to you how freeing it will be for you. And that happiness and joy that you want back, it is there, it's actually there, it's inside you, it's available. Yeah, it's available. It's not gone. It's just like trapped away. You maybe put a little thing around your heart or your body, and it's like you've got a cape on of protection. Because the subconscious mind or the ego, it's not, it's not a bad thing. It's there to protect you. It's doing its job. Your subconscious mind isn't, its job isn't to make you successful and happy. Its job is to keep you safe. It's to keep you safe and keep you alive. That's it. And stop you being harmed. So if you have something that happens in your life that has caused you pain or harm, whatever it is, or with trauma, which is basically what it is, your subconscious mind goes, right, we're going to make sure that never happens to you again. No way in a million years is that going to happen again. And it'll do everything to stop that happening. It'll get you to self-sabotage, procrastinate, avoid relationship, binge, whatever it is for you. That is just the, the mind trying to protect you. But if we clear it out, that programming, then the mind goes, oh, don't need to protect you anymore, it's fine. And then you're safe to go and do the things you want to do. You become you again. It's almost like you don't need to plan all the things you need to do. You just need to go back to you in your heart, and then you'll naturally start making the life choices and taking the actions in your life that take you towards the things, the love and the happiness and the joy. Oh yeah, it's like removing the trauma, and that creates a natural pathway to joy. Having trauma, so it's kind of like, do you want to keep moving to pain and keep in that kind of comfort zone of safety and playing small and hiding, which is what the trauma will keep you in? Safe, but it's uncomfortable. Safe, uncomfortable, it's an uncomfortableness that you know, so there's a safety in that. And that's why people stay. That's why people stay in abusive, toxic relationships, because whilst it's horrendous, it's a pain that's safe because they know it. And what's outside might be worse. That's more scary, the unknown. Whereas when you remove that trauma, first of all, you won't put up with anyone like treating you badly. Because your vibration is going to go up, girl, I'm telling you. Oh God, I've moved on. And then you will just start naturally gravitating towards things that bring more happiness, bliss, joy in your life because, and love, because that's just the space you'll be in and you can't not gravitate towards things that light you up when you're lit up. Janine, you'll have, you'll have been a light of inspiration for so many people because often we live in a culture nowadays where we talk a lot about what's great and, you know, you only got pop on Instagram and everybody's banging on about how amazing their lives are. But filtered to the max. Filtered to the max. You know, that isn't even— makeup on today? No makeup. That's not even their face. They've got a big old spot going on, they've turned it to the side, they've put the filter on, and it looks like they've got the smoothest skin in the world, but they've got a breakout going on at the moment, you know. So it's all of that kind of stuff. They put this happy, happy snappy photo, and as soon as they snapped it, they've gone back to bed to cry tears, you know. So we live in a world that can give us the impression that everybody else is living so beautifully and their life is so great, even though they're not. They're going through stuff. So it's really quite refreshing to hear realness, you know, to hear some of the stories that you shared with us today about your journey and what's made you become who you are. Because we don't often— there aren't very many people nowadays who are that transparent about their pain and about what they've gone through, and for you to do it in such a way that creates inspiration— not a look at me, here's what's happened to me, but, uh, here's what life's taught me, this is, this is the way it chose to teach me, and I'm grateful for the lessons even though they came with some pain. What is your focus right now? Like, where— for people who are now like, wait a minute, I need a bit of Janine in my life, I've been listening to this show, I thought it was about the radio show, but I was waiting for this episode. This— I thought Janine was here. She's just like, she's gone up like 15 notches now, friends. I need me some more of this juiciness, right? I didn't even— I didn't even know there was so much wisdom behind the interviewer, you know. But now I know it's there. I need more. Where do I go? What do I do? Where's she focused? Where do I find her? I want to stalk her. Well, feel free to stalk away. No, joking, joking here. But in all seriousness, if somebody does want to reach out and do a session with me, or I can recommend someone else if you don't, if we don't think, you know, if you don't think I'm quite right for you, but reach out to me anyway. You can find me on all the social medias as Janine Newbury. Newbury spelled like strawberry because I'm not dead and buried. I've got Instagram, Instagram and Facebook's the best places to find me, or LinkedIn. I am on Twitter, but I don't really use it. It. I've flirted with TikTok, but I don't get it, if I'm honest. I think I'm the wrong side of 40 to get TikTok. I don't know, maybe I'll have a crack at it, but I'm just like, yeah, that dance routine thing, it's just, it's just, yeah, I'm just not, no, it's not for me. Is there a website they can go to as well? Oh yeah, I've got a website, janine newbery.com, so you can find me on janine newbery.com. Um, if you want to do, uh, work specifically trauma, um, uh, do book one of the belief coding sessions. And we can clear that out for you. Yes, I would love, love, love, love to help you and anyone. I want to help anyone. I'm also going to start doing group stuff, I've decided, this year as well. I love doing the one-on-one, which is amazing, but it gets quite exhausting actually, and I want to be able to help more people. So I've got to go, I'll start going big, babe. So group stuff. So I'm gonna be putting out, I'm gonna be calling it The Collective, I think. I've been sitting on that name for a couple years. Oh, I like it. You like that? I like that. Yeah, it's like a collaboration club, but helping people just have their best lives and I want to collaborate with other people as well. So I'm just sort of working out exactly what I want that to be, but I just want to be able to help as many people as I can. And I'm not going to do that unless I start putting things out in a big way. So that's that. Oh, that, that, I mean, that brings up a bit of anxiety and fear for me, I'm going to tell you, but it's time. It's time to start doing it. So I can't step up and tell other people to live their best lives if I'm not doing it myself. So I've got to step up and put myself up there, be vulnerable and and try and share and help as many people as I can, because I think I'd be doing a disservice to my heart and other people's hearts if I don't. And it's time, Flavelda, it's time to stop hiding. You've got to walk, you've got to walk your talk, haven't you? You can't sit there saying you can all live your best life if you're not prepared to do it yourself. So I think it's true though, isn't it? You get all these gurus, this is how you do XYZ. I'm like, yep, but are you actually doing that? I, the my speaking coaching, at one point my strapline was empowering, unleashing powerful, authentic female voices. That strapline haunted me for years. And I'm gonna say it haunted me because how am I gonna be talking about unleashing people and I be hiding? Can't hide no more. Powerful. I can't be having no weak-ass, like, interviews no more or negotiations no more. I'm going to have to stand in my power if I want other women to stand in their power. Yeah. Oh, yeah. It haunted me. It was like 3 words: unleash, powerful, authentic. Oh my goodness. Yeah. There's no— if you want to be powerful and authentic, you've got to step up big. You got to step into that arena in a big way. Oh, it haunted me. It haunted me the times I didn't want to do things and I was like, oh, Lavelda, but you know, you're just going to have to show up anyway, you know? You said authentic, so I get it. Like, you choose to step it up. You're calling people into something, and I love that about you. You're calling people into being more and showing up more and being more vulnerable and stepping into themselves. And you're continuing to find what that next level of that is for you. And it's always a next level for us individually. And I certainly wouldn't want to work with somebody who isn't constantly in the same growth that they're asking me to be in. Like, if you've topped out, then I don't want to work with you. But if you're constantly kind of pulling yourself to the same level you're inviting other people to go to, then I'm like, that's my person, right? That's my person. Janine, I know I've taken over the show. We've done a switcheroo. It's been fabulous. I have been keeping an eye on the time, and if I continue to talk to you, your show's going to be like 3 hours long. So it's your choice now. Are we going deeper? Let's go deeper. Go deep or go home. Oh, you want to go even deeper? Okay, cool. Let's keep going because I just want to make sure that I'm aware of the time because I won't go too far and then Janine go miss her next appointment and I'ma be in trouble. It's all right if we talk about stuff I don't want to talk about, I'll just edit it. She's like, cut that bitch out. Yeah, it's all right, folks. Drop your stuff in the comments, tag me in it, and I'll let you know if she took anything out of the recording, right? Was this the full, unedited version of this? Is that your question, eh, Lovelda? Is it? Oh goodness. Um, Janine, what's a normal balance, right? So we talked a little bit about toxic— we kind of touched on this idea of toxic positivity, and we've spoken a lot about removing the traumas and kind of moving past it. When do you know when you're truly free versus when you just slap the smile on it? I think you feel it. And also, I'm not sure if we're ever truly, truly free. I think we keep continuously through our lives and doing more and more work on ourselves, becoming more and more free. Like, we'll become free and liberated of the trauma that we've worked on, and you'll definitely feel that difference, and you feel lighter and happier. But we're a bit like an onion, like there's so many layers. Like we are constantly as human beings, and I think it's what we're meant to do on this life path, is constantly traumatized through our entire lives. It's true. The biggest ones kind of occur when we're younger, before our minds have sort of formed, before the age of 8, and then it continues. Um, great. But I think that's what's meant to do, because I think we've come here to grow and evolve and be happy and know who we are. And that's just a belief I have, which You know, hopefully it's true, true for me. But, um, I like, I think you become free when you start letting go of those restraints that are stopping you from living the life you want to be and being who you want to be and feeling that joy and happiness in your life. Um, you can't be joyful and happy every day. Stuff's going to happen, it's going to knock you, and that's all right. Or you might get your period, or you know, there might be a full moon, or you might be hungover, whatever it is. Or you get a cold or whatever it is. So you might have days, you know, you know, that you're having off days or down days, and that's cool. But I think the difference is when you become free and you release the traumas, those off days become a lot less and the good days become more. And I think that's really the goal. So it's that aim for, you know, progress. Not when people say progress, not perfection. I think you can aim for that in, in, you know, in your life and your personal development too. Just try each day to become a little percent happier, a little percent more, a little percent more of you know who you are, a percent You can't do it all overnight, but you can, you know, make that transition easier, smoother, quicker by working with people who know how to do it. It can help you get there and clear out the stuff quicker and then start living that life. And then I think once you sort of step into that space of being, you know, free from the traumas that have been holding you back, you just, I think, start to each day incrementally build and build and build. So I think that freedom is an ever-growing ever-changing entity. It's not just one day, you're not like you just open a door and you walk out and you're free. Like, you just keep becoming more and more free and more and more of yourself and building more and more. So I think it's an evolution that keeps going until the day, rather than a destination, rather than kind of being like, okay, I've got to the stop, freedom, I'm done. Yeah. And I think there'll be points where, like, if you do a session, you clear something out, then you become, you know, you'll feel— there'll be points on your journey where you'll feel a change. Significant kind of release. Yeah, and that's great, but that should be an ongoing thing for the rest of your life, just to keep every day choosing to show up and be your happiest, best self. Like, ask yourself every day, what, what would bring me the most happiness, love, and joy in my life today? What would I really love to do? And when, you know, you've got, you know, chances to do things or careers or relationships or whatever it is ask, does, like Mary Kwonet, does this, is this going to bring me joy or not going to bring me joy? You know, just think of it like clearing out your wardrobe. Is these things, are they bringing me joy? And if they're not, well, is there something else you can do instead that will bring you more joy that you can replace that thing with? If you're in a job that's not bringing you joy, can you get a different job that might bring you a bit more? If you're in a relationship that's not bringing you joy, can you change that? Is it because you both need some healing so you can get get back to that space of joy together? Or do you need to be with a different person? Or do you need to be by yourself to heal and find that joy first so that you can then attract in a person that's at a high level of joy? Start asking yourself better questions and you'll start creating a better life. Ooh, questions. What types of questions should we be asking? I've worked with people before where, you know, questions can be super powerful. I've worked with coaches in the past who've gone, "Oh, that's a really interesting question." that you're asking yourself because it's not helping. You just, you're just asking a question that's making it worse. Can you ask yourself a better question? So on the topic of questions, what kind of questions can people take away from listening to this that they can maybe just ask themselves on a daily basis that might help to create little itty-bitty shifts, you know? Because I think sometimes we're all looking for these huge transformations, and there's nothing wrong with a huge transformation, but often that huge transformation is a number of itty-bitty shifts, and then you hit one of those itty-bitty shifts and they seem to— it seems to release a whole bunch of stuff at the same time. But it's not that you go and necessarily do the whole— like, it doesn't have to be this big thing. So what kind of questions could we ask daily for ourselves? Maybe there's like 4 or 5 of them that you might be able to share with us, like really powerful questions that we could just consider that might help create some of those tiny little shifts for You could just like every day, it's just sort of really simply, I guess, like in every day, morning and evening, maybe different questions. So in the morning, you could maybe wake up every morning and actually ask yourself, what's my intention for the day? How do I, how would I love today to go? Not what do I have to do? How would I love today to go? What would make today a great day? How can I serve someone else? What can I do for someone else to make their day great? Because if you go into that energy of service rather than tail I think that shifts your energy and your happiness and joy. I think real joy comes from when we start serving and helping other people. And then if you're in sort of, in quite, you know, you may be struggling financially and stuff like that at the minute, instead of thinking, how do I clear my debts? How do I pay this? Instead of sort of being in that survival mode, just maybe start asking yourself every day, how can I thrive today and bring in what I need? And start asking yourself that question because that just reframes your thinking towards thriving rather than surviving. Thriving. And it might— it won't happen in the first day, but eventually, if you start reprogramming your brain like that, you'll start gearing your thinking and thoughts, and you'll start getting ideas that will push you in the direction of how you can move towards thriving. So how would I love today to go? How— what can I do for someone else to bring joy into their life? How can I thrive today? You know, what would bring me the most happiness? How can I nourish my body? What is one thing I can do today that will make me feel healthy, happy, wealthy? Like, you know, it could be drinking water, eating some veggies, a bit of fruit, going for a walk, getting off a stop or two, you know, at the tube or the bus stop before you get to work and walk in that extra bit. I don't know, little things that you can do. What can I do each day? And then at the end of the day, have a check-in with yourself. What did I do today that was great? What did I do today that brought me joy? 'What could I have done better today? What am I grateful for today?' And then, 'What would I love, you know, to create more of?' And then, I don't know, just start asking yourself questions like that, and that'll just start framing up your mind and thinking towards moving towards joy and happiness rather than focusing on the pains and the stress and the strife that we go through. If you do that for like 30 days, you would literally change the neurons in your brain. You you would, um, you would start thinking in that way, in that sort of more life-supporting, happiness, joy-supporting way. You'll be really surprised at the impact that that has. It seems really simple, but if you, um, apply that for 30 days— in fact, if you want to do it, do it. Let me know on social media how it goes and what changes and shifts you've had within yourself just by applying the simple little technique every day for 30 days. It will shift the way you see yourself, others, and the world. And that little shift can create big changes in your life. Oh, it's so powerful because I find, especially when you're going through something, your mind is just attached to all the negativity around the thing you're going through. And it's really difficult to— there can be amazing things happening around you, but you just cannot see it at all because you're so focused on all of the negativity And I know for me, I did a similar sort of exercise when I was working a job I really, really did not like. Really, can I emphasize that? Really did not like it. Didn't like it. Loved it. No, didn't like it. And I could have sworn to you there was nothing about this job I liked, like not a darn thing. And yet what I used to do was walk to and from work, and so it created it created a space where I had learning time every single day. So I was burning through podcasts and— well, not less podcasts, like audiobooks and any kind of educational audio anything, because I could— I would listen to them as I walked. I was getting a lot of natural exercise and I was so mad at work that I would go to the gym every lunchtime to blow off steam. And it wasn't necessarily the healthiest thing, but it meant I was getting a lot of physical activity in. Naturally into my day. I was getting paid consistently, you know, that's a win. They actually paid me. I never had to fight them for that paycheck. It always landed, which meant all my bills was always paid. And so I share this because in what you're saying, there are situations sometimes we have where it feels like there is literally nothing good about this, Janine, nothing. I'm telling you, my boss is a tyrant. The company is a disaster zone. I can't even get my work done. My clients are a pain in the ass. I'm behind on my targets. Like, nothing is working. And even in that scenario, I can say at the time I was able to see some of these things. And when I look back, even then it taught me a lot about how to deal with different types of personalities, which has been great for some of the stuff that I'm doing on stages now. So, you know, I say it to say, even in those scenarios when you're like, No, there's nothing here, Janine. Nice exercise, sounds cute, just cute, not for me. But what you shared then is you did two things. You changed your physiology, you moved, you walked every day, and you primed your subconscious every day by listening to those things. You're constantly priming your subconscious to think in a different way, and you're doing it whilst you're moving. And if you combined movement and subconscious work as well, that has a greater impact, and it helps you rewire your brain and the way you think and view things as well quicker. Oh, that's a little tools and tidbits and stuff. Me, affirmations, marching through the park now every day. Janine says it's good for me. It's good for me. Affirmations and stuff are great because they prime the subconscious, but if you don't clear out the sludge, which is the, the trauma basically, the, the beliefs that are holding you back, then you're not going to be able to get to the things that you want to do. And I think so there's all this talk about manifestation, law of attraction, being in a high vibration. Yeah, all of that is but if you don't clear out the stuff that's lurking in the back, that's going to prevent you from being able to do those things. It's going to prevent you from moving forward. So find a way to work with someone who can help you clear that out, and then do the positive, you know, questions, moving your body, all that stuff. If you combine all those things, you can change your life this year, 100%. Oh, and we're only in April. Yeah, 3 months is gone. We're at the start of April, folks. So if you make this commitment now to say, right, this year is going to be my best year yet. Yeah. By the end of this year, I'm not going to recognize myself because I'm going to be— I'm going to be so much happier than I've ever been. It's going to be like so amazing. I'm not going to recognize myself for how, how the turnaround has been. People are going to be looking at me going, what happened to you, girl? I want what you got. Like, if that's where you want to be, then y'all need to reach out to Janine and have some of these conversations. So you need to do the 30-day day exercise. That's the first thing. And take that and do that exercise. And if anything in this interview has resonated with your heart and soul, and there's anything in you saying, oh, that struck a chord for me, you know where to find her. She's on the socials. It's the beginning of an epic transformation for you, and you get to live the joy that you really desire. Janine, this is so much fun. Nivelda, thank you so much. I've absolutely— thank you so much for coming on reverse interviewing me. That was lovely. There's a lot more fun than I thought it was going to be. I was kind of like, oh, I don't want to talk about me. But thank you so much, that was amazing. And thank you everyone for listening. That's all we've got time for. This has been the Eat Love Do Show. I've been Janine, interviewed by Lavelda. Amazing. Um, 9 AM and 9 PM every, every day. Catch you next time. Thank you for listening.