Eat Love Do – Shelley Monk, Breathwork, How It Can Transform Your Life & Its Many Benefits

Hello and welcome to the Eat Love Do Show, exclusive to WRS Women's Radio Station. Before we get started, remember to go over to our social medias and our YouTube channel. It's all at @womensradiostn. Hit those like and subscribes because it really helps us and we love it when you support the channel. Um, I have a lovely guest on for you today. I'm very excited. It's in an area that I'm particularly excited about as well. Um, her name is Shelley Monk and she is a breathwork facilitator. And you might be thinking, what the heck is breathwork? Well, Hold on to your horses because you're about to find out. She is a breathwork facilitator and a mindset coach, and she's so much more, but I'm going to let her share with you what she does. And I can't wait to bring her on. So Shelley, welcome to the show. Hi. Hi everyone. I'm very excited to be here and very excited to talk about breathwork. It's definitely my passion. So yeah. Hi. All right. So, so let's start. Let's put in some groundwork for, so for anyone listening or watching this and they don't know what breathwork is, let's start with explaining that. Um, and maybe you could share like how you got into it as well and why this has become something that you do. Yeah, absolutely. So there are loads of forms of, uh, breathing techniques around and the one I facilitate is Conscious Connected Breathwork. So for those who don't know much about, uh, breathwork at all, the, I think the easiest way to describe it is kind of a bit what Wim Hof does. Everyone's heard of Wim Hof and he does that very fast. Fast-paced. It's very activating. Um, I think he does kind of shorter rounds though. Uh, he does, he does them in shorter, shorter sort of sections, but it's basically that technique. It's— if anyone doesn't know who Wim Hof is, by the way, he's known as like the Iceman. He, he's the one that gets in the freezing cold water, ice buckets, and he teaches breathwork as well. So just— yeah, that's right. I just kind of, I always assume that everyone knows who Wim Hof is, but maybe those who don't, um, But it's a very, very fast-paced, uh, breathing technique and very activating. It's very dynamic and it's very, very immersive. Yeah. It, it, it activates the nervous system basically, which has the kind of power to unblock a lot of trauma that is, is kind of, you know, that we've learned how to repress and repress, squash it down, squash it down. It sort of has the ability to release that. It's not just about the sort of trauma release either, because a lot of people tend to relate breathwork to trauma release. It's actually so much more. It's access to the sort of deep reservoir of creativity and clarity. Um, and more than anything, actually, it connects us deeply to ourselves, our true selves and our true sort of authentic states. And talking of states, you do ultimately enter an altered state. You enter into a different state of consciousness. During the breathwork. So I know that sounds terribly melodramatic, but when people ask me to describe it, I do say to them, it's like a portal to another dimension. I know, again, sounds a little bit scary, but it really isn't. It's this direct access to our true selves. I think that's the best way to describe it. It's not the drop of LSD was needed. Yeah. Well, funny you should say that. It was, it, it does kind of derive from holotropic breathwork. Um, and that really is. That does really access your, the sort of natural DMT that you have in your brain. So, so, but it is very, very activating. The wonder of it, the absolute beauty of it is that when we've suffered any kind of traumatic experience in the past, uh, particularly, you know, we would maybe have been in childhood, we would've gone into that sort of fight or flight state. Breathwork is actually opportunity for this trauma to, to sort of come up in a very safe, non-judgmental space. It's a fantastic opportunity to be able to embody the things that have happened to you in the past. And even though some people are a bit like, oh, you know, I'm not sure about that. I'm not sure I want to look at my trauma. We don't actually trust ourselves enough. Like I really believe that our bodies has the wonderful ability to bring stuff to the surface that we are able to deal with and navigate. You know, we don't listen to our intuition, you know, and I'm all about how about trusting it, you know, as well. So would breathwork breathwork help someone tap into being able to listen to their intuition then? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the benefits are endless. It's trauma release. Yeah. We've talked a little bit about that, but it can be amazing for your lung capacity and great for respiratory illness. Can help with sleep problems. It can release anxiety and stress. It's like a direct access cuts through all your bullshit, all your conditioning, all your past conditioning, because you enter in an altered state, it bypasses all your bullshit. So it gets to the core of who you really are. It opens that sort of doorway. That's kind of, it's always there. It's just been buried. You know, we are always whole beings. We have just been, have this, you know, just life is distracting, isn't it? Layer upon layer. And it just has the ability to kind of cut through all of that and get to the core of who we really are. That's nice. Cause we live in such a busy world these days, aren't we? All that, you know, thinking about paying our mortgage, our bills, working, the kids, what we want to do with our lives, blah, blah, blah, all kinds of stuff. So to have something that gives us that moment to connect to ourselves and take some time out and sort of recalibrate is really amazing. Cause I think it's quite powerful because a lot of people struggle with meditation when they first want to start doing meditation. And I think. Breathwork's a really good segue into getting into meditation because I find it quite meditative as well. Meditative as well. Breathwork. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the biggest pandemic of modern times actually is our, is our disconnect, you know, from each other and ourselves. And in this sort of time of like information saturation and our illusion of connection, like through devices and phones and tech, I think it's all pulling us further and further away. From our, our whole selves, you know, it's pulling us further away and breathwork, you know, deeply connects us to this. And it's kind of what I believe that the world is, is in need of really at this time, in any time, particularly this time. Yeah. And like you say, the world is, is so fast-paced and, and by design it's very distracting. And, you know, breathwork really does just hit the reset button as well. I've heard a lot of people say that, that have come to a breathwork session and they're like, Wow, you know, I kind of feel reset. I feel back to myself again. And you know, that's powerful. It is powerful. I've done breathwork classes in the mornings. I used to get— there used to play some row used to do at 7 in the morning and the rest of that day I just felt like I was floating on air and I was in a happy space and like nothing could faze me. It was wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly it. The thing is as well, when you talk about meditation as well, comparing it to meditation, I agree it is a very good kind of practice into that sort of state. But it is, it is hard. It's sort of quite hard work. It is called breathwork. So a lot of people come, I always say to people, sort of for the first 10 minutes into it, and your mind does this as well. When you meditate, your mind will do anything it possibly can to distract you and pull you away from the practice. It'll be like, oh, you don't need to do this. This is fine. It's almost like it's a protection thing. It sort of doesn't want you to lay still and be still with yourself. You know, God only knows what might come up. You know, it's that sort of thing. So your mind is like, this is rubbish. I don't want to be here. You start twitching. And then literally after about 10 minutes, it's like, you know, you're kind of gone. But I always warn people at the beginning of the class, I'm always like, just ignore it. Just ignore this thing that your mind will do, you know, cause it's very, very common that that's kind of what happens sort of as you start to do it. You're like, oh God, what's all this about? But going back to sort of the first time I did it, I didn't know anything about breathwork, you know, like as many people listening today might not have heard anything about it or know very little. And somebody said to me, oh, you know, do this breathwork. And I am like the world's biggest skeptic as well. So if someone says, oh, do the thing, it's so fantastic, I'm like, yeah, right, whatever, you know, we'll see. We'll see how fantastic it is. I'm quite— and I laid down and nobody— I don't think it was even a qualified facilitator that I did it with. It was just part of this this sort of program thing I was on, and it was for 45 minutes and it was online. And it was— I, I literally came around and I was like, what the hell just happened? Like, literally, it was like I just kind of went off to space. That's the only way I could describe it. And then sort of came back and it was— it just blew my mind. And because I've had so much experience with sort of different types of meditation and stuff, I mean, this just blew it out of the water. I thought, no, this is the thing, you know. And I couldn't wait I immediately looked online. I was like, oh, where can I learn how to be a facilitator? I need to share this with the world. I was just blown away by it and continued to be blown away by it. So when you said you were blown away, what were the results you got from it? What did you experience? What was it that like made you so passionate about wanting to do it? Okay. So my first initial breathwork was quite powerful in the sense that when I came round, I was like a sort of crying blubbering um, all this. I'd recently lost my dad, so lots of emotion was very kind of, uh, raw anyway. So I kind of went into it thinking, oh, not knowing much about it, but knowing I'd heard that it can release grief and stuff like that. So I was a little bit apprehensive, but I just felt so relieved, peaceful, connected, aligned, expansive, and, and, and sort of safe. I don't know, this is a very bizarre word to use to describe it, but I really did. It was, it felt like, and without wanting to sound too sort of woo-woo, that I had, I'd come home, you know. I'd come home to myself, and I've not felt like that before, not with, with hours and hours and years and years of meditation. I've never had that, you know, real feeling of meeting myself, you know, wholly. It's actually, I, I'm so deeply honored now to be a part of people at their most vulnerable, because it really is. You are in a position— I'm sort of a part of people's potential unraveling, you know, and it's a very honorable actual space to be because people are very, very vulnerable, you know, after a breathwork, because it can, like I say, bring up all sorts of stuff. But, and I'm so humbled by that, you know, and I continue to be humbled by that because it's a, it's a beautiful space to be actually, you know. To be a part of somebody's journey like that is, I find, very humbling, you know, very humbling. It is. I'm really glad that this is kind of coming out and becoming more mainstream and more well-known because I think sort of traditionally, societally, we're taught to deal with our stresses by avoiding them or, or putting a Band-Aid on them, like maybe drinking or shopping or watching, binge-watching Netflix or doing anything to avoid, um, yes, basically, instead of avoiding it and sort of sabotaging yourself and, you know, destroying your body. Yeah. Life and relationships. You're actually doing something that's life-giving and helps you connect to yourself. So you get into that space of love and connection. So all that stress dissipates in a really healthy way and you actually clear it out rather than just trying to avoid it and bottle it down, which is just gonna come out later in life and maybe come out as illnesses and diseases and, and all kinds of stuff. And you're actually helping people have a space where they can actually resolve it and move through it and move on. So I think this is fantastic. Well, this is exactly— you really prompted something that I was actually going to talk about. So, and that's exactly it. I'm so glad we are kind of moving away from this, like you say, and it's not just that kind of avoidance thing, it's this forced positivity. Toxic positivity. Yeah, bypassing. Oh, you know, I'm happy, I'm positive, I'm wonderful. Manifest, you know, feel good, vision boards. There's nothing wrong with that, by the way. I'm not, I'm not poo-pooing the vision board. The vision boards are brilliant, but there's that kind of wishful thinking that I think a lot of people have been sort of taught that that's the thing, you know, and, and also not embracing all emotions. We are, we'll have this amazing internal emotional guidance system that we spend a lifetime ignoring. We are so intuitive as, as, as humans. And you know, all emotions are there to be acknowledged, acknowledged, not, not necessarily wallowed in. You don't have to hang about in this anger and rage for days or, you know, whatever, but they're all emotions are there to be acknowledged and to be worked through. And all the time, you know, you know, think about the way we speak, particularly to boys growing up. I mean, this is a whole new subject, but don't cry, be brave, you know, be strong. And even, even for women actually as well, the whole be strong thing, you know, you know, must take care of the whole family. This is the role. This is, you know, strong, strong, strong, resilient. We're all in survival mode, you know, and it's, it, I'm so glad that we're like now moving into this thing where it's like, actually, let's accept where we are. Let's, let's embrace all the emotions and let's go through them because all of, like anything, it all passes. Everything passes. You're not going to be stuck in this anger and rage or grief. Or whatever that sort of fairly negative emotion is described as being, you know, you can move through it. And this is all about that. It's about embodying and integrating. So yeah, I agree. I'm so glad that we're moving back into this or moving forward into this sort of time. 100%. We were just talking about this on last week's show, actually. I was reverse interviewed. Oh, okay. Nice one. How did that feel? It was, it was quite a, um, A little bit intimidating at first because I'm used to being the one facilitating someone else because I want to learn all about my guests and showcase them. So being under the spotlight was a bit like, oh, being vulnerable. Yeah, like, oh, I'm not sure I like it this way around. Actually, it was all right. I did quite enjoy it, but at first I was like, oh, I'm not— I'm not— I didn't want it to be about me. I wanted to be about the guests and the listeners. But, you know, it was actually quite nice. But, um, I digress. But we were touching on this, um, and, and toxic positivity. You're really right. And it's like, all that stuff is great, but you have to be real as well. And I think the emotions, we have all human emotions, like you said. And I think we need the, what people are dubbing the negative things that they're trying to move away from, cuz they're an indication that something's off. We're out of alignment. Something's off with what we are doing in our life, the choices we're making, or more importantly, the thoughts that we're thinking about ourselves, others, and the world. And it's the thoughts we're having that are creating the negative emotions and the traumas in our body and the stories we make up. Absolutely. I actually do trauma removal, so that's— Oh, amazing, do you? Okay. Yeah, so the breathwork would go really, really, really well. So I'm very excited about this week's, this, this week's conversation. But yeah, 100%, we need all emotions and they're an indication. If you cut yourself, your body gives you pain to let you know that you've injured yourself. So you can, you know, you can, you don't like keep injuring yourself and keep, you know, it's an indication. And I think negative emotions are an indication that something's off so that you can transmute it and deal with it, not avoid it by drinking or whatever other means you're choosing, actually deal with it. So work with somebody or do a breathwork class, like, you know, somebody like you. And I think I'm just so glad that the world's moving in this direction now. Yeah, me too. And men as well. Men are like opening up to this space as well, which I think is fantastic because I think traditionally men were more scared to talk about their emotions because we were taught you're not meant to. I think now— I agree. People like you coming on doing breathwork class, which is inclusive of everybody regardless of gender, I think that's really lovely because it's like a safe space and you can transmute those emotions and traumas without necessarily having to dive into them. And talk about them, because some people don't like to talk about their stuff. And I think what you're doing is a really beautiful way of helping people transition and heal without them having to talk about the stuff. Yeah, that's exactly it. And it is literally like a psychotherapy session. You come in and it's, you know, it's like very activating. I haven't been to psychotherapy. It's like, come and do a bit of breathing, and it all sounds very gentle, and then afterwards they're like, what the hell was Um, but needless to say, I've not had anybody that's come round and gone, oh, well, that was a load of rubbish. I never want to come again. People are blown away, but in a very, in a very positive way, even if when they come out, they are feeling very sad or very, like I say, vulnerable or raw, you know, and I obviously give plenty of warning before the session. I'm like, you know, this could come up and, you know, you're in a safe space. And also I think the importance of saying this during the session as well. Because the session is for an hour and that sounds like an incredibly long time to be doing this breathing, but you really don't notice it. It sort of feels like 20 minutes, but I always sort of say throughout, you're very safe, you're safe here, you know, and allow any emotion to come to the surface because they're all aware that every emotion is welcome here. You know, you're in a very safe, nonjudgmental space. People should be doing this, I think, you know, at least once or twice a week. I really think, you know, breathe in between as well. Normally. Yeah. Normally in between. You don't have to be like the Zach activating, fast-paced, off-to-space breathing all the time. That would be quite probably retraumatizing. So do you want to talk about what you do? What's the difference and what other kinds of breathwork there are? What are the benefits? Yeah, sure. When most people think of breathwork, they think of sort of breathwork that's done sort of during yoga, pranayama, you know, alternate nostril breathing. They sort of think of something that's very gentle. The one I do isn't relaxing. It makes you feel relaxed and refreshed afterwards, but it's actually conscious connected breathwork that I do. So it actually derives from sort of holotropic breathwork, which again is a very fast-paced, uh, breathing and it activates the nervous system. Gives, gives your nervous system a good old shakeup. It's very dynamic. Um, and actually what it— it's absolutely perfect for anybody that is wanting to take an active role on their, in their own healing journey. Just what we were saying about sort of being accountable and stuff like that and moving into this owning your shit era, I like to call it, you know, no one is coming to save you. I just wanna say no one's coming to save you. And if COVID didn't teach me anything, it was literally that no one's coming to save you. They can just shut the world down. Nothing you can do about it. You know, we, we have to take responsibility for ourselves. You know, at some point in our lives, we have to kind of go, right. You know, I'm going to start owning, you know, what's happened to me and I'm going to take from the experience rather than let the experience take from me, which is something that I really teach, you know? So yeah, it's, it's conscious connected breathing and it's very fast-paced and activating. So it's not a relaxing session. I do tell people, I'm like, you're going to be laying down, come with a blanket. Everyone's like, oh, this is going to be so nice. And it is nice. It is wonderful. But you know, what can come to the surface? Can be, you know, like I say, quite, quite activating. Okay, so, um, why is it called Conscious Connection Breathwork? Is that a term you phrase? Is it? No, no, no, it is, it is an actual thing. It's not something I've just created. It's not the name I've, I've used for it, but it's, uh, okay, so, so the technique itself, you, you draw in an inhale, a very deep inhale, and then you allow the exhale to leave your body sort of organically. Okay. So I'm gonna do a little demonstration now, actually. So you open your mouth and you draw the breath in and you allow it to be released with no forcing. Now, the reason why it's called conscious connected is because there is literally no force at the top. Yes. It's like, well, it's sort of like a panting if you, if you, if, I mean, that sort of saying's not very nice, is it? But it's, it's making me laugh. I can't do it. Take the time without laughing. I've just seen my favorite shoes on sale. Yes, panic, panic, panic breathing. No, it's not panic breathing. It's like slice of chocolate cake. But there is no— yeah, there is no pause at the top of the inhale and no pause at the bottom. So you literally, as soon as the breath is released, you draw the next breath in. So it's like a continuous loop. It almost feels like you're slightly hyperventilating, doesn't it? Yes. And this— a lot of people ask me this. If you were to force the breath out, it, you do go into hyperventilation. Um, that, and that would be classed as hyperventilating, but it's because you allow the breath to come out naturally. It's, it's not hyperventilating, if that makes sense. And in fact, my daughter, my eldest daughter who suffers a lot from anxiety, um, she actually, she wouldn't do it for ages cuz when I described it, she was like, Oh God, sounds like I'm gonna have a panic attack. I don't want, you know, I don't wanna do it. And she was quite worried. And I said, look, it's not, it sounds, I mean, especially cuz I talk about it like being activating, but I'm like, it won't give you a panic attack. Like in fact, it's the opposite. It does release anxiety and tension. So give it a go. And of course she laid down and I gave her this, this sort of one-to-one breathwork. And afterwards she was like, oh my God, you know, and she, she, she thought it was absolutely brilliant. Actually, it was quite funny cuz the first thing she said to me is, 'Oh my God, Mum, you do have an indoor voice.' Because I'm kind of known for being quite loud, you know, a bit abrasive. She was like, 'Oh, Mum, you've got an indoor voice.' I was like, 'Yes, I do.' Is it like a telephone voice but softer? Yeah, because I'm quite sort of, you know, ah, you know, got and she was just sort of amazed. Nothing to do with the breathwork. She didn't even talk about that for the first sort of 5 minutes. She was just like, wow, you know, you're quite calm. So that was nice. That was nice to know. I just tried— thank you, child. I tried the breathwork then when you were talking, and it does make a difference. Like, if you take it in and breathe out, you do— it does sort of make you feel more anxious and more like the head voice. But when you take it in and allow You just to go, it's really calm. I just did that. It really is. It really is. And all that you sort of get these sort of very strange physical sensations when you start going into the breathe that of course I warn everybody about at the beginning of every class. Um, and it can be a deep tingling sensation in your fingers. Yeah. In my fingers. It's after 3 breaths. Yeah. You can get very tingly. Um, and a bit sort of lightheaded, but then you've got your eyes closed and you're kind of listening to music. So it's not so, it's not So, you know, it's not like you're standing there getting all lightheaded and you're gonna fall over. You are already laying down. But yeah, some of those sort of physical things can happen. Also, another thing that's quite interesting that happens is that, and this is again, if you force the breath out too much, you get this thing called tétanée, which makes your hands like clamp, like sort of claw up. And if you didn't know that that was gonna happen, you'd be like, oh my God, you know, what's happening to me? But I warn everyone and it's completely normal and it sort of subsides the minute that you stop doing the Conscious Connected Breathe. But you sort of see a lot of people in class, their hands start sort of going like crab claws, which is quite amusing. They'll be possessed by the devil. Yeah, no, no, don't worry. No, there's no demon. There's no demons around. It's absolutely fine. I guess like if you see them doing that, then it's a good indication for you that, you know, that they're forcing the breath. They're not like letting it go naturally. Yes. Yeah. And I go around and I sort of remind, you know, people, you know, about the technique, particularly at the beginning. You do actually, like I say, you are breathing sort of for a full hour and you do get into it to the point where you almost forget what you're doing. Do you know what I mean? You sort of come around, you're a bit like, oh yeah, I'm at a breathwork session. I'm Breathing. Right. Okay. And then you sort of get back into it, but you find your pace and you find your, your sort of rhythm. Um, you know, and, and it's, yeah, it's, it's a wonderful thing to be a part of. Yeah. Really, really, really wonderful. So are you doing that breath throughout the whole hour? Are you doing like different things? Like how does it work? No, it's that breath for about 45 minutes. And then towards the end, uh, we introduce a breath hold. Now this, this is like the utopia, right, of the breathwork. Okay. And in fact, whenever I do a breathwork now, I'm just like, take me to the breathhold, take me to the breathhold. Because you're, you're building up all that kind of oxygen. You know, you're like, you know, you're working, you're working, you're working the breath, and then you've, you've sort of built up a massive supply. And, and what can happen is that you can hold your breath for an unbelievable amount of time. Now I always say to people, I never, I never time it. I'm not like, right, everyone must hold their breath now for a full 2 minutes. Cuz obviously everyone would go into some sort panic. Um, so it's an individual thing, you know, some people can hold their breath for a really long time and some people not so much. And that's absolutely fine. But towards the end of the breathe, I get everybody to fully exhale all the breath from their lungs. And in that fully exhaled state, I get them to hold their breath. And honestly, your mind just like, whoosh. It's like the expansive feeling you get when you're in that state. And of course the music is all very in time with that. So when you go into the breath hold, the music just suddenly sort of transcends into this like very, you know, kind of, I don't know how to explain it, calming. Yeah. Kind of tone, I suppose. And you know, colors are calm and thoughts and creativity. I've had people come round and be like, Oh my God, I've got all these brilliant ideas and I need to write them down. And I'm like, okay, did you bring a pen and paper? Yeah, I've had people hysterically laughing. I've had people crying. I've had, but you know, there's a whole array of things that it brings up. But yeah, the breath hold towards the end, it's kind of what most people are kind of, you know, going for, I think, once they know what's coming, cuz it's a beautiful space. You know, that space to just— and then when they feel like they need to take an emergency kind of inhale in, I ask them to do that and then hold at the top, and then we do another breath hold for a period of time. And then, you know, the nervous system settles, and that's kind of how the session ends. I'm just thinking, as I was listening to you, like you said, like it brings up that creativity. Could you do like mini sessions at home? So if you after— if you're doing something creative, like you're writing a book or you're trying to create content for your website or business or whatever, could you do like a mini, like, round of that breathwork and then do the hold, the breath hold, so that you're waking up your brain and getting into that creative space, and then, and then write? Would that help facilitate that? Yeah, absolutely. And in fact, my, my mornings, early mornings, are my most creative spaces. You know how we all have Some people are like in the middle of the night, 3 o'clock, you know, whatever, they sort of have all this inspiration. And there is one that I do in the morning that's 15 minutes. Okay. I do 15 minutes and I do sort of 3 rounds of 3 and a half minutes of the really activated breathing. And in between each round, I do a breath hold. Okay. Now that's an absolutely fantastic way to start the day because you're getting up, you're activating your nervous system. You're accessing all that clarity and focus. You know, an intention, and then you're obviously kind of set for the day, you know. And that's how, that's how I— I'd love to say I do it every morning, but I'd be totally lying if I was to say that I did it. Lies! The time I'm able to, that is how I start my day. If you ask me what would be the best way to start the day, I would probably say, oh yes, the mornings that I do that. But yeah, you can definitely do it and approach it in a, in a a more kind of— use it like a tool to help. Yes, absolutely. Or mid-afternoon slump, you've had too many carbs at lunch. Yeah, the old carby lunch is getting to you. Yeah, quick breathwork. Do you want to talk us through that then, that your morning one? Do you want to give us a little taster, a little example of that, so that people listening and watching can like see? Yeah, I mean, I kind of get a quiet space before, before I have to get the get the child up to get ready for school, you know, make sure that there's no distraction. And then I put on a bit of music, you know, music of your choice. I would go for something that's— Heavy metal? Maybe not heavy metal. I was going to say anything but death metal. You want music that's kind of— Marilyn Manson, just stick it on. You don't want negativity in your vibe, do you? You want something that's vibey but not like low vibe. Smack you, bitch up! No, sorry. Yeah, and I mean, I usually set a sort of timer and then I do sort of 3 and a half minutes and then the timer goes off for those 3 and a half minutes, I stop to breathe. I do a breath hold and then I allow that, you know, space and clarity to come in. And then I just hit, hit play again and then off I go again, you know? So I kind of, I kind of do that like literally for 15 minutes and then yeah, it just, I, I'm, then I'm kind of like full of ideas and I'm like scribbling everything down and yeah, I mean, it really does work. It's a brilliant, it's a brilliant tool for, for creativity, even not just even creativity, just just sort of intention, you know, focus and intention for the day. I mean, that's how we always want to start, isn't it? You don't really want to be sort of rolling out of bed and like, oh God, you know, another day. You want to be sort of full of positivity and life and energy. So it's— and it really does energize. That's the other thing. Oh, that's brilliant. So anyone listening or watching, try that out and let us know on social media, in the comments, if you tried it and how it's worked for you. I'd love to know. Yeah, what I'll do as well is I'll send you— I, you know, now you're asking me and I can't think of one bit of music that I listen to, but I could also give some examples of some good tracks to play, um, yeah, that I listen to, if that would be helpful. Yeah, that'd be awesome. Yeah, so you can give it a go. Yeah, definitely. I mean, everyone has— music is such an individual taste. That's why I don't, you know, what can be kind of great for some person one person, sorry, could be like quite grating for another, you know. It's like, but just avoid, like I say, the death metal and the kind of Marilyn Manson tracks, you'll be all right. Oh dear. So where can people find you? What's your social media? Where can people find you? So, okay, so I'm This Breathtaking Life, and my Instagram is this_breathtaking_life. It's my Instagram, and my Facebook is the same, This Breathtaking Life. Making Life. So you should find me on there. I have to say, right, I am not great on social. I don't do a lot of social media stuff, and I know it's the way forward, and I know that's what everybody does, but I think particularly because of my own sort of views about— there's a sort of ick that I get on social media from the sort of what we were discussing earlier about the kind of coaches and stuff. And there's so much— I don't know, it sort of makes me go like that. So you'll find me, and then you'll be like, Oh, well, you know, not much of a following going on. I just don't put myself out there enough, to be honest. But yeah, that's my Instagram and my, uh, my Facebook. So yeah, check me out. Where do you hold your breathwork and classes? Whereabouts? So basically, I, I'm on the South Coast. I live in Bournemouth, and I hold, uh, bi-weekly group breathworks at a place called the Amethyst Cave in Southbourne. That sounds amazing. Yeah. Oh yes, brilliant. It is brilliant. And, and I tell you Just going back as well to what you were saying about more men joining the class. At first it was kind of all women, and then the women, some of the women that have been joining have been like, I'm bringing my husband next week. They're gonna love this. And the husbands have come along. And I mean, it is really, it's really growing. So it's, it's fantastic. Um, but I also, you can contact me on my email, which is info.breathtakinglife@gmail.com. Um, and I run, uh, online, uh, breathworks as well. So, and I can do groups and I can do one-to-ones. Uh, I always run a theme. So if it's a group, I run a theme that's kind of like, you know, the curse of perfectionism or authenticity, or, you know, we cover lots of different subjects. Um, but the difference is obviously with one-to-one, um, sessions that you have with me, they will all be bespoke to the person. So whatever that person may be going through at the time. All of the sort of teachings and visuals, guides and meditations before the breathwork will all be tailored to that, to that person. So I think, how do you tailor a breathwork to a particular theme? So you, you do it by how you frame it up and like a medicine? Yeah, absolutely. I mean, the thing is, the truth is that you have very little control over what comes up in a breathwork and everybody's so, you know, like, like I've said before, what can be very unearthing grief-wise for one person can be like wonderfully euphoric for another. So you cannot really dictate the theme, but if somebody has something going on in their life, you know, they feel blocked with something, or they feel like they can't, you know, move away from a toxic relationship, or they're in a, you know, they've just lost somebody, or they're sort of faced with some sort of challenge, to sort of frame the theme before the breathwork can sometimes sort of bring it into the subconscious a little bit, you know, and they're able to sort of think about it as they go into the breathe. So yeah, I always kind of do a little, a little sort of a little piece. So they've set an intention, they've primed their subconscious to move towards that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it could be something they want to call in or something they want to let go of. Um, and like I say, for the groups, I just tend to do, you know, because obviously I can't cater for every single person in the, in the room. But usually what I talk about is, is something that would be very relatable for everybody. Well, we all want the same thing, really, don't we? We want to be happy, healthy, and loved at the end of the day. Yeah, absolutely. And valued. Yeah. And heard and seen and all of those things. Yeah, absolutely. And, and, you know, encouraged to carve out time for themselves. I think this is something that is just, oh, you know, this whole kind of like self-nourishment thing. We, we just, we just abandon ourselves. It's all about the do, do, do, you know, we've gotta do this. We've gotta be better. We've gotta, you know, be there for everybody else. And, and, and just, I really wanna kind of create a, a sort of slow living rebellion where it's like, actually take time. Yeah. Take time for yourself, like guilt-free, unapologetic, you know. Slow. I really want to sort of create a community long-term. This is my goal. I want to create a community of like slow living rebels, you know, slow living rebels that are like, no, no to the doing, no to the fast life. Stop, get off your phone, get out in nature, do a bit of breathwork. Yeah. I just got an image of people moving really slowly towards you, like a sloth. I'll get there in a minute. We'll take over the world next week. Yeah, we'll take over the world in our own time. There's no urgency. I love slow-moving rebels, being a rebel myself, that appeals to my rebel side. Absolutely. Oh, so what made you decide to do this particular kind of breathwork? There's lots of different ones, isn't there? I've done breathwork and all kinds of stuff. So what made you choose this particular one? Uh, I think because it, it's so— okay, I, I can tell you exactly what was making me choose this one. So my, um, current job, or the job that I have been doing for the last 12 years, I work very much in trauma. I work with troubled teenagers that have had terrible starts to life. So lots of self-harm, lots of suicide, lots of abuse and neglect and all that sort of horrible stuff that goes on in the world. And I, I, you know, as much as I've been so passionate about it and I've adored the work that I do, I really want to move away from people that are still in their trauma, you know, that they're still very much in it, you know, and sort of move into a different kind of approach to trauma. And, um, people that are kind of ready to be accountable, self-compassionate and accountable, you know. And so because of the, the way that this type of breathwork affected me and how it has completely transformed my life and the way that I think about things and this sort of, uh, accountability that I had to take on even in order to do the training there was a brilliant kind of— I would like to call it like an interview process that happened at the beginning of the facilitation program, which wasn't set up like an interview, but afterwards I felt so— I just felt so pleased that they'd done it like that because they sort of asked me so much about my personal life and what I'd been through. And, you know, because essentially I'm going to be holding space for other people that are very, very vulnerable. So It's not about having your whole life mapped out. There is no such thing. Like, like I've said before, there's no utopia. No one's coming to save you. Not everybody's got it worked perfectly out. I'm not saying that, but to have an ownership over their stuff, you know, and to know that that's their stuff and they are able to hold the space for other people. So having been through so much, um, through the work that I do with the teenagers and through my own sort of life experience, this breathwork was the one that made me go, oh my God, you know, this is it. This is the, this is the thing. This is the thing that's, that's, you know, kind of blown all the other meditations quite frankly for me out of the water. You know, I was like, this is the thing that's that everybody needs to do. This is the thing that everybody needs to practice. So that's kind of my, my story up to it. Yeah, definitely. I was like, everyone needs to try this. This is, this is, I don't know. I can't, I can't even, it is literally a portal to another dimension. I can't explain it any other way. I have had people go, well, I might not want to portal to another dimension. I might not wanna go. And I'm like, well, you say that, wait till you get there. You're gonna love it. Yeah. People come round and they're like, whoa. Yeah. It's the trip. It's literally a trip, but it's, it's, yeah, it's just mind-blowing. Have you ever done this like on an Instagram Live or a Facebook Live, like taking people to— No, I never, no, I haven't. I have again with the whole social media challenges. I'm challenging you. Okay. All right. Okay. We're going to do it. I'll bring you onto my Instagram. We'll link up on my Instagram and Facebook Live and we'll do a session. We'll put a date on. So follow our social medias, everyone, so you can actually jump in on this. Um, we'll do like a live breathwork class so you can— yeah, perfect— you can experience it, and then, and then you try it on and see how life-changing it is. And then obviously they can then choose to come and work with you more, which would be amazing. Amazing. But yeah, let's do it. I'm going to push you. I love pushing people out of the comfort zone. It's like kind of like, yeah, I see, I see, I spotted a little gap here we can take advantage of. Let's do it. Yeah, absolutely. I want to help you get out there. This is amazing. Yeah, I'm up for that. Definitely. I'm up for that. Because like I say, I am a little bit like, well, Slow Living Rebellion. I am just embodying actually what I'm trying to teach. Oh yeah, Facebook Live, I'll do that tomorrow. It's fine. There's no rush. There's no urgency. But yeah, no, I mean, the more people that know about this and the more people that can experience it, I mean, I'm totally up for that. I'm more than happy to run a session. Absolutely. 100%. I think when people experience it, they'll, they'll understand how amazing and powerful it is. And I think this is something that'll translate really well on a live. And, and I think when you get a group of people all doing something together, like a meditation or a breathwork, it makes it really powerful on an energetic level as well. It kind of amplifies it. So I think everyone will have an amazing experience, even though you sat at home on your own or wherever you are, like on your phone or your laptop doing it. We'll all collectively be doing it together. And I think that's quite powerful. It's very powerful. And, and there is something that people do like about, you know, knowing that they're on their own because they can sort of be muted and they can have a good cry and not be, because it can be quite, um, well, you are in a, in a kind of vulnerable state, you know, at the end of a breathwork. So a lot of people that come into the group, I can tell that they're sort of a little bit resistant to it, you know, even with the way they go into the breathe, they're a little bit resistant, whereas at least, you know, if you're at home and it's muted, you can have a good old shout and scream and it's all good, you know. Not that you're not in a safe space to do so anyway, but just what I'm saying, people are more able to come out themselves. There's a fear of judgment, a fear of being vulnerable because you might be seen as weak or whatever. And I think a lot in society we're sort of taught that you can't be like that, or there's not many spaces where you can. And it's not until entering spaces like, you know, a breathwork class that you might be creating or something such like that, you actually realize there are safe places to be vulnerable in and be open, and we need to create more of that. So yeah, I think it's— I think you're right. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. I'm— and I'm all about encouraging that because, you know, like we said, we need to move away from this, you know, squashing it down, squashing it down, because, you know, that hasn't really panned out very well, has it, so far? Let's, let's be honest, it just seeps out. Nothing will go wrong doing that. Loads of disease and like really awful relationships because every interaction we have, it's gonna like seep out in other ways, you know. There's no such thing as it— you can't just blanket, you know, la la la la la, put your hands over your ears and pretend it's not there, you know. Everything's to be worked through, and there are safe spaces to do it. So that needs to be encouraged. Absolutely, 100%. I'm all up for this. I'm definitely up for doing a doing a session online. Perfect. Hey, exciting. So watch your space, watch your space. So what else? So tell us a little bit more about what you're going to be doing moving forwards. Like, what's your plans, how you want to get it out there? Yeah, sure. So like I said, I do these sort of biweekly kind of group classes and I do sort of one-to-ones for people. I really want to create, you know, eventually when I learn how to speed up a bit. Slow-moving rebels, let's call it. Yeah, they're sort of slowly— I just think everything— a moderately moving rebel. Urgently moving in my direction, but just trying to slow everyone else down. We're just encouraging people to sort of, you know, nourish themselves and, you know, to learn not to abandon. You know, we just abandon, I think, ourselves so much in our lives, in You know, we become mothers or, um, you know, we're partners to people or, and we sort of slip into these unconscious roles. And then before you know it, what are we actually doing for ourselves? And you know, this whole thing of like, oh, I'm gonna have a spa day on my birthday, or, you know, run myself a bubble bath. It's like, it's gotta be more than that. You know, you have to, you know, it's gotta be more than that. We have to take a real active, like I say, an active role in our own, in our own journeying, you know. So moving forward, I really want to set up, um, kind of programs for people to join. I really want to incorporate journaling. I think there's, there's so much to, so much catharsis in journaling. Um, and, uh, I again, don't like to use the word coaching, but, um, as the conversation we had earlier, but yeah. So breathwork combined with journaling and yoga nidra, which is the other thing that I, um, facilitate, which is a deeply restorative meditation. I don't know whether many people have done a lot of yoga nidra, but it's again, that is, it's an incredibly restful, you're in a very restful state. And I think the two together, having the kind of activating session and then the journaling and then the yoga nidra at the end is, is, would be a really good sort of culmination of self-nourishment basically, and a really good way to, to kind of move through a lot of this stuff that you have going on. So I'm in the, in the interim. But before we move on, because people are watching this and not knowing what you mean by journaling or yoga nidra. Okay. Yeah, sure. So, so journaling, I literally mean, um, getting, getting a blank piece of paper and brain dumping, you know, it's a very cathartic, uh, way. Also letter writing is a very, you know, a letter to your, you know, previous self or a letter to your addiction. Or a letter to your, you know, mother. Mother wound is very deep, let's not go into that. But, you know, a letter to all these kind of things. Writing is, is very, very cathartic. So when I say journaling, I'm just talking about setting time aside, particularly after a breathwork, when you're, you know, you're all expansive and full of ideas of creativity or whatever it is that you're full of, even if it is grief and sadness or anger. And just to have that ability to write it all down, you know, you don't have to read it out in public. It can be a very personal thing. You can even burn it if it's that full of rage, you know, you can do what you like with it, but journaling is a very, very cathartic practice in itself. And then yoga nidra is a very deep restorative meditation. They use the word yoga, but it's not, you don't move. It's my favorite position. It's shavasana. You literally lay down with a blanket. And the yoga nidra for facilitator, it's, you know, um, reads out, it's, it's scripted. So, so reads aloud this script and takes you on this, this kind of meditative journey. And it's a rotation of consciousness. So you sort of do a body scan, you know, your mind to your, to your, uh, left thumb, your finger, and it goes all the way through your body. And it just, you just become very, very, very deeply relaxed. And then you introduce, uh, what they call is like a sankalpa, which is like an intention, or I am becoming, you know, a kind of statement phrase that you, a positive statement phrase that you want to bring into your life. So it's, it's very good. Again, it works on a sort of subconscious level. So all of these practices are very, you know, getting into your subconscious, which is, which we, which we know we are all driven by, aren't we? You know, we're not, we spend far too much time in this thinking analytical mind where you know, we don't really get an awful lot done when we're in this space. It's when we're able to drop down into the other spaces, that's kind of where we truly exist. And it's sort of bringing that more to the surface. Yeah, that's what I'm all about. I love that. So the journaling is actually a way of helping you get it out of your body, out of your head, onto a piece. Yeah, it helps you release instead of burying it down. And then the nidra sounds really lovely, like, so you're literally reconnecting to your body, like, one body part at a time. Yes. Because how often in a day or ever do you ever think about our body and how it moves and how it's feeling? We're just kind of moving up through life, aren't we? Just taking our body for granted, but we're not thinking about how our hand feels or our arm or our leg or our stomach or our head. We're not giving— we're not present with our body and how it's functioning and working. So having that time to connect to our body and feel it and appreciate, I think it's really lovely as well. Yeah, 100%. And having those, those two sort of they're kind of like a perfect marriage, if you like, the sort of breathwork, which is very activating, and then the sort of yoga nidra that's very, very settling. It's kind of a brilliant combination. And then the journaling in between, which is where you kind of, like you say, you can kind of almost purge all this kind of, you know, ideas and, or stuff out, you know, so that you're— it's just a very, very cathartic practice. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when you used to write a diary, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, it's not It's not for everyone, not many people like to write, but you'll be surprised if you— you'll be surprised, you know, a lot of people have said, "Oh, you know, I don't really want to do that, I don't really write much," and then, you know, I look around and there's written reams of stuff, you know, and I'm like, "Oh, okay, not much of a writer, eh? Coming out now!" We'll write a novel by the end of the session! Yeah, absolutely! Well, there's a book in everyone! A dissertation, an essay, you know. That's not what I had in mind, but okay, you carry on. So what, is there anything else you want to share with us? We've got, we've got a little bit of time left. We're coming to the end of the session. I'm absolutely loving this conversation. I kind of want to— I'm so honored to be here. I'm so honored to be here. Thank you so much for having me on. I'm so passionate about it. You know, it's been, it's been so transformative for me. And like I said, because I'm so skeptical, I am literally the world's biggest skeptic. So anyone that says to me, oh, you gotta try this, I'm just like, okay, yeah, whatever. You know, sounds a bit faddy. I'm a bit, I kind of, you know, I'm, I'm not, I have to be convinced, put it that way. I've gotta be 100% convinced. And I, I've, it's just absolutely phenomenal. I can't, I can't shout about it enough. I think it's great that you're a skeptic though, cuz I think might be people listen to this that are skeptical about stuff and the fact that Because some people just go, oh yeah, everything's great, and just take everything kind of at, you know, thingy value. But they— I think when you're a skeptic, you actually go in, um, like a true skeptic is to go in like with no mind and no judgment and just to sort of see what it is. And you've experienced it and gone, oh, actually this really works. So I think that's almost sort of more proof that it does actually really work. So if you kind of go in thinking, oh, this is going to work, then you might be preempting your brain and deciding it's working, so that's why it's working. But if you're kind of going in, I'm not sure about this, and it's actually had such a massive impact on you, I think that just adds more weight to the fact that actually this is actually life-changing. And it's a really simple tool. If you learn how to use it and work with someone like yourself, it can actually change your life. And, and I love that you, um, you know, you can teach people how to have that morning routine so they can take that responsibility and they can do it every day in a really small, simple way that's easy to add into their life and their routine, which can change their life in big ways, you know, incrementally over time, over a year. If you're doing that every day, or at least 3 or 5 times a week, say, over the space of a year, like, the impact that that's going to have on your life and moving forwards is going to be huge. Just like these little things that we can do, and it costs no money to actually do it. Yeah, right, like, you learn how to do it and you can do it every day. It's free. It's your body. Absolutely. You just choose. Yeah, I mean, this is the thing as well. It's, it's, it's the automatic daily response, isn't it? Breathing. And you know, when, when, like I say, when somebody said to me, I'm gonna do a bit of breathwork, I was a bit like, well, I've been doing that all my life. It's only a bit of breathing. Like, what could it possibly do that's that great? I was really literally like that. You say it's an automatic response, just breathing. But it's like you say that, right? I was walking along the street in Surrey once a few years ago with my friend Christina, and she said listen to this, she'll crack up laughing. Walking along and she just suddenly stopped and went, "Ah!" And I had like a panic and I turned to her and I'm like, "What's wrong?" And she went, "I just forgot to breathe!" And I just burst out laughing. So, you know, it's not always an automatic thing. How funny! Well, actually, and you say that, when I first um, when I first started the training, we had to— we obviously became very aware of our— the natural rhythm of our breath to begin with, you know. This is at the very early stages, and I actually realized that mine was sort of sporadic, and I sort of held it in quite a lot. Um, you know, I did a lot of this— I think most of us do as well— this sort of very, you know, sort of light chest breathing. We don't really take— I mean, we don't take these great big breaths in all the time. I'm not saying that, but It's, it was, it was fascinating actually, just knowing what my natural breathing was like before I even started the training. I was a bit like, oh, this isn't, this doesn't feel very healthy, you know, the way I'm naturally breathing. So it does, you know, you really start to focus in on, I mean, your friend might need a little bit of a, a hand. Breathe, breathe, breathe. It's time to breathe. Just breathe. Just don't stop breathing. Like, what was that? Oh, I just forgot how to do it. Oh, I'll never forget that. It was brilliant. I'd be like, excuse me? But I think most people don't realize where they're breathing in their body either, do they? Because like, you just touched on it then. I think people, that sort of shallow breath, which is in the chest rather than breathing in the stomach. So I think if anyone's listening to this and you're not aware, like, put your hand on your chest and put your hand on your stomach and just breathe normally like you would and feel which part of your body is moving. Like, is it your chest or is it your stomach that's moving? And if your stomach's not moving, you can focus on filling up your stomach and emptying it. So you're taking that breath deeper so you can get a sense and an experience of taking like a deep breath. That's quite a nice little way just to experience a different way of breathing. So I think we're in that fight or flight or panic or anxiety. We breathe high up in our chest, that short breath. Yes. You just talked about when we're calm, we have that low breath into our stomach and those deep breaths. And just that, just learning that simple thing and knowing where you're at most of the time can be a great thing to learn and an indication of where you're at. And you can see it in other people as well. You can see people stressed or if they're calm just by— once you become aware of it, you'll start seeing people, you'll see if they're breathing in their chest or in the stomach. Like where you're at. And if someone's going into panic, even if they're trying to look calm, their breath gives them away. So you can— I think you can— it's good with children as well. You can help like calm them down by just like moving their breath into that different space as well. Yeah, absolutely. I do a lot of breath. So powerful. Yeah, so powerful. I do a lot of breathing, not the Conscious Connected, but I do a lot of breathing activities with some of the, the children that I work with when they're becoming really heightened. We do this sort of thing with box breathing where you sort of inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4, inhale for 4, hold for 4. And it's called box breathing and it's that, and it just gets you into a rhythm because like you say, they can get activated in there, you know, panicking and their breathing becomes rapid and they can't, you know, they start getting out of control essentially. And it's just about bringing, bringing and their bodies back into control. And just talking about linking the breath as well to emotion, one of my mentors actually said, if our emotions and experiences can change the way we breathe, then the way we breathe can obviously alter our emotions. So if you think about when we're having a terrible experience or we're upset and we're, you know, we're panicking and we're, you know, it automatically, doesn't it, changes our breathing pattern. So if we, if we focus on our breathing, it can obviously have the opposite effect and it can alter the way that we think and feel. And I thought that was a very interesting way of looking at it and a good way to sort of describe it. Yeah, definitely resets our nervous system, gives us that parasympathetic system, isn't it, in the body? And just— that's right, yeah, calms everything down. So powerful, like really, who knew just breathing could have— who knew just a bit of old breathing, what, a bit of breathing, a bit of that, transformative? I don't 'No, don't be so ridiculous.' I was a bit like, deep breathing, don't be so ridiculous. And then I was like, oh, okay, there is something in this. There is something in this ancient practice that's been taught for millions, you know, hundreds and hundreds of years. Oh, okay, yeah, there is something in it. All right, who'd have thought? Could be a bit more than just a fad. Yeah, it's not fuddy after all. It's okay. All right. Okay. But you know, like I said, I literally came around from the session and I was like, I, I just instantly got online and I was like, right, where can I learn? You know, where can I be a facilitator? How can I, you know, be qualified enough to, to be able to, to share this with others? And you know, it was, it was, I, I literally, I think I signed up like 2 days later or something with it. So, so that's how much I was poo-pooing it in one breath, no pun intended, in the next breath I was signing up to the next course. That's a shocking breath. Yeah, like, whoa, that was a quick decision. Who did you do your training with? Yes, I would love to give them a shout out. Um, I did them with, uh, they're called This Breathing, uh, Take— oh God, I can't remember what they're called. Make Some Breathing Space. God, I forgot then. It's Completely went. Yeah. And it's run by this wonderful guy called Benedict Beaumont and he lives in Canada. He's based in Canada, but he teaches to people to all over the world and yeah, Mix and Breathing Space. And they run, I think they run them every year, maybe even twice a year, the facilitation program. And then you can move on to be a teacher as well, which is gonna be my next endeavor. I think in the next year I'm gonna, I'm gonna kind of, yeah, take those next steps. To teach other people to be breathwork facilitators, which is even more spreading the word, spreading the word, isn't it? Yeah. So Make Some Breathing Space, and they're absolutely phenomenal. Really brilliant. I can't praise them enough. They were so, so good. It was like being part of a family, you know. Um, I know a lot of people say that about a lot of things, but it really was very, very supportive. Lovely connections made. I've made friends that I will, you know, remain friends with forever. So a really beautiful space to learn if anybody's interested. Yeah. Look them up. Definitely. Okay. We'll do. Shelly, that's all we've got time for. Thank you. No worries. Breath of fresh air. Pondy. Thank you everyone for listening or watching. This has been the Eat Love Do Show. I've been Janine Newbury. My lovely guest has been Shelly Monk. Remember, we are on every day, 9 AM and 9 PM. Thank you and catch you next week. Thank you very much.