Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Free Your Mind. Let's talk about it with LK J. This week is Mental Health Awareness Week, something that we have to focus on and bring people's attention to, on something that has such a stigma that people tend to close up and cause more damage to ourselves by not speaking out. For Mental Health Awareness Week, it's about loneliness. And what does loneliness mean? I have a wonderful guest that— when I reached out to people that I know in the world and with every sufferer, and how can I get the attention to this show to for people to actually resonate what loneliness can be, how do you get through that, what support network you have. My guest, who is an amazing person, not just amazing because she's beautiful when she looks out and her children and that, but she's beautiful in how for such a woman so young um, has found strength to continue on in the face of darkness and with her children. Molly Abdullah is a young entrepreneur, a writer, an artist, a trainer, and most importantly, Molly is a mother of 2 children. Molly sold ice creams at the age of 9 in Kazakhstan, she grew to an established businesswoman in London. She helps international clients to structure and manage their business in real estate. Molly, as being a mother of two since the age of 27, has not only moved to another country but built a financial independence She has also helped thousands of women to overcome difficulties, fears, limiting beliefs while thriving in business and staying feminine through her book and her courses. Along with that, she follows in her passion is the painting and donates part of the money from painting and a fabulous, you know, artist regarding paint for sales to children in need. Molly became a widow at 27, threw her into a depth of loneliness. So on that note, as we are trying to bring awareness, I'm asking Molly to come when I pass the mic to her to free her mind and take us on this next hour journey Well, she will open up and explain herself today. We're going to take her back to her childhood, as we do with most of our people that join us on Free Their Mind. See where she, where she came from, her roots, how she grew, and how did that ice cream taste at the age of 9? She grooms this powerful magnet. When you see these wonderful photographs that go with the promotion on there, that sells beauty in the simplest form of— for me, is the epitome of family, true love, power of children, but most of all Molly, who is so humble, so beautiful, but expels that she is humanitarian. She's a global woman amongst all this, but she came and has come on this show to help all the thousands and millions of people who want to listen to the show. So, Molly, hello and welcome to Free Your Mind. Let's talk about it with LVJ. Hi, hi, my dear Lady Jagger. I am so honored to be here at this show. And, um, yes, so where should I start first? Should I start with those ice creams when I was 9? Um, no, can we go back a little bit further? So where was you born, Molly? I was born in Kazakhstan. It's in Central Asia. It's in borders with Russia, Uzbekistan, Kyrgyzstan, China from the other side. So it's very central, Central Asian country. We speak Russian and Kazakh. We look more Asian, so sometimes when people see me, they are a bit confused, like Asian-looking girl with like a Russian accent, where are you from? So yes, this is the country. This is the 9th biggest country in the world, and it's well known by its oil and gas. So lots of investors know our country quite well. Okay, um, so for yourself, so in your childhood, Mari, for yourself, because when I see the picture, you've always got that wonderful smile And you know, when we look at stuff, and it was only when you came on to Free Your Mind Clubhouse where you come as a panelist and coming out, it opened up and there's so many people on there. Um, that you was a widow at 27, it was like, wow, you know, and you've mastered. So it must come from for you still to wear and shine. We all paint our faces, you know, with makeup and hair where we come from. But from your childhood, and that strength is from the roots, your family life, if we go from when you were born to 9 years of age, we know it was your country. It was that. But from 9 years of age to sell ice cream, so was it always been from when you was born, you had to go up and like your brother said, that you worked at an early age? I think, I mean, I didn't have to work when I was 9, but I think I, since my childhood, I, I have this entrepreneurial spirit and I wanted to make my own money. I wanted to be independent and I wanted my parents' love. So, um, to go back to my childhood, I don't share, I think this is the first time I'm sharing this story, is I was brought up by my grandparents. So when I was, I think, 1 month old or like 40 days old, little baby, I was given to my grandparents because my parents were too young. They were students. And in Kazakhstan, we have this tradition when the eldest grandchild is given to their grandparents to be brought up. And like going back to the topic of loneliness, I think as a child I had lots of love from my grandparents, uncles, aunties. I had lots of attention, but in my life, like further in my 30s, working with therapists, I realized that even with all this attention, I felt lonely. And because I was Lacking my mom's love, my mom's attention, my father's attention. And maybe, like, it's just coming up to my mind right now, maybe this made me so smiley. Maybe I was, at some point, I was thinking that I have to be smiling, I have to be popular, I have to be bright, shining to be loved by my parents. And yeah, and I, I think I was studying a lot, I was working a lot, mostly to get this validation from my parents. Yeah, yep. Because we— when you're saying this about Wendy, if somebody's adopted, you know, when we work with mental health, adoption or anything, there seems, no matter what, as we say, you know, we, we are made up from science, um, in the biochemistry side of organ cells, etc., which you hear me often talk about, um, and we're not just that. We have emotions, we have feelings. There's a spiritual part of us when we're given to from the universe, and in the collaboration of our minds together And as much as that is, whether you've been somebody that's adopted that child from— there is a missing link in a collaboration connection from the universe that set this together, you to come in. So there's something missing. So when that's done, or something's a separation, as a therapist, uh, in my own way of studying it and looking at that, is You know, how do we look at it? And in science, we're constantly looking to say, why did that happen? They had this wonderful love and everything from that. So you had something missing. So at the same time, you had a happy childhood other than that, but you still had an issue. Yes. I'll ask you with that sort of— what age was you told? Was you told at an early age that your grandmother was your grandmother and these were your parents, but they're out working. They didn't dis— excuse me— they just didn't disassociate. So when Grandma went to school, was it, that's my parent? It was always, that was my grandmother. So there was no deceit or, or stuff like that? No, I mean, yes, it was noticeable that she was my grandmother because she was— she looked much older and And yes, yes, I had lots of love. I had lots of attention and a very happy childhood. And even now I'm very grateful for my parents, for my grandparents, that I had this experience in my life. Of course, I had to go through lots of therapy, and still I can feel that I, as a child, in my early childhood, I was missing my parents' love, and I had this loneliness in my heart. Um, but still, I, I'm very grateful because they built this confidence in me, and I think it's very important for a child as well to be seen, to be heard, to, to have this confidence. Most definitely. Well, you know, when we're saying about your parents, in the wedding picture, for people that may see this in the PR, It's the gentleman and the lady, you know, dressed so beautifully behind you, you know, bride with your dark hair looking absolutely radiant on there. Are they your parents behind you? No, behind us, uh, they are our friends, so they are like assisting friends of the bride and the groom. Oh, I see, like the best man and the matron of honor. Yes, that walks in on there. I'm going to fast forward a little bit, just because I've spoken about how you were on that wedding day. And we were talking about Free Your Mind on Clubhouse when you actually, for the first time, opened up and said that you'd lost your husband. You're so young, you know, with a family, and having somebody, you know, learning to smile, learning to cope through that. Is it possible? And if it's too difficult, I totally understand, because of grief and losing somebody, it's very painful to go back. We have to be very, very careful when we go back because we have to think of the triggers, the emotional triggers that's going there. When did you meet your husband, Molly? I met my husband when I started working. I was working for the gas— 9 selling the ice creams, or older? Older. I was, I think I was 21 when I met him. Yes, I was 21, he was 23, and we were working at the same company. And yes, we met each other, started dating, we're dating for 8 months, and then we got engaged and then got married after a few months later. So you knew instantly that the love and working the same company— so it wasn't an arranged marriage? You don't— in your culture, it wasn't arranged? No, it wasn't. And it's interesting that the moment I saw him, I, I felt that he— this is it, that, that's the love. Very handsome young man he was indeed. So when you've done that, and, uh, and obviously you were still, um, living in, uh, Kazakhstan then, wasn't he? Yes, yes, we were living in Kazakhstan. When— and we also had our two babies when we were in Kazakhstan. They're gorgeous. I love the photograph, your daughter with her lovely Paris, uh, t-shirt on, and the actual smile from, um, your wonderful son there with you, just relaxed by the beach with the water. Is that a photograph that your husband took? No, he wasn't with us already at that time. So when he passed away He was only 29, and it happened very suddenly. My son was 3 and a half years old, my daughter was 1 and a half years old, and we were planning a third child together. And suddenly he went to an event with his parents, and at this event he had a heart attack, which was Yeah, which was very surprising for everyone because he, he never complained about his health, that he had problems. And yeah, it was, it was a shock for all of us. Wow. So, you know, for 29 going on, and when you worked with him, you said you didn't see anything. So to have a heart attack, you know, was this, if I may, pressure? Because, you know, that's very young for— Yes. You know, for 29, and to love, and to go, and not even be there, or to go, but, you know, being with his parents' ceremony. Did they find out after if there was something wrong with his heart? They didn't do, uh, I, I don't know, I was shocked and I wasn't able to— I don't know, I was just shocked. I didn't believe. I thought it, it was like something in the movie, uh, but their parents, they decided not to like, uh, open up his body. I don't know how it's called, like, professionally. Uh, in, in this country it's— well, in America we call it an autopsy. Yeah. What do they call it here in the UK? Do you know? I can't think what it is. And yet my brother who died, again like you, he— my parents wouldn't allow him to— they believed not to touch the body. You leave everything as it should be. Yes. Go in there is what they thought, because they were asked about life support with my brother.— and they said, no, no, no, no, no, you're not cutting him, you're not taking anything out, he's going. But he had to have an autopsy because, you know, under the law they had to find out exactly what he died of because he had been in hospital and he'd had a car accident and he had fluid on the brain. They had to have this confirmation. So he had— you know, when people do come in and I am on the register, if anything happened to me. Not that it's all— Yes, sorry to hear that. Yeah, in my heart, and after, they'll throw me back out, no doubt, for that reason. We don't want that. That's like, oh, you know, that's been a body for science that's been worked on all through her life. And so, but for my brother's children, so it is a call, you know, when you're in that situation of are they going to have— and they're not allowed to be led, and I think there's really, really strong things in the hospital, what they have to say, which don't they bring somebody that brings in on life support or that's going to go that's young, that heart could save somebody that's desperately waiting. So there's double-edged sides to that coin and arguments and what could go. If I believe, you know, being present there when my brother had to turn his life support machine off, was— and the people coming, it wasn't my decision, it was my parents. But they said after that time, because the decision has to come very quickly, they said no, they were going to do this autopsy and he was going to be cut and take, you know, I don't want to distress people in mental health, you know, you can use Google, you can use stuff on there. I have to be careful with the triggers for my own mental health with that, with taking myself back like yourself when we touch on this subject. But they said they wish, had they have known, they would have allowed his heart to have his heart beating and save somebody else's life, is what I'm saying on that. For going to— it's very, very difficult. And he was 21. So my recommendation is with you is the shock. Yes. I had— and I just lost my own child 3, 4 days before, and I had a hysterectomy, everything removed, mental health smashed to pieces. But I didn't actually feel myself, Molly. I could hear what people were saying, I could see what people were doing, I was out of bed, but I was like as if, you know, if you are like you said watching a movie. Yes. Watching that, but it's actually you, but you have been thrown out. Of that area, and you have no control. It's like, let me in, let me in, but you cannot break that toughened glass again. Your mind's gone, and you are on it. Did you feel the same, or did you have— you know, because nobody— that was the wrong thing to put you on that. I do apologize. What I'm saying is we all deal with grief differently. Mm-hmm. We all resonate with grief differently and we all adapt to the grief and how we move from that, from being put into an acute trauma situation. Acute trauma is where, Molly, that what happens to our minds where we're thrown into something which was like sudden, you know, something happened and sent that shock to our brain. What happens is We've got to be careful it doesn't come over and become complex, because we can't let go. Because— and I suffered with complex trauma because I just couldn't get out of it. I felt guilt. If he hadn't been— my brother hadn't come to visit me, he would be alive. I had guilt, I had everything. I tortured my brain so much, and nobody could control it. I couldn't control it myself. And I'm in a very dark place with that. So for yourself, having— I believe this platform, I believe we meet people for a reason. We don't meet them by accident. The universe connects you together, like what you do in your work. For me, you know, I have issues I have to face daily, but I'm there. And everybody has issues to face daily. That's the difference, how we move forward and the help and reach out who's there. So how was you told, Molly? How was I told that this happened? Yeah. Uh, I'm very sorry, yes, again to hear about your child and about your brother. I, I know it's very hard and it's been like 6 years ago, but still I can, even now talking about, I can feel in my body everything that happened. So it was at night and my mother-in-law came to me and said, Molly, Molly, you have to sit down. I was like, what? What's going on? And then she said, Molly, we've lost him. I couldn't understand. And she said that my, like, I beg my husband's name, that he died. And it was like, I couldn't believe it. And people started coming. And I really, even after a couple of months, I saw, even when after I saw his body, when he was buried, I couldn't believe even after like a couple of months, I was still hoping that he will come appear from somewhere that was like, I don't know, movie that he had to like show as if he was dead for some reasons. I don't know. I was like, maybe I watched too many movies. But yes, so I was told like, like that, and it was shocking. And yes, I agree that lots of people, they have their own ways to deal with it. And according to psychology, even there are 5 stages of grieving. And I wrote in my book about that, how, um, how can we overcome these feelings and how can we go through all these 5 stages, um, using psychological exercises, coaching exercises, because, um, it was hard. It was very hard. But having psychological background as well, and I was doing therapy, I was working with all sorts of specialists, from astrologists to psychologists and coaches. I think it helped me to overcome it, and I have to say that I'm still going through this process because, uh, I mean, sometimes I meet widows and they say that even after 20 years they still have this grief. And especially when you have little kids, you have to be strong. And I remember when my children asked me, used to ask me about their father, I started crying. And at some point they stopped asking me because they understood that by asking about their father, their mom is hurt and she's crying, and they didn't want that, of course. And it also created some blockages in them. And I mean, I had to overcome this. I had to go through it and be able to talk to them about their father and not make this topic a taboo in our family. So I had to do it for my kids as well. So yeah, it's, it's not easy, but We have to, we have to do it. Yes, exactly. What I'm saying is about the child to go on and to move on and, and go with those daily things again. Like you were saying about which was— you were the truth is the wedding anniversary, the, the day that you first met, the birthdays. The Christmas, the unwrapping and the emotional feelings like with yourself is like, "I wish my husband could have seen that," or on the wedding day and all these different things that are left and the power of the mind. But I do believe when I look at the loss of my own people and now I've only recently, you know, probably for the last— realistically, from about 2018. I started to work with people to bring myself out because I stopped. I stopped doing it. I didn't want to be here, Molly. I didn't want to do it. I, you know, I was worth it. But I now coded the number out to kind of support mental health And every day I face those challenges. Everyone says, "Ah, Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga, you're wonderful, you're so compassionate, innit?" I'm compassionate because I had to learn through mental health. And all my teachers, studying and studying and studying mental health law, coping with isolation, loneliness, grief, grief counselling, body language, spiritual worlds. I read the book The Broken Girl in the Red Shoes. You just believe in the power of the pen to do that, but you've got to want to do it. So I believe now I'm a Phoenix bird, actually. Vuzeanak Tree. I feel because you have to rise from the ashes, you have to be reborn, and if you fall, you burn, rise again, and you face those deadly challenges. And if you're a Phoenix bird, and every day you have to I don't want to do that. You have to get up because you have a journey. You were given here for a reason and there is a purpose in your life. Why? As hard as it is, the pain that you are feeling in the mind, the pain in the heartache, in the middle of your stomach, as if somebody's gone in and ripped the inside of it out. Your brain, when the thoughts and you hear things in your sleep deprivation, everything that controls to it. And if you don't seek help, and I wouldn't seek help, I just had to do whatever it was to destroy myself because I wasn't worthy to be. You know, the questions of why me, why me? What did I do wrong? Why was I beaten as a child? You know, why wasn't I wanted, you know, from my biological father? Because he loved my mum. Why was that happening? Why did he give me meningitis? Why did he give me epilepsy? Why did he give me, uh, tospritza? I can lose my legs at any time. I could be stood there, you know, like when you saw me. I like to go to the events because one of the things with mental Health is one of the things they tell you to do. You have a right to independence, you have a right to be free, and you have a right not to show everybody that you're covering this up. But you have a right to come out and with help and support be there. So you may paint your face, say, "Look at me," and, you know, people have helped you dress, you go on there, you change, you have a situation, you disappear from a room, people there support you when you only speak You want to speak, it's, you know, a very tiny time because, you know, you get 2-minute warning of the epilepsy. With cataplexy, if it's too large, you get too emotional, your muscles go, you collapse. You know, there's daily issues that are on there. But I know as a Phoenix bird that I had to speak. God gave me a voice, and when I wrote The Broken Girl in the Red Shoes, It helped me writing the book, Molly, because I put my feelings into that book. Because you're saying about the stages when we look at psycho— it was the anger, the anger I felt. I was angry with everybody, wanted to destroy. And you go through that to accept them. But if somebody asked me, and I said, you're so lovely, you give, and they look at you as a powerhouse figure You sat in your chair giving these words out, and when I asked somebody like yourself to come on, well, we can talk one-to-one, and we can express with the voice by opening up, and with the stigma of mental health. That is myself just come up to do that. You see, when people go, "Let it go, go, let it go." People like you never knew the pain that's inside you. It was clouded with the mask, this face stuff on there, you're still, how you doing, like myself. And then like the wonderful Nikki, myself, I'm like, wow. And we find in this group that we join, on these clubs that we join, that you're there for a reason, you're connecting for a reason, and you network with them. They become your support group, you know, when you can pick up that— wow, when I say when we opened up, uh, for your mind to move that to the next stage on to a Clubhouse. But some people, you know, I have a huge waiting list to come on the show and moving things along, but I also categorize the shows and where you put people on and timings and fitting them in. And one of the reasons I do this show is because for women's radio stations, mental health support, menopause, all the issues that affect us. We have the right, and without judgment, without bias and stones throwing at us or saying that we're greater than that. It is not really, you know, and one of the things that irritates me the most, I don't know if yourself, is when people, it's It's the new fashion. Let's not talk about mental health. Oh my God. I just look with contempt at these people and just think, do you have any idea how difficult it is for someone to open up and free their mind or say to someone, I'm hurting? When people look at— when you're children and you've blocked down they stop asking you because they know it's too painful for you. It becomes a block for what you're doing, but which you notice, you know, quickly, you're causing them pain, you're causing this repetitiveness to go through, or your partner. You should have the right to say, I don't feel very well today. What's wrong? I don't know, I don't know what it is. If you have mental health awareness and that belief in holding that invisible hand out for people, you can be paralyzed, you do whatever, and they're sitting at a desk, you see them sitting down, you might get them a picture where they think, "Do you want to sit up? Can I stand?" You know when you see people that, "Can I stand for somebody's funeral to get up for a picture? I have to sit down." People have to do that, but never judge by a picture, never judge by a face. Oh, she looks fine. Look at her face. You know, we had this conversation. Because you can't see it, you don't understand it. If you saw somebody that had fallen over and broke their neck and they're in a cast, they see it. When it's inside, you can't see it. So when you do find the courage and think, Someone comes and says, "I'll do your hair for you, let me paint your face for you, come on, it's a great thing, I'll come with you, I'll support you, I'll get down by your side," and you go into a frightening experience of a club where you hear everybody and all this greatness. But what you learn about each other and what you learn with Global Women, you have a voice, the people in there also have had traumas, It's not all— it's about empowering, empowering the mind, which is what you do. You empower the mind by your expression when you paint that wonderful painting. So my question to you, Molly, is you said you use psychology, me, I use holding on and that. Do you— how do you cope? Do you— because obviously, would you class yourself that you were somebody that's a sufferer of mental health? Do I what? Would you class yourself somebody that suffered mental health? Would I coach somebody who had mental health? Would you say to somebody, I have suffered mental health? Yes, I would say that. I would say that I have suffered and I tried to not to show it to anyone. I tried to keep it for myself, as you already mentioned, and because I want— I was thinking about other people. I didn't want my parents to be worried. I didn't want my kids to be worried. And it brings you loneliness because I always wanted to be shown as a strong woman. And as you mentioned as well, if you see somebody smiling and beautiful, it doesn't mean that it's the same inside this person. And I had very difficult times in terms of money, in terms of physical, uh, because it was very tough to earn money and to look after the kids. And also mentally, it was very hard because it's a lot of responsibility to move to another country, to look after your kids, to pay the bills, and also to go through the grief of your husband, because I really loved my first husband. I really loved him. And yes, I would say yes. And maybe it was my mistake that I made myself to go through it on my own without telling other people, without— I mean, by other people, I mean family and friends. But I did go to the specialist. Therapists, and it helped me. Uh, what I would suggest maybe is to not to be afraid to share your feelings with others, and it will also help you to be aware of your state as well. I mean, I, I don't— maybe at that point I wasn't aware that I had this mental health problems, issues. I don't know how to say that, but being aware of it is already half of the solution. And sharing with other people and knowing that you're not alone in your grief, you are not alone in your loneliness, is also good. What, uh, also what I really like about Global Woman Community is, uh, when I go there and when I hear lots of stories. Like, all the women have their own stories, and you understand that it's not only you who suffered, it's not only you who had difficulties in your life. And you shouldn't be asking this question, why only me? Why me? Because all— like, almost everyone unfortunately have their own difficulties. And for me, it was very helpful to be more compassionate, to understand other people, that we all have our own difficulties and we should be more understanding and to understand what's behind there, maybe certain words, their certain behavior. Yes, because you— and well done, Molly, for what you've done and come forward. And you know, whilst you talking about Global Women and the people are in there, and what a sisterhood, what a community that supports with compassion. They're there if you don't feel well or something's wrong, they're the first one. I mean, when Angela, she was was at the ball, the charity ball for, uh, Lucy. You were there, wasn't you, when they had the auction? And Angela's neck, she'd eaten something, was having a reaction to it, and Dr. Tandy saw that and immediately assisted her. And we all watch, we've always got that eye to watch. Do you need me, the support there? We've always got support there for whatever we are. And you know, when you go and you're going there and that support for each other is always there. Because like for me, when I saw you, I thought, my God, Molly's so beautiful, and look at her creativity. I would never ever have said this was Molly. I thought you wasn't married. Yeah, although we— then people get confused, we know things for We do, but we support you because, wow, look at Moni, she's fantastic. Oh, you see that? Do you know anybody that would like that picture? Moni could do this for you. Moni, well, you can do that. Your beauty and your naturalness is supporting for the children's service for a reason. You wouldn't see that, but until we had— and we've opened up the Clubhouse, uh, Free Your Mind, let's talk about it, and with the panelists that you've been a panelist on my show there, you've come on here so graciously to open up for mental health and express without fear that comes in it. Because, you know, if you go Lady Garbo, people will see me. Thank you. May I ask for you, you know, because a lot of you, you know, you would think you know obviously the issues I face and everyone's aware of that, and everyone would come to the rescue, you know, the people that come with me. But when you meet me and people say, "Oh, there's Lady Gaga," how would you explain if I hadn't told you and everybody knew this is why I have people with me, etc.? They just see this picture that goes up, you know, "Wow, that's Lady Gaga." How would— What was your first impression of myself? Would you have said I was somebody that had mental health issues or faced them? No, and no, to be honest, no. And I am very thankful to that Clubhouse conversation because I learned a lot about you, about Juliette, about Nikki as well. Because we always see each other on the events, uh, like very cheerful, smiling, bright, taking pictures, talking to other people. And I would never thought that you had— that you had to overcome through your difficulties. And yes, I was always thinking, oh, Lady Gaga, she's, she's good at speaking, uh, she, uh, she's very passionate about humanitarian work, but that's it. But I wouldn't see this depth inside you. And after that conversation, it— I, I'm like more open to you, and I'm more compassionate. And it changes it. Yes, I think it gives this depth into the relationships. And the same with Nikki. I was like, oh, she's a young pretty girl But then when I heard her story, I changed my mind as well. I mean, I had very good thoughts, but these stories, they give you the depth to the people and some compassion. Yes, from the outside, it's very difficult to say that someone is going through mental health issues. Mental health and medical conditions, isn't it? Yes. A few in there, you know, that we're dealing with, you know, like with Angela, you know, you know, with the difficulties she faces, you know, because you hide that behind a mask. And you were saying when we go to Global Women and when they're saying one of the things that mental health says, join a club, join somebody that's in that you do, is that everyone's smiling happy because you build this community of on, let's uplift each other. And you look forward to that event and you try against every challenges that you face and you want to get there and you see everyone because they're magnetic. And that's why I said one of the reasons, you know, that I say with this Clubhouse, come on, free your mind. We have to speak. It's something I've learned. You have to open up. It doesn't mean you're cured. And you think, "Oh God, if I open up that, you know, will people frown on me?" No, they won't. Because you believe in mental health awareness. In what you said, to make people more aware. So we spread that in COVID, about being more mental health aware. Your voice that I have heard through it is immediately you sought help to deal with that, to get through, where I was somebody that hasn't and have to find them triggers and when you trigger one with them. But, you know, for you, in the power of who Molly is, that what you've done and where you are— did you move to another country, which is UK? How long did you wait till after your partner first? Ah, yes. So, uh, I moved a couple of months ago because I couldn't— I just couldn't stay in the city we lived together. I couldn't walk in the same— on the same street. I couldn't live in the same flat. And even Now when I fly, uh, to this city, I mean, now I'm better, but even after 4 years, I was trying to avoid— and we used to live in the capital of Kazakhstan— I was trying to avoid this city because every time the plane was landing or taking off, I was crying and I couldn't stop myself. So, um, it was kind of running away from this city, but the same time it was running to brighter future. Because I kind of knew that in Kazakhstan I had very comfortable life. In London I had to build it over again, and it made me to switch on, to switch on all my senses and to be focused on building a new life for me and for my kids here. And it helped me not to sit at home being depressed, but to fight. Because as you mentioned that you were— you had aggression at some point, because it's a second stage of grief after denial. So after you deny and then you start understanding that it is what it is and it happened, you become very aggressive. So I, I used this aggression, this energy, this fire energy to build a new life in, in London, and it helped me to, to, to feel better. Oh, but of course I felt lonely here and I didn't want to tell my parents that I was struggling because I didn't want them to be worried. I didn't want them to push me to come back to Kazakhstan. But I'm very glad that I did take that decision. Maybe it was a bit, um, I don't even know how to explain it. I think it was very not thought through, like decision very expressive, but it worked out and it worked out for the, yeah, for the better, for the, for me, for, for the kids. And about the Free Your Mind, the clubhouse, what you're doing is very great because also by talking By talking about our difficulties and our traumas, we understand that it's okay to talk about it. It's okay to have them. It doesn't mean that you are bad, or it doesn't mean that you are weak. It doesn't mean anything. It's just, it is what it is, and it's okay to share because other people are going through maybe the same, maybe a little bit different, and they also accept you that you You can be part of the community with your difficulties and you are accepted. I think it helped me as well that in London almost everyone is a foreigner and it was okay to be a foreigner, to be a migrant. It kind of helped me to blend in. If I could say that, in the community. Yes, you know, and your analogy of that, um, was very expressive. Thank you, Molly, for, you know, reaching out and explaining on that, because you also explained a little bit further in the stages of grief and the stages in what we put our mind into if we've lost We've lost our child, grief, we've lost our marriage. You know, it takes 11 weeks is what the average thing we look at for acceptance on divorce, that your marriage is over. 11 weeks just to come to terms with that is the general overview that I seem to think where grief There's some people, but it comes from your character and who you are. And so we spent now 50 minutes talking about that part and the anger. Can you just tell the listener, um, what the 5 stages of grief are that you wrote about in your book? Yes, so 5 stages are— first one is denial. It's when we don't believe that it's happening to us, when we think that it's in the movie and everything will change back to normal. And after that stage comes aggression, when we ask this question, why? We start blaming everyone else. That if it didn't happen, if someone— like, we start blaming other people that they are the reason it happened. We start blaming the God. And the third stage is— one second, I'm just going through my book. So Then comes acceptance. One second, I'm relaunching the book. It will be available soon. Oh, Molly, while you're looking for your terminology of how you express it, what's the book called? Moving On. Moving On. Wow, great title. So let me just look at it while Molly's looking for the word of acceptance. For myself, for me, I accepted what was happening, the reality. For that acceptance. And that acceptance is where I realized after punishing myself, blaming everyone, trying to hurt everybody else, because it's all their fault. Why is it okay that you can have a mother but mine's taken away, or you might have, and you hate them? So you punish those people. You become like a creature from another planet. Destroying. When you finally do the acceptance is when you finally learn to accept and speak about it and deal with that support and allow that support mechanism in there. So you have to stand and look and say you're going to be in it. That's the acceptance part on there. And the next one, Molly? So, yes, so we have denial and then bargaining. So when we bargain, it's like, oh, for example, with my, um, late husband, I had this, oh, if only he was here. I was thinking, even if he was very sick, even if he didn't have his legs, his arms, if only he was alive here. So it's like we bargain with the God asking to, like, to give something, at least something after the denial, and then aggression. And then here comes the depression, when our emotions come down, when we understand that it happened. And here comes the stage of depression. So for some people, it can be in years, for some people months. So we still can meet people who are, uh, stuck in the stage of aggression. So they are still, uh, very aggressive about other people. Maybe they are aggressive that if they lost their job, maybe they are aggressive to their boss or to their colleagues, or they are aggressive to all the people who are happy in the world. Or if they are stuck in their stage of depression, they are just always sad and always blaming others and feeling guilty and making other people to feel guilty. And after the stage of depression, the final stage is acceptance, is the state when you accept and you are ready to move on. And I, uh, I, I wrote this book. It's like a guide how to move on because, uh, because we have lots of situations in life. It's not like, uh, like in movies we have only one villain, we have an only one difficulty, we have to go through it and then happy ending. Like, life is very cyclical and we have lots of cycles, ups and downs. And in this book I described how— with also I gave exercises— how can people build this muscle of moving on and to be aware of their state, stages, and to have practical exercises to go through them. Amazing. And exactly, it's almost like you saw inside my head and my soul and still putting that together, you know, because I, you know, when you have those down days with me, my down days, I sleep. I just have to go to bed and sleep, and I can sleep and go, but it's as if my whole body shuts stand and say, you've done that now, you have to rest and sleep. Sleep for a week, you know. I'm sure I'm Sleeping Beauty. I'm quiet. That's where the narcolepsy comes in. It knocks me out. Go to sleep. Be quiet. Molly, you have created a wonderful empire. We are just about to come near the close of the show. And if people want to buy your book, they can buy it on Amazon. Yes, they can buy on Amazon, or maybe they can find me on Instagram, M-O-double-L-Y Abduali, A-B-D-U-A-L-I, and I will share all the information as soon as possible, as soon as the book is relaunched. Okay, I'm sorry, you need to reshare and put this program when it comes out for mental health awareness. In one minute, can I ask you, you're in one minute, you have one minute like they do at Global Women, one minute to speak. Can you just leave some lasting advice for somebody, what they would do who's suffering with mental health, whatever, if you're a child, a parent or anything, what would your advice be of grief, losing a job, marriage, what is the advice you would give You have 1 minute. Thank you. Thank you so much for having this opportunity to share my thoughts. In 1 minute, I would say to have hope, to understand that life is cyclical, to remind yourself that there were difficulties in your life already and you had strength to overcome them. And you have enough strength to overcome the difficulty you have right now, because there is a saying that God doesn't give us challenges that we don't have abilities or capabilities to overcome. So we have enough strength to overcome what we have to do it, and we will come out of this situation stronger, wiser, kinder, and better. Just have this hope. Absolutely amazing. Thank you very much, Molly, for that. And, you know, for myself, is reach out, connect with yourself to know you have a problem, but it's not the end of the world, it's not the end of your life. Look at social media for help if you can't get out. Feel stuck. But be careful when you're using social media, use it the right way. Seek a club, seek professional help, code yourself an umbrella. But most of all in Mental Health Week is you are not alone. Always stand up and look at that reflection, even on those sad days, those trigger days. You're a phoenix bird, you can rebirth yourself at any time. If you— there is no failure. There's no such word as failure. What we learn is through pain, and hard pain, is that we were blessed to know that love, true love, is real. And I'd go through it, as many of you all would, and Molly, all over again. Thank you for coming on to Free Your Mind. Let's talk about it with LKJ. And goodbye.