Get Booked – Hazel’s Reviews & Readings

Hello, I'm Hazel Butterfield and this is Get Booked, the women's and men's radio station. Here on Get Booked, we love talking to authors about their new releases, going into detail about the topics covered, their inspiration, the mental health and well-being elements, and giving you the extra special insight into a different book and the author each week, opening discussions and offering by the incredible writing community out there. Come and join us, get involved. And if you want to catch up on previous shows, you can at womensradiostation.com/shows/getbooked, or you can search us out on SoundCloud. Now this week we have a slightly different show in store for you. Rather than just speaking to one author about one book, various authors have very kindly given me copies of their book and we're going to talk about a variety of them. And then I'm going to do a little bit of a reading to give you an insight into the book, to kind of whet your appetite. So I'm really excited. It's a slightly different show, but we've got to mix it up every now and again. So I hope you enjoy it. First up for today's show, we're going to be looking at Alcohol Reconsidered: Education for Moderation. This book has been written by two ex-teachers, that's Leslie Miller and Catherine Kell Clarke, and what they're doing is they're sharing their drinking stories. And we know that lots of people have really struggled with alcohol during the pandemic, and in this book they attempt to remove the shame and stigma of liking a drink, or perhaps liking a drink a little bit too much. They explain in the book why, if people have found themselves drinking too much, uh, that they shouldn't blame themselves. Alcohol is, as I'm sure you are aware, an addictive drug, and many people use it to self-medicate for depression, anxiety, etc. It isn't about abstinence, it's about learning more about alcohol and supporting people to reevaluate their drinking and explore the options And this book is available for £9.99 for paperback or £8.99 for ebook and free on Kindle Unlimited. So what I'm going to do now is I'm going to read the beginning of the book, and I hope that you enjoy it. Alcohol Reconsidered. This is the preface. Oscar Wilde said, "Work is the curse of the drinking classes." Like so many people, I often fantasized about leaving my job to write a book. This, however, was never more than a fleeting thought, because as a primary school teacher and single mum, my work took up so much of my energy and commitment that there was never any time left at the end of the day to even begin contemplating putting pen to paper or fingers to laptop. Then 2020 happened. In January, I was signed off from work with work-related stress. The new teaching position that I'd started the previous year was not what it seemed. Without exaggeration, it was an absolute living hell, and the thought of it to this day still makes me shudder. I was under so much stress I couldn't eat or sleep, and I constantly carried around a sense of apocalyptic impending doom. I could have gone on long-term sick leave with full pay, but I knew that the situation wasn't going to improve. I didn't want to be a drain on the school's financial resources. I really didn't feel that there was any resolution to the problem but to resign. So with a heavy heart and an exceptionally anxious mind, I did just that. Obviously, it was a very worrying and bleak time. Several weeks later, things got a whole lot worse. The COVID-19 pandemic had arrived, and the school was turned upside down. At this point, I had no work, and the schools were closed indefinitely, so even supply teaching wasn't a possibility. My only option left was to apply for Universal Credit, a benefit we have here in the UK to support people while they're out of work. This wasn't what I'd call a proud moment after 20 years of teaching. It was very humiliating, in fact. I suppose the only comfort I had at the time was knowing that the whole world was in chaos too. To claim Universal Credit, you need to be actively looking for a job, and I was assigned a work coach, Christina, to support me in my attempt to find employment. I won't lie, I was expecting Christina to be a bit judgmental of my situation, but thankfully I was wrong. In fact, if it hadn't been for her unwavering support from the beginning, Alcohol Reconsidered probably would never have happened at all. When Christina asked me what I might do for work during one of our interviews, I told her the truth, and that was that I simply didn't know. Clutching at straws, I flippantly mentioned that I might set up my own business to support people who had problems with alcohol. This would, of course, all be based on my own experience of drinking. Christina really liked the idea. She told me that I could apply to join a business scheme through the Department for Work and Pensions, and that if the idea was approved, I would be assigned a business mentor to support me in becoming self-employed. After explaining the idea to Tola, my potential mentor, in what felt like a high-intensity business pitch, Alcohol Reconsidered was approved. This gave me some hope, and the excitement and relief of being granted such an opportunity during a time when things were so difficult was very motivating. I think that I knew from those initial conversations that I might have been on a very unexpected and different career path, which was a little unsettling because all I'd ever wanted to do was be a teacher. The concept behind Alcohol Reconsidered had been whimsically floating around in my mind for several years. It came about because historically I had what you might call a drinking problem. By that I mean I was drinking at least a bottle of wine every evening, often more. At the weekend, I didn't even keep count. Some might call me an alcoholic, I also noticed that the amount I was drinking was steadily increasing as the years went by. I had, like most people, attempted to moderate my drinking in several ways over the years, mostly in secret. I'm sure you can appreciate that as both a teacher and a parent, I wasn't exactly wild about sharing this problem with my friends, colleagues, or my doctor. There is still so much shame and stigma attached to drinking too much. I didn't know at that point just how common this issue was, and I had it pinned down as being some dreadful, inescapable character flaw of mine. Sometimes I would switch to lager to reduce the number of drinks I was consuming, but I always ended up back on the wine. Some weeks I would only allow myself to drink at weekends, but this never lasted long. A bad day at work would have me pouring a drink the minute I got home. There were untold attempts at abstaining, but with the exception of being pregnant with my son, I just couldn't make it stick for any length of time. It wasn't uncommon for me to go for short stretches without drinking, but I'd still be thinking about drinking. Or rather not drinking constantly. It was just so draining. Despite all of this, all it would take at the end of a hard day was a colleague to say, "Drink?" and I'd be there throwing any resolve I might have had out of the window. My eventual—and it was eventual—route out of my drinking predicament was a better education and more realistic expectations of myself. The more research I did into alcohol, the easier it became to regain some control. Then the more I knew, the less fear I had clouding my judgment. That's when it got easier to change my drinking problem. I also learned there were scientific reasons behind why I liked, and still do like, a drink. I also began to understand that I didn't have to stop drinking completely in order to improve both my physical and mental health. This seemed like quite a revelation to me. I'd assumed that only my only option was to abstain forever, as this is the model we are presented with if we find ourselves drinking too much for too long. I knew I couldn't stop drinking forever though, and besides, I wasn't at all sure I wanted to. Although I was fed up with drinking every day, I was and still unconvinced that I really enjoy the social aspects of drinking. At the time of writing, the pubs are still closed in the UK, and when I finally get into one, I can guarantee that I will not be ordering a diet cola. I do wonder if the thought of being teetotal forever prevents many of us from attempting to make any changes. In my own experience, I knew I couldn't go from a bottle and a half of wine a night to complete abstinence. I wonder if we really have a good grasp of what moderation can mean on an individual level. We explore these ideas in the book. When I share my ambitions to write a book to accompany some of the training courses with Christina and Tola, I was really surprised at their enthusiasm. To have received such positive and unexpected feedback was really encouraging, and I was greatly appreciative of having something to distract me from the the worry of the pandemic and how it's impacting our lives. To be honest, even I thought I was being wildly ambitious with what I was planning, but then I had another few more unexpected strokes of good luck. The first was reconnecting through social media with Kate, who I'd taught with in London. She decided that until the pandemic was under control, she would not be returning to the classroom either. I shared my Alcohol Reconsidered vision, and she kindly offered to help me finalize my business plan. At that point in time, I didn't know anything about Kate's drinking habits or that she was going to be eventually be the co-author of this book. The second stroke of luck was making a connection on LinkedIn with Sylvaine Dacoura, an addiction practitioner who works for the National Health Service here in the UK. He has extensive experience with helping people with alcohol issues. Sylvain took an interest in my vision for the business and offered to share his expertise. He is now a member of our advisory board and has written a few chapters for us. The intention behind this book is to support you in evaluating and changing your relationship with alcohol in a way that isn't going to make you feel miserable or deprived. We're not going to pretend it's always going to be easy. At times it might be, but at others it probably won't. I would like us to guide you to make positive and, more importantly, lasting changes to your own drinking habits. All our stories will share similarities and differences, but our reasons for drinking are complicated, as I believe our book illustrates. I very much hope that by sharing our research and thoughts, we can together challenge some of the collective assumptions we have about alcohol. We hope to assure you that depending on your circumstances, you won't need an all-or-nothing approach. Change is possible, and you don't necessarily need a sledgehammer to crack a nut. That is Alcohol Reconsidered, and I strongly recommend, if you've enjoyed that little preview, going onto Amazon, searching it out, and going and getting it. You can go and have a look on my social media feeds with all the different details on there. And the related authors to help you find out a little bit more. The next book we're going to look at today here on Get Booked is Sleeping by Evan Baldock. I was given this book in its beta stage and was completely enraptured. One of my favorite joys of books is understanding another person's world, mind, and motivations. The more we understand and learn about each other, the more we can negotiate a better world, love, and the power to protect what we believe in is all-encompassing. Have you ever wondered what goes through somebody's mind to commit terrorist atrocities, especially in a westernized society? Then, uh, please listen in. This is Sleeping by Evan Bolduc. It is currently due to be released on the 24th of August, and you can get it free on Kindle Unlimited or $10.99 on paperback. I'm going to read you Chapter 1. Kabul, Afghanistan, Wednesday the 26th of June, 2024, at 8:55 AM. Louise Kenton walked swiftly from the Kabul Star Hotel and turned right into Seoul Road, adjusting her hijab as she went. The Kabul Star was inside the Green Zone of the city, a heavily fortified section of Kabul where journalists, diplomats, politicians, and aid workers were offered some semblance of safety. She was running late for work with New Beginnings, a multinational aid organization operating in central Kabul. Their task was to encourage people to sign up for training as agricultural workers. Mechanics, construction workers, and teachers. It was one of several aid organizations involved in the continuing efforts to rebuild Afghanistan's shattered society, 23 years after the brutal 5-year reign of the Taliban was brought to an end. The Taliban had been driven from the city in October 2001 by the United Islamic front ground forces, backed by US Special Forces and air support. But a quarter of a century later, they are still operational and capable of carrying out effective raids, effective raids on the city. This fact hadn't deterred Louise when she was offered the chance of employment as an aid worker. She was aware of raids the Taliban had carried out away from the Green Zone, but personally, She had enjoyed a trouble-free year. Louisa's interest in the religion of Islam had its roots long before arriving in Afghanistan, but during her time in Kabul, she'd also become fascinated by its history and the devotion of its followers. She had loved her year in Kabul, making several friends among her work colleagues and even a few of the locals. The sky was cloudless, The temperature a very warm 25 Celsius, and it was set to be another scorcher. Louise was feeling rather pleased with life as she reached the large roundabout at the outer limit of the Green Zone. She showed her pass and avoided eye contact with the Afghan army guards manning the concrete and steel barriers erected to prevent attacks by suicide bombers in vehicles. This was not out of rudeness, but in order to comply with local religious sensibilities. Glancing up at the clear blue sky, she set off towards the temporary recruitment offices where she worked in a small scruffy building on one side of Haji Yaqoob Square, only a few hundred meters away. 4 minutes after leaving the Green Zone, as she hurried past the Majid shopping mall, there was a bright flash of light accompanied by a deafening explosion. —an explosion so loud it caused crippling pain in her ears. The subsequent blast and shockwave followed a millisecond later, throwing her to the ground. She was showered with debris as chunks of wood, brick, and glass rained down on her body. Choking clouds of dust filled the air, and for a short while there was silence—a deafening, smothering silence that lasted for several seconds. Before being slowly replaced by muffled shouts, screams, and a loud ringing in her ears. Louise knew at once that a bomb had been detonated somewhere between where she now lay on the ground and the offices where she worked. Raising herself to her hands and knees, she became aware of chaos erupting all around her. 3 Afghan Army soldiers were running towards her from the Green Zone, guns raised, shouting instructions she couldn't comprehend. Then somewhere among the noise and confusion, she heard a shouted command in English: "Get down! Stay down!" Louise dropped instinctively to the ground. She lay terrified on the dusty road, her breathing ragged, panic rising inside her. The temptation to ignore the order to get down and stay down, but instead to stand up and run for her life, was almost overpowering. Hearing a growing chorus of screams and shouting to her left, she looked away from the oncoming Afghan soldiers and turned her head back in the direction of the explosion. As the dust slowly cleared, she could see the seat of the blast was a 10-meter-wide crater about 50 meters away in a small market on the edge of the park. Mutilated bodies and the tangled remains of market stalls littered the ground. Market stalls that seconds earlier had been proudly displaying their fruit and vegetables. Louise was struggling to make sense of the terrible scene playing out before her. She couldn't understand why nobody was stopping to help the victims. Instead of helping, people were leaping and jumping over the injured lying on the ground begging for help. Everyone seemed to be running, some towards Hajjib Yaqoob Square and others into the park. That's when she saw them. Four men wearing scruffy and ill-fitting Afghan army uniforms came jogging out of the side street opposite the park, each one carrying a rifle. Louise watched horrified as they fired into the crowd attempting to flee their pursuit. She stared in disbelief as men, women, and children were brought down by bullets fired into their back while the men carrying out the shooting shouted, "Allahu Akbar!" God is greatest. Dressing in Afghan army uniforms had been a popular method used by terrorists for mounting attacks in Kabul over the years, and Louise was only too aware from her knowledge of past attacks how ruthlessly indiscriminate they could be. At that moment, two of the terrorists turned down the street toward her while the other two crossed the road in the direction of the market and park. Continuing their pursuit of the terrified crowd. She heard bullets fizzing like fireworks overhead in both directions, a sound that bizarrely reminded her of her childhood. She now had 2 terrorists 30 meters to her left and 3 men whom she recognized as real Afghan Army soldiers the same distance to her right. Then Louise froze as one of the terrorists trained his rifle on her and fired. Immediately she felt a searing pain across her right shoulder blade and screamed in agony. Burying her head beneath folded arms, Louise braced herself for the impact which would in all probability kill her. The dizzying cacophony of sound grew louder and louder. Guns being fired, the fizz of bullets carving their way through the air, the pings and dull thud as they connected with metal, glass, concrete, mud, tarmac, and sometimes human flesh. The screaming and wailing as the horror unfolded, together with the shouting of combatants on both sides. The sounds merged and rose to a deafening crescendo. But for some people, the second bullet didn't materialize. The pain in her shoulder blade was excruciating, but she steeled herself against it and braved another glance towards the terrorists. The man who'd fired at her had been hit, presumably by one of the soldiers from the Green Zone. He was lying on his back, rifle in his right hand. His face was turned toward Louise, eyes wide open but undoubtedly dead. The other terrorist heading her way was crouching behind a low wall, firing at the Afghan Army soldiers. Louise turned her head to look in their direction and noticed that one of them was also lying on the ground face down. She had no idea if he was dead or alive. The other two were finding cover, one behind a vehicle, the other behind the corner of a building, training their fire on the man behind the low wall, keeping him pinned down. Out of nowhere, four men in US Army fatigues appeared and unleashed a brief hail of machine gun fire. The terrorist crouching behind the wall was hit twice in the head and disappeared from view, presumably dead. Louise knew there were still US Special Forces active in Kabul, despite assurances from their president that they would be all home by 2020. Many had remained, chiefly for the purpose of training the Afghan Army. She had seen small patrols of them fleetingly on two separate occasions many months before. But had never actually witnessed their fearsome capabilities. The two remaining terrorists had crossed the Saule Road and were standing on the edge of the market. They had been firing into the civilians fleeing into the park but were now training their fire at the US Marines. One of the US soldiers ran out into the road and lay flat on the ground next to Louise, shielding her from from the terrorist fire. As he propped himself up on his elbows, she saw the word Marines on his shoulder and above the pocket of his chest, as well as a name badge on his chest. Sanders. He shouted something she didn't understand in a language she assumed was Dari, the most common language in Kabul. I'm English, she shouted back. 'For flip's sake, English! What the flip are you doing here?' Louise opened her mouth to reply, but he cut her off with a wave of his hand. 'Stay low and follow me to the corner of that building.' He indicated a small, new-looking red-brick office block on the same side of the road as the park. 'My buddies will provide us with covering fire.' He spoke into his radio. 'Tango Charlie units, Tango Charlie units from Tango Charlie 47, covering fire on my command. Let those flipping ragheads have it, copy?' Louise didn't hear the replies as the Marine was wearing an earpiece and no sound came from his radio. Her shock at his use of the phrase 'ragheads' was tempered by gratitude that he was saving her life. He fixed her with a piercing gaze and shouted, "Remember, stay low," then spoke into his radio, "In 3, 2, 1, cover!" A hail of machine gun fire was provided by his colleagues, making the 2 remaining terrorists take cover as best they could. Dragging Louise to her feet and supporting her under an armpit, he helped her swiftly to the building line and safety. The intense pain from her shoulder blade when she was lifted had been countered by a massive dose of adrenaline. She was experiencing a mixture of fear and excitement, and she had never been so frightened yet so exhilarated in her life. Once they reached the building and taken cover behind its corner, Louise breathed heavily several times to control the excruciating pain in her shoulder blade before managing to say breathlessly, "Thank you so much, you've saved my life." He looked at her for the briefest of moments, then checked on his colleagues. His next words were preceded by a sigh of weariness and exasperation. "This country is a flipping shit tip, lady. It's full of sand monkeys who hate white people, especially from decent countries like ours. Take my advice, never trust any of them, and get yourself back to England, back to somewhere safe, back to civilized people." With that, he turned, shouted a command to his colleagues, and they moved off as a group, staying close to the building line for cover. Exchanging intermittent fire with terrorists as they went. Suddenly, the two remaining terrorists ran from the market area, breaking cover and heading straight towards the US Marines, screaming "Allahu Akbar" again and again while firing wildly at them. The immediate response was another burst of machine gun fire, and they both dropped to the ground dead. Louise had heard of this happening on terrorist raids before, They were deliberately martyring themselves in the belief that they would be welcomed in paradise where they would be rewarded. The area was soon swarming with Afghan army personnel, but the Marines had disappeared as quickly and mysteriously as they'd come. Louise would never see them again. Reaching round to feel her shoulder blade, she experienced a nauseating wave of pain and felt dampness When she looked at her hand, it was covered in blood. People clearly now felt confident enough to move towards the victims and were slowly appearing from hiding places inside buildings and alleyways. It seemed that some degree of normality was gradually returning to Seoul Road. Gingerly, she stepped into the street and started walking painfully through the debris back towards the green zone. Her ears were still ringing and shock was beginning to kick in. She was uneasy and shivering uncontrollably. Suddenly, a familiar voice made itself heard above the others, coming from the direction of the square. 'Lulu! Lulu!' Louise's boyfriend, Hassim, a fellow aid worker with New Beginnings, pushed swiftly through the crowds on reaching her. Gently took her in his arms. Although contact between an unmarried man and woman in public was strictly forbidden and would normally be frowned upon, these were unusual circumstances, and as Louise was clearly badly injured, Hassim was prepared to deal with the emergency, certain that he wouldn't be offending anyone. That was the first chapter of Sleeping by Evan Baldock. Pop on to hazelbutterfield.com to look on the latest book review blog to click on the link and get your copy. Next up on this rather special edition of Get Booked for Women's and Men's Radio Station, our next taster is from the author Hira Ali. Following on from her incredible book Her Way to the Top, she has now just released Her Allies, and I'm very excited to do a little bit of a reading for for you. It's a fantastic book. Please do go and check it out. Now, we're going to start with the background, how it all started. After the release of my first book, "Her Way to the Top," I was invited to various organizations to deliver book talks and workshops to discuss the internal and external challenges holding women back from smashing the glass ceilings. On several occasions, I was asked what others could do to support women's career advancement. During these sessions, I would often meet well-intentioned men who were keen to support women in their circle, but weren't sure where to start. To facilitate these allies, I wrote a Forbes article for International Women's Day in 2019. My article was well received. Isabelle Magyar, Global Advisor for HeForShe Initiative at United Nations Women, even shared it with the program team and champions. Following the success of that article, friends and colleagues encouraged me to further explore this topic and share my perspective. At my book launch anniversary in March 2020, right before the world entered the pandemic, we conducted a live poll on the factors most impacting a woman's climb to the top, followed by an interactive panel discussion on the topic of Her Allies, where we discussed the role of government legislation and politics, media, organizations, and male allies in smashing the glass ceiling. 30% of the female poll participants agreed that male allies had a direct impact on their career. The panel discussion was attended by leading diversity and inclusion champions from the public and private sector and facilitated by my dear friend and business partner, Cheren Inka Taraya MBA, who is founder of the Power of Staff Networks. Other panelists included Barry Boffey from the British Transport Police, Colleen Andrews from the Cabinet Office, Neville Gaunt from MindFit, Emma Coe from the Women's Equality Party, and Anne-Marie Headley from Workforce study. After half an hour, we all agreed that we needed a full-day event on this topic, which the British Transport Police graciously agreed to host. One of the panel discussions, "Role of organisations in supporting a woman's climb to the top," led by a wonderfully supportive ally and D&I Head of British Transport Police, Barry Boffey, started the conversation with this question: When we talk about an organisation, what exactly do we mean? What are we referring to? Barry and the group concluded, 'An organisation in and of itself is not a sentient being with thoughts, values, or priorities of its own.' So it's important to remember that point and not to assign any blame for a toxic or exclusionary culture to what is essentially an abstract concept. Psychologically speaking, when we depersonalize an organization in this way, it makes it impossible for us to challenge the status quo. It moves to the "too difficult" pile. We can't change an organization. It becomes a David versus Goliath battle. But what we can do is influence and change the people that sit at the heart of this organization. It pays to remember that an organization is only as good as the people at its heart. In trying to define this, one of the delegates suggested that an organisation is ultimately a collection of individuals with a shared goal or purpose, which brought the focus of the discussions back around to the term individuals and who ultimately holds the power in an organisational change. Focus or activity? The people at its heart. All organizations are composed of individuals with their own beliefs, values, and priorities, which in turn influence organizational beliefs, values, and priorities. To effect real change, you must appeal to the individuals within an organization who can drive that change. This discussion was a defining moment that triggered the concept of this book. Her Allies is about those steps which we can all take as individuals to make a difference for society as a whole. Meanwhile, in the exact same year, a horrific motorway rape incident in my home country of Pakistan sparked a nationwide fury and a gamut of emotions ranging from disgust and frustration to anger and despondency. This bone-chilling incident begged the question, "How can we eradicate such horrific vices from society?" Rape is a heinous crime that leaves lasting psychological scars in its victims. Yet rape conviction rates are appallingly low, not just in Asia, but in countries including the US and UK. An extreme example of gender violence, rape is a byproduct of a flawed patriarchal society that embeds deeply intertwined issues including sexism, toxic masculinity, flawed gender norms, systemic bias, ignorance, unequal power play, exploitation of the weak and vulnerable, peer pressure, and entitlement. In some places, it also involves corruption, bribery, and religious misconception. Although rape may not be common in the workplace, sexual harassment is still rampant and one of the major external challenges negatively impacting women at work. According to a report by TUC, 1 in 2 women and 2 in 3 LGBTQI workers experience sexual harassment in the workplace. And then there are other less evil but equally debilitating vices such as microaggressions, systemic inequality, and harmful stereotyping or labeling that routinely deter women in the public and private The motorway rape incident prompted me to formally launch Her Allies campaign under the banner of my organization, International Women Empowerment Events. The campaign aimed to create awareness and positive dialogue while exploring the role of organizations, religious bodies, government, media, and her allies, men and women, in overcoming barriers women regularly face in their personal and professional lives. The basis of the campaign was a 3-page manifesto which outlined numerous actions you can take as her allies. Many of these responsibilities were based on the job description my team and I had created for male ambassadors appointed for our 2019 Women Empowerment Conference in the Maldives. The manifesto aimed to answer this question: How do we help fight a culture that breeds these harmful gendered practices? Most men who join the campaign acknowledge that for too long women have suffered within a gendered social and cultural environment that engages in blame games and fails to take responsibility. It is time to change the narrative. But few actually knew how to translate this awareness into actionable results. I was thrilled when hundreds of people pledged to join our Hair Allies campaign. In late 2020, the bold and inspiring Aisha Afridi invited me to attend Pakistani Youth Lean In Circle, where the discussions focused on gender-neutral practices. Dozens of students from various educational institutions attended the Zoom meeting with a common goal to identify how they could personally advanced gender equality. That discussion gave me immense hope and reaffirmed the need for a toolkit or guide delineating simple everyday actions we can all take to play our part. Finally, repeated lockdowns due to the pandemic allowed me to channel the distress of uncertainty into something productive, and lo and behold, Her Allies took shape. To get the most out of this book. I'm a huge fan of research and surveys. However, I wrote this book as a toolkit with less fluff and more action. I wanted to address both basic and advanced issues, giving my experience working across countries, cultures, and genders. Over time, I've realized that nothing is too basic. In fact, I've been repeatedly surprised that a majority of people don't employ some of these very obvious actions detailed within. I've also realized that irrespective of our education, age, background, and gender, we all have developed inherent biases over time. Let's face it, given how many of us were raised and conditioned, sometimes women have biases against other women too. Kristen Pressner's famous TED Talk, "Are You Biased?" was an eye-opener for me. In her talk, Kristen discloses how she was biased against women leaders, even though at first she found it hard to believe. Considering she is a leader herself. She works in human resources and encourages women to step up in their roles. She realized her own bias given how she responded to requests differently solely based on gender. She shares how she was approached by two team members asking to have a look at their compensation. A few days later, she was ironically researching unconscious bias. She discovered she had very different reactions to the same request given how she associated the word provider with men. Similarly, Boston-based writer Katherine Nichols also experienced this firsthand. After finishing her novel, she sent a pitch to 50 literary agents, overwhelmingly female. She had just 2 positive replies. She then sent out exactly the same material to 50 more agents, but this time she used a male name and received 17 positive replies. Furthermore, she received constructive criticism on how to improve the novel, help she was never offered when she was writing under a woman's name. And this experience is not merely anecdotal. There are, there's research studies that also support the argument that women can be biased against women. Verna Myers, an inclusion strategist and cultural change catalyst, also shared her experience of boarding a plane and being thrilled that a female pilot was flying it because because women entering the stratosphere prompted her excitement. However, when the plane started experiencing turbulence, she started questioning the female pilot's skill and wondering if the pilot was capable of flying the plane, a question she never had with a male pilot. Verna realized that anxiety made her lean on a bias she never thought she had. I'm thankful to these fault leaders for being so open and vulnerable. Hearing their stories made me realize that I have my own biases. From time to time, I have to check my own inherent biases and gender-blind spots. I still have not mastered the art of allyship. Although I am a woman, and a woman of color at that, I'm constantly learning and evolving. I love the advice of Karen Catlin, author of "Better Allies," who proposed that allyship is a journey during which you learn and improve as you go along. After deciding to write this book, I researched existing material on allyship. It took me some time to figure out how I could present the information in an easy-to-understand way that is relevant to my audience from different countries and cultures. I could best achieve this by building on Karen's journey metaphor. I'm going to start with what you can do on your own and then move on to how you can challenge others and ultimately organisations and systems. Some of you may be new to this journey, while others may be halfway along already in the final stages of adopting these approaches. Please pardon me if I sound unintentionally patronising. The goal is to offer you effective strategies from a female perspective, but as a self-help toolkit. It includes a number of dos and don'ts which may sound imposing. I sincerely hope you take it in the spirit with which it's intended, to help you become a better advocate. The last thing I want to do is to overwhelm and deter allies like you who have good intentions, who are among the good guys, as David Smith and Brad Johnson call them in their book by the same name. You are a man with your heart in the right place. Though I do take pride in my feminism, I'm aware that this female equality movement has earned itself a bad name over time, and you may not support its stance. As powerful as this buzzword sounds, many people are oblivious to its actual connotations and have stigmatized it, even though the literal definition of feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. The goal is to create a society in which an individual's gender does not restrict her from an equitable shot at success and happiness. Nothing more, nothing less. Feminists do not harbor any secret desires to propagate female supremacy, nor do they demand any special privileges for the latter. Feminists are not anti-men, nor are they anti-marriage, I have no reservations attributing many of my own successes to the supportive men in my life, be it my father, husband, or brother. The whole point of feminism is only to man— only to demand equal rights for women in every sphere and walk of life. It is as simple as that. However, to engage the good guys in our conversation, I will avoid this topic for now, but not without highlighting how important it is for feminism and to be trans-inclusionary. It's not uncommon for trans women and non-binary people to be victims of misogyny too. In the words of journalist Robin Denbroff, those who enact misogyny often don't know or care what chromosomes someone has. They react to gender variance and non-conformity. That does beg the question, is this book mainly for men? I recognize that gender is more about anatomy. It encompasses how individuals personally identify themselves. Many of the strategies offered in this book are addressed to allies that primarily identify as male, but to be honest, as many early reviewers have highlighted, this book is for everyone irrespective of gender, age, background, race, or faith. It is written for those who aspire to more gender savvy, especially considering how women can have biases too. Moreover, at the stage we're in, we can never have enough allies. So if someone from outer space is willing to join the cause, I say, bring it on. Driving societal change is never easy. Cultural shifts do not happen overnight, and that's what we need to actively campaign, build awareness, and engage in uncomfortable conversations around recurrent themes with as many decision-makers and influencers as we can, beginning first with family, friends, and colleagues. Sarah Everard's disappearance and murder case, followed by the Everyone's Invited campaign, necessitates a massive change in the status quo. That change can begin with one person at a time, and that one person can be you, and me, and your friend, and my friend, and so on. How can we individually challenge stereotypes and change the narrative to collectively drive true change? This book is my answer to that critical question. Most of the strategies within pertain to women in the workplace, but they apply to all spaces where women participate. You don't have to be an influence— an influencer or a human resources lead or diversity and inclusion professional Nor do you necessarily need to engage in serious activism. You can start small, but taking that first step is critical, which is why I invite you to start with this book and be part of the conversation. That is the starting chapter of Hira Ali's new book, Her Allies. Next up on today's show, we have Penny Batchelor, who writes domestic noir thrillers with secrets, lies, and lots of twists. Her debut, My Perfect Sister, was longlisted for the Guardian's Not the Booker Prize of 2020, and her second, which we're going to be talking about today, Her New Best Friend, published on the 5th of August of this year by Red Door Press. Her New Best Friend is a twisting tale of intrigue and deception, the lengths a mother will go to in order to protect her children, and what happens 'When your worst nightmare as a parent comes true.' Now, I love 'The Perfect Sister,' as did so many others, and I have been storming my way through my preview copy of 'The New Best Friend,' deliberately not finishing the book until after our chat so there were no spoilers, because I get super excited. Regular listeners will know that. Now, I must introduce you 2penny, hi, how are you? I'm brilliant, thank you Hazel, and hello everybody, and thank you for having me on the show. I'm so pleased to hear that you're enjoying the book. Oh, I absolutely love it, I love your style, and my kids know that they're going to be ignored for the rest of the afternoon because I know what I'm like sometimes, I get so excited and tongue-tied and I have to stop mid-conversation because I know, oh no, I'm gonna release some spoilers or something, so you know the point at which I'm at. And I can be speaking to you in a way that the listeners can have the same amount of intrigue because I'm not sitting there going, "Na na na na na, I know what happens." I know what you mean because it's really difficult for me to talk about this book without giving anything away, so at some point I might just have to shut up and say, "Well, read it to find out." My previous one, My Perfect Sister, That was a bit easy to talk about because sort of things happened a bit later on, but you get pretty much straight in the action with this one. So I will try and reveal what I can but not giving anything away. I shall be sitting on my hands and doing a zippy. Well, it did get to a stage because obviously I read the first one and that changed so much throughout that you kind of, you could talk about it without making, without giving away too many spoilers, whereas this one halfway through I kind of knew that if I mentioned anything from then on, it kind of gives the game away a little bit as to what direction it's going to go in. Now, I know that you're very kindly going to give our listeners a little bit of a preview of the book, which I'm super excited about. And do you want to just let everybody know what they're going to be hearing? You're going to be hearing the first 2 and a half pages of the book, which is something that I can give away. Yes, it's right at the beginning. Do you want me to start now? I'd love you to, yes please. Thank you. Well, just to set the scene, the book is written from the perspective of Audrey. She's a mum in her 30s with 2 children, and she's in a park with those 2 children. I didn't turn my back on the pram for much longer than a snatched handful of seconds, a few heartbeats, but that was all the time it took for my 5-year-old daughter Antonia to turn on their heel and dash after the fluttering wings of a yellow-breasted great tit in the local park. Seconds, ordinary passages of time which on a regular day we don't think twice about the passing of, or maybe even long to pass by more quickly. A few of them, however, as every mother knows and fears, is all it takes. Antonia, I anxiously call out, don't run off. I let go of the pram's handles and try to walk as fast as I can to reach my daughter who is heading in the direction of the trees following her quarry. Come back! It has felt like such a long day, as if 24 hours have passed before 3:30 PM. My voice cracks slightly when I try to prevent my usual sing-song mummy tone from turning into barbed impatience. Having short legs seems to make it more difficult today for me to catch up with my child, on whom my husband James and I always impress the importance of staying close by when venturing outside the home. Easy to say, isn't it? But not so simple for easily distracted children to do when something has caught their eye. Antonia turns when she hears my name, and I see the expression on her little flushed face betray her internal debate on whether to continue her wild bird chase or come back to me. I win. Antonia starts to do as she's told and run back to me when we both hear a shout coming from near the pond at the centre of the municipal park. Instinctively, I turn back to the pram. It's not there. My heart beats ferociously and I sense the acrid taste of adrenaline in my mouth. For a split second I'm frozen. I stare down towards the bottom of the path the three of us walk on nearly every day. A soggy small blonde figure is pulling a pram out of the shallow area of the pond. My pram. Time freezes into an icy shock until I scream, 'Wilfred!' in fear. I reach for Antonia's gloved hand and pull her as quickly as I can towards the pond. Most of the water is surrounded by a low concrete wall adorned with the usual detritus of crisp packets and drinks cans visitors couldn't be bothered to put in the nearby litter bin, but this small area where ducks paddle and wait to be fed isn't. Instead, there is a little sorry patch of grass between the end of the paved sloping path and the brown sludge that the pond's waters gently lap against. 'It's okay, I've got the baby,' shouts the soggy figure, a woman wearing a now-wet hooded long black puffer jacket and bright peach lipstick that makes her resemble a portly penguin. 'The baby's all right.' A high-pitched wail punctuates the end of the sentence, Wilfred expressing his displeasure, a noise I've sighed at so many times in the middle of the night but now couldn't be happier to hear. At last I reach the pram, dragging my daughter with one hand and stretching out for my son with another. Wilfred is still tucked in under the knitted patchwork blanket my mother-in-law made for him. He's safe. Oh, thank God he's alive and evidently still has good use of his lungs. But what have I done? How can I have put him in danger, this little boy who means the world to us all? And finally, a few more books that I've read recently that I'm just dying to tell you about, just spreading the word about some fantastic stories and books out there. Uh, the first one I want to tell you about is Rock Your Ugly by Waleed Shah. We did have a quick chat with him on Get Booked for Women's and Men's radio station a couple of months ago. Rock Your Ugly is a raw, unfiltered look into lives of everyday people willing to bare all and reclaim those parts of themselves they've struggled to embrace. UAE-based photographer Waleed Shah captures a moment in the lives of these men and women with accompanying stories that zoom in on their insecurities and what they usually hid behind smiles and Instagram filters. Rock Your Ugly is a middle finger to toxic beauty standards and a reclamation of power through this one simple truth: we all have things we don't like about ourselves, but why hide it when we can rock it? The pictures are stunning, and I can see why the people involved were so keen to do so. What we lead in Captured is honesty, which is attractive. In fact, it's absolutely stunning. There is an outstanding beauty in openness and sincerity. Embrace you, learn to love you, and you will find yourself. Find out more at walidshah.ae. And another book that I have been absolutely loving, Southwest London-based author Amanda Robson, who featured on our show last week. If you are just a fan of domestic noir, or maybe you're Southwest London-based and she based a lot of her thrillers in southwest London, the kind of Richmond, Twickenham, Esher, Cobham kind of areas. And it's quite nice to kind of feel as if you've walked down that street that you know she's referring to. And she's released her latest book, The Unwelcome Guest, and Amanda Robson has not disappointed with her latest It really does kind of hone in on the darker side of our primeval instincts and what happens when we let them take over, crossing the lines of acceptability, and when pushed, how that line can be used just a little bit like a skipping rope. Jealousy and the need to protect the ones we love can be very dangerous emotions, especially when mother-in-laws are involved, and If you want to listen to the more in-depth chat that I had with Amanda Robson, you can pop on to womensradiostation.com/shows/getbooked. And another one that, um, I just found absolutely stunning, but brace yourself, it is such a weepy— it's very, very powerful— is The Boy in 7 Billion by by Callie Blackwell. When Callie's eldest son was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukemia in 2010, and then with a rarer, more aggressive cancer, Langerhans cell sarcoma, only 18 months later, she embarked on a long, steep learning curve. Since then, an 8-year journey through the complexities of pediatric therapy, radiotherapy, and bone marrow transplants to diet, nutrition, herbal, and holistic medicine has brought her to realize that the body has the ability to heal itself if given the right nutrition and care. This book, it's such a thoughtful, in-depth, endearing, and human look at the whole experience Kelly, her son Darren, and the whole family went through. Kali is also an advocate for a healthier and more holistic lifestyle as a means to prevent many diseases, including cancer. And you can find out more about her at theactivistcbd.co.uk. Or if, like me, you're a huge fan of incredibly dark humor, go and search out her son, Darren Blackwell, who ends up on stage with Russell Howard talking about the times they've spent with each other. It is ridiculously funny. I absolutely love it. Thoroughly recommend it as well. Now, another one, uh, which I would really like you to have a look at as well, it's a little bit more of a self-help style book. It's called Reclaim Your Time Off by Fab Giavanetti. This book, after the last year, I'm sure is going to be beneficial for many of us. A book that needs to be embraced to get our work time and you time back on track. The lines have been blurred way too much. Our bedrooms, dining table, and sofa time have become our new pandemic office. Working from home has enabled us and yet disabled us at the same time. However, for way too many of us, this was an issue long before COVID In the modern working world, we work really hard, on average over 60 hours per week. In order to do more, we silently agreed to sacrifice our time off. Burnout is a ubiquitous buzzword. The inbox of shame and productivity paralysis describe a normal working day. And I managed to have a bit of a chat with Fab Giovanetti quite a few months ago, and if you want to check out on that, as I said, you can pop on to our SoundCloud. If you're wanting any other further suggestions, maybe you're thinking, ah, life is too expensive, and especially in the UK, the, the likes of hotels and going out, it's all become a little bit more expensive as the need and demand has risen, and you're just wanting to sit and read a book. Because do you know what? You can even do it for free. Go and check on HazelButterfield.com, and all my book blogs, reviews, and bits and bobs are up on there. Thank you so much for listening to our rather different episode here for GetBooked at Women's and Men's Radio Station.