Get Booked – In The End, We All Become Stories – Make Yours A Story You Re Happy With

Hello and welcome to today's Get Booked here at Women's Radio Station. It's December, the chaos is officially among us, but I love it, absolutely love it. It's incredible in London throughout December and every other month as well, actually, let's be honest. I hope you enjoyed last week's show as much as I enjoyed doing it. The lovely Jan McPeake discussing her debut novel, the dystopian Transference. You can catch up with all of my previous shows by listening in on Women's Radio Station's SoundCloud or go to Women's Radio Station. Yes, I have just had my coffee, so I'm a little bit excited. But if you go onto womensradiostation.com/getbooked, you can go and click on all the previous shows. Now, let's get cracking with today's show. It is called, "In the End, We All Become Stories: Make Yours a Story You're Happy With." This is slightly different to my usual selection of books. Rather than a plethora of genres to suit most moods and requirements, you know, thrillers, autobiographies, comedies, kids' books, and romance. Move over all of you lot. It is mind management time, especially important at this time of year, I find. We are tired, stressed, skint, not seeing our family enough or seeing them too much, depending on what your issue may be. There's forced kind of joviality as well. You're expected to be happy when sometimes You just can't be. With parties left, right, and centre, drinks, and, you know, where's your Christmas spirit? Ah, not really sure. And we know there's a huge loneliness epidemic. And for those of you that listened in to my interview with Aatil Swan, "The Anatomy of Loneliness," that might be a good one for you to go back and check out. It's Christmas time and loneliness can really escalate. And I'm hoping that the books I have to tell you about will help you out, and hopefully some of them even maybe give you a little bit of a giggle. Now, first up in today's books is The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Flip by Mark Manson. Um, use your imagination there, I've made this radio-worthy. Uh, it should be law to read or listen to this, you know. You, you should give a flip, but only about what really matters. Um, wasn't it Helen Mirren, who said the best advice she would like to give to her younger self would be able to give less flips. The less flips you give, the better things work out. Every time I've wanted something so badly, I've tried my best to attribute negatives to balance my urgency out, and it works, you know? I'm like, I really want this job, but you know, if I don't get it, it does still mean that maybe something slightly better will come about, or I don't know, I don't really have the time for that job, but it'd be nice. And it's just kind of just managing your expectations. We are ever struggling with the constraints of comparability, and it's hard to be happy with our own goals as we're constantly comparing ourselves to complete strangers that we don't even know. And even if we do think we know them, We're only seeing what they're choosing to show us. Instagram, Facebook, magazines, all of them. We need to learn to not obsess about being right or happy or fulfilled. Be prepared to admit defeat. Understand the problems you're having. Accept feelings of negativity and embrace what you can do to achieve change. Give yourself a flipping break. Break. This book seriously is so good for kind of drilling this into you. Mark Manson explains how we should consider our values coherently and regularly reassess your instinct and projections of what life should be for us. We don't all want the same things, and it's, it's not for— it's not what we want for all of us. We just have different aspirations, different goals, which is totally fine. Sometimes we don't even know why we what we do. An obligation to do something is often self-serving and counterproductive, resulting in kind of undecipherable confusion due to like an emotional response based on superficial benefits. Why did I even think I wanted to do that? Somebody just told me so. And you're like, what? I've put all this effort in and it's not even something I wanted to do. It's, it's, it happens so often. More meaningful beautiful eras in our life are rarely the easy ones. The hard times, they mean more, they make the biggest impact. And in this book, he kind of shows us about how conflict shows us who is robust and who is a stayer. We all know this one, conforming and subservience, it's not so much, not so much. It's all about putting our lives and what's happened and is happening into perspective and to focus. This was such a delight to listen to this book. I absolutely just loved it, and I recommend Audible for this. It just came across perfectly, and you're kind of walking down the street or on a train listening, and Mark Manson is just telling you to stop giving a flip about everything, and it's brilliant. It's brilliant. Remember, I will get all the links up on Twitter and Instagram to do with all the books that I discussed throughout my shows. Instagram is @getbooked. Booked WRS. Go and check it out now and follow me, please. And next up we have, we've got so much to get through today. I feel like I'm speeding through, but it's, you know, when you listen, maybe the next week you can stop and start and go, "Ooh, ooh, I quickly need to Google that book." Other search engines are available. Next up we have "Eat That Frog" by Brian Tracy. I came across this book actually on Oh, "Orange Is the New Black," that was it. And I looked it up and it just looks fantastic. But I had two books recommended to me of a similar nature, "Eat That Frog" and "The Chimp Paradox" at the same time. And ironically, deciding which mind management book to read proved too hard. So I did what any normal person would do and I put it to a Twitter vote, which returned a 50/50 result. Of course it did, of course it did. That's just the way life is. Isn't it? The prices were similar and I just got fed up of procrastinating and eventually I chose Joe Lycett's Parsnips Buttered instead and then left it to the fate of the local libraries, which, whoever one was available first was gonna be the chosen one. And thank goodness they didn't both become available at the same time. That would've just been cruel. But please do remember libraries are free, people. Please use them. They are an excellent resource and They're free. Especially when we're a little bit skint at the moment. But eat that frog. It is, I'll be honest, it's slightly idealistic. It's all very well saying your biggest frog is the most productive, don't fuss over the small stuff. But if you forget to pay the bill, you'll be penalized, you know? The kids will tantrum if you forget to text Susie or Bob or whatever about the play date. And as for buying that cleanser, you know you're gonna break out if you don't get that cleanser. And so it's silly little things. The— we, we need to find a nice balance. There is a balance to be reshuffled, um, for sure. And when I stopped being so, uh, skeptical, I got more involved and started making progress. I found it easier to work through a chapter at a time to fully benefit, as it can also be hardgoing assessing your weaknesses, which is what you do have to do, and realising just how much you've been busying yourself for sometimes years with subjectively procrastinating nonsense. How often have you done it? You know you've gotta respond to a job advert you've seen and you're just like, "Yeah, but you know what? I need to catch up on EastEnders," or, "I'm sure my mum texted me. I better just text her back." And then there's this and that You know how it goes, you know how it goes. And facing the reality that I've been working at probably 10% of my capabilities and been given the tools to assess how to change that, it was quite a journey to go on. And like doing a self-realization course, kind of. There are actually workbooks that you can buy for Eat That Frog. I think they're on Amazon as it's very task-oriented. Task-related. There's about 13 chapters and it's quite a small book, but it's because there's so much involved in reading it and working through it. You don't just read it, you do it. It's, yeah, it's good. It's good. There are still some elements that are on my to-do list. I went through quite a bit. I'm like, I still need to figure out my 10 goals and work towards them. And every time I do something, you know, regularly reassess every couple of days. Is what I'm doing today in any way working towards the 10 goals of what I really wanna achieve in my life? It's silly little things, not silly little things, that's so flippant. It's these things that we just really need to work towards. My mum decided to read "The Chimp Paradox" recently, so I'm looking forward to hearing what she has to say about that one too. It should be interesting. Maybe we can discuss the both of them over a bottle of wine. See, I'm helping you be sociable already. We have so many more questions. More books to talk about in the second half of today's show. We're just going to go and have a very quick break. We'll be back in a few minutes with this week's Mind Management book reviews. See you in a jiffy. From all the presenters and the team behind Women's Radio Station, Thank you for listening. You've been the most amazing audience with your sparkling enthusiasm and support. So from our hearts, we would like to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year full of joy and surprises. Hi, I'm Lara Heems, founder and designer of Lara Heems Jewelry. 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Every little will help. We are back with the second half of today's Get Booked show here at Women's Radio Station. We have been discussing mind management to help you through December. So far, Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Flip, uh, wording altered for radio broadcast, use your imagination, and Brian Tracy's Eat That Frog. I do follow up all of my shows with all the info needed on the Get Booked Instagram page, and links and book details always are put up on hazelbutterfield.com as well. Or you can follow me on Twitter @nuttybutty. That's N-U-T-T-Y B-U-T-T-Y. Do you get it? Hazel Butterfield, nutty butty. I know, I know, crazy, right? Uh, deary me. Right, let's get back to it. Third on today's show is "Happy" by Fearne Cotton. She is just smashing it in the mind management field. I bought this book, do you know what? I thought it looked pretty. I knew it would have recipes in it and that it would cover elements of what it takes to be happy, which is great. And I was present, I was quite surprised by its contents that it covered in great detail, honest recounts of anxiety, depression, coping mechanisms, interviews, and realism. She does an excellent podcast with very similar content interviewing a variety of her friends and celebs who struggle with similar anxiety and depression issues, helping to make the subject less and less taboo. There's great work happening out there in this field. And this book is brave. It's encouraging, well-structured, and visually mood-lightening if you've seen it. Go check it out online as well. Or go and have a little bit of a browse and then buy it in your local bookshop. Page 104 was especially enlightening and really struck a chord with me. Go and check it out, page 104. Hmm, a little bit of homework for you. Throughout the book, I really felt like it was transformative and collaborative. Fern has found a topic that's been done to death and made it her own with a viewpoint that's non-preachy, which is very important for me, and it's well put together. Take your time with it, absorb the information, go back and read it again, understand and let it help you take control of your feelings and emotions and of you and your happiness. Then put it on your coffee table 'cause it looks smashing too. And yeah, I need to get my hand on her next book, which is "Calm," her latest book in the range. And at this rate, I might need to actually get myself a coffee table for all my coffee table books. Now, moving on, because we've got a couple more to talk about, is my fourth book in the collection. It's Mad Girl by Bryony Gordon. And, okay, yep, I absolutely loved it, which is bizarre to say of a woman telling her story of a lifelong struggle, like a real struggle, with depression, anxiety, and OCD. But stick with me. She covers a variety of issues, life stages, milestones to overcome in a yet again non-preachy but brutally honest way. Like hilariously so. She's incredibly funny. She is actually a columnist as well. You've probably come across her quite a bit. The way she explains her involuntary thoughts, and a few of you might know, might understand those, that overtake her rationale, how she distracts herself from what is painfully obviously an issue that's not just going to pass. That's just not how depression and anxiety and OCD work. They're things that you will probably have for the rest of your life. But there's nice— there's all these books that help you to kind of cope with it. And it's— this is what I want to bring to your attention, some of these books that are a delight to read but are helpful at the same time. I now think that my OCD is potentially not just me wanting a tidy home. It goes much deeper and explains many of my actions and issues I've needed to overcome or finding coping mechanisms for. Should I say that again? Or finding coping mechanisms for. Say that 20 times over. In fact, yeah, go try it. That's some more homework for you. Which I guess was one of the goals in writing this book, to open up discussions and awareness about anxiety and depression The more we know and share, the less stigma there is and the more opportunity to raise support for, quite frankly, a failing mental health system currently in place in the UK. At one point, I was so engrossed that many buses passed the bus stop I was reading at and it was like I'd forgotten why I was even there. I really should consider not reading while commuting. I'm missing so many buses and trains all over the place at the moment. Or maybe, I just need to pay attention to getting home. I love my home. I do want to go home. I just love these books as well. That's the thing. If you love books, the more you read, the more you want to, 'cause they just take you somewhere fantastic. And Mad Girl is funny, it's insightful with a bizarre and unexpected feel-good ending. If you like this, for a slightly more intentional laugh and outlier autobiographical part of a life, try Bryony Gordon's other bestseller, "The Wrong Knickers." Hmm. It's brilliant. A friend of mine sent it to me in the post and she went, "Please read this, dear, and then get back to me." There was a lot I had in common with her. Not that I struggle with the wrong knickers, just the rest of the book. Sure. Regardless of any mental illness, she is, is unapologetically mad as a box of frogs. But all the best people are. Please, please remember that. You don't want to be normal. You just wanna be you. Now, finally, we have "Frazzled" by Ruby Wax. In a nutshell, yes, this is a book about the ever more popular mindfulness, but it is with a twist. Riddled with humor, honesty, and banter that even the most skeptical should be able to handle. It is Ruby Wax after all. However, she has done a master's in mindfulness-based cognitive therapy from Oxford University, no less. So, you know, she kind of knows her stuff. She isn't just a famous person who thought they could regurgitate a book to stop bankruptcy and earn a few more quid. It is a good book. It is one that I've passed on to a few other people and they've liked it just as much. It is good. Basically, if you were contemplating reading a self-help book but thought it would get a little bit, "Ooh, I need a gin," a little bit boring or a little bit too, as I said before, preachy with way too many kind of, "Oh, just hug yourself and life will be better" moments from a person who looks like their amazing smile is down to plastic surgery. Skeptical much, Hazel? Who maybe has regular intakes of mung bean juice and kale knickers, please, please, this is the book for you. It is, it is good, it's funny, it's to the point, and it has actual, you know, university-led information on cognitive therapy. It is excellent. And it's, I must kind of tell you as well, it's not a page-turner. You need to take your time and absorb the information at your own pace. You can't race through it. You need to stop and just kind of digest the information, maybe a chapter every few days. Mindfulness may be about living in the now, but being retrospective and not constantly comparing yourself to many irrelevant others. But our comparative society does give us drive, which can also be fulfilling. But maybe I'm missing the point. Dip your toe in and take from it what works for you. And I would also suggest, which I've suggested in one of my previous shows as well, because this is just one of my favorite books and it's ridiculous, it's Why Mummy Drinks, to make you feel like you're not alone in the crazy world of comparable parenting too. But be warned, there is lots of swearing and lots of reference to drinking, which is basically why I love her. She sounds like she could be my spirit animal. There is actually on my website at the moment, I did, when I read Till Swann's The Anatomy of Loneliness, I did write a blog slightly talking about the book, but also based on my own realisation. So I'm not going to read out here right now, but if you would like to go and have a little check of it, it's I Need to Get Back to Me on hazelbutterfield.com. I published it on the 31st of October. Maybe go and check it out and see what you think, and I hope it helps you too. And I'm very honest in it, and I do bare my soul a little bit, so if you do have any comments on it, please keep them kind. Right, just remember you can get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com If you want to be featured on Get Booked, or if you have a book recommendation, maybe you've read a book and you want to be heard on the radio, send in your 1-minute clip telling us why you like the book. And maybe you know the author, and we do like to interview lots of authors here at the station as well. They're so incredibly fun. What I'm actually going to do is put together a little mullé of all the different interviews and put them up on my blog on hazelbutterfield.com very, very soon. So watch out for that one. Again, follow me me on Twitter @NuttyButty to make sure that you don't miss out on any of those ones. Well, that is today's show with all my mindfulness and helpful books there to get you through the Christmas season. Thank you so much for joining me today. I'm Hazel Butterfield, and you have been listening to Get Booked for Women's Radio Station. Catch me here every day of the week at 5 PM, and catch up on previous shows at womensradiostation.com/shows/getbooked Big love, and I hope you're having a fabulous Christmas. Big love. Women's Radio Station is looking forward to a great 2019 with more shows coming your way. All the presenters and the team behind each program We would like to say a big thank you for listening. We are the voice of women worldwide and we cannot be without you. The journey has just begun with more exciting programs soon to be revealed. Women's Radio Station, the voice of women worldwide. I'm Isabelle Manivy, an executive coach. Do you want to change a negative into a positive? We can do this by coaching you to rewire your brain using simple visualization techniques. In 20 years of practice, I have seen this transform lives. For more information, look on Women's Radio website. Call me on 07984 422 171. I'm listening. Mirai B Limited. We are a virtual PA consultancy. 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This is where careers ignite, where playwrights take risks, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.germinstreettheatre.co.uk. Women's Radio Station is a not-for-profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, eat, simply head to our website. Every little will help.