Judymay Is Listening – Commitment To A Dream

Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. And welcome. You are listening live on WRS women's radio station. Supporting women's well being. I'm Judy Mae Murphy. In studio today we have a wonderful guest, Nicholina Werther. And we also have with us our associate producer whose name is. I know, isn't that just so weird? Elspeth. She's looking at me like, what? What was that? What was that? It was that thing that you do when suddenly you can't remember your uncle's name when he arrives for Christmas. Elspeth, I'm so sorry. Elspeth Proudlock, our wonderful person who you knew. Anyway, if you're a regular listener, you all know Elspeth, you know and love Elspeth. Now you love Elspeth way more than you love me. What we're talking about today is commitment. What do you think about when you think of the word commitment? Do you think about something that is tying you to maybe a position that you don't want to be in, or do you think of it as an ongoing promise that you make to yourself that you're going to make something happen? A lot of people have a dream, but they're not actually committed to that dream. For them, their dream is just an idea, something that they want would maybe like to make happen that would be really good. So they'll say something like, oh, my dream is to have a villa in the south of France, or my dream is to have a record deal. But there's a difference between having a dream and being committed to your dream. And that's what we're going to be looking at. We're going to be turning it into a group discussion a little bit later on. But first of all, let's just parse this out. Let's just look at what is it to be committed to a dream. Let's imagine that you have a pretty regular day. For most of our listeners. The day will start at about 7 o' clock in the morning and you'll wake up and you might have a cup of coffee and you might have some toast and you might have some cereal. And then you will, I don't know what you need to do. Maybe you need to get the kids off to school and then you will go in and work your job, whether that's you working for yourself or for someone else. And, and in all that, it's very easy for the first three hours of Your day to go by and you haven't done anything to build your dream. Now, if you're committed to a person, do you speak to everybody else in your life and then have a conversation with that person? I bet that doesn't happen. I bet if you're really committed to someone, you speak to them first. And you speak to them mostly. So how are you speaking to your dream? Or how are you not speaking to your dream right now? So ask yourself that already today. So it's noon. If you're listening live, Maybe if you're listening to one of the recordings, it's another time of day, perhaps it's midnight. What has happened in the last few hours? How have you been committed to your dream? What have you done to build that dream? And a lot of times people will say, well, I can't work on my dream until I get home in the evening because I have to go to work. This is why I say to people, you, you need to wake up for your dream. The first two hours of your life in every single day, needs to be about building that dream. Imagine you have a dream that you're gonna utterly transform your body, utterly transform it. That you're gonna make your body so incredible that you are an inspiration to people. Even if you're wearing, like, a really baggy outfit, that people can tell that there's some awesomeness going on underneath that they can tell by your energy, they can tell by your strength. They just get it. You're just giving that vibe of awesome body. And you say to yourself, you know, in order to do that, I'm going to start going to the gym in the evening, or I'm going to start going to the gym at lunchtime. The people who are really committed to their dream of transforming their body, these are the people who are waking up early to do it. Now, why is it you're not waking up early? Two reasons. Either you're not fully committed to it, and commitment means excitement. Right? Why do people get married? Because they're excited to be with this person for the rest of their life. You can see the difference between people getting married through excitement and they really want to, and people getting married through a sense of duty. Oh, well, we've been together for five years and she really wants it and. Or he really wants it, and there's a different energy to that. So we always want to be going into something. We always want our commitment to be based on excitement and knowing that it's going to help us to grow and it's going to be A way that we can focus on having the most extraordinary experience that we can while we're alive here on this earth. So how is it that you are committed to your dream? How do you know that you're committed? If someone was to look at your day, what would they think you were committed to? Would they think that you were committed to becoming an expert in watching TV dramas? Would they think that you were an expert in. Or would they think that you were committed to being a really good listener to your friends? Would they think that your commitment was to survival, just getting through the day? So when you look at the last few days, if you were to just hour by hour say this happened, then this happened, then this happened, what does that tell you about what it is that you're committed to? And where is your dream in that? So the people who really want to make something happen. This is why we love stories about. I think it's a story about Doris Lessing, or maybe it was. Maybe it was Margaret Atwood, but maybe it was somebody else entirely. But it was a really great novelist who. She had all these commitments. She worked in the civil service for most of her life until she retired. She had all these kids, so she was busy, right? She would have a reason for sleeping in. She'd have a reason for getting every minute of sleep that she could. Now, I'm not saying that you're going to skimp on sleep. You're going to actually get committed to getting to bed way earlier so that you can sleep right through. But then she'd be up at five o' clock and she would write between five and seven and that's what it takes. And it doesn't have to be something that is impossible and something that is a great big push, because if something doesn't feel good, you're not going to be able to sustain that excitement around it. You're not going to be able to stay committed in the same way. But if you can make it so it feels really, really great to you, then you're going to start to love waking up in the morning. I was explaining this to an Uber driver the other day. So he and I were out and about, it was 6:30 in the morning and he said, oh, do you have to be in work? And I said, no, I'm choosing. I'm choosing to be where I want to be. Yes, I'm going to be working in a little while, but I'm going to be studying first. I'm going to. I've got these things that I'm planning And he didn't get it. He just. He couldn't understand it. Not because he was an Uber driver, just because a lot of people haven't yet thought in that way. And so what we did was we started to unpick why it was. I started to explain to him why it was that I got up so early in the mornings and what I do with that time. And I explained how I usually eat breakfast out and it's much less busy. And so you can be sitting there in a restaurant and getting your ideal breakfast without having to make it. Because I'm not really big into making breakfast. I'm big into making lunch and dinner, but not big into making breakfast. And I know that breakfast is going to be extraordinary if I eat it in these certain places. So it's about that. That is part of my dream. Part of my dream is committing to the highest standard possible. So this morning I was about to just throw on what I was wearing yesterday, and then I remembered, oh, actually, I have chosen the outfit that I really want to wear, and it's all laid out for me. I laid it out for myself last night. Why? Because I was committed to having this effortless kind of a morning, because that is part of my dream. So a lot of the times we try and do the dream in big chunks and we try and do it later in the day. So here's what the message of this little section of Judy May's Listening is all about. Because I hear your frustration all the time. Every single time you send me an email, every time I meet one of you guys, you're saying to me, you know, I'm frustrated about this. I'm frustrated because I don't have time. It's usually that you feel that there's a scarcity of resources. Well, really, you'll be amazed at how suddenly not just resources, but your own resourcefulness transforms everything. When you actually commit, if you are committing, say you've got a family that's really large and rambunctious, and you say to yourself, I want to have a big, blissfully peaceful, incredible breakfast time with everybody. Great. What's that gonna take? One time I had a client who had three young boys under the age of five. And what it took for her to have a peaceful morning was to have all the lunches packed, music playing in the kitchen, her and her husband getting up two hours before the boys. So it meant going to bed at the same time as the boys. And that felt awful. Until they got that they weren't missing out. In fact, they Were gaining something because they were able to have their breakfast dates, just the two of them. And also it include having the boys outfits, their school uniforms or their kindergarten outfits laid out in completely different parts of the house. So, you know, the. The oldest kid would know to go downstairs and get ready by himself in the living room. One parent would have one kid in one room, one bedroom. Another parent would have the other kid in another bedroom. Their outfits were laid out and they just had to do that because what was causing most of the chaos was, was the three boys being chaotic with each other and the parents being chaotic around finding outfits so simple Absolutely transformed their family life, absolutely transformed their days, transformed the dream made so much more possible. So the things that you are thinking you don't have time for, you don't have money for, or you don't have the connections for right now. All those things come when you ask yourself the question and, and what can I do? And that is a gorgeous question. When you're committed to your dream, when you say, okay, you know, right now, I can't spend 10 hours every day writing my book. Well, what can you do? Can you get up half an hour early and work for half an hour on your book? Can you even just read over the stuff you wrote on the weekend for half an hour every morning? Yes, you can. So stop discounting that. If you're committed to a person, you don't say to yourself, well, I can't go out on an entire romantic weekend with them, so. So I'm not going to bother to see them or speak to them at all this week. Of course you wouldn't. You'd be like, oh, my God, we've only got half an hour. Let's make the most of it. Let's grab lunch together. Let's go to that really gorgeous little sushi place. Let's make sure that we just talk about really awesome things. And this is what we do when we're committed. We do what we can when we can, and we do it first, and we do it all the time. So first of all, a lot of people say, well, I can't commit to my dream until I know what my dream is. So let's just unpick that one first. Because sometimes people have a dream, but they have told themselves that it's now not possible. And so the thing that they could be excited about and could be working toward, the only reason that they're not doing that is they've told themselves that they've missed their chances, that the window is gone. And this is again why we love stories about people who start things later on in life and do those things later in life. So whatever it is that maybe it's something that you've given up on, maybe it's something that you've been telling yourself isn't possible for you because let's just move those to one side for a moment. Just for the length of this show, let's move those to one side and say, what if that dream could come true? What if that dream could come true for me in this lifetime? And then what if I was to actually commit to that dream? Commit time, commit mental resources, prioritize over other things? What if I was to do that? Everyone that ever made their dream come true, that's what they did at some stage. More after this. We'll make your dream come true. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. 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Find out more at nurturingbirth.co.uk. You're listening to Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadiostation. That's WomensRadiostn or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform, transform everything. Well, for today's transformation here on Judy Mae's Listening, I have invited a coach who has a really unique way of looking at things. She's really great at thinking about all different angles. She's good at going in deep because sometimes that's what it takes. I find in our industry these days, a lot of coaches are all about just really pat answers, like, okay, you just have to do this, just do this, just do that. Or thinking that things are obvious. And what I really love about Nicolina Werther is that she thinks about every angle. I'm pronouncing your last name, seeing as I'm getting everyone's name wrong. See as I completely forgot Elspeth's name earlier on. Am I pronouncing Werther correctly or do you pronounce it in the German way? No, it's absolutely correct. Okay. Yay. Yay. See, got something right. She gave me a really hard time and rightly so. Elspeth did during the ad break. It's all right. That's not what you said five minutes ago, but okay. So Nikolina, why is it you think that people don't go for their dream? Because we've got like some People and they just do it and they just keep at it and they chip away and they. And they get to extraordinary places. Even if it's not exactly where they thought they'd end up, they get it. They end up in places that are way better than if they just hadn't worked on their dream at all, if they'd just kind of done survival or just sort of done day to day. So why is it you think that people in general don't commit to the dream massively? I think very often people are not really convinced that it's possible because they maybe have lived their lives in a way and been given a lot of messages from their upbringing, from their surroundings that, you know, you just do life in a very normal way. And, you know, you go to school, maybe you go to the university or get some other education and you get a job and you get your family and that's it pretty much, isn't it? And that's, that's the model that they just are handed. And so it doesn't. So what you're saying is it doesn't occur to them to think outside that model that's happening. I think that's very often what happens. And even though you also get sent messages, it is possible, but it's not really strong enough to actually make you go for it. It's like, oh, yeah, I think possible for some weird people. That's not me. Yeah. And when was it that you decided that you were going to be one of those weird people? Can you remember what, what it was that kind of woke you up to the fact that you didn't have to just take what was given to you, that you could create something very different. Some of us, or at least in my case, we just realize it's not really satisfying or something. It's just there's something that doesn't appeal to us and it's something. So some of us, I guess, we have. It doesn't really fit me. And yeah, I need to do things a little bit differently. And some of us, I think we actually do go down that route and then realize later in life that actually can't be it. And I think often it's like the more we get aware about what we want from life or what we wish for, there can be different moments in life where it's just like, no, let's try something else. And I feel like social media gets a really bad rap. But one thing I think social media, particularly things like Pinterest and Instagram, do really well is giving, giving people Images of what's possible now, of course, then there's stuff that needs to be unpicked after that. But just for a lot of people being like, oh, I don't have to live in the country where I was born and brought up. Oh, I don't have to stay in this marriage just because it's what suited me when I was 22, when I committed to it. Oh, I don't have to like that it can. That life can change it. I feel like social media is pretty good at giving us images of giving us references, if you like, for what other people are doing and that some people are then saying, well, if they can do it, I can do it. But then what happens if people are looking at that and they're still saying, well, that's fine for them, but it's not for me. What would you say to someone who is wanting it but still believing it's not for them? You have to want it enough, which is always a hard thing. It can happen that you just end up feeling so horrible or your life is not nice anymore and you're just get reached that point, that tipping point where like, okay, I need to change something, which is usually great because at that moment you're already quite inspired to really take action. Or maybe, yeah, if you're lucky, maybe you have a friend or someone who's doing it for you. But I find often you actually really have to get active yourself first of all and be like, okay, I make the decision of, okay, I want something else. And then you will find, you know, more and more help outside of you, which how that can happen. So what might be a first step? Like if somebody says, I want to. I want to change, I want to work out what my dream is, and then I want to work towards making my dream come true. And they're sitting there going, and now what? What. What might be the. And now what? Just find. You said social media, for example. Like, one step could be you. You find someone who's doing something awesome that inspires you and you just dig a little bit deeper. Like, how did they get there? Why are they doing what they're doing? Like, find something out. Let yourself be inspired by this person, by this role model. Yeah, in a sense, like you're saying inspired. Plus, find out what they did first. Like work out. Well, their next step was that they got a coach. Or their next step was that they wrote a plan in this way. Or their next step was that they just got on a plane and get your clues from that and then choose which, which one works for you? I presume it's a bit like what you said earlier about committing is like you sticking with it, isn't it? It's like you don't just leave it at the idea, but you really go into, okay, and how is this possible? So some people talk about remembering the future or reverse engineering that you actually imagine what you want and then you work your way backwards into, okay, how can, how would this actually be possible? Like, how can I have my own company or how can I have that record deal or something? Oh, let's do that. So, Elspeth, what is someone who you really admire, not necessarily that you want to do that, but who would be like a singer or a movie star or someone that we might all know or at least know their name and that you find really inspiring? I've kind of got two. Okay, give us one. My first is Kate Bush, of course. Wonderful, massive fan of Kate Bush. She's my idol. Or this fashion designer called, what's it, Idris Alpha. I think that's how you pronounce her name. Or like Iris Alpha. Oh, is she the older lady who. Oh, the stylist. Yes. She's like in her 90s and. Right. I don't know anything about her history because I'm so into her, into her future because she is like already in her 90s. Rocks. It looks amazing. Do you know what we need to do? A, we need to get her on the show. Yes. And B, even before we get on the show, we need to have a day where all of us dress like her 100%. We will do that. We will do that. And we will, we will, we will put so many photographs up on the WRS website, state station website, when we do that. I was just thinking, because you said something really interesting there about you see her future. I think that's often what's missing for people who don't go after the dream that they're not possible to see the future. And for some of us, like I know for myself, it comes quite natural because I'm. I naturally I find it easy to look into the future, but some people really struggle with it either because I just don't do it, but also sometimes because they immediately get into overwhelm and anxiety. And so if that's you, for example, if that's someone to whom that applies, I would say the first step could be actually get someone on board who can look into the future. And I don't mean necessarily psychically, just someone who can imagine the future. Can you Create pictures. Yes, absolutely. You're so right, because we only step into pictures. So when you. When you leave your house, you've got a picture of. This is how I'm going to get there. I'm going to walk, I'm going to get a cab or I'm going to get public transport. You've got a picture of where you're going. So we're constantly stepping into pictures. So, as you rightly say, if someone doesn't have a picture of what the future is like, then they're not going to be compelled to get better. In fact, a quite sad story is I think, that people ask me, like, you know, how did my mom. My mom passed away about 12 years ago, and people say, you know, what does she die of? And officially, she died of ovarian cancer. But I actually believe that a huge part of it was that she ran out of road. She didn't have a future. When I asked her, because when she was, you know, a young woman and she wanted to have this kind of medical practice and she wanted to be married and she wanted to have kids. And I asked her what. I would always ask her what her dream was for her retirement. She only had one picture, and that was that she didn't want to be an old lady with dementia walking around. She said, judy Mae, if I get dementia, I don't want to be walking around this area where I've been known as an expert and I've been respected. I want you to take me very far away, put me in a home somewhere, but I just don't want to be around here. So if that's her, that was the only image that she had of that, and that is not compelling. I don't think her body was really inspired. I know it's more complex than this, but I think that a key component was that she wasn't inspired to. I asked her, like, what do you want to be as a grandmother? She didn't have a vision for herself as a grandmother, and she was a grandmother. She didn't have a vision for herself. As you know, I know exactly when I'm 105, 110, I know exactly where I'm going to be sitting. I know exactly what I'm going to be doing. It's there. So all the choices I'm making throughout the day about how I eat, how I move, how I live are based on that future. What's your vision for your future? Where do you know you're gonna be when you're 90 years old? Oh, when I'm 90 somewhere in a very nice climate, I think. I don't fancy the winter thing so much. I think so. It's very light. So usually I see myself in spaces first before I think about anything else. But possibly some really good juice. So it's not everything is that different actually from now. It's just more. There we go. Just more of that. That sustained. Yeah, yeah. Brilliant. So let's go back to our reverse engineering here. So let's talk about Kate Bush, amazing singer. So. Yes. And in fact, one time I remember you actually, you hurt yourself. And I asked you, I was like, oh, my gosh, what happened? I forget what part of your body you hurt. My back. Yes. You really put your back out. And I was like, oh, my goodness, what did you do? And I expected you to say something millennial like, oh, I was out clubbing. I was wearing these heels and this. And you said I was in my bedroom being Kate Bush. I was doing the Wuthering Heights dance and I just. I just pulled something and it hurt like crazy. And it was worth it. Cause you actually. Yeah, you announced it to me with this great big grin on your face. I love Kate Bush. I was just like, I was living my dream in my bedroom and then. Yeah. Something went and so as long as you stop me, I'm still dancing. Exactly. Your back can go. And that doesn't stop you as long as your dream doesn't go. As long as you stay committed to the dream. And the thing is that all we got to do there is look back and say to ourselves, right, what did she do in the early days? And in the early days, she committed to her excellence. So she was there taking loads of dance classes. She was doing yoga at a point where most people weren't doing yoga. She was taking singing classes. She was working on her music. She was working on her music from a very young age. She wasn't waiting until she was 25, just like you're doing now, Elspeth. You are just working on your dream. You're like, okay, I don't know exactly what it looks like, but I know I'm in the right time city and I know that I am going for it in this way. And I know that, you know, well, another thing Kate Bush did that you're doing is you're getting around the right people. So who are people that are going to be able to help me in the future? Oh, my goodness. I'm so excited about this next half hour here on Judy May's Listening on Women's radio station. We're going to be talking about the commitment to your dream. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station Supporting Women's well Being Women's Radio Station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Do you want to be a doula? Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring and empowering? At Nurturing Birth we offer approved doula training courses across the UK which are facilitated by an award winning doula. Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more@nurturingbirth.co.uk hi Carolyn van Beers here from Mother's Hour. Please do check out my latest show the Menopause with Meg Matthews. We talk about perimenopause, the symptoms and most importantly, what treatments are out there to help you physically and mentally get through this very challenging time in your life. Just click on my Mother's Hour page on the website to download the podcast now. It's an amazing, informative and empowering show to help you get the menopause sorted. Are you struggling with money? 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And we are talking all about commitment to your dream. We're realizing that a lot of the commitment to your dream is knowing that it's never too late, having a vision that you can step into so you're not just dutifully sort of like, I should be eating better, I should be working out better, but you just know why this works for you. What does this do? And we were talking specifically about Iris Apfel. We didn't quite get her name right before, but she's Iris Apfell. She is an amazing interior designer and stylist from America. 96 years of age, dresses just like a walking piece of art. And you found something really interesting that she says. Yeah. A quote from her is, when you don't dress like everyone else, you don't have to think like everyone else. How beautiful. What a great way into being extraordinary. How would this person dress? So it's like, okay, I want to be an extraordinary person. What's the next step? That's always the question that I'm, you know, looking at as a coach. And I'm sure you're the same, Nicholina, like, and what do I do? Because a lot of times the coaching that you get, like, on online for free, some of it's really good. But very often it's like, just do this. And people like, how do I do that? What does that look like? It looks like going and putting on really red lipstick. It looks like going and not shying away from that outfit that you really, really want to wear. And we were also talking about Kate Bush, and Kate Bush says, I don't aim for perfection, but. But I do want to try and come up with something interesting. Imagine if that was your commitment to your dream was today. What can I do to make myself look extraordinary? And what can I do? That is another thing I can do that is really interesting. And if you ask your brain a question, it's going to answer it. So instead of how can I get through today? Or what am I going to watch on TV tonight instead? How Can I be extraordinary today? What can I wear? What can I eat? What can I say? What can I study? What can I learn? Where can I go? Who can I hire? All these. Just asking and answering better questions as we go. Yeah. And it's exactly like what you say. It's not only extraordinary, you can also literally call the future in by asking yourself, how extraordinary am I going to be in those five, 10, 20 years? And then what do I need to do today to become that person? And we had a show, I think, about six months ago where we talked about age. We talked about the benefits of making sure that in your tribe of women that you have different age groups and that each age group brings its own value. And I really think that, you know, older women, the elders of the tribe, are, you know, coming into their own now and really starting to be heard by us. We're not just kind of like, oh, well, that was. They've had their turn now. It's kind of like, wow, they've been gathering all this experience and, you know, have really earned the right to their extraordinary lives and. And let's listen to them. And I think a lot of older women as well now are, you know, taking on third and fourth careers and saying, well, you know, I'm in my 60s now. Why shouldn't I start my own film production company? I didn't get it done before. Now it's time for. Now it's time for me to do that. So what is it that. Oh, we've got some gremlins in the works. Hopefully we can't hear that, too. Okay, so what is it that you think that we can. What can we gain from looking at the elders of our tribe? Like, how can we take our inspiration from them? So for me, first of all, one thing it did for me when I started, you know, again, social media, you see more and more of these inspiring stories from, you know, Olympic medalist and I don't know what age or, you know. Yeah, business women in their 80s, 90s and whatever, stylists, whatever, like, in pretty much any industry. It took a fear because when I grew up, being old was always like this doom and gloom and it's horrible. And all this horrible stuff that's going to happen. You're going to get ill and you can't look after yourself. And I just, I remember when I was younger, I always thought, I need to die in my 30s kind of thing. I was just like, I could not see any point in getting old. I was just like, what's the point? All the Fun's going to be gone. And only over the years, there have been more and more references of how amazing it actually can be and all the benefit it can bring that you have more life experience, you know, more stuff, and, you know, you have more opportunities. In a way, yes, maybe your health needs a bit more looking after, but you can draw from so many other things to, you know, do amazing things. And we were talking in the break as well about an extraordinary woman who we both follow, in fact, who I've met called Mimi Kirk. And Mimi is now 80. Is she? I think she's 80 almost. And she just. Oh, my goodness. So she's all about raw, organic food. And she is extraordinary. Like, she, you know, her boyfriend is a couple of decades younger than her, at least a couple decades younger than her. Not that that needs to be an indication of anything, but the fact that, like, for her age really is immaterial that, you know, it's just all about the energy that you have. And she has got a at least, you know, 20 good, energetic, really fulfilling years in her, at least, because she's committed to that. And then you've got some women who are in their 30s and the way that they're living, they're not going to have as good a time and they're probably going to leave the planet sooner than she is. That's exactly. It comes back to why the dream is so important. Because a dream can really make sure you stay alive. Because you have to think and figure out how you're going to get there. You really have to put some work into it, and that can really help your brain to just stay young. Because the worst that you can do is just not challenge your brain. It's the same as any muscle. Like if you. If you don't use it, you lose it kind of thing, isn't it? Absolutely. Just to work that muscle every single day. So, you know, learning something when you get older is so important and like, really staying at something and using what you have to make sure it stays young until, like, you know, 104 over or whatever. That's it. And that's the thing that just really concerns me is when I see somebody just living on automatic, they're like, well, I have my job, I have my family, I have my way. It's kind of like, well, what if there's much more available to you right now? And sometimes when things happen to people that feel like a disaster and we realize it's not. This is why we love movies, you know, so you've got Someone who. They seem to have the perfect life, and they are, you know, pretty happy, and they're living that perfect life, and then suddenly something happens and it seems to all go wrong. And. And so, for example, what was that movie that was out about, gosh, 20, 30 years ago now? And it was. Now, I'm not gonna remember anyone's name in it, but it was about this. This woman who was a housewife, and she used to talk to the wall, and then she would. And she left. She basically sort of left her husband and her home. And because no one was paying any attention to her, she literally used to talk to the wall for company. And she went. She took herself off, I think it was to Greece, and she really found herself, and she had an amazing time. And I always remember thinking that while she was gone, her husband was thinking that that was the worst thing that could have happened. Absolutely thinking that this was the worst thing that it had. She had upset everything, that everything was kind of negative, but, in fact, she was kind of just breaking it open. There's a really great poem by Rumi which talks about, you know, being like a chunk of air when thrown in, the chunk of dirt when thrown in, the air breaks into pieces. You must try to break yourself apart, otherwise you'll be broke, broken open by death when it's too late for all that you could become. That's a poem by Rumi. And I really. What I really love about that, and I really love about these movies where it seems like it's all going wrong. It's really just that the person has committed to more. So she said, this can't be it. Like you were saying earlier, Nicolina, like, people are just often broken apart by this idea of this can't be all there is to life. And so when that moment happens, maybe when you lose your job or, you know, your industry doesn't exist anymore in the same way as it used to, that is, in fact, an opportunity, and that is a calling for you to commit to your dream. Yeah, I mean, I remember from spiritual teachings, there's always like, either you're really curious and you want to know what enlightenment means, and you just keep searching until you find it. Or. Or it's pain. You're just in so much pain. You need to find a way out. And then you try to deal with your pain by finding more and more ways on how to live a more awesome life. No, go ahead, please. They hear enough from me. No, sorry. I just thought so. Elspeth, in your young years, what is it? That you have found about, about the dream because this isn't something for. It doesn't have to be so big and monumental and it doesn't have to happen later in life. I think it's the same for everybody. Have you had times where you are more and less committed to the dream and do you feel that in your body? Yeah, I'd say definitely dreams change. I mean my passion and everything has completely changed to from where I thought it was going to go. But definitely there are times where you feel like, oh God, I've given up and your whole body feels exhausted. Everything just kind of just. It takes a toll. But as soon as something positive happens or you have a positive change of your outlook, you kind of kick start yourself again and you're like, oh, off I hop. Do you find that things make you passionate or that you are passionate and then get fired up about things? Because I find there's a lot of, you know, you do your passions and live from your passions and all that talk out there. And I'm just, yeah, curious because I often find it. There's no thing really that makes you passionate. It might remind you of something. But I say, like how Judy May was talking at the beginning. It's all about excitement. What brings you excitement? If I get fired up over something, that tends to mean I'm quite excited in that moment. It's a different kind of excitement. I do quite like an argument badly, but I would say, yeah, definitely with like your dreams and whatnot. It's what brings you excitement, what gives you the kind of butterfly energy that actually wakes up your body. I'm so glad that you said that because sometimes then what happens, and this is something we can talk about after the next ad break, that sometimes what happens is that you're committed to your dream and you're working your dream and then it goes through a phase where sometimes there's mundane stuff that needs to be done. And a lot of people, when they get to that point or when they get to the point where maybe they are, you know, putting their book out there to be published or maybe they are, you know, trying to get certain people interested in their product and it's not working, then suddenly something else can seem really shiny and they're like, oh, I've got to live my passion and they go after the shiny thing. And that's when it's important to have committed to the dream that you have committed to, to say, you know what, this path is going to get messy. So it's not always about the butterfly kind of excitement. But it is always, it's kind of like in relationships, it's not always about the new person that's walked in the door. Sometimes it's about refinding the person that you already have. More after this. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related, right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. My name is Ingrid Marsh and I host the Radical Wellbeing show supporting women's wellbeing. 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Would you like to support families through pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period? Do you have qualities of compassion, listening, caring and empowering? At Nurturing Birth, we offer approved doula training courses across the UK which are facilitated by an award winning doula Here you will learn more about the support you can offer, explore the doula role and think about how to set up your business. No need for previous qualifications. Find out more@nurturingbirth.co.uk. You're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's radio station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradio station, that's Women's Radio Stn or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we trust, transform everything. Shirley Valentine, that is the name of the movie that I couldn't think of. For those of you who have been screaming at me, yes, I finally got it. And for those of you who were like, oh, no, what is that? There you go, Shirley Valentine, really amazing movie. We were talking about it in terms of sometimes when it looks like it's all falling apart, it's actually all falling together. It all needs to happen in order that you can get onto new path. And sometimes it can be hard to commit to something that doesn't feel good. So just remembering that it doesn't have to feel good. Also talking about the fact that the initial dream, yes, it has to be something that you're passionate about, something that you definitely want. Elspeth was talking brilliantly about that and also about the fact that you need to commit to it even when it feels not good. Like if you're in a relationship and you guys are going through a rough patch, but you know, you're passionate about this person, you're committed to the relationship, then someone walks in and they are really shiny, they are really superstar, they're really your thing, you get really turned on, they say all the right things to you. Well, then in that moment you've got to say, and I'm committed to this other relationship. And sometimes we got to do that. Sometimes if we're, you know, we gotta work through one thing, bring that to completion and then earn the right maybe to move on to something else in your business. It might be that you've committed to, to bringing in X amount of money this year, do that. Rather than saying, oh, you know what, instead I'm going to go and write my album, you know, earn the right to write your album. So we have in studio with us today Nicholina Werther, who is an expert on staying on the path, making sure that you commit, making sure that you get to where it is that you want to be. Yeah. More insights. I know. I think you already said, like, what I would say. Yeah, that's to stick to your dream. But I also thought what you said before about, you know, the chaos preceding the orders. I just love that because I think sometimes it's easy to forget and we're like, oh, my God, everything's falling apart. State of the world, everything's falling apart. And I'm one of these, I don't even know why, optimists. I'm like, yeah, it's because we're getting a new world order. I'm very excited about this, actually. Yeah. Don't find it that threatening. So I. But, yeah, just thinking if you can, you know, just change your perspective on something a bit, kind of ask yourself sometimes why it feels that things might be falling apart. Be it personal and, you know, bigger, like, structures. It can really shift things and be like, ah, okay. It's just, you know, just before the breakthrough kind of thing. Yeah. How is this growing me for the next stage of the dream? Because that stage of the dream is only going to be possible because of the growth you're going through right now. If you want to get fancy on it, it's kind of like the Hegelian dialectic where we've got, you know, one thing happening, something comes along, completely counters it completely pushes back, and then it just resolves itself into something that is next level. And it's. And right now I'm kind of with you on that. That, you know, things are kind of getting crazy, but a lot of the really good people are waking up and they're saying, hold on a second. That is not fair. It's not okay to treat people like that. It's not okay to do that. It's not okay to treat people like commodities. This is not okay. It's not okay to overstep boundaries in that way. And those good people rising up and finding their voice and becoming more powerful, that needed to happen for them and for the next stage of the world. And they were kind of, you know, incited into that by people trying to take more power than they had had a right to. Yeah. And that's. I find it interesting because that's. It's kind of. It links a personal dream you have and why it's important to build out your personal life and make, you know, get the house that you're dreaming of or the family you want or you Know, your exhibition or whatever it is that you personally dream of to like the bigger dreams we have collectively, because you can't do one without the other. You can't be like, oh, I wish, you know, the economic system would be different. And then at home you're like, oh, your family is falling apart, it just doesn't work. Yeah, how can you. And that brings us back to that famous phrase about, you know, how can you be the change that you want to see in the world, like Andy said. And so, yeah, if you're feeling a little bit helpless around, oh my gosh, the whole world feels chaotic, you take care of your part of the world. How can you make sure that your brain and your household and maybe your physical environment are non chaotic? And this is, I think why at this time as well, we're all loving Marie Kondo. We're all loving the fact that, you know, you can in a very spiritual way feel really great about creating order and decluttering and knowing that that then impacts how it is that you're thinking, feeling, relating, moving through your dream in this less chaotic way. What is it that's exciting both of you about the world right now? Because we look a lot about what's not working. What is it? Because for me in my life, I am so excited about the fact that my big breakthrough over the last year is I've become a neat freak that I actually take everything out of my bag when I walk in the door of my home. I change my clothes, I hang them up like the floordrobe does not exist anymore. And I was doing battle with it for a very, very long time. And now I'm just like, oh, I'm actually one of those people that I never thought I was going to be. As I cook, I tidy up after myself, I use a knife, I wash it, it's washed and put away. Like, oh my gosh, when did I become this person? And it took a long, long time. That really was a commitment. Have to have it scheduled and have to tick it off and used to feel really effortful and then just realizing that a tipping point happens and at some point all that conditioning starts to work and then you become that person. And that then is allowing my life to create so much more space and time and ease and comfort for me then doing a lot of the huge business things that I have coming up in the next year. Is there something that either in your development or is there something in the world that you're excited about right now? Oh, me. So I don't know I'm a bit. I'm more excited by the person who I've become. I'd say kind of similar to an eat freak thing. I'm kind of happy that I. I said to myself, like a year ago, being like, I want to be more confident. I want to be more this, I want to be more that. Now I've kind of become that person. And it just ticked over time. I wasn't like something. I was like, I must do it. I was just like, oh, I quite like to be at the overtime. And you could just. You could imagine yourself. You could see yourself seeing myself and seeing, you know, and that is so cool because. Yeah. Because now when I look back, because I've known you for about a year and a half now, and in that time, you definitely have. And what's really hilarious is everybody refers to you as sassy now. And I see you like, sometimes I see you kind of like throwing poses, like just standing in a very sassy way, taking up a lot of space, you know, at an angle. Just like comments. Yeah. And just. And really embodying that. And it's interesting that, you know, that is part of the commitment to the dream is commitment to who you're going to be and you committed to. I'm going to be more confident, I'm going to take up more space, I'm going to be more sassy. I'm going to say what I want to say. I'm going to stand up for myself. I'm not going to say, oh, I'm only, you know, this age, and therefore I don't have earned the right to do it yet. You were committed to that. Making me blush now. I can see that. I can see that working. That's awesome. How about you, Nikolina? What's something. Yeah, I just would like to follow on that because I think that some people do say that we're becoming, again, collectively more conscious and we know more about what's happening in the world to ourselves, understand ourselves better. And I'm one of these people. I agree with that. And I think that it really helps to be quicker to break through things that we took as normal, like cultural rules or the things we inherited from our family. And it's so much easier to be like, okay, this is just cultural priming or this is just gender roles or whatever it is, and break free of them and build the lives that we actually want. And that again, comes back to the dream building and to have this freedom and of course, also technology then, which enables us to, you know, do things quicker, go to places quicker, whatever. And there's just so much possibility, I think, in the world right now, and I think that just leading on from that, that, you know, sometimes we think that there's one vehicle to get to where we want to get to. So it used to be that for us as women, we were told that in order to feel a sense of belonging, in order to feel a sense of fulfillment, that we needed to be married with kids. And now we're realizing that, you know what, that's one way to feel a sense of belonging and one way to feel a sense of accomplishment or fulfillment. But, in fact, there are loads of other options. I'm not married. I don't have kids. I feel wonderfully belonging. I feel wonderfully fulfilled. And that, you know, that is something that came through disappointment. You know, I've been engaged twice. It didn't happen. I didn't have kids. And now I'm absolutely thrilled that I have the time to build out my life in the way that I want to. To build it. So as you're saying that, you know, a lot of these things that people see as destabilizing, a lot of people are like, oh, the family's being destabilized. Whereas, in fact, I think the idea of family is being strengthened and broadened. So you're just not. You're not stuck with the same toxic people every Christmas if they are not working for you. But actually, you are creating your own family, and a lot of people are seeing the benefits of that. And if you. If you are around family members who are. Are never going to change, have no desire to change, and don't work for you, that you get to say, you know what? Let me do this differently. You're not stuck with that. Just because people say you can't choose your family, I say, no, you can't. But you can choose to walk away from them if they're not willing to respect you and celebrate you. Absolutely. And it makes me think about, we're on women's radio station. You have men's radio station. What about people you don't identify as either? Absolutely. There wasn't a chance for them before to be like, okay, I built my, you know, networks or family in. In a way that works for me, no matter what I identify as. That's it. That's it. And I remember actually meeting trans people for the first time, even knowing that it was a thing in the 1990s in the east Village in New York. And they were just amazing at building family, building tribe because. Because they had to. And, and I think that that's a reason why we need to commit to our dream, is because for the first time in the existence of human beings, we have so many more options. We have so much more freedom. Yeah. And that again, we're talking about family, but also, of course, to build our own careers. For example, you don't have to stay in the same job for 50 years. That's it. If it's not working for you, I've got one client who was a doctor. She gave up being a doctor to do what she really wanted to do. So that. That's commitment to the dream. Thank you so much for joining us this week. We've been listening to myself, Judy Mae Murphy, Nicholina Werther, amazing intuitive coach, and Elspeth Proudlock. She's looking at me like, you're gonna get my name right this time. Are you gonna stump Elspeth Proudlock, who is our wonderful associate producer, who many of you know because she's here driving the show forward, asking all the interesting questions and making sure that we can support you. And this is what we're here to do. We're here to transform, to support you in transforming everything in your life that needs to be transformed and celebrating and augmenting everything that's already awesome. We will see you for more next week. Until then, stay awesome. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and much, most importantly, women's well being. 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