Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Judy Mae Murphy and what we're going to be doing today is we're going to be talking about how to get through a glitchy day. Very often we make life a little bit more complicated than it needs to be. I think as women especially that we're really good at using all parts of our brain. We're very good at just finding out what else could it be. And sometimes that has an upside, that our complexity can lead to creativity. Our complexity can lead to a nuanced way of being that many others might not have. However, here we want to be talking about how is it that we can support women's well being? Because that's what women's radio station is all about. And in order to do that, got to make sure that we're not being too clever about things sometimes that we're just working out. How is it that we can have an amazing, incredible day? Because if you think about it, our lives are made up of our days. Oh, what a basic statement. But sometimes we forget that and we say to ourselves, I'll be amazing when I'll be amazing when I lose the baby weight. I'll be amazing when I make this amount of money. I'll be amazing when I leave this person, when I find this person. And really, it's about today. And again, oh, let's just roll out some more cliches, shall we? Like, today is the only day we've got. So why don't we just make today absolutely incredible? And we got the biggest response ever from this. When I announced that this was going to be the theme today, so many of you wrote in, and I've whittled that down to four different questions from people or statements from people about their day because I thought it really was very telling. And when I came in here to studio and I asked Ellsworth, our associate producer and Melis, our technical producer about it, they were kind of in agreement, like, yeah, you, that's kind of it. So there are just several things that sort of close us down and stop us from living the best day possible. How is it that we can turn this around for ourselves? Because very often we try and do it by force of will and we know that that only goes so far. Often that can just lead to even more depletion, even more exhaustion and then feeling, you know, stacking on top of that, this idea that we're somehow Powerless because we really pushed through. We've really tried to make it right again and that didn't work. And because it didn't work, that means that we powerless. And then usually by about 10 o' clock at night, we turn that feeling of powerlessness into a meaning. We wrap this meaning around it that somehow this means that we are a failure, our life is nothing, nothing's ever going to be good again. And, you know, hence sort of crying into our pillows. And my mission here on earth is to make sure that no one ever goes to bed crying. It just really isn't necessary. And as someone who used to do that all through my teenage years, all through my 20s, for the first part of my 30s as well, I know that it doesn't have to be that way, that things can be very, very sad, things can be very frustrating. And still you can have an absolutely incredible day. I'm having an incredible week, by the way. It was my birthday a few days ago and everybody has just been so, so lovely. It was one of those birthdays that I decided that I wasn't going to celebrate it in a big way, just with kind of some close friends and family and just very, very small things. It wasn't at all what I've done in previous years of gathering 40 different friends in one part of the world and celebr three days. None of that. It was just. It was very, very doable, very small, very, very lovely. And then I arrived in studio today and they had a cake for me. So I just, I'm feeling so, so blessed. Right, let's get on to your questions because, you know, it is possible to have an amazing day even when it's not your birthday. The first letter that we have in is from Marie in Paris. And Marie says, I'm a night person. I only really get going on my paintings and music late at night. Then I don't get to bed on time and I'm tired and work the next day. Yeah, you know what? That's what a lot of people have. You can feel like the day isn't doable simply because you don't have enough energy. What really strikes me, Marie, about what you wrote, you wrote a lot more detail, but I just edited it down to that. But this idea of then I don't get to bed on time, as if it's somehow outside of your control. And also this idea of I'm a night person. Very often we'll give ourselves labels that aren't helpful. I'm a chocoholic. I'm A wine snob. I'm a this, I'm a that. Now, if you decide that you're a great learner or you're just an awesome human being, those labels might be useful. Labels are simply shortcuts to understanding a bigger picture. But if you're saying to yourself, I'm a night person already, you have told yourself a story that somehow the. The mornings aren't going to be productive or useful or fun for you. So I'd like, first of all, to turn that one around. What if you were a night person and a morning person? What if you were such a good night person that you were really good at instigating a nighttime routine? What if it's true? I'm sure it is. That you are really creative at night. So how about if you get really, really creative about designing your morning and designing your bedtime routine so that you are getting to bed on time? Whatever you call on time. How about, you know, at a really, really good time? I love going to bed at night because I know that I've had a great day. I've, like, five questions that I ask myself right as I'm going to bed, and I'll say, right, what are five wins for today? And sometimes they're small wins. Sometimes there's something like, oh, you know what? That time that I saw these pigeons bathing themselves in that puddle on Dean Street. And sometimes it might be something really big like, wow, I just signed another really great international book deal. It doesn't matter, just wins for the day. This feel of progress, this feeling that you don't have to stay up because somehow you didn't get enough. When we're kids, we come out with these statements like, no, no, we haven't done anything yet. We haven't played yet. Remember that feeling when you go out with your family and then you get home and you wouldn't have watched any TV and you wouldn't have, you know, had time to yourself, and then you're being sent to bed. It feels so unfair. Well, now that we're adults, we can take control of that and we can say, you know what? Good things happened. Really good things are going to happen in the morning. So if you're telling yourself that you're only productive at night, then your entire day is glitchy because you're just waiting. And you might not be consciously doing this, might be unconscious that you're just waiting for the good stuff to come along. We do this in all kinds of areas. For some people, they have that whole thing. Thank God it's Friday. And so in their minds, they're training themselves with that statement that good stuff only kicks in on Friday. How about, thank God it's Wednesday? What do people call Wednesday? They call it hump day. Oh, my goodness. This idea that somehow it's, like, really difficult and has got to be gotten through. So let's start paying really, really close attention to how we're talking to ourselves about our day. What is it that we're telling ourselves about this day, about the possibilities and a really great way to prime yourself in a. In a really, really strong way. Let's first of all explain what priming is. Priming is when you put an idea into your head that then you want to be going along with for the rest of the day. So it's sort of like setting a direction. So we do this again unconsciously all the time. Let's imagine if you get up. And it was. It was Mother's Day in the States yesterday. And so a lot of mothers were waking up to gorgeous scenes of little kids running in with. With trays of food, everybody smiling. This idea that they were going to be looked after, this idea of that they weren't going to be compromised, they weren't going to be criticized, that they were going to just be loved and celebrated. Don't know how long that lasts for. Probably it doesn't last as long as the toast. But that feeling that they're then set in that direction for the day, and it's easier to have a great day. Then have a think about those days where, say, you miss the tube. Elspeth was saying that that's the thing that can kind of get her a day glitchy when she misses the tube in the morning, it just sort of like sets it off on a wrong foot because then she's late. Then she feels like people aren't understanding how conscientious she is. They aren't understanding how she's naturally a punctual person. And so she just feels like she's got off on a wrong foot. So that can also be a primer. That can also be a way that your day is being set. Some people use the weather for that sunny day, they feel primed for happiness. Rainy day, they feel primed for sadness or gloom. So let's really take control of it. So the first part of it is just recognizing that we do this anyway and then saying, what would be a better way? What would be better thoughts? What would be better energy to have in your day? My first two hours of every single day belong to me. And in that, a lot of it is priming, a lot of it is studying, but also a lot of it is priming myself for how is the rest of the day going to go? And that involves asking myself questions like, how am I going to enjoy this day? So, Marie, what I would say is, you know, start asking yourself different questions about how you can really get the most out of the rest of the day. How can I enjoy becoming a morning person? How can I enjoy inspiring people by my morning routine? How can I actually enjoy getting into bed earlier than I need to be so I can just, you know, be there daydreaming and visualizing my amazing future or whatever it is for you? Because you're the expert on you. That's always the case with everybody. Everybody's always the expert on themselves. There's just a few of us who have expertise in these areas, areas like designing your lives. But never, never, never let anybody try and override your idea for what's best for you. Even if you're about to make a huge, big mistake, take it on board. Make the mistakes you need to make. Because it is your life. It is your journey. And what we can do when we are priming ourselves is we can just read things. I've got a whole list of things that I read. Some of them are quotations that I found. They're very unusual and really remind me of who I am and what's possible in my day. Also, I'll watch a really great motivational video, but I always make sure that I have worked out those in advance. So maybe late afternoon, I might sit down and choose some videos for the next morning. Because sometimes something starts out like it's going to be really positive, and then it kind of just turns into something that's too pushy or too. Or even misogynistic sometimes that, you know, you start listening to these. These. These guys who are yelling about, you can do it, and then suddenly they're talking about how women get in the way, and you're like, what? I don't want to wake up to that. That would not be good priming. So just find that will work for you and design your morning. And then you're going to find that that just sets off your day really, really well. So we're going to be talking about all aspects of making sure that you can get over a glitchy day. But the first one is, make sure the day doesn't start out glitchy. Make sure that the day is starting out as high and as positive and as energized as it can be. And that you're starting out remembering who you are, not just saying to yourself, I'm a tired person. Yeah, you might be a tired person, but you're way more. You might be a hungry person, you might be a frustrated person, but you're way more than that. You're creative, you are loving, you are just building something extraordinary that a lot of people don't have access to yet. Because it's still happening. It's still in process. You're in lag time right now. It's a time that we can celebrate. And so what we're going to be doing for the rest of this hour is looking at other ways that you can make sure that you have the most extraordinary day, no matter what happens here on Judy Mayes listening on wrs. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future classic Women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's wellbeing and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Falguni Desai of Action Coach. Are you a business owner with more than five employees? Do you want to grow your business? I'm a London based business coach who helps small and medium sized businesses to grow and make a profit. I will help you identify the strengths and weaknesses in your business and then work with you to improve it using a structured framework. To find out more, contact me on 072-16-54640 and book your one hour complimentary one to one coaching session. Thank you. Hi, I'm Tracey Weeden of Brownhill Insurance Group. We are an award winning family run insurance broker covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal household, high net worth and fine art. You can contact us on O 6584334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills. We've got you covered. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on Women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together. With spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the executive director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org women's radio station can give a voice to your brand with a wide range of skills, sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs. We can tailor your experience to you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. How's your day going? Is it a good one? Did it start off good and get better? Did it start off good and get a little bit glitchy? We're talking today about how is it that we can get through a glitchy day. And one thing that a lot of people find is what Sam from Wales was saying. She said, I can be in a great place and then something happens, usually a negative person and my day is ruined. How can I avoid negative people? Well, Sam, here's the short answer. You can't. They're everywhere. And a lot of those are very well meaning people who are just having trouble processing their own day. But it's absolutely true that that kind of negativity can really, really close us down. Melissa, what do you find about this? Do you find that you ever someone negative and that you suddenly they can change your mood or are you quite immune to that? Oh my God. All negative people, they always like affect my mood. It's just like I'm so scared of them. Yeah, right. And that's just the way that it is with more sensitive people. Do you find that because you are very sensitive and creative that that makes it worse? I guess so. I guess I'm always overthinking basically, like, hey, why I'm affecting so much. I'm always thinking like that. And I think, like, they actually create this negative environment and, like, it's really hard to escape. Yeah, yeah, it can feel that way, can't it? Yeah, especially those of us who are. Who are more sensitive. And that was. That was Melis, our technical producer, by the way. I did, I did say to her I was going to bring her on radio and she's like, not today, not today. I thought, just, let's just put her out of her misery. It's all about us doing new things. Right? And this is so true that particularly when we are more sensitive, when we are the sort of person who, you know, takes things to heart, that it can kind of sit with us for longer. So if you have people who are negative, who are more pushy, it can very often feel like they just go and get on with their day, that they come in, they sweep in, they affect you negatively, and then they leave and they're absolutely fine. Elspeth, have you ever found that, yes, 100%, you can be having a great day and then somebody can be really negative and that's it. You feel awful. And is it that they have to be rude or is it just like, even if they're just having their own little pity party, can that bring you down? What tends to affect you the most? Is it someone who's, like, moaning about life in general or someone who snaps at you, for example? It depends. It can be if someone's being really down and really negative, you tend to get the vibes off them and you're feeling down. You're like, oh, for goodness sake, be quiet, because I was having such a good day. But then if someone just shouts at you, you kind of feel, oh, gosh, I'm doing everything wrong, when actually it may not be about you. It might be they're getting screamed at by somebody else, so therefore screaming at you. It's just a chain of screaming. And a lot of times when people do are rude and get upset with you about little things, I always try to think to myself, how are they being logical? And is this really about me? Oh, that's so awesome that you can do that. You know what? I still can't do that. So I have to find other ways I can't go back into, like, if someone's really taken me off track, because really that's what they're doing. You were on one track in your brain. The neurons were firing in particular directions, you were thinking particular things, and it was just rolling along and in that great direction. And then somebody just decided, no, we're gonna do. We're gonna. We're gonna go on this roller coaster ride instead. Like, you might have been enjoying that. You might have enjoying the merry go round, having a lot of fun on that chair, planes, whatever you were doing. But no, we're gonna go on there. We're gonna go on the ghost train. And I'm on it. So everyone's on it. And so that. That is brilliant when you can do that, to be able to use that. And that's kind of, you know, CBT uses a lot of that stuff where it sort of says, well, what's really going on here? Am I just. Am I doing black and white thinking? Am I just, you know, focusing on the negative and not on the positive? And cbt, cognitive behavioral therapy is fantastic for training us to do that. But what I find is, and many people find, is that when you are absolutely hijacked emotionally, that it can be a lot harder to do that. So, you know, what can we do? Like Sam says, you know, my day is ruined. And so much so that she wants to avoid negative people. Well, the really cool thing is that you might not be able to control the person. We can never control other people. Those of us who aren't abusive, we don't control other people. However, we can influence. And the way that we influence is, first of all by leading the room. So that is the idea of, you know, whenever I walk into a room, I know that no matter what is going on in that room, I'm going to be bringing something great from the outside in. I'm not going to allow the room to change me. I'm going to change the room. So if the room. If I walk in and the room is absolutely lovely, great. It's just meeting me where I'm at. Sometimes I'll walk into a room and, you know, there'll be someone who will be at an even higher level, who will be maybe having more fun or being super caring. And I'm like, great, now you've raised my vibe from the high place I was at already. But the one thing I won't allow happen is for me to walk into a space and for somebody else to decide that we're all going to be playing at a lower level. And the way that you can do that is just by how you enter a room. The way you've got your shoulders back, the way you've got your chest up, the way you've got that smile on your face or even that little smile in your eyes, or just that look of determination. Because then when you walk in and if the entire room is really at odds with the way that you've decided to be, then you're going to just be able to turn around and walk out. You don't have to do the job of bringing everybody with you. So this is what we're going to look at is, you know, sometimes it's time to leave that room or that situation, if it's a long term situation. And sometimes it's just about staying steady and saying, you know what? I am more committed to my great mood, my great state than you are to your lousy state. And often just that commitment to staying in a good place can get people to just notice what they're doing. It's not a criticism of them, but they just kind of then see that they're showing up a bit negative. Like if someone says, oh gosh, you know, isn't the weather terrible? And I kind of go, I don't know, I kind of like it like this. I like it. It kind of makes me feel like I've got to get a blanket and snuggle down and just kind of look out the window and read and enjoy the rain. And then they'll sort of have a think about it and you've switched tracks in their brain. They're like, yeah, actually, yeah, it's not, it's not too bad. And then the really fun thing is if you hear overhear them and someone else is moaning about the weather and then they say, actually, you know, I quite like rainy weather. So, you know, we're all complex. We can all be certain ways. We're not just happy or sad people. We're not just positive or negative people. So a lot of the people around you aren't committed to their glitchiness. They're not committed to their negativity. They're just kind of fallen into that as a default. But you, as someone who designs your life, designs your day rather than falling into it as a default. You have a little bit of power there to just influence. Not to control, just to influence, just to kind of throw in a little suggestion just by how you show up and the things that you choose to share about your experience. So let's have another little look at what Sam says here because there's always more. I can be in a great place and then something happens again. That's like, do you remember with Marie we were looking at, she sort of said, I didn't get to bed on time. Something happens. These are these little micro statements of powerlessness. You know, something happens. A lot of somethings happen in every day, but not all those somethings take you out at the knees. We don't say, you know, and then a car passed me, and my day was ruined. So very specifically, we've got to say, right, well, what is it about me that somebody being negative makes me feel that I have to, you know, go into this less good state? And very often it's because when we were kids, someone being negative towards us meant that we were in trouble, meant that we had to somehow make amends. We had to be more quiet. We had to, you know, show how sorry we are. We had to. We had to just be less than. So we're kind of carrying that from childhood rather than just completely, as Elspeth says, be able to just disassociate from that and just sort of say, no, that's. That's yours. That's your state. That's. But. But logically, I know that my world is intact. And this is something that, as women, we're so good at joining other people's worlds, and we need to learn and condition in. How is it that we can stay committed to our world, to our goals, to our dreams for ourselves, our commitments, our way of being? And that can start with something like our mood in the day. And it might be that you got to take yourself off to the ladies room and just stand there in front of the mirror and just remind yourself who you are. But again, talking to what we were saying before the break about priming yourself, when you've primed yourself, you're much more likely to be able to snap back into that place, because that will seem like a more valid and more viable reality for you, that good state that you've decided to have. So, yes, when we're dealing with negative people, let's first of all acknowledge that they do have that impact. So we don't ever want to be the kind of person who isn't impacted by other people, because that means we're not connected and we're not caring. So there is a really great upside to us being affected negatively and positively. If you think about it, like, think back to when we were cave women and we used to, you know, we would hear a kid cry. We would have to go into a mode of, oh, gosh, something's wrong. Even though it wasn't our pain or our hunger that we were hearing, we needed to be able to, you know, drop in there in order to take care of that situation that was ours to take care of. But now we can differentiate now. We can say not everything needs to be reacted to. I don't have to join in with everything. I don't have to be quite so aware. And I used to be the kind of person who, unless everybody around me was in a good place and happy with me, that unless that was going on, I could not be in a good place and be happy with myself. So you can imagine why it was quite hard for me to be happy right then. Whereas these days it's really easy for me to be happy, really easy for me to get back on track. Because no matter what's happening, I just remind myself, I have designed my day and a large part of that is I've designed how my body's going to be, how relaxed I'm going to be, how happy I'm going to be, what emotions I'm going to have going on, what certain things I'm going to get done. But we just so easily get derailed. And the question that we have coming up right after this break is all about how do we recover from derailment? You know, what is it that we can do in order to make sure that we're not being derailed by things like other people's agendas and things like a depletion of our own energy? And this is what we're here talking about in Judy May's Listening. I'm listening to what is it that is really affecting you? And here on Women's Radio Station, we're all about supporting women's well being and it's a very, very practical thing. It's not just about going off and reminding ourselves that we're spiritual and then having a bubble bath and somehow we're supposed to, to be fixed. It really is about moment to moment saying, right, and now who do I choose to be? And now how do I move to choose to move forward? And how can I make my life even more extraordinary? Women's Radio Station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personal experience service. This happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078-254-4122 and Liz spelt L I S at hazelmere travel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk Let me tell you about German street theatre which this is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End. Once found, never forgotten, this is where careers ignite, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.germanstreettheater.com. you're listening to Women's radio station supporting women's well being. Coming soon will be a host of new shows supporting all areas of your well being. Shows that you can get involved in. So stay tuned. Womensradiostation.com here for you. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. I'm just loving this show. It reminds me of about 18 years ago. I was a regular on a television show in Ireland, like the big breakfast morning show and they used to call me the Fix it girl, which I thought was kind of cool. And I do love it. I do love just getting in there and fixing stuff because a lot of the things that don't feel good to us that we're experiencing, a lot of the delays, a lot of the frustrations, a lot of the, you know, feeling stress, scared, feeling like a little girl again, all that stuff, when we can find ways to fix it, it's all very fixable. We can fix everything, we can work out everything. And when we just approach the day in that sort of creative way, rather than seeing it as a done deal and somehow the day is happening to us rather than we're happening to the day, we can end up living a life that is way below what we're capable of. So if there's one thing I want you to get, hopefully there'll be more than one thing. But if there's one thing I definitely want you to get from today's, it's this idea that no matter what is going on in your day, you can not only make it right, but you can bring your day higher and higher and higher. And what ends up at some point being a real low, you can turn it around and it can be the best day of your life so far. And if you just have that mindset of, you know, what if this was going to be the best day of my life so far, what would probably be happening in it? And already your brain starts working differently. Right? A question I always ask myself, and I think I might have referred to it earlier on because the very first question in my very long list of primers is, you know, how can I enjoy this day? How do I know I'm going to enjoy this day? And then suddenly I'm creating different pictures. I'm creating pictures of me having a good time, not just dutifully getting through a to do list and, you know, phoning people back and nobody really. Well, very few people, I think there are some. But very few people will have an orgasmic, incredible, life changing day simply through, you know, ticking off certain things on a list. So the next letter that we have in is from Helen in Sheffield. And Helen says, I find I run out of energy in the afternoon. My day gets less and less good as it gets later. By the nighttime, I'm drinking wine and watching shows I don't even like. Oh, Helen, there are so many people who can relate to that. Let's just look at the idea of by the night time I'm drinking wine and watching shows I don't even like. I don't drink alcohol at all. I don't drink alcohol. I don't drink coffee. Coffee. I don't eat meat or anything like that. So I have my life set up in a way that there isn't any wine in the house. So people always say, oh, I end up eating a box of biscuits. And I'm like, oh, that box of biscuits that just flew in the window. And you'd be amazed at how people will fight tooth and nail to defend the having of a box of biscuits. They'll come up with phrases like, everything in moderation. It's sort of like, well, what even does that mean? So what, Heroin in moderation? Poison ivy in moderation. You want to be like, you know, you want a moderately broken leg. No, you don't have to take on board the negative stuff. You can actually decide, I'm only going to allow the best stuff into my house. Because if you are drinking wine on a regular basis, wine is full of sugar. And the thing about sugar is it really depletes your energy. Your blood sugar levels are not even. You'll find yourself craving sugar. You'll find yourself wanting to go for the complex carbohydrates, the processed foods, just because you've created this taste in yourself for sugar. And if you can just take charge of that little area alone, you'll find that your energy is a lot more even throughout the day. Now, having said that, we know that, yes, there is a depletion of energy throughout the day. So how can you design your day so that you are not having to make big decisions later on in the day? And that is that you can design your evening that morning. So while you're fresh, while you're excited about your day, maybe you've just done some priming stuff. Maybe you've just, you know, walked in and changed a room and made everyone feel fantastic. And then you can say to yourself, what would be the best thing to do this evening that would be relaxing? Because I know that by the evening, I'm not going to want to work. I might tell myself that I'll want to, you know, study Mandarin Chinese for three hours. But chances are, if what you usually default to is a glass of wine and tv, that you do need a break at that point. So how can you have a much more active recovery time? More active and more creative? So you might decide something like, oh, there's this podcast that I can learn something from, and I can just go and I can get myself a big bowl of cherries, and I can go and sit in the spare room away from everybody and just eat a bowl of cherries and listen to this podcast for an hour. And then even if you do go and join the family on the sofa and they're all watching, you know, whatever is the show of the month, then at least you feel like you have been in some way productive in your evening, that you didn't just sort of let it run away with you. And default into this place that you've said yourself that doesn't work for you. So if someone is very happy drinking wine and watching tv, that's great. But Helen has identified that this is something she doesn't like in her life. So let's just look really simply at how we can make sure that we don't run out of energy. It's about the discipline putting in place the gentle discipline, when we have the willpower to do that. There's a really great book called Willpower. It's by the professor called Bohmeister and then the writer's guy called John Tierney. Bohmeister and Tierney wrote this great book, Willpower. And in it, some of the actual methodology of a couple of the experiments that they talk about has been called into question, but the actual basic science of what they're talking about still stands. That has not been called into question. So basically it's about how later in the day our ability to decide this or this gets depleted. We're always deciding this or this. It's very binary. It's very much like, am I going to stand up? Am I going to stay sitting down? Am I going to talk now? Not talk now? Am I going to choose this word? No. Am I going to choose this word? Yes. I'm going to choose that word, yes. So we're constantly doing this, and we do it better the more energy we have. So thinking of it in those terms, thinking of it in terms of not just how does society do a day, how does society eat, but what would be the optimum way for me to eat and drink so that I could just have the most glorious, gorgeous day possible? And you'll find yourself eating the kind of breakfast that no one else eats. When I'm at home, my breakfast is broccoli. It's broccoli. Sometimes broccoli with hummus, sometimes broccoli with just some olive oil and sea salt on it. But I'll just eat loads of broccoli because that's what my body needs at that time. Broccoli for breakfast. I mean, how crazy is that? And I've done it for years. I had a few years when I didn't do it when I switched to muesli because I thought muesli was more beautiful. And then I was like, right, how can I make the broccoli more beautiful? I, you know, get these really ridiculously beautiful Japanese teapot to have lovely cup of Japanese tea, lovely sencha matcha with the broccoli. So just constantly finding out how can I bring this to a way where it feels good to me and not dutiful. It's a mistake a lot of people make when they're trying to unglitch their day, is they try and just power through rather than inspiring themselves and saying to themselves, you know, what is it that we can do? Myself and Elspeth are going off to the Wild Food Cafe in Covent Garden right after this. Why do we like that cafe so much? Because it's gorgeous. It is so spectacular. Who doesn't want a flower in their salad, you know? Come on. And in fact, you know what? If you. If you check me out on Instagram, judymaymurphy, I will guarantee that there will be pictures that we will take today from Wild Food Cafe and that you'll see coming up. And that's what I use my Instagram feed for, is for really inspiring, really reminding you that if you look up, there's great architecture. If you look to one side, there's these people who've got great style going on and who are smiling really big. If you look down at the table, there's this incredible food going on. So we've got to be reminding ourselves constantly of that because the world around us is very reductionist. It's just like, if you think about what's happening in the world today, it's pretty much all about Game of Thrones and how people weren't very happy with the way the script went in that or the story arc in that. It's all about various political things that are going on, and those things matter and those things count. And I myself am big into human rights and I'm very involved with them in various capacities. However, I also realize that also what's available is poetry and great classic literature and the brilliant artwork and fashion that's all around us. And you know what? That lovely cloud there is gorgeousness everywhere. But if we're just making things like, I'm tired, I'm not tired, I'm happy, I'm not happy, I'm feeling. I'm with positive people, I'm with negative people. When we chunk it that big, it's much easier for us to be in the place we don't want to be. Whereas if we can just really start to enjoy and play with those gradations and say, what else? While acknowledging that in any day it's not going to be 100% great. So we're not about being fake about this. It's not about saying, I am energized when you're not. Maybe you're not. How can you have the best de energized time possible? In my house, I've got blankets everywhere, gorgeous blankets folded on every single chair. Because as soon as you're feeling not 100%, that's just a gorgeous thing to do to wrap yourself in a blanket and remind yourself that you are held. And so it's not about that. It's not about just powering through and changing how you feel to something more awesome sometimes. It's about, and how can I make the most of this? How can I bring my life forward? So let's imagine a negative person has really upset you, right? What about that upset me? Me? How can I make sure that I communicate to them in a way that I can make sure I'm not spoken to that way again? Is it that they will understand that or is it that I need to leave that relationship? Am I sort of being naive here and expecting it to change? You can get quite nuanced about it. You can get into a lot of detail about it in order to be able to deliver for yourself the things that you need. Because sometimes it is a time of growing, sometimes it's time to be sad, sometimes it's time to be angry. Sometimes it's time for things to be not going well. So let's imagine you have a bit business disappointment. That is the best time to say, right, this particular disappointment keeps cropping up. So maybe it's something like not having enough leads or maybe it's something like, you know, people being dissatisfied with a certain aspect of your product or service and you just sort of say, right, this is an amazing message. This is a thing that doesn't feel good. It feels glitchy. But this is an amazing opportunity for me to turn this around. So what I would say, Helen, is that, you know, you have an amazing opportunity here to say to yourself, how can I be the best possible buddy for my own body? How can I make sure that my body and brain are working in ways that really work for my entire life and deciding that, hey, you know what, maybe you're going to radically transform this. More after these. Welcome to Women's Radio station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's radio station. Hello and welcome to welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things Autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Falguni Desai of Action Coach. Are you a business owner with more than five employees? Please. Do you want to grow your business? I'm a London based business coach who helps small and medium sized businesses to grow and make a profit. I will help you identify the strengths and weaknesses in your business and then work with you to improve it using a structured framework. To find out more, contact me on 072-16-54640 and book your one hour complimentary one to one coaching session. Thank you. Hi, I'm Tracey Weeden of Brownhill Insurance Group. We are an award winning family run insurance broker covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal household, high net worth and fine art. You can contact us on 0208-658-4334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills. We've got you covered. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be refreshing, honest and funny look at being a mum. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that chooses transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org women's radio station can give a voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities including individual programs, we can tailor your experience to you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Welcome to Judy Mailers Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. I'm Judy Mae Murphy thank you so much for joining us. Can you believe how quickly these shows just fly past? Hopefully you've already got a lot of things that are going to allow you to design your day differently and to make sure that you move through any glitches, that you take the lessons that you need. That even if it's something that you can't get yourself back into a positive space, that you're having the best moment possible, the best time in that, that you're learning, that you're moving through it, that you're growing in every single moment. And that is the way that we end up with a great life. When each moment is the best that it can be. Whatever that moment looks like, that's when we know that we haven't just squandered our time here, that we haven't just shown up unconsciously hoping that things are going to be okay, hoping that things are going to change, that we remember that we have power and as women and we know this very well here on WRS because we're all about supporting women's well being. We know that the thing that we need to do is, you know, tap into what do we have the power to do because the world is often sending us signals saying that, you know, it's hopeless, we can't fight back. Particularly these days where we are in a place of a lot of change in the world. A lot of it's kind of like what we used to talk about, the Hegelian dialectic, what we still do. I suppose this idea that, you know, we have have one thing happening and then another thing comes along to challenge that and then we end up moving into a third stage, a way where things have been sort of sorted out a little bit more. But when we're in that place of big challenge and big change, it can feel very, very unsettling. Whether that's on a grander global scale or whether that is in your workplace or whether it's in your own head in your own living room. We know it doesn't feel great. So during these times we really can take control of it and say, and the things that I can control, I will. The things that I can design, I will. And that's what then leads you to feeling good in your day. So let's do more of that. Hey, why not? Our last letter comes in from someone who says, please don't use my name. This is an absolutely safe space. By the way, if you want to contact us us, you can do it on my office email is infoudymay TV or just contact the radio station, or, you know, just check in on social media. I'm very, very open to anything that you have to say, suggestions that you have for themes. If you think that you'd make a great guest and you've got stuff to say, volunteer yourself. We'll have a chat. And let's make sure that you know that when I say I'm listening, I'm listening to you. I'm listening to what is going on in your life. And only when I know that can we start to transform everything. So this person whose name we're not going to use says, I'm fine if I'm able to get on with things, but people come to me with problems and things they need me to do. That's my biggest glitch. And it's something that a lot of women find. They say, I had a client, actually, who said to me the other day, well, I started to get done what I had decided that I was going to do, but then things happened and I just smiling and I said, what things happened? I jokingly said to her, it better be an earthquake because you are really committed to getting this stuff done. And she said, oh, my mother needed me to give a lift, Give her a lift somewhere. Give her a ride somewhere in the car. I said, okay. And was this something that absolutely had to happen? And she said, well, I didn't mind. I thought, wow, okay, so what you're saying is because you didn't mind, that's the price of entry to your life, is that you don't mind. Maybe we could just raise the standard here. Maybe the price of entry is, yes, this makes my life even more amazing. And it can be something like, wow, you know what? My mom never asks for anything. I was so happy to do this for her. It was a great day. It wasn't what I'd planned, but it was. It was incredible because. And that's a different conversation. But here, what we're talking about is what happens when you just allow other people to set what's going to be happening in your day. And often we feel like we can't say no. Often we don't even feel like we can say later. Right? Something as simple as that. That we have been trained up as women, that somehow it's our job to prove that we're on it, prove that we're nurturing, prove that we're capable, that we're efficient, we're effective, we're the ones that can save the day, we're the ones that can get the job and that leads to a situation where we end up making everybody else's dream come true. And there's a woman I was speaking to over the weekend who's now in her 60s and she's saying like she was able to name all these people same age as her, younger than her, older than her, people who've passed away. She was able to name all the ways that she had made those people's lives amazing. And now she herself is having trouble paying her rent and she's like, where are all those people? And as women, the best thing that we can do for our own well being, for our own self care, is to make sure that we've got this financially, that we are really good at looking after ourselves financially, knowing that no matter what happens that we are going to be safe. But again, we're taken off track. And it's those little days that end up to the bigger feelings of crisis. It never really is a crisis, there's always a workaround. But that just feeling of not being safe in the world isn't something that's created in one day, isn't something that's created in one moment, that is created over time when you are choosing to prioritize other people's dreams and other people's needs over your own. Now why do we do that? Partially we do it because it's what we did. And partially we do it because it's the way the culture has depicted what a good woman is. Even though we're moving out of that, it's still very, very prevalent. But also because sometimes the only time we get to feel rewarded, the only time we get that pat on the back, that atta girl. The only time we get acknowledged and validated and seen is when we do something for somebody else. We're being dolphin trained all the time by the people around us. So let's imagine if you for a co worker, you go and you finish their reports for them and they say, oh gosh, I don't know what I do without you. You're an absolute lifesaver. You are amazing. And perhaps that's the only bit of validation that you've got with that kind of intensity behind it. So what's going to happen? You're going to be looking out for opportunities where you can do things for people. So you can get that little bit of sugar, you can get that little reward, that little sort of dopamine hit or that just like feeling of I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm acknowledged, I belong, I'm valued, I'm treasured. And we keep cashing in our own real power for this little drug like approval that we have dropped in our ear. And so we've got to be careful of that. We've got to be ready to be unpopular, we've got to be ready that when we say something like, well, no, actually, I'm doing my work, you do your work. They say, oh, but I'll never get finished and I've got to go and do this this evening. Well, I've got things to do in my evening. And even having that conversation is a justification. You don't have to have the conversation. You don't ever have to explain why it's no. A phrase that's so simple and so lovely is. It's just no. It's still going to be no. You can talk all you want, you can drag up your chair, you can offer me chocolates, but it's still going to be no. You can do this playfully and then move away. And if someone doesn't take a playful, strong drawing of a boundary, that's when we then move into, this is not okay, you need to stop talking to me like this. Or we need to get someone else involved, or if it's becoming really problematic, we just walk away and we keep ourselves physically safe. But knowing that other people's agenda is not our agenda, but we can often be quite overly optimistic about it. We can have this idea that, you know, well, we're all doing this together. We're all building our dreams together. I hear about a lot of younger women in particular who say, oh, yeah, there's a whole group of us, us. And I do this and someone else does this and someone else does this. And I say, right, so who's got their results so far? And usually it is the loudest, pushiest male that gets their results, followed by the loudest, pushiest female, followed by the kinder, sweeter, more helpful male. Then at the very last is the woman who is telling me, we're all doing this together. It's kind of like, well, if it really was about all doing it together, they would be more concerned about the fact that you haven't yet got your result. And suddenly everything that you do in the day would be all about, how can we get this person their result? They're still waiting. But if everybody else is fine for you to have not got your result, then we're not all in it together that you are being subtly used. And the story around it is we're all helping each other, but you'll find time and again that people will just move on and you won't have got the result that you want. This is where as women, we slip into resentment. Anytime you feel resentment, you'll know that you're feeling angry, and rightly so. But you're feeling angry from a point of view of feeling powerless, feeling less than. That's what resentment is. Resentment is a feeling of anger where you feel you are less powerful or being made less important than the person that you're angry at. Right. And that's why it's very often a sort of a slow stewing as we're trying to do something at home. We're just kind of like pacing up and down in our kitchen. And so all these different ways of looking at, am I getting what I need? Am I getting my result here? Am I prioritizing myself? Or am I believing stories where other people tell me I'm being prioritized? Am I getting my results here? Am I feeling good in each moment? What is actually going on? The more that we can unpick that, the more that we can do that, the more likely we are to be designing our day in a way that is pro up. So even if it doesn't go well, even if it gets really, really super glitchy, at least it is glitchy in the pursuit of our dream, in the pursuit of our own happiness. And this is the thing that if we leave that at the back door, no matter how well our day is going, we're not being there for ourselves. We're kind of like being sort of umbrella, big umbrella, big picture, glitchy. So it doesn't really matter what happens in those small moments as long as those small moments are a way toward you getting to your dream, getting to the best experience that you can have in this lifetime. Very, very quickly. We've only got a minute left. Elspeth, what were your three takeaways from today? Oh, today. One, train your brain for the day. Prime your day. Start energetic and positive. Two, change the room. Don't let the room change you. And three, surround yourself with gorgeousness. Oh, love it. And that's something that, you know, all three of us here in studio today, we do that particularly well. I do believe we do that particularly well. I'm going to give us lots and lots points for that also. Thank you to the last person who sent in that question who didn't want us to use their name. Sending you a big hug. Also to Helen, Sam and Marie. We really, really appreciate it. This is Judy May is listening I'm Judy Mae Murphy. I am an international motivational speaker and author and I'm here for you. So please get in touch, Let me know what's going on with you so that together we can transform everything here on WRS where we're all about supporting women's well being. It's all about your dream. Go make it happen. Have a great day. Women's Radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and apparently platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalised service. This happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 07-8254-4122 and Liz spelt L I S hazazelmaytravel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntousous.org.uk Let me tell you about Jermyn Street Theatre. This is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End West. Once found, never forgotten. This is where careers ignite, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.germanstreettheatre.co.uk you're listening to Women's radio station supporting women's well being. Coming soon will be a host of new shows supporting all areas of your well being, shows that you can get involved in. So stay tuned. Womensradiostation.com here for you.