Judymay Is Listening – New Beginnings

Hi, everyone, and welcome to Judy Mae is Listening. I'm Judy Mae Murphy, and I'm here to listen to whatever is going on in your life. For the last 18 years, this is what I've been doing, traveling the world as a speaker, as an author, as a coach, and helping women to find out what it is that they can do to get their life to the next level. What is it that you can do to really shine in this world? Because you know that those little disappointments that you're feeling daily, or maybe the loss of a dream, that it's not final, that there's more in you, that there's more that can be created, more that can be expressed, more that can be understood. So that's what we're here to do. First of all, to work out where is it that you're actually at and then what is it that we need to do to help bring you forward. We're going to be taking live calls in subsequent shows, and tonight we have some really great questions that have come in from all around the world. And we also have an incredible guest that I'm going to introduce you to. She's just someone who I admire so much. She's such a role model for me, Maria Kampinska MBE, if you don't mind, a wonderful businesswoman and someone who has managed to create such a rich and full life for herself. So I'm looking forward to introducing you to Maria. And first of all, let's meet you. Let's meet a couple of women from around the world who sent in questions specifically that they'd like to get handled around New Beginnings. So our first question comes in from Fi in Perth in Australia. And Fi has decided that she's going to be moving overseas. And she's having a challenge because she thought it was just going to be a case of, hey, great, you know, here I go. I'm all excited and I'm just going to go for it. And what she found was that she was getting a little bit of feedback that was unintentionally, I'm sure, negative from people around her. So she asks, how do you reconcile all the negative voices around you even when they aren't in your own head? We know what that's all about, right? She says that people are saying things like, oh, that's really brave of you, and I don't think I could ever do something like that. And saying things to her like, but you've got such a good income here. Are you sure you know what you're doing? So what Is it that we can do? Well, the first thing that we have to do is we got to work out that this is your life and you are the expert on you. And so often we're allowing in all these voices without pre qualifying them. We're not saying to ourselves, well, is this someone who has moved abroad themselves? Is this someone who has gone from one job to another job themselves and therefore they have information that might be useful to me, or is this just someone who's joining in with their own projected fears? So that's the first thing we've got to work out. Who is it that's giving us the feedback? The second thing then is we can use whatever feedback we allow in to test against our own idea about what's best for us. So for example, if you've decided that this is a good move and you've looked at the fact that you are going to be maybe on a lower income for a while as you build your new business, then what you can do is you can say to yourself, yeah, you know what? That is something I have taken into consideration. And you can say that to people, thank you. Yes, I've taken all those things into consideration. And actually something which might be designed or might initially induce doubt in you can then be turned around and used to shore up the really good decision that you've made because you do actually know what you're doing. Now if you'd sent me in a letter where you said, oh, I think it would be really fun to move overseas and I don't care, then we might be having a very different conversation. But we've got to start as women in particular because we're really, really good at doubting ourselves. We're really good at questioning our own thoughts and it's, we tend to be overly conscientious. We want to make sure that we're looking after not just ourselves, but everybody else. And so, you know, a little bit of self doubt is good, but make sure that when you've made a decision that the root of the word decision comes from cutting off other options. So at that point you just say, yeah, you know what, from this point onwards, I'm not going to, to and fro, I'm not going to go toward, oh, will I, won't I, will I, won't I. Because that really gets us feeling stuck and stops us from moving on and solving the very real problem, very solvable problems that need to be looked at when we're building any kind of a new endeavor. So Fi, please, please keep in touch with us. Let us know. I think you said you were moving somewhere in Europe, so please do let us know how that goes for you and do stay in touch. The next person that we're hearing from is Hannah Lee, I hope I'm saying that correctly. Hanalee from Finland, and she says, I'm in a situation with my business where I'm planning on hiring my first employee and would like to ask for ideas about how to go forward with that. Where could I start to look for that person? How do I know what kind of person is the right one? The reason, Hanalee, that I love this question is that it's not actually the question that needs to be the first question. Very often we kind of skip ahead and we go into strategy and tactics before we've really looked at what is the bigger question here. Because I remember when I hired my first staff member, I hired a staff member because everybody was telling me that I needed staff. And in fact, I was about a year out from when I needed anybody to help me. And here I was paying out a salary to somebody and constantly, every single day, trying to find things for them to do. They ended up sort of going and fetching me a salad and then researching something that didn't need to be researched. So first of all, realize that when we're asking the right question about our new beginnings, the new beginning can be a lot more effortless. So perhaps a better question right now would be, what is it that I need to do to grow my business? And you might find that that money and those resources might be better put towards something else. It might be that, in fact, the next step might be better served by something like an investment in technology or even an investment in coaching or going to some seminars, or an investment in you just making sure that you've looked after your health, that you are confident that in your wardrobe, all these things need to be looked at. However, let's just presume that you have looked at that already and you have decided that, yes, the thing that you want to do, the next part of your new beginning, is going to be to hire a staff member. A really good thing to do is to get all of those concerns out of your head. So first up, you know, what is it that for you has stopped you hiring someone already? Is it the idea of having to commit to someone every week? Is it then possible that you could hire someone on a freelance basis and say to them, you know what, for the first couple of months, as we get used to each other, as I build the business to the Next level, this is going to be week to week. How do you feel about that? And very often the right person will be very, very happy with that. Is it that your fear is that you will be overrun by that person? If you're maybe a more gentle soul, if you're sort of. If you fear confrontation and you tend to pull back, are you afraid that someone stronger than you, personality wise, will take away the control that you've enjoyed over your business? In which case, what needs to happen there probably a mixture being able to assert yourself and saying, hey, you know what? This is what I've decided. This is what we're going to do. And also making sure that you have someone who's personality wise a good fit, so you're not feeling like you're just going into battle every time you walk into the office in the morning. So the very first questions that we're asking ourselves about our new beginnings are absolutely key. So is it for you that anyone who's listening right now, is it that for you there's something that you want, but you haven't even formulated what that question is? Maybe a really general question, like, why do I feel like having a new beginning on this? Is it just that I've gotten used to things and they're a little bit boring for me, or is it that I just have this real desire to do something else? Or is it that I feel pressured by looking at everybody's Instagram photographs and I feel like I should be, you know, under waterfalls in Bali. So really getting a. Getting a grip with, like, why is it that you've decided that you want this new beginning? Remembering that fresh starts, new beginnings, can be taken all the time. It's not this great big enormous thing that has to happen once and you've got to get it right and everyone's going to judge you and you're not going to be invited round for Thanksgiving or Christmas if you don't get this thing right. It really isn't that. Remember that you can start something else. You can even move to another country, and then if it doesn't work for you, you can move back again. Things don't have to be so ultimate. They don't have to be so. And also the other point to remember is that we get to grow into our new beginning. It's not that we have to just be all gladiator like and battle through and say, right, here I am, I've landed, I've got this. I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to be fantastic. I'm going to prove myself every moment of the way. It really is that we can say to ourselves, you know what, the things that I don't yet know, I can grow into that I can learn. I can ask questions, I can call in or message into a radio station and ask Judy Mae. She'll listen, she'll get it. So what is it that you need to do in order to create your really great new beginning? And remembering that we don't have to wait till January 1, it can be done anytime you can always call a fresh slate. And then the very last thing that we're going to look at today before we take a short break and then I'll introduce you to Maria and she's going to be weighing in on these questions. The great thing that we're going to be looking at is why is it that we hold back from new beginnings? And very often it's a feeling of shame. It's a feeling of, I've messed up so much in the past. I've really not done what I've wanted to do or when I tried my last business failed, I've got five divorces behind me, my kids aren't speaking to me. Whatever that is for you, whatever that point of I'm not okay. I have to sort of, you know, become shinier and earn my way into a better place before I'm going to be allowed. We can just let go of that completely. Any mistakes that you've made in the past, any great learnings that you've taken on board, that is no reason to hide. Think of how some people are really shameless about it. Some people go and do awful things in the world and then they immediately bounce back and you're like, wow, they're back on our TV six months after having done this, this terrible thing where, you know, they were jailed or fined for or, you know, they were shown to be not a good person and here they are again. That's shameless. Well, we don't want to be shameless, but we also don't want to be shame bound. We want to make sure that we can say to ourselves, you know what? I made these mistakes and I still have the right to move on. And I get to take the lessons, take the things that I learned from those things that didn't go my way and use those to fuel my fresh start. So what we're going to do today is we're going to make sure that by the end of this show that you have a really great idea and you're really excited about something new. It could be something really big, could be something much, much smaller, but something new that you're going to create in your life and that you're going to do it in a way that is enjoyable to you, in a way that supports you, in a way that grows you, in a way that really adds to your life. Because no matter what has happened in the past, you're deserving of a new beginning anytime you need one. And I, for one, I'm really, really excited to grow that with you and to travel that path with you. So talk to you about that very, very soon. WRS Women's radio station Voice of Women Worldwide Sarah's Universal Soul Show. What does your soul or spirituality mean to you? Welcome to future Classical Woman Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Welcome back. I'm Russ Cain. You're listening to in conversation with on Women's Radio Station. I'm Angie. And I'm Patsy. And we're open. 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Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk WRS Women's Radio Station Voice of Women Worldwide women's radio station is a not for profit, community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. So I am so excited that in the studio today I get to introduce you to someone who I absolutely adore and I don't say that lightly. Her name is Maria Kempinska. She is an MBE, which if you're from the uk, you know that that means a member of the British Empire. It's a special award that very few people get given to you by the Queen. And the reason that Maria was awarded this, I would just give it to her for being such a fabulous person. But I imagine that probably the reason she was given it was because she is a fabulous entreprene businesswoman. She, amongst other things, built up the comedy club, a series of comedy clubs, junglers comedy clubs, which everyone's heard of worldwide at a time when women were still quite new in that business. So welcome Maria. Thank you, Judy May. And it's such a great program, by the way. Yeah, I started it in 1983 in above a pub and there weren't very many women working in pubs. And I had all that male, as they call it, testosterone, I call it beer and spirits. And yes, I think looking back, I realized what I was doing at the time. I didn't. It's like the fool from the Tarot card. Every new beginning, you've got to be fairly naive because if you know too many pitfalls, you won't do it. And I love that. And why women in the boardroom in particular. I think why people are apprehensive about women in the boardroom is because we always take a safer step. We will always look at what about the business as opposed to myself. And we are much more cautious. So, yes, it could be full of shame, yes, it could be full of too much wariness. But at the same time, we anticipate what can go wrong. And because we anticipate what we can go wrong, we sometimes forget to leap forward Lots and lots of people leap forward and they keep bouncing back and that is great for them. We as women need to be able to without worrying about what we've done. As you say, the shame that we carry much more inherently than men do. And how would you say, Maria, that your current new beginning is different from that original new beginning, very humble beginnings that turned into something huge. How would you say that this new beginning is different? Well, the difference is my experience that comes with it, my expectation. Because once you build up a business. So I started with £300 overdraft, a bicycle as collateral, and I built it to a business that was valued at 30 million. And the steps that went into achieving that are so vast. You learn so much. And I was learning on the job. I didn't go to university to learn. I was a teacher. And now when I start again, I have the expectations of running a big organization but doing everything for myself. So it's almost back to the beginning, but with this knowledge of what it takes. And that is both an asset and it's very detrimental because sometimes you forget what are those early steps that you need to take. And so the, it's not the enthusiasm. I have lots of enthusiasm. It's oh yes, I have to do that and I have to do that for myself. And I haven't got somebody to do this for me or that for me. I think sometimes too large, the scale is too large and I need to step back. So I need to pull myself back and look back to early days and what can be done in this moment, in this time. That reminds me of a phrase I absolutely love, which is never despise your humble beginnings. And so that's the idea of, you know, we don't have to start really, really huge and glossy and shiny, that we can start above a pub with a bicycle and just an idea. Well, it's at that time, it's also, as they say, the zeitgeist, what was happening, but it's adapting yourself as well. Whatever I had, my thoughts at the beginning had to be adapted. And also I didn't have staff. I sort of borrowed people. And they worked for that night until it became big enough for other people to join. And coming back to one of your questions, one of your listeners questions was about getting staff. And I think what you said was absolutely right. Don't let other people intimidate you because write down your vision right at the beginning and hold to a part of it that gives you the inspiration and the passion to move on. Some of it you'll have to bend and sway with and other people can help you and influence you. But really stay with that because you will be the driving force. Otherwise somebody that you're employing will have their agenda and could superimpose on what is fundamentally your great idea. So you do need people to support you that have got a lot of, not just passion, but they have to have a lot of discipline, they have to have a lot of push and a determination. But it doesn't mean that they have to override you. And believe me, at the beginning of my business that happened a number of times and especially in a male oriented business. I can imagine. And so if Hanley starts to feel that's happening with her, what would you suggest that she does? I think she has to step back and say, what am I really building here? What is that person offering me? And you know, sort of just step back. And actually it's always worth getting a mentor to double check what you're doing. And you don't have to get a mental mentor full time. Ask the question. She's phoned in, she's spoken to you. Keep asking those questions. As you said, what is this person giving me me? Can I be more directive? If I'm not more directive, is it because I'm a creative and I haven't thought through all the steps I need to think through? If I haven't, then go to somebody that can help you think through the steps and you can direct this person that you might need in your business, assuming you need them. And we all need people in our businesses. Be sure of what you need. Do you need them to do sales? Do you need to do organization? What are you good at at that you're not even sure of? You could be the best organizer in the world, but you're lousy at sales, but you've got an amazing product, so get somebody in who sells and so on. And I just love what you said about making sure that they're bringing value. Make sure that they, you know, ask yourself what are they bringing to the table? Because as women I think we tend to ask ourselves, am I doing all right? Am I bringing enough? Am I earning enough of my, my, you know, am I showing enough worth and value and that I'll be kept around and won't be kicked out of the tribe. So I think that that can be quite a counterintu for women to think, is this other person bringing value to me? And especially if you're new to business, there's a language of business that you don't Always learn. You might not even learn it when you're in a university doing an mba. They have corporate language, but entrepreneurial business is a different language. And you then have to deal with all sorts of people and don't let them railroad you. Always say, let me think about this, step back, think about it, have somebody else to talk to. If somebody isn't listening to you, then go and find somebody who will, because you will always get people that don't want to listen to you. And frankly, as a woman in business, it's still incredibly hard. And I think, I know there's a push towards women being in business. The trouble is there aren't many women that have done it. It that you can turn to. Because, you know, one of my friends, Linda Bennett from LK Bennett, she is an amazing woman. She ran her company, she built it, she sold it, and I think she's still part of it. But, you know, if you don't, there aren't that many people that start from scratch and build something up, and especially as women. And I do think we need to. And it's very, I'm very grateful to be here with you today to talk about the steps that you need to take and you, the people you need to manage that aren't just your staff, it's other sort of shareholders. If you bring them in, other business partners, you've got to prove that you've got your worth. Women speak in a different tone. Women speak in a different rhythm to men. Women don't use the dialogue that men use. You don't use the linguistics. You don't use the lingo that they have in business. Men adapt that language. Men go to pubs afterwards and do deals in pubs. Men go to strip clubs, they do deals in strip clubs. And if that's not what you want to do, you will miss out on a deal. So you've got to think, how am I going to do this effectively and be in control of my business? Because it can run away with you. And do you think that it's kind of knowing all that, even on an unconscious level, that stops a lot of women from making new starts is because they think, well, that's just. It's all so big and so foreign. Do you think that that's what. Oh, I have no doubt. Because I think that, you know, sort of when you come home and if you have children, your life is taken up by your children. You know, you might have people around for a Sunday lunch and the men will go off and talk about business, but you're dealing with your child, you know, and unless you have a husband. And I know there are couples like this that are really the man would really appreciate his wife and really support her with the children, understands what she's trying to develop and is totally supportive and respects position, he will help her and include her in a lot of conversations. There are still lots of couples that that doesn't happen. So coming to your other caller who talked about members of staff, I think this is also something to ask. If you're a woman, what sort of relationship does your staff member have with the female members of their family? Now, this puts on my psychoanalytic hat because I'm also got a doctorate in psychoanalysis. Absolutely. Yes. And. And if somebody has got a good relationship with other women in their lives, they have more tendency to respect you if they haven't. It does play itself out in the business context. So if they're more competitive with other women, if they're, you know, if they have a more masculine mindset in terms of perhaps thinking that women aren't as other women aren't as strong as they are. Is that what we're thinking? Yeah. It can be that they want to be the queen bees, so they don't want you in charge. It can be that's the role they play at home. If they have a mother they don't get on with or a sister who's even older but a waster, they will think, well, why should I bother doing it for you? It's an unconscious inherent attitude. And it doesn't matter where you come back to. I've had men talking to me in business and expecting me to be kinder, nicer, far more. And I'm not saying I wasn't kind or nice. But they will expect you to give them more time off when they have a child than a man would. They might expect you to to be sort of just more giving in your own personal way, your own personal time because you're a woman, because that's what they expect of their mothers. I really could talk to you about this day and night, and we will definitely have you back on the show very, very soon. Maria, just very quickly, one last thing about what is fun about a new beginning? What is your favorite thing about a new beginning. Age is going to be, but you have an inkling and you know that it's going to have a great ending. Oh, fantastic. Maria, thank you so much for joining us today. And thank you all for joining us today. Looking forward to speaking to you again next week and really wishing you the best of everything with whatever new beginning you decide is right for you right now. And do write in, call in, let me know. Let me know what's going on for you. This is Judy Mae Murphy. And remember, Judy Mae is listening. And you matter. Your life matters. Let's make it even more incredible. Welcome to Women's Radio Station, the voice of women worldwide. Hungry an average woman eats about 2 to 3 kilos of lipstick in her lifetime. 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