Love Lessons LIVE SHOW – Samantha Cooper, Love Online

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live here at Women's radio station. So welcome back to the show where we discuss everything from dating in general, online dating, relationships, navigating a strong, long lasting, loving relationship, all the way to divorce and starting over again as a confident single. Today I'm singing super duper excited because I've got a little bit of a different show. So obviously, as above, we discuss all of those things, but today we're going to be discussing specifically navigating online dating not only as a confident single, but having the confidence that you're navigating it in a safe way. So I'm welcoming today Samantha Cooper of Rogue Daters and she is the most amazing private investigator and we're going to be discussing navigating online dating safely. When you're searching for a partner, you're searching for someone, but perhaps you've come across people who aren't who they say they are, or perhaps they don't want the things they say that they want. And things start to crop up when you're online or perhaps you've gotten to the stage where you have met them and you've taken the dating scenario offline and meeting in real life and some things start to crop up that don't seem quite right. So welcome to Samantha. Hi, Sarah. Thank you for having me on today. It's so exciting to have you here because obviously we talk about online dating an awful lot. We've had a lot of apps in. We, we've even had great photographers who teach us how to create the most wonderful profiles to stand out from the crowd online. So I'm always teaching singles listening in and those that are listening in for their friends and listening to deepen their relationships about navigating online dating and navigating the search. But one thing I don't often talk about, although it's crucial, is how to be safe. So you were very wonderful by sending me this whole document which had a rundown of all these main players in terms of online dating as a business. And I was really astounded by seeing the kind of numbers of profiles that are on each platform from like one of them having 27 million users, if you can think of the biggest go to apps, something like 7 million. Am I right, Samantha? What kind of stats are we looking at for the likes of, say, like, I don't know, Tinder or Bumble, the latest research. How many people are on there? Well, for something like Tinder, you're looking at three and a half million and that's just uk. Yes. Worldwide will be a lot more than that. You'll be looking at, say, 1.5 billion. Wow. So they're huge numbers. And, you know, I spotted something where you said that obviously rogue daters are helping people currently using online dating sites currently looking for love, and you're helping them to establish if the people that they are talking to are genuine. And in 2017, you said something like Action Fraud received 300. Oh, no. 3000 bunkers. 3000. 3000. 3500 calls about fraud in. In the search for romance. And the value of that fraud is something like in excess of 41 million. Incredible, isn't it? It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. And these are the only stats of situations that have been reported. A lot of them do not get reported. So the figure is probably higher. So this is the kind of figure that we're hearing about with fraud in the search for love online that people have been victims of financially. Yes. Unfortunately, it's become so easy today because people sit behind a keyboard, they can commit fraud to many people at the same time. And people who are looking for love are really vulnerable. Yes. So it's actually an easy fraud to commit because I guess putting myself into my client's shoes or those listeners who are single or my friends, in fact, and I've even been there where you are searching for love, you're kind of emotionally open and you'll put, you know, you want to think the best of people and you're putting yourself out there. Exactly. You're putting your best self out, and you believe that everybody else is doing the same. So tell me a little bit about your business, Rogue daters. How did you start your journey to helping people identify these people that aren't genuine? Tell me about your story. Okay. Well, it goes back 15 years when I found myself divorced. I had two children under five. I came out of my divorce with a small financial settlement, and I knew I wanted to date again. And I felt really vulnerable. How would I know if I was meeting somebody that was safe for myself, for my children and the future that I wanted to build? So I started thinking about it, and every time I dated and looked at online dating, I would do my own research, and I thought, this is, you know, there's a market for this out there. So I then became a private investigator, and I did a lot of field work in the industry, and I would take on things like fraud, matrimonial problems, doing surveillance, and time and time again, I would get phone calls from people that had issues with People that they had dated were currently dating. They had, you know, been a victim of fraud. And I thought there's a market here. So rogue data was established and it's now about putting the name rogue data out there and becoming a trusted brand that people can come to for advice. Hopefully give confidence in the person that they're dating and yeah, just make finding love a safer place. I really, really like your mission. I hate that you have to be present in the online dating market or in the dating industry in general. But it is what it is and you know, you'd rather be safe than be sorry. And when I started looking through the kind of services that you provide and really familiarizing myself with your, I saw that you do online dating checks with their profile verification, that you check assets, you do social media checks and you even go as far to providing an aftercare for what people have experienced. Unfortunately, that's right. And it's not as simple as somebody coming to me and saying I've met somebody online, I'd like to know what their net worth is. Because I wouldn't do that. So it's only if there is a real concern and a legitimate interest in order to search through somebody's personal data. Because obviously we've all got a right to keep our private life private. However, if there is a reason to do it, I would certainly look at somebody to give somebody peace of mind and to know that they're in a safe environment. We all want to be in a safe environment. You wouldn't, you know, you would do your checks on somebody who was coming to check the electrics in your house, your boiler. Why not treat your heart the same way? Yeah, exactly, absolutely. And when I was thinking about the services that you provide, I have had friends when I, when I was online dating because I was so busy looking at my clients lives and you know, busy being wrapped up in my, my professional work that sometimes you can't see what's right in front of your eyes. You can't. So my best friends would be just that and would be investigating themselves. Well, she's had her heart broken before and we're not willing to let it happen again. So I think about the services that you provide and there are so many people doing that day in, day out. They want to know that they're meeting someone who's legitimate, that they have a genuine want to find love. But you know, and can I just say that most people are genuine. Yes. And there are just a few that are disingenuous and those are the ones that need to be exposed. Oh, love that. So tell me about your private investigator background. Right, so that started a few years ago. It's not licensed in this country. So I have got everything in place, ready to be licensed. I've been mentored. I. I'm a member of the association of British investigators, and we will deal with everything that everybody wants in a very safe, controlled manner. And how long have you been doing it for Now, Samantha? Since 2014. And I've had endless jobs, and every case is very different, and it requires a different approach and a different mindset, really. So if you could take a bird's eye view of your business, you know, you have all of the things that you're doing matrimonially, like investigating certain things that are happening that perhaps shouldn't be happening and all of that stuff. But how much of the business, like, in terms of percentage, would you say is focused on online dating? What are you looking at? I don't know exactly, but I know that a good percentage of my calls are to do with dating. Not necessarily online dating, but it may be somebody who's been in a long relationship, and, you know, they just need to have confidence before they get married. That one comes up quite a lot. Oh, really? In what sense? Well, they might have a niggling doubt that their partner may still be on a dating website, Especially if they met them on a dating website. Or it may be issues to do with money management, Just things that they think they're hiding. And especially being female, I understand. If somebody's got that niggle that something doesn't seem right, we kind of work on it, don't we? And do you think that we should be trusting our gut an awful lot more, or does it go further than that and we should perhaps, you know, edge closer to the side of caution when it comes to dating in general. I wouldn't want people to think that they can't meet somebody and date without coming to somebody like myself, because that's not, you know, that's kills romance, doesn't it? Exactly. Exactly. And I want people to fall in love and to trust and to trust their instinct. So. But they also have to be aware that things do go wrong. So that's where I would like to come in. So I see what you're saying now. It's about. It's not about finding the untruths. It's about deepening the trust that is already there with somebody. Oh, my goodness. So today I'm gonna have tons of questions for you. I want to talk About Netflix, Dirty John. Yes. I want to talk about Catfish, the program. I want to talk about, you know, how we identify catfish, catching the catfish, so to speak. How do we spot a scammer? How do we go about trusting our guts? I want to take all of your top tips for being safe in navigating the search for love. And so, Samantha, I'm so pleased to have you on the show. Samantha Cooper, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons Live and we will be right back. Welcome to women's radio Station, the voice of women worldwide. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons Live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to. Judy May is listening. Hello, this is Anna Kennedy at Women's Radio Station Live, Voice of women worldwide talking about all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Saskia at Sable Forex and we specialise in saving individuals and companies money on their international money transfers or foreign exchange. So when money's crossing currencies, whether it's euros to yen or rands to pounds, that's where we can add value. So for all your foreign exchange needs, I'm Saskia at Sable. You can contact me on Saskia Johnston sableinternational.com or. My number is 0207-759-7541. Hi, I'm Helen Prosper. I'm a health coach and I support people to take back control of their health so that they feel radiantly well and vibrantly alive. Because it's from that place of health that that we really can do more, be more, give more, play more and co create a better world. If living your life to the full is of interest to you, then take a look at my website, livewellandprosper.uk and let's speak soon. Do you need mediation? We are the A project charity. We provide convict resolution and community engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults, as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk Women's radio station can give a voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience to you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Zena Moscone, head of business development at women's radio station. Radio advertising is the most cost effective way to of reaching a huge audience globally. Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 07-956-371-4883 or alternately zm womensradiostation.com hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons live here at women's radio station today, we've welcomed Samantha Cooper of Rogue Daters and we've been discussing everything online dating, specifically spotlighting safety in navigating the search for a partner online. We're going to delve into deception and how to take a look and trust your gut instincts with any potential scammers online. And later on in the show, I want to talk a little bit about protecting your digital footprint as a single online because you're really putting your best foot out there and you don't want to be leaving traces of yourself digitally. And so we'll be discussing top tips from Samantha how to, yeah, I guess, protect yourself. Yes. And to enjoy online dating. It should be fun, because it should be fun. So welcome back, Samantha. Thank you. So it should be fun. It's not always fun. Yeah, most of the time it is and it's exciting. Yes. And a lot of the time people will find love and that's what they're aiming to achieve, really. Oh, and speaking of that, I mean, I'm really loving at the moment just to inject a little bit of, I guess, excitement into a very serious topic, is that, you know, online dating isn't all bad at all. I think eharmony claim and they can get in touch. If I'm wrong, I do apologise to have connected of a tube, one carriage, people per tube, something like that. If I'm wrong, please eharmony let me know. Saraluiserine.com I'm sure they have connected a lot of people. They've connected a lot of people and, you know, I know so many people that I've met online. I've been to a lot of Tinder weddings myself and yeah, it's a good place to be. But you're here to promote it being a safe place to be. That's right. So now back to the serious subject, how to catch a catfish. What are the signs we should be Looking for when we're online, not when we get to the date and we're offline or when we're online. So online, have a look at the profile. Don't just look at the picture because you have to think is this really the person that I will be meeting? You have to bear in mind that it could be a picture from five years ago, it could be a picture from yesterday or it could be a completely different person. So just have an open mind on the picture. I always think that if you get somebody else, a family member or a friend to read the information, the bio on the profile, they will pick up on something that you may not because you will not be thinking with your head, you'll be thinking with your heart and you'll like the look of the person. So initially you could be kind of sucked in very quickly. What kind of things would one or could one spot in someone's bio that would be a bit of a red flag? Well, I personally think that when somebody posts a picture or puts in their bio about having a yacht, it's too much too soon. And you know, lovely if this person does have that but they're trying to attract somebody with it. And for me that's a bit of a red flag. You know, that's something that they could introduce at a later stage or if they are just too heavy in their words about if they've got children. Nothing wrong with having children but if they're too ott. Oh, I love all the children that I've got, you know and I'd love to meet somebody with children. Just too, too much enthusiasm sometimes can be a bit too much too soon. Yeah. So with the, with the photographs, you were saying, you make a very valid point. And in my time as a matchmaker offline, you know, there have been times where I've worked for and with companies that don't use profiles and you know, rather set up on blind dates. But way back when, back in 2014, I was working for a company that do show profiles and that was really important that we had a very up to date photograph of the person. So it's reflective of who they are today day. So are there tips and tools where someone can do that themselves? In checking out, There are ways and means through Google you can do a picture search and I know a lot of the dating apps now are doing the verification where they have to hold up a picture of themselves with a word to verify that it is them. Oh right, that's clever, isn't it? However, it still doesn't really mean it is them. Right. Because although the dating websites, they do do a verification check, anybody can make an email address, pay as you go, phone and create a profile and they can put a picture of somebody else, a friend of theirs, for some reason holding a picture. It's not them. And that's what we just need to be aware of. So I wanted to touch something that's actually just sprung to mind, but it's so relevant. There are people out there, and maybe some listening in, who have forged relationships online that they have been going back and forth for months, like pen pals who believe that they are in a partnership. They're in a relationship that hasn't yet come offline, which is essentially what the whole show, I think it's MTV Catfish is about. And I have heard of it happening before from people that you would deem to be super savvy. But then it doesn't seem so savvy to chat to somebody for so many months and to not actually meet them. Have you come across this before? I have a couple of times. And although I say to people, don't be too quick to move away from the chatting within the dating app, although that keeps it safer, and I do encourage people to keep chatting, at some point you will either, in today's technology, video chat with somebody or get the chance to meet them. I think the reason Catfish works so well in America is because Interstate is just so big. Yes. That they can get away with after three or five years saying, I haven't had time or a chance to come to your state to meet you. Yes. But London to Manchester or Leeds, it's only a few hours. It's all possible. It's all very possible with transport links. So I guess when somebody's really biding their time is how it would feel and seem. If they're not meeting you, perhaps they're not who they say they are or something's not as genuine as. Or they may not even be in the uk or they may not even be in the uk. I plan to share a few stories with you today, but one that's just sprung to mind is that I met a lady a few years ago who had said that she had forged a relationship with somebody online. And I call it a pseudo relationship. Until you meet them. It's not a relationship in my eyes or hopefully anyone else listening in is eyes. So how she had sent this person that she was dating in 5,000 pounds because his money was tied up in some assets and unable to be released, and so he couldn't pay his mortgage or whatever that money month. And so having chatted to them for such a long while, had sent that money and carried on chatting with them in trust that A, they would get it back and B, that it was a genuine relationship. Just giving you that example. She never did get it back, by the way. I'm not surprised she didn't. Does this happen often? Is it a rare story or not? Unfortunately, it's not a rare story and that's the kind of person I would like to help to see if there is a way to do an asset search and recover the money for them. So that is something that you are able to do because a lot of transactions take place online and I know that when scammers are sending all of those emails out saying, you've won X and we need Y, they have a lot of vocabulary being misplaced in certain to spot vulnerable people. Is that right? Is that. Yeah, that does happen. But those are normally coming from abroad. But people have become a lot more sophisticated today. And how so? Well, they're sending emails that look genuine accents. They could be phoning from abroad and you can mask phone numbers today and with online, with WhatsApp and everything. It's just so easy. So if you think about it, then we have all. I definitely have, and I'm sure you have received an email that looked like it was for ex company saying, oh, Sarah, you know your account's about to be cancelled because you've forgotten to do this. And I think, oh, gosh, I'm so busy that maybe I have forgotten to do that. You get that slight thought, oh, could that be so? Could that be so? Should I just check? So I guess the reason I'm saying that is that if you think about someone that you've already built rapport with, you've already invested energy and time with, emotionally you feel attached to them despite the fact you haven't met them. You might feel more inclined. You will do. And also if you're a bit more private and secretive that you are dating online, you're not going to take the information that somebody's asked you for money to a family member who would say to you, don't do it. So you've got to look for those warning signs within yourself, really. And if you're, Gosh, can I just say as well though it would, anyone listening would think, well, if somebody asked me for £5,000, I'm not going to give it. But it doesn't necessarily start like that. It could be a very small amount. It could be 20 pounds. And you think, oh, 20 pounds is okay. But that would be a test to see whether you would be compliant in handing over money. Oh, gosh. So setting up tests of whether you pass or fail. Yes, that happens quite early on. Doesn't always necessarily include money, but it may be with a very small amount. So actually, money aside, it's a boundary test. And somebody willing is willing to push yours to see how receptive you are. Exactly. So after this break, I'm going to share my story about something that had. It didn't seem very clear to me as a relationship and dating expert. And we're gonna get Samantha's take on my story. So we've just been talking about how to spot a scammer. Online dating. We're going to take it offline. We're going to talk about how people can perhaps be manipulative or be disingenuine and not do what they say they're going to do and not, you know, they don't want what they say that they want. Is that right? That's right. So I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. I'm here on Love Lessons live at women's radio station. You know, this is the show where we talk about everything from dating, relationships, breakups and divorce to starting over again as a single. Really important that we've got Samantha Cooper from Rogue Data here today teaching us about how to safely navigate the search online. So we'll also be touching on after the break, Dirty John. I want to know everything that's going on in Samantha's mind about the Netflix program Dirty John. And I'm sure Samantha's got some case studies for us of her very own, which could just happen to just about anyone. And last but not least, we're really going to get to grips with how to, you know, be our best selves online, to put our best foot forward, but to navigate it safely ourselves and protect our digital footprint. We'll be right back. Women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experience and a personalized service. This happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078254, 4122 and Liz spelt L I S hazazelmeretravel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk Women's radio station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostn or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting news. Hi, I'm Zena Moscone, head of Business development at Women's radio station Radio advertising is the most cost effective way reaching a huge audience globally. Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 079-563-71483 or alternately zmomewomensradiostation.com welcome back to Love Lessons Live. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Women's Radio station. Today we're delighted to have Samantha Cooper in the studio from Rogue Daters. Samantha spends a lot of her time helping singles navigate online dating in the safest way they possibly can and she helps singles identify the untruths that have patched perhaps been put across to them with someone they've met online or perhaps singles are meeting in real life and they have a little bit of a niggling feeling about the person that they're connected to and she helps them put those untruths to bed. If it's necessary Just to reassure. Yeah, you're there to reassure. And I think having a business like yours in the dating industry is so necessary in a world that is looking for love online. That's right. And we're not judgmental at all. And we know how easy it is for people to fall for it, especially when they're looking for love. So we're a safe company to contact and as I say, non judgmental at all. You're non judgmental. You also operate highly confidentially. Yes. And you're there to just instill confidence. Confidence and reassurance and trust. Really. And self belief in themselves. Yes. So earlier on we were talking about catching a catfish and how to spot them online. We were talking about, you know, photographs that aren't as up to date as they should be, or perhaps it isn't who the person presents themselves to be. How the biographies and what people write about themselves can perhaps not be exactly who they are, but in fact they're mirroring the kind of person they would like to attract. And now let's take it offline for a moment and let's talk about, you know, how to spot the signs. If you've met somebody in real life and perhaps you've been dating for a couple of months and you haven't spotted, but you feel that something's not right, but you haven't quite seen it, you haven't seen those truths yet in that situation, I would say probably let something like Google become your best friend. So if you, you know, if they're telling you where they work, check that the company does exist. You know, you could Google their name, just, you know, those are the basic things that you should be doing. Obviously it's much harder if they have a very common name, but obviously we're there to be contacted as well for help in this. So it's just about doing your checks. And there's nothing wrong with doubting what somebody says because it's better to doubt it and then to check it and know that it is correct. So you're telling singles and listeners in to trust their gut, really. And if something doesn't feel quite right, it's better to check it out and then put it to bed. And if you're wrong, you're wrong. And what's the worst that could happen? Definitely. I'm not saying to go rifling through their cupboards or their wallet. No, not okay. But certainly, you know, do the basic checks yourself if you know, it's different if you're introduced to somebody that somebody knows that's a lot easier. But if you don't know this person, just run a few basic checks. Absolutely. And so while we were away, just then in the ad break, we kind of naughtily got to chatting, as I always do, and then think, oh, must, must share that when we come back on air. And so we were actually talking about something a little bit controversial about something that's happened to a few friends of mine in the past where they have been online dating and they've been on a few dates with, you know, X, Y or Z, and they haven't presented the fact that they have children. And so I shared my opinion on the matter that you don't have to share your pictures of your children. You don't even have to give their names or ages if you don't want to. But human beings that have entered this world are an extension of you, and by hiding the fact that you have them is an untruth. And I have a lot of friends who've online dated and been on a few dates, not just one date or two dates where things are new, a good few dates, whether it's the beginnings of a new relationship, really. And then they found out through their own searches that X, Y or Z has children. What are your thoughts on that matter? Well, if you don't tell somebody in the beginning that you've got children, it becomes harder. And if you're three dates in, five dates in, where do you find that moment to drop it in? And then it becomes, well, you haven't said that you've got children, and it just complicates everything. I agree you should not give too much information about your children. But if you're going to date somebody with a view to having a relationship with them, I think you have to tell them. Because then in my mind, it would become about the untruth. It would be, okay, I've given my most honest version of myself to you. And how much energy has it taken for you to hide the fact that you have children from me? That's right. And you could just feel that disappointment that you would feel if you found it like five dates in that they've got children. And you know what? You might be totally open to the fact that somebody has children and totally okay with. That's right. And I know we all try to protect our children. That's natural. So you don't have to give too much information. But as something as important as that, I think you do have to be open from the beginning that you've got children. You don't have to say anything about your children. And I suppose if you say too much about your children, you know, on a first couple of dates. Well, I don't know if they want to know everything anyway. No. Or nor do they need to know everything. So let's just touch on the phenomenon of Dirty John, the Netflix. Shocking. Shocking. And do you know, we've all heard stories of online dating gone wrong with, you know, it might be friends of friends or perhaps we've heard it on a radio show or TV show, this, that or the other. Or, or maybe, you know, anyone listening in has had something happen to them themselves that they wish hadn't have happened. But Dirty John really brings to the forefront of our minds the fact that it can happen to anyone. So this woman, she's in Miami, I believe. Yeah. She's very successful, she's grounded, she's smart, she's hardworking, she's financially stable, she has good family around her. And then she goes online and she meets John. And John is equally in her perception and in the perception that he wants to put across. Successful, academic, high achieving doctor. Yeah, Surgeon, in fact. And it's only, and it's a true story. It's only after a good few months, even though her children start to spot signs. And she's besotted with him, isn't she? Very. And she's very forgiving of things that he does wrong very early on. So there again is that test and the control, for example, it will show in there that every morning he wakes her up, he places a glass of drink next to the bed and it's controlling and it's just, you know, he's watching her kind of fall into needing him. And that's. Yeah. And that's what he's building on really. He's presenting the perfect picture of the boyfriend, fiance and then husband, which he did become very quickly, very quickly because she thinks, oh my goodness, I have never met a guy like this. Let's you know, this is the person for me. And he does. He kind of gets into her psyche where he's able to figure out everything that she might want in a match. And slowly but surely he starts to manipulate his way into her finances. He's monitoring her 247 in the end. He is, isn't he? And yet it was so obvious to her children exactly what kind of man he was, yet she couldn't see it. And they say love is blind. And sometimes in these situations when you know someone really. And I think most people want to see the best in other People? Yes. Why wouldn't we? And she. She is, because, you know, she's still telling the story. She's written a book about it, obviously, you know, granted Netflix the rights to produce such a series. That had us all glued. Now, tell me, do you have any case studies that you want to share with us that, you know, perhaps similar or less eccentric or more so? One that springs to mind that really rocked me to my core was I had a lovely lady that contacted me. She had been in a relationship with a gentleman who was a lawyer for about six months and she was working as a paralegal, so she was helping him, doing some work for him. He owned many charities as well, and one of the charities was to look after one of the disaster relief areas. And so he had this charity set up and asked her to donate, which she did, and then he kind of went very quiet on her. So she'd put this money in and it was a substantial amount and alarm bells started ringing. So she came to me and obviously I ran an investigation on him and it turned out that he was a con man, he didn't own any charities, he wasn't even a lawyer. And this is a very, very savvy, intelligent lady, but he worked his magic on her and it was terrible. So at the end of the investigation, we found out that he had a completely different name. He didn't live where he said he lived and he was actually out of work, he should not have been in the country and was a convicted paedophile. So, you know, she was absolutely heartbroken, but very thankful that she hadn't introduced her daughter to him. And they had met offline on numerous occasions. They had, they had. So would she. He was a professional. Would she have deemed herself to be in a relationship with him? She definitely did, yes. And how long were they together? I think it went on for about six months. So did he start to spot signs six months in? Sorry? Did she start to spot signs six months in, or. I think it was more with the money that she handed over and then him going quiet and he kept saying, I'll give you the money back, I promise you I'll return it. But it was always one promise after the other. So, inevitably, when it comes to scamming vulnerable singles online, does it come down to money or does it come back down to control or. Both, Both, Both. And I think the older. The older data is probably more vulnerable because they've gathered assets in their lifetime and they just want to. They know what life's all about and they just want a companion a lot of the time. Yeah. And I definitely want to touch on that after the break because I meant to say earlier, but we had so much good stuff to talk about. It slipped my mind actually about the vulnerable data, the finding love. The second time around, finding love online and still having a little bit of shame attached with the fact that they're online dating and not actually knowing how to navigate it successfully and then they come across this situation makes them feel even more vulnerable. So I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. We'll be back after the break here on Love Lessons, where I'll also share my story. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Judy May is Listening. Hello, this is Anna Kennedy at women's Radio Station Live Voice of women worldwide talking about all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Saskia at Sable Forex and we specialize in saving individuals and companies money on their international money transfers or foreign exchange. So when money's crossing currencies, whether it's euros to yen or rands to pounds, that's where we can add value. So for all your foreign exchange needs, I'm Saskia at Sable. You can contact me on Saskia Johnston@sableinternational.com or. My number is 0207-759-7541. Hi, I'm Helen Prosper. I'm a health coach and I support people to take back control of their health so they feel radiantly well and vibrantly alive. Because it's from that place of health that we really can do more, be more, give more, play more and co create a better world. If living your life to the full is of interest to you, then take a look at my website, livewellandprosper.uk and let's speak soon. Do you need mediation? We are the A project charity. We provide conflict resolution and community engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family reation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults, as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk Women's radio station can give a voice to your brand with a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs. We can tailor your experience to you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Zena Moscone, head of business development at women's radio station. Radio advertising is the most cost effective way reaching a huge audience globally. Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 079-5637, 1483 or alternately zmomensradiostation.com hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons live here on Women's Radio Station. I have been here on the show today with Samantha Cooper of Rogue Datas. She is a private investigator having the safety of singles at the forefront of her mind. And the mission of her business is to instill confidence and protect singles so they can navigate the path to partnering very safely. So welcome back to Samantha. Thank you. So just before the break, we were talking a little bit about Dirty John on Netflix and the true story of how a very intelligent, savvy single mum hit online dating and met somebody called John and he ended up, you know, controlling, controlling, extorting her. He had every bad thing that you wouldn't want. Yeah. So today in the show, we've really touched on scamming, how to spot them online and how it happened offline with Dirty Jon. And you shared your story, story of a case study. So I'd like to share a little story today. And it's actually probably something I thought I'd never share online, but online, when I say online, I mean on air, guys, for all you listeners. But actually it's so relevant. And if it can happen to me, having worked in the dating industry, given relationship and dating advice for, you know, almost 10 years, then it can happen to anyone. So after I, you know, was in such a long term relationship and then I went to online dating, you know, met a few people. But then I met somebody who I really quite liked. And we were sharing the story before about how Dirty John had kind of gotten into the psyche of what she wanted in a perfect match. And I didn't really spot the signs myself. I was dating somebody for a couple of months and then around that time, you want to spend a little bit more time with them than an evening or dinner or drinks or coffee, brunch, whatever. So he said, let's go away for a night or two and let's go to this wonderful, you know, spa out in the sticks and we'll have a wonderful time, just you and I. Five star spa. Very wonderful, actually. I thought, crikey, just what I need. So busy at the time. So we went, we had a wonderful weekend. And you know, very tall, dark, handsome, wonderful guy who I thought could be was not the one. No, I thought he was great, but he wasn't. At the end of our spa break, he suggested that I pick up the tab. It wasn't really a suggestion. He told me to do so given his ridiculous height versus mine. Six foot four, I think he was, and I'm five foot nothing, I kind of felt a little bit intimidated. And I did pick up that tab just for safety. Just because we were out in the sticks in the middle of nowhere, I thought, I actually don't know what's going to happen from here on out. Never spotted a sign. Never spotted a sign, picked up the tab. Hundreds of pounds, of course. Okay, fine, just let it go. Lovely weekend. And then, sure enough, on the way back home. And then over the course of the next couple of days, my boundaries had been pushed, but I spotted the signs very quickly. Cards would decline. I can't arrange this. Something's happening. And funnily enough, a few months earlier, I'd had one of my bank cards hacked in India. Just this is a totally unlinked story, but it was a story that he'd used to make me feel far more comfortable about the fact that the same had happened to him. Very interesting. So I had this fraudulent company in India taking lots of money out of my bank account for lighting, actually, thank goodness my bank gave it back to me. But he said, gosh, remember when that happened to you? And you told me that story. The same thing's happened to me and I'm going to need you to look after me. I didn't, you know, believe it. I had a chat with friends and family and I said, you know, I'm a dating and relationship expert and something just doesn't feel right. So I cut it quite quickly after that. And just in the ad break, then we were sharing, did I spot any signs? Because I started to talk to you about this story. Now I think about it, if I had, you know, 10 matchmaking meetings in a day, one at one, one at three, this, that and the other, meeting clients, meeting other, dating, relationship, ex, he might say to me, didn't you, didn't you say you had a meeting at one o' clock today? Oh, gosh, I did. Well, did you have that meeting? Yeah, I did. And then I started to question my own agenda. When I say agenda, I mean my schedule, my diary and not my emotional agenda. And I started to, two months in, start to question, is my schedule the way I told him it was today? Did I do that thing I told him I was going to do? And he started to make me feel a bit edgy just before that trip actually. So I started to see that he was pushing my boundaries to gain control, definitely control and manipulation and to make you self doubt yourself. And if I wasn't a in the industry where I, you know, had been taught the signs and started how to spot somebody who is, you know, like you hear about the members of the game and men that, you know, navigate their way into your bedroom and whatnot. And I had actually a few weeks before, been doing a lot of research on this for some work projects. So I started to spot the signs and I cut it very quickly and I said, hey, this relationship's not for me. It's not quite working out the way I thought it would and I just don't feel the connections quite there. Very soon after that I was perhaps dead to him and he'd moved on very quickly, as my resources tell me. So the reason I'm sharing this very vulnerable story of my own with you is that it can happen to absolutely anyone. Did it put me off meeting my partner who I've now met? Absolutely not. Because I knew that this was one case in a whole bunch of cases in the world and well, it's happened. Could it happen again? I hope not and it hasn't. I think the gut instinct and to see the signs is quite obvious to a lot of people, but they will dampen it down and think, but I really like this person and I don't want to have issues and I don't want to believe it. And that's why telling family or friends to look in on your relationship is actually very helpful because they will tell you the truth. Interestingly enough, I actually chatted to my best friend about this over the, over the weekend, which it's bonkers that it's come up again, is that I had identified with her that I'd spotted something that didn't feel quite right. And she said, well, you know, you're just erring on the side of caution. You went, you know, through a relationship that was a tough breakup and now you're dating and you're online, you're trying to meet someone. Just don't be so cautious, be more Open. And I thought, gosh, I'm forever teaching my clients to be far more open and maybe I'm being a bit too closed. And so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and, well, look how it turned out. I mean, it could have been worse. Could have been so much worse. So what are the tools that people use to push your boundaries, to test them and to see whether they can gain control? Do you know much about that? Well, it will definitely be. They will set you a test. And it doesn't have to be. It will be very early on. It could be something as simple as placing something in your pocket that you say, oh. And they say, oh, I did that by mistake. And you'll be like, oh, okay, don't worry. It's how you respond to things. What, like what? A receipt? It could be some money or a receipt or just something to see how you react. Right. It may be, you know, they may leave something out to see if you look at it, just to see how you react. It may be a phone call or a phone message to see if you're like, okay, I'm quite accepting of this. It's all about your reaction. Because if they gauge very early on that you're not receptive and you're not going to tolerate it, they will probably cut you very quickly. So it doesn't matter what it is. It's not something that would. You wouldn't necessarily see it, but that test will take place at some point. How fascinating. But also at Rogue Data, we're looking now at building a database of names that crop up time and time again, right? So I would say to people, you know, if you've got somebody that has done this to you to email in to us, what is your email? Just, just whiz it out there. Right now it's inforoguedatas.co.uk so anyone listening in, if you know a story where you know you want to share or you know the name or you have something that you want to investigate yourself, then absolutely get in touch with Samantha. And anyone that has something listing in and already has my details, whiz it over to me on my website. I'll forward it on to Samantha because actually, you know, we should talk about this more. It should be, and there's no shame if you've been conned by somebody. It happens to the best people in all different ways. Well, and the thing, you know, and it happened to me and I, you know, preach knowing my stuff and I just couldn't see it. You know, the wood through the trees at that moment. So, having touched on how to catch catfish and having talked about some case studies and sharing my story and also getting to grips with rogue data. As a company helping singles safely navigate the search for love, could you give me just a handful of quick fire top tips to safely get online and search for your soulmate by not leaving too much of a digital footprint? Okay. I would say don't give away too much about yourself too quickly. Stay within the dating website to chat until you feel a bit safer to move off and to give your own personal number where you live, even if you've met them offline. Yes, Just, you know, just hold back a little bit. Don't give everything too quickly. Tell your friends and family who it is that you're seeing, where you're going and just in a busy place as well. I always recommend. Always, always. And just trust your gut instinct, Trust your gut. Normally write and, yeah, listen to it. And definitely don't share any financial information online. No, never anything about your assets. And even if somebody that you've met online for three months, why should you be giving them your money? Yes, absolutely. Or if you've met them online, you've come offline like I was dating and you feel like it's just about to become or is already a relationship if something doesn't. Tread carefully. Yeah, tread carefully. And it's not always about money as well. It could be assets, it could be control, control, power. And remember, you know your friends and your family, your children, you've got to introduce this person to all of those. You need to know you can trust them. And the thing is, with Samantha, a problem shared in online dating is problem halved and she's really got your back on this. So I am Sarah Louise Ryan, here on Love Lessons live with Samantha Cooper of Rogue Daters. Thank you so much. Thank you. We'll be back next time. Women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalised service. This happens from the moment that they enquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 0782. And Liz spelt L. I S@Hazazelmaytravel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk Women's radio station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostn or Facebook Women's Radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting news. Hi, I'm Zena Moscone, Head of Business Development at Women's Radio station. Radio Advertising is the most cost effective way reaching a huge audience globally. Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 079-563-71483 or alternately zmomensradiostation.com.