Love Lessons – Lydia Davis And Toffee App – Another Class Of Dating

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons. I'm here with the absolute glam o Tron. That is Lydia Davis. She's the founder of Toffee Dating, an app, and also the founder of Link Coaching. Is that right, Lydia? That is, yes. Thank you. Welcome to women's radio station. Thank you for having me. So excited. It's so exciting to have you here. You've got so many things, so many fingers in so many little pies at the moment. I know. I try. So, Lydia, tell us about your whirlwind journey. Just a snapshot of the last year and where you are right now. Okay, so in the last year, it's been a mega year for me in terms of enjoying my matchmaking career and then launching Toffee dating app, which sort of exploded in April. So it's been a real journey for me managing a startup. So still matchmaking people. And I'm at the point now where I'm just sort of concentrating on Toffee, the dating app, and also some coaching at the moment. Yeah. Oh, my gosh, that sounds like a lot going on. And so what's your average day like at the moment? Or if you could take us back to a guess, a month ago, what was your average day like then? Okay, so a month ago, I was still working for Mutual Attraction Matchmaking, which is a job I absolutely loved. So it would start at 9, going through lots of emails, hearing about dates, seeing where all my matchmaking clients are in their stage of their membership. And then at lunchtime, I would be looking at Toffee, working on Toffee for an hour. And then I would be going back to matchmaking, meeting people for coffees, teas, meeting lots of lovely single people all over London. And then in the evening, I'd be working on Toffee again. So, I mean, all about people trying to find love in lots of different ways. Yeah. So the listeners are hearing all these fun dating words like toffee dating, mutual attraction, matchmaking, and it's all very exciting. You seem and sound so passionate about the dating industry. What is it about helping singles and helping forge relationships? I think I know what it's like to date in London. I'm engaged now, which, yeah, I know, Very excited. Marrying, getting married next month. But I was single in London for a really long time time. And I love dating and it definitely had its ups and its downs, but I got to know the dating game so well. And about five, six years ago, I set up a dinner dating company because I really liked I love meeting people and I felt like as you get a little bit older, it's a nice way to meet people in an unpressured environment. So you sort of have 10 to 12 people sitting down for dinner and moving. The guys would move around. So I sort of got into the dating industry that way and I've just always loved it. When I was raising money, when I ran some marathons, I did a human auction. We had a wedding from one of the. What is a human auction? I'd always get five single girls, five single guys and someone that's great on the microphone and we'd ask them some questions before. And then I'd invite all my single friends and friends that were in relationships just to sort of pad out the room and we'd auction each person off for a date. And it was really fun, really successful and there has been a wedding and a baby from it and some other sort of short lived relationships. But it was a great way. Which are successes. Yes. You know, to come from something that you have put together and for them to connect, you know, that is a success. Whether, you know, if it worked out, that's their responsibility really. But that's so exciting. Yeah. So I didn't look back after the human auctions. I went into dinner dating. So table eight, I remember. Is that the right. Yes, yes. What happened to that company and that business and where did you move from there? I did that for about two years and then sold it to a couple of friends. It wasn't. It was a really good learning experience for me. It's quite a difficult industry to get into mainly because women are so proactive about dating. They will tell their friends about it. So they'll book onto a table two months in advance, say. And men I found were a real struggle. They didn't want to book too early. They wanted to know who was going along. They're much more visual, something we were speaking about earlier. So it's. I found that actually as a business it wasn't going to take off so decided to sort of get into matchmaking and sold that. But I learned a lot of lessons, especially for when I set up toffee dating. Yeah. So how many years have you been in the dating industry for now then? Probably about five or six now. Gosh. I know it's scary. It's scary. Scary because when you think about the amount of accomplishments, achievements, milestones that you've hit, five or six years, isn't that very long? No. I get surprised because I used to chop and change jobs quite Often. And I just love the industry and actually, as you know, I've made some really good friends in the industry and people, most people are really supportive and they understand how it all works. And even though sometimes you're working in a really small team, you feel like there's a bit of a big family there. Yeah. So that's why I think I've stuck in it and enjoyed it so much. And I think you, you know, you just mentioned about shopping and changing jobs, but actually that probably comes from your entrepreneurial mindset rather than indecisiveness as it might come across. But knowing what I know about you and the amount of businesses that you have worked for and set up and sold, as it sounds like, so entrepreneurial and so exciting. Very. Yeah. So you've been helping singles for five, six years. That's correct, isn't it? Yeah. And so your dating journey began with table eight, matchmaking people offline. Yes. So really interesting that now you're kind of coming away from matchmaking, coming away from setting people off in the offline dating sphere and then heading onto online dating. What's the emotional, physical transition of that? You know, how do you feel? Well, I think offline matchmaking is so much more rewarding because you're in touch with your clients on a weekly basis, you hear about hopefully the successes and online you don't hear as much. So in that sense it's less rewarding hearing all the success stories because a lot of my, I've been on apps when I was single. They're not telling, they're not telling you the success stories. So in that sense it's very different. Online for me is very much business orientated. Toffee dating and matchmaking is such a much more of a personal experience that I've really enjoyed. So when you had the idea for Toffee, which is your online dating app, where were you in the world? I think I was actually just sitting in my flat. I am like constantly thinking about ideas, not just in dating. So friends and family will tell you that I constantly sort of say, what do you think about this? What do you think about this? And they're usually shot down or two days later I lose interest. And I came up with the idea for toffee dating in 2017 in the summer, so really not that long ago and spoke to a few people about it and it just stuck. So, yeah, I just, I again, I was just searching for something dating that I wanted to really work on and build and it just seemed like such a good niche and so speaking of niche, which obviously toffee is very niche. Yes. How did you realize that there was a gap in the market for that particular target market? So I've always known about the different dating apps in the industry. So, like Muddy Matches, J Swipe, Bristler for beards. So I've always known there's lots of different niches. And I also knew that the league was very popular in the States, which is for Ivy League educated people, and just thought, oh, hang on. Having been privately educated myself Since I was 8, I know that that's a big market that no one's sort of doing anything with in the. In the dating world. And it also. People have a lot of feelings towards people. You know, the private education system. So it's. I knew that dating is a saturated market, but this would actually maybe create some feeling, create some awareness about it that's needed to make a dating app successful. Because I think there are so many great ideas out there that dating apps have. It's getting the awareness out there and getting people on board long enough to make it successful. Because, I mean, Tinder's amazing. You can swipe for days without running out of people. Been there, swiped that. Yeah, yeah. People are like, can I complete it? No, you can't. You just keep swiping. So it was just finding a niche that I thought we could get enough people on where it would just work and hopefully stick around. Interesting that you have just made a point about, you know, swiping for days. And, you know, we have been there, we've both been single in the online sphere, looking for love. It's interesting that we say swiping for days because it's kind of like making a game out of it. I really think it is a game for some people. You know, I talk to people and they look at it when they're bored on the bus. I think an example of not using it to really date. So I think if you're gonna go online, really make it a priority and put time into it. If you're just using it to kill some time, you're gonna a. Like, if you're on Bumble and you match with someone, you've got a day to get back to them. You might. You totally might forget and then you've just lost them. You know, you've really gotta sort of concentrate on it. But I think there are a lot of people that do it to pass the time, see who else is out there and don't take it that seriously. And I think that's why Some dating people have sort of they're not that excited about online dating because it can be quite disappointing because you get excited about someone you've matched but you don't hear from them, but you don't know if they're, are they taking it seriously? Are they not, Are they dating other people? It's a really difficult landscape to sort of navigate around. So, Lydia, speaking of it being a difficult landscape to navigate around, what kind of people can we find on dating apps and what have you found with toffee? Great question. I'm going to speak about dating apps as a whole rather than just toffee. You've got people that have just come out of relationships, so they're on apps essentially kind of rebounding or just making sure that they're still attractive to other people. You've got people on there that have forgotten to delete their account. You've got people on there who are just seeing what's out there, not taking it seriously and not particularly interested in actually meeting someone. Then you've got the people that you'd probably match well with, but you're also most interested in the people that are there who you're really attracted to in the photos, which doesn't really equate to how well you're matched. So percentage wise, it's quite a difficult game online. You're either good at it or you're not. And you just got to see how you go and not take it too personally because of those reasons just mentioned. I think that's really interesting. As long as you're not taking it too personally. But if you are serious, be serious about it. Exactly. But if you, you know, thank you so much for listening in with Lydia Davis here at Women's Radio station. 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Turn to us as a national charity, helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org UK WRS women's radio station Voice of Women Worldwide Women's radio station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. Welcome back to Love Lessons. I'm here with Lydia Davis, founder of Toffee Dating. Former matchmaker or still matchmaker? Former matchmaker. I mean I'm always matchmaking and dating coach. Welcome back, Lydia. Thank you. So let's talk about pasta's old. Let's talk about matchmaking. How did you get into that? Well, I didn't really know it existed for a very long time. As I mentioned earlier, I love dating but I didn't know you could have a career matchmaking. And I set up the dinner dating company table 8 and I went to the dating awards. This is it must have been about four Years ago, around this time of the year and I sat on a table with Caroline who set up Mutual Attraction and was just opened up to this whole world of the dating industry and that you can be a matchmaker. So I was sort of introduced to it that way and I was self employed at the time, working on the business and I was a personal trainer and just thought I'd love to be, I really want to do this as a job. So I got a job matchmaking and learnt through the matchmaking academy with Caroline that she runs and then taught on it later with her. So yeah, I was very lucky. It just, it was a very natural transition. Matchmaking academy. I remember coming for an interview on the Matchmakers Academy. Oh, yes, Yes, a long time ago. Tell me, what was your journey like as a matchmaker? What? I mean, I've been a matchmaker for many years. Not like you, former matchmaker now. And I know just as well as you do that it comes with its highs and it also comes with its low. Close. Tell me, in terms of the nitty gritty, what trials and tribulations did you find as a matchmaker? What were the tough parts? Because there are a lot of tough times with it. Yeah, there really are. It's really difficult because you want to help as many lovely single people as you can. And one of my main frustrations is that when you're matching someone, you can't always get them to meet. You know, if someone doesn't want to meet someone, we'd never want to force that. We'd never. Unless we were like really sure that they were going to match really well. But, you know, we wanted two people to really, genuinely want to meet. And on paper things can put people off. Ridiculous things. If someone sees that they were salsa dancing, oh, I just, I couldn't meet that person. They salsa dance. Most ridiculous reason ever. He, he or she probably said that to sound exciting. They've probably done it twice. Or even if they do it, it doesn't matter. Marketing people can have hobbies. So it's when you've got someone that is really, really ready to meet someone, that is a great person just at the right time to meet someone. And you're constantly getting people that say, no, I don't want to meet him or her. That's when it makes life really difficult because you're trying as hard as you can. You don't want to disappoint a client. Obviously they don't really know about all of that, but that's when it's really difficult or in dating, you know, people mess people around, they organize a date and they cancel on the day. And those frustrations that were out of our hands, I find really, really annoying because people are paying for a service and you can't control those things. So those were really the sort of two main frustrations. I hear you. Because I can totally recall days that I felt the emotional responsibility to, you know, connect two people that have, perhaps I have met, or maybe in your case, I've probably met two people that you thought energetically they would just hit it off. And you just want them to invest half an hour for a coffee because they've invested so much already to come and chat with you, to come and meet you, to pay for a service. So you come and help them find their life partner. And I've been on the side of the table with you where you're just like, oh, if only they would just say yes. But like you say, you don't want to force something to happen. If it's meant to be, it will be. Okay, so imagine that I was a new single, which I'm not. That's a smug giggle, wasn't it? Yeah, I know, but I've been in Heartbreak Hotel and all of that jazz, so, you know, I'm enjoying my smug giggle if I was a new single. And I thought, okay, I am totally daunted by the prospect of online dating and it's not something that I'm willing to do. I do have some disposable cash and I want to invest it in a matchmaker the same way I would invest in a personal trainer or whatever, a personal assistant. Why would I come to a matchmaker and what could I expect to receive from a matchmaker? How are they going to help me? So people would come to a matchmaker for lots of different reasons, usually because they're not finding the right person themselves. So I think the benefit of a matchmaker is hopefully you'll get a bit of coaching as well in there to sort of see where. Where you're struggling. Is it. Is it before a date, is it on a date, is it afterwards? Communication, like what's sort of been a bit. Get to know a little bit of your history and who you are. The other benefit is that we. I guess I hate the words sort of screen people. We meet them in person. So anyone we're matching you with, we've met in person, we've gotten to know them, and we really feel that the two of you will connect with because you, for different reasons, for similar values or, or interests or personality, whatever we feel is right. So you've kind of, that guessing game is, is out. So obviously online you're, you don't have that kind of information. You do waste a lot of time. You build someone's expectation, you build your own expectations up because you don't know who they are. But as a matchmaker, we've met both people, we've gotten to know both people and we really feel that there should be something there between you. And what I've always seen is that there are very, very, very rarely any bad dates. They always get on well. It's whether that chemistry is there. And it's quite good for us to help advise on that. Because I think so many people expect fireworks. I think I saw a statistic like 56% of people believe in love and first sight and those fireworks, Whereas actually only 11% had experienced it. And I think because we're all so time poor, we're rushing around. We want to, we were looking for that perfect partner and we want to feel, you know, get those sparks like going and I think you've got to get to know someone, you've got to invest some time getting to know someone and those fireworks can, can happen later on, they can grow. So we can also help advise in that way and we also get to hear feedback from both people. So you know, one person may have said, oh, I found them quite quiet or this and we say, well actually I think, you know, meet them again because we know that they're going to warm up on a second date and that's when you really work out whether you're getting to know each other. Because first dates can be quite nerve wracking. So I mean it's just like all over advice in matchmaking and sort of helping a helping hand and someone to constantly be on the phone with if needed, sort of give you advice and help you through it. I think what I'm hearing from you and from what I know already is that with matchmaking you're kind of, you're paying for not a guarantee. I don't like to use that word because it's quite a strong word. You're paying for an individual or a company to vet the person that you're going to meet so you can be rest assured that they are a legitimate human being that is a professional that works hard and is also seriously looking for love. That's it. Yeah. That they are committed for the right person, committed to the process, committed to looking and hopefully finding that partner. One thing that I heard from you, and I think the listeners will probably hear as well, is that you as a matchmaker and me or any matchmakers out there are putting those questions to bed, so to speak. So after a first date, you have a lot of question marks above your head about did they like me, did I like them, did the date go well, Wanna text them? Should I? And I think with online dating or anything in the dating sphere, those questions are just sat there. And until the person you've dated tells you the answers, it's difficult. But as a matchmaker, you can say he, hey, you may have misinterpreted this scenario, or actually you think the date didn't go as well, but he or she said this. And so I think that is a really nice safety net emotionally. And a matchmaker provides that. We do say hand holding in a way, like a support system, but I think it's just in a world where we're completely oversaturated with things being thrown at us that we're always looking for the next major spark, the next major thing, and it's just knowing how well did that date go. I think matchmakers are very good. Another important point, I think for the matchmaking also, what we can do is we can ask people how they feel on some really sensitive subjects, like do they want children? If they've got children, would they like more children? What is the age range that they want to date up to down to? We can just really get to know them that way. And that is something you really can't ask when you're dating and you learn later. So for us, we can do those checks before. And so it's easier if they do get into a relationship that we're on the right, they're on the right track. I mean, as a matchmaker, if I approached you and said, hey, I'm religious in this aspect, can you help me? Or I'm political in this left or right wing, can you help me? Would you say that those are things, they're quite sensitive and personal. Are they something that you would ever touch on as a matchmaker? Only if we had the right people to match them with. If we've got, if we, if we felt really comfortable that we had some good matches for them? Yes, but I'd say most of the time probably not, because the people that we were generally really working with were non practicing, were. Were all sort of professionals in London. Fairly open, it sounds like open. Exactly. And actually when you start niching things down or trying to tick lots of different boxes, it makes it a little bit harder so we wouldn't. Just because we don't want to give a service that we couldn't fulfill. Okay. Amazing, Lydia. Thank you so much. I'm here with Lydia Davis, former matchmaker and founder of Toffee Dating. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here at Women's Radio Station and this show is Love Lessons. We'll be right back. Welcome to Women's Radio Station, the voice of women worldwide. Hungry? An average woman eats about 2 to 3 kilos of lipstick in her lifetime. Women's Radio Station, we want to hear from you. This is Women's Radio Station. 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The website is www.germanstreettheatre.co.uk Women's radio station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming Don to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. Hi, Sarah Louise Ryan here. Welcome back to Love Lessons. I'm here with Lydia Davis, founder of Toffee Dating and link coaching former matchmaker. Welcome back, Lydia. Thank you. My gosh, it's like a mouthful. I should just say. Serial dating entrepreneur. Yes, thanks. So, Lydia, we have been talking a little bit earlier on about Toffee and that you were in your South London living room or, you know, in your flat, in your house and that's where Toffee was born in your mind. Yeah. So remind us again, how did it come to be that Toffee was something that you knew needed to be brought to the dating app market? Well, I just saw that there was, there wasn't a dating app for people that were privately educated, that were privately educated and had seen the success of, say, the League and other niche dating apps and thought I'd really like to sort of take that dating niche and, and make an app. It made sense to me, especially through the years of matchmaking and, and so I sort of spoke to a lot of people about it and got mostly good reviews on it. You know, some people didn't enjoy the concept, but so I went with that and it all happened quite quickly, actually. So it was the summer of 2017 and then we had the founding members. App went live in April 2018. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a whirlwind. Now Toffee has kind of smashed its way through the dating app market and I've been so excited to have Lydia here on the show because I have to tell you, I'll tell you a funny story. I went to watch my partner play rugby and afterwards he said, oh, do you want to join me? And you know, the guys, the girls, and we go for a drink in the local pub. And I was on Clapham Common in South London. For anyone internationally, it's, yeah, it's a lovely youthful green space having a gin and tonic. And I overheard a crowd of guys chatting about toffee dating. Great. And they were leaning in and they were having a huge debate about it. So I joined in and I didn't say that I was in the dating industry or that I knew you or anything. And I just wanted to listen to their opposing opinions about whether it was good or bad thing. That very same day, I think it was A Saturday, a newspaper article came out and then. And that was kind of like a negative stance on it. Kind of confused how elitist dating app, all these different things were being said about it. But the pr, oh, my gosh, that came from it. Yeah. We always knew it would be talked about. Yeah. And I thought. I mean, maybe naively, I thought people would roll their eyes. And they did so much more than roll their eyes. The things people have said about us, to say the least. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, I mean, part of that, and in the business mind, in me, was like, I needed something that would. Because we don't have much, much money behind it to market that. It had to be something that people would talk about because that's the only way we sort of make it in the dating industry. So I knew that it would create some different opinions and everyone has an op on it. That's the beauty of, I guess, for us, the pr, it's so prable. But I remember when we went to sort of say, right, we're ready to get some pr, and we went to a couple of one magazine, one newspaper, and sort of wanted to give them the exclusive sort of story on it. And they. I think they. They turned us down. So we found this other journalist, he's a friend of a friend, and she published something on us in the Mail on Sunday. And I didn't realize it was April Fools. And all the journalists, other journalists thought that this must be an April Fool's, which kind of makes sense. Marvel them. Yeah. And then. And then, because I thought, oh, it's just gonna be picked up and it'll be great. And it didn't. And then suddenly people were like, oh, no, this is serious. They're serious about. This is a dating app. Whoa. And I remember I was just in Rome for the weekends and I got off the flight and I had just seen it had all suddenly hit, and there was just article after article after article. And I have to say, as. As everyone knows, the majority has been critical of it being elitist or, you know, whatever people want to call it, which I think, you know, in April, I was quite shocked about, and it kind of got to me a little bit. But then I remembered why I set it up. It's dating. It's another niche. It's a similar background. It's not. There are so many independent schools. When people speak about them, they. They think about Eton or Harrow, of which we get a lot of people applying that are girls that say they went there. We get a lot of fake profiles. So it was me just reminding myself that it was. We don't take ourselves super seriously like that. We're not saying people that were privately educated should stick to people that were privately educated at all. We wanted an app where it could be an easier way to meet someone that you might end up marrying or be in a relationship because you've got some common ground and similarities. And do you think it's, you know, the age old matching on the similar socioeconomic background that makes it and as well as values and traditions, do you think that is what makes these people want to connect and meet and build a relationship with each other? I think so, partly. Definitely. It's, you know, you've got your Tinder. And I was speaking to someone about this earlier today and we were in a big, really busy cafe and we said, everyone that's single, if everyone was single in here, they'd all be on, on Tinder. And actually, loads of research shows that people with similar backgrounds or experiences are more likely to be together to have a lasting relationship. So as a concept, it should be quite understood as like, actually this makes so much sense. But obviously, because it's an education that you have to pay for, people aren't that happy about it. And I, you know, I, I've had friends that really support me, but they don't want to share the like with other businesses. Friends would share everything. You know, table eight, we'd all be throwing it out there. And actually with toffee friends were like, this is great, but I'm gonna alienate some of my friends if I, you know, really show my support. And I think we found that with press, you know, a lot of people can't say this is such a fantastic idea. Cause they've got a big audience that is totally mixed. But see, I've been matchmaking, so I've been speaking to people day in, day out on who they're looking for. And people say so many different things to me. Oh, I know, yeah, I've been there. And you know, I'm like, you find whoever you want to be with. Great. I would not judge you if you and I could wear on a T shirt printed some of the things that people have asked us for. It would shock so. Absolutely. And I'm like, you know, we all have. That's so personal to each and every. Yeah. So we were, you know, we needed a strong, strong opinions for it to, for our awareness to be out there. And what we've learned is no press is bad press for us. Really. It hasn't hindered downloads. We've got lots of people on there. We've had a really positive response from the users. Occasionally we get someone just slagging us off. But you know, it wouldn't be. Yeah, Lydia, I think it would be fair to say that there is a demand, so to speak. And you are supplying that demand. Nobody has done that before. Yes, we've mentioned the League over in the US and how that's been successful and you've kind of of followed the league and their lead on that and you are also having the same success. So yes, more Phil them on April Fool's Day. But give us a few of the key plays who've written about you because it's not to be shied away from that. You've really cracked through on some of that press. Oh yeah. So we had that lovely sort of five spread article in the Times magazine and that was a lovely piece because it was balanced. I love a balanced article. You know I could. Because then. Yeah, fair. And then we've had, gosh, it was sort of worldwide really, the press. We had articles everywhere. But we've been in the New York Post. Were you in the Times or Post? Post. I mean the Telegraph, couple of times, the Times, Financial Times, the Week, basically kind of, you name it. We had a feature, whether positive or not. Incredible. Yeah. And it really has been incred and we just want to keep that going. Yeah. Okay, so if you could give us kind of like a snapshot of the downloads for Toffee. When it comes to gender. Well, first of all, let's talk about gender. Is it like 50, 50? Is it more? Are the men more keen for it? I mean, what are you finding? I'm finding. Well, we. In terms of. Yeah, the demographic. Yeah, sorry, I'm like. Yeah. Cause I want to move on to, to sexuality and you know, is it inclusive and all that stuff? So tell us everything. So we. Our most popular market, I guess, well, demographic is 17, sort of 25. But actually I just saw a 67 year old on there today. So we span but the most and I reckon I realize that's because it resonates more because they've just come out of school. I think we're really balanced male to female. We're open to people. We have. You can choose if you like men, if you like women or if you like everyone. And that's cool. My, my brother's been involved in developing the app so he's on there as, as a developer and I think he sort of mentioned he's been liked by More men than, than women. So we've got, you know, so it's a, it's been really great for us to have, have it open to everyone and hear that they're all enjoying it. Okay, so Lydia, tell us, where are you in the world Toffee? Where are you? Just all over. Oh, no, we're only in the UK at the moment. We launch in Australia, I think early January because Android's coming out next month. And then we want to go to South Africa. Wow. And some other countries because actually you think of the UK, privately educated, it's only 8% of the population whereas in Australia it's 34%. And in other geographies it's actually a lot more than the uk. So we're going to see, we've got the product, it's all ready, we're going to see how it takes off in different markets. Well, I hope we get an invite to the launch parties. You will. You will. So I am Sarah Louise Ryan. We're here at women's radio station with Lydia Davis and we are presenting Love Lessons. We'll be right back where Lydia gets a chance to talk about her new venture, WRS women's radio station. Voice of women Worldwide. Sarah's Universal Soul Show. What does your soul or spirituality mean to you? Welcome to future classical Woman awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Welcome back, I'm Russ Cain. You're listening to in conversation with on women's radio station. I'm Angie. And I'm Patsy. And we're open. To see what other programs we have on women's radio station, head to our website womensradiostation.com hi, my name is Michelle Bartlett, the founder of Live Laugh Love Ladies Club. We're looking for ladies to link arms across the globe. This is a new vibrant brand connecting women socially. Our club members enjoy great food, fun and inspiring speakers while making friends of all generations. 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It will be St. James Catholic Church, Marylebone. Please join us for a fantastic evening of classical music. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help visit turntous.org.uk WRS Women's radio station Voice of Women Worldwide Women's radio station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. Welcome back to Love Lessons. I'm here at Women's radio station with the wonderful Lydia Davis. Welcome back. Thank you. You're blushing. I know. So much. Stop it. So Lydia, we've talked a ton about all of the things that you've done. So you've kind of spanned the past six years. So you started off table of a where you had table eight. Sorry, not of eight because actually there was a lot more than that sometimes, wasn't it? Yes, you matchmaking single guys and girls around a dinner table events, all that jazz transition, then on into matchmaking further to that. That's a few really good successful years. Yeah. Moved on into toffee dating app which is like wildfire launching globally which is fantastic. Thank you. And now what are the next steps? Well, I really, I'm interested in dating and relationships so I've been doing a lot of reading up on, on all of that and I really want to, wanted to go into some coaching to help people that are single. So I set up Lingq coaching to help anyone that needs. That needs. Yeah, I've said it a couple of times, a helping hand but just need someone to focus them on how they're going to find the right person. So as like you said, you go, you'd Get a personal trainer to help you get fit. I think love is something we really neglect and don't let anyone else sort of help us. And we need a lot of guidance, especially the older we get with baggage that we've got, things that we've gone through that sometimes you need someone to give you advice or help you look at things in a different way. So yeah, it's a passion of mine and I'm doing that. And I think the older we get, the more lessons we learn about what we are willing to accept and what we are willing not to not to accept. And I think, you know, there's nothing wrong with saying, hey, I actually don't know where I'm going wrong here. I've maybe built up too many barriers because I'm willing to accept nothing less than I think I deserve, which is great. But at the same time you could be putting up a barrier between you and your someone. So I think coaching can really be a positive helping hand. Well, you can put your best foot forward in dating and not self sabotage, which I know so many singles do today. So tell us the name of your coaching business. It's Link with a Y Coaching. Yes. Fab. And where can people find you and your sessions like Skype, face to face? I mean, how do you provide this wonderful service? Well, we have a free sort of telephone consultation so I can just hear about whoever is looking for coaching. I'm on Instagram and There's a website linkcoaching.co.uk and. And then the sessions, as much as possible would be in person in London, in a nice sort of hotel lobby, somewhere where we feel comfortable chatting for an hour and it would be five sessions or it could be, it can be done over Skype because yeah, people aren't always in London. And do you think a handful of sessions is as a process necessary to go through a journey with you? I think so. When I was going through this, actually, you need more, you definitely need more than one session. I mean, think about it in terms of again, personal training. You can have five sessions, you get given some tools, I guess one session you're not really taking much in. And also I guess when you want to coach someone, you need to learn about them, you need to, to work out which avenue you're going down, sort of where, which, in which area are they going wrong or not going right. So you do need some sessions and also you want someone to come away feeling very confident about dating going forwards. And I don't think you can kind of get that from a one off session. So it's nice to get to know someone, build a relationship with them over the five sessions, you know, which can be continued if needed, but otherwise sort of of at least have enough of the foundations there so you know how you're going to help them, how they're going to help themselves. I think that's fantastic. And I think you made a really interesting point about them, you know, wanting to talk an awful lot of guests in the first session. I can remember a time when I had so many different entrepreneurial ideas similarly to you, but I didn't know which one to put into action first and which one to put my best foot forward with first. And I went to business coach for that. And I remember the first session was me really just sitting through those thoughts to be able to put them into the right business and the right category. And is it, would you say it's the same with dating to understand like your confidence, your mindset versus what tools you're using to meet someone? Yeah, absolutely. Just thinking of it in a different way because obviously you haven't thought about it that way because you haven't made those changes. So for someone to just look through everything and say, actually why don't we try this or why don't you do this or you're doing this behavior maybe because of something that's happened in the past and this might be putting someone off or, you know, just, just working it all out. It sounds like you've got a really personalized and tailored approach because, you know, the fact that you are willing to have a conversation, get to know someone. I'm sure you want to ensure that your clients are the right match for you, I guess as well. So you know that you can help them. Definitely. I think, you know, as in, as with matchmaking as well, it's such a personal experience that you've really got to make sure, trust the person that's coaching you, that you want to talk to them and you take their advice going forwards. So actually that sort of that consultation, that initial chat helps to work out whether we both want to work together, if we can help each other, if I can help them, and then invest in those five sessions, hourly sessions, because it's money. Aside from the fact that it is a business, it is an emotional investment for your client to come to you to learn about the approachability and the journey that they're gonna go on with you. And so I think it's an exciting move and I think maybe there was a part of you missing a Little bit of the whole offline matchmaking, dating, advisory experience. Absolutely. Tell us about that. How did you decide that coaching was another step for you? So I think it sort of stems from as I like really briefly touched on, I was a personal trainer whilst I was setting up table eight. So I've always liked working with people one on one, finding out their needs, how do we get there? And then so from personal training, it was the table eight and then matchmaking and I just really like meeting people, single people and chatting and working it all out. So setting up Toffee, that's what it's called, is actually totally different. It's a startup, it's a business, it's online and it does scale, it's wonderfully scalable. I can, you know, sleep and money's being made essentially. But actually with the. What I miss and I really enjoy is helping people in person and so I need that in my life. I can't just do business. And it's, it's been a really nice journey for me to know actually what makes me happy in work. And it's, it's having that that is helping lovely people and building great relationships with them and seeing great things like you may have saw. I posted this is from matchmaking. A couple I matched got engaged and you know that nothing beats that. I mean, yeah, great. I really hope Toffee makes some money, but the feeling of being told that you've a couple are engaged was overwhelmingly amazing. I know, I know. And I think as a matchmaker, you know, obviously have a passion for connecting people and you know, I'm obviously the same. And so when you have that passion to connect and forge relationships on a friendship level or relationship of the romantic kind level, I think it makes sense that one of your values is connection. And so to build a business that is so online and scalable and you know, inevitably going to be quite money orientated when it comes to its global growth. I think bringing it back to basics for you really fulfills the connection values. Definitely. What would you say? So say so. I know that your business link is going to be about helping predominantly new singles who are back on the scene. Maybe it's been a long term relationship or maybe they have been through a divorce. So say I am that person and I don't know whether to go to a matchmaker or whether to go online or go to a singles event such as the business that you had five years ago. Where would you advise me to start to put my best foot forward? Well, I think I'd Want to know what you're most comfortable in. So if we thought that online dating would be good for you, are you good at initiating chats? Are you good at your selection? Are you good at meeting people quickly and giving up your time? If you're not, then do you need someone else to do it for you? A matchmaker? Find the right person and almost do the work for you? Or are you better at doing things that you enjoy? Interests or going to single events in person where you will organically meet someone so it's really working out what personality trait you are, also what you can afford and, and really deciding where your best return is, your return on emotional investment. And actually, why not try a couple? I definitely wouldn't say just go online or just go to single dating events, see what works for you and try as much as you can. But I would also say if online dating isn't for you, don't push it. Don't feel you have to be online. There are so many other ways of meeting people. Me saying this, having a teasing up because you're gonna be. It's gonna be an emotional roller coaster. You really want to keep confident, confident, happy people. Meet lovely, confident single people. You know, if anything's drawing you down from in dating, don't do it. So. Or have a break. Okay. Lydia relationship dating expert, dating business extraordinaire. Tell us three top tips to start over again in finding love. Make sure you're super happy and confident in yourselves. You don't have to change yourself. You just need to know that you're the best, that you're happy with yourself and people will see that. I'd say go on dates, but make sure you've made an effort. You feel confident, you're in a good mood, don't bring work in. And then what else would I say? There's so many things. What else would I say? Let people know that you're single and open to being set up. Oh, spreading the word, spreading the love. Yeah. I am Sarah Louise Ryan here with the wonderful Lydia Davis of toffee dating and link Coaching. Thank you so much for joining me on love Lessons here at Women's Radio station. Welcome to women's radio Station, the voice of women worldwide. Hungry? An average woman eats about 2 to 3 kilos of lipstick in her lifetime. Women's radio station, we want to hear from you. This is women's Radio Station. You're listening to Avril Price with Kitchen Sink Spirituality. It's Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. And my guest today is Karen Nunn. I listen to women's radio station Women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. 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