Love Lessons – Start With Self Love With Colleen Moore

Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to Love Lessons here in the studio in Covent Garden. I am Sarah Louise Ryan. Delighted to have you tuning in today. I've got a wonderful guest. For those of you just joining us or those of you returning, this is the show, as you very well know, where we talk everything from dating relationships to dating after divorce, to navigating divorce, healing, heartbreak, and what else can I say? Starting over again as a confident self single. Today we're going to be discussing all things kind of overcoming hurdles that hold us back from living a life that we truly love and attracting love that we truly want into our lives. I have got the wonderful Colleen from Yellow Lemon coaching here in the studio. Colleen is a mindset mastery coach and she really helps people get to grips and overcome those hurdles that are holding them back. So I'm really excited to have her here with. Welcome, Colleen. Thank you. I'm really excited to be here. First time on the radio, though, so a little bit nervous. Oh, very normal. But I guess it's just a conversation around love and life and I guess it's something that you're massively passionate about, helping people navigate a life that they really want to live and they feel really fulfilled by and present with and in tune with. And tell us a little bit about you, actually, for those of you that are tuning in and want to know more about who clean is before we jump in. So tell us, Colleen, what do you do and how does it all work? So, as you very nicely said, I am a mindset coach and I work with women who feel like they've ticked all the boxes, they've followed the rulebook and they still feel like something's missing that they don't feel 100% happy with their lot. And then sometimes that guilt creeps in that they think, well, why not? If you look at it on paper, everything's perfect, but something's missing and. And I find that something. I help them go after what they really want, find that confidence, find that self love and develop that self awareness that you need to really and truly find your purpose. Really love that. I mean, I think there's so much we can say. And actually, this morning on my way into London, I was listening to a YouTube by another famous love and relationships coach talking about how. Talking about infidelity, actually, and how it's never lacking really in a relationship, but trying to fill a void of something that was once lost and, you know, having ticked all of those boxes in a marriage or relationship but then still seeking a something. Is it spontaneity more fulfillment, physically, emotionally, sexually. And I was. I've been thinking and listening to something very relevant to the words that you were saying, but obviously not just about infidelity. And I think it's really interesting that there are so many people in London living these busy lives with jobs that are absolutely marvelous, having these relationships or not, but feeling like something's missing and they're not so fulfilled, but they don't know where that slice of cake is missing. So how is it that you help people find which slice of that cake is missing, so to speak? We definitely start with self awareness and just learning more about yourself, starting to explore those parts of you that maybe you've put on the back burner or you've hidden or you sometimes feel ashamed of. So we definitely start with building the relationship with yourself. And then from there we can look at all of the different things that you do, maybe something you used to love that you don't do anymore, and really finding what lights your heart on fire and really embracing that, Embracing who you are and then really getting creative about where you want to go. So it's about identifying the ingredient that isn't in that mix of all that fun stuff. So you recently put a blog together on yellow Lemon coaching, and it was about the three pillars of self. Can you talk us through what they are and what. What that all means? Yeah, of course. So the three pillars of self are self belief, self worth, and self confidence. And really these are the foundation stones that I feel that you need to develop that relationship with yourself. So the self belief is having the understanding and the confidence in your own values and your own way of doing things that no matter what you get thrown at you, that core belief and that stability is still there for you. And then whatever rocks your world, you're gonna rock it because you've got that all the time. So it's a tool that you've got in your back pocket all of the time. Self worth is one I think as women, we particularly struggle with. We have such a perfectionist view about what worth means and what success means and what society expects. And I'm sure men have it too. But I'm just speaking from my experience as a coach coaching women. And it's really sad sometimes that our worth is based so much on external values and what other people think or what we have or comparison. And really self worth is such an inside job. It's really about understanding what motivates you and what feels good to you and that's enough. And it's really taking it back to basics. And I think sometimes that's really lost in our busy world. And then the final one is self confidence, which is self explanatory. But this one's really about taking baby steps and finding that part of you that is willing to go a little bit outside your comfort zone, into the growth zone, but not throwing yourself so far that you're in the discomfort zone. It's just nudging that growth zone and building ever so slowly layer upon layer of feeling. Amazing. So it might be just one small step and it can have so many ripple effects later on in the show. I really want to delve quite deeply into building baby steps to the biggest steps around confidence and how we can actualize confidence outside by, you know, getting to grips with it inside and figuring out where it is that we're, you know, things have fallen by the wayside, so to speak. Actually, this morning when I was on my way here, thinking about meeting you and having you on the show, one of the big questions that kind of circled around my head was about self worth and, and women particularly knowing because I spent my weekend chatting to women about feeling fulfilled in love and feeling fulfilled in the workplace and feeling appreciated, acknowledged, and all of that stuff. So having spent the weekend with coaching clients and friends around talking about self worth, I found it really interesting as a topic that you just brought up and it's something I wanted to ask you. So why is it, I guess, so hard to acknowledge, Discover, uncover our self worth as women? Because you and I are women and we can only speak for women. What is it? How can we do? Uncover, discover self worth? I think then this is different for everyone. But when we're younger, especially girls, we are not taught to, to show off or to showcase our skills or to put ourselves in a good light. We're kind of in all circumstances, but often we're kind of told to play small a little bit and be humble and don't take all of the limelight and that carries on into adult life. And we forget that it's okay to shine and it's okay to show who we are. And then sometimes we forget parts of who we are. And so that self awareness and as you said, self discovery, that's about uncovering parts of you that perhaps you've lost or you've forgotten about or you're unsure whether you can embrace yet or they haven't shown up yet. Yeah, and it's, it's. You can be so creative and it's the most beautiful journey. The things that come up. And that's why I'm such an advocate of journaling, because that's one avenue that those kinds of things can really show up in. And it's really exciting for me to see that in other people and to see what comes up. Oh my goodness. You've just reminded me of a book that I have, a journal from the founder of Kiki. Your dream life starts now. Have you heard of it? I've not, but I think I should now. Oh my gosh. So a woman that you would love and I certainly adore, you know, founded this very humble, beautiful stationery brand that really kicked off and the whole idea was that she was inspired by other women to live a life that she loved and then she wanted to pass on her journey. And I guess she never really started out as a coach or someone that was so self aware, but on that journey to building a brand herself, she found this whole discovery of confidence and exuded that and wanted other women and people that buy her journals to kind of exude it. And I don't know why, it's just come up for me. And also just want to scrape back to something that you were saying before about women and what we're told to do. And all I could think of it was the idea of growing up around being seen and not being heard as a girl. It's such a generational thing though, don't you think? I think that parenting, I know this isn't strictly about parenting, but certainly now that's changing. And yeah, it's about finding our voice again, I think. Yes. And how can we, how can we, if you could give like a quick fire round, not be so fearful in fully showing up so we can fulfill ourselves and live a life that we love. Have you got like three quick fire top tips on that? Firstly, start small. You don't have to jump off at the deep end. So definitely just take baby steps. Find one thing, maybe a day that's a little bit scary and just give it a try. Love that. And then you're nudging that growth zone and it's fun, right? And be creative, really fun. And then secondly, I would say that stop worrying what other people think. If it's something you want to do, then do it. I love that saying that what other people think of me is none of my business. Absolutely right. Whilst I'm always on the radio and putting myself out there, I guess I live my life that way. And yes, of course we all care about judgment and whatnot, but feel that fear and do it all. Anyway, I am so excited to have you on the show. Ladies and gents, tuning in after the break. We'll be back with Colleen of Yellow Lemon coaching. And today we're talking about being featured, fearless in the pursuit of living a life that you love and hopefully that will help you attract love into your life. So we'll be right back here on Love Lessons after the break. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's radio station. 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And we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostation, that's womensradio stn or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello, hello, hello and welcome back to Love Lessons here in the studio in Covent Garden. If you're listening in in the uk, Hello. If you're tuning in across the. Hello to you too. I'm delighted to have Colleen from Yellow Lemon Coaching here in the studio. And this whole show is about living a life that you love, attracting love into your life by feeling fully fulfilled. With all of the slices, you feel fully whole, you've got all of that cake and you feel totally ready to welcome someone else into your life when you feel like you're in a place of contentment and happiness. Just before the break, we were talking a little bit about the fears and also the pillars of oneself. What were they? Colleen, remind me. Welcome back. Hello. So the three pillars of self, self belief, self worth and self confidence. There's obviously a blog about it on my website, so head over there. All the details on there. Yellowlemmercoaching.co.uk or com.com.com so we were cheekily chatting in the break, as I always do. What were we just talking about? I was saying how interesting it was that really as women it's so fun and creative to find these hidden parts of ourselves and become more self aware and then develop more self love and that really, when it comes to dating, I personally feel, and I'm a confident single, so I'm definitely navigating this world as we speak, that the better we understand ourselves in terms of self awareness, the better we can make calls on what's right or who's right for us and what isn't. So sometimes those red flags come up and we try and talk ourselves out of them, right? Oh, no, no, no, no. I can't tarnish everyone with the same Brush. But I think that's right. We should trust our intuition sometimes. And the better we explore who we are and what our identity is, we'll have so much more success when we're navigating the dating world into finding the right person for us. I think you are so right. When you sit and really connect with what your gut is telling you about a certain situation, sometimes you do have to kind of lean into what your head says about it too, that maybe that person on paper kind of fits the mould that you have created for that ideal partner or whatever. But if your gut is telling you that you feel something different to what you wanted to welcome into your life, that then you genuinely have to go with that, you have to sit with that and you have to trust it. And I think you're so right. And often we try and brush those things aside and plow through anyway. And that's another conversation I was having over the weekend. I really spent the weekend with such empowered women who were successful in so many ways and so super bloody smart. Sorry, I know I'm not allowed to swear on the radio. I think that's the first time I've ever done that. And they were all talking about trust one's gut and getting to grips with where one is in life and acknowledging it and journaling it. Can you tell us a little bit about your recent story of just really feeling self aware that you needed some space to journal and to get to grips of where you are at? Do you mind sharing that story? No, not at all. I think it would be helpful. Yeah, I think it's super important. I mean, it's a vulnerable story in the beginning, but it has a happy ending. So I have or have for the last two years been in a lot of pain and I had lots of doctor's appointments to try and find out what was going on. The long and short of a very long story is that I have a vascular condition which will need surgery, quite major surgery next year. And whilst I'm dealing with that in my own way, after the appointment that I had with the consultant, knowing that that was coming up, I really felt strongly that I needed to spend some time with myself. And whatever the outcome of that appointment was, I needed to take some time to reconnect and to think about the things that were important to me and take some time out where I had no responsibility or no obligation to anyone or anything. So I booked a trip to Norway. For me, mountains and forests are like my spirit environment, I guess. I don't know what else to call it. It just makes me feel whole and happy and fulfilled and all of those things. So I went off to a cabin in the woods in Norway, just outside of Oslo, and I spent effectively 48 hours just in the wilderness and went for a really long five, six hour meditation hike. It was really deep snow. We walked through some very cold rivers and found frozen waterfalls and drank coffee in the woods. I had a guide, but it was a meditation hike. So it was all done in silence. But obviously for safety, I had a guide. But I think it's really important that, like we were saying with gut feelings, if you have an instinct and you have a feeling that something needs to be done or something needs to be changed, or you have a yearning for something, then go with it, because that's what it's there for. That's the primitive part of your brain telling you something important. So embrace that and go for it. I love that story in a way that I feel so many people will appreciate the sharing of your vulnerability, especially women out there who, you know, we're taught to be strong, to find ourselves in an equal environment, unfortunately. And actually it takes a lot of drop in ego as well to share something that affects us on deep levels. I truly believe that. And so the fact that you kind of acknowledge that you needed time and we all go through things and stuff, and sometimes we struggle to find the physical space to work through it. Even if it was, you know, sat there thinking about what it is that you want to attract in a relationship, creating that physical space, time to really get to grips with what it is that you want for your life and the direction you want a relationship or meaningful connections to go in. Creating space is really important. And it's something we do in these busy cities, not often enough. So I think it's great and hopefully it'll inspire some people to go out there and do the same. And did you find that it took a lot of courage to take that, that trip, a solo trip? Because it's something that a lot of people I know would feel a bit like overwhelmed by the thought. It's so funny because I've obviously retold that story to my close friends and to other people and some of my clients as well. And what I keep getting back is, that's so brave. You've got so much courage and often if something is quite normal for you, that's in inverted commas, you don't see that part of it, you don't see that part of the story. And it's only when I talk to people like you and I think, yes, actually it was really brave. And there was part of me that was nervous and worried that I wouldn't find what I was looking for on that trip. But I had to accept that and really lean in and think about why I was there feeling that. But you don't have to do something that big. I mean, getting on an airplane and going to a whole other country for 48 hours, that is big. And I acknowledge that. And it's not an opportunity that maybe everyone has access to. So it doesn't have to be that big. You could take half a day to sit with your thoughts and meditate or. I find swimming super, super therapeutic because it's the one time that we're not connected to a screen in this modern world. If you're in water, yes, you could take your apple watch, but you're not going to be looking at it the whole time or whatnot. And you, you can't speak to anyone and you can't hear anyone and all you can hear are the strokes that you're making in the pool. And it really is therapeutic because you're, you're in rhythm and your body is physically flowing and then your thoughts align with the movement. And I don't know if everyone else finds that, but. And I'm not, you know, I'm not a good swimmer, I'm not an avid swimmer. And so yes, I feel we're covering so much ground on being fearless in the pursuit of a life that's worth living. I mean, how or that people want to live and they want to actualize. How do we become self aware when things aren't serving us in love, in life in general? It's like stepping out of denial, right? It's so hard because we write our own story, right? It's a bit of a clanger. But we are responsible for our own actions. And when we've written this story, we look for evidence and we look for reasons and examples to fulfill that story. And sometimes you just get in a loop and it's really difficult to get out of it and become more self aware. But it's exactly like you were saying, taking time out, doing something mindful, without the noise of other people and other things and responsibility, responsibility and start reconnecting with yourself. And that can be as simple as just asking yourself a couple of questions like how am I feeling right now? What does, what would success tomorrow look like for me? You don't have to be going on about 2020 goals and I must be married by the end of 2020, what does the next best step look like? And just start getting creative and excited, exploring those ideas rather than putting all that pressure on yourself about doing everything and doing it right now. And there is a really great book for anyone that's tuning in that I picked up many years ago about the slight edge. I'm a massive believer in it. You do a little bit every day of what it is that's going to improve your life by that extra 1 or 2%. And a lot of people, it's like going to the gym or with dating, you know, anything that you want to really bring into your life. I find that a lot of people won't do anything for five days, but then will try and do two or three hours of swiping or gymming or swimming or running, whatever, and then don't see any improvement. But tenacity and consistency is absolutely key, especially when you're looking to attract a life that that makes you fulfilled and happy. I mean, not attract a life because you're living your life now, but feeling really present and grounded and connected with it. What were the three biggest takeaways that you took away from making and creating that space for yourself in mind and physically? Only three? Wow. Oh, my gosh. I mean, what were they? What were they? Biggest takeaways? My biggest takeaway, the first one was it's okay to have quiet. I think we're so in tune with forcing ourselves to fill the void that we forget that there's a whole world out there and just appreciate it and be quiet. And I loved that. It was so great. Second was that it's okay to do something scary and be yourself. And third, Third, I would say that I found my love of journaling again on that trip. Yeah. And how important that is. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons and we'll be right back after the break with Colleen of Yellow Lemon Coaching. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. 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With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio stations supporting Women's well being hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons. If you're just tuning in for the first time or if you're rejoining us, this the show where we talk about everything from dating relationships to healing heartbreak and navigating divorce, all the way to starting over again as a confident single. I am here with the wonderful Colleen Moore of Yellow Got My Tongue Tied Then Yellow Lemon Coaching and we've really today been discussing so far about creating and living a life that you absolutely love in order to attract love and so Far, we've kind of touched on self belief, self worth, self confidence, and creating the space to kind of be self aware with where you're truly at. So welcome back, Colleen. Thank you. Lovely to have you. And this is kind of, we were just saying in the break, cheekily chatting, that this is kind of a different show because we often just sit and talk about the intricacies and the difficulties of modern day dating. But this show is really about switching it up, about getting to grips with where you're at to attract love, to kind of put all of the things that you're doing, you're swiping your events, your matchmaking or your whatevers to one side and really just think, actually, how do I feel? How is this serving me? Do I feel like I'm in a place where I'm ready to attract love, or am I just investing money, time, energy, and not really feeling 100% fulfilled in the journey? And you know, life is so short. If you find yourself not enjoying any journey to love, to a career, to financial abundance, whatever it is, then why the heck are you doing it? Right? 100% agree with what you've just said because, I mean, I'll do a little share at the moment. I have worked my absolute socks off in 2019. Love Lessons is a new venture, as everyone knows from a world of matchmaking for seven, eight years. And then Love Lessons has mainly been coaching. But I found that being busy, I'm not nurturing myself the way I nurture my clients, my businesses, my relationship. And I just thought, no, no, no. We've gotten to November and I'm a real was telling Kenny, for those of you that tuned in last week, I'm a real big vision boarder about where I'm at. And we're going to talk about visualizations later. And I'm really feeling where one is at with one's life. And I just thought, I have a great career and I love helping people, but how am I helping myself? And so in December, I'm going to cut all of my work by half. Truly, I know risky business, but I'm gonna be bold and I'm gonna be brave and I'm going to do it anyway. Because just like you, Colleen, if I am not reinvesting energy in myself and nurturing my personal life and spending time with my partner and spending time really assessing where my life is going, how can I continue to help people navigate theirs? So I decided I'm gonna work two weeks in December and then I'm gonna take two weeks of journaling and visualizing and vision boarding and reading and sleeping. How about that? Sounds blissful, doesn't it? Yes. Jealous. Yes. So speaking of that, just before the break we were talking about filling a void and that got me to thinking about this time of year where so many people are out there filling romantic voids that aren't serving them. What do you make of what I'm saying? I think this. Well, firstly, this term of cuffing is a new one for me. Obviously. I completely understand the scenario. We've all been there, or I certainly have. It's so easy, isn't it, that you want to fill that void, but it comes from a place of lack rather than a. A forward thinking place. So it's this idea that social norms expect us to be with somebody and it's a season of loving and it's the season of giving and receiving and there's this fallacy that in order to have all those things, we have to have a significant other with us. And that really isn't the case at all. And I would really advocate that you have a think around that and what, ask yourself some questions. What is it about that and about this season that's making you want to fill that void? And I think what you just said that came up for me was it's not. It's more people coming more from a place of lack than they are from a place of self love. So if we focus more on filling our cup rather than filling other people's and that exchange of energy or with other people, that investment in dating and then feeling drained. And I'm really tired of hearing about online or offline dating burnout. Well, if it's not making you happy and you're not feeling fulfilled, then where is your self love? Where is it? Because you have to love yourself first to feel energetically full and like you can show up and exude and share that energy. And if your vibes are feeling low, then why would you want to attract someone into your life? Because in essence, you'll end up attracting someone who's of equally low vibe. Right, Right. And your motivation for finding that relationship is completely off. So if you're looking, whether it is a relationship or you're looking for, as you said, financial abundance or whatever it is that you're trying to manifest or goal set towards, make sure your motivation's in the right place and it's coming from a place of understanding and appreciation and self love. If your, your motivation is because I don't want to be alone for Christmas, really Think about what that means and where that's coming from. A real example is last year. So I have an eight year old son. Last year he spent Christmas or part of Christmas with his dad, might have been a year before. And I had those feelings of I don't want to be on my own and I don't necessarily want to be a third wheel on somebody else's Christmas. And all of those feelings came up and what I realized was that I needed a little bit of time, a bit of self love and to just pamper myself, right? I work hard, I'm a great mum and I deserved a bit of pampering. So I booked into the spa for two days over Christmas. I didn't do Christmas at all. I know, jealous. And you just totally took that time out. Oh my goodness. For anybody that is tuning in, that is feeling those feelings of, you know, wanting to fill a void, looking for that winter warmer match, as some of my friends and clients might call it, or someone called it that winter, that cashmere winter shawl that keeps you warm. Or as is more well known in the urban dictionary, unfortunately, cuffing season where we, you know, cuff ourselves with other people until just before Valentine's Day, where it's freedom of, you know, not wanting to be accountable. I mean, just take a leaf out of Colleen's book and go to that spa, go on that hike, go on that trip and really nurture oneself. So a question that I've got for you around cuffing season and around life in general. Why is it, maybe as a woman, I find it particularly applies for women, but not necessarily, you can correct me if I'm wrong. Why is it that we settle for less than we deserve in life, let alone in love? Why do we settle? Such an interesting question that we could probably have a whole radio show about. And I would love that. I think we settle because for many reasons, but I think the main reason and particularly around this season is the what if, What I call the what if condition. So what if I never find anybody? What if I'm always going to be on my own and you start creating these limiting beliefs around what it is you're capable of and what it is you're going to attract. And then because it comes from this place of lack, you just accept the next person, thing, shiny object that comes into your life because you're worried that if you don't take it, then the opportunity is never going to present itself again. And that is so not the case at all. And I'd really, I think it's really important that you understand that you do deserve what it is, what's on your dream list. And when it comes to dating, whatever that looks like it exists somewhere and you will find it and settling for less than you're worth, you're never going to be happy. You're going to be going over the same ground in a year's time. Why not do the work now and really assess who you are and what you want and what you would like to attract in terms of a relationship, what kind of life you would like to build and who you would like to build it with. Because if you don't do the work now and you don't find yourself accountable to that self care and self love and self awareness, then what you'll do is you'll attract somebody that doesn't quite seem to feel or be your equal in love and life and you'll settle for less than you deserve. And you might find yourself in 10 years or 20 years down the line, you know, fully tied to every situation that you wake up one day and you find, this is not what I want because you didn't do the work. I mean, don't settle for the peer pressure of the holidays or the festive season or of that generational time where you think everyone should be settled down and whatnot. I mean, what, what are your thoughts on, on peer pressure around love so hard? I'm in the throes of it obviously as a singleton myself, and I feel that peer pressure and you can't, you can't avoid it, right? It's always there. But how you react to it, you can change. And so for me, I spend an awful lot of time connecting with myself and just making sure that I'm not adhering to somebody else's norms or somebody else's expectations. Okay, so quick fire round of like a couple, two or three top tips of really taking control and owning where you're at right now as a single over this festive season. Okay, firstly, choose at least one thing over this festive season that is for you. Give yourself a gift. Not a physical thing. Go out for the day, go and do something. Book an afternoon tea with your girlfriends, do something that's for you that you love. That's the first thing, that's the first thing to do for self love. And secondly, over this season, just get off of the Internet, get off the app, stop reading all of these articles. It's not going to help you. Yes, I love that. Disconnect from the online world and reconnect with yourself. Oh, I'm so excited. I have Colleen here from Yellow Lemon Coaching and we'll be back after the break talking all things living a life that you absolutely adore. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello, I'm welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's wellbeing and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. 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To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio station supporting women's wellbeing. Women's radio station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostation, that's womensradio stn or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Welcome back to Love Lessons here in the studio in Covent Garden. Oh my goodness, today. Today has been the most incredible show. We've been talking about living a life that you truly love, becoming self aware, so in tune with your belief system, with being confident and really putting your good vibes out there by starting with self love. So welcome back to Colleen of Yellow Lemon Coaching. Hello. So we just touched on before the break for those of you just tuning in and catching us now about really confidently navigating, navigating the holiday season as a single stopping, filling those voids, really not listening to any peer pressures or questions around love and relationships and really listening to yourself and what you need and you deserve and never settling for less than you deserve. And so Colleen and I thought that now we'd really get into creating and cultivating healthy habits to set yourself up for success in love and life in 2020. So welcome back, Colleen. Thank you very much. So firstly then on that, how do we create unhealthy habits that don't serve us in anything? Great question. We almost fall into them, which is such a rubbish way to answer the question. But it's probably true though, isn't it? Yeah, it is true. We just. Habits are habits, right? Because we fall into them and they creep up on us without us realizing. So we do check our phones first thing in the morning. We do forget to drink enough water. We do compare ourselves to others. We probably spend too much time on social media. Our worth is all about the external world. And I mean, some habits aren't that worrisome, but others can really affect our mental health. And I think it's so important to create healthier habits around self love and self belief. Do you think in the world where we're so connected with other people, connected, you know, kind of connected, I mean, what's really connected? Who knows? Do you think where we're at generationally we're feeling a Lack thereof. With self worth more so than ever before because of the digital space. I think that's partly or mostly to do with it because it's so in our faces all of the time and we've created a culture of comparison. The analysis paralysis that I always talk about. Yeah. And huge amounts of paranoia and worry about how we stack up against other people and about their successes rather than spending that energy on finding our own success and what that looks like. Colleen, what does success look like to you then? In anything? Contentment. Just feeling content with who I am and what my values are and what my beliefs are like, honestly. And from that, you could create a massive spidergram about being a great mum and having a business that I'm proud of and helping as many people as I can and creating this ripple effect. But ultimately what it comes down to is that I'm fulfilling my own values. And for anyone that wakes up in the morning thinking, this is not a life I love, what would you say to them? Talk to a coach. Or start really looking inward, learning about yourself. Why is it that you're not fulfilled? Just start small, journal. Look at emotions. There's a great blog on my website about a couple of books that you can start with if you're feeling like that. So just start thinking and being selfish, Right? Start thinking about yourself. Put yourself first. They will say that with an oxygen mask, always help yourself before you help somebody else. And it's so true. So I would say to anybody who's listening, who is like, oh, that's all well and good, you know, saying I can attract love if all I do is need to manifest it and visualise it and look inward. But honestly, the best advice I can give to somebody who's feeling like that, that they're not fulfilled and they. They don't know what that looks like for them is just take a couple of small steps, start journaling, start spending some time. Every single day we talk about healthy habits. Spend three minutes a day. Just start with three minutes of breathing and quiet. And there's some great apps that can help you get started if you're not sure what that looks like. But just reconnect with yourself and you'll be amazed at what that feels like. Can you imagine it might sound like such a long time for some people tuning in. Three minutes of quiet time. I know some people that really struggle with meditation. And actually, when I do these singles weekends, we always have meditation session for people to kind of just breathe. Even if nothing comes in your head or everything comes in your Head. When do you just sit and do nothing? Well, you're not really doing nothing because you're actively being present with yourself. Right? And one thing that I see all the time is double screens. Phone and laptop, phone and television, phone and computer. I mean, how can we just eradicate and switch it up for 2010, 20 to really be present with ourselves, be present with our lives and then attract whatever it is that we're looking for. It's so important that you said that about double screening and disconnecting because I mean physically we know about all of the health impacts that having all that screen time can have, but also the mental impact as well. So I know nature is not for everybody. So it's not for everybody to take a five minute walk outside and get some fresh air. And it's not always accessible. But my advice would be find that one thing, like you said, swimming or going to the gym or something that means that you were not plugged into a screen, you know, and find that I talk about it in. I call it a happy toolbox. So I have a list on my phone and even my son, who's 8, has the same thing, but his is on paper of things that make us feel really good that we love to do. Go on, share some. So for me, one of them is I love the song from the Lego Movie. Everything is awesome. So if I find myself in a bit of a funk and my energy is really low, I put that on and I dance like a lunatic around the house. That's fun and that's really great. I love baking. So that's also on my son's list. And we bake together. Sometimes I spend an hour in the garden and I have no music on and nothing. Just being present. Just being present and enjoying the garden. So anyone can create that list. So give yourself a toolbox and then the next time that you need that time for yourself, have a look at that list and pull something out. And earlier on in the show we talked about the power of visualization and visualizing what one wants and how can we do that when it comes to attracting the kind of partnership we would like, romantically speaking, into our lives. What are your thoughts on visualization for anyone that's out there setting themselves up for love success 2020? I love visualization. Me too. And it goes so comfortably with meditation. Right. But it's definitely for a lot of people a bit woo woo. And they're a bit like, well, I feel a bit uncomfortable, cringy about imagining my perfect scenario. Now the brain's a really complicated thing, as we know, but it doesn't understand the difference between what's reality and what's imagined inside your brain. Obviously, consciously we do. So when you visualize, and the more you do the same visualization over and over and over again, your brain becomes comfortable with it. And to your brain, your subconscious, it becomes normal. So then when it does show up, it's not so much of a shock and you're waiting, you're almost ready for that opportunity because it is comfortable and it is normal and you can get excited about it and you can start colouring in what success looks like or what the perfect relationship looks like to you and really understand what that is and what that looks like and how it's going to make you feel. So pull in all of your. All of the senses so you know, it might look like a holiday and you imagine together you might be going on a skiing holiday and then at the end of the day, you're in front of the fire drinking hot chocolates, playing your favorite board game or watching your favorite movie, whatever that looks like to you, have fun, colour it in. And then the more that you do it, the more used to it your, your brain and your subconscious is and you'll start attracting and going after those opportunities without even realizing. I think what you just said was so key about making this path to partnering fun and being engaged with it and feeling like you're really connected with every moment of the journey, to attracting love into your life, whether it's from online dating to, you know, meeting people at events or whatever it is that you're doing, to kind of get yourself out there. I think it's really important to be present and to really enjoy the process because otherwise, what is it all for? I was just thinking as you were chatting then about, you know, the idea of success and cultivating it. And I thought it's interesting how some people think a partnership, romantically speaking, will make them happy, or mum, money will make them happy, but actually where you're at right now, only you can make yourself happy. And when you fully show up in that happiness, that's when you will be ready to attract more abundance of anything into your life. So, Colleen, oh, my gosh. You and I, I think we could talk until the cows come home, as they say. Manchester, where I'm from. Thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you today. I absolutely loved it. Thank you. We could just chat, couldn't we? So kind of just cap us off with some top tips to send us off on our merry way into 2020, creating a life that we love. So first off, I couldn't agree more. If you're not enjoying the journey towards your goal, what's the point? So I'm all about finding the love of the journey because that's 99% of it, right? The end goal is 1%. So you've got to enjoy the journey to get there. And in 2020, I think it should be your year of self love. So reconnect with yourself. Ask yourself those powerful questions. Start exploring who you are, what's your identity, what do you love? What does success look like for you? And journal. Do visualizations, do a vision board. Start getting creative. Right. I was thinking earlier that I'd like to set the listeners a challenge that for every hour of, dare I say, Netflix or Amazon prime that you're watching, do an hour of journaling or vision boarding. And how wildly uncomfortable does that probably sound to those who don't? But I guess the challenge is around connecting with yourself more than you connect with the screen and getting lost in a something that isn't real. Yeah, definitely. Use your imagination. I am Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons. It's been such an amazing journey with Yellow Lemon. Coaching's clean. You can find her yellowlemoncoaching.com thanks. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio session is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. 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