Mother’s Hour with Carolyn Van Beers – Summer Holiday Special

Mamma mia. Here I go again. Mama. How can I resist it? Mama mia. Hello. And a warm welcome to Mother's Hour. Mamma mia. Here on women's radio station, I'm Carolyn Van Beers and today's show is top tips on parenting graded by real mums. Very apt as it is the summer holidays. And also a little bit later on. Still, with the summer holidays firmly in our minds, we will be looking at brilliant things to do with the kids over the summer holidays, whether they're 2 years old or 14 year old. We've got you covered. We've got top free things to do with the kids, amazing outdoor things to do with the kids, many that are free and or cheap as chips, and some very unusual and hilarious things to do with your children. Perhaps those you haven't quite thought of. And to help me deliver all this wonderful information to you today, I'm joined in the studio by comedian, actress and mother of three, Daniel Odessa. Hello. Hello. Good morning. Welcome back. Sorry, that was very low. Morning. Morning. So, yes, we've done the hard work for you. We've actually picked out the very best and the not so good parenting tips and we've grade did them. We're going to give you the thumbs up, the thumbs down, and they just do not go there. Guide to parenting. We're obviously going to be brutally honest and with nine kids between us, I've included the dads in that one. Yeah, we feel we're pretty equipped for this job. Please remember that Daniela and I are just mums, we are not professionals. If you need professional advice, then you do need to go to your doctor. But we are very happy to share our third. My 13 years of parenting. How long have you been pony? 10. 10. So 23 in total. Golden years that we're going to be giving you today. Hopefully we're gonna have lots of laughs. It's share, share, share. And don't forget, if you do want to get in touch with me, I'm carolyn@womensradiostation.com that's carolynsradiostation.com so before we get started with our top parenting tips, let's introduce ourselves. I'm Carolyn, the presenter. I have four children. I have an older boy, teen. Goodness me, how did that happen? And then I have triplets who are seven, two girls, identical and a boy. So I've kind of. I'm covering quite a few markers there, Daniela. Well, I've just got a roulette game of boys, so, yeah, my eldest is 10, Sasha, who's suddenly walking around Like Henry Rollins already. And then there is Leon, who's single, six. I'm just trying to remember Jesus. And then Mila, who's 2 and turning 3 in September. So I'm still in nappies. Obviously not after three kids, but Miller's still in nappies. You only wear one sometimes? Only when I'm shouting. Okay, so we've got a whole host of parenting tips that we've been having a look at. The first few that we're going to have a look at are actually from Psychology Today, Barton Goldsmith, who is a very well renowned psychologist and advisor and he does have some quite good ones. So I thought we'd go through one each and see what we think of them all. And their first one that they suggest is identify your child's strengths. Daniela? Yeah, I mean this is an interesting one, isn't it? Because building their self esteem, I mean often when you've got kids, they're bouncing off one another. I don't know if you have that experience, but I'm sure everyone else does. When you go to a parents evening and they talk about your. And you're like, I'm sorry, I don't know who you're talking about. You're talking about, they're like your child, this is your child. Because often when they're together, their strengths can get ricocheted off the other one. So Leon, we knew nothing about basically in fairness, I mean, obviously he's living with us and I gave birth to him, but we didn't, we knew very little and he was very much affected by Sasha playing guitar and then we met the guitars. He's like, he's amazing. He's actually ahead of, way ahead of his years. And we were like, oh really? We've never heard him. So yes, identifying their strengths is a good point. The trouble is if they're in unit or their own age group only, it's most probably a bit easier. I don't know how you find it with, you know, with your boy Jasper in relation to the girls and the boy being slightly different in age group, you might find it a bit easier to kind of do stuff with him. But I've found that they often bounce off one another. So yes, identifying their esteems is really most probably about taking them out separately in some. Some way. Absolutely. And that was my next point. So this point says help to provide confidence that he or she needs and to tackle whatever is difficult in their lives. Children will be more willing to listen and understand how to correct adverse behaviors if their dignity is intact. So if you make them feel really, really, really small and you're really belittling them, they'll stop listening to you. So that's a really good point. And I think that point where you say have individual time is something I've so got to do, but how much time do I have? It's hard. It's hard when they're all in a room. It's really hard. And I think it's actually impossible. And when we were even sentient enough to be looking through the schoolwork when it was brought back on the weekend, like everyone else, I'm sure all different times, but most people are this weekend they're in state schools. You know, if I looked at one thing, then the other one kicked off and then we looked at his and the other one started to make a comment about it. In the middle of it, you've got a two year old who's pretending to have something important going on in his life. It varied. We're like, wow, this is draining because we're trying to give individual time in one room and, you know, that's where these sort of things are. You know, they're great to try and achieve, but they're not always achievable. One bit of advice that somebody gave me not that long ago, because I was talking about I've got to have individual time with the kids that, you know, that they are really going to flourish, especially the triplets who just get grouped together as the triplets all the time. And I'm obviously not doing. I'm obviously doing a lot of group activities because they're all the same age group. Yeah, but they said if you put the others on a play date, then you've got some time and if you can just manage to, you know, kind of filter that into the can, make your play date seem as interesting as the one they're going on. Otherwise they sit there just really, really upset going, I've got you for all afternoon. And you're like, great. Yeah, no, absolutely. And I think those are the tricks, aren't they? And I sort of noticed how different Leon is in a car, driving along with me, listening to music. He's good, a calm, affable, lovely boy. As soon as Sasha turns up, he reverts back to being a bit of a kid and screaming and throwing a tantrum. So it's amazing, isn't it, how. And it goes on, it goes in this part, doesn't it, when he's talking about, you know, punishments and things like that, but also about how, you know, how they flourish in their own environment. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Another thing this is one is avoid negative emotional reactions. Now, I'm so guilty of this. Such as anger, sarcasm and ridicule. I'm so sarcastic and I particularly have to stop doing that with my eldest because he is of an age where he wants to back chat. And if I'm sarcastic, then we're just going to get into one of those little kind of like verbal battles and no one's getting anywhere. And it's horrible when they back chat you, isn't it? You're like, how dare you be sarcastic back. And you're coming into this now with your eldest. So a really good tip on this one. And this is one I'm donating to you who have got a boy or a girl who's gonna get a bit, you know, back chatty is walk out of the room and let them cool down. Yeah. Because if you start when everyone's a bit raised and everyone's a little bit het up with this one, you know, he's talking back, you're talking back. It just. It's never gonna get you anywhere. You have to walk out the room. You have to be the bigger person as a mum. Yeah. Let it calm down and then you can talk. Choose your totally. And that allows you to do the counting down thing that they go on about, which I've never used either to be when I've got angry, obviously, huffed in a room and then walk back in. But I also exactly like yours, the timeout, the old timeout thing, which is very embarrassing for Sasha at the age of 10. I go like, you need time out. You're going over there and you're going over there. If I have to be in the kitchen banishing myself and I'm actually cooking, it gets a bit tricky. Like I've got 10 minutes still for that thing not to burn. So, you know, you can. You can put them over. I don't know about the counting down by age because I think 10 minutes is too long a time for time. Depending on what's happened as well. They just need couple of minutes. Yeah. Just to diffuse the situation so that then when you come back, you can talk. And you're not kind of getting more cocky and clever with each other because then. And also the teenagers are. They want to rile you, they want to get a reaction because they're in that kind of cocky mood and they're engaged with the world and so they want to know your engagement and often they ask you a really heavy question, like Leon was like, you know, can spiders smell? And it's 8:30. I don't. The trouble is I don't care at that moment whether spiders can smell. But, you know, he's asking me these questions and I'm trying to think, how old is this child, by the way? So he's six. Leon's decided because he's learning about them at school and, you know, it's those moments so cleverly. Actually, I've heard Dad saying, wait till you walk into school with Mum before you ask that. Wait maybe if you want to ask her, you know, so there are time and I think that's quite good time allotting times for things. So if you can't handle something but you don't want to get rid of it completely and say, look, don't ask me that, that's a great question, but can I. Can I answer that after dinner? Yeah. Can you answer that to me now? Because we all want to know in the studio, can spiders smell? Well, I'd never. I should have looked it up. This is our Ron Jebner. I don't think they can, but we might get a backlash. Might get a few of backlash on that one. Email me Caroline's radio station, dot com. Give me blood. I think you have to be, you know, a mammal. I'm not going to get into how bad I am with animals, but generally one that sort of, I don't know, has blood and eats meat, I might be wrong. Maybe, you know, vegans can smell, so that's wrong. But flies can smell, can't they? Well, hey, are we digressing? That's a whole nastiness of vipers, isn't it? Alright, we've just got one more time for one more quick one before we go to a break. Don't compare siblings. Yeah. How impossible is that, though? I actually do that deliberately, so I've caught myself going, he's not doing that. So why are you. You know that classic. You know, he's actually really good at that, actually. With your sarcastic voice. With my sarcastic voice and pointing and shouting at the same time, sometimes stamping my foot, you know, why are you doing that? So it is really hard that. It's very frustrating, especially if one's been slightly more picked on than the other. Yep. I think it's again for you to remind yourself, absolutely. It is the summer holidays coming up. There's going to be a lot of that. You've got all of them together. It's only day three. For the whole day. It's only day three. And we're exhausted. We're crying at the beginning of the day rather than the end. Yes. Yeah. So just to remind yourself that, don't compare them because it's just going to get the situation heated and we are going to have a very hot, hot summer apparently, so we must be mindful of that. We're going to take a very short break now, but we are going to come back with some more top tips. We've got discipline, we've got food and we've got good times as well. 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Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostation, that's womensradio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Welcome back to a very special Mother's Hour where we are talking top parenting tips. We are very aware it's the summer holidays and it's going to be the summer holidays for a long time. So coming up a little bit later on, we have got loads of great advice on things to do over the summer with the kids, but right now we're looking at parenting. Obviously, we're all reading up stuff about parenting and some of it is great. Some of it you've forgotten already. Some of it, yes. You just need a quicker yes. I'm joined in the studio by Daniela and she is a mum of three. She's an actress and comedian and a mum of three boys. And we've just been going through some of the quite obvious ones, but again, you just need to keep reminding yourself, don't you? I've got one here. Children need positive attention now. I've got this going on right now. If they do not receive positive attention from the family, they may. Easy for me to say. They may choose to seek out negative attention. This is because negative attention is still attention. So this is what I've got. I've got four kids and just milling around in the house and someone is feeling left out and then it's one of the little girls, she just starts acting up and just being deliberately because, you know, the other girls may be either in bed with me or cuddling me or I'm giving her some attention and then she'll start acting up and I think that is a really difficult one to manage. Any tips? I don't know. I agree with you because I have that with Leon. I got the two year old Milo, who's always with me and was with me and slept with me last night and was crying and screaming with me last night as well because he's teething. And then Leon comes in and wants a cuddle, but Milo's like in there like a little bulldog pushing us apart. So it's quite, it's very physical. And you know, boys are kind of. You get quite battered quite quickly physically because they pull and push a lot. But I think, I think the hard thing about that is trying to teach them that there's a certain time that one needs attention the other one doesn't, whilst giving the other one an activity. I mean, it's a constant juggling game. Anyone? I mean, guys are quite honest when they say, I really like going to work because that looks just too hard. Which Ollie, a friend of ours said she was his husband, you know, which is great and gallant of him because it is really hard and you don't always get it right. And then when you don't get it right, you get upset. And I've actually been the kid in a room going, I'm fed up now. And then have them all three come in and cuddle me. Which is really nice, but obviously underdeveloped on my side. So, yeah, it's very hard. I mean, I've got to. The. One of my girls is always the first to get attention. She does it whenever Grandma and Granda comes. She just dives in there. And the other girl who acts up is because it's like, oh, I didn't get there in time. And now she's gonna get all the attention and I'm not. So I think just be very, very mindful of that. Particularly in the summer holidays when they're all together because normally they're at school or they're at different playgroups and they're getting different time with you. And this is just you. And so if you can manage that and just go, okay, I've got to be fair with all of them and tell them that at the beginning. Okay, Lottie, you've got 10 minutes now for some cuddle times with Mermaid before we go. And then it's Indigo's turn and then they can see. That's it, that's it. Give allotted time. I mean, I have the same with Leon. So Leon will always go into negative patterning. Emotional patterning, because he's just like, why not? I'm not getting it. And gets the wine on. And that's definitely, as you say, attention seeking at the same time as it's saying here as getting the positive one. So we took him skate yesterday. We went to a free festival. We're going to do this at the end. I know, we'll talk about some nice things going on. This Portobello festival seemed to have a lot going on for kids. We couldn't really find all of those facilities yesterday. The drawing one seemed to escape us as well. But we managed to have a lovely time. And Leon managed to get along to skating, which he's suddenly really developing. Sasha's a manic footballer, so he gets upset and sits in a corner when Sasha's playing football. He doesn't want to do it. So he was skating and he met a skater and it was all very nice. We had to find another skate park at 6 o' clock in the evening for him just to have a last skate because he was having an epi, but because we facilitated his negative emotion of not feeling like he. He was given stuff. He was a lot more controllable. But Sasha was negative as a result, saying, when am I gonna get a chance? So it is about delegation. Yeah, I'm just planning that day knowing that you've got, you know, your age ranges are between that age and are they all going to be okay, 2 to 10, you know, wherever you're going and whatever you're planning to do that day. Now, this is a big one and I think this one for me really relates to my husband, who's not obviously a child, but we need to include him. So it says here, accept that life changes when you have children. Lazy Saturday mornings in bed are replaced by soccer games and recitals or whatever. Remember, though, you still need to make time for each other, as in date nights, when weekend getaways are important for your relationship. And that is what my husband has found the most difficult. He loves a cup of tea in bed at the weekends and just a loll around with me. And all the kids want to do, obviously, is just dive into bed with us. And there's four of them, There's a lot of them and there's only so much bed space. And, you know, me and my husband are quite tall and big and we don't have. We don't have a Super King bed, which we really should anyway. Apparently that's the way to go. If you've got the cash, get a Super King Bed I've had. So have you had so many people telling you that going, it changed their lives. I'm like, so the whole family can come in. Not the relatives, obviously, just the first family. It's nuts. Yeah. If you can't afford it. But the bedding's so expensive. I had one pre marriage. Yeah. Then you don't want anyone in it because it's so good. Your Egyptian cotton. That's a whole different story. That's a whole different woman's radio station about how to keep certain people out of your Egyptian cotton. But no, I do think you need to be mindful of the fact that hubbies or partners do get, you know, the weekends, if they're working all week, the weekends, they do want a bit of that time with you. And also they've been working. They're a bit different too. I mean, we were doing that whole Helter Skelter. So I think as women, I mean, people are fine to ring in or to say otherwise. And obviously there are men stay at home dads who work freelance. A lot of that in North London as well, crouching where I come from. But our pattern is Dan works all the way through the week, so he wants to lol. He wants a moment off. On the other hand, we've done the parks and every single extracurricular activity all the way through the week and we want to get up and go somewhere. That's how I feel. I want to go somewhere. The kids want to go somewhere and if they can't, they'll fall to the iPad, which is a whole other saga I know we're going to cover, but. Yeah. So then. Then your options become really tense because I want to go and do something. So in the past, I used to go and do a class, quite selfishly, let them all. Lol. And then I come back and they're still lolling. That was a problem. I'd be like, wow, midday. Guys, I've done the shopping. I mean, I've done my workout. I'm pious, feeling a bit smug. And they're rolling around with various electrical equipment with bog eyes whilst Dad's still in the same position you left him in. So it's a balancing act to get them in and up and out. I have struggled for many, many a year and it has been the cause of quite a bit of. Yeah, Always the biggest day to have an argument Saturday morning. So I just said to Mark, look, Saturdays, we have four children and they're all doing stuff on Saturday morning. There's only two of us and we've got to just get them around places we are. Literally. I mean, so I just said to him, look, Saturday mornings are for them, Sunday mornings are for us. And that's, you know, and they know that now. And so that is the time when my children are allowed to go downstairs, watch a bit of TV and mum and daddy can relax, loll around and nurse our hangovers on Sunday morning and. Exactly. And this is, you know, the guides that you don't get that are so brilliant and can make you feel awful a little bit like the perfect, the perfect body figure or whatever there is the perfect parent. And I've met perfect parents. I'm sure you have. And the children don't look perfect. So there is something afoot there in the illusion of doing absolutely loads and being very smug about it. And then you see the kids looking a little bit fed up, but they're actually going camping again. So it's all about balance and honesty, isn't it? So they can feel that you're happy. I've sort of felt with the kids, they're really happy when we go out in the evening when I said mummy and daddy are actually going out, we're going to go and see something, they're like, oh, they're quite chuffed because they know otherwise there's a lot of friction. So like they're much happier if we're happier. So there's that whole well being I'm looking at right now on the wall between everyone is so important and the balance is unique as it says in there, doesn't it? To each other, family. As long as you get the balance of happiness and being happy in whatever shape it comes and the kissing and saying, you know, we all muck up, we, you know, I have tapped my kid on the ass when he whacked his brother with a baseball bat. You know, didn't do it deliberately but was swinging it everywhere, you know. So you do have knee jerk reactions to things. You do regret them. I did wake up the next day and say I'm really sorry, Sasha, by the way, for yesterday. And he went, okay. Which is also apparently a very good move to do. Yes. To accept your apologies. And kids also saying, is D dad gonna apologize? Is mum gonna apologize? You know, seeing through what you do to them with one another. Yeah. So there are ways to balance it out. But 9 out of 10 it's about happiness in the house and honesty. And I think just to be aware, in the summer holidays, you know, you are a bit frantic with the kids and just to have a look at your partner, your husband, and just see if they're okay. And just to bring them in and say, you know, we're doing this. It's gonna be, you know, I'm not gonna be fully engaged today, but we'll do something nice on this day and just, you know, keep that in mind. Yeah. Even give them one day with one of them. So you go, hey, how about we split up and you do something nice with so and so. Divide and conquer. I think that's divide and conquer. It's quite big in our house. Yeah, definitely. Okay, so parent by example. I think we've kind of touched on that. Think of your kids as little copy machines that will mimic everything you do if you behave badly. Oh, dear. You are giving them permission to act in the same way. Check in with yourself and don't lose it in front of them. Particularly on the hottest day of the year when you know everyone's thirsty and everyone's hungry. You've just got to just keep that one together. Well, in the exactly top 10 tips of honest tips that I'd written, the first one was try not to shout. But if you do laugh about it or make a joke, do you really need me to yell again to tell you to do something or are you able to do it yourself? So there are ways around that you. You can find uniquely to your family. But I think what's more scary, I've found, or less humorless, I've seen with some kids who feel slightly isolated is. Is being very serious and very dictatorial. So if you can make a light of mistakes that's brilliant. Will help them to feel light about the mistakes they make. Yeah. And that is actually the final point on in the Psychology Times that it says, don't give up on your child, ever. All of your child's problems can be worked through with humour, goodwill and perseverance. Absolutely fantastic. With proper parental support, it says even the most troublesome teens can become amazing people. Cooling down. It's what we talked about before, just having that moment to cool down and keep it all and joking with them. If you can make them laugh, you know you've got halfway there. And we do that, don't you? With tantrums. You really look at them in the face. You really look at them face and then they turn around, they smile. That's bingo. They can't carry on then, can they? No. So humour's the root. Definitely. Okay, we're gonna take another short break now. Gosh, the time is racing away with us. We're gonna have a quick look at a few parenting tips, discipline, food and nutrition and good times. And as we said, we will be coming back to be to you with lots of things to do over the summer holidays. Welcome to the Women's Radio Station. Supporting Women's well being Women's Radio Station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. At Empower and Enrich you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. 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I know you probably read all these in the past, but sometimes we've just got to remind ourselves, particularly as if you've got more than one child, it can get a bit much, it can get a bit hectic and you just need to have those things in your mind fresh and go, I'm not going to handle it like this. I'm not going to keep doing this as we all do. I'm here with Daniela. She's a mum of three boys. I'm a mum of four. I have two girls, two boys and I do have triplets, as in three of those are triplets, not four, just the three. We're talking top parenting tips and we're kind of giving you the yes, this is a good one, or these aren't so good, but kind of graded them for you. We're looking at discipline now, Daniela, so be firm. This says your child craves limits. Without that, her world or his world is scary and out of control. Now, that's very important and we need to set limits for ourselves, don't we? Yeah, because firm can be angry. Often it's this very slippery slope, isn't it, between firm and angry to know when you're holding them by the arms and saying, that's enough. Not shaking them, not bruising them, obviously, or setting up really bad psychological patterns. So it's being firm and. But calm. And also, see, with mine, they'll ask me for something, can I have an ice cream? And I say, no, we're not having an ice cream. And then another one will think, oh, you ask, you ask her, you ask her. So the other one will then ask me. And then they think that they can. If the more that they keep asking that I will give in. And in the past, sometimes I have. And that's where you. Oh, yeah. The worst thing, never give me an easy day. If you said no, you've got to stand but also watch no. I think no is really tough because I sometimes I'm so tired I say no. Before I even heard what the question is, I said, can I get no? Whatever it is it's just a no. And the trouble with that is if I say no to you, then you're immediately going to have a reaction. You won't go, oh cool, okay, I'm going to go and do something really interesting instead. Actually, now that you've rejected me. So it's like for me, because my knee jerk is no is going, I'll tell you what, we're going to do this and then let's see after that. So you're not ingratiating it, you're not saying you're definitely going to do it, you're supplementing it with another idea. And guaranteed, kids are great. If you get the. Them suddenly got all the paints out and they've suddenly really got into drawing a fish or an astronaut, they might have slightly forgotten about the ice cream. Leon most probably never will forget about the ice cream. But then you go, great, great, great, well, let's have dinner then we can have the ice cream. So at least you're buffeting it within the parameters of something realistic that you can handle. Because knee jerk no is always there. Absolutely. And on the back of that it says act immediately. When a kid breaks a rule that you've imposed because you're being firm, impose a consequence right away. Wait too long and your child may forget what he did wrong. But you know, it's really hard for a parent. What are your consequences? You've got to have a consequence bag, haven't you? Because you go, what's the consequence, mum? You're like, you're gonna, you're gonna clean the windows for all of us. You've got to know, you've got to have a consequence bag. I reckon a one night sit down with your husband and decide what are realistic consequences in the house. You absolutely do. And you've got to do it at the beginning of the summer holidays because if you don't, it's six weeks of. And you just, you haven't got enough. And you've got to be realistic with these consequences. Don't do two weeks ban of TV in the iPad. What are you, you know, setting yourself up for a punishment. And they do need downtime, you know, they do need some time when they're just chilling out. And you know, as long as that has a set time and it's not all day, then I think, you know, you've been realistic. Time limits, I mean, the iPad thing, you know, just to bring in is really important. There's a lot being written about it at the moment. Lots of people saying about that they're really discovering. And funny enough, a lot of the people from Apple are sending their kids away to non iPad institutes to disengage them from them. So if they're doing that now, they're onto something. They know something by research that they're not revealing maybe just yet. So we know iPad time's not good. But what I find is a nice trick which I actually put on a. Weird enough, one of the kind of top 10 honest tips was get interested in their iPad game. And by doing that, instead of what I do, or you can do as a parent, you can go, you know, look, mum, this, I'm not interested, I just want it off in five minutes. But if you sort of do decide to play that game where you go like, oh, what's it about? It's like, well, this guy. And then you finding out one what they're into, what they're interested in, how good it is or restrictive it is, and then afterwards you can go back in and you can implement now on iPads very easily, even for Luddites like me, things to prevent them from going into YouTube paraphernalia. And my kids have done that. I'm sure you'll have where they've gone, I've just seen a man dying in a shelter. You're like, oh, great, but you're supposed to be watching Kermit the Frog. What went wrong? Right. So, you know, you can implement this stuff, but the iPad thing is a big thing at the moment and I think, you know, it's understanding that Saturday, it's one hour there, one hour there, one hour. And they will, they will follow it through if you keep up that regularity. They won't seek more once they know it's that time. Absolutely. I mean, that's the best advice you've given. You've given some great advice, but that is really, really good. And we are all battling with this and it's because it's quite new. Yeah. Because it hasn't been around for many, you know. Totally. And also schools do a lot of stuff on iPads now, which is really hard. Which is what they're saying when they're older, you know, they're using the iPads to learn different stuff. So she's saying, oh, can I go on Owl and write that story? I'm like, no, because you've been on the iPad. I God. But that's on my computer. So it's a really hard balancing act between information. But I actually got it from a man whose daughter. And you know, whatever went on to be professors. He said, I was always interested in what they were looking at and that way I could monitor it. So I'd always go, oh, what's that? And they'd always explain to me in that way I could monitor what was going on in their social behavior and in their minds, but also what they're into. So it's engagement rather than disengagement. And which leads me beautifully onto the next point, which is catch your kid being good. Don't think of discipline only as what you do when your child acts up. A big hug or a quick good job when they do something right is very, very good discipline. Absolutely. And you've got to then say it to the other two even though they've not done anything. That's the problem. You're a fantastic job of that. And wonderful sitting, wonderful gazing out of a window because they'll both turn around and go, what have I done? That's not so great. So again, we're back into that juggling act. But absolutely, praise goes everywhere. I mean, I saw a little wry smile on Leon's face about getting us finding the confidence to actually skateboard into a basin, you know, and, and go back and it's, it's a lovely moment, you know, talking about that little moment when you're scared and then you suddenly do something. But as adults, as long as we're showing that we're trying as long as we're showing that we're trying new things, as long as we show that we're trying to be good parents, we're all working. You know, that's the thing. That's what they'll pick up, that's what they'll learn. Yeah. Now we touched on earlier about having a consequence bag at the beginning of summer holidays. You also need a reward, you know, some reward ideas. And it says here, do not reward with food using sweets as an incentive. You'll get an ice cream if you do the chores or no dessert if you don't finish your sends the wrong messages and creates very bad eating habits. Yeah. We are in control of our children's intake of food. Yeah. And until they are, you know, teenagers or what or whatever. So it's so important if we get that right. So have other things that you can offer that are great as a little reward. Totally. And I think one way around that I think is quite good. I just don't have enough time. I mean, I'm not very old fashioned England to be making puddings for after dinner, so I just don't offer them. So the more I don't offer them, the less they expect them. They finish their dinner and go, thanks, Mom. So that's one way of not always feeling like you've got to go to sweet, which I find a bit old fashioned sometimes, if you mind me saying in restaurants. And they're like, what do you want for pudding? It's like, I've just had a brilliant meal. I'll have a prosecco. I'll have a liquid cake for me and my son. No, but you know, so you know, it's not needed needing to sweet things be a reward, isn't it? It can be something else. It's like, look, if you finish that, you're gonna have energy tomorrow and then you're gonna have more energy for us to go off and do that or go. Go surfing. Absolutely. And another thing, this is my big top tip. Carrots. Carrots in batons. So it's actually proved that they will. It does regulate their blood sugar levels. It really calms very angry kids down. If you have a child who maybe has had ADHD or whatever, they've found that carrots are absolutely brilliant. So before you go anywhere, just get those carrot battle sticks. They're so cheap. They're not harming their teeth. They're crunchy and they're delicious. There's some tricks as well. Spend that time doing the Otto Lenghi or the people that are really exhausting in the way they make good veg. Because I did that when we had a party and it's like, why am I not doing that for our kids? But I was like, really? I've got to boil. I've got to simmer them with mint. And I sort of did it all, but they were so good. And then they were roasted and so they caramelized. The kids were like, wow. And then you can slip in the baton. Then you can slip in the raw little baton because the memory is connected to the carrot. But play with your veg like it's a delicacy sometimes. Take that effort out. If you just have again, take five minutes when you're doing your consequence bag, your reward. Just take five minutes. At the beginning of the summer holidays, think, this is what I'm going to use. Use as my water. So I create frozen smoothies for the kids. And it's literally like a sorbet. And it's so good and it's just got all the right stuff in them. Icing. You don't need to spend money on that. You've got it in the freezer. Absolutely. So it's just things like that. Or even making fresh orange juice ice creams, you know, get yourself a little bit cheaper. Right, Last one on the tips. Before we go into our great things to do over the summer, and this is kind of one of them is take vacations, mini vacations or long vacations, whatever it is, is the best way to bring the family together and to make memories. Yeah, absolutely. I think it says there, and I think you're very good at it. I remember. But, you know, it's. It's having that family event thing where you do something all together. I mean, I know that from your Instagram feed. That's how close friendship gets when you've got kids. I'll just look at your Instagram. I'll catch up. But, you know, it's about doing like, isn't it? Because vacation is quite American. Maybe from American was up. You know, these little outings that you go off and do stuff as a family. And that's why I was sweating yesterday, because I was determined to get all of us out, because it's very easy to separate Sasha into football and dad and then me with a little guy. So it's. It's about making sure you've got that sorted, that you have a little outing. It doesn't cost anything, just a walk in a park. Yeah, absolutely. And if. Just go camping. Yeah. And make that amazing. You know, if you want to take a few days and you don't have made much money, camping's great. And some of the campsites these days are just amazing. They're right next to beautiful beaches, you know, and it is a really, really cheap way to have some family time, especially if you're on a budget, which we always ask. So there you go. Who love my camping. Under the sky is your ceiling. What could be better? Sausages. Sausages. Learn to make sausages. Absolutely bad. And on that note, we're going to come back in just a few minutes time with our very, very top tips for you to do over the summer with the kids. We've got some free ones, cheap chips, some very unusual ones and some hilarious ones. Even cheap chips. We'll be back with you in just a couple of minutes. 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My wonderful guest today is mum of three, Daniella Desa. She knows me so well. She's an actress and a comedian. And we're gonna get straight onto this because it's the summer holidays and we have compiled a fantastic list for you of things to do over the summer. We've kind of put it into sections, so we've got some free things to do and things where you actually go somewhere, some outdoorsy stuff to do again, where you actually having fun with your kids, doing the activity with them, which is great. And some. I've got an absolutely brilliant book here, which is 101 things for kids to Do Outside. And there's some absolute nuggets in there, so we'll have a look at those as well. I'm going to start us off with museums because they're free and they really vary and they're brilliant, they're beautiful. You know, there's education everywhere, isn't there, within those walls. And for each age group, as we were saying. Now, if you're on a budget, take a picnic because they always will give you a place, particularly if it's a nice day, just take a picnic blanket and then you can, you know, you don't have to go into. You can sit on the steps. You know, the kids always sit on the steps on school breaks, don't they? And have their little sandwich and then go back in. And your carrot batons. And your carrot batons. Cooked and simmered and mint. So a few little tips here. So if you are in or near London, the Science Museum is particularly good for the younger kids because it has all the water activities to do and it's also very good if it's raining. Natural History Museum, it's brilliant. If you have boys, it's good for all day. But, you know, I think the boys do particularly like that one with the dinosaurs. Less well known at the Transport Museum is quite interesting. Have you ever been there? Yes. Brilliant. Yeah. Very, very interesting as well. And you know, you get car, car. You know, anything with an engine is like gold dust. But you can also get on them, which is nice. It's not just staring at them. There's a bit of interactive. You can sit on an old bus. Yep. The VA Museum of Childhood is great for mixed age groups because you've got all these antique toys, which are really cool. And the Museum of London at Barbican, brilliant for older kids. It's just a history of London and it's Fascinating. Yeah, absolutely. I think those are the. I think really the museums are fantastic for that. And, you know, I did that with all the kids as they're growing up, had a day before they start school where I took them to all the things you could do in London. And also the boats, you can get the boats to these places, which is nice on your Oyster card, can't you? So you can get all of them on for free. They're not going to pass for anything. And then you're just paying an oyster to sit on a. On a little boat, a massive boat rather, but down the Thames. They are beautiful. And that is such a lovely day. Yeah. And it's so exciting. And if you want to go on a slightly smaller boat, there are quite a few places if you just look up in your local area, take a. Take out a mini boat. So in St Finsby park they have these little boats and you just row around with your kids and they absolutely love it. And it's fairly cheap. Danish camp in central Bedfordshire, they have little motorized boats. So you just take a picnic and go on a boat. Nice. And then serpentine. You've got it down serpentine as well there. It's just fab. You can kind of. It's a nice area. It has art sometimes in the water and another thing to do. And I'm very big on cycling, as you know, Daniel, if you have mixed age range, children, so say from 3 to 13, which some people do have bike riding, the initial outlay, okay, you've got to ride the bikes, but get on ebay and if that's the only money you've got, get the bikes and then from then on it's free. Free, absolutely. And like we say there are, there are ones you can buy and you hire. I mean, in London now, those. I've seen everyone using them for like £1. So, you know, mum and dad don't have a bike, but you kind of get them sorted. You can also hire those and go everywhere and dump them and they're picked up by someone else, so they're really accessible. So that's, that's definitely a good way to get them out and about. And there's nothing more lovely than just cycling along, chatting to your children, you know, the osmosis of life. There's parkland walks now as well. Just say, like, I mean, I'm North London, different to Carolyn. So we've got different areas of compass that we've worked out, but you've got the parkland walks which are go from one Area of Finsbury park all the way up to Highgate, and it's just an old rail track and it's old woods, so everyone runs up it and everyone cycles along it. There are loads of these around London. You can find all those pathways, the London park pathways, and you can take them through there. And if you live in the country like me, this is just such a good one. Get a bit of masking tape, okay? Wrap it round your kid's wrist with the sticky side out. Don't want the hairs in there. And then you make a jewelry bracelet using flowers and leaves. And, you know, the boys can make like little wood ones, so they look like little, you know, kind of like tribal bracelets. And the kids just love it because they're collecting their own bracelets. So you do a color theme, you know, so one of my girls would definitely do pink, the other one would definitely do white and green, you know, and it's. It's very effective. And I have tried this one out and we do it quite a lot. And I think the thing that is about giving a destination, isn't it if you say, we're just cycling for what? Where are we going and why are we doing it? So, like, you're saying, well, we're going to collect on the way, you're going to create your own story, you're going to create your own thing as we go along. You're immediately investing in something that has a journey to it. A little bit like having a diary, which I also wanted to chuck in as a nice way to get kids writing. Take a diary on holiday, make it yourself at home and everything, and they can put down what happens each day and it's a brilliant way to tricking them into writing and memory and recollection. So. So, you know, and then they have their little diary from the whole summer and they can flick through the days and then they can notice when Mummy and Daddy was oversleeping. Didn't do anything today because Mummy and Daddy were asleep. Hopefully not too many blank pages in there. But, you know, there's a little tricks, as you're saying, with the braces. It's about collecting and recording and investing in that as a memory. And then when they go back to school and the teacher says, can anyone talk about that holiday? They're like, hell, yeah. Opening up the jackets, sticky tape, loads of watches, whenever they picked a crocodile's feet. No, but they can take the bracelets off, you know, at the end of the day and then just pop them in the diary. There you Go and fill up that blank day when Mummy and Daddy were sleeping. Yes. All the bracelets on those days. In fact, I'm going to start now and just. If you were going to buy a guide to. And it is going to be a beautiful summer, apparently. Things to do Outside. This is called 101 Things for Kids To Do Outside. By Dawn Isaac, I'd personally suggest each family is given a copy of this book. That's the Telegraph. A quarter of the price of a theme park ticket and delivers considerably better value for money. That's the end. The of brilliant stuff in here. Make a kite and fly it. Yeah. How cheap is that? All the kids can get involved and it's in there because you think to make a kite if you tried it without a book. Yeah, it's a bit tricky. Get yourself some chalk. Lots of games there. So shall I stop hopscotch? Play cross step. That's when you. They've all got the chalk. Create a paving stone. Art gallery. Gallery. So they get a stone each and then they create their own little picture and they've all. Oh, you quite like this, don't you? Yeah. Make bunting. So get some carrier bags, colourful carrier bags. You know, we don't. We don't want to use those anymore. So make them into something permanent. You just need to cut triangles, tape it all together with a stapler and you've got beautiful Bunton. Nice. And you've saved the birds. Yes, exactly. Swallowing it. Yes. And the fish. And the fish. Fish. Yes. Start a mini vegetable garden. A herb garden. Even if you live in a flat. Yeah, yeah. You can do a window. Windowsill. Yeah, we did that. And you watch. Sometimes they survive, sometimes they don't. Just get rid of the ones that don't and then replant them before they see, you know, so it's also good. I'm speaking from a few of my herb gardens. Yeah. You know, I don't know why my basil. Basil just never lasts. I have to always buy it. Always buying a bazaar. And then I buy a basil pot. How many people buy that basil pot for £1 table? Then it wilts within about a week and you're like, I never even used it, so that was worth it. But yeah, absolutely. And also it's about them learning about things. Some things working, some things not. That was an interesting point, wasn't it? About learning about making mistakes, things going wrong. I think we live in an age where everything's so. God damn it perfect or seemingly so, that kind of making mistakes, going to the wrong place. Having the wrong experience, you know, mucking up an idea for a day and it going another way. Learning how to create, cope through things that go wrong is as equally as important as getting things right. So, you know, it doesn't matter if your day mucks up. Find a way to laugh about it. And then we did this because the euphoria they feel and they're like, well, the car broke down, daddy cried, but then mum actually managed to hitch up, you know, making me the savior you can tell in the story that I made up. But anyway, you know, managed to hitch a ride and we managed to get there. They love, you know, that's the kind of over adversity, isn't it? The over adversity story. So let, let things go wrong, you know, let. Let her gardens not work out and let kites not necessarily fly the first time so that they learn about things not always working out without it being devastating. Very important and also really important is take your time, don't hurry it, you know, you've got all day, so take your time because when you haven't, we've got to get there. Got to get there. It's really stressful. Yeah. And you get. Then you're like, and I'm totally stressed out out. And all you're doing is cycling and very smelly. Yes. Yeah. Not a good look. It's never a good look, is it? And I think with the little ones, if they're all frantic and you know, you're dragging them along really, really, really, really quickly and they're getting to somewhere and it's all a bit panicky. So if you do plan to go to a play or something that's set, you just give yourself an extra hour. Can I just say about that? I thought was really good and I know I'm doing a Shakespeare's Glue globe pun in there, but I used to do five. We go and get five pound tickets. It is standing, but what's brilliant about it? And I've done it with Milo and Sasha and Leon, we've gone. I'm like, do you want to go like five minutes in? They're like, no. And nine out of 10 they've actually watched the whole thing. Like they went, saw two noblemen, had a friend of mine, Brian Dick, who's a lambda in it, so they got his autograph afterwards. They actually, you know, that way you're not investing too much. So there's nothing worse than investing too much. The level on a mum or dad, you know, it goes through the roof and you 120 quid tickets and you're hoping those kids are gonna sit still. You're like, you've gotta watch it, watch it. And it's like the worst thing a chocolate. They do five pound tickets, do they? They do five pound standing tickets. Go and see anything, walk in and out, you know, have it, have that hot chocolate outside. Move the baby around in a pram. If he's crying, go back and check out something else. There's a beautiful summer season down the south bank and all those places down there they do sand pits and all that. So again, sorry, giving you the London side, but if you're doing a day trip into London, those things are fantastic. In South Wales you get five pound tickets. Come on, it's nearly a coffee and they see a Shakespeare play. That's absolutely fantastic. My goodness me, we could do a lot more. If you were going to do one recommendation of a really great day out, what would it be? It was going to be that one, come and see me North London. No, I think that was pretty much it. I think it was. I think the best day out in London is to skip down the south bank because there's so much going on and if the Royal Shakespeare doesn't kick it, they're all like, no. Or screaming, go to the Tate and then check out the Tate. You know, you've got options all the way down until you give up. That's great. My recommendation is definitely get on your bikes. You will never regret it. You will have them for so long, you can pass them down to other children. Ebay is the place to find those. I think we could possibly squeeze in another show doing some top tips and things to do in London. It's been a pleasure having you here. Thank you so much. Join me next time on Mother's Hour and don't forget to email me Carolineomensradiostation.com See you soon. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash. But just do know where to start? At empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. 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