Trending With Dr. Pam Spurr – Jay James, Dr Lori Shemek, Anjula Mutanda

Dr. Pam Spurr, you're here with me on the men's radio station, and the show is repeated on Friday at 4 PM on both the men's and the women's radio station. It's Trending with Dr. Pam, and not only do I have fantastic guests, but we always look at a few of the trends on social media and what they actually mean to our lives, and not just to the politicians and the celebrities who are setting those trends. Now please don't forget to give us a follow on all social media platforms. Or the websites for both the men's radio station and the women's radio station, which are .com websites. And definitely get involved because there's shows for everybody. Now I want to get straight on to my first guest, who has been probably the most regular guest I've had, and he's always brilliant. Now he is part of the multi-platinum selling group The Overtones. He's also a radio and TV presenter. He was in the final 8 of The X Factor in 2014. On Twitter and Instagram, he's @JJames, and he's joining me right now. Hello, darling. Hello, Dr. B. So good to see you. How you doing, my darling? All the better for seeing you. I'm really well, and I'm so glad that you're all better and you could join me today. Yeah, I know I've had a bit of a rough ride over the last sort of 2-3 weeks, to be honest with you. But I've had the bullet flu, um, of all things. But yeah, no, glad to be feeling 100% again now. But, uh, yeah, that smile is back. We've already got— we've got Helen. Good afternoon, lovely lady. And to you, our lovely Jay. Uh, Charlotte says hi, Pam, hope you're well. And let's see, Charlotte, hi Jay. Jane says lovely to see you both. Anne-Marie says hello. I know Anne-Marie only has a little bit of time, so sending you big love over to Holland and Marie. So let's get started. Um, first off, how, how's the family? Because have they been having to baby you and pamper you? Are you one of these really difficult men when you're ill? Oh, do you know what, I'm, I am pretty useless when I'm ill. Um, and it's so sort of typical because when Victoria's a bit ill, I'm, I would, I'm pretty tough on her, to be honest. I'm not tough, of course I'm caring and loving, but I've obviously, you know, I'm up on the BFBS 3 times a week, sort of commuting up and down from London, which is about a 5-hour commute each time. So she's kind of often enough when she's ill, she's kind of holding the fort at home and doing everything that needs to be done. So yeah, she doesn't get— gosh, she doesn't get much respite to be honest when she's poorly. But yeah, when I'm poorly— I was going to say, will she bring you a cup of tea every hour? Yeah, she does. Does she make forehead? She does, she takes care of me. But unfortunately, the kids— over the last few weeks, the kids have been a bit poorly as well, and Vicki. So we've all— it's almost like we've been passing this little cold flu thing onto each other. And so of course, what happens when the kids are poorly? Um, for those people that aren't watching, I've got two children, 8 and 2. Okay, so Nova is 8 and Franklin is 2, and both so they've got so much energy. Um, but of course when they're poorly, that's all they want to do is stay as close to Mummy and Daddy as possible, so they end up sleeping in our bed. Yeah, so of course when they sleep in our bed, we don't get any sleep. Yeah, and you get all their germs. And you get all their germs. And so you're knackered, you've got, you know, you're ill, you're not getting any sleep, and then what happens is they get better But then they still want to sleep in your bed because they've broken the cycle. Now they're in your bed and you're not getting any sleep. Of course, what needs to happen then is you sort of got to put them back in their bed and train them to get back into bed. But that takes all night to be put. So you just— we're in this horrible cycle at the moment of 3 people where there's 4 people in our bed, you know, 3 people in our bed. And it's a bit of a nightmare. Well, if you and Vic want any tips on the sleep training regime, call me. She knows I've done all those years at Guys Hospital with the under-fives, and I'm, I'm really strict. I'll be strict with you and with Mummy. I think we're probably gonna sort of juice up our energy and sleep, catch up on some sleep, and then we're definitely going to knock on your door because, oh, it's a nightmare, it's a nightmare. But aside from that, everybody's, everybody's well, everybody's happy, and yeah, we're, we're blessed. Well, listen, let's get some more messages. Kirsty Sykes says hello, lovelies. We mums just carry on when we're ill. We have to, we to. Yes, that's so true. And Marie says Nova and Franklin have so much energy, so she knows about them. And it's so true, moms, moms do. I, I was, you know, my, um, I had my mom and my sister. My dad worked away growing up, and so my mom and my sister sort of raised me, and, and both were amazing. But again, you know, it, it set a precedent really that, that, that moms do such an incredible job, and You know, Vicki's no different. She just— yeah, she's an absolute— she's a hero. Oh good, I'm glad you appreciate her. Helen says feet in the face from the kids. Yes, with the kids in the bed, feet in the face. Where me and Vicki on the sides of the bed just falling off and the kids are starfish. It's a nightmare. Yeah, really, they take up all the space. I've been there with my own when they were little. Now before we get into talking about vasectomies, and I'm so glad you're going to be sharing that experience with us today Yeah, because for me, I don't— doesn't make me cross my legs and cringe. If I was a male presenter, maybe it would. Nice. But I want to get your Overtone news. Um, now I believe there's been some rescheduling because regulation, whatever. Tell me, tell me what's going on. We want the scoop. Yeah, it's a bit of a nightmare, to be honest with you. I mean, we're absolutely devastated. Last Friday, I'm— I mean, I've been been on with you, uh, you've been on with us, uh, actually, you know, during our Sunday social lives and stuff like that, where we were so looking forward to sort of going on tour, you know. In 20— 2019 was the last time we went on tour. Of course, we had the Summer Celebration Tour scheduled, then the Christmas Tour. Um, so we've just had so many tours rescheduled because of this horrible thing that's going around the world at the moment. And, um, we of course had this Christmas, uh, November, December, in about 2 and a half, 3 weeks, we were sort of ready to go. And in all honesty, for, for the last few months, it's been absolutely— oh, it's been, it's just been heartbreaking trying to— even though certain things were organized, sort of just to make that clear, because we've had this in the diary for near on a year, even though certain things were organized in regards to technicals and production and the hire of Arctic lorries and things like that. Of course, in the COVID world that we're living in, things are just changing so instantly, and obviously things aren't available, or, you know, certain things that were available are no longer available, and it's not really anyone's fault. Aside from that, the big, the big thing was, of course, safety. You know, we're in a, in a landscape at the moment where cases are still going up. Of course, we've got the vaccines and all those different types of things that are trying to protect us, but, you know, we were sort of advised by our team a few months ago that this was going to be really, really tricky to pull off, and we'd sort of delayed, and we tried absolutely everything that we possibly could up to the final moments that we could hold on and to announce anything. And Unfortunately, you know, we were unable to, to make it happen, which again we were really upset about. I can't imagine. You know, it not only sort of affects everybody that, that we love to get out and see, but actually it also affects us. You know, it's, um, it's been a difficult world for, for everybody, uh, in the last couple of years. But, um, you know, so what we, what we, we then had to do was turn our attention to trying to reschedule, um, rescheduling something like a 20-date UK tour also has its incredible challenges. Well, everyone else is rescheduling, so many other fans and artists and whatever. Yeah, totally. And, you know, needless to say, the, the technical difficulties of, of still, you know, there's lots of theaters still out there on, on limited schedules and on demand. And so, you know, just trying to find the space to turn a 20 UK date tour, to move that essentially into May and June, again, it became really difficult. So what we had to do in the end is split, split it up into part 1 and part 2. So in May and June next year, we'd be absolutely delighted to, to get 13 dates underway for our 10-year anniversary tour. Um, some absolutely awesome plans, plans of which we couldn't make happen this time around. And we can, it's looking likely for May and June. So we just hope that, you know, things can sort of clear off and we're in a better place again come sort of early summer next year. So yeah, we're really excited to announce, of course disappointment because we couldn't get out to everybody in a couple of weeks, but it's all rescheduled. And do you know what, Dr. Pam, by the time we get on tour, this has been rescheduled, it's been postponed, it's— I think it's going to make it all the more special. It's going to make it all the more special. We're so looking forward to it. Yeah, they're going to totally— so yeah, we're, um, yeah, we're just looking ahead now. We're not trying to get carried away with the negatives and the things you can't control, because as is life, don't worry about the things you can't control. Uh, so we're looking forward to it next May, June, and there'll be some dates released within the next couple of weeks, which throws in the 7 dates that we couldn't do. Um, so yeah, looking forward to it. But you, but you had got started with the dates, hadn't you? Yeah, some dates. No, no, we didn't. It— so it— there's obviously a bit of confusion. No, because, uh, you know, one of the things we, we put out, there was, um, you know, last night, without— with the inability to be able to get out to our 20-date tour our UK tour with all of our teams. We, of course, you know, the next thing that we wanted to try and do was at least try and get out to see people. So to do some smaller intimate shows, of which, you know, um, from 2,500 people to, to, to, you know, near on 90 to 150 people max, um, and consisting of us four and the sound engineer. So it's a lot so much easier, do you know what I mean, to do. So we've, you know, already done what we love to go and do, the Concord in Eastleigh. I love the Concord in Brighton. I don't know the Eastleigh one, but I love Concord Brighton. Yeah, yeah. So, so, yeah, so we've been able to then get a couple of those shows in for, for, for December. So, um, yeah, we're still hoping to get out and see a few people um, and, you know, just try and make Christmas as best we possibly can because we're usually on tour doing it, having it large. Yeah. So, um, and having an amazing time. Well, you know, I've, I've coached, uh, musicians and artists over the years, obviously confidentially, and I never mention names, of course. Um, but in the last few months, a couple have had to postpone things, and it's all been due— what people don't understand about COVID you might be able to perform and the lighting person might be able to form, but other parts of the production process have been pulled apart by illness or by regulations or whatever. And so it's just really beyond the artist's control. And I don't think a lot of fans realize this, that there's so many pieces that go into making a tour, and, and those have all been falling apart for so many different people. Um, I really feel your pain, really do. It is. But, you know, Dr. Pam, you can totally— I can appreciate everybody as well because I you know, exactly the same. There is still, despite what's going on at the moment and the pressure so many people are under, there are people out touring amazingly and doing a great job and performing to some wonderful people. And so, you know, the confusion about, okay, how come they're doing it and you're not? It's just, it's really, it's really difficult to, to, um, to, to not educate people, but, but kind of show people what, what the inner workings are and what happens behind these big tours. Um, and, and sometimes you just can't make it happen because maybe someone else had sort of gotten there or done certain things. But also, you know, when you organize a tour like this, anything could happen. Do you know what I mean? It— we, we could literally be days away from doing a UK tour, of which it takes an incredible amount of organization, investment to try and make the best possible. If one of us, two of us came down, oh gosh, heaven forbid, you know, the risks that, that lay in the audience, you know, to other people. So, you know, there was so many— it wasn't just one reason, there was so many reasons, um, for us doing this. And, um, and, and ultimately, you know, that the safety of, of everything and everyone in mind. We, we don't want to be going out to a show and doing a show that we consider, you know, one of our most our best yet and having people worried about turning up because, you know, because of what's going on. So yeah, it was for us, you know, it was, it was, it was the thing to do. And, um, yeah, we're buzzing about it. We can't wait now for, for May, June. We're looking ahead. Hopefully we'll get out to a few different smaller places to see people ahead of December. And, um, yeah, that's it really, you know. We're, we're sort of, you know, just, just getting amongst those plans for May, June. Fantastic. Let's see, we've got, uh, yeah, Anne-Marie saying it's gonna be absolutely amazing, hoping to get one of the smaller shows. Jane is, uh, saying she's going to see both of you at the shows. They're all planning. Uh, Helen is saying she's transferred over to next year. So people, you know, the message is getting out there and people are going to make the most of it, you know, totally. It's so, it's so great because we've got just some incredible fans who completely understand what, what, what, what what, you know, what the challenges are and what's going on. And also, more importantly, just where we are and who we are as individuals. Because I think, you know, and again, it's just me talking, and, and, you know, but again, a lot of people think there's a huge perception around a group that have sold millions of records and had so much success that, you know, again, you're swimming in money, you're rich. This is honestly, it's not the case. We're independent artists who have had the incredible privilege of achieving some, so many incredible things. But a lot of what we do is reinvested into trying to keep us at such a high level and, and, and, you know, and keep the dream real for us. Um, so yeah, we do everything that we possibly can. But I tell you what I'm looking forward to is the date that we announced, uh, last night, which is in Portsmouth. All the details are on our Facebook. But I've never actually done a show in Portsmouth. I, I served in the military in Portsmouth. I was going to say Portsmouth, military town. I didn't get into music until I was 24 years old, and it was all a bit of an accident how it all happened. Got injured playing rugby in, in Portsmouth for the Navy, and, um, you know, and then ended up sort of getting a guitar as a bit of a drunken bet, and then got into music. So Portsmouth is where I actually found music. So it's going to be really pretty cool to go back to Portsmouth with the boys. Um, that's going to be fantastic. Well, well done for you guys making the decision and then sorting out what you have sorted out. Now, um, oh yeah, before we move on to vasectomy, so where's the best place for ticket information? Because this show goes out tomorrow and then it goes out next Friday too. So with everything, with everything, just go to our socials, um, or go to the website theovetones.tv. And you'll find everything, you know. Any other info, just come and, come and follow me, hit me up on the socials @JJames. Uh, The Overtones @The_Overtones, and you'll get all the information. And, you know, we're looking forward to, to anything that we can do and get out. So, um, yeah, get out performing. Now, talk about performing, obviously you didn't want to have any more babies, so What— tell me about the vasectomy journey. Yeah, so do you know what, it's one of those things where a lot of people sort of cringe. You go, oh my gosh, you shouldn't be talking about this and this, that and the other. But you know what, there's so much misunderstanding in regard to vasectomies, in my view. And I was sort of one of them. And one of the things that I didn't understand was actually it's so much safer when you come to the decision with your partner that, you know, you're happy and content and blessed with what you have, you know. And, and that was myself and Victoria, you know, two beautiful children, one of each, you know, our dreams absolutely ticked off. Um, we were sort of content and we were like, okay, cool, so, you know, what we're gonna do from here? And there was discussions about the different forms of contraception And then when we looked into it, it was kind of actually— again, had no idea that, um, the vasectomy is the safest, one of the safest forms. It's so much safer for me than it is for any form of contraception for Victoria. So, you know, in many ways, after childbirth and, you know, all the things that, that, that women have to go through, I was like, you know what, I'm up for that, let's go for it. So yeah, started to look into it and, and what happens. And again, the, the major things that I was concerned about with a vasectomy was, would it affect me in any way? What did it— what does it mean exactly? Um, so, you know, when I got into looking into, into the stats that, you know, vasectomies are 99% effective, um, naturally it's considered permanent, you know. So again, if if, gentlemen, if you are thinking about it, is you should consider it as a permanent thing, not just that, oh, you know, I'm just going to do this for a little while. Yeah, yeah. I was concerned, you know, would it affect my performance, would it affect my drive, my sex drive, all that sort of stuff. And, um, and actually, sorry, your fans are going to be getting a bit hot under the collar here. I know, I shouldn't make light about serious things, but no, no, it's true. Why not? You've got, you know, you have to, otherwise, you know No one talks about these things, you know. So, but, um, but anyway, I had lots of different concerns, and when I realized how simple it was, uh, for me, and, you know, in many ways the, the, the, you know, how safe and all that sort of stuff, I thought I'd go for it. And, um, and I did it. And, um, and you know what, I sort of look back and really, yeah, I you know, I can't say enjoyed the experience, um, but do you know what, it lasted all of which, uh, about an hour. And, uh, and then, you know, I'd say I had, you know, an uncomfortable week, uh, but then after that it was all good. And is it local anesthetic or general, or how do they do it? Yeah, absolutely. So, so it's low, so it's local, uh, and obviously there's, there's different ways in which you know, it can be done. But I had— I sort of had local, and yeah, it lasted about 45 minutes. And it was pretty awkward because I walked into the room and it was fairly obvious that they recognized who I was and what I was— what was going on. And then, you know, when they asked me to drop my trousers Uh, that was, that was fairly embarrassing. I'm sure it was. Um, albeit it was, it was sort of, you know, it, you know, when, when you've got the nurse asking, uh, to, for assistance of another nurse, um, you know, she needed an extra hand. I, I, you know, that's all I'm saying. I love it, I love it so much. Needless to say, 45 minutes happens. And then they've got some VIP tickets to the next Overtones show as well. So we're all good, we were all laughing. Now, was that NHS or private? Uh, it was NHS, yeah. So I went, I, you know, I went for an interview because it is a serious thing, as, as they consider it permanent. Uh, so I had a couple of different interviews with doctors who, you know, needed to assess my situation personally and what was going on in, you know, in, in my life and, and, you know, with, with us. And, you know, they, they, they were happy that we were content, and, um, and that was it. And, you know, I think for about sort of 8— I think it was 8 to 12 weeks after, um, after the operation, um, you know, we, we still had to use contraception, and then there were tests done after that point. And then, you know, and then it came back to confirm that obviously it had been successful and it worked. Fantastic. And that was fine, you know, so, you know, we were happy. So yeah, it was, yeah, it was fairly pain-free in regard to anything that you ladies have to go through. And I would genuinely recommend it to any guy that was in the position. It's again, it was definitely one of those things that men don't talk about, uh, because I was on the golf course with 3 other guys, of which it came— the, the, the topic came up, and 2 of the boys were like, oh no, no way would I get that done. And, and, and one of the other boys said, I, I've actually done it. And, you know, and, and it opened up the conversation, and, uh, and the boys like, oh really? Oh, you know, actually, what, you know, what's the— is it safer for us then? And, you know, and so I was— so, you know, in just that experience with 3 other guys, you know, I'm not— if I'm honest, Dr. Pam, I'm not all for sharing my private life, you know, on live streams and shows and all that sort of stuff. But I generally, I'm content in talking about it, especially with, with a friend that, you know, someone like yourself who, who, you know, is such an incredible psychologist and does amazing things, that actually the word needs to be put out there that lads look into it. Because, you know, it's, um, if you're in the place with your partner, it's safe, safer for you. No, I think definitely. Um, and Helen says it's so much better to talk about it. And did it scare you? It scared the hell out of me. Yeah, yeah, I scared— it scared the hell out of me. I was on the way Victoria took me in the car and I, you know, I was like, I'm not sure if I want to do this. And she was like, you're not turning back. I said, you're not turning back. No. So, um, no. And, you know, all joking aside, she was, she was amazing. And, and, you know, it was, it was all good. So, um, yeah. Oh, sorry, help with the pain. Did you have to ice that? Yeah, absolutely. So I, you know, it was— there was lots of ice downstairs, and, and naturally, you know, the, the painkillers, ibuprofen and all that sort of stuff. And, um, you know, I was fairly restricted with movements, uh, for, for a day or so. Um, and yeah, I had an unfortunate situation where Um, yeah, I, I— there was a small— it was a small issue, uh, with the stitching and stuff. So I, you know, I had to go back a couple of days later, but it was all good, uh, and we were all, you know, I was, I was happy and they were content that, you know, there was no going to be no infection and they were happy with everything. So they were amazing, they were absolutely amazing, uh, the NHS. Great to hear for the men listening and the women listening might encourage their partners to listen to this. And, and, uh, I was gonna say, Anne-Marie says her husband still has to do the test, so obviously he's had it done. And she says it's difficult to work listening to this. So sorry, so sorry. But a lot of people ask the question, um, and again, getting a little bit of detail, but people are like, you know, do you still ejaculate and things like that after you've had certain operations? And, you know, because they don't quite understand what happens, they think, oh, okay, you know, essentially, you know, the vas deferens, which is the pipe basically that goes from the scrotum, you know, once that's cut, you know, is that it? And the truth is, no, it's not. You know, you can still, you can still do that, and it still feels exactly the same as it did previously. That's the only thing that's happened is the sperm supply is cut out by cutting those tubes. So, you know, everything that I've experienced is exactly the same as it did before. So, gents, fear not. Look into it. And, you know, you should do a promotional video for the NHS. Honestly, the way you've explained it and you're honest— I'm not sure about that, Dr. Pham. I'm not sure about that. I'm, you know, of course, I'm more than happy to, to share my experience with, with you and, and for people, of course, and, you know, listening and watching on Men's Radio because it's so apt, you know. But a lot of men run scared and don't want to know. And so, you know, we just leave it to the girls and, you know, it's not fair. It's not, it's not, it's not, you know, it's not. So yeah, at some point you gotta, gotta stand up and be like, okay, what can I do here? You know, what, what can I do? And you know, it's the smallest of things really in, in, yeah, in regards to— thank goodness you didn't have to go straight out in one of your lovely fitted dinner jacket suits and perform on stage after that, because I think tight trousers would not have been a good thing in one of our incredibly fitted suits. Yes, you do have very fitted suits and you all look great in them. Now we only have time for a— maybe to talk about one or two trends because we were also going to do that. Yeah, the first one I want to mention is Adele was trending today because people were waiting in a queue of 10,000 to get her, uh, two dates at Hyde Park next summer. And I was going to say, is there any band or artist you would have ever waited in a queue of 10,000 for? For me, it would be the Overtones. Yeah, was there any artist that you would have do that for, that dedication? Because a lot of people were finding it like torture. They've been there for hours. Oh, it's just because live music is so important to people. Music is so important to people, and I can completely get why, um, why people are, you know, waiting, uh, you know, in, in line for hours on end to, to get tickets to to see Adele. Uh, for me, um, oh, who would it be? Who would it be? See, like, a lot of the music that I listen to are quite old, you know, it's of the old school, should I say. So, you know, I, I'm a big fan of so many different artists. Um, I don't know, I don't know, I couldn't tell you. I I, I'm a big fan of the Teskey Brothers, um, who are an Australian group, the soul group. And yeah, I can't wait for them to come back to the UK on tour to, to get tickets and go and see those boys because their music is amazing. And, you know, it's just great. It's always in the house playing away. Um, yeah, so Helen says, obviously you guys, she would wait in the queue, and she did so many times for Take That. Yeah, well, look, it was amazing. I remember when the tickets went on sale, uh, the first time, it, you know, it— the reception was absolutely incredible. The website broke. So, you know, the reaction to people getting tickets was, was just amazing. And, and although, you know, although we were like, oh my God, what would you need to get the website back? You know, what's going on? What's happening? We were also a little bit like How cool is this? I love it. Well, that is the note we're going to end on. Um, I thank you again for your time, Jay. I really appreciate it. I know how busy you are, and you're just better from that illness. So great to hear all about the overtones and about the vasectomy. It's such an important message for men listening and, and women who might be, you know, have a male partner that they would like to try and encourage, and they can say, listen to this link Listen to James. If he can do it, you can do it. Give my love to Vicki and, and the children, and speak to you soon, darling. Thank you again. Thank you so, so much, Dr. Pam. It's always wonderful, uh, to come on your show. And I know that we were gonna speak very sort of briefly about some other trends and, and the John Lewis advert, which is— everyone's gone up in a roar at the moment because a little boy is in a dress and all this sort of stuff, and the press have made it out, and adverts been canceled and all that sort of stuff. And I just want to say, because I know we were going to cover it, but do not listen to all of these media outlets that are trying to make this out that the advert has been canceled because there's a boy dressing up in a dress. It's absolutely rubbish. It is ludicrous. It is not correct. Uh, the reason the advert was taken down was because, uh, of the little boy was causing damage— well, accidental, deliberate damage— and that's not covered within their insurance. That was the only reason. So boys, little boys, if you want to dress up in dresses, do whatever you want to do, do whatever makes you happy, because I think it's a wonderful— we only have one life, we have to live it the way we want to. On that note, I'll say goodbye and lots of love. Thanks again, darling. Lots of love. Thanks, Dr. P. Bye. Now, my second guest is a bestselling author of 4 books, including How to Fight Fat Formation, plus The Beginner's Guide to Intermittent Fasting, and also The Ketogenic— no, Ketogenic. Let me get that right— Key. She is also a radio host, weight loss expert, recognized authority on inflammation. She's featured on countless TV shows and websites and is the Huffington Post's America's top diet and nutrition expert. You can find her on Twitter @LauryShemek and on Instagram @DrLauryShemek. Her website is DrLauryShemek.com, and she joins me now from Texas. Hello. Hello, darling. Nice to see you. Hi, Dr. Pam. It's so good to be back here. Thank you. Thank you. And thank you for getting— well, I know maybe this is your normal time to get up, but I really do appreciate it. Well, I appreciate it very much. Thank you. So much fun to be with you, and you're a lovely person. So, oh well, right back at you, darling. Now, last time we, we talked about so many different things, and today we're going to focus on gut health, which I know a lot of people are interested in. I don't know practically anything about it, so you are going to lead the way. And I know you use the term gut Garden. Right. Where would you like to start in talking about this? Yeah, I think the very first thing to underscore is that we, uh, our gut is the epicenter, as I like to say, if you will, of every aspect of health and mental well-being, including our weight. And what a lot of people don't realize is that our immune system, 80% of it resides within the gut. Our weight is determined by the abundance and diversity of healthy gut bacteria that we have. And, uh, just, you know, when we're suffering from inflammation, we can always pinpoint it from the state of our gut. So it's very, very important if you want to optimize your health and you want to reverse inflammation in the body to really focus on your gut as a foundational practice, okay? And so I like to look at the gut, as you, as you mentioned, as a garden. So our gut garden is extremely important because you want to look at it that way and treat it that way. So what one of the first things that I like to do is to pull the weeds. Right? So, okay, I like the analogy. Yes, we want to pull those weeds because they're not doing any, anything good for you. In fact, what we're doing is we are getting rid of all the unhealthy gut bugs that we have, and these, the majority of them, are damaging your health. They're promoting inflammation in the body. They're promoting autoimmune disease. They're promoting just everything you don't want— weight gain. In fact, these type— these bacteria store more fat than the healthy gut bugs, right? So we want to— they're very, they're very efficient at promoting fat storage within the body. And so what we want to do is we want to create a gut garden that is, is healthy and growing and an abundance of healthy bacteria. So we're pulling the, the weeds, the bad gut bugs by not feeding them. And what they need— How do we do that? Well, we— what we need to do is to stop eating the junk foods. Sugar is their main source of nutrition, and in general, so when you, when you eat sugar, you're not just, you know, momentarily getting pleasure from it, but you're also feeding those unhealthy gut bugs. And what happens is, is they thrive and survive, and they need refined foods in order to do that. So they need refined flours and sugars and all the, the junk food that we all know what it is, right? And so what we— so that's pulling the weeds. We want to get rid of them. And when you stop eating those foods, then the healthy gut bugs have a chance to grow. And the good news is that our gut and our liver are the two organs that regenerate very quickly. Quickly that are, that respond to positive health changes very quickly. And so I wanted to say, last time we spoke, I showed you that I had a couple of big boxes of my favorite American candy bar. Right. And you were like, really like, oh my goodness, Pam, what are you doing? I haven't bought any more since those. Oh my goodness. I did finish them. That is fantastic. Over the summer, but I haven't. And I've, I've swapped to I've swapped to raw chocolate for treats. Is that okay? Oh, it's perfect. It's— in fact, dark chocolate, 70%, ideally 80% or higher, is actually considered a prebiotic, feeding those healthy gut bugs. So that's number one. You want to pull the weeds. Number two is you want to plant healthy bacteria within your gut. Okay, so you want to plant the, the flowers, if you will. And so you do that with foods, probiotic cultured foods like yogurt and kimchi, which is a Korean condiment which is very spicy, but it's one of the absolute best foods you can eat to optimize your gut health. I want to ask you about kimchi because I've been reading, you know, good things about it, but I'm not really good with a lot of spice. Right. So there are other ways. Yes. Yeah. And is there a non-spicy version of kimchi? Sometimes you can find it, you know, like you do really have to look and sometimes you can order it online, but generally, no, it's difficult. But the other foods you can eat are olives and pickles. Make sure make sure that they're cultured. Just make sure there's salt and not vinegar. Okay, just make sure no vinegar is listed on the label. And then you want— so we have kimchi and we have cottage cheese. Aged cheeses are probiotic. Very good. Again, you're planting all those healthy bacteria in your gut. What do you mean by aged cheese? Like blue cheese, brie. Bilton, those types. I love those cheeses. Oh, I know. And also they contain a compound called spermidine. And I thought you might get a kick out of that one, Pam. Well, my last guest was talking about vasectomies. Oh, we're on a roll today. But yes, this compound is named after what it says. But this compound is in these aged cheeses. Which benefit every area of health. Cellular, cellular health, promoting autophagy, and much more. That's another show. But yeah, so these are examples of— in sauerkraut, research shows that just 1 tablespoon of sauerkraut will change your gut health within 3 days. So that's— I'm just gonna have to make a note of that because I actually like— just because I don't like hot spices foods like kimchi. Right. Kimchi is very spicy, so yeah, you have to be careful. So those are examples of foods. Now, so far we've pulled— we're not feeding the bad gut bugs, right? Now we're adding in healthy bacteria from these probiotic cultured and fermented foods. And then the last step is to fertilize your gut garden, and we do that with what's called prebiotic fibers. Okay, and these are— it's like miracle grow for your gut. And these fibers are essentially like leeks and onions and garlic and Jerusalem artichokes, chicory. Dark chocolate is also— it's a prebiotic and a probiotic fiber like I was talking about earlier. And then beans and bananas are prebiotic. Just think— bananas, okay. I like bananas. Yeah, you're literally feeding your very healthy gut bugs. And that's our goal is to create an abundance of these. Because when you have an abundance of these healthy bacteria from different sources and you're feeding them properly, then you're good to go and you're, you're preventing disease, you're optimizing your health. And if you can get one serving, like just a small serving is really all you need. You don't need a lot of probiotics, the cultured and fermented foods that I mentioned. And then make sure you get some— all vegetables really are prebiotics. Prebiotic. They show that vegans who don't eat any animal, they just focus their diet solely on vegetables, have healthier guts than those of us that eat meat, right? Because we're not eating as much of that prebiotic fiber as they are. And so, you know, there are issues with that diet in the long run if you're not paying attention however, and so you have to be really careful being vegan. But, um, yeah, it's really, it's, it's wonderful, uh, to know that you're— if you take care of your gut, then you will feel better. You'll lose weight, you'll boost your— you'll support your immune system, and every— everything you, you have on your health wish list will be benefited because it's all about inflammation. And when there's inflammation in the gut, it's in your body. So that's the way to fix it. And I bet I know the answer to this, but probiotic capsules like you can buy here at like the big health food shops, are they not as good as just trying to get the probiotic from eating, you know, bananas and sauerkraut and olives and garlic? Or are they good? I mean, are they good to supplement? Yeah, so, you know, there's mixed research on it, right? And so we know for certain that there are specific strains that can benefit immune health, right? The Rhamnosus species strain has been known to— it has research to support that it absolutely boosts immunity. And There's research showing that, that for stress-related conditions, depression, that there are specific bacterial strains that will literally benefit and improve your condition. And so, but in general, it's, it's probably a good idea to make sure you get an overall balance, just insurance, right, that you're getting some healthy gut bugs. In there. And so, you know, so I've kind of flipped back and forth on this subject, but I really believe that, you know, if you're— if you have a specific health condition, then it's a really good thing to do some research and find out which species and strain you need to take. And that's a really good thing to do. But I personally take a probiotic, and and because, you know, and I also eat cultured and fermented foods and prebiotic fibers to feed those healthy gut bugs that I'm ingesting. So, but you don't want to do, really don't want to overdo it. There is no reason when you see in the store 100 billion CFUs, colony forming units, that's ridiculous. That's a marketing ploy and you need to stay away from that. You don't need that much. At the most What dose do you look for? 1.5 to 15 billion is— yeah, and I know it's a large spread, but we really don't know exactly. Everyone's individual, everyone has a different state of gut health, and so make sure that ideally acidophilus and lactobacillus, those are the two that you really want to make sure you do get. Yeah, those two. Yeah, because I've— I mean, since we moved house, I've been plagued with colds. So I wonder if— You're plagued with what? Colds. Head colds. Okay. I mean, it was stressful moving and it was a very big move, but I wonder if boosting my gut with some of your suggestions will help something like that too. Will it help? Yes. 80% of your immune system resides in within your gut. And if you're getting a lot of colds, that means your immune system is depleted a bit. And so optimizing it is going to really, you know, with focusing on probiotic health, because that's where, that's where your immune system resides. So there you go, you know, and eating, eating for gut health is the key as well. Well, that is brilliant. I am so thankful for that advice. And I know a lot of people listening tomorrow when the show goes out and next Friday when it's repeated will also find that beneficial. We didn't have time for longevity, but another show. Yes. And if anybody has any questions, please reach out to me. I'm on Twitter, I'm on Instagram, or, you know, anywhere on my website. Onto you. So if you have any questions— that is fantastic. That's drlorischemek.com. Insta is @DrLoriSchemek and Twitter is @lorischemek. Thank you so much, Lori. Thank you. I hope we speak again soon. Lots of love. Enjoy your Texan day. Thank you. Bye, Charlie. Bye. So now I am moving on to my next fantastic guest. She's a psychologist, a presenter, a writer. She's a diversity ambassador. On Twitter, she's @therealangelaM, and on Instagram, she's @angelaTV. Her website is angela.com, so that's nice and easy for you to check her out. And she should be joining me now to talk about— hello! Hi, thank you for joining me today. No worries. I'm so excited for today. Yeah, well, I— when I emailed you about this, I was thinking about obsessive love. Yes. Um, and how, uh, it's come into my sort of zone in it with clients, a couple clients recently, especially because I do a lot of work with coaching with singles, you know, sort of date coaching. And you said, oh, well, this ties into some things that you've been doing recently. Yes. So I just want to start by saying, when I— when people say to me, well, what do you mean by obsessive love? I often say, well, think about when you have your first high school crush and it really takes over. And if the person smiles at you, you're on cloud nine for the next week. If they don't smile at you, your world is devastated. Yeah. And all you think about is them. And, and, and, and, and for adults to to do that. Most of us grow out of having those big crushes where we obsess over someone and learn to have a more emotionally mature relationship. Um, so, so that's kind of when people say to me, what do you mean? And I, and I say, well, just think about when you're back to a teenager and, and just the craziness, you know. Absolutely. Yeah. So how, how do you tackle when a client says to you, or it appears to you, that maybe your client is in an obsessional type of love where, yeah, it's taken over their life. Yeah, I think that's a, that's a really good, um, descriptor of what obsessive love is. And I think all of us have felt that at one time or another growing up. It's, it's what we also like to call our chemical romance because, you know, the dopamine's going, the oxytocin's going, the adrenaline's going. But when, when you— when I see clients, um, A simple distinction for me is when it, it is demanding love. It's, it's like I want to consume the other person, as opposed to real love, which is about the dance of give and take and negotiation and having that kind of back and forth conversation and being able to hear the other person and what their needs are. When you're in that kind of obsessive state, it's all about what you can get for yourself. And when you don't get it, exactly as you say, you're heartbroken, you're devastated. And on the extreme side, it might get into the realms of, you know, that extreme jealousy and stalking and constantly wanting to know where they are and possessiveness. And it makes you feel terrible. So when I see people like that, you know, that's often, you know, they're somewhere along that continuum, and not doing them any favors at all, and it's actually cutting into that relationship quite badly, and the other person is pushing them away. So I think that's how— what I've been seeing quite a lot more of. Yeah. And do you think, um, kind of obsessional love has been fed by social media? Because if you take a fancy to someone on social media and start talking about them, you can then access— unless they've got a private or locked account or something, You can access what they're doing all the time. Do you think that feeds someone who has that nature or that propensity to obsess in a relationship? Yes, yes, I— that's a great point. And I think it's just another way of stalking someone, isn't it? And so before, you know, you might follow them or know where they work or hang around outside their house, social media is a great tool, um, and a great burden, if you like, if you, you know, where you can follow what somebody's doing, who they're involved with. You can even find out much more detail about where they've gone on holiday. So you can spend hours and hours and hours looking into the life of that person you're obsessed with and have that kind of one-way, that parasocial relationship where you think, you know, we're both in this together, but actually it's just you obsessing over someone who may not know that you're there, or maybe trying to push you away, or be worried about how obsessed you are with them. Yeah, interesting you say that, how worried you are, because, um, do you think this is one of the hardest things for someone to, to actually reconcile about themselves and, and develop self-awareness, that they, that they do seek out these obsessions about people? And, and I think a lot of people don't want to see it that way. They don't want to see what they're doing as obsessional. They see it as love. I mean, Do you think is one of the hardest things, like, for you to sort of support someone in recognizing that that's what they're doing? Yeah, another great point. I think it's all about that ability to become more self-aware. And when you really believe you're in a relationship or you love someone and you, you believe it's been reciprocated, the last thing you're going to say to yourself is, I'm obsessed. It's not coming back. It's not, it's not two-way. And I might need to sort of explore what's going on for me. So often I will start with looking at somebody's history, how they grew up, because looking at attachment styles is a great way in, and it's quite a safe way in. You know, how were you raised? And often what I find is that people who had a trauma or inconsistent relationships with their parents— sometimes they were loved and adored, and sometimes they were just neglected and abandoned can often lead to this confusion about what love is. So, you know, exploring that history is a great way in. So you wouldn't necessarily sit down and say, I think you've got this. Tell me your story, because somewhere along the line that person is hurting. So what's hurting you when it comes to love? And so it's kind of getting— inviting them into that conversation about the love relationship that they have with themselves and where they got that information and knowledge about what love means. And when you start to unpack that, it becomes a safer space to explore how they engage in relationships. I think that's how I do it. Yeah, no, no, that, that makes total sense. Sorry, my headrest first, like, falling behind me. It's okay. I, I hate radio that's actually broadcast livestream before actually becomes a radio show because you have to see each other, you know. Yeah, I mean, I like seeing you, but you know, you've got all this stuff to worry about. I know. Now, now, what I wonder about often with, um, the singles I work with, and I'll have someone say to me something like, oh, I really fancy this guy. Yeah. And I've, you know, we've had a date or we've been chatting or whatever, and 'It's not really going very well, but I'm really going to stick in there.' You know, 'He doesn't seem that interested, but, but I think we've got something.' That's very tricky when you're— you want someone to start looking early in a dating situation at the fact that they might be 100% in it, but the other person isn't. And it's very obvious when you hear these things Yeah, to someone like a coach, psychologist. Yeah, someone tells you that, well, they're really not interested, but I think, you know, I think we should have another date because I think we would be great together. I— that is very tricky to deal with. It is incredibly tricky to deal with because I think as the expert in the room, you're also worried about piercing their reality. Too soon. Yeah, because that could be devastating and be traumatic in of itself. You know, somebody's saying, you know, but I'm telling you, this is my reality. So, you know, another way of exploring that is, is to consider thinking about maybe you are speaking different love languages. So what is your love language? What does it look like for you? And is this person responding to that love language? Because I think that but they have a different love language. And sometimes just looking at it that way can get somebody to start reconsidering, maybe it's— this is a little bit unbalanced, maybe what I'm looking for and is not what I'm getting back. And it is a very slow process. And I think that for me, the— it's the relationship that you have in that room with that client that is the beginning of the modeling. You know, they can practice with you what's going on and maybe even practice standing in that other person's shoes. So how would you feel if you were on the receiving end of something and you felt not quite ready, or you felt that, that wasn't what you wanted to hear? And that can sometimes give someone perspective. And also, I like to explore what else is going on in your life. What else, you know, what else is productive for you? What— where else are you getting fed? Because if you're getting emotionally fed— yes, emotionally fed— yes, if you're just getting fed from just one thing, um, and other things in your life are starving, so your friendships, you don't have much interaction there, you don't feel very productive at work, you know, you don't have many interests, or it's all your eggs in one basket, that can be very overwhelming for somebody to believe then that, well, if I don't get this person, then I'm going to starve. Then there is nothing left. So that kind of all-or-nothing thinking can be quite catastrophic for someone. So begin to— beginning to invite them to think about other areas of their lives that are going, you know, undernourished. Yeah. Now, I love the analogy you're using about, you know, feeding and nourishment, and I think that, um, making or supporting someone to be aware that other areas of life are important too. Yes. And to try and, and, and manage them and get more pleasure and put more into them. And in those areas is really important. We don't have a lot of time. So I was wondering what your advice is to someone. Let's, let's take the dating scenario. They've had maybe a couple date with someone and they feel it's too much, you know, so they're not obsessing, but they feel it. How do you think someone can either set boundaries and perhaps guide that obsessional person into less obsessing, or do you think it's a lost cause and they just have to set their boundaries and not have any more dates? What do you say? I mean, I think, you know, I'm very big on, you know, listening listening to your own intuition. And, you know, if you're picking up a bit of a red flag for you and you're feeling uncomfortable, or you're feeling as, um, something, you know, we talk about a lot about being love bombed. It's, it's, it's, I can't actually think straight because this person is constantly in my face. Listen to those messages and actually have a chat with your friends and say, this is, this is coming in at me and I, I'm not comfortable 'Well, what do you reckon?' Because often they'll say, 'You know what, that doesn't sound great.' And, you know, you must learn to listen to your own instincts, because at the beginning of a relationship, a relationship, often that's the time where, you know, your, your intuition is firing on all cylinders. There's something you're picking up on before you go all in. So listen to that. And, you know, yes, absolutely, put some boundaries down. 'I can't see you on Tuesday.' 'But how about Friday?' And if you feel that that's not being heard, then it might be time for you to draw a line in the sand and say, 'This isn't good for me.' So it's about that relationship you're having with yourself. What's good for me? What works well for me? And what's my instinct saying? If I'm not comfortable, then what am I progressing, you know, with? What's this relationship? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. That is fantastic. And unfortunately, we are out of time. We didn't get to love bombing, which we were really going to talk about too. Yeah, I'm feeling devalued. But thank you so much for your time, Angela. And your website is simplyangela.com and Twitter is @therealandulam and Insta is easier. It's @angulatv. One day I'll get them all aligned. Well, thank you so much. And you take care. Take care. And that's, that's all we have time for today. I just wanted to say that I'm actually taking a few months break from the show. I have a refurbishment starting in my home. I have a couple new projects I have to attend to. And so I'll be back in early spring, and I'll look forward to that with lots of fantastic guests. Thank you so much for you joining me on the show here on Men's and Women's Radio Station. And until, uh, the next time, look after yourselves.