Eat Love Do – Baiju Solanki, Change Your Game & Win At Life

Hi and welcome. This is the Eat Love Do Show, exclusive to Women's Radio Station. I'm your host, Janine Newbery, and I've got quite an amazing guest for you today. Um, but before we get started, do remember to follow us on all our social medias— Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. We are @Women'sRadioStn. And go over to our YouTube channel, hit that like and subscribe button because it really does help us. So without further ado, let's get started. Today I've got the absolutely amazing Biju Solanke. He is quite a phenomenal guy. He's a performance coach. He's been through his own transformational journey, which is very linked to the Eat Love Do Show. And I think you're going to absolutely love what he's got to share. So, Biju, welcome to the show. Welcome. Thank you so much. When I got this request to be on a women's radio show, I went, oh, this is different. Am I allowed to dress in a different way? But no, really honored to be here today. We're a non-binary show. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. But do you want to, um, just tell, um, our listeners a little bit about yourself, um, so they know who they're listening to? So, uh, as you kindly, uh, I'm a performance psychologist. What does that mean? It's basically, you know, I help people improve their performance in, uh, in any context. My background is in psychology. I used to be a psychology lecturer many years ago. I studied sports psychology, that's my background. And then I was in corporate sales for about 9 years, only aiming to be there for 9 months, ended up being there 9 years, but we can talk about that. And then I've been running my own coaching and training business since 2007. Uh, several books, speak around the world, uh, run a few courses. Yeah, yeah, I mean, you're just barely getting started really, aren't you? You know, no, that's pretty amazing, that's a lot. And I know you're creating some really great stuff, so I'm excited for what you've got to share. Um, but you've actually been through a transformational journey. You shared a little bit about this with me, um, so, um, so do you want to share with people what that was? Yeah, when, when you, um, when you explained about what the show is about, Eat Love Do, I like that. Obviously it's taken on from the film Pray Do, was it? No, Eat Pray Love. Eat Pray Love, a little bit, yeah, from when I lived in Bali. Yeah, I love it. I'm gonna get rid of the Pray bit, just love. Just love, straight, go straight for the love. Yeah, um, yeah, so I, um, I love food, right? And I could binge days long. And, you know, I know this is a radio show, but if you ever sort of look at my pictures and stuff, the person you see here today, both in terms of its physical manifestation and also the mental manifestation, because we're gonna talk about it's linked, is not the same person you would've seen 5, 6 years ago. So about 2019, I did a big transformation. I, um, I lost 20 kilos. Now, why did I do that? You know, like all this, we all know there's no secret to being healthy and weight loss, but there's thousands of tools out there to diets, keto, and, you know, all bits and pieces in terms of losing weight. And I, I got to the point I looked at my life in 2000, I went through a divorce. So I was doing, I was married for 22 years, went through a divorce around 2007. 16, 15, 16. The reason I hesitate, you went through a divorce, but then I got back with her, which only lasted 13 months. So it's like, when did the divorce happen? But we were— anyway, that's another story. I don't know whether it's appropriate for this radio. So I then went and found— went on journeys. I went to yoga retreats to India, 10 days meditation, all this sort of stuff. And during the second year of my sort of journey into my finding myself, I looked at my life, and I would describe it as ordinary, Janine. So it wasn't like I had massive disasters where I was bankrupt, right? I got divorced. But the divorce, although it was emotionally traumatic, it was challenging. We— and yes, the kids were affected. There was no— none of this sort of like money problems. We were very amicable about the money, about the house. So there were none of those stresses that involved. It was very much an emotional journey. And, and then the realization that it's no longer there, and then managing the expectations around that. So even then, I thought, when I listened to other people's separations and marriage breakdowns and what they go through post the separation, I got it easy, relatively easy in relation to the separation, although there was a lot of emotional turmoil. But my own journey, then it's about finding myself. I'm like 47, 48, and I looked at my life and I thought, my business is okay. Right. My health, I thought, was okay. Work was okay. And it's like very ordinary. I think that's how a lot of people are in their life. Like everything just, it's all good. Nothing's amazing, but everything's nice, plodding along. It's like comfort zone, isn't it? Yeah. And you realize that, is that because, you know, those who've got sort of lots of things going on or there are lots of successes, what we don't see is the risks they've taken. We just see the shiny object, the million pounds in the bank, the big company, you know, the beautiful girlfriend, the beautiful boyfriend, but don't see the stuff around them. And I looked at my life and I thought, I've been risky, but not that risky. Yes, I left a job on my terms to start my business. But again, we're going to talk about that a lot. People find, you know, with the lockdown, it was like they're forced into a decision. So no one ever said to me, by the way, you listen, mate, you're pretty obese, you need to sort this out. It was all right. I was all right. I didn't think I was all right anyway. So I thought, what can I control? What can I control? I can control what I put in my gob and how I move, right? When you start a business, yeah, you can— there's a lot of things you can control, but then there's a lot of things that are, are at not your— you know, you could do the best product, all the rest of it, if people aren't buying because your, your influence is not as great that can be a challenge. But I thought, no one— there's nothing out there that can stop me choosing what I put in my mouth. So I can— what can I control? I can control actually getting healthier. And although I had no personal experience of it, from other people, when they start getting healthier, the energy increases and other things start happening. But I didn't do it for those reasons anyway. So I found a coach. If I don't want to— I don't want a diet, I don't want you to say this is your diet and what you do. I want— I had two non-negotiables on my transformation, Janine, and that was I can eat what I want when I want. However, I also knew that fine, but then what's the result you want? There's a result over here. Yeah. And the path to that result are these steps. So although I chose— I can— what I didn't want him to say is you can't eat this. I want him to say is, these foods will mean these outcomes. Yeah. And these food would mean these outcomes. I like that. I like that flip on perspective of that because I think, um, and I know it's usually women that are actually wanting to do weight loss. It's really nice to hear this from a man's perspective as well. And the way that you're approaching it, and it's not the, um, I'm not allowed to eat this and I'm on this restrictive because that sort of restrictions can send us into that sort of downward turmoil and then get off and completely get off the rails. But I like that. So these foods will give you this result. These ones, so you can still choose that if you want. So you're not being restricted. I like that. It's such a subtle but very powerful shift in mindset. The outcome is there. So you can— you, if you say, well, I'm going to do these 3 things and expect that outcome, well, you know, there's certain rules in the world. It is what it is, right? The opinion of certain foods— if you say, my opinion is that this food is good for you, Doesn't matter your opinion. There's a science there, right? With this process, my opinion is chocolate on pizza will make me slim. This process thing will do this. But then, so having that mindset, I mean, that I chose— he didn't say don't eat this, he just gave me a bit of an— there was accountability. But then he said, okay, what's your outcome? Well, I said, well, I just want to, you know, just lose a little bit of weight. At that time, it was like 5-10 kilos. Anyway, so he gave me this plan. He goes, these are the foods that will get you that result. If you choose to go outside that, outside your calorie deficit, your macros, and all the rest of it, then that's fine, but then it will take longer to get there, or you won't get there. So you choose. So he wasn't saying you don't. And then same with the, with the fitness routine, going to the gym. So I thought, you know, I'm choosing to be disciplined, and I actually chose to not have the choice. And the reason is when you have too many choices, decision inertia, decision, more decisions you make, the more energy you, you use. So I no longer had to decide what to eat in the morning because it was there. I no longer had to decide what I'd eat in the evening. Those decisions of what I eat was eliminated. Therefore, I had more energy. In fact, I never didn't have to make any decisions. So that was one part of it. So 3 months into it, I lost 10 kilos straight away.. And then my coach said to me, right, okay, you've done that quickly. Let's go for a photo shoot. So, whoa, that's not me, mate. I don't do that. She goes, no, no, no, no, no, it's not about the photo. It's not about you. Oh, look at me. It's about who, what person do you need to become in order for the photo shoot to be possible? Yeah, I love that. Well, I need to be someone who's, yeah, I need to be someone who's disciplined. I need to be someone who's an example, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, so I started doing that, right? Now, there was two massive consequences, one really, both unexpected, but both really welcoming. Number one was, all of a sudden, my energy was so up, my, my business decisions become better, my business started flourishing, right? Started, whatever the energy shift people saw. And the other consequence was, all of a sudden, I'm getting these like, comments from women, alright, Paige, 'How you doing?' Right? Little DMs. 'How are you? How are you? Where was— how were you 3 years ago?' I was like, 'How were you 3 years ago?' Going to events, and it was like, 'Wow, okay, I'm getting noticed here. This is really weird.' But all for good reasons, some, you know, for, you know, other reasons, but mostly good and very complimentary. I thought, 'I like this.' And the end result was, over 10 months, I lost 20 kilos, did a photo shoot, When I put the photo shoot out there, it was like people's jaws dropped. Oh my God, right? You've done this. And I thought, I love this. And I've got that lifestyle now. During lockdown, uh, because we couldn't go gym, all the rest of it, you just, you know, you try and keep to those standards, but you put on a little bit. Then I did another transformation, right? So I did it again. So I went from 86 to 68 kilos, went up to 77 kilos, did it again, went down to 69 kilos, did a photo shoot. And now I'm hovering around 72, 73, which is like my fighting weight. So I'm on what I call a consolidation muscle build. That's where I am. That's very good. That's good. You actually weigh less than I do. I think I need to get on your— follow some of your principles, baby. You can't say that on this show. I don't care. I'm very honest. Right. But from your transformation as well, you didn't only just transform your body, it actually brought other things into your life as well. And it brought in your relationship, didn't it? Yeah, you know, I'm with them. I'm in a beautiful relationship at the moment with them, with Sharon, who you know, but I had two previous relationships with them. I said, I explained, went through a divorce. And we got back for the wrong reasons. And we then we separated again after 30 months. And then I was sort of free and single for about a year or so, which was great, you know, did my own thing. And then I went into another relationship, which I thought was great. But um, that didn't work out. And that was about 4 or 5 months before I met Sharon. And then, yeah, we've been, you know, and it's my— what happened? Can you share the story of how you met her? Because I love this story. So we met on a— embarrass you completely. I know you've interviewed Sharon on this radio show as well. Yeah, I have. I had you on a few weeks ago. Yeah, she's brilliant. I met her on an app. No, not one of those apps like Tinder or audio app called Clubhouse. And this is basically, you just open the app up and then it's an audio conversational thing. And the rooms that we were in, their rooms were mainly around entrepreneurship mindset, a bit like what we're talking about here. And I was talking about my transformation and I'm going to do another shoot. And there was one occasion where I hadn't met Sharon, and she's a photographer, and she came into the room. And as she was hearing me talking about, I'm thinking of doing another transformation, she basically said, Oh, hi, Beijing, in her very sultry voice, as you've heard. Just to let you know, I'm a photographer, I do boudoir shoots. However, I can do a doodoo shoot for you if you want. Set the room on fire. And people like, that was a bit, that was a bit close to the mark, bit flirty. And then every time me and Sharon went into any Clubhouse rooms, there's a bit of banter, a bit of chat, bit of this. And then 4 months later, we eventually met and we connected and That was about 18 months ago. What Beji's not added into this story is why Sharon came up with that comment, and it's because you put a little— your profile picture the day before of your transformation with all your, your six-pack on display. So she entered the room seeing that picture. Yes, she saw that picture, and I said, this is what I looked like. I still looked fairly fit, but over the lockdown I put a little bit of extra extra muscle— not muscle, fat on. So the six-packs were more three-packs or something. Yeah, so it's amazing, it's amazing. You know, I, I grew up, you know, you know, when you just seriously, you think men are very aesthetically pleased, you know, look at a woman and then she's attractive, you go for it. And women, yes, they, they want an attractive man, but sometimes they go, you know, if the personality is not there, if the you know, the conversation's not there, then they will forego the, uh, the physical attributes sometimes for that. Yeah, I completely believe that. And it's true, but what was really interesting when I started transforming me, I get— I got a lot of attention from women right now, and mostly were very sincere, very beautiful and great. And maybe because— is it— were they attracted to the fact that I was dedicated to the transformation or attracted to the fact that I look differently now. And that was, um, it was a mixture, I think. Yeah, and probably your energy as well, because the energy you were giving out, you were in a happy space, higher vibration, higher vibe, just, yeah, just glowing as it were. And then that's going to attract people in, male, female, everyone really. Impact your business in a positive, positive way. I turned— I turned— we're recording this podcast, I read this radio show, I read— I turned 52, 2 days before right? Yeah. And I promise you, you look at my photos 5 years ago, I look much older then than I do now. That's amazing. Yeah. And it's, it's so nice getting a man's perspective on transformation because, like I said before, women, where you usually put so much pressure on ourselves to look good, be slim, kind of compete with, you know, the images we see in, in the media, but, um, we never really think of often about men feeling like that as well. So yeah, I've got a very very, you know, my mindset towards any change, whether you're looking to change your physical attributes or losing weight, whether you're looking to change careers or start a business, is when you're confronted with change, we often focus on the thing we want, right? What I haven't got this, I want this. So I haven't got this body, I want this body. I haven't got this business, uh, I want this. I haven't got this relationship, I want this. And we focus on— when we focus on what we want our mind automatically goes to what do I need to do now? Right? So leaning in towards this, you know, eat, do, eat, love, do, is that doing is very important. Because if you don't do anything, you're not going to get it. However, when you do something from the position of what you want, is you're not always going to get what you want. So then what we often do is get disappointed. I need to change what I need to do. I need to get more information. And they people's confidence goes down. And the reason we, we want things, to do things, is to be a certain way, be happy, be rich, be successful, be content, whatever it is. So the be part is the third leg. We want something. What do I do to get what I want? Then I can be this. I reverse it. So I said, okay, forget what you want. Who do you need to be? So I said to myself in the transformation, not what I want. I'm going to lose 20 kilos, whatever. Who do I need to be? I need to be someone that wakes up and is disciplined about their food. I need to be someone who doesn't resist the gym but embraces the gym. I need to be someone who doesn't give into a craving but understands the bigger picture. I need to be someone who's true to me. The, the— that was related to transformation. Then I look at the rest of my life. Who do I need to be for my clients? To serve them? Why I need to be someone who's on top of his game by writing content and being out there. Who do I need to be when I'm going speaking? I need to be someone that when the audience member is there, is they walk away thinking that was the best hour I spent. So then I've got to be someone that means I don't waste their time. So then I say, okay, for me to be that person, what do I need to do? Then I have a list of dos, and then the result looks after itself. So instead of coming from have, do, be, I come from who do you need to be, what do you need to do, and look after the— the have looks after itself. I love that because I think that a lot of people fall down because we have these goals of things that we want to do and achieve, like you said, and a lot of people stop before they start because they're like, well, how am I going to get there? They're focused on the how and they don't know how, so they just stop or they give up or they think it's going to be too hard. But if you shift it into that focus on who do I need to be, Yeah, it's just that's really actually really, really powerful because if you become that person, you just would naturally start doing the things that will gravitate you towards that thing. So I think I love that. I love that sort of perspective on it. That's brilliant. And that lends itself to when you think about the law of attraction, whether you believe in the law of attraction or not, is the premises intention, action, not just action. So if you're listening to this radio show right now and you think, oh, this is really interesting, and you're going to finish after you finish listening to the show, there's going to set of things that you need to do because you're going to do those things for a certain want. My invitation to the people listening to this is ask yourself, forget about what the result may or may not be, ask yourself before you do the do, who are you truly being? The person that exercises the do to its nth degree. And if not, what think— how do you need to change your thinking? Do you need to be someone who is a bit more intentional in terms of believe in, I'm doing this for the right reason. I'm not doing it and then saying if I don't get the result, it was a waste of time doing the thing. No, you've got to trust the process. Yeah, trust the process of what you do. Yeah, I love that. I love that. It's just so powerful and it just, it kind of takes some of the pressure off as well of the actual doing because you just, when you like somebody wants to stop smoking, if you, the person you need to become is someone is a non-smoker. So you're not trying to stop smoking, you're just someone who doesn't smoke. And it just puts everything like upside down. So if you're somebody who wants to exercise more, you're just like, I'm someone who exercises. Exactly. And you said the premise is you detach from outcome. I have this thing, a notion I work with my clients, detach from outcome. So when I go to the gym, I'm not going there and I'm walking, I'm thinking, right, has my muscles increased? Have I lost weight? You're doing that because this process means that the end result will happen sometime. I've got to let go of when that happens. Because we all lose weight at a different rate, we all build muscle at a different rate. But you've got to trust there's a science over here that's proven if you do these things over a period of time, you'll get this result. What we don't know is the speed at which you will get it, but what we do know is you trust the process, you keep doing the do, and the result will come. Yeah, I love that. That's just really— it's really powerful, isn't it? Because, and also, you're not then comparing yourself to others or even yourself how you were maybe 5, 10 years ago, because your results you'll get now, if you're just even just talking about health and fitness, will be very different. And they'll also be different at different points in the month as well for women because of our cycle. And, and yeah, I just like— it just takes that so more like a long-term, like a lifelong perspective rather than a short-term goal perspective. So it's almost like, who do I want to be for the rest of my life? What do I— you know, and then you will just automatically create all those things in your life that you want. I love that, Beijing. Don't wait for the evidence to choose to be— you know, people may know there's a, there's a UFC fighter called— not Ewan McGregor, Conor McGregor. He switched roles. McGregor, right? And part of his story, he said when he was 12 years old, he didn't say, I'm going to be world champion. He goes, I am world champion. What I need to do now is to create the life that, um, just gives me the label for other people to see that I am. Yeah, right. So I'm already a world champion. What do I need to do to create? I need to train this way. I need to do this. I need to do this. What are the things I need to do in order for me to be the world champion that I know I already am? And that's it. It's like a gold medal athlete is, is the one who wins gold. They don't have to train like a gold medalist after they get the medal. They train like a gold medalist. The gold medal will come as a consequence. It may not come. But you are going to act as, oh, how do I, what would a gold medalist look like training-wise and preparation? Do you do that after you get the medal or do you do it in spite of? And that's the idea. Yeah, I love that. It's like reverse engineering it and you're future projecting. So you're already telling your mind and yourself that it's already happened. I love that. And then if it's already happened, then you're just going to automatically do and become the person that is that, that end result, as it were. I get this right. Does that mean everybody will always get everything they want? No, no. Right. But what it means is, is the intention of taking the action and trusting the process means you've got more chance. And for different reasons, you might not get what you want. And so for that, but if you try and analyze, oh, is it because I don't deserve it? Is it because I'm an unlucky person? Is it because my timing? It could be all of those things. But the analysis of the reason why won't serve you. The analysis of looking at your behavior will. Yeah. Because I mean, the reason why might be that's much better. It might be something better for you as well. You know, you might, you know, and trying to get that thing could take you somewhere else. Yeah. I know you believe in, I'm sure you do, the law of attraction and all this stuff. And I do as well. Sometimes timing. Yeah. Yeah, time is— but even in relationships, timing as well. You can meet the right person at the wrong time and it's the wrong person. Well, if I met Sharon in the same way 6 months prior, we wouldn't be together. Yeah, it's amazing. We were different, um, places in our lives, and it wouldn't have been appropriate to carry on the conversation as we did, which means then other things could have entered either our lives. Yeah, yeah, I love that. I love, I love, I'm going to start adopting that a bit more. Who do I need to be? I think it's a really powerful thing to ask yourself every morning as well, like, who do I need to be to have whatever XYZ is that you want to do? And almost sort of visualize and see yourself doing it and already being and having that thing. And then make, you know, and sort of setting yourself up each day with that choice of being that person, and then you're just going to start moving towards it anyway. That's it. And then you say, being this person What does being this person look like? Do— so I'll give you an example. Let's say someone's running the business, right? And they're afraid of making some phone calls, right? And they look at the— well, what do I want? I want this person to say yes. I want that person to buy this. I want that person to give me that opportunity. So because the reason I'm making these calls are for those things, right? Those things are relatively outside your control, but you can influence based on your communication. Right? All of a sudden, you're opening yourself up for disappointment because you could make those phone calls and none of those things happen. And then you think, oh, what a waste of day. I'm rubbish on this and that, blah, blah, blah. Same activity, right? Who do I need to be when I make this phone call? I need to be someone who's clear in communication, intentional. I need to be someone who's a listener, whatever it is. And just make the phone call and do the thing. The result will be the result. You might get the sale, you might get the collaboration, you might get a no, but that's irrelevant. Is that, are you doing the thing based on who you want to be at the best of your ability? So therefore, make the same phone calls, you might get the same results, i.e., none of those things happen, but you can sit there and think, you know what, I was the best version of myself.. And then you can say, those results weren't what I wanted. Let me do some analysis, self-reflection. Could I have done things slightly different? Could I have said differently? Oh, based on what they said to me, that's really interesting. So did I assume this? So this doesn't mean you don't self-reflect based on a thing, on a thing, but you go from the approach of who you wanna be as opposed to your, uh, uh, your analysis of your behavior. Is based on the result of the outcome. Yeah, it comes down to your behavior as well and not your identity. And it also takes out that fear of rejection and the fear of failure because you're not focused on the end result, you focus on who you want to be. And then, and then you're like, well, maybe I need to sort of shift and pivot a little bit. Okay, it just takes all that pressure off again. It's, I love this, it's so powerful. So when you think about in the simplest form any action is one of three outcomes. Any action, like you wake up today and you go, I've got Baju on the radio show, I've got another meeting here, I've got to write that thing, right? And I'm gonna go meet someone and do this, right? Every action has one of three outcomes, you either get what you want or what you expect. So I've got this radio show with Baju, what I expect, it's gonna go like this, it'll be really good, he'll say this and that'll be really good, we'll get some great insights, blah, blah, blah. The second outcome is you don't get what you want or expect. Oh my God, it was a disaster. He was like, all for this and that, the rest of it, right? I didn't want to say, but yeah, the third outcome is a miracle. Yeah. Something completely unexpected. Before we connected, Janine, did you know about my transformation? No, I had no idea about that. Yeah. So all of a sudden, oh, that feeds into the topic of what this show's about. Wow, that's a mini miracle. Yeah. But the reason I just knew that I wanted you on the show, my gut, my gut, my intuition was like, Bej has got to get on the show. And after speaking to you today so far, just before the show, I knew instantly why. I was like, yep, now I know why he's on the show. Yeah, that's good. And so most people don't get miracles because they're afraid of number 2, i.e., not getting what they expect or want. So have zero expectation. And be who you want to be and go out and take the actions based on who you want to be and then see what happens. I love that. It just takes that, um, that sort of attachment. Like, people— I think people get addicted to attachment of things, like attachment of people, attachment of outcomes. It just gets rid of that. Like, I have to be with this person, a relationship with this person, or I'll never be in love or happy again. I have to get this result, otherwise it means I'm a failure or I'm not good enough, or whatever they, you know, their wound is that they make up. Whereas if you just focus on being, then there is no attachment to any end results because it's kind of irrelevant really. I love it. It's just, it's very freeing and liberating. It's very open. Like I'm sort of feeling like my heart chakra is just sort of opening just talking about that. I heard you singing the other night. Yeah, I know you did hear me singing the other night, but that's another story. Yeah. Oh, anyway, but, um, you've got, um, you've got, you're launching a new product at the minute, aren't you? Is it Change Your Game? Book? I wrote, um, I know this is a radio, so they can't see it, but those who may be seeing clips of the video, I wrote Change Your Game. Yeah, in 2018. This is your book? Yeah, one of your books, one of your many, many books. A trio. This is my third book. My first book was like an ebook type thing. My second was called, uh, I'm an Entrepreneur, Get Me Out of Here. But what I did there— I love that. That's a TV series in the making, isn't it? It was, it was, it was I'm an Entrepreneur, Get Me Out of Here. Brilliant. I love that. I love it. All I did, I say all I did, I just interviewed a load of entrepreneurs and transcribed it and that was it. So there was hard, it was like 90% of the book wasn't really my, my words. It was me asking them questions a bit like this, transcribed, and then I just created a book out of it and that was that. Oh, you've just given me an idea for a book, basically. Exactly. Literally what I did. And then at the end of each interview, I did 5 Lessons We Learned from This Interview. Yeah, a little bit. And that was that. That was that, right? So that was my second book. And then I wrote Change Your Game, this book in 2018. And the whole premise of the game was this, is that life's a game. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Really cool games that we need to win. Now, look, you've been in this personal development space, you know, you run your own business. And when you think about when you run your own business or doing anything from your own back, even in a career, you need a certain mindset to achieve, right? Some people adopt the mindset to its nth degree. Other people sort of adopt when it suits them and then they self-sabotage and do these things, right? And there's two parts of the mindset. It's the context you live your life and the impact you make. So as we've just talked about, when you live from the context of who you want to be, it's freeing. As opposed to who, as opposed to context from what you want, as we just explained. And the other part of the mindset is your, the impact you make. And I call that the inner game. So game number 1 is the inner game. Game number 2 is we need, you know, you need a roadmap, you need a strategy, right? You're creating this radio show, you've probably lined up a series of guests, you've different topics, and then you've got to, then you put that on the station and then there's a, then you repurpose it for other channels. You've probably got other things going on. So you look at your business and you've got a roadmap of a strategy of different things you need to do to get to wherever you want to get to. Same in life. That's the game plan. So the second game you need to conquer is your game plan. Now, as we've talked about, without action, nothing happens. But the difference that makes a difference, it's not just action, it's the consistency and the persistency of one's actions. That's your outer game. So in Change Your Game, I talked about those that actually, to really change your game, you need to focus on all 3 games: the inner game, the game plan, and the outer game. Now, the fluidity between the 3 will be different for different people. So it's not a question of which comes first. Like for me, when my game plan is clear, my inner game's on top, and my actions are good. When I haven't got a clear game plan, I'm all over the shop. For other people, if they get their inner game right, if they understand who they need to be, their game plan works out. For other people, they gain confidence by taking lots of action because then they get, oh, they take, oh, I can do this, I can do this. So the outer game comes first. So I've, I've created a sort of a quiz. I'm sure we can tell people if we can measure each one. So Change Your Game talks about how you conquer your inner game. Yeah. Game plan and outer game. So that was that. So that's what I wrote. So you've got a quiz. Is that to help people work out which of those three is like their sort of strongest one to focus on? It gives them a score on how strong each of their three games are, and then it gives them an overall score. And then when you see that, you can say, okay, these are your strengths and these are the areas that we feel we need some— this is probably the reasons why you're not succeeding the way you do. Typically, a typical example I get when someone completes it is you find their game plan is very high. I.e., if you put them on stage and say, can you explain your business and what you're trying to achieve, they can do it. But what has them stopped in their success is they're inconsistent in their actions. And the reason they're inconsistent in their actions, Janine, is because their mindsets are all over the shop. Some days are really good. I'm on it. I'm on it. And other days, oh, I don't believe in myself. It's a bit of self-sabotage. And then they, then they, then they get frustrated. I know what I want, I've got the plan, why am I not, why am I just don't execute it? Because then, oh, why, why should I? Because no one's going to believe in me, no one's going to love me, and all that. Stay at home and eat donuts and watch Netflix. All that. Then what happens is they're inconsistent actions. So that's a typical what happens with— so Change Your Game is all about, um, helping someone go from A to change their game. Now during lockdown, I started writing my other book. But then the lockdown started, you know, giving us different ways of looking at life. Yeah. Perspectives of how we work and what's, what's available to us and what's not available. So I paused writing it. And then I started writing again, post-lockdown. And that's the sequel to Change Your Game is Play Your Game. So think about this. When you're in a game, you want to change. Once you change, right, I want to go and play, right? So this talks about now you've changed, now you've got the roadmap, now you've got the mindset, now you've got the consistency. How can you make sure you stay on top of your game? You've got to go and play. There's no point doing it once. You've got to go on the court and play. But when you go and play, are you always going to get the results you want? No, there's still going to be times where you get a resistance. You feel this, you feel that. So this talks about The foundation of dealing with your resistance, the reality, and then your response. And then he talks about how we then play your A-game in terms of being intentional in your actions, being who you need to be. So that's play your game. I like the word play as well because I think that really lightens everything. So if you— sometimes when we're trying to do stuff, we can get overwhelmed and start procrastinating, but it becomes play. Probably more likely to want to do it because play's fun. Exactly. So let's go and play, right? So I wrote— and then I thought, okay, we're gonna go change, we're gonna play, but what do we do? We need to play. Yay, win! And I've created the planner. This is a planner that helps you win the game. Implement the 3. So literally, as we're talking, we were in the pre-launch phase of launching this trilogy. There's a game— what was it called? The Game Changing Trilogy. I love that. Yeah, yeah. So the whole companion of you change, you play, and then you use this as a day-to-day manual. And I'm very simple in my, in my planner. Yeah, how do we win each day? And that's it. Where can people find your books? Is it on your website? Is it on— yeah, I can send you a link. It's literally change— I've got, I've got, I've got satellite website. So literally, if you go to a website called changeyourgamebook.com, yeah, actually your listeners can download the free— the, for the PDFs for free. All right, there you go. There you go. Freebies, we love free. Thank you. Thank you. If they want the hard copies, uh, there's an offer on the thank you page to get the hard copies, right? But you can have all the free people for free. Um, so I can send you the links to send to your, to your listeners. And I'm, I'm, I'm purposely intentionally positioned as a trilogy. So I encourage people not to— can't buy just one book, there's no point. When you change, you've got to play. When you play, you've got to win. So you need all three. But the premise of Win Your Game, I don't overcomplicate. I say in the— when you wake up in the day, the question I like to encourage people to ask themselves, how do I win today? What do I need to do, right? And I have this methodology of setting micro goals. So you've probably heard of SMART goals, you know, measured, specific, measured, timed, etc., right? Yeah. Probably also heard of the phrase about, well, don't worry, this ain't your big hairy ass goals, aim for the stars, and if you miss, don't worry, you hit the moon. And there's a place for that. But for me, um, I like setting micro goals, and the micro goal has 3 core criteria. Number 1, they're totally in control. You're in total control of them. Number 2, they're measurable. And number 3, you can achieve it within 1 day. It's not like going over. So I'll give you an example. If I said to you, um, I'm gonna have 3 sales conversations today, right? Yeah. Based on that criteria, would you say that's a micro goal? Yeah, that's a micro goal. And you— and I like that you haven't put an outcome. You just said I'm gonna have 3 conversations. It's not enough. It's not a micro goal. It's not a micro goal. I'll explain why. Is it measurable? Yes, it's free. Can you complete it in one day? Absolutely. You can make free, you have free conversations in a day. Yeah. Are you in total control? Ah, you got to be in control. Okay, you're in control of making the calls, but you're not in control of the outcome. Micro goal would be, I'm gonna make 3 dials today. That's the goal. Okay, always not to have the conversation. Now, if you're making the dial, that person might not even pick up. Yeah, but even if they do the dial, yeah, then you have the conversation. The goal isn't the conversation. Now people say, well, what's the point of doing it if they don't pick it? There's not a point. What you want to do is you want to end the day thinking, I have achieved something that I set out want to achieve, because it builds confidence. Yeah, because you've taken the actions you set out to do regardless of the outcome. Yeah, I like that. So make the dial If they pick it up, have the conversation, go for your life. Don't say, oh, sorry, my goal was just to dial. Bye. You have to answer. What's tomorrow's micro goal? Yeah, you don't do that. But the point is, is then you're, you got, you're not reliant on other people doing certain things for you to win the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get, yeah. Right. And that's the whole point. So I say to my clients, I said, you might have the end of this week, you might want to say, I want to generate X amount of money, I want to, I want to go on certain podcasts or whatever. But then you say, okay, what I need to do is put this content out there. What I need to do is follow up on that phone call. What I need to do is post that thing on LinkedIn, right? What you can't control is whether someone comments or likes or whatever. So set your goals. So the whole book is based on setting 3 micro goals a day. And then saying, um, and based on the 3 games, so where's your mindset when you're setting this goal? What's the strategy to execute the goal? And what's the micro action you need to take? And that's it. That's it, right? At the end, you might say, I say, well, for this month, what is the big picture? And then reverse engineer it back. And then the other 3 things they focus on is movement, water, and sleep, right? For you. How much you've moved today, how much water you drink, and have you got enough sleep? If you do those things— I love afternoon naps, so that's why I put that in there— if you do 3 micro goals and those 3 things, I promise you, you'll win more in life than lose. Yeah, and I think that, yeah, I love that you've added the— because I always talk about movement, like it's not just exercise, it's moving your body every day, drinking the water. So they are essential. So I love that you've added that as well. But I like that, um, I like the micro, um, like micro goals methodology, because you can apply that to anything. You talked about it in a business context there, but we can apply it to any part of our life, to relationships, taking care of ourselves, to, um, I don't know, building relationships with our family, to taking care of our home, whatever, cooking a meal, like whatever. You can apply it to everything. It's true. You might wake up one day and think, you know what, it's not happening. My 3 micro goals today is I'm gonna go for a walk, yeah, I'm gonna meditate, whatever, and I'm gonna ring my best friend and we're gonna have a chinwag. And that's it. Yeah. Right. So you set the intention of winning the day, whatever that, whatever winning the day looks like for you. And what that is, is this, is at the end of the day, ask yourself, what do I need to believe I felt and felt today? That means I've won the day, not feel, you know, how many people do to-do lists, right? We all do it. I've not met one person who said, I always complete my to-do list. So guess what? Don't do to-do lists. Forget to-do lists. Say, what's the 3 things I need to complete today which means I win today? That's it. We should replace to-do lists with to-be lists. Boom. Yeah, yeah. In order for me to be this person, what are the 3 things I need to complete? Yeah, and it takes a pressure. I like that it can just be going for a walk or speaking to someone. And that, yeah, because we need to have that sort of rest and reset days as well and take that pressure off ourselves. Each day we need to achieving something. It's just being who we need to be is, is what we're achieving. And then sometimes you need those days for that as well. So I like that. I love that you've, you've, that you brought that up. That's, that's really good, as well as just the doing days and doing and achieving our goals and our business and taking care of our kids or whatever else we've got going on. Yeah, that's really, really powerful. Good. Well, hope you know, and sometimes, you know, look, we overcomplicate life. Why do Why does overwhelm occur? Overwhelm occurs when we feel we've got too much to do in a short space of time. Like before we started this conversation, Janine, I said, how's it going? Yeah, really busy, right? So I've got this thing about busy, right? Yeah, I'm never busy. There's two things that are non-negotiable. I'm never busy. I'm never late, ever, right? People might think, who do you think you are? How can you use some of my time? I said no. And the reason I say this is when you think about busy, let me ask you this, Janine. When you think of the word busy, what comes up for you? What words and what feelings come up? I think busy, it's always like I'm always doing something. It's all about taking action, lots to do. Yeah, I think it's probably like sort of higher adrenaline, like, like busy action. Yeah, like constantly, and it could be good and fun, but it's like, like, yeah, high energy, I would think. Can you feel sometimes overwhelming? Yeah, absolutely. Does it feel productive? Sometimes, not always. Often I'm busy doing things that are distracting as well, right? I'm looking for a bit of respite, and instead of just sitting and having a bit of respite and just sitting and maybe just breathing and taking some breath, I'll sort of busy myself doing other things to avoid doing what I'm doing. I'm 100% guilty of that. So push back, and you're not busy doing things, you're distracting yourself. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. So my invitation to you is this: this day onwards, never use the word busy. And replace it with, okay, how can I be effective and productive today? Yeah. What are the list of things? What are the things I need to do? Like, for example, you've recorded this show, right? Once we end here, there'll be a process you probably need to do to get it in the format so it goes to the radio station, edit it, top and tail it. Do you— what— there's probably things you've got to do. Yeah. Yeah. In order for it to get broadcast when it's broadcast. And then you might repurpose some of the content. There's a process involved. Yeah. Right. That's not being busy. That's just doing the things that needs to be done in order for this conversation to go out to the ether, right? Yeah. Then there'll be other things you got to do. You might have other appointments to look at, other people to ring. So, like today, I had a couple of meetings this morning, one postponed, hence we're doing this slightly earlier. I've got a couple of meetings this afternoon. So if you look at my day, it looks, in most people's terms, by age, you've got a busy day today. Right. I look at him thinking I've got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 6 things to do, right. And there's 6 different things. And when I'm doing number 3, I'm doing number 3. Right. And number 3 will finish and then whatever number 4 thing is, I'll do number 4 thing. And when we get busy, we collapse those things together. I've had a busy day. Yeah, lots to do. Yeah, you've had a lot. Just be productive and effective in that moment doing the thing. Yeah, I think women can be more guilty of this as well because we have a tendency to multitask more as well and not just focus just on the one thing ahead of— in front of us. We might be thinking what we're gonna have for food, what we're gonna do this with the kids, I want to do this tomorrow, or if I do this today, what's the impacts 3 months down the line. And like, we'll kind of overcomplicate things because our minds are going like 10, 20 different directions whilst we're just doing the one thing. So I think sometimes we can sort of get busy in our own minds as well on top of what we're actually physically doing. So I like that idea of taking out that word busy and then saying these are just things I'm doing. I'm being this person and then these are just things that I'm doing today. Yeah. If you look at your diary now after we finished this conversation, how many things are there in your diary? 27. No, there's not. How many things are there? Have you got another, other meetings to do, stuff to create? Stuff to do. When you look at those things, say after today, after this conversation, something occurs that means it's— you can't do those things because you've got to go to an emergency. You do that emergency, which means you get back in the evening and that emergency is, is okay, there's no repercussions. Based on the fact that all you've done is what you did this morning and this interview, have you won the day? Yeah. And yeah, and I think if you think that because you haven't done those things, you might think, I haven't won the day because I've achieved all the things on my tick list, or that I said I was going to do. But actually, you have done a certain amount of things, so you have won the day. And if you're doing it by being who you want to be, then I guess you've won the day. I like that. Yeah, and that's like, you know, I, I have a strict, fairly strict morning routine because I make sure I win the day before I start the day. Yeah. And what's your, what's your morning routine? What do you do? I wake up sort of at half 5, 6, whenever. 4 days of the week I go to the gym, I do weights. Yeah. The other 3 days I go for a walk. And then I have a breakfast or whatever that may be. And that's all done sort of by 8:30, 9 o'clock. And then I start my day. So I know I've set my day up in a way whereby sometimes if I don't go for a walk, if it's not a walk day or gym day, Now before, Janine, I promise you, when I was the ordinary, I hated gym. I used to go to the gym to, for a tick box or to not feel guilty. Right? Right. But now I love it because my identity is shifted for someone that to be the person I need to be requires me going to the gym, right? To do whatever I need to do. So when you win the morning, you win the day. Because it just sets you up in that way. And I have this— and think about not being late, right? Is that a big thing for a lot of people? A lot of people, you get the same people that are late to everything. It's like, how can they be late to everything? They live next door to it. It's like, yeah, because time and money is the two things that everybody, apart from love, time and money, everybody craves more of. One we abuse and one we chase, right? We abuse— we— I hate people when they say, I'm busy, but then you're late for stuff, right? And I'm behind. We'll stop being busy and respect time. Now, does that mean that, you know, if things happen outside of control, like a traffic jam or an accident, whatever, of course you're going to be late. But I promise you, Janine, right, is I'm never late. Now, when I am, you're going to think what? Wow, something's really occurred. And the reason I'm not late is I intentionally create a situation in my life that means I'll make sure I'm late. Like here today, we arranged the time, didn't we? Yeah. And wanted to do it today. So I said, like, I do this time. He's like, let's do it that time. Something occurred this morning that allowed me to say I could start early with you. So I messaged you, do you want to start earlier? And you said yes. And then I could start a bit earlier. Then I said, look, I've got a choice. She goes, you said either way is fine, I can do this, this. Right. So I said, no, let's do this. And that's fine. And so now I made the commitment. If I then say, oh, Janine, why, you know, why actually, can we go there all the time? That doesn't work. There's a level of integrity. I do a lot of work with corporate companies. And the biggest issues they have is no one's accountable. Right? They don't respect time. And then they're always behind on stuff. And then they say to me, we end up doing things that we shouldn't be doing. I said, well, you've used time, you're late. You think there's no consequence of being late. Do you like it when people are late for your meetings? No. Do you say anything? Oh, because we come up with what I call Tourette's excuses, right? And we allow— so say I came on this, on this broadcast with you recording 5, 6 minutes late, right? And you would get— I'll just— you'd— I'm sorry, I'm like, yeah, I know, I get it, babe, you know, things happen. No, if I've arranged 12 o'clock then be there 12 o'clock. Yeah, what, what's the big deal? Now I grant people are going to say, oh babe, things happen last minute. Yeah, things happen last minute, but not as often as people make out. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. And also I think it's about your focus as well, because your focus creates your reality. And if you're focused and 100% dedicated to being somewhere on time, you will be. If it's important to you, you will be. And I think just for most people, it's just not that important to them to be there on time. Because they haven't prepared. It's the truth of it. It's the truth of it. And also is respect the other people, right? If you— whether it's a social occasion or business occasion, right? If you arrange a time to be at a certain place and they arrange, is then actually be on time for the integrity of the conversation that you said they're going to be there on time. And not say, you know what, I'll just leave it to last minute. And if I'm 5 minutes late, it doesn't matter. Doesn't work. I like that saying, how you do one thing is how you do everything. So if you're doing everything with integrity and you're being— following your concept— that to being the person you need to be, then I think you're just gonna do everything, you know, as it's meant to be, and everything will just flow and come in. And it is that you have to do— if you're going to be— have integrity, you have to have integrity in every part of your life. So yeah, I agree with that. I was coaching this chief executive once and it was really funny because he was a top, top individual and all we needed, all he wanted from me is 15 minutes once a morning a week, right? And he paid me silly money for that, right? Because we set his day. But one of the things that we dealt with early on is his timekeeping, right? He was not very good at timekeeping, but he also was very intolerant of other people's timekeeping. So I said, I said, you know what, there's a number of things that he wanted to change. And I said, I don't want you to change anything. I just want you to commit to me one for one week, you're not going to be late for anything. Whether it impacts anybody else or not. Right. He actually did it for a month. And after a month, I said, what was the, what was the impact of that? He goes, well, apart from me just feeling like, you know, I was more disciplined. What I found was other people started treating me differently. They started respecting my word more. That had nothing to do with time. Yeah. Other stuff, I all of a sudden found that my emails were being returned. I all of a sudden found that the team, when they had to, you know, send a report to so-and-so, it got done. I didn't tell them to do any of these things differently. I just made sure I was on time on everything. That builds— you're respecting that person, which builds trust and likability. And yeah, it's amazing that something so small can have such a powerful effect in different areas of your life. It's like, you know, be the change you want to see in others. Yeah, yeah, love that saying. And do let us know in comments and on social media if you've incorporated any things you've learned today and they've had an impact on you, because we'd love to hear what the impacts are. One of the simplest most triggering things for people to, to do, which I encourage people to hear. Listen, it's just choose to be on time for everything for them for a week. Yeah. Even if no one else is. If you say I'm going to be at the gym at 6 o'clock, even if no one else is in, but you make sure you're there at gym at 6 o'clock. Yeah. Right. Let's say we were working together, right, on projects and doing stuff, right? And you knew that I'm someone who's never late. What does that do to you in terms of when we've got meetings coming up, when we've got deadlines to meet, and when we've got stuff? I— for me, I think I know that I can rely on you. You're going to do things when you say you're going to do, and I can trust you to do it. And it just builds that confidence and trust. And I know I would feel supported, and I know that I can rely on you. And that makes me want to make sure that I do things in time as well, because I know you're gonna— there you go. So all of a sudden, that issue is no longer concerned. So it's one less thing to worry about. Yeah, right. It's interesting. Yeah, because it would make me— I mean, I would always want— I'm always on time as well anyway, but it would make me want to be even more so because I wouldn't want to let you down because I know you're not going to let me down. That's a really interesting flip. So people that are late, if you actually start being on time, the people around you will want to support you more because they don't want to let you down because they know you won't let them down. Yeah, I love that. I'll give you a classic example with corporates, right? I do some work with KPMG., right? And last year I was working with 30 of their directors during lockdown over leadership, accountability, communication stuff. And we did what I call the orientation. We did a load of things. And I said, one of the things non-negotiable for me, I know I said I will be always on time. And I won't tolerate any of you not being on time. And I mean minutes. If it's 10 o'clock, I expect on Zoom, you're appearing at 10 o'clock, not 1 minute, 2 minutes., right? And the lead who was my sort of connection goes, do you know what, I know, B, this is really important to you, but please, um, you know, we— it's really busy in KPMG and lots of things going on, so if they're late because they're running, just, you know, show a bit of latitude. I said, well, I wouldn't be doing my job if I did, right? So there's always— sometimes there's genuine reasons, but you can see through. I promise you not how— so there was, there was 30 of them met with them once a month, so 30 meetings a month, right? Short meetings over 6 months, right? So was that 3, 6, 180 meetings, right? Only 5 times someone was late. You've set that up as your non-negotiable. So people, boundary, isn't it? Basically, I said to them, I said, imagine if we didn't have that non-negotiable and you turned up maybe 3 or 4 minutes late, and say then I also turned up 5, 6 minutes late because I'm a busy person, I'm important, I've got stuff going on. Right. How would you feel if I turned up 6, 7 minutes late on our 30-minute call? Yeah. And they were like, so, and it out there, I said, the very fact that you could do this consistently with me means you could do that within your other meetings. And they were like, yeah, that in itself upped productivity. And whereas before when the guy said to you, you know, people get busy, you've got to like, you know, things overrun, that just become like their culture, what they're normal. 'Exactly what we all do, this is what everyone does, so this is okay and acceptable.' But actually, if your standards are high— so this is my standard and anything below the standard is not enough— people will raise to those standards. And I think that's great because the higher standards we set for ourselves in our businesses, in our relationships, in our life, and for ourselves, I think the higher level of things we bring in and attract, and the higher quality of life we live, and the, you know, the higher quality of businesses we build and relationships as well we attract in and make. It's the little things that matter, Jenny, because they said, well, you know, when reports aren't done or people aren't, you know, they haven't done a task that was agreed on a previous meeting. And that means it puts everything behind just because you create a little bottleneck. And then the symptom of that is the indiscipline. So if you have the discipline of timekeeping, it, like you say, the way you do one thing is the way you do everything. And halfway through the program, the lead was my contact who said, oh, can you show a bit of latitude? Can't believe it. They make sure they talk about, we can't be late for Beiju's meetings. That's the word on the street. Imagine if they had that attitude with their teams, with their team, but we can't be late for so-and-so's meetings. Yeah. And with each and every one of their clients and with each other. Number one, number one, be the person you want to be every single day. Right. Number two, set free micro goals. And say, okay, if you complete these 3 micro goals, it means I've won the day. And they don't have to be business related. It could be where you feel at the end today, I've won the day. When you win the day, you win the week. When you win the week, you win the month. And it's a domino effect, right? And the third thing is ask, you know, you know, look, everybody get a free download of the book. So I'll send you the links and you can send them to there. And the third one is this, right? Is look, life is very short, right? And practice actual gratitude. What does that mean? I mean, it doesn't mean to sit there, I'm grateful for my this, I'm grateful for that. It's okay. How do you practice actual gratitude? It's okay. I, I— what I have, I'm grateful for. Okay, well, who do I need to be to add to that list, to add to the thing, right? Do I need to go and serve someone? Do I need to listen? If you run a business, if your business was a child and it was talking to you in terms of what the child needs, what would it say to you today? I love that. That's a really interesting way of looking at a business as well, because— and also I think the way you take care of your business if it was a child would be very different, because people are very forgiving with children and understand that they're so innocent and more nurturing. I think they're more forgiving, much more forgiving with a child than an adult, much more forgiving with a child than a business. And I think that, that kind of brings that sort of element of love and loving what you do into the equation of business, which I think is not always there in I love that. That's really, yeah, you don't feed your child. If you don't love your child as you do, and if you don't give your child boundaries to help them be the best individual they can, they're not going to fulfill their potential. Same as a business. If you don't feed the business with its right operational structure, with its right leads or opportunities to serve your clients, if you don't love them, the clients, and the process that they have a great experience, which means they see your entity as some, something that serves their lives, they're going to go somewhere else. And then who do you need to be to be the custodial of that entity that means it makes an impact on the world? Thank you, Peju. That was actually incredible. I absolutely loved having you on. I'm sure all our listeners have as well. This was the Eat Love Do Show on Women's Radio Station. Do follow us on our social medias on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. We are @WomensRadioSTN, and our YouTube channel— give us a like and subscribe. I've been Janine Newbery. My guest has been the amazing Beiju Solanke. Uh, we're on 9 AM and 9 PM every day, every week. So until next time, we'll see you then. Eat, love, and do.