Eat Love Do – Tracy Stone, What is hypnosis really & how the words we choose to tell ourselves matter

Hello and welcome to the Eat Love Do Show. I am Janine Newbury and I have got yet again another fantastic guest this week. Her name is Tracy Stone, but before I bring her on and tell you all about her, I'm just gonna do the, um, social media buff, you know what I'm talking about. Get over to our Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter and give us a follow and lots of likes. We are Women's Radio STN and our YouTube channel. Remember to hit that like and subscribe button because we love it when you support us and it really, really, really helps us. So with that out of the way, oh, remember to go to my eatlovedo.com site as well, because many of our guests that come on write articles and they share even more gold with you there. So there's a lot more to learn. So do remember to hop over there and you can follow me on socials as well if you want. I'm Janine Newbury, Newbury spelled like strawberry. You can stalk me to your heart's content and let us know what you love about the show and what you'd love to hear more of. And if you've got any guests that you'd love to for me to interview, let me know. This week's guest is the lovely Tracy Stone. She is the founder of the Limitless Potential Podcast, but more importantly, what she does for her work is she's an executive coach and clinical hypnotherapist. So she's amazing at what she does and she really helps people change their lives. Tracy, welcome. Welcome to the show. Good evening. Thank you so much for having me on. I am really looking forward to this. I am as well. And I've just got to say to everyone, I was actually on Tracey's podcast. She interviewed me last week on her Limitless Potential podcast. So go over to her podcast, give her some love, give her some follows and have a listen. And not just because I'm on it, even though I'm sure that episode will be amazing. I have peeked at Janine. Yes. I'm not used to being the guest, I'm used to being the host. But joking aside, go over, give her some love and, you know, send her some likes her way. But that out of the way, Tracey. Do you want to just share with people what, um, what is an executive coach and a clinical hypnotherapist? What do you do and what can you— how can you help someone? Oh, great. Thanks, Janine. So yeah, as an executive coach, I work with C-suite executives and kind of executives at all levels in order for them to be able to perform better and to achieve whatever it is they want to achieve. It can be very difficult for people at the top of their business to really get the coaching help that they need. And let's face it, we all need an ear that can listen, someone that can give us that bit of advice, additional suggestions, techniques, and approaches that can help us to get on. But when you're at the top of a business, it's very hard to find that kind of help because you have to be the strong person for your business. Everybody else around you has to depend on you, and you end up having the weight of the world on your shoulders. I come at this from 32 years of experience in the corporate world where I was a problem solver, a process engineer. I was an executive coach. I was, uh, someone that was basically flown all over the world to solve the biggest problems of the, the biggest businesses in the world. So I have a huge toolkit at my hands ready to help people to overcome whatever stands in their way. And I just happen to be particularly experienced in helping those top executives to get the help they need so they can perform, whether that means overcoming imposter syndrome or just some of those niggles that creep up along the journey of business or along the journey of life or something, the baggage from the past. I can help them to let go of that and to be able to excel, meet all of their goals and targets and do it with great confidence. So that's the executive coaching bit. It's great that you've, um, you're sharing this because I think, um, most of us assume that someone who's at the top of their game, who's, you know, the boss or the CEO or COO of a company, that they've got it all sorted and they don't need any help when actually they've got probably more stresses because they've got all these other people to take care of that, you know, that are underneath them in the job. And they've got, you know, the pressure of making sure they pay everyone's wages and making sure the business works. And you would think that someone who people are looking up to doesn't need any help. So the fact that you're going in at that level and giving those people a space where they can actually say, I need some help. I need, I need some help, you know, with XYZ, can you help me? I think it's really good. And I think a real leader is someone who leads the way and will actually step up and say, I need help when they need help. And then it almost gives the permission for other people to say they need help as well. I think we're changing society, our mindset's changing and that knowing that asking for help doesn't mean there's something wrong with you, doesn't mean you're broken. It just means you want to get better at what you're doing or be a better version of yourself. So I think it's fantastic that you're coming in and helping people at that level, because I wouldn't I imagine that it would be so much harder for someone who's high up exec to reach out and ask for help because it might be seen as a thing of weakness when actually I personally think it's a thing of strength. Yeah, very much so. And that's exactly why they need it because like you say, everybody is looking up to them for leadership and you tend to see them as the person who knows everything, who is capable of everything and has it all sorted, have, you know, they have it all going on. They're like everybody else. They're struggling, they're stressed, they're lacking in confidence, sometimes lacking in the skills and techniques to know how to handle situations. And I have this wonderful client at the moment, she's a CEO of her business, uh, it's a brilliant tech startup business that is flourishing, and she needs help because everybody is leaning on her and it's hard who do you go to for help? You can't then go down the ranks in your business to say, excuse me, I have doubts here, can somebody help me? Because suddenly everybody's thinking, whoa, we're not on steady ground now. So you can't afford that. So you need somebody external to that who can be that listening ear, but somebody who has experience enough to say, okay, what if we try it this way? Oh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get you to share in a minute what people at that level can do to help. But anyone listening, you don't necessarily have to be an exec of a business to take on your advice you're about to give. But you could be the person that is the support— supporter of your network or friends, or you could be a mother who's supporting your children. If you're the kind of matriarch of whatever your pool of people around you is, and you're the person everyone goes to, you're the strong one that takes care of everyone, it's, it's the same kind of mindset and same kind of positioning really. It's just in this instance you're dealing with execs and they're the matriarch of business with the people underneath them, other people working for them. So what advice could you give to someone who's in that position where they're taking on all the stress of trying to help everyone else and making sure that they're taken care of, but there's no one really there to maybe take care of, of you, like, of them, of that person? You know, everyone is taken care of around you. Who's taking care of you? Like, what, what advice would you give them Oh, Jenny, you're so right. And us women, we tend to be the executives and CEOs of whatever we're involved in. It doesn't have to be a business. We are the CEO of the family. Yeah, we are the CEO of our friendship groups to greater and lesser degrees. We are the CEO of anything we get involved in. And that's one of the great joys of being a woman. A woman tends to step in and think, I am here to help, I am here to lead, I am here to do something. So we do have the weight of all of that on our shoulders. And you're so right in saying that very often we help everybody else around us and then we're running on empty. And so often people, I find it myself, that a lot of my friends come to me saying, oh, Tracey, you have it all sorted. I, of course I need help. It's a perception again, isn't it? Because there is this misconception that a leader doesn't need help. So when we get into that situation that we're helping everybody else around us, It's a big burden. It is a big weight on our shoulders. And not only is it a weight, but we tend to then label ourselves as I am the one that does for others and there's nobody there to do for me. And that's my lot in life. Something really important in that is to recognize that we choose our own labels. And if we choose to be the person that does all of the doing for others, if we choose to be the person that doesn't get any help but only gives help, then that's what we will be. It is a choice. So we have to learn to choose something different. It's not up to everybody else to say, I'm going to step in and help you. It's up to us to be receptive to it instead of making it so clear to everybody that my job is to only help you and I don't need anything. So we have to relabel that and choose a new label instead of I am a giver, I give and I give and I give and I give, and then I'm exhausted, but I get up the next day and I give again. And we do that and we're really good at it. But what if we chose a different label? What if instead of I only give and I don't know how to receive, or I do for everybody and nobody is there for me, what if I reworded that and decided to say I give brilliantly, I give as much as I can to everybody, and I'm also open to other people helping me and supporting me. Because it's about balance. It's not authentic when it's all one way, when we tell everybody else around us, you are amazing, you can do it, you've got it, I'm here to support you. But then when we don't receive anything, there's no balance and it's not equitable, it's not authentic. Why would they believe the great things we say to them when we say to ourselves, oh no, I'm exhausted now and I can't do anymore, nobody's there to help me. Make it balanced and choose what you want it to be. Don't set yourself up for failure. Don't set yourself up to be the giver only. Set yourself up to be in balance. So is this one of the things that you work on with the, with your people? Is this part of the hypnotherapy process? Do you, um, do you want to explain exactly what hypnotherapy is as well? Because I know it's been around for years, but I'm sure some people are still a bit unsure of what it is. They think you're going to some sort of trance, like a chicken, you know, like you've got no control. But that's not actually what hypnotherapy isn't it? It's not at all. There are no chickens were harmed in the making of my hypnotherapy. Not yet. Promise for the future. Um, so yeah, hypnotherapy is a very powerful tool. Uh, people do tend to be afraid of hypnotherapy. They think, oh, I'm not into all this magic woo-woo stuff. There is no magic involved. It is scientific. Hypnotherapy really is about Accessing the part of your mind, your subconscious mind, that stores your beliefs and swapping out the beliefs that don't work for you anymore. It's really important because what we end up doing is storing up beliefs all along the journey of life. And by the way, you are not born with any of the beliefs that you have got. That when you're born, you're born with only two fears: the fear of loud noises and the fear of being dropped. And those are very basic fears that a baby uses to say, "Help, help, come and save me." And of course they don't use the words, they just scream and cry. So when they feel that they have been dropped, to a baby that means they have been put down and no attention is coming. And that's the fear of being dropped, that nobody is coming to their help. So they cry. They cry because they're trying to say, "I need to be fed, I need to—" I need to have my nappy changed. I need to have attention. I need a cuddle. They also cry when there's a loud noise because they don't know how to remove themselves from what could be danger. Now, when you move from being a baby into a little toddler and you get in that first little shiny tricycle and you fall off it, you realize, I can be dropped. And yes, it might hurt a little bit, but guess what? I got a plaster on my knee and I got an ice cream. I got a cuddle from somebody and actually I've forgotten about it now and I'm getting back on the tricycle. So you start to quickly learn these two fears of loud noises and being dropped, they exist but they don't kill you, they're not detrimental. So you forget about them and you move on and you begin to build up other beliefs, other fears through your life. It's like those fears are not big enough anymore, let's create some more. Some juicy ones that really are something to be proud of. I'm worried about. Let's really debilitate my life when I'm an adult. Yes, totally. So how we build up those beliefs is that an event happens. Let's say you're on the school playground, you're 6 years old, and you have an embarrassing episode of wetting yourself and everybody's laughing at you. An event happens like that, words follow, and your words might be something like, everybody's laughing at me, everybody's making fun of me, I'm never going to have friends, I'm never going to get past this, I'm never going to outgrow this. I'm always going to embarrass myself. I can't live up to expectations of others. Those words all follow. Then the third component is feelings follow. So the event happens, you describe it with words, and then your feelings reinforce the words. Those three things come together as a perfect storm and create a belief. What happens then is that your mind programs that in as a belief. In your subconscious mind. And your subconscious mind is kind of like a big filing cabinet, huge long filing cabinet, and it just stores files in gradually through life. And that file that we made on that day when we were 6 years old in the playground at school says, I embarrass myself, I can't communicate with groups, everybody's going to laugh at me, everybody's talking about me and judging me. So then the mind goes through the filing cabinet every time you get into a group environment, lifts out the file, says, what do we do when we're in a group environment? Oh yes, we embarrass ourselves. So we're better off not getting into those situations. And it then instructs you what to do in order to avoid that detrimental situation, which actually was based on an event that happened triggering a memory. From when we were 6 years old. So it's stored in that filing cabinet in your subconscious mind. But remember I said that you're not born with any of these beliefs, so you get to change them at any time you want. And I work with my wonderful clients using my clinical hypnotherapy to go through that big filing cabinet of unwanted beliefs and delete the files that we no longer want. We get rid of them and put in files that we want, that we deserve, that we're ready for. And it's really a case of upgrading your beliefs to the age you are now. It's not about saying I wasn't embarrassed when I was that 6-year-old. I was. But I'm now whatever age I am, and I'm ready to have the beliefs of somebody of my age. So that experience gets to live in the past, not ignored, but it happened, but it belongs there. And I establish a new belief that says, when I go into a social situation, I'm just so ready for it. I love it. I enjoy every minute of it. People want to hear what I have to say, and they include me, and friendship groups are better because I'm involved in them. So we establish a new belief, put that new file in that filing cabinet in the subconscious mind, and you get to live with that new file. People tend to think, I've suffered in this way for so long, for decades I've felt this way, so it's going to take me years to overcome it. It's not true. It can happen in the blink of an eye, in a short decision of just choosing to recognize, I'm done with that, and I'm upgrading my belief to one that works for me now. You don't have to keep it. You can clean up that filing cabinet anytime you want. So it's about accessing your belief systems, but it works most powerfully when you don't just access the subconscious mind where your beliefs are stored. I help all of my clients to match that new belief system to what their conscious mind is talking. If you don't change your conscious mind programming, and that's done all day, every day by the words we're using, by the thoughts we're thinking, If we don't align that with what we want, the brain doesn't know what to give us. And when your mind doesn't know what to give you, it just keeps on giving you what you have stored in the subconscious mind. So would you plan out with a client that you're working with, so before you go in and into the hypnosis and clear out the, the limiting beliefs that they've created when they're a child or whenever and put in the new ones, would you plan out with them what the new beliefs are going to be? And have them correlate with what they want to create in their life, how they want to be, and then create the conscious mapping so that they can sort of keep doing that and keep moving in that direction when they wake back up. Exactly right. And when you say wake back up, they do wake back up. But interestingly, when you're in hypnosis, when you're doing it this way for therapy, when you're not stood on a stage doing it for fun, in therapy, when you're hypnotized, you're able to have a full conversation. So you're never out of control, and that's an important thing for people to know as well. You're never out of control. You're not made to do anything, and you're having a full conversation. So if I hypnotized you now, Janine, you and I would still be having a conversation, just you would be feeling very relaxed and you'd be connected in with your subconscious mind. I teach people the rules that the mind is using in order to interpret exactly what it needs to do for you. And that's really important because we often tend to think that the mind is running our life, that we are the servant of our thoughts, we are the servant of our mind. It's the other way around. Your mind is your servant and it is getting programmed all day, every day by the thoughts that you are thinking, that you choose to think. And sometimes it doesn't feel like it's a choice, but it is always a choice what we choose to think and what we choose to say. So I teach people the rules that the mind is using to interpret the words we're using. And then we go through a couple of very powerful exercises which help them to identify all the language that is going in through their thoughts and through their out loud words that is actually creating the unhappy aspect of their life that they're trying to overcome, as well as identifying that limiting language that is over time building the limiting beliefs. And the limiting habits, we then identify the language they need to start using in order to completely blast that away. And there is a technique involved in it because often people focus on saying, I will not do this anymore. I will not smoke again. I will not drink a whole bottle of wine tonight. They tend to say the thing that they don't want. All that does is reinforce for the mind, oh my God, this is a problem. We're so worried about this, but we want a drink. You're keeping focusing on the thing you don't want as well, aren't you? So you're going to create more of it because you're obsessing on it. Exactly. Because your mind is not programmed to pick up on every single word you say. It's looking for the essence and the essence that it hears when it's hearing you say, oh my God, I mustn't eat a pizza for dinner, I mustn't have another cigarette, or I mustn't have another drink. All it's hearing is your real intention, which is I really want that pizza and it's so unfair I can't have it. I really want to smoke. I really want to have that whole bottle and have a G&T after it. It's hearing what you really, really intend, and it's hearing from you this is difficult for you. You don't want to do this. So all it's trying to do is give you what you really want. And in order for that to happen, you've got to learn to program your conscious mind with what you really want. And people who drink more than they would ideally like to don't actually want to drink that much. What they want is to feel confident, to feel comfortable no matter what, but they believe that they need more alcohol in order to feel a little bit looser, a little bit more comfortable. So I work with people for them to begin programming in the real thing that they want and that they don't need something else to provide it to them. They have it inside of them. So we do all of that conscious mind programming first, and that is the most powerful part of it. Then we switch over into hypnosis and you're really baking in at a very, very deep level in your subconscious mind. I'm so ready for this. I know what I want. I'm clear on what I want and what I want and what I am is confident, happy, secure. I am getting that job. I am dropping weight every single day. I'm making brilliant choices. It's about learning how to program in what you want instead of fighting with the programming that focuses on what you don't want. Love that. And I can see that you are gonna be incredible at this cuz you've just got that really sort of calm, caring, the way you speak. I just feel like I'm being lulled into this kind of like, um, like little comfort zone. I feel like you're wrapping a duvet around me and I just feel really safe and like, oh, I could listen to you for ages, Tracy, just tell me. Over again, what people say to me is that my voice is one of the most important components to them. People constantly say— my clients, after they start listening to the personalized hypnosis recordings I make them during their session, they're generally texting me back within a couple of days saying, oh my God, I keep putting— I know I only need to listen to my hypnosis audio once a day, but I'm putting it on repeat because I love how it makes me feel. And I think that's a really important part of it, that people feel secure And that security and that comfort that you're describing is what helps people to say, yes, I can. And you begin talking yourself into things instead of out of things. Yeah, somebody, you've got that kind of energy that makes somebody feel held, almost like a, almost like a motherly maternal energy. It's really lovely. And I think that there's a lot of coaches and people out there doing, you know, great stuff and creating change in people's lives. But they're kind of selling at people. And I think your, your approach is just so lovely, and it's— I just kind of get from you that you genuinely care, and that really translates and comes across. That's lovely. Thank you. What I'm interested in though is what got you started on this path. Like, why did you walk down this path? Are these, um, things that you've had to overcome yourself, and is that why you learned hypnosis? Yeah, the, the hypnosis, uh, was actually a very interesting turning point for me. So I have been in this incredible global corporate career, as I was mentioning earlier, you know, the, the huge salary, the business class travel all over the world, hotels, um, a great life, you know, really was at the top of my game. Um, I was in a situation where I was constantly headhunted I, I had rejected so many job offers, it was unbelievable. And really, really at the top of my game. But what I started to realize as well at the same time was my superpowers, which are superpowers of helping people to transform and evolve and to change into what's going to give them happiness, success, whatever it is that they're, they're chasing. I can effortlessly bring people on that journey to achieve it. My superpowers of doing that were being used in the corporate world for, for something that wasn't quite so healthy. And it was a real turning point for me. One major program that I was working on in the, the last global bank that I worked in, and they brought me out into the, the heartland of the US to run this huge workshop. It was a very pivotal program for the bank. They were going to save so many millions of dollars based on the success of my workshop that week with these people. But as much as I knew it was going to be extremely successful, I knew it was going to save millions for the bank in costs, I also knew this is going to result in hundreds of people losing their jobs. You're saving money, but you're not saving people. Correct. Yeah. And it didn't sit well with me. Now, had I been doing a similar project based in New York or Delhi or somewhere that has a big population that has plenty of jobs around. People don't stay in jobs that long anyway. They tend to hop a lot more and spend 2 or 3 years in one place, 2 and 3 years in another place. They will find another job. That's okay. It's more fair game. Where I was doing this program, when I arrived out there, you know, you fly to New York. Get off the proper big grown-up plane and get onto a tiny little twin prop engine, and you're thinking, really, am I safe on this tiny little plane bobbling my way across the US into the heartland? And as you're arriving into the place that you have a huge operational center with thousands of people working for the bank there, there's nothing but farmland around you for hundreds of miles.. And I thought on the way over, oh gosh, this is so pretty. Then it dawned on me when I got there, oh my God, this success is going to mean that hundreds of people will lose their jobs. Where are they going to go to get another job? They have been working for this business since they left school. Where do they go? We were the biggest employer in town. And I thought, okay, I can't keep doing this. It doesn't sit well with me anymore that I am going to have a negative impact in people's lives. And it's not even just that person. Their family, their whole livelihood, their happiness. So I thought, okay, this is not good. I used to go that week that I was doing the workshop back to my hotel every night and cry, and then come back in bright-eyed and bushy-tailed in the morning pretending that everything was great. And it was when I was flying back home from that very successful and very devastating project for me, an advert came up in front of me about hypnotherapy.. And it described what I do— solve problems, make things better for people, get them on the journey to what they want to achieve. It described how I was working in the corporate environment, but that I could use this extra set of tools to help real people who really deserve the help. And I made the decision then and there, and I said, I need to do something about this. I can't keep on pursuing something that I no longer agree with. That doesn't help people, and I need to use my superpowers for good. So I used hypnotherapy. I went and got trained, and on my first day of training, hypnotized 3 people. And that was quite mind-blowing for me because I thought, really, have I just done that? Day 1 of training, maybe this works. And even on that very first day of training, I solved a lifelong problem for one of my co-trainees. Who I hypnotized and regressed her back in time to when she first lost her self-belief. And that was when she was a tiny little girl on her first tricycle. And she was— I can't remember, was she one of 8 or 9 children in the family? And she was the last one. So by the time she got on her first tricycle and pedaled away for the first time, feeling to herself, this is monumental, this is so exceptional, I am amazing, I'm so proud. She was feeling all of that. Nobody was looking, nobody cared, nobody paid her any attention. And ever since then, she felt inconsequential all through her life, and then made very poor decisions at times that reinforced how inconsequential she was, that she wasn't worthy. And when she was able to see that, she instantly said, oh my God, I can see how I've made all those choices. And it's all because I felt I was not important enough. But I can see why as a little 2-year-old I felt that. But I'm 50 now and I don't need to feel that anymore. So even on the first day of training, when you're able to change someone's life, you think, okay, I'm doing the right thing. And have you applied this to your own life as well? Have you— are you able to self-hypnotize? Yeah, yeah, I love doing that. So self-hypnosis is very, very powerful. Um, you don't need somebody else to do it for you when you know how, of course. And there's no danger that can come of hypnotizing. People think, what if I never wake up? Yeah, put myself under and then just stay. Nobody will find me. I will die being mauled by cats. No, that doesn't happen. You stepped into my dreams last night. When you're hypnotized, if you get no suggestion coming to you after a brief amount of time, you wake yourself up from it. Okay, so there is nothing can happen there. So yes, I do hypnotize myself. And actually, up until I went for my training, which was about 7 years ago, I had never been hypnotized. So I hadn't experienced it, and it was a bit of an awakening for me because I thought, I'm going to my training, I'm going to learn how to help people, to hypnotize people, it's going to be another tool in my toolkit. I didn't realize that we would all be practicing on each other which therefore meant not only would I be hypnotizing other people, they would be hypnotizing me. I did not expect this. I was a bit blown away. I don't want people fishing around in my head. But if that's just the thing that you need to then overcome and realize, actually, I feel really great after doing this. But, but what you just said then, before moving on, I don't want people fishing around in my head is probably one of the things that stops people from going to hypnotists like yourself and working with them, because you're afraid that someone's going to mess with your head and mess you up in some way, or get into your head and see your, I don't know, deepest, darkest thoughts or something. But that's not what it is. So it's really refreshing to hear you as a trained hypnotist say that, and say that you have those fears and doubts, and, you know, and not a lack of understanding because you didn't know what it was, until you've actually learned the process yourself. So it's perfectly normal if anyone's feeling that right now. Absolutely. It is so normal. I feel your pain if that's what you're worried about, because that was me. No, no, no. I didn't want help. I wanted to fight all the way through my own battles. But of course, that doesn't end very well because you're not getting the help that you need. So it was a very important learning for me that that's how people are feeling. And that's a very important thing to know. And when you recognize that, you're able to help people to overcome that feeling. But also, nobody is truly fishing around. All they're doing is looking for the thing that you want them to look for. Most of the time though, we know what has caused us the problem. We know what has caused the pain, the suffering, the lack of feeling empowered, lack of confidence, lack of self-esteem, the imposter syndrome. We tend to know where it comes from, but we just need somebody to guide us with great confidence, someone that can prove that they've done this before and that they can and will bring you on that journey. We all need help, and go and get the help from the person that feels right for you is always so important. If you don't feel a connection with the person that is offering you a service, whatever form of therapy or coaching it is, don't go there. Your gut is telling you that fit is not right for you. It's got to feel good. You've got to feel this person can help me, I can trust them, and they're not going to go fishing. They're only going to fish for what you want. And if at any time when you're hypnotized that you don't want to talk about something, you don't have to. They can't make you. I think it's really important as well that you go to a professional who's walked walked the walk, walked their talk, has been through the training on themselves, who's worked through their own, like, issues or subconscious blocks and beliefs in this case, for example, and actually has done the work on themselves. And I think also, I, I only like to work with people that are actually, like, ongoing, um, you know, bettering themselves and learning and growing and evolving and continuously doing the work on themselves. I'm continuously doing the work on myself, and I think each year I strive to be better. Each day I try and strive to be a bit better than I was yesterday. And, and I think that's, um, you know, I think that's a really good thing because we're never really healed and we're never really broken. But I think we can each day keep, keep trying to be better and understand ourselves. Like, we're like onions, aren't we? Like a layer, another layer, and then working with someone like yourself and getting down into those deep layers and peeling some of them off. So that we can take the shackles of those limiting beliefs or whatever it is that's holding us back and become who we really are, more of us again, and free, really. You're so right. And it actually raises a really good point, a very important point, Janine, that very often people will make great strides forward. They'll, they'll work with someone like you or someone like me. They will feel fantastic benefits, make great strides. And then a few months later, something comes up, something happens. Knocks them a little bit and they think, oh my God, it didn't work, I am broken. You know, they start to get a new wounding from something else that they're like, love. Yeah, it doesn't mean that you're broken, it just means, ah, I recognize that something has come up and I'm going to understand it and I'm going to give it the context it really deserves and I'm going to move past it. So something else coming up doesn't mean that something else didn't work for you, that you haven't made brilliant progress. And that is important because it is a constant work. Yeah, but it's not work that has to feel like huge effort. It's very empowering. Yeah, I think the more people— the more a person works on themselves, I think the more they reveal about themselves. And I think it's not, um, that nothing will come in your path that's going to disrupt you or make you react, or, you know, that, you know, might knock you off kilter in some ways. It's that you don't allow it to knock you off for too long. You get back on the horse quicker, and you know how to deal with it in a better way, and you recognize it. And so you're able to deal with it and not let it consume your whole life. And the more you kind of work on yourself, the more skilled you are adapting to situations and handling them and dealing with them and moving on and clearing them out and healing. Um, and I think that's what— that it's like a path, it's like a journey. I think working with people and working on yourself rather than just being that, well, I want to get from A to B and then I'm fixed and life's done, I'm happy, and it's like a fairy tale and happily ever after. It's like, no, it's a continuous story, it's a continuous journey. So, and I think it's really good to sort of let people know that, um, that's just sort of how it is, and you're— and it's normal and it's okay. And there's no one perfect. There's no one perfect. You know, perfection is highly unattainable and overrated. And as a previous perfectionist, I can vouch for that. It's a never-ending objective. And what perfectionism actually does, even more than put us under pressure, the person who's suffering from perfectionism, more importantly, it sends a message to the people around you that nothing they do will ever be good enough. Interesting. So we have to be very aware of that. And people around the perfectionist suffer more than the perfectionists themselves, because the perfectionist will say, as I had said many times, I set a high standard for myself, I set a high bar for myself, I expect great things of myself, but I expect you to just be you, and, and it's okay. I don't expect perfection from you. How can people accept that? How can they live up to it? Again, it comes back to having balance. I can't have a different expectation of myself and of other people. It's not equitable, it's not fair, it's not believable. So that's where the incongruence is then. Yes. It makes sense when you, when you say it like that, because yeah, because someone who's— as I've always been a perfectionist as well, I've had to learn to strip away those layers and And I always struggled in relationships, or sometimes with people, because the person I was dating could never— felt they could live up to my ideals. I didn't put any ideals on them, but they had a perception. Yes, I always looked immaculately groomed, and I was a model, and I, you know, and that's, that's got a preconceived conception of perfection, perfectionism as well, because you're a model, all these other things. And they, they always felt they couldn't live up to my standards. I didn't put standards on them. They imposed them on themselves because they could see my perfectionism. Yes. And they imposed it. I was like, oh, that makes perfect sense, isn't it? And you don't think that that's— I mean, obviously that's their stuff and healing journey they need to go through as well. However, yeah, you're not always aware that how you're perceiving yourself impacts others. It absolutely does. That's a really powerful point. Gold, Tracy, you're dropping gold. You see, this is good memory talk. People put people on a pedestal, don't they? Like celebrities or leaders of businesses, like the execs that you're working with. That's almost that perfection thing as well. They put them up on that pedestal and feel like they can't live up to those people and don't like it when their people they're looking up to are not perfect as well. So then the executives have that pressure of having to be perfect. It. Yes. Or live up to that standard, because— and that's even more pressure. So no wonder they need to work with people like yourself. It's huge pressure because they feel they can't be human, they can't be real, they can't have flaws, um, they can't have worries. It's, it's too much for them to live up to. So yeah, you just reminded me of a story. I was speaking to someone the other day, and, um, we were talking about Michael McIntyre, the comedian. He's brilliant. I love Michael McIntyre. He's a genius. He's a comedy genius. And I love him by millions because he's brilliant in what he does. But before he goes on and does his big shows, he practices his material in smaller venues and smaller events. He still does that. And I was speaking to someone who'd been at one of these smaller events and they saw him practicing his material. I think they've even hired him for it. And at the end, he was asking, what did you think? And he was trying to get feedback. And the person said to me that they were so disappointed with Michael Mackenzie, but well, he just seemed really insecure and he kept asking people what they thought. And he made this, placed this judgment on Michael Mackenzie that he was insecure and blah, blah, blah, and was wrong in doing that and all these things. And I just kind of pointed out, I went, but that's just Michael's process. And that's how he tests his materials. And he was asking you for feedback because he wants to know which of the jokes landed and which are the ones that didn't. So he knew where to edit and add in new ones. But the person who was sharing it had created this whole perception of Michael McIntyre, almost like godlike perception that he had to be perfect, confident, and not have any doubts and not ask any questions. And him just asking for feedback. So asking, what did you like? What didn't you like? Was this okay? Was that okay? Just wanting the feedback. He put this projection on him. Well, that must mean he's insecure and he's not the person that, you know, and he's not good and that's not okay. And it's that sort of same sort of thing with the exact head, head lead ahead of the game. And I was like, isn't it interesting? That's just Michael's process. That's just the way he works. And that's how, and that's why he's incredibly successful because he dares to ask, did you like this? Did you not like that? Yeah. And it's just that it was like an unrealistic standard that this person had held Michael McIntyre to. And people do this to each other in their lives the whole time. I think we just need to not be judging each other and ourselves so, so vehemently, and just to know that we are all human no matter how successful or unsuccessful we are, you know, societal, like, standards. We're all going through the same stuff. We all want to be the best version of ourselves. So instead of ripping somebody down and judging them, just see, oh, they're just trying to be better. Yeah, they're asking my advice. That's, you know, exactly. As you know, I, I've come from an upbringing where we were taught to treat people pretty much as, as equal. Well, okay, if I look back further, we definitely, being convent school girls, were taught to have deferential respect for the nuns and the priests, but they are literally godlike. Yes. Yeah. To be looked up to. Put aside, when you learn in the big grown-up world, you then learn to treat people as equals no matter who they are. Yeah. And you can start to see, well, somebody is particularly skilled at something. Beyoncé is an amazing singer and performer. J.Lo is an amazing singer and performer. Yeah. Um, you know, Richard Branson is an incredible entrepreneur. You can see people as very brilliant at what they do. But if you remember, they are human just like me and treat everybody with the same respect. So treat Richard Branson, if you meet him, say hello in exactly the same way as you would to a janitor cleaning up in an office. Everybody deserves the same amount of respect. Their journey they've been on is different. They've made different choices in life. They have different issues going on, but every single human being deserves the same respect. And when you start to treat people as equal to you but on a different journey, then you don't need to judge them in the same way as that man did to Michael McIntyre, who I also think is incredibly hilarious. He's one of my favorite comedians. You can appreciate people for the brilliance that they all have without putting them up on a pedestal, because that's a long way to fall down. And I think it's that pedestal thing, that when you put someone on a pedestal, you're actually diminishing yourself. Yeah. And you're making yourself less because you're saying they're more than me because they've had more success, or they made more money, or they're better looking, or they're whatever it is you're saying they are more than you of. You'll diminish yourself in that moment when you're just the same. They might have had— I agree, they might have had more success in the business, or I don't know, a bigger following on social media or may have more money in the bank, but they're not more than you. Exactly. Just, they've just focused their, probably, their energy and more of that, you know. And they have all the same kinds of insecurities, they have the same worries, they also have to get up in the morning and put their trousers on one leg at a time. Everything is the same. I'm gonna try and put mine Both at the same time tomorrow, just to see. Hang on a minute. Please choose. So, so what advice would you give to someone who's doing that to themselves, who's, you know, maybe feeling less, maybe that's a source of where some of the imposter syndrome and whatnot comes from. You know, when you first take someone through the process, so they're looking up to someone they're maybe aspiring to be. And they're diminishing themselves and making themselves less, saying, well, I don't feel like I'm enough because I'm not as successful as XYZ person, or I haven't achieved this. What advice would you give to somebody listening or watching this, you know, if they're in that place and they want to go out into the world and do something, but they don't feel like they can because they're looking at all the people that have done it and they're like, well, I'm not, I don't have that skill set, I'm not as good as that person, you know. So it could be a young comedian looking up at a Michael McIntyre and go, I'd never do that, or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, but what advice would you give? Um, first of all is recognize that your mind can only give you an outcome based on the programming it receives. That is an absolute, it is a scientific fact. Your mind can only give you an outcome based on the programming it receives, and the programming comes from your thoughts and your words. And yes, you are in control of both. In fact, you are only in control of what you think, what you say, and what you feel, and what you do. Notice that everything that you're in control with is about you, not about other people. You are not in control of your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your friend, your mother, your child, your, your colleague, your client. You are not in control of anything in this world outside of you and your choices. So recognize that your mind can only give you an outcome based on the words you provide it with and start giving it better words. Give it the clarity it really, really needs. Give it what you want. And again, coming back to the previous example, it's not, I won't eat a pizza for dinner tonight. I'm going to make a brilliant choice for my dinner tonight, which is going to make me feel so proud of myself you only give yourself the program that you actually want. So learn how to program your mind to give you an outcome that's better. Then you need to also accept that you have to do that consistently, because your mind will hold on to the way it's been used to doing things. It doesn't really like change. It will do change, but it will resist. And it takes the mind— and there are so many different studies that give you different number of days, but let's say it takes the mind around 21 days for it to break an old habit of belief or practice and to establish a new habit of belief or practice. And you're looking to do both in that scenario that you said, Janine. You're looking to be able to let go of that self-doubt, of that low self-esteem, of that low confidence, and establish great new high self-esteem, high confidence, high belief I can do this. I can achieve anything. So you've got to persist over a period of time of consistently programming your mind for success, for what you actually want. And it's so vitally important to recognize that you mustn't program in the thing you don't want. I don't want to have pizza. You must program in the thing that you want. I want to make a brilliant, beautiful, powerful 'Healthy choice for my dinner, it's going to make me feel so proud.' Program in what you do want and do it consistently. And as you do it consistently, your mind will gradually stop pushing back and it will acquiesce to what you want, much like a child does. It's kind of like when your child comes home from school and says, 'Mummy, I'm never going back to school again. I hate it there. I don't want to go.' Do you say, 'Okay darling, you're 7 years old, but 'You stay home with Mommy. You don't have to go to school anymore.' You don't do that. You don't fall for that when they push back. It's the same thing with your mind. It will push back a bit, but you are the parent. You are the one in control. You know what's good for you and you're going to say, 'Nope, we're doing this and we're loving this. This is a brilliant journey we're on and we love making these great choices.' Program in consistently what you want and gradually your mind will stop pushing back., and it will start giving you that outcome of the words that you are programming in. And another very important fact that really underpins all of that is this change, it evolves over 3 steps. Step number 1 is my words are my programming, so I need to change my words to create the program that I want. That leads you automatically to step number 2, which is a change in what you believe and what you do. That aligns with those words. And that automatically, when you change what you are believing and what you're doing, automatically brings you to step 3, which is a change in your feelings that now aligns with the words you're using, the things that you're doing, and the, the beliefs that you have established. It all comes together and gives you feelings, and those feelings, you describe them with more words. That brings you back to step 1. So my words or my programming is step 1. It brings you automatically to step 2, which is a change in what you believe and what you do that aligns with those words. That brings you automatically to step 3, feelings as a result. And those feelings, you describe them with more words and go right back to step 1. And this is why I explain these steps to all of my clients that I work with. Because very often when people are learning how to change the words from, I don't want to eat pizza into, I'm going to make a brilliant healthy choice, and then they say, but I don't want to, I want a burger instead. You've got to program in the thing that you really want because your mind is waiting for that programming. But then they start to say, but I don't feel it yet. Well, you haven't done the work yet. You haven't programmed in the words in step 1. You haven't allowed them to be consistently programmed in. To give you step 2, which is an alignment of what you believe and what you have started doing, and you haven't given that the time to develop the feelings in step 3. So it's okay to change the words into different words that you program into your conscious mind without having the belief in them and without having the feelings, because they come in step 2 and step 3. Program the words Yes, take the action, feel the feeling. Yes, exactly. And it all happens automatically. The brilliant thing about this process is that you don't even have to know about it. You don't have to try and make it happen. It is already happening because already the words that you are programming in, for example, words like I'll never get the job or I'll never find love or I'll never get pregnant, or I'll never have this, or I'll never do that, the words that you're programming in have become your reality. Those words have led to step 2, which is an alignment of what you believe and what you do, and those have continued on to step 3 to give you the feelings that associate with those words and with those beliefs and those actions. So you don't even have to know about these 3 steps. They have always worked. But just up until now, they may be working on programming that you don't want to be establishing. You get to change those words, change those thoughts, and you will very quickly over time align what you believe, what you do, and what you feel with the words that you're programming in. The choice is yours. You're constantly, every day, programming your mind and body and emotions to be a certain way so that you are a certain way and take certain actions. So what you're saying is you have the choice to make that conscious, to consciously choose which way your mind's going to be programmed. Is it going to be programmed towards, you know, craving the, in the food version, like the unhealthy foods and then just giving into that, which makes you feel tired and rubbish and gain the weight and not have the energy and have health, you know, problems later down the line. Or do you choose to program your mind into believing that you're someone that eats healthy, enjoys healthy food, loves to eat tasty but energy life-giving foods? Therefore, that's what you do because it's just who you are. And then you then feel amazing, happy, and full of life and energy. And it's— and yeah, and it's like either way you're choosing to program your mind. Exactly right. It's like having a computer, isn't it? Like you're putting in the software each day. Each thought, each day, each moment, you're re— it's like you're upgrading your software every day. So how do you want to upgrade it? What do you want your upgrade to be? What is, what is, uh, Tracy 1.2 gonna be? 1.0 gonna be tomorrow? Like, who do you want Tracy to be? And I love that. So we choose every day, we're upgrading. What do you want to do today? And at first, when you recognize this It— you think, gosh, this might be an awful lot of work. I'm going to have to really think about this. At first it's a bit of effort, but it becomes natural very, very quickly. And the very critical thing in it is to not give your mind a conflict to work through. So we can't say, I'm going to make a brilliant healthy choice, or I'm going to just go at this call I need to make and, and just smash it and be brilliant at it, instead of saying but I can't. You've got to be consistent in what you're saying for your mind to accept it, because if it hears you saying, I'm going to make this brilliant healthy choice, but I'm going to really struggle in doing it, but it's going to be very hard, but I know I'm not going to be good at it, but I know it's going to fail— so that's a conflict of the mind. And when your mind gets a conflict, it sits back and it says, look, you don't know what you want yet, so I'm just going to keep on doing what we've always done. 'You decide in the meantime, but I'll just keep running on what we've been doing.' So it needs consistency. It can't have the both things. So we have to stop using the word 'but.' Change 'but' for 'and.' You can say— excuse me— you can say, 'I might have struggled with that before. Now I feel brilliant about it. Now I'm very strong.' Or you can say, I want to make a brilliant choice in what I'm going to have for dinner tonight. And instead of saying, but I know it's going to be really hard, but I know I want the pizza, I'm going to make a brilliant choice for dinner tonight and I'm going to love it and I'm going to feel brilliant because I've done it and I'm going to feel special. Whatever you want to say, no buts involved. Get rid of but. Or you could even say, and I'm going to have pizza, but instead of having a whole pizza as my dinner, I'm going to have a quarter of pizza with a massive side of salad. Exactly, exactly. Make powerful decisions unapologetically and don't give your mind a conflict. And there's one other really fantastic technique that can really help people to transition into a life that they want. So simple to do and it's a total game changer. Oh my God, I'm giving all these things away for free. This is just fantastic. 2 words that everybody should remove from their vocabulary, particularly when it pertains to themselves. Those words are try and hope. Now, we tend to think of them as positive words. I'm going to try and do this. I hope this is going to work for me. No way. Your brain knows what you really mean when you say those words. When you say I'm going to try. The example I often give is your friends maybe say they're going to meet at 7 o'clock. Are you coming to join them? And you know already you're going to be under pressure. You've got a lot of things to do, but you end up saying to them, I'll try and get there for 7. So what happens? You start beating yourself up. You know you're going to fail. So already you feel like a failure. Already you feel like you're not as organized as everybody else who's getting there for 7. And you start to beat yourself up and you start to give out to yourself. And then you probably feel like such a failure that you either rock up really late and say, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry, I'm so sorry. And just nothing good ends from this. So instead of trying, answer your friends with, I can't make it for 7, but I can be there by 8. You guys carry on and I'll catch up with you wherever you are at 8 o'clock. 'Or I can't make it by 7, so you guys carry on. I'll skip out this time and I'll see you next time.' That way you are no longer trying anything. You're no longer feeling like a failure. You're no longer putting yourself under pressure when you know it's going to be too hard to achieve this. And you're being decisive about what you can and cannot do. So don't try something. Choose to do something or to not do it. No trying and then hoping. You're not going to hope hypnotherapy works for you. You're not going to hope that meeting Janine and doing a session with Janine is going to help you. You go at that with knowing it's going to work. Because when you say, I hope this is going to work, what your mind hears is, ooh, this is a long shot. This isn't going to work. This is going to be really hard. So why would we set that expectation for ourselves? Don't hope anything ever. It's okay to say to other people, I hope you've had a nice weekend. That's their business. When it's about you, screw those guys. You're not responsible for their weekend. You're responsible for you. Don't ever hope anything for you. Never hope. It's not a positive thing. You decide that something is or is not right for you. You don't hope. I agree, because try, there isn't a decision that you're going to do it. It's still sort of ambiguous, and hope is laced with doubt. Yeah, I absolutely agree with that. You just made me think of the line in Kung Fu Panda as well. There is no try, there is only do. Exactly. Tracy, we've run out of time, so I've got to say thank you. That was a lovely, lovely note to end on, your sage words and advice. I'm sure people have been laughing it up. Thank you so much for coming on and sharing. It's been absolutely wonderful having you on. Everyone, thank you for listening. We're on at 9 AM and 9 PM every day all week. Uh, thank Tracy, uh, for coming on. Head over to her socials and give us some love as well. Um, I'll pop all that on my socials and website so you can check out, check out where she is, where you can find her. Um, but thank you so much. See you next time.