Eat Love Do – Vivienne Joy, Mindset Reset For Your Life & Business

Hello and welcome. This is the Eat Love Do Show, exclusive to Women's Radio Station. I am Janine Newbury and I have an amazing guest on for you today. Um, her name is Vivienne and she is a mindset reset expert, but she's also so much more than that. You are gonna absolutely love her. I met Vivienne a year or so ago, a couple of years ago actually, and fell in love with her immediately. Um, and she's just absolutely amazing at what she does. So you're gonna, she's gonna blow you away. Um, but before I bring her on, let's just do the, uh, socials, you know the score. So, uh, head over to our social media— Instagram, Facebook, Twitter— we are @WomensRadioSTN. Um, head over to our YouTube channel, hit that like and subscribe button because it really helps us, and we love it when you support the show. And do remember to go to eatlove.com and check out all the articles and blogs on there from many of the guests that come on. Speaking of which, Vivian actually wrote an amazing article for Eat Love Do. It was called How Is Your Mindset Ruining or Growing Your Business?, and she shared in that her 7-step mindset reframe, which is phenomenal. There's loads of gold there. So go there, go there and check her out after the show. Um, but anyway, without further ado, Vivienne, welcome to the show. Welcome. Oh, thank you very much. What a buildup. We have known each other longer than that. You were at my wedding last November, like 2021. Not last year, the year before. So I must have met you early 2021. So we've known each other longer. Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? Is your wedding— I can't believe your wedding's 2 years ago. Is that 2 years? 2 years in November. So a year and a half nearly. Yeah, I know, right? It. How crazy is that? But thank you, Carl. And I also forgot, you see, it's just flying past. You see, when you do what you love, it just flies past, isn't it? You're just having a good time. But I forgot about that article. Thank you very much for the reminder. Um, I write lots of things all the time. Uh, yeah, all the time, 2 or 3 times a week, and for different publications. I've got a book as well. I don't know if you even know about that. What's your book called? The Mindset for Business by Vivienne Joy, isn't it? Yeah. Uh, the Mindset Reset Expert part of things covers lots of genres. So I help predominantly women who want a better life. So that's the long and short of it. And typically they wanna start a business or some sort of give back or charity or foundation so that they can change the world. So they wanna change their lives, they wanna change the world. That is kind of the, the remit. And very often they don't manage it because they're stuck in their old thought patterns and conditioning. So that Mindset Reset Expert is the bit is getting into the core of what that is, those beliefs that they've let down, you know, into their head from the age of 7 and beyond that no longer serve them when they're in their 40s. And so we reset all that and then I teach them how to build their business. So the sales, marketing and strategy, and then they stay with me and they go into my She Thrives program to build their legacy business. So it's very beautiful. And She Thrives program's in its 5th year now, and some of the legacy building that's come from that is just beautiful. It's almost like I can have my own charities and ICOs without actually having to do anything. Because I can watch them all flourish. I have got my own, which is my She Enjoys Life Foundation, which is a match-funded program for women that want to do that. So they put in a certain amount and then my foundation matches it and we bring them the experts to help them bring that to life. So very, very powerful processes going on. And, um, yeah, it's just joyful. Vivienne Joy by name, by nature. That's exactly how it works in the world. So tell me about the foundation. I didn't know about your foundation. So what does it do? Well, do you know why, Janine? I launched it just before we went into the dreaded lockdown. So, uh, 20th of February, 2020, which was a beautiful date. I thought, I can't let that go. And I ran a big mega summit and had some incredible speakers came from all over the world, from Australia, from Canada, America. And we all got together and we had a big, uh, women, girls-only disco that night. You can imagine what that was like. Playing Prosecco all night. We had a great time, all dancing around our handbags, no men in sight. We've had a great time. Not that I've got a problem with men, but it's just we operate differently when it's just the girls, don't we? So all have their shoes off, one had a bra off, nobody cared. And we all celebrated it and we raised money. So for me, it's always about raising money for my own foundation. So I want to completely, um, get the money myself. I don't want to get grants and things. They're all doing work out there. I'm able to generate that myself. So yeah, so we launched that. We have regular contributors and we have helped some women already start their charity. The first one is a lady who is in Bedfordshire and her charity is called Creating Memories, and she helps the children that are life limiting, basically, to make their dreams come true. So she's a fabulous Life Path 8 manifester, and she seems to be able to just get anything from anyone. So like she just had the cartoon, you know, the, the children's presenter, Mr. Tumble. Do you know him? I didn't know anything about him. I haven't got any kids, but she just got, the kid just wanted Mr. Tumble. Apparently all the kids love him and she just managed to get him to come to this kid's house. Like, I mean, that's joyful. So we just, so we've helped her to build that charity. Um, you know, she didn't have regular ways that people could donate. She never had branding. Her website wasn't very good. So just, she had the idea and the passion, and very often women have got that, but then they don't have the skills, they don't have the knowledge. They just don't know how. It's not because they can't, they just don't know how. So we bring that to those women. They have the passion and the joy and the time and that real drive to make it successful. We just give them the experts to make it a success. So yeah, she was the first one. Um, and it's joyful to watch that happen, um, and see all those, those wishes wishes come true. So yeah, so we're always on the lookout for people who want to change the world, um, and help them to do that. So yeah, it's joyful, very nice. You're very welcome to become a part of it. Always looking for contributors, you know, um, so those that want to contribute their time. So I've got designers and coaches and all sorts of people, um, accountants that can bring their skills into what we call the Empower Team, um, to empower that business to take off. Yeah, you should get involved. That's lovely. I will definitely get involved. Let me know, let me know. Yeah, wherever I can contribute, I'd love to. In our 20s, it was all about high heels, getting drunk, eating nice food, being attractive, finding a mate. And now I'm 50, it's all about the other side of the feel-good for me. Don't get me wrong, I still like a nice pair of shoes, but it's really about that impact, that feeling. It's that inner stuff, isn't it? It's a really different feeling when you watch the world changing because of something you've done. It's just a joyful— it's— I call it overjoyed. Yeah, I love that, overjoyed. And I love that you You, when you take, you said you mentioned that you take women to your Thrive, and that's about building a legacy. Because I think a lot of people, they sort of focus on just getting through the day and just managing to pay your bills, especially with like raising electricity bills and mortgages and stuff that are going on now. People just kind of struggling in that sort of survival mode. You're pushing them to Thrive because it's either survive or thrive, isn't it? And Thrive is just so much better. And to create a legacy, that sort of bigger vision rather than just trying to get through the day by day, I think that's I think that's the way that people should be heading. So I think it's great that you're taking people up there. The trouble is people think of thriving as money. And the thing is that when you have money, and don't get me wrong, I've not been a millionaire. I don't have any desire to be a millionaire, really. I mean, unless I can get the money to do what I need to do with it. But actually, that thriving is a feeling. It's not, you know, I've coached, you know, 7-figure business owners who have got what they thought was thriving. They've got the big houses and the holiday homes and the cars and the boat. They've got it all. And they're miserable as sin because they're not thriving from the inside out. That thriving is a feeling. It's a feeling of self-worth, self-confidence, um, stuff that is tied up with money, but actually when you separate it out, it's not anything to do with money at all. So yeah, thriving is a different, different word for me. So what's your definition of the word thrive? Freedom. Yeah, so I'm thriving if I'm free to choose and I'm free to enjoy. Like, I never want to have the, oh, I've got to go to work, or I have to go to this. The only time I ever feel like is when I have to pay the taxman, the tax people. I have to pay them. Of course, that's my only resentment because in my head I'm like, oh, I could do so much more with this money. Like, if I didn't have to give it to you people, do whatever you do, I could give it over here to help the world in a different way. So that's the— I definitely— I've got a coach myself who says, we have to sort this out, Vivienne. And I'm like, no, it's always going to be like that. I'm just going to leave it there. That's just the way it is. I hate paying. I don't think anyone likes paying the taxman, do they? But we like all the benefits that come from it, like the roads and the hospitals and the Yeah, without it we would have a problem. So I have to kind of just reframe it all in my head as I'm doing it. But yeah, so for me it's about freedom. Yeah, enjoy, just enjoying and watching the transformation. For me, I think I spent my whole life with addictions and compulsions, everything from drugs and drinking and gambling and things, you know, from my past years. And I very early on worked out that I've got an addictive compulsive personality, and to try and reset that is tricky. But actually, if I can use that so that I'm addicted and compulsed I'm really hooked on the powerful positive things, then I can really make a big change. So like, I'm addicted to seeing that transformation. I'm addicted to helping that woman realize her own worth and go, do you know what, I can absolutely do this. So I'm really addicted to that instead. So more powerful addiction than slot machines, most definitely. I love that. I love that reframe. So yeah, don't try and stop the addiction if it's, if it's your personal— like, use it, use it. That's pretty brilliant. Yeah, get addicted to it, get hooked on it. I do, um, a whole session, a masterclass around attachment, because attachment's got a really negative word. It's a negative word, you know, we're too attached to things, there's attachment disorders in therapy. But actually, if you're attached to the right thing, it becomes normal. Like, I, I use the example, I'm quite attached to nice teeth, as are you, I know, because we smell it. I'm attached to them looking nice, feeling nice, and operating well because I love to eat. So I'm attached to that. So I never question brushing my teeth. So if you think of this as a really simple concept, like, so I never think, oh, do you know what, maybe I'll brush them on Thursday. I actually, maybe I'll do it on Saturday. I haven't got time for it now. Oh no, I didn't have time to brush my teeth today. So We have time for things we're absolutely attached to. Like, you wouldn't not pick your kids up from school, or you wouldn't not, I don't know, change the tyre on your car if you needed to get to work. So the things we're attached to are the things that really drive us. And if we're detached from them, i.e., I'm quite detached from the gym, therefore I'll do anything to get out of it because I'm not really attached to the journey, the experience, or the outcome because I don't really know it that positively. Whereas someone like you, I know, who taught me that movement is different to exercise, which always sits in my head. Don't have to exercise, Vivian, just move around. Just do something. So I'm quite attached to movement now, but not to exercise. So if I can help myself get attached to exercise, then that will change my outcome with regards to my physicality. So yeah, being attached to the right things is good. Being detached from the right things is bad. Being attached to the wrong things is bad too. So it's just about where that attachment is. Simple as that, really. Yeah, I love that. I love that, um, way of thinking about it. And it's same with people, isn't it? People, things, business, everything. Yeah. Habits, being attached to ones that support you, ones that don't support you. I love that. Attached. I like that. I made it on the slide. Attached to my first ever business. My first business I was so attached to, I should have sold it probably 3 years before I did when I could have made an absolute fortune and changed the world with that money. But I was too attached to it. Like I'd started it. If I sold it or I stopped it, was it a failure? I was too attached to what it meant. We're very attached to the meanings of things. So once I could detach from that and go, actually doesn't mean anything. I've just learned a whole load of stuff. Like, you know, immeasurable knowledge knowledge around how to run a business, how not to run a business, all the, you know, the beautiful stuff and the horrible shitstorm. So I actually thought, no, actually that lesson is now to be left there, and I take all the learnings with me to the next business. But if I'd learned that 3 years before, I would have probably been in a very different position. Yeah, way too attached, been too attached to relationships and the jobs. Yeah, and behaviors and habits. Yeah, we're all attached to the wrong thing. That's what gives us the wrong outcomes. So if someone's, um, stuck now because they've got an attachment to something that's not serving them, what advice would you give them? Like, what would you— what could you suggest that they could do so they could implement it now to help sort of release that attachment? Thank you for the question. Uh, they need to work out what the attachment is giving them, what they're trying to get from it. So best example, I've got a friend Julie, and she didn't smoke for years, so she gave up smoking, and then she started again. And I remember saying to her, why did you start smoking again? Why? How come? You'd been not smoking for 5 years. And what it turned out was— I won't go loads of detail, but her little girl wasn't very well at the time. I mean, really poorly, like on death's door poorly in the hospital. And it worked out that actually the smoking gave her the ability to leave the bedside and go out into the fresh air and not have to reassure her child, not have to talk to doctors or nurses, to just get a bit of space. So, you know, that phrase, I'm just going to go and get some fresh air. I was like, well, okay, so actually it's not the smoking, it's the excuse you need to be able to leave. Because no one says, oh no, don't go. No, because when you smoke, people understand you've got an addiction and compulsion for it. So when I mean, years ago when I was in jobs, we used to have smoking breaks. I don't know about you, we used to have a smoking break in the morning and a smoking break in the afternoon. And a woman I worked for used to say, well, I'm just going to go and stand in the fresh air for 15 minutes because you lot are working half an hour less a day than the non-smokers. And I think she's absolutely right. So as soon as Julie could understand that it wasn't smoking, it was the reason to leave the hospital and get some space. And actually, I said, well, can't you just say you're going for a cigarette and not do so if you're worried about the judgment from the doctors? Or can you just say you're nipping out for a moment? And so as soon as she did that, she stopped smoking. So it was that, the attachment to getting some space. So once you can work out what it's giving you, you can get it in a different way. Yeah, that's really powerful, isn't it? And also, yeah, and I think, yeah, a lot of the time we get stuck in stuff because we are afraid of being judged by other people, and when really they're probably not going to judge you anyway. But that's, that's, that's really powerful. You just sort of needed that clarity and then the permission that it was okay for to go and do that as well. Sometimes we don't think it's okay for us to take care of ourselves and serve ourselves. So I think that And it really was the case for her because her daughter was, you know, 80%— 80% is a chance of not surviving. And so for her, it was that guilt of, I shouldn't be thinking about my own needs at this time. That was definitely the overriding emotion for her, which if any parents are listening, watching this, they will understand that concept of most parents put aside their own needs for their children. And actually, quite a lot of us put aside our own needs for partners, friends, work, career. And actually, We should be looking after ourselves first. So if we can get addicted to how good it feels to prioritize ourselves, that mindset reset is the most powerful one. Because actually, if we look after ourselves, we don't have any resentment for looking after others or caring for others. And I know in my life, I don't know about you, Janine, and I'm pretty sure that we're similar on this. When I've given my all in a relationship and got bugger all back, I've been quite resentful. Whereas when I've looked after me first and then given a lot to the relationship, if that relationship hasn't worked, I have no resentment because I didn't give away all of myself to that person. I still was there for me. And that is the biggest trick. But it's really hard to do. It's really hard. It really is, because we're so used to being brought up to not be selfish, to not be egotistical, not look after our own needs. Like certainly women, certainly of a certain generation. I know you're considerably younger than me, but I'll take that compliment. I'm not, but thank you. Generation were brought up in a slightly different way than the ones that are 10 years younger and 20 years younger and 10 years older. So generationally we're all brought up in a different way. But my mum was really crap at taking care of herself. She absolutely was. Uh, you know, she really didn't— she had a gambling addiction, which is where I learned it from. So she didn't know, she didn't have her hair done, she didn't have friends that she went out with. You know, there was a whole load of conditioning that came from her mum. So this is generational conditioning and belief structures that we just carry You know, the silly things like I still put the cross on the bottom of the Brussels sprouts before I put it in the saucepan. And it's proven it makes no difference at all. So there's little things that we pick up. My mum said it was something to do with— she didn't know, her mum probably did. You know, she said it was something to do with it not making the Brussels sprout go hard. Okay. I don't know. Anyway, I can happily put them in the microwave now. My mum used to do that with tomatoes. You just made me have a little flashback. Tomatoes, she used to put a cross in a tomato before she cooked it. It. Probably the same thing. Have a go with— I wonder if it works with the tomatoes because they explode a bit, don't they, tomatoes? So maybe it came from the skin. Yeah, stuff though, we've all got crazy behaviors, haven't we? Um, like, I mean, look at superstitions. I had this conversation yesterday, uh, somebody asked— we were, uh, my wife and I were on a Mrs. and Mrs. Challenge on Valentine's Day, and, uh, there was a question about, um, superstitions. Would your partner walk under a ladder? And it was multiple choice: never, sometimes, depending on what day it was, or not, not, you know, or Yeah, it's fine. And I genuinely didn't know that. My wife and I've been together 3 years nearly, and I genuinely didn't know that. And at the end she went, how do you not know how superstitious I am? There's absolutely no way I'd go near a ladder. I just didn't know that. Isn't it ridiculous? Why? You know, I was like, well, unless there's like a team of builders above you, like I could understand that, you know, you don't want to get concrete dropped on you, but how ridiculous. So like some of our beliefs are crazy, yet we carry on believing them. We carry on honouring them because they're the same and they're safe and they're certain, which is obviously what the unconscious craves. Beliefs to keep us alive. That's his job. So yeah, we, um, I know a lot of clients, and I know when you, you coach, you probably have the same, they know that they're doing stuff that's not right. They know that their beliefs are not right, but they just can't do anything about it. I have people rock up and say, I think I'm broken completely. I'm completely unhelpable. I'm crazy. But I can hear all that sort of thing, and I'm like, no, you're not at all. You've just got a belief map that's from when you were 7 years old. And I don't If I used all my beliefs from when I was 7, well, I don't know, well, I wouldn't go to work, but who cares about that? I'd be playing games, I'd be watching TV, I'd be eating marshmallows. I would, you know, I would have a definite— and sometimes I do that, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes I've got a separate— so people just haven't updated themselves. I use the same metaphor. If you had a— I don't know if you remember the old computer software. If you tried to use the old computer software with your new computer, It would kind of work. It would look like it was kind of having a go and you'd still be able to open Word and Excel, but it wouldn't operate and you'd get lots of like error messages. And that's basically what the brain's doing is it's trying to use an old map in your current day software. So just the whole lot. Sometimes it needs a complete, you know, reconfiguration and other times it just needs a bit of an update, a bit of an upload, a new program, remove that one to bring it up to date. So, but some people are just running on DOS the whole time. That's what I call it really rather than Windows. I'm wondering why they're having little breakdowns. You say about unplugging it and it works. It's true. You do the same with the brain. That's why everybody's teaching us mindfulness, meditation, you know, it's basically try and switch that brain off. Well, with respect, if the brain switches off, you die. So like, you don't really want that either. So that's why everybody struggles. I can't clear my mind. No, your mind has to work. Its job is to carry on bringing all the threats to you so that you can stay alive. And it has all its autonomous function. It has to carry on. So yeah, trying to switch your brain off is literally impossible, and you don't want it to switch off anyway because then that's next life stuff. That's that, yeah, next life. Are we going to go there? I think that's the thing with the brain, isn't it? Like, people think that their mind is like, it should be making them happy, but their mind's job is just trying to keep them safe. So it'll keep them in those negative behavioral beliefs and mind chatter. Because that, even though it's sort of destructive and it's negative, they may feel the safety in that because it's the known. So they'll keep telling themselves those limiting things that aren't really true, like, I'm not good enough, I'm not educated enough, that, that person's not safe, this is not safe, whatever it is that people are telling themselves. And it's just the mind trying to protect them from something that happened when they were 7 or 5 re-happening again now. But as an adult, it's like, well, it does— when you think about it logically, it doesn't make any logical sense, but the mind's like, I'm just trying to protect you that, because this could happen again. And then once you understand that and learn and work with someone like, like you, like yourself, and go in and work out, oh, that's just what you made up when you were 7 or 8, and clear it out. That's what you made up. Exactly how it works, right? It is just made up. It's not made up of anything normally apart from a bit of fear, a bit of higher power authority of just cast a little spell over there. It is just made up. Yeah, it's true. It's absolutely— that's the best way I've heard it. Made up. Yeah, just made up shit, really. That's what it it is. We make everything, everything's made up. Once you realize that, I think that's really empowering because like your emotions and stuff come from the thoughts that you make up. So if you make up new thoughts and new stories or beliefs or stories to tell yourself, you'll get new emotions for them. So I think it's the quickest way to being happy is just make up something that makes you feel happy. I think our work here is done. Off you go, go and try. People have realised this and what they do is they live in a dream world and I think the internet allows that. So like, I don't know about you, but you know, when I was single 3 years ago, I was on WhatsApp and I looked at some of the fantasy world that some of those people were living in as they were chatting to me and I'm thinking, that's not true because I just tell from 3 messages ago that wasn't true. Unfortunately, you're dating a coach now and I can know everything that's going on by every word you're saying to me. But I think people have worked out they want to be somebody different and the internet allows them to be that. But actually, if they can allow themselves to sort out the stuff that's stopping them, they can be that. Like, if we can visualize it, if we can see it, we can believe it, we can achieve it, right? So I run loads and loads of workshops around this, but if you can't, you can't. So I coached a woman yesterday, um, who couldn't ever imagine not being, not being free. So when I started, what is freedom for you? She said, I've got no idea. Genuinely no idea what freedom was. So you asked me at the beginning what that feeling of thriving was. She's got no concept of that. I said, well, you can't go where somewhere is where you don't know where it is. You can't, your brain won't allow you to. It's way too scary. It's like me saying, oh, you're going to jump off a cliff now without any form of training or harness. She'd be like, ah, uh, I don't think so. And that essentially for her is freedom. Like when we kind of rooted it back, you know, she'd come from an arranged marriage. Um, and then she'd always been in that and then she stayed for the kids and kept herself small because 'cause the, you know, the partner had to earn more money. There was a whole load of conditioning. So for her to be free of all that was scary as hell. Honestly, this woman was terrified at the thought of that. Whereas actually a lot of people listening would go, oh my God, I would love that, like complete freedom. But no, actually sometimes it's a step too far. So the trick with change is to move in smaller steps so that the brain doesn't go, what? Uh, no thank you. Factory reset. We're going back to where we started, back to the beginning. Do not pass go. Do not collect £200. We're going right back to the start. 'Cause, and you know, you see people dieting. I'm one of these. They go, they lose weight, and then the unconscious goes, oh, we're not sure who we are now at this weight. Uh, let's put it all back on. Oh, and a bit more. So if we try and do that stunt again of losing weight, we've got a bit further to go. We're a bit safer. And so that's what causes that kind of, you know, it's like 2 steps forward, 3 steps back, because the unconscious can't even imagine what it's like to be slimmer, fitter, more successful, richer, more loved. I mean, where do I go? Carry on with it, Janine. I know the 8 Eat, Love, Do stuff. It's all of that. That stuff. Like, they can't imagine. Like, I can't imagine what it's like— this is genuine— to be the sort of person that doesn't eat chocolate. Like, I'd love to— people say, oh no, I don't really like chocolate. I'm like, how? How? How? I can't have any concept of that. My brain has a little panic of, oh, what are you going to do when you're feeling a bit scared? Because I definitely eat chocolate when I have that. My brain can't cope with that thought of it not being there. Isn't that crazy? And yeah, I can go for weeks weeks voluntarily without chocolate. Yeah, but you can't have it puts the brain into a whole spin, and that is when they've got addictions and compulsions. That whole 'I want it, I have to have it, I need it' is very different to 'Oh, I enjoy it,' which a lot of people say. Yeah, it's just that fear response, isn't it? Thinking that you can't have it, that scarcity fear. So you can't have it, so suddenly you want it, and that's all you can think about. I think it's the same with like people in relationships or, or trying to get clients or anything. If you think you can't have it or it's not there there, it triggers fear, and then that, it just like amplifies everything and makes it really hard to keep on that sort of path of doing what it is you want to do. So yeah, yeah, yeah, because we're attached to the wrong thing. So like people will come and say, oh, I want to have a business like yours. I say, excellent, well, let's create it. Have you tried creating it? No. Oh, I couldn't possibly. How do you know? You've not even tried. So basically you're saying you can't before you've even tried. Try, and then if you can't, then you can't. Let's see. And it's never that you can't, you've done something not quite it's never that you can't, there's something just not right. So it's like, you know, one of the very first public speeches I did was to a group of men and women who were business owners. And there was a guy, I'm going to call him Steve. His name wasn't Steve, but just for the purpose of radio. Steve. And I said, is there anybody here that's got an absolute certain belief that they know is holding them back in their business? There was a few hands went up, but Steve's went up like, like he was like, you know, he'd won the lottery. And I said, Steve, so tell me what your belief is. He said, I'm no good at sales. Sales. I was like, oh, okay, brilliant belief. There's a few nods around the room, as you can imagine, business owners not keen on sales. And I said, can you tell me where this comes from? And he kind of looked at me blankly, and, uh, and he clearly couldn't. And then in literally— I just left him for a moment to have a think. It was a tense moment in the room because they all thought I'd messed up. And then eventually— people don't like silence today. I love it, it's perfect. That's where the change happens. And so eventually, and Steve went, well, it might have been from when I was about 16. So just to give you a bit of background on Steve, which I then later learned, Steve was 55 and he had a million-pound business, right? So no, Steve says, well, it might have been when I was 16 at my first work placement where I worked at a used car showroom. I said, oh yeah, tell me about that then. He said, well, he said, we only had about 30 cars on the forecourt at any one time. He said, so when somebody came in and they wanted a certain car and I didn't have it, I had to sell them something different. I said, oh, he said, he said, I remember this one incident. And there's always one incident, as you know, Janine, you do the change work with your clients. There's one incident with this lady who wanted a Fiesta, a blue Fiesta. And he said, and I didn't have a blue Fiesta, so I tried to sell her a red Peugeot. He said, and the more I tried to sell her the red Peugeot, the more she wanted a blue Fiesta. It was horrible. And then he had a moment and I said, so Steve, what you're saying is it's not that you can't sell, 'Well, you're not very good at convincing somebody that they want something that they don't want or need.' And in that moment, Steve's face, he looked like he might cry, which was a bit of a thing for him because, you know, it's not a good thing to do in a group. And he went, 'No, you're right.' He said, 'I'm no good at lying.' He said, 'Because I was lying about this Peugeot being better than what she wanted, because for her needs, the Fiesta was absolutely what she wanted.' He said, 'I'm no good at lying.' And I said, 'And when you think about that, Steve, how has that power been powerful in your business?' He said, 'Well, I'll never sell anything to anyone if they don't need it.' it. I said, and don't your clients know that? And do all the people that refer business to you know that? He said, yeah. I said, and so how did you get all your sales then? Because does somebody else do your sales? He said, no, I do. I said, so it's not that you're no good at sales, is it, Steve? It's not that you're no good at sales. You've sold a million quids worth of product. He went, no, he said, I'm just no good at lying. And nor should I be. And this guy, he went from this— he was absolutely convinced, literally, in that 5-minute process, to realizing He was proud of himself for not being good at lying and everybody was clapping and cheering. So sometimes we get the wrong belief. Sometimes we attach to the wrong thing, as Steve was there. Yeah. So I often wonder when I meet people what rubbish beliefs they've got. That's really empowering. That's incredible. And I think a lot of people have got that, I can't sell, or that sales is an icky thing to do because we've got that thing from seeing salesmen in the past, car salesmen or estate agents have got a big thing, or shop people, you know, that they're lying to you because they just want you to buy the product. We have that association to it. So it's really, it's really interesting that you said that. And he picked up on that because that's not what sales is. It's selling something that somebody really wants. And from that authentic place is easy because it wants someone, it's going to help them. But selling it, you just want to sell it and make money. And I think that's traditionally what sales was. So I think that's actually quite interesting. It was very much, here's the clothes, here's the product, you close. There was a whole closing process. It was very, you know, in the '90s there was a real— I went through it. My first ever job was financial services is all I'm going to say. So I was taught that process and at the time I remember thinking, this is horrible. Can't I just ask the guy what he wants? Can't I just ask him what his problems are? Like, I look back at that, there was a natural coach in me wanting to really know what this person's going through, what they were thinking and feeling rather than selling at them. So, you know, I do lots of training running around selling because at the end of the day it's not selling, it's asking. Like, if you're doing all the talking on a sales call, it's wrong. Like, it should be you ask and the person's telling you what they need, and if you've got it, great, and if you haven't, maybe you know someone that has. If not, you're not the right person for them or you haven't got the right product. So lots of people don't understand this and it makes them feel uncomfortable because they don't know whether the other person wants it. So they are literally just pitching and selling, and it's icky and horrible and none of us like it. And when we've had it done to us, it leaves that horrible feeling. So we not just remember when we've tried to do it, we remember when we've had it done, how horrible it feels on the end of it. It's like really makes quite intimidating. It's a horrible, horrible feeling. Horrible. Yeah. And that desperation that comes through from people that are desperate to sell, it's not a nice energy. You feel it, don't you? You feel it even if it's just in a shop trying to buy a pair of shoes or a dress and you've got a couple and you know it doesn't look good on you or that colour or whatever, and the salesperson's telling you how amazing it looks and you're looking and No, it doesn't. Yellow. It wasn't even a bright yellow, which I can wear. It was like a lemon, just the worst color I could wear. Honestly, I looked hideous and I bought it. And I just remember every time looking in, every time I open the cupboard thinking, yeah, no, I just should never have bought that. I got convinced into that by the very nice saleslady. I really did. I absolutely did. No two ways about it. Never wore it. Yeah. No, never went back to the shop either, actually, because I didn't want to have that same experience. So they kind of ruined the long-term sale by doing it. Yeah. So it's an interesting concept. Yeah. We could nickname that saleslady techniques, the, the yellow dress technique. No, I mean, you know, wedding dresses are even better. So obviously I just got married, I bought 7 wedding dresses, as you probably remember. Salesperson, so I'm quite good at being sold to, because of course when you have somebody who's good at this concept, they will ask you what you want. And I remember on dress 3, I bought the dress 3, and I thought, oh my God, I've now got 3 wedding dresses. In my head I was still thinking, you can wear 2 of them, you can sell one. It was still okay. I was still in acceptable levels of addiction. Uh, and then when I got to dress 4, I thought, this is getting out of hand now. You're gonna love this. And I was in the bridal shop and there was a girl came up to the reception area and she had a dress in her hand and, oh, that's exciting, you've got your dress. She went, she says, it's my 5th dress. And I remember going, you bought 5 dresses? And I don't know if in that moment, I mean, I judged her because of course we all think we don't judge, but we do, we have to. That's the way the brain works. I was thinking, oh my God, I'm okay then, I'm just about to buy 4, she's on her 5th. So And then when I bought the fifth, I thought, oh my God, I'm worse than the other girl that I judged. I have become her. I've become the judgee. I've become the judge or the judgee of both. But yeah, I remember on dress 4, so interestingly, the woman said to me— she was great— she went, what kind of bride are you? And I just stood and looked at her. I was like, what? I don't know what you mean. She said, well, are you like the sexy bride or the boho bride or the natural bride or the classy bride or the And I just went, I've got no idea. She went, oh, that might be why you bought 3 other dresses, because what I was trying to do was just one that made me look slimmer and I felt okay in. I just didn't really know what I was looking for. So if you don't know what you're looking for, you can't get it, can you? So after that, I had a think. So I tried a few dresses and I thought, oh, I am a glitzy pink bride. I am definitely— I'm 50. Well, I wasn't 50 at the time, I was 48, but I'm definitely not a classic classic bride. I'm a bit of a shocker. So it really gave me— it was a real identity journey. Um, and I still bought 7 of them because the last one I just couldn't resist and wore it as an evening reception dress. So it all worked quite well. But yeah, it was a very interesting journey. Um, I don't know how we got into that. Oh yeah, being sold to. But yeah, was I sold to? No, I was trying to sell them to myself. I was trying to convince myself that this was gonna make me feel, you know, young, slim, attractive. Showstopping, wow, everybody was going to be amazing. And then I realized actually that's not probably what I want really. What do I want really? So yeah, I want to pick best. So that's what I went for again. And you look beautiful, by the way. Stunning. Beautiful. You did beautiful. And I think that— I think that's really powerful what you just said then. Like, it's like when she asked you, what kind of— what kind of bride are you? It's like asking who you are. And I think you can apply that to every area of your life. Like in a relationship, what kind of person are you? What kind of partner are you? In a business, what kind of business owner or coach or whatever you do for your business? What kind of friend are you? What kind of, you know, who are you? If you apply that to everything that you want to do in your life and come from that stance rather than just trying to find things that fit, I think life will just flow and be so much easier. I think that's incredibly powerful. Yeah, it is. It's life on your Yeah, that's freedom. So that's thriving life. That's interesting you should say that because I've just made friends with a girl because I've just moved area. So I now live in Nottinghamshire in the UK and I just moved area and I made really good friends with another. I train and certify coaches and so does this other lady. So you think, oh no, you're arch enemies. No, no, we've become best of friends because with our conversations, you can imagine, Janine, 6 hours of la la la la la mindset stuff. It's like off the chart. And I remember when I first met up with her and she said, so she's obviously learned this. She's a little bit older than me, and she said, I'm not the kind of friend that's going to message you all the time. So just what you just said there, I'm not the kind of friend that's not going to message you, I'm not the kind of friend that's needy, but I am the kind of friend that probably wants to see you once or twice a month. We can meet up, have some nice food, have a good old chat, and if you really need me, I'm there. And I thought, that is a great way to start a friendship, because I thought, me too, because I've got some people in my life, or I did used to have, that were every day messaging me I haven't got the capacity for that, and I don't want to know what you had for breakfast. I'm sure it was lovely, but that's not the level of detail I need in a friendship. You know the one's right. You know the one's right. Same with partnership, same with everything, same with business. So like, there are millions of coaches out there. It's the fastest, one of the fastest growing industries. And it's like, I'm not the kind of person that cares about the money. And I know everybody says that, like, and I just remember somebody saying once, I was at a networking event and she said, oh, you're transformational rather than transactional. I went, oh my God, that's like the best way I could ever describe myself. I'm transformational, not transactional. Like, that absolutely is the case. It's not about you gave me the money, I gave you the time, you came and did— I'm like, let's— we're on it, we're in the journey together, we're in that transformation business. That is exactly what it is. That's the kind of business owner I am. So when someone says to me, oh, how much does it cost? I'm like, oh, do you want to know what kind of transformation you're going to get? Because it's not really— it's not about— you can give me thousands, but if I don't think you're going to get what you need, I don't really want it. I don't. I'm lucky to be in that position of my life where it's not about that. Whereas, you know, 7 years ago, I'd have— anybody could give me any money for anything, I'd have, you know, done all sorts of stuff because I was right at the beginning. But I think that ability to work out who you are and what you want in life, that is thriving. And that isn't something that happens overnight. And I think, you know, we come to a certain age definitely where we start to look inside. Sometimes we don't like what we kind. Sometimes it's a bit dark and horrible, but then actually when we start to work that out and work it out of us, we then become the person and realize, actually, I kind of like the fact that I'm a bit impatient. I can be quite bossy. I can be quite needy in some circumstances. That's just who I am, rather than trying to be something I'm not. So it's just my experience. I'm not saying that's yours, by the way, Janine. I'm sure you're none of those things. I am a saint. I am so not a saint. Right person in the right environment. Quite snooty. But anyway, so yeah, it's about celebrating yourself, isn't it? And we hear all these things, and there's lots of public speakers, motivation speakers. I think when you really understand yourself inside out and people still love you and you still love yourself throughout that journey, very, very powerful. Very— yeah, I like that. And I like starting off a friendship or relationship, business, whatever it is, into it by saying, this is who I am and just laying it out at the beginning. And it's just really simple, isn't it? Brilliant. I do have clients. I expect you to turn up on time. I expect to have undivided attention. I don't want you worrying about your phone, like turn it all off. You're here with me now. We're here in this moment. We're focused fully, both of us. I'm not going to be on my phone. You're not going to be on your phone. I'm not worried about what's happening to me later today. Neither are you. You're going to be on time. We're going to fully immerse ourselves to get the best we can from your investment. So I'll say that at the beginning. So why wouldn't I say that at the beginning of a friendship, which is, you know, is still an exchange of energy and time and love and care and effort and whatever else. So yeah. Yeah. I like, I like that if you're going for dinner with someone as well, like just put your phones away. You don't need the phones. We're sitting together, having a conversation and connecting over a meal. Let's enjoy the meal and the time together. Put the phones aside, put them on silent, turn them face down, or leave them in your bag. Bag. And then at the end, you know, if you're really waiting on something, you know, important, just, just, just have a quick check, go to the loo, check your phone, come back and be present in that moment. It's a wee break. It's a wee break. Have a wee break. Phone break. You don't need to go outside for a cigarette, really. Checking your phone, that's a new cigarette break, isn't it? Break. Yes, that's what it is. I just connect with— text break, having a WhatsApp break. Ah, so what's next on the horizon for you? Oh, Janine, Janine, Janine, what's next on the horizon for me? Uh, that's a really good question. So if you'd have asked me this 6 months ago, I would have said my She Coaches program. So, um, I— there's only one of me, um, so I very quickly worked out that to be able to have the world domination— no, in all seriousness, the ripple effect, let's call on it. There's only so much I can do. So then there's lots of people I know that would be really good deep structure mindset coaches, so real Mindset Reset experts. So, you know, coaches are coaches, and I'm not saying anything wrong with them, they're brilliant, I'm sure they're all doing a great job. But actually there's a difference between really wanting to get in underneath what's going on for people and help them from that part, rather than external stuff that's going on and accountability and advising and like, which I think most people are confused what coaching really is. They think it's mentoring and consulting and advising, which I do as well, but they're very different. That's outside of you, whereas the real coaching— surface level stuff as well, isn't it? That's like the details on the top. I see. It's important, don't get me wrong, you know, sometimes people do need some skills and an answer to something outside of them, which is fine. But I know there's lots of people, and I've built quite a big community with She Enjoys over the last 7 years, and there's lots of people that I could see the potential of. So I was certified as an NLP trainer in 2015, um, and so spent 3 years creating my own version. So I didn't just want to teach NLP, as powerful as it is. Lots of people learn it and then do nothing with it, or they just go, oh yeah, I kind of remember that parts integration, I kind of remember that timeline stuff. But I wanted people to use it and find the power of it and put it into their business, put it into their life. So my, uh, She Coaches is a structure, that 6-month certification where they do the private work themselves because they're in a group. So they're coaching each other. So they're letting go of all their own stuff, which is really important not to get triggered when you get into coaching other people. Um, and also then learning those different techniques of which, you know, there are boundless amounts to really help people to not just understand what's happening, but to reset it and give them a solution to move forward. So real kind of, you know, high-performance stuff. Um, so yeah, it's beautiful. So I launched that in January. Which was only last month, 10 years ago already. It's so normal now. So yes, I'm launching another cohort on the 4th of May. So 11 lucky women will go through that program and they come from, you know, some of them are in corporate career where they know they need these skills, these high-level advanced communication skills for inside of themselves, their own self-talk and outside to get themselves up the career ladder, to deal with their teams, to be able to just know how, have that confidence, that inner knowing, right through to somebody who is like, I don't know what I want to do with life. I'm really bored with my job. And I know I want to make a difference and I don't know how. And, you know, every sort of part of that spectrum. So yeah, that's kind of what's still a bit new for me, but it's not really that new because I've been doing it. It's just formally there now as a program that people can do for a very affordable fee. They can create a completely new, well, thriving kind of business where they can help people and help themselves while they're learning. So yeah, probably the best thing I've ever done in my career. So I can honestly say that in my 50th year, here. I did the best thing I could have done for us. Like, a bit of emotional— best thing I could have done for my own and for the world at large, which is now my focus. So, um, probably just more of that, I would imagine, Janine. And then helping those people to really find their place in the world, making sure they're doing the best they can, um, because it is quite a scary journey. You know, a lot of women will say, well, who am I to change people's lives? Who am I to change the world? Well, why not? Why not you? Everybody has that capability if they believe it. Um, so yeah, as you know, it only takes one, one person can have a massive impact on the world, but for the better or for the worse. And, and in a huge way, yeah, one sentence or just one silence where someone can express themselves can change everything. It's very— I don't think any of us realize the power we have on everything and everyone around us. Very, very powerful we are as humans. Yeah, I like that, one sentence or one silence. That's, yeah, that's really powerful. I think what you're doing is incredible. So not only are you coaching people that want to be coaches, they can apply it just to their regular work, and so that they can know how to interact with others better and get the results that they want from their team. So I think that's, that's great as well. And more so themselves, like the self-talk is everything. Self-talk comes from belief, creates the feeling. If the self-talk is wrong, life is wrong, it feels wrong, even if you're doing what you think you should be doing. You're doing, if you're telling yourself you're not good at it or you're not, you know, you're not doing it right or whatever it is, it will be wrong. And so that self-talk is everything. So I think that if I could teach the world any one thing, it would be sort their own self-talk out. I spend a lot of my time doing that. And you know, it's hard because you've said that stuff to yourself for a long, long time. Oh, you silly cow, or you stupid idiot, or why do you do that? No one's gonna love you, no one's gonna care. Why have you eaten that again? I don't know why, you know, why would they accept you for that? Or, you 'No, you're not lovable, the last person left.' Like, we're full of this kind of dialogue, this story, uh, this script, whatever you want to call it, that we're running the whole time, of which most of it is based on how we believed something happened in the past, which is not true anyway. Uh, as you said, it's all made up. Um, it's all made up and it's mad. It's made up and mad. That's your phrase today. It is. It's crazy. Some of the stuff I hear come out of really incredible people's mouths, just like, what? My wife being one of them. I mean, she is the most talented, high-achieving woman I know. And she'll say, oh, I don't know if I'm any good at that. I'm like, you've just done it. Like, you've just— honestly, like, what? Uh, she said, I don't think I'm very good at baking. You're like, you've just baked the best lemon meringue pie I've ever had in my life, and I've eaten all the lemon meringue pies. Like, how can you— it's just there, the evidence is there, and you're still saying, I don't know if I'm very good at that. Everybody told you how amazing it was. You ate it and liked it. I ate it and liked it, and I'm a connoisseur of lemon meringue and you still don't think you could. It's just crazy, isn't it? And she's not alone. I'm not, you know, she'll be watching this going, oh my God, how can you be talking about me? She's very private and shy. But yeah, it's true. We're all doing it, aren't we? Yeah. And Emma is an incredible cook and baker because I've sampled many of her dishes and they're incredible. So yes, I will second that. And I love a lemon meringue pie. So next time she makes one, let me know. Yeah. That's it. If you want lemon meringue, put it on. Very good at that. I'd be like, don't be so insane, get it on. Yeah, I just had a flashback to school. Lemon meringue pie was the first thing I learned to make at school. Remember, they used to do cooking classes? I don't know if they do that these days, but when I was at school, used to do in home economics, teach you how to cook. So lemon meringue pie, there you go. It was, um, cottage pie. I can do a cottage pie and I can make a pizza. They're the two things I remember. There must have been more, but they're the ones I remember. Yeah, and then I'm real devastated we didn't do cake. Why didn't we do cake? No! My cake addiction doesn't come from school. Definitely not, no. Anyway, so what's going on next for you then, Janine? Does anybody ever ask you? No, no, no, because I'm young and I'm just sort of sat here listening to all the amazingness that pours out of everyone else, which is lovely. But no, what's next for me? So I'm writing my book, which is exciting. So I've only got a couple of chapters left. So that will be coming out soon. I guess I will— I guess I should speak about it on the show when it does, actually. Yeah, I do this show and nobody really knows anything about me. Janine, missing a trick here, Viv. I'm missing a trick. I just want everyone else to shine. So I'm doing that, um, and I'm working with people. I'm doing the deep stuff like you, like the deep transformational work. So I love what you said, it's about transformation, not transactional. Feel, because I definitely— where I sit, I sit in that camp. I don't like— somebody says like, how long's the session? I don't put a time on it. It's not like, oh, it's an hour, it's this. I'm just like, it's what— it's what's needed. And like, I did a session last week with a woman, it's like 2 and a half hours I was with her because she's deep, deep stuff. So I guess I'm just focusing on like, just— I just want people to be happy and have the best life, and that's what I want to do. So I want to keep building stuff around that and do— yeah, do that bit more of that really. I'm just loving it. I'll give you a plug if you're not gonna. What's the book called? It's called— at the minute it's called Goal Getter because it's about getting your goals and setting, setting your goals, being that, yeah, and getting them. And it's, it's a bit punchy, but, uh, it's quite fun. I just sort of reread a bit, some of it this morning actually, so I was laughing going, did I write that? I hear you, it's bizarre, right? Yeah, I just read it back. I remember writing that the day when I drank 4 bottles of prosecco. I don't remember that. No, I'm joking. Oh, it's interesting. Well, it comes from the unconscious, some of it. So your unconscious is obviously helping you write that book. So I think I've been channeling some of it and writing. I generally don't— I literally this morning, just before I came on, I, um, reread some of it. I thought, well, let's have a refresh where I'm at. I generally don't remember writing it, so I'm like, oh, okay, cool, it sounds quite good, so I'll go with that. Went through my Trello board a few weeks ago and I've got programs I wrote on there 5 years ago. Like, oh, crikey, I forgot all about that. That was genius. I need to do that now. I think sometimes we store the information because it's not right for right then. It's right for us for another time. I think writing down, maybe. I think you're better than the title Goal Getter. I'm going to say that. Yeah, I think you need words like who, who, who, who is it targeted towards? That's just my— can't take the coach out with me, I'm afraid. Um, yeah, like, who is it, who is it targeted for? Ladies, for the ladies, all the ladies. I think it's, um, I think I just called it that just to give it a title, just to give it like a start point, like an anchor. And I think, I think, I don't know, I thought you write the book and then the title will come. I agree. It does. Yeah. Because then it really sort of comes out. The Mindset for Business, The Mindset for Business, like it just literally came out of my mouth once and someone said, what's it about? It's always about the mindset for business. And then I went, oh my God, that's the title. Literally just like that. That was it. I've been agonizing and, you know, vision boards and books and what I'd done, all sorts of stuff. And then it literally just came out my mouth. I'm like, oh no, that's correct. That's exactly what it is. Yeah. Do you know what's interesting? I started writing this book a couple of months back, and I've done a lot of deep work on myself because I believe you can't coach others if you don't coach yourself as well. And I was just literally going through— I made like offline memos, the Post-it notes got here— um, for the last couple of chapters. And I, I feel like I'm a different person than when I started the book. And I've read through it, and I'm thinking I might need to rewrite the whole book because I don't feel like I'm that person anymore. It feels bizarre. Yeah, I don't want to do that because I spent a lot of time writing it. Write a book voice to text, so record it and then get it transcribed, and then you're editing rather than writing. That's how I write everything now. Yeah, because inspiration comes out of my mouth when I'm talking. It doesn't necessarily translate when I'm editing it as I'm going along because you can't help but self-edit. So actually, people say when I read read your book, it's like having you in front of me speaking. I can literally hear you saying it. I'm like, yeah, because I literally said it into the, the bit of equipment that then translated into words and put it onto the paper. So that's why. So yeah, maybe go back and just voice some of it over and reply. You might find that it'll fit in, is my thought on it for you, because we all work differently. I find that, um, I work better when I'm talking to a person, and my goal and my wisdom, if you like, comes through when I'm with someone else. If I'm on my own, I find it harder seem activate that. I don't know why, but I think it's because I tune into other people's energy and then it, and then it comes because it's like I'm serving that person rather than— yeah, but yes, we've all got our own styles. But there you go, there's a little insight into how my brain works. That's been joyful, darling. Thank you very much. Good luck with it all. There we go. I have to come on my podcast and talk to you about your book, won't you? So we'll do a swap. Oh yeah, you're launching a podcast? Have you launched But yes, we've all got our own styles. But there you go. There's a little insight into how my brain works. That's been joyful, darling. Thank you very much. You'll have to come on my podcast and talk to you about your book, won't you? So we'll do a swap. Oh yeah, you're launching a podcast. Have you launched it yet? Yeah, it's been going for years actually. I'm probably going to relaunch it actually. Doing a bit of a relaunch. So it's going to have a slightly different structure to it. So yeah, you'll have to come on. Why did I think you were just launching one? What's it called? What's the name of your podcast? Mindset for Business. Mindset for Business, done. It kind of lines up really well. I'm going to create, well, I'm creating one that's going to be for coaches and it's going to be a 7-minute podcast with 7 specific questions so that we can really get to the bottom of like, cause I'm deep structure stuff. So yeah, I think that's what I'm going to do. So I'll have you on that. Yes. Yeah. 7 minutes. Yeah. I like that. It's short. There's something about 7 minutes as well, isn't there? I set up a group years ago called 7 Minutes, like 7-minute habits. And it's even just like, even when you like starting exercising or anything, just do it for 7 minutes. Yes. Is that— I didn't know that. Everything I've got, like a lot of my programs are 7 steps, 7 days, 7— definitely 7. My Mindset Reset is all 7 steps. Yeah, everything's 7. So I don't know why. I'm a Manifestor 8, so I don't know why that is. But yes. So yes. What do you mean by Manifestor 8? You've mentioned this a couple of times. People listening. So in numerology. So if you take all your name and your date of birth and all sorts of stuff, I don't know how they work. It, but I was told I was a life path 8, which is a manifestor, which is about right. Is this the one that works out on your name and your date of birth? Like it's the numbers added together? I've done that, I'm a 6. I have no idea what it means. I don't know what that means, but I don't— I'm not an expert on this, but I just think I thought I like the number 8 and I am a manifestor. I'm having it. Thank you. And I'm going to use that as part of my identity now. So I'm attached to it. It is part of me. It's a positive thing to be attached to. Rather than a negative thing. Yes, you're a number 2, you're a worrier. No, I'm not, thank you very much. You can bugger off with that. I'm not interested in being a worrier. No, thank you. I'm a worrier. Yeah. So if someone's listening now at home and they're stuck on something, um, so they've got some negative mind chatter, what could they do to— what could you give— could you give them like a little process now so they can try it out, like flavor of what working with you is like so that they can, well, experience it and then know. There's two things I can, I'll do that in a moment. Uh, also, uh, if you go to my website, she-enjoys.com, you can book a free call and it is a free laser coaching call. It's 15 minutes. So very precise, 15 questions to help you understand what's going on. Um, but in the meantime, if you've got a belief, if you can catch the self-talk for it, that's the first thing. So you literally catch it, imagine yourself catching it. So it could be, oh, I'm no good at that. Let's just hyper, you know, so I'm no good at, I'm no good at sales. Just catch that thought. And literally just look at it, but literally just look at it in your hand. What is it even? Where did it come from? Because if we can analyze something outside of ourselves, we call it dissociation, then it's more powerful because while it's in us, we're too close to it. So if we can get it out onto hand and look at that, what is it? What is it? Is it true even? That's the next question. So they call this the 3 steps. So catch it, analyze it, and just ask it some questions. What are you? Who are you? Where the hell did you come from? And then decide if it's true. And the third step is if it's not true, just think about what is true, put it on the hand and put it back into your head because that is the truth. And if you can do that every time you catch a negative self-talk, eventually you'll start to laugh at your negative self-talk. And when you've got a sense of humor with it, it no longer can power you. It can't disempower you, it can't power you. It just doesn't even exist. And eventually, as soon as you— what will happen is as soon as that negative one comes in, your brain will remember the positive and go, oh no, that's what I used to think. 'And I don't think that anymore.' And off you go with your new belief. Yeah, that's great. It's really simple but very effective, isn't it? It's a great tool. And that separation— like, I love that, that separate and imagine seeing it in your hands, because when it's in your head, you think it's you, you think that's who you are. But if you put it in your hand, it's— that's— yeah, it's just a thing, isn't it? It just becomes an object rather than who you are. I think we can analyze that it's outside of us. So when we can do that, it's much easier. That's why we can help everybody else, because it's outside of us. We can give them all the advice and we can work out what's going on, whereas the stuff inside us is too close. It's in us. We can't get it out. We can't get it out and analyze it. Yeah, I like that. Or imagine if it was someone, someone else who were helping and they were thinking that. How would we advise them? I think that's quite a nice way of doing it. It's the same thing, isn't it? Like a separation thing. That's cool. So, um, but your coaching qualification— is it a qualification then that people get? How do people contact you if they're interested in doing this She Coaches qualification with you. Yeah, so they can go to the same website and it's at the bottom, or they can go to she-coaches.com. I like to keep things nice and simple in my world. She enjoys— it was a hyphen because otherwise it looks weird as a web domain. She-enjoys or she-coaches.com. And there's all the ways of then getting in touch with me, having a call with me, or trying me, or watching videos. There's all sorts of stuff on both of those sites to learn a bit more rather than have to have a sales call that everybody's scared of. Not that I do a ethical, because it's no point. You're either interested or you're not. It's as simple as that, really. And as we've discussed, we don't sell. You don't sell. You just provide what people want. Yes, we attract and then we decide. That's what we do. Yes. And I can thoroughly recommend Viv for anybody listening, because I've actually experienced your coaching, and I know you are brilliant, and you know what you're doing, and you're very ethical and very heart-led, and you're amazing at what you do. So I think the fact that you're coaching training people that are going to be out in the world to be coaches from your ethos, I think is incredible because there's a lot of people out there coaching people to be coaches or do NLP, like they do a 3-day or a 7-day NLP course and think they're an NLP practitioner. I'm like, what? I try not to be triggered on social media, but when I see that, I lose it. Honestly, I'm like, oh, you just gotta step away from that post, Vivienne, just don't go there. It's not your stuff, not your circus, not your monkeys. Keep away. But yeah, it's true. It's true. Yeah, it's, it's an interesting interesting one. And I get a lot of people that have had those people coach them. Oh, I work with an NLP coach. Did you? What happened? Oh no, no, that wasn't NLP coaching. I don't know what that was. I don't know where they learned that, but that was not right. And there's a lot of damage can be done. Uh, you know, listening is a skill anyone can have and can help anybody realistically, but actually leading people in the wrong direction and reprogramming the neuropathways, which is what NLP does, in the wrong way can keep people in a worse position especially if they're dealing with some really big stuff like PTSD. You know, triggered people will try and find a coach, and actually, if they're triggered and they find the wrong coach, then actually they can be stuck in those triggers. It's a really— yeah, it's really problematic. They have to be with the right people. Um, it's a bit like the bloke down at the pub, would you? You just wouldn't have Botox or you— or a tattoo from the bloke down the pub. And yet, for some reason, we'll have a free coaching session for someone that's just tried I think that's where I've been going wrong, Viv. That's why I've got an eyebrow up here and I've got a tattoo with a queen down one side. Looks like she's had a stroke. Oh no, I'm kidding, I have no tattoos. But, um, yeah, no, I know it is, it's dangerous. And then I think also when people are having sessions with people like that that aren't fully trained, you know, I mean, trained by someone like yourself who actually knows ethically what to do in all the steps, then people have a bad experience of that. And not only do they get re-traumatized, which is more damaging, which is really, really scary, they then think that NLP— that's what NLP is. And then it has a negative impact on anyone who's actually good at it and, and can actually serve. Or what happens to me quite a lot is, well, they've spent a lot of money and then they can't afford to get it fixed. Like, if it was literally— in all seriousness, if you went and had a tattoo by somebody who was a really bad tattoo artist, it's a lot of money to get it removed. And then you've got to wait for the skin and you've got to save up for the money. It's exactly the same. So a lot of people are really, really in quite a desperate place. And, you know, again, another reason I started the foundation because, you know, some people desperately need the help and I'm in service, you know, I'm a spiritualist, I'm in service to the world. So, um, but you know, I still have to pay my rent. So, you know, there has to be that balance and that's, that's how I get that balance really. So, um, yeah. And I've got a few of my clients have set up foundations. In fact, one of my clients, I should get her had to have an interview with you actually. Um, she's just set up a foundation that's around mental health so people can get that support and help they want, and she's brought a load of, you know, co-collaborators into that as well. So we're all doing some amazing work. Um, so yeah, what's, what's her name? What's the foundation? Uh, do you know what, they've only just set the, um, the ICO up, so I don't know what the, what it's called actually, but her name's Judith Hanson. But I'll introduce you. You've met Judith. You've met Judith. Yes, I have. Yes, just set up a not-for-profit. So yes, to help people with their mental health. Um, she's in that part of her life where she really wants to do the give back part and leave a legacy. So, um, yeah, that's lovely. Let's get her on, let's get her on the show sharing her awesomeness. I've got to go now. We could sit here all day doing this, couldn't we, Janine? We really should. No, we're going to sit and chew the fat, yeah, talking about life. Oh, Vivienne, it was an absolute pleasure chatting to you. Thank you so much for coming on. You shared some absolute gold. Incredible. I'm sure all the listeners have I've loved everything that you've shared and some real life-changing advice there as well. So thank you for that. Um, wishing you the best of luck with your coaching and everything that you're doing. I know you're bringing awesomeness in. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Love speaking to you. And, um, yeah, thank you so much, everyone. Thank you for listening. This has been the Eat Love Do Show. Janine Newbury, my lovely guest, has been the bundle of joy, Vivian Joy. Um, thank you all for listening. It will be on 9 AM and 9 PM every day all week, so keep listening up. There's a fantastic guest on expert in their field. Every week I chat to somebody different sharing absolute awesomeness. I hope you've loved this week's show and continue loving our show. Remember to follow us on our socials and also head over to eatlove.com and read up some of the articles that some of our fantastic guests share. So until next time, be healthy, be happy, and eat, love, do yourself to a happy, healthy, wealthier life.