Free Your Mind – Lyndsey Austin, How I Said No

Hello and welcome to Free Your Mind, Let's Talk About It with LKJ for www.womensradiostation.com, the radio station which is multi-award-winning. The presenters— what the show believes in is mental health, uplifting, changing your mind so that you know who you are, that you are enough, you are worth every inch of your body, whether weight, size, the scales aren't important. The scales we have to balance in life is that we balance it with kindness, respect, love, honour, and the well-being of another human being. And when you see that and you look through their voice and the power within, Many people have gone through many challenges through their life, and when we come on to Free Your Mind, let's talk about LBJ. Doesn't matter who you are, we are all equal. We must remember that we are equal and our voice is equal, but we must not incite anger, hate through our voice. We must show to the world who we are. If you have had challenges in your life, that becomes your story, that's your journey. Because when we feel pain, as I often say, it's the only way you know what true love is. Because if love was so free— people give love too freely— does it have meaning? Does it have worth? How do you learn to say no? In domestic violence, abuse, mental health, how do you learn to say no? That no begins with you and your mindset. To clear out the fog, have clarity, to have vision, know where you're going, to believe in yourself that you are enough. And that you know then when you have that belief, you can be, come and put your do, your purpose in place. By putting it in place with your be and your do is Exactly what Tiffany Butler says on her TV show. And she said, lent her voice to Free Your Mind, let's talk about it, for people suffering, how to believe in yourself. And then when you get that balance of that scale, you will have your have. Your brand will grow. If you're working on looking for that presentation to be finally accepted or writing a book that somebody signs it, you will have your have because you believe in yourself and your mindset has changed. And there's many mindset coaches, life transformation coaches that all have specialized in certain areas. And I'm honored on the last show of January, how many of you kept to your New Year's resolution? How many are you, you know, doing what you should do? But what we must do as we go into the month of February is that We still believe we're enough. We know our mindset, how we've been doing. Have you bought and filled the journal in that you may have had for Christmas or a notepad? Everything you went through for Christmas. Did you have a great Christmas? What did you plan before Christmas? Did you go to any parties before? You know, it's good to express that. Write it down because the power of the pen is very good. We're very, very fortunate. Today because not only do I know this guest personally, she's infectious, she's inspiring, she's incredible. She never cites any hatred through her voice. She empowers the people around her to believe, and her love of music, her energy is off the scale. People say my energy is off the scale, but she would love to teach me to dance, and I can't do that because I have hidden disability. Disabilities with my epilepsy and stuff, have to be very careful except to what I do because of triggers and that. So coming out and overexerting myself is my excuse for not going to the gym. So yes, you can all be laughing here, and I know she's gonna laugh when she's gone, but this lady is, as I said, incredible and inspiring. Her own journey that she suffered, her own mental health challenges. And I always believe when you've walked in the challenge of mental health You then learn— now, Lindsay Austin is who's our guest coming on in a few moments. She knows when she says no, it needs no explanation. When she says yes, she has her reason, and that doesn't need to— what she will teach with her program and everything that she's got out is how to join with fitness and the mindset. She's an award-winning, number one best-selling author, and I actually bought her book. I actually contributed to that because she's so empowering on the flight of the butterfly. And we're going to talk about many things here, but I'm going to bring Lindsay in in a moment. I'm going to ask her to explain in her own words because that's her voice and she must tell us, for the listeners. It's going to be infectious, it's going to be uplifting, and she's going to uplift and transform your mindset. Join us. But at the same time, the first part of this, we have to tell her story. The second part is about where we go into positivity, into how we can change, how we can do that. So two parts, very important. But on that note, Lindsay Austin, welcome to Free Your Mind, Let's Talk About It. Now, I'm not going to get up and dance, but welcome to the show. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. Thank you so much for lending your voice to this show, to us as a listener that can hear how you can turn your life around. So may I ask you to, in your own words, explain to the listener at home who you are, and then I'm going to take you back to where you came from, and then we're going to start the journey back from being a child. But first and foremost, introduce yourself, please. Oh, hi, Lady Kendra Jagger. Thank you so much for having me on the show for the end of the month, the end of January. It's amazing. I hope you had a great Christmas and New Year, and I hope you've been sticking to your resolutions as well. Um, do we believe in resolutions though? No, I think we should just go with flow and being now and create the best version of ourselves where we want to be, a whole and complete in ourselves. Um, yeah, so for me, I— my, my branding is Lindsay Austin's Transformations, and that is where I transform you back. We go back into the cocoon and we transform you out to the beautiful butterfly to transform your life in all aspects in your life where you feel you need it, whether it be love and relationships, whether it be in work, careers, fitness, health, spiritual, all areas of your life. That's why I work on— as from coming and going from so many traumas and adversity in all them areas, I have grew through it and gone through it and done the steps and done the work myself to heal from it. So that's why I can cover so many areas of things, um, in trauma and adversity. So yeah, it's amazing to have— be on your show today, ladies. So yeah, um, I hope everyone's well. I hope everyone's gonna sit back and enjoy the listen. So yeah, amazing. Thank you so much. So listen, here we go now. I always believe, you know, when we get there, so bring everyone to calm down, you know, we're in this, um, thing for our minds. If we listen to somebody's voice, take the time to listen, to understand the message. And this could cause a trigger alert to many people listening because Lindsay's story is quite painful that she went through. But we're going to start, Lindsay, as I do. I'm going to take you back to your childhood. Where was you born, Lindsay? So me, I was born in the Midlands, Coventry in the Midlands. And as I say, my first ever, as in why I went into my adult life and living it from my child life, was my dad. Um, attacking my mother. Um, it's my first ever childhood memory. So to see domestic violence from the age of 3 and remembering it, actually remembering seeing him stab my mum in the face on the fork on Christmas Day was like my first traumatic experience. And then from there it went on regular, regular, till my mum left. Um, let me just stop you just on that. Because for somebody that may be having a trigger alert, that's a very, very serious thing that you had. Because for the human brain, when a child is born, to come out at the age of 3, the brain is fully formed, the muscle now is working, it's understanding, and now the child has been taught by that parent to walk, talk, and everything. Did you have any other siblings? Had a sister, yeah, my sister, she was there. And older or younger than you? She's 11 months older than me. She's 11 months older than me. At that point, we have two children, and when we talk about mental health and we're going back to when you have two children, when the child— we've seen many TV adverts going out where that child has hands in their covering their eyes, over their ears, cuddling to the— please, under the covers. Yeah. So from the age of 3, when you first saw your father take a fork from the Christmas Day table and stab it into your mother's face— shock, horror, screaming, like that, you know, irritability. Yeah, well, it was so— for myself, sorry, um, so from this very traumatic going on Did your father then the next day reward her with, um, presents? I'm sorry, love you, sorry, like that? No, see how it was, he'd already kicked— he's already kicked her out the house. He invited her around for Christmas dinner, so we was there, like, he'd invited her for Christmas dinner, try and make it all rosy, and then he kicked her out the house. So everything was just had to be back to normal, but it was never normal. Because when you see traumatic things like that, you will, you have this, this inner fear. It's a fear, fear. So I was always on edge. I was blinking, nervous, twitching all the time. It got me in my nervous system. The trauma went into my nervous system, and that's how it came out of me, by having a blinking habit and a twitching habit. And then I'd get hit for blinking. Yeah. And wet, bedwetting. It all came out in that way. The trauma, my childhood trauma. That's how it came out. And I was always lost. I felt I was very lost and loved. Hmm, very alone. We are here, and it's something I would like to touch on to the listener. We must really seriously look at domestic violence, that, and the narcissism. So we need to be working on more, and when to say no, this isn't right. The first strike is like a dog. If a dog bites you once, it's going to come back for more until that dog has savaged you. And unfortunately, we have the hindsight to see as police officers, social workers, removing mothers, and also men, because men suffer and get kicked and beaten by the wives, and people don't think they do, but they're too far ashamed to say I can't do it because I'm meant to be a man. So equally, we must say on that first strike, I've got to go. When they come back, I'm sorry, it'll come back. Christmas, as we know, heightens everything. The messages before Christmas come out. Northampton Police, for instance, they sent a very strong message over Christmas about domestic violence. What they want to do, how they were going to tackle that, you know. Now, when they're saying, you know, they're not going to make excuses or for this, you know, oh, you know, I had too much drink, I had that, it doesn't normally happen, this isn't right, you know, or anything like that, this isn't how I normally behave, etc., etc., you know, on that, but Nobody has the right to silence your voice or hit you. Nobody, yeah. From that Christmas when that first happened, I just want you to explain your life because we need to pare this down. Because sometimes when we're going through, it'll help you, this exercise as well, because when you're touching on it, we tend to speed up in our voice because you're trying to get through into I need to explain, and I know it's very traumatic, but it will help. Well, I've healed from it. So for me, when I wrote my book and when I speak about— I don't— and this is where I want people to get to— share your voice. When you start speaking and sharing your voice and your voice stops shaking and you tell your story so many times, it helps you heal. And the more you share, you have that ripple effect to help others. I have no no qualms in hiding anything or speaking about it, because for me now I've healed. And my point to anyone else out there, they can too as well. They can. If I can, I'm no different than anybody else. And sharing my voice has helped me. Like you said, Jags, it's all about sharing. The more you speak about it, getting out there, getting out there, the more you speak, the more you heal. You heal and you grow. It's when you hold it within, when you hold the trauma within and the adversity, that's when it's going to eat you up inside. Absolutely. And once you've got that, it's, you know, it's not your fault. It's not your fault. But if you don't deal with it, you start with that first thing that you had at 3 years of age. You were stuck with a thing which was a shock to the brain, which is called acute trauma. When it happens again and again and again, becomes chronic. It was all my life. I never thought— I thought that's how it was. One minute, one minute, one minute, because I need to— the listener, uh, just hold fire. You're going really fast here. Um, what I'm trying to say is, for the listeners at home, when you are 3 years of age and you've done that, you've been struck, that's your first trauma. If you don't do it, then goes into chronic because you don't know how to deal with this as a child. Then when you get into your teenage years, you're going to have post-traumatic stress from that. These actions as your peers is how we're teaching our children. Nobody teaches a child to be a thief at 3, 5. They don't know. And when they start striking out or hitting their brother or sister, getting older at 7 or 8 or 9, because they think it's normal, language, body language to do. So for you, yes, I know where you were jumping in there about the trauma, the acute. Now, if I can, I know because it brings out an irritability that you just need to get through it and tell the next bit because you want to jump. That's part of what we call in our mental health, you're having a trigger moment, you need to jump over it. Let me go back, let me speed up my voice to go back. So we need to slow back down to that point. So at that point in as a child, how did you feel with having that strike of acute trauma? I felt like that was how I knew deep down that that wasn't right. That's not how life should be. Hurt, hurt, neglected, scared, scared, hurt, neglected all the time. Abandoned, you know, not loved and loved, all of these things, all the things. Um, yeah, all the things. Not loved, abandoned, because I thought my mum had abandoned me, but my dad kicked her out. Um, all those things. Um, pain, hurt, sad. I don't ever remember thinking, oh my gosh, I feel really happy, ever. So let me just touch back on that. So in the controlling of your father at that young age. He controlled his mum to frighten her to say, "Those children are mine." So he became your main parent that would take you to school, etc. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So he was responsible to bring— So without your mother being present at that time and going out to try and see, do you think you were loved growing up? Because your mind had been filled with lies and everything that believe your mother was this horrible person doing that and coming in and it— and for him, his explanation would be it was your fault. Oh no, he didn't do that. What he did was he kicked her out. I felt abandoned because my mum— he wouldn't let me see my mum. He then moved a girl— he moved out the house and we moved into a girl's— a woman's house around the corner that he was seeing. So he wasn't— we wasn't on our own with my dad for like for about 3 weeks, I think. That was about it, and then he— we moved in around the corner with another woman. And how did you live with your father and that other lady? Oh, she was awful as well. She wasn't kind. When you said she wasn't kind, so he then taken you from the love of your mother's arm, who had been attacked, everything, to say this isn't right, and 3 weeks later moved in with another lady and put you as your children, as a father, responsible as the peer that created you, then put you into a further volatile situation. Yeah. Can you explain to the viewers and the listeners, um, of this— sorry, the listeners onto this— what did she do to you there? He said she was a troll. She— so basically, my mom bought us twin prams for Christmas, the Christmas after this was as well, And I remember she sold the prams to decorate her living room. If I wet the bed, she would hit me. I had long hair, so did my sister. She cut our hair short, cropped short. She used to make our clothes, but really make ugly-looking clothes. I was always hungry. I remember always being hungry. I remember she cooked a cake once, banana loaf, and I ate too much and I got beaten with one of the wooden spoons. The big wooden spoons that you have hanging on the kitchen wall. Um, it was just like, just, she used to speak to me really cruel all the time, more me so than my sister. Um, just wasn't kind, just spoke to me horrible all the time. Did she have any children herself? She had two children. And she used to take the light bulb out on the ceiling as well because I was scared of the dark at nighttime. Can you say that again? She took the light— she used to take the light bulb out the landing. Yeah, because I was scared of the dark. Just to be cruel. So then I'd have to sleep in the dark. Oh my goodness, that is, that is like, whoa. That's why I had to ask you to repeat that. And for anybody at home listening to this, that's abuse. Abuse, abuse, abuse. When you take something out to cause fear to a child's mind, or even to an adult, whatever, But from a small age, how old was you then? So you was about 4? 7? No, about 7 then. So we went to live around with her when I was 4, about 4, yeah, yeah, 4. It might have been my 4th, 4th, when I was 4. Christmas probably was about 3 or 4. I was very young, but I lived there. I went back to live with my mum when I was 10, so this happened for years, for years this went on. It wasn't, yeah. I went on for years. So when we're looking at that, how long did you— how long was you subject to that, particularly for this woman and your father? And did she treat the children in the same respect as she treated you, her own children? No, because I was the one that was— I would bed wet. And blink. So I was like the— and I was the youngest as well. I was just the one that they was all— yeah, the kids weren't very nice either. They were just kids being spiteful, you know, nothing really drastic, drastically nasty. Yeah. How old was you, Lyndsay, when you left that situation? I— when the court battle went on for 3 years between— I remember once my dad won the case. I was like, oh my God. So I went to court And I'll never forget, he came back and the welfare officer said, he said, "I've won you, girls. Your mum hasn't won yet." I remember thinking, oh my God, I'm never going to see my mum. All I wanted was my mum. So my mum took it back to court. I begged my mum. She came and met me one day at school. She was hiding in the bushes. I said, "Mum, please, please take it back to court." So she did. And then she won. And I was 10. And I forget, it was just before my 10th, just after my 10th birthday. And he literally came back from court. He said, "You're out of here." put all my clothes in a bin bag, and by the time— my mum never forgets— by the time my mum got the bus home back from court to my auntie's where we were going to live, he'd already had me there. I was already standing outside the house with my bin bag and clothes and my hair chopped short. What age was that? 10 years of age. 10 years of age, yeah. And all I had was a bin bag of clothes, yeah, and I was standing on the doorstep waiting for my mum. Because he just dropped me there and told me to get out of the car. Did life improve for you from— did you have any contact with your father after that, or did you just, just you with your mum? Uh, just me and my mum, that was it. Yeah, that was it. It used to really hit me hard as well. Did you have a happy, um, from being 10 to 16? Right, that's when— so that's what I did first few years, and then I rebelled. I think all my trauma came out when I got into puberty. So I had a great relationship with my mom, my mom and my stepdad, and then, um, I was quite jealous of my stepdad because I hadn't had like the love and comfort from my mom. And then, um, yeah, so when I went to school, to teenage years, that's when I rebelled. I think everything just come to a head. Like, my mom literally used to buy me everything I wanted. She was obviously trying to make up for the lost time, and it had that other effect where I started truancy from school, smoking, drinking, and then started dating bad boys. And that was when I met another bad boy that was just like my dad, worse. Can we go further? Are you okay to go further? Yeah, yeah, of course. Lovely. We do appreciate you at the radio station for the listeners at home, as now your voice is slowing now and opening up to come in there. And when you talk about trauma, like we're saying about the triggers, so, you know, I'm so— what's the word? I'm in awe of you, in the power of you to be doing this, to go back to what you had from that children where people are happy. So yeah, continue, Lindsay, you know. Yeah, so then I dated a Rastafarian guy, my children's father actually, and he was exactly like my dad. So violent, violent. Um, I was 15 when I met him, and I actually thought— I never forget the first time we went out to date, a few dates with him. He didn't just slap me around my face, he beat me. And I was like, I think because I've been beaten my whole life, but this was worse. I thought now this is going to continue with the men that I'm with. And like, and what was happening, I just didn't know no different, you know what I mean? I knew it wasn't right, but I was picked up. They say like you pick up someone like your father, don't you, if you don't change. Yeah. Um, and then we— I kept running away from home. My mom was like, Lindsay, please come home. I was only 15. I was literally so rebelled on my mum, it was terrible. And then we moved into a flat in a big storey flat in the country town centre, and his brother's girlfriend was a prostitute on the streets. And he said to me, well, Lindsay, we need some money, what are you going to do? So me, I was like, oh, okay, then I'll do it. So I was prostituted. I was on the street selling myself at 15. And it was absolutely horrendous. I was raped there, beaten, taking crack, heroin, more so crack than heroin. I did heroin a few times just to like numb the effect, but he used to smoke crack as well. So we'd do it together, we'd do it with his brother and his brother's girlfriend. And then they'd start to come if I didn't earn enough money, I'd be beaten when I came in. And it was just, I remember I got taken to this cottage, and I was like raped, really brutally raped. And I ran out the cottage and I ran the whole way, it was like 4 miles away, back to the flat. And I remember like he never came home that night. And I'll never forget, I was in the laundrette the next morning doing the washing, our washing, and he came in and he's gone, um, how much money did you make last night? And I just told him that I've been raped and stuff. We got back to the flat and he battered me again because because I had no minna, I'd be raped. Yeah, I mean, so these, these stories I'm telling you aren't actually in my book. Yeah, but yeah, some of them are, but not these stories that I'm speaking about now. Yeah, yeah, rape, domestic abuse continuing, going on. Mm-hmm. How did you, how did you break free from that? So I was literally Excuse me. So then I got pregnant with my daughter, my oldest daughter, and I was still— I remember going to court and he's— I literally, before this happened, when I caught pregnant, oh God, it was this one time I went and met one of my friends from when I used to dance when I was younger, when I went to live with my mum. My mum got me into dancing, um, and I said— I lied and said I went up to meet her and I lied to him, said I was with somebody else. Well, he'd bumped into somebody, I was like, he absolutely beat me. You know, you get them big metal bins at the bottom of flats? Yeah, like the big— he was smashing my face against that. And we've had— I've had 3 nose jobs, in fact, so my nose reconstructed, um, because of that. And had black eyes, cracked ribs, um, and then I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. My first daughter. So I went into a hostel, got away from him. And then, as you do, what else you do when you're in that circle of love? And, you know, my mum didn't speak to me because she fell out, you know, she just, she just was hurt. Um, I had nobody, so I went back to him. Then I've got a house that I rented, and I remember him beating me and I was pregnant all the time. It was just like, yeah, bad. Bad. I remember my mum coming to the house then when she turned. She was like, 'Lynn, you've got to leave him.' He used to drag me up the road, you know, I was big pregnant, I had all grey knees. And yeah, and, um, I stayed with him. I stayed with him. I actually married him. I went on then to have another daughter, um, married him, lasted 6 weeks. And then it was crazy because I just had this inner strength, but it definitely come with age and wanting change. Well, actually, I enrolled in a college course, sociology. I just wanted to do something for me, and that's when I started meeting people and building my confidence. You know, when you, you know, you go with Jenny, you're really alone. Then you start socialising yourself. Like, you are who you surround yourself with, aren't you? And I was building a lot more confidence going to college. Married him, and it was literally, God, a few days after, all he did was hit my head off the bottom of the stairs. And I walked out the house and I said, look, we need to go. Many times I jumped out the window with the kids, and there's so many times, I mean, oh God, I could write— it's just, it was weeks, all the time, once a week, twice a week, beaten. I constantly have black eyes and bruises all over me all the time. And I don't think it was what would be pulled out of my hair. And all I did was walk up the street and I seen a police car and they arrested him. I sent him to prison for 3 months and then that was it. I literally, I was 25, I was like, I want change in my life. I said no. I had this inner strength that it's just, I can't. I'd had it for 10 years. I've had it all my life. I'd had it for 10 years from him. So when you're at the age of 20, that's when we're talking about for the listeners at home, no, to make the decision enough was enough. Yeah, enough. You're not going to do this to me anymore. Yes. What was the first step? So for people at home, what was the first step you did to get the strength in your no for it to be accepted? Right, the first thing was where I'd lived, where I'd moved to. I had a lady next door to me, she was so helpful. Every time that she'd hear him kick off, she'd have a knock. I remember like opening my kitchen window and passing my kids out to her, you know. I remember locking my front door and booting the front door in and barricading and running around into her house. She helped me so much. It was support, it was support and having outside influence say, come on now, this isn't I was so locked in myself. I had— I used to be, honestly, Jaz, I was probably a size 4. I was that skinny and undernourished and under— I was constantly being beat up, urinated on, whipped with curtain wires, just like, you know, the metal— remember the metal hangers? They used to unravel them and whip me with them. And, you know, like the old curtain wire you used to hang your nets up with. Was it— so obviously, was your husband Ganford. But all this time being done, but after when you got 25 and he was locked up, am I correct? Just because I'm just a little lost here, um, when you learned to say your no. Yeah. And you said that was enough. Yeah. After that point, did he come back? And then is that when he was kicking the door? Was this before? No, this was all before. That night when I said no, when the police— they talked, they arrested him, he went straight to prison. He had court the next day and he got 3 months in prison. No, 6 months, but he did 3. And then by then I'd literally got a court injunction all set up with a power of arrest, so when he came out he couldn't come near me. And then that was when I was 25, and then when I was 27, and then I just carried on my college, um, I met my son's dad. Yeah. So by the time all the power of arrest had all been lifted, I'd met my new partner who wasn't having none of it. He was like, I'm not having none of this man treating you this way. 25 years later, you found light and happiness. Yeah. So this is where you've learned that is— for anybody at home who's suffering domestic violence, just stop. Out the door. Anything you have is only materialistic, you can rebuild. What you can't rebuild on is if you don't have support. You had support and this change, this is where you change around. So can we get, you know, we're going to go into now, you've changed, you're going to, so you start to, your mindset has changed. Can you give us the next 5 years, what you were doing on that? Yeah, so I literally had I had this massive awakening, as I said, like, no, it's no, I can't, this is not happening anymore. And I kept telling myself that I built my confidence up, I was spent surrounding myself with nicer people. When I met my son's dad, um, I was 27, he was so, you know, a nice guy that, um, again, he was a bad boy, bad, bad experience, but he wasn't a bad boy to me. And he was just so nice, like really lifted me up. But then that ended sad. I mean, he had a drug problem, but he was never violent to me. We then opened businesses together. We had a sunbed shop together, beauty salon, and that all went pear-shaped because he had a drug addiction. Yeah. So, I'll just get to They want to talk to the— so what we've had, and this is where a challenge will come back or raise, it's a very good man had changed and brought us— I'm not having that— but he had his own mental health issues, which was with the drug addiction. Yeah. So although— and always be grateful for some, you know, um, what you had together in those 5 years. 7 years we were together, but he had his own demons. He had his own demons, yeah. So 7 years you had with him. He had, um, out of his addiction, even then coping with his own mental health— we have to give credit to that gentleman because even though he had his own, he put your needs first, even though he was struggling with his own demons. But the balance of scales then become uneven. But people have to understand, you know, when you have a drug addiction, that as well, that can come back and trigger it, you know, pressure stuff in there. But at least you turn— and the pressure when obviously all the money going in, you think, hey, we've got this, we've got this, somebody should be doing it. But the financial pressure that may have led to that, I don't delve too much into it. So, you know, You're now again in a broken relationship then, yes? Yeah, after 7 years, yeah. And you know, when I look back, he wasn't a bad man to me. He just had a bad situation and like, you know, we weren't earning good money, so that triggered up his past back to drugs again. So how did you— what happened then on from there, Lyndsay? So on from there, we split up, um, I was— let me think now— I had my son when I was 30, so it was really crazy. So he hadn't even gone to start his school and we split up, um, and remember my son is like literally like, where's my dad? He just— he went because he wasn't— he was from London anyway, so he went back, back to London. My son's probably seen him 5 times since And my son's 19 now. So again, that was the whole— I had that with my son for years. I had— he wouldn't sleep at night. Where's my dad? Where's my dad? He had that abandonment issues. His dad abandoned him. So it was like kind of that same thing, that same story. Sad. It is sad. Yeah. So that and then that was— and I literally— yeah. So as me and Barry's— when we were together, my son's dad, I got into the fitness as well because I danced in between. So from the age of 10 to 14, I danced. So I just went back into that, got myself back in. What am I going to do for me now that's going to transform my life further for me, which is going to help me in my broken relationships, my life? So I threw myself into fitness and built my confidence back up again. Because again, though my confidence lifted up in the relationship when all this was going on, in the 2 years it was going on, I literally— I didn't so much go so thin again, I lost my confidence again. Like, it was history repeating itself again with the money, with the drugs. But it wasn't violent. There was no violence. It was just the financial things of him not coming home money go missing out the business. I mean, thousands being taken. So I lost a lot of self-esteem and confidence again. So yeah, I literally, when it was, I was like, right, I'm enrolling now on a college course again, do my gym, my gym, and then I'm going to do my personal training. So I challenge myself into that and my children. So I meant I had to keep my mental health right, is it being consistent with something that I've got, I feel that I've got a love and a passion for. So I did that and then going into group exercise, it was a massive one for me because again, I remember standing at the back of the class thinking, oh my God, I can't, I don't want to go near the front of the class because all these people that know what they're doing and stuff. Now I stand at the front of the class and I teach it. So it built my confidence. I then went into teach group exercise, so I literally again jumped out of my comfort zone and threw myself into empowering other people. I've empowered myself now, so I'm giving it from a service of training to serve the people. And that's helped me with my mental health, is definitely fitness and building my self-confidence awareness again. And as the years have gone on, again, to be fair, my life is so up lifted from then. I've had the best times, you know. I've got friends in the music industry. I've been so many times to Ibiza with Twice As Nice. Um, you know, it was literally phenomenal. Then, um, what else? What's happened then? Yeah, it's just been amazing. Then I had cancer when I was 37. That was a really— that was real, like time in my life. So let me just touch on that you said, which is showing to listeners how Lyndsay has turned this around through all the trauma and mental health adversity, the beatings. As I said, she had a very painful story, but you've come around now again and change that, train yourself, got this, you're happy you do it. And you was hit with cancer. What type of cancer did you have? So I had cervical cancer, grade 3, and it's— I'll tell you the story about this. So I was actually— I didn't— so basically you bleed and you only bleed when you're having like intercourse. So I wasn't actually dating anybody at the time, but I having, like, just seeing somebody, you know, just having some nice time, which I'm glad I actually was seeing somebody, having some nice time, because I wouldn't have actually known. So I'd bleed. So I went to the doctors and they said it was inflammation of the cervix. So that was— and then it happened again a few months later. So I've gone to the doctors and it was the standing doctor on at the time. And she said, you're not due a smear test till July. This was February, but we're going to give you one early. So she did. And then I went to Marbella for my friend's birthday in— no, so that— no, hold on a minute. No, that wasn't February. No, it was in May. Sorry, this was May time now. Yeah, when it all— it must have been April time. It was April time. Not— sorry, not in February when it first happened. That was right. So it was April when I went second back to the doctors and then they rang me and I was in Marbella. They said, we need you to come in. 'Yes, you come back. We're going to cut some of your cervix.' I went back. They cut a big part of my cervix away. Then I've gone, yes. Then literally a week or so later, I had a phone call. They said, 'Lindsay, listen, we need you in. You've got grades. We need to give you a full hysterectomy attempt. We need to do an MRI to make sure it hasn't gone through your lymph nodes.' You might need radiotherapy, chemotherapy. I was like, oh my gosh. So I had my MRI scan. I was absolutely— it was mad because all my friends said, Lindsay, you're so strong. Instead of mourning it like, oh my gosh, I've got cancer, I literally went back to Marbella for the weekend. I was like, I need to party because I need to, like, have a good time. Here for a good time. I thought, I'm not going to go down this rabbit hole with this. I've been through so much in my life. I can deal with this. So me and a friend went to Marbella and then they rang me on the Monday and said it hadn't gone through my lymph nodes. I've got to go straight in on the Thursday. It was for a full hysterectomy and to have my lymph nodes removed. So I went in. It was a 7-hour surgery. But they said if they didn't find it, if I never went to the doctors, I would have been dead by the time my smear would have been due. I had 7-hour surgery and it was, it was a story's time. My mum was like, you're so strong. I was like, come on, Mum. And she was crying. I was going down, I said, look, come on, come on, it's gonna be fine, it's gonna be fine, we've got this. Went down to the surgery, came back up and you had to stay in the hospital for a week, but I was out there within 3 days. They were like, I had all the women laughing on the ward. They were like, I've just, I said, you've got to do, you've 'Whoever goes for a number 2, you could go home if you did a number 2.' So I said, 'Whoever's doing a number 2, you don't have to say, you've just got to do the Michael Jackson moonwalk across the ward.' And so I did it, and the ladies were absolutely howling, and they said to me, 'Lynz, you've made us so laugh in here the whole time.' I said, 'But what else you gonna do? You know, you can either swallow in the pity. There's nothing that's gonna change the outcome of the situation. You know, it's all in your minds.' It's all in your mind, you know, you're not gonna— you've got to be happy, you've got to get through this. You go through it. Um, so yeah, and then after that my leg kept going. I had acupuncture and I just got back into things. My friend said to me, you literally just shoved that off. Wow, unbelievable. And then, you know, having that again, another challenge. Yeah, cancer. Yeah. And I do think it was the strength that when God created you, He created an angel to walk this path with your voice to show people. And everyone listening here, no matter what, and you've beaten it, you will stand, you will rise, and whatever challenge, you will not allow that challenge to overcome your mindset. You will not allow excuses to eliminate your challenge. You never allowed it once, even though you felt down, you felt battered. In the end, you could have given up and died through these attacks. There was hope, there was courage, or something, gift, that he was teaching these lessons with pain. Because of the pain that you physically went through, pain, tortured, beaten, raped, that I cannot even comprehend because I have not walked in those. And do you know what, Jas, it wasn't— with the last one talking about cancer stuff, like such stuff like that, many of us may have done. What is empowering, I'm going to show you one way very, very quickly with that, is not to get too much in, is that No challenge will eliminate the wonderful Lynne Joss, and she's here now in the empowerment as we lift up, that she's gone. Okay, so you stood up and then you fought back, you fought back with your voice to say, I am not going to be voiceless, I am going to be the voice for every listener on this show. She's your voice against domestic violence. You need— if you're suffering with domestic violence, you've been raped, this is your mindset coach because she's walked it, she's felt it, she's had that. How did she cope with it? Yes, and the challenge came back. She shows you. You knocked her down, you burnt her, you kicked her, you did everything, even when coming back and challenging her body again with cervical cancer. You think so? But she has risen now from the ashes. And since that time, this is where the super empowerment came into you, I believe. The super empowerment where Lindsay now is the person that's dancing in front of that class. She has wrote her book, The Flight of the Butterfly. Now, for everybody at home, as I said to you in the beginning of this show, I bought that book so I, as my friend, could understand. If you have a friend at home that is suffering there and you're their support, buy the book. You need to understand the reactions, how you feel feel, how they felt. You can help them because you need to get them out, but only they can do it when they say no. And it's an honour to see again Lindsay's voice to go on. So we're going to really jump up now with that because I need you to see the rest of her story in that book, in the positivity of her training, everything like that, the classes that you do. Now, being on stage, you go on stage stage. And, you know, she— I was at the same venue with Lindsay when Lance Haggith, OBE, Order of the British Empire, saw in Lindsay and put him on her stage because he believed in her. He— and he believed in what she brings in her sports to his charity, Sports Training, that you can rehabilitate. Wasn't her fault. If you cast a stone I think, oh, do you know what happened to her? That was not her fault. She has the right to stand on any stage. She has the right for you, the listeners, whether you're an employee, whatever you're doing, for put her on her stage. Work with Lindsay. She is trained in the best mindset to allow your mindset and fitness to work. And when you have somebody like Lance Haggett, who is an OBE, Order of the British Empire, believes in her and he has integrity, has a— so I hope anyone listening to this radio show buys her book, works with Lindsay, mentor with Lindsay, and she will make sure that you are doing exactly what you should be doing to correct your mindset and believe in yourself. And my God, you will have your hand because you will not allow yourself to get in that position because you know those warning signs. You can read that room. So for Lindsay, can we go on to show this? Because because to show them how. Okay, so we've got a website, anything like that, that people can connect with. But can we keep— I know it's been a really hard, traumatic show, and I've never known you speak so fast and so quickly coming, and I know it's all triggers. That's what I'm trying to slow this down because the listeners at home, you'll probably have to rewind the show 2 or 3 times. But also, listen to me, I actually speak fast Anyway, I do need to slow down. But I also, um, I studied my NLP as well and cognitive, um, CBT, cognitive behavior therapy. So I did that on my mindset as well because though I learned about things, physiology, I want to know mentally why we do the things we do and why we speak the way we do. But yeah, yeah, so yeah. It goes to what— I just need to stop there, Lindsay. Pause. Press pause. Just press pause. I'm pausing. Pause it. And for the listeners, I'm not taking that pause. She has freedom of mind, everything like that. And sometimes, you know, when we've had trauma, we get excited or whatever. The important thing is now for Lindsay, for people, the listeners, is slowly Lindsay, slowly. You know, you know, like when I get on that dance floor, I can't do that. Slow, let's go slow. But you're out there, you're doing dirty dancing, leaping up, being lifted up. I'm Lindsay Austin spread thin, which is great. But we need— we have 10 minutes left to the show, and those 10 minutes we need to leave with a positivity in mind. So first and foremost, can you tell the listener where they can buy your book, first and foremost, and the title? Right, first and foremost, they can buy my book which is called Flight of a Butterfly. You can purchase it from myself on my website at lindsayaustinlifecoach.com where I will send you a signed copy. By myself. If you spell Lindsay Austin out, because some people spell Austin with an E, you should find this. If you put in Google Lindsay Austin Transformations, it comes up straight away. Yeah, thank you for that clarity. If they want to do or participate in a discovery call, how will they do that? Again, my website, Lindsay Austin Transformations. If you just put that in Google, it comes up. Then my website is lindsayaustinlifecoach.com. Like I said, my brand name is Lindsay Austin Transformations. Either one will work. It takes you direct to my site, and you'll see on the site you can book a discovery call. I've got a shop where you can buy my— purchase my book. You can purchase my program, which has just gone live yesterday. Today. Super excited about that. Excuse me. Um, and also you can purchase my book if you have an Amazon account. If you'd rather purchase off Amazon, you can get it off Amazon, and also Kindle on Amazon as well. It's available there. Okay, and just put an abbreviation in your words. So what are your courses? Right, so my, my work, my course that I have that is actually for everyone. So there's 6 modules, okay, 6 modules actually in the program, and it's a lifetime key for you. You can keep it. You've got worksheets on every single program. There's a video content of myself speaking talking you through it. Yeah, so you've got love, self-love, you have relationships, health and wellness, work and career, fun and happiness, and personal growth. Wonderful. And for— I always believe in honest, straightforward talking. Don't beat about the bush. How much does it cost? It costs £295 English pounds. And if you give me— if obviously through— if it's coming through any listeners on this radio station, I will be giving 10% off and also a copy of my book if you buy the course and also a free coach call at the end so we can have an hour's conversation, how you think— well, working with how you've got on with it. A coaching session with the course and go from there. Yes, that's what I'm giving as a freebie as well. Wonderful, you know, and thank you for that. Um, the show, I hope everyone can, you know, work with you and work with Lindsay and see her value and support somebody And somebody's had their life kicked out of them, left battered, tortured, and to turn that around, that's a professional person working through challenging, showing she is enough. You've done incredible. I'm so super proud of you, and I'm so super proud, actually, Tenants On Live. She's one of my best friends. She's got my back, I've got her back. We go in there, and if I can elevate it to any level, because we don't know. I've suffered with my own mental health and challenges with losing my child. I have my brother, my mom, cancers, epilepsy, narcolepsy, machine in my heart. We can go on, diabetes, we can go on with that. And we all think that our challenge is tough, but there's always somebody out there that's also having tough. And you do connect. My voice and Lindsay together— she's on a new platform now because I've got her back. Nobody will beat her, nobody will push her, nobody will ever hurt her mind again to bring that down or take the glory that she lives in, because her glory, her purpose is now to help the listeners in mental health, domestic violence, anxieties, all the traumas, is working with that. And I will elevate her as Lance Hackett OBE in our dual quest, as well as women's radio station, is this has to stop. We have to Put in structures and strategies. So never— oh, you might have seen Lindsay in a short one. Oh, do you remember her if you're a schoolgirl? Oh yes, she used to be a prostitute. You have no idea what she went through unless she was in her shoes. So never cast a stone, never try and bring up drugs. Oh yes, she did. By doing— casting that stone, you are causing mental health abuse yourself, and that has to stop. And then you need to give them your own reflection to do that. So, Lindsay, we are about to close the show. Can I get you to give one message to anybody at home? You know that all the bills are coming, perhaps you've hidden what you've spent on your child to give them that little extra bit. When you're being in a domestic abuse situation, you can't have that, don't you dare. And you know they're desperate, you've done it, so you find a way they found out and you've had any issues, domestic violence yourself, can I just give you the last 2 minutes to give you advice what to do? Reach out to people. It's reaching out and having that conversation. Awareness, having a vision, and just wanting change in your life and just stepping out and pushing it, just making it happen for yourself, loving yourself. Caring about yourself, self-worth. I like that, have worth, self-worth, having that self-worth, self-worth for yourself, wanting the change. And with your self-worth will become your self-wealth. Yeah, yeah, self-worth is my self- self-love, just loving yourself, talking kind to yourself, being kind to yourself. It all starts with you. Time, Lindsay, by yourself now, just comfortable in your own mindset and happiness and say, I'm enough. Yeah, yeah, I am enough. I literally spend so much time— I did a podcast last year. I spent Christmas night, Boxing Day on my own. I've never did that in my whole life. And actually said, the lady, I spent time in solitude with myself and I'm so at peace now with myself, in, you know, with everything that I've gone through, I am at peace. Say that again, can you repeat that sentence again louder for your message to the listeners? Yeah, I've practiced solitude last year, Christmas, spending that time on my own. I was always fearful about being on my own. Now this year is coming up to, you know, you know, Christmas has just gone, so that's a year and so gone. This whole year coming into like, obviously we're in January now, I have literally for over a year now spent time solitude on my own. Literally, I love my own company. I am at peace within myself. I've self-worth, and I love myself. And when you get to that part in your life, that's where you are whole. You don't need anything from the outside world to fulfill you. It all comes from within you. And it does. Love yourself. You've just got to know to love yourself. And it takes time. It takes time. It takes healing. It takes talking, sharing your voice, being heard. Knowing, you know, when you share your voice, your, your worth, it comes because you're inspiring people. It has that ripple effect. You're filling up, you're filling up. That's how I feel. Honestly, I'm so happy and content on my own. I don't need anybody out of will to do anything for me, rather than just support me if I need support, and vice versa. Okay, well, lovely. Thank you so much, um, for coming on the show and lending your voice to anybody. Please reach out to Lindsay for me. This is LKJ, and thank you for joining me on the last show in January. Goodbye.