Free Your Mind – Kevin Bozeman, Dr Love Part 1

Hello and welcome to another show of Let's Talk About It with LKJ. Today we have the wonderful Kevin Bozeman from across the pond, who I met at, um, the Sean Fair leadership tour, and who then found out about the radio show here. And after seeing him speak on stage, he was absolutely phenomenal. He then has sponsored this show um, to come on so the people in the UK and around the globe can understand who he is. And we're going to free his mind while he does and opens up and free your mind. So for www.womensradiostation.com, we're very, very grateful to Kevin sponsoring this show, which is to help people with mental health, anxieties, and all issues. And today we are very lucky for all the guys and all the ladies because Kevin Boseman is actually a relationship expert. And how many of us have been divorced or just married, we're struggling with different things. So, you know, sit back, get yourself comfy because he is incredible. And let's bring him in. Hello, Kevin, are you there? Yes, I'm here. How you doing, Kendall? I'm doing really well. Uh, just, you know, thank you so much for supporting the UK in your voice sponsoring this show, which helps so many people. And we know it's a multi-award-winning show and goes across, um, you know, for everybody to listen to. And we're all in a time now, you know, we've had the pandemic, we've had many things that we've gone through, but putting them to a side, you know, being a relationship expert, these things happen well before anything. Um, like pandemics, but it does heighten it. So what I want to do is, can you just introduce yourself to the listeners? Well, all right. Well, so my name is, uh, Kevin C. Bozeman, and, uh, I actually am a high performance coach. And if that's just the title, but really, um, I've been working a part of relationships And I got my training really from working in a health behavior organization for over 21 years. And during that time, I found that you can't do anything without a relationship. Business, work, employees, bosses, clients, your children, your husband, Your girlfriend or boyfriend, it's all about relationships. And so I saw that and I just continued to study and practice and then I became a behavior expert. And so, and I took that and I was able to apply that to just help a lot of people get in a better mental health space to be more successful and to be able to perform highest as they possibly can. Amazing, amazing. So Kevin, for you to be a relationship expert, do you have to do a lot of training to do that, or is it just something you, you found yourself understanding in groups of people, or noticing, you know, things that were going wrong that led you to this? So can we— we'll come back to that question, but can we take you back, as I do with every participant on the show, because we want to find out how you were and were there any traits, anything that, you know, caused you to go down this path. So can we start off and say, where was you born? Okay, so I was born in Detroit, Michigan, here in the US, and I grew up there for 18 years, and then I went off to college at Michigan State University. Played Big Ten football and had an opportunity to be around some of the best coaches winning Super Bowls and national championships here across the pond. And those people were some of my mentors and just great men, great women to be around. And there was a difference in the way that they did things to constantly be able to produce the highest level where everybody was trying to get. So I said, you know what, I need to learn more about how to really deal with relationships because it appeared that the best relationships equaled the best amount of success and people were happy doing that. And so, um, um, that's what kind of drew me into that. Because I wanted to have all positive results too. Absolutely. And that is the positive results that you're wanting. So did you come from a divorced family, may I ask? I did not come from a divorced family. My mom and dad was married 63 years. And so my dad was a Boy Scout leader. My mom was a Girl Scout leader. My dad stayed in booster clubs while I was involved in sports, and my mom stayed in PTAs and school boards. So even growing up in my house, I saw my parents work with other people and work on team dynamics. And, and, and lo and behold, all these years later, I'm doing the same thing. Working with people, trying to help people reach their goals and to be the best them they can be. And that's, that is the thing that we want to look at. And what many people are looking at now is why we're having relationship coaches is we want to be the best version of ourselves and what we are. And I'm looking at myself, it's 63 years. Now full credit to your parents because that is strength. And in the family that you've seen, you've come from a town, Michigan, in Detroit, home to Motown, which I'm sure the clothes— you were a snappy dresser and moving and grooving in there— that you probably had a wonderful time bringing that in the home of Motown, which in March when I come back, Kevin, I'm going to Motown. I'd be there. Well, good, because I know, because I know right where the museum is, and it's really great to see that part of history of Detroit, and I'd be more than happy to escort you and take you there myself. Well, let me book in because Sean Fair has actually booked. I'm in for a week, so I think I come in on the Sunday. The Sean Fair tour starts on the Wednesday, so it's really nice to meet everyone in there, as when I saw you when we was at the Sean Fair. You just had this natural ability to connect to people, that your persona was so much that you could sit down and actually, when you look at yourself and how with the body language, etc., that I noticed, that you could open up and tell the whole world. And you know, a lot of people think it's great to speak to a stranger, how do we do that? And congratulations, because you was getting married on the 11th of November. Yes, I did. I got married. And, uh, oh my goodness, let me tell you, we are still having a blast. Um, and, uh, we fit and complement each other, but it did come with some due diligence homework in the beginning. And it is paying off. It's just a beautiful thing. And we got married here in sunny Orlando, Florida. And just, she's just an amazing woman and has a heart for God and a heart for business and a heart for helping people. And I think that's one of our common threads is we love being rooted. You know, in the things of God and helping people be the best that they can be. So it's a really good compliment. Absolutely. And when you went to those vows, did you write your own wedding vows? Okay, say that one more time. I said, did you write your own wedding vows? Uh, actually, we did kind of have them modified to more or less fit where Um, it was real clear that my job as a husband was to learn how to support, nurture, and cherish her. Wasn't about obeying, but it was about support, loving, and nurturing her. And in turn, uh, she would be able to flourish and be the best that she could be. And it was really about a man loving a woman just like he would love himself. And so if you don't love your wife or take good care of them, you really aren't doing your own self justice. And we had that put in our vows. And so it was fun and it was very different. And we believe in the commitment that we made to each other. That is what it's all about, is commitment, isn't it? It's When we enter those vows for death till we part— sorry, death until we do part. It's so long ago since I took mine, so it was, um, for sickness and health, for better or for worse, until death do us part. So you have to say the full vow, you've got to give that full commitment. And that's just showing me I was obviously very committed because I didn't miss a bit. So stop and stop. Being that, but how we get through that. So for yourself, how do people come to you? Just explain, can we just broaden on what you do in that relationship? So, so for the most part, being a relationship expert, you have to understand how people are wired. You know, it's like 360 wiring. So because I specialize in that, it's real easy for me to see what people need. When you give people what they need, they're able to be healthy. And so one of the things I created was a Relationship Mall, which we will be launching the first floor in January. And I'm so excited. It's a membership, and it's gonna have things for personal development, professional development, and intimate relationships. Kind of like a magazine subscription where we're dropping things out every month and it's really designed to all give positive mental health and help you draw a step-by-step plan to create your environment so that you can grow, decompress, not live under stress, and really begin to change your world and your finances and your relationship and your health. And so simply, if someone was to reach out to me at relationshipavenues.com, they could email me there or, uh, simply follow me or join one of my, uh, Facebook groups on Instagram and/or Facebook, which is relationshipavenues.com. And can you just repeat that again for the listeners? Because we normally do it 3 times, Kevin, here, because then it stays in there. Okay, okay. So, so someone wanted to just reach out just to find even, you know, more information or begin to start following and, you know, seeing the information that we're putting out there, they can either contact me at relationshipavenues.com. There, my email is there. They can reach out to me there, or they can send me a direct email at kevin@relationshipavenues.com, or they can simply follow me on Instagram and/or Facebook, and that's Relationship Avenues as well. Wonderful. So, and can we talk about this? So how would you break down how, you know, if I'm the listener at home thinking, I've got a problem in my relationship. Even though you're across the pond, you can still reach out to people, cross the pond now with the access to social media, etc. Do you have like a set program? Yes, I do. Actually, we have— part of being in a mall is creating a relationship mall where people can go shopping is After working so many years with, with people, the same problems kept coming up. They still keep coming up, like getting a promotion at work, getting along with coworkers or your boss, or positioning yourself for promotion, or even finding the right job that fits your strengths and purpose. So we have a variety of programs from a self-assessment study, personal success course. We have a whole slew of leadership management programs, team building programs. So we would be able to have the basic top needs that people struggle with, even from dating and intimate relationships, because most people don't do the work before they start dating. So they get into bad relationships and they're very unhappy. And even if they're in relationships and they're married, they don't understand how people fully are wired. And we all think everybody should operate the same way we operate, and that's just simply not true. And so we have a variety of tools to help people be successful. And what we don't have, it will be rolling out shortly. And I mean, we've just kind of— I've studied and watched, practiced and got results, put it out there, work with people. And I will tell you this, the people that follow the program and do the work are successful, period. And people that do some of the work, they feel better and know that they need to do more. And the biggest thing is, is we didn't get the way we are overnight. So it's not going to be this quick overnight change. It's a process. Absolutely. Absolutely. Because with Christmas, although this show is going out after Christmas, but Christmas now, the pressure, the tensions, everything are increased. Have we done enough? What advice, you know, to get people asking— you see people overstressed in restaurants and stuff at the moment. Okay, so, so, so, so basically we all have things that stress us out and causes us to really lose momentum and energy and can be cranky and sarcastic and snappy and withdraw and fight and argue. We find we all can be that way, you know, when we, when we fall under, under, under stress, especially during the holidays. And it can really make our family life more chaotic and hectic than it is. And so one of the things, one of the tips that I would recommend is when you find out how you're wired, find out what you need to do to gas up, energize yourself, or to esteem yourself is what they call it. And so let me just give you an example. So some people, when they get out of esteem, they become anxious, depressed, stressed, fatigued. You know, they shut down emotional. Those people— there's actually a list of things for that particular type of style of person to do to help esteem themselves or energize themselves, like making a list, prioritizing, only talking to certain people. Those people are people who would just usually listen and be supportive, not necessarily give you advice. Being active and exercise. And one of the most things that people just don't get, if you don't get your proper rest and you don't drink water, your body is already under a stressful situation and it only makes you become more cranky and harder to deal with things. So I recommend drinking water right when you get up in the morning and right before you go to bed. At least if you don't drink water any other time, at least you have that amount that you can put in your body. And it's hard to deal with things when we don't eat properly. Um, 3 meals a day, some snacks, healthy meals. Uh, I mean, even some of your favorite meals. But if you don't do those things, you already send your body into a stressful situation. It makes it harder to deal with other difficult situations too. Absolutely. And, you know, we see now in the day and age that we are, Kevin, that we're needing more relationship coaches and stuff like yourself, because I believe we should have a life coach, we should have someone like— because there are things that are challenging every day that we're not quite sure of. And you've had a hard day, your husband may say, "Well, then you snap at me." You say, "Don't speak to me like that." And it just builds up as well, doesn't it? So it's using effective language. Absolutely. We all have value languages. Like, for example, a person that has a value language— let's look at personal relationships. So there are certain languages that are going to move me to action. There are certain languages that's going to move my spouse to action. It only benefits us to learn that language so that we can speak it. Uh, uh, you know, they have that book out there that was called Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus or something like that, and it really just depicts two different approaches. And I don't know where we got this thing that because we approach it differently, we have to argue fight about it. Simply, when you have two different approaches, if you take the time to figure out the best of both worlds, both people come out ahead. It's the same principle in business. Uh, don't treat everybody like a number. Don't treat everybody like you want to be treated. Which is the golden rule, and I think we've all heard that, uh, treat people the way you want to be treated. But I actually use the platinum rule, and that is— simply says, treat people the way they want to be treated. And it makes a major difference. So do you think, Kevin, Um, in an honest answer, not do you think, when we look at you as a relationship expert, do you find after they've completed your course it helps and do they come back more repetitive? Yeah, they do. So generally it depends on what a person is trying to accomplish. So I've started people off at the smallest level and they have gone from the smallest level, such as just doing an assessment and getting it— the assessment read and kind of coached for an hour. And from that time, they see the power in how much more they could accomplish just from that assessment. Then they take the Personal Success Course. And then after they take the Personal Success Course, People usually want then to become one of my clients for a year. And I have clients that I'm going on 3, 4, 5 years with just because it's like a cell phone. If you don't stay plugged in, you eventually use energy. And remember, we didn't get this way overnight. So just because you take a course doesn't mean you're going to change overnight. Change takes up to 2 years to begin a real true new habit. And because we are constantly dealing with things like COVID, you know, it changed everybody's job. People had to go inside. People had to learn how to do, you know, Zoom and be online. It changed the dynamic of relationships. And relationships are always changing. I have 2 coaches. And the two coaches I have, I've had them for 12 years. And every year I learn something new. I constantly stay refreshed. I constantly stay plugged in, which keeps me energized and at the top of my game, full of energy and always moving forward. I get knocked down, I get right back up because I have coaching to help support me through those tough times. And so my clients and people that I work with, they do come back for more and more and more. Absolutely. And when people look at that, we say invest in the bridge. You know, Dr. Marcia was saying, but invest in the bridge. But I don't think that we invest enough in our life coaching for a relationship, because when you meet that person, you fall in love with them everything's great. But when you've got bills and you've got things that are happening, stresses and strains, when you meet that person, you, you haven't faced that. So that's when the difficulties come. Then, you know, when the husband's working longer hours, or people have affairs, we say, oh, you didn't give me enough attention, because they're out working. You know, there's all these things. How would you approach that? So, so here's, so here's one thing that I've done. So I do dating workshops, and— I've done actually dating courses. I have a dating course, it's called Developing Your X-Ray Vision, and the X-ray vision is simply a formula that you follow when you are dating. So one of the exercises in there, I'll just tell you about this one because we never looked at it. You made a very good point. When it's good and it's at the beginning there's never any problems. So I created an exercise to take a look at 4 personality temperament styles, but we're going to look at how they act when they are stressed out, frustrated, and giving negative flares in a negative situation. Now, let me tell you what I found out, because I took my own self through this exercise. I didn't like none of the negative behaviors from none of the behavior styles or personality temperaments. None of them. But the reality is, is we all have bad days and deal with stress. So as a part of the exercise, it is to eliminate the two negative characteristics that you cannot deal with? And if you had to deal with them, which two could you deal with? And here's how you deal with them. And when I've taken people through these exercises and they've gone through the dating course, people just open their mouth wide because they never thought about looking at people and dealing with them from a negative situational standpoint. But the reality is, is just like what you said, when they're out working and they have bills and I need attention, will I eventually get some attention or will I never get any attention? So if you had to pick between those two negative characteristics, I think I would choose— I would at least hope to get some attention versus never getting attention, even though you don't like either one of those scenarios. But I think a lot of people don't do that. So we've— so I've created a program to take a look at all of our negative situations and behaviors under stress. And then let's look at the solutions because some people aren't— they don't want to deal with certain aspects of negative behaviors. So the object is, is kind of like picking between a rock and a hard place. Some people pick the rock, some people pick the hard place, and you hope to constantly be able to create a great environment and then know exactly what to do when you get in those hard places. And that's what our course actually teaches, whether it's business, personal relationship, employee relationship, client relationship. You can't do anything without relationships. No, exactly. Um, for myself, have you ever been married before, Kevin? I have, and I got divorced, and that was almost one of the catalysts to help me understand, uh, uh, in my previous marriage, those characteristics I just could not deal with. Um, it was not a, a, a very good, uh, uh, it wasn't a very good partnership. And that caused me to take a look at partnerships from a business standpoint, from a personal standpoint, and from an intimate standpoint. What does it look like to effectively partner with somebody? What's actually involved in all of that? Because we never take a look at it when it's good, but when it's bad or someone falls down That's when the real work begins. And so I created flowcharts, laminated charts to give like a quick glance to be able to look at those things. And the goal is, is for people to put those on the wall and always be able to keep them in front of them, whether you're doing business, whether you're in your office or whether it's in your prayer closet. Or a place that you go and you like to read, to always be able to have that because we can get off focus. But having those things in front of us helps us. And so that was one of the things I learned from being married. And then when I got divorced, I actually stayed single for probably more than 10 years. And I actually learned how to date, so I went to all types of workshops, all types of conferences, and I collected information. And I realized at the age of 40 years old that I did not know how to date. I thought I did, but I didn't. I didn't have a clue on what it really took to maintain a relationship. Knowing it's good, it's good, but when it gets heavy, am I really strong enough? Do I have the tools to be able to carry and maintain and work through those tough times. And I found out that I didn't in my first marriage, but in this marriage we both have the tools and we both train together, um, and we both are in agreement and we both have strategies and plans on what to do when the times get tough. And so, um, I'm looking forward— we're already having fun and it's already a night and day difference just in the first month is totally different. And so, um, yes, I've been divorced before, so I've seen the ugly, and now I'm finally seeing the sunshine. That's it. And the thing is, when people have been divorced, I don't think it's a failure, Kevin. I think had we seek somebody like yourself before going through these issues in a learning thing that we can go through this and say, "There was a time when I loved that person," and then you learn that lesson. And things that could have been done on both parties. If it isn't working and there's nothing you find that will help, then you have to go on to a different avenue and say, "I'd rather walk away and still love you, remember the nice things." rather than, you know, we all know that film War of the Roses, but people scratching out to the end, which does no good or harm to the children, right? Absolutely. And you know, there, there is a time to walk away, um, and, and, and my personal opinion is, is, is when, is when there's danger in the family or it's so toxic that it becomes dangerous to the children as well. Now, I'm not saying you get a divorce, but maybe everyone takes a timeout to get help or coaching. Now, in the event that people don't want to do that, okay, that's a choice that they make. Um, but I also don't advocate just walking away when it gets tough. Relationships are tough. Raising children can be tough. Working a job that you do not like is tough. And the goal really is, is to get the tools to know how to recognize this is how I am wired for success. This environment will help me use the tools that I'm wired with. And sometimes people have to make those adjustments in their job and even in their marriage or home or professional relate— in their intimate relationships. They have to make those adjustments. And getting a divorce isn't a bad thing. It should be a learning thing. But don't turn around and do the same thing you did moving forward that you did previously. And I just would like to encourage everyone to, um, get, um, um, um, get, get, get information, much information as you can about being successful in a relationship, um, because there is work to it, there is a blueprint to it. But a lot of us have never been taught how to do that. I asked my mom about girls, and her answer to me was, "You need to sit down and read a book." And that never taught me about really how to, you know, the real dynamics. I saw my mom and dad work through things. I saw them deal with stress and pressure, and not everybody can do that. And so I would just encourage people to get as much information as you can before you take a job, or if you're ready to leave a job, or if you need to get more clients, or if you need to develop your business. Everyone needs to have a coach, and I don't care what it is or who people choose, but get support because there's safety in people who have been there, done that, and have been assigned to be a light on the path to help other people get there. Absolutely. One of the other things I was going to say, can you— have you got a few minutes to tell us? Yes, absolutely. How you did your speech on the Sean Fair, because obviously, you know, professional like that, how you address it, because that was so powerful. I wonder, you know, is it possible to pull that back so the audience can hear when Sean introduced you on stage and how you did that speech? Okay, so when I prepared that particular speech, it kind of took me, you know, a minute to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. You know, I wanted to be effective and really get people a formula when, when they moving forward, just listening to me being able to speak in that short amount of time without any training. And so I decided to speak on what people struggle with the most, and that is the process. A lot of people don't understand the process and what it takes. So if it's the process in choosing a right job, if it's the process in growing your business, if it's the process in choosing the right mate or someone to love, or even raising your children, there's a process involved. And a lot of people, um, um, don't understand what it takes to be successful in that process. And then you have the progress. And what happens is, is when people start making progress, they take their foot off the gas, and they don't understand that there is a process when you make progress. Because when you start the process, you're not gonna do the same thing that you do when you make progress, but you're gonna just make a minor adjustment to keep moving forward. And then I talked about how those things will create profit, you know, being able to grow your business, putting the right systems in place. That's a process. When you make a profits. And so I kind of showed what we did that whole time in being able to have— understand how all three of those connected. And, and, and I talked about the X in X-ray vision. The X was really about the ability to examine, and it was a 360 circle. And before you deal with anybody, you need to have a 360 examination on yourself. You should know your strengths, your weaknesses, areas of support, your value language, what you need, what you need to be, how you fall under stress, how to get out of stress, how to esteem yourself, how to recognize red flags. Now, most people don't take time to understand all of that, but once they understand that about themselves, they'll be able to see that in everybody around them. And, and that was what I talked about on stage a little bit, was about being able to develop your X-ray vision. And the X was really just doing a 360 examination on yourself. And if you're a business owner or a team leader or a manager, you should have a DNA chart on all of the people you're charged to take care of. And you should be able to know those same things about them as well. And you don't remember it, but you chart it. And that's one of the things I specialize in. I created for businesses was a DNA charting system to be able to let people know, hey, this is the group of people you are working with. Here's your group strengths. Here's your group's needs. Here's your group stressors. And when People have— the companies that I've trained use the DNA charting. They have actually hit financial goals and exceeded and stopped turnover ratios, you know, in their company. I mean, just all sorts of great things happen. And so that's what I spoke about at the Shine Fair Leadership tour event, and it was incredible. Absolutely incredible. And after, you know, when he was going around, the energy and everything that you saw around after you did it was so fascinating. And I know for the people over here, if you manage to come over in June, it'd be wonderful, even as, you know, like in the ambassador role. A lot of speakers come to encourage and work from there. People that see you and who you are. And as I said from the beginning when we opened up the show, that you just melt people just to be like, hey, it's okay, we can fix this. Absolutely. I, you know, I want to see people win. I play sports and we achieved a lot of top honors You know, winning a Rose Bowl championship, that's what everybody was trying to do. Winning state championships, that's what everybody was trying to do. Being around those men who win Super Bowl champions, that's what all teams are trying to do. Companies who hit their financial goals, that's what all businesses are trying to do. And I just love winning. But more importantly, I love for people around me to win. Because that's the type of environment where everybody's smiling, they're happy, they feel good. Uh, and I just think that's an awesome environment, and it's really fun to watch other people smile and feel good about themselves. Those are people fun to be around, and even those that are struggling, reaching out a hand to help them up That's just as fun also. So one of my questions is to you, when you said you want everybody to win, that we do, people don't, and we take this lesson on. Is there certain areas and methods that you work on that you see straight away, or do you know when As much as you want people to win, that's not going to work. Can you see the writing on the wall, as they say? Actually, actually, I can. Now, that's a part of the X-ray. That's part of the X-ray vision, is to be able to see things coming and have a plan in place or know exactly what to do or what strategies work. And so I am also in a business networking group as a director, but just as my business is in a group, and this— and our group didn't grow for 5 years, and I watched 5 different presidents make an attempt to grow a business chapter.. And my turn was up, and I not only grew the chapter, but I doubled the chapter size, and then I doubled and grew chapters around me. And so in, in Michigan, we became the model chapter to go visit for online business because of our growth and was so amazing, but it was the people that were amazing too. But it was the ability to put everybody in their strengths. And when you put people in their strengths, it creates a mad amount of energy, a standard of excellence, people being happy and, and giving those people support even when they're not operating totally in their strengths. But just putting the support around them. And that was just one example of seeing what to do, what not to do, what's going to work and what's not going to work, along with some experience also helps. And then I think I'm one of those people who would fall under the umbrella of change management. So my style is going to gel or adapt to the people and what the people need. My style is not going to stay the same wherever I go across the board, even though that's needed sometimes. But you can't use that all the time. And so, yes, I can absolutely see stuff coming, what's going to work and what's not going to work. And that's where the concept of X-ray vision comes from, because if we all had it, we could avoid a whole lot of problems and know exactly what to do when we see it. Incredible. Absolutely incredible. I mean, for myself, you know, with people and dealing with mental health, relationship troubles and everything like that, I mean, the relationship troubles I see as well, it's not just adults, I'm seeing it in children. Are you finding that as well? Is it heightened? Even more so now since the pandemic. And so when I got my start, part of a branch of the behavior health organization that I worked with was with, with, with, with kids and their families. These kids had been removed from their home. Other kids were removed from the school community. And that's actually where I was exposed to a lot of different tools. And I took some of the concept of the tools and I only took what I thought was best. I practiced those tools and it really helped me with my relationship in building teams. And the kids even were able to make some changes and grow and go on to be successful. So I had an opportunity to see the kids struggle and look at the things that they needed in order to feel good about themselves. Because, you know, kids, you know, they're human beings and they have needs as well. They need love. They need structure. You know, they need to have some fun as well. And they need a lot of positive feedback about their strengths and what direction to go in. Also, because these kids have amazing gifts and talents, and sometimes I feel like us adults miss the boat when it comes down to working with, with younger kids. And when I say kids, I mean 18 and under. We miss the boat because we try to push what we do on them versus helping them develop their gifts and who they are and what they're designed to do. And so even the kids, there's a— I have a program called Esteeming Your Kids to the Best That They Can Be. And it's the same thing that adults need. It's the same thing that kids need too. Kids just respond quicker because adults have begun to develop a hard exterior. The kids eat it up and they love to see you when you come around, especially when you can recognize their gifts, talents, and strengths and celebrate that with them. It's life-changing for them and they never forget you. Absolutely, because when, you know, I was saying about the children, as you were saying, it's getting more increased and it's supporting as well. I feel, I mean, in the UK currently, um, Kevin, you know, like yourself, we're working with people, there's not enough people that can have the time even as counselors and professionals because our caseloads are getting higher and higher. And, and for social services, there's more children running away, stuff like that. But one of the things I find really cruel is when relationships happen and they break or stuff like that, or you're, you're the parent, nice bloke with a father, you both got two families going, but you have a child living with the mother that's going through a hard time Teenager pushing boundaries, being a little bit manipulative, but finding where they go and their behaviour. And there was a case I was involved in not so long back, and the child kept running away. Okay, I wonder if you come to the same view as mine. I believe the mother showed extremely bad parenting in here, and with social services need to work harder with that lady on the mindset because yes, a child becomes challenging at 13 years of age and does things, okay, but when that child runs away, okay, he's been warned, but if a wrong or right runs out the door, police are looking for them, they're only 13. It causes an immense worry to the grandparents, the father, and bring them back. But when they live with the mother and the father, you need to be looking equally, the mother and father together, say, what is going wrong? This was still a child born from love that you created, that child. But whatever's going in your battles or stuff like that they're having, it is affecting the child. You need to stop it because you're repeating a pattern. But then when it's coming on and then the father knows it, well, she lives with the mother, it's her fault. We don't know truly, even as counselors, what's going on behind closed doors, but we tend to look at— but when that child runs away again and again, and then they run to their grandparents and they're screaming on the phone going to their grandparents, help me, help me, help me, get me out, get me out. Grandparents ought to ring the police and say, come here, please get involved. But then when the mother then lies about that grandfather and says she's never been safe with him, so she couldn't go back, that's wrong. That, you know, that whole parenting, the whole thing, tends me to need to say that's wrong. Grandparents have a different type of love, and if your child is running away and has issues at home, you as the two parents need to be looking at your parenting. Look at— but then when they go to— at least then, if the child has the love that she has for her grandparents and runs to them and cries out to them, you should allow them to go. But then the situation, this case, was that the grandparents, you know, after what happened there, the father loss of trust. She said, I want to go to my dad's, and he said, you won't send me home, and he went, no, no, no, and when she brought his food, etc., to him, oh, she said, look, he said, by the way, guess what, in that sort of tone, you're going home. So she— he lost all the trust with her. This girl then is taken home, and what does she do, Kevin? Runs away. Then parents she brings her grandfather who goes to get her, and they said, "Please think, do you know what, this is just a consistent— let them stay with the grandparents while you sort it out," which is the right thing to do. But do you know what they did instead, Kevin? No. The little girl goes back to school, okay? Mm-hmm. And then she sees her mother come to get her and goes, "No, I'm not going back, I don't want to live with her." you know, she's almost 14, this little girl. And then what they said to her was, "No, you're coming back." And do you know what they said, which I think is really disgusting? What's that? Really disgusting. When they turned— the mother turned around and said, "She's not safe in her grandfather's care." And the father sits back and watches when they know for 14 years of life where they've been learning to live in the army or going stuff like that. Now that's damn right cruel and that deserves an apology. So then the grandfather is going to now take that grandma, that ex-daughter sort of in-law, they weren't married or something, so I believe, um, to court for defamation of character. You can't go and say someone's not safe and destroy that man's love. So then they go, well, you're not seeing the granddaughter if you, uh, do that. It's a game. Stop playing games. Stop playing bad relationship games. Seek with the problem. But the grandfather said, you know, obviously to us that all I want her to do is say sorry, but it's my name. I can't have that being said against me, which is quite right. But you have this up with divorces and everything. So my view is that's bad parenting. I mean, you're a relationship expert in that. You know, judge go mad when he hears stuff like that. And we're using courts that serve no justice to it. It just causes bigger issues. Right. My view in here, I don't know what you feel like that in United States, but for you as a Racialist, how would you tackle that? That if you were sitting there and the judge thinking, so you won't apologize, you said, but for 14 years you haven't had that issue. They're playing the girl for a tool, playing the girl as a pawn, and it's just going to get worse. At least by her running to her grandparents, you know, the news reporters and stuff like that, we're not hunting these children. You know, first, the situation that you describe, it sounds really devastating for any family to go through that. And I've seen devastating situations for 21 years dealing with these families, a lot of the same scenarios. And so I don't have an answer, but I have a couple of observations. And sometimes we don't have all of the details, that are going on in the situation. And one thing that was very obvious is that when someone runs away, there's usually some type of a violation that's going on where that person is not getting a need met, or, or some type of violation is there. And that violation could be a variety of things. It could be rules trying to be enforced, and that particular person, you know, is— you use the perfect word— trying to manipulate. And you do have family dynamics that's like that, but more than likely it's probably not the mother, it's probably not the father. It's probably not the child. It's probably not the grandparents. It is probably a root and a family characteristic of manipulation. And it goes on from generation to generation, from, from grandparents to parents, from parents to grandchild. And I've seen those patterns but I can't really say what's right and wrong because I don't have enough information. But in that case, it's usually a team approach for sure. Yeah, we have to be careful. But I do know that the child's mother run away constantly when she was 13, 14, then live with her stuff. So for us, we see this huge pattern. So, you know, this is what, um, that did. Well, what happened to her mother? And if we actually study that as people are. So like you were saying, that's where we see the violations and things coming through, because it's a pattern. It's like the tribal stuff, you know, when someone in domestic violence is being hit, you know, you're in a relationship and someone's hitting you, and, um, you know, you think that's fine, it's okay to go back. And we have to say no, no. And that's when— look at yourself, get a relationship, but invest invest in that. And for me, I would say to people like yourself, invest in yourself, or like myself, that, you know, we have to sit there and assess the situation, which is hard. So, you know, for the child that's being stopped, if your granddad doesn't do this, you know, you're not allowed to see him today, well, the courts aren't going to look on you very nice. You're just showing bad parenting. You're blackmailing the child, tell them to stop watching. No. So when that person puts his foot in the mouth, no, I'm the one she runs to. I'm the one that's always going out there. And that respect for 14 years, almost 14 years I think the girl had, that he had that right to do that. But all he asked was, can you say you were sorry and you just take that back? But no, it's about a game. It's about the game of winning, right or wrong, winning, who's going to be right or wrong. And when you get in the court, you've the money you've lost, you've destroyed a relationship that was really good. So then what's that? And that child is still not being healed or cured. So when she would normally run to her grandpa, she's going to be one of those you end up finding— sorry to say it— probably dead somewhere because she's trusted a complete stranger because she can't trust the people at home. And we have to stop that. We need to work on our relationship. We need to work on any part when there is a family, and but there's nothing wrong with you as a family. This because we need to work within the politicals in our family and change up. And Kevin, that hour has gone so quickly. Oh wow, it sure did. You've got 1 minute to round up and just Give your last message. Well, again, I think my last message would be you can't do anything without people. You need a promotion, you need for people or your boss to promote you. You need to change a job, you need for people or whoever's hiring, HR, to promote you. If you want to move people to action and you have people and you want to get more productivity, you really need to learn how to speak other people's language, not your own. And you need to learn how to treat people the way they want to be treated, not the way you treat them. And In your own home, it's really super important to create an environment that causes everyone to grow in that environment. And being able to do that and deal with other people and clients and do business, you need to learn about people. If you're a self-starter and you want to do it by yourself, That's great. Read books, understand temperaments. Sorry, Kevin, I'm gonna have to bring you back on our show. That is the end of our show. Thank you very much, Kevin Boseman.