Judymay Is Listening – Life Transformation Special

Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Well, hello, hello, it's Judy Mae Murphy here. Are you ready to transform everything or maybe even just a little slice of everything today? Going to have a lot of fun on Judy May's Listening today here on WRS women's radio station supporting women's well being. We have got so many questions in from you ladies and so varied, it's just incredible. I was thinking that there might be a sort of a theme based on what's going on in the world today. But in fact, every single topic came up. So we've got a lot to get through today and this is why we don't have another guest. In fact, the guest is you. I'd like you to imagine that you are sitting here in in studio with me, with me and Melis and the team and that you are the star of our show, albeit a quite one sided conversation, but really, we care about you. I want you to know that even though it sometimes feels like people are just rushing past you, that people just don't notice. I read a really heartbreaking tweet about someone who said that she lived in the same house as her mother and her mother hadn't thought to wish her happy birthday. And I just kind of thought, wow, isn't that the way it is for so many of us? Even if it's not literally like that, it's figuratively like that, it's emotionally like that, where we just feel like, hey, what do I have to do around here to get a little bit of attention? What is it that I have to do to get my due? What is it that I have to do to break through? How do I get healthy? How do I get wealthy? And you're working so hard, you're trying to work it out. Maybe you're healing from something. Maybe you're healing from being in an abusive relationship. Maybe you're in an abusive relationship right now and you're working your way toward the light there and working your way out through better doors. And we're here to support that. But know that a feeling is not a fact. And the feeling that we're talking about is the feeling of powerlessness. Just because you feel powerless does not mean that you are powerless. You are powerful. There are things that you can do. Specifically. We're not just blowing smoke here. We're not just saying that, hey, you know, you're the mightiest thing in the universe. You're so great, you're so awesome. And then just leaving you to have things be the same way as they always were. We're going to just really double down and get you some tactics, get you some strategies, get you some ideas that in a very, very practical way are going to get you moving. A lot of people ask, what's the difference between what you do and what psychologists and psychiatrists do? Well, there's a little bit of overlap. The overlap is getting you to a place where you are emotionally much stronger and getting you to learn how to work out what is it that's going on with you. But really the way that we do it is the. That we do it in terms of things like, well, what kind of bowl are you eating your breakfast out of? What's in that breakfast bowl? Looking at every aspect of your life, not presuming that the more esoteric stuff or that the more traumatic stuff necessarily is what's going to get you to that better place, but saying, and what can you do right now? And we know for a lot of people, and please, please, by the way, don't think that coaching is in any way a substitute for therapy. It is not. It is a very, very different game. You have a good coach. That coach can get you to see things that maybe you haven't been seeing yet. We always think that the thing that we're looking at is what's possible, like the possibilities we see. We take that for the possibilities of the world. I think Schopenhauer said something along those lines, but the thing is that I think he said something like the limits of your unit, the limits of what you can see are not the limits of your world. And this is what we have to realize, is that there is so much out there that we can be enjoying doing, making happen pretty much instantly. It's just that our brain hasn't seen that yet. So today is all about you sitting back, grab yourself a cup of green tea or whatever it is that you like, and really enjoy this hour and know that there's just an abundance of ways that you can make your life better instantly. And remember, it's not about resources. It's not about having more time, it's not about having more money, it's not about having more connections. But. But it's about resourcefulness. You probably know that already because you're here listening to wrs. You know that there are ways that you can do this that you don't have to say to yourself, oh, I don't have £10,000 to do X, therefore, forget about it, that there are ways that we can start to put it in place and start to build it and do versions of something before we can do the whole big thing. Knowing that the whole big thing, the entire dream, is on its way. It's never direct, but it is on its way. So let's delve right in with our first question. I've left names off of everything because I don't want any of these people to be able to be, oh, gosh, what's the word I'm looking for? Identified. Able to be identified. We want to make sure that everybody feels really, really safe. And also some of these questions, there were questions that were sent in that were so similar that what I did was I kind of put them all into one question to make sure that we get everything asked so unanswered. So the first one is, my boyfriend keeps canceling dates because of work. I know he's not cheating on me, but yesterday I went to a bar that we go to and he had cancelled and then he showed up with a male colleague and gave an excuse. How can I get him to be more interested in me than in work? So first of all, we always have to look at how is it that we're phrasing the question. So when you ask yourself a question, how can I get someone to be more interested in me than something else? Whether that's something. Something else is work or a hobby, or it could even be that you're trying to get your spouse to be more interested in you than they are in the kids. But when we phrase it in that way, we kind of lock in a powerlessness. So how can I get him to be more interested? Let's be very clear. We can't get anybody to do anything. People are going to do what they're going to do and they have the right to do what they're going to do. And the best indication of what they're going to do in the future is what have they done in the past? And some people, you know, they'll try and they'll break through and they'll change and they'll have a new behavior because they love you. But for many people, they have to want that for themselves. We don't want to be fearing or frightening somebody into doing something because that's going to be short term and they're going to resent it as well. So instead of asking, you know, how can I get him? Ask yourself, what part of this is within my control? I always chunk it into three different things. So I always ask what's mine? What's yours and what belongs to the universe. So, or another way to phrase is, you know, what's God's or what's outside anyone's control. So the first thing is what's mine? So what is mind to control? What's mine to control is the decisions that I make about me, my emotional set point and anything that's to do directly with me, anything that I can do right now without involving somebody else, that's mine, mine. And so if you were to look at that, what you can control in this situation is first of all making sure that you always have something really, really great that's that you can instantly go to. I remember having an ex boyfriend who was a trial lawyer and frequently he suddenly, you know, we'd be at dinner and suddenly he would have to leave at 9 o' clock and I had this really great yoga studio that had late night yoga classes. And so I was thrilled to. Just not thrilled, but happy enough to just go and take one of those late night yoga classes. Now the next part is that's within your, within your control is do you want to be with this person? Because it could be that, you know, you guys are committed and you're madly in love. There wasn't enough information from your question. But it could be that you really are building something together, in which case you have to know that that's a fact and that's not just something that's being said to keep you hanging around. But unless you're absolutely sure from what he has communicated, not from your hopes, often we will be certain because we have a very, very strong desire for it to be so. But if you have the conversation with him and you say, hey listen, I'm getting a little bit resentful about our constant dates that are being canceled and what I would like to know is, you know, I'm happy to do that if we're both building toward a long term future, but right now I don't have certainty around that. Now it could be that you say that and he feels pressured and pulls away. But the thing is that if it's not working for you right now, it's not working for you. And we get so scared that this is going to be the last chance that we're going to have that we just kind of cling and we put our claws in and we just won't let go to something that isn't working for us and then we end up accidentally training the other person, or should I say unconsciously training the other person that we will do that, that we will just put ourselves last, allow ourselves to be treated in this way, where it might not be intentional on his part, but you are being disregarded that right now. What are you worthy of? You're worthy of being taken out on dates. Also look at what does he do to make it up to you? So if it is a case that he is starting out in his career and he really has to do this in this way, then is he showing up with croissants on your doorstep the next morning going, baby, I'm so sorry, but from what you said, where he showed up with a colleague, it sounds like you're not his first priority. And when you're in something that isn't casual, you have the right to be socially their first priority. So that's what I'd ask is, I don't know how long you guys have been together, but it sounds as if you're getting a lot of answers that you are not looking at because it's too painful for you to look at that. So you don't want to look at the idea that he might not be that interested in you. He might not be prioritizing you. He might be interested, but he might be more interested in other things, like hanging out with his mates. Or it might be just a mismatch where you need more closeness and he needs more distance. We don't know that. And we can't control what he needs and what he wants because we don't want to then pretzel ourselves into becoming what he wants because that never works either. That's what makes us ill, that's what makes us resentful, that's what makes us not live our own lives. We're living as some sort of character. So rather than looking at what you can do to make him more interested, ask what is it that you need right now for you to be happy? And it might be that you need to be single. And I know that's really hard, particularly if this is the best guy that has come along so far. It's very, very tough to look at that. He might be an amazing guy, but it might be the wrong timing. He might be an amazing guy, but he might not be the right one for you. And that is scary. But once we get through the grief and trauma that goes with breaking up with people, particularly if we had a childh of people always running away on us or people always not being available, then once we get through that grief, once we get through that difficulty, now we can start to build something stronger now. We can start to get into relationship with people who are going to actually be there for us. And that's what I want for you. I don't want some kind of short term fix where you're like, oh yes, I bought this underwear and now he's coming out every night. It's not that it's all about what is it that you deserve in the long term. And honey, you deserve way more than this. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Tracey Weedon of Brownhill Insurance Group. We are an award winning family run insurance broker covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal household, high net worth and fine art. You can contact us on 0208-658-4334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills. We've got you covered. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related, right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. 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Join us on Instagram and Twitter imminsradio station, that's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together you transform everything. Welcome back. I'm Judy Mae Murphy and you're listening to women's radio station supporting women's well being. And today you are our star. You are our star guest. You are the center of attention. This is all about you. I'm in Auntie Judy Mae mode. I've got my agony aunt hat on. Today is about giving advice. A lot of people ask, what is the difference between advice and coaching? I'm a coach and a motivational speaker. I work worldwide. I've been doing this for 20 years. I coach a lot of people, people who are now working internationally as speakers and coaches. And very often people get confused and they think that coaching is just asking strategic questions. And the thing is that sometimes as a coach, we do need to get quite prescriptive. We do need to say, hey, you're about to do this and this would be a better way. Do you see why? Or do we need to have a chat about it? You know, what's going on there, that kind of a conversation. So coaching isn't just someone sitting there going, hmm, and how do you feel about that? What would you like to do and do commit to that next step? It's not that very often people are trained that way because the people who are training them don't want to end up legally liable for anything that might happen as a result of you going out and being a coach under their certification. And that's why you need to be really, you need to really look at what is it that you need out of a coach? Is it just that you need to run something by somebody? Is it that you just need to Hire someone for an hour and a half to get some, some manners on some part of your life or is it that you need kind of ongoing help and if you're in a position where you're saying, oh, I don't know if I can afford it, I really would advise to hire somebody. Hire somebody good. Hire somebody who has a lot of experience, not someone who's been in the game for a couple of years. Hire someone who you know really, really you resonate with is what I'm trying to say. Someone who you just know that you're going to get the result and also hire them short term. I hear about coaches putting people on one year contracts straight out of the gate. You really don't want to do that. You want to make sure that you are getting the results. So I would say hire them for one session. Also, if people are giving away a session for free, it might be an indication that their own business isn't doing great. So if you're looking for business, coaching around them might not be the best thing to do. And that's just my opinion. There might be people right now yelling at the radio, that's okay. We all are coming from different places, we all have different experiences, different references. So that's just my two cents. Where and the next question that we have. So we were talking before the break to a woman who I imagine is younger and she was talking about her boyfriend canceling dates because of work. And we worked out that she needed to look at what it was that she was in control of. So we talked about the things she is in control of. Are things like does she choose to stay in this relationship? How does she choose to communicate within this relationship? What does she choose to do with her time? Is she alright with things being canceled last minute, just really working out? What is she okay with and what is she not okay with? And rather than trying to change the other person's behavior, just letting them know this isn't working for me, I'm really crazy about you. So I'm going to stick this out for as long as I can. But just to let you know that long term, you know, even medium term, this probably, I'm going to probably have to move on unless it changes. So you're not saying you must change, you're not giving them an ultimatum saying change or I'm out. You're just saying, you know, I get that it's so important for you to work right now. I totally get that. And you need to do what's right for you. And I need to do what's right for me. So that's what's within her control. What's yours then, is the next part. What's mine? What's yours. What's God's, or belongs to the universe or belongs to nature. So what's yours is everything that is really their decision to make. And it's extraordinary how many of us don't run that through the filter. We don't ask ourselves, you know, is this my decision to make? Ask yourself, if you weren't around, would they just get on with it, you know, or does it impact. Does it impact you completely? Even if it impacts you completely, you still have the ability to walk away. So most things that are to do with other people changing, that's theirs. So communicate at once what's not working for you, but then step back. Because if you have to keep going in again and again and again, they're not doing it of their own volition. They're doing it in order to maybe shut you up or to please you or to, you know, assuage their own fears about being left. But when you just leave people to make their own decisions, you'll find that they get there a lot faster. And this is something that I had to learn over the years. I have a friend who came to me a couple of months ago and he really. He had a drug problem. He was out, he was partying, he's kind of in show business. And he just said to me, I really, really want to give up the drugs. And I just said, oh, really? And I've got a million pieces of advice about how you can give up safely, who you can go to, what you can do. But the fact that I didn't push and say, oh, yes, well, you really need to, because I just kind of went, oh, really? He suddenly really got that it was his to sort. Because he came to me thinking that, you know, maybe I would give a little rescue or at least make him feel like he was moving in the right direction. But no, that's not my job, that's his. And so very soon after that, he went and he got it sorted and he's been really, really committed, you know, super doubling down on getting that done. So you'll find that, you know, just by withdrawing, it's kind of counterintuitive. We think that if we go in and we really, really try and convince people, then that's what's going to happen. Yes. Voice a concern if you love someone, but then realize that ultimately it's theirs. If Anyone is over 18 and not vulnerable, you know, doesn't have severe handicap or mental or isn't very, very old. Anybody who's over 18, that's theirs. That is theirs. Then what's God's? What belongs to the universe? And it's funny how some people even get angry at those stuff, those things, because those are things like the more macro things. Those can be things like what's happening in America right now. Neither you nor I can completely turn that tide. We can decide, like, what's ours to decide is that we can decide what we're going to do, how we're going to put our voice in, how we're going to support the people who are doing what they do. We can decide that, but we cannot sort it. And a huge amount of anxiety can happen by us sitting there feeling helpless against something that's not ours to control. And if we put our focus back on what's ours, then we can feel a lot better about the things that are completely outside of our control. You don't sit there kind of just completely freaking out about the rain or the really, really hot weather. You might have a moan about it, but you don't think it's yours to change. And so you start to do things. You start to put things in place. What I always do whenever I have any challenge, anything that's not working for me, first of all, I state it. I state, what about this is not working for me? And very often people don't do that. Very often people they start in with, well, the problem is that you're not happy because you're a workaholic. Or the problem is that you're not getting this. Or the problem is that you're not supporting me in. As soon as you're talking about other people, you've already lost out on all your power. So the way to bring it back to power is for you to state it in terms of yourself. So this is not working for me. It's not working for me that I am getting dates canceled on me at the last minute, or it's not working for me that I feel this hot and sweaty, Right? So let's just take that. That's a thing we can all relate to right now. The hot and sweaty. Hot and sweaty. Not in a good way. Hot and sweaty from just the temperature. So what I always do is after I state it that I am and state it in as much detail as you as you can, I am consistently uncomfortable because I am feeling hot and clammy. And then you can look at it and Say, right, it's consistently so. That means that it's not something that's going to pass quickly. So that is something I need to take action on on hot and clammy. So, you know, part of it is that you want to get the humidity out of the air, you know, consistently hot. Then the next thing that you do is, right, I know what the job is. So I'm going to decide on three pieces of action that I can take right now and take those three pieces of action, because the next mistake that people make is they put it on the long finger. So let's imagine that piece of action number one is that you're going to go to Argos and you're going to buy a fat. Okay, that's piece of action number one. But people will say, well, I can't get to Argos right now. I'm working too hard. But, you know, eventually that's where you're going to be getting your fan or from any other store. And so what you do is you can go instead, rather than saying, I can't do that right now, ask yourself this question, what can I do right now? So that's your thing, number one. And then the supplementary question is, and what can I do right now? You might be able to reserve it online, you might be able to get it ordered. You might be able to. If you don't have the money for it right now, you. You might be able to, you know, just put up a huge thing saying, I'm going to make extra money this evening so I can buy my fan, whatever it is for you, but have three pieces of action. Piece of action number two might be something like to locate a hotel near you that has really, really great air conditioning and go and hang out there on your own in the evenings. Most people, when it's really sunny, they're outside. Often. The lounges and the backs of bars in beautiful hotels are kind of empty this time of year. So that can be step number two. Then your piece of action is phone them up, rather than just deciding, oh, they're going to be too busy, call up and ask. They might say something like, well, we have a private lounge that's usually just for guests, but you'd be very welcome to come along and sit there. So three pieces of action. And then asking the supplementary question, and what can I do? If you feel you can't do all of it immediately. And that's how we start to tackle things. So again, to recap, we work out what's mine, what's yours, what's God's. Then we just focus completely on the what's mine part of it. Then we chunk it down and we ask ourselves three questions. We sort out three pieces of action that we can take, three solutions, and then we take whatever piece of action that we can take immediately around those solutions. Because what I'll often do is if I have an idea on the weekend for something, I'll phone people up, excuse me, I'll phone people up, even knowing that they're not going to be there on the weekend. And I will leave a message and I'll say, hi, I wonder if you wouldn't mind calling me back on Monday morning. This is my number. And so rather than saying I'll leave it till Monday because they're not there, anytime you put anything further out, you're losing power because the power comes in the moment. Because in this moment you are focused on it. You are feeling emotional about it, probably frustrated about it. You're clear about what you want to get done. So this is the time that we're going to get it done. Okay, we didn't get on to question number two, but we're going to do that very quickly after the break. And what I'd like you to do is I would like you to, while you're listening to the ads, I would like you to also be asking yourself, you know, what is it you can do and what are three steps that you can take and what is it that can be done immediately? So what's yours? What are three solutions and what can you do immediately to start to move this in a better direction? Welcome to the Women's Radio Station Supporting Women's well being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hello, my name is Natasha Ann Kelleher. Welcome to you lovely lady listeners of your very own women's radio station. Over the coming months, I'll be doing a survey in big brand coffee shops, interviewing customers, asking why they like to drink coffee and if they would like to give us a health tip. For our listeners, the most shared and liked post will be the winner of a prize. Stay tuned for further details. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role to together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity, helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programmes, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Welcome to Judy May is Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Look, how are you doing? How are you doing today? Let's just have a great big Judy Mayes listening women's radio station group hug right now to know that, you know what, we've got each other, we've got each other's backs. Even though we might not be meeting each other out there in the real world, we kind of energetically and in practical terms, you know what that's like. You know when you walk down a street and you smile at a woman and she smiles wryly back at you and you're both kind of saying, I know, it's all right, sister, you've got this. And that's kind of what we're doing here as well. We're all sitting in this place of we are powerful, there are things that we can do. It is going to get better. The things that are not working are going to be transformed. The things that are working are going to continue and be augmented. They're going to get even better. And this is something that we forget sometimes. We get so focused our brains try and just link on, just latch on to what's not working because it's trying to keep us safe. And then we start to think that that means that our whole life isn't working and that it's too late and I've messed everything up. And we often go into those places, either across all of our lives or across one aspect of it. And often with that aspect, if it is something that we really think that we're not good at or we've really been ignoring or something that became quite difficult, we start to think that that is the thing that's never going to get turned around. It is, it really is. And all we've got to do is get to a place where we just slow it right down and just chunk it into those smaller pieces and say, right, these little bite sized pieces. And who can I get on board to help me? And what can I do? And what can I do daily? Melis, who's our amazing tech operator here and technical producer here on women's radio station, an extraordinary woman. Like, I will, if I started talking about Melis, I would talk about her for the rest of the show because she really is such an inspiration to me and, and she's someone who hasn't had it handed to her by any means. And she just keeps saying, right, and what can I do? We were talking about that. The fact that she recently really took her power back by getting up earlier and meditating and just kind of like designing her day, just having that bit of breathing space to say, yeah, you know what, I do have time, I do have the ability. Rather than just rushing out the door and feeling like life was living her. And so these are the things that we can do. And as we do it for ourselves, we're reminding all the other women around us that this is how it can be done. So, you know, if you're walking out of the house at 8 o' clock and you've got a great big smile on your face and you are really, really grounded, all the women who see you are reminded that that can be a thing and that if it can be a thing for another woman, it can be a thing for them too. So let's get on to our next question. The next question is, I've been really de energized and can't get out of bed. Can you recommend a multivitamin or do these even work? Okay, so, first of all, I'm not sure how literally you mean this. You can't get out of bed. If you actually can't get out of bed, you need to get help from your primary caregiver, you need to get yourself to a gp. You need to explain what's going on. You need to work out, is this a psychological thing? Is it a medical thing? Is it that the room's too hot? Like, what. What is it that's going on? So this is what I always do, is I just restate what you think the problem is. So right now you think the problem is that you can't get out of bed. You have more information than I do, right? Way more information. You're the expert on you. What is it? Is it that you are not excited about your life? There's no point getting out of bed because, hey, it's just going to be another humdrum kind of day where only pesky stuff is going to happen and nothing much good, so you might as well stay in bed. Or is it that, as you say, you have a feeling that it could be something physiological, that it could be to do with your body? Let me state that I'm not a nutritionist, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a nurse, I don't have any kind of medical qualifications. So anything that I'm saying is me is just based on my experience and the experience that my clients have had. So I won't be recommending any brand of multivitamin. But what I will do is I will look at the way you've asked the question. So you've asked, can you recommend a multivitamin? Or do these even work? And very often we'll state things to ourselves in a very binary way. You know, is this yes or is it no? So is it good or is it bad? And I'm reminded of people who I've overheard in, you know, nail salons or hotel lobbies are everywhere. And they say things like, oh, that's supposed to be the next superfood, but I heard someone once say, oh, now they're saying that blackcurrants are the new superfood, but before it was broccoli. They can't make up their mind. So I'm going to just keep eating what I eat. And it's sort of like, well, maybe it's. And rather than living an or kind of life, let's start living an and life, you know, so black currants and broccoli and red peppers and try things and try green juice and notice, does it work for you? Rather than having people say to you, oh, that's a load of nonsense that wastes money, give it a go. I yesterday went to one of those drip places where they give you like an intravenous drip of different vitamins and different things. And they gave me a B12 infusion. And the great thing about that is, as a vegan, that is something that we are lacking in. And normally I'm really good about taking brewer's yeast every day. Two weeks ago I ran out of it and I didn't replace it. I just kind of got caught up with life as we do. And I found myself for those two weeks really not feeling great. And suddenly I said to myself, you know, I got a of sort this and came up with a few different solutions. And one of them was, let me go get a vitamin B shot. Went and bought the yeast, the brewer's yeast. It has a lot of B12 in it. But also said to myself, what else can I do? And it was Sunday. And I said to myself, well, they're not going to be open, but you know what? They were. And I said to myself, well, they probably won't have any time slots free, but they did. And I went and I got that. And immediately my energy started feeling a lot better. I'm not saying you need B12, be really clear about that. But what I'm saying is that you need a mindset of what can I do? What is it that I can do? So is it that you can change how you eat? I already eat really healthily. A lot of. Lot of veggies every day. It's not five a day, it's more like 15 a day. And I eat regularly and I really am a kind of attuned to what my body is going through. I do have a tendency to override that sometimes when I get busy in a project. And I do have a tendency to not drink enough water because in this weather we need to be drinking way more water than we think. By the time you're thirsty, you're already dehydrated. So what I would say to you is the first thing that we need to change before we start taking vitamins and everything is your attitude to your responsibility for your life. Now, the word responsibility might sound a little heavy. So how about your attitude to the opportunity you have have in your life. So think of all the things that you can be doing once you have energy. The very first thing that we have to do when we're de energized is make sure that we're not de energized for a serious medical reason. So just go to your gp, get some blood tests done, get checked out, say, you know what? I'm just a little bit concerned about myself. My energy's down. That's what we need to do first. Every single time we need to do that. And that was something that I was reminded of last week as well, and I went and did it. So. So that is thing number one. Then thing number two is, what can you do that won't do you harm? So the things like eating salads and eating vegetables, there was never any sort of big warning sticker on a salad. There was never anything out there saying, oh, people are getting heart disease from eating too many salads. You can't go wrong eating a salad. So chances are that if you introduce more vegetables into your life life, more avocados, more of that good stuff. Just go and follow a hashtag. Like one of my favorite hashtags on Instagram is veganbreakfast. And it just, it inspires on every level. So beautiful, great ways to start the day. So nutritious. Not all of them are nutritious, but it'll give you some ideas, right? So start to do that. Then the next thing is that sometimes we get kind of low on energy because our brain isn't excited. We don't have any dopamine going on in our system. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that's excitatory and it's all about looking forward to things. So we don't have a lot of that going on. When sometimes it's for medical reasons, but usually for most people, it's because we are just not excited. We have not promised ourselves anything that we're working towards. It's kind of like, you know, if you. If you see a little kid and day after day they're just kind of bored and they're like, mom, dad, I'm bored. I just don't know what to do. And then you say to the kid, oh, guess what? We're going to Disneyland next week. The kid suddenly is excited every day. They're not even in Disneyland yet. Because the way that dopamine works is it's anticipatory. It's all about the looking forward to. And it's an energizer and some people, when they don't have something to look forward to, they try to compensate and they try to give themselves that buzz through. Things like drugs or, you know, cocaine style drugs or things like caffeine or, or even getting a porn addiction or any kind of what we call soft addictions, gambling, things like that. Or maybe getting obsessed with a particular person because our body wants to feel excited, it's made to feel like it wants to move towards something. And often when we're not moving toward a goal, we're not compelled to move because we're not excited enough about that goal. So try to trust me. If your favorite film star in the world was downstairs in the kitchen, you'd probably be able to get out of bed, right? If that's what it is. So we're going to presume for you right now that part of this, and again, we look at different parts, we don't say is it this or this. We don't have to look at is it biochemical or is it an issue of motivation? We can do both because they're linked. Everything's linked. So constantly asking yourself, and what more can I do do? Is there a friend that you have who always puts a smile on your face and they have an amazing time and you know that you are as capable as they are. Can you get around them? Just to remember what it's like just to remember. And this is where I kind of get a little bit upset sometimes, a little bit hurt when people are just saying that things like vision boards and writing up your vision isn't realistic or it doesn't work. It does, it is a step, it is a part. But if you just do that part and then sit around waiting for it to appear, of course that's not going to appear. That's not realistic. But what is realistic is that you can get really, really excited about something and make it happen. And this is partly what I love about women's radio station and what I love about Judy May is Listening is the fact that the women that we have on are just extraordinary right now. Zena Gostart is on Broadway and she is doing incredible things. She's the choreographer for the new Ballad of Hell that's on Broadway and she's doing that. Caroline Towning is producing incredible pictures, incredible works of art. She's her new photography and art studio that she just opened up last week and she was just in the process of that when she was on the show a couple of weeks ago. And so, you know, look at these women who are in front of you. And it's not that they are that they're capable and you're not. It's not in terms of comparing where they are at. They weren't always there. It's about you remembering that you were put here for extraordinary things. And you've got this. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Tracey Weedon of Brownhill Insurance Group. We are an award winning family run insurance program covering a wide range of insurance products ranging from commercial lines to personal household, high net worth and fine art. You can contact us on 0208-658-4334 or visit our website www.brownhillgroup.co.uk for your free no obligation quotation at Brownhills. We've got you covered. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empower birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with the theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch at presenters@womensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information Due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women. And we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradio station, that's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together, together we transform everything. Can you believe we only have another 15 minutes left? So let's transform as many things as we can. It has been so great to be able to hang out with you here like this and to be able to get some things sorted because sometimes we need to do that. We need to make the time to just get it sorted. It's not just about sorting out our closet. It's not just about sorting out our relationships. It's really about sorting out our relationship to ourselves. And what is it that we really want from our time and on this planet and not letting life live. Us not just being there at the beck and call of all these different things, these other things around you, your career, your home, your friendships, they are meant to be in service to you as well as you being in service to them. And sometimes it gets a little bit lopsided in that regard. So I'm Judy Mae Murphy and you're here on WRS women's radio station supporting women's well being. And a huge part of your well being is asking yourself, well, what is it that I really want? What do I want to make happen? I have a really great question here and it is I can't seem to get ahead money wise. Every time I save money, an emergency means that I have to spend my savings on something I something. I have to spend my savings on something. I feel like I'll never get ahead. Two things here. First of all, I feel like I'll never get ahead. One of my favorite phrases is feelings are not facts. Feelings are to be paid attention to because they're trying to get your attention. So this feeling that you'll never get ahead is really just saying, come on, let's really work out how to get ahead here. That's all it's doing. But it's not a fact just because you have a feeling that it's going to be a certain way or a feeling that something is. So ask yourself, why is my brain trying to get my attention in this way? And again, what can I control? And absolutely you can take control of your money in a very different way. And the way that I like to explain it to people is that. So first of all, start when you are saving money. If you just put it in one place, your brain doesn't really know what to do with that. So for a start, let's put it in three places. So number one is have an emergency fund. So this is the thing that you build up, that you make sure that it is there for a true emergency. So some people spend money that they've saved up and it's just because they haven't planned very well. So if it's something like you need a new winter coat, a winter coat, if you already have a functioning coat, is not an emergency. And you certainly don't need to spend 500 quid on an emergency. Again, back to our feelings are not facts. Just because you feel like you need to have that emergency 500 pound coat doesn't mean that it's a fact that you need it. So work out an emergency fund for yourself. A really good emergency fund, a starter emergency fund is something that will just keep you from, you know, being in real trouble. So something like a thousand pounds, a thousand euros. And then after that you build up your emergency fund. So don't even think about savings until you have an emergency fund that you can't immediately put your hands on, but you can as soon as you need it. So not something that is, you know, lying around in your kitchen drawer or not something that you can immediately put a card in a wall, but something that will be immediately available if a real emergency comes along. And that will keep you for about three to six months, depending on your risk tolerance. Okay, so that's number one, is we got to work out what that emergency fund is. And the next thing then is what are savings? So savings then are where you are not spending money, where it's sitting there kind of space. Now the thing about savings is when it's sitting there and you don't have a plan for it, then our brain starts making up plans for it and that's when we are suddenly like, oh, yes, you know what, I'll go. I really want to go to this destination wedding of my cousins, or I really want to go here or there, but really have a plan for your savings, say, you know what, I'm going to save up until I have X amount and then I'm going to spend it on an investment. I'm going to buy an investment. What is an investment? An investment is something that makes money for you. Savings don't necessarily make money for you. Right? So you have to have a plan for your savings. You have to say, right, with these savings, then I'm saving in order to this. And you'll find as well that you are more excited. Remember in the last while we were talking about dopamine, we're talking about the chemical that's all about you looking forward to things and getting excited. You'll be more excited about earning money. Your brain will automatically start to work out better ways to make money when it knows why it's doing that and when it's excited about it. That like, I know so many women who were having problems with being overweight. They're overweight, they're overweight, and then immediately, as soon as they get proposed to and there's a date for the wedding, they start losing that weight. I remember my sister did that. My sister went from like a size 14 to a size 10 stat. And it was like after years of saying that she couldn't and it wasn't possible because. But once you get excited enough and once there's a plan and once there's a reason, this is why. So again, again, I'm not here to give you any information, any financial advice. I'm just saying this is structural advice. This is a way that your brain can think about money, is having your emergency fund and then having your savings, but then your savings are going toward an investment. Or even you can have your savings going in two places that some of it's going towards an investment and some of it's going toward fun, if that's what floats your boat. So again, you're the expert on you, you know what will work. But then also we have to make sure that we have some kind of plan around that. Because if you're trying to do it and it just keeps running dry, then it's clear that your challenge isn't around saving money. Your challenge, in fact, is around making more money than you are currently making. So rather than phrasing it as a savings problem, because we can sort that out pretty easily as we've just chunked it, you know, you can do that in five minutes. Write that up on a piece of paper. Really though, you need to be bringing in more money. So now you need to state that challenge, clearly, you know, I want to make X amount of money more per month by doing this. And now your brain has something to work on. Now you can do your three solutions. Okay, I can look into having an online shop like Etsy or one of these other online things that they have. I don't even. I don't use anything other than Etsy, so I don't actually know what the others are, but I know there are many of them. You know, solution number two, my might be, you know, babysitting. That is just so easy because often when you're babysitting, you're, you know, no matter what age you are, we think of babysitting as a teenage thing, but no matter what age you are, very often the kids are asleep and you can be sitting there working on your online shop, for example. So once we get clear on what the problem is or the different aspects to your challenge, then we can start to work it out. Because right now you've got a problem that's to do with how you are explaining it to yourself. And then also you've got a challenge that's around the amount of money that you're bringing in, but instead you're trying to solve it by having more willpower or just a very fuzzy feeling of, you know, I've got to make this work somehow. Right? So in order to have this as something within your control, we've got to get clearer on it. We've got to get clear on what the problem is, and then we've got to get clear on what our immediate solution are going to be. So hopefully that was useful. Also, I have a little note here that I just want to say that if you're around at 5pm or 5am, please listen to get booked by Hazel Butterfield. It's one of my favorite shows here on wrs. I just adore Hazel. She's got really, really good ideas, really good suggestions for books, and she's just a really good person. And we've got to just get around the really, really good people. Okay, our next question is I've been thinking of stepping my foot into the mental wellness and I'm wondering, how did you build your knowledge on being a motivational coach? Now, this is from someone who has English as a second language. So let's be clear that there's two aspects to it. There's the motivational part of it, which is just kind of like, yeah, sister, you've got this. Let's go. This is what we're going to do and getting excited, but Then there's also the part of it that is the more coaching part of it. And that part of it always is about accountability, about making sure that it's working for you and making sure it's working in the right direction, direction that you're actually getting your result. So whenever you are transforming anything, ask yourself, are you getting the result or are you just kind of placating yourself with the idea that you're doing something right? Like we know, I think it was some, a comedy show where people would go to this Weight Watchers style organization. Obviously not Weight Watchers themselves, but they go to this Weight Watchers style thing and then immediately go out and buy chocolate bars and you hear about that and women do that. And so we've got to make sure that we're not just doing one thing and saying, right, I'm doing that, therefore I don't need to look at my progress. Or they're trying one thing and giving up. Try everything. Try do as many things as you can and then say to yourself, right, what am I not seeing here? And often that what am I not seeing here? Is where a really great coach or friend who's really good in that department can really help. For example, for a lot of people who they start to eat really well, they start to work out and they wonder why their body isn't transforming. It can be something like lag time and they're not seeing that. It takes time for this to turn around and that's the bit that they're not noticing, that's the bit they're not getting yet. For other people it's something like they're not understanding that the sugary drinks, they're knocking back. So that kind of, you know, that, that, that sugar so called energy drink that isn't so good for you that you're knocking back after clothing class, that is the thing that is stopping your body being able to transform. So, you know, get some good ideas around it internally and externally but make sure you're not part of a tribe that's just sitting around moaning. That's not what we do here on wrs. We are all about making sure that you are a champion of your own well being and that you're championing yourself. And this is step number one feeling great about the fact that you're putting yourself first. Melissa, can you just let me know how much time I have left because I have something that I really, really want to share with these ladies and I just want to know how much time. Okay, great. A really, really fast thing that I want to share with you is that some of the things we get mixed up between and that is stopping us from moving forward. So I'm just going to give you a rundown on this. Faith versus hope. So the way that I like to think about it is faith is the thing that we engage when we don't have any evidence whatsoever. So some of you might be in that. You might just need the faith. You might just need the idea that of, you know what, I wasn't put here for no reason. You might need to just say to yourself, I was put here for a reason. It seems murky right now. But you know what, I have faith that something is going to come along. And it is just put yourself around good people and something is going to come along. Hope is when it's kind of coming over the horizon and we're not completely certain of it landing yet. And when you have hope, what I'd like you to do is I'd like you to take that hope and run with it at a million miles an hour. Just say to yourself, grab, you know what? I am going to just do what I need to do. And this is the thing that we often lose sight of. We often lose sight of the fact that just because we feel like it's not working, we can often tell ourselves that that means that it's not working. We're back to the idea of feelings are not facts. So what I'd like you to do today is first of all, just take heart. I know that's kind of an old fashioned phrase, but just take heart. It's going to be okay. You're doing better than you think. You're learning. You're listening to this. You are moving yourself forward. You have made a decision that you're going to transform everything, everything that's not working for you and you're going to increase the things that are working for you. And you know what? I'm here for you every single Monday. Monday at 12 noon live here on Judy Mayers Listening. Thank you for today and see you all very, very soon. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused. Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hello, my name is Natasha Ann Kelleher. Welcome to you lovely lady listeners of your very own women's radio station. Over the coming months, I'll be doing a survey in big brand coffee shops, interviewing customers asking why they like to drink coffee and if they would like to give us a health tip. For our listeners, the most shared and liked post will be the winner of a prize. Stay tuned for further details. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntousous.org.uk welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience for you. 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