Judymay Is Listening LIVE – Invisible Women

Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Hello, everyone, and welcome to Judy Mae is Listening here on women's Radio Station, the voice of women worldwide. And we do mean worldwide. We have listeners from all over the globe. And some of the people that have written in about our topic for today are from places as far flung as California. We even had people from Australia. Australia and everywhere in between. So wherever you're listening to right now in the world, you're very welcome. Welcome to those who are watching us on Facebook Live and to those who are listening in on the Women's Radio Station app. If you haven't yet downloaded the app, it is free. Just type in Women's radio Station our logo, as you can see there, a little bit in the background, is pink and black. Wrs absolutely free. Just download. And that means you can listen not only to this show, but the other shows that are going live. As of last week, we started to go live. There are incredible shows for you to listen to. Shows all about books, shows, all about adventure, about people. There's a really great show about autism and everything around that, tons of stuff. So go and have a little adventure. Have a little look at that. And here on Judy Mae is Listening. What we do is I deal with the topics that are of most interest to you, so you let me know what is it that's going on for you, and I listen. And then we just, as the jingle says, we transform everything. What my job is in real life is I'm a motivational speaker. I travel the world speaking from big stages and to small private groups. And I've been doing it for 20 years. And what I've learned in that time is that everything is fixable. So if there's anything at all in your life where you feel that you might be stuck, you feel that you might not be progressing the way you want, you feel that your dream is somehow on hold. That is just a feeling, sometimes a very strong feeling, granted. But it is just a feeling. And we're here to fix that, to get you to the next level, to get you feeling better, doing more stuff, achieving more, living the dream life that you know is possible, but somehow you just get a little stuck in the sticky, as they say. So we're here to unstick that today. And today's theme, the thing that we're going to be unsticking is all around women and visibility. It's a huge thing right now. You Know that over the last couple of years we've been hearing a lot about women directors coming more to the fore. There's lots of conversations now about women cinematographers. The fact that, you know, the word cameraman is pretty much ubiquitous, that people don't talk about camera woman or camera person in quite the same way. And we're gonna find out is that changing and how is the world of women behind the lens changing how women are starting to view themselves? Because if you remember back in 1975, I was a kid then too. I don't know what age group you are, but there's a film critic called Laura Mulvey and Laura Mulvey really created the phrase or made popular the phrase the male gaze. Now what was she talking about in that? What she was talking about was the idea of the male gaze observes and the female body is observed. In fact, it was an idea that was around for quite a while. I know that was it John Berger who talked about it in a great book, Ways of Seeing. But this is just very much an idea that is important to us as women is that we know that when we're being looked at, it's not the same as when a man is being looked at. We know that there's sort of. That there are certain expectations, there are certain things that we need to be aware of that people aren't just picking up information that to a certain extent where their to be looked at in order to please, in order to gratify, in order to entertain, in order to reassure. So what is this all about? About being a woman. Because a lot of us then choose the route of being invisible. It's a route that I certainly chose for years. In fact, for years the whole reason that I was into radio, I've been doing radio since the. Since the mid-90s. And the whole reason I preferred radio initially was because I didn't have to be looked at. But now of course you don't get to escape that we're being looked at the whole time. It's just even more so now that everybody has pretty much camera equipment on their phone. Equipment that 20 years ago used to have a great big camera. Again we're going to be speaking to our amazing guest all about that. We have MI Elferson joining us a little bit later. MI is from Sweden now based between Sweden and Brighton in the uk and she's all about making sure that women get visible not only in a way that's comfortable to them, in a way that empowers them, but also in a way that allows them to grow their businesses. So I'm so excited to introduce you to me. She's just one of my favorite people. I actually did a course of hers. That's how I got to know her. I did her initial vlogging academy course and was absolutely blown away by it. Just the simplicity and just the mindset that she has and the heart set that she has around, you know, it's more than okay for you to show yourself. And tons of stuff came up when I did that training with her. Stuff about, you know, I went home and I was kind of elated, and then I was sobbing, and I was thinking, gosh, is this possible? And all kinds of things. So we're going to hopefully be unleashing a whole lot of stuff for you today. But first of all, I want to say thank you so much for all the notes that you've been writing into me on social media. Judy Mae Murphy. Judy Mae is one word, and then Murphy. I've got two Facebook pages. So either of those just direct message me, or you can just get in contact in public and then maybe pass me on your details. We'll find a way. We'll find a way to connect. But this was incredible. The amount, like, instantly you ladies just said, oh, I've got so much to say on this. I've just got so many opinions. And one that really grabbed me was from Hayley in Glendale, California. And she says, responding to your topic of visibility as a server, which I guess is the California version of a waitress, as a server, one of the greatest compliments I've received is that my service was invisible. Wow. When I read that, that just blew my mind. Imagine that. Like, you know, as a thought, yes, sometimes you do need to be not seen. But how was it that Hayley was so good at that instantly without having to train to be invisible? And she said, I was there when needed, but otherwise not there. And I kind of think that kind of captures what the experience is like for being a woman. It's almost like in order to be seen, we have to be serving a function rather than just saying, hey, I've got something to say, I've got something to share, or even just I exist. That very often the thought is that we need to be serving some kind of a function, that we need to be healing or we need to be hugging or nurturing, or we need to be, you know, entertaining or titillating or whatever it is. And, you know, the idea that I'd like to just tease out today is, you know, is it just okay for us to just be and just be seen. And do we need to be constantly over earning ourselves at the table, a topic that we talked about last week with Gloria, or can we just sort of take our place and just sort of say, and here I am? So she then goes on to say, someone said they'd write me a letter about my service, but he didn't. So I didn't have evidence of my excellence to ask for a raise. So this idea of, you know, evidence of excellence, we need to be seen. And this is something that me is very strong on, like the necessity when we're in really crowded markets, the necessity of being seen. So she says, so I didn't have the evidence of my excellence to ask for a raise. That's also being invisible. So I think Hayley in Glendale, California, has been feeling a little bit invisible. So Hayley, just want you to know that, honey, we see you. We see you in all your glory. And all the very, very hard work that you're doing is very much appreciated, I'm sure, by your customers. And you are very much a part of the tribe here at Judy Mayes. Listening. Another anonymous little note that we got was, I don't like Facebook Live. For some reason, it feels uncomfortable to watch because I know that whoever's living can see me watching. Personally, I feel exposed. Why is it. Why is it that we feel so uncomfortable? I get it. I'm the same. It's like. And I live in terror of watching something, being really interested in it, and then suddenly they go, oh, my goodness, Judy May Murphy's watching this. And a whole bunch of people are going, what's Judy May doing? Taking time off in the middle of the day to watch such and such a thing about whatever. So, you know, there is this idea of what does it mean to be visible? And how do we navigate that? How do we navigate that as women? In ways that empower us, in ways that make sure that we're not just kind of copper, fastening the old way of being seen. So let's get to our letters for today. So this is people, obviously, this is what I do for a living. People ask me questions, and I put some sense on it so that we can get you to a better place. And TW from just outside Chicago asks. She says, I'm a small business owner, and even though I don't like being on social media, I am. I just don't like having to put on makeup and videoing myself so that I can sell my artwork. It doesn't Seem fair how all the good looking and or confident people are selling more and being successful when people like me have better products. I just wanted to vent, even if you don't have an answer. Well, venting is important. Communicating yourself is important. Being heard is important. So I think that particularly when we join with me after the break, we're going to have a look at that and say, well, yeah, what is that? I mean, I can completely relate. As well as doing a lot of radio over the last 20, 25 years, I've also done tons of television. And I really have to take a deep breath every time I go on tv, particularly if I'm doing television in the United States. I've got to go and get the fake tan. I've got to go check that my outfits. Okay. Got to get the nails done, got to do all that. So I hear you. Whereas for men, they can pretty much just Steve Jobs style. They can, they can just put on the same outfit as usual, rock up, you know, make sure their hair isn't too messy, shave or not shave, brush their teeth or not brush their teeth, and they're good to go. There is a whole other level that we need to take care of. So, you know, what's that about? And there are amazing things going on online, amazing YouTube channels that show us how to do our makeup. But you know, what really gets me is particularly with younger women spending so much time learning how to do this perfect smokey eye, learning how to, you know, position their lip gloss just right. Do they want it Korean style or do they want it American style or English style that I sort of think of all the things they could be doing instead. So where is the line on that? How much time do we need to be spending making sure we're camera ready? Are we camera over ready? I mean, I, you know, I was putting on lipstick just before this and, you know, I put my hat on just to make sure I didn't have to worry about my hair. But how much of that is being too concerned about it? And then we have another little short note from Cindy in London, which I'm going to share with you when we come back right after the break. But for now, just have a little think about it. What is your relationship to just being seen, being seen in public, being seen online. And we're going to talk about that very soon. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. This is women's radio station. You're listening to Avril Price with Kitchen Sink Spiritual sexuality. It's Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. And my guest today is Karen no. Welcome to future Classical Woman Awards with me, Stefania Pasamonte on women's radio station. Women's radio station. We want to hear from you. I listen to women's radio station women. The possibilities are endless. 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Every little will help. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. And welcome back to Judy Mae is Listening here on wrs, the women's radio Station, the voice of women worldwide. As of next week, we're going to be starting to take live calls, so we will have the number for you, and we will be reading that out and putting that up on social media. So if you'd like to call in live, please do. Today we are talking about being visible or invisible as women. And our guest, who I'm going to be introducing you to very shortly, is me, Elferson from the Vlog Academy, A woman who I love not only for her technical ability and her ability to teach, but also her whole mindset around being a woman and being visible in the world and the importance of that. And I love the way she does it in such a natural, organic way. And it's kind of like almost in direct contrast to a thing that Cindy in London sent in. Cindy, my heart went out to you, honey. Cindy says, I just hate how I look. I know I'm not the worst, but I really can't stand when people look at me. I'm wondering if beautiful people know how lucky they are. And I would say sometimes they do, sometimes they don't. It's with all of us, whatever we have. That's awesome. Sometimes we get it, sometimes we don't. Some days we get it, some days we don't. But also, I would wonder if you don't know how attractive you are, because we are being sold very much a particular, prescriptive idea of what beauty is. And that's very much changed. If we look at, like, what women were in the 18th century, the 17th century, what was called a real beauty, it was very different. Even look back to the 1930s, someone like Claudette Colbert, someone like Judy Holliday from the 40s and 50s, all these different women would not be considered beautiful by today's standards. They would very much be sort of playing the cousin of the best friend in the corner. Anyway, let me. With no further ado, bring in our wonderful guest, mi alfrison. Welcome. Thank you so much. I am really honored to be here. It's great to have you. So what is it that you think is the issue, the thing about women and being seen? Because it is kind of a thing, isn't it? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, I deal with that so much. If you look at the kind of coaching I do, it's probably 50% about confidence going in front of the camera in different shapes and forms, and 50% is the tech stuff. So, yes, it's a massive, massive thing for women. And I wish it were, but it is. And does it have to do with how you look. Because I think that Cindy was actually suggesting that she kind of knew it wasn't. She's like, I'm not the worst. And I think she knew that it wasn't just to do with the outside, that there was maybe a little bit going on on the inside. There are so many things affecting us. It's not just. I mean, the way we look. And you describe that really well. It changes all the time. What is the ideal beauty? You know, it changes every day and in different cultures as well. So I think it's very much. It's the classic say, isn't it? It's in the eye of the beholder. We have an image of ourselves. We look at ourselves in the mirror in the morning, and we make a little face, the way we want to be seen, you know, the way we see ourselves. And then when we see each other or ourselves from a different angle, we actually sometimes look completely different because there's a different light, it's a different angle we're not used to. But then you also have your voice that you need to get used to. And we pick out on certain things that we've. From. Even from childhood, we've been dragging along maybe for generations, because our mothers or, you know, our sisters or our relatives had this issue, and we think that is a massive thing. And then all of a sudden, one day, we realize that, you know what? It's actually not so bad. No one's focusing in completely on that. It's like if you wake up and you've got to spot and you cover it with makeup, but you think that that's all anybody is looking at, and you can't possibly go out that day. And other people, like, I don't even see it. And you think they're just being kind, but they actually don't even see it. Absolutely. And then, I mean, I deal, obviously, a lot with people in business, female entrepreneurs a lot. Not just female at all, but a lot of women have. I would say it's more common among women to have these thoughts and insecurities, unfortunately. And in business, you really. I can define it in different groups, if that's okay. Yeah. Should we go back in history as well and have a look at what's going on here? Shall we shape on this palette? Yeah. All about that. Absolutely. Go on, then. Let's go back. Let's go tribal. I mean, if we actually really look at this in a, you know, from a great perspective, Women have been. We've been tailored by this for so long. Forever. So Back in the tribal days, you know, we had to fight for our position in the tribe. We need to fight for the. For the man to, you know, have our children, which is the biggest driving force of everything, you know, for a human being is to actually have children. So basically, continuing to more modern times, we had to. To fight to get married because we were dependent by then on the men. They were the hunters and the gatherers, they were the suppliers. If we didn't have a man, it was bloody hard for a woman to survive. Right. So we actually had to make the best. We had to, you know, fight among us, among the women, and we had to look our best and really try and get the men on our side. And that sort of makes sense then, of a book like Pride and Prejudice, where it's kind of like, ah, ladies, what's the fuss? Just chill, there's plenty. But in fact, you know, they would have been destitute if they hadn't been married off. They would have been turned out of the house once their father died. Right, Absolutely. I was actually looking at another old goodie. I think it's called Love in Cold Climate. Love in the Cold Climate. And that was more recent, wasn't it? That was in the 20th century, right? Yeah, it's in the 30s, 40s. Yeah. And there's a remake in 2011. And this poor girl who's 19, 20, and the mother is absolutely devastated because she hasn't been married off yet, so her life is pretty much over. And, I mean, this is recent stuff. This is very recent stuff. And then when women started going to work a bit more, you know, then we had to do the same thing in the business environment because, you know, we started off as secretaries or, you know, office managers or supporting and serving and doing. So that was what the visual had to communicate. Then you had to keep your job because you often had a male boss, right, who you had to flatter and look the best and be the best for, because otherwise another woman would take your job. And sometimes, I'm sure, not too sexy, because the boss would have had a wife who would have disapproved. And so we were constantly having to look at ourselves and. And look at how we were being perceived. Absolutely. So, I mean, we can't really be too hard on ourselves either, as women, because we've had to do it for survival. You know, if you got pregnant back in the day only, you know, even 50 years ago, what were you going to do? Yes, you had to get rid of the child or work as a maid. For the rest of your life before some, you know, something could change for you took years. So it has been quite a really sad situation for women. But now, I mean, now we live in this amazing time when we have an opportunity in the Western world. We need to add that we are extremely fortunate to live in a time where all that is in the past. Actually. We don't have to fight for our position like that anymore. We have the freedom of choice and what I would say we have to fight for our position in the same way. I think there's a lot of argue for it. We're still trying to make sure we get something as basic as equal pay. But I hear what you're saying, that now we're not curtailed by those old rules. Exactly. It's new rules, and it's a completely different game if we want to, if we take that chance. So I think because of the way we had to relate to each other as well. Between women in an office, for example, in an office environment, in a group of women, in a club, in. At school, there was a lot of bitchiness. Right, because you wanted to prove that you were the best and you were the biggest and you deserved, you know, to be at the top. But all that is in the past as well, which is so lovely. And that's why we see all these, you know, as we call them, the tribes, coming together and working together to support each other, that we're not being competitive, that you and I aren't trying to be better right now than each other. We're just completely in communication. Absolutely. It's about collaboration and supporting each other. And I love that. Say that if you see a successful woman, you know, everyone wins because you know that if a woman can do it, it's helpful for all other women. Don't we see that, though, particularly online? It breaks my heart when I see younger women, particularly sort of in their late teens, early 20s, and they are trying so hard with the grooming, and they're lovely. I mean, they're absolutely gorgeous, and let's celebrate that. But they. But they're really making that their entire identity. And you sort of think, you know what you've got. You have the ability to become very powerful and go really big and have a very expansive life, and instead you're finding another way to apply false eyelashes. Now, is that me being to older generation or do you think that that's. No, no, I think you're the new generation. I mean, you're saying what. Exactly what I'm saying. They living by Those parts, rules, they're actually living in. So a lot of the younger people are actually living by older generation rules. And those of us who are a little bit further along in the game and we're just sort of over it. We're just kind of like, oh, just. Sure, here I am. Absolutely. Maybe. Yeah, absolutely. I love it. What would you have just before we go to break, what would you have to say to someone like Cindy who is just saying, I just, I hate how I look and I just can't stand being looked at. What would be a first step, something that she could look at. Yeah, again, I hear her too. You know, we all have these. It's not something you just shake off and walk away from. We've been born with it, we've grown up with it. We see, you know, what we call competition out there. You know, we want to. I'm not saying that you shouldn't look your best still, but do it for your sake. Do what makes you feel better about yourself. By all means, go and, you know, check your colors and put some makeup on if you feel. Feel like that, but for your sake, not for anyone else's sake. And then it's about practice getting used to seeing yourself. So doing. If you want to go on camera, just do little videos that you may. You don't have to show them. That was the first thing that you had us do in the vlog academy. I remember instantly I thought we were going to be talked into it gradually and maybe after lunch we'd be taking some video. Instantly, out came the phones. And we all did it, and we all did it quite badly. But just, just looking at yourself and saying, oh, well, that's it, that's a first step and it's okay. And just realizing that your whole nervous system doesn't have to fight back against your own image, then that the more you see yourself, the less your nervous system does that fighting, the less your brain kicks off saying, oh my gosh, panic. No, it's all wrong. Gotta get a, you know, gotta get a man kind of old wiring. Very, very old wiring. So after the break, what we're gonna do is we're talk a little bit more about the technical side of things that Mia's hugely expert in. And how can we see ourselves differently? So see you very soon. Women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. 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We're currently welcoming donations help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate simply head to our website. Every little will help. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. And welcome back. You are listening to us live here on women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. We got a lot of compliments last week about the the new jingle that was actually composed and performed by a lovely friend of mine, John Morris Doyle in Los Angeles. I just told him that I'm a huge fan of Leighton Hopkins and Duane Eddy, and he came up with that, which I just think is phenomenal. I said I just wanted something that just shows that we as a tribe are just. We're cool, we're relaxed, and we're also really, really powerful and I think great to listen to as well. So thank you so much to John for coming up that awesome, awesome jingle for us. So here in studio, we have me, Elferson, who is an expert on women's visibility, women becoming visible, and me is the owner of the Vlog Academy, where you can go and take extra classes in that they do online stuff as well as live stuff in the uk. And what I'd love to do is I'd love for us to talk about this idea that you have introduced to me that is intriguing, choosing your visual Persona, because that's kind of different from just getting glammed up or doing a bit of styling. What's that about? Okay, so let's break down a few categories of what you could actually be doing online. If we look at YouTubers, this is something I've come up with just to make it easier to understand. It's great to have a structure. So I've divided YouTubers, not only YouTubers for people who are on social media, into four different categories, just to simplify things. So we've got what I'd like to call the comfort zoners, and those are the people who go out there and we resonate with them because we don't really have to take action when we watch them. So it's a little bit like, you know, watching a telly series where you just live their life. And, you know, they are not always perfect. They are a bit lazy, and sometimes they're active, sometimes they eat healthy food, and sometimes they don't. So they show you when the. When the laundry isn't folded, and then they show you when they got their new shoes, and they show you when they're excited, and then they show you when they can't think of anything. Thing to say is that. Exactly. They are normal people, just like you and I, so they are comfortable to look at. You don't have to take action or question anything that you do yourself. So it's kind of leisure watch. Then we have the entertainers, and they're obviously entertaining people. So they have a different program or they're funny or they do a show or they do pranks. Pranks is a Massive thing, especially for Boys on YouTube. It's one of the biggest categories. And in that category would also be where they do sort of like great visual tricks. Would that be part of that? You could call that entertainers as well. They're entertaining the eye or the soul or, you know, they are not always necessarily making us laugh, but they're. There's not a whole lot of content there, but there's. But they're very, very high on the. On the laughs. On the watch. Yes, exactly. Then you have the aspirational channels. And we see that a lot on Instagram and Pinterest as well, of course, on Facebook and on YouTube. I think it's more on Instagram than YouTube because obvious, obviously, it's very hard to make aspirational, beautiful things and places work on video. You can isolate items or foods or clothes or, you know, beautician advice, but when you go wider and make it live, it's a bit harder to keep it. There is actually one woman who I'm following at the moment who actually does that brilliantly. But you're right, she is rare. Her name's Sorella Moray. She just fantastic for that. She always finds the amazing background of the jungle and she travels the world. She has Iceland and stuff like that. But you're right, that is. I love that. So it's easier to find on Instagram as well. On Instagram. And, you know, those are the people who really makes us feel, I want to live my life like that. You know, I want a house like that. I want to go on holiday with them, look at the beautiful hotels and pools and, oh, I want a dog like her. I want to be like, we all know that big feeling several times a day I've. I want to be her. And not realizing there's other women looking at us saying the exact same thing. Yeah. And I don't know about you, maybe your listeners can let us know what they feel about that. You know, is it damaging or is it inspirational? A lot of it is inspiring because, you know, we might go and change a little bit to the better from it, or it could be a bit damaging because we just feel rotten about everything. I think if women feel that they're not empowered, if they feel that they don't have practical, actionable things that they can do immediately in order to progress toward that place, that's when it becomes a little bit deflating. But certainly if we feel like, yes, you know what, that's available to me too. And here are these things that I can do that's when we feel inspired. The last category is the transformational coaches and people. And for those people who have got a journey ready for you, a transformation, available advice and coaching and support and it might be, you know, anything from psychology to health and fitness. And would you put yourself in that category as well? Yes, I would because I'm here to help people to enhance what they do. And I'm not looking to be a health aspirational. I'm not looking to show off everything around me that is beautiful and zoom in. I mean, I have the luxury of being a photographer who travels quite a lot as well. So I actually have an opportunity to share quite a lot of beautiful places and food and things like that as well. But it's not what I do. I have noticed that when you show you, you're sort of showing you saying, here's what I did with the lighting, here's what you can do with this, have a look at this. That you're not just saying, here's my beautiful outfit. Although they always are lovely. I don't know if we call you accidentally aspirational, would that be very difficult? I love that, I love that. But definitely, you know, when you are showing yourself, you're showing yourself to show something as well as you. Well, that's my ambition. That is what I'm looking to do, obviously. And I think what I was going to come to with the transformational people is that we don't care what they look like, we don't need their home, we don't need to have what they have because we want what they give us. Right? So when you know that you have things that can help people and support people, the rest doesn't matter. Do you know what? That is? So right. I actually thought that it was more important, but now that you say it, I remember for a long while There was a YouTube channel called Delusion Dispeller and this lady really didn't mind about visuals. She used to have this sort of strange sticker or something that she wore on her cheek and the background was often her daughter wandering around getting stuff out of the fridge. And she wouldn't be made up, but I would listen to her because her information was just extraordinary. Delusion Dispellers. I don't know if she's still around. Hopefully she is. And if anyone wants information about codependency and fighting off narcissism, a really great resource. But you're so right because I always. And that's something I'm really tough on myself. I'm like oh, gosh. I've rented this little cottage. I'm here, you know, just writing my next book. There's nothing super extraordinary. It's all just little white walls. I can't possibly. I don't have my lights with me. I can't possibly come up with a video. But I put one out anyway, thinking that it's less than. But what you're saying is, right. I don't wait until this is all extraordinary or you feel this is as perfect and as skinny and as tan as it can be before you give your information. Absolutely. And then, of course, we all have different levels of vanity. You know, I love the way you just say that so casually. Just different levels of vanity. Yes. Where's yours at? What's 10? Where's yours at, do you think? And then. And then you have different levels of creativity and, you know, arty artistic needs. So for some people, it's more important that it's all looking good and have the right feel. And then you've got to look at your brand. If you are going serious, you know, more than anything, you actually have to reflect what your brand stands for. And as a transformational coach, again, you know, as long as you share the value that your content is valuable for your audience, then you're good. And then if you want to add a nice environment, by all means, it's not going to be harmful, right? Yeah. But if you overdo it and if you're. If people feel that, oh, she's just focusing on her hair and her lipstick and. And that's the thing that in the other way, I don't do videos in my house because I don't want to be like, oh, look at her showing off her artwork. Or. Someone once gave me feedback after an event where I spoke about my artwork. I think Judy Mae's a narcissist. She talked about her art collection. It's like, what? And we're constantly afraid of that. We're afraid of, you know, as women in particular, we're afraid of, you know, am I. Am I being too. Am I playing too small or am I playing too big? And just maybe just letting go of that and saying, you know what? This is where I am today. This is what's going on. Let's just. Let's just get rid of that and let's just help each other. Absolutely. But I do feel that if, you know, if I do something because I want to show off a thing or a place or something without having a real reason to go out on a video, it never Works. You just don't. You yourself won't feel aligned with the message. You will feel a bit awkward about it, and you kind of. Your focus is going to be somewhere else on something else. So it just doesn't work very well. And that's when we pick up on it. So I'm not saying that you wanted to show off the artwork, but it wasn't about the artwork. And then someone. And I bet you it was a woman who came out with a comment. Because we're still a little bit bitchy towards each other. We actually want to. To, you know. And I was going to say, you know, bitching is so Lost tribe. Yeah, absolutely. It is. So. But I think it can go the wrong way. So we have to be careful. And that's when the visual Persona comes in to make sure that you're aligned with your brand and your message. That's going to help you come across as more authentic, more credible and trustworthy. Yeah. And it's so interesting what you say about. But we also need to support the women who are doing it in order to just be inspirational. There's a woman I follow. Louise is her first name. I'll try and get the second name for you before you finish the show. But she does a lot of stuff on Instagram in Paris and she travels to places like Venice. And it really is just lovely shots of her looking gorgeous in different outfits with different backgrounds. And it's just. And the gorgeousness of. Of her and her environment is the point. And I think that as women, when we can mature into saying, and that's lovely and that's valid and I support that, that we're all stronger from that position. Absolutely. I don't want to be without it. I love looking at, you know, posts and feeds like that. So. Absolutely. And it doesn't mean that you can't do crossovers as well. So definitely that's interesting. Yes. That we can. You can. You can be someone who is maybe just a really famous vlogger who then comes in and becomes aspirational through the stuff that they're doing with their vlogs. Brilliant. Absolutely. Love it. Okay, so today we are talking about making sure that no one remains being an invisible woman after this show, that we're all comfortable that we all have a space, as me was outlining a place for us to go. And so we're going to be continuing after this. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. This is women's radio station. You're listening to Avril Price. With kitchen sink spirituality, it's Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. And my guest today is Karen no. Welcome to future Classical Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Women's radio station, we want to hear from you. I listen to women's radio station Women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalized service. This happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078-254-1212. And Liz spelt L I S hazazelmaetravel.co.uk hi, I'm Mariam Jamaux and I'm the founder of WCAN, a young social enterprise ensuring an increase in employment progression and retention of black women in the corporate world. We specialise in the professional and personal development of over 3,000 young black women in the UK. To get involved, please sign up or learn more via wcan.co.uk or visit our Twitter or Instagram CAANetwork. If you're a corporation interested in sponsorship, email sponsorshipcan.uk Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity, helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help visit turntous.org.uk Let me tell you about Jermyn Street Theatre. This is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End. Once found, never forgotten, this is where careers ignite, where playwrights take risks, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.jermynstreettheatre.co.uk. Women's radio station is a not for profit, community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. And welcome back to Judy May Is Listening. I Love a good guitar. There's something about just a really clean guitar sound that just brings me alive. What brings you alive? Let's make sure that Judy May's listening isn't just about the things that are hurting. I really want us to make sure that we're talking about the things that we celebrate as well, that we can share those that we can, you know, as me was just talking about all the different categories, that we can just sort of be ordinary like everybody else and then also we can, you know, be entertaining and funny and that we can also be inspirational as well as experts. Let's make sure that we're not just sort of saying, you know, this is the pain, this is the agony, let's just sort that. But to realize that in life it's all kind of mixed together, isn't it? Absolutely. This is me, Alfredson from the Vlog Academy. We've been speaking all about what it's like to be a visible woman in the world. What it's like to become visible. And one part of becoming visible is sometimes we can feel that we just don't have the equipment or the know how and for some reason it's just not looking the way that we would want it to look. Can you just give us maybe the top three things that we can do to bring that on board? Absolutely. I mean technology wise, equipment wise, it's really, really simple. It doesn't have to be expensive at all. So if you want to start practicing vlogging or filming yourself, just use your mobile phone for a start. It's such good quality these days on the mobile phone. So if you have a recently upgraded phone, you'll be fine. And just turn it so you film yourself on your mobile phone. Your smartphone. What do you mean now by turn it? Well, obviously you can turn the pictures. You can actually hold the phone up and film yourself so you can see yourself while you're filming. Oh, I see what you mean. Right, so start on your smartphone. Don't go and buy an expensive camera until you really know both what you're doing and that you're going to continue doing it. So it's going to be worth it for you, that's one thing. And then maybe you want to get a little bit stand for the camera so you can move away a little bit. And, and this is also a really small tip for to do with being uncomfortable about seeing yourself. We're so used to seeing these close ups selfie close ups with especially young women with perfect skin. They're 20 years old and they don't have a wrinkle in their face and not a spot. You know, the older we get, the further away we can get from the camera. You don't. That scene, you know, the movie Tootsie, they would say, you know, getting closer, closer, not too close. We have that inner Tootsie moment in our heads as older women. Yes, exactly. So just move away a little bit further. It's. That's fine too, you know, you don't have to show all every, you know, hair and wrinkle in your face. So go a little bit wider because it's going to be more forgiving, actually. So get a stand. And again, they really cheap. You can order them online for like from four quid. So it's not really a massive investment and it's all worth it. And then you can put it on the table or you can get something that is a bit taller, like a tripod. And that frees up your hands as well. So if you are someone who wants to start promoting a product or you use your hands a lot when you talk, then that's quite liberating because it's obviously going to allow you to use your hands more when you talk. And I guess the more comfortable you are, the better you look. Absolutely. The more you can forget about the camera, really, which is so easy to see, say, but the better it is. And I'll come back to another point about that. After I mentioned the last thing, which is especially here in the northern parts of Europe this time of the year, someone actually sent me a text message first thing this morning. I was out for a run on the seafront and it was this amazing, beautiful sunrise right behind, you know, the burnt down pier in the West Pier in Brighton. And it was actually absolutely breathtaking. And I had music on. I was really alert and energized and I was coming up to your show in London in Covent Garden, so I was in a really good mood. A friend sent me. Do you know that this is the most depressing day of the year today? Oh, my goodness. Not in this studio. Not in this studio at all. So I just forgot about that completely immediately, as soon as I could. But what I was going to come to was that we. Sometimes it is a little bit dark in this country, isn't it? So you might actually need a little bit of extra help with that. And a video light is really easy and they're not expensive. You can get some really cheap ones online as well. If you look for video light with softbox or just. Yeah, that's the kind of the thing that makes your skin look even better. So have a look for that. It's up to you how much you want to invest on, obviously. But you can find those from 25 quid as well, sort of. And also, I suppose you get together with your friends if you know that you're going to be using them on different days. You could all club together and first have a sort of a community set of lights. Great idea. Absolutely. Or if you're in a network or, you know, even within an office. But always look for the light. So make sure you've got light in your face because, you know, when we see the eyes, we do talk through the eyes, don't we? And you see a video of a person in complete darkness, it's not going to resonate as strongly. Or when you see someone wearing sunglasses. Yeah, exactly. You just sort of feel like you're. There's nothing dodgy about them. When you're speaking to someone who's wearing sunglasses, you just sort of want them to take them off. We want to see each other. We're actually primed for that. We were talking earlier about this kind of ancient priming. We're actually primed to look each other in the eye and to get a feeling of connectedness. I think a lot of the reason people feel depressed through self isolation is because they're not getting that very, very physical, visceral looking someone in the eye and then the system calms down. It's like, you know, we are safe, we are a tribe, we are seeing each other. And with so much happening online and so many people, their focus being everywhere, it's sort of a little bit harder to get something that would have been happening naturally. Absolutely crucial. I mean, that connection is vital. And I mean, if you were sitting here not looking at me the whole show, it would be horrible. I would feel completely locked out. But we're making contact here. We make contact. If we were sitting in a cafe, we would have that contact. And this is why video blogging, or I call it talking heads, a talking head format is when it's just a person talking straight into to the camera. It's really important that you regard the viewer as someone you are actually there talking to. So you don't regard them as a massive audience that you're shouting to, but it's a personal conversation and that means that you have to meet eyes. And this is another important part of when you start vlogging to practice that you need to meet the lens, not your own eyes, which is Easy to do if you see yourself on the screen, but then it's going to look to the viewer as if you are talking to someone on the side or outside the door. So you need to. Or someone else and the person feels a little bit excluded, like a third wheel. So you need to find the lens, which is usually the tiny little hole where you have your ear when you listen to someone. That is the lens. So avoid talking. Listen or I can't even talk myself anymore here, looking at yourself on the screen. And by all means, you know, roll it back and make sure that rather than talking to you on the screen, the view that you see instead, you're talking. In fact, I've just started to do it now on our YouTube version. I've actually been doing. I've been making the mistake that I've been looking at us and in fact, we got to look a little bit higher and people will feel more connected. Hopefully. We've just demonstrated what me's been talking about. There we go. Lovely. And if you're up close, it's going to be really. It's going to be really visible. So you need to be careful with that because they actually had this really great, well, quite difficult psychology test series of experiments that was done in the 1970s where the mothers of babies would suddenly just withdraw all that connection. They would just suddenly become really inexpressive and not mirror back to the child anything and just become rock like. And the child became. The babies would just become so, so upset so quickly and they would just do anything they could ending up with screaming, crying in order to get that contact back that. That real visual contact back. So again, we are absolutely primed for it. So this is something that we do need to think about it to make people feel reassured the way you would want a small child to feel reassured. All we've got to do is start looking in the right place. So this is just such valuable information. I'd love for us just to go back to what our anonymous person sent in about. I don't like Facebook Live. For some reason I'm uncomfortable to watch because I know that whoever's living can see me watching personally. And I feel exposed. You know, is there. Is there an argument to be made for being able to hide? Is there or do we need to know? Okay, great. Talk to me about that. Well, I love Facebook Live and I'll tell you the main reason. Reason for that is because I think it's more forgiving. People know that it's live. And I think people love lives because we're always, you know, we're on the alert. If something should go wrong, we want to be there. Right. Or we want to be, you know, watching the recorded version of the World Cup Final isn't the same thing as watching it live. Right. So there's a small part within us, and we want to be there when it happens. But it's also much nice to see someone live who's more relaxed, and we feel that, you know, it's fine. We aren't perfect. When we talk to each other in a normal way, we, you know, we stumble on our words and we forget what we're gonna say. And, you know, so a live video is actually a really good place, believe it or not, to start practicing for, you know, public videos for LinkedIn, for example, which can be really scary for a lot of people. But remembering why you are doing the live video, again is most important. Who are you helping by doing the live video? And if you didn't do it, are you not gonna help those people? Are you not gonna be there for them? That's the best way to just get out of your own way. Absolutely. You are doing it for a reason, and you mustn't forget what that reason is. And I also feel that when someone's on Facebook Live, they feel more courageous to me, and I'm much more willing to listen to them because they took that chance. And I just love how all of this is growing us, that this technology isn't just a thing that's sitting there to be used or not used, but it's actually calling us to become a better version of ourselves. Absolutely. And this is why it's amazing that we can take this opportunity and go out there and run our business with more flexibility, reach more people and do what we're passionate about. That's what I'm all about, to support people to do that. And if someone wants to learn how to do that more, you can contact me on the vlog academy vlogacademy.com and I myself am a graduate, so I can absolutely say that it is really, really worthwhile. I remember we spent a lovely day in BAFTA one day and did extraordinary things. Yours choose beautiful locations. And just to say to all of you, it's like, you know, no matter where you're at on this journey of becoming more seen, I want you to know that here a Tudi Mae is listening. We do see you and we do value you. And please, if you want to become a more visual and vocal part of this, do get in touch and we will see you all next week on Judy May's Listening here on wrs. Women's Radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hi, I'm Lara Heems, Founder and designer of Lara Heems Jewellery. I make luxurious jewelry at affordable prices using silver, semi precious stones and high quality triple cubic zirconia. It's elegant, stunning, stylish and long lasting. Who needs diamonds? Find us at House of Fraser stores or Ella Boutique, Knightsbridge. If not, Visit us at www.larahemes.com Make a statement and sparkle this season. Do you need mediation? We are the A Project charity. We provide conflict resolution and community engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults, as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk let me tell you about this is a secret theatre in the heart of the West End. Once found, never forgotten. This is where careers ignite, where playwrights take risks, where great actors perform just feet away from the audience. This is where magic happens. We would love you to join our mailing list or become a sponsor or just buy a ticket to one of our shows. The website is www.germanstreettheatre.co.uk. Women's Radio station is a not for profit community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate simply head to our website. Every little will help.