In this empowering live episode, Judy Mae Murphy and returning guest Gloria Garcia dive deep into one of the most critical aspects of women’s wellbeing: the ability to bounce back after trauma and difficult times. Whether it’s financial loss, relationship abuse, health challenges, or circumstances beyond our control, the hosts explore how women often get stuck in a pattern of identifying with their trauma rather than moving forward. Judy Mae shares her own journey of reclaiming her physical strength after setbacks, while Gloria brings her expertise on how trauma can psychologically cripple us—and more importantly, how we can rewire our mindset to recover.
The conversation challenges the cultural narrative that healing requires dramatic retreats or endless self-work, instead emphasizing that recovery is often found in small, daily acts of self-care and forward momentum. From managing financial crises to healing from abuse, the guests discuss how women tend to over-analyze and absorb failures into their identity, unlike men who often compartmentalize and move on. They stress that true recovery isn’t about running away or pretending the trauma didn’t happen—it’s about creating a practical plan of action while gradually making room in your life for joy, normalcy, and growth alongside the healing process.
Main Topics
Trauma can psychologically cripple us, but our mindset is the key to moving forward—we must distinguish between processing what happened and being defined by it
Women tend to hold trauma as part of their identity and over-analyze what went wrong, while men are better at compartmentalizing and moving on quickly
Recovery doesn't require dramatic action or months away—small daily choices like showering, tidying, and taking five-minute breaks from worry are legitimate forms of healing
You have the right to financial freedom, love, creativity, health, and a full life regardless of past trauma—your rights aren't revoked by what's happened to you
Healing requires confronting the situation with a practical plan of action rather than avoidance, even when the trauma was beyond your control
It's essential to make room for other things in life alongside the healing process—joy and normalcy can coexist with processing difficult experiences
Age and past circumstances do not determine what you can achieve or become; your dreams are not denied to you because of your history
Full TranscriptWelcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and tog...▼
Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Hello and welcome to Women's Radio station supporting women's well being. This is Judy Mae Murphy. Welcome. If you're listening live, especially welcome. We love the fact that we come to you live from our little studio in Covent Garden every single week on Mondays at noon. And today we have a friend of the show, somebody who is the most requested repeat guest. And so we have her back. It's Gloria Garcia, our favorite bodyguard or close protection operative, as we now know to call her. And the theme that we have today, in order to really take, take care of ourselves, in order to feel safe as women, a huge part of our well being is being able to recover after any kind of trauma. Because sometimes what happens is people go through any kind of disappointment or trauma or abuse or difficult situation and then they feel that they now have to sit in that lower place, that they now have to almost wear that trauma in order to signal to everybody or just to themselves that the world isn't so safe. So how do we do this? How do we keep the intellectual lesson, if you like, or the physical lesson of I need to keep myself safe and at the same time get back to being fully strong, get back to being fully empowered. This happened to a lot of women during the financial crash. There were so many women who finally started to feel safe, started to maybe buy some property, started to get some money, put in the bank, and then the whole thing went away. And often, very traumatically often it was sort of like midnight phone calls from different people chasing them down for money. And a lot of women then felt like that was an area that they had to move themselves away from. Because that's how our brain works. If the brain believes that we're in danger, it will try to keep us away from that danger. So a lot of women stopped being financially awesome simply because they'd been taken out by something that wasn't entirely their fault. It might have been like in my case, that we weren't educated enough to know the nature of a financial bubble and how these things worked. But at the same time, we didn't do anything wrong, we didn't do anything malicious, we didn't try and hurt anybody. And then for years it's so easy to sort of sit back and not want to go back into that arena. The same thing if a woman is in a very abusive relationship, whether that is emotionally abusive, physically abusive again, fiscally, financially, Abusive. And then she just feels like, okay, I'm gonna not go into relationships because relationships equal hurt. How is it that can make sure that we're not sending ourselves signals that we somehow have to sit outside of these arenas that are ours by right? We have the right to be loved. We have the right to be financially free. We have the right to be creative. We have the right to make mistakes and to travel and to just have an awesome life. The right to be healthy. I know a lot of people who go through a health difficulty, and then they just think of it as a slippery slope after that. They think that they will never get back to. Say, if it's a woman like me, I'm now 50. And my whole thing is that this year I'm getting the body back that I had when I was 25. When I was 25, I was dancing. Really, really loved it. I had a couple of years that were kind of tricky. You know, sort of a broken arm, two months of shingles, all kinds of. Let's call it, fun stuff going on. And I really felt like it was difficult. It was difficult to get to a yoga class. It was difficult to train with mma. It just all felt very, very difficult. And we've got to make sure that we're not taking difficulty and turning it into a reason to not go forward, because we can get back what we had before, before the trauma happened, or if it's something that we've never had, we can have it for the first time. Listen carefully, ladies. No matter what age we are and no matter what has happened to us in the past, whatever it is that you want to dream, it's not denied you. It's not denied you because of what you've been through. It's not denied you because of who you are. It's certainly not denied to you because of your age. So we're gonna just take our power back in this hour. We're gonna move forward. And who better to talk to us about getting strong than Gloria Garcia? Gloria, you're very welcome back to the show. Thank you very much. Thanks for having me here, Judy Mae, as always. I love being here. And what is it that you see about women, just in general, when it comes to the idea of being strong and capable or the idea of being weak and incapable? Well, I think starting with the weak and incapable, I think when something traumatic happens in our mindset, we become crippled. And I think women more so than men, the crippling just stifles us, and it's very difficult to move forward I think that if we were able to kind of change that switch in our brain to turn it around and move forward with some momentum, then it would eliminate a lot of the stress, a lot of the angst, a lot of the guilt that we feel because of it. What I've noticed is that whether somebody has been through a physically traumatic situation emotionally, or as you said, fiscal, that type of thing, or something that we as women have had no control over. So, for example, what you were mentioning about the property market, it's kind of like the plague where all of a sudden we have no control over that, but yet it affects us. I've always admired men because they're able to pick themselves up a lot quicker than women in the past. That's what I've seen now, ironically, which is great. I have seen women able to make that turnaround and get back up their feet a lot quicker than usual. And do you think it's sort of a mindset thing of this is just temporary? Because I think that as women, we tend to really hold it as part of our identity. So we feel that we haven't just made a mistake, but we've somehow failed. Yeah, we do. And that as men, men are really good at saying, okay, that was a thing, it's over now. New day, let's move on. And maybe that's something that we can learn and do better. Yeah, I think we absolutely need to do better on that. I think there's a big guilt factor with us, for whatever reason, and we just overanalyze things constantly. So if something goes wrong, it's always, you know, what did I do? How could I have changed it? They're great questions to ask, you know, oneself. But we can't linger on those questions because again, we'll never move forward. I think the big deal is that, you know, when something happens to us that we have no control over, it's just, again, it's our mindset that we need to switch on the. That's okay, we can get through it. At the end of the day, it's not a big deal. Is it going to make or break us? I know that financially is probably on the top of the list for thinking, okay, can this disrupt our lives? How does it make us feel? I was reading an article in the paper the other day about this woman who apparently bought a property. Did you see this in the Sunday Times? Bought a property, and it was about close to half a million pounds. And apparently during the time that she was transferring the money to buy the property, the person whose account it was passed away. So then the children now had hold of that and now they're saying that they can't get her money back. So this was her life savings. So when it's something like that, you know, I can't sit here and say, okay, pick yourself back up off the ground. Because that's just. The trauma's real. The trauma is absolutely real. And that is just. You are. That woman is going to. She will suffer and she will suffer internally and she will suffer financially for what we hope is just a short time before they resolve it. But with that said, it definitely affects you, but you just have to have the willpower to. And the physicality to get up every morning and say, okay, this is how I'm going to change this. This is what I need to do and this is what I need to get. Otherwise I will become beholden to this situation. And at that point, what's it worth? Do you know what I mean? Absolutely. And there's that thing that you called it quite rightly crippling, that you just can't move forward very often to make the changes that you need to make because you are just focused on that one thing. Your whole brain is just screaming out, I am not safe. I need to keep all bandwidth available for this incident. You know, I need to keep everything available to make sure I don't get hit tonight or to make sure that I don't, you know, get cancer again, or to make sure that whatever your very real trauma is, you know, it's very hard to do things like the day to day stuff. And a lot of women report that they feel like they're just going through the motions and just doing the bare myth. And I would love if we could start to put it, to not put it to one side because obviously it's always going to be there, but just make room for other things as well to come together to make room for other things. I have a good girlfriend in Australia who right now is going through a very, very difficult situation on many, many levels. And she's highly successful and very, very wonderful and very, very competent. And with her, she just loves these little like 5 minute phone calls where she feels like for 5 minutes she didn't have to think about that. And I think that that can be part of the recovery from any kind of trauma, is not trying to heal everything. I think these days there's almost these warriors of healing out there and we feel like we have to sprout angel wings and be meditating for hours every day. And Be doing all these yoga poses and have our Instagram match our progress. And really it's a lot more prosaic than that. It really is just, have I had a shower yet? Did I tidy away the dirty dishes? What can I do now? Actually, I can't do that. Let's try that again later on. And that it is very sort of moment by moment. But a lot of times people think of healing from trauma as being able to get away for three months in India, not many people can do that, particularly if you have kids. Right. And not even that. It's just that you're not. Let me be clear, you should not be in an avoidance of the situation. You need to confront the situation. So the female that I used as an example, it's like waking up in the morning and making a plan to. What's my plan of attack? Not for revenge. I don't mean it that way. But what can I do in order to progress this situation to how I want it to be? Yeah. So it's just a matter. It's a matter of focusing and not being in avoidance. Yeah. We could all run away. We would all like to run away on a situation for about three months, but the fact of the matter is, you know, can we. Should we. And is it really, really helpful or do we come back to the same thing? Yeah. To run away and get to call it spiritual at the same time. Well, after the break we're going to be talking more about how we can take care of your well being by making sure that you bounce back as quickly as possible after any kind of trauma. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station hel. And welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Judy Mae is listening. Hello, this is Anna Kennedy at women's radio station live, voice of women worldwide talking about all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Saskia at Sable Forex and we specialize in saving individuals and companies money on their international money transfers or foreign exchange. So when money's crossing currencies, whether it's euros to yen or rands to pounds, that's where we can add value. So for all your foreign exchange needs, I'm Sasia at Sable. You can contact me on saskia.johnstonableinternational.com or my number is 0207759. 7541 hi, I'm Helen Prosper. I'm a health coach and I support people to take back control of their health so they feel radiantly well and vibrantly alive. Because it's from that place of health that we really can do more, be more, give more, play more and co create a better world. If living your life to the full is of interest to you, then take a look at my website livewell&pro prosper.uk and let's speak soon. Do you need mediation? We are the A Project charity. We provide convict resolution and community engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults, as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk Women's radio station can give a voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience to you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Zena Moscone, Head of Business Development at Women's Radio station. Radio advertising is the most cost effective way of reaching a huge audience globally. Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 07-95637-1483 or alternately zmomensradiostation.com. Welcome back to Judy Mae's Listening. I'm Judy Mae Murphy and you are listening to Women's Radio Station Supporting Women's Women well being. It is so awesome to have Gloria Garcia back in studio with us. As you know, she is a professional bodyguard working internationally doing all kinds of awesome, amazing stuff. And the thing that I've noticed as I've got to know Gloria is that it's not just about like being the tough girl in the moment that she needs to be the tough girl and just a tough woman because she's really earned that, let me tell you, she's earned that title, but also that it's all about noticing. It's about noticing where you're at. It's about noticing where the other person is. At one time we came out of the radio station and it was raining and Gloria had an umbrella and I've never known someone to hold an umbrella so perfectly over both of us and not step on my toes or bump into me even once on a whole like, you know, 10 minute walk in the rain. And this, I think is, you know, this is telling because this is part of her skill set, is just very aware and I thought it was interesting what you were saying about the importance of confronting a situation and also knowing what you're able to confront and knowing what you're not quite ready for. And in my field, what we talk about that is the difference between consolidation and strengthening. So some people will try to get very, very excited and, and run before they've healed. It's kind of like if you had a broken leg, you wouldn't just say, okay, suck it up, girly, you know, do your 10k and then it'll get better. No, if there is something that needs to be healed, it must be healed first. Otherwise you're just going to do yourself even more damage. And this is something I think that a lot of the guy coaches, if you like, the ones who are just very full of testosterone, very go, go, go. Very push, push, push. They will look at someone healing a man or a woman and they won see that. They will just see lack of action and they might not appreciate that now is not the time for the big crazy action. Now is time for the action that keeps you safe. And now is time for you to consolidate, to just make sure that you are getting to a place where you are strong enough that you can, that you can then do those things. And as you were saying as well, it's not forever. This isn't permanent. You are going to be able to move forward. And I know that when I've had various relationships that have taken big recovery time, that once the guy's out the door or once I'm out the door, that there's a period of time where I have had to be very, very structured and what I call gently disciplined. And it has to be, yes, I'm going to get up at 7am but I'm not going to get up to an alarm and go running down the street. I'm going to make sure I get one of those alarm clocks that is the sound of birds and a light starts coming up. That, that actually is helping me. So yes, I'm getting up at 7, but I'm getting up at 7 in a way that actually serves me. Look, well done. You've started your day. You didn't stay in bed. You didn't just put the duvet over your head and announce that you couldn't do Life. And the same thing then for just very simple things like just making sure that there are certain boxes that you tick. Even to this day, 10 years on, where many people would say that, well, I don't need that anymore. I can still see how strong it keeps me, how it helps set me up for growing stronger throughout the day. And my list includes things like flossing, and they literally get ticked off. Flossing, stretching, learning Russian. Like learning Russian. No one needs to learn Russian unless you live in Russia, I guess, in order to consolidate something. But just the fact of having some kind of routine is really, really important for consolidation. And I remember on one show you were telling me about how your trainer says to you, just go and punch a bag. Just go and do something. So what would you see as some really good consolidation things that women can do to just get back to a place where they can then start to build strength in a more active way? Well, I think, number one, we have to not overwhelm ourselves and realize that baby steps are okay. I think that kind of, you know, the women's mentality, we kind of want to do it all. We want to do it quickly. We want to. We over obsess with it. You know, 90% of us are all OCD, which is great, by the way. But with that said, I think that we don't accept within ourselves that we can actually take baby steps. So figuring that out, knowing that it's okay to take small steps is fine. Once you've done that, I think it's just a matter of waking up and doing the things that you like to do and incorporating that with things that you're more focused on, or things that you go, okay, this was the situation. This is what I need to get over. This is what I need to fix, or this is what I've been depleted by. And you do. You know, I use the word confront you and I have this quick conversation about that. I like the word. I don't mean it as confrontational, like you're going in attack mode, but I like the word confront because it just kind of puts me up in this upper realm that says, okay, I'm going to now deal with this situation. And I'm not in avoidance of it. So it's kind of more just stepping into. I'm now seeing. Is that the feeling, that word for you? Yeah. You're stepping into it. I'm stepping into it. It's not. You're not defeated? I'm not defeated. I'm not pretending it didn't happen. I'M actually now going to make a plan to strengthen myself, to move past it. I just got this great book, it's all about Zen, and for the life of me, I cannot even pronounce the author's name. But he's a very famous Japanese author and he. It's literally phrased. I got that book as well. Yes, yes. And there's little things like making yourself a cup of coffee and things that he says, you can easily go down the street and get a cup of coffee, but when you actually make. And he walks you through the process and you go, my God, just how you were talking about flossing. If you give yourself the moment, if you just give yourself the moment and not feel guilty about giving yourself the moment, it has such a profound effect on how you get over that horse of something bad that has happened to you or is happening to you at the time. It just changes your mentality completely, which I can totally appreciate, because again, the book is written as if they were baby steps. So it's just each page has one difference. It's very easy to read, isn't it? I've just read a couple of pages on it and each time it's like, ah, yes. And it seems that the whole. The message. Right. The way through it is that you can slow it down. Because often trauma feels very fast. Yes, it feels like. Well, but it is very fast. A lot of times it is very fast. It's a quick situation or it's the very opposite, a prolonged situation that at the end of it has taken place very quickly. Yes, but your brain is. Your whole system is working very fast all the way through it, even if it's unfolding more slowly. And so just realizing that, oh, I don't have to do anything right now in this moment. I can just take this moment. And this is my prediction here. I don't know. I'm going to say it out loud. I believe that in the next few years, the Japanese tea ceremony is going to become a big cultural thing again. I think people are going to start taking classes in it. I think people are going to start to slow it right down. What was the name of the guy who originally did the Japanese tea ceremony? We'll try and find out for you in the break. I think it was Raiku or something like that, but his whole thing was that it was about slowing it down and really appreciating things. And before, like teahouses used to be these really big ornate affairs where you could show off your wealth and the bowls and the implements that you'd use would sort of be made of fine metals and be really beautiful. And he brought it right back to a very simple wooden bowl, like just very, very simple earthy things. And that the. I think that the path would be twisting to get there, so you'd have to, you know, amble around and change your direction. And then that the door was smaller so that you would have to humble yourself and slow yourself down to be able to walk in the door. And just that simplification and that slowing down might be just what we need after all the crazy from the Internet. Because our world, the Internet is wonderful, has brought us so many wonderful things, but it has also sped up things like the rate of communication, the rate of transactions, the rate of outrage, the rate of ability to abuse. It really has sped it up. If you listen, I think I love doing is listening to speakers from the 30s, 40s and 50s, and my goodness, I could do a whole talk in between the pauses, between their sentences. They speak so slowly. Now, granted, I know I'm quite a fast talker, but back then this is how they would speak at this pace. And already Melissa, our producer, is just looking at us like, hurry it up, hurry up. Really, girl, We've only got another half hour. You might want to not do that the whole time. But it really is telling about how the pace of life has really, really sped up. And when I think about in European countries, people used to take time, used to have a siesta in the middle of the day. Some still do, but some still do, some are just over that. And a lot of Americans I know find it incredible that you have people who have meals that take three hours in the middle of the day and then go back to work where they have much more of a culture of grabbing a sandwich on the fly. So I think that you're right that this way of just taking that moment, as you put it, is so important to this consolidation, to this healing. Well, what it does too is it gives you the moment to self reflect, to reflect on the situation. So whether you've gone through emotional trauma, physical trauma, any type of accident, or like we were talking about earlier, unforeseen plague, what I call just gives you a moment to self reflect, to see where you sit within it. It's not about putting the blame on something or someone else or not about putting the blame on yourself. Because we could torment ourselves all day long and put self blame on us. We're notorious for that. But with that said, I think that it just allows us to actually that moment to think and make a plan for ourselves going forward, which is half of the battle of getting out of it. I mean, I know too now there's so many forums and there's groups that we can join and we can get assistance and talk about what's happened, which is phenomenal. We've never had that before. So that's great for us now, but we just need to be really careful with those. As well as we were talking about before, women like women. Absolutely. And that's something we're going to talk about after the break. So as you're saying, just the importance of slowing it down. Because when you realize, when you have that time to think, you can feel safer. This is a huge part of your well being. Huge part of you feeling safe in the world is now I've worked out what happened, I've worked out how I got myself into this situation and now I can be sure that I'm not going to be repeating that. Now I can be sure that the world I live in is a safe place and that I have a place in it. And that's when we can start to get excited about our lives again. So more coming up right after these. So you're back with Judy Mae Murphy here on Judy Mae is Listening. We're having a little technical problem right now which actually suits us quite well because we are going to be talking coming up after the break all about online forums. And so please do send in to Facebook any questions that you might have about what it is that has been your experience of online forums. Women's Radio Station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about dialogue, diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. 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Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Welcome back. This is Judy Mae Murphy here in studio with Gloria Garcia on Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being. And a really big part of our well being as women is feeling good, feeling powerful, feeling safe, feeling able to move on from any situation that has happened. And during the breaks it's really funny because we start talking even more animatedly. We're like, oh, and there's this and there's this and there's this because there's just so much to this topic. And right before the break, Gloria was mentioning about online forums and I think we have to be pretty careful about any kind of support that we're getting while we're in the consolidation and healing process and also while we're in the much more active, proactive, strengthening process of really getting back to speed. And that is that sometimes even if it's really well being. And it's not even rather well meant. Even if it's not well meant, it can often be harmful. But because we are just looking for something, we feel like we need something to prop us up and suddenly here is someone calling around to our house with donuts and sympathy and we just, we want that. We're like, okay, I'll fall apart a little bit over there. And we do need to be quite careful. Like, a lot of the great forms that have grown up over the last few years are the forms for women who are survivors of narcissistic abuse. They've been in very narcissistic relationships. And so you have these great. And you have fantastic people, by the way, like Dana Morningstar, Lisa A. Romano, like a lot of people who really, really know their stuff. Meredith Miller of Inner Integration, please check out their YouTube stuff and their podcasts and their Google hangouts. Really, really great tribes. But then there's also a lot of tribes out there where it's all just about moaning and almost retraumatizing yourself and just like, you know, getting comfort out of the victim label. And I think that we have to be really careful how we choose our support during a time of recovering from disappointment or trauma. Yeah, I agree. I think re. Traumatizing yourself too is almost like going after bad karma. I always say this. I, I like women who like women. If you're a woman, if you're a female and you don't like other women, then I probably most likely, well, no, I don't want to have anything to do with you because I think to myself, at the end of the day, you're not going to be helpful to me. You're not going to be compassionate to me because how could you be? Because you don't like women. Yeah. So a feeling of, well, I'm going to be giving to you and I'm not going to be giving anything back. And that's just unboundaries. Right, Right. And you know, like you said, there's great tribes, great female forums out there. But with that said, there's also the, the bad ones. And I think we have to be really careful to make our own judgment on things and people when we're going through something and which advice we do take and how we deal with things. Just because you don't want to be around people who are constantly moaning or infusing the situation to you and going, oh, that's bad, that's this because at the end of the day too, there's a lot of people that are Jealous, they're envious. And you need to be clear. You need to, as a woman, be clear headed on what you're doing. That's what I mean. In confronting something, you have to literally sit down on your own and think about what it is that you want out of the situation or how you want to deal with it. Firstly, without asking a thousand opinions. Because that I don't think is a good way either. Yeah, it's almost like you're looking for that magic pill. You're looking for someone to say this is exactly what you do. And it's very understandable that you might want that you might just want someone to just take over your life. I don't know if you were watching Fleabag, but in that she just said, I just want someone to make all my decisions, tell me what band to like, tell me what to eat. And we all know that those are moments that we go through. Well, it's funny because that's what I do as a bodyguard. You know, I think last time I was here we were talking about where I don't have the luxury of asking anybody's opinion because I'm the one who has to make the decision. You have to act in the moment. You can't be like, hold on, I'll just phone a friend of mine who might have a better idea about how to deal with this whizzing in our direction. Right. And whoever I'm looking after, they're looking at me to have the answer. So they're the ones coming to me going, do I do that? Can we do this? Can I eat that? Can I walk that way? Can we get in this car now? Can we do, you know, So I always go back on kind of my bodyguard mentality of you just literally need to make the decision on your own and be at comfort with that. Yeah. And I think what's really interesting is sometimes we think that being re traumatized will show up in the same way as the original trauma. So if you've been abused and someone has been sort of yelling and controlling and generally being a bad one, then that that's how the next piece of trauma will show up. And you're ready for that. But you might not be ready for someone saying, oh listen, oh poor you, and yet treating you like a child. I think we've got to watch out for that. We often take our sympathy, whereas really what we need is we need just very clear, supportive empathy from other women saying, yeah, I see that you've gone through that. No blurring of boundaries, no Idea of, you know, this is all of our trauma. No, sort of like that tone of voice that's like, oh, poor you, oh my God. That. That kind of thing where we're being babied and belittled and we need to watch out for that. If someone is being critical of the decisions that you're making, if someone has decided that because you've been through a trauma that you are somehow childlike, that is not okay. You are still a grown woman. You don't need to take a time out and be a child. Yes. You take time out and look after yourself. And you don't have to be as fully functioning, you don't have to be as awesome as you were before, but at the same time, allowing someone to come along and take over. You hear about women who will say, a lot of clients of mine, this has happened to where their mother has come in to help out, maybe after they've given birth, you know that it's a difficult time. We're not calling that a trauma, but it's a difficult time. And for some women, they do have traumatic birth experiences and then their mom comes in, but then suddenly the mom thinks that it's their household. So you've got to make sure that you are really boundaried and saying, well, thank you, but actually today I don't need to talk about it. And if someone is disappointed that you don't want to talk about it in that day, that is something to look at. Or if you go on forum and everybody is complaining about their narcissist and you make a statement like, I'm not referring to him or her as my narcissist again, because I now feel free of them. I feel like they've got nothing to do with me. And if a lot of people have a problem with you making a statement like that, if they need for you to fall into line and, you know, toe the line with. Along with everybody else, then that's problematic. So just make sure that you're remaining an independent thinker. Exactly. Even though you are asking for more healthy support at this time. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. This whole falling into someone else's line, you need to fall into your own line. You know, listening to other people's opinions all the time, I don't believe it's ever, ever helpful. Everybody's situation is completely different. Everybody's angle is completely different. Everybody's reaction is completely different. But I think there are some women, and let me know if you feel this too, that when they have been through a particular trauma and they're maybe feeling a lot of guilt and shame around it that then they, that they don't have a right to a them. They don't have the right to assert the I to say, well I would like to do this because the feeling is, well when I did that, when I asserted myself and my ideas, things went badly wrong and that they will just sort of pull back and say, oh well obviously there's something wrong with my processing, with my way of doing life. So therefore I'll just, I'll be a good girl and do what I'm told for a while and maybe I'll be forgiven and maybe I'll be allowed to stay in the trouble. Yeah, I don't know if that's necessarily true, but what I think is that. You've got to look at yourself. I'm always under the big of, you can't change anyone else, you can only change yourself. So whatever situation it is and whatever tribe you plan on including yourself in, I think that you have to look at yourself and go, what am I wanting to get out of this? What answers am I looking for? Am I looking for somebody to resolve this for me? Am I looking this to be my end all type of thing? Again, I think the biggest thing is self reflection and we have to look at ourselves and go, and I'm not saying self blame, I'm not saying okay, it's my fault that somebody's physically abusing me, okay, for example. But you can recognize it within yourself that you don't like it, you shouldn't be there and therefore get out because you're not going to change that person, that person's not going to change because you're pressuring that person, inflicting something on that person or going, why are you doing that? That person needs to change on, that's them, it's got nothing to do with you. And I think the quicker that we realize that we're responsible for our own life and our own livelihood is the quicker that we make a kind decision to ourselves. Oh, what a brilliant insight. The fact that a lot of women do try to recover while they're still in the trauma. They think that, you know, well, I'll stay with him but I just, I won't take it so seriously now. I won't allow him to upset me or I won't allow her to upset me or you know, right. I'm in this job where I'm treated terribly, but I'll make sure that I don't stay after midnight again, that I don't pull any more old nighters. All nighters. So I think it's really, really important that job number one needs to be to distance yourself as much as possible. I know sometimes you can't completely say if you're co parenting or if you're in a particular situation, but at least aim to get yourself out so that the healing and the reconditioning and strengthening can start to happen. But if you're trying to do all that while you're still being constantly re traumatized, it's going to be very difficult. Not impossible, but, but very, very difficult to get the kind of traction that you need. Yeah, it's true, it's true. I'm just always under the heading of we just need to be very watchful and caring of ourselves. You can't care for somebody else if you don't give a damn about yourself. And I think a lot of women, they don't because we put everybody first. So we're not very careful or alert to the fact that we might be in a physically abusive relationship, we might be in an emotionally abuse abusive relationship. We might not be happy with our current fiscal financial situation, but we have to change it for ourselves. Nobody's going to change it for us. Absolutely. And as you say, the first part of that is naming it. Right? We've got more coming up after the break with myself, Judy Mae Murphy and our wonderful guest, Gloria Garcia, right after these. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Judy May is listening. Hello, this is Anna Kennedy at women's radio station live, voice of women worldwide talking about all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. I'm Saskia at Sable Forex and we specialize in saving individuals and companies money on their international money transfers or foreign exchange. So when money's crossing currencies, whether it's euros to yen or rands to pounds, that's where we can add value. So for all your foreign exchange needs, I'm Sasia at Sable. You can contact me on saskia.johnston.com or my number is 0207-759-7541. Hi, I'm Helen Prosper. I'm a health coach and I support people to take back control of their health so that they feel radiantly well and vibrantly alive because it's from that place of health that we really can do more, be more, give more, play more and co create a better world. If living your life to the full is of interest to you, then take a look at my website livewellandprosper.uk and let's speak soon. Do you need mediation? We are the A Project charity. We provide convict resolution and community engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children, and young adults, as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk Women's radio station can give a voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience to you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Zena Moscone, head of Business development at women's radio station. Radio advertising is the most cost effective way of reaching a huge audience globally. Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 079-563-71483 or alternately zmomensradiostation.com. Welcome back to Judy May is listening. I am Judy Mae Murphy and you are listening to Women's Radio Station. Here we are all about supporting women's well being, making sure that you're living the best life possible. And also in studio today we have Gloria Garcia, our favorite friend of the show. Gloria, as you know, is a close protection operative that's bodyguard to you and me. Pretty much think, yeah, you can just think Charlie's Angels, like for real, but like, you know, in real situations internationally doing all kinds of stuff. And I know that most of the stuff she can't even tell me about, but she's just the most fantastic person and her experience, her way of being there for herself and others really tells in her philosophy and the way that she does life. And this is why I love bringing Gloria into studio to share this with you. And we've been talking for the last 45 minutes all about how it is that you can take care of your well being by being safe after trauma. So any kind of trauma, we've defined trauma quite broadly. It's basically anything that upsets your equilibrium, anything that puts you off kilter. And it can be something that really throws you off and takes years to get back to a good place from, or it can even be something that's just something someone said that really irked you through you, maybe was kind of a throwback to your childhood, reminded you of something, triggered you, and, you know, you could end up just being in a funky place for a few hours, or you could end up being shut down for days or weeks on end. So we're talking here about the broad spectrum. It doesn't matter. It's never anything too big that you can't consolidate and strengthen and move on from. And it's also never anything too small that it's not worthy of your attention and worthy of you making it right and getting it to a better place. So, because we've been talking a lot about the consolidation period and the support and the different things to look out for in that and the different mindsets that we need to have now, let's look at what happens when you have kind of healed and moved on. So at the top of the show, we were talking all about how for a lot of women, that was to do with financial things that happened sort of between 2006 and 2012, and now it's, you know, it's a good few years later, and a lot of women are kind of starting to get back into investing and into getting really excited about money again and really getting things moving and learning that a lot of the. The stories about lack and austerity and everything doesn't need to necessarily apply to how they are personally doing their lives. Not to diminish that, we know that a lot of people have a lot of difficulty around things, but just knowing that there are possibilities for us out there, how is it that we can make sure that we don't stay afraid? If you've successfully come out of a really traumatic relationship or even the trauma of someone dying, and now you're saying, you know what, actually, I would like to get into a relationship again. But you're thinking, even on an unconscious level, however, this person might die on me too, you know, or however this person might abuse me also, or this investment might also go wrong. And then everything I've been building for the last five years might go the same way as the stuff did in 2010. So how is it that we can make sure that we're not kind of being spooked by the past? Yeah, I mean, even listening to you say that and those things, it's like, exhausting when you go, oh, My God, what if I get back into a relationship like that? What if I do that? I mean, at that point you just go. It's kind of. It's exhausting. But it's a sad situation that we do get ourselves in. I think that we just. It's the fear factor of going, I don't want to be in that situation again, which I, I completely get. But now that we are inclined to nurture ourselves, inclined to growing from whatever traumatic situation has happened, I think we also have to realize that we're risk takers and we have to be risk takers. We cannot completely shut ourself off to other relationships or other situations because of what happened in the past. As I said, each situation is different, each time in our life is different, and it's always about moving forward with some type of momentum. It's good that people learn from experience. It's good that we've learned from experience whatever good and bad has happened. But with that said, we can't remain stagnant either. We have to move forward. Otherwise we might lose the greatest love of our life coming our way. If all of a sudden we're scared to death because we had a bad relationship, we might lose our greatest investment opportunity to become a billionaire because we're so afraid, because, because some financial crash happened, we have to be very aware and alert. But we can't be scared to death either, because then what's the use of living? Absolutely. Because I'm sure you don't just take your clients and just lock them in a box until your shift is over. Right. But so many women are doing that. I don't put them in the safe room. I mean, that would be the easiest way. I can't do that. I gotta put them out there. They're out there. And that is the biggest risk take in the world is to go, oh God, I gotta walk down the street with this person. God forbid, from point A to point B, something happens. I mean, imagine in my mentality doing that all day long. You know, it's. So what I love about doing this show with you is that it does go back to the bodyguard mentality of going. These are the risks. People that we can take, and women, these are the risks that we could totally knock it out of the park and do. And it's going to end up up fine. And if it doesn't, guess what? We are more prepared for it this time than we were before. And our recovery time will be faster. It will bounce shorter. Exactly. Yeah, absolutely. We've got this. That Reminds me of a brilliant scientist and author, Carol S. Dweck. She's absolutely one of my favorites. And she has a book called Mindset. And in it she talks about the difference between having a growth mindset and a fixed mindset. And the idea of a fixed mindset is just that you're kind of a done deal and stuff happens to you and you've got to almost just throw yourself up against the world and prove yourself, and that's it. But then if you've got a growth mindset, you're all about learning. You're all about, yeah, you know what? That didn't work out. But the point wasn't for it to work out. The point wasn't for you to have become financially free in 2010. And that wasn't your one shot. And it's not over now. The thing is that, you know, you learned from that and now you get to get to go back in as many times as you want to in this life lifetime and not in order to so called get it right. Because so many of us are still living with that mentality of somehow there are these big parental figures floating around out there that need to be pleased that we have to do right by. And we've, you know, we've internalized those figures. And so a lot of what we do is feeling like somehow we are wrong for not having done it perfectly, for not having got the gold star, not having gotten 10 out of 10 on our first marriage, our second marriage, but instead just thinking, well, what did you learn from that? Were there good times? Did you live? Because that really is the only way to fail, is to not live. Yeah, yeah, it's true. You know, I was watching, I don't know if you saw the movie Escape that just came out with Gemma Arterton, I think that's her last name. And it's about a couple and she's just not happy. She's an unhappy woman. And she literally wakes up every morning, does the same routine every morning and becomes, well, so far it sounds like the Hallmark movies that I watch, but I'm imagining it's going to change into something else very quickly. And you just. She comes up to this extraordinary decision, which I will not say because I don't want to ruin it. And you think to yourselves, a lot of women are faced with that every single day of their lives, no matter what the situation is. You know, if they're in the perfect love relationship or everybody foresees that they are and from their point of view is. But them themselves aren't happy. You know, it's ironic how women find escape as sometimes their only prerogative when the reality is we kind of just need to sit back for a second and consider all of our options and what we're going to do to make it better for ourselves. Because there's much better stuff. If you're going to escape, there's much better stuff to escape into than the things women traditionally use. If I'm going to escape, because we do need to sometimes, I'm not going to escape into a glass of red wine. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I'm going to escape into an amazing conversation with a fantastic person or, you know, a great piece of literature or something that's really going to grow my universe and allow me to give more and allow me to experience more. But I really wouldn't want to. You know, I talked there jokingly about, you know, watching Hallmark movies. Yeah, you know what? Around Christmas time, I'll watch those Hallmark Christmas movies. But I'm not. I'm not going home to do that every night. I am, you know, really designing my life. And, you know, I've had a life that has been full of trauma and disappointment and times where I'm like, oh, my goodness, I, you know, I teach this stuff. And, you know, so years ago, I ended up in a very awful relationship and I'm like, how can I be in an emotionally violent relationship? How can I. How can this be happening to me? And you often don't label it as that because you're just constantly trying to make the reality match the picture. What you've told yourself you're going for, what you've told yourself, this is that this is ideal because this is fixable, because this is okay, because. And then when you just wake up one day and you're just like, no, you know what? This is too difficult. I'm broken. This isn't what I planned for myself. And there's a grieving process that needs to happen where we need to get sad about it and we need to get angry about it in turn, and we need to just make sure that. That we are saying, as you've been saying for the whole hour on and off, it is so important to just say, and now what. What is it that I can do for me? And just getting that clear head and creating that space for yourself to do that. Yeah, I love what you just said about design your own life. You know, if we were architects and we were planning our house, where would we put our living room? Where would we put our bedroom or not our en suite. Why can't we do that for ourselves and go, what do I want my life to be like? And we designed a little shed way down the road where we'd lock all the really difficult people and a safe room and a safe. Absolutely. Spoken like a true bodyguard. I love it. But I think designing our life is a fantastic concept and I'm talking about girls that are young girls, all until, you know, women that are in their 70s and 80s. You know, I don't want to be the woman who goes, okay, because you're middle aged and because you're older, we go, oh, we learn by experience. Because there's 20 year old girls, you know, I have nieces that go through bad relationships or, you know, not great career decisions and that type of thing. And we need to look at it earlier than later. You don't have to learn the hard way. Resilience earlier than later. Those of us who did learn it the hard way, we did it so that you don't have to. Right. You know, and that's a really great reason for tuning into women's radio station where right across the board we're about supporting women's well being in all kinds of different areas. All about, you know, we have Anna Kennedy who talks about autism and all the different ways that we can expand and learn through that. We have our wonderful friend. See, I know her as Nutty Butty, but I can't actually think of her real name right now. Hazel. Hazel is just so awesome and she talks about books and culture and right across the board here on women's radio station we have lots of ways of supporting your well being. Thank you so much to our guest today, Gloria Garcia and looking forward to seeing you all very, very soon. Women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, the UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalised service. This happens from the moment that they inquire till they come back home. I work with luxury tour operators. You can contact me on 078-254-4122 and Liz spelt L I S hazazelmaytravel.co.uk I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich when it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. 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