Judymay Is Listening – Musician And Singer “Arnie Wrong”

Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. Oh my goodness. I love my jingle. Is that a good way to start a show? Maybe not, but there we have it. Today you have a treat in store. That's all I can say. I feel honored. And if you were sitting here, you would be feeling exactly the same way because our guest today is the amazing Arnie Rong. Arnie Rong is the most incredible musician. She is someone who you've actually met before quite a long time ago under slightly different guise. But now you're here to meet the superstar. And today we are going to be talking about how to superstar your life. How to get really, really creative. How, how having a creative mindset, a creative, playful kind of heart, an idea that anything can be made out of anything is the thing that's really going to support you and your well being in a major way. Because here we are on WRS women's radio station and we are all about supporting women's well being. I'm Judy Mae Murphy. If you are new to the show, this is in fact all about you. This is about turning around whatever is going on for you. And we talk about together. We transform everything. Every single show is put together based on information that you've sent me about what is troubling you, what is exciting you, where you might be a little bit stuck. So if you want to be part of that, all you have to do is drop me a line to infodiemay J U D Y M A Y tv. And even if you just want to sit back and listen and be someone who's a little bit quieter at the party, you are very much still part of our tribe. So. So Arnie, welcome. Thank you, Judy Mae, thanks for having me again. So we were just talking a little bit before the show about how we're both on fire for creating big stuff today. And I know that that's kind of a place that we both live in a lot of the time. Has there ever been a time where you haven't felt that way? Where you haven't felt incredibly creative and maybe what did you do to get yourself to that new place? That's a really good question. I've actually just gone for a really big change in my life. I decided to quit my 9 to 5 to dedicate my whole life to music, to making music. And the reason why I did that is because there was a long period, like a period of about two years Where I was so stuck in the rut and so busy with, you know, making money and just doing other stuff, just being stuck on that hamster wheel that I just. My creative kind of vein in the brain had just switched off and I just couldn't. I felt like I didn't have anything interesting to say because I was constantly doing the same thing every day and, and it just wasn't inspiring. And I started believing that I don't really have anything to say or, you know, so I decided to just make this huge step and get myself to a point where I can think creatively again. That is so interesting. The idea that the, the experience that you were having started to dictate to you your identity, started to tell you who you are. And then it sounds as if one day you decided to speak back really loudly and say, no, this isn't fact. It feels this way right now, but that doesn't make it fact. And so let me be who I really am. Exactly. That's it. I. So I had this experience before I kind of decided to, you know, succumb to what the society sort of wants me to do, which is get a job and you know, be a good citizen or whatever. And you know, I used to, I used to be in bands. Like all I was doing was have like a part time job, go out all the time, have fun and just play gigs and write music. And that was a time in my life where maybe not the going out part all the time, but you know, just my whole life revolving around writing and performing and being on stage and just being this band front woman. That was the time when I knew that I was myself the most. And then when I decided to focus my energy on, you know, getting a job and, you know, being a real person. What made you decide that you had to be a so called real person? That. What was it that led toward that? Was it. Was there some kind of pain of instability or some sort of like dictate that was, was blueprinted into your brain? It was my student loan. Okay. Something very specific student loan. That'll do it every time. Yeah, it was my Swedish student loan, which is not like the British student loan. It's a very practical thing. But yeah, basically I, I couldn't get away with sort of bumming around and I had to start making some serious money to start paying it back. And also, you know, just like normal things like, well, normal things like my band split up at the time and I was like, well, I don't have a band anymore, you know, I'm a little bit lost. What am I gonna do? Oh, cool. Like I'll just start making money and you know, and do what I was supposed to do. And had you given yourself a timeline how you had. You said to yourself, I'm gonna do this for a year, I'm gonna do this until. Because very often we can do that. We can say, oh, I'll just. And whatever it is, I'll just date this person who's not right for me for another couple of weeks. And then another couple of weeks turns into a lifetime. Or I will just eat one more cookie and one more cookie turns into one more bag. Did you find that you had set yourself a timeline and did you keep to it? I did, yeah. I, I remember it was sort of on New Year's Eve. I decided, right, okay, it's stopped. It's time to stop bumming around. And I need to get a job this year. So I don't have a whole year. Yeah. And by February I had a job. So then when I go into the job, I was like, okay, I'm going to stay in this job for two years and then I'm gonna. Well, that's a big commitment for someone who's creative, someone who knew that she was gonna go out and do epic things in the music world. That's a pretty big commitment. It's because I have friends, really good, inspiring friends who are also working in full time jobs and also smashing it in music at the same time. And you know, it's no secret that it's quite hard to make it as a musician, especially as a musician who's sort of like rising up, you know, as you very. Aren't you wrong? Yes, thank you, I'll take that. Yeah. So I thought, well, they can do it, you know, it can be done. So I was like, I'll just, you know, it wasn't like I wasn't making music as I was working. I was still trying to do it, but it just was being fitted in around the rest rather than it being central. Yeah, exactly. And I've also always experienced this sort of like imposter syndrome because of that when I was at work as well. Because I thought, you know, oh, like they're gonna figure me out, they're gonna know that I'm like really a musician and not really like an office person. And they're gonna like, I'm gonna get found out for not really belonging here sort of thing. So I. When did you have, did you have it from both ends? Did you have imposter syndrome, then, yeah, I did. I had a double imposter syndrome. Being like, oh, wow, I don't really belong in this music world because they're all going to find out that I'm an office person, you know. And so, yeah, I just got myself trapped in this double imposter syndrome. And, yeah, it was really stifling for creativity. And eventually, you know, I just got so exhausted that, like, I just started spending less and less time on making music, you know, because I sort of, in a way, I started making excuses, being like, you know, I'm so tired. I'm so exhausted. I've had this and this and this going on. I've got this on my mind. I don't really feel like doing it. And then once you do it enough times, you completely get out of the routine. And then you start being afraid to even start creating because you're like, oh, I don't know if I can do it anymore. And so, yeah, I just trapped myself in this horrible circle for, like, a couple of years. A lot of people can have that couple of years turn into a lifetime. How did you manage then to get yourself out of it? I. There was a period. Well, I always fantasized about it. I was like, one day I'm going to save up enough money. I'm going to make enough money to, like, be able to quit my job and just do music full time. And so it was sort of always in the back of my mind. And a few years ago, I started saving. Not for any particular, particular reason, but I did have this thought in the back of my mind, like, maybe I'll need it one day when I'm not working and just making music. And so I've been saving for a few years. And then last year, around December time, I had a period of time at work where I was working from home a lot. And I found myself feeling more creative and spending more time, like, in the afternoons and in the evenings just writing. And so it's like a weight has been lifting from my shoulders. And I started feeling like myself again, realizing that, you know, when I spend some time at home, like, just getting myself into that comfortable place where I can write again, it really, like, changes the whole way I feel about myself. And so then I decided, like, wow, I've. I've really got to do this. Like, this is when I'm the happiest, and I'm just really miserable when I'm not like this. So, yeah, I've. And that's when I decided, right, okay, I'm gonna like start saving hardcore and like by when I have this amount of money, I'm gonna quit my job. That's fascinating to me because most people would see extreme creativity and saving, saving money as belonging to two completely different people. That, you know, that that idea of coexisting in one person I think is quite rare. Or at least our perception is that it's quite rare. Well, I mean if we don't think about practical things, we'll end up in the street. Right? So we don't, we don't want that. And I guess like the way I've been brought up, like I come from a family that, you know, we none of us ever really had anything to fall back on, so we always knew that we really have to, you know, work hard for ourselves, so. And you started out in Poland? I was born in Poland and then I moved to Sweden and then made the move about it. Was it about a decade ago? Yeah, it was to London 11 years ago now. So I've been, you know, on my own, like surviving. So for me, thinking about practical things is just like in your DNA. Yeah, it is. And I think it's good to be that way because you don't. Because it's, it's show business, so. Well, yeah, I mean if you're a creative, you're essentially a business person as well. You're selling a product. Right. Which is, I know it's, it's a horrible thing to say, but that's the way it is. And do you find that since you've left your job that you are actually more excited? Are you more terrified or what? Because it's, it's, it's only been a few weeks now since you've been absolutely full time time as a musician. I'm bursting with energy and excitement and I can, I can think creatively again, you know, and yeah, I feel really free and I don't know how long that's gonna last. Maybe the terror is gonna set in soon and I'll be like, oh my God, what have I done? But so far I've, I feel great. And is it working for you? Because this is the big thing that we worry about with musicians because I mean you, you seem to be playing gigs all the time. The, you know, the hype around you is just fantast your look. I have to tell people because I wish they could see you right now. To me, you look like the living embodiment of an elf. You really do. I mean so gorgeous little, you know, elfin like that. The haircut your gorgeous face, everything. Obviously, you know, you're very tall, stunning looking and I've now forgotten my question. I'm just. You know what? I'm going to save the next question until after we listen to these more with Arnie Wrong. Right after the break. I'm blushing so hard. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. 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To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women. And we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter, womensradiostation, that's Womens Radio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Welcome back to Judy Mae is Listening. I'm Judy Mae Murphy. You're listening to women's radio station supporting women's well being. Today we have the incredible Arnie Wrong with us in studio and we are talking all about how it is that you can be creative and also have a life and get your goals done, if you like. Which is my favorite topic on the planet. It's how do you actually create the life of your dreams, not just be dreaming it? Because when people get to their 40s, 50s and 60s in particular, they start telling themselves a story that maybe it was something else that caused their early dreams not to come true. They start telling themselves a story that if the early dreams didn't come true, that that's it for them. But in fact, you know what? Everything that we learn about how to make things better in our lives can be used right now, in any moment. You can start from anywhere, anywhere along the timeline of your life, any place in the world. You get to make a start and make all your dreams come true from there. So the information that we're getting from Arnie, I think is incredib because it particularly says about how we don't have to fall apart. I mean, that is the big myth of artists. If you think of maybe painters like Modigliani, you think of even some of the philosophers, some of the French philosophers who like drank and smoked really heavily. You think about, you know, just that idea even in our own lifetime. I mean, all the people that we lost way too young, people like Heath Ledger, we start to make this match that doesn't have to exist or doesn't really exist between, you know, chaos, difficulty, heartache and genius creativity. So if you say to people, well, actually I get up at a certain time every morning. I know when I'm going to be Working. I don't drink alcohol, I just drink tea. Whatever it is that you say, it doesn't sound very rock and roll, but it is necessary. And I found with all of the famous people that I've been around in my lifetime, that this is the part that's usually left out. And it's the most useful part for the rest of us. This is the part that's left out is just how organized they are and just how hard they work and just how they have to look after their health and their well being. Arne, how do you do that for yourself? Because if you've got a whole day and you don't have to do anything, but you've promised yourself you're going to come up with a particular piece of music that day, what does that sound like in your brain? Well, now it's something that I really look forward to. You know, as I said before previously, it would be a very daunting idea because I'd be thinking, oh, I don't even know where to start. Maybe I don't have anything to say. But now, you know, I'm like, yeah, I've got this. I've got the whole day to just like, come up with something. And I can do that. Like, this is how I'm wired. Like, this is what I've been put on this earth to do. So I, you know, as you said, I also like to be quite healthy and I like to look after my mind and my body. You know, I wasn't always that way. You know, I told you about the, my rock and roll days. But these days, like, something that really helps me is meditation. I meditate a lot. It really helps me to turn off those negative voices in my head and just helps to create that clean slate. A lot of people would look at you and listen to the amazing things that you're doing right now, and it would never occur to them that you could have negative voices in your head. People would be like, wow, if I looked like her, sounded like her, was energized, the way she's energized was magnetizing people the way that Arne's magnetizing people, I would not have a negative thought. But you've just let us know that even you have have that going on sometimes. Oh, my God. Everybody does, don't they? I think everybody does. Like, especially in today's climate, you know, where social media is like, more important than real life. And, you know, we're being really judged on everything that we put out. And, you know, I think it's so easy to compare yourself to other people. And there's like so much more, like, visual stuff that you can compare yourself to. You know, like any image of beauty or perfection is available to us to look at and think, oh, I'm not like this, or I'm not doing all this amazing stuff that this person is doing, or this person is doing so much better than me. So it's important. Like, it's almost impossible not to think that way. And you know, other than that, you know, I, I am a very anxious person, you know, and, and meditation really helps with that, like with the physical sort of symptoms of, of anxiety. And, you know, I mean, I've struggled with depression as well. So it's something that, you know, I, I'm like, I'm just very mindful of the fact that it's all in there somewhere. So I just need to keep it in check. And that's, that's something that a lot of artistic people, they kind of do this crazy eight loop in between depression where they feel powerless and then they're like, well, actually, hold on, I've got this, this way about me. I have these ideas. I can do it. And then as soon as they start launching themselves full time into activity, the depression then becomes anxiety or sometimes it lives there. Sort of like one minute is one thing, the other minute it's the other. But what you're saying is it's not necessary for you just to try and find those moments when you're transitioning, moments where you feel powerful, but the anxiety hasn't completely taken you out at the knees. And I love that. I love the idea that, you know what, you can be steady and mentally and physically really, really healthy and be very productive. That the productivity doesn't necessarily have to come from chaos or despair. Yeah, I think there are, I think there are two types of artists. And one type is the one who thrives in depression and darkness. And they actually need to voice it out. And, and that helps them create. And then there's the other type that just gets paralyzed and can't leave the bed and can't open the blinds. And I, I think I belong to the latter because I don't, you know, I don't find depression, you know, glorious or I, I don't think it should be glorified. Anyways, it's, it's a, you know, it's a real issue. But yeah, for me, I, you know, I lose my self confidence and I lose the drive. And yeah, I start believing that I don't have anything to contribute. So for me, if I can live in the way that helps me avoid getting in the hole, you know, and it's little things. It's like what I eat is how much I drink, how much I sleep, you know, and, yeah, meditation has been something that really, really sorted me out as well. So if. If I just try to live well, I think I'll be able to have more energy and be able to put out more stuff. So the idea of prevention is better than cure. Just don't fall into the hole in the first place. The. Yeah, I mean, well, just be mindful when you do and acknowledge that you are falling in the hole, and then it's going to pass, you know? Okay, so step one, don't fall in the hole. Step two, if you do find yourself in a hole, what would be your tips to creative people for getting yourself out of that hole if you find yourself in it? I loved the thing you just said there about, first of all, acknowledge that this is the thing that's happening. Hey, this is happening to me, rather than, hey, this is me. Yes, exactly. And I have people in my life that sometimes fall in the hole without knowing that they are in the hole. And then it feels like their whole life is ending. So I think just like, listening to yourself and knowing that it's happening, that's already the first step. And then just be kind to yourself. You know, be really kind to yourself if it's kind to yourself look like to you. Because for some people, kind to yourself is a Snickers bar. And for other people, it's like, for me, kind to myself is speak to myself the way I would speak to anybody else, really, with. With kindness. And for other people, it's work less. What. What would be your version of be kind to yourself? Exactly. So for me, I'm a bit of a productivity freak, so I always set myself so many things that I need to accomplish in a day. And you know, when. Sometimes when you are in that hole, you're just like, oh, my God, everything feels like an effort. Like, everything is more than what I can handle right now. And I think when you feel that way, it's fine. Just. Just have a duvet day or two, you know, sleep, watch something funny and nice, or, you know, don't scroll through social media. Don't let yourself, you know, compare yourself to other people. And just for me, like, I listened to, like, old music that used to, like, you know, make me feel stuff when I was a teenager and just like, remind myself why I, like, fell in love with music or just wore something easy, you know, I don't know, ordering some nice food, like it's just the little things, you know, little practical things and knowing that ahead of time. Because if you are trying to design from within the whole, I imagine it's a lot, lot harder. But if you know ahead of time, like you do that you really love old music and that you really like particular food to be delivered and that you know it's not all going to fall apart if you take a couple of duvet days, then you're ready, then you're able to help yourself. But I imagine there's a lot of people who don't pre design that or don't know that ahead of time and therefore they're trying to design a way out as they feel like they're drowning. Yeah, exactly. I mean, I don't know, perhaps maybe as women we listen to ourselves a little bit more because I think maybe there's like more going on with our bodies even throughout the course of a month, you know, that we have to be mindful of. So I think like we're naturally wired in a way to sort of look after ourselves a little bit more. I think not to generalize, you know, but yeah, I think if, if you just listen to yourself and like, if you're someone like me who like, likes to spend a lot of time with yourself, you become quite in tune with yourself hopefully. And then, yeah, I, I find that really helps kind of being able to distinguish those different voices and, and feelings. Yeah, I love this because so many people would see you on stage, hear you singing and just be so wowed by you and wouldn't know that all of this daily gentle discipline is going on in order to keep. In order to allow you to get to the space where you are actually doing that hugely impressive thing. So we're going to have way more from Arnie Wrong right after these. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash. But just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hello, my name is Natasha Ann Kelleher. Welcome to you lovely lady listeners of your very own women's radio station. Over the coming months, I'll be doing a survey in big brand coffee shops, interviewing customers asking why they like to drink coffee and if they would like to give us a health tip. For our listeners, the most shared and liked post will be the winner of a prize. Stay tuned for further details. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together. With spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories, it will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help visit turntousous.org.uk welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a Show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Welcome back to Judy May Is Listening. This is Women's Radio Station and I am Judy Mae Murphy. And today in studio, I am joined by the glorious Arnie Wrong. And I'm so excited for you to meet her. And we were just talking and it just suddenly reminded me of something I'd like to flag for you. I hope there's still tickets left that you'll be able to get. On the 17th of December. I'm performing. I know I'm always pushing other people's stuff and I never remember to mention the things that I'm doing. So I'm going to be on stage with Yuri Revic, the Stradivari violinist, incredible soloist who is all year just traveling the planet. He's in China and then Singapore and then he's in Barcelona and then he's in London. And I'm the biggest, biggest fan, absolutely incredible guy. And Yuri is performing. I'm going to be performing. I'm going to be doing a more literary version of the usual self help, inspirational stuff that I do from the stage. And also joining us is Leslie Caron, the famous actor, actress from, from France, from the 1950s. She was in a lot of huge movies. She's absolutely iconic. Those of you who know her are already excited to be at the fishmongers hall on 17 December. And it's for UNICEF, so just if you just type that in Fishmongers hall or you can go to my Facebook page and I put that up there yesterday with the link so you can get yourself tickets. But I know that there's only a few tickets left, so do jump on that. If seeing myself and Yuri and Lesley and also some amazing other people like a principal from the Royal Ballet, I could go on and on. But let's bring the focus back to Arnie Rong. Arnie, what is it that you are really excited about for next year? I am really excited about this new solo project that I'm working on. As you mentioned before, the listeners have met me before with my previous project, Sira. So my whole focus and my whole excitement and my whole joy of being is going towards releasing music under my name, Arnie Wrong. So I'm going to release a few singles and an EP and I'm just going to gig and hopefully tool. But maybe they'll have to be pushed to the year after. But I just want to be busy all over the place releasing and writing and performing. What do you think when people spend most of their time in preparation, whether that is with a creative project, a music project, a writing project and then they sort of stop there. They never put the hours in to have people in front of it to say to people, and this is what I've done and this is something that I've spent weeks, months, years creating because I know I'm a little bit like that. I'll sort of do the behind the scenes work and then when it comes to saying here's my stuff, come and see me, come and hear me speak, come and read my next book and that I'm a little bit less Enthusiastic about that. What do you think the importance is for creatives of actually being able to get out there and market yourself and not see it as some sort of dry, sales driven enterprise? Oh my God. It's so important because how is the world otherwise gonna know what, what it is that you've got to say or what it is that you've got to contribute? However, I understand that it can feel a bit daunting sometimes when you've, you know, when you've been locked up in a room or in a studio just writing or preparing and creating and then sometimes having to go out and actually release it into the world, that can be a bit scary because you're like, oh, what, you know, what are people going to think about it? Or oh my God, like, maybe it's not really that good, you know, all of these negative voices again. But it depends on what you're into as well. As an artist. I mean, I, I know that what I love to do the most is to perform this stuff, but why is that? Why is the performance element so key to you? Is it just a feeling? Is it that you can actually see the impact that your work is having? Maybe as an introvert, it's like a great way for me to also be in touch with the extrovert side and to actually get some admiration, which as artists we all get kind of want, even though we don't like to talk about it, some of us. So it's the payoff, in a way, for all the hard work. It is, yeah. And you know, hopefully you can, as you're performing it, you can see how it's affecting people. And that's something that I really love about DJing as well. Like, I love seeing the immediate impact that what I'm doing is having on people. And that's great. Like you're actually making a difference to people's day. And is that more important to you than say people coming up wanting an autograph, wanting a picture, the actual, like seeing their faces as they are being affected by the music? Yeah, 100%. Everything else is just noise, everything else is just extra, you know, but it's the act of performing your art that's, I think, you know, it's the whole purpose of what you're doing, isn't it? And who are your role models? Not when it comes to the actual sound, but when it comes to living creatively. Who do you think lived creatively really? Well, I think Mia is one of the great ones. You know, like her whole life she's been doing Something creative. You know, she worked as a graphic artist and toured with other bands, you know, doing. Doing visuals and stuff like that. And interestingly, she stumbled into music a little bit later in life, you know, and it turned out that that was the one thing that she was, like, really great at. But, you know, she was a little bit afraid to start because she didn't know whether she was going to be good or not. But, yeah, I love the fact that, you know, it's taken her a little while to get there. How old is she now? I think she's probably in her early 40s. Okay. Mm. Yeah, I think she started when she was 27, which, you know, is quite late for a musician, I think. Yeah. Because, you know, myth tells us that you have to be out hustling from between the ages of 14 to 17, otherwise your window is closed. Oh, really? Is that the myth? Well, that's the myth that we grew up with anyway. And so it certainly sort of bans in the 80s, and it can happen that way. I know people who, you know, were kind of, you know, cutting school really early on and just completely dedicating themselves. But I love the fact that, as you say, it doesn't have to be that way. No, I'm obsessed with finding out about other female musicians, particularly who have started a little bit later. Which just goes to show that, you know, your personal experience and wisdom and perseverance and work ethic, you know, is just as important as getting into it really early. Like, I love Kim Gordon from Sonic Youth. She. I think she started Sonic Youth when she was about 30. Blondie. Famously started blondie when she was about 30 as well. Oh, I love Debbie Harry. She's amazing. Yes. Yes. And Peaches, who is an icon. I love Peaches so much. She. Her big track. Am I allowed to say the F word? Absolutely. Go for it. Fuck the Pain Away. It was released when she was 34. And I just think it's so cool that, you know, her whole life she has been Peaches, you know, but it took her this long for the world to hear and get to know Peaches. And of course, then there are some women who. It happens even later for them. And I love the fact that the poet Emily Dickinson, when she died and they. There was a little portion on the death certificate to say what her occupation was. And of course, you know, ask anybody who knows who Emily Dickinson is. What occupation would you put in there? And the idea would be that you'd put in the word poet even at that time. What was written instead was at home, which I just outrageous. And also, I think, quite, quite lovely. Because it didn't matter how other people were deciding to label her. It didn't matter that other people just saw her as somebody who, you know, just was at home and didn't have purpose in the world. And that at that time, she had built out huge purpose. And I think there's something quite encouraging about that. Particularly when we meet people who are dismissive of what we do or start to tell us that we've left it too late or just, you know, find ways to kind of put us down. I remember one time, the first time I was performing my poetry because some of you know, I've got a poetry book coming out, and so this is like a second string to my bow, if you like that. It's not just the stage work with the motivational speaking around the world, but it's now also motivational poetry. And there was this woman who I was so excited to meet because she ran this poetry magazine. And I was just like, wow, great. I'm gonna meet her. We're gonna get on brilliantly. And she just. Very coldly afterwards, she said, well done. Very well performed. And the way she put the emphasis on the word performed was like. She was telling me that the content wasn't up to par and that somehow it was my performance of it that had got me through, had me getting away with it. And as women, I think we're very sensitive to those subtleties when people are. Sometimes we can't be naive about it. Sometimes people are trying to put us down. They are trying to let us know that they would be more comfortable if we were in a box that didn't have success written all over it. And that we can. You know, we can be ready for that. And we can speak back to that and sort of say, well, there are me and plenty of other people are believing in this version of me. So you can take your version of me that is unhelpful, and you can take it wherever you wish. It's got nothing to do with me. Do you find that, as you say to people, I am Arnie wrong, and this is what I'm doing. Do you ever find that there is pushback? Not really. I think. No, not really. But I think people might think, oh, you're a musician. Oh, you're not that serious. You know, I think sometimes that happens. And I think sometimes when you say that you're a musician or you do music, people can be like, oh, well, that's. That's gonna pass. Good Luck with that. Yeah. So it's almost as if they've created your future in their head, that they've decided that you're gonna do that for a while and then you're going to go back to a proper job and then you're going to, you know, just be sitting in a pub in your 50s talking about back in the day. Yeah. But you know it's going to be very, very different, Right? Yeah, exactly. That's it. What's a future moment? Just before we go to the next ad break, what is a future moment that you are really excited about? So in my head I have this particular billboard that I want and so I just think about that billboard every day. So that's. Can you tell us what it says on it? Oh, it's just got my, like album cover on it. Album cover and my name billboard. Arnie Wrong. Everybody that passes by sees it writ large on the highway. It's really big. Really, really big. I love it. And this is what we have to do as women, like just, we have to kind of like fortune tell in our own favor. Right. We've got more coming up with Arnie Wrong right after these. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's Radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. 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Get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradio Station, that's Women's Radio Stn or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Welcome to Judy Mayer's Listening. This is the show where you tell me what's happening in your life and I listen and together we transform everything. What makes you feel good? That kind of real twangy Dwayne Eddy style guitar music always puts the biggest grin on my face. I'm a big, big fan of Lightning Hopkins. And you know, everything slight like that steel slide guitar, like all that, like that pure guitary sound, that unproduced sound I just absolutely adore. We've got to remember that anytime we kind of get into a rut, there are things that we can do. You're not stuck, you can change your mind, you can walk a different way, you can eat something else, you can have another idea, you can ask a question, you can get some information, you can tune in to Judy Mae's listening. There are always, always things that you can do. And that feeling of stuckness is just a feeling. So we were just talking while you guys were listening to the ads about transformation, about what we need to do in order to transform and how sometimes we need a complete identity reset. And, Arnie, you were saying that that's something that you've gone through recently. What was it that you actually did in order to, like, solidify for yourself? This is who I am, and it's awesome. Exactly. So I did probably the most cliche thing anyone could ever do, and I got a haircut. And what a haircut. Like, you really. Can people see you on Instagram? What's your Instagram at the moment? At the moment, I just go under my band project, which is I am Sira. Yeah, so that's S Y R R A. S Y R A. I am Sira. S Y R R A. And you can see this fabulous haircut. And what did that do for you? Because it is kind of. It's not that different from before, but it is transformational. I just feel like it released. It released some frumpiness out of my life. I just felt like, you know, as I said before, I was so stuck in that hamster wheel, kind of just like doing the same thing every day. And I just felt like I need to release that feeling of, like, being trapped. And, you know, I need to, like, somehow mark this moment in my life when I'm going through this big change, and I am, like, kind of gonna live my truth. Like, not to sound like a cliche, but I just thought, you know, like, I'm gonna, like, whenever somebody looks at me, the first thing they see is like, yes. That is a creative person that thinks differently. So I got a mullet. You did? A sleek, modern mullet. It is just extraordinary. It is so extraordinary. Platinum blonde. And as I say, it makes you look completely elfin and very, very iconic. And was that enough? Because I find that for women, a lot of the things that we do are undermined. So we say crochet, and it just doesn't even merit any mention, or it kind of, like, marks us as being less than. And then a man takes up a crochet hook, and suddenly it's viral all over the Internet. Oh, my God, look, he's crocheting this and this and this. Same thing for cooking. I mean, you, you know, put a bit of Parmesan cheese on top of a salad, and, you know, you're just mom at home. And then someone does it on tv, and he's like this culinary genius. And I find that often the things that we do as women are kind of Downplayed. You know, we get our nails done. You and I both have fabulous nails. Mine right now are kind of like oval and rounded and very dark red, and yours are more pointed and black. And they're actually black. Green. Black green. Yes, I can see that now that you say it. They really are. And the thing is that, you know, that doesn't even merit comment, which is why I took the time to comment on it. And then a man goes and gets his nails done, and it's like all anyone's talking about in the magazine or online or at the party. What is it about that, do you think? Like, why is it that the things that we do in order to announce ourselves are. Or just the things that we do in life are seen as being somehow of less value than the things that men do? Well, I think the society at the moment still operates within certain cliches for men and women. I think that's slowly changing. But for now, you know, there are certain things there are still mostly attributed to men and. And other activities that are mostly attributed to women. And, you know, I think when you do that crossover, when a man gets his nails done, obviously he's doing something that he's not, you know, expected to do. Expected to do. But at the same time, if, you know, if a man does a bit of carpentry in the garage, it also doesn't really warrant a comment because it's like, oh, yeah, that's. That's what they do. Like, they build a shelf or whatever. But, you know, then find that if a woman does something that is maybe more powerful, something that you would expect maybe from a man, like, she just sort of holds an audience or, you know, makes a particular amount of money, like, makes a billion. And it's commented on like, wow, a woman did this. I find it's not celebrated in the same way, but it's almost criticized. It's kind of like, yeah, but she fails in these other ways. Yeah, it doesn't count because, yeah, I think in a. In a very microscopic way, it's still seen as a bit of novelty. So it's like, oh, here's a bit of trivia. There's a woman billionaire, like, you know, how. How cool for her. But, you know, when a man makes a billion, it's just like, yep, here's another billionaire sort of thing. So I think slowly, slowly, I feel like the society is starting to see us a bit more equally, and I think, think the next two, three generations are really going to change things around. But I think at the Moment. We still live at a time where, you know, as a girl, you have been brought up to, like, play with Barbies, you know, and. And things like that. Recently, I was at an airport, and accidentally, I sat in the family area. Atrocious. There were so many kids there. And I started observing this one particular family that had a son and a daughter. And the son was sitting with his dad doing, like, Sudoku and, you know, like, numbers and stuff like that. And the girl was playing with a little makeup kit, and I was just like, what is the boy doing? He's developing his brain. What is the girl doing? She's being told that she needs to be just pretty and stuff, and she doesn't need to think. And I was just like, what does this word come to? Like, why isn't this girl, like, given this Sudoku thing so she can, you know, like, get really smart and just boss it at life? You know, why are we just, like, teaching her to, you know, all she needs is her looks? I remember in my family, and they wouldn't have considered themselves sexist or misogynistic or biased in any way, but the amount of time that was put into getting my brother, who's a couple years younger, to being really, really good at chess, and once I was told the moves that same time, and attention wasn't put into me. It was the idea of, you know, this is his thing, even though I had initially an equal interest. And I saw a video that broke my heart recently on online, and it was this guy who's this yoga teacher and does quite acrobatic stuff, and he was there with his niece and nephew, and he puts every. He puts his whole life online. One of these people who, like, he can't even, you know, grab a cup of coffee without putting it up on Facebook Live. And he. So we. So we were able to watch a good 20 minutes of this. And he was teaching his nephew, who was, I'd say, younger by about a year than his sister, teaching him how to do these extraordinary, like, dives into a swimming pool. And he just kept encouraging and being there, and she kept trying to get in. She kept trying to do it, and she was just ignored. Like, he would just kind of look at. She would do something. He would do anything and get praised, and she would do something. Like, she'd be trying to do it and would get completely ignored. And by the end of that 20 minutes, that little boy had a skill set, and that little girl was. Was clearly feeling left out. And I knew it wasn't just Me, because I read through the comments, and so many people were saying, oh, you know, oh, that poor little girl looks like she wants to join in. Or, you know, did you teach her how to do the same thing? And he kept saying, oh, no, she was having a good time. Oh, don't you worry. She was fine. And I know that all, like, so many women were sitting there going, no, she's not fine. She's not fine. Like, we don't get equal opportunities. It might be that way on paper, but as you say, if we just look around, we experience it so we know it. People will argue back against us and say, no, it's not like that anymore. It's kind of like, well, we live it, so we are the experts. So instead, please listen to us saying that this is what we need you to do. We need you to speak out on our behalf. We need you to give us these opportunities. We need you to not discount us, because a lot of men just don't know that this still exists. Exactly. Yeah. That's so true. Some men that are quite close to me sometimes find it hard to believe what I say, and they're like, no, I don't think that's the case. I really don't think so. And then I know something that I've told you about before is when I DJ and I'm behind the decks for, like, you know, four hours or something in a night, and a male friend comes to hang out with me behind the decks, the moment he turns up, there's people coming up to him being like, oh, can you play this song? Oh, this is, like, such a good set. Like, thanks so much for playing this set, man. And this isn't something that happens, like, once or twice. This is something that happens every single time. Even if there's, like, a stranger just sort of standing next to me, and we're not really talking to each other, they are still the ones that get attention. And, you know, it happens every day. It really does happen is because people assume. People still assume that a woman cannot be doing such a good job. And I think this is the problem. Like, we just need to. To stop assuming, and we need to stop assuming it of ourselves. We need to stop kind of censoring ourselves before the world does. Because when we meet that so many times again and again and again, particularly when it's in those more subtle ways, like being handed the makeup kit rather than someone taking the time to help us with the sudoku puzzle, when we have that so many times throughout our lives, we start to do that in our, in our work. But we are so grateful that you are deciding to push forward, make it big. Arnie Wrong. Such an honor that we have you in studio and when the album comes out, really would love to have you back again to talk specifically about what it is that you've created. And if you've got any questions or anyone you'd like me to speak to or any type of person that you would like me to speak to in future shows, remember that you can reach out infoudymay tv or reach out on Facebook, Instagram. 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