Love Lessons – Alana and Corina

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. Welcome to Love Lessons, international matchmaker, dating expert and heartbreak coach. I'm here at women's radio station about to interview matchmakers Alana and Karina, who work for Simitarv International, a matchmaking firm that we run globally making love connections. So today we're going to be talking first and foremost to Alana. Say hi, Alana. Hi there. And secondary to Karina. Hi. And we are. We're a bit of a mix actually, aren't we? We definitely are. We're a bit of a trifle. We're a total trifle. So I'm from Manchester, as you know, Alana. Well, I'm born and raised Kiwi from down under, but I am from very, very, very far district of London named Slatvia Riga. And today, first and foremost, I'm going to be interviewing Alana to find find out what makes the perfect singles event. So, of course, we've got all different methods of meeting people today romantically, but my biggest gripe as a matchmaker is that singles aren't forging the connections offline as often as they possibly should. I think something like the connect from swiping right to actually getting a date. So for lack of a better word, the conversion, the return on your emotional investment is less than 1%. And so we are really forging ahead with singles events to make sure singles are meeting each other offline, hopefully all around the world. So we're gonna be starting in London, then we're gonna move to New York, we're gonna do it in Paris, and hopefully wherever else we'll have us. So, Alana, tell us what makes for a great singles event. What do you do? What would we like to see as a single? I think as a single, it's quite pressurized out there at the moment because there's so many different events and so many ways now to meet people that there's a lot of pressure that I've heard from my single friends about, you know, coming into a room and feeling automatically like they need to try and connect instantly with people. And I think it's about providing an environment whereby that can happen naturally without pressure, which is one of the things that we're working on at the moment with our secret supper clubs. So, yeah, I'd say the environment is number one for me, making sure that people don't feel the pressure, because when you're under pressure, you can't behave naturally, you can't sort of be yourself. And it's really all about, you know, putting your best foot Forward and everybody's different and everybody is, you know, looking for something different. And without that kind of space to connect, then I think that it makes it a lot harder for people to. To do that. And where do you think the pressure comes from for singles events? Sure, you know, we feel it as matchmakers or having run lots of singles events yourself, like, we are all aware that there is a pressure out there, but where do you think it comes from? I think society as a whole, and I think everybody's pressure is different. You know, some of it's family related. Maybe they've come from a certain background and there's certain, you know, pressures from their family as to, you know, when they're supposed to settle down by. With who they're supposed to settle down by. Then there's the peer groups, you know, and you see friends, you know, all of a sudden engaged and they're married and then having children and you sort of. I've heard a lot of stories whereby other people are comparing their lives to their peers. And that's quite a scary thing because nobody's life is the same, nobody moves at the same pace. And I think that is, those are two sort of big factors is definitely family and then I think peer groups as well. But society as a whole, I mean, you see it online now, you know, with all the social media, there's so many more outlets to sort of take on board different people's lifestyles. It's not just TV and it's not just radio. You know, it's everywhere now. It's in our pockets. So I think that by constantly being switched on, it's not such a great thing in some, especially when it comes to sort of someone that's looking to settle down and looking to find the right person. I think they're all sort of outlets or pressure on these individuals. Yeah. So it's kind of like using their peers as a measuring stick against themselves and what they've achieved, perhaps romantically in their lives, 100%. And do you think that. So we're talking about pressure and we're talking about different groups of people and the pressures that come. Do you think that it's a specific age group where the pressure is more so readily available in a negative way than another? I hear it thrashed about a lot around sort of the early 30s, so especially amongst women, I find that when people hit 30, especially ladies, they tend to panic. And a lot of them come to me saying, oh my goodness, I'm 30 now. I'm not married with children, so and so down the road has four kids already and a great job and a husband and blah, blah, blah. And I think that it definitely for some reason is centered around 30 is 1. And then you get sort of people slightly older than that, towards their 40s if they're not in that place already. You know, we've got kind of the second wave now with a lot of people settling down a bit later in life, which I think is great. I think it doesn't matter. You know, when things happen, they happen at the right time. But I think there's also another wave around that sort of age where if you're not settled down by 40, you know, you've had your 30s to have your second wind. And then we've got these, you know, lovely ladies that are 40 to 45 and they're again, you know, hunting for the right thing. And, and I just think that it's such a shame that we're not just letting it be, you know, I think there's a lot to be said for just allowing things to happen. You know, if you're just doing you and putting your all in for everything that you're about, then I think you attract the right people and the right opportunity. So. So Alana's saying you just do you. Yeah, summarize. And I think what I got from that is that you're saying that this a race against the 30 something clock. It's almost like a reset, isn't it? Like a 30 year old would feel a sense of panic, romantically perhaps. Yeah. And I think too with women particularly, because this is something that we cannot help is our body clocks. So that's something that kicks in as well when people are sort of saying, oh hang on a minute, I'd love children. I imagined I would have two by 35 or whatever the case may be. And when that's not happening, there's sort of that extra panic, I think more so than, than the gentlemen out there. Really interesting. Alana was just saying about it feels sometimes like post 40 or up to 50, it's kind of like hunting for love. And we always call ourselves headhunters for love. So they've come to the right place. So indeed there's nothing wrong with that. So why don't you tell me what you think makes a great singles event. So we're very aware that there's pressure and that can come with peer groups like that's been established. But what can we do as matchmakers, as advocates for love, people connecting other people. What can we do? Do you think to ease the pressure, I think by putting the right sort of people in a room definitely is number one, which is something that we're excellent at. But that, you know, is hard enough in and of itself when you're out there just trying to find somebody on your own. I think it really helps. And when I say right, I don't mean that there's anyone. Right. I just mean, you know, if you've got certain interests, certain religious observance levels, career, you know, your values. The more that we can curate these groups and get them together, the more likely people are to forge these long lasting connections. Really interesting that you should say that because we've talked an awful lot about events at Simmentov and we've decided that experiences and immersing singles in experiences whereby they have something to talk about other than the fact that they are single and looking for love, can help ease the pressure. And so that's where the concept for the secret supper clubs came about. Because it's exciting. It's a supper club. You don't know where you're going. You know that you're going to have a quality experience and meet quality people who have been hand picked and matched for you in advance, but you really don't know where you're going. So it's so exciting to get there and meet people on your wavelength. But also further to that, I noticed last year a trend specifically at Simontov with the niche that we look after of philanthropy and singles wanting to give back to the world in some way. And so we've decided also that we're going to forge ahead with philanthropy dating events. So philanthropy partnering almost, which I think is great. How do you think singles can best connect over philanthropy? Once again, I think it comes down to your interest. So there's so many things that you can do to help other people, you know, whether it's doing something at a food kitchen or helping out at an RSPCA or whatever the case may be. I think that, you know, gathering and helping around like a particular topic or, you know, particular case is definitely one of the ways and particularly in, you know, in the community that we serve, the Jewish community. Do you see a rush for the finding of love at any particular time? And if so, can you tell me when? Definitely around now. I think you see quite a bit. We are feeling it with pace fast approaching. I don't know what it is, but there's something about not wanting to sit down at the seder table without, you know, having a match to try talk about or somebody in your life that, you know, your nana might be questioning you or your mom or whoever it might be. Where is she? Where is he? Exactly. So I definitely think this time of year, I also think coming towards the end of the year as well, that's another time, you know, when there's a lot of holidays both in, in Judaism and in other religions. And I think there's something again centered around community coming together, you know, people we're all about, you know, being with people. That's part of life is we're real connectors as human beings. And so I think those are two parts, particularly in the Jewish life that are chaotic for singles, so to speak. Really interesting because Karina and I went to a positivity vision board workshop first thing this morning before we put our matchmaking hats on. And we were basically talking about how we want to connect people and connect the world in love. And so it was like our key phrase of the morning. And then you've just said exactly the same thing. So with regards to singles events, what do you think singles can do while they're at an event? Whether it's a speed dating, which you've done many a time before, whether it's a supper, whether it's philanthropy dating or philanthropy partnering, whatever, when they're in the room with, let's say, something wild, like a hundred of the singles like them, what can they do to put their best foot forward, do you think? Again, I have to say, do you? It's as simple as that. I think people are too hung up on what if they don't like the way I look or the way I dress or how I sound or, you know, the way I act. And I think there's someone out there for everybody. And it's so about just coming in there being 100% you as much as you can and yeah, just connecting. And, you know, I believe that all great love stories come from a deep friendship first. So I would say that, you know, forging connections in general. It's also nice with the events that I've been to, I've made some great friendships from these things as well. You know, it's not just about, I guess, connecting and finding that life partner, but also like some of the women that I've met through these events, you know, and you just find long lasting connections through and through by being you. Amazing. A couple more questions and I'm not going to grill you too much on singles events, but we know that you all want to come, so I just want to ask you, do you think that singles events are the way forward. Moreover, online dating, do you think that further to that, do you think that online dating has kind of had its time or if so, and if you believe so just in the community that we serve, what do you think? I think there's space for both. So I still believe that the digital world has a way to go with the dating side of things. I still think that people will connect via that method, but I also think that people will and are starting to get tired of the swiping culture of, you know, being online and trawling through tons of profiles and then not really having a lot of success offline. I think that there is definitely something to be said for combining both the online with the offline. So, you know, maybe it's a hybrid of, you know, people start to meet online and then there's more of a. An offline place for these, these people to come together. I definitely think that people are getting tired of just focusing online now and it's nice to have all of these singles events to come to. It's great to give them options. Yeah, 100%. And with the online dating, not that I don't agree with, that's the way that you can find your person, because I know 10 million people out there who have. It's just kind of like the grass is always greener on the other swipe mentality, isn't it? Always thinking that there's someone better out there for you or someone more compatible with you and not really seeing the person that is in front of you on the date that you're going on. And I think while you're swiping and matching per se, with 10, let's say 10 people like actually going out and see if there's a real human connection and you like that person's demeanor and, you know, you want them to sleep next to you for the rest of your life or whatever. It's really tough to find that in online dating, I do believe. But then I'm a matchmaker, so what do I know? No, I agree. The world over as well. It's not necessarily just online. I think in the world today that is part of the problem is it's great to have so much choice, but it's also very limiting on the other hand, because mentally we all go, well, hang on a minute, is that, is that the best thing or is there the next best thing? And it's applied across the board, not just with finding love, but with finding anything these days. It's the paradox of romantic choice. Yes, that's exactly what it is. Okay, so last but not the very least, if you had to give me three key ingredients for what makes an ideal perfect relationship, not that everything is perfect because life isn't just like that, but if you had to give us three things that makes a relationship tick along, what would they be? I would say that honesty is number one. I think without honesty, we've got problems. It's definitely first and foremost being honest with your partner. And then I think the second thing would be how you deal with conflict. I think that's really important because there's no way that anybody can say I've never had a fight with someone or I've never had an argument. We all argue at different points in our lives and it's how do we deal with those, those arguments? So how do we resolve conflict? So, you know, people make mistakes, but what is it about, you know, how you resolve it that I think is. Is also really important? And then number three, I think experiences, you know, I think that that is integral. When you think about the couples that have been together for 20, 30 years, you know, what is it that keeps them together? I think adding a little bit of spark every now and then, you know, like once a month doing something different, you know, something outside of the ordinary, spontaneously. Ooh, spontaneity. So there are the three key ingredients to make a love last. From Alana, events manager at Simmentov International. So you've been listening to me, Love Lesson Sarah Louise Ryan, talking about all the things that make great singles events and connecting human beings romantically the world over. So get in touch with alanaimontov-international.com if you'd like to join her singles event. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. Welcome to Love Lessons. I'm here at women's radio station and I have got a very exciting show. So today I'm about to interview two of my amazing matchmakers at Simmentov international matchmaking firm. And today we've got Alana. Say hi, Alana. Hi, Sierra. And we've also got Corina. Karina's your mic on. And we're going to be talking about. Oh, should I say all of that again? Yeah. Oh, like a warm up. Is it working? No, it's working. Yeah. Okay. Hello, Sarah Louise Ryan here and welcome back to Love Lessons women's radio station are here presenting the voice of women worldwide. I'm a matchmaker, an international matchmaker, heartbreak coach and advocate for love. I am here helping singles find love, keep love and get Over a love that has been lost. And so today, as you already know, I'm interviewing my lovely matchmaker at Simontov International, Karina. Hi, Karina. Hi. Karina has just flown in this morning from Latvia, Riga more specifically. And we've got a ton of questions about how does matchmaking work? How does she help singles in the Jewish community find their person and matchmaking in general? Like what do people come to her for, why can't they find love online and all of that good stuff. So first and foremost I want to ask you, Karina, how does matchmaking work from a day to day perspective for you? For me, working like a matchmaker. I met one very strange thing. Usually Jewish people would like to make couple, make love, make family with Jewish people. But the problem of communities is that, that it is very small communities and probably some people, some friends of you or some rabbis, if you are more observant, trying to connect you with someone who they know who they're single and every two people can be together. So just, just connect each other and you will be happy. No, it doesn't work like that because people should be at least with the same background by religiosity, by education, by lifestyle and by the willingness to make a family to having traditional family availables and so on. And you never know. Maybe your person is living in the next door from you and maybe this person lives in 12 hours times difference from you. And the matchmaking by itself needs to find the correct, the right person for you. Maybe you will not feel some chemistry, some sympathy in the moment, but probably talking with these people we are connecting you with, you understand what you really need. Because some women, some probably men, I can guess no one confess you in that. But I guess that men also have some secret list of his ideal partner. I had this list and in my list I had 46 points of my ideal man. And after two years I had this list. I created this list, I made my husband. I should confess that my husband has two points of this list. He is man and he doesn't drink. And that's it. And I'm absolutely happy with this man already five years. And I should tell you that it's something that connect us, something is inside us. And probably the task of matchmaker, task of the good matchmaker to find this something that will work together with this the same something in other person. Very interesting. Oh my gosh, there's so much to talk about. Karina and I talked about, talk so often about how opposites attract and we'll get onto that in a minute. And we talked about how our partners are completely. We do feel like the opposite to who we are and how that is quite important. Like you know, to come home every day and talk about different things. And we kind of connect romantically on that level. Interesting that Karina should tell us that she had 46 points of things that she wanted in her ideal match five years ago. Well, I actually ran a workshop for a woman. Well, no, for a woman. For a whole group of women to help manage their dating expectations. And so I did the same thing. I made them all write down exactly what they were looking for. Just totally brain dump it on a piece of paper. One woman had six pieces of paper and she said she would like her ideal match to speak five languages. So I think it's my story. It's Karina's story. And I said to this woman, can you speak five languages? And she said no. And I said, so if Hugh Grant walked up to you tomorrow in the street and he said, said I want to date you, I want to marry you, I want to make babies with you and he couldn't speak five languages, what would you do? She said, I'd date him. I was like, well then why is it on your list? And yeah, my, my wishes was I spoke at this moment, I spoke four languages. And I also wanted the man who speaks five languages for. To have as a stimulus to learn the one more language. And now when I have a husband who speaks just one language, I ask myself, okay, I would learn the fifth language for myself and what, what, what's the next to look for the next man who speaks six languages and what, what to do ahead. And I think the all people who has this list should have just one, one line in this list to be happy, to feel happy because we never know what makes us happy. And but definitely what I know exactly right now, the amount of languages the person speaks doesn't make any. Maybe just this person to be proud that wow, I am so Great, I'm speaking 20 languages. But it's not make a family. It's not make people, it's not make a romantic, it's not make people happy. And it probably helps that you fancy the pants off your husband as well, doesn't it? Karina makes no. Well, she makes many jokes about it, but she does. Can you tell us a little bit, if you don't mind, about how it came to be that you and your husband are so opposite and you know that's attractive to you and further to that, how it can Help our clients find love. Understanding that opposites can attract. Okay, Our clients should be. Should be ready that in the right moment, in the right place, they will meet the right person. With our help, it will be more sooner. Without our help. It also will happen, but somewhere later probably, probably not. But we are trying to connect people who. Who are ready to be connected with someone. And our clients should know that even people, even black and white can make some fantastic color. Not gray color, but silver color. And silver is a treasure. And that all people who are applying to us or to matchmaking service, they should be ready to. To that it will not be easy because nothing happened when you're just sitting and waiting. You just continue to sit and to wait and nothing happened. But when you are doing something with yourself, like Alana told before, when you are preparing yourself by your. You, by your. By your mood, by your health, by your lifestyle, by your joy of life. So the life. Life is turning to your by the best. By the best part of it and send you the best partner for you. And talking about connecting, connecting people who are absolutely opposite. Who decided that those people are opposite? Okay, my weight is 40 kilos. My husband is bodybuilder. We are looking like. Like a beauty in the best. Okay, it's not too modest, I know, but. But it looks like that. But you know how we are joking together, how we make some stupid things together. And you never believe how old we are. If you see what we are doing together, we can enjoy life together. And in this point we are very, very similar. We are ready to make happy each other. And it absolutely not about education, about, as I told before, about the amount of langu and some other things. People are opposite only when other people look on them and told me, oh my God, how can they be together? They are so, so opposite. They don't fit to each other. Who decided. Who are you for decides who is fit into each other? Who know only the person, only the couple inside itself can know exactly what fits, what works for them better than other things. So. No, it's so true. So what you were talking a little bit before, I certainly believe about is a little bit woo woo. And I know Alana and I are a little bit woo woo. And you and I, Carina, went to a, you know, a law of attraction workshop this morning to attract all of the good stuff in our lives. Well, specifically in 2018. And it's the same with love. Like you can attract love to you. You have to be in the right mindset. Really interesting what you touched on before, you basically said how so many singles are sat down there waiting for their love to just come around the corner. Because that's how it used to happen. We used to date and match in the same socioeconomic background with like our next door neighbors or whatever. And that's how singles, you know, since, since forever met until online dating came along. And so we created so much space that singles don't really know what to do anymore. And so it's really great that as a matchmaking firm we been running for 43 years that we can still help forge these romantic connections. Probably I found very, very good comparing. So if singles in their opposite life just sitting and looking through the window, we are like matchmaking agency. Open the door. And when the door is open, you have more possibilities to go anywhere to see something new, to meet something new in your life than just sitting at the window. Probably when you're sitting in the window, some plan will through your area and someone with parachute will jump to you. But it's very, very small possibility. But when your love is just gonna drop out of the sky, Is that what you're suggesting? Yes. And, but when you, when you are doing something, like Alana told before, like I told you need to do something. You need at least to stand from your chair and to go somewhere to make a step to your happiness. Okay, so a couple more Questions for you, Ms. Cupid. I'd love to know what kind of singles do you attract? And I don't mean in terms of religiosity. I mean who are they and what are their biggest problems? Usually all people who are coming to us have some story. In most cases it's not too nice story, it's sad story. And probably it's a very serious step to come to matchmaker. Usually it means that this person tried all other possibilities by itself. Dating websites, probably going to some nightclubs, probably asking some friends to, to make a connection with someone. Probably nothing will work properly. And that why this person came to us. When I speaking with our users, I always, always, always tell them that your past is just in past. Now it's a time for new story. Not one story, but new stories. And we will offer you even choice of the stories. And with every, every person we will make an introduction with. You can create your own story and it's. You can do like that, like this, this, like this experience would be positive. Not me, not other matchmakers, not our director or, or owner, but you and this other and, and other person with whom we connect. You and usually people who are who are going to matchmakers. They are, most of them are, are successful in some area of their life, maybe in education. We have a lot of very well educated people. Probably they are very successful in their career but they understand that education and career will not make some family dinner on some holidays or will not make joy in their life. So would you say in a nutshell then the singles that come to us, they've kind of saturated online dating in some way. They've maximized all of their connections to find a romantic connection and it hasn't worked out. The sad stories that we hear, singles have had negative dating experiences that haven't served them. And then moreover, those who are academically high achieving or well educated and have a successful career, they realize it's not everything and they can't go to bed with that at night. And so they're time poor looking for love. And so they hire you and me and Alana and Katya. Usually what is the most brilliant in my work I met so many interesting people, so many different people and those people have so many good feeling and they need just person with whom to share it and, and I really challenge it every time to find right person to find someone to connect them with to make this dream happen. So so much love to give and no one to give it to. And so they start their search for their soulmate with Simontov. Amazing. So last but not the very least, give me the three key ingredients to make a love last and deepen a romantic connection. Connection. Okay, first step, no list and no expectation. The second point is to be ready and to be open minded and open hearted for all the best that this person can bring to your life. And the third part, to be ready that is a different person, absolutely different person and to allow this person to be different. We all are amazing. And the third and I think the most important point is to find find something good in this person every day and to fall in love in this finding. Oh amazing. Karina, thank you so much. Matchmaker at Simontov International for dating advice. You can contact her Karina with a kicking. Curtovinternational.com I've been Sarah Louise Ryan love lessons here at women's radio station. Thank you so much to Alana. Thank you so much to Karina Anna. But yeah, we'll be back soon.