Love Lessons – James Blake

Hi, guys. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons. I am super duper excited. Today I'm interviewing the Mr. James Blake, who is super creative, editor, producer and, most importantly, single Pringle. It's just the two of us. Just the two of us. And today we're going to be talking about matchmaking, international matchmaking. What does the matchmaker do? How does a matchmaker help people? And then we're going to be talking about James and how we can help, if we can help. He's definitely helpable. Definitely helpable, Mr. Blake. So that is Love Lessons. Can't wait to dive right in. Well, thank you for having me on the show. You are most welcome. You won't be thanking me in a minute. Are we screwed? But we're. When I first actually met you at women's radio station, I was, you know, I was very interested because I didn't know much about matchmaking. I didn't know what it was. And then we kind of had this idea to sit down and have this conversation, didn't we? So we could both have a. Well, I could have a clearer understanding, and so could our viewers, of what it is you actually do sort of thing. Because it's. I don't know, it's a weird one, isn't it? Like, what is matchmaking? You know what I mean? What does it entail? Well, it's funny because every time I'm in here producing, you know, a show and interviewing singles or dating experts or whatever, we never actually talk about the nitty gritty and what match actually is. So such a great idea. Well, matchmaking, it's a group of individuals or one individual who has, you know, a strong desire to bring people together for love, to build relationships, to deepen relationships, to create a greater understanding of anything that's holding them back in their love lives. And matchmakers can help people open their eyes to what could be holding them back. So even if they decided to go online or they went to singles events, whatever, they are, you know, putting their best footfall forward. So matchmakers act as, you know, personal. I call ourselves Headhunters for Love. Headhunters for Love. I love that. That is so brilliant. We act as recruitment agencies, I suppose, for people's personal lives. But how does it work? So does someone get in contact with you and then there's another person get in contact with you and you just put those two people together? Or does someone get in contact with you and then you sort of go through, like, a database kind of thing? Do you know What? I mean, like, how does the magic happen? Oh, how does the magic happen? How do we make love happen? Well, actually, lots of different matchmaking agencies on a professional level, in terms of business models, have different ways of working. Well, no, it's true, because we have a passion to help make human connections in this oh, so digital world. But at the end of the day, it's still a business and it's still one of the biggest industries in the world, isn't it? The dating industry? Massive. Massive, yeah. And so we have to also think logically. So essentially the matchmakers can look after themselves, look after their families. We can't just be like the yenta next door, just bringing people together just as a hobby. I've got this single guy, this single girl, let's just put it together and see what happens, sort of thing. Exactly. So, you know, two singles, throw them to the wall and hope that they'll stick. So what we, what we do is, well, personally, for my international matchmaking company is we take applications and we vet every single. If we match two paying clients, then that's absolutely fine. So what, what is this vetting process? Oh, so the vetting process. I'm going to vet you In a minute, Mr. James. I know you shouldn't have asked. You should not have asked. And so the process is, it starts off psychologically, actually. We have an application form that is far greater than any five second profile that you would fill out on Tinder or Bumble or jswipe or, you know, of the apps. It's a process that will take a single Pringle that would come to us, about 45 minutes to fill out and they have to really dive right into who they are, what they're looking for, the parameters, like in terms of proximity, how far afield are they looking for their match? And they really have to emotionally invest in the application. If I receive some information, say just a telephone number and an email and a name from someone, I say, hey, we've got a process which shows that you're invested in this, in the process of finding a partner, the same way a matchmaker would be. And if someone can't take the time, they're showing me that they'd rather be online anyway. Yeah, it shows that they're not really interested, are they? Don't really want to do it. So it's like, what's the point? What's the point in you wasting your time? Right. To help them when they're not going to help themselves. Yeah. Because not only do we invest in time Because I look after singles for about a year each. Each person that comes to me, I don't just, you know, well, great if they. If they get matched off very quickly. But the agreements for looking after singles love lives is for one year. So I want to know who I'm looking after. And it's really important for any match. You want to build that rapport, don't you? You want to know. And the better you know them, the better it will be for you to find someone, I guess, Right? Yeah. And to feed back to them any habits that they've got that are holding them back in their love lives. Also, maybe what they're looking for and what they want is not actually what they need, you know, is someone. Like whenever someone says to me, oh, I've got a type, and here's what I'm looking for, I always say, you know, hate to be blunt, but your type didn't work so far. So tell me how you've, you know, formed this type. How'd you have this idea? Yeah, how have you got this idea? Like, I met a woman the other day and she said, you know, she's in her early 30s and she said she's only looking to date up to 36. And I said, but why? You know, I'm not saying, you know, date someone who's 52, unless that's your preference, but why have you. That's your thing. That's your thing. But why? Tell me why you have that preference and where you've built this idea from. Because you might just be creating a barrier to entry for your dating and romantic life that is totally unnecessary. So once they filled out that application, they are vetted in the, you know, initial stages, and then they come and have a cup of tea with one of us, whether. So I've got matchmakers in Spain, Brazil, in both coasts of the usa. Paris, Germany, London. So few Eastern Europe as well. Who was the one you had in Karina? We had Karina. Yeah. Latvia. So got matchmakers all over and they. And it just goes to show that it is a global thing. It's everywhere, isn't it? It's in Latvia, it's in Spain. It's not just this like, London city idea of matchmaking. It's a universally accepted idea like matchmaking, you know what I mean, of getting people together. And also, you know, I'm really lucky enough to deal with the singles who are willing to travel the world for love and, you know, busy, successful professionals who are time poor. They have their businesses, they have their careers. Maybe they've built a global company or maybe they're at the top of their game in their career ladder. They've got all this success and they've got all of these academic achievements and, you know, a lot of them are quite a type personalities who have done so well and they wake up one day and they just realize they've got nobody to share it with. And so they get serious and they're just like, hey, you know, it's just like hiring a personal assistant. If you've got too much work to do, if you can't, you know, figure out what's going wrong with your nutrition or, you know, getting in shape, you hire a personal trainer. A matchmaker is someone who does the legwork that perhaps if you're online dating that you put in creating pseudo relationships without meeting somebody, you know, you know, so matchmaker sieves out all of the people that are not good for you as well as presenting those who are. I think, I mean, personally, I recently got rid of all my social media, all my Facebook, all my Tinder and all that, but I just don't think Tinder is a good way to build a relationship with someone. Do you know what I mean? I just don't think from the get go, I think there's this, you know, you're immediately judging someone in a brief snapshot, which isn't long enough to be judging someone by. Is it, you know, just looking at someone's picture and going, no, or yeah, it's. It's not giving them a fair chance, is it? Well, there's that as a concept of pre judging and having preconceived ideas as to who somebody is. I think, I think Tinder creates these, you know. Well, I don't think we can put it down to any one app. For sure, for sure. Sorry, not to name names exactly. And yeah, I don't think we can, but I think we can put it down to an app culture because, you know, it's great for connecting people who want to chat and it's great for creating a, you know, quantity in dates, in a box, ticking exercise. But the difference with matchmaking is we're really getting to know each individual and not only using the parameters of what they're looking for and their wants for maybe building a family or, you know, how open they are and how intellectually stimulating two singles might be for each other, but, you know, we're also ensuring they're getting out on dates. The thing is, with online dating, you don't see that many singles actually convert it into dates. Going back to what you said about deleting your social media. Absolutely applaud that because we need it in this world and you're such a creative so it's surprising that you don't have it. Yeah, for the industry that I'm in. Right. It's crazy. It's crazy. But you still get by and you're still, you know, doing everything that you can do in your career and it's not holding you back. The thing is about social media and online dating is you can actually connect the apps to your social which has, you know, plus size, you know that the person is who they say they are. You can, you know, vet out their hobbies, interests and see how like minded they are. But actually the downside to that is you can sit and have all these preconceived ideas about who they are taken from the surface level and the best parts of their lives. Yeah, exactly that. That's the problem, of it, isn't it? Is that you can link it with your dating apps, whatever, you can link it with your social media profiles but you're still only getting this idea of them that they've created this like holiday picture. Everything's really good. Do you know what I mean? My life is excellent. Yeah, my life is excellent 24 7. You know, you don't get the real, the real person, the real deal. And I think that's what matchmaking does is it helps you find that real, real person as opposed to this fake social media person, you know. Absolutely. And something that is interesting and I was telling single this morning that I'd interviewed is that, you know, on the first, second and third date, you don't really need to ask the nitty gritty questions that you would if you went on an online date, such as do you want to build a family? Do you want to get married? Religion, you know, how observant are you? What religion are you? All of that stuff. Because a matchmaker has done all of that nitty gritty vetting for you. So done all that hard graft. Well, apart from gauging if there's, you know, chemistry connection. So what's left for you to do is to go on a date, see if you fancy the pants off them and also gauge whether you feel like there's a spark and you could see it going further. So yeah, that's what we do. So thank you so much for joining me, James. Thank you for grilling me on matchmaking and seeing what I do to medal. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. This is Love Lessons and we've got guests. Our guest, James Blake on Today Women's Radio Station will give a voice to your brand. Advertise your product, services or goods on air with a package tailored to suit you. For more information, visit womensradiostation.com Anna Kennedy Online is a national charity made up of charity champions and role models. We are forging a path to autism awareness and acceptance. We are dedicated to promoting the inclusion and equality of autistic children and adults throughout society. 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But why choose us? Well, unlike traditional law firms, we think outside the box. Our advice is accessible from anywhere, even your own home due to our online video conferencing. Are we expensive, you ask? Well, we are in the city of London and listed in the legal 500. But our fees honestly do not reflect this. Competitive and often fixed. We rival many of our competitors on fees. We are company commercial lawyers that help start ups scale up. Those of you seeking funding for your business, we get you ready for investment. As personal lawyers, we offer family legal support from divorce to child custody, all the way from surrogacy to employment and wills. A city law firm. Our people set us apart. Contact us on 020-7426, 0382 www.acitylawfirm.com hi guys. Welcome back to Love Lessons. It's Sarah Louise ryan here with Mr. Blake and we are talking about finding love, the quest of finding love offline via matchmaking. And I'm super duper excited because now I'm gonna be getting down to the nitty gritty with James about who he is, what he's interested in and him navigating the search for finding his someone for finding my soulmate. Your soulmate. She could be out there anywhere. She could. She is out there. She should be hopefully. Right? So James, welcome. Thanks for joining. Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure. Such a pleasure. Now you're acquainted with what a matchmaker does. How do you feel about it? I think it's really cool. I think it's a really cool thing. Yeah. I mean I think if I was in the position I was in, I might even look into it because I think I think it's a noble pursuit. Helping People find love. Yeah, I think it is. And I think it's very, very hard in this day and age of social medias and dating apps and everything's, you know, so convoluted, I think, to have someone who is a matchmaker who can just sort of help you, you know, get on the right path. I think it's a great, I think it's a great thing. I think we need more Sarahs in the world. Well, I have a team and they're all passionate about helping people. But I think you're right about being so connected online. But actually, romantically speaking, human connection online. What is going on? What are you finding out there? It's gone. It's gone. It's horrible. It's. It doesn't exist. You know what I mean? It's just everything is so fake and like processed and there's just no, there's no connection. You're right, there's no connection at all. And okay, so without mentioning specific apps of, you know, that you've been on or anything that's, you know, that you're currently utilizing in terms of online platforms, can you tell me what you generally find when you're, when you're using them? How it generally goes is something like this, I will, I will match with someone. I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but okay, nice hit of serotonin. Nice hit of serotonin. Yeah. You know, I feel, I feel sexy. Or someone liked me, you know what I mean? I normally start with a bit of a funny joke and then how funny is your joke or jokes? Oh my God, now I really am on the spot. Is this the comedy hour? But yeah, I'll come in with a bit of a funny joke or like a cheesy pickup line or something and then it will either land and we'll chit chat for a bit or it doesn't land and that's, that's it, game over. You end up just having that, you know, hi, how are you? Oh, no, yeah, fine kind of thing. But if it lands, you know, you normally have a bit of conversation, blah, blah, blah. Where are you from? What you into. Should we go for a drink? Yeah, sort of thing. And then it kind of develops from there. But that's like, that's a rarity. A rarity. That it will immediately come offline. Yeah, that it will land and it will, you'll click and connect with someone. Normally it just, you know, it's a funny joke. You kind of text her a bit and it fizzles out. Well, it's really difficult to gauge what's funny because people have different senses of humor. And what you might find funny, I might not. Yeah, exactly. The funniest thing, in my opinion, that I've ever heard is actually years and years ago. So I've been a matchmaker for seven and a half years. And about six years ago, I want to say one of my clients, because we used to do introductions via email. Then I don't do it anymore. I do it by phone. But one of my male clients would send to the females a picture of a bunch of dates, a bunch of dates, and say, do you fancy a date? That's not bad. That's not bad. And I would cry, laughing every time he would do it because he'd already been introduced by a matchmaker. So they didn't need to come in with anything funny, but it was just an icebreaker. Pretty good one. I. Well, I thought so. Pretty good. And it felt. It fell flat with. With one of our more serious female clientele and shame. But that's what happens, right? You, you. You do the funny thing. It either connects with them and they find it funny, and you, you're in, you know, you're having a conversation or it doesn't. Things get awkward and it doesn't resonate with them. Yeah, it doesn't resonate with them and nothing happens. Oh, well, maybe you save yourself a bit of time. Yeah, maybe someone that doesn't find your jokes funny. Yeah, if they don't like my jokes, Right. I shouldn't be wasting time on them anyway. Imagine going on a date and you cracked a few jokes and she didn't find them funny at all. Just complete deadpan. You know what I mean? Dead balloon. You're just sitting across the table and it's just like, silence. Oh, my God. I think I'd get up and leave. I'd be like, oh, no. Well, you know, we're laughing about dating. And I think it's really difficult to find the funny side to it at the moment in terms of online and apps, and there are so many different things going on, but people are just complaining that it's. They've either saturated it or they're not getting any further. I mean, what's your take? I think it's oversaturated. I think massively oversaturated. And I think now that it's become such a big thing, it's even more saturated. And there's just so many people on it coming from all different angles, doing all different things. Try trying all different things as well, to match with people. Like, you know, you see the joke profiles, don't you, where it's like, you know, they're pretending to be someone else and stuff like that. And. Yeah, it's just. I got rid of it all. I didn't like it. I got rid of it. So how long did you try it for? A couple of months. I had. I probably did it for about four months, maybe got about five actual dates, which I hear is pretty good. But I don't know. Yeah, okay. Depending. Well, frankly speaking, in terms of investment on time and return, depending how much time you're investing each day. Day. A lot. And what your communication strategy. Too much. Too much time. Which is initially why I got rid of it, because I was. I found myself wasting too much time on it. It can get addictive. Yeah, Massively. Very easy to get addictive. And it's. It's. It's. It's a comforting thing to do as well, isn't it? You know, if you're home alone, bored, and you connect with someone. Give you an endorphine hit. Gives you an endorphine here, but you've got someone to talk to, haven't you? You know, you're not just sitting home alone anymore kind of thing. And you just. You are. You are still sitting here, but you are. Yeah, that's the problem, right? You are still sitting home. You're sat there with your cup of tea in your PJs, swiping away, getting your hits of serotonin and all those endorphins. And then you don't go on a date. And then you don't go on a date. Yeah. What a waste of time. But. So I did it for. I did it for a couple months. I had a couple of actual solid dates off of it, but they all didn't lead anywhere. No relationships. I'm still. No wonder you get hot sweats. No wonder it's Hot sweats. Right. Exactly right. No wonder before we came home, before we came on air, we were talking about how you're wearing this band. Tell me more about it. My. It's supposed to be a band. It's when you go to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem, they give you the red string. I can't remember. It's got a very special name, but it's to keep the evil spirits out. But apparently my red string is to stop me from having hot flashes. No, it's giving it you. Because apparently you're wearing it on the wrong arm. Yeah, I'm Supposed to wear it. I'm wearing it on my left for the people who can't see. And you're supposed to have it on the right to empower you. Empower you. To empower you in your dating life. If you stop wearing that on the left arm and swiping left and right in your pajamas with your cup of tea at home, do you reckon if I put it on my right arm and I swipe right, I'm gonna get better results? Yeah. Everything to the right, you know? I do hope so. Okay, so tell me, as a matchmaker, how do you think I can help you? How do you think I can best serve you? I think you probably find me someone who would laugh at my jokes. Okay. Kind of a nut. Yeah. Laugh at my jokes and. Yeah, someone I could get along with easily. Well, as a matchmaker, we do tend to, you know, use an awful lot of intuition because we're talking about, is there a science to matchmaking? Well, no, there's psychology behind it and there are a lot of psychologists that are matchmakers. But really I like a lot of, when I'm hiring matchmakers, training matchmakers, I like a lot of grit and gumption because you have to be patient because we're dealing with people and not products. And you know, it's so intangible. You can't really, what one person thinks today and what they're going through today, they won't be going through tomorrow and they might not think the same tomorrow. You have to really be patient and persevere with people. And so that's a quality that, you know, a matchmaker needs. And so we're energetically connecting with people, understanding them, getting to the bottom of what their values are, what they're looking for, how far they're willing to go to look for that person. And yeah, understanding whether your joke's funny or not, it's all relative, which they are, by the way. For the listeners out there, my jokes are very good. Why don't we talk about the kind of person you're looking to meet? Should we talk about personality and what you find attractive? So personality wise, I think very. I think for a long lasting relationship, a personality has to be a very big thing. They have to have personality. They've got to be, you know, up for having a laugh, up for a bit of a, you know, going out and trying new things. Trying new things? Like what? New things, you know, new restaurants, quite spontaneous. New clubs. Yeah, a bit of spontaneity, actually. That's a good word. Yeah, I'd like a little bit of spontaneity, you know, to help break up the monotony of the day to day sort of thing. You're a creative. I can't imagine your days are monotonous. I still work at 9 to 5, you know, I'm sitting in the office 9 to 5 being creative. But yeah, someone a bit of. Yeah. And I think I'd want something a bit creative as well, actually. I want someone to kind of match that, you know, I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want a business minded. No, I wouldn't want someone who's, you know. Well, you say that being business minded today in this tech nomad space. I mean, you could have someone who's really entrepreneurial and they're creating our business. So actually I wouldn't sidestep on entrepreneurship and business mind because it comes with creativity. I think it bounce off each other quite well. Yeah, creative and the entrepreneurial. Yeah. Opposites attract, right? Well, I don't think you are. Yeah, opposites do attract, for sure, but I don't think that. Yeah, you're that opposite. If you're an entrepreneur, business mind. I mean, if you're. If you're sat in the. You and an accountant, depending on what her sense of humour is like, it could be a bit difficult. Yeah, that's what I mean. I wouldn't want. I wouldn't want an accountant with no sense of humor, you know what I mean? That would be the opposite of what I'm looking for. But that's them. That's not personality. So let's talk about what kind of traits. So somebody that has a bit of spontaneity. Someone who's outgoing. Outgoing? Yeah. Why is that social? Because I'm. I'm outgoing. I'm very social and you know, I want someone who's gonna be outgoing as well. You know, you're a bit of an extrovert. I don't know. Oh my God. I've never thought of it before. What is an extrovert? And do a bit of a. You can do. Test the Myers Briggs, see where you sit on the introvert extrovert scale. You can see. Is this like the homework that I was supposed to do but I didn't. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna send you so much homework. And the reason we're interviewing J is because of course we want to take applications from all of those eligible ladies out there who are also looking for love. Because we're here talking about James's quest for finding his special someone. And the reality is, when we talk, it's all about resonating and understanding and, you know, what someone else is looking for. So don't hesitate to use this opportunity to date. James, how old are you, James? I'm 23. I was 23 in February. Yep, still young. But actually, I think you're a bit of an old soul. A lot of people say this. Yeah, a lot. A lot of people say I'm about 28 to 30. And then I have to kind of say, like, no, it's very rare that I suggest. But I think as a guy, you should probably date up. Yeah. Yes, I. 100%, but don't. See. Now, you say as a guy, you should date up. This is the thing. Girls don't like dating down, do they? Well, older girls don't look for younger guys. I do know of some single ladies who are very open to age, but I suppose it comes with, you know, the human instinct of wanting to be taken care of. And I'm not talking about, you know, equality is absolutely out there, but there is also still instilled in us. And, you know, I'm happy to debate this with anyone that wants. Wants to, but there's still something in us that wants a little bit of a traditional role somewhere where we're talking about, you know, heterosexual relationships, I think. And. But I. As a matchmaker, I'm sitting on the other side of the table where I'm the one that's literally interviewing four or five single professionals every day, finding out what they're looking for. More often than not, when I'm interviewing females, it's not necessarily about age. It's more about demeanor and how. How they're characterized. It's about how a man wants to take care of a woman. And I'm not. I'm not talking about financially. I'm talking about emotionally. The number one thing I've been hearing for a year and a half as a matchmaker is, please give me someone with emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence? What is. What is emotional intelligence? Somebody that is not only aware of, you know, how you. How being emotionally aware is showing a capability of understanding what you need and what they're doing. I think in terms of how you communicate, emotional intelligence is basically an elaborated way of talking about. I think it comes down to communication. Yeah. Just being able to communicate and be open and honest. Right. Communicating what you want in a relationship, communicating what you don't want and not, you know, not being a wallflower, you know, whether you're a guy or a girl, just like Letting a relationship, like, you know, push through on its path. Conflict is great because conflict really in a relationship or the beginnings of relationship. I'm not talking about war, guys. I'm talking about love. I'm talking about love. Romantic conflict is great because it means you're able to see each other's problem solving skills in that you can gauge how emotionally intelligent somebody is. I'd say this, though. I'm not one to fly off the rails, and I'm not a conflict guy, but I'm not talking about blowing a load of hot air. I'm talking about you saying, okay, so James, say James is dating Jessica. Jessica does something that James doesn't like, or James. It cuts across James's values. And James is like, oh, I kind of don't like how she spoke to that person. Or I kind of didn't like how she dealt with this scenario. That a big, big turn off for me would be if someone was rude to waiting staff. That'd be like, oh, I'm out here. What do you think it shows? I think it shows a bit of insecurity. Do you? Yeah. Okay. That you need to push someone, you know, that you need to treat someone in that industry, you know, you need to put them down. I think it shows that you. Shows an ego, I think. Yeah, a bit of an ego, right? A bit of like, I need to prove myself and I need to be a big man, whatever. You know, I need to be. Put this person down. If I was on a date and a girl did that, no, man, I couldn't do that. No, it shows just a lack of care for other human beings. I hear that a lot, actually. How somebody treats, you know, it comes down to how you treat other human beings. Not just, you know, what job they do, whatever. It's really telling of someone's personality and their traits and how they would act in a relationship. Exactly. I think it's a very reflective thing, isn't it? If they. If they're going to be horrible to other human beings, what's to stop them from being horrible to you? Do you know what I mean? Exactly. For sure. There you go. Can you tell us when your last relationship was, James? Define relationship. An exclusive partnering path. A long time ago. Okay. About four to five years ago now. I think it was when I was 19 and I just started university. Okay. And then, yeah, we. We dated for about two years and just sort of grew apart. And then that was that. I haven't been in a committed relationship since, which is why I'm now with Love, doctor. I prefer meddling matchmaking. But the thing is about falling in love. We fall in love by chance. I would say we fall in love by chance. We stay in love by choice, for sure, because we come up against so many things. And the thing is about your days at university. You go through so much growing. You, you grow together or you grow apart. And if you met at university, chances are you weren't looking for a relationship at that time. No, it wasn't. And it just, it's just like you said, it just sort of happens, doesn't it? You kind of just fall, fall in love with someone and that's that. The next thing you know, two years have gone by and everything's good. And what about the learnings that you took from that relationship? What did you learn about yourself? Oh my God, you must have learned so much riding back the years. What did I learn about myself? Did you say holding back the years? Are we about to go into Singapore? I said, I said rolling back. Okay, we can hold back. What did I learn about myself? I learned that, oh, I don't know. I don't know if I should go into the nitty gritty. I learned I'm not prone to conflict. I'm much, I'm very evasive of conflict. You know what I mean? Oh, you should read that book Attached. What's Attached? Attached is a very interesting book. Oh, attached is a very interesting book. And it's about romantic attachment theory. And it's about how we are secure attachers, anxious attachers, or avoidant attachers. And we. It's not a kind, it's not a blame placing exercise to figure out, oh, my partner, my ex partner was like this and whatever. It actually really serves you well. If you're looking to seriously settle down to interpret why we romantically act and we have certain behaviors and why we act in such a way, we can kind of interpret our own behavior to better serve ourselves. Like, so say you're acting out. So you and I were dating, we have a disagreement, then you act in one way, and then I decide to avoid the conflict and act in another way. Well, there are certain things that fall under different attachment types romantically and understanding them can help you better understand your behavior so you can communicate better in future relationships and so you can interpret your own behavior better so you. It's not like placing blame, who was at fault, whatever. It's like, like, oh, they attach in such a way and I attach in this way. And here we can meet in the middle. This is how we communicate. This is how we find that middle ground kind of thing. Great book attached. It's by someone called Something Helen. You have to bring it in next time. Oh, I'll bring it in. In fact I'll put it on social media. Guys, it's really great. If you're looking for love and you want to know how you romantically attach or what your attachment style is, it's so great. Especially if you're going on a holiday. So interesting. Women's radio station will give a voice to your brand, Advertise your product, services or goods on air with a package tailored to suit you. For more information visit womensradiostation.com hi, I'm Michelle Bartlett, the founder of Live Laugh Love Ladies Club. We're looking for ladies to link arms across the globe. This is a new vibrant brand connecting women socially. Our club members enjoy great food, fun and inspiring speakers whilst making friends in a room of all generations. If you're a social butterfly in the community, this fast growing franchise could be for you. If you would like to know more about stepping into our pink shoes, then look at the business opportunity page on our website. Live laughloveloveladies club. Also at womensradiostation.com@distinctively me we are passionate about making clothes that complement any body shape through our Made to measure tailored pieces. Distinctively Me's smart and elegant clothes are made in our London studio from the highest quality fabrics and will create the perfect outfit for any woman. Our trousers, skirts and jackets are modern yet timeless and can be worn season after season. Visit us@distinctivelyme.com to be amazed at our service and prices. Distinctively Me Discover the pleasure of Made to Measure hi, my name is Gary Parker and my company is called CNT Associates. We provide fundraising, business support and training services for small businesses, charities and non profit making organizations. We've raised over £20 million since 2003 and we'd like to help you. Visit usntassociates.com or on Twitter and Tassociates women's radio station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostn or Facebook Women's Radio station to Keep up to date Keep up to date with all our exciting Anna Kennedy Online is a national charity made up of charity champions and role models. We are forging a path to autism awareness and acceptance. We are dedicated to promoting the inclusion and equality of autistic children and adults throughout society. We provide training, legal advice and a helpline. If you need a listening ear, contact www.annakenaken.com. women's radio station can give a voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities including individual programs, we can tailor your to you ready for a challenge? Then take on the Pink Ribbon Walk for Breast Cancer care. Coming to Oxfordshire and Essex this summer, we've got everything covered from snacks along the route to a massage and medal when you cross the finish line. And while we support you with every step, you'll be doing something special to support the thousands of people going through one of the toughest challenges they'll ever face. Breast cancer visit breastcancercare.org UK walk Adam and Alice London are a British luxury fashion label offering timeless collections for bold and beautiful women at affordable prices. Enter the giveaway lucky draw for a chance to win a fabulous silk dress made from pure silk crepe, fully lined with digital printed silk and handcrafted detail worth 475 pound. Available in two colours, Mazarine Blue and pastel. See the dress and enter our competition on the giveaway page on womensradiostation.com a city law firm we are leading innovative and multi award winning solicitors in London. But why choose us? Well, unlike traditional law firms, we think outside the box. Our advice is accessible from anywhere, even your own home due to our online video conferencing. A city law firm Our people set us apart. Contact us on 0207-426-0382 ww.acitylawfirm.com hi, I'm Sarah Austin and I'm the founder of the really Helpful Club, an online and offline community that helps, supports and connects thousands of women in our personal and business lives. We are buzzing. Join us to share and discover your best ideas. Come to our events to meet other members and learn something. New book now for our London workshop on 10 May helping you prepare for and manage the menopause. Membership is free. Join now by visiting really helpful club.com Another thing I learned whilst I was in my relationship, I'm probably a very good communicator. A good communicator. A very good communicator. How do you define that? I'm a very, I'm a very honest person. I don't lie. You know what I mean? So I definitely, you know, if they were gonna ask me what I was doing and I was gonna go out with a load of my friends who were exclusively guy friends, I'd say that. I wouldn't lie. I'd say I'm going out tonight with my guy friends. You know what I mean? We're probably gonna get up to no good sort of thing. Oh, gosh, what's. No. God, no. We just, you know, like, we're gonna have fun. Yeah, we're gonna have fun, right? I wouldn't, I wouldn't. I wouldn't lie about something like that. And if, if there were other girls there, I would say to her, there will be other girls there kind of thing. You know what I mean? Don't worry, nothing's gonna happen. You know, you can trust me sort of thing. That's, you know, that was my big thing, that I was always open, I was always honest. You know, if ever I was to meet another girl whilst I was dating her, I would have let her known. I never happened, but I would have let her known straight away. I would have said, like, look, this happened, kind of him. Well, I think that a relationship is built on the three pinnacles to create a strong foundation of trust, loyalty and respect. And, you know, if you're communicating well, which it sounds like you have and will continue to do, as long as you trust each other, you respect each other enough to communicate, you know, trust, loyalty. Yeah, respect, all of those things. Then why, why would anyone have a problem with you going out with the boys? But I just think there's. There's always this preconceived notion, isn't there, of like. And I think it's the same, you know, we're all about equality. I think it's the same for. For guys and girls as well. If you're gonna go out of all your girlfriends, you know, some people might think there's something amiss, you know what I mean? But I. I don't think there is. But like, everyone has that one friend, right, who's got that relationship where it's like they have to be with each other all the time. They can't go out with the friend, guys, she has to be there or she can't go out with the girls. He has to be there. There kind of thing. And I think that's kind of what it is, you know? Yes, exactly. I think there are relationships out there in the world like that. I can't say I've ever been in a relationship like that, but I do know of relationships like that. And maybe it does show a lack of trust. Or maybe they're just so madly in love, they can't be a part. Right? They can't be a part. They're so in love. Separate at any time. Do you think that's ridiculous? Do I think that's ridiculous? Well, you are so madly in love that you cannot be apart. Yes, I do, because my dad remarried when I was very, very young. But they'll still speak on the phone every single day if they're apart. And I think that's truly, madly in love. That's truly, madly in love. In the morning and at night. In the morning and at the night, if my dad has to go away for a business trip or something, he will call her in the morning and he'll call her before he goes to bed. Oh, my gosh, that is so beautiful. Truly, madly in love. Isn't it? How did they meet? It's a funny story. They actually dated when they were kids. Like 16, 17. Life happens. Yep. And they just ran into each other again and you were born. I was born. That was a long. That was before they met. I think I was. That's when life happened. That's how life happened. Yeah. I was born. Yeah. Literally life happened. Yeah, literally life happened. That's a good point. But yeah, they. They met when I was six months old and my mum and dad got divorced when I was like nine months. Yeah. Okay, so it's really not like an issue. Like, I know a lot of people go through, like, divorces and stuff, like, nightmare, but yeah, it really, really wasn't an issue for me. Yeah, they met when they. And then they got married when I was like six. They got married in Vegas. Do you know what? Love always finds its way, doesn't it? Love always finds its way. Right? Yeah. Crazy. That is crazy. And it's, you know, I wish I'd brought them in. They actually have loads of pictures together when they were like 16, 17. No way. Yeah. Like all around our house is like, it's only pictures of them when they were young. But were they dating when they were 16, 17? They were their first ever relationship. Oh, my gosh. It's like first love. It's like first love. Right. It's like something out of a very special interview them, isn't it? We could give so many love lessons. Okay. Okay. So my biggest problem, I'd get along with them great. I would. I. I've already invited myself over, So what was I going to say? My biggest thing about online, my biggest gripe about online dating and dating platforms is that I'm worried. I'm really worried and I don't know why. That in 10, 20 years, 30 years time that every story will start with, every love story will start when we met online. And it's great that people connect however they connect. But what about the art of, you know, flirting and the art of wooing and romance and, you know, and I think that a matchmaker still somehow can enable that to happen, despite the fact that, you know, it's. The date has been orchestrated and the personal introduction has been made, but there's still the romance. Still need that spark, don't you? Yeah. You still need that little bit of romance. That little bit of, like, you know, our hands both touched as we went for the coffee kind of magic moment. I knew that. Did you write that down? What do you write that down? Is that one of your creative coffee? Have you ever heard that before? No, I've never heard that. You've never heard that? Oh, my gosh. One of my friends, actually, that I'm interviewing on the radio station who met. I'm actually gonna do an interview for the LGBTQ community and Finding Love online offline. How does it work? And one of my girlfriends met her now girlfriend by. In a bar there. That happened. Like, they both reached for the drink, right? Exactly. And I was like, that doesn't happen. Yeah, but that's what you're looking for, isn't it? You're looking for that spark. Yeah, exactly. You can orchestrate the date, you can put two people together, but they still need that moment of, like, you know, something happened like that. So, James, are you seriously looking for love? Yeah, I think I am. Oh, yeah. Seriously, I'm looking for love. Yeah. I think I'm 23. You know, I've. I've done the flings. I've had a couple of girlfriends before, you know, when I was younger. I've never. I want to say that I've never had a truly serious relationship because I had. I've had a couple of girlfriends when I was a little bit younger, you know, like 16 to 17, 18 to 20, kind of. But I've never actually had a serious, you know, loving relationship, which I was called it. And I think I'm looking for it. Yeah. That's so exciting. I think it'd be nice. And we've really gotten to grip with, like, some of your values today, and in terms of, like, you know, loyalty, honesty, communication, all of those things, and the fact that. That you're seriously looking, it's really exciting. Let's hope we can find something. Do you. Okay. So how far are you willing to look for this person? How far am I willing to look? Now? That is a very good question. What's the average someone would say well, I'm an international matchmaker, so she's in New York. I might find her there. Realistically, are you willing to relocate or are you looking for someone to. I could relocate, but I'd be very picky to where I would relocate. Oh, why is that? Because I'm born and raised in London. Yeah. City boy my whole life. And I'd have to stay in some sort of metropolitan area. What's metropolitan? Like a city? Yeah. You know, I'd have to live like in a New York or a Chicago or. Oh, I could see you in Chicago. Chicago. I'd be cool in Chicago. Yeah, cool. You know, there's pizza pies. Pizza pies and hot dogs. Right. Get a little baseball cap, I'll be right American. Yeah, but I would, I would relocate. I think I'd. I wouldn't do la. If I had to go to la, that'd be my, my mark. I'd definitely do east coast America or like Russia. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't want to be too far from home. Oh, good Jewish boy. I can't be too far from home, right? I gotta come home for shipwreck, you know? Okay, what's mom gonna say when I don't come on phone when I'm off on a date? She's gonna be so angry at me. Okay, so actually. So you would, you would, you would relocate, but somewhere that's commutable and I'm not talking about, you know, London to Manchester, somewhere that's not too far from home. Not too far. LA is an 11 hour flight. I couldn't do that. Okay, do six from New York. Okay, so we'd say London and New York. Yeah. What about Manchester, my hometown? Could do Manchester. Yeah. Oh, you definitely could do Manchester, couldn't you? Not that far. Let me put the feelers out. It's a city, right? It's a city. Manchester's so up and coming. Never been to Manchester. You've never been. It's 2 hours and 11 minutes. Supposed to be really cool. Manchester. That's what Richard Brown says. Two hours and eleven minutes. Yeah. Two hours and eleven minutes on the train. That's easy. I can't believe you've never been. Okay, so let's start the search. Ladies, if you're out there listening, Lovely James is looking for a lovely person. We know his values. We know he's a great communicator. We know he's creative. We know he's seriously looking to settle down. We know that he's a producer and an editor in London. So, you know, that translates to ambition, to someone who is hard working, a bit gritty, but. But at the heart and soul. He's, you know, a good boy and likes to be at home with his mum on a Friday night. Can't go too far from home. So actually that resonates to, like, you know, really strong family ties and family orientated. Do you want to build a family, James? Yeah. Two boys. What? Two boys? If I could have kids, I'd have two boys. Oh, my God. I asked you that off the cuff and you really knew the answer. Yeah, because I have thought about it. I come from a big family, me. Yeah. I have five. I have four brothers. I'm the fifth and I'm the youngest out of all five. Yeah. But I'd only want two. Only want two. Why? Boys, you'd be blessed to have anything. I'd be. You're so right. I'd be blessed to have anything. And as long as I've got 10 toes and 10ft, I'm happy, you know, at the end of the day. But if I could pick, I'd want two. Because I, you know, as a guy, I want to play football with my kids. That's what it is, you know, and I want to be a bit rough, you know, and like, if, if, like having a daughter, you know, I wouldn't know how to talk to her about makeup, I wouldn't know how to talk to her about boys, you know, I mean, I wouldn't know what it is. Girls, like, I wouldn't know how to raise a daughter. Guy, I'd know how to raise boys. But you'd learn. You'd learn. You're so right. You'd learn and it'd be such an experience. My niece is an absolute tomboy and, you know, she can find her playing football as much as she's, like, brushing, you know, my hair or her own or whatever. And you know what? You're so right in this 21st century. Yeah, you're so right. It could be. It very well could be. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. I can't remember the word. But you shouldn't narrow it down and just say boys can play football. If I had a daughter, I could still play football with my daughter, couldn't I? So I think that you're a bit of catch and I would love to know who is out there looking for somebody like you. I'm gonna put my Cupid feelers out and start, you know, shooting my bow and arrow everywhere. Do you know about Eros? Pardon? Eros in Piccadilly Circus. Have you never heard this before? No. Tell me. So they say if you know Piccadilly Circus. Yes. You know, there's the statue of Cupid. Yes. He's actually called Eros. Right. That's the original name for Cupid. And they say if you kiss someone underneath Eros's bow on the statue. Yes. That. That is your true love. Oh, my gosh. Maybe you'd meet someone that I introduced you to, take him to Piccadilly, Eros. And then we're. Oh, my gosh. Let's talk about the ideal first date. Where are you gonna take your match? Ideal first date. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Now, what would you like to do? You're spontaneous. You like. Like to laugh a lot. What would you do? No pressure. No pressure at all. Depending on the season, winter, I would probably do something like the theater or something like that. Yeah, I think that's always a safe bet. We're coming into summer now. Were we even spring or something? I don't even know coming into summer. I actually think a picnic can be a very good first date. Oh, what? Hampstead Heath? Regent Hampstead Heath. Primrose Hill. Yeah, Right on the top of the hill. Little bottle of wine, a few little nibblies, right? Get a little speaker, play some music, sit and chill in the sun. That's a good idea for first date, right? Really good idea. You need to speak to my friend Nick, though. He is the date master. You should do a whole segment with Nick. Does that mean that Nick has done an awful lot of dating? No, but he was in a relationship with a girl for six years. And he used to take this girl out on the most amazing dates you've ever heard of. Like, it didn't work out. Didn't work out. She dumped him. He was heartbroken, I have to say. Absolutely heartbroken. Nick, skip over to the heartbreakcoach.com, i'll put you in contact. Yeah, but he had. I mean, first of all, he's a pioneer. Oh, wow. Yeah, so he used to do things like take her to France for the weekend in his plane, you know, I mean, which I think's, like, already. You can't get better than that. You know what I mean? Like, private plane, straight onto the Runway. Well, you can. His name's James Blade. You'll find better, no worries. But he used to do things like. I mean, you know, you do the. The outdoor cinema. Cinema? Oh, yes. It's like secret cinema or cinema. Yeah, they do a wonderful outdoor cinema in Catherine's Docks where it's like on a flotation and you do this sort of thing. He never did that. But what he did was. This is like the most amazing day ever. Oh, my God. You're gonna try and recreate it. I don't know if I could. You're just selling it as date inspo. This is for the women listening in. Serious date inspo. This is potentially what might be out there. Oh, my goodness. But to whet your appetite, ladies, here you go. So he took her to the. An outdoor cinema thing. But he actually had bought all the tickets. Yes. So it was just the two of them. What Giant field. He then got an orchestra to play. To play music as well. Then he wasn't proposing up just an average date. Rented out a whole cinema, outdoor cinema, just so they could sit and watch a film. And at the end of it, he had a band play music whilst I sat and had their picnic. That is like. Who does that? Who does that? I don't know. It's. It. Do you. Do you like, you know, overtly. I think the band was too much. That is too much. I think that was too much. Don't. Don't over deliver. Don't over deliver. Right. I think the band was too much kind of thing. Like, I think he had like a violinist, the cell. Like, you know what I mean? A little like four pie piece thing. But I think the. The buying all the tickets in this like outdoor cinema venue, I think that's really romantic. It is romantic by themselves. You know what I mean? I think that's like such a. Such a sweet thing to do. It's very sweet for a date, for sure. Or Nick, you could have saved yourself a lot of cash and just did movie at home. Netflix and. I'm only joking, Nick. I'm only joking. And we're talking about a great date idea. But you can't steal Nick's idea. What's your idea? I take my idea. I do like picnic on premiere. A picnic? Yep. Or like, I think you could. I think there's a lot of potential for doing a date with something a little bit physical. Like I feel like bowling alley. Oh, gosh, yes. Because you can see someone's competitive spirit. I think it's great and it's always good. You can always have a little bit of banter in that situation. Right. There's always something to talk about. Or if you do like rock climb timing or something like that. I think there's always something to be said for something like that. You're doing an activity Something is a shared experience. You Hashtag makememories. Makememories. I love that so much. Oh, my God. Hashtag makememories. I'll have to steal that one. Yeah, but I think that's always a good idea for a date. Yeah, it's like an activity or something like that. Or like mini golf, but I think mini golf's a bit cliche. Okay, so you've got two date options, ladies. Something totally rom com. Primrose Hills. A bit it. Primrose Hill. Bottle of wine. Beautiful. Bit cliche, but it can do the job. Or the active side of James says, let's get competitive. Let's do some bowling or rock climbing. Oh, do you know what I think a great day is? Cooking. Yeah, cooking is cooking class. A cooking. Oh, cooking class or cooking. Well, cooking something together. But on a first date, it's too soon to go to each other's gonna say so. Yeah, a little bit too soon. A bit too much for that bit OTT Right on. First date cooking class. What for first date cooking class? Probably second date. First date's always about gauging chemistry, isn't it? I think all of these things we've actually talked about are all second and third date ideas. I actually think the first date has just drinks at a nice bar. Oh, you said it's gauging chemistry. It's getting everything. Actually, speaking of which, I totally nail on the head. Totally agree. We'll create a list for everyone listening in for some ambient bars that you can go on a first date. So, you know, you know, if you do get to go on a date with James or you've got any dates coming up that you've met someone online, we'll create a little. A little checklist cheat sheet. Cheat sheet. Yeah, cheat sheets for your first date. And also I'm gonna write a little bio and a little bit about James and I. I would love to hear from anybody that wants to go on a date with James. I am going to play matchmaker. It's what I do professionally. It's what I do personally. And we're going to shoot my cupid's bow and arrow and see if we can get James on some great dates. But we only need one. We only need one. Every pot has a lid. Every pot has a lid. So many cool things. Every pot has a lid. High five. Beautiful. High five to that. So thank you so much, James. Thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. Can't wait to get on this search, guys. Yeah, well, headhunting for love. Yeah guys, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. This has been Love Lessons. I'm here with the wonderful creative soulmate searcher James Blake. And thanks so much for tuning in. Big Love. Hi, I'm Sarah Austin and I'm the founder of the really Helpful Club, an online and offline community that helps, supports and connects thousands of women in our personal and business lives. We are buzzing. Join us to share and discover your best ideas. Come to our events to meet other members and learn something new. Book now for our London workshop on 10 May helping you prepare for and manage the menopause. Membership is free. Join now by visiting reallyhelpfulclub.com Please also find us on thewomensradiostation.com hi, I'm Ekaterina Brihova, Head of Conference Production City and Financial Global and I want to tell you about our vote 100 Women in Business Summit at the Royal Garden Hotel on 17th of April. Opened by Her Royal Highness the Countess of Wessex, it will be a great day full of useful content and amazing networking opportunities. To book for this fantastic event, please go to our website www.ctnfinancial.com or you can find us on womensradiostation.com Women's radio station will give a voice to your brand, advertise your product, services or goods on air with a package tailored to suit you. For more information visit womensradiostation.com hi, my name is Gary Parker and my company is called CNT Associates. We provide fundraising, business support and training services for small businesses, charities and non profit making organizations. We've raised over £20 million since 2003 and we'd like to help you. Visit us and tassociates.com or on Twitter tassociates. Sale Sale Sale at Queenstyle furniture up to 50% off all our furniture styles. We've got new styles and traditional styles, Italian styles and German styles. Styles for your living room or styles for your bed, bedroom, dining table styles or a variety of lighting styles. Queen Style Furniture Uxbridge Road South Hall We've got style. Ready for a challenge. Then take on the pink ribbon walk for breast cancer care coming to Oxfordshire and Essex this summer. We've got everything covered from snacks along the route to a massage and medal when you cross the finish line. And while we support you with every step, you'll be doing something special to support the thousands of people going through one of the toughest challenges they'll ever face. Breast cancer. Visit breastcancercare.org.uk Walk Women's radio station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostn or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date. Hi, I'm Michelle Bartlett, the founder of Live Laugh Love Ladies Club. We're looking for ladies to link arms across the globe. This is a new vibrant brand connecting women socially. Our club members enjoy great food, fun and inspiring speakers whilst making friends in a room of all generations. If you're a social butterfly in the community, this fast growing franchise could be for you. If you would like to know more about stepping into our pink shoes, then look at the business Opportunity page on our website. Live laughloveloveladies.club also@womensradiostation.com Hollywood Babes is a unique ladies wear boutique situated in Thorpe Broadway in South End on Sea. We carefully select all our lines and offer you only the very best in women's clothing. Here at Hollywood Baby Babes, we ensure you look and feel the part. Whether it is for a special occasion or loungewear. We can help you find that special something to make you feel a million dollars. So pop on down to Hollywood Babes, Thorpe Broadway Essex and get ready to be styled. Hi, I'm Michelle Bartlett, the founder of Live Laugh Love Ladies Club. We're looking for ladies to link arms across the globe. This is a new vibrant brand connecting women socially. Our club members enjoy great food, fun and inspiring speakers whilst making friends in a room of all generations. If you're a social butterfly in the community, this fast growing franchise could be for you. If you would like to know more about stepping into our pink shoes then look at the business Opportunity page on our website. Live laughloveloveladies Club Also at Women's Radio Station Women's Radio Station can give a voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities including individual programs, we can tailor your experience to you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com.