Love Lessons Express – Sex, Marriage And Communication With Dr. Juliana

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan, and welcome to Women's Radio Station. You're listening in to Love Lessons. I am super duper excited because today I'm here with the absolutely glorious Dr. Juliana. Dr. Juliana, welcome to the show. Thank you so much. I'm really happy to be talking with you. We're so excited because today at Women's Worldwide radio station, we are going to be talking about in intimacy. We're going to be talking about connection, communication, and physical intimacy. Dr. Juliana helps couples worldwide to connect and to find time and space to communicate for a deeper level of love. So with Dr. Juliana, we're going to touch on all the things that she does, how she helps couples, and then we're going to move on to marriage and national Orgasm day tomorrow. So, Dr. Juliana, welcome. Thank you. Thank you. That's such a great introduction. I love it. So tell me and tell everyone that's listening in, who are you and what on earth do you do? Your job sounds so exciting. It's so funny you ask me what on earth do I do. I get asked that a lot and actually specifically like that, too. So I'm Dr. Juliana and I am in the States and I am a marriage and family therapist and licensed professional counselor. And that has brought me to so many different ways that I share the message that I like to teach. I work with couples in person and online. I work with individuals, men and women, all genders. I do retreats locally, but also destination retreats. And I love to speak, so I go around the world speaking also. Wow, you sound like a lady of many talents. And it's so great to have a speaker and somebody on air who, you know, provides retreats. Tell me a bit about those retreats. I mean, it's definitely not on my list of all those gorgeous things I want to ask you, but retreats sound very exciting. Please tell me, what is that? Yes. So I have found that there's something obviously magical and wonderful about having an intensive one on one with a client or with clients. But I've also seen so much healing and growth when you're able to be in community and to talk with people who are interested in learning about the same kinds of things, have the same kind of questions, or have the same kind of experiences. So I started putting retreats together and I did it locally and then have grown to have more internationally. And what I see is that it's so valuable to talk with other people, to share your story, to have the bravery to. To share something private, especially when you're in A group of people that you don't know at all, which actually, that's often the most powerful, is to go in with strangers and just have a blank slate and be able to speak your truth and your secrets and your questions and your hardships as well as your celebrations and find someone else either that's from a completely different country or from your same region that either has the same story but looks so different from you and you can't believe you have this commonality and you're not alone, or looks just like you, but has a very different experience, and you can learn from his or her experience and grow and learn through them and learn through their lessons. So I put these retreats together because I just saw being able to sit on a couch. I make them very comfy and very relaxed, very fun, but also pretty emotional. And we talk, we share, and we cry, and we laugh and we eat good food. And I like to mix it up with content and learning and journaling, but also getting out and doing things and experiencing stuff together and being able to put into practice what we're talking about and learning. That sounds so healing and so therapeutic in so many ways. And I think it's really wonderful that you provide this space, this intimate platform for people to be able to share and be their most authentic selves. I think that's wonderful. So, Dr. Juliana, do you provide that for couples or do you provide that for individuals? How does it work? So until this year, I've been keeping with individuals and. But I'm expanding to couples. And in fact, I'm going to be doing a couples retreat out west in the Vancouver area this over Valentine's Day. And I'm really excited to have a couple's work and to see what that's like. And I have another one that's in brewing in either Costa Rica or Mexico later in 2019. Oh, come to the UK countryside. There are so many people that would love to have you over here. Yes, I would love to come. So day to day, aside from your retreats, if you had to define in one sentence how you help people, what would it be? What's your most definitive thing? Oh, that's great. One sentence. I provide hope, normalcy and information. Wow. So what I. What I find is when people come to me that they've often lost hope that their life can be better, their relationship can get better, that. That there is a different way of living and feeling. And so much of what I do is say it is possible you're starting at the right place and you have what you need. And I'm going to be here to support you. And that's a lot of what I do. And then giving information, giving them the nuts and bolts of these are the answers to your questions. This is the advice that I can give you. These are the exercises to help you find the information yourself and then moving forward with it. My philosophy is that I like teaching others how to become their own expert in whatever is that they're looking for, whether it's sexuality, whether it's relationships, and so that I don't want them to grow dependent on me. I want them to feel like they have their own agency, that they're making their own decisions and that when we finish working together that they feel self reliant and have a lot of confidence in their own instinct and their view of their own life. Wow, that's incredible. That sounds like such exciting work. And you know, there's nothing better than talking, don't you think? Yes, yes, I agree. I do it all day. I love it. Okay, so just to wrap up about who you are, what you do, and how you help all of those wonderful people out there, I suppose, looking for love in love, looking to deepen their communication in love. Tell us, how did your career come about? I mean, where did you realize that you had this passion for helping people in, in their romantic lives? Well, it's funny, I actually started as a kindergarten teacher, so I taught the little ones and I found out that most of the day I spent asking about how they're feeling, learning about their families. And when I finished my first year of teaching, I realized I really wanted to go into therapy. And so I went back to school. My first day of class in my master's program, I thought, oh my gosh, there are people who think like me. There are people who look at the world like I do. This is amazing. And I knew I had found my passion and actually already been an actress and thought how cool it was that both acting and therapy is the study of human behavior. You just do different things with the information that you find out about humans. And that that also is wonderful to have my worlds colliding. And then I went back and went to grad school for my doctorate and I had one class on sexuality. And I remember looking around going, this is the best thing ever. And some of my classmates were kind of bored and I was like, how can you be bored by this? This is amazing. And I just couldn't get enough of it. And when it came time to do my dissertation, I decided to use that as a topic. And I came up with a class called Restructuring Female Sexuality. And I actually fashioned it after a group of my girlfriends in college of the conversations we would have that I realized being able to talk about my sexuality, be able to ask questions and to be accepted for where I was and who I was in a group of people, that we were all very different. I realized how much that changed me and empowered me. So I created that in a class and we looked at sexuality as a whole, how society looks at different areas of our sexuality. And then I helped them narrow it down to their own self reflection. And they would finish the course having a very clear view of who they were as a sexual person and what that meant for their lives. And that was, gosh, 15 years ago. And I am still in contact with my students. I taught it for many years after that and decided to take it into private practice and to do courses about it and then realized that I wanted to take it internationally. And thankfully here I'm able to talk with you, live across the world and having technology allow us to do this, I'm able to do video conferencing, coaching and therapy with people all over. And so that's a lot of how my career came to this point. Thank you so much for sharing that, Dr. Juliana. I am Sarah Louise Ryan. We're here at Women's Radio Station. We'll be back. WRS women's radio station. Voice of Women Worldwide, Sarah's Universal Soul Show. What does your soul or spirituality mean to you? Welcome to Fear Future Classical Woman Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Welcome back. I'm Russ Cain. You're listening to in conversation with on Women's Radio Station. I'm Angie. And I'm Patsy and we're open. 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Our services include Community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults, as well as workplace mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk women's radio station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Mirae B Ltd. We are a virtual PA consultancy. We provide remote administrative services. Our offering is diverse. We manage your calendar, we update your client database, we take care of your property in France and in London we also offer bookkeeping and translation services. 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Find out more@theroomupstairs.co.uk Women's radio station is a not for profit community interest company supporting women and is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help. Hello and welcome back to Love Lessons. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here at Women's Worldwide radio Station. I am interviewing Dr. Juliana on all things intimacy, connection, communication and perhaps a little bit about getting beneath the sheets or between them actually, in fact. So welcome back, Dr. Juliana. Great, thank you. So, Dr. Juliana, you have in your time been and worked as a marriage counsellor, is that correct? Correct. Yes. So if you could tell me in short, but of course a little bit about it, when couples would come to you with their gripes and grievances and their feelings of lack of connection in some way, shape or form, could you tell me, like, what, what are the major grievances in marriages? Yes. So there are definitely trends and I've been doing this for about 15 years now and there's been changes in the trends, but some things have rem consistent and I think the top three are a mismatched libido, a difference of sleep habits and then a difference of like what the view is of the work life balance. So about the libido part of things, and I'll say mismatch, but most of most people come to me and they'll, they'll finger point and say, you know, he, he never wants to have sex or she never wants to have sex. And so the first thing I do is really try to normalize that. There's just a difference, a difference of drive, a difference of wanting, of that. And then we start talking about what expectations they have, what things are impeding, what they're wanting to have with each other and then ultimately coming up with a plan for what a healthy sexual connection, pattern and life would look like for the both of them. And it's of all the questions that I get asked when I am approached from a couple who needs help with sexuality. Libido is in the top two of the problems that people are coming to me for. And it's not necessarily gender based out there. There's a stereotype that it's men always wanting to have sex and women aren't. But that isn't the case. It really is. I never can predict when I Meet with a couple where the mismatch is going to be or that it's always been that case within the couple. But I love doing it. I've actually came up with a course called the Wanting to Help. Because there's so many people out there struggling with this. And this is. Of those three, this is the topic that people come to me desperate about and saying, I feel like our marriage is almost over. If we can't get this fixed, I don't know what we're going to do, or he or she is going to leave me. And so I felt like it needed to be something that I really dove into and had a lot of coursework. And it's complicated. It's never just one thing that is impeding disability and libido. So it takes a while, but it's absolutely something that can. Can be dealt with and improved. And would you say that Love Languages has, you know, a part to play in this mismatch in libido? Could it be that one party in a couple, they communicate the way they love, you know, their partner via being, you know, sexually intimate? Do you believe that that's the case? I do believe that can be the case, yes. That the. How we look, I. My basic philosophy is that we all want to be appreciated, we all want to be seen, and we all want to be wanted. And usually the problems that people are experiencing either internally or within a relationship fall into one of those three categories. And so when you're looking at connecting sexually with each other, it is. I always go back and decipher, is it the wanting part of it? Do you. Are you not feeling attracted to your partner? Or do you feel like your partner isn't attracted to you? Do you not feel like they appreciate you in all your gloriousness in bed or outside of bed? Do you feel seen and for who you are and appreciated for that? And that opposite, what happens outside the bedroom plays out inside the bedroom? For sure. Oh, for sure, for sure. So can you tell me then, Dr. Juliana, give me a couple of tips, a little snippet of advice, let's say, for busy couples. So, you know, we talked about work life, balance coming into play, which can surely affect intimacy. Could you perhaps give a couple maybe three tips to keep the intimacy alive, or at least or consistent? Maybe people just want a bit of consistency. Yes. And it's something. And it's always quality over quantity in my eyes, that it's not. People will often ask me how much is normal and what means you have a good sex life and there's no number for it. It really is how satisfied you feel in your pleasure with your partner. But what I would say too is, and I mentioned this about sleeping habits and I ask, as couples are often surprised I ask so early about how they sleep because exhaustion is a huge. Has a huge role in sexual prowess and when you're wanting to have it. And so I ask couples to think of different times, to have sex during the day and have sexual connection and to really focus on having good sleep so that they can wake up. And if they're their family life or work life allows for them to have sexual connection in the morning or if they're scheduled out that they can have a nap or something that wraps them up for the evening, or if they can meet up sometime during the day. And so the spontaneity helps, but also just making sure that you're rested and having that be a purposeful and intentional effort to put towards your sexual life. So that's one thing. And then I also really encourage people to have their own self love practice. And that is for a couple of reasons. One is you really need to know your own body in order to communicate what you want with somebody else. But it also kind of smokes the fire. Like some people feel that self pleasure is cheating or if you have a healthy sex life, why would you want to if you could have it with your partner? But I, I disagree and I, I feel like it actually helps keep the fire going. And also it can provide fantasy life, it can provide knowledge for your own anatomy and also just kind of muscular going if you're not having as much sexual connection as you'd like to have with your partner, which can then translate to you having more sex with your partner and then. Oh, yep, nope, continue. And then. And the other thing is with communication that really couples who when they're looking at wanting to try something new with their partner or they want to stop doing something that they don't really like but haven't been able to say, or they really want to compliment their partner on something. Communication is so important with this. And I teach couples how to lead with what you want and do the same. Which technique of something genuinely that can't be made up, but an authentic compliment. And then the middle part of it, which is the part of what you're hoping to change and you say it in a positive way, not as a criticism. And then you end it with another like thank you so much for listening and I'm so excited about our sex life and I so appreciate that I can say something awkward and bumbly and you smile and I know it's going to be safe with you. That totally comes back to what you were saying before. I appreciate you and I see you. Yes. And I want you. And I want you. Oh, okay. So I really enjoyed what you said before about purposeful and intentional intimacy. I thought that was a really key takeaway. Now, if you could give me one tip for having the best sex on national Orgasm Day, what would it be? Dr. Juliana? I want everyone to go do a quick anatomy lesson. And that may sound really boring, but it is the best thing you can do because if you go and look and look for those who have female parts, go and look up the clitoral system, Google that and see that there is so much more to our pleasure cycle and our pleasure pleasure parts than just what we call the clitoris. There's legs. There is a shaft. Learn that and figure out how that incorporates into pleasure. Touch things differently. Look at different rhythms, look at different pressure points. And then also do that if you are. If you have or are enjoying the male anatomy. And really look at everything that is related to the scrotum and what you can touch differently. And don't be afraid. Have fun with it. And learn how the anatomy actually affects your pleasure and how to incorporate that differently into the techniques that you're using with your partner and yourself. Amazing. Thank you so much. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here at Love Lessons. I've been interviewing Dr. Juliana on all things intimacy, connection and helping couples get connected between the sheets on national orgasm day. Thank you, Dr. Juliana. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. Hungry? An average woman eats about 2 to 3 kilos of lipstick in her lifetime. Women's radio station, we want to hear from you. This is women's radio station. You're listening to Avril Price with Kitchen Sink Spring Spirituality. It's Anna Kennedy talking all things autism. And my guest today is Karen Nunn. I listen to women's radio station Women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Do you dream of a wedding on the beach? Or maybe in the middle of a vineyards? Imagine your wedding in Italy, the land of Leonardo da Vinci and Michelangelo. Getting married in Italy in a venue that is magical and has natural beauty. Amoretti weddings create unforgettable moments. What you had to do is just relax and watch us make your wedding a real fairy tale. Contact us now for a free consultation. Www.amoretti.co.uk. Women's radio station is passionate about communication and we'd love any thoughts and feedback on our programs. Email presentersomensradiostation.com if there's a topic you'd like to hear about or want to contact your favourite presenter, do get in touch. WRS women's radio station, Voice of Women Worldwide. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org Mirae B Ltd. We are a virtual PA consultancy. We provide remote administrative services. Our offering is diverse. We manage your calendar, we update your client database, we take care of your property in France and in London. We also offer bookkeeping and translation services. Would you like to know more? Please call 077-8684-8998 for further information. Mirae B Limited making the life of the business owner successful. Hi, I'm Isabelle Manevy, an executive coach. Do you want to change a negative into a positive? We can do this by coaching you to rewire your brain using simple visualization techniques. In 20 years of practice, I seen this transform lives. For more information, look on Women's Radio website. Call me on OS 984, 422, 171. I'm listening. Do you need mediation? We are the A Project charity. We provide convict resolution and community engagement services. Our services include community mediation for neighbour disputes, family mediation for separating couples, special education needs for parents, carers and their children and young adults, as well as work mediation and restorative services. To find out more, head to womensradiostation.com or theaproject.co.uk. I'm Angie. And I'm Patsy and we're open as a trans woman living in the centre of London in 2018. The show's about all the barriers I face on a daily level, but it's also about our life stories, how we got to where we are, how we stayed positive in the face of adversity and being more than just a label. It's about finding one's true, authentic self. But it's also about your stories too. So send us a tweet. Send us an email at presentersomensradio The Voice of Women Worldwide Women's Radio station is a not for profit, community interest company. Supporting women is our passion. We're currently welcoming donations to help towards our running costs to keep this important initiative alive. To donate, simply head to our website. Every little will help.