Love Lessons – How To Avoid Cuffing & Welcome Coupling

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live here in the studio in Covent Garden. This is the show where we discuss everything from dating relationships to healing, heartbreak and starting all over again as a confident single. I'm so excited that you're tuning in because I've got a really wonderful episode today. Today we're welcoming Denny Smith into the studio. We're going to be talking all the things cuffing season, what it is, what we dating experts mean by it. Do singles love it, do they hate it, why do they do it and how to avoid it. If you're looking to couple in the long term and not just looking for a winter warmer match. Welcome to Denny Smith. Hi. Thank you for having me. So exciting to have you in the studio. Such a topical trend to talk about. And it, you know, has happens every year where singles kind of hit the ground running looking for love before the holidays. And for those of you just tuning in, Denny Smith is joining us today. She's the founder of Old Style Dating. It's a company founded due to her. Correct me if I'm wrong, Denny, daughter not meeting any suitable potential suitors who were kind of serious in their search for love as much as she was. And there are a few elements and ingredients missing to her search for a match. Is that right? Absolutely. So Old Style Dating was born a year and a half ago? Yeah, just over a year ago. Yep. Delighted to have you on the show. So tell us, tell us about Old Style Dating first and foremost. Well, what you said was absolutely right. My eldest daughter had been on a lot of the other big sites, you know, the normal swiping sites, and she hadn't found a guy. She's at the age where she wants to settle down. She wants a serious relationship. And it was just apparent that there wasn't a site out there fulfilling what she was looking for. You know, a lot of the swiping sites, people aren't serious, they're looking for hookups. So I thought, oh, I'll just create my own site. It can't be that difficult. And I looked into it and although I've been married 34 or 35 years, can't remember now, but I actually joined about four sites to research. And to be honest, I didn't like the customer service. I wasn't very happy with, you know, the general messages and the way they run. So it gave me a bit of an idea of what I didn't want. So I set about, yeah, designing my own and been a bit of a journey, actually. I'M on my fifth web designer. Don't really go into something that you didn't know a lot about. But I. We relaunched in July. I think the whole site needed to be a bit fresher. I think I did too much with my heart and not my head. And being honest, it probably did look a bit too old fashioned and I'm not old fashioned at all. So giving it a whole fresher look and it's definitely helped. Yeah. But I am still looking for a guy for her, so any nice 30 something men out there, please get in touch. How fun. Do you know you hear all these stories of big dating companies with a whole lot of cash in bank starting, you know, I guess for the paycheck and you know, to build something scalable, sellable and all that jazz. But it's so nice to hear an authentic story. Somebody that has started a dating company for really good intentions and good reasons, which was to help find her daughter love. So, you know, you've done your groundwork and you say that when you designed your website you had too much heart in it, but that's probably the best ingredient that you could have, in fact. So tell us, what does the singles landscape look like in your opinion? So first and foremost, when you were trying to help your daughter, listening to her gripes about it and, you know, her experiences, and then also when you had joined a few websites to check it out for yourself, what does a singles landscape look like? Very disposable and I think in general not very respectful, judging by the photos, because I know it's shallow, but that is the first thing that you see. And if you've got pictures of, you know, men topless, flexing their muscles and obviously you get the usual naked pictures scent. Hadn't happened to me, but has happened to people that I know. Yeah. So I think for a start, these companies have got a lot of money and they can't do the basic vetting. The first page, the picture and then the messages. And in general because. Because there's so many users on all these sites and I don't think they are monitored properly enough and people aren't sincere. Obviously if you just want to hook up, that's absolutely fine. I'm not going to knock that. Not everybody wants a relationship but if you are looking for a serious relationship then I think it's hard for them and people have had enough, you know. Do you think it's that the intentions are not set out clear as day? Yeah, probably. And I'm very strict with my intentions, you know, we're saying we're for serious daters only. My rules on photos, for example, are very strict. I won't even allow sunglasses. You know, I love that. Well, you can't see somebody. You know, they say that, you know, the way to the soul is through the eyes. And if you can't see somebody's eyes, then you know, a bit of a tricky one. One of the photo trends that's currently got my goats in the online dating space is photos in bathroom mirrors where you can see your iPhone or whatever phone, Android you use. Standard picture, isn't it? On a night out? Yeah, I got a bit of a flash. What is that? I don't understand. I don't get it. Yes, we see you've got a phone, we see you've got a mirror, we can see you in the mirror. But what about just getting your friend to take a nice photograph of you? I know, I don't get it. It's all over social media, isn't it? It's that standard phone in your face photo. Yeah. Maybe we should do a photography workshop about the do's and don'ts of, you know, creating a swipeable. You would think it's common sense, but profile. So other than, you know, online dating and the scope of what's out there and I guess the paradox of choice, which we'll get to a bit later on, what was your daughter, which really took your interest, wasn't working for her in, on. In on, slash offline dating. Because I think, as I said, obviously the photos, I mean, she did go on a couple of dates, but the guys weren't, you know, sincere. I think a lot of people, I'm not saying it's just men because obviously women as well generally just want a hookup or they, they lie, you know, lie about their. You hear this constantly. Lie about their height, which is quite a big issue. You know, if you're a woman and you're five nine and you want to date an older guy and he said he's 59 and you turn up and he's 5 4, I don't see the point. I don't see any point in lying straight away or their age or their photos. So I think there's a lot of dishonesty and that does put people off. Lack of integrity. But the reality is, you know, you can, you can fib about, you know, any of those aesthetics, but when you meet somebody in real life, they're going to be find out. Yeah, yeah. So it's, you know, what it could be that he or she doesn't mind that you're X, Y, Z height. But actually the lack of integrity and honesty is a real turn off in the first instance. And maybe we should, you know, manage expectations around honesty and how transparent people are online and also around height. Definitely, yeah. This guy for my daughter, definitely over five' nine, please. You've come on here to play matchmaker really, haven't you? How fun. So one of the big things, there are a few big things that we can talk about today that people talk about when they come to me or friends as well as clients talk about is feeling burnt out with the dating scene today. Going on too many dates is one thing, or doing too many swipes or creating too many matches online and not being able to keep up and not being able to convert that into something far greater than the online match or getting from date one to two and then, you know, further. So what would you say about online dating burnout or dating burnout in general, how to avoid it? Well, I think mainly don't, don't check every day, all day, you know, chill a bit. Because I think some people are obsessed, you know, and they're always logging in and checking all day and that's when you are going to get fed up with it all. So, you know, just be relaxed about it. When it happens, it happens. And you don't need to check every day and log in every day, every few days or something because I know maybe I shouldn't mention this, but, you know, when you're on asos, I get really fed up in the end by like a 300th black dress. I'm thinking, I don't want to look at any more dresses. You know, that's the thing, isn't it? It's the paradox of choice. When you've got so or a perceived amount of choice that feels overwhelming. We can then struggle, whether it's a box of cereal or a black dress or whatever, we can struggle, make an informed decision about what is right or wrong for us. And then you get despondent, don't you think? Oh, there's nobody on here. I mean, it's like if you look at 300 black dresses, the hit of serotonin kind of falls by the wayside after you've seen more than two or three. So I guess with that, why do you think people are constantly swiping and tuning in? Is it boredom in this busy world? What is it? It's probably boredom as well, but I think it's can get a bit obsessive we're addicted, aren't we, to technology. So it's not just that we're addicted to swiping on our Instagram. We're hooked on just being on your device. Yeah, hookup apps, I guess. And, you know, for those who are seriously searching, what would you recommend that they do to get out of the, you know, the draw of the apps to seriously search? Well, find a reputable company, check them out and just take your time, you know, you don't have to sit there and swipe through thousands of photos in one night. You know, just relax about it. It's so wonderful how authentic you are with your approach to helping your users as well as in your advice, you know, because they say it's old style dating and actually in that sense you have got kind of the traditional attitude to helping people find a match. Scraping it back a bit. Trying. You're trying. So I am Sarah Louise Ryan. We're here on Love Lessons. If you're just tuning in, I'm with the wonderful Denny Smith. She's the founder of Old Style Dating. And after the break, we're going to be talking all things cuffing season. You've heard the term, it's been dubbed in the urban dictionary, it's out there online and you're probably wondering what is cuffing season further than finding a winter warmer match? So we're going to talk about the intricacies of it, how to avoid cuffing for the short term if you're looking to couple for the long term. And Denny's going to give us all of her top tips and we'll be right back here on Love Lessons in the Covent Garden studio. Welcome to women's radio station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show from Tummy to Mummy here on women's radio station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's wellbeing. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you, doing extraordinary things. Women who have overcome huge obstacles in their lives, who are now here with me to empower you. On the Radical Wellbeing show, you'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show. Get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbachi and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being, women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women. And we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter. Womensradiostation. That's womensradiostn or Facebook. Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons live here in the studio in Covent Garden. Whether you're listening in live or tuning in a little bit later on in the UK or across the pond. Hello, today I've got the wonderful Denny Smith here in the studio Studio. She's the founder of Old Style Dating and if you're just tuning in, so far we've been talking about the singles landscape today online. What does it look like, what are the photos looking like? What are people saying about online dating? We've touched on the paradox of choice. Having so much choice that not being able to make an informed decision about your dating life. And now we're going to get to grips with cuffing season. Welcome back, Dani. Hello. So for those of you that have heard the dubbed dating trend, cuffing, it essentially means that when it gets physically colder outside, we seek psychological warmth. And so what that means is if you're single and you've had a really fun summer being single, getting to grips with single life and not worrying about whether you're, you know, meeting someone, swiping all that jazz, you're just enjoying it. Well, as soon as those leaves start to hit the ground and the, you know, the nights turn a bit darker and the days turn a bit cooler, we all start to search for love. What do you think about that, Denny? It's quite sad really, isn't it? And we're quite funny how we play to the seasons. I think it's true though. Yes, we do though, you know, oh, I need somebody for Christmas. I don't want to be on my own at Christmas. Which is just crazy. And it's a subconscious approach to our love lives, but it's definitely even still approach because, you know, we dating industry experts, we see a peak at certain times, at certain times at times of the year, you know, such as October in the lead up to the holidays. December is like the last rush to find love to bring to the Christmas table. And then January, the idea of new year, new love. So we do definitely see trends. But this one has been dubbed cuffing season. So for those singles listening in that thinking, oh, crikey, yeah, those ladies are right. I'm currently swiping left, right, up and down, you know, backwards and forwards, whatever. How could you best advise them to do a bit of damage control? So they're. If they're seriously looking for love, they're not just cuffing, they're looking to couple. How would you advise? Well, a relationship should be for life and not just for Christmas like that. And don't ever settle because you're scared of being alone. I think that's like the top tip, isn't it, really? You know, so what if you're on your own and single at Christmas? It's better than just having somebody that could possibly use you or you use them and then once all the holidays and I can't say that word are over, you finish with them and then you're back to square one. Again, feeling, you know, very down. So I think you have to be ready at any stage in your life to look for a relationship and that's when you're going to find somebody serious if you're at that stage in your life. And hopefully they are as well. And that's when it's going to work. Absolutely. And you know, the thing is when we're cuffing, we're looking for something in the short term, which I'm a huge believer and I do think it's true. Obviously we don't say things that we don't think are true, that the one thing we can't make more of in the world is time. And so when we're constantly investing in those people that we're settling for, let's say around these peak, you know, times of swiping, dating and staying warm Netflix and all of that chilling or Amazon priming or whatever they call it, you know, you can't get that time back. Isn't it better invested in oneself if you do believe that this is just for now and not, you know, for the long term? Yeah, hundred percent. You know, do something for yourself. As you said, try a new hobby or do something or see your friends more because as you said, you're just going to be wasting time. But why is that draw so strong? I think people don't want to go out in the cold and the wet and the dark and snuggling up on the settee with someone watching Netflix is quite appealing, isn't it? Yeah. You know, you haven't got to worry about a summer body. You can just, you know, a big jumper on, eat as bear as you like and a glass of bread. I should say it's an instinct to just want to snuggle up and stay and stay in and some, you know, looking forward to spending Christmas with somebody but you know, you need to be sincere and otherwise you're just gonna get hurt and waste your time. And for all of those old style daters out there who probably have never heard of the term cuffing season and they're signing up your website, I guess how could you educate them in what would I say? Having clarity in the search to being a couple, being super duper clear on the kind of person that one would like to meet rather than just settling for the now, what would your advice be, strategically speaking? Well, with us we only promote long term relationships anyway. We're very clear all over the site that we're not hookups site. So you know, we've got brilliant coaches on board We've got a whole team on board. So if people do need some confidence boosting, they can have a session with one of our team. And we do encourage for people to actually to meet quite quickly. So obviously that initial you message somebody, but don't spend and waste all your time texting and emailing back and forth. You know, go for a coffee as soon as you can and then you'll soon know whether first impressions, whether you're going to hit it off or not. So no pen palling. No. You're just wasting your time, I think. Yeah. You know, you hear sometimes people, and I've heard this, even my own daughter said this, that you text so much for say, two weeks or so when they. When you finally meet them, you think, well, we've actually said nearly everything now over the phone. So, yeah, meet up quite quickly. Or not only just the idea of saying a lot, that you don't need to ask all of those burning questions initially in real life, but also creating a perception of the person that you could be rather than the person being real with the person that you are, because things can really get lost in translation over text, email, WhatsApp, whatever. And the person that you. You really are might not come across in. In written form. You think of all the times that you've received an email and you've really not been able to gauge someone's tone, or maybe you've taken, you know, your offense or whatever. I think the same thing can happen in dating today, and we create these, you know, pseudo relationships, which. Which I talk about quite often, which I'm not a fan of and pen pal, really, isn't it? Yeah. And I think when you're creating online dating profiles, if you choose to sign up to a site where it's a bit ambiguous with intention rather than old st dating, which is very clear on the intention, you know, then you should be very clear on your intentions and your profile, at the very least. So, Denny, tell me, what are the three kind of principles that I did see on your website which you're trying to promote? You're trying to bring back the old school traditional values in dating to the millennial, the many millennial way of maneuvering around the scene. Well, I think general respect and good manners are timeless. And it doesn't matter what age you are. You know, you bring your children up to be respectful and say please and thank you. And we really try and promote that. So we haven't got a gimmick, you know, like some of the other sites have. I just want Nice people, you know, decent people that will treat each other respectfully. It works both ways. But yeah, we do love a bit of chivalry and we do have lots of guys on there and their profile says, I am still a gentleman, I still believe in being a gentleman. And we have the lady saying, you know, we still like that old style of courting. So not old fashioned, that's just what they enjoy, that old style. Yeah, I love the word courting and actually I say that an awful lot more in my social circles than I do on the radio because when I was single for a short period, my gran would say to me, are you courting yet? Because she was so keen for me to meet somebody. But at that time I was so busy working, wasn't really busy working other people's dating life that she would constantly ask me, are you courting yet? And it's just such a nice term. It's just, you know, we're just very simple, scraping it back to basics. It's very simple. Just want nice people to fall in love and meet. That's it. So what? Okay, so I've got a couple of questions. One, what do you think you're doing that promotes chivalry on your website or is it just the kind of people you're attracting that are chivalrous? Well, I think we basically are what we say on the tin. We do what we say on the tin. So it's very clear on the site, as I said, you know, the text, all the text that's on the site is very clear about that. We're looking for people with integrity. We're looking for well mannered people, people that enjoy, you know, our first line, traditional values, still modern dating, but just traditional values. So it's still for anybody over 25. Unfortunately only UK residents at the moment because we believe anyone 25 years upward would quite like to have a long term relationship. You know, we'd love to promote marriage. We actually offer honeymoon vouchers. If anyone gets married, hopefully I get an invite as well. So I think honeymoon, yeah, well, yeah, the wedding at least. But yeah, we're really promoting in that. And so I think that's very clear. It's very clear. The pictures, the text in general, the rules, the photo rules were very clear. And it's personally run by me. Yeah. So people can contact me anytime. You know, if you phone, you'll get me, answer the phone. What kind of age range would you say, you know, in terms of demographic that you attract to your website? To be honest, the biggest group I have is between 40 and 55. That seems to be the biggest group. But when I first did it, everybody said, oh, you know, it's for, you know, really old people. You're going to get 60s, 70s. But it hasn't been that at all. No, it hasn't been that at all. Love that. What do you think that the dating industry could do today to be more specific in their offerings to help people navigate so they're not wasting their time if they're not looking for a hookup on a hookup app? Do you think that there are too many ambiguous platforms? What do you think they can do better? I don't know. I think it's quite hard now because a lot of them have got too big. You know, some of them have got 5 million users. So wowzers. I don't know how they're going to be able to to go back to basics if you like and do that with Denny Smith's help. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. We're here on Love Lessons and we're talking all things cuffing season, the modern dating landscape and also navigating the path to coupling. We'll be right back after the break. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity. Diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hello, my name is Natasha Ann Kelleher. Welcome to you lovely lady listeners of your very own women's radio station. Over the coming months, I'll be doing a survey in big brand coffee shops interviewing customers asking why they like to drink coffee and if they would like to give us a health tip. For our listeners, the most shared and liked post will be the winner of a prize. Stay tuned for further details. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together. With spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories, it will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity, helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's radio station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programmes, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons Live. So happy that you're tuning in. If you're just joining us, we've been talking all things cuffing season. Welcome back to Denny Smith, founder of Old Style Dating. Hello. So just before the break, we were talking about how a relationship is for life and not just for Christmas, and how we can avoid cuffing season by being really integral to, you know, the things that we want and if we want to couple for the long term, not just settling for less than we feel that we deserve or just for that winter warmer match. So, Denny, what would you say we could do singles in the world to get super duper clear on the kind of person they're looking to meet so they're not wasting their time with all the wrong types of people for them? Well, join in. As I said, a reputable site for us for a start, because I think that would narrow it down quite a lot. So you join a nice site and hopefully there's going to have some nice profiles on there. And I think in your profile, obviously yourself having a nice photo of yourself and in your profile, being quite clear about what you want and what you're looking for doesn't have to be an essay, but obviously if you say I'm, you know, looking to a long term relationship and I'd love to settle down and I'd love to travel and everything. So I think you're being quite clear then about what you're looking for. And Denny, for those listeners that are tuned in right now, Denny and I were quite cheekily chatting, as I always do during the break, and we were talking about the, you know, I guess the psychological difference between those people that use free sites and there's absolutely nothing wrong with free sites, I'm not saying that at all, but the difference between emotional investment. So it's not that, you know, you have to pay, you know, your 10, 20 grand to a matchmaker to be invested in the search for love, it's not that at all. But singles that join a site that might, say, have a couple of quid a month or even 10 pounds, 15 pounds, whatever, are that much more invested in search for a suitor because they're not just willing to settle for any old swipe, they're looking to financially invest a little bit in a certain pool of people. What are your thoughts that, Denny? 100%. If you're genuine and you're genuinely looking for somebody, why wouldn't you pay a small amount? It's just that effort of having to put your bank details in, whatever the amount. To me that says that you're serious about searching for somebody because there's no effort in a free site like you. We're not knocking them, but there's no effort. Absolutely no effort. Yeah. And you know, there's also, when we say reputable, there are so many massive, massive, massive apps and dating sites out there, all with, you know, different good intentions and whatnot. However, if you're kind of, let's say, marketing yourself to the masses of singles, you haven't really got an integrated approach, for lack of a, you know, the best thing coming to my mind at that time, but you haven't really got an integrated approach to the kind of person you would like to meet. So I guess my recommendation would be to get really clear on the kind of pools that you want to be swimming in. Where do those people hang out? Are they online? If they are online, which portals are they using? Platforms are they using? If online dating isn't for you, and I've got lots of clients that it isn't and they're looking for an offline approach, well, what kind of events are right for you? What kind of, you know, is it networkings, is it singles events, is it weekends? What what is it? So when we talk about getting clear on the kind of person, what would you say in terms of, you know, being true to our values? What do you recommend for singles that sign up to sign up to? Well, anyone that sign up to your site, like if they want to navigate the search for love other than just, you know, signing up to a reputable site, how can they be integral to what, what's right for them? To be absolutely honest? That's, that, that's the main thing. Obviously you've got to be ready for a relationship. You do find a lot of people sign up to the sites and, and then they're not actually ready. I mean, I have even had a couple of people sign up to mine and then quickly left and said, oh, I'm sorry, it's not for me because they suddenly found that they're not, not the site, they're just not ready. So I think you've got to know in your mind that you are ready to go into a site because it's quite a big thing putting yourself out there for everybody to, to view you if you like. So, yeah, be ready yourself and just, you know, be true to yourself and be honest. Nice profile picture and a simple, nice, honest profile. And then hopefully you'll attract the right type of person and sieve out those potential suitors that are not quite right for you. And that's one thing that I'm always really big on is being, you know, friendly but direct about what you're looking for. And you know, there might be other experts out there who give a opposing opinion to that. However, I just think we're all so busy, especially in, you know, big cities like New York and London, Louisiana. Whatever, wherever you're tuning in from. Manchester in the uk, Leeds, whatever. We're really busy people these days. You know, we have multiple, you know, jobs, businesses, things going on, you know, busy social lives. Why do we have or how can we have that much time to invest in people and things that aren't quite right for us? We need to be really clear on what we want as well as communicating that so clearly. So I think that you've got a really nice straight down the line approach with your old style dating platform. And something you mentioned as well in the break, Danny, which the listeners won't know right now, is that you don't segregate like from different packages like you know, join and then, you know, go to super likes or super swipes or whatever, your silver, your gold, your platinum, whatever. Why is that? Explain. Because people are real and you're dealing with people's lives and I just think it's, I just think it's awful that you're putting people on different levels of memberships. You know, I just really, really don't agree with it. And that's something I found, as I said in the beginning when I joined about four sites for research. You know, it's different if you're buying a TV or a car and you want to upgrade, but these are real people looking for love. So I just wanted a very simple site. So it's just one membership is open to over 25 year old, 4.99 the first month and then 14.99 recurring and that's it. Full access to the site. Speak to me if ever you need to. Simple. Because you're in there, you're keeping an eye. Oh yeah, I'm actually signed on as a member. Don't even know if my husband knows that. I don't think he'd care. But a digital matchmaker. Yeah. And it actually says, sorry, I'm not searching, I'm just here to keep an eye on you all. So when they log in, I'm on top of the page. Yeah, just keeping an eye. So that's so people can chat to you as well if you ever have questions. I mean, that is the kind of customer service approach to one's love life that you often don't see day to day. I mean, you've got these big companies and yes, they have their teams where you can report things and instances too. But to be able to chat and say hello or ask a question about, you know, profile pics or whatever, I just think that is so wonderful and it's so rare. Well, they literally come into. I own a hair salon as well. I've had two members come into work to chat to me. I've had people phone me even on my birthday at 10 o' clock at night, one of the kids were going mad. But I will always answer the phone. I have people Facebook messaging me, email me and I will answer everyone normally within an hour or a couple of hours. Yeah, very hot on customer service at the end of the day, everybody has the same goal, whatever site you're on online offline is to meet a partner. But I just want to make that experience as nice as I can. I can't guarantee that you'll meet someone, but I can guarantee you'll get really good customer service. I really like that because essentially you're bringing the offline dating industry values into a product platform that is Essentially online. And it's a really nice. It's kind of like a juxtaposition between the two elements that you don't normally see marry together and you know, the fact that you are part of the user journey, I guess as you grow, it will be tough to maintain. I will do it. Don't worry, I'll still do it. I don't get a break now, so. And I've absolutely got no doubt. So, Dani, you came on the show today to really help singles navigate this cuffing season and eradicate anything that isn't serving them in cuffing season. This morning I had a wonderful chat with Bustle. And for those of you that don't know Bustle, it's like an online publication where they talk lots of different things. So today was talking about dating, we were talking about types. And so it got me to thinking about cuffing season and types. Do you think, Denny, that we often attract or are attracted to a specific type as singles? Yeah, we are. But it's weird, isn't it? Because I have a set type. Well, it's an interesting conversation and I'm sure it's something that, you know, listeners will be fascinated by. But why do you think we are attracted to a specific type? I just think it's our instinct, isn't it? I just like tall, gray haired men. She loves a silver fox. Yeah, that's it. I can't help it. Luckily my husband is. Yeah, thank goodness. Thank goodness. Snapped him up. So has that always been the case though? Or does obviously your type has changed? It's not obvious, I'm just assuming. Well, to be honest, I've always liked grey haired guys. I had a crush on a couple of grey haired film stars when I was young. It's a bit worrying, isn't it? But obviously he wasn't grey when I met him. He was only 21, but he's now gray. Yeah, but yeah, they do. I mean, I'm trying to say this to my own daughter, bringing her back in again, you know, just don't always go for your type, maybe try somebody else. But she said I can't help it. And I just sometimes think we can't help it, we just can't help it. Well, I often say to, you know, when back in the day as a matchmaker for me, I would say to singles who say I've got a type and here's my shopping list, here's my list of what I'm looking for and I'd say, okay, well let's just put that to one side because your type hasn't worked so far. And so let's broaden the circles and open the pool of potentials to maybe, you know, maybe your partner's that in one of those pools you haven't looked in yet. So I want to delve for those of you just tuning in after the break to eradicating types, if types aren't serving us. I also want to talk more about checking in on whether we have a type and is it good for us, you know, the good, the bad and the ugly on that. And Denny's going to tell us more about old style dating and how she can help singles navigate the modern path to finding a partner. But with those really gorgeous, like traditional values, they are still out there, aren't they, Denny? Definitely. Yeah. I see it on the train coming here. You see guys getting up or holding the door. So I still see it. I love it on public transport because I'm gentleman swapping. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons. We'll be right back after the break with the wonderful Denny Smith. Welcome to women's radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on women's radio station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on women's radio station. And coming soon is the radical wellbeing show to help support women's well being. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you doing extraordinary things. Women who've overcome huge obstacles in their lives who are now here with me to empower you on the radical wellbeing show. You'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show. Get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows we'll talk about the book books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the executive director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter, womensradiostation, that's Womens Radio STN or Facebook Women's Radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Laughter Lessons. Oh, not had enough coffee? Here on Love Lessons. Welcome back. You're tuned in live. I'm here with the wonderful Denny Smith. She's bringing traditional values back to the modern world of matching. Welcome, Denny. Hello again. Hello. Hello. Hello again. So just before the break and during the show so far, if you're just tuning in, we've been talking about cuffing season and how to avoid it if it's not really your goal to meet someone in the short term and you're looking to couple up in the long term. We've also kind of touched on, you know, having the paradox of choice with online dating and the pools that we swim in and how Denny's advised how we can be a bit more conscious about choosing those pools. Right? Yep, yep. So now I want to touch back on what we talked about just before the break when we're talking about types and how we do have a built in type. But it got me to thinking about the types that don't serve us. How can we break those patterns and spot it if we do have a pat pattern of a type? Well, as you said, we instinctively have a type, but if we're still single and it's not working, then maybe we should try, try, you know, getting out your box and trying something else. Because as you said, you, you normally come with a list. You know, I want him to be, or her to be this high, high in height or this color hair or this sort of worker. And if it's not working, then I think at least, you know, open your eyes and give it a go and try. Deviate from your type and just try somebody else and see what happens. Yes. Looking for ambitious, successful, 5, 11, etc. You know, the amount of times I've heard, you know, that crop up, there must be a shortage of tall men. I don't think so. I really don't. I just think, oh, women are getting taller. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe so. I think there's something, well, there's something that you said before about, you know, people signing up to your site and then jumping off, getting a bit nervous. And it's kind of aligned for me with the same reasons that we stick to our type because we're so comfortable with what's familiar. Yeah. And if we, let's say we've attracted a type of person that doesn't physically look a certain way, but perhaps treats us a certain way, we can often say, well, we know how this works out. We're in control of a situation. We feel like we know what's at the end of the tunnel with this one. And jumping onto a dating site and leaving a digital footprint, if I may, is a daunting experience if it's out of our comfort zone. So how can we, Denny, encourage people to step out of their comfort zones in order to put themselves in a better position for coupling? Well, I think another thing people do as well that I found is some people, they won't look outside of their area, you know, when they're on a date inside, geographically speaking. And I just think, well, you just don't know what will happen, you know, how do you know if somebody is 50 miles away that they're on the verge of changing jobs and moving? They're just so set in their ways with types and areas. And I just think be open. I say to my members, don't even type in area, just type in gender and age and just see what happens, you know, so just be a bit freer and don't be so Narrow minded. The one thing that we human beings all want is to have a sense of belonging. And whether that comes with a romantic attachment or, you know, relationships around us that we are attached to. And I think that we need to step out of our comfort zones to actualize the one thing that we all truly want. You might be pleasantly surprised. You never, you never know. And the thing is, when it comes to, let's say for example, you decided to do a bit of long distance, go the 50 miles, you know, journey, if that was the love of your life, you know, you'll leave your area or he or she will leave their area because it's meant to be. So we do kind of, you know, create these stumbling blocks for ourselves, don't we? And it is all about getting out of our comfort zone. I know. So for those people who are really kind of struggling to take on board what we're saying, what kind of top tips would you give them to get some started with getting out of their comfort zone? As I said, just be open. I mean, you know, don't search an area. For a start with mine, we haven't got a lot of filters. It literally is the basic three. So you can't choose height and eye color and everything else. You know, I know some of the other sites, they're really heavy on their filters. So in that sense it's worse, isn't it? Because you can really narrow down, I want six foot, dark hair. Mine isn't like that. So it's much easier actually to probably come out of your comfort zone because it's literally either gender, area and age. Do you know what, I would also challenge that a moment and say it's probably a massive weight off people's shoulders because with the paradox of choice and being able to choose these really specific things that we think we want, they're not always that right for us. And so by you, I guess, having an open ended choice of height, etc on a few different fields, it opens the pool of potentials wider than most apps. Scraping it back to basics. I joined one the other day because I'm still always, you know, looking, seeing how everyone else works. Oh my God, I must have been half hour going through the question there. It was full on, you know, literally arts, hobbies, it was pages and pages and pages. Now there's probably a lot of people that are really busy and want to build a person. I don't want to build a person, you know, or I wouldn't want to build a person. Build a person. Build a person. Yeah, I Would literally just first impression, have a quick read of their profile and think, yeah, you know, you seem quite nice and then chat. So, you know, some of the sites are making it harder like that because they literally are build a person that is absolutely incredible. And I wonder, you know, do they is it setting themselves up for greater amounts of success with couples? Yeah, well you're also, you're not deviating from what you like, are you? Because you're saying I want a person that likes horses, country, da da da da da. You're not you, you're not going outside your box at all. Yes. And also we're not they, you know, they say the opposites attract and we're not always, you know, well matched with someone that likes a specific. Me and my husband are very opposite or has a specific interest. You know, my partner absolutely is bonkers about football and rugby and all of that stuff and I'd much rather be going for a walk or going on a gin tasting tour or something like that. I can't be bothered to go to the foot. There is no set rule, is there? Whether it's opposites attract or the same, there's no set rule. If you hit it off with someone and you get on with them, then that's it. So in your mind, and I've got my own fully loaded answer for it. But what do you think makes a match feel right? I think it's that initial chemistry, isn't it? I think you know that straight away whether you've just. It does not necessarily you fall in love. I'm not saying that just that straight away chemistry, you feel comfortable with somebody and you just hit it off. I think in, in not exactly the same words but I was about to say something very similar to mirror that, that it's like an instant calming feeling and a lot of singles out there really thrive on the unknown. And what I'm, I mean, let me be clear on that. It's the, the, you know, the fire of the chase and being chased and the uncertainty of when he or she is going to message and there's all of the uncertainty analyzing everything. So much analysis, paralysis and you know, singles can get really caught up in all of those initial chemical reactions going off in our brain. But when you meet somebody and it's right, there's no, it's just calm everything. It's like, okay, so actually this is what I've been waiting for. You know, no games and you shouldn't have to question it. If you have to question it, it's not right. And analyze it. You just know. You just. Yeah, you don't have to analyze and you don't have to sit and think, when is he or she gonna message? Because if it feels good and you feel good, then if they don't message today, they'll message tomorrow. And you feel okay with that. It's like a calming and understanding that you're safe with them. Yes, I, I believe. Yeah, there's. There's no game playing, don't you know, none of that old school advice of treat them mean from the 90s, I think I was saying to someone the other day, treat them mean, keep them keen. Well, actually, if you're going to treat somebody mean today in this modern world of matching, there's such a paradox of choice that actually they're going to go and look for somebody that treats them quite nicely. Or if you're not going to communicate consistently, actually they're going to look for a better communicator. And these are really hard, raw facts. But they're true. They're true. Yeah, they're true. There's all these trends that happened and worked for a period of time, but they don't work anymore. No, no. Dani. Oh, my goodness. I could chat to you for hours about bringing these traditional values. Let's do it. Unfortunately, we don't have time. If you could give us a quick fire round and tell everyone how they can find you of how we can bring traditional values back to modern dating in three top tips, that'd be great. Oh, my God. Only three. Obviously you need to be respectful and treat somebody respectfully. You know, if you say you're going to do something, then do it. Whether it's phone them or pick them up when you're out. Always manners, you know, it's just decent manners opening the door, just being respectful. Compliments are nice. You don't have to go over the top. Authentic. Authentic, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Take pride, you know, in your appearance when you're going out again, you don't have to be dressed to the nice, but make an effort, you know, look forward to your date. So make sure you look presentable and nice. Yeah, I love that. It's really just scraping it back, isn't it? Just basics. Yeah. And have you had any nice and clean? Some success stories? Only one to date, to be honest. But you're brand spanking new, so it's all exciting, isn't it? I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. Here on Love Lessons. We have cut. We've put cuffing season to bed for the short term while we get singles on the pata coupling for the long term. I have been here with Denny Smith of Old Style Dating. Such a pleasure. Thank you so much for coming on air. Thank you for having me. We'll be back on Love Lessons another time. Bye for now. Welcome to the women's radio station. Supporting women's well being. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We ain't to say celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. Many women want to be smarter with their cash, but just don't know where to start. @empowerandenrich.org you will find a host of options to help you take charge of your finances and learn how to put your money to work for you in an easy, affordable way. Get in touch with me@empowerandenrich.org and let's change your future together. Hello, my name is Natasha Ann Kelleher. Welcome to you lovely lady listeners of your very own women's radio station. Over the coming months, I'll be doing a survey in big brand coffee shops, interviewing customers asking why they like to drink coffee and if they would like to give us a health tip. For our listeners, the most shared and liked post will be the winner of a prize. Stay tuned for further details. Hi, I'm Carolyn Van Beers. Please join me for a brand new show here on women's radio station. It's Mother's Hour. If, like me, you're a mum, juggling far too many balls and dropping most of them, this is definitely the show for you. We'll examine the highs and lows of motherhood and make sure you laugh out loud as we take on this challenging role together with spoonfuls of advice, incredible stories. It will be refreshing, honest and funny. Look at being a mum. Are you struggling with money? Turn to us as a national charity helping people struggling to make ends meet. Job loss, illness or bereavement can cause a real financial crisis. We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk welcome to the Women's Radio Station Supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station can give voice to your brand. With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs, we can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com women's radio station supporting Women's Wellbeing.