Love Lessons LIVE SHOW – Becks Armstrong & Clarity App, Mastering Your Relationship With Mindfulness

Hello, and welcome to Love Lessons Live. I'm here. Sarah Louise Ryan. Welcome to women's radio station. I'm here with the wonderful Bex Armstrong. Bex is the female founder in International Women's Week, actually, which is super duper exciting of Clarity App. Clarity App is an application that's downloadable on itunes and Android. Is that right, Bex? Where you can take a moment and breathe, have relaxation, mindfulness, and get a good night's sleep. So welcome, Bex. Hi. Welcome. Thank you. I'm so excited to have you here. So today's show is all about raising the relationship vibe. So, you know, in hustle and bustle of big cities such as London, New York, Louisiana, Manchester, even, or Leeds, I don't know where you're listening in from, but we do have an international audience. So in big cities, we can kind of get wrapped up up in the monotonous routine of the day, and we can kind of forget to be in a romantic routine with our partners and creating high vibes in our relationship. So I really wanted to invite Bex in to teach us how to do that, really, and how to take a moment out of our day to be more mindful for ourself, to be more mindful for our partner, and to be more mindful in our romantic relationships and life as a whole. So, Bex, thank you so much for joining us. I first and foremost want to talk about what is mindfulness? It's a buzzword, isn't it, really, that we hear an awful lot, and the whole health and wellness industry is loving the word. What does it really mean to you? So mindfulness to me is just a purposeful moment of stopping and becoming aware of your surroundings and just taking a moment to breathe and just acknowledge where you are in the world right now. So it's taking a moment for yourself and just really focusing on how you're feeling. Yes. There's different ways. It's a type of meditation. So, like, you've got Zen meditation, transcendental meditation, yoga. It's just all the different types of meditation. There's no sort of mantra that you repeat. It's just different sessions that can help you with different things that go on in your life. So, for instance, if you're in pain, you can go in and breathe and acknowledge the pain, but see that that is separate to yourself. And so learn how to deal with pain or lower your stress levels by becoming aware of. The thoughts are not you. They're just thoughts. You don't have to believe them. So it's just trying to teach you a way to come into the now right now and see things as they are. So would you say that mindfulness is a way of being quite introspective? Yes, it would be introspection that you do, but in a sort of awareness of where we're sitting right now and where we are, what we can smell. So it is introspection, but it's also acknowledgement of the world around us. And do you think that in this hustle and bustle, busy world, and I mentioned a few cities where we have listeners tuning in from and maybe some of them aren't awake quite yet, but, you know, inevitably we do have listeners all over the world and in busy cities, and we are so plugged in. We're so plugged in to our iPhones, to our laptops, to our iPads, and we kind of unplug from life sometimes, don't we? We're plugged into our tech and unplugged from what's really going on inside. What's really going on, I guess, in our relationships. Because everyone listening in is really interested in love, lessons, online dating, and I suppose that's a matter of being plugged in as well. How can we unplug? How can we use clarity to unplug and mindfulness to get away from all that hustle and bustle and really introspect? I think that what clarity does is allows you a moment of pause. So it does actually take you to a place where you can stop some of the noise in your head to try and see what that noise is, filter through and see what's real and what's not real. You're absolutely right. We're fully connected. And that connection really can cause you to not allow any quiet in your life because you're constantly looking for notifications or what are you missing out on and what clarity does or what. The idea behind clarity is just a purposeful moment for you to take for yourself so that you can feel better about yourself. And it can be from one minute. We've got some. Some sessions that do one, two, and three minutes, and it can also be for 30 minutes. It just depends on what you need and how you're feeling. But the busier your mind, the more you need to do so. There's some lovely sayings about if you don't have any time for mindfulness, you need to do like an hour's worth of mindfulness so that you can just stop and figure out what you actually need to do by research. It helps you with feelings of overwhelm and losing your libido, lowering your libido. And it helps with focusing your attention on what's really important and prioritizing the really important things that you need to do. So it's great for work, it's great for relationships and it's great for you to look after yourself. Like just slow down. I think it's really exciting what you were saying about, about fomo because it's something that people use as a joke. It's a hashtag fomo. And I can't miss out on that drink, so I can't miss out on that social. But I recently heard of Jomo, which is the joy of missing out. Brilliant. And I think that clarity is Jomo. It's totally the way forward for Jomo. For example, you know, relationships aside, just taking time for you, I find that if I run a bubble bath these days, I am still on the go, still doing emails while I'm running a bath. And I go to get in and I'm like, oh, oh. And my partner will say, can you just put that phone down for a minute? And so we can't. We're struggling to unplug on those moments that are so important for our self care. So can you teach us a little bit or tell us a little bit about how clarity works? Like in terms of do you guide us through a meditation and mindfulness or is it a moment of peace and how do we stop our mind in those moments that we use clarity? So we have both. So what we have. I created a 10 day session that introduces you to mindfulness in a different way than the other apps. Do I take you through some of the reasons behind why you need to breathe a certain way or how you connect in with yourself? We have a range of sessions. So the breathing sessions, there's a couple of them where I just breathe so you can hear me breathing and you just automatically breathe along with me. Are you hosting each session? Yes. Well, there's a guy that does it as well. So I just thought for some of them we needed. Sometimes you might not like my voice. So we've got a couple that are from somebody else and then some that I just, I literally just breathe and you breathe with me. So there's. We have a full range, so it depends on what's going on. So for instance, if you're having FOMO and things are very stressful and your life is out of control and you're not doing well with your partner or you don't have one, then we have a session called the lake or the ocean. One's a man and one's me. And with those two, it can help separate those. That intense emotion away from actually what's going on within. So we have a range of. From quiet mindfulness. We have guided mindfulness, and then we have me breathing. Amazing. So I was just thinking about a couple of friends who've tried mindfulness, and I have to say I've been to a couple of meditation and mindfulness sessions in person with people actually hosting them. Just, you know, it's very normal and lovely. Yeah, and lovely. A lovely little break on a Sunday. And I have actually really struggled to sit there for half an hour or an hour with a guided meditation, even though there's someone telling you what to do do and what to visualize and how to just be. So what advice would you give to those people who are attending a little session on the app or maybe a long session, and they're doing an hour of mindfulness or meditation and they can't quiet their mind? What would you suggest they do? You don't have to quieten your mind. The thing is, what you were doing was absolutely perfect. All you need to do when you're feeling that kind of overwhelm and your head's going crazy is just come back to the breath, come back, feel the path of the breath, and then let your mind will go. And then you acknowledge it. When you acknowledge it, that's you being mindful. So actually, you're doing a very good job by going, oh, that's where my head's gone. And then bring it back to the breath. And then what you find is when you come back and you come back, it slows your head down eventually. But what you were doing and what you were feeling is normal and it's right. It's just you acknowledge it. It's just that learning the trick, acknowledge it, which is a perfect second of mindfulness. And then bring it back to what the guided voice is saying or to your breath. They're the two different things that you can bring it back to. But it's practice a little bit like yoga. Like, you don't get amazing at yoga the first time you turn up to it. You have to go and go and go. It's learning to do any craft, art, anything you need to be able to figure out what you need to do and then slowly improve and practice, like learning a piano. So, Bex, in the show, we are going to cover so many things, which I'm really excited about, things that kind of hold us back from being mindful about ourselves, our self care, our relationships. And I want us to get to grips with how we can unplug and how we can tune into ourselves and how we can take time for ourselves, our partner create these romantic routines. I also want to talk about the lack of sleep and how it can impact negatively our sexual relations with our partner and how I want to boost the vibes and raise the romantic vibes in our relationships. So I'm really excited about getting to grips with that, with that a little bit later on. And I also want to talk to you about relaxing, how to actually go for a bubble bath and switch off and getting to grips with, you know, couples that go out for dinner and can't unplug. That's a thing that I see far too often. And I'd love your take on that whole shaban. Perfect. Yeah. So I am Sarah Louise Ryan. I'm here with Bex Armstrong of Clarity app, an app where you can take some time to breathe in the day for a minute, two minutes, ten minutes to be mindful about yourself and have a moment of introspection and hopefully get a really good night's sleep. So I'm here with Bex Armstrong on women's radio station and we will be right back. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Judy May is listening. 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Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 079-5637, 1483 or alternately zmomensradiostation.com hello and welcome back to Love Lessons on Women's Radio Station. I am Sarah Louise Ryan and I'm here with the wonderful Bex Armstrong, female founder of Clarity App. The app where you can get a really good night's sleep. I hope an introspective moment of mindfulness and you'll be able to have guided meditation or meditate as a solo on your own and guide yourself through it. So welcome back, Bex. Thank you. So we've just been touching on mindfulness just before the break where I got Bex to talk us through what mindfulness is. And taking a moment to just breathe is pretty much the answer. To be present with yourself, to address anything that's going on emotionally, physically in your body and really get to grips with it. So you know, here on Love Lessons, it's the show where we talk about dating, relationships, heartbreak, breakups, divorced, all the way to starting over again. And I think being mindful every step of the way in your dating and romance journey is really important. So that's the reason that we've got Becks on the show and something that has really got my goat, I would say, about being mindful. And we spoke about it cheekily in the break, how couples can go out to dinner and they can be sat and so plugged into their Social media, phones, text messages, emails, whatever, and just completely ignore each other. And you were saying, Bex? Yeah, that we. We don't do it. I have a husband, and we've been together for a very long time, but we purposefully put our phones away and intentionally catch up with each other. And lucky for me, he's a very interest person. So I'm always really fascinated on his take on different things. Books that he's read, work that he's doing. But it is actually really hard. You have to purposefully and you have to want to, but you've got to think about stuff that you'd like to talk about and create that connection. Yeah. You have to, like you say, be intentional about the conversation you're going to have, the. The atmosphere you want to create over dinner. Essentially, you're on a date. Whether you're married or not, you're on a date with your best friend. And I have seen couples and know of couples who go to dinner. And I was saying to Bex earlier that they would say that, well, that's their time to unwind and to catch up. But, you know, catch up on social media, as Bex is saying at home on the sofa, when you're sat next to each other, not when you're out in public having dinner and essentially ignoring each other. Really? Yeah. I think it's always a really tough one to look inside people's relationships. But when you go for dinner, you want to have a connection. You want to eat with somebody. It's weird to be silent or to be talking to somebody else while you're at the table. I mean, my family would have thought it very rude if I turned up to the table and didn't contribute to a conversation. I don't see why it wouldn't be the same with your partner. Yeah. In a restaurant. And I was saying to Bex that you wouldn't do it with your friends. You wouldn't go, you know, arrange a dinner with your friend, your brunch, and then get, you know, whiz your phone out. So don't do it with your partner, who I guess is your best friend. That's the reason why. I hope so. Well, you would hope so. Yes. So, you know, message there is that there's really no excuse unplug when you go out with your partner. Communicate and connect. So, Bex, on that note of communication, how can Clarity app make you a little bit clearer about any grievances that you have in your relationship that are kind of holding you back from communicating clearly with your Partner. Have you got any ideas on that? Yeah, we have a few different things that could be used to help you with communication. One of them is looking at in the Improving Libido series that we have. So exciting. Yes, it's a new series that I've launched and I'm delighted with it. One of them is around challenging some of your behaviors for your own self. So you can't change what anybody else does, but you can change your reaction to their actions and you can change how you want to be perceived by people. So we have one that is similar to a CBT session, sorry, the cognitive behavioral therapy. And it goes through a series of questions for a thought or belief that your wanting to address and analyze and potentially change. And that would help you with your part in the. In the relationship. Because you can't make somebody feel something for you. You can only change how you need, how that affects you and the way that they do treat you. Somebody else's actions and thoughts and feelings are completely out of your control. It's about being clear, taking a moment to focus on your own actions and your own thoughts and your own feelings. So, you know, for anyone listening in who kind of has this little negative devil sat on their shoulder telling themselves, telling them, you know, negative stories about relationships and what they deserve and, you know, relationships that aren't serving them, that they're staying in or that they're not working on to improve. I mean, what can clarity do to bring around some positive thoughts and change those? The way we speak to ourselves, I think that becomes the daily practice. So it's actually getting into a daily practice of purposefully stopping and breathing. Because what it does is it breaks that sort of rumination or constant, sort of consistent, constant thought patterns that have negative behavior. There's the other thing that they can do, is practice gratitude. And in our sleep sessions, all of our sleep sessions to get you prepared to go to sleep, we go through a series of gratitude for the day. So what things have happened that you're grateful for through the day? And what that does is it just breaks the negative feelings, thoughts, behaviors of the day and stops it to make you actively think of something positive, which is supposed to, by research, help you sleep better because you're not taking those negative thoughts to bed with you and tossing and turning. So what happens then? What happens physically in your body when you're being practicing gratitude and you're being grateful throughout the day for the things that you've achieved or, you know, the great things that are happening in your relationship? What Happens. So there's. When you're being grateful, you will drop your shoulders, your muscles will soften, your cortisol levels will drop, and you just breathe easier. So you can just quieten your mind by being grateful. It's literally like turning a key and unlocking something that. That makes you feel better. But what happens with gratefulness is if you get into the habit of doing it daily before you go to bed the next day. You actively seek things to be positive about so that you can have them in your grateful journal that night. So you get into this habit of. Of changing your mindset from negativity into what can I look for that can be even tiny, like, somebody opened a door for you or, you know, a cat came past your leg and it was lovely. It doesn't have to be these massive actions. It just has to be acknowledged. Little bits of gratefulness. I actually do have a gratitude diary. And even if I have had a terrible day or a perceived terrible day, it's all relative to the lives that we lead, I guess. And you know, what's terrible for one person might not be all that bad to another. And I think gratitude diaries, journals, whatever you'd like to call it, it offers you a moment of perspective and it offers you a moment of stillness. And I always try and find three things in a day that I'm grateful for at night. And at the end of each month, I write down three things that I'm really grateful to have achieved. Oh, that's lovely. And it might sound so, you know, if you think, oh, got to the end of February, I don't know what I did this month. I don't know where the time went. I don't know what I was focusing on. And the month just passed me by. And we say that all too often. We were just so busy at the end of every month, take a moment to write down, what did I achieve? What was big. It doesn't have to be that big for you if you fancy doing it. But for me, it really offers a moment of gratitude, I guess. Yeah, that's a really lovely thing to do. I'm also a grateful journal person. I need to journal and just find those things in my day because like everyone, we get busy and if we're not actively trying to look for it, you might not see it. So even in a terrible day, somebody might have done something nice for you. You've got to look. Speaking about relationships then, and speaking about gratitude and how it can. Gratitude and journaling and being mindful and using the clarity App, you can really take moment for yourself to be grateful for things that are going on in your life. But if there are things in your relationship that, you know, you feel that you're kind of offering, it's offering some resistance and you're frustrated with, but you just don't know what. I guess that writing down all the things that you're grateful for in your relationship and that your partner does it would kind of switch something in your brain to be more positive and raise the vibe when you're in their presence. If you, if there's a communication falling by the wayside or a crack here or there and you're not so sure what's going on, I think by just stopping and thinking what is great about that person that I'm in a relationship with or I'm married to, or what is so great about my best friend, I guess. And you take a moment for that. Yeah, I think that taking a moment also, I think that's a perfect moment to take to make sure that you can see why you fell in love with them or what you're hoping achieve with that person during your lifetime. But also taking the moment to feel good about yourself is super important because you can see it in people that feel good about themselves. They emanate and people attracted or are drawn towards people that feel good about themselves. So feeling good about yourself helps you to connect with your partner as well. Take a bit of the pressure off what you're expecting from them and try and feel good and purposeful about your life. And to me, that sounds a little bit like really taking control and taking ownership. So, you know, in relationships we can often be like, oh, you know, you didn't do this or you didn't do that or whatever. But if you just stop all of that for a moment, if you can relate and you're listening in from wherever you are and you're, you know, you are that person or your partner's that person, why don't you just take a moment to stop, visit the Clarity app and, you know, think about what you're telling yourself, what you're telling your partner. Be grateful and, yeah, have some introspection. So in this show of love lessons, today, we're going to be talking about raising the romantic vibes, and I'm going to be talking a little bit about sexual healing and how the Clarity app can help you boost a low libido. Before we spoken with Dr. Juliana about low libidos and how we're not always on the same page as our partner, but that doesn't mean that we're not a good match, just means that our libidos are in a different space. And I'm sure that you're gonna make us a little bit clear, Bex. I hope so. How we can navigate, you know, sexual intimacy with our partner and raise those vibes. So I am Sarah Louise Ryan. I'm here on Love Lessons on Women's Radio Station with Bex Armstrong. And we'll be right back talking about Clarity app. Women's Radio Station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. 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We give practical help to get people back on track. Whether you're thinking of having a baby, trying to get out of an unhappy relationship, or just unsure what benefits you may be entitled to, we can help. Visit turntous.org.uk Women's radio station is creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to pay involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostn or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting news. Hi, I'm Zena Moscone, Head of Business Development at Women's Radio station. Radio advertising is the most cost effective way of reaching a huge audience globally. Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 079-563-71483 or alternately zmomewomensradiostation.com. Hello and welcome back to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. I'm here with Bex Armstrong, the founder of Clarity App. She helps people take a little bit of a breath in the day, find a moment of introspection for some mindfulness relaxation, and helps those in, I guess, busy cities get a good night's sleep if they're using the app. So welcome back, Bex. Hi. Thank you. And Bex and I have had a really interesting conversation so far. We have been talking about what mindfulness really means, about how to get clear on how you're feeling and raise the vibes for yourself so then you can raise them in your relationship. Taking moments out of the day for self care to really get to grips with how you're feeling physically, emotionally, mentally. And we touched a little bit on the Libido series that Bex has got, which we'll get back to later on in the show. Very excited. Last but not least, and so there's something I really would like to touch on. It's a bit of a sensitive subject for some and not something that I believe people talk about often and it's avoidant strategies, I guess, in relationships. So those who say they're in a happy relationship and they perhaps believe that they are, but communication has fallen by the wayside. And how they spot that, or I believe how they can spot that is if let's say one is spending hours on a social media app such as Instagram or Facebook or anything like that, and we've all got them, we all do it, whether it's for business pleasure, whatever. And they're spending hours consuming information and they're not creating anything romantically. It could be that one person is spending hours reading an awful lot on a tablet or even the nose in a book. And that's great, the fact that we're connecting and stimulating ourselves, but we're not stimulating each other in a relationship. So why do you, first of all, I guess, Becks, think that these things come about and how can Clarity App aid couples to be more mindful with each other and fix any of those Things, I think it's a really hard one. There's no one way that these things come about and it depends on how stressful their work is, what they have going on outside of work, and how, like, if they have kids and how they're feeling about themselves, usually clinically. I've seen a lot of the times when I'm treating patients that have relationships where they're not talking so much anymore. There's usually something going on, like something that they're not happy about themselves or they're not talking about. So I guess trying to find your way back to each other, trying to find something interesting and curious about each other and maybe even doing something together, like going for a walk or doing a jigsaw to give yourself time to talk without being confrontational. I love a jigsaw. People don't do jigsaws anymore. No, I know, I know. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but it's something that's really lovely to do and you can listen to an audiobook together instead of just one person doing it by themselves. Like do activities together, pour a glass of wine, do a jigsaw. Actually, I said to Dr. Tom last week that my partner and I are doing Alphabet dating. Maybe I'll use that for jigsawing. Yeah, there you go. That's a really cute idea. Have you heard of Alphabet dating? I won't talk too much about it because I've already touched on it. If any listeners joining again this week, it's basically where one of you picks an A, B, C and you get all the way through the Alphabet having done something exciting or created a new experience for you both. So you can really take the time to unplug and connect. But that's actively trying to do something with each other. And I think that that's part of it is finding the joy of being together again, Jomo, with your iPhone and missing out, but doing something with your partner where you're plugging in together and reconnecting. And Bex and I, we keep chatting in the break because we just. We're chatterboxes, aren't we? I guess we've got an awful lot to say on this matter. And I guess I would if I, if I was having any relationship problems and, or grievances, I wouldn't, I wouldn't like to say problems. Grievances. How, how would I use Clarity app to, to identify what, what's falling down somewhere? And is it, is it by just sitting and thinking or are there any tasks that I can take on the app. Is there any, any, you know, to do's? Yeah, I think the hard. The biggest thing about the to do's is the to don'ts. So it's kind of taking out, actively participating in just sitting and being in this moment right now instead of trying to do stuff. It's not adding to your to do list. It's. It's taking it away almost so that you can turn some of the pressure down. So I often suggest to clients to sit and think about the things in the day that are no longer serving them. And if someone says to me, okay, I don't have time to go on a date three times a week with my partner. I don't have time for this. I'm so busy, I forget to kiss them on the way out. I forget to. Because we recently talked about these romantic routines and how they can create a lasting relationship. Well, as Bec said, eliminate and eradicate things from your. From your day that aren't serving you. And get rid of the to don'ts. And remember to breathe purposefully. Breathe. You don't need to do it for half an hour. You can do it for one minute. It makes a difference by research. Two minutes is all you need, but you need to do it consistently and you need to actually purposefully want to do it. So it's a little bit like learning a new skill. So you have to be intentional, you have to get clear and to loosen up all of those thoughts that are over clouding your mind. You have to be intentional and you have to set consistent time apart each day. And that's what I recommend with dating apps for those that are serious about finding love, but they're not really sure how to navigate the online dating scene. It's about consistency. Okay, you might not have chatted to someone that's a great match for you today, but being consistent with the process, and I guess it's the same with mindfulness, you know, you have to consistently tackle it. So. Yes, but even in a when you, you might not have your groove back with your romantic liaisons, actually being in the room and feeling the feelings and trying things and tasting things and touching things, and being fully aware of what you're doing actually brings an element of excitement and curiosity back into the relationship. And you can have a lot of fun because if your mind's on your phone when you're having sex with your partner, then you're not enjoying it. Or your to do list for tomorrow or your to do list for tomorrow. So it's a lot harder for women to orgasm when their head is in their to do list. So actively learning how to be in this moment right now and feel the feelings and the sensations and the smells and the touches, you know, and just being aware of how fun it is to roll around with somebody and to also do it with yourself. But that's part of mindfulness, is that being here right now and enjoying this experience, you have to be really present to enjoy your partner and to enjoy the pleasure. And I guess you have to be somewhat emotionally connected to the moment to really make the most of it. Yes. And be curious. Yeah, we talked about that before. We talked about how some couples can be surface level interested in what's happened in the day, but that would be lacking in curiosity, you know, if you're more curious with your partner. And I know Kenny Mamarella de Cruz, who's been on the show before, talks all about being playful with your partner and how that injects positivity. I think ClarityApp can really combine all the info from these great experts that have been on the show and put, you know, the theory into practice, I guess. Yeah, it can. And the Improving Libido series is around trying to get you back in touch with your senses and also starting to take away a little bit of the shame. I think that there's a lot of shame that can come with women and their bodies and allowing self exploration. And so what we're trying to do, you find your way back to your body, whether it's a way back or whether it's there in the first place. So yeah, to help you improve your own feelings as well as theirs. I've just had a thought. What do you think about those websites which teach women specifically? It's kind of like through the female gaze. It's created for the female gazes. And we do connect differently than men. We are just as visual and creators of, I guess, porn and all of that stuff. Forget that women want to see something soft and gentle and romantic. We do. I think that there's a wide range of stuff that we all enjoy and there needs to be things created for all of the predilections that we have. Cause some women like their hair pulled and some women like to be tickled, you know, so we've got to have stuff that is there for all of us. How fun. So there are some apps out there and platforms that teach women how to properly and physically get to grips with themselves. Have you seen them? Have you heard about them? What's your take O school and Come curious are really great. Places for you to start to learn how to get in touch with it and do mindful masturbation or learn different parts of your body. And there's a lot of literotica out there that gives you erotic visual experiences to help you to try and get to an orgasm. Oh, my gosh. So I just had a thought that if you're listening in and you're, you know, part of a couple and you're that person that's reading and avoiding communication with your partner, perhaps you should be reading a little bit of that and, you know, putting it down a bit later on. Yeah, there's a little. There's a lot out there and there's some stuff coming. I'm actually on an alpha group testing an app for a lady that's doing some mindful masturbation. That's going to be amazing. Actually. She's, she's creating a really nice app to help women help themselves because of that orgasm gap in heterosexual CIS relationships that you're more likely in a female to female or a male to male relationship to have an orgasm than a female is in a female and male relationship. The man is more likely to orgasm than the woman. So it's trying to get her to have her fun first before he gets to finish. Just quickly on that before we head on to a break. Does it come down to communication? Communication, curiosity and purposefulness. Oh, I love that. I really love that. So it sounds to me like clarity app can do a whole lot of wonders for yourself and, you know, for your relationship and for your sex life. And, you know, this show today is really about taking a moment to raise the vibes in your romantic life, to not just focus on what's not going right, but to kind of think about things that you can do to mix it up and switch it out and really focus on your partner. So I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and we'll be right back on Love lessons at women's radio station. Welcome to women's radio station, the voice of women worldwide. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. 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Moreover, our sponsorship and advertising packages can be tailored to your needs, whether it be a product or brand service you're looking to promote. If you are interested in sponsoring or advertising, please contact me on 07-956-371-4883 or alternately zmomensradiostation.com welcome back to Love Lessons on Women's Radio Station. I am Sarah Louise Ryan. I'm here with Bex Armstrong, female founder in International Women's Week Clarity App. Welcome back Bex. Thank you. So there are so many things that I want to aspect and there's just simply not enough time in the day so I'm gonna get to grips with I guess the down and dirty of raising your libido. So I did a little bit of research and I looked at some studies and actually I can't believe it. And if there's anything out there, please do get in touch and let us know With a study or the most recent study is 2015. It's a 40 year old story though. So it kind of gives it a bit of justification that the happiest couples have sex once a week. So for those listening in that perhaps are feeling maybe a bit guilty because they're not having it once a week or maybe some having it more. What do you think about that stat? Sex once a week? I think that's a lot of pressure to put on somebody. Yeah, an awful amount of pressure. I think that if you, if it's spontaneous and you have the time and you're interested, if you've got children, that's sometimes a bit hard. If you've got a relationship where one of your libido isn't matched the other one doesn't mean that you're not happy in the relationship. It just might be that your libido is not there. I think it's more that when you're having sex that you're really enjoying it. Doesn't matter to me. Quality overcourts and have sex some fun with it and try different things. I recently did a talk with 50 menopausal women and asked if any of them had tried vaginal lube and there was only about four that had tried it. And it's like, why not? It is fantastic. It can heighten the sensations, it can make sex easier, especially if you've got a little bit of a dry vagina as you get older it can happen but if you don't use it, you lose it. So it is something that you need to consistently workout because it's good for your pelvic floors, it's good for sleeping, it's good for keeping the vaginal walls moist and active and strong. It's a good stress reliever. So it's really important to make sure that you have some fun with yourself and or with your partner to keep things active down there. So as you were saying earlier on in the show, it's about being present with your partner, being fun, being playful and. And a pit of spontaneity wouldn't go amiss. It sounds like try some different things, be open, try some literotica and some apps or some videos or I think erotic films and things are fun. Dress up, try different positions, look and do different things. I absolutely am loving this conversation because we started the show with decluttering our mind in busy work life balance scenario, you know, eradicating negative thoughts and stories we tell ourselves with clarity app and then we've kind of moved through the motions of communicating better with our partner, being more present, unplugging when we go for dinner, for crying out loud, you know, which is amazing. And now all the way, I guess, the journey to the bedroom. So, yep, we talked about study. I think it was USA Today who released that study. So, honestly, anyone listening? If there's a better one out there, something more present, please do let me know. But there is no pressure. It's about quality over quantity in sex. Yeah, There's a lot of research that's being done now in mindfulness for improving your libido. And the reason for that is a lot of your libido is about how busy your mind is. So the better and more quiet your mind can be and more positive, the more likelihood that you'll be able to attain an orgasm and that your libido will come back. But. So Laurie Brotto is her name, and she's done some studies in America about mindfulness for improving libido, and she's got a book out as well. I'd highly recommend it to anybody that's trying to find their way back. But I think taking some of the pressure off, you know how sometimes the more you want something, it's always around the corner, like trying to find a new boyfriend. Trying to find a new boyfriend. If you go looking, sometimes they're not there. If you go and start a new hobby, they might be there. When you. When you least expect them, they might be there. And it's the same with your libido. Like, if you try and get your libido back, it's not going to be there. It's about learning to enjoy and slow down and become quiet and get that anticipation back again and enjoy the feelings and switch off. And in the break, you know, as I keep saying, Bex and I cannot stop chatting. We were talking a little bit about how when you create purpose and intention and curiosity in a new hobby or in life in general, that something happens to your vibe and something happens to your focus and everything else just starts to fall into place. So, you know, if you're on a dating app and you feel that, you know, you're queuing up in, let's say, press or something each lunch, and you're swiping left, right, and center and you're not really being mindful and intentional, then you can kind of do more harm than good. I guess. Even though you're being consistent, you're not being mindful in the moment. And I think clarity seems to offer something different where you take a moment to introspect and understand what's going on. And it sounds like with the Libido series, even in your love life. So can you tell us a little bit about the Libido series? How does it work? I mean, if I signed up, what would happen? So we've got, in the, in one of the packs called the Apple a Day, we've got a series of four sessions and you do one for about a week and then you do the next one for about a week or at least a few times each. And what they're basically doing is going right back to the start. So how are you in your body? What does your body feel like? Your breasts, your pelvic area? Do you know what it looks like? Do you know what it feels like? Can you feel any sensations? Can you feel the sensations even in your hands, like just taking some of the pressure out? And then the second one is around challenging some of your negative thought behaviors and some of your beliefs, like you don't look good naked or, you know, any of these things that might be getting in the way of you improving your libido. Then we've got one that is around awareness of sensations. So you get to eat something, but you have to to close your eyes and feel it and hear it and then smell it and feel it in your mouth before you can chew it. So it's a really lovely mindfulness session to bring you back to understanding your awareness of sensations and how you feel and anticipation and sometimes what you think isn't what the reality is. So with your eyes closed, feeling a piece of food, you might think you know what it looks like, but you open it up and, and it looks different or it smells different to what you think it will be. And then the final one is around touching yourself and being okay with touching different parts of your body. And again, works with shame and lowering the feelings of being told that girls don't play with themselves or, you know, working with those feelings. So finding your way back to yourself, that is so exciting to me. Well, first of all, actually, you all look great naked in case anyone. You all look great naked in case anyone tells you, I give you you a five star. Five star. Yeah. Thumbs up for anyone out there that's telling themselves that story. And secondly, it sounds like the Libido series really brings you back to present. And it actually reminded me of a time a few years ago when I went for a huge breakup that really crushed me. I went through a mindfulness series and it actually helped me come back to center. And so each, each Part of. There were four parts of the series and each part was something different where we would. It would be aromas and we would smell and we would talk about it and, you know, the whole room would be filled with different things for sensations. And something about that series really helped me. So I think that Clarity there could be something great in it for anyone that's just been through a breakup to really eradicate any negative habits and anything habitual that's not serving you. You know, things such as, but dare I say over exercise, you can throw yourself into the gym 10 million times a day and you're really avoiding how you feel. Or you can throw yourself into perhaps having numerous sexual partners and that's not really serving you because you're really just avoiding how you feel. And I think things like Clarity app can really help you come back to center as well as, as you say, you know, your apple a day and raising your libido. What do you think? Am I making any sense? Yeah, you're making sense. And I would say, like when you were speaking before about the bath, hopping in the bath and feeling uncomfortable, my best and most interesting bits of inspiration for the app has come when I force myself to be okay with being uncomfortable. So I put my phone. I like a steam room, so I put my phone in the locker and I sit and I breathe and I feel uncomfortable. And then after I get through uncomfortable, I'm okay with uncomfortable. I get inspiration. So a lot of my. A lot of my app has actually been created by me actively trying to do the mind. I know you do what you say that you. What you tell others to do, like me actually doing that myself. That's how I came back to finding out how to improve the app and the sessions that we need to do. So being uncomfortable is okay. You can get to the other side. You're not going to die by being uncomfortable, but you might find something on the other side so exciting. So, Bex, can I ask you to give us about 45 seconds of mindfulness so we can stop and breathe and just be okay? Sure. So if you wanted to just sit in an upright position and put both feet on the floor and just close your eyes. Take a nice deep breath in and out. Drop your shoulders. Become aware of the path of your breath. So as you breathe in, feel your chest rise and as you let go, just let your whole body relax. Allow your mind to wander and then come back to the path of your breath. Breathe normally and naturally. And then come back into your body and we're done. You can open your eyes. I'm instantly feeling zen. I'm not just saying that. Ladies listening in Happy International Women's Week. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan on Love Lessons with the wonderful Bex Armstrong. Thank you for being here. Thank you very much for having me. Of Clarity app. Thank you so much. And we'll see you next week on Women's Radio Station. Women's Radio Station is a fresh new broadcasting platform driven by love and passion. Connecting women around the world in a global network is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education. We aim to show the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and a platform for your voice. Women, the possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Liz Van Linden, a UK travel consultant for Hazelmere Travel. People come to me as they want unique experiences and a personalized service. 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