Love Lessons – Matchmaking In Mayfair

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live here in the studio in Covent Garden. This is the show, as you know, if you're joining us again, where we discuss everything from dating relationships to breakups and divorce, all the way to healing, heartbreak and starting over again as a confident single. I have got a very exciting show in store for you guys today. Oh, ladies and gents out there that are listening in today, we're going to be discussing the path to partnering in high society, the intricacies, the difficulties, the drawbacks when it comes to making true romantic connections. I have the wonderful Emily Coral in the studio today and we're going to be talking about Mayfair Matchmaking and how Emily helps singles in those circles, the movers and shakers, if you will, in and around London, find love. Welcome to Emily. Hello. Thank you for having me on the show. It's so exciting to have you here. You may or may not know, but my dating journey started as a Mayfair matchmaker back in 2011. So I'm so excited to have you in the studio here because that was, you know, such a while ago. And I'm really looking forward to hearing how it's different, how it's changed, how modern dating has kind of shaken the whole dating industry up and. And I've seen singles come full circle, where they've tried all those online dating apps and all of the things that are out there in terms of the platforms to partnering that haven't quite worked and said they come full circle and come back to traditional matchmaking. But back in 2011, I think we used to charge something like £1,000 for a year of matchmaking. It was something. Well, that's still quite a lot of money to some people, of course, but back then we were giving two introductions a month. But if you know much about the matchmaking business, it's a heck of a lot of hard work for those singles who really know what they want and they want it yesterday, and they're hiring someone to help them find their match. So, Emily, tell us a little bit about your journey and how you started off being a matchmaker. Honestly, it happened around five years ago. I had a lot of single friends and I was really enjoying helping them meet each other, and it was quite an enjoyment for me. And then eventually I decided that this is actually the career I wanted to take and to turn it into a business, and it was making so many people happy and I really loved being a part of that. So you had a group of friends who were all looking for love so you just decided, okay, I'm gonna turn this into a business or were you already helping them in the first instance? I was already helping them in the first instance. And then a lot of my friends were asking more and more and eventually it was taking up more and more for my time. And I realized actually there was a niche in the market and that a lot of people were looking for matchmaking and there just wasn't enough. Some of my friends had actually used previous matchmakers in the past and it just hadn't worked out for them. So I wanted to be more successfully match them where the other matchmakers had been unsuccessful. Okay, I hear you. And so what did you find that gap was where did you find the key ingredients that, you know, they felt like the service hadn't been served for them and you thought you could fill in that gap? I definitely think it was really listening to what they wanted. I think a lot of where others had gone wrong is that they just weren't listening enough. They weren't really looking for exactly the things that they were looking for. Whereas I really tried to. I spent a lot of time talking to them, meeting them. And it's not just the business for me. I make a great friendship with all of my clients and members to make sure that I'm really getting the outcome that they're looking for, which is obviously a long term relationship. Yeah. So they get to spend quite a lot of time with you then? Yes. That's amazing. So you are really a dedicated personal matchmaker. So it's not just a business for you, but you have turned it into a viable business too, right? Yes. Okay, so when you said you found your niche and it was matchmaking, so there are lots of matchmakers out there, what is your niece niche specifically? What is your. If you had to say target market taken that you were navigating certain circles, how did you decide who to target? My clients are all very hard working and they're very successful at what they do, but they've spent so much time in business working very hard on their careers, being very career driven. And they've got to a point where they realize they've spent so much time working on their career that actually they haven't spent the time, they're very time poor because that they haven't spent that time looking for the right person and they've got maybe for example, to their 40s and they realize they really, really want a family and they haven't spent all those years dating and trying to find the one. And that's why they come to me and I try and find it for them. So do you find then if they've spent so much time working on their career, they're obviously very organized and very driven, ambitious. And they've definitely, in my opinion and from my experience too, got to a place where they're, you know, financially stable. They have built a lifestyle that they're not willing to compromise on because they have gotten to such a status. Do you find that they A, have really high expectations of what they're looking for or B, they don't know what they're looking for or both, actually. Yeah, definitely both. Oh, tell us about that. Let's talk about that. They definitely have high expectations because they're such perfectionists in their own lives and business and their careers that they expect they. When looking for a partner, they do have a very long checklist. But actually I have to tell them that, you know, you can't look for a unicorn, you know, the most. What was b. Sorry. So is it that they've got really high expectations or they don't know what they're looking for? I do try and explain to them that I think that actually they. They don't realize that they don't need to have this checklist of all these things. Is that. And try and show them that actually sometimes it's not what they're looking for and right person. How do they take that considering they know. They know what they're looking for in all other areas of their life and they often actualize those things that they want and feel that they need. So when it comes to meeting you, and I guess you're trying to help them scrape it back a bit, how. How do you help them do that and how receptive are they to that? It gives the. I do have to have quite. I have to have conversations with them and I think it is quite difficult for them at first to take my advice because they're not usually used to taking advice from people because they're used to obviously in their careers telling other people so. But when they start listening to me and realize that they start to get the results they're looking for and maybe I try and tell them to go to approach things in a different way, to look for a different kind of person than they've usually been going for in the past where it hasn't worked, I think then they realize that actually what I'm saying is correct. So what do you find the difference? Difficulties that they're having tend to be before they reach the point of contacting you and your company. What's holding them back from finding love, do you find? I think it's definitely a lot of my clients, they travel a lot. They're always in different countries at different times of different meetings, and they're multiple businesses. And I think they really struggle to have a relationship in that kind of environment where they're not in the same place at the same time. And especially if they're dating somebody with their own career, it's very difficult for them to, you know, be on the same schedule. And that would make a relationship suffer quite a lot because they're not able to spend as much time together. And so what would you advise? I guess just thinking out loud about what you're saying is that if they're struggling to make the time to date or for themselves, essentially, how. How is it that you advise them to make time for a relationship? I try and figure it out. Maybe match them with somebody who has a similar schedule. For example, maybe a lady who has. They can work from home on their own business if that's already what they're doing as a career, and then they're able to work together in their schedules. I try to think about little things like that. It is hard. I do try and tell them that they do need to prioritize dating and spending time and trying to be in one place. A lot of them say that they are looking to find the right person and then they will start to settle down and one place and not move around as much. And that is a lot of their goals. They haven't found the right person to get to that point. And do you find that in your experience because you've been running your business for five years now. Yes. Which is amazing. Do people live in. Sorry, do people live in Mayfair or do they live around Mayfair or do they come to Mayfair? How does it work? No, it's not just for people in Mayfair because it's Mayfair Matchmaking, right? No, it's worldwide. I have members all over the world. It's. It's not. They don't have to be Mayfair. No. Yeah, that's just where my business is based. So you're based in Mayfair and your clients can be based anywhere in the world. So essentially. And then they're willing to relocate, is that right? Your clients are willing to relocate for love? Yes. One of the questions I do ask my clients and my matches is that I ask them if they're willing to reclaim, relocate, and a lot of them say yes. And that is quite an important question for us. And So I guess you can't just match on lifestyle, you also have to consider the logistics of it all. Oh my gosh. I really make both pies, do a very long questionnaire to really get down to all the details of everything, so it makes it a lot easier to match. So are you then flying to meet them? Do they come and meet you? Yes, it's a mixture. Sometimes if they're coming into London, I'll meet them if I happen to be be abroad or I will just fly just to meet them somewhere for a meeting. Because it's very important that I meet all of my clients in person so I really get to know them as well as safety is a massive, really important thing for me and my company. So I like to make. I would never introduce somebody I haven't met before. I completely concur with that. I think it's essential. So top three tips from you to manage someone's expectations if you think that they're a little bit too high when it comes to dating. Before we jump onto the break here at Lovelessons, There's a lot of tips that you could. Well, I guess when it comes to writing their list and you help them scrape it back, I think it's definitely focusing on the top three things instead of a long list. Like what's the most important thing? Is it kindness, family orientated, someone who's hard working? So it's just really focusing on maybe one or two things and then really then it's easier to match somebody instead of a longer list. Emily, thank you so much. 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Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradio Station, that's womensradio STN or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programs. Hello and welcome back to Love Lessons live here in the studio in Covent Garden. If you're listening in the uk, hello. Or if you're listening in bit later across the pond. Hello to you too. I'm here with the wonderful Emily Corll, who is the founder of Mayfair Matchmaking. Obviously, there's a lot of intricacies and difficulties of finding love in high society and in those circles because you've reached a level of life where you've actualized all of that, I'm just trying to put myself in those shoes. You've actualised everything that you would like. Your career, a lifestyle that you want, financial stability. And the, the on the list really is finding love if it's not been there for you yet. So how does Emily help those people connect and get to grips with their love life? Welcome back, Emily. Hello. So we've just been talking a little bit before the break about Emily's journey to becoming a matchmaker, how she was helping singles in her friendship circles and all of that jazz, the moos and shakers of the world, if you may find love. So Emily, tell us a little bit more about the difficulties that your friends that, you know, then became clients were having before they came to you. As we touched on earlier, I was going to a lot of events where I was meeting a lot of high society people. And the more I got to know them, that's when I discovered that there was this issue of that they were finding it very difficult to find the right person they didn't want to find. They, you know, they were asking me where they look for the right person. They were obviously like, you know, going out to bars and clubs. It just wasn't working for them. And the right person they would to find the right person they were looking for. So that's where they started asking me. They, I had a, I have a large network of friends and I was happy to introduce them to each other. So were you finding that there was a certain pattern or trend, you know, when, you know, they all tend to be in the same boat where they were attracting the wrong kinds of people to them? What kinds of people were they attracting that didn't kind of sit with them, resonate with them. They were dating, but they were dating. That would only be short term. By going in the sort of places they were meeting them, maybe in the more party scene they were attracting party girls or guys and it was just all very short term and it wasn't what they were looking for long term. So that's why they reached out to me because they were, they wanted the sort of partner that probably wasn't on the going out on the scene into the parties and the clubs and, or the events. So that's how I was able to connect them. And so they would, it sounds to me like they would, they were serious in their search for a suitor at this point. And then they were like, okay, if I'm serious, then I've got to get serious. And that means hiring help. Just like when you are Disorganized, organized at work, you hire a pair, you want to get fit, you hire a personal trainer. So then they come to you and hire a matchmaker to navigate their love lives. Yes, absolutely. And you really can't put a price on love because it's priceless. I hear you. So have you spotted. In your five years of operating internationally now, have you spotted any trends in the yearly, let's say, around the search for love? I would definitely say things have changed a lot due to social media. Yeah. Tell us more about that. But I think a lot of my clients, they wouldn't want to reach out on things like Instagram because I think that they. For dating, it's very hard. Like, they can't just reach out to people on Instagram or social media because it can look a little bit, like, creepy if you don't know them. A lot of people don't want to reply to messages because I think a lot of people do say, like, why don't you just. Why do you need a matchmaker? Why don't you just message them? But the reality is it's not that simple. Oh. So I guess the kind of people that you look after do have Instagram accounts, and they are navigating Instagram and social media platforms and they have people contacting them, but they don't want to contact them right back. Is that. Yeah, especially when they don't know them directly. And that's where I come in. You know, I can always. I can tell them how great each of the person is to introduce them and why I think they're a great match, as opposed to it being like a complete stranger contacting you, asking you out for a date, which a lot of women or men might just say no if someone's just contacted them. Yeah, I hear you. And what I found when I was matchmaking was that in, say, September, that would be a really busy time of year for me in December and January. What do you find? I definitely think that people are very busy in the summer. They're traveling a lot, they're going on holidays. And as it comes to September, things are starting to calm down a little bit more, especially in Christmas in January, where there's a lot of family events, friends events, and people are starting to think about relationships and think about how they're single. And they do start to think that they would like to find the one. Yeah. Cuffing season, do we call it? Yes, that is the term for it. Tell us what you know about cuffing season. Cuffing season is obviously when people who are single decide that they want a relationship when it comes towards the season, the season of Christmas or the colder season, they're going out a lot less and they want to just stay in more and find somebody to relax with. I personally I don't agree with people just meeting just for the cuffing season. I want to look for long term relationships but I do think that the cuffing season could make you realise that you want a relationship and it could work out long term and hopefully last through the summer as well. Exactly, exactly. Yes. It's a really busy time but often people, they know they're looking to meet somebody around this time of year but they don't know why. How can you help them identify if they're cuffing or just. Or actually looking for love? Have you got any thoughts on that? That's a really great question. I think it's different for everyone. I only know they know whether I think they know if they're. I think the Christmas period can definitely make you feel a lot more lonely. So I do think people realize that they would like to meet somebody but I guess after Valentine's Day it really shows because that's when if you are being on the other end of the cuff then you know things are gonna start to break up around March and April. But I think if you're meant to be, you're meant to be and you're gonna stay together regardless. So amazing insights to cuffing season from Emily Coral here from Mayfair Matchmaking. Last week we had a whole show about cuffing season and its intricacies and it is an interesting topic. So thanks so much for indulging us with that Emily, really appreciate it. Let's get back into working with you as a matchmake say I have taken the plunge and I am going to contact you. I'm feeling a bit nervous, a bit apprehensive because I'm essentially passing over the control of navigating my love life to you. What does the process look like and how can you put me at ease? I think the most important thing is definitely to just be yourself. There's no point trying to be someone you're not because the end of the day your real self is always going to come out. So I think the first thing I do is I like to meet them in person, have a one to one chat with them, find out what they're looking for, what their goals are, whether it be marriage, children, just a long, just a long term dating and. Yeah when you're meeting with them so you're Trying to figure out what their goals are and their values and all of that stuff. And then they opt in because you've got different types of memberships. Tell us about that. Yeah, so some people, I have three different memberships and one is for basically more or less of my time. It depends how quickly they want to meet the one. If they were trying to meet and settle down within the next year, they would probably go for the higher membership because they just want to very quickly spend a lot of time really focusing on finding the one. Whereas the others who have the lower membership might just not have so much time, but have more time on their hands to look for someone over a period of years. So. And they might be very busy with work still. So they might just want to meet one person a month. So they're in it for like the long haul search. And then you do kind of like lifestyle management, is that right? Yes. Tell us about that. Because I'm actually, I've never heard of a matchmaker doing that. Maybe I haven't done my research. But tell us more about how you help manage their lifestyle as well as their love life. Life. I think my businesses went hand in hand as I was matching them for their love of their lives. They were also starting to ask me for, you know, to manage other things in their lives, arranging things for them. It could be chartering a yacht or a jet. And so I just decided to also start helping them out with that as well because it all just seemed to sort of come under one umbrella, almost amazing. And have you, when you meet the singles that come to you, they inquire what do they find is happening when they're doing online dating? Do they try online dating? It doesn't work for them. Do they have gripes about modern dating in general? Can you talk to us about what you're finding and the frustrations that they're feeling and that they want to try and ease the load of looking for love. I do think a lot of my clients, they might have tried a little bit of online dating, but I think a lot, as I said before, they're very time poor, so they probably wouldn't have had a lot of time to actually use utilize the online dating. And I think, you know, you can waste a lot of time which they don't have. You know, there's such thing as catfishes out there that, you know, really waste a lot of time. So I think that I really take away that issue because also I can vouch for the people that they're meeting and say that I've met them in person and I just cut out the time wasting, basically that you would get with online dating. What top three tips could you give us for a client to really make the most of their journey with you as a matchmaker? I think definitely just be yourself and just, I would say try and commit to more time. Try and, you know, really make time for dates because it will be difficult to meet the right person if you do not have the time and just enjoy the experience. Yeah, enjoy dating because it's there to be enjoyed, really. We can often, you know, I hear so many stories. I've got a lot of coaching clients who hold themselves back by, you know, creating limiting beliefs about around the love that they think they deserve. And we only ever attract the love that we think we deserve. So great to have you on the show, Emily. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. We're here at Love Lessons live in the studio in Covent Garden. We've got Emily Coral here from Mayfair Matchmaking, who's talking matchmaking, the movers and shakers in and around London and across the pond, which is amazing. We'll be right back after the break where we're going to get to grips with the modern dating scene. The hurdles that are holding people back from finding love. How Emily can help people eradicate their limiting beliefs around love. And we're gonna talk the good, the bad and the ugly of modern dating. We'll be right back. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's wellbeing. Women's radio station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. 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With a wide range of sponsorship opportunities, including individual programs. We can tailor your experience for you. For more information on how you can sponsor a show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Hello and welcome back to Love Lessons live here in the studio in Covent Garden. I am Sarah Louise Ryan here as well. Ever so excited to have Emily Coral, founder of Mayfair Matchmaking on the show. And we have been getting to grips with what dating in high society looks like. The difficulties of meeting when these high achieving singles are so super busy with work and they're organizing their life that looking for love is top priority, but they really don't know how to go about it because maybe they've concentrated on their career for such a while and it's not been priority in the past and it now is. Or they haven't really figured out what it is they want, or they have such a list of what they want that Emily helps them scrape it back to basics to find love. Welcome back, Emily. Thank you for having me. Oh, such a pleasure. So we've been talking a little bit about how it works and you've got clients all around and you travel a lot and you help them get to grips of what it is that they're looking for. Now, I want to talk about the modern dating landscape today. How it looks, the things that you hear, the things that you know yourself, the things that your friends say about modern dating. The good, the bad, the ugly. If I may. So one thing I would say, just for starters, about the good, is that we all look so connected. Let's say I'm single, which I'm not, but if I was, and I have been before, obviously, as you all know, when you've got all of those platforms and apps which you can swipe left, right, backwards, forwards, whatever with, then you are investing time, which a lot of people don't have, especially in big cities such as Those listening in LA, NY, London, and yet finding love. We can feel so connected, but so disconnected as human beings at the same time. So what do you think is so good about modern dating today? The different options for people to find love? I do think that, you know, these apps have made it a lot easier to date. There's a. But I do think one of the biggest negatives is that there's actually too much option, which makes people not really focus on what they're looking for or really getting to know in a particular person, because there's too many options. They're trying to get to know so many people at once, especially, you know, on these apps, because there's just so much availability to connect to people. Whereas back in the previous generation when you didn't have these apps, you had to go out and actually meet somebody. And I do think that sometimes, I think that that was actually a better situation. One of the things I do in my business is that when I introduce a client to a match is that I actually don't let them speak by text until they meet. I give them that. I switch numbers only an hour before so they can meet on their date. But I try to make it as organic as possible because I really like them to get to know each other in person. And I just think that that is a really important thing that you just don't get anymore because you're, you know, you're texting over apps and you're just not getting the. You know, you're not. You can. A lot of people can pretend to be people. They're not. Over text. Yeah. So I guess what you're saying is that there's a paradox of choice, where they're not able to make a choice in terms of the apps to use or the people today on those apps. But the good is that they Are there are so many options. Right. I do think that there is good in the fact that it does make it a lot easier if you're busy and you don't have time to go out, you can just, you know, get onto an app or one of those dating websites and it does make it a lot easier to meet. But I do think people still have a lot of struggles with these app applications. Well, as you are a specialist in the offline dating space, that's something that. Let's touch on that. What do you think the dating industry online could do if better to assist those people finding love if they choose not to, to use a matchmaker, let's say, and they choose to navigate those apps. What kind of accountability can we experts in the dating industry, you know, do to better the experience for those online app users? What do you think? I think maybe apps could maybe try and host maybe more events, more social events where a lot of singles could maybe meet together and actually meet in person. Because I think you just get so much more from being in person. Like they're so much more about their personality. Because I think when you're using applications you're always judging on looks and the bright person you could have swiped past because you've judged them on their looks, where in person they could have. Their personality could have made them so attracted to you, attractive to you. And it's really interesting. There's a couple of points you've made there that I'd really like to touch upon. One is events. Do you do events? Can people come to any events? Tell me about that. I currently don't, but it is something that I would think about in the future. Everything I do is very one to one dates. But I'm definitely considering doing events in the future and I do think that that is a really great idea for singles to meet. Yeah, I guess as part of your concierge or whatever, your lifestyle management and managing their social life as well. Yes, exactly. As well as their love life. And something that you said that was interesting a little bit earlier about how we used to date, you know, when we used to meet people in the same or similar social, geographic, demographic, you know, economic circumstances as us and how it was easy because we'd meet face to face and we'd have to be so proactive. We'd have to go to, you know, a dinner where we meet new people or to a bar or to a club or for drinks or whatever. And we used to meet locally often, right? Yes, exactly. Do you think we were able to make Quicker decisions about what was right or wrong for us. I think sometimes I wonder whether because there was less option, people may have settled, or is it because there's so much option now? People's list of what they're looking for is just getting so unrealistic. I guess it comes back to that paradox of choice. Like if you go to Waitrose and you want to grab a bottle of wine to take home for dinner, sometimes there can be so many bottles of wine that you don't know which one to choose. And just making that analogy relatable to dating, that you can look at all of those people who might feel that they're right for you, but you just don't know which one to choose, which one to swipe, which one today. And it's so hard to connect with just one because you're not focusing on one person. So when you're getting to know these people through your business, Mayfair Matchmaking, and getting to understand their values and what it is that they want in life, how do you operate? Is it on a gut feeling? Is it on the lifestyle they want to build? How do you make these really informed decisions about your clients and making those key introductions? I think it's just. It's a whole mixture of all of those things. I definitely get a really good feel for things and trying to understand. Sometimes I try get them to do things my way because clearly it hasn't been working for them their way. And see if a different approach works for them. Yeah, that's interesting. So if you find a pattern where they've been stuck in a particular way that hasn't served them, you help them kind of shake it up a bit, get out of their routine, so to speak. So if I was to come to you and become a client, I think, oh, gosh, yes, Emily is gonna navigate my love life because it's not working so far. I need to shake things up. Would you recommend that I also use the apps and try myself too? I mean, different matchmakers work in different ways, and I've met a lot of them, so I understand that some people say no and some people say yes. What's your take on it? I think if you wanted to do that at the same time, there's no harm in it. But I just think personally meeting people through friends or through an introduction or as myself, an introduction agency, I just think it's so much more organic and real and, you know, it's better to have a reference from a friend even. I think that is a better way of dating to get Introduced for a friend, maybe going on a double date can be quite fun and safe as well. Have you, have you ever been asked for something Absolutely. So outlandish, so ridiculous, and I know that I have in a potential match that you've just been having to push back and just be like, it's not possible. There isn't a unicorn with X, Y or Z. And are you able to share that story? Unfortunately, I'm not able to share private details of my clients. But yes, I have had situations where I've had to say, you know, you are looking for unicorn and you to stop looking for a unicorn because they're just never going to be happy. Yeah, true, true. Okay. Moving on swiftly from that before I say too much about particular hair lengths and all that stuff. So let's talk about the ugly, something I deem to be ugly. How Modern dating has so many different intricacies. Platforms, apps, offline specialists in, you know, events, matchmakers and all that stuff because there are so many options and it's become quite cool to multi date and, you know, try day and whatever. And lots of different terminologies to dating have been dubbed by urban dictionaries and all of that stuff. Have you heard any terminologies that you wish weren't around? Yes, there's, there's so many different styles of dating now. There's from like friends with benefits and a lot of people doing, you know, dating multiple people. It seems very normal to date multiple people at the same time. And what do you think about that? Multi dating, polyamory, polygamy, all of that stuff? I think it's fine if it's just a first date, maybe even a second date if you haven't spent intimate time with them. Once you've spent intimate time with somebody, I think that you shouldn't date someone else. So don't put just in layman's terms, don't put all of your eggs in one basket, so to speak, until. Yes, I think I do think it's fine to go on several dates with different people in the same month, as long as you're not leading someone on, you know, be very honest and open about, you know, that you are, you know, having a date with someone else and getting to know other people and. But you would like to progress to get to know them more. But I think once you enter into an intimate relationship, that's when you should not date other people. Do you find that in this, in this modern world where we're constantly looking and searching for more, that there is ever the Search for perfection. Yes, Especially with Instagram. And there's just so many people see a life and even an image of people that just doesn't exist a lot of the time because it's edited and almost just created for Instagram. A snapshot of the best bits of someone's life. Yes, exactly. And you don't see the other side of their life. And I think that people shouldn't judge from Instagram. So if you had, you know, a couple of top tips to keep someone on the straight and narrow when it comes to love, to stop looking in other people's lanes, what would it be? Because if they're looking in other people's lanes, that creates a life that they want, that they don't have. It's like, how can we stay in our own lane and be focused on what we want? Maybe deleting Instagram or maybe stop scanning it so much. I think definitely by not using Instagram and comparing your life to other lives. Trying to just meet more people organically and not focusing too much on what others have. Totally. I am Sarah Louise Ryan. I'm here with Emily Corrill of Mayfair Matchmaking. We're here on Love Lessons Live. We'll be right back. Welcome to Women's Radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons Live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with new Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birthday experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related, right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the radical wellbeing show to help support women's well being. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you doing extraordinary things. Women who overcome huge obstacles in their lives who are now here with me to empower you on the radical wellbeing show, you'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's radio stations creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter womensradiostation, that's Womens Radio stn, or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Hello and welcome back to Love Lessons, live here in the studio in Covent Garden. Thank you for tuning in and thank you for sticking with us. If you're here wanting to learn all about the search for love with a matchmaker, or if you're tuning in because you're absolutely fascinated by how matchmaking works, who hires a matchmaker? Why is a matchmaker needed? And trust me, they are. There are tons of matchmakers in the UK and it's a real growing niche of finding love, especially when people have gotten a little bit sick of all that swiping if they have time. So welcome back to Emily Corral. Hello. Thank you for having me again. It's all right. Emily is the founder. For those of you just tuning in and catching a snippet on your lunch break or whatnot, Emily's the founder of Mayfair Matchmaking. She helps single professionals in certain circles, little bit high society find love because perhaps they are time poor, perhaps they don't know what they're looking for or perhaps they've been in a long term relationship and they now want to find love the second time around. So Emily, let's jump back in and talk about what kind of things do singles say to themselves? Like the limiting beliefs that holding them back from finding love. What kind of stories are they telling themselves about what's still out there in the world for searching for love? So I often hear things such as all the good ones are taken or you know, I'm single because I've just been meeting the wrong people or I don't know how to attract love. They tell themselves all sorts of stories. What do you hear? Yes, you do hear a lot of time that, you know, maybe they're looking in the wrong places or they're dating the wrong, you know, the sort of thing that the sort of person they're dating is what they think that they want. But really realistically for long term it's not really working out for them. So there's. Sorry. Oh no, go on, continue. So there's, there's a, there's a lot of things that they say. So if they've been attracting a certain type of person that isn't working for them, which is I guess what you, my interpretation of what you've just said. How would you get someone to shake up their type to try something new, to try meeting somebody different? Because I guess they have told themselves a story that they can only attract a certain type of person even though they know that person's not quite right for them. Well, that's exactly where I come in and that's where I really guide my clients into finding maybe trying a different type of person. They wouldn't usually go for maybe for just an example, they've been meeting girls out and they've been going for more of a party lifestyle type and they realize that this isn't going to work for them long term. They want to settle down and have children and that type of person they've been dating just is too wild and doesn't want to settle down. And so it isn't working out for them. And that's why I try and maybe find somebody who's a little bit more family orientated, which they haven't gone for before. Okay. And so say you come across. So limiting beliefs are obviously formed from singles or people in general. Limiting beliefs, we all form them about ourselves and what we are able to achieve in our lives. What it comes from a Lack of confidence and self esteem in oneself. So if you get a client that comes in front of you and says hey Emily, I'm actually thanks for setting me up on some dates, but I'm not feeling so confident. How can you encourage them and what steps could you tell them or advise them to take to feel more confident in themselves? You really just have to believe in yourself. Just be, just be yourself. Really? Yeah. And just keep dating. And I think you will build up more confidence and I think when you find the right person, you won't need to just have confidence because I think it'll be so natural that you might have a connection and you will just get on with them so easily that the confidence will just come naturally. So if I'm, let's for example say that I'm newly divorced or out of a long term relationship and I'm ready to get back on the dating scene, I feel a little bit apprehensive and I've taken some tips of being myself from you to start the search for love again. And I go on that first date, how can I navigate that first date successfully even if it's not love, just so I feel like it's gone really well. So there's so many people out there who go out dating again the first time, the second time around. What would you advise them to do other than just to be themselves on a date? How to successfully navigate it? That's a great question. I think it is very difficult when you're first starting to date someone brand new after maybe you've just got out of a divorce or something. And I think just the best thing is to dress in your best outfit, make yourself feel as great as you can, be confident and just be open minded. Maybe this person you might go on a date might not be the one for you, but just enjoy your time. Maybe you make a friendship. You don't necessarily have to meet the person that you're going to be with next on your next date. It could just be a friendship. So just have a laugh and maybe a glass of wine so you know, that's interesting. People when they come to you, do they think, okay, so every match is going to be the next potential love of my life. How do you manage their expectations to just enjoy dating and that yes, you can make introductions but you can't play God in a way that you can make love just happen by an introduction. How do you manage that expectation? Because I know so many clients out there have that. Yes, it's very difficult these days to find a connection with someone. So I think you just got to be very open minded, be very open and honest with that person about what you're looking for and just get to know them. And, you know, maybe there's sometimes people have instant connections on the first date, and some people, it might take a couple of months of dating to find a connection. So it's just really different for every couple. Really? Yeah. And I think what you were saying a little bit earlier on in this segment of the show about, you know, dressing in something that makes you feel confident, I think that's a really good tip because we only radiate outwardly the confidence that we feel inwardly. And so how would you suggest selecting those outfits that make us feel good and how to strategize, for lack of a better term, those outfits that make us look our best selves? I think definitely wear something that you feel the most confident in, something that makes you feel the most comfortable and the most attractive, because I think that that will radiate out and that, you know, the person you're on a date with will definitely feel that. So but just try and, but be yourself in your outfit, wearing. But also be think about, you know, what, what also what you're trying to present, how you're trying to present yourself as well. Oh, so you think I have that saying that, you know, prior preparation prevents poor performance in a way. So, like, you would prepare for an interview. Can you prepare for a date in a way? I think so. Absolutely. I think, I think, you know, if you are looking to settle down and marry, maybe wearing a certain outfit maybe might not present yourself in the right way. So you're saying be aligned with your intentions, with what you're wearing. What do you mean? I think maybe if the most confident outfit you're wearing could be a bikini, but you wouldn't necessarily wear that on a date. Yeah, sure. Okay, so how would you say, if I've had a good day, not with a matchmaker, just in general, a good first date. What top tips would you give someone to kind of take it to the next day confidently, to exert that kind of authority? Like, yes, I really liked that person. But with the modern dating scene today, the grass can always be greener on the other side. And people think, oh, maybe they think someone, there's someone better out there, or maybe I could meet someone better. How would you get someone and advise someone to just stop in their tracks to take it to the second date? And how would they navigate that? I think, as you said, a lot of people will Always think that the grass is always greener, but I think when you find the right person, it's not greener. And you do you do you just, you just want to meet that person again and again and get to know them more and more and you stop looking for other people. So but if you do feel like the glass is greener, yes, go on that date. But you might find that actually that person you went on a previous date with is better suited for you. And actually that's interesting. Something that's just come up for me as you were chatting is what would you advise someone who goes on a first date, even via your introduction services, and they think I liked that person, but I'm actually not feeling so sure. Maybe I should see another person. Would they come back and say, emily, who else have you got for me? Yes, I mean, you might go on it. They might go on a date with another person, actually, that might then make them reflect on the previous date, what they had with the first person and then they'll notice the characteristics that they preferred about the first person. So I think sometimes it does take a long time and some people do have to grow on you and it takes a while to find a connection and I think there's nothing wrong with that and you can work on these things. I think you're so right about the idea, in my interpretation would be like the slow burning process is always the best. That kind of differentiates between what could be love rather than lust and gives you separation. Absolutely. I think a lot of people are so focused on lust and they think that they only like somebody if they're attracted to someone. I think attraction is something that really grows, especially through personality and personality is just so important and that you shouldn't just go based on, you know, looks, which is just lust. Interestingly enough, I was thinking about that before as you were talking about online dating and the good, the bad and the ugly, that the thing is about meeting people online. You can never really get a sense of their demeanor, their attitude, how they treat a waitress, how they speak to you, their attitude towards life. You can only ever really see what they say on an app. And so what you're doing in terms of introducing them in real life can create these really authentic offline connections where people can interpret quite quickly if it feels good or not so good for them. So could you. Thank you so much, by the way, for coming in today. It's been such a lovely, refreshing episode, especially, you know, being able to chat with another Mayfair matchmaker. I don't do that anymore. But so nice to meet someone that still does that. Can you tell us what top three tips you would give for somebody to prepare confidently to work with you as a matchmaker? Just come open minded, be yourself, be open, get ready to meet different people. Just, just be prepared to enjoy yourself and as well as just make time, make time for dating if that's really what you want and that is what's important to you in your life. So make it top priority, make time. And open mindedness, like how does that resonate with you? What does open mindedness look like? Just be open minded. Don't just stick to a list that you have of what you think. You know, that there's certain tick boxes that somebody has to fit under. Maybe try and look for something different to what you've been dating before. Amazing. Thank you so much. This is Love Lessons Live. I have been here with Emily Corll in the studio talking all things matchmaking and Mayfair. Have you had a nice time? Thank you so much for having me. It's been wonderful. And so for those of you who have just tuned in, you've missed a really great show where you can listen to it again on our podcast as of next week or every day this week at 2pm on the women's Radio Station app. You can also find me over on Lessons in Love to listen to all of the lovely experts that we have here on the show. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan. This is Love Lessons airing on Women's radio station and Men's radio station. Welcome to Women's radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The pomp possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, health everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's well being. Each show, I shared airwaves with ordinary women like me and you, doing extraordinary things. Women who've overcome huge obstacles and their lives, who are now here with me to empower you. On the Radical Wellbeing show, you'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate. And you can listen to my show. Get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presenterswomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@media mattersforwomen.org you're listening to Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadio station. That's WomensRadiostn or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes.