Love Lessons – Sexual Desire And Dating

Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons. So exciting to be on the show today. We're here live in Covent Garden in the studios. This is the show where we talk about everything from dating relationships to healing, heartbreak, breakups in general, and starting all over again as a confident single. We've got a really, really exciting show today. Little Bit Naughty to start off your Monday. Well, it's 2 o'. Clock. I hope you're not just getting out of bed. But we will be talking a little bit about the bedroom today because we've got a wonderful dating agency, an offline dating agency with a difference here in the studio. We have the wonderful author Bob on the show who runs a dating agency who matches single professionals in and around London. Or is it further also? No. In and around London. In and around London based on sexual preferences, orientation and all of that interesting Jazz. Welcome. Orsa, how are you? Thank you so much for having me. I'm good, thank you. Super excited to be here. Yes. I mean, I've been looking forward to this show since we agreed to have you on and more so since we were just chatting before we started, as I always do, and I found out that the offline dating agency that also runs has just launched this year. It's very exciting and I think quite new. So tell us a bit about it. Yes. So TaylorMatched launched earlier this year, so it's an offline matchmaking agency whereby I match people on overall compatibility and sexual preferences. It's time we talk about the importance of both. So that's what I do here in London, so work with single men and women to set them free in their love life and dating life. I think if anyone's listening in on their lunch break, they're probably thinking, what, what, how, where, with who? And we' got all of these questions running around in our minds and I'm just so excited because as the listeners know, I've worked in the dating agency and industry for a long time now and I've seen lots of different matchmaking agencies catering to single professionals from all walks of life all over the world. But this is something a little bit different and a little bit exciting. So tell us, how did you. Tell us a little bit about your story. One, about your background and two, about how you decided this was the niche for you. Yeah, so. So Taylor matched. And the reason why I do match people the way I do is a reflection of my dating life and love life. I found myself in a position to be either compatible with someone on overall compatibility, but with no sexual compatibility. So we had a great teamwork, but it wasn't any sensuality or any sexual preference within the relationship. Or I went to the other side of being just match with someone who I was compatible with when it came to sexual compatibility. And we didn't have the overall compatibility. So I found myself in this space whereby it was either swinging from one side to the other. And I reached a point in my life where I go, actually there is more to me than either of these sides. I found myself dating as just one part of me at any given time because I felt a lot of shame around the fact that I had sexual desires and I'm quite essential as a person. So a few years ago it came to a stop and I thought, no, there is more to me. There is more to dating. There is more to the relationships I'm going through. How could I do this differently? And why isn't it any company out there that really talks about the overall compatibility and sexual compatibility? So a lot of things just came together. Then I thought, this is exactly what I'm going to do. I have always connected people in business, in private life. I'm very interested in people. And after I speak to someone, it's always someone else that I meet that I think you have to speak to. So and so. So I've done this kind of organically my whole life. And then I decided to do it as a profession and launching TaylorMatch, which is now. Oh, my goodness. So you. It was really interesting what you were just saying about how you were. I guess in my interpretation, you were segmenting certain parts of yourself and you couldn't find the bridge to all of those gaps when it came to dating. And was that. And you were talking a little bit about shame, which is very interesting topic to talk about. And shame is something that obviously we're all becoming far more tuned into than ever. So before, how did you one acknowledge that you had this shame around? Was it talking about it or was it talking about it with yourself, which is talking about it? It was a. I mean, I've known from a very early age, I mean, from like teenage years, that I had a very essential and sexual side to me, which I kind of explored and talked about friends, you know, about. But then when I reached my 20s and started thinking about a career, I thought in order to reach a career and in order to have a serious partner that wants to have a family and potentially get married, I cannot be seen to have a sensual and sexual side to me. So. So I started to Kind of form these ideas in my head and I'm not sure where they got from, but I started to form these ideas in my head that I will not get ahead in my career or my love life or dating life if I had a sexual side, if I enjoyed sex, really, I guess so that's how I started to live. Is it in your mind something also relative to the fact that you're female and females are often shamed for being sexual beings? And did you kind of see suppress the sexuality within you, talk to us about that? Yeah, absolutely. So when I started forming these beliefs about myself, that is how I lived my life for the majority of 10 years. So I really suppressed that side. I didn't acknowledge it within myself, I didn't acknowledge it within relationships. Hence I didn't really go out there and date as the true me. And after doing that for a few years, I then forgot who the true me was, was. And it led to a very unfulfilled. So I continued with my career, which went really well. And at the age of 29, everything kind of came to its head and I felt extremely unfulfilled. I thought that the job title and the money was going to give me the fulfillment in life. The top of my career was two days after my relationship broke down. So it's a very ironic time in my life. So I thought I worked towards what I really wanted in life. And that was a time in my life when I felt extremely unfulfilled, extremely lonely. Interesting that you should speak about age because I think being in your 20s, and I've heard it so much from clients or friends or whatever, people in general is a really tricky time, perhaps our toughest time as human beings because we're still deciding who we are and we're still. We're kind of deciding who we are versus what the world wants us to be and our perception of the world and what it wants us to show up as. And so we end up being people pleasers, you know, to our core. And we just want to show up in a way that we're accepted. We have a sense of belonging. And for you, it sounds like that sense of belonging came from suppressing who you truly were and your sexual interests. Yeah, absolutely. And then when I, you know, was growing up and I started to feel more comfortable and confident in who I, you know, who I, how I felt within body confidence. And when I started to really become confident within my body and how I look and how I feel, I then started to hear these stories about, you know, and Seeing other women who owned the sensual side and their sexual side. And it was something that, just like this, that I just suppressed for so long started to kind of come out and it was like, oh, hang on. I kind of like what they're saying. I like what they're exploring. I would love to do exactly that. And from that kind of, we started to come back and it was, you know, it was such a strong feeling that I could not no longer deny it and I couldn't suppress it and I didn't want to. So that was a very powerful time in my life where I completely transformed my life. It's so interesting how people often get into their 30s and they just say enough is enough. No, they say no more often. They're not willing to people please as often. And it's the idea that people start to fill their own cups first and then start to fill the cups of other people afterwards. Yeah. And which is so, so important to work on yourself and understand yourself first. And that's something that I talk about all the time because it's also a reflection on my journey. So when it came with, when I had my, what was a breakdown effectively at the age of 29 and after that, that was when I started to really just have an honest chat with myself to go, what is happening? Why do I feel like this? What is it that I'm not happy with and what do I want? What do I want my life to look like outside my career? Like, who am I without this job title towards that company? I didn't, I actually didn't know because for so many years all I introduced myself was commercial director for this agency. It defined you and it defined me. And I actually didn't know who I was without it. So that started my journey of going, who am I? What do I want in life and in the bedroom? And that started my story and my journey to sexual liberation. So exciting and so wonderful to have such a free conversation around such an interesting topic. And women often don't get to do that. And so it's good that we have this platform today to share with women and guys who are out there listening in, you know, to say it's okay to be exactly who you want to be and exactly who you are. Yeah. Absolutely free in the world. And something you said which was really interesting and it caught my attention before was that you somehow had surrounded yourself with these sensual, in tune women who were confident and comfortable in their own skin. How did you come around or about to connecting with those women who inspired you to Be your best. So it started when I actually went on a fitness retreat because I've always been very big on sport. So it started on a fitness retreat and started meeting this group of women who are a big part of my life. And this is a few years ago. And it was one of the women in that group who started to talk more freely about, you know, she had this career as well. And then I. And then she had this amazing sex life and she was exploring a lot and she was so confident in that. And I thought, oh, this is amazing. You can actually have both. She's this, you know, kick ass woman, you know, in her career and she's this kick ass woman in the bedroom. I was like, I want to be you. So then we started to still have a very good friend relationship. And it was through her, actually that I started. She said, you should probably check this out, you know, go and explore around this. It's absolutely fine. And she was, you know, as a friend, but like a little bit as a mentor, if I can say yes. And that was when I like, the worlds for my worlds that I thought had to be so very separate came together. I think it's really interesting. It's like every good coach needs a coach, every mentor to dating and people's love lives needs a mentor themselves. And often in life we come across people who bring out a side or one of the best sides of ourselves that we kind of hide or we kind of suppress because we choose not to show that version of ourselves for whatever reason. And I'm so excited to delve more into your agency and what you do and how you help people come out of their shell, I guess. I am Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons live in the studio in Covent Garden. We're here with Orza Barb and we'll be back. Welcome to women's radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's wellbeing and we're talking all things autism women. 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We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter @WomensRadio station. That's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons live here in the studio in Covent Garden. Whether you're tuning in now or listening a little bit later, across the pond, we have got a really exciting episode. We have been talking with Orsa Borve who is the founder of Taylor Match. And essentially, in short, we'll get into all the depths in a moment. Orsa is a dating consultant, helping people find their match and explore their sexual and sensual desires that perhaps they're suppressing for whatever reason that is. And so today is a really exciting, interesting episode. Welcome. Thank you. So, on your website, something, one of my favorite things is, or sayings is, love favors the bold. And you say, set yourself free because love favors the bold. Tell us a bit more about why that really resonated with you and why you wanted to capture that and get it out there on your website. Yeah. When I started to transform my life, my life overall and also my sex life, I found quite many times that it was a very scary place to be. It was very new. I didn't know I was fighting with internal feelings. Should I be doing this? Should not be doing this. It was very linked to, like, a confidence thing for me and exploring something completely new. So I think it takes. Well, I know it takes complete bravery to identify something within yourself that you feel, I want to work on this or I want to change it or want more of X. And in order to really see the changes of that, you have to be bold, be brave, and go out there and do it. So that really resonates with me and sums up something really just, you know, how everything happens, I believe, for a reason and, you know, the whole law of attraction, bringing more things to you when you put that energy out into the world. In a meeting this morning, I was talking with somebody about how there's a real lack of accountability today with modern dating and how we're not just accountable to the other people that we're swiping with and meeting online or, you know, that we're ghosting and not going on that second date with. But most importantly, we're not accountable to ourselves and who we truly are and what we truly want. What is it? Because you define yourself more as a dating consultant rather than, let's say, a matchmaker, because you have so many different areas of what you deal with. So first and foremost, how do you make people accountable to bringing out who they truly are? And secondary to that, how do you help them figure out how to navigate their modern dating? Yeah, that's a very good question. So I started. I once got the question, how much do I share about my journey? And I said, I'm oversharing. I'm sharing too much. Oversharing. Yeah. Welcome to Oversharing Corner. The reason why I do that is because it is my journey and other people are seeing that and interacting with that and coming to me because they are somewhere on the spectrum of their journey. Once they meet with me, because I'm very free about what I'm talking about and my experience and why I do what I do, I feel people are very comfortable to really open up to me and that means I can really truly help them. I have had clients who come to me because they said, I really would like to onboard for the introduction service. And after a little bit of a longer chat, they actually are not looking for someone right now. They will be in the future. But right now they have come to terms with that. They really want to explore their sexual desires or confidence or self belief or limiting beliefs. And that is where I then start our journey together from that point. So I'm all about. I always meet with clients. I think it's really important for me to get a better understanding about where they are and where they want to be and where they want to go and why. And that's when I can really truly help them. And it was another example of I had another client, he is a guy and he came to me and he kept talking about, oh, family is really important to me. Family. He kept repeating family. And I said, okay, that's, you know, really important. That's good to know. Okay, let's talk about that. And then we had a good meeting and then he called me maybe half an hour later and he said, I actually don't know if I want a family. And I said, oh, okay, that's fine too. I said, what, you know, what brought that on? Because he felt, he felt like you were very determined. And he said, it's the first time I've had a true chat with someone and I've been allowed to say what I want to say instead of what I should say. So I always create this space of going, what do you truly want? Just be honest with me. Because that's the only way I can, I can work with you and put you in the right direction of exploring whatever that may be to them. So that creates safe spaces for people to allow that conversation. And I often hear the comment, people start talking and then after a while ago, I don't even know why I'm sharing this with you. I have never shared this with anyone. And it's beautiful. And more of that, yes. Because not only are you doing something a little bit different, which I guess is really catching people's eye and making them think about who they truly are, are they being the most authentic version of themselves in all areas of their lives. But you have a real soft nature, authentic feminine nature. And that is a true confidence, you know, being comfortable in your own skin. And you're really putting that. I can feel the positive energy in the room. And I think the perception, in my opinion, is that a lot of men think that for a woman to be confident, she is this alpha female, just fully in touch with masculine energy and isn't soft. You know, for her to be a sexual being, she has to be, you know, some sort of like, praying mantis. No, we can be soft, gentle, feminine and sexual beings, too. Yes. If you would have asked me that a year and a half ago, I would have disagreed. That was. So this is like the journey. I thought that I had to be this masculine. I was in my masculine 95% of my whole life for the majority, probably five to six years. When I really started going at it with my career, because I thought that's what I had to do. I didn't own my feminine energy, my feminine self. I didn't think that that had a place. I thought it was gonna damage career. So, again, that was something that I was hiding, and I hid it very well. So it's been in the last year and a half on my journey, and especially in the last, I would say, six months when I started to own it and generated it myself, I thought only males could help me tap into my female energy. That's interesting. I know. Yeah. There's so much I could talk about also. Just quickly on that, just so listeners have a full, well rounded picture from your previous background before you entered into the softer side of personal introductions and sensual beings and all of that. Did you feel that because, I guess you worked in, like, a corporate environment. Yes. That you had to be a certain, you know, type of female in order to achieve and be acknowledged? Yeah, absolutely. And what happened, I felt that was the way I had to be. And because I did it for so many years and I wasn't in tune with who I was, I let that overflow into my whole life, and that became my identity. And because that became my identity, if I was to step out of that, I thought, oh, that might mean I lose all of this. I worked so incredibly hard for. So owning my feminine and being softer in my approach and how I am is truly powerful. And it's something that I own. And I go to lots of networking events. And I met this guy about probably at the beginning of my journey. So he's following me and Taylor match And he got in touch the other day and he said, you know, like, you're, you're doing so well. You know, what's the, what's the difference? What are you doing differently? And I said, I'm tapping in. What's the secret? I was like, female energy, feminine, like owning my feminine is such a. That's, that's the secret. I guess you must have a really supportive, soft environment around you for people to allow this to, to grow and, you know, it's being, I guess, so well received. There was a question, there's a couple of questions off the back of what you said earlier that I wanted to ask. One of them being about, you know, the gentleman client that you had who came and kept talking about how you wanted to build a family, very family orientated and all those things that I hear every single day from people approaching, you know, me and you. But how do they get themselves into this mindset that they want something that they actually don't? And how do they convince themselves that they want? So say he doesn't want a family, he's not sure that is what he wants. How do we convince ourselves that we want something that we don't want? How do we get into that rut? I think it's so easy to hear what other people's thoughts and feelings are towards what you should and shouldn't do. Peer pressure. Peer pressure. Some people get it from the home. So, so it starts very early of the pressure of, in order to be successful in life, you need to make sure you have these three things. And then people then go out and do that whether they want to or not. Peer pressure is another thing. I think social media, we see things from a like snapshot of someone in their happiest element who have something, they look happy. We then think, okay, well I must have something similar in order to achieve how happy they look in that picture without knowing the full story. So I think it's a lot of strands. I totally agree. And social media is, I think it's the curse of the modern world. Yeah. You know, people say it's a blessing and a curse, but actually I'm coming to resign myself to the fact that it's a curse because we're, it's like analysis paralysis. Constantly looking at other social media feeds of using this measuring stick as to how better or worse we're doing in all areas of our life. And it's just not true. Like, you can't compare your, you know, chapter one to someone else's chapter 20. No, you really can't. And I think again, if you don't, if you're unsure of who you are and then you go into a social media space, it gets very confusing because you get to see all these examples of other things and if you're not truly in tune with does that match in with what I want? You can get influenced by, you know, thousands of people, hundreds of people. How many people you follow will swipe or see or hear about. So for those listeners who are just tuning in, today is a really exciting episode. We're talking about setting yourself free and how love favors the bold. We're here with Orsa Borve, who is the founder of TaylorMatched. She is an offline dating consultant helping singles express their sexual desires in dating without judgment. So free to be introduced with similar people to them if they like, or free to explore their sexuality in whichever way or so suggests, I guess. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here on Love Lessons. And after the break, we're going to be talking about online dating, the blessing and the curse and how to get people connected offline. We will be right back. Welcome to the women's radio station supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station is all about diversity from opinions, career, ethnicity, education and most importantly, women's well being. We aim to celebrate the individuality of every woman everywhere, providing opportunities and the platform for your voice. Visit our website womensradiostation.com for more information. I'm Tamina Zaman, founder of Empower and Enrich. When it comes to money, do you clam up or get confused? Do you wish you could save more money or are you hoping you have enough for retirement? You are not alone. 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For more information on how you can sponsor a Show, go to womensradiostation.com Women's radio station supporting women's well being. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons, a really interesting show with Orsa Borff, the founder of Taylor Match. We've been talking all things sexual desire in dating and we're going to delve right into the depths of online dating about sexual desire, perhaps in relationships and how to bring that out. Austin's got all of the top tips for us. Also, I guess suppressing who you truly are affects your overall well being, so I think we need to talk all about that. So also, something you said earlier on in the show, especially for those of you just tuning in, is that people come to you and they think they want introductions. So can you tell us a bit about the services that you offer so we're a bit clearer on the business model that you have? Yes, absolutely. So what I offer is an offline introduction service. Some people also call it matchmaking. So it's a community of people who are serious about meeting someone and I introduce them offline. So it's not an app, they can't engage on the platform or anything like that. I work with people to remove whatever holds them back from dating or dating, more dating, like themselves, exploring the sexual desires. So I have a program called Set Yourself Free where we work on whatever holds them back. And I also run events. I think being single is a lot of Fun. I think you can meet incredible people, like minded people. So the events have kind of come very naturally. So what started with introductions is very quickly becoming a much wider platform for people to explore. Interesting that you should say that dating is a lot of fun. And I think that is so true and well, it should be true. But the reality is so many singles come to you and me because they're saying, I'm not enjoying this process, I'm not having fun, I'm not meeting like minded people. And so how is it that you make dating fun? And how should we change our mindsets as singles to get ourselves out there feeling positive about the process? I ask of people to change the conversation, literally. So when out meeting people, connecting people to move away from. Oh, so what do you do, you know, oh, it was Sundays out tonight, you know, today that's, that's really lovely, all these things. So when I run events, I have these amazing conversation starter kits. Love that. Yeah, it's so good. Always works. Treat. So in the beginning, so I had these three different, like sets of cards. One is quite soft and it goes to something called pillow talk, which is all about sexual preferences and kind of like your desires. And I had this event and I thought to myself, by the end of the evening, I want everyone to pick up the pillow talk questions. And someone said to me, no, there is no way they're gonna do that. But they did. And it was not a phone in sight. No one talked about the weather. People talked about like. And they were really stepping out of their comfort zone and they really started to connect because they talked about something else than what people maybe tend to think they have to talk about when they meet someone. It was just completely through them, which just opens up another side of them, another side of the conversation. They feel a little bit, you know, oh, this is something new. But someone see, you know, I would see you if, if you felt a little bit uncomfortable. And then that makes me want to make you comfortable. We have a chat and then all of a sudden it's like, oh, I'm really enjoying this conversation. I've never had this conversation with anyone before. And it's, it's a new experience and it's challenging people to think what dating could look like if we did it differently. Well, you know, I think dating done differently is definitely a huge topic on my mind this year. And as well as getting people offline and getting them connected, offering them all different things that isn't just, you know, the expense of matchmaking or coaching where people talk about their issues, having fun in the process, bridging the gap in the middle. And I think you definitely have some top tips about how people can get out there and explore their sexual desires. So say there's someone listening in right now who's thinking, I don't even think I have a sexual side. What would you say to that person? I would say that if they don't think there is one, that's fine. So whatever someone is feeling, that's absolutely fine. I would just starting having a look at communities that are available. There are so many. There's ranging from like book clubs to different events. To put yourself out there and start to, you know, show up again offline, go and actually meet people in real life, in real life, look up an event that, you know, mirrors where you are right now. Something of interest, go to that event because what you'll find, and this is how I started my journey as well, was that I met other like minded people exactly in the situation that I was in and they felt how I was feeling. And then I started talking to them about something and they said, oh, is this how you feel? And they were like, yeah, that's exactly how I feel. And then it was. Something in me just felt, oh, that this is okay. Whatever I'm going through is okay. And it's a lot of people who feel that. And then they introduced me to, to someone else and on that journey kind of started to, to reflect. Oh, okay. So you have a friend who's explored this, or she talks about that, or he has explored this. I would love to chat to him. And they kind of introduce you and then before you know it, you're off to a new journey and you're talking about new things and it's beautiful. So it's starting to, I always tell people, explore more. And whatever exploring means to you, you don't have to take the leap of if you just starting out, if you feel like it's uncomfortable to go to a talk that talks about something that you would feel was extreme, might be, you know, still, if you want to do that, do that. But you can start smaller as well. To just have a. And you know what is great? Talking to friends. Just have a chat. Everyone wants to talk about sexual desires and sex in general. So just talk to them. People are gonna love it. Interestingly enough, when you were saying before how everyone, when they talk about pillow talk and that comes up at the end of a networking event or an event that you put on, how everyone is fully present and available to connect and Communicate. I read something the other day that really resonated with, you know, the world we live in, that we're only ever 50% present these days, if not less. Yeah. I. When it comes to dating now versus how I used to date now, looking back, being 100% honest with myself, I was never present. I was never present. I was always in my head thinking about something else. When they spoke to me, I probably thought about what am I going to ask back? Or what am I going to say on what this or what's going to happen? Am I going to like this person? Are they going to hurt me? All this internal chatter all the time. So in your own head? In my own head all the time. Whereby now, because I've done a lot of work on myself and I am on this journey and I'm allowing myself to be authentic and be vulnerable and really be in the moment and what happens then is true connection and it's beautiful when it happens. But I agree with you, a lot of people aren't in the present moment. Yeah. Never fully present. No. And what would your advice be to those people who are online dating are not really getting very far and want to try something different aside from being a sexual being or not. Yeah. What would you say to people about online dating today? About online dating today? I would say take it offline as quickly as you can. Of course. You know, you connect with someone. If you connect with someone. Yeah. So you connect with someone, you start chatting. That's all well and good. You take that offline. I meet so many people who connect with someone and then there is this perceived chemistry that appears still online and they, as a result stop talking to other people because they feel this is the one for me. Everything feels great when he pseudo relationship. Yeah. And then no, it's not real. And then when they meet in real life, two seconds in. Oh, no, this is not the chemistry I thought. Why did I say no to these other potential dates? So take it offline. Do not spend four, five hours, let alone days chatting to someone. You know, a few messages here and there, a little bit of chit chat to build rapport and then just meet in a really comfortable, safe, you know, positive environment because don't sit there in your PJs building pseudo relationships with someone who you don't know. If you like their demeanor, their attitude to life. Exactly. If you're on the same page, all that stuff. Yeah. So it's definitely to take it offline. And again, I'm big on this, but whatever your interests are to do more of that, go to events, perhaps networking, because you'll find whatever your interests or hobbies are, there are a lot of different events and groups and communities geared towards that. And you'll meet more like minded people, you'll build, you know, more connections. So there's a blog on your website talking about online dating being the killer of romance. Do you agree with that? I do agree with that, yeah. Bold. What is it? It is love favors the bold. What components do you think are missing in online dating that singles can get when they come to you to talk about what they actually want? So key there is actually talking about what you actually want in a deeper capacity than X amount of pictures and a few profiling questions. So we talk about it at depth. What do they want in life? Where are they now? What do they want in life and in the bedroom? And what's different as well is that it helps the connection in terms of meeting people. They're not hiding behind a screen, they're not hiding behind some false perceived connection again on an online platform, they're actually in front of me talking about what they want in the bedroom. And on a date or at events, they are finding themselves in a room with other people and with the conversation starters, they talk about new things. And this just creates what we talked about earlier. Dating differently. Dating differently. And are there many different levels of sexual desire or do you kind of find that you categorize them into, I won't say good, bad and ugly, but, you know, different ends of the spectrum in terms of what people are into and how many levels are we looking at? So the questions geared towards sexual preferences, you're probably looking between around 75 questions. That is a lot. Yeah, I go deep. So it's questions gearing towards I want to do this to my partner, I want my partner to do this. And then it's different scales and it's not based on what you've done, it's based on what you would like to do. And that gives a really good flavour for where people are and what they want to explore. Quick question, Quick Fire is body confidence relative to sexual confidence. The more you are at ease and comfortable with your body, the more you will be in the moment and enjoy. Hi, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan here with the wonderful founder of Taylor Matched and we are talking dating and sexual desire. We'll be back on Love Lessons after the break. Welcome to women's radio Station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love Lessons live on Women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future Classic Women Awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on Women's Radio Station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is Listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at Women's Radio Station supporting women's well being and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show From Tummy to Mummy here on Women's Radio Station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related, right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's wellbeing. Each show I shared airwaves with ordinary women like me and you doing extraordinary things. Women who have overcome huge obstacles in their lives who are now here with me to empower you. On the Radical Wellbeing show, you'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chat to authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well Being women's radio station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter imminsradio Station, that's Women's Radio STN or Facebook Women's radio station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes. Hello, I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome back to Love Lessons Live. I'm here with the founder of Taylor Match and we've been talking about sexual desire and dating. You might find that I'm speaking very quickly and that's because I've got so many exciting questions that I just want them to get out there so we can cram in as much information as we can in the last segment. So welcome back. Thank you. Such a pleasure. We have been talking about a niche of sexual desire, dating and introductions in the offline space, which we wish everyone would do. Get offline, please. Sorry to all those apps tuning in. We just want people to meet in real life, being their most authentic self. And what we were talking about, well, what I was saying to Ursula is that she has a business that is not CD in any way, shape or form. We talk about sex often or not often, however you choose. But people always associate CD with sex, right? Especially when it comes to introduction agencies. But what you do at Taylor Matched is so informative, it's educational and it is the idea of being free and being your most authentic self. And I bet you have singles from all walks of life who are just looking for true connection. Yeah, absolutely, they are. They want to meet someone and they have been dating and whatever they've been doing there isn't working because they find that people often say something that they may not mean in terms of, like, their intentions. And so they come to me because they want to meet someone and I hear the term a lot and I'm going to start talking about it more. The growing together type love, which I love that saying because it's, you know, it's showing up as you are daring to be vulnerable and authentic, connecting with someone and working together in that connection to what they want it to be. Which is a very different journey from a. From a match or from a swipe. Yes. Or that thumb ache. Yes, quite. Yes. Sometimes I say that and it doesn't go down too well in a room full of singles. If I'm hosting a singles event and then they're like, well, we were just swiping on our way. It's a bit close to home, probably. It's true, though, isn't it? You know, all that swiping and not so much dating. The conversion from swipes to matches to dates is so low that, you know, why not just be your most authentic self? Get out there in a room full of people that you can connect with and you can see how your physical reaction to another human being is in real life, in real time. Imagine that. Yeah, absolutely. And it doesn't matter how people meet, even if they meet on an app, in the end of the day, you will meet, you know, in real life because that's where relationships are built. Exactly. Yeah. You will at some point meet another human being in real life. And what happens then, you know, in terms of the connection, in terms of the flirting and in terms of, you know, building on something. So you certainly empower both sexes to let go of guilt. Yes. Around sex, sexual desire, being sensual. How do you do that? They, people that I work with, when they see me, I think a lot of it comes back to me sharing my journey. And when they see the reason why I'm so open, I'm almost thinking I need to be 120% open in order for people to move 5% wherever they are. It's true. So they do see me doing it. And when they meet with me and we talk about it and they're in a free space to. To talk about it without judgment. And at events there are there and they can explore and they talk about. I make the events very interactive in order for people to truly get something out of it, rather than coming into a room, listening to speakers, go home. That they can really talk to other, you know, yes. Experts like, I'm there, but it's important for me that people within the community talk to each other to get real life examples of this is where I am, this is how I feel. They meet someone who's gone through that and they're now at the other side of it and they can, you know, it must be so warming to know that you have walked that walk before. You're talking the talk about it. Yeah. Because people need to feel that they. It's relatable and that they can relate to you. And you're not just talking at them, you're having a conversation with them. And I think that that's something that you do really well and really obviously authentically. So if I, let's say case study, I'm not, but let's just say I'm feeling, you know, that my life is a bit vanilla. That word. I actually love that word. Yeah, life is a little bit vanilla. But I'd like it to not be vanilla. I come to you, I think I want introductions. But then you say, actually, I don't think you do. What do you then recommend and how do you go about those recommendations? Do you partner with people? Tell me. I do partner with people. So I have a lot of different collaborations, again, because I believe in the power and the strength of that in order to bring the best experiences to people. So after a meeting with a client and finding out more where they are and where they want to go, I would suggest you to go and talk to this company or read this book. Have you heard about this podcast? I recommend a lot of podcasts. Listen to this podcast or because I'm going to so many workshops myself, I'm exploring a lot. I'm at a lot of different workshops myself. I tend to. I've done something around this area. I would suggest you go, here's a workshop for you. And so it's a very, like, recommendation consultancy basis because I have a very wide network and I'm truly walking the walk with them and have done for some time. I got the comment once saying, well, why would you want to kind of turn a potential client off in another direction? Well, in the end of the day, it's their journey. They come to me for. And if I were to set them up on an introduction service when they're not ready or they don't know exactly what it is that they want, it's a false economy anyway for anyone involved in that process. And it doesn't make any sense to me. So the reality is, when you work in the offline dating industry, you know, you build a great reputation and you build rapport with singles looking to meet someone like you professionally that can help them through word of mouth. And if you don't have those great testimonials to helping people positively on their journey, then the repeat business and testimonials won't come from that, Right? No. Yeah, I have a lot of. Lot of referrals. I meet people and they connect with me and they can feel what it is that I'm saying because I have gone through it and are going through it myself, which means they open up and then they know someone who, you know, they get. They introduce me to. Vice versa. So a question that I had for you, which is probably not on everyone else's mind out there, certainly on mine, what. What is your take on monogamy versus polyamory and all of that stuff? Yeah. So my thought is a topic that I'm being asked about very frequently. I am probably going to be on a talk quite soon about navigating non monogamy. I'm exploring open relationships myself and I do that because I have. Question is the wrong word. It's always difficult when you're going to explain it. But I have wondered if there is another model, should we say to how a successful relationship should look like. Is it meant to be that you meet with someone and then you are together and if that's the case then that works wonders for people. How about if you meet someone and you meet, you know, someone else that you want to explore something with sexually or emotionally, where does that sit with the model? Is that a no go or can you actually explore that? So it's been a question on my mind for quite some time and again because I walk the walk, I have started to explore that myself recently. Really interesting. I love that you're sharing that story with us and I just think it's such an interesting time. In terms of modern dating and how singles do navigate it, the reality is of whether people have heard about you and what you do or not is that so many people are multi dating because there's the idea of singles not being willing to settle for less than they deserve for one and also not being fully satisfied on their dating journey. So constantly looking to date, you know, not put all their eggs in one basket, let's say. So with the idea of not putting all your eggs in one basket, what are the benefits? I mean I read a couple of blogs out there and they're great by the way, if you're tuning in, head to Taylor Match and look at their blog. It's really interesting. How can it be beneficial to us to date more than one person if you had to say you get to know a lot about yourself, what you like and what you don't like because you find yourself in. And that's, you know, when it comes to, I'm talking about dating more broadly and you know, in life you get introduced to more people, you are in different situations with different people, you connect differently and it's a really beautiful way to get to know yourself a little bit better and just know what do I like and what do I not like? It's very easy to sit with a piece of paper or creating a profile or whatever it is in life to say this is what I like and this is what I don't like or this is what you should do and this is what you shouldn't do. But when you're actually out there to try that or to explore that further, that's when you really feel on a different level. Is this for me or not? So, yeah, just getting to know yourself and what you like and what you don't like. Do you have any exciting events, panels otherwise coming up that singles should know about or workshops, whatever it is that you want to tell them about right now? Yes. So there is a mixture. So bearing in mind that dating can be very, you know, an anxious feeling for, for some people, I do have an event called Dare on 10 October, dating after relationships end. It's a really lovely panel with great speakers that's going to be on. So I got that and then I have a workshop called how to get what you desire in life and in the bedroom running on the 15th and then I have a dating event on the 7th of November called bring your own wingman. So that's a collaboration that I do. And yeah, it's just another way to, you know, get people in, into a room with other single and just bringing your own wingman. And you know, we all have that single person, we think, why are you single? Come to this event and, you know, meet someone great. Amazing. Three top tips for singles to acknowledge that love can favor the bold and how to be brave and bold. First of all is checking in with, having an honest conversation about yourself, with yourself, where you are and where do you want to go and daring to step out in the offline world to any events, networking events, communities, in order to meet people and explore more. I am Sarah Louise Ryan here with the founder of Taylor Match or Subwove and we've been talking about sexual desire in dating. This has been Love Lessons Live. Welcome to women's radio station. I'm Sarah Louise Ryan and welcome to Love lessons live on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to future classic women awards with me, Stefania Passamonte on women's radio station. Hello and welcome to Julie Mae is listening. Hi, this is Anna Kennedy and we're at women's radio station supporting women's wellbeing and we're talking all things autism women. The possibilities are endless. That's what makes us different. Hi, I'm Lauren Mishkon. I'm a birth doula and mum of three and I'm passionate about supporting women to have empowering and positive birth experiences. Please join me for my brand new show from tummy to mummy here on women's radio station. Every week I'll be here with an expert guest talking about women's reproductive health, everything, fertility, pregnancy, birth and baby related right through to the menopause and beyond. Please join us for an informative and fun hour. Hello, my name is Ingrid Marsh on Women's Radio Station and coming soon is the Radical Wellbeing show to help support women's wellbeing. Each show I share the airwaves with ordinary women like me and you, doing extraordinary things. Women who have overcome huge obstacles in their lives, who are now here with me to empower you. On the Radical Wellbeing show, you'll be inspired to kick away the roadblocks and live your life to the fullest. If you're ready to get radical about your well being, then this is the show for you. Hi, I'm Hazel Butterfield, a blogger, book lover and mental health advocate and you can listen to my show. Get booked here at Women's Radio station daily at 5am and 5pm throughout my shows, we'll talk about the books I've read, new releases, chapter authors, publishers and book enthusiasts, all with a theme and aim of supporting women's emotional well being. If you have a book to tell us about, get in touch@presentersomensradiostation.com join me on my show and share my love of books and writing. Hi, I'm Valentina Barbacci and I'm the Executive Director of Media Matters for Women. We're a registered charity operating in Sierra Leone and the Democratic Republic of Congo and we produce and share podcasts via Bluetooth on mobile phones, focusing specifically on women and girls excluded from information due to extreme poverty. We empower those living in rural areas with media that transforms how they access, own and share information. To find out more and be part of this movement, come check out our website@mediamattersforwomen.org you're listening to women's radio stations supporting women's well being. Women's Radio Station's creating a global network for the empowerment of women and we want you to be involved. Join us on Instagram and Twitter imminsradio Station, that's Women's Radio Stn or Facebook Women's Radio Station to keep up to date with all our exciting programmes.